Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2.9

Episode Date: October 29, 2014

ONLY THE FASTEST DISCUSSION OF THE PLAYOFF WILL DO. Which is why we're discussing it no less than sixteen hours afterwards, because speed kills and we like to stay alive around here. This week's Shutdown Fullcast focuses on how the committee did a pretty good job, everyone hates Notre Dame again, which coaches would make good defensive attorneys, and how Dr. Bo came to the decision he made at the end of the LSU game. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We have so much to get to tonight on the shutdown forecast. We have to move fast because this is going to be an exclusive. Exclusive. Exclusive look. Airhorn! Balfire! That's what we're doing tonight because we're going to be discussing our exclusive results of the college football playoff. Available on any internet website, but exclusive to this podcast only for the purposes

of this podcast only. Yeah, just a mere 10 to 14 hours depending on when we get around to it, exclusive rapid fire coverage of the college football playoff's first rankings of the year. Air horns. Oh, wait, that happened? That's a damn good air horn, Jason Kirk. Thanks. It kind of was like the air horn said you'd get on the cheapest Cassio keyboard. Well, damn it, Ryan. I'm only one man. double winwood with these rankings. The god.

Jeff Long. A.D. Arkansas. Send to be Michigan, probably. The Pharaoh. Gary Patterson. The Pharaoh. 82 points. Damn, Hennessy. We're looking at the first rankings of the year, which we, again, we'll be discussing

with all lightning speed, and probably 10 to 12 hours after they happen. Maybe 14. You never know. There might be a morning meeting. But we'll definitely be discussing them and you'll be listening to them right now as we talk about them because they're not bad. Really? Yeah, we had a whole lot of worries coming in, but despite them tallying up strength of schedule with an abacus and overlooking margin of victory and all that stuff we were all worked up about, it's pretty much with, you know, a bunch of nerds like us would have cooked up. Yeah, not too bad, because you think that the real

sticking spot. There's going to be one, but we figured, I think, fairly enough that the three or the four spot was going to be a little jacked up, right? Because most people agreed at this point, it's easy enough to slide your two chief undefeateds, i.e. Flores State and Mississippi State. We are talking about the Knowles,

by the way. Talking about the Knowles. Just talking about those knolls. Trying to keep away that media bias. Spraying reason and logic around like so much DDT illegally dumped over Tallahassee and Leon County. Go play outside. Go play outside. bathe in it. So soak it up. It's good for your daddy. It's good for you. Go nose.

Go knows. But we figured that number one and number two would be Mississippi State and Florida State, and that floating somewhere in there, you'd have another SEC West team. I think if anyone's going to pick out anything remotely controversial, it would be putting Auburn at three. Does that seem sort of to be like the chief bone most people would pick with the current top four? I think it seems to be the big surprise just because a lot of people had overlooked looked Auburn with the hype around the Mississippi schools, this being their first year that they've ever been good at the same time, and then Bama being Bama, people kind of forgot about Auburn, that team with just one loss to the number one team that went on the road to play

a top 10 team and won there. So I think it's a credit to the committee that they looked at the full body of work Auburn's zone and said, hey, that's a top four team. So it was a surprise, but I think it's a merited one. And go ahead. Do you know the strong flavor that I'm taking away from this top 25 as a whole? Hmm. There is a, there is like a good three tablespoons of fuck Marshall in this particular chili. Yeah.

Yeah, that's, that's probably the big, like, I wish they'd included March in a victory thing. Didn't even give them like the courtesy of a 24 or a 25 ranking. Well, well, they had to get Louisville in at 25 because they're playing the number. You know who they did not have to put in here at all is UCLA. Nope. Nope. Pretty sure nobody on this panel has actually watched UCLA play. Fuck UCLA.

Yep. You can't spell UCLA without Cal, which is why Jason Kirk hates them. In fairness, there was only one VHS copy of this year's UCLA Memphis game at the blockbuster, and it was rented at the time. Sorry, I had to take last Starfighter. Yeah, if they're including margin of victory, then Marshall would have to be here because they're playing terrible teams, but they're kicking the shit out of them. So they're doing exactly what a top 25 team should do against bad teams.

It's kind of sad that Marshall has now made the jump to, like, Division 1, aka FBS, and tried to schedule people and tried to shift out of their conference and done everything they can, and they're still in the same position that Randy Moss's Marshall team was in for major bowls. nothing's changed for them literally nothing has changed for Marshall in like 15 years it's a land stuck in time just being ranked behind Duke

just being stuck behind countless ACC teams oof speaking of speaking of oof that was my official Twitter response boy would a creative one to Notre Dame being slapped 10

10 10 that's a little farther than I think most humans had them. Where would they be if they'd played somebody other than Florida State out of schedule? They'd be back. Like way back if they'd lost. Like if they'd played Louisville or something and lost to them.

Yeah, they'd probably be around there with, well, I mean, Nebraska's at 15. They lost to Michigan State, so they'd be around 15. They'd be way down there. This, of course, of course, will feed into the general persecution complex that Notre Dame fans have, being

willfully shunned from the Chief Super structures of college football for being overly independent. They're the Howard Rourke character of college football, just over there erecting magnificent buildings that no one will pay attention to. Are we even going to remember the Notre Dame

thrashing of Michigan by the end of the year? Like, I feel like it will be the game that your brain says, I only have so much, so many cells to put things in. Something else again and you say, nope. I've got to delete something from this hard drive, and it's definitely a Michigan game. There are certain games you just won't remember. That's

one of them, right? Like, I want to keep ski free, so Notre Dame Michigan, you got to go. Oh, yeah. Man, you kept ski free? Brian Van Gorder is the abominable snowman thing. That's his whole strategy. Watch your mom's phone number. That and other games you won't remember when you look back at it, Florida State, Oklahoma State just looks worse and worse every day.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It sure does. because they barely be to Oklahoma State. Oklahoma State's not a real good team. It's possible that Florida States improved since then significantly, and that, of course, that result may be somewhat misleading. But right now it doesn't exactly look misleading.

