Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast6

Episode Date: October 16, 2013

Contains ten minutes of discussion about how Paul Johnson makes impractical firearms and cooks meat with his body heat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So I called him the angry lunch lady of the SEC, but you have another metaphor for Will Mustchamp, correct, Ryan? I do. It's a little more extended, if you guys will allow it. Well, let's see. Last podcast was about 50 minutes. So if it's shorter than that, go ahead. Yeah, this is definitely under 37. So, all right. So I'm going to lay it out piece by piece. So I live in Brooklyn, and naturally that means that I live near thrift stores. I give some items to one of these thrift stores that is one of those setups where you give them household items, clothes, whatever. They sell those items, and they give the proceeds to charity. Am I a hero?

That's for other people to decide. But I also go into this thrift store from time to time just to look around to see. you know, if there's a gift I want to get for somebody that I don't actually like all that well. And it only just hit me recently that I have never gone to this establishment and seen anything that I have donated for sale. And what hit me then was that all of the stuff that I had given them, which, you know, I didn't want anymore, but it wasn't trash. I thought it was perfectly acceptable. I thought it was something other people might want is total garbage.

And that's how I feel about Will Mustamp at this point. He's my thrift store coach that the thrift store didn't want. Now, do you think that maybe your goods are being burned for fuel? Maybe they're still contributing, which that's also kind of Florida offense. It's possible, but I give them a lot of styrofoam goods, so I hope that's not what's happened. So that's dangerous to breathe, also like Florida football? Well, dangerous to breathe in this. sense that your brain needing oxygen would bond to the hydroflora carbons inside the styrofoam.

That would be bad for a normal human being. But like an alligator appropriately enough, I don't know if damaging the brain stem of Will Mustchamp really does all that much damage to the creature as a whole. His blood is pure methane. Like, you know, not all animals have as much loyalty to their frontal lobes as we do. Interestingly enough, to kill Will Must Jam, you have to sever his, fists not his head and even then hours to die he won't bleed out he'll just he'll just get so angry that he can't punch you he'll just leave what you're describing as some sort of country hydra

i believe yeah some sort of some sort of horrendous weird tubby country hydra he will regenerate adversity he will that that and the unique cry of the Will Must Champ alone in the wilderness, which having no control over the volume of his voice can either be a slight whisper or an outright scream, but never anything in between. And not just the volume of his voice, but the pace of his voice, it's going to be a really frantic scream. It's not just going to be a one syllable. There's going to be a lot of syllables coming at you. Mommy, I saw a giant woodchuck beating a whiteboard with weird runes and symbols on it. No, no, that's just Will Must Champ. He lives in the woods, and he draws up Eagle formations.

Eagle over! Behind the apartments on Archer Road. Oh, God, this is so depressing. Will Must Jam is kind of my idea of what, like, Big Ten baseball must be like. Like, watching Mark D'Antonio sit at a Michigan State baseball game, that's Will Mustchamp I think I he's like every overwhelmed and

an exasperated county employee I've ever seen you know like try the ones who try really hard and haven't just given up on the notion of society entirely like those like angry bus driver angry pretty much anyone who comes in contact

with the public school system that's Will Must champ right like why are you bending the forks Don't bend the forks and put them in the dishwasher. Will Mustchamp is that relative you have who gets very angry when you suggest that you can't buy everything at Sam's Club. Like that maybe you should get your daughter a graduation gift, not at Sam's Club. Why would you get wedding dresses and coffins at Sam's Club? Damn store is 50,000 feet tall. Of course they got everything. You stupid?

I got one store That's it If I can't get it there I ain't getting it anywhere else My nephew's sick to Sam My nephew had his President Sam's club Yeah

That's Will Mustchamp is the Einvoke Einvue I'm pure I'm mega package store That's his approach to life One thing

Why can't we win games 103 Because the score is not 103 The score is 103 I'm convinced that the math just auto corrects in his head. We either had 10 or we had 3. That's it. The score is actually

38 to 13 coach. 10 3. Boil it down for me. Like it's some sort of basic code. It's very binary in his mind. It's either 10 or 3. It's not even fun. Like, I know I wrote that. But I didn't say it like I want to say it

with the correct inflection. Which is that like you said this with the Falcons a couple of weeks ago, Jason, but you're like, oh shit, I got to watch a falcon. Yeah, yeah, I sympathize. The Mike Smith era has devolved into the Will Mustchamp era, so I'm right there with you. But, Spencer, what is the most fun Will Must Champ Florida game that there's been that you've watched? See, this is where you actually go back and realize that no, none of them.

