Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2.17

Episode Date: February 4, 2015

WE BACK. The National Signing Day podcast covers the unfortunate weight gain of recruiting season for coaches, the inevitable squandering of talent by brand and by team after all the excitement of getting it, the most exciting 8-4 Sun Bowl Team Steve Sarkisian will ever assemble, how Mike Leach recruits via conversation, the worst football plays we've ever seen, and the only proper way to declare your intent to attend Notre Dame. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Well, our last podcast, which caught us just after the national title game, sounded so good, we couldn't do that again. So we're back to the series of well-arranged next to each other, where we record most of our shutdown fullcast, the least influential college football podcast on this college football blogosphere planet. I am Spencer Hall, editorial director of SB Nation, and founder of Every Day should be Saturday. Joining me from Kennesaw, Georgia, as always. Woo! Wow. The excitement is palpable for signing day tomorrow. This is how I know that Jason is truly hip-hop, because his scheduled arrival, he never shows up on time.

Like, you say, joining me now is, and then it takes away. a few seconds to actually come out. There are, by the way, you'll notice there. Well, because I never know if he's going to say my name or not. He never says your name. Never. I've never said it. Check takes.

Go back, check the history. Do the history. My name has been used on this, on this show before. You know that beneath this veneer of Southern hospitality, there lies a cold Nordic gene set, right? Like, just my blood, I can't hug. I can't ever refer to people by their names. I have to ask them to do it.

I don't know anyone's name. I don't want to feel connected to you. That's why the Vikings went and left and pillaged and burned stuff because they didn't actually want to talk to each other. The only man I love is Jimmy Buffett. Hey, hey. Easy. Back off of these scurrilous accusations, sir.

The thing is, Spencer doesn't love many things, but the things he loves, there's a fierce passion. He loves, yeah, that's true. Hey, I haven't bought a, I don't think I've listened to an entire Jimmy Buff's album, it's banana wind. Also, Jimmy Buffett released an album called Banana Wind, which is really close to a digestive disorder.

And you listen to all of it. Oh, you know what? I had to listen to all of it. I was raised in the cult. I think it sounds like a knockoff bed bath and beyond fragrance, where it's like, oh, shit, we made it too literal. It could also be like a skeezy resort for couples where you're not sure if you're supposed to be swinging or not.

I think it sounds like the translation of a Chinese intestinal disorder. Oh no, he has banana wind. It's like, yeah, if you run that through Google Translate a few times, you get like Dick Fart. Yeah. This is how people in Papua Gini say, literally say Dick 2Bomb. They say

Banana Wind. She's called the Banana Wind and is no longer rational. That's Jason Kirk, by the way, how we get this intro Thanks. Into the full spin of a car crash. Our college football editor and savant at large. You knows that there's no cricket noises behind you tonight because you are inside.

There are two temperatures in your neighborhood. One, Jason is walking around outside, and then the current temperature, which is... Hell no, I ain't going outside. It's under, like, 55 degrees out here. Yeah, now, bra. Just a big, nah. Also, from beautiful Brooklyn, New York City, the capital of college football. Joining us?

It's me. It's Ryan. I don't know why we didn't do this last night when I was just stuck in a Houston hotel. That would have made a lot of sense. That Lakeinta had excellent Wi-Fi. The Lakeinta is the Lakeinta the most, like, I've made a mistake in life, and that's why I'm spending the night there hotel, Or is there worse? And don't, like, you can't go single on me, right?

Like, oh, the Sheffield Inn on Xx 32, owned by Steve Sheffield. No. Red roof, if you, unless it's actually your only option, either because of geography or money, if you could stay somewhere else and you choose to stay in a red roof, you have given up. Jason, you concur? I'm trying to think of the one I stayed at in LA recently, or last year. It might have been a Reddrie fan. Whatever it was, I rolled up and it was the parking lot was nothing but pickup trucks,

which kind of freaked me out in L.A. And then I looked up and it was nothing but big dudes and wife beaters like leaning over the railing. I'll try to recall of the name of that one to make sure you guys are able to go. Are you sure this wasn't a prison? This was actually, he was playing, he was in the Los Santos neighborhood of GTA. It was a pretty cheap prison. Yeah, well, you know, minimum security.