Yeah, that's a bad one for the NOLs because OSU lost its quarterback after that game. So FSU played a better OSU team than just about anybody else has. And that, you know what? Like it just gives us a chance to talk about the NOLs, but we could come back to the NOLs later. we will because you know one important part of the shutdown forecast is you know talking about the nulls now now is now now is later though so that's true we could talk about them right again i would like to go ahead and pivot down the standings if we could pardon us seminal fSU twitter

forever let's go ahead we'll be back let's go down uh down the list a little bit if we can um i think Oregon of it by the way the Auburn thing it's a little high I think three and four you probably could have just switched those up like I don't really see much of a different at this point between Old Miss and Auburn, so you can move them either way for me. Oregon at five seems fair. I'm okay with that. And I believe they were very upfront

that they considered Oregon's injury problems, especially around the time of that Arizona game, which I guess is what they're supposed to do? Yeah. Well, I think... I mean, they're making up their own rules. They're making up their own rules. But at this point, at this point,

with this completely fictional story that we're supposed to rig up here, it's not improbable, right? No. It's also probably something we might have to bring up for Baylor later on, down around 13, which one. If we can read that far, down there where Baylor is. We only have 57 minutes. I don't know if we're going to make it that far. You need some headlamps down there. They're down there in that Arizona basement.

They're sandwiched by Arizonas. That is what I'm. call the Georgia rest stop where it's like yeah you're not you're not where you need to go but stop on here at around 10 to 15 and you know we got we got sandwiches and cool lemonade you can get a pamphlet for rock city it's only 180 miles up the road rock city is not here just the pamphlets mind you just the pamphlets calaway gardens only 38 miles away have a pecan log now here's a fun thing I think to me the story of this week's rankings other than Auburn being three is Baylor being six spots behind TCU, a team at beat, and that's based on largely on out-of-conference

schedule where Baylor played absolutely nobody and blew it away, as it should. So if you're not going to acknowledge margin of victory, then you have to punish Baylor. But TCU is that far ahead of Baylor, largely because it beat up Minnesota, which means one of the biggest stories of the rankings has to do with Minnesota. You might also be getting a little bit of a courage bounce here. I think that's what you've really got with some of the consideration of out-of-conference scheduling. Because keep in mind, TCU, you know, who lost a Baylor, ranked ahead of them. Alabama ranked at six.

What's their quality win? Oh, it's over West Virginia. Dubby! Like, West Virginia is actually a pretty influential player in terms of, like, how the overall strength of schedule goes here. Just because of that Alabama-TCU Baylor connection, they're going to have a real say in how this unfolds. 20 is also a very fun spot for them because it's like, it's not high enough that there's pressure.

Like, oh, man, if you went out, you're definitely going. It's like, yeah, maybe, maybe not. But it's also not low enough to just give up. It's sort of like a slightly, not a wounded animal that's just waiting to die, but an animal that's like, yeah, I lost some blood. Let's see what happens. That's pretty appropriate for Dana Holgerson and West Virginia. That's not a metaphor.

That is an actual description. No, it's pretty literal. I would say that this is proof that if Dana Holgerson can't win the party, he's going to pour a whole thing of Vizene in the punch and see what happens. I really do like that we have LSU, West Virginia, and Clemson, all in a cluster, like, a terror cluster of, hey, we're going to ruin somebody's day for no goddamn reason. Followed by UCLA. That's the madness quadrant, right?

UCLA is only ruining its own day. I would bump that to the most criminally underrated team at this point to me, if you're looking at this, I think Michigan State at 8's a little low because I am kind of a convert at this point. Only a year and a half late. Yeah. But I think that they're probably a little bit better than 8.

Additionally, a team that could just ruin lives, homes, entire eras of football history at 17, Utah. These are two Jason Kirkpatented teams These are my two favorite teams They are your two favorite teams And in true fashion capable of laying ugly ruin To whatever walks in their path

That's why you can't take him to a museum No heavens, no Oh my God, you just punched the David right in the knee You take Mark D'Antonia to a museum He's just getting pissed off at all the artifacts Like the spears and stuff You can't chop block the Pieta?

Why didn't you put skin on that bronosaurus skeleton? That's lazy. Go find some bronisora skin. Finish the drill, archaeologists. Finish the drill. I've seen Jurassic Park. It can be done. Literally finish the drill. Finish the drill.

