Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2.8

Episode Date: October 22, 2014

This week's Fullcast covers Notre Dame conspiracy theories, reviews which teams are everyone's rivals, says nice things about three overachieving teams, and determines which hip-hop celebrity is a universal translating robot in bike shorts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh, it is a special week on the shutdown forecast, the most disorganized and yet powerful college football podcast in all of America. A particularly potent week of mockery awaiting because this is a week when Notre Dame lost a football game. Notre Dame did not lose a football game. That's what they want you to think. Don't listen to them. Let me, let me. I got the real stuff.

I've subscribed underground newsletters. They're literally under the ground. They got the real dirt. Let me tell you all something. ACC, what does that stand for? That's right. American Chemistry Council. What is chemistry about?

Messing with the drinking water. And what are they putting in the drinking water? Seminoles. Do the math. Do the math. Do the math. Do the physics. Can I go ahead and twist this for you?

Okay. Yeah. Notre Dame. Where do they play this week in a loss? They played in the state of what? Florida. That's right. What's in the water?

Fluoride. Uh-huh. What is that process called? Passing interference. Mm-hmm. It ain't pass interference if you run blocking on a pass play. I mean, if you're thinking about neurons passing signals in a healthy way, the fluoride interferes with that, does it not? Have we? Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? Have you ever looked into this? It's right on John Swofford's resume. Okay. It says, got a degree from who? The Bilderberg group. Go ahead and look. Okay. If you look right now, it's probably gone because they probably heard us saying this. And that's why they're at our door right now, like in that Killer Mike song. Yeah. Where he reads the Iron Contra like Wikipedia page and the government shoots him.

They're afraid of knowing, two of us knowing too much. Consider this, too. Lou Holtz, okay? What exotic human quasi-race does he most resemble? That's right. A gnome. Oh, I was going to say woodchuck. I was thinking elf.

Elf, no, noem, okay? As in the gnomes of Zurich, commonly thought to be a figurative term for the cabal of bankers that run the international banking system from Switzerland. And you know where the ACC plays its title game. Zurich. Also. Zurich, North Carolina. Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte.

Mm-hmm. Oh, see, this all ties together. You know what else ACC could stand for? Archbishop of Canterbury. And you know what he represents? The Anglican Church. You know what the Anglican church hates Catholics?

Yeah. You know what the Anglican can do, though? Pass? I'm pretty sure they can pass in the Red Zone. Ooh, man. Yeah. And the other thing they don't want you to know about that the big media is withholding from you and that they're airing only at the Bohemian Grove is the footage of that FSU player taken off his helmet

after the play. If you're going to call one of the rules, shouldn't you call an entire game perfectly or otherwise the whole game is moot and you have to replay it whenever I want you to play it so that Notre Dame can win because I prefer it when Notre Dame wins and that makes me feel good? If he took off his helmet, why was he even in the game? Yeah. Was he? Was he in the game? Were any FSU players in the game? Have you seen any documentation that a single FSU player made it to that game? Who were those men in those red shirts and the purple face masks? Because they haven't figured out the right color of red for their face masks yet. Red shirts. Red shirts. Like the red coats that the British wore when they fought America. Yeah. This isn't a new thing. This has been 200 plus years in the making. All leading up to this game. Additionally,

Thanks, Templars. I offer you this. Okay? I offer you this. James Winston, down the stretch. What did he go against the Blitz? I believe he went 10 of 12 against the Blitz. I believe you would call that kind of performance superhuman.

Little fishy. As in augmented. And Winston. Cyborg. And Winston was a Ghostbuster. and ghosts are against Catholicism as well. And James is basically James with an eye in it like an eye robot. Mm-hmm.

Or King James. That's right, the original word. So he spaketh. He will walk with circuits upon the field of dope. And there's this other angle where you can see the past interference call from the moon. And you can't actually see a flag because you're too far away. Why won't they show that? Don't even need to show it.

Moonlandings are faked. It doesn't fit the narrative, Jason. It doesn't fit the media narrative. The SEC, ESPN, is in FSU's pocket, despite all the other conspiracy theories in the world. Everyone wants FSU to win now, and nobody wants to make money off Notre Dame being on TV. More like Jameson, Kirk. Damn, damn. I mean, this thing goes deep, and then you just keep.

digging another layer in another layer and another layer. It's a veritable... It's a bullshit trifle. It's a veritable swaddling nautilus of a scandal, just taking its multi-chambered self along the seas of the internet, scuttling along the bottom, looking for the truth. So many tentacles. The seas of the Atlantic coast. Are there seas in the Atlantic coast? Yeah, there are two. ACC, listen. C and C. And C. And C. And see. And As in music factory. As in music factory. As in the factories of the Midwest.

As in the target going to make you sweat, taking the proletariat, putting them in little boxes, turning them into robots before you actually turn them into robots, it all comes back to the gnomes of Zurich, just milking us for our human capital. The factory. Folks, the Matrix is real. The factory makes music, the music of my heart by Gloria Estefan, who is from Florida. Florida.

Again, we're back to Floridation. It's not just a chemical process. It's a way of subverting everything we know about human liberty. Also, I want you to pay attention to this. The college football official, the referee, which colors does he wear in his garb? Oh, that'd be white and black? White and black. Traditionally, the two colors most opposed, often used in religion, in

and symbology in ancient art because they didn't have other colors as early as the 1940s when Notre Dame was the greatest football team of all. And now the lack of color is angry at Notre Dame because there's color now. White and black also connected to the newspaper industry, which does not want Notre Dame to succeed because they know that money goes to the television networks and hurts newspaper distribution. This all comes back to AM radio. The real voice of this country. That's why that flag was thrown.