You can just drive up. prison usually costs a good deal of money once you really go through the whole process but this one is pretty cheap that's a good question is prison or hotel just give the cost the aggregate cost and be like local prison or hotel you really have to stay in a prison a long time

to get your money for it. The Yelp reviews on this prison are very good yes the sheets reasonably clean inmates chipper housekeeping bad marks I would say that the Hampton Inn is actually where you've gone to make the greatest mistakes because you dare to pay for a little bit of luxury. Right. Yeah, where you say, oh, I'm going to need some amenities for this sad.

That's like a double tree, right? Nope. Yep. Like, oh, they give you a free sack of cookies. That's day one. Nope, just a free sack. That's it. Day three, you're like, the free sack of cookies is the greatest thing in my life right now.

And I've made mistakes. That there's the Hampton Inn. You want to see a segue from hell when I'm about to make that turn. spending a lot of time in hotels that's something coaches do this time of year turn that wheel damn power slide around it on ramp

getting there Mark Rich said he used to gain like easily 20 pounds in two months is that from eating food at like parents' houses yeah yeah this is apparently a thing among coaches this time of year

that they all anticipate if you watch their hardest workout season is between now and their vacation in June because they all go to the beach and they have to look like semi-presentable when they take their shirts off

because they're all ex-jocs and they kind of know they're not like they're not like normal people who are like, well it's just not going to be pretty y'all well this is what it is there's some hair and some skin

that's all I got just a big tube of meat and organs soaking up radiation on this beach I look like a child's drawing of a man. Yeah. I'm like the potato man. Draw the potato man. There I am on the beach.

But I paid to be here, dang it. Yeah, they all gain like 20 pounds this type of year because all they've been doing for the past two months, three months is running around, trying to coach at a bowl game, and recruiting young, impressionable men between the ages of 17 and 19 to come to their universities because tomorrow is...

National Signing Day. Now, what would the, if there were a fanfare for National Signing Day, a trumpet's good, because, you know, that's, the marching band could play it, but I'm trying to think if there would be a more, a more applicable sound. It would be the modem sound when you accidentally call a fax machine on your shop. Yeah, that's what it is. If you want something, if you want something really fun to do tomorrow, just find out the fax numbers for another university.

And just start calling them. Or hell, send them shit. Yeah, you know, send them some spam. Send them a fine novel, all 328 pages. Hey, you interested in time shares, Clemson? James Dabbo's like, well, you know, actually. You know that new Harper Lee coming out, so I decided to fax Georgia Tech to kill the mockingbird. You had to catch back up.

Well, we're excited to sign Boo Radley. we think he's going to do some good things at tight end. Yeah, yeah. Scout has pretty good scout rating. Scout's big on scout. They're real down on the Radley fan. Rivals hate Scout. Rivals hate Scouts. Worst character ever.

I only give her one star. A star character. A one star character, dang it. We weren't getting through today without making a few Harper lead jokes, especially because, you know, she and Pat die. They're tight. Yeah. Alvin, ruining everything.

Harper Lee, Harper Lee, beloved literary institution. Distracted by decades of Auburn fandom. Exactly, that's it. Finally, like,

she's like, I'm tired of being ruled by passion. I am no longer following Auburn football. I'm going to get down to it and finish my 20 manuscripts. Or do you think it was,

you know, she was having her weekly chat with Gus Malzahn, and he said, you know, listen, Harper, you just got to put the book

out there, people are reading. Like, do we have a Gus Malzon to think for this? this i think i think it was christie i think she like met christie melz on and said oh no i got i i'm busy i can't hang out anymore no no i i've got this it's it's will must champ because yeah oh it just showed up it just showed up yeah it's shit done exactly and you know if will

must champ anything to do with the production of that book it's not going to be controversial in the least because he's incapable of generating offense it only has seven pages shouldn't need more than that. Actually, Gus probably came to her and said, listen, this man's going to kill me in a year and I want to read your book, so finish it. Like, how long is it? Oh, 17 to 13? That's not a...

