Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2.6

Episode Date: October 8, 2014

This week's podcast discusses the tumult of week six, lets someone read articles about artisanal popcorn in Wright Thompson's voice, figures out the part of Florida that produces the most Florida Men, and looks ahead to week seven. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh, welcome to the shutdown fullcast. We're not going to really mess about discussing a whole lot of the formalities of introduction. I'm Spencer Hall from Everyday Should Be Saturday and SBNation.com. Joining me, Jason Kirk. He's the guy with the crickets, the Lord of the Night Insects. Say hello, Jason. Hello, and say hello to my minions. Speak, my angels.

Sing, sing! Madness has overtaken all of us in week six. He's our college football editor at SB Nation, by the way. He has a job. Also has a job, ladies. Ryan Nanny, joining us from Brooklyn. Fortune Magazine. He is Fortune Magazine.

Everything you read published in Fortune Magazine comes from... All by me. Comes from That Man's Gifted Nimble Hands. He's typing right now, but still joining us for a lowly college football podcast. Like I said, we're not going to mess around because week six was, this is when the season started. It started on Thursday night when Oregon lost to Arizona to Rich Rodriguez, the unheralded rogue coach. Nobody's ever hired for a big job. Just sitting out there in the desert like a vein of coffer or a rogue Aztec diamond just floating out there all by himself, just waiting for some large program.

I'm like, I don't know, maybe Michigan to take him. It rolled on through Friday when Taysam Hill was injured and BYU's playoff hopes. Ryan, where did they go to live? To their own planet in the celestial heavens. It's a pretty good planet. And by the way, tore like everything. Holiday Bolgia. Holiday Bolgia.

Out there somewhere in beautiful Mormon celestial heaven. Don't make fun of Mormon heaven. It's a really good deal, compared. to other heavens. Even if you get a crappy one, it's like, it's still probably pretty good. I'm still by myself. It's an improvement. Hey man, I've seen pictures of Provo. If there's a whole planet

that looks like that, I'm going. Exactly. I'm saying, you know, I could live, if the planet looks like that, I can probably make it without caffeine. I'm saying. Games that amused you, amazed you. I think we each have one to discuss that we watched devoted ourselves to

and we're utterly shocked by and I don't want to start with the big obvious one so I want to go to Ryan first the first one being you watched Oklahoma TCU which was a stunning result given everything Oklahoma had coming in yes? Yeah I thought

it was interesting because TCU jumped out to a big lead and then like Oklahoma chipped away TCU jumped out to another small lead Oklahoma chipped away and then Oklahoma chipped away and then Oklahoma took the lead early in the third quarter and you were like, okay, I've seen how this works. And then TCU's defense got mean, like super mean and nasty and just like, you know, Big Game Bob is a fun thing to throw around.

But this wasn't like, oh, you know, Oklahoma got massively outcoached. Now, they just kind of got their ass beat for the last 25 minutes of the game or so. and that was weird to see and by the way I think that's a thing that we'll probably echo through all of the games that we discussed

there wasn't a whole lot of oh then we had the game stolen from us by the officials except for maybe you Oregon you had other problems they had a lot of other problems that offensive line is a sieve but most of these games

if you looked at them these were pretty decisive they were not really like you looked at them and they made sense you know like tCU toward the end of that game if you look at that fourth quarter box score it makes sense they are kicking oklahoma's ass yeah they like totally they totally earned it and i don't know it maybe it's not like a deaf knell for oklahoma and not something will walk away saying oh you know they're overrated and they don't deserve anything as usual um but damn like

TCU looked really, really good on defense. And that was fun to see in a conference where that is often lacking in recent years. Preach. Preach. Jason being fond of Crowbagnon football will, of course, preaches. But they also played a little offense.

Like Chavon Boykin threw for 300 yards. And like, you know, they didn't have to just beat Oklahoma with Rock, although they did do. that they have a rock to beat them with it is a it is a rock and it is for beating yeah and defensively if you can of course play some defense in the big 12 and do it really well you're automatically better than like all but three teams in the conference you know provided you have an offense provided you don't play the like iowa state game if you're like ha ha we have a defense and zero offense and the rest hate us

And yes, and our AD, in case there wasn't enough crazy, this Jamie Pollard, the athletic director of Iowa State, goes on a post-game tirade that cost him 25 grand, claiming that there is a conspiracy against Iowa State, to which I argue a conspiracy requires energy organization, two things pretty much lacking in like the same place. You don't find that in the same place in college football, and it would require a real dislike and knowledge of what Iowa State is, which I'm. Only Iowa has. But it does, Iowa State is a petty enough target that it does sort of fit Big 12 country. Like, that's where you hate somebody for no reason who already has nothing. How can you hate a town who's like chief claim to fame as having clean water? Some, some clean water. They were very clear that it was not all of the water.

Hey, you know what that clean water ain't? It ain't oil. that's true you can't drink that can you huh it's a really strong point it flows right out of the faucets in texas and oklahoma them iowans getting all snooty with their water hmm my baby's been drinking oil for eight years strongest child in his preschool um you have an eight year old in preschool well in texas you do i mean the kid drinks oil ryan kid drinks oil he's just he's we're just We're red shirting him for life. Just going to get him big and set him loose.

