Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast3.1

Episode Date: May 6, 2015

The Shutdown Fullcast returns and basically opens the college football season for everyone. Congratulations, everyone: It's May 6th, and football has started. Important topics covered include: --Jameis Winston is now the NFL's great joyous problem and we're sure they'll be fine with it --More hot DRAFTPINIONS [whang] [whoong] [whoosh] [action noises --Many reader questions, including a lengthy discussion of fast food franchises' varying degrees of honesty. (LITTLE CAESAR'S WE RESPECT YOUR HONESTY.) --Maybe one of our wives talking in the background for easily half the podcast! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Well, good golly, lo and behold, after our winter, spring, off-season hiatus, we are back. You were listening to the first edition of the shutdown fullcast. This might as well be the beginning of the season for college football since it's our first podcast since the old season. We are, technically, we're all college football writers, right? And spring practice is over. is the first game. This is the beginning of the season. Welcome. We're going to beat Louisiana Tech in this podcast. It's going to play one, one play at a time here. I am Spencer Hall, the editorial director of SB Nation. Joining me on this podcast is Ryan Nanny, contributor

at large, and I'm going to call you Emeritus, even though you haven't left and aren't retired. Okay. I feel like I just got punished. I think that's a that's a pre- Pre-meritist. Okay. Contributor premaritist. Oh, I premaritist. That sounds like you're going to die soon. They have treatments for that, you know, in Switzerland.

And our college football editor, Jason Kirk, we've been busy. So busy. That's why we haven't been doing this podcast. It's definitely not justified. That definitely wasn't why we weren't recording this podcast. on Tuesdays around 10 p.m. Jason Kirk, what have you been up to? Oh, man, just this past weekend alone, I went to Talladega with, well, with you. We went to Talladega for the NASCAR race, where we saw, we saw a BMW, went mudden.

Yep, so on Mercedes, SLS, AM. I'm Mercedes, I apologize. Sorry, to all our extremely rich listeners who were looking for luxury mudden reviews. sir that was no Mercedes out there our affluent premium listenership yeah you get to listen to the other podcast the shut down fullcast premium shut down fullcast gold it costs twice as much same content same goddamn content

Ryan you too have been busy particularly busy a large life event happened you signed a letter of commitment that's right I went to prison No, I got hitched, and I got real sweaty after I got hitched. And then I went to Sonic, and the people at the car hop at the Sonic saw myself and my new wife, Caitlin. And she looked at us, and she said, oh, did y'all just get back from prom? And meant it.

And she meant it, yeah. And we should have told her that we did, and we got hitched at prom, because that would have been Tennessee's hell. Yeah, she wouldn't have batted an eye. No. Great strategy. That's how my mommy met my first daddy. To be fair, you did go to Sonic. What?

What's wrong to going to Sonic? A couple of things about the Sonic that Ryan went to, by the way. Oh, yeah, we confirmed these facts. Yes, yes. It is in my hometown of Franklin, Tennessee. And it is located, one, below and next to a large graveyard. Very large. Hang on.

Hold on, hold on. Below a great, so is it like staffed by zombies or? No, no, no, no. It's, so you go to the graveyard, you drive into a mausoleum. It's actually a car lift and it lowers you into the Sonic. Oh, that's fine. You know, it's just normal shit. While it plays Monster Mash, it's very quaint.

That's cute. Franklin is a city of wonders. In addition to that, that's the Sonic where in high school, I saw some one ride a horse up to it. Huh. Up to the Sonic or to the graveyard or to both. It was a ghost horse. Covered him flying.

I just want to know if somebody trotted a horse up to Sonic. Got a cherry limeade and then went and paid their respects. The damn pale rider of the apocalypse. We got him a chili dog. No, that was just Alan Jackson. He lives right down the road. The four horsemen need tots. You're damn right they do.

Yeah, it's a magical place that you were at post-wedding, but congratulations. Thanks, buddy. You're just like all kinds of a real boy now. We have started to look through the pictures, and definitely the first picture of anyone at the bar at the reception is of you and your wife. We don't get out often. It's like you just went straight there. I don't even know if you were at the ceremony. We were just waiting there.

Are you witness? Yeah, we're witnessing something. and that bar tender's slow with my bourbon. He's just quantum leap straight to the bar. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Sitting there. Don't you know that, like, Dean Stockwell is always right behind me in my mind?