Yes, it is. Yeah, though, that's, that's it. So, tomorrow is actually National Signing Day, which is when the young man of the future class of college athletes will, without any cash remuneration or benefits, what

whatsoever sign with one school or another this this isn't something i get really excited about i'll be honest nope i like it a lot because um it's our last chance to have people click on our website without really being overly creative really working all that hard it's our last easy traffic day until late august so i get pretty excited okay i i do like it because it's Bud's time to shine. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's just here the guitars tuning up as he puts on, puts on the boots and the straw hat. Bud's bizarrely encyclopedic knowledge of every high school ever.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, they got, they got a, they got a great home ec program at that school. You wouldn't believe, you wouldn't believe the pies they make. This is, this is, this is truly his moment to shine. It, because this is really, this is like, this is for Bud, Every signing day is Garth Brooks Live 1994 on NBC. It really is. It's the double live. It's live from Texas Stadium in Dallas.

He comes out with actual rain on the stage as the Thunder Rolls, right? So when is Bud's Chris Gaines period? You know, it's probably going to come up when Jimbo starts getting in trouble. That's called a dead period in the NCAA recruiting calendar. It might be like Florida State in the ACC basketball tournament. If you don't know who we're talking about, by the way, this is our. recruiting expert and our Florida state blogger, Bud Elliott.

Man, I hope there's somebody out here who doesn't know about Bud and is just about to find out. Yeah, he's kind of like the Mao Zedong of BFSU fan base, and on top of that, manages to occupy a lofty perch in the constellation of recruiting, because he can't tell you everything about a

recruit, and he can tell you weird things about a recruit, and will even alter his speech so that he's speaking recruitees. for instance that you haven't lived until you've seen like uh is he 6 3 you think that's fair 6 2 but around there yeah 6 2 probably i would guess 6 2 yeah i mean bud could guess this better than we could he could because he can guess anyone's weight even even women which is always really fun that's a great game to play with total strangers unless the one caveat is if you are way too small to be a college football recruit then he has no basis for you whatsoever

Yeah, there's no framer. It must be a kicker. Yeah, I don't know. What are you? Seven pounds? Nine pounds? He can't even see you. It's like some kind of selective dinosaur site.

No, that's actually a, that's a pylon. What do you, what do you mean mostly in nitrogen? Yeah. Are you a silicon-based creature? You just floating away? You appearing before me in my mind? He's about 10 years away from getting a D1 scholarship offer. I'm 35.

He will also do, he will also say things like, like he will straight up, Walk to a kid and go, so which school do you think appreciated your swag the most? And it works. It works. Like there's a 17-year-old kid in Miami who hears that and goes, well, you know, it just starts his answer. He's a genius.

And you'll see it. You get me. Yeah, you'll see it all on display tomorrow on SBNation.com when you tune. Live. Live. Freaking live. Dude, you get the bear in, you get the bear in person. I'm going to ambush that live.

shoot. You should. I'm going to bring pictures of all sorts of R&B superstars and Ask Bud on live camera who they are. Oh, yeah, because the only music he understands these days is rap because he hears it every Friday night at recruit camps. It's a really good way to stay on top of things.

Be like, yeah, that's, that's Mick Mill. He's good. Yeah, he knows the songs and stuff, but R&B, I think that's going to be a major blind spot. That and tomorrow you will also get this. This is a great part of the spectacle. Tomorrow on ESPN, who we got, they tried out Luganbill, right?