The state of Texas, where we red shirt you for life. These are his mission years, so. My car runs on oil while I can't my son. Jason, the game that you have picked as your sort of stunning upset game, believe you have Mississippi State, Texas A&M? This is the game that we settled on. I don't know how shocking and all that it was, but definitely a larger margin in the early in the fourth quarter than anyone would have predicted.

Mississippi stayed up 31 points early in the fourth. Partially due to some weird turnover-y stuff, there was sort of a tipped interception, and Texas A&M ended up with 526 yards and all that. So I don't know if this one was quite as impressive as either the 4817 margin or the final margin suggests, Still, a convincing hands-down blowout of a team that everyone coming into the year and through five weeks thought was a very good Texas A&N team, and probably still is. Just wasn't their day against a very good Mississippi State front seven, you know, against an offense that's going to be able to run the ball on anybody. Probably just a really bad matchup for Texas A&M. I think a lot of people are higher on Mississippi State at this point than I am, but still, you know,

nothing you can take away from this win that isn't damn that's a good football team yeah I think that was the shocking thing was that is that how well-rounded a defeat it was delivered to A&M right it wasn't just you know like with the Arkansas game it was pretty obvious that Arkansas was just really good at leaning on them right

and that they were just going to drag out the game and run on them and take it to the fourth quarter and I think how thorough this was was kind of shocking to me, particularly in the pressure side, because, you know, they got three INTs off Kenny Hill. You know, he's had some pressure and he's had some erratic play before, but this was a totally consistent, like, frizzle fry of Kenny Hill's quarterbacking nervous system for basically the second half. It's not help that Kenny Hill's receivers dropped, like, a lot of good passes. That's another thing. There were about nine,

or 10 drops that MSU did very little to force. If they play this game five more times, it's a whole lot closer. But still, I don't think even if you give them, you know, five, six, seven, eight of those completions, Mississippi State still walks away with it. Also, I think the big element that changes things from Mississippi State offensively. Little Caesar's mascot. The little Caesar's mascot. And Josh Robinson, who I trust is.

a running back because he's got a big butt. He's got the Michael Turner going back there. He's basically this like bowling ball-shaped running back. And I trust any running back who I suspect has like a density somewhere around molten copper. And that's Josh Robinson. Well, got to be careful state of Mississippi if you're molten copper. Somebody might steal you and sell you. This might just strip you out of the Mississippi State roster.

Sell you on the market. Let's go ahead and. go to the last game I want to mention, which is the tragedy of Connor Halliday. Oh, if you want to,

there were a lot of painful, odd things that happened this weekend, one of which being Ole Miss Famo, which we are going to talk about that. I just want to reserve a note before we do that

to just say that a quarterback this weekend managed to throw for more yards than any quarterback in the history of college football and lost his game. Serbs and right.

You know, he's thrown, he threw more yards than that game than 11 teams have thrown for all year. Yeah. And not even like, yeah, like, fine. Georgia Tech is on that list. Air Force is on that list. Like, actual teams, UCF is on that list.

yeah and and by the way in this game uh went 49 for 70 typical did not throw a pick neither did jared goth though i think i think all defensive backs were basically playing with ping pong paddle strapped to their hands they there was absolutely no danger whatsoever of anyone intercepting a pass at all They didn't even get the good ping-pong paddles. They got the one with the stripping all ripped off.

But sometime around 2.45 a.m. Eastern time, they missed a field goal and lost this game. And I'm just, I'm so very sorry, Connor Halliday. You have now exceeded Nick Foles for the Connor Halliday and a losing effort award. I mean, what is there to take away from this, from this utter nonsense? Like, what do we learn from this?

Both teams are horrible. Like, there's no wisdom. Nothing, this is a total. You're just mad because you're going to lose a bet. Yeah, you're mad because Cal's going to make you look bad. Because Cal is on the other end. They're on the other end of the spectrum. Go ahead, the bet.

Well, Stephen Godfrey and I bet back in, like, May, that Cal would not win four. I bet Stephen that Cal would not win four games this year. year they have done so. The arrangement was fried chicken was on the line because we're both from the south. This is the only currency we know. Cal has proved me wrong, so way to go,

Cal. I get to eat fried chicken now. Look who's the real winner here. No, no, no. No, no. It goes farther than that. Where is Cal in the Pack 12 standings right now? Well, they lead the Pac-12 north. Hey, that's not my fault. Kings of the Pac-12 north.

All California is bizarro will must chant football. They're just on the other end of the spectrum. You're going to watch it. You're going to be horrified. And at the end, covered in blood and victorious and alone and maybe missing an arm, will be Sunny Dykes. Cow is what everybody accused Baylor of being for a couple years.

Like we didn't, we, everybody thought Baylor couldn't play defense. This is Cal. You had no way. No, no, no, no, no. you you were mistaken there is there is another turns out bailer was only kind of bad at defense before it got good

it's like when you had scary rap as a kid and you're like oh my gosh like the ghetto boys kind of scare me and then DMX came along and his album cover was him covered in blood you're like oh no it's that Wutang side project about like eating people yeah okay this is scarier than two life crew

that's so dirty two live crew yeah this is cool kate's sex style why don't you listen to that wrap your ears around that oh baylor's so bad oh wait do you hear wazoo you just compared baler to two left crew i did i think this means cal ends up impersonating an fbi agent like five years from now uh yes i can see that can't you see come on sunny sunny dykes that's a name that's just like born to testify in federal court so you're you're to get me, you're trying, you want me to believe that Tony Franklin is going to impersonate a government agent. Man, ain't no other cats got love for me. He already looks like an undercover cop. Come on, he kind of does. Yeah, that old coaching staff kind of does.