Absolutely none of them have been fun. They're so constipated. Because Florida FSU last year was a blast. Look, even then, it was until the fourth quarter, remember the roof just kind of fell in on FSU. There's huge momentum swings. Yeah, big momentum swings. And always the feeling that we were lucking out. That's the thing about, like, and not in that positive sense of like, man, I'm a Western Kentucky fan.

And boy, we're punching above our weight, right? Like, I miss this. really would envy the position of, like, like, Baylor, it's got to be so fun right now. And I don't mean just because of the offense. Obviously, that helps. But I mean the sense of somebody on the way up who can really appreciate and savor every delightful moment of beheading the opponent, as opposed to expecting it, because we were used to the clean beheading. And with MustChamp, it's like a beheading done with a rusty lawnmower blade, you know?

Because that's what I got. I cut my grass with it I can't cut anything with it Go to Sam's Club Get a new one A new yard New yard And a new person to decapitate

Because just Just to kill my neighbor Gonna need a new one Pretty sure they got those At Sam's Club He was a good man He's out for the rest of the month With a missing head

We're going to miss his contributions In the neighborhood He is he did so I'm just sick for these kids Who don't get to watch A proper decapitation We think he's going to be ready for spring I truly believe that

We're holding him out of the Arkansas game Seeing as he doesn't have a brain It's a tweet He's going to be fine You have many times Will Must Champas had to say that Poor thing Like he's had to get up there and go

He's going to be fine Yeah coach we saw him He was he was attacked by a By a very large warthog I mean like not a razor back That would be cement What you're discussed for He's being wheeled around campus

In an iron lung coach This is just more of the binary Will Must champ He only understands dead or alive. He's going to be fine. That's it. He's going to be fine. That's it.

We don't give out injury news, but I'll tell you that he's got AIDS. But he's going to be fine. He's going to be, he's got cancer. His legs have no skin. But we think we're going to get him some touches. Like Will Mustampen Brian's song. It would be such a different, such a different movie. Because I'm pretty sure he'd be like, he's got cancer.

He's going to be good to go. you could go okay get in there go ahead end of the movie all of a sudden like he dies and like that binary thing switches in he's like hey buddy that's good you're gonna be good to go this start he's dead no he's doubtful

he's doubtful now what I'm most looking forward to now is Will's song listening to what kind of music does Will Must Chant listen to is it like Henry Rollins jingles no no it's Nickelback we've had this oh yeah we did learn that's right But he didn't know what Nickelback was. Does that tell you, like, I have a couple of Will Mustamp stories.

One being that he did actually tape a, like, he taped a, this is what Chris Hatcher, the former coach at Georgia Southern, and now, I believe, head coach at Murray State now. Murray State. Yeah, told me that Will Must Champ had at one point taped a broken headset to his head. Now, consider this. I said, I asked really specifically. Now, when you say tape to the head, do you mean, you know, okay, what would you do? You would do this.

You would try to make kind of a bandalier, right, a headband out of it, right? And make sure that it was double-sided on the non-sticky side, right? So that you didn't actually tape your hair right to your head. Right. Sure. Yeah. That's not what Will Mustchamp did. Will Mustamp literally did the patriotic revolutionary war drummer thing with duct tape, right?

just zh-ch-ch-ch-chr around his head, meaning the next day, it had to look like a wild animal had just gnawed chunks out of his hair, okay, in order to just get my headset on. That's what he did. Well, that was down in Valdosta, wasn't it? So, I mean, everybody there kind of has a little

racetrack around their head. That's what they call it down there. It's like a reverse tauncher of sorts. Indicates that you're in the monastic order of dip. Yeah. it's like a it's like a jet stream makes you run faster it's a hairstyle that signals separate but equal your top hair in your bottom hair like that's the thing like like i i could never believe like and there's no evidence for this but just as a hypothetical i would never believe anyone who said

man will must champ is racist or homophobic because those don't have anything to do with football No. He didn't know what Nickelback was. It was just on his iPad. Like the most toxic band on the planet. He had no clue who they were because has Nickelback ever helped him stop a spread offense out of a nickel set? I don't think so. No, it's like saying, I don't think The Terminator liked what I made for dinner.