We get a lot of Tom Luganbell tomorrow. There's going to be a lot of Luganbell DDS. Yeah, Tom, Tom, former Georgia Tech quarterback, which that's a sign that you're going to go on to do, you're going to go pro and something else if you're a Georgia Tech quarterback. You're going to have to go do something else. Ah, there was. Mm-hmm. and

and also yeah there's Tom Lugan Bill there's see that's you went on to yeah that's true it's George Gatsy he went on to play for

Reggie Ball he played in the NFL for a second I think that wide receiver there was one of them who was practice camp safety for the bills for a week. Yeah, so, like we said, we'll see him plenty of a Georgia Tech quarterback on TV tomorrow.

He's just going to be behind the desk. That'll be Tom Lugan Bill. And like anyone else, really tomorrow comes down to a couple of things. It comes down to a reading of the classes where we assemble yon stars, pile them up, and then say, wow, this team got X. and everybody was really impressed with it

and then we watch as teams completely screw up these rankings and everybody gets very excited about them. For instance, 247 does something brilliant. If you are looking at the rankings, I think you can go ahead and pick out what I think is the most brilliant thing about their list of all class rankings.

What do you think that would be, Ryan, if you are looking at them? Oh, my... I'm looking at it now and I have no idea. I am so... Do you see those little arrows? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That is the most brilliant thing because they make them look like stocks They make them look like markets Like this is an actual quantifiable thing

that amounts to something like science Yeah you should buy right now You should buy Miami Oh yeah You should sell You should sell Florida No no no

Buy low You can go in Florida right now As we're looking at this Florida's Florida has jumped 24. Florida's stock price has doubled in the past week. They were in the 70s or 80s, now they're in the 40s, and they'll probably finish in the teens.

But why did you buy Florida in the first place? Is my question to you. You're going to have to ask Jim McElwain that. Oh, man, Florida is finally, finally ahead of Utah. Ead Utah. Finally ahead of Kentucky, bitch. Yeah. We are going to, oh, the Utah, Kentucky, Maryland.

And I'm talking shit, and guess who they're right behind, Georgia Tech. George Tagg. Brutal. You know, and Georgia Tech already has its quarterback of the future, so. Yeah, but it's future Tom Luganville. Oh, God, we're so screwed. You guys, you guys, you guys will jump NC State. I think we'll jump Cal.

I'm not optimistic. That's disrespectful to NC State. I think you guys will approach Mississippi State. Wow. That's pretty lofty. but keep in mind by the way that the other really funny part of this to me like when you look at like

teams moving up at the last second there are teams that you wouldn't trust with there are teams you wouldn't trust with anything like man UCLA's moving up oh are they I'm sure that'll turn out really well because buoyant optimism's worked so well for them yeah UCLA has a

good chance to finish right around the top 10 okay that'll end well Sure. Then there's this, which is, and there's been a lot of research done, okay? And research is a real strong word for anything like college football. But Matt Hinton in particular has looked for that correlation between whether you actually get people with stars, people that recruiting services really like, and your overall rate of success. And there is like, there is a correlation.

Ohio State won, the national title this past year. They have a lot of people with lofty recruiting rankings on the roster. They do. So it's not entirely spurious. It is fun, though, to see these teams pile up massive, just amounts of talent and know the exact manner in which they are going to blow it.

For instance, Jason Kirk, who's our number two team? At the moment, it's USC, and there's a small chance they could finish number one. Yeah, if they hit everyone tomorrow, right? Right. If things line up just right, USC could finish number one, in February.

It's going to be the baddest 8 and 4 team you ever saw. That Sun Bowl is just going to be filled with blue chips. Oh, man. So many NFL memories of Foster Farms Bowls past. We're talking about taking down a top five-pack 12 team, losing to Washington State, which you can do with or without five stars, but it's more fun to do it with five stars.