They all did that. That's Cal. That's Cal. Hey, man, we play real cool football. We don't know. Don't worry about that defense. Just come on in and throw the ball, man. You guys hook me up with some MJ. Maybe a little bit of that horse. I heard that's on the streets. We throw around the drugs ball. Just a holes. Come on in and score a whole bunch of drugs in the end zone.

Just Cal football, a whole staff full of narks. That's what, dude. In too deep. That's why Tuberville kicked him off the staff at Auburn. Tuberville knows a snitch. That's right. Then finally to go to the discussion of, I think, the, the game everyone expects you to talk about this week, which is good because it really was,

I think, exciting, if not totally shocking. In hindsight, that would be Old Miss beating Alabama, which, going back and rewatching it, I was sort of stunned at how short they kept things for Blake Sims after the Florida game plan. Like, they did take shots down field, but it was nothing like what they were able to do against Florida, or what they try to do against Florida. It was really kind of looked a lot like the USC stuff that Lane Kiffin kind of I think got choked

out on in L.A. Like a lot of like short little rollouty. They, they were pretty conservative with him at times. And that sort of surprised me. I think they were terrified that if they let him sit in the pocket too long, he was going to get killed. Which was a legitimate

concern. Right. Because against Florida, they had all kinds of time in the pocket, but that was not true. against old miss and if you're rewatch there's multiple moments where uh blake sims gets pressured and just starts scooting around and something really dumb happens like there's one point

where he just scrambles out of bounds and loses five yards and they miss a field goal of course it's Bama so they wouldn't have missed it would be laughing misfortune one second it made it easier it made it more likely to be returned for a touchdown

which it wasn't but but yeah they i think they i think the lesson like when i came away from it what made sense to me was oh old mrs defense is awesome and they actually yeah they were actually able to really screw up a lot of what i like the only thing alabama could do consistently was run with t j elton t jelden still had over a hundred yards derrick henry was pretty bottled up and sims they really limited what sims could do amari cooper still got catches i mean He was pretty well defended, and Cooper still had, you know, he still caught the ball nine times, didn't quite have 100 yards, didn't have a TD at all. Yeah, and Bama earned 10 offensive points.

10, 3 in the second half. Lane Kiffin. I mean, even adjusting for the Kiffin factor, I think Ole Miss's defense is the best unit in the country right now. It just looks like, I mean, it looks like you're watching like. missile command or something and just shit's coming down at you. They drop everybody back to, you know, the take away the pass, and then

they just rally so fast and so hard, and they hit like hell. The other thing I was shocked at was how many three-man rushes? They got pressure with three and four men a lot. There were not a whole lot of blitzes going on. Not a lot at all. And the best part

was watching Robert Kandichi, because if you watch Robert Kandici, number five, playing on the interior for them, on the nose or working as one of the de-tackles when they have a four-man front. When they do that, Kandici does not pursue the ball carrier at all. He just pushes his man as far into the backfield as possible every play. It's hilarious. His mission is to just disrupt.

That's good. He's the Zuckerberg defense. He's just the venture capital tackle. They just disrupt. Just push him. As far, like, there are so many times when Sims had to scramble, like, oh, shit, like, tree falling. Like, that's it. He's not even going to- Here come 600 pounds, I better move.

Kanditi is still young and raw enough that, like, he doesn't, he hasn't figured out that, oh, now I'll get the ball and dominate move. No, he's just beating this man's ass in front of him. And still playing a new position. This is a defensive end slash running back in high school who played mostly that his freshman year. They slid him inside the defensive tackle And I mean, his job Is just be a monster Yeah, there's a play where he backs

Ariquancho up, okay? Like he ends up matched up on Ariquancho And he backs him up and Ariquanjo He bends Ariquanjo, right? Like 320, right? Bends Ariquanjo in half basically backwards. And it's the most amazing play Because one, Condici

bends a man at half And two, Ariquanjo is strong enough And flexible enough To just have that happen And sort of snap back after play like, oh, that's funny, that can happen. Okay, cool. It's astonishing.

So, yay, old misses defense, and Bo Wallace didn't turn the ball over. Yay, there's your whole game right there. Yeah. I guarantee you, one of those things cannot last all season. Which one, Ryan?

Which one, Ryan? Come on, don't make me say bad things about Dr. Bo? Dr. Bo is going to throw his picks. He's the only dad I ever had. Man, can Dr. Bo live? Let the man express himself to the pick every now and that.

Under the terms of that settlement, he cannot live. I also did laugh because one of the first plays in the game was a design quarterback run for Dr. Bo. Like, wake him up with a hit. Like, that was the first thing they did was throw 175 pounds of pure Mississippi, like, courage right into the teeth of the Alabama defense. Tyler Darden style.

Punch me as hard as you can. That's just a little anesthesia. Just getting the doctor loosened up, you know? You're numb now, ain't you? He's been around the ether so much. He can't operate without a little bit of it as snoop. Good shit. Yeah, that and he threw beautiful passes when they need to.

