Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2.7

Episode Date: October 15, 2014

--We finally talk about Florida State, and whether Chad Henne could hit the earth with a spear --A brief discussion of how damn dappled everything in Michigan is --Jason likes a game with many points! (TCU/Baylor --An explanation of "go for two" is a principle Bret Bielema obeys in every facet of his life --We are asked who the most clownfraudulent team in the top ten, and yes it's Notre Dame --We are also asked a question that leads us to explain why Dana Holgorsen needs so much Red Bull (A: he is the main character in Crank.) --A scenario ending with the talking Olmec Head from Legends of the Hidden Temple vomiting from consuming too much alcohol --Florida State FLORIDA STATE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Shutdown Fullcast. I am Spencer Hall, editorial director of SB Nation, editor of Every Day should be Saturday, joining me live from Cobb County, where the dogs are literally barking. That's why he's sitting inside and not out on the cricket veranda. He usually joins us from is Jason Kirk. For now. I'll go back out in a minute. Also, inside forever, because that's how New Yorkers live those glamorous lives.

Inside a tiny box is Ryan Nanny. Oh, but when it happens in Japan, it's very chic and interesting, but here it's just stupid and expensive. That's correct. All right. Now I'm fine with that. I can live with that. When they do it in Japan, it's periodically interrupted by colorful family fights and festive bouts of traditional behavior. In New York, it's interrupted by... Jets games.

Jets games and the wafting smell of urine from the street. So Jets games. So Jets games. You know we haven't talked about enough? Frankly, we've just been disrespecting. USF. You know? Close.

Close. A dyslexic would say yes. Yes, Ryan Nanny. That's the answer. Because I don't think we've talked enough about Florida State. If you are currently talking about something else other than Florida State, what are you even doing with your life? Disrespecting the Knowles, that's what? That's right.

I think you need to step it up a little bit. I think we need to go ahead and talk a little bit about probably, I'm going to say, the most important game of last weekend. That'd be Florida State demonstrating its depth, its maturity, and all. three strings of that NFL roster stocked with no fewer than 44 NFL first round draft picks. I'm just being, that's conservative.

Yeah, that's assuming the NFL doesn't expand the draft when it starts an expansion team in Tallahassee. A moment of seriousness. You did see the onion this week, right? With Florida State and Jacksonville with the Jaguars?

Nope. No? we'll share this and then we'll proceed because it's well you said you said a moment of serious you did see the onion well that's that's that's the level we've reached here

yeah that would that would be the they did have the pregame coin toss make Jacksonville Jaguars realize randomness of life but the better one was Jacksonville Jaguars hoping to impress scouts from Florida State Saying they could all go back to college And then get with a better team

Because you know That's how we're going to, I mean I don't know this onion paper you're talking about But I think they know their stuff Hashtag it I probably have good sources Sounds legit to me Hashtag Unconquer

Chad Henney's a good kid I don't think he's ready for Florida State Going to be real honest I know he's got a victory against Florida Like that means anything I don't know. We'll see if Jimbo likes him. He could be a fifth stringer here, I think, and it'd still be enough to get him three NFL contracts.

He could limp on. He's not quite a walk-on. He's more of a limp on. He could be Osceola. I don't know. That requires an accuracy. You've got to be comfortable with gravity. You've got to be able to hit the Earth with a flaming spear. Are we really going to put Chad any in that category? You've got to be mobile enough to sit still. God, we can't even talk about it.

Florida State without making fun of Michigan. Jeff Driscoll hit the ground with a spear. And that's how the moon caught on fire. He finally lived up to his billing. He destroyed the moon.

And now the oceans are all ruined because there's no, there's nothing to guide them. Just say it. Say roll tide. I was trying not to say tide. Because listen, we set out here today to talk Florida State and we ended up talking to Michigan. which led us to Florida, which led us to Alabama. Frankly, this is getting

further and further from the real stuff. That would require Jeff Driscoll to have the ability to beat Alabama in any sense of the word, which has not happened. Which is why we're just going to abandon that piss poor trash heap of a team. They got over there in that town out to the right.

Don't give me your cardinal directions. It's right. Over to the left is to Alhassee where the real team is, Florida State. I want to tell you a few things about Florida State. First of all, they did beat Syracuse. And I know what you're saying.

Oh, it's Syracuse. Can't take them too seriously. Not a particularly challenging team. Down in that weak-ass ACC? Well, first, that's just disrespecting the rest of the Atlantic Coast Conference. You know, the ACC, they say it's weak, but it's got Florida State in it. Can't say that about any other conference. though we're trying to change that.

Although if we were realigning, I think we all agree. The American Conference has the following members. Florida State, and that's it. That sounds pretty American to me, buddy. It's all you need. Big, sexy, undefeated, respectful to Native American heritage. That's Florida State in every single way. And that's why we get a white guy and dress them up like an Indian

and have him throw a spear at midfield because we respect the heritage. The horse is authentic, though. The horse is definitely a Native American. So are all the students and their authentic chant. But, you know, when you're playing a team like Syracuse, all you want, just get in, get out, get James is 300 yards, get him as 3 TDs,

get them out there without getting hurt, and just, you know, get the kids a little bit of time to run. So you can get back to Tallahassee, and you can enjoy the proper good things. things in life. For instance, did you know that the Tallahassee Police Department recently received its fifth straight accreditation? It should be 22nd straight, but, you know, not everybody in Tallahassee can accomplish with the football team hands. You can't spell accreditation without SEC, ESPN bias, so that's probably why it's only four. I'm not even going to count that. I just

think that sounds right. Don't even look it up. You don't have to. Why would you? It's on NOLAPIDIA. Why'd you have to look it up? Research is for losers. Oh, but you know, you've got to do a little bit if you want to appreciate things. For instance, I can tell you, Flora State has a 56.8% acceptance rate, and that's higher than Harvard's. Shoot, that's higher than Twitter. Isn't acceptance the most American of all values? Additionally, Flores State had a recent campus campaign advocating for cybersecurity. So don't leave the browser's password up there.