You haven't dug up all the bones. Go back to China. It's not hard. Bones remain. Utah football 2014. Another team that seems a little high, on the contrary. If you want to know, if you want to know, how. how bad Virginia Tech is this year and what the quantifiable effect of bad touching from Virginia Tech is look at Ohio State's ranking 16th at this point that's what happens when you lose

Virginia Tech the nice thing about that loss is this year's so you know how everybody has a very successful friend who they have a horribly embarrassing story about from college where it's like oh yeah John is John owns his own architecture firm and he just won an award from the mayor but I saw him shit himself in public at a Chili's 2 and this is that this is that beshitting yeah yeah I saw Ohio State eat a slug for a dollar in a basement one time yeah I remember when I saw him dancing in his own pee yeah that's that's this Ohio State's drank a weak old milkshake on a dare and his lactose intolerant I should know I actually do know a kid

who in high school drank the drippings from a George Foreman grill that had been used to make about 20 burgers. Delicious. For 10 bucks. 10 bucks? That's a good rate.

As far as dumb high school shit goes, that's a pretty good rate. He vomited a lot. I'll be honest. If you got to 50, I'd do it. Did I imagine I'm from Florida? Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. This all adds up. We're all from dumb places here. Yeah. Don't you. Come to the Brotherhood. We're following college football. We're all from dumb places. College football.

Dumb America's sport. And we're all going dumb places. That's the damn right. For instance, we're going to a dumb place like wondering what Nebraska's doing at 15. Look at that segue. Nebraska, there they are. I have no idea what, like, is it a dumb place? I have no idea.

Yeah, I mean, their loss is a good one, but they have no good wins. So put him a 15th, right in the middle. They beat Miami, and Miami's better than expected. Miami wins okay. God damn, they haven't played anybody. No, they haven't done a damn thing. So they put them exactly in the center. Haven't really, yeah, just haven't really put that stamp on anything,

which to me says, congratulations. You're in middle management at 15. That is perfect. Let's pause here and say, for Bo Polini to lose four games. He has to lose two, at least, of these four, which are left. Purdue, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Iowa. Oh, yeah. It can be done.

No, it can be done. We can get to nine and four. The dream's alive. Wisconsin's pretty good, despite Wisconsin itself would have you believe. And Iowa's always capable of something awful. That's true, like winning. Yeah, what's worse than watching Iowa lose, watching them win? can i just can i just draw this out for you why bo pelini is destined to go to have to have nine wins

what is bo pelini's totem animal a cat yeah yeah you're following me here nine lives and there are only nine cats in the world although let's be clear he has definitely killed that cat at least twice cat's CPR ain't hard you can learn it like that car car Carl definitely has some epinephrine he's given him before. Yeah, it's right in the heart, man. We joke about all of this, but you know that Bo Polini, like, you know, when he dies, he's just going to see, like, oh, cat God. Cat God's going to be like, you knew.

You have served me well. You've served me well. Here, go nine and four in the afterlife. He's going to be so pissed about that. God damn it. I went along with the cat joke, and this is what I get. I was playing along with the computer thing, and this is what happens. Oh, the internet falls.

me into the afterlife it's about ethics in Nebraska journalism oh yeah so that's that's really you gentlemen have any further commentary on the rankings I think throw in the last three spots are like the last three spots in any poll they're they're just funny oh sure let's let's let's throw Duke in there why not I like the East Carolina, one, just because it is, it only is there really, I mean, East Carolina is not going to make the playoff. So it really is only there to remind Virginia Tech fans how, how shameful they are. Right? Well, most things are, but. Okay, fair. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's in the running for one of the New Year's bowl spots. I like that you're suggesting that just ordinary household

objects give bridging detect fan shame, be like, oh, this electric can opener is making me wonder why our defense can't do anything. No, it just reminds Frank Bamer, all those hard times and fancy get when they live it off of canned green beans for months at a time. Yeah, when I think about someone getting shameful about looking at household objects, that strikes me as Michigan. This was wasteful. This was indulgent. Why did I buy a pizza cutter made of leather? I could have just gotten this at Aldi, which is the same stuff with a different label as Trader Joe's. Wait, isn't that, isn't that Michigan State? Isn't Michigan state just Aldi Michigan? Oh my God.

Huh. Yeah. Wait, if Michigan State is Aldi Michigan, then which store is Michigan? Oh, it's closed. Yeah, it's closed. Whatever it is close. Yeah, it's out of it. So it's, uh, it's, uh, Windixie. It's some European market that got shut down. Whatever the one that was like, hey, these meatballs have horse in it. Yeah, I think that was Trader Joe's.

Okay, sure. Yeah, sure, it's Trader Joe's. Like I said, most indicative. Like somebody's like, what's Ann Arbor? I'm like, it's a town that size with two whole foods. Whole Foods. I think that is a great transition to something we wanted to do tonight to celebrate. And I think memorialize.

Give a little eulogy for Old Misses undefeated season. The dream is dead. It's now going to mutate, become something else, a sort of zombie old-miss team. Shambling to the end of their season. In defeat, like Mississippians of York. I think a reading is probably necessary from special guest, Wright Thompson.

Yeah, Wright has a passage for us from the book of Les Miles. This is from last year's game against Florida, when someone asked Les Miles how it felt to be the hammer instead of the nail against Florida. I've got a question for you. It was a 14-6 game. We played our ass off and how anybody could pick the hammer and the nail

when in fact that hammer or that nail or whatever the hell you got picked. We catch a ball down there. We're fixing to take the lead and we turn it over. I mean, explain to me how Kevin Minter, who sits damn near the career. tackle record in that game, how anybody could ever say hammer and nail. I can tell you right now, here's what happens. Two very quality teams take the field and compete like a son of a bitch

for victory. And you know what? It's not a hammer and a nail relationship. It's an opportunity for an opponent to be equal and to raise the level of play in such a fashion that they win. And here's how this thing works, that in fact, you respect the opponent. And he's, He's not the hammer and he's not the frickin' nail, okay? He's the opponent. Understand? I'm just letting you know I resent that. I resent the fact that suddenly we were nailed.