Pushing a remote control and smoking a cigar. I have been running all over the place. I, too, went to Teledega this past weekend, which NASCAR, I really wish. This is the best thing about a NASCAR race besides, like, you know, 41, 42 cars all. heartling, completely badass speeds around a two-mile track, like two inches from each other's bumper. That's all cool and everything. What would be really cool in every sport that NASCAR actually allows you to do is to put on a headset and listen in to what individual people in the event are discussing. That's amazing to me. If you could do that during football games by a position,

that would be outstanding. Yeah, if you could do that during like a, uh, thinking like Notre Dame's offense would be really great to listen to, just the absolute meltdown chaos. What are you doing? Who are you? Either that or they're just humming John Phillips Sousa the whole time. Like, oh my God. They're like go back and listen to like Brady Hoaghuddle.

Hey. Go on. Hey, you guys, why do they call it a driveway? If you park there. wait is it third down time out all right let's get but you'd park on the driveway

oh time out again is it just him doing old like Gallagher jokes yeah including the watermelon what if Brian Kelly's been really encouraging this whole time every every Michigan halftime was just Brady Hope doing the Gallagher watermel thing

and you know what For 12 games, that worked pretty well. It got you to be Sugar Bowl. Listen, man, he's going to inspire us. Maybe he's going to throw a honeydew on there. I don't know. It could get crazy. Oh, no, Durian!

And it all went downhill, blinding several of their key skill players. Maybe that's what happened to Devon Gardner. It just went downhill after he was blinded in one eye when Brady Hark managed to pop a durian with a sledgehammer. Oh, classic case of durian eye. Yeah, listen, Michigan's got smart people, but there's no cure for this shit. Nope. Got to go to a specialist in Singapore for that. The, um, went to Teledega, um, been to a couple of other places, just sort of doing

stories and stuff and, uh, traveled to, uh, your fair city, Ryan, New York. Yeah, I wasn't here. No. I was not. I did, however, take the segue to Chicago, uh, because we want to talk about the draft. And I was, I was at a semi-draft kind of event, uh, blocks with balls, which was in, the beautiful city of Chicago. Draft Town.

Draft Town. Where our fair young men of football go, if they are so cursed and chosen to play in the National Football League. It's funny when you get to play the role in real life that you do on the Internet of not really caring all that much about the NFL and thinking very little of it. And then you meet someone in real life who wants to talk about it and they're kind of crestfallen. Are you staying for the draft? That's for stupid people who don't know how to connect with others Why would we why do I want to watch that That's not football

No no no But it is where the draft occurred And this is where we want We really need a noise for this because we need a graphic for Jason Kirk's strong draft pinions Blah, bum, bop, bop, bum, bomb, bum. Drap pinions. That's somebody's text alert now. I hope so.

Draft Poon. I hope it's, I hope it's Jimbo's draft alert, draft text alert right now. Yeah, you got Jimbo. Whenever, like, a player gets picked or something? Yeah. My phone's dead. It's just been going off all day. Oh, it's just been going off all through church.

Yeah, as the one of us who probably kept up the most closely with it, due to it being more related to my job than either of yours, I can say that it's hilarious that a Texas assistant made fun of Baylor for having a quarterback drafted. It is the Texas recruiting, director, personnel, player, whatever. As soon as Bryce Petty was drafted in, I think the fourth round sent out a tweet saying, If you want to come and learn how to be a quarterback, come to Austin. Because the last quarterback we had drafted was Vince Young.

Yeah, Texas had a quarterback drafted in, like, the year seven. Hey, I think we should give them credit for Gary Gilbert, personally. Personally. Yeah, and Johnny Mansell while we're at it. Yeah, that's true. Oh, hey, we can keep going down this route. Because remember, Texas was their safety school. Hey, nice

Got them Got them, coach But yeah That was humorous Especially in route of the Oh, I'm sorry Colt McCoy was drafted too In the third round

Can I remind you Colt McCoy? He went to Texas Oh, the old guy from Oklahoma State Yeah That's correct And can I remind you of who drafted him They might want to forget about this.

I'm just going to guess the Browns. Correct. The Browns have drafted every NFL player in history. Yeah, every, like, Texas, big 12-ish quarterback goes to the Browns, I think. It's actually a vestige of NFL rules. Like, the Browns are sort of customs, so you go through the Browns, and then they route you to other teams. Nobody's actually, the Browns are picking all of these players.