The Terminator didn't give a shit what you made for dinner. He just wanted to assume your form and kill you with a pokey finger. unusually though really fond of chicken and dumpling I know curious is it just an incredibly efficient food or maybe that was just the first thing he ever ate and he decided to never depart from that

maybe the programmer was a redneck right and his last thing he's like ah his robots are going to kill me but I'm going to remember my mom by making this robot's favorite food chicken and dumplings then the robot like you know gutted him with its like molten liquid sword and that that's as much as I want to talk about well must champ tonight yes please god well if you insist so so depressing let's talk about something happier

like say for instance the fact that USC is totally going to have edward's head coach at Notre Dame no forever I think he may oh oh oh right right right well in that case at Notre Dame for the next decade. The next damn, the next damn decade. The best part would be if Ed Orgeron did, like, consider this, because you could really see these kind of scenarios, right? Ed Orgeron does a great job at USC, but Pat Hayden wants to hire his dude and erase any connection to the prior administration, right?

This is feasible. We're here, correct? Yeah. Okay. So tell me the jobs that are going to open up that Edwardron could possibly land. Because if USC's not going to make that mistake, who will? Mississippi State. Yeah, that's hard to top.

That's a, who is, this is a little too close for comfort already. Goodness. I got to admit, I thought I was ready for that shot, but it is not going down easy. Hey, he knows the state And Mississippi State's done well Since he's been in the state

FIU Do I hear FIU That actually would be too smart For FIU to do At this point I hate to say it But that's too pro Of a move for them

So they would get like Ted or Duran His little brother He's like Accidentally filed it and wrote the T really small but wrote the E really big, right? Just hoping to get a job. And FIU was like, you're hired, son.

Dead Orgeron shows up and they're like, he's a 55-year-old greyhound trainer. Be like, is there a Shula who kind of likes the ball? Let's hire him. What are your qualifications? I own a fishing boat. Sold. How about Georgia Tech? Oh, hell.

Here's the best part. Georgia Tech's too broke to do it. Well, perhaps they're, you know, they kind of already have Ed Orgeron. They have a smart, quiet Ed Orgeron, but pretty much the same guy. So if you decide he's not working out, maybe you just ramp up the volume and the grumblyness. Can we just make Paul Johnson Cajun, put him through some kind of crash course? Yeah, tell him there's a delicious food at the end. He looks like he likes food.

I'm not saying he's out of shape because he looks like a man who likes food. He looks like a man who walks and needs calories and probably likes food. Paul Johnson actually looks like a man who just puts food on his body and lets it absorb. He just slaps a chicken fried steak to his back. Like a...

Six hours later it's gone. Like a fly. Right. Yeah, or maybe he's like a Mongol. He just lets it cook under the saddle, right? Just gets like a nice piece of underdone ham, puts it under his fanny, sits down, bangs out a couple of, you know, recruiting calls. It's cooked.

It's good to go. Genghis Khan would have done it. Then when that runs out, you stab the horse, you drink the blood. Yeah. I can see Paul Johnson doing all these things and coming up with inventive new ways to do them. Genghis Khan could have learned a few things. Yeah, no, no, Paul Johnson is doing it the same way. It's working.

That's very true. The man is not going to change things that work for thousands. Remember, by the way, is this, is this his sixth season? Six? We had five or six seasons of Paul Johnson football. Seems so much longer. Something like that. All right.

Consider this. They, like, just started working in the shotgun formation last year. Remember, that was like breaking news in Georgia Techland. Oh, hey, guess what? They're got to be working in the shotgun. George's fuck now. They don't even have the shot. No, they do.

They run, like, half of their offense at least out of the shotgun. What? Maybe there was sort of, it was sort of hinted that, like, Paul Johnson literally has a shotgun. Yeah. Which, that would be less surprising than Georgia Tech running the shotgun. Pretty sure he knows how to make shotguns. Like, the only guy who could go out with a killing spree in his last game as head coach, he's got my money. Like, you know, Turner Gill, no.

Like, Turner Gill, that wasn't happening with him. he was going to go out with a prayer maybe a nice note of thanks you know when Bill Snyder retires he's not taking anyone with him he's just going to give everyone a Pinocchio doll

and some worthers and that's going to be it man is Bo Polini too obvious a choice Yeah because here's the trick with Bo Polini Bo Polini is secretly the kind of dude who's devastated by Pixar movies

like Bo Polini is the secret crier right deeply emotional now his brother FAU will be a crater Either that Or you're just going to open the office Like they're going to have to do the embarrassing thing

Where security have to, they're like, break the lock He's in there Just break the lock, have the misquartive in And they go in And it's just It's just like nine hookers Cannibalized hookers They're not for days

Or maybe they ate him right like he thought he could handle it but you know he called the wrong people he called two or three too many yeah exactly he thought he could handle the miami grade of extreme hooker and uh no he could not no i know i think i think paul johnson's the one who might just be like y'all send the cops i don't care but paul johnson would do it uh in the line of fire style where we'd be watching i don't know some terrible acc game and then he they're like the announcers be like, oh, he's producing a, appears to be a wooden stock from his pocket. He's got another wooden piece there, just slowly assembling his wooden gun.