They throw one of the better backshould, like, the Laquan Treadwell. They throw one of the better little back shoulder fades. That little back shoulder throw? Oh, they're really, they're good at that. It's funny of that bullshit. works when you have like a six five five star five star to throw it to everybody else in the country does that nonsense to you know hey you're five average little wide receiver you're five eight you played quarterback in high school you go get this pass yeah sure that'll work you just have to

just use the scott shaffer of syracuse model you just have to want it more people out here cutting heads off you said scoff schafer that made me laugh I did soft nose ass coach um um Let's move on to, there's a thing we sort of wanted to do. We were trying to figure out what we wanted Jason to read in this particular voice, because it turns out Jason does, I think, what is a, not just a passable, but an excellent Wright-Thompson imitation. So in honor of Wright-Thompson, recently departed from Twitter, Wright-Thompson, we wanted to honor Old Mrs. Victory by having him read something,

which was extremely inappropriate for Wright Thompson to read. So what is your selection, Jason, that you're going to be reading? I'm going to be reading an article entitled, Air Loom Popcorn Helps a Snack Reinvent Itself from the New York Times. Because when you think Wright Thompson and Old Miss, don't you think the bleached, parboiled, bland prose of the aliens who write the New York Times? Jason, whenever you're ready. Shillsburg, Iowa.

Corn confronts you at every turn in Iowa. It blurs past the car window for hours. Stop for gas, and you're likely to find a patch growing out back. Much of it will fuel cars, feed cattle, and sweeten food. But a half-hours drive from Cedar Rapids in front of Gene and Lynn mealhouse, sturdy farmhouse. Ears of corn no bigger than a child's hand grow from seeds, the family, can trace back to the 1850s. The small pearly flint corn has never been genetically modified or hybridized. Its only purpose is to pop into small, crisp puffs that taste of pure toasted porn.

Mr. Mealhow, 59, a soil expert who still looks very much like the hippie drummer he once was, speed ears driving around trying to sell his precious popcorn. Now, his tiny but mighty brand is on the Shales of Whole Foods. Stop with Whole Foods. That's great. Oh, so, congratulations, y'all. Hottie. Hottie. I look forward to somebody isolating just Whole Foods. Whole for poops.

What is your text alert message? Oh, it's Jason saying, Whole Foods is right, Thompson. No one will understand this joke. Ever. That's it. We just ruin the whole show. Yay. Oh, no.

I don't know why that happened. Oh, well, with that, I think that that's, we'll do that again, because I like listening to Jason Cough afterwards. He's kind of, you said he's kind of got a little undertaker in there? Can you hear me? Hello? I can hear you still. Okay, Jason, can you hear me?

Hey, I can hear you now. Okay, cool. That's it. 33, 233.23. We'll take that out. Leave it. Leave it. But you say there's a little bit of Undertaker in there, right? Yeah, it's either Undertaker or Bray Wyatt.

Sort of that plus cookie monster. It's, I don't think I have it down at all, but it's a work in progress. It's coming along. It's close enough to, you know, make me snort. So we'll do that again. because I do enjoy listening to You Strain and say the word puffs. Puffs. It's a good word. Reader mail time.

Reader mail. And by mail we mean tweets. Let's start off with... I want to start up with a bang. I'm going to start up with my own. Which is from Telco Ag on Twitter. Which is, if Arkansas wins an SEC game, what food will Brett Bilema eat off of his wife?

I'm going to guess chili. Just ladle it right on there. It's turkey chili though, because he's trying to eat right. Well, you know, it's... In what universe is Brett Bilema saying it right? I'm convinced he wears those giant tent coats on the sideline because that's its method of losing weight. Sweat it off?

Yeah, I think he's one of those guys who's, like, entire workout regimen is centered around sweating, you know. So he's being, like, a high school wrestler. Yeah, he's probably got one of those machines that just jiggles fat, you know, with a belt. It's like, I'll lose three pounds at the end of every game. Must be working. Why are you, why are you chewing starbursts and spinning all day? Got to keep the jaw working. Gotta make weight. Got to make weight. Hold on. I'm going to wrap myself in this trash bag.

Now you've turned him into Missy Elliott. Which, yeah, he is truly freaky, so I'm just going to accept that. Yeah, chili. The chili, that's his choice. It's turkey chili. Yeah, because it's, and it's just hot enough to make it a little erotic and not too hot enough to make it a medical situation. Well, we're also talking about a Wisconsin man here, so let's not overlook like baseball park nacho cheese. Oh, no, there's a lot of nach cheese in Chile.

No, the cheese goes on top. It's sprinkled. Oh, okay. Okay. As long as chili includes everything that chili could possibly entail, I'm not good here. It could also be a marker because I suspect... A birthday cake. And Brett Bealem's house, several things might have chili poured on it. You're going to want to mark which one you're eating.

That's my chili. That's my chili toothpaste. Don't use it. Exactly. I spilled chili on the rug, so to clean it, I just pour more chili on there. Hotter chili. Just hotter chili. To melt the old chili. And some beer. The bubbles sort of get it out of there. Those tiny dogs, all they eat is chili. Those dogs should be a lot bigger than they are. Well, I think they just eat like a teaspoon of chili per day.

I'm glad we got Reader Mail off to a smashing start. Jason, your question. This one comes to us from our friend Burrito Bros. Shits, who says? That's his name. I know, but now I picture you're saying it like, right, Thompson. Burrito bros, shit. Which current NFL coach would make you most angry if he replaces must champ? Can't say Jack Del Rio.

Personally, since I'm not a Florida fan, I'd say Chip Kelly, just because that would make it even less likely that the Falcons get him. But I'll turn this over to you guys. Jim Caldwell. Oh, the fury. Damn. That's so easy. It's so Jim Caldwell.