Are you sure the Browns aren't, like, Razao ghouls, like, go walk the earth among the thieves test? Have you seen the Browns do anything as impressive as what Razaul's folks can do? I mean, they do look pretty tired. That's true. They have made people fall through ice and drown themselves. Also true. Browns fans, mainly. Yeah, Brown's fans mainly.

I'm at it. I can't take it. stomping on the ice. Like Vin Diesel on top of the parking deck. to end the fight. I'm jumping head first off this bitch. See you later. So, yeah, that happened with the draft.

I think another interesting draft opinion and another great joy of the NFL draft was handing off James Winston. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yep, it's done. Just go to Tomahawk Nation. Not a damn thing being said about James Winston. Nope, all quiet on the Western Front.

Do I even want to check? The hell are you talking about handing off, Jay. He plays for the fucking team in Tampa. Oh, I'm sorry. That's not particularly relevant to my life. Well, Tomahawk Nation does

now employ a James Winston focused writer. To just cover, that's it. That's our new Tomahawk Nation slash Tampa Bay Buck's blog. We already have one. No, we have two. They got that James beat.

I would not be surprised if Bud has already queued up a series of articles like after each Bucs lost to be like how James would have done it better if the Bucks would have just turned and loose Who's ahead of him? Who does that? Who does it? What do you mean ahead?

Mike Glennon. Okay, because I was about to ask. That's how... And ahead is not the term I would use. Yeah, how parallel is he on the depth chart? He's like super starting. Like if they had a game like tomorrow, would start it.

Would you say that it's neck and neck with Mike Lennon? Aw. Geez. Somewhere Mike Prana just chuckled. Ha, ha.

That and the handoff, though, is great, because now we get to enjoy NFL reporters who I'm sure will just

rationally and calmly deal with the many minor foibles and possibly major foibles they'll encounter covering a James Winston

We've just released him into the skies and wherever it is he alights is that is whom has to deal with his next indiscretion I just heard like just breathe by Faith Hill in my head when it happened right? Like just breathe

if you love something let it go and it's good and gone but remember remember Jimbo gets them paid that's if you want like Jimbo Fisher does not lie if you would like to be drafted high in the NFL and you would like to get a very large signing bonus by all means please sign with Jimbo Fisher if you want that one contract if you want that one contract remember it should be enough you should be able to eat off that for years yeah yeah you can you can feed your family

family from a Marcus Russell for a long time. So you're saying the NFL draft is like going to Costco and buying the big box of Nature's Valley. Grinola bars. Oh, that sucks so bad. But you can eat them. The damn. Crunchy bars. There's a reason they're cheap.

You're not going to go through them quickly, are you? Just go get that lead tainted 40-pound bag of protein powder. God. Probably scraped off of the plains of like lower Mongolia. by people making four cents an hour, right? Put into the bag for you, sold to Costco, get you some Nature's Valley granola bars, right? And you're set.

That's all the foods you're going to need for, like, six months. The Titans are probably giving that protein to Marcus Marriota right eight. I like mentioning like borderline slave labor and like cheap food purchased at the lowest possible price. And the first place you go is the Tennessee Titans. Well, if the shoe fits, I think a draft storyline that's been overlooked is the top two quarterbacks where they went. Jamis went from Bessemer to Tallahassee to Tampa, which sort of just feels like leveling up the same town.

Like if Bessemer were to, you know, octuple in size. It's like getting promoted up the insurance claims adjuster ladder. Whereas Marcus Maraer went from Hawaii. to beautiful Eugene to Nashville. Yeah. It's all downhill, man. His quality of life has declined with each stop. It's been halved each time.

But you know what Marcus Marriota has done a good job of doing early in his Titans career? Admitting that he loves terrible pop country music. Did he say that? Yeah. He did. He did. He said that who is his favorite?

That is savvy. Hold on. I'm going to find it. Because we're prepared. I mean, he seems like a kind of guy who likes just about everything. He would. He wouldn't say anything bad. Like, if he even got drafted by Cleveland, he'd say something like, oh, yeah, I love Machine Gun, Cal.