You got it? I mean, honest to Pete's. Shit, we were a pretty good team last year. I thought we played like a son of a bitch in the stadium. I'm just letting you know I felt differently than a nail. Glory, glory. Hallelujah. I gotta say, this week's right was, he had more fire to him than when we were talking

about crisp, crisp puffs and corn. It's really, it's really hard to not, it's really hard to read less Miles than any voice and not kind of get fired up. Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, it's, uh, less just sort of communicates vigor. I mean, you say that, but next week I'll do it as Brady Hoke and it'll just sound ridiculous. It'll just make you all lose to like, drop. well this would be after michigan this is to indiana so no no no that's not happening i have i have total faith in the dysfunction of michigan but i have more faith in the church of chaos that is

indiana football yeah wait so chaos would mean losing to michigan up is down i don't even yeah because i i think chaos would be all the way back around and beating michigan no winning is dying yeah no you there's just i've when i watched it Indiana. When I was up in Michigan, we were watching Indiana, and I was around some big 10 fans, and I was laughing my ass off, like every third play from something they did. And they thought, like, yeah, it wasn't like, oh, you're being weird. They're like, yeah, that's these guys. Every week. That's not weird at all. Because I was laughing, and I was like, oh, they're going to think I'm really kind of fucked up and weird for laughing at Indiana this hard. And they're like,

no, no, no, this is funny. You're allowed that. Yeah, Indiana is just mess cow. That's like one of those made-up drugs that they would tell you about in high school and be like, yeah, you know, somebody's taking crack and they've layered it with heroin and acid. It's called moon rock and you put it in the butt. It's a Sean Hannity drug. Yeah, it's one of those Sean Hannity Christian youth group scare drugs, right? Is Indiana playing the knockout game? Indiana is the knockout game.

The answer is no. It's when a bunch of girls put on different color lipstick and lose a bowling green. If a trucker flashes his lights three times at you and plays the Hoosier fight song on his horn, it's time for a satanic orgy. You heard that at church, so it's right. I heard. They put Indiana football in the coin return in a Coke machine.

If you stick your finger in there, you're going three and nine. You're definitely sticking your finger in there, Indiana football. Go ahead, stick your finger in Indiana football. I found a Missou loss in there, one. So it's worth it. Well, is that really worth the risk? I heard Spud's McKenzie died trying to crowd surf at an Indiana football game. Twice.

Let's go ahead and thank you, Wright. That was moving. The government created Indiana football. They did. Turned it loose on these streets. You know, Indiana football cut out two of its ribs so it could suck. There, there it is. That's the epitaph for Indiana football forever.

Let's go ahead and talk a little bit about last week. If there's anything we want to bring up, besides my favorite thing that happened, which was Gary Patterson suffering that good nine-hour rage boner. So what I like about this year's Gary Patterson is he's like, it's sort of like a Sons of Anarchy plot line where he, I don't think he actually likes Sonny Cumbie, but he's like, I need, I need you, I need to form an alliance with you so I can kill my enemies and I don't care that I hate you. Yeah.

And also one of us is probably a white supremacist because sons of anarchy. Because sons of anarchy. We're not saying Gary Patterson or Sonny Gumby are a white supremacist. No. We're just playing the odds. Yeah, we're just cold hard math. I think if, I think Gary Patterson is his own weird fringe group of humanity all by himself. don't think he needs a club.

I think if you just look at him and hear him talk and watch him, attempt to interact with other people. And play guitar. And play guitar. He actually only weighs 145 pounds, but he's got, his middle is just covered in stashed landmines for the end times. He's buoyant. Yeah.

Got bouncing bet he's here, motherfucker. You come and get me, police. Come on, zoning. Come on zoning, people. Tell me to move that sidewalk back from the lawn. How dare you? Your national education standards disgust me. Scored 82 points.

That's a Houston Cougars 1991 number. That's a David Klingler number. 82. I can't, like, that's a Bilema against the worst Indiana team of my lifetime kind of number when you hang that on somebody. That's, I mean, it is, it. takes work to either be that bad and allow that, or to be that good and relentless, and do that the whole game. They had their third, they believe they had their third stringers in, correct? Yeah, yeah, they were not trying to score 100 points or anything like that. They, uh, they took it

easy at the end on Texas Tech. And Texas Tech is simply that damn far behind, an actual good team. And, and if you really want to, I don't, I know it's, it's a large, to put up 82 points on somebody and then expect people to go, oh, that's a valued win. It's hard to score 82. Yeah. I mean, look at, you know, any team's game against an FCS opponent, almost never will they crack 80 points, you know, let alone against one with equal scholarship numbers and

a similar budget and all that. I think Oklahoma versus University of Tennessee Chattanooga was the last. time i can remember like an fcs team somebody scoring 80 i think the knolls might have talking about the knolls the knolls might have gotten close as well against bethune cookman yeah i mean savannah state still around and they tend to give up about 80 every time they emerge yeah but that game got rained out like in the third quarter yeah i mean even counting fcs opponents it happens once or twice a year tops and it happens between conference teams maybe once every five years yeah here is the question i have for you, too. What part of the TCU budget gets cut so that TCU can buy more fireworks?