I always feel like Mike Leach recruits via some sort of like social some sort of church social thing, you know. It's a church raffle. Hey, you want to stop by? $2 and you can win a chance to play for Washington State or... It's probably like he goes around to young people and asks weird questions and whoever gives him weird answers, he's like, I'm going to hang out with this kid. Hey, tell me, what's your definition of a good dip?

Because, you know, dip's a tricky thing, you see? Because it depends on the chip and what goes in it. and the kids who just sort of stare at him or walk off he's like huh not a conversationalist i see guess i don't want to hang out with that kid for four years sacca joia accidentally invented the first dip yeah but you know like a lot of people know that you know like at one point west welker walked up and goes hey man you know like i love dip i mean i think but bean dips are overrated you think so you're a you're a starter i think you're gonna You got a future here in Lubbock.

We got a straight shooter here with a lot of interesting ideas on dip. I'm going to give them a scholarship. Connor Halliday just started answering questions about, you know, the Vikings when he started talking back to him. And he's like, hey, you want to bleed from your chest in the middle of a game? I'm going to give you a scholarship. Come get the snot knocked out of you. I would really like to see Mike Leach and Angie Luck get an argument about, like, medieval warfare.

They would. Oh, come on. Like, Andrew Luck is not begging. be passionate and heated. Seedcraft isn't all that it's made to be, really. Well, that's just, that's just comical nonsense. Everyone knows you can't take a castle without proper siege

craft. This is, this is just stupid. Let me tell you something about the cavalry and contact weapons. Ranks, Battle of Rance, okay, Charles Martel. Yeah, that's how Mike Leach determines the allocation of his scholarships. Another team that I, and as you can see,

Washington State's arrow is going down. They're plummeting at the moment. Not quite like Miami, though. No, no, no, no. Nothing like Miami. No, no, no. They got this.

They got this. Bro. Oh, my God. Al Golden, you. I like that Miami currently has 18 commits, which you can say, oh, well, let's see. Yeah, it's the NCAA stuff. Oh, no, no, no. That's done with it.

They're just very selected. It's like, it's like, Al Golden sanctions. It is. It's like Al Golden had to write down the grocery list on the back of a business card, and that's all the room he had. It's like, oh, I only got rice and great onions. I guess it's congee for weeks. You can make a lot of seven and five with rice and green onions.

Watch me do it. The other amusing thing in all of this, I always enjoy the accusations of cheating, which everybody, by definition, is cheating. there is nobody in that top 20 that does not have a lucrative benefits program for its athletes under the table well arranged there's nobody in that entire list of teams that does not have your nice bumper package of goodies

for when you sign with them okay I don't know Arizona State might not like hey hey bro do you think they just try to you think Todd Graham is trying to cheap out in the gift basket because I can see that he just gives you whatever he finds in his pockets. How hard

can it be to recruit to Arizona State versus, you know, some of these other wonderful institutions ahead of you? Why would you really have to cheat all that hard? You'd have to be kind of incompetent to not finish in the top 20 or so. I mean, Arizona's either your thing or it

isn't. Like, if you're just the kind of guy, like, I know they're 18-year-olds, and I'm going to make a bold statement here. Not every 18-year-old thinks the group pool party is, you know, the top of civilization's achievements. Now most of them do, but not all of them. You also have to consider how many parents really don't want their kid to go to Arizona State. You have to be remember the most... Yeah, but all you need is to find like 25 whose parents don't care. Which explains a lot about Arizona State teams over there. Once a year, find 25 kids whose parents

don't care. This is like the plot of summer campers. Find 25 feral children. 25 kids roaming the woods Who like parties And you've got a signing class Find Vante's perfect That's who you need to find Find an angry child He doesn't want to be near anybody he knows