All right, all right. This is, Marcus Marriota said that he likes Rascal Flats, Tim McGrath, and Kenny Chesney. Oh, man, that is. And you know what? Kenny Chesney likes Marcus Marietta. Kenny Chesney is a lifelong Hawaii. Oregon fan. Because Kenny Chesney is Santa, but he lost the naughty list. He just loves everybody. The minute Marriotta got drafted, just there's Chesney in the living room going,

I'm part of your Ohana. You did see that Kenny Chesney appeared with the 49ers during the draft at one point. He announced, Kenny Chesney announced the fourth round pick of the goddamn San Francisco 49ers. And what was amazing is we've had a running list at our site for a while of all the teams he roots for and the Niners were not on there yet we got to add them that list is going to literally be every team like I was really surprised he didn't pop up in a Juventus jersey what if what if it turns out there's just one team that this is all a very long con to just shit all over one team one specific team he's like oh Minnesota twins fuck you the Sacramento kings hate them fuck you hell with you Fresno state no Kenny loves them don't even talk like that

I, I would, that would completely 180, my opinion on him, if this were one long con to be like, to hell with you, Auburn, especially if they were Auburn. And have it, have it revealed by like someone like us, like we look up like, hey, what, what about this one team? Wow, Kenny, Kenny Chesney was down to Duquesne and Auburn, and there he is in a Duquesne hat. It's amazing. Uh, they'd be great for, yeah, Duquesne. She's just despise DePaul or Duquesne. Yeah, the other sort of draft-related notes that just blew my mind,

the Raiders stuck their finger in the light socket happily by drafting Andre Du Bois. Yeah, buddy. Which I do have to say, if the Raiders came back and said, well, we thought maybe he didn't get enough offensive coaching or development at Florida. I wouldn't have a response of rebuttal. That's fair. I feel like, okay. Miami had more draft picks than they had wins this year.

Something that I'm Bud Elliott and every Florida state fan. Most definitely did not mention. Why do that to a good rival? How golden deserves better. Six and six. Also, you know which other state of Florida team had more draft picks than wins? No. There wasn't the U.S.

There was an U.S.F. They're just cranking them out there. You know, U.S.F might have. They had two picks. Well, I was thinking of the Gators, but there might be another. Yeah, but yes. We did fire our coach, though. Maybe it was all of them.

Maybe all of the Florida schools had more draft picks than winning. Ifs you came close. We can't stop talking about the no one. Can't stop. We can't stop, won't stop. Well, I would like. like to curtail the draft talk because we have reader questions. It has been far too long since we have spoken to the people. Ryan, we'll start with you. We got these off of Twitter.com,

which is a website. All right. So we have a, I think, a longstanding policy that we're trying to avoid the, oh, which if one coach had to be pineapple juice and the other coach had to be cucumbers, which one? No. But we make exceptions. Correct. He would be the cucumbers. This question comes from The Amazing Maddie B. At TA is my homeboy. And his question is which coach would have been the best justified villain. Now, if you're asking this question from a perspective of,

imagine that this is a new character, I submit that the best answer is Terry Bowden. But he sort of has that traveler mentality. he sort of has the kind smile that immediately feels wrong like he's sent one of his goons around the back of the house to cut your gas line and he also is somebody who you know you wouldn't be surprised if by week eight you're like

oh man Terry Bowden didn't end well for him yeah that goon is his brother Jeff by the way who actually would be a good Elmore Leonard character because bumbling underling is definitely something that appears in every Elmore Leonard's story.

Especially bumbling, underling that is related to somebody. Oh, undoubtedly. I think this is a solid pick,

though. I was going to opt for Ruffin McNeil. Yeah. Yeah, Ruffin McNeil is like a Limehouse type. Because remember,

Limehouse is secretly like one of the biggest badasses in the series because unlike everybody else, he and Winn-Duffie don't get caught. It's true.

ever like actually Duffy kind of gets caught in a ringer at the end and manages to get out Limehouse never even gets cornered and then they get their own spin-off series about them just on a cruise on a Viking river cruise in Europe in the black forest

hmm the Rhine so beautiful this time of year Ruffin that's right Terry I would like to answer the question post by At Clem McDavid, which is this. Which store has a greater store to advertisement discrepancy than Sonic? All right.