He's mingling a rifle in real... He's building a blunderbuss out of a railroad tie. He's got to hurry, because that damn offense, it just bleeds clock. No, no, I mean, no, he's still going. That's going to take him hours, man. He appears to have pooped out a bag of gunpowder. This gun can do three things, and none of them beat Georgia. It doesn't shoot very far.

I'm kind of like the quarterback. Yeah, no. And when it can, it's immobile. It's amazing. I can't build a gun that you can move or shoot. Yeah, it's crazy. I only build howitzer's or pistols. Nothing in between.

That's also, by the way, the longest anyone has ever discussed Paul Johnson. But seriously, Ed Orgeron plays at Notre Dame. So consider this. Teams that have beaten Notre Dame, okay? and coaches that have beaten Notre Dame in the past five years. Okay, the hilarious array of coaches. One, I submit to you, Greg Robinson. That is true.

Here's another, Charlie Weiss. Yeah. Think about it. Yeah, that's true. Tom Amstutz. God. Not thinking about it. I believe it was Tom Amstutz.

Was that Toledo? You made that coach up, so. Yeah, no, no, no. Don't you remember the Stutz? The Stutz! He was this massive super fat guy who coached Toledo. And I was trying to remember because Notre Dame lost, like if you look at their losses over the past five years,

and this is, by the way, purely, this is an act of sadism on the part of this show. We're just trying to cause pain to not. Dame fans that they just, they don't even deserve at this point. Well, yeah, you deserve it. There's a Dave Wonstat in there. Oh, it's about to see. Yeah, yeah. That gets lost in the Greg Robinson year, but they had already lost Wonstead.

That year also includes a Paul Johnson and a Randy Edsel. God damn. I'm sorry, Ken Nia Matalolo. Oh, good. Oh, the agony. And if you keep going forward, it just gets worse. It really does because... We got to skip, we got to skip holes.

You've got to skip holes, man. 2009, Notre Dame loses 33 to 30 to Yukon. Is that a Franksbad? Oh, Jeff Jagzinski. Phew. Oh, no, I had confused it, by the way. It was not Amstutz. It was not.

It was Tulsa. A young Todd Graham. Is that Todd Graham? Yeah. Who probably unsuccessfully interviewed for the game for the team afterwards, right? Like, just the job, like, head shake? Like, they take an application? No?

Okay. All right. They should be, because I just won. No? All right. That's cool. Here's my card. Joe Paterno beat Notre Dame.

That guy didn't win a game for like 10 years. Oh, God. Speaking of burying the Paterno, Leger. legacy. My God. Excruci. Oh, by the way, he lost to Skip Holtz. He lost to

twice. Twice. Changayley. Lost to skip Holtz when he was at South Florida. And Chan Galy. Good God. How are you not dead from pain and agony? Yeah, but they beat Danny Hope, so.

A man called Hope. um yeah no i think that's it oh my god i forgot by the way skip holt two flavors of skip holts that should be enough to kill like a whole village much less south bend indiana all 38 people who live there let's take some read by the way before we move on to the games let's take a couple of uh i know we have to watch that off let's do some reader questions here uh if you'll do this i believe but you should be cced on these i'm going to go ahead and uh select our first one okay which is going to be uh-huh uh let's see we need y'all's french fry power

rankings now that drew mary has released his i'm going to make it really short and really simple uh that i really really really like uh sweet potato fries and then there's everything there's everything else there's like sweet potato fries you don't need to put sugar on them you know what okra fries no fries french fries my wife's like okra fries and i was like my god you know what happens when you get a master's degree you just lose all sense don't you you just forget the knowledge that will must champ gave you there are two kinds of fries dead and alive i never heard of an okratator lady yeah i've never heard of an okra potato okra tatatatatat okra you give me one or the other i can't deal with folks i'm gonna say uh i'm

say Waffle? It's a strong choice. Fries. I'm not being really orthodox about this. If you like that, that's awesome. And if you don't, you know, it's good for you.

I like the sweet potato. I think that leaves me with curly fry. And I'll throw it down with curly fry. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that. That's a good shape, too. Yeah. I mean, that's a good shape.