Put him in the desert And let him kill people for four years On a football field Now we've got Todd Graham Rating the Foster system Great job Where did you find him He was on a raft in the middle of the Pacific

with a tiger surrounded by eight dead bodies it's weird he was all philosophical and shit there was this whale full of diamonds and there was this like cartoon tiger

and they got to the beach and the tiger went to go play at the school down south that sounds like a movie Todd Graham the basketballs castaways just like that movie it was my dream movie it's about dreams

so the only other thing, I enjoy the accusation of cheating. The school that will be accused of cheating the most based on their movement over the past couple of years in this top 15. Let's see. UCLA? Tennessee. Yeah, Tennessee

is surging. Also, Tennessee probably bringing in 60 plus kids this year and last year, which even though the numbers work out fine, people don't like to see that. Yeah, they'll be like, oversigning, because they don't want to actually add up the numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That they need. That over-signing

dot com goofball is just going to lose his mind when he actually looks at the roster counts for Tennessee. Yeah, there's a, but Alabama, USC, Florida State, we're like, oh, that's a pretty, that's a pretty steady level of what we would consider, you know, like our usual cheating, right? We're like, Tennessee's ramping up what they're doing here by getting up to that four spot. Clemson, staying steady. You got, you know, Titans of the Industry, LSU, Georgia, Ohio State, Texas.

Notre Dame hanging out 11. look at you. I'm sure that's just, I'm sure that's usually around where Notre Dame is. I'm sure three of those kids won't transfer before classes start. Listen, I'm sure that this being Notre Dame, you can probably bump them

down five slots on inflation alone. Oh, what's that? Brian Kelly's a lot less friendly after you've signed with him? That's weird. He turns an entirely different shade. Another that is actually much higher than usual is Mississippi State, which is ahead of Ole Miss at this very moment.

About 10 more commits, which is probably why, but still ahead of Ole Miss. Yeah, the dynamic there being the minute one edges in front of the other. Y'all I'm cheating! No, now y'all'm cheating! Yeah, that's the funny thing. Anytime Ole Miss gets to commit, you see Mississippi State fans lose their mind, the hashtag that I don't even know if it's an ironic thing that Ole Miss fans use at this point, but the hashtag the network. The network.

this idea that Ole Miss has like these sinister boosters who are so far beyond anybody else's and uh and yet Mississippi saves ahead in the rankings with more recruits uh gentlemen I want you to go ahead and begin priming the list of questions if you want to answer a question tonight from our Twitter followers who are asking I think fairly good signing day questions tonight you oh you want a signing day fine you can listen you pick whatever you want no no it's it's fine I am going to go ahead and pick one here which going to

do do do that's the signing day fanfare done with fake trumpet apparently the Ivy League has football so I will start with the oddball question this is a good this is a good one because Simmons class at Simmons class

said Columbia football has lost 21 straight games. Who should we hire to be the new head coach? Oh. Oh, so let's do the profile. It's an academically rigorous institution located in New York City. Check, check. It is historically terrible at football. Like this is not, I mean, 21 straight games is bad, but this is not actually the worst Columbia football has ever been. Okay. I'm here in Mark Mangino. wait wait you locked in as soon as he said academics that's a man who's definitely strong on academics

so I'm looking at all of this and I am going to go ahead and say that there's a man who is a Columbia alum he is currently unemployed follow me follow along buzz in buzz in Reggie Ball No, no, even better, even better, okay? Actually, I'm sorry, he's Ivy League educated, but not Columbia, okay?

But was a legend in the Ivy League. Okay, is he from a better Ivy than Columbia? Yes. Well, yeah. Well, I just want to make sure we're not getting some brown asshole in here. Okay. The, uh, he's not from UPenn. Take that, brown listeners.

He's not from Dartmouth. Can eat it, eat it, Rembert. I'm talking some shit about Dartmouth. That's basically Arizona State in the snow. Oh, shit. I know. He's got professional experience. Vast professional experience.