Now, I think what he means by this is what store has a bigger gap between the advertised product and the reality you are presented with? I think that's what he means. Now, that's a really, really tough question to top or an answer, because Sonic is pretty big because the advertisements are gorgeous and they're generally not crammed into a bag and stuffed into another bag and then put on a plastic tray outside your car like nothing's get a hold up that well Sonic is a pretty big one though so I can't really Arby's is also because if you look at Arby's advertisements or even Hardee's Hardee's are these big glistening

hamburgers and then you get them and they're these just mashed meat pillow with like a gooey lumpy paste-like bun on the top like that it feels like hardy's knows that and it's just fucking with you like yeah wouldn't it be amazing if this burger was real it's not idiot yeah they're they're kind of like the affliction shirt of burger you for buying this thing from us like every every single item on their menu has an implied comma bro after it uh i think i think i think Subway could be up in here because Subway is pretty big about being like, hey, things are new at Subway and they're exciting and look, a new celebrity that you've never seen. And then you go

in the subway and you're like, I'm living the exact same experience that this was in 1996. It's not different at all. You know what every Subway ad can't give you? That subway gives you every single time to the furthest extent of actual existential sorrow. It's that smell. The smell! The goddamn smell! Even an airport subway smells that way. It's like a mayonnaise dust kind of smell. It's like the smell of yeast mixed with the ground-up cardboard boxes that actually make their bread. What if that's what a burning body smells like, and Subway is just like,

they know that most people don't know that, so they're just like, oh shit, we're just going to be a body disposal front. So Subways are crematorial. right but for criminals and that's why there's so many of them because our morgues are all full the BMT stands for body management technology what does that mean it means fire it means fire that's what that means now I think Hardy's is the answer but the one that comes to mind for me and this is not exactly what was asked but Burger King um I think they're commercials are sufficiently ironic about how terrible their food is but like a burger king you walk

past it and actually smells really good because like they they use actual fire and actual smoke comes out and um that smells good and then you go in and it's like I see you're sort of going for McDonald's but it's somehow worse than McDonald's so to me that's the biggest disparity so who's who's the most honest then the most honest it's like Taco Bell is pretty honest. See, I'm going to throw little Caesars in the mix here because they're just like, it's hot and it's ready, and I make no promises beyond that. It's pretty cheap.

It's hot and it's ready, and it doesn't cause money. That's it. Don't look at it. Don't taste. I didn't say shit about taste. I said it was hot and it was ready, and you can talk to my fucking lawyer if you have anything to say about it. They're based on Detroit. You're getting something that is already done.

it's cooked it's cooked all the way through get out of this little caesar's you son with this they don't say it's cooked they say it's hot it's hot it's definitely hot it could have been on the roof for an hour for all you know someone sat on it for a long time it's hot and it's ready

because you're here and you got hands you took it it must have been ready it's truth in advertising it's self-defined if little Caesar's made a pizza so ready that God couldn't could not make a little Caesar so hot he wasn't ready to eat it

even he isn't ready well better give us five bucks to find out I will also state that I think that I think Dunkin' Donuts that was slightly out of

out of I think what you would consider the fast food meal market Dunkin Donuts is very honest because their advertising is a essentially. You'll give up. You'll give up and you'll need us. Duncan is creeping into the real meal market. They're like, hey, we have iced coffee with a piece of breaded fried chicken in it now. It's cool. You can have it.

Also, what a burger? What a burger is pretty much point for point. If you look at what it looks like and then you go there, it's exactly the same and you can order anything without shame. Anything. You can say, I'd like a side of gravy with my apples. And they would say, oh, yeah, sure. There you go. Think about this. There is, by mathematical definition, there is somebody who has been the saddest Waterberger customer ever. It might have been me.

It could have been any of us, really. I mean, I mean, I had. Are you talking, are you talking about disappointment level or like? No, no, no, no. Just like life was, life had ground them down. Oh, oh. The person who needed what a burger the most. Right.

It's Lanna. It's definitely Lanna. I ate my Thanksgiving dinner at a What a Burger once. Wow. All right. Well, we solved that question quickly. There, there. It was me. And to be honest, like... What are the odds of that? It was for the last Texas-Texas A&M game. And I was like on route. And I hadn't had anything to eat. And I didn't even remember it was Thanksgiving until I ate in my car in the parking lot.