It's actually CB Radio. It's the voice of this country. So, yeah, they lost that game, primarily because James Winston was really awesome down the stretch and Notre Dame turned the ball over. Those are, that's pretty conspiratorial when you hand the ball to the other team. Well, kind of. It could be.

if you're in a cahoots with the other team. Oh, my God. It goes even deeper. Everyone is involved. Brian Kelly is in on it. Do you think Jimbo Fisher is the only one who's not in on what's happening here? Hey man, Jimbo just wants you to know he's a good man. Oh, did we just find another Pop-Tart in this package?

I think we did. Thought it was all foil, but nope, one more in there. One more layer we can go down in this conspiracy. It's not fresh, but we're going to eat it. I think that's enough talk about Notre Dame for a lifetime, really. For the next three or four years, at least. They're a very good football team. They just happen to lose.

I don't think they should be punished for that. Conventional opinion. There. I would put them in the playoff today. They would be my four spot. I believe we disagree on this, right? Oh, oh, yeah, quite a bit. Yeah, you wouldn't put them in.

Hell no. No, no. I mean, they haven't really done anything. Their best achievement is blowing out Michigan. That game was closer. Maybe Syracuse? Oh, my God. That's a quality win.

Florida State beat that team, too. Syracuse. Man, the number of people trying to make bank off of Syracuse. Like, there's really like it's like everyone's third best win. It's what Syracuse is like when you don't have enough. to fill out your resume, and you're like, other interests, I beat Syracuse. I belong to the Beat Syracuse Club.

Oh, Syracuse. It was kind of like FCA. I am trained in Word Perfect and Syracuse. Syracuse is the one really shady investment that every single bank has that they want to try to hide, right? Like, oh, look here, you've got Scheister Corp in your profile. No, no, no, no, we certainly don't. Do you guys have Scheister Corp? It's 4.30. It's true.

It's time for, let's go get a beer, Bob. It's not talking about art. Syracuse is kind of like at a fast food joint. There's like the value size, which makes it bigger, and then like the Syracuse size. Don't order the Syracuse size. But anything else from this weekend before we move on? Because this weekend was fairly light.

Florida did play Missou. That was where I was at. It was bad. I don't know if I need to talk anymore about that, or if anyone ever needs to talk about that game ever again. there was baylor west virginia which uh the game that was the officiating was so abominable that um fox's mike perera former official himself was waving the rule book on television that may be because that's my favorite that's my favorite broadcasting moment of the year so far yeah it's definitely the best of the week it's one of the best of the year it he was so flustered that he held up the rule book as if to say I'm not crazy

I'm looking at this with my eyes I cannot believe what I'm seeing And then Baylor's SID Was fined $1,000 by the conference for Apparently retweeting people who were critical Of the officiating Including me That's Heath Nielsen

Which by the way I think they can come find us all for that Heath is not real punk rock That's one of the funniest things in the world Because Heath is this like Nice Mormon dude Okay who will not say a bad word and does not mean about anything he's perfectly nice and during that game he turned into just a

just an absolute he was a one-man insurrection against this crew and uh i would help him pay that fine i have i have a question sure would not the most gangster thing to do as a conference not be to say hey coaches etc if you talk about the officials we'll fine you but to just say you know what say whatever you want we're not doing shit Yeah, speak your shit Yeah, I think they need to This is what they need to do I really fully believe that for five minutes

After every single game you put a clock up You hit you hit the timer And you just get to say whatever shit you want to say For five minutes That's it It's your vent zone, right? We're just like, okay, here, hot take, go, boom And you make that premium content

On your school's website You can like utter the original name of God You can drop like Barack Obama's Blackberry password. You can draw a picture of Muhammad on the wall if you want. They can't do anything to you. The Big 12 Conference can't find you for drawing a picture of Muhammad. Right. You just want to get up there and say everything that comes to mind.

We just have this five-minute period where everybody turns off the mics, right, except for one camera. And that's what the dude does. Just goes up there and unloads everything. Can you imagine the hellfire that Mark D'Antonio could have rained down a couple of times after losses? Can you imagine Paul Johnson just staring at the camera for five minutes? The camera would die. The cameraman runs away.

It's not like Baylor is halal anyway, so. Yeah, we just let it go. Just give them five minutes, let them have their five minutes of hate. And after that, we're like, we all cool? We also, okay, great. Awesome. See? Delicious.

Do that, schools. Everything else you do is dumb. God, we should run everything. We should run everything. It would collapse within a year. I've been saying, listen, what makes you think the people in charge are doing any better? We would forget essential things.

It would be like, oh, you have to pay the water bill at a stadium? Oh, I did not know that. You don't have to. Michigan sells it. Michigan's track. Listen, listen. Michigan's already provided the what-to-not-do guy. Yeah, UCF ran out of water when they opened their stadium.

come on people have already screwed this up you make up a mistake i will tell you that it's already happened literally anything that could go wrong in this sport already has i was getting yeah even the electric bill super bowl exactly like like man what kind of you know amateur jackholes wouldn't have the lights working during a big event oh how about the NFL it was it was a bowl game oh which one the magic jack ball oh no it was a slightly bigger one think of it as a super one It's like a super-sized bowl, if you will. Oh, man. It was in Louisiana.

I know it's not on our agenda, but are we going to talk about the Zaxby's Heart of Heart of Hearts bowl? Now's the time. Now's the time. We're going to answer a few reader questions. We're going to do two rounds tonight. First round of reader mail. Ryan, I want you to go first with your question. These are from Twitter.com.