But I always think of Arby's checker curly fry. It's kind of like arguing about pasta. Like, all pasta is the same. it just comes in different shapes. It's like arguing about, like, alphabet soup versus dinosaur soup. When you're kid, it's thought the same thing. Well, they have a dinosaur soup now?

I know. Baller. Yeah, you know, whatever. Who do you ride with fast food lines? Because I think that's what most people are talking about. And don't get Couture on me, okay? Don't be like, oh, well, this, like, chain of seven. No, I mean, some place that, like, any dumb ass could pull up to on the highway and go to.

purely for french fries or just general french fries like if you just had to walk up and be like i got to eat french fries oh huh well i'm sure there are better options but i'm from georgia so i just go to chick filet you know they're good i'll say that chick filet they're good for five minutes not that many fries are good after five minutes they have so much of a surface area that they get cold pretty fast and the peanut oil doesn't hold up over time but you were busting out some georgia science How long were we going to talk about Chick-fil-A? Because I could go for a while. No, no, no.

You and I probably could. We could probably do a good 30 minutes just on Chick-fil-A alone. But you're right. The surface area is crucial. There's so much of it. And the peanut oil, I don't know what it is, but it cools in roughly two and a half minutes. And then they just turn into cold starch. Yeah, they're very, very bitey.

Yeah, I'm going to go, seriously, I'm going to go with the king here. Okay? I'm going with McDonald's. consistent, good, you can get them anywhere. They're salty. They contain zero attempt at nutritional value. They don't even put a peel on them, right? There's none of this, oh, it was a thing once.

No, they're just hot tubes of obliterated starch. The unfortunate thing is that you can, once you've eaten too many McDonald's fries, you've definitely eaten too many McDonald's fries. Like, it's a very quick. There's no warning. Well, when you get the six-hour diabetes? Right. When it kicks in, you're like, oh, God, glucose, Chris.

Yeah. If you eat too many McDonald's fries, by the way, I'm convinced they're the third leading cause of traffic accidents, right? Like drunk driving, texting, and McDonald's fry over dose. Seems fair. All right. Do you have one you would like to select, Ryan? Let's see.

God. over now i don't like that one people people got to get some good some some serious questions here damn okay i'll go with i'll go with this one uh this is this is from mr big wheel other football games that should be played in raceway in fields

does he mean other infields that should be played or other football games uh let's let's say other football games okay because the one the one i'm going to pick right away is Michigan Notre Dame just because it will terrify damn it I went a step further I went Stanford Notre Dame

because I want somebody to have like you know a bottle of Pinot Noir just be really confused I want a Michigan fan screaming at a stock car that it needs to shut up because the game is on well you see they have a track like that's the thing Michigan has a track

so like there would at least be some Michigan fans like the Bob Seeger faction, right? Right. They would get it. They would understand it. Yeah, there's a big NASCAR drag in Michigan. Detroit, car stuff. Yeah, so like, you know, like, and there are white trash Michigan fans.

There are no white, it's like, there's not a redneck of the world who loves Stanford. You don't know, there were some Buddy Tiven's relatives for a while. Some of those folks out in San Jose and Sacramento. No, no, no, no, no. Like, Trevor from GTA-5 is not a Stanford fan, okay. I wouldn't be shocked. He might be a Jim Harbaugh fan. Yeah, okay, okay. I'm going to go with BYU, Utah, just because the demographics, the demographics from the skin tone perspective light up, but what's inside doesn't quite match. However, Utah fans storming the track, it would take them like an extra four minutes to get on and off the field.

Just Utah fans being punted by cars going 180 miles an hour? I'm going to amend my answer to Miami, Florida State because... That hasn't happened? Somebody in that crowd will not be able to help it, and they will try to steal one of the NASCAR cars. Somehow they will end up with a yacht and jet skis on the track. It's for recruiting. What? Don't ask. There's no time.

My answer would be this if I were going to go ahead and put another game in the middle of a NASCAR track. And that would be Kentucky Louisville, mostly because I'm convinced at one point a drunken fan would take the track. And then we get to see what Kentucky fans really want to see at a football game and usually see it a football game, which is someone broken in half by something moving fast. faster than a Kentucky football player. Now, I think with that particular rivalry, we do it at a knockoff Churchill Downs. We do it at Keenland, where everyone's already hammered beyond belief. Can we get the – you know, Kentucky's offense, if the thinner the field is, the better chance it's going to know which way to go?