Don't tell it to remember the password. no I disagree with that I think I think that's just being a good friend and a good roommate yeah that's just being a good neighbor they also have the mag lab which is about magnets so juggalo science is a specialty

there I was hoping it was going to be about magazines that too magazine I was hoping it's going to be about like ammunition magazines there's that there's that at Florida State and additionally

I think it's pretty much unquestioned that we believe FSU to have the strongest Twitter following. The most vocal, the most clever by far, yeah. Oh, they're hilarious. And so present. So, you know, whenever you need someone to weigh in on a topic and help you steer it back to Florida State, they're just, they're there, they're eager, they're willing, and they're capable. just reminders, just keeping us all on path. I think we should unleash them on Yelp and just be like, I give this pizza place two stars because it had no null's paraphernalia

despite being in North Dakota. I went to the French laundry. You know what they didn't have on the menu? Florida State. Didn't think much of it. About a star and a half. Frankly, I paid too much for it. Said it's a fish restaurant.

I didn't see any Jimbo Fisher, though. you know how slow the waiter talked jimbo could have read that thing three times and the time it took him to just detail the specials one star he'll probably commit to miami now easy right easy buddy miami's bad have them just go on yelp and go to you know other stadiums because you know other stadiums are on yelp yeah oh yeah get those florida state state fans to go to say for instance Michigan Stadium say things like, that's a piss poor Jumbotron. Not even a JimboTron.

JimboTron, where messages are beamed at like 400 megabytes of meaning a second. Just try to transcribe these scores. The scores are just scrolling across the screen, like, psh. You could rake in so much advertising money. 10 ads a second. Yeah, it's going to be $4,000. for a nanosecond, and we're just going to keep rolling them. So this is going to get expensive, but, you know, your message is going to be delivered.

It's a subliminal advertising. Subliminal advertising. Oh, I think we fulfilled our share of Florida State talk. But no, I'm just kidding. Well, I was going to say, what, for this quarter of the podcast? We'll just keep going. this past weekend in a university

that has a significantly lower acceptance rate than 56.8% I did go to Michigan. Now, neither of you have ever been to a game in Michigan before, right? Right, right.

Nope. There's a few things you should know about going to Michigan. I know that they were not at their best, happiest or you know most content when it came to how things

were unfolding but it's still a really nice place. It's a beautiful place. Everything's dappled Ann Arbor's specialty is dappling. It's just endless dappling. Sun dappled leaves with dappled color just

one big great lakesy looking kind of place. Don't know what any of those words mean but it sounds delicious. Well Well, it's the kind of place where you just imagine that somebody would just pull a trout out of their pocket and go, oh, I was saving this for you for later. Jason, Dapple is a hybrid of an apple and mouth tobacco. That does sound delicious.

There is a strong redneck contingent. I went to the bathroom at Michigan Stadium, and there were two cans of skull. One winter green, just sitting on the commode. did you bring up that it's not even winter yet no but it was 37 degrees and I didn't really know how cold I was walking along I can't feel my hands

how cold is it they're like 37 like is that cold they're like no no it's not cold was everyone wearing like tank tops there were a shocking number of people in shorts there's I will I will give them that that there were

a stunning number of dudes in hoodies and shorts at the game. I respected that. That's a look. It's a look that says the nerves in my legs are dead and have been for years. Additionally, the stadium is really cool because it's dug in. So when you go in, you kind of enter it like row 60, I think, and it goes down. And it really is like the old oval, completely impractical. non-marketable kind of space, which is awesome

because Notre Dame has the same thing, but it's Notre Dame, so I can't really enjoy it. Whereas Michigan appears to have some non-lizzard kind of people in the stadium. So that was good. The game was one of the worst I have ever watched in person. It was not good football. James Franklin really did try the worst fake pun I have ever seen. Good thing you're going to Florida.

next week. Not just Florida. I'm going to Missou at Florida. Oh, you're so stupid. Mazoo fresh off of a zero point performance against UGA.

I've got to get a piece of this mocktober action while I can't. It's going fast. It's going real fast. It's not pumpkin spice. I don't know what's wrong with it, but the kids just are not buying it. I'm going to have to just roll that inventory

over to Toyota Thon. But yeah, Michigan is a great place. The people are really awesome. The town is beautiful. The stadium is great. The team is not good. It's not a very good football team at all. Devin Gardner just makes you sad to watch because he really cares.

And he's obviously very valued by everyone there. And I think they've just completely shorted out his quarterbacking circuits, period. So let's not talk about that because it's kind of depressing. Jason, you did watch TCU Baylor, did you not? Yeah, I had a whole bunch of stuff going on. That was one of the games I paid the most attention to. It was one where it feels like a train flying off the rails the whole time. And towards the end, you start thinking, okay, TCU is going to put this thing away.