Vast and inexplicable professional experience. As the head coach of the Buffalo Bills, the Chicago Bears, and as a defensive coordinator for the Jacksonville Jack Wards, I think you know where I'm going with this. It's the man who must always be employed by law. That's future Columbia head coach, Dick Geron. College Football Hall of Famer, Dick Jordan.

College Football Hall of Famer and legendary, like, sub-five. He's got a 423 record as a head coach. And he worked as a head coach for 10 years. 10. Wait, did he only play like three games a year? No, no, he was 10 years. It's amazing. 16 and 82 lifetime.

Continually employed, millionaire, fine for life, Dick Geron, future Columbia head coach. Yeah, done. Count it. All right. Your question, Ryan? Okay. Oh, I just closed and I'm stupid. Here it is.

Okay. This question comes from Emily Rios. She says, in honor of the Super Bowl, what is the single worst play you've ever seen in person? And I had to go back and confirm that it was the game that I thought it was. It was. This is from the 2003 Outback Bowl. in which Florida lost to Michigan. And the last play of this game,

Vernel Brown. Vernel Brown, who is not, was not technically a quarterback on the Florida roster, or not a quarterback of any importance, at least. He got the last pass of the game, with Florida down eight points at the Michigan 27, with a good, like, minute and a half still to play. They decided to give Vernel Brown the ball on.

what I think was sort of like a toss sweep where he ended up throwing the ball, throws a pick, and three John Navar, Neil Downs later, Michigan wins this stupid crap-ass game. That was Rex Grossman's last game as a collegiate athlete, I believe. Yeah, yeah, that was. Rex to see's last ride. What a stupid way for a stupid man to go out. Thanks, thanks, Ronsook.

I think the worst football play I've ever seen was, John Brantley throwing to quadruple coverage. Quadruple coverage. Well, that's not, you have to, this question is play singular. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to have to narrow it down. Yeah, okay.

This was against Florida State in one of the worst football games I've ever watched. Oh, that was like the 2012. I believe 20, I believe this is 2011. Yeah. Yeah, I believe this is 2011 when John Brantley fires back, like confident. It was a

confident throw into quadruple coverage. I think it started out triple and then like a lineman wandered back there or something. Like there's four guys around the ball and he threw it confidently.

John Brantley, you're probably the second worst athlete I have ever seen on a football field. Who's the worst? It's probably Jeff Driscoll. Wow. I was going to say John Ketna.

I think you mean future NFL Hall of Famer. John Kinnettna. Oh, just both ghastly. I know you were in bad situations, but, man, in context, you were both absolutely horrible. Jason? I don't know exactly which one it was,

but it was probably Kurt Kittner in the NFL. To the say, I'm convinced I can throw a football farther than him. You had so many. I probably can't, but. I thought you might go Doug Johnson here. There's a lit, many many although it's really

Redmond I know it's not athletically inept but who was the quarterback from Yukon who playing for the lion

stepped out of the end zone on like when he on a simple drop back and got a Dan Orlovsky

yes Dan Orlovsky just walking out of the back of the And not and let's be clear not like oh the heel of his foot went out of bat

like he took three solid steps He was running on the back of the end zone like it was a power pad. I know, he was, he traveled with the ball out of the end zone. I get a speed bonus if I'm here, right? Is that right? Is that like Sonic? That's, Jason, your actual question for the night.

Let's see. How about this comes to us from Matt Berry on Twitter, Matt Berry 05, which Sunbelt program who had the best fax cam for signing day? I thought this was what Georgia State was trying to do the other day when they shut down traffic downtown so bad that Google Maps was showing the interstates in Atlanta in black, which I didn't even know was possible. Is that like end of days? Yeah, well, it was because Georgia State put up, some goofy art students were putting up cameras along the side of the interstate as a, you know, whatever art thing. because that's the thing you do you duct tape weird

packages to the side of the interstate and then call it art we're college students doing art so I'm going to say probably Georgia State because whatever it is it'll be a total catastrophe and those are always entertaining

just where they put a big zombie head over the map I just don't they just put an X I want there to be one fax cam where somebody thinks they bought a fax like a combination copy or printer fax machine,

but it's just a copier. So they signed some kid named like Mason Forrester 25 times. Got a whole class full of Mason Forrester? Let me tell you how this class. We are loaded up on cornerbacks this year. Oh, another signing of test page.