Can we get a Japan Grand Prix thing where we have, like, the horse stand on the back of the horse, right, like the Japanese video game where you simulate a race and wacky things start happening? If that can happen with a football game going on in the middle, I'm totally... Now, that would boost Louisville's strength the schedule. I mean, sure, they only... They only beat Kentucky 34 to 20. But did you see what they had looking at them?

Did you see the... Did you see the dudes doing the can-can on the back of a super long dachshund-sized horse? Did you see that? That or I would also opt if I had to choose one more rival. to go ahead and put it in there. And this is just for serious. Like, this is serious shit. The Iron Bowl at Talladega.

Yeah. Just do the Iron Bowl at Talladega with the full race. When the big one happens, like seriously, if the big one happened at the same time that Alabama got a safety, like the glowing ghost of Bear Bryant himself would just like come out of the Ark of the Covenant, which is like a giant cooler that somebody brought. I'm also pretty sure if you did it at Talladega. Harvey Updike would show up. Like, in a biplane, be like, that court order didn't say shit about spice.

He didn't say anything about mustard gas, did he? I'm going to go Harvard, Arkansas at Daytona. Because fuck sense. That's why. Because Yukon doesn't travel well. Jason, do you have a question you would like to cherry pick for your books? Let's see here. Let's see here.

This is a tough one. Hmm. Hmm. More depressing places. Didn't we do that one last week, the airport parking lot? Yeah. Yes. Okay.

So check back on last week, folks. I don't know how you'll find it because we can't get this on iTunes, but just think about it. They're all on SoundCloud. You can find one if they're all listed next to each other. I don't know what that is, but. Well, you'll see. It's amazing. Works really well.

I would go ahead and select this, by the way, if you're going to ask another question, which is, which is, oh, damn it, that's a repeat. These are repeats. What are you doing, people? What are you wrong with these? Okay. America. If these coaches, this is from Will McKay, if these coaches no longer had football, where would they be? Those coaches are, Edor Dharron, Dabo, Greg Davis, Tony Franklin.

I kind of think they'd all be doing the same thing. Like those four, I could see those four of them hanging out. Greg Davis is kind of confused as to why he's there. Yeah. Trying to settle everything down. Dabo thinks he's in charge. Tony Franklin's actually in charge. And Edor Duran's probably missing.

I would like to see those four open a real estate agency together. Just because of the competition factor, first of all. Like, I think Ed Ordron would try to, he would get confused and think, all right, I have to kidnap people, put them in these homes where nobody lives. I win. Oh, no, I like that. By the way, this is the, I'm going to ask one more question here, which is from Braves and Birds, because I have an answer, like a solid answer that I had no other close comparison for, which is, what's the worst single game plan you've ever? seen a team implement we should note he's a michigan fan yes so he's very very biased about this but i have an answer and it harkens back to something we were discussing earlier which was

it would be 2007 notre dame versus georgia tech when charlie weiss after at least 20 minutes of close reading on the spread option and the spread offense decided to install it for one game against Georgia Tech, and then never use it again. And that led to a 33-3-3 to loss against Chan fucking Kaylee. Also, I believe that was the defensive coordinator there. Wasn't that Tanuta? Yes. So if you're going to go out with five wide and nobody in the block,

probably not the coach to do it again. He knows how to do exactly one thing. Blitz. And blitz, everyone. with more than five guys. Oh, I'm very sorry to interrupt this broadcast of something that won't be live tomorrow, but Costa Rica just scored.

Oh, Mexico is going to be out of the World Cup. But, yeah, that is for me the worst game plan I have ever seen implemented. I have a much more limited selection to choose from. I am going to pick the 2007 National Championship game, the Florida Ohio State game because nothing about what Ohio State did in that game looked like they had any regard

I don't think they watched a second of tape they were just like well yeah you know we're here we're the number one team why would we do anything differently everything's going to be fine it so wasn't quite fine that was for me like the idea of a bad game plan

is when you look at it and you both ask, one, do you ever practice? Not did you practice this week, but do you ever practice? Like, if your game plan is so bad that you take the field and I go, I don't even know if you're doing any of this on purpose, that's when I know it's the worst idea you've ever had. Now, I have an example. We don't even have to go back very far for this one,

but Oklahoma against Texas this weekend, their quarterback is 8 foot 9, 380 pounds, And all he does is run the option all day. Texas just gave up a half a thousand yards to BYU to a quarterback who is not that large. And yet, they didn't take advantage of that. Look, I have a theory on that game. I think Bob Stoops was talking to Mark Stoops. He had had a little bit to drink.