These are from real Twitter users that are not porn bots. Probably. Probably not porn bots. All right. This first one comes from at PornBot. No, this comes from at Wazoo R.C. Ryan Coffey. He wants to know which team would have the best possible live mascot. And in his example, he says, I vote a living Stanford tree. I think if anything is possible, the answer has to be UAB, because then they have a goddamn dragon. Or they just have like a sport coat. That would also be, if they had a living sport coat. Dragon in a sport coat. Then you got an invisible man kind of thing. Yeah, yeah.

Which that kind of explains UAB. Yeah, I like that. An empty moving sport coat. Hey, a much improved UAB team, sir. They beat Western Kentucky, Ryan. Yeah. That's Brian Brobes, Western Kentucky. Why am I in trouble now?

Bobby Petrino left that program. You go to hell, Ryan, man. Or you take UAB's name out of your mouth because it'll probably cause an infection. Don't ever mention UAB again. God, I can never go back to Birmingham. Oh, shucks. Jason, your question. Let's see here.

God, damn it, this happens every week. I'll go if you haven't found it. No, I have it. It's just my damn browser. That's right. That's right. Here. No, I'm just going to save things again.

again. Here we go. What rapper, this is from Van Newell of Twitter.com, Van Newell asks, what rapper would make an awesome, terrible, awesomely terrible, S&C coach, as in strength and conditioning coach? I am going to say that you're probably thinking the first answer is DMX. No, not at all. No, no, you don't think so? Okay. I would think that would be most people would just leap directly to DMX. And I'm not going to go with Earl. I don't think Earl's the one who I think would have the right combination

of literally awe-inspiring and also terrible. Based on what I've seen from like FCS level strength coaches, I'm going to go with bone crusher. Oh my God, you stole my goddamn answer. Yes! That's it.

One brain! I just incepted you. It feels so good. Who the hell thinks of bone crusher? Because he looks like a lot of strength and conditioning coaches. He's just a giant, he's a giant fat dude who can probably get,

you know, a pretty impressive two-reps squat out. Okay, but if I have to go, since you took bone crusher, I would go with Freeway. dishes out of that kitchen. Freeway would be pretty good. I would also go ahead and vouch for,

I think, Manny Fresh just because I want that voice. I mean, he's deliriously unfit. He's an extremely unfit. Now, this is awesomely terrible, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like somebody who, if they yelled, you'd be like, oh, I got to work out harder. Yeah.

Right? Okay, so I'm going to go Mace. just because like the highest volume his voice has ever reached is about the level we're speaking right now yeah he can't he can't get it hey man you need to lift that bench you need to get that bench out come on come on yeah let me see you let me see you squat them hips he was a preacher for a while in between stints with as murder mace in g unit i'm not sure which job he has right now murdering or preaching but at no point in there has Is his voice ever approached within 100 decibels of strength and coordinator level?

Hey, he would be the worst get back coach for sure. Hey, man. Now, if I actually... I don't know. That sounds like a Mace ad lib. Yeah. Get back. Get back.

Get back. We're going to get it. We're going to get a penalty. That's what Bad Boy Records has been for 20 years now. Yeah, we'll get it back. I had to pick this, though. Like, if I actually had to pick a rapper, who would do the job? Flo Rida. Floraida's jacked. Dude is big. Yeah. So I'm pretty sure

he could put, if he did nothing else, he could put some weight. He'd put some decent weight on your players. I think, I think, oh, I got to look like that guy. I'll do whatever he tells me to do. And also, like, he'll just sing or something. And then you're feeling good and you want to work out. Yeah, but you know who used to look like that? Buster Rhymes. Yeah, he was the first name that came to mind for me. God damn. The energy, the fact that somewhere within him is a really strong man that is no longer there. It's so buried, so buried. It's deep.

Yeah. There's a conspiracy within Buster Rhyme's body and it's fatness. And that fatness threw a flag against Notre Dame. That fatness actually threw two flags in Baylor, West Virginia, because everyone threw a flag in that game. Jason, your question. All right. It's joined us now. This comes to us from Chris Jensen, Chris F. Jensen, please say the F on Twitter.

was listening to a Notre Dame centric podcast. They claim teams in the South cheat. Is this true? Well, congratulations on owning a gramophone. Yeah, first of all, I... News from the Eastern Front. Ah, boys!

I just see Notre Dame... Southland. I see Notre Dame playing Bioshock and going, where is this place? They'd use some Native American slur to describe that. Down in the Wii Wall, down in the Wee Wall Hawking, drum beating Tom Tom, territory of Tallahassee. Something like that.

Booted right out of a football wild series. But to answer the question, yes, yes, teams in the South, in the South cheat, this, you know, our Notre Dame counterpart out there, If we could beam this message out, like the Voyager spacecraft message, you know, in a few light years, it'll reach you. Yes, teams in the South cheat. Yes, Notre Dame cheats too. And thank you for joining us on, you know, planet college football.

What I'm worried about is that Notre Dame fans, when they say, oh, they cheat, like, they're only getting the tip of the iceberg. Also, can I just point out the rich irony of saying, well, teams in the South cheat. Yeah, because you know how many other historical advantages southern educational institutions have, period, in anything, anything at all. Uh, shrubbery. Yeah. Teaching the controversy. Those entomology departments have a head start because we got bugs.