Well, remember, Gary Patterson is one of the people making this decision. So it could be something weird. It could be like water. Just cut water. No, we don't have enough fire? Well, there's one way to solve that. Cut water. Or he comes up with a creative, you know, he's a very creative guy. He was adapted the 14 He's going to make his own fireworks, what you're telling me. That's exactly what I'm telling you. He's just going to, I do this. If I were TCU, just drive south, head into Mexico, load up the car, okay?

Make sure that you put some bacon in the front seat so that the dogs, when they come across the border, smell that and not the gunpowder. Sounds like you've done this before. No, no, no, no, no. Spencer is connected to Florida. Why would he ever need more fireworks? What, I mean, please, why cross a border when you have coast on three sides? That's a really good, if you've ever used an ATM in Florida, all it gives you is bottle rockets. That's true.

And boy, I hope that never changes. That's our only currency. It's the only one as anyone's ever needed. But then you just drive those back across the border. And then you can get the good old school M80s that'll take a finger off. That's right. In fact, that would be my favorite thing. TCU celebrates the rest of the season with Gary Patterson just whipping like cherry bombs.

out of his pocket, throwing them on the field. Those shitty little things that they don't even explode or anything, you just light them and throw them on the ground. Even worse than those, the things that just turn into like, they look like they black poop, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Stuff from Prometheus, but like a 50 cent version. Yeah, they just, Gary Patterson just whips a bunch of that on the field. Yeah, we were just throwing chasers at the refs, right? When a TCU child loses a tooth, Gary Patterson comes and leaves a Roman candle under your pillow. It's lit, though. It is lit.

Oh, it is lit. Wake up. Trayvon Boykin somehow managing to be a good quarterback, throwing seven touchdowns in a game when he was, like, at one point, not even projected to play the position. Yeah, they brought in a Texas A&M transfer to replace him, but Trouvon said, no, thanks. No, it's... I'm going to put up 82. So, if you need an offense, and you have a player who's even remotely quarterback-like, why don't you hire Sonny Cumbie? Just pick him up. because he might be pretty good at this.

Go gamers. Just go in. You hire 20 sunny cumbies. Florida averages 20 points a game. Improvement. Anything else from this past weekend you all would like to discuss? We've already moved on. I would like to say two other things.

Good job, Miami. I know it's Virginia Tech. but winning games is still pretty big for the hurricanes. Five and three. It's important to win. It's important to win. It's important to win at Virginia Tech when you have a banner that says Fire Owl Golden in the stands.

Now, a thing about Miami is everyone's talking about Louisville as being the biggest challenge for FSU, talking about the Knowles. But I don't know. I think Miami matches up pretty well. I mean, Louisville, their biggest strength is stopping the run. They have a good secondary, too, but against FSU, what good is it going to be to stop the run? FSU can't run anyway. What are you going to do to hold them to one yard instead of two?

Is that really going to make the difference? But Miami, they're pretty good on defense and they're explosive on offense. Louisville doesn't really have an offense. So keep an eye on the canes. They're going to totally implode now. Yeah, totally now that we've paid attention, they're going to totally implode. Sorry, Miami fans. Yeah, it's our fault.

You're welcome. And the game I enjoyed watching most was probably South Carolina Auburn. I did kind of enjoy watching LSU just mash out Old Miss and force Dr. Bow into one of the gassliest decisions that you will ever see at the end of the game. However, way more fun to watch South Carolina Auburn because it was exactly what you thought it would be 42, 35, going back and forth, South Carolina with one last chance to score. And they didn't, which is a shame, because Ferrier said he would have gone for two. had they got in the position immediately rather than take it to OT which with the team they've got at 4 and 4

totally makes sense We were just a little bit of wackiness away from the playoff number three team going down to A team that lost to a team that lost to Indiana The highest ranked team in the SEC The highest rank per Joe Shad Remember, Joe Shad did tweet out tonight Look, Almered at number three

That's the highest ranked team because Mississippi State plays in the whack. They're a hell of a whack team, though. That out of conference schedule, who! Apparently, they managed to load up on a bunch of SEC teams. In conference schedule, pretty weak. I've got to be honest. Yeah, well, you know, when you're the only one in the conference,

you've got to play in the SEC West. Weird little thing. I would also say, finally looking down, these were the late-night games, but if you didn't miss it, and you probably did miss it, Arizona State at Washington, they were playing in like a 50-mile-an-hour gale. and still managed to score 24 points.

So way to go. I don't know how the hell that happened. I watched it with these own eyes, and it still made absolutely no sense to me. So one, I was up that late, yay, and two, Washington's still very, very bad on offense. And guess who lost in the last 10 seconds of the game? Oh, who? Oh, that would be USC again.

Again. Again. Again. Again. to the indomitable Utah Uts. Sweet 5 and 3, USC. I don't know what's fair to say about Steve Sarkesian yet. I really don't.

Like, I don't know how, do we really know how hard that Washington job is? Because it doesn't seem very easy. No, but the USC job, I mean, he's got to go to Washington State this Saturday. confusingly at 4.30 Eastern time. I don't even know what an early afternoon in Pullman looks like.

I imagine it's like the beginning. It's like the first minute of... Starship troopers. Well, I was going to say of the thriller video where just people are slowly rising from their ragged

gragid graves on the ground. It's got to look like some kind of like, wow, like a Maya Kosky poem, just bleak steps. It's definitely the first minute or the last minute of some disaster movie. Well, you should just, instead of watching this game, you should just put on a slideshow of modern pictures of abandoned shopping malls, and that will be the same visual, essentially. Cougin the Dead.