Some of these test pages are going to have to grow into different roles. And then coach has to get up and defend it. Well, we felt it was important to fortify our defensive secondary. Yeah. 26 safeties. Next page has all the colors you're looking for on a page. My son's trigonometry homework mistakenly slipped in there by my son at 6.15 a.m.

I think he can do a lot for us. He's got a tangent. He's got a cosign. Yeah, whatever those are, we've got a bunch of them. We've got a bunch of them. Listen, we're attacking this. We want to attack our program from the right angles. And trigonometry homework can definitely help us do that.

Hashtag approach the asymptote. Future colors. Columbia head coach, Ryan Nanny. Academically prestigious. The last question that I have for each of you is tomorrow, if you were to pick a reveal, a signing reveal, what would you like to see? We have seen dogs. We have seen alligators. We have seen head fakes.

We have seen all sorts of chicanery in terms of unveiling your actual choice. And I'm for all of it on the record. by the way. What would you like to see? I sort of alluded to this on Twitter, but everybody sticks to the animals for schools that have an animal mascot. I would like those who commit to non-animal mascots to embrace that in some way. Like if you commit to Tulane, maybe have a dump truck, dump a bunch of green water into your school's auditorium. Or like if you commit to Yukon, maybe have a dump truck. truck that's it just a dump truck yeah just a dump truck yeah just point at it yo right there get you see I would like for someone deciding between Clemson and LSU to simply say the Tigers and unveil a tiger and not yeah it's down to

Auburn Mizzou LSU and Clemson I just Maybe tiger. I choose the tiger. And then pick up a stuffed tiger, walk out. I'm playing baseball for Detroit. You've got to do the Bible thing where you say, I'll cut this tiger in half. And everyone can have half of the tiger. And then, you know, Davo's like, oh, no, don't do that.

Unless Miles, that means he wins. And LSU fans are like, oh, we can, we can roast half a tiger. Yeah, cut that tiger half. Either that. Either that tiger in half. We'll throw that tiger in a pot. That's a tasty. That's a tiger.

That's good. Eating Rattel. I would also love for somebody to declare to Notre Dame by immediately getting in a fist fight with the first person of white descent they could find. But yeah, they commit to Notre Dame. That means you, like, lose, like, seven inches of height. Just immediately begin, like, Marquess of Queensberry fighting rules, like, hold your fists up in uppercut position and begin pummeling. each other. You somehow get

like blurry visually? Why didn't he put on two plain sweatshirts? How is he fighting in a lithograph? Why is he

sepia-toned? It's a woodcut. Jason, do you have any other preferred methods of the unveil? Wow. Well, we have seen

this where recruit commits while sporting rival tattoos rival's logo tattooed on his body like you can see it while he's committing to Alabama you can see the Auburn tattoo yeah but we knew about the Auburn tattoo ahead of time so what if you commit while unveiling the rival logo tattoo what if you commit on campus what if you go to Clemson and announce

your committing to South Carolina well you could that's sort of been done it was I think it was Jeremy Liggins committed to LSU in a Oxford hotspot. Yeah. Oh, that's right. There was it, was it a sports bar? I think was it Randall L. who committed while at arrivals, like he did the same thing, like committed in the middle of his own school's hotspot to the rival. I'm here at the Purdue bookstore.

I don't know what the hotspot would be. I'm here in West Lafayette. I'm here at a coal mine. That's, go to a West Virginia coal mine and declare for pit. See if you get out of that mine alive. See, I told you he wasn't a five-star. Ain't no more. Shut the lights off.

Let him freeze.