Oh, my God. On Thanksgiving. And then realized like, oh, God, this just got... really sad. Yehow. Texas. This is like a Fogelberg song. Jesus Christ. He's singing in his card and eating hamburgers with himself.

Gidia! He knows he shouldn't order fries, but he doesn't give two shits. There's, by the way, did you know that there's a Canadian, the Canadian restaurant chains have the worst possible names. They really do. White Spot is one of them. There's also Dick Ann's hamburgers I'm sure this not pronounced that way But don't correct me, Kevacroix.

And Captain Submarine and Burger Baron Those last two sound pretty good Yeah, Burger Barron sounds great That sounds better in Burger King Because he's giving you that illegal shit There's also one called Heroes Certified Burgers I hope you go into Burger Barron I hope you go into Burger Barron

And they're like, you know, World War I wasn't what it sounded like. I'm all on the gay hooters business plan to just start a business, start like a fast food restaurant or a casual sit-down dining experience that's totally based around internet conspiracy theories. Hey man, tallywackers is coming soon. Would you like a Kim Trails chaser with that?

Let's move on, Jason. Let's see here. This comes to us from Kelly Murphy on Twitter.com, known as Beer underscore Nye. What's the video game you hate most of all? This is probably an obvious and frequent answer, but I'm going to go with

Mist. Wow, I wouldn't even call Mist a video game. It's like homework. Yeah, the game, quote fingers, where your job is to go from screen to screen, click on parts of the screen, click back to go to another part, click on something else continue until you delete it i i have a theory about missed that the designers like never

formally assigned character creation to anybody and they got to the end of the development cycle and they were like oh oh shit darren did you and he's like uh no this is an artistic choice yeah yeah yeah that's what it was this makes our game stand out that we don't have characters or things happening it's different like the only action in the entire video game where things opening or moving. That was it. Yeah. Yeah, you turn the wheel, then you go to the next screen and see what the wheel did. You can't figure it out. So you push the button and you go back to the other screen.

Now you're outside again. Now you're reading the letter from the dead guy, and then it's got the Microsoft and Carter, the videos moving. It's like being alone in a Home Depot that you can't leave. It's like John Boy's society. I don't know. I'll just play with the paint mixer for two hours. Does that do something? Did that move anything? It's hard to pick like a game you really, really hate, because most games you really, really hate, well, you know, nobody played them, right?

Like, nobody would touch them. Like, you pick it up and you're like, oh, well, I'm never touching that again. You really have to sort of, in order to hate a game, it has to be something that people actually play, right? Yeah. That you wanted and got and then hated. Yeah, it's not just worst game, because there are awful games that you play ironically or you never play at all. It's a game that you somewhat invest. in and are angry

about that. Yeah. For me it would be there's a couple of games up there. Watchdogs watchdogs was crap. Just hot ball sweaty crap. Just bad, nasty, feted, shit,

voila crap. Just crap. Like top to bottom. The game was absolutely awful. It was like unfinished. It was just like, it was a series, it was like a list of boring errands. All conducted in a car you could not drive. It was as if like somebody had written down language, like written down everything you were supposed to do in their second language, handed you their car that had no power

steering and three ball tires, and asked you to drive around Chicago, which for the record, Chicago is a great city and a terrible place to play. Draftown. You just draft town. It's a terrible place with no features. So when you drive around it, there's nothing to look at, but just row house after row. row house and occasionally, oh look, a big lake that the animators had to do nothing to interact with at all. So, yeah, watch dogs. Do you even get to watch dogs? I ain't a single dog in there. Or a watch. I mean, if there's like some sort of simulator we get to actually watch dogs, that sounds all right. I mean, that would be better than the game

watch dogs. Like way better. Isn't that just going to a pet store? No, you don't have to leave your house. No, no, no. And it doesn't smell bad and you don't so tempted to buy one. With watchdogs, you'd have to hack into the video camera and then hack into another video. That's another thing where, like, you got the magic telephone. Yeah, that's another thing I hated about it, is that it involved, like, you know,

really bad hacking culture references, like CSI, cyber. It was like CSI, Cyber, the video game, right? Enhance, Enhance. So it's like, it's like CSI, Grand Theft Auto. Yeah, basically, except done with, like, except if you only did half the game, if you, like, only wrote half the game, and then released it and asked people to pay money for it. Well, I kind of hate this game now. I absolutely despise that game. Ryan.