I don't know. They're on the phone. He's saying, you know what, I'll bet you I beat Texas so badly that I can use Blake Bell as a pure passer. there's that or there's this possibility which is uh which is that you know when a man loves a uh loves a bubble screen he just loves a bubble screen they threw that like 34 times that game just the same bubble screen like throw them badly like blake bell throwing it like you would throw a ham right just throwing it out to the wing you're saying blake bell would be the best supermarket sweep player

Oh, undoubtedly. He is his own shopping cart. He'd be amazing. You can't eat the frozen turkey. You don't get points for that. I know. I know. I was just hungry. It won't slow me down at all.

It won't slow me up to 15 minutes later. Oh, boomer. I think it actually gets him a boost, like a power-up. Yeah, it makes this sound. But speaking of things that, make a sound we have uh the magnificent uh we have i i haven't quite come up for the name the the the umbo bowl the bo bowl the uh yeah the the the jabbo dimbo dimbo jimbo the bobo the jimbo the bobo the brobo this week the important thing is this week uh two men who combined to make five million dollars a year in salary

whose names are Jimbo and Davo will be the centerpiece of primetime television and their names are Jimbo and Davo and they make more money in a year than you'll scratch in 10 I mean that's they're amazing yeah they're going to be the center of the sporting world

assuming it's not baseball season yet is it but their names are Jimbo and Davo Jimbo and Davo will be playing for you know at least least a spot an outside shock at a national title provided a really good shot yeah i mean a pretty good shot a really good shot yeah if if they do this because they don't have to rematch they are in the same division so you know what they do have to do though in all likelihood the winner of this game has to play an unwatchable ACC championship game against virginia tech that everybody will see and

say, nope, we're not putting out. 15 to 8? No, thank you. Just frame, oh, and this is Frank Beamer's hour, because Frank Beamer can't win anything, but he's born to ruin. And this comes hours after, like, Alabama and South Carolina have, like, a 56 to 53 thriller. Yeah, and, like, there's just a few bitter Ohio State fans who were like, Bur, she's got no defense.

And, like, it was like, fuck you, that was awesome. And then all of a sudden, we have to watch this, like, squatting shit show of a game. And then Ohio State fans would be like, well, we did beat Buffalo. That game against Northwestern? We beat Buffalo by a third as many points as Baylor did, almost. Did you see that underwhelming 22-0 game against Michigan when Al Borgas just ran like, he turned, my favorite expression, by the way, MGO blog writing about a tackle over formation was like he turns his he turns his tackle or he turns his left tackle into a super right tackle I think was the phrase yeah yeah he's like

running this into a three-man front with full coverage like or an eight-man front yeah and not just a super right tackle a super right tackle who cannot function as a decoy tight end in any way there's like there's literally nothing else they could do short of giving the quarterback murdered other and run to the right. That's it. And the best part about it is I'm sitting there imagining like trading spaces with Al Borges where he's like, what if you use a chair as a hat? Like he's just got parts and he's just making up new uses for him.

Not sensical uses, but he's just like, what if I took Funchus and used him as a potter? Funny, we sleep in the mailbox now. Like where you're going, how much money did that? that man make and he's out there like yep great idea what if we just had four linemen all in the wrong place that'd be awesome and is he considering gregg davis and uh bowman and uh probably others he might not even be the worst offensive coordinator in the big ten i'm getting to the point in life when somebody says hey you know that man has learned that man knows more about football that man has forgotten more about football than you'll ever know i've gotten to the point in life where i'm like nah

I'm just like, man, he's, he's a veteran. No, he's just, he's just lived a long time. Even if that's true, Alborges might have forgotten everything about something. Exactly.

That's the marvel of age. That's not an enviable position. Exactly. A lot of things about getting older suck, but one of the things that doesn't is being able to go, no, no, no, that dude's just been around a while. There's no real greatness to that.

He just keeps picking up checks. The other thing, by the way, about Jimbo-Dabbo, and this is just what I think on the outside is this, that I think Florida State is going to wax them. Bad. Hmm. Bad? Yeah.