Uh, the body farm. Yeah, true. Tennessee's got plenty of bodies. Florida, too, by the way. Florida's Forensic Anthropology Program tops in the nation thanks to the abundance of dead bodies used in criminal cases. That's actually accurate. That's not a lie.

Natural resource. Death is the only way we know we're alive. Just remember, Florida literally, as an educational institution, two great specialties are death and taxes, literally. That's why we were English-making. That's what? We weren't smart enough to be in death or taxes. And you know what your bowl game is named? The Tax Slayer.

It's the apex of all things, Florida Gator, right there. I will kill you with taxes! Will Mustchamps's greatest moment is literally the intersection of the axes of death in taxes, the Taxlayer.com, bowl. And like them, he is constant. Yeah, he is constant and deplored. It remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. Let's go to, we'll have answered questions.

I want to go ahead and get to a rare thing. I want to say good things about teams. Okay. Like, real teams or imaginary? No, no. Real college football teams, for instance. For instance, my sort of ugly duckling team. outperforming the standards that you might have for a team that's replacing so many people

and playing a pretty difficult schedule and someone who, yes, might beat Notre Dame down the stretch and thus become far more lovable than they already are. That'd be Arizona State having just an outstanding year with one little hiccup. Yeah, a slight ass whipping. Well, you know, that was Berkavichi's first real start coming in relief. I didn't really think that, you know, I don't think that's indicative of what they're really capable of. You know, I don't want to say it's Berkavich's first start. Berkavich did play against Colorado.

I don't know if that counts. No, that's a scrimmage. Yeah, but Berkavich did get a full, his first real start was against UCLA, which they lost 62.27. Yeah, but that was UCLA's like two games a year that are good so that other people who don't watch a whole UCLA season can say, oh, that's a top 25 team. That was the one where UCLA used up all its nitrous at once, and then like during the game, the broadcasters who had the rights to, I guess Fox, the guys who had the rights to that conference were saying, they've answered all questions and shunned all doubters and murdered all haters. and then they, you know, lost two games. Like any good pyramid scheme, you can't just take somebody's money and never give them anything.

You have to feed them a little bit so that they think it's a successful, legitimate enterprise. And the Arizona State game was UCLA being like, hey, man, we already made you $150. Here you go. Yeah, thanks. Here, get your beak wet. Here, take a little bit of that.

already this has turned into talking shit so this has gone pretty badly so what we're saying is that this is sort of a comps room yes yeah which kind of gets us back to Arizona State because if there's any coach who knows anything about staying somewhere

for one night and getting that room paid for that's right it's Todd Grant but yeah there's a lot of things to like about this team DJ Foster the running back I think both quarterbacks have been outstanding in limited play for Taylor Kelly due to injury, but, you know,

Mike Bercovici has been just incredible thus far in terms of just coming in and not really letting up from the previous level of production. Mike Berkevici from the same town as Dan Rubinstein. Calabasis? Yeah.

Is he from Horsetown, California? Horsetown, L.A. Wow. Shout out Docin' Jelly. Yeah. Additionally, by the way, Jalen Strong, outstanding wide receiver, really fun to watch. The defense has been, I mean, it's... They have one.

They have one. It has been. It has been. And it will be. Also, they made a game against Stanford relatively watchable, which is a Herculean feat, and pulled off one of my favorite games already of the year, snatching one of the worst, haemery, worst defense hailmeries ever from the hands. of USC in Los Angeles for a 3834 win at the bell.

So yay, Arizona State coming up, they've got a chance to ruin a lot of people seasons because they get to play Utah, Notre Dame, and Arizona at the end of the year. So taking them from a potential one lost team to a two-loss team. One of those teams that I, you know, they're just a good spoiler. They're just going to make things messy for someone, and I respect that deeply. Jason. Speaking of a little school by the name of Utah, that is my selection here, they've played in four memorable games so far this year.

They went to Michigan and beat the shit out of Michigan, which that, hold on, hold on. You're saying, sure, everyone does that. Bear with, there's a little bit more to it. This was the game where there's literally no more to it. No, no, no, no. This was not your run of the mill going to Ann Arbor and beating the shit out of Michigan. The rains came down, the Michigan fans left, and the Utah fans from probably a million or so miles away, took over the big house, maybe 3,000 of them there were the only people in the whole building.

So that's pretty good. That's pretty fun. They had, for the people who like the crazy Pac-12 ball, they had the game against Washington State where they led. I believe Washington State, I think it was a 21-point comeback to take that one. So that's an entertaining loss. Took down UCLA in a fun game, and then last Friday night had an overtime game. against Oregon State. So there's four fun memorable games right there. This is a team that their front seven is one of the best in the country, at least against awful offensive lines,

such as Michigan's and UCLA's and Washington States, and damn, every team they've played. But the fun part here is, you know, you're not really making the case here, but go ahead. Well, the question is whether they can keep this up as their schedule gets a whole hell of a lot tougher. They've got Oregon and the Arizona schools still to go. forth, USC up this week. But, you know, at the moment, they're averaging, I believe it's 11 tackles per loss per game where the next closes is like nine and a half. So if you like rampaging defense that doesn't just give up a little bit of yards and

then shut it down, this isn't an Alabama kind of thing. This is a defense that they get a tackle for loss, they give up 50 yards. They get a tackle for a loss. They get a touchdown. Something happens on every play. when they're on offense just go ahead and change the channel I'm not even going to try to sell you on Utah's offense I think they're 75th in yards per play

they're fundamental 55th in passer rating they're a deeply fundamental team well on offense there's no fundamentals at all and on defense I wouldn't describe it as fundamental it's just this balls to the wall all or nothing kind of thing going on so Utah on defense is my pick

I'm impressed with your commitment to that and respect it deeply even though I've really I've watched this team and they're pretty much just a hammer, just a set of hammers. That's it. That's all they can do. Yeah, but that's all they choose to do.