You're like, oh, the steak escape, you used to be. All full of people turning up on fireball. Yeah. Is that not what happens at abandoned shopping malls? Washington State football, the blocking dead. Man, remember when Washington State had a Spencer's? That was crazy. Man, they sold the cool stuff in the back.

They had a sex game with cards. It was amazing. Never played it with my high school girlfriend, but I wanted to. Was that the Mike Price era? That was definitely the Mike Price era, and I think he used the cards. It was definitely not the Paul Wolf era. Yeah, no. he's a good man he's a nice guy

Paul Wolfe ran the Yankee candle store Paul Wolf Things remembered by Paul Wolf Things remembered Not Thomas Kincaid He's the painter of light Of coaches

I think that's enough Let's go to read or mail For the week I think we've each got time for one question Ryan if you would start with you This question comes from Evan His Twitter handle is Rock a Star, and he says, since one of you went to law school, that would be me, which current head coach would make the best defense attorney? I think that you want somebody, as a defense attorney, you don't necessarily need somebody who's the best lawyer.

You do need somebody who's likable and who will be able to sort of politic in such a way that they will, that they will endear themselves. to the court effectively, and I think that that person is probably Steve Adazio. I don't think he's necessarily going to be the sharpest defense attorney, but people are going to walk away and say, you know what, I like him, and he made his points loudly. And therefore, I am fining for you. And based on his Vine account,

he might do them all with one word in six seconds, very succinctly. People enjoy having their time appreciated. Absolutely. Nobody in a court is going to think, oh, man, Steve Adazio has been talking too long. Is the assailant in the courtroom? Yes. Is he a dude? Yes.

A dude. It's like a terrible game of guess who. Total dudes. Is the dude wearing a hat? I'd go ahead and throw in for Mac Brown, by the way. Oh, Mac Brown is the best ever answered to this question, but if you're only counted current. Yeah, I'm going to cheat. dig back and go for Mac Brown because he's like Matt Locke, he's going to flip it on me, right?

I'll be like, oh, wasn't it you who killed him? And the other person will be like, ah, you got me. And I'm not sure why, because he just asked me. Yeah, well, I think he kind of friends you into it, you know, like, hey, you can, you can tell me that you were the one who tried to rank Cal ahead of Texas that one year. I could also go the other route and go with Tom Osborne if you want sort of the like bullying, aggressive. I guess that's more of a prosecutor, though. He just

wears your ass down. I think we all know who the worst possible defense attorney would be, and it's Dana Holgerson. I'm sorry, sorry I'm late, Your Honor. He just wouldn't show up. Combing his hair

as he shambles in and slumps down. Was that the guy who did it? Yeah. My client? Yeah. Fuck. Oh, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I need a recess, Your Honor. I got to go find a defensive coordinator or something.

Hold on. I would also really hate Nick Saban as a defense attorney because he would, he would not be able to keep his cool when even unimportant things went wrong. Like, he threw his headset at his quarterback as they were thrashing Tennessee. This man has no chill. I would just imagine when you answer a question wrong, if it's like, were you there and you, you say uh no and god damn it you're supposed to say i was at get him out of there get him out of the goddamn step get his ass out of the paralegal paroligal lane kiff and just shuffling papers and crying i don't know if anyone could see sabin over the podium anyway

jerry yeah well i was going to say jury selection would take like uh he'd want to you know how many jurors can i have uh we're going to have 12 in this jury i need 24 i need 24 I need to over sign this jury. Just alternates, man. Gray shirt's just another word for alternate. Les Miles is my judge, and none of you can say anything because the law doesn't make sense and you can't convince me it does. Certainly not in Louisiana, it doesn't.

Hell no. Jason, your question. This comes to us from front of the program, Denny Mayo. He says, why is everything so biased? The answer is ESPN. They got an SEC, so they're the bias. How many SEC titles were won before ESPN? None.

That's right. None. That's right. Never, ever. Alabama claimed zero titles pre-1980 or so. Did not happen. I would say our perfect four for ESPN's purposes would be, let's see, out of the Pack 12, we'll take the Lakers. Out of the Big Ten, we'll take LeBron.

Not the Cabs, just LeBron. Just LeBron. Just LeBron. There's our big ten audience, right? Not even LeBron. Just LeBron's decision. Yep. Then we'll take the Tide.

So remember, consistently, the highest college football ratings period come from Birmingham, Alabama. Yep. And then Notre Dame. No, incorrect. Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter. Well, he's not. That's the same thing.

Same thing. Same thing. Neither have them play anymore. Neither than play anymore. They, you know, they drop a lot of balls, metaphorically, and literally. But Notre Dame never gives you a gift basket. You don't know that. Oh, do you want a gift basket from Brian Kelly?

It's got a grenade in it. How high off the ground is this basket? Can you imagine what would happen if Derek Jeter lost the Florida State on a correct pass interference call? There would be exactly the same. That's the ultimate bias. That's the ESPN Forsome. I think they would all want. My question is from, again, front of the program.

Valley Shook, aka Podcat. What the hell was Bo thinking? Because I was there, and I've seen replays, and I still can't figure it out. I'll continue this love for him. And I'm an LSU fan. I'd like to relive the humiliating defeat of my rival one more time. We're happy to help you do that. What was Boe thinking?