Like, Jim Caldwell has ruined a pretty entertaining. Detroit Lions offense. Jim Caldwell with the dregs of Florida. My God. They'd punt on zero down. They would put on downs that don't even exist yet. Punt on kickoffs.

What are you doing? He feels the kickoff and he's punted it. Is he really the lion's head coach? Yeah. Somehow. To be fair, I had to do the same thing when I heard it. And somebody goes, yeah, well, they're three and one.

And I'm like, not for long. That was also their out-of-conference record when he was going three in ten at weight. Yeah. You're like, three-and-one early. I'm feeling optimistic. Okay, buddy. You go ahead and do that. My answer for who would infuriate me the most, if, we're talking to currently employed head coach, Jeff Fisher.

Yeah. God damn. That would be profoundly upsetting to me. That would make Ryan. That would make Ryan had been targeted for a while. Yeah. He was constantly like, maybe USU's going to hire Jeff Fisher. And I'm like, that's cool.

Why don't you drink a big old glass of cancer? Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, but Auburn thought about hiring Jeff Fisher instead of Gus Meals on. That's true. That's true, no. It's not too late. There was interest. My second on that would be if they hired, if they hired like some giant lump of awful like Tony Sparano.

Oh, who is a head coach again. Thanks, Raiders. Ah, damn it. We only have so much time to use his name, though. What I understand. Going, going, going, going. Right. Ryan, your question?

This question comes from Michael Wood. His question is, whose voice makes them sound dumbest? Will Mustchamp, Brady Hoke, or Paul Johnson? As someone who gets a lot of comments about his voice and what it does and doesn't sound like, I'm going to say Brady Hoke because Will Mustchamp and Paul Johnson

don't necessarily have dumb voices. They just say dumb or uncaring things. But Brady Hoke could read the same thing Jason Red and Wright Thompson's voice and you would think

it was the dumbest thing you've ever heard. So we went Brady Hope doing right Thompson? Brady Hoke doing right Thompson reading the New York times. Oh, my face hurts. No, no, don't, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. You'll pull something.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go Brady Hoke there too. I mean, Muschamp just sounds, he sounds like he's playing the character of Will Mustamp. I think he's in on the gag. And Paul Johnson doesn't sound dumb at all. He's, he's kind of transcends intelligence. Corn has tremendous puffs. Yeah, Hoke, um, Hoke is really

by far the other two aren't close because Paul Johnson just sounds mean Right Like his voice is just laced With a lack of concern For all life

Insect Human Pick an animal He's probably down He's probably down on microbes Whatever And he speaks with such confidence If you've ever listened to his radio show

With West Durham On 790 The Zone I don't think West Durham still does that show. But, I mean, if you ever hear him to speak, he speaks with such confidence, even if his team is like three and five in the ACC or whatever. There's no way that can come across as a lack of intelligence. Yeah, honestly, like, Paul Johnson is that, like, Marine Sergeant in World War I, who's like, there's an artillery inch three, like artillery shell three inches from his head,

about to hit him, and he's like, we're going to get out of this. I got it. Steel's a fad. We're going to go back to World War I. wood for all our construction one day and you kind of believe him and not just because it would cost you seven million dollars to leave the submarine on your own but but brady hoke like even when he has prep time god damn dude sounds like he has just been asked to do calculus well and also the things muschamp says that come across is dumb like i don't i don't speak italian you know

of course you don't who does why would anyone i don't either i'd have a judge i never been to paris I haven't either. Take that town for now. Brady Hoke, it's like, I think brains belong in skulls usually. It's the lack of certainty. At least with Mouschamp, occasionally he'll say something where it's all to apparent he's just a football robot, right? Do you think Brady Hoke can tell a joke, like, all the way through that has a setup and a punchline and everything? No right now.

It's a four-month-long joke. joke. It's hilarious. It's amazing. I'll see if I can get him to tell a joke this weekend. How's that? When I go to Ann Arbor. Yay. Humble brag. Humble.

That is extremely humble. That is a modest brag. That's so humble. I can't spot the brag just yet. It's going to, no, it's like the Brady Hope plan. It'll surface over two to three years. and it'll just merge

we're in our chrysalis stage right now we're going to emerge it's a dead butterfly that's the worst part about having a bad coat is that you're like oh this is the crystal stage

and it comes out and it's just more chrysalis that's dead it's just a moth just a horrible horrible moth stole your clothes I'm going to go

to my question from David Hutchins, at Thabit Hutchins on Twitter, is Larry Blakeney resigning to take the Michigan job? Yes, yes. You can't prove he isn't. He is quite seasoned, a thing they appreciate up there. Literally seasoned. He is covered in Lowry's salt. There are some obstacles. For those of you who don't know, by the way, Troy is, yes, an FBS program.

It's like Shadow Auburn. It's just down the road from Auburn, like 15 miles or something. It's not even that far. It's basically Auburn. It's on the campus. It's like, yeah, it's like Aldi Auburn. It's just your knockoff brand Auburn. And Larry Blightney was their longtime coach,

second longest tenured coach, I believe, behind Frank Beamer. And he's retiring at the end of the season because boosters want him out. And they haven't had a winning season since, I believe, 2011. And he's very fond. I think the Michigan job could be a good spot for him. Unfortunately, there is one thing. He's very fond of, he's overly generous, particularly when it comes to signing people to scholarships.