That's all they choose. You know, you know, Will M. Champ just chooses to do that. It's just what he likes to do. He can put up 50 points a game. Does Will choose or does he just continue along a timeline? The box chooses.

He has a small box full of Uno cards, and that's what chooses for him. You know Brett Beelma's? Draw two. Draw two. Well, this year was Skip. Skip. As in Holtz, our next show coach.

Also reverse. Nope. There's no reverse Holtz. Louisiana Tech and UNC have both learned that. U.S.S. Sorry. It's true. You can't undo Holtz.

Once you get it, you got it. It's like herpes. Ryan. Or shingles, really. Yeah, or shingles. Or Will Must champ. Your pick for a team you actually like and want to talk about. So I'm bad at this.

So I chose Minnesota. You idiot. I just told you I was bad at it. There are a lot of teams. There are a lot of teams. How many? Like 12? At least.

The 11th. Okay, hold on. Let me try. What I like about Minnesota is that Minnesota is not good, but they don't let them that stop them. That's true. Like Minnesota is six and one and is leading their division in the Big Ten, and they have done it without being good. Like, all right, they are a good defense. on offense they have just they have given up on passing the ball entirely they have a really good running back

air force has thrown 120 passes this year in seven games Minnesota has thrown 121 oh so they take to the skies less than air force you're going to hold that against them like they they just have they have accepted their weaknesses it's it's admirable in a way I would I know I do think it's admirable if you actually go ahead well I just think if you compare them to the rest of the teams in the big

10 West there's certainly the most lovable there other than the sexy hawkeyes I will see and they next their next two games they have Illinois and Iowa and they can beat those teams and be eight and one anyone could and this is what's going to happen we're going to be in the middle of November

and people will have to seriously talk about eight and one crap-ass Minnesota as a playoff as a playoff threat and when they start looking through the statistical profiles to sort of go well I haven't watched much of this team let's let's see what they do well and the answer is going to be ah yeah it's the answer is Tim Allen noise yeah offensively do you want to know offensively who they're sort of on peer with in terms of like overall S&P. It's not good. These are the people three spots to either side.

And in the table, Cincinnati, Memphis, Arkansas State, UL, Lafayette, Purdue, and Northern Illinois. You know who's right below? Florida. Oh, Jesus. But the last thing, good thing I will say about Minnesota, they are helping TCU make a case as a good, one-lost team for the playoffs because right now it looks like tc u blew out a one-loss big 10 team and

while that is true it is also entirely false 120th an overall passing offense that's right because because fuck it they're below georgia tech let me put it this way if i spencer i told you florida was only was going to pass the ball 12 times a game and that was it they were committing to not more than 12 passes, would you think that was a positive development? Yeah, I would actually. Okay, then you like Minnesota. Congratulations.

Yeah, that's awesome. And their coach can't tell black guys apart. Jerry Kill. Jerry Kill actually, just going to shake everyone's hand until he got to Purdue's head coach. You can't believe everything you see on Vine. It's the head snap that made it particularly.

It wasn't like he said, Oh, hey, Darryl Hazel, and then he sort of moved on. No, no, no. He thought it was Darryl Hazel, and the guy pointed, and he did the double take in case that wasn't unslick and out. It was well filmed. It was well filmed, and it was, the timing was well done. It's a good vine.

It's a good vine, and Jerry Kell might have just walked up to somebody and thought he was Darryl Hazel. The son was in his eyes. Yeah, to be fair, you know, I'm faceblind, too. so that's why everybody needs to wear name tags all the time especially Purdue coaches dude cut him some slack there i mean i had to think for a minute before remembering darrell hazel okay listen not to be racist but all Purdue coaches look alike i mean you would say that you've seen the Purdue media guide it looks like they went to kinkos and said what is the cheapest

space it's face it's stapled it's that no i i brought my own stapler i'm not i i don't need to pay you for that. That's my favorite thing. The only worthwhile thing at Big Ten Media Days every, every year is, well, the questions, they run out of questions for Kirk France, and then they put up pictures of the Purdue, and I think Wisconsin also, their media guys, are just like a manila folder. Yeah, we're going to need that alligator clipback. We're Purdue. It's like, why did I have to peel off the perforated sides? What did you print this on? by the way like I could have gone I really actually could have gone and said Purdue here like I know you you stop it it just because at least like stop it they're not as you're just

trying to make Ryan feel better they're not as bad don't do that don't stop it right now all right I'll stop they're not as bad as they were last year well nobody is I mean they beat the hell out of Syracuse but how has Syracuse played so many games Syracuse is, I mean, and why, of all teams to play 24 games in a college football season? Syracuse is just scoffing at NCAA rules right now. Those athletes are exhausted. No wonder they keep losing. The barns storming orange men of Syracuse.

They'll play anywhere, anytime, anywhere. They're not tired. All of the times. They're hard-nosed, baby. Oh, yeah, they're from, they're New Yorkers. Loycar probably recommended Scott Schaefer for head coach at Michigan. He probably did. He probably actually was like, oh, he's so fine, coach.