Bad, straight. I don't think it's going to be like a 17-point win. I don't, and just because of this, I don't think Clemson, I don't think they're just, like, talent-wise, especially defensively, they don't have. have that. Well, they have a pass rush. They have a pass rush. And who are they rushing? They're bringing down the fleet-footed athletes at Boston College behind the line of scrimmage. They're bottling up Wofford for losses. You know, like, it was Anthony Williams, the running

back, correct, who absolutely cracked Clemson's safety. Yeah, I believe Clemson's defense is down to about eight guys after that one run. Yeah, and Anthony Williams, like most players on scholarship at Boston College, they focus on very talented, charismatic, and intellectually adept people who are able to follow the standards and live up to the Boston College standard. Curiously, though, by charter, they all have cinder blocks for feet. Boston College is really amazing because they recruit nothing but really slow athletes who do nothing but make plays.

It's a requirement. They're like, five, four, you're our man. Four, seven, that's a little speedy. We don't want anyone to feel bad. I thought you were talking about height. If you're five foot four, come to college. Only to play quarterback. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, only to play quarterback. Although, like, seriously, does the cinder block his feet requirement? Matt Ryan looks a lot different now, doesn't he? Yeah, it's not his fault. No, it's not his fault. I'm convinced. Boston College actually has the most brilliant athletes in all of FBS football. But, you know, by charter, got to play with the cinder blocks on the feet at all times.

It's like misery. They keep breaking your feet, so you won't leave. It's a New England Calvinist thing. They're like, be humble before God, put on these cinder blocks. God wouldn't run for five yards of carry. 3.2. Just like God intended. Go on. Go on. Gort smack.

That's the way they talk. That's the way they talk because we don't have accents. But, yeah, I'm looking forward to the game, but I really think Florida States just, I think Florida State's just going to waste them. I think FSU's better. I don't know if I see a big, big win. They played really close last time in Tallahassee. Granted FSU might have a better quarterback this time around, but. I mean, really, like, this is the thing.

Jimbo Fisher for the first time as a quarterback who might get paid in the NFL draft. and who's actually good. That's the part that's amazing. I don't know. Somehow, despite being like this perfect specimen who's brilliant and picks up the whole thing immediately, there's going to be something wrong with him. You know.

Look at it this way. He can't be as good as he's going to be as a freshman. Like the chances of that happening. Like the thing is, is that the longer, the people will say this, the longer he's with Jimbo Fisher, the worst he's going to get. Which, and this is the thing that you'll hear in recruiting in Florida, by the way.

Jimbo gets his quarterback's paid. Not makes them better. I know which I'd rather be. This feels to me like that game where Florida State outplays Clemson for the entirety of the game, but they make like three bad mistakes. They get three bad calls against them, and somehow it's a three-point game in the middle of the fourth quarter. And Jimbo just had that look he has where, He has that, you know, when he gets that look, it's like he's gone to the doctor and he's been really good about his diet and exercise.

And doctor's like, yeah, your cholesterol went up again. So is that, is that, is that? Damn it, are you serious? Is that the one where he collapses prone or where he collapses on his back or? Man, he's got the collapse against UVA, the literal collapse with the play card in hand, where he goes down on all fours. Oh, I watch that gif, like, probably. twice today. Was that the one where he was challenging that his player did not make a catch

for a clockbladed? Yeah, and the time was like bleeding out on the clock because they're trying to get a field goal unit on and he just collapses and I love it because, not because I hate FSU, I mean I do, but not, but like I love it because it's a man totally broken by the moment. Like, oh, god dang! He does exactly what you would want to do, right? When something like, this weekend against LSU, I wanted to just roll around on the floor, but I don't want my kids to see that, right? But Jimbo just did it on the sideline. He's just like, oh, God, dang.

I'm going to have a good wallow right here. I'm going to leave me a divot. I'm going to rut for a minute. I'm going to fill it. Calm down. I play a lot of golf. I know to clean up. That's our Jimbo Fisher motto.

I'm going to leave a divot. That's like a school motto. Like, at the end of the school ad, they play during the game that shows, like, the kids in classes and the diverse, the diverse student body at the end, it's just Florida State University, leave you all a crater. I'm a leave it, damn it. Florida State's ad already looks like a Chris Angel promotion. It really does. He does. He's not lying.

I don't think I've caught it. Mind freak! Like, yeah, it's not really. It's like magic and clowns and chemistry. Of course, it's clowns. Of course, yeah, yeah, you know. UCFs, though, like, seriously, UCF has nothing to do with school. UCF looks like an ad for Tony Hawk game.

It's like sweet ramps, a fountain you can do an ollie into it, you know? UCF doesn't even try. They're like a coach who may or may not have accidentally killed a kid. I'm amused by jokes this year. It's like the scene at the, either the ending or the beginning of one of the space movie where they're showing all the radio signals coming from