Oh, yes, yes. He's the one that outdid the SEC with his generosity a few years ago. Like 300 people in a recruiting class. He's just signing entire battalions. Just pulling over a cruise ship signing all of them. I think this makes him perfect for Michigan. Well, they do need some play. players. Larry Blakeney will find him, dang it.

Literally, lots of players. Lots of players. If one doesn't work, you'd just go get another. I like the extreme implication that the Big Ten Honor Code is signing one player for season, finding the ideal Michigan man and signing him. And then you've got a player. I've had the same primary care physician for 30 years, and he's been dead for 10.

What a relationship. A chicken man catches a cold with honor. Well, they don't caught one for a few years, huh? Ain't got rid of it yet, huh? That old Brady Hokulitis. I made that up myself. Here was your son. It ain't a real disease.

That's a hell of a blue-collar comedy drop right there. Finally. You didn't even go top shelf with the Ron White. No. No, that's the well drinks. Ooh, man, right to the Foxworthy, straight out of the bottle. Damn. Jason, I believe you have one more question.

Yes. This is also a Florida question. This comes to us from Al Hex Gould. Oh, I guess that's the Halloween thing they do. Everybody changes their Twitter names to Halloween stuff. Alex Gould 17 on Twitter says, What part of Florida produces the most Florida men? south central north or panhandle uh you guys are the experts here but i just want to weigh in real quick

uh i believe it's the north i think the south you're getting into miamii territory central is all tourists panhandle is uh the part of florida that's actually really cool because it's kind of louisiana and then the north is uh the part you don't want to go to brian um i will i mostly agree i think you're probably underselling central a little bit because outside of the super touristy areas, like you get Waldo, which just had to shut down its police department. Impressive.

Because that's a thing that happens. And by the way, one of multiple police departments that are either going to be shut down or under investigation right now. Yeah, you also have Polk County and everything that happens in Polk County. So I think maybe on a volume,

yeah, you're going to get them mostly from North Florida, but per capita, Central Florida is going to give you some of it your finer, more small batch Florida men. I am actually going to go contra and I am going to defend the South Florida

contingent because if you meet, I will not speak for the transplant that makes up much of that population. If you go strictly native, you come across people who honestly have that they've missed whole chapters

and basic human behavior. Like just there was a dude I knew from Fort Lauderdale who shot who shot clay pigeons off of the roof of his record shop back when like he had a music shop and one day decided he wanted to shoot clay pigeons and thought he could just do it.

Like you wonder where libertarianism takes root? South Florida because they've just never been taught that there's actually other people or a society that you just wouldn't do this. Is there? Can you prove there is? Not in South Florida, no. No. We agree that the panhandle is last on this list, right?

For deep Florida man behavior? Floridaness? Yeah, because my second is actually like west central, like Tampa. Yeah. Yeah, like North Tampa, up around lutes. That's when you start getting some like deep Florida man behavior. But like the ultimate Florida man of all time is Mickey Monday, right? like Florida native who just decided

that it was probably a better idea to run drugs and get a job and still to this day is just like yeah I didn't do anything wrong so like to me the panhandle is like it's like stupid fun behavior whereas the the quintessential Florida ideal we're looking for here is like

it hurts your mind it's so stupid behavior like how could anyone come up with that idea let's see having uh okay this is why i choose south florida there was i it's the only place where in a single day i have seen a chemical truck crash turned right to avoid it okay like a chemical truck crash so large i thought a train derailed okay this is in martin county which is just north of palm beach right um so we turn right to avoid it and i turn right and literally like like

90 degrees off the wheel and 100 feet down the road. Two cops have their guns out pulling over someone else in an entirely unrelated incident. Yeah. Okay, with a shirtless man who has misspelled tattoos in Gothic ink like Gothic font across his back.

South Florida is definitely the most like a Grand Theft Auto game. They're just like, there can't be this much crime going on at once. Oh yes, there can. It is a massive multiplayer whatever

an MMO games it is the massive multiplayer experience that never ends and unfortunately you cannot switch characters you cannot log out you cannot log off

you absolutely can that's what identity theft is that's why it's so popular it's a human pay and spray that's what Florida is it's a big human pay and spray with deeply varying results

results may vary. Shit, now I'm the governor. How'd that happen? Hey, Rick Scott. Okay, due to time constraints, especially because we really did, I think, a fantastic job on the floor to answer. Great job, y'all. Thanks. Thanks. Yeah, us. Let's go ahead and

look at this week, which is not exactly like the most challenging week in the schedule. Probably not your week six you know masterpiece it's a it's an interim week but there are a few interesting games of note for instance you know Florida State at Syracuse just really Florida State's strength of schedule just doubling down every game in the ACC is a fight and this is a fight

it's not a fair one it's between a very large man and a very tiny puppy named Syracuse that no one loves puppy is asleep the puppy The puppies, listen, the puppy has worms. Listen, man, I know Jim Beham's had a few down years, but that program is primed for a bounce back. Scott Schaefer is so close to being a 90s SNL character.

If you watch his press conference, it's, he's like this close to being like if... I drive a Dodd Stratus. He's like somewhere between Chris Parley and Will Ferrell. He's like... My favorite thing he says is he does the thing where he says, we're going to fight our ass off.