You know, you have always this notion in the back of your head that Baylor's capable of scoring 30 points in two minutes or whatever. but you think surely TC you can keep scoring enough to hold that off when it comes but then it didn't happen and uh you know like we like we've mentioned a couple times this week then you go back and you look and you realize Baylor actually played pretty well on both sides of the ball despite giving up 58 points which sort of hurts the soul to say give up 58 points um but uh yeah it's it was it was kind of the best of both worlds it was the high scoring game where not all of the high scoring was due to awful defense. I still believe in both of these

defenses. It was just a football game that just turned into a basketball game and everyone just kind of went with it. Like, you know, just one of those nights, man. Just go with it. We won't talk about it later. Yeah. I don't think, I don't think Gary Patterson wants to face himself from the mirror or anything, but Gary Patterson was kind of chapped after the game. No? Yeah, he was, he said a Baylor defensive back, I believe, threatened him, and there was video of the two interacting, and it looked pretty awkward, and Baylor's defensive coordinator broke up whatever it was going on.

If it was threatening, I don't know, because I think Gary Patterson's bigger than the kid. But, yeah, they've got a little rivalry going. and the Baylor fans were accusing him of gesturing the student section and last year, Patterson, I think he accused a different Baylor defensive back of cheap shots. And, of course, the whole time, you know, R. Briles is just saying just witty little snappy things about it. That's that.

But, yeah, he doesn't like Baylor. I wouldn't mess with him. You don't know what he keeps in that wooden leg. Probably defense. not enough well he's got to have defense to stand on that fourth quarter started out 5137 for Baylor

and there were two scores on Saturday that I was tracking during the Michigan game that didn't require any knowledge of how they were going to work out other than what you already knew about the teams one was Florida because at one point Florida was up I think 27 24

Sure, whatever. Sure. Yeah, I mean, whatever. We were up. We were up 2720. And I saw that and thought, no, this is over, Les has already won.

He's totally won. There's no way we're going to hold that lead. And I was right. Right where he wants you. Right where he wants you. With about six minutes left, 2720, and Florida had the ball. And I thought, nope, got to lose.

Totally going to find a way to lose this game. And we did. Now, what score would you have seen on your phone and thought, hey, we might pull this out? We would have had to have a four touchdown lead in the fourth quarter. I was going to say, that has to be at least in the second half. Because we could have blown it easily. A seven point lead with Jeff Triscoll is your quarterback? That's a statistical error.

It's just a margin. the other game where I saw a score and thought I know exactly how that's going to turn out and this game is totally not over was 5137 at the start of the fourth quarter and then he went to 5837 and I still thought ah art you know our arts got this don't worry about it

and then Baylor scored three touchdowns in about six minutes yeah there's well the other one that i would submit for that uh just look at the score and you know everything you need to know honor would be uh alabama arkansas i don't even think anyone actually scored i think the the points on the scoreboard just sort of grew like like interest over time like each team was spotted one and then it just sort of ticked upward this is a savings bond you were given as a baby and we forgot about it my uncle got I got me Apple stock when I was like eight.

Yeah, it was like trust fund touchdowns that were given like 20 years ago. That's North Carolina Notre Dame, too, if we're talking trust fund touchdowns. Yeah, those matured quite a bit quicker. Yeah. Like, oh, 21 points in the second quarter, I guess the socks split.

Congratulations, young Manfred. Yeah, when you're 21. North Carolina all year, are they just going to be the team that score 65 points and loses in every game? Well, they got shut out by Clemson, so. Except for that one, I guess. Oh, man, that's not gone any positive direction whatsoever. Like, they could fire Larry Fedora after this year. Bring back, but I really hope there's a bidding war for Butch Davis between UNC and Miami.

there will be it's the ACC that could totally happen well there could be another job or two open up in that division so maybe there's like a four-way bidding war butch davis is the bell of the ball

just coach them all what's the difference may I see your dance card oh I see you've worked under Greg Shiano you were an assistant under Oh, Jimmy Johnson. God.

Last century. That's a real thing. The last football job Butch Davis had was as a special assistant with the Greg Shiano Bucks so that he could still get paid by UNC.

Like he got hired on as a consultant basically as a tax dodge. There was a point where the Alabama-Aransas score was on the board and Alabama scored and it became 1413 and that score just hung

right just sat there like a tethered blimp not moving or changing and I think after like six minutes of that six or seven minutes of checking the score on that game and not seeing it move knowing that Arkansas was totally doomed

you're like nope they're not getting one point yeah I was watching that one and it felt completely insurmountable was it that bad it was like it was like watching a child try to water ski for the first time you're like yeah just lean back no just just just pull a little no you got to you almost at the very end of the game some some bama happened the uh bama got a free 20 20 or so seconds ran off the clock by their own false start yeah they basically got a free a free third down and didn't have to punt and it was you know Arkansas fans were mad but it's like what are you

really going to accomplish you know that you'd just be getting your hopes up again for I mean knowing Beelma you'd probably like run the ball with eight seconds left what what else is there to accomplish it's what the card said oh we're going to have to draw up what Brett Bilema's card says just Brett Bilema's card it's just an Uno card I think it says go for two, no matter the situation that could be in consumption, could be in love, could be in football. The card says go for two.