I'll do a great job here Just a tremendous job And you know what He's probably gonna get that job next year Damn Man You know Mass suicide is something

I never wanted to experience Or much less right about It's part of my job But if that happens Oh Let's To answer the rest of our mail bag here Before we

Pack it up and talk about Next week I'm going to start with one from standard definition goes by at Black Charles on Twitter how many cheese slices

would you eat to see Most Champ fired at half time of the cocktail party how many you got I'm committed to the cause I don't know how many there are I don't know

I would eat them until I had no more to eat if it meant halftime so we're talking however many I can eat in 30 minutes of football time yeah 30 minutes of CBS football time.

Oh, so seven hours. Yeah, two and a half hours or so. Yeah, so two and a half hours of CBS. Do I get to pause during the commercial breaks? Because if I do, that's a lot of breaks. I could use them. I don't think that's stipulated. Okay, no, I just have to keep eating.

Okay, fine. That's it. Whatever you want me to eat, however you want me to do it. I'll puke through the whole thing. If it would lead... If it would lead to the literal, like, go! like the arm extended pointing toward the door, right? Like, MustChamp has to just walk out of the stadium.

Like a Monty Python thing. Yeah, exactly. Like, the big God arm comes down from the sky, right? You're out of here. That's, I would do it. Yeah, you should write about it and put it on our website. Yeah, oh, hey, let's, you know what? I think we got some content tomorrow.

I'll put that right in the acrosticle. Jason, your final question. This comes to us from Craig Barker, CDB. Barker at the website, Twitter, which school has the most of teams that consider them their primary rivals? And there's not a whole lot funny about this, but I picked it because it got me thinking. And when we think about primary rivals, we're not just talking about, oh, Notre Dame has like 85 rivals, including Florida State, whom they lost two fair and square, and the whole world saw it and all that. You know, Notre Dame's primary rivals, I think USC considered

Notre Dame their primary rival, but that's probably about it. And then, you know, you have schools like Texas with A&M in Oklahoma, and then USC probably, you know, there's UCLA and there's Notre Dame. And I think there's a bunch of schools would have two, usually like the big state school that has the little brother and also someone else from across from a different state. The only one I can think of is Oklahoma with Texas, Oklahoma State, and Nebraska. I would think all three of those would consider Oklahoma their primary rival. unless there's some like mac thing i don't know about where like everyone hates central michigan i think it's oklahoma what is what is is that can you think of a team that has no rival that is just a low like is the manatee of college football and has no natural predator

syracuse it's incorrect syracuse rival is greatness and syracuse is one 50s matchups a 17 year losing streak for greatness I would say LSU. Like, does Wake Forest have, well, LSU has Arkansas, don't they? Well, no, I think the actual, like, this is going back to Jason's question. I think they have potential strong, like, super rivalries with, in the past decade, Alabama. Like, because LSU Bama's a huge game. They, Old Miss definitely considers them to be, like, I think, their primary peer rival,

even though LSU, I don't think considers them peer. Miss is like, yeah, we're about the same. Yeah, we're basically LSU. We're playing Halloween's. Yeah, exactly. Whereas with Miss State, they have that little brother thing where they're like, the pole relations up in Starkville. We don't

regard them as even the same class of person. Yeah, that's the dynamic. Like, yeah. It's, there's the three-tiered social hierarchy right there. And then LSU, they're kind of just like, fuck everybody. Yeah, exactly. Like, they hate Alabama right now, but I don't

think any LSU fan would say Alabama is our primary historical rival. I think from an external viewpoint, there's at least four schools that consider LSU to be like probably a prime rival, whereas LSU internally is basically like France. They're like, oh, in a nuclear war,

we just fire missiles at everyone. Screw you all. LSU, I would say they would have Ole Miss and Tulane would be the two that would consider them the rival. But otherwise, it's just, oh, yeah, we kind of hate LSU. yeah i can't think of anybody else oklahoma is probably the best answer there thanks yeah

it's brilliant stanford stanford has kind of stanford has a shot because they've got not necessarily the primary rival but certainly disqualified okay but but but they have a more that has been a more important game than the u sc game in recent history they have cal obviously that's one. And they have Oregon. Oregon, they're going to say their top rival's Washington. If not Washington, then Oregon State. Yeah, but Washington sucks. You know, Tennessee, you have no sense of history.

They just wore Donald Duck uniforms because that's how much they hate Washington. They don't put on cartoon characters because they hate Stanford so much. You know, Tennessee, when they're pretty good, actually has, you know, like a claim to at least two or three. Yeah, that's true. They do, because those tend to be those states that are kind of in the middle of everything. Tennessee touches 18 states. I don't know if you knew that. Right. So like Tennessee gets Tennessee obviously has like Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt considers them their prime rival. Tennessee is like Haiti. A Haiti. A lot of Bama fans, especially in North Alabama, would say

Tennessee's number one. Exactly. That's the super, that's the oldest rivalry besides Auburn with them, right? And then at one point, Tennessee, Florida was some kind of a rivalry. Don't recall that? Nope. But it was, I've read, I've read tale. that it exists i would say right now it's probably one and on average throughout history it's it's it might be pushing two for tennessee but yeah usually right around too i think wake forest has no rival there's like 18 teams in north carolina sure somebody hates wake forest no i really don't think they do i think even florida state when when wake forest was beating them regularly was still just not even acknowledging what was happening

it's like a it's like a it's like a it's like a nat biting you or something well you know it's kind of like i think i was trying to think of the most humiliating death uh in nature like a tiny animal it's it's almost like when newman is eaten right when way night is consumed in Jurassic park he's like oh i can't believe these little chicken sized dinosaurs are eating me yeah very very very good yeah there go uh Ryan your last question uh this comes from john apple seed at ersatz he wants to know must champ gets fired but he has to remain in your life as head coach of something what activity would that be palates coach cooking etc spencer i want you to answer this first i'm not letting him coach a damn thing in my life you would come on no no not a thing i'm not letting him no i don't want that near me you know you know what i would let him here's what i would let will must champ coach reminding me that it's time to get a haircut because Wilmushchamp has not done a lot at Florida but I've never said hey