Like the collective singular ass. We're going to fight our asses off We're going to defend We're going to fight our ass off His team is one giant ass And we're going to fight It's Voltron We're going to fight ass

Voltron ass Ass fight He's one of those guys He doesn't actually have You know like answers He's just like Yeah I don't have another strategy So we're just going to do this harder

We're going to talk about ass I read this in a coaching book eight years ago Yeah Oklahoma versus Texas, which, you know, that happens. Down in the swamp. That's some, yeah, Davo Swinney and his boys. And then the air raid down in the swamp, firing up the old pistol bone, the real Red River shootout. Yeah, you watch that game for the B-roll, and then you get to the actual important game in Texas, Baylor TCU.

Yeah, which I don't know what to make of this just because of, you know, I don't think Baylor's. played anyone of note yet. So this could be trouble for Baylor. It's trouble in both directions. I think both teams have good offenses and good defenses. I think we have, you know, we believe Baylor has a better quarterback, but TCU probably has a better defense.

Yeah, and also kind of, I think, like a pretty nasty little budding rivalry between the two schools, you know, in that power vacuum that Texas is sort of left the two of them. That'd be nice because they kind of don't have anybody else other than, you know, like Texas players talk shit about them and then lose.

This season also feels like Bryce Petty is the bank robber who got shot and has just been hiding his wound the whole time. Still like... Still has two broken bones in his life. Yeah. So this might be the game where he like opens his jacket. We're like, oh, that is a lot of blood.

Yeah. And then like the horn frog shoots blood out of its eye. That's oh, there's already so much blood. It's probably because the only Baylor game that anyone in the country has watched all year was that one early in the season when, like, his back fell apart. And since then, we've just assumed, you know, he's probably fine. That doesn't sound that bad. He broke some bones I never heard of. How important could they be?

To rub some Dr. Pepper on it. It'll be fine. Auburn at Mississippi State is our large-ish game in the SEC. I did, there's no reason for me, by the way, to just think that this is like not one of those games where I just, it comes down to whoever has the ball last because it's Auburn and that's just the kind of game that they force you in every time. Even if you're Kansas State, you play everything pretty much perfectly against them, they'll still do that.

Yeah, well, you'll, they'll find a way to make you just fuck things up, like 20-yard field goals and whatever like Kansas State did. Yeah, and Mississippi State. Still totally capable of that. I know they're really good right now. Still really... I think they haven't had the game where they make a lot of mistakes yet.

Yeah, they haven't really been challenged yet. Yeah. They also haven't had that game where they, you know, shoot themselves in the foot in the first or second quarter and then have to recover, which every team has. And they've also... You know what I just realized?

Both the MSUs have fourth quarter disease. If Michigan State and Mississippi State played each other, the whole fourth quarter would just be like just one fumble No, you take the ball It would just be rugby, just one 15 minute fumble There would only be one play in the fourth quarter

Do do do do do do Just yackety sacks it all over the field This is also the Game Day game So game day will have been in Mississippi For two straight weeks And as a friend of mine asked Who told Desmond Howard that? Who had the pleasure of being like

Hey Des? Who had the break the name? Who had to break the news That they were going to spend Two straight weeks in Mississippi Fuck Oregon at UCLA Two one lost teams

Pretty much Like an early Pack 12 elimination game Desperate for love Desperate two young men Desperate for love Each deeply insecure and flawed in their own way One young duck One young bear

One young trying to co-e exist and fighting over one stale Twix that's these teams right here probably watching something else I'm guessing yeah it is kind of amazing that week seven one of those teams is completely

out of the national picture just because both were predicted to do big things various people had either one or the other in the playoff and one of them's gone already I think people were looking for a way out of UCLA just because they had displayed some like you know they let them

almost win a game on them. Hey, man, don't hang on Memphis. I'm not, hey, hey, hey, man, Justin Fuente might be y'all's next head coach. And just, just, just ask the, the chili fiends of Cincinnati how that went for them. Got their ass bored out by Memphis. I mean, Memphis ribs versus Cincinnati chili, I literally can't imagine a bigger blowout. That's the greatest food in the world versus the worst. in so many ways.

Yeah, like farts. The game I will be at. It's a night game. And nobody made you do this. I have to do this for the ESBS fundraiser. This was like their home schedule. Oh, okay, that's right. Their home schedule is so bad.

Do you remember this game last year? Like, this game was the dick-trippingest. maybe of all year and these teams are both possibly worse than they were yeah and I'll be there at bright and early

at 7 p.m. It does keep me from watching LSU at Florida though so thank God for that. Yeah I'm not going to Ann Arbor and I somehow won't watch it as well look at me I'm next level The dick-trippiness factor, you know, last year this game was a mess,

and that was with, like, a, you know, a former Tom Brady quarterback coach, highly accomplished offensive coordinator type running the show for Penn State. And now Penn State's offense is, uh, hey, we recruit really well. Hey, hey, hey, we got your guys. We're taking all your guys. Hey, we recruit. We recruit like hell, man. What do you got, what do you do schematically?

We recruit. We recruit the hell out of that. We're handed the ball off. That's what we're doing. We'll get to the ball. Like the playbook is just like recruiting. It's the pyramid scheme offense. Get the players in.

What are you going to do with them? Get more players. Now, we got more players. They get two more players. And each one against two more. You can only play 11 at a time. So you kind of have to line them up. But I don't have time to listen to this.