Beers, I'll take two. Two. At the same damn time. I'm going to the John. The cart says go for two. I'll even have to. You're open behind the arc. I'm walking this ball to the key,

because I've got to get in the post. It says go for two. Go for two. Did you just imagine Pret being about playing basketball? I did. Oh, you know he's skins. Oh, he gets that belly up on you. Like, why do you don't even wear glasses?

Why are you wearing goggles? You know, it's for intensity. You know, because I got two eyes. In case someone starts playing that fast basketball that leads to death. He did. He did coach at Wisconsin. It's just him and Bo Ryan

trying to just slow down the heat death of the universe. one sports play at a time. I would watch a Bo Ryan Brett Beelma one-on-one game for days. You'd have to watch it for days. Yeah, that would be the only way to watch it. It'd be like a cricket match. Ed, we're here in day three.

The Tour Day Madison. It wouldn't be the ashes. It would be like the hashes. Beelma just keeps going to the bench to eat sardines directly out of a can. smoke a little hash eat a little hash the other

game of note for me was we stayed up late to watch USC Arizona and I watched this with a bunch of Michigan fans who were rooting really hard for Rich Raderie guys oh yeah it was it was endearing actually to see it happened which made

the ghastly finish all the more worse because it happened and you could see this look wash over their face where they all realized that they'd done that, that they'd been through that, like, that

the Rich Rodriguez team would get the onside kick, but blow the easy field goal wide by like 10 feet to the right. It was, uh, there was a little PTSD in the air. And I'm not going to say it wasn't slightly entertaining. Did you, did you hear what

Sark said after this, I think earlier this week about this game or about his team, generally, he said they were a Hail Mary away from being a top five team. As if the Boston College game didn't even happen. Well, you know, that game could have been one with a Hail Mary. Maybe if you do it just right, you get, you know, multiple touchdowns there that carry over. Yeah, I see what he's getting at.

Yeah, okay. It's innovative, man. You got to think outside the box. You've got to not blink. Remember, Steve Sarkeesian sells things by kind of talking with his head tilted about two inches up and not blinking. It's mesmerizing. Yeah. He's a very convincing Home Depot employee.

No, man, you got to get the high glass. I know it costs more, but you want it. See, the thing is when he talks, you're just looking at his weird chin. So you don't even focus on all that stuff he's saying. Why did you commit? Chin dimple. He doesn't have a chin. I had no choice.

It's amazing. Let's go ahead and get to Reader Mail for this week, if we can. Ryan, your first question. Okay. Which team in the top ten is most clown fraudulent, and how would Mark May slash Lou Holtz defend this team? This question comes from per who.

Yeah, I think, Spencer, you're indicating that the answer here is Notre Dame. A very confusing team because they showed almost no offense against Stanford, which fine. Stanford's an excellent defense, probably top five. And then they showed no defense against North Carolina, who's pretty good. On offense. Right. on offense. So if you can't move the ball against a good defense and you can't stop the ball against a good

offense, my math tells me you might kind of be a so-so team that just got to play Syracuse. There's your Syracuse dig. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Syracuse is really, really good, Ryan. Yeah, you can't do that. Florida State almost covered the spread against that. team. Yeah, now, just because we need to talk about Florida State as much as we possibly can in

this podcast, I want to remind you of the real clown fraud in the top ten, and that's Baylor. Because remember, whenever Baylor comes up, Florida State fans rise from their coffins and then ascend into the trailers. Baylor and Oregon. Oregon makes them even matter. But in that case, I'm going to go with Mississippi State, who rose to number one despite not having won games last year.

That's a convincing argument if I've ever heard one. That's my favorite FSU fan thing. They say, on the one hand, they get mad because you're comparing this year's team to last year's team. On the other hand, they get mad because you're saying a team this year is better than the team that was already ranked number one. So they want you to judge them both by last year and not by last year. Well, yeah, because you're only picking the hateful parts, Hater. That's true. Listen, I got to keep talking about this so we can work through my issues.

That's right. Because I'm the one who's wrong here, I know. You know what that sounds like to me, Jason? Clickbait. Just clickbait. Typical page view. Page view, SEC bias. Don't you hate when you're talking to somebody and they say something that you have to click on?

But you don't have a mouse because it's a conversation. Clickbait. Yeah. Or like when, you know, when something really interesting happens and you look at it, clickbait. Oh, click bait. Oh, clickbait. Or like, you know, you hear a song and you like it. Such clickbait.

Oh, natural disasters, clickbait. I've been saying that since Genesis. That's why I'm going to name my hudden dog, clickbait. Moses was just a listicle generator. He did. Well, he was the originator. Came down with 10. All he did was follow the ESPN narrative.

Yeah. Yeah. And then he turned it into paid content. That's right. You know what? Stay woke. You know, it's all about ads. It's all about ads and just keeping the narrative going.

Just keeping the narrative going and keeping the knolls down where the man wants them to be. Down where the power's to be. Just keeping them down at number two. Way, way, way down there at number two. I do like, I will say, I do like that Florida State fans have now been put in the very fun position. of vociferously defending Clemson. No, no, no, Clemson's a top team in Florida State beat him. I don't know if you heard.