Well, specifically, there's an out pattern there, and I think about the eight that he could have thrown. And then there's the little, beep, to the end zone throw. He saw a single coverage and went for it and missed the safety. But that's not what a trained physician like Dr. Bowman. Wallace was thinking because this is delicate surgery and most people would assume you go to the heart directly through the sternum accessed via a bone saw carefully applied to avoid cutting the heart and then a spreader to get full access to the through the paracardium and into the chest cavity itself but that's that would be too simple

nope the body already has its own internal system of canals and tubes and you just follow those like a rat running through the sewers and eventually you get to the heart. Will you not? There's also the flavor seal packet located beneath the armpit. That's something they don't teach outside of Mississippi Medical School. But you get bonuses when you at the top of the Magnolia State as both your home and your intellectual mentor. So you can go through the flavor pack right there.

You don't want to puncture it all the way, but you do want to poke some holes in it. So that way, when you microwave it, it will release steam. Yeah. Also, during the process, very important to maintain circulation in the heart and or football. Same thing. And you do that by putting somebody on a jet ski and doing power slides. Yep, it's true. Do that at the same time. Also, massage with cocoa butter. A little bit of cocoa butter in the chest cavity. It just keeps everything loose and enables for a smoother massage. Or just regular butter. Yeah. Also, he threw to a man in double coverage. So that's also what Dr. Bo was thinking.

It's kind of like Riz's verse in triumph where there's a train station in somebody's heart Yeah, exactly And Dr. Bo derailed That's what happened Into somebody's heart Into somebody's a train He did heart surgery with a train

And not the band A train Man, inception was weird Heart surgery of a train would be Your mom would like it More like intercept Oh shit Yeah, god damn it

Now you got it That's the actual word Like Bo Wallace, you just need to be unreasonably confident. You can sell that. Yeah, you just have to finish it. That's true. We love Dr. Bow, and we hope he has a much better game next week. It was a real bad play, but everyone has those.

As anyone who listens to this podcast knows, let's go ahead and look at the coming week, if we can. Obviously, Thursday, Florida State Louisville, won of Florida State's last real chances to lose a football game. Please lose. Talk about those knolls, please lose. About the knolls. But yeah, a very legitimate chance to lose this. Everyone will point to the defeat of Florida State, and I believe 2002, at the hands of John L. Smith and the Louisville Cardinals.

Remember that that happened. Florida State has lost to Jim Grobe and John L. Smith. That happened. These are real things. It was a rainy Thursday. I hope some intrepid crafter out there makes a, a quilt, rather, out of embarrassing Florida State losses over the year. And you can have a hologram of that loss to UVA where Jimbo just collapses on the sidelines.

Did Marianne tell you I was making that for you? Oh my God, Merry Christmas! Damn it. Yeah, that's, that was 2002, by the way, and it was John L. Smith. So remember, if that can happen, anything can happen because I'm going to assume Bobby Petrino probably a step up from John L. Smith. Although, remember, John L. Smith was one of the people who first hired Petrino. Because he knew he couldn't do this.

He has the sight. He can recognize hot piss and others. How many downs we got? Four. Jesus, this kid's good. You know half of what you need to know already. He is the chosen one. Because I'm choosing it.

Literally, that's his title. I don't know what coaches do. Looking forward also, we've got, boy, that 12 o'clock. you know go run errands if you want to slow cook something get it started then whatever yeah it's it's gonna be rough you should go do something else because it's a lot of acc and not particularly compelling acc matchups like the best game of the 12 o'clock block might be duke pit you should i will say that's actually a pretty big game you should keep tabs on wisconsin at ruckers just to see if melvin gordon runs for a thousand yards He might. He really might. Additionally, Colorado, they gotta win a Pact 12 game one of these days.

They actually don't. They could lose all of them. Yeah, there's no law saying that happened. There's no loss. No, I mean, not even probability, really. Probability says they can just keep flipping that coin and getting tails. That can happen forever. This is just a washer you're flipping. I'm calling heads. Mike McIntyre, keep doing it, man. You're going to get there someday. 3.30 block, though, significant improvement. Game Day game of the week, TCU at West Virginia. I the TC this West Virginia team has just been so cool the last couple of weeks period just they've they've been so fun to watch and they are playing so very well this is an extremely

dangerous game for TCU particularly in Morgantown I don't think they'll score half as many points they might but but West Virginia despite injuries it's been playing really well on defense yeah so half as many that's 41 yeah yeah which That's still pretty recent of four here. It's pretty, I think that would be a very successful day against this TCU offense. Yeah. I would not be surprised to see either team score in the 40s. Yeah, I think this is just at this point a coin flip game.

Like there's very little in me that says this is very predictable other than many points and much offense. And possibly the game they say getting burned to the ground. Or carried away. I think that would be. And then burn to the ground. Yeah, because it's really not. that much to burn it's mostly metal but you know you can definitely take that sucker and sell it for scrap uh yeah smelted right you could you could smelt it'd be like man where'd you get this new

deer stand well a funny story about that why's it got a light tower on it why is why is lee corso in it hey they just thought he'd stay i don't think he would mind that i think they would adopt him he can stay he's our chief now exactly everyone else they're going to eat but lee's fine Not so fast, my dear. Lee survived a decade in Indiana coaching football. He can live through anything. Yeah, it's true. Wow, we keep coming back to Indiana football.

This podcast sucks. Why is this happening? It's so important. 3.30 Florida plays Georgia. And moving on to a more important game. Purdue at Nebraska. Yeah. That's happening too.