I got a recruit. That's not what kids want to hear in the living room. And that's how your program gets investigated by. of the FBI. Woo! The, again. Oh! Old Miss at Texas A&M.

Which I don't think this is a real dangerous game for Old Miff. It just doesn't feel Okay, how's this? In any other universe, it would feel really, really dangerous. I just I really hope that's not what this old Miss team is. There's one part of it that feels very dangerous.

There's Dr. Bo. Yeah, it's Dr. Bo plus at college station. Yeah, that's a big, mean, loud place. Like, a teradactyl could fly away with one of his arms, and the crowd would just cheer. Since we've already made, well,

and then eat the tarotactyl. Then they'd put that over some slow roasting mesquite coals. Just get sealed the flavor in on that taradactal wing. If any school would have a taradactal, by the way, Texas A& has a real good bet.

Just one of the those bats, they mutated, right, under the wings at Kyle Field. He just kept feeding him. Just kept feeding him brisket. Just kept growing, you know. Sometimes you recruit a bat and you get a terradactyl. Sometimes you get a tied end and he becomes an

offensive linemen. And the best part is that taradactyl would be a regent. He'd be a regent. He'd be a fascist. He'd be like, health care. Oh, yeah, taradactyls are dicks. Yeah, teratatiels. Let's see.

we've got by the way my last note on that is that like Bo Wallace didn't throw any picks against Alabama they're like farts he's just been holding them in

he's just going to throw two or three against A&M I think maybe he took a cleanse against Boise State and that was what that rush of three of them was I think he's all cleaned out you think a Mississippi resident

took a cleanse yeah just let's move on Coleslaw the Mississippi cleanse is just Eating a lot of mayonnaise equals law. It's got vegetables in it.

That's my ruffage right there. That in Flaming Hot Cheetos. I put some river rock in it, so it really cleans me out. USC at Arizona. Gross. Dangerous game for Arizona, by the way. What a hilarious thing to say. It's just game for Arizona playing USC.

Yep. They just lost to the half a quarter of Arizona State. I slept through the first six weeks. What happened that produced that sentence? Hello, Rip Van Winkle. Welcome to a horrifying new reality. I mean, I think every game's going to be dangerous for Arizona because, let's face it, they are not the number 10 team in the country.

I'm about to go on another cow rant because Cal's four and one. They might be. That's how bad this year is. That's how inconsistent everyone is. By the way, Rip Van Winkle, one thing that always disturbed me, what kind of jacked up country was America when you could sleep out in the woods and be like a creepy bearded old man? and nobody did anything.

They just stepped over you. No, you don't, that was back when everyone in America was a threat to kill you. So if somebody was sleeping, you didn't wake them up. Yeah, you were 1% safer. That was one fewer person

who could gut you. But like Rip Van Winkle leads me to believe that 19th century America, or actually 18th century America, was just woods filled with creepy old men with beards. Like, just, yeah.

Okay. That is what, that's, that's why they were able, the Dutch were able to buy New York for so cheap. They were like yeah, it's full of old men sleeping in the woods. We don't want it. Sounds like you've thought this through. Yeah.

Speaking of creepy old men with beards in the woods, Alabama plays at Arkansas which is, I think talking of dangerous games and ominous noise. This won't be fun for Alabama at all. No. For anybody. No, no. This would be fun for just

grinning Brett B. Lamont watching. Watching stuff break. How many passes will be thrown in this game? I want a prediction from both of you. Well, Bama's going to screw that up. Yeah, okay, that's fine. But, like... They'll screw up the magnificent wonder.

You're also presuming that Nick Saban isn't pissed and isn't like, yeah, sorry, Lane. I'm shut it down. With Lynn Kiffin on an actual leash? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll go 48 with 38 of. them by Alabama.

Okay. I'm going to go 54 with, I think there's going to be, I'll go 3420. I think Arkansas passes 20 times. Wow, letting it loose. Letting it loose. Let the thing fly. A couple little rollouts, because they'll come out, pass them a little bit, loosen them up, and then they'll just drop the hammer.

Okay. All right. Okay, I like that. That's pass to set up the run. That's the Arkansas way. That's, you know what? You get the, you get the box. score formalities out of the way so that you can actually recruit a quarterback but then you get to

the good stuff yeah we got a balanced offense we just throw it 20 times yeah come away for us look at this you'll get to throw the ball 20 times a game all at once i hope bret be able to like recruits quarterbacks like most people recruit punters like that's like oh do you want a scholarship yeah well that's what he did at wisconsin you just waited somebody to get booted and then he'd go bring him on in the best player he had at Wisconsin was Russell Wilson, who was like a, you know, converted baseball player. Who disappointed Tom O'Brien? Bilemoe was basically everybody's rebound coach.

I'm so hurt. All you do is just wait. Who would recruit a quarterback? I mean, if you look at the five-star quarterbacks from any year of the past 10 years, half of them transfer. Just wait. Brett Bilemo just waiting for like a flat screen to fall off the back of a truck. You know who was recruited, Jeff Driscoll. Oh, passionately.

There you go. You know who transferred like three really good Florida quarterbacks to the ACC? And Englemore. It's so simple. Never recruit anyone. The message is very simple. Don't try, kids. Don't ever try.

Just sit and wait. Just go to goodwill, get you a nice, slightly used quarterback. I found a Russell Wilson in the Dumbull. He has some puk on him, but he's only $7. That's why they make soap. And by that I mean chili. Chili.