I don't know if you heard without James Winston. I don't know if you were there. You may not have heard about it. Also, why are y'all paying so much attention to James Winston's troubles? I don't think that's fair to the young man. Listen, I just told you he was suspended. Why are we talking about if he might be suspended again? Even though if he is suspended for the Notre Dame game,

then we get to talk about how great it is. We only won by two points. So I kind of do want it to happen. It sounds like a hater who's just jealous of us having all the bases covered. Speaking of a bass has got an excellent baseball team, too. Yeah, they hate our baseball team, too. It's probably number two. You're just bad because Florida State fans can hold two opposing thoughts at the same time.

Florida can't even catch a ball. They got you there. Yeah, they've really got us there. I wanted to make a snarky comment. I like that Jason gets bothered by Florida State fans way more than either Ryan and I do because we're too weird. Jason actually has to say things

like Jason occasionally has to present information in a straight way, right? As college football editor so he encounters a lot of Florida state fans who can read like a literal sentence, right? Well, and I also have to run multiple Twitter accounts, one of which is not my personal voice. Correct.

I have to read a lot of comments that I can't reply to at all. Well, what it is, Spencer, is that you and I are part of some lesser gang in the Warriors. And Jason just, like, run. He's just like the fucking subway operator who's like, man, these fucking assholes with the baseball costumes again, I'm just trying to get home. We're just, whereas we're like, yeah, stab us. We don't care. We're not going to school. Dude, in the Harry Potter Cosmos, we're Raven's Claw, right?

The one that never even gets described, they're like, you know, the ones with the books. You know, also, also that one. Books. Yeah. And Jason's just, you know, running a tobacco shop in London. He's just some muggle. That sounds, I don't know.

I don't remember those, but that sounds about right. Let's go. I'm going to take one here. which is Who, what, is your favorite non-sports-related Twitter account? Well, this question doesn't make any sense because everything sports.

I think the best Twitter account in all of Twitterdom is still Drill. Ah. Yeah, Drill. Yeah, he's pretty much the best Twitter ever. If you do not read Drill, just know that it's a long series of paranoid tweets about his stupid son

and about how he was abused by police. That's D-R-I. I remember I was at a, I think I was at a Barnes and Noble, looked down on my phone, got a notification that Drill had joined Vine, and this like swell of horror and joy just washed through me, like, I kind of don't want to know what he's put up, but I can't wait to see, and it somehow topped both of those expectations. So go follow Drill. Yeah, Drill is, Drill's best, my favorite one is, my favorite one of his, is, uh, is

this, it's just the word no from 2008. It's pinned at the top of his profile lowercase, no. Like there was nobody on Twitter and he just went on, no. It has one point, it has 1,500

likes. Now, what were you guys like on Twitter in 2008? I don't want to know. Things are different, things the same? That was a long time ago. We were all here, weren't we? Damn, we've been on Twitter for six years. That's sad. No, there's no way. on Twitter. Come on. Stop it.

Oh, man. We were all totally here. When was it invented? Like 2006? I bet we were there the first day. We haven't been anywhere in six years. It's a good website. Hey, you went to Michigan. That's true. I did.

You tweeted about it. I did. I tweeted about going to Michigan. How sad is that? Jason, your question. This one comes to us from God damn it, I got to reload it.

If that ever happened to you? Twitter handle is such a disease. Name is Old James. Not old James. Why not? Listen, we'll address that after the show. The question is, is Dana Holgerson's heart healthy enough for sex? Which, first concern is four hours, a four hour, four hour activity.

That's every West Virginia game, because ain't Nobody playing no defense, so. Well, it ain't healthy enough for anything else. I don't think health is a primary concern of the man's, so I'll just say, yeah, sure. Relatively, yeah. I would be surprised if he even has a heart that he hasn't, like, lost in an underground keynote game at this point. I really see a series of replacements, much like, uh, is it crack what was it was it was not crank yeah like crank like Dana Holgerson like

crank he's got like a he's got like a jet ski battery in his chest he's got a jet ski battery and he has to like have sex or he'll die hurry up that's the scene where the scene where jason has sex in front of like a bunch of horrified and all struck Asian tourists and crank that's every Thursday in morgan town for that exact every day every word of that exact scenario. It has to happen in Morgan Town, West Virginia. It's extremely difficult. That's why you can have a bad season every now.

The man has preoccupations. No, there's something to my theory, though, because remember, stimulants make him, sustain him in crank, right? And what is Dana Holgerston always drinking? Red Bull is the answer. And if he doesn't, that's sucker old flatline. So that's the answer.

It's kickstart your heart every day for Dana Hulgerson. Did you find your, let's see. Ryan, you have one remaining question? Yes, this is from Matt Out of Hell. He wants to know which college football coach is most likely to be forced out by assistants in a coup. Well, I'd like to remind everybody that this has basically happened. That's how Phil Fulmer got his job. Yeah, I mean, that was more of a sword fight that nobody talks about.