Wilmuchamp needs to get a haircut he's on that and it's very small and if he screws it up it's not a big deal but haircut reminder head coach not giving me the haircut mind you no that's not happening

no don't give him anything sharp no no no no I think you could put him in charge of say if you needed you're doing some interior decorating some rearranging and you need just some heavy labor like someone to punch a wall over. Yeah. Headbutt a

wall over. I would love to see Will Mustchamp try to put together IKEA furniture. I would love to hear him try to pronounce IKEA furniture. Bjord, Bjord, Florg! Puncho! I don't know what a lack is.

I don't know what a lack is. I don't know a flurg is don't bother me with that flurg. I ate all the Allen wrenches. I thought they were metal lollipops. Can we, once when the MushChamp goes, can we invite him on and ask him to explain what an umlaught is? Nope.

Nope, no. I don't want him on this podcast. Do you know how long it took? They and well, must champ, we're going to start our own podcast. I would love for you to do that. And it's all going to be about Notre Dame football. That's weird. I only watch half the game Because they don't pay attention to the offense

Yeah no It's gonna be a while This ain't right You know when people like Oh ha ha no No this is too fresh It took you how long to be cool with Ron Zuck I had to meet him in person

And it took eight years Yeah so I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and say It's gonna take a cool 20 Before Spencer can be cool with Will Must champ. Yeah, no, no, no. It's like when you make fun

of somebody and they're like, ha, ha, good joke. You're like, no, no, I wanted that to kill you. Yeah, no, I meant that. Yeah, I meant that. I meant every last word of it. Those were live rounds.

Get away. It's a pretty intense paintball fight. What paint? Those are bullets. I meant that shit. Oh, you're definitely getting flagged for something now. Oh, yeah. We're well past that.

I put my heart at this shit. Like Ed Reed. Yeah, like Bone Crusher, you are never scared. Never scared, and a little winded. Just like Bone Crusher. This is, I think we're calling this week, Go to Hell Week, right? This is Go to Hell Week,

because this is a whole week and just go to hell. In honor of LSU, which does not care at all about rival Ole Miss, but has a chant about Ole Miss. Figure that one out. Go to Hell Week. We don't care at all, you bastards, you shitbirds. die in hell rot for all eternity in the fires of hades we don't care about you at all

that's how much we don't care i keyed your car because i don't care make out the schedule this week can this whole schedule can go to hell for instance b yu at boise state go to hell for not being a better game nope dang it south florida at cincinnati go to Hell on principle. Man, who's watching that? Thursday night and go right to hell. First of all, Virginia Tech was invited back, and also, Yukon is here. Seriously, Yukon.

At least Yukon goes to hell politely. They're like, I'm going to run 40 plays. Get out of here. Yukon goes to, they go to the hell that is trying to win at East Carolina. Oh, boy. And look, the hottest game of 2003 is here. Miami at Virginia Tech. somebody 10 years ago when they booked this was like

man it's just going to sizzle I'm going to say go to hell to Oregon Cal for kicking off at 10 p.m. The night before everyone has to be up for 15 fucking hours. Miami Virginia Tech is that picture of you in your like 1994 prom tucks

that you're like oh man I can't believe I thought this looked good I look like a blackjack dealer oh and if this Oregon Cal game goes what I think it will Oregon's going to get out like 42 nothing on them and Cal's going to score like 38 points and it won't end until 5 in the morning it won't end until 5 in the morning

and you'll stay up to watch the whole thing because you hate yourself I hate myself and want to watch Pac-12 football until 5 in the morning not die no word but the good news is you can sleep through the entirety of the noon slate. There is not one game

worth watching on the best hope you have is Texas at Kansas State. Oh, you know, no, you know what I'm watching. And Texas barely beat Iowa State. Yeah, Texas is losing this game, son. They're losing this game like 1713. Also barely beating Iowa State was

Kansas State. So there you go. So remember, Iowa State's not there to win. They're just there to make people worried. That's it. They're just stress tests. They are. They're just anxiety.

They're just the living embodiment of anxiety in the Big 12. Iowa State is the football check engine signal. If you lose to them, you're like, well, man, I better get this sheen in the shop. I would also argue, too, that, by the way, the game I'm going to watch. I will put it on. I'll watch ESPN or ESPN News at noon as Memphis at SMU, because I just want to see the bizarre side of Memphis beating the unholy crap out of anyone. Jesus, what's wrong with you?

I know, but Memphis, I just want to see something good happen to them. They've had a pretty good year. They're vastly improved, and I kind of just want to see them beat someone's ass for once, instead of being the ass BT. I'm not saying I'm going to watch the whole game, but a good 15 minutes of them just running the same play over and over again for huge gains on SMU. Now, I have an even greater optical illusion for you, if you like that.

Just wait until you see this. At the same time slot, UNC at Virginia. Which means you get to watch Virginia score 65 points. No, I don't believe that. They're playing North Carolina. Okay, yeah. They're going to score 65 points. Yep, I believe it.

Come on and raise up. Take your shirt off. You might as well. Play naked because your defense sucks. Wave your shirt, you might knock down a pass. Exactly. Take your shirt off, throw it in a face mask. He might think he's blind.