That game technically has a title implications because Nebraska's in it. Because Nebraska's in it. The more important games on more. or later at night, the 7 o'clock shift. We're looking far better. It's really probably what you want to watch if you can't watch anything else because our 3 and 4 will help us solve the playoff not

by making one of them lose. Auburn at Ole Miss, which I really have no beat on this game whatsoever. Absolutely none. Is Auburn's defense butt? Yeah, they're kind of buddy. Okay, it's a little bit of butt. Auburn and Mississippi State really aren't that different.

Auburn's defense is probably butt comparable to Ole Miss's offense. Yeah. It's good enough. So we're going to get some sweet butt-on-butt action. Yep. Yep. This is a high. Requiem for a dream bowl right here.

This is. This is the ass-ass ball. It's not like FSU Louisville, where when FSU or Auburn has the ball, tune in. When Louisville or Ole Miss has the ball, watch Rec Room for a Dream. Yeah, I don't, by the way, really see a way in this game for Old Miss if Auburn manages to decode what they're doing and really start to move the ball. I don't see Old Miss being able to keep up points-wise. Yeah, that seems like a fair assessment.

That's not a total insult. It's more a compliment to Auburn to say that if they get at pace and they begin to really lean on you, and score points and do what Gus Malzahn wants to do, then Old Miss is going to have to do the same. That means there's going to be more repetitions for Bo Wallace. And Old Miss is kind of beat up after that LSU game, whereas Auburn is just sort of amused after that South Carolina game. Yeah, no, that was a little, that was just a brisk little stretch for them.

Yeah. Be like, who, that old man can run. Did you see that? Wow, that was invigorating. Gonna take a nap, get up, feel good next day. Meanwhile, old miss is like, we got hit by a shrimp truck. Why did I think I could put a backboard in the driveway by myself? Everything hurts.

I'm never drinking with Poles again. Yeah, Ole Miss. My Polish neighbors. Ole Miss, which, when healthy, might have the country's best offense, is going to take on one of the country's most dangerous offenses without at least one Kim Dici with maybe another safety banged up with a linebacker hurt. Things are rough. Good times.

Yeah, good times. Go Knowles. Old Dr. Gus will set right up. Talking about them, Old Miss Knowles. Talking about them Old Miss Knowles. Anything else on the schedule stand out before we conclude? Oklahoma State and Kansas State would have been a good game preseason. It looks like a slaughter.

Stanford, Oregon will be interesting just because Stanford maybe has just gotten good enough to make Oregon look like shit. I don't, it's one of those games where I don't know that Stanford will win, but they might hold Oregon to, I don't know, 24 points or something, and that will be enough for everybody to say, nope, we're done with Oregon. They're done. Yeah, I'm looking at Mississippi State, Arkansas, because I think Mississippi State is going to wax the razorbacks.

I don't even think it's going to be close. It'll be one of those games that I think a day before people will say, well, account for that. Mississippi State will just justify their poll position by pulling away from them with extreme prejudice. Here is an evil question. Who wins Texas at Texas Tech? I'm going to go Texas.

I'm TCU. Add another win on that. Bump them firmly into the top four. Texas wins that game because Texas Tech's just broken. They don't have anything. I think you lose. What does Texas have? Nothing.

Nothing. You can't break nothing. Yeah, exactly. So it's the void versus like a broken down car. Texas Tech has a Texas Tech's got, you know, they have warrants and liabilities, debts, multiple tax police coming in to repossess with the left of their season. Texas, meanwhile, they're just broke. Can't hurt broke, right?

Okay. Got nothing, can't lose nothing. That's good analysis. Yeah, Texas Tech is on that rent-to-own trouble right now. Take Texas to cover. Yeah. And then I think looking finally at the last part of the sketch, schedule. The other interesting game for me is Utah, Arizona State, because it will knock

another one-lost team out of the Pac-12 picture. Probably Arizona State, because I'm just done betting against Utah. Only a fool would bet against Utah. I can't explain why they win. I've seen it happen. They just keep doing it. It's ugly, and it usually takes at least 50 to 60 minutes to decide their games, but 6-1 is 6-1. It's like watching two very new people at chess play chess against each other oh my god you don't even know where the pawns go dang it Kyle Whittingham you lost your queen

in the third move again so like people who not just this is their first time playing they don't even know the rules it's like you sit down two people who've never even heard of chess at a board and say go at it. Let me get the book you're trying to tell me Todd Graham that this is what this piece does

Todd Graham would cheat like crazy Todd Graham would also be an excellent defense attorney Let me point out Are we sure he's not? Because he's got no spruples If there was ever a coach without scruples Also I just want to mention I just saw a possum I thought you guys would want to know that

Was he on the way to take the pitch up Don't worry He texted his players at Tulsa Remember liar liar A movie about a defense attorney In a divorce trial correct he went to the bathroom to negotiate right remember because he needed a stay

he needed a break Jim Carrey beat himself up in the bathroom there's only one college football coach I know of who's actually pulled that trick in the middle of a contract negotiation to talk to the other party and said negotiation and that's Todd Graham yeah but that's only because Tuberville didn't think of it yeah that the name Tuberville was also on the edge of my edge of my brain as well don't

don't make fun of Kentucky's next coach like that oh man I hope open a law firm together, it'll be like franklin and bash for seniors. What does that even mean? You know, for seniors who get injured and want to have sex in hot tubs. Let's snort this line of center, bro.

Yeah.