Better with a cutlass than you think a man that size me. Very nimble, yeah. I will pick Jim Mora because I feel like things are about to go off the tracks. We might have just witnessed that. Right, and I would not be surprised if Dan Guerrero, went to, well, he won't go to Noel Mazone, but if he went to Jeff Oldbrook and said, hey man,

I got your back and, like, just hands him a Saturday, like a little Saturday night special. Wow. You've thought about this to a terrifying degree. Yeah, I'm a Florida kid. I've always got the murder

planned out. It's a required course to graduate high school. Yeah, but, you know, really, it's a little too in Florida because where am I going to put the body oh, literally anywhere. In the ocean, in the swamps, in the aquifer, where we will all drink it for years and not even know. Exactly, but by the time you find

this, you'll make jewelry out of it. Like that's that's the Florida difference. That's right. Michigan, they talk about the Michigan difference in Florida. The Florida difference is you can put a body literally anywhere. It will be skeletonized in like a day. another thing we learn at the University of Florida co-gators

I think my final question is going to be from Danny Will Danny Will says picking teams for legend of the hidden

temple Hoke Muschamp Bert Les who's first who's last well legends

of the hidden temple involves a fair degree of physical agility right yep So I'm going to have to go with our slimmest person here. That'd be Will Mustchamp. It's not a particularly lean group of men.

I think Les is actually probably maybe a little leaner. So I'm going to go Les and Burt because those are just two wily winners who might do really dumb things but still come out of it. Also, Hoke and Mustchamp will lose because it's just what they do. Yeah, but Legends of the Hidden Temple is a very time-based game. I feel like that does not play well to less miles or does it I don't know the risk you take which who got off a 50 yarder who literally controlled time in the LSU Florida game with his mind also think about which of these coaches are going to

interact the best with that that talking cave god thing with Olmec yeah yeah yeah I mean less is less and that dude are going to be down less like less Les is, they're going to be at a bar later. Like that Olmec ball will just be at the bar. Be like, I saw Olmec puke. There was that Les Miles quote this week that everyone sent around where he said at one of his press conferences, the out of context quote was, I like Ted. I miss Ted.

If he subbed in the word Olmec there, no one would even blink. Have you seen it? Look at this. He's got so much chest. He just has a want to win this bar. His chest is the earth. Now, Ryan, I'm imagining the Olmec statue just vomiting up shots. Be like, oh my God, old mec drank so much Amaretto.

That's Miles drinking Aztec game show god under this table. Well, and if we're talking that, if we're, Brett Bilema is the choice there. Because with that keg of a belly, he's... going to be the last man standing i would like when a temple guard came at bret beelma and he thought it was like a sexual thing and started taking off his pants we do we are we doing this i'd go for two there's two of you i'll start with one yeah start with one see if i can pick up one along the way what the card says next week next week week eight of the season florida state Florida State big I got Florida State big

Florida State huge huge I got them by Knowles I mean it's going to be once It could get respectable once the backups get in I think You know because they know they just need some reps But yeah we'll run the backup offense Which is designed to stress test the backups Yeah you know they'll do that you know because Notre Dame's just garbage

No they're really good they're really really good I'm sorry they're really good They're going to be an incredible test. They're a legit top 10 team, as we discussed earlier. Yeah, that's the top five win. Why are you taking that away from the notes? That team is ranked. Yeah.

You know what that means? That means they're ranked. Baylor hasn't beat Purdue. Yeah, Baylor hasn't beaten Syracuse. Let's see that happened. Oh, God. What would happen if Baylor played Syracuse? It basically happened.

They played Buffalo. Yeah, they played outdoor Syracuse. Just they did play up. They played Cabela, Syracuse. They played Sierra Blues. Oh, it's a quality team when they've already fired their coach. Poor God. Yeah, so that's two coaches.

Art Biles has contributed to the demise of so far this year. Hasn't even played Kansas yet. I know, God. Get the interim fired. Get the interim fired. Yeah, Art Bryles is the damn. Damn, Art. I know, he's the damn Reaper.

He's the slim reaper. Also on the... Anyway, FSU. FSU by like 30. This is really the last chance for Florida State to lose. Ever. Until the UVA game. Next year.

Next year. Like two years from now. You know when Jimbo's taking that Michigan State job? Next year, yeah, when Virginia hires... Shoot, I don't know any of... FSU. Don't even try to complete that sentence. You know, when UVA hires who, Jason?

No, I was trying to think of FHU's assistance, and I'm drawing blanks here. It's a pun two ways. Terry Bowden. Terry Bowden. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, they'll hire a Bouton. A couple of other interesting games of note, at least in the SEC. A&M is limping into this game against Alabama.

Yep. Oh, they are not. I don't think this is going to go well for them. A lot of limping going on there. A lot of serious amount of limping, but I really appreciated Lane Kiffin adapting to

the demands of the Alabama fan base and capping their production at a tasteful 14 points, just like Gene Stallings would have. I've noticed a lack of should he take over the program when Nick Sabin assumes to the head of his verdicts this week.

We don't hit the air brakes on that, haven't we? It seems to have just a tad slowed down. Pull that drag shoot, slow that machine down. It's almost like you don't get to beat the shit out of Florida every week. Yeah, it's amazing how good Florida can make a team look. Except Florida. They cannot make Florida look good. If you played Florida versus Florida, it's just that divide by zero,

just a gaping hole in the fabric of the universe. I thought blue looked great in the spring game. Yeah, they did. at Orange Pisspore, as always. Baylor, West Virginia. Basically, Baylor's just going to play this same game every week. Just same script. Going to turn every other team into, like, a Baylor team

that's three to seven points inferior to them. And West Virginia is already there. Yeah, that's already, that's already West Virginia. I mean, this is an 11 a.m. road game, Baylor time. in a tough environment Yeah So this one could get scared Baylor's got a tough schedule

From here on out Let's not pretend Like noon is a normal time For West Virginians to get up Well they'll start drinking at like 3 a.m. Well I was going to say the sun You got to tend to still at night Yeah somebody's got to be awake with it

The sun comes down through the trees Real fierce around About eight You know And you got law man hunting Right Except from until kickoff. And by 8.30, you have transformed from Wolfman back into man.