Maybe he'll hold up for a seat. second so you and eight people can try to tackle him defensive coordinator p.D pablo re-hired at north carolina contract extension would he do any worse than what they got going on just ask yourself that next time block by the way moving on to that dog yeah go to hell this weekend go to hill all of it go to hell Georgia Tech pit go to hell no one's watching that crap god Michigan Michigan State uh hell yeah yeah I'm gonna watch I'm gonna watch Michigan I am. I am so excited about this.

How happy was Michigan just to not be on last week, just to not have to do Michigan? Not have to be and do Michigan things? They had to be pretty happy. I'm going to be pretty happy this weekend, not having to do Florida things, honestly.

Michigan's only on ABC. It's only the biggest network. It's only the big 330 game. I mean, they're against the SEC CBS game, which has Kentucky in it. So America will be watching Kentucky. Serious question. How many Michigan fans?

This game is at Michigan State. How many Michigan fans are going to be at this game? They'll travel pretty well. They really will. It's not far. Right, but why? I don't think distance is the, it's just loyalty and stupidity. Then again, you.

You drove all the way down to Gainesville for the fucking Mizzou game, so what do I know? I know. Like, they'll be there. They'll be there for love. I will also say, there's a real satisfaction in being there for the grim end. It's kind of, really, like, if you're one of the last 10,000 in the stadium, or 5,000, in the stadium, when your team has hit, probably the lowest low, and your brave punter and his friend, the sidekick, the offensive lineman, go over to sing the

alma mater, you're the one who maybe when things are better, can go back and say, please, you should enjoy this, because I remember when my stupid coach made us loose to Missouri by putting in a quarterback who honestly might have been

playing, like, with, I don't know, we'll find out that Jeff Driscoll was like blind. PTSD, yeah. Yeah, something. We'll find out that that's not far-fetched. No, no, no. No, no. He might would be like, oh, wow, look, the footage shows that he was wearing an eye patch

nobody noticed how did we not see it how did we not see that oh look he was playing with live bees in his helmet because Will Mustchamp thought it would make him one with nature and several dead bees and several dead bees which he swallowed

helmets get really hot they do they do if you want to see a quality beat down I mean a serious ass beaten beat down Texas Tech at TCU whew, whew, oh, yeah. Woo,

man. Porn Frog's going to wear Cliff Kingsbury's skin like a jacket. Gary Patterson's going to be just make me

look pretty? Yeah, yeah, Gary does. I'd fuck me. Yeah. Thank you for that visual. We just took him to Buffalo Bill.

So happy that happened. Lastly, to clean up the schedule here, Alabama at Tennessee, if you've also, for a sequel to that Silence of the Lamb's remake, Old Miss at LSU, go to hell, old miss. Go to hell LSU, whole game, go to hell. Go to hell. Yeah, this is one of those games where I think Les will make it more interesting than it has to be.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's his role. Yeah, I think Ole Miss wins, though, because that defense is, they're just obscene. Absolutely obscene. And then the Cappers, Ohio State at Penn State, this is all a bunch of games that would have been like, this would have been an awesome schedule like six years ago, right? Six or seven years ago, you would have thought, oh, this is a pretty good game. Yeah, no.

Yeah, Ole Miss would have had a Houston nut. Yeah, no, let's see, six years ago? No, man, I think I'm dipping an orger on there. Let's just move that up a little bit. Have we gone that far back? Man, we're... Getting old, son. USC at Utah, which I...

USC at Utah's quality game. That's not bad. You say that, but then it won't be... Oh, now we like Utah. Oh, we like Utah. We like to make fun of you liking Utah. And Arizona State... Okay, I get it.

Oh, and, of course, the Pactful's most exciting team. Arizona State at Washington. Also, speaking of the contrary of that game, Arizona, Washington State earlier in the day. So we're going to find the definitive best state

at crazy football between those two. Mike Leach out there, flipping coins. But got to win one eventually. Mike Leach, Rich Rod, Todd Graham,

and Chris Peterson. One of these dudes just does not belong here. Chris Peterson, are you sure you're cut out for this level of crazy? Guys?

Doesn't one of you just want to come to a more sober league someplace further east? like say the University of Florida I have good news that will save this rotten carcass of a week

and that is we have a home game at Hawaii What time does it kick off? Midnight! Yes! It's Nevada at Hawaii and as I'm looking right here on the schedule

it says Mountain West Conference video Oceanic which is OC sports which means we get the god Robert Ciccala on the call. Bone Crusher. I'm going to prop some tags only got $20 in my pocket.

That's not bone crusher. No, no. It will be. The bone crusher's doing his greatest hits. It's a bonus track. So he's just going to... So he's just going to appropriate...

That's mind blowing right there. I'm going to start. a blog about that. I want to hear your think piece on Robert Kakella and Bone Crusher adopting the music of McElmore. Next thing you're going to tell me Zicky Zalia is showing up at Minnesota Golden Gophers Games

and appropriating their dances. Oh wait, that happened this weekend too. Did she use a Minnesota accent that she'd carefully honed of the... Yeah, that was the part I was listening closely for. I couldn't detect it. I couldn't tell whether she was using her Australia accent or her like

I'm selling crack in the trap accent. I would like to withdraw my positive words about Minnesota. I didn't want to bring it up earlier, but... Yeah, gold gophers. Wow, Iggy. Amazing. How does she do that? She's so good at accents. She's so good.

It's like she's some sort of C-3PO and bike shorts.