I got nothing. Let's just go to the next question. Okay. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. Sorry. Just remembering Miss made me really sad. Sorry.

Many, many hours wasted. Like, even Call of Duty games when they're bad have such comically bad elements, I enjoy them. Like the press, like, press X to pay respects, right? Press Ellen to claw through a pile of corpses. I just feel like, I just missed tricked you because it looked really cool. So you were like, well, something. I mean, probably there's a laser turret level somewhere here. You just got to earn it.

And because it was like the first. or something game that was like people sort of all decided that it had some bigger purpose, some story element or whatever. Maybe it appealed to granddad's. It was artistic. No, no way.

Granddads. It appealed to people with incredible levels of patients who were used to like grandmas, maybe. Grandmas would be like, no, I love missed. I just hung out. I went to the lighthouse

and I read a book and it was the lovely day at the beach and the nice man was talking to me through the dude i'm gonna love mist when i'm like 70 i don't think miss is a shit yeah we're gonna get missed another chance quiet quiet dad's playing mist on this computer he stole from the library

again playing mist on his apple watch playing mist on his apple watch be quiet I'm about to fill out of form turn on the spigot there's lots of faucets and stuff um i would um my next question is from uh yeah this is a tough one man but we're gonna we're gonna go for it okay

and it is uh it is the question how uh how do i win an argument with my wife and i'm gonna go ahead and i'm gonna protect this man's identity by not listing his twitter handle because he's asked a really foolish question right yeah because i I will pause it. There is no... You can search our mentions and find it. There is no winning. There is no winning an argument with the spouse.

No. This good... All right, well, what's the closest... Sure. What's the closest you feel like you've come to winning an argument? Either one of you. Pass. Okay.

I have been right once in my marriage. Well, you are older than me. I was going to say, you've been married for a long time. You've been married for almost 10 years. is it now? Yeah, and by the way, the time I was right... You've been basically married

for like 20 years. The time, and the time I was right happened in the 20th century. So you're due? Yeah, no, no, I've had by one. You were arguing about like 98 degrees or something. I haven't been,

I haven't been right this century. Your wife, your wife argued that J.C. Chazé would have the longer career. No, no. We were, this was about earthquakes. and it was over the terms P wave and S wave. Oh, my God. And I said that the P stood for primary and the S stood for secondary.

And she said, no, it has something to do with the shape of the waves. And I said, no, no, no, no, no. I'm right about this. And honestly, like, the only time I've been right was a sword and the stone moment, right? Like, shank. I did it. I'm king of England. Take a lap, son.

and my wife graciously looked it up and said you get right points just go ahead and it was great because I tried to be super gracious about it but I just brought it up to you and everyone listening to this so I'm obviously still floating about it you remember it 16 years later

no no no no many many more than 16 yeah it is it is the least consequential victory possible and you remember it It was the goddamn Olympics. It was a victory, therefore it was constitutional. Like, here's the thing that I don't think, I certainly didn't understand

this when I was a younger man. I think, like, our single male listeners might not get this. It's totally fine to lose these arguments. There's, it's, it's, it's great. Like, if the debate is, you know, should I get a haircut? Nah, I don't think I should get a haircut.

And you hear that you should, well, it's correct. Just do it. Like, you, you have this person who's smarter than you, and you get to take advantage of that. It makes everything better. Just stop thinking. Just listen. That's it.

That sounds right. Ryan's been married for like four days. I don't know if he can do this yet. Yeah, you'll get there. Just totally just shut off the old brain. You'll have to worry about anything from here on now. And if you are right, if you somehow are smarter than I am, And that's the probability that is a real high.

You should, by all means, just if you are right, more than once. Keep that shit to yourself. Yes. You don't share that. Listen, be a care bear. Take that little magic sparkle, put it in your chest. Just let it sit there, okay? Put it in your heart.

And then with your dying breath. Say, I was right five times. I was right. We shouldn't have gone to someone. I was happy to play volleyball in the backyard. That it sucked there. That wasn't fun. Term life insurance was a great idea.

Yeah, but you're dying first, so she wins that to you anyway. Hey, mamma, I got a perfect record's a perfect record, whether it's on the left or the right side of the column. I don't care where you put zero. Just make sure it's on one side of the other so I can feel good about perfection. Thank you.