How many Wolfman are living in West Virginia? I'm going to say like 38. They have a Rotary Club. 38 is Morgan Town, right? It's in Bluefield. They meet at a Sheets in Bluefield. They all have those, you know, a little cup of coffee. They have their own special.

special biscuit. Yeah. It's got people on it. We're going to see. People meet. You can get that at any sheets, though. You don't have to be a wolf man. Yeah.

Isn't there one name the Holgo? This one's like actual pieces of Holgo in it. Yeah. They'll just go to, you know, they'll just go to Tudors in order the howler. You know, the Bluefield Howler? The one that's got the man meat on it. Oh, yeah, the one for the wolf people.

Yeah. We make that out of pieces of Marshall fans. what wrong with that yeah come on what you got something you're saying they're saying they're undelectable people never been to west virginia ran yes there's a lot of there's a lot of west virginia to carve up if you had to it's a good state we can all agree on that that's a great state we've never had anything but a wonderful time there not as good as florida state no well well except except for they did uh they did give us bobby that's where bobby came from and jimbo gave us Jimbo.

Yeah, so in that regard, it is a fine feeder state. Nick Sabin's basically like the seventh works coach to come out of the state. It's like the chrysalis of FSU. Developing as always into that grand moth of achievement. The FSUPA. Just the little caterpillar that, you know, the little caterpillar that eats his way through an apple, that's what FSU is on the schedule. They got to eat their way through that apple and that,

ice cream cone just to become the big beautiful butterfly that's right and that prison wall the big beautiful butterfly with a back tattoo of another butterfly um it's Asian it says it says peace love and harmony that says galsong bus service yes but they believe in peace love and harmony they believe in getting places on time just like the Florida state offense first and ten do it again the other games of note Washington out of Oregon

Washington's a weird team yeah weird a profoundly weird team that's had like they've played like three or four different kinds of games been really erratic not I mean obviously they're five and one and for Chris Peterson's first year

that's pretty good but getting into the B for their Pact 12 schedule I have no idea what what either of these teams are capable of doing because the Pact 12 has suddenly become the most entertaining conference in football again. Like, I turn on a Pac-12 game, and I have no idea what I am going to see from either team. Yeah, after a year of just solid competence, now it's back to being wacky ball.

Yes, uneven teams with complementary weaknesses who every single week just do kind of, it's basically like whose line is it anyway with football, right? Like, oh, Washington, you play the naughty nurse, and you try to feel. figure out what's wrong with Oregon, right? That's what happens in the Pact 12 every single week. And it's actually pretty entertained because the points really are assigned randomly. And then Wayne Brady runs back a kickoff for a touchdown. Then they sing a piano song at the end.

Everyone would love that. Everyone would love that so much. Holy shit, watch your ass. Michigan State goes to Indiana. They might not win, but Indiana is definitely going to make you dizzy, disoriented, and kind of disturbed at what's happening. Yeah, I'm pretty confident this is going to be Michigan State's fourth straight unimpressive game one way or the other.

That's not their fault. I want everyone to know that. Indiana just makes you crazy. Yeah. They're a closet pack 12 team. They are. They're like Cal's Eastern Office, right? Like Cal's IT office is Indiana, right?

Our servers are somewhere in Bloomington. Yeah, it's Cal's Indiana. on a campus. Yeah. It's a big system. Any other games jumping off of the schedule, gentlemen? I like this Oklahoma State at TCU game because Oklahoma State is 15 right now. And they have just kind of been scooting by with Dax Garman, who is fine, but is not, like, amazing.

Yeah, coming off like a 2720 win over Kansas. Barely with Kansas and TCU is going to be so mad, just so mad. They're going to inflict all kinds of punishment. Yeah. Poor dachs. Poor dachs. Frogs over dachs. I got frogs over dax.

That's a sentence that makes sense in this sport. Yeah. I would cast your eyes, by the way, if you want to see a potentially disturbing result, which will result in much teeth gnashing. The flying aerial offense of the Rutgers Scarlet Knights goes to the sieve-like defense. of the Ohio State Buckeyes. That game could have some very appalling things happen to that. The Rutgers, Ohio State shootout between Gary Nova and a freshman.

Oh, I'm also excited about Kansas at Texas Tech. You idiot. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because this could be the game where everybody's like, oh, we paid Cliff Kingsbury a lot of money for very long time. And he's not going to get handsomer. Well, he might. He could really grow, I mean, he, you know, he's got a very thin face.

He can really grow into it. I'm seeing, I'm seeing a lot more of both next offseason, both like the 17 magazine profiles and like the, he works really hard articles about him as an actual coach. It feels like every time there's like a story about how pretty he is, a few days later, there's a story from a serious journalist about how hard he works. He might end up being the Roger Sterling of coaching, where it's just like, wait, did you ever know how to do this job? He's like, no, I did not, and I am fine with that. Yeah, and he hires a defensive coordinator who wins all their games for him.

Just lucks out. Wins a couple of them. And that defensive coordinator, Will must champ. Will must champ. Future Texas Tech Red Raiders. Oh, man, he'd be so mad coaching that. it'd be like, why you keep scoring all these points to hurt my defense? That's how

you win football games. You need more points than the other. Defense wins football games. You're not my real mom. UCLA at Cal. Oh, yeah, I just want to point and say this is the anti-Jason Kurt game of the week. I will watch it and roll with laughter on the floor

because these kind of games just fill my heart with joy because nobody This is UCLA's offense, which ranks number one in football outsiders F-plus right now against Cal's defense. 70 points. The UCLA offense, which scores exclusively on, like, 85-yard completely broken coverages. And yet, which one has the better conference record at this point? Well, numbers are live. Just because Memphis isn't in the Pac-12, hater.

Yet. Additionally... Did we talk about Notre Dame FSU? yet. I believe we need to talk about it again. Just mention how bad the Knowles are going to whip that ass. Yeah, even though it's a really good team. Oh, awesome team. Top-top-tier talent.

You guys think only FSU could beat Notre Dame? I think so. You're going to see that at the end of the year, which is why I'm going to advocate for them to not make the playoff because they'd be damaging the FISC. But if I could, if the playoff had like four and a half teams, I'd definitely take a

half team of Notre Dame. And a half team of NC State. Because they're pretty good, too. Maybe Clemson. Clemson's a pretty impressive team. Well, NC State, I mean, they beat Georgia Southern. That's a really good point. By at least a score.

Can I get Wake Forest defense on there? Because they're pretty impressive. They're more impressive than most people know. Let's... Citadel, one-tenth of a slot. I want to go ahead and cast one little sympathetic note. I over to Georgia at Arkansas, York Wheatery, asked how should he prepare for the inevitable one-to-three-point win?

I don't really know how to help you. Arkansas hasn't won an SEC game and like, are we on two years now? This is year two of it, yeah. Yeah, year two of the SEC drought currently 0 and 3 in the SEC. And with the three games this year that they've lost coming by just the slimmest and stupidest of margins, right? Like they did blow a big lead to all,

they let Auburn get a big lead, but otherwise they lose an OT to Texas A&M and they lose to Alabama. Alabama by one point. So that probably means they're going to lose by a field goal of Georgia here. Hudson Mason after a pretty good performance will suddenly look like 10 times the quarterback against them.

So how do you prepare for that? I don't know. You're an Arkansas fan. You've had more experience with pain and suffering than I ever will. Don't prepare for it. That's cheerful. I'd probably just go to a wrestling match.

I bet there's a lot of those in Arkansas. Yeah. And, you know, if you're from Arkansas, all that'll make you happy. Upset alert. I don't even know if it's an upset. I think Kentucky could beat LSU. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that could happen. I mean, I think if you say, I think blank could blank LSU. Yep. Yep, whatever you want to do to LSU right now. It's on the table. Yeah. Whatever you, she's a freaky girl.

I mean, to be the honest, that's usually on the table at LSU just generally. But in the football sense, permissions will be granted. Generous lover. The most generous. Additionally, Kentucky gets to play Mississippi State next week. That is the CBS SEC Game of the Week, the Mississippi State Kentucky rivalry.

The cross-division rivalry that was sort of tacked on at the end because we had two spare parts, and let's just make them play each other. And it might actually be a real game. Yeah, that could be an SEC title preview. Not even joking. And at this point, so bitter, I hope it is. just hope Mississippi State and Kentucky get to do it again.

Sline that back up. And Kentucky wins the rematch. Woo! Yeah, and then Mark Stoops is hired by the University of Michigan to be their next head football coach. Man. And Tommy Tuberville is back in the SEC.

Just drives across the river, heads into Lexington, rides back into the conference. Yeah. Our late games, Hawaii does not play at home. Much sorrow because we do not get too bond with Robert Cacalla, who called an incredible game in their amazing victory over

North Dakota State. Rivalry. Trophy rivalry victory. Trophy rivalry victory. And their first win in the Mountain West. But our late games are actually pretty good. You know, Notre Dame Florida State, where Florida State is going to beat that ass. That's a great game.

On a quality team. Stanford, Arizona State, which is kind of intriguing because Arizona State is, I think, doing better than they have any. right to do. Yeah, they're a total coin flip team. Probably, probably better than Washington, I think, so far. Do you hate watching Stanford yet? Have we gotten to that point? Yeah, absolutely. Me? Oh, me? I love it. I know you do. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting there. Stanford is what Will Must Champ wants Florida to be, but can't even get them to that. Well, I think, yeah, Stanford is Wilmustcham's ideal defensively and offensively.

Oh, yeah. Because on offense, they keep the ball for a while, they push it really far away from the other end zone, and then they just leave it there. They're like, Stanford's offense is a push broom. Well, Mostchamp read the myth of Sisyphus and was like, yeah, that's a man who knows how to work hard. So do you score when you get in the red zone? Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, we just put the ball over there, so it's real far away.

That's all. We just let me tell him to try and bring it back, and they can't. Will MustChamp's ideal pet is one that doesn't really play fetch so much as it plays takeaway. It's a big slow dog, like a mastiff, that you throw the ball and it just goes over and drops it by the pool. It's actually a bulldozer. That's my dog, Will, that's a bulldozer. The hound of the Gainesville's. He's my best friend.

We can probably close on that. Go Gators. God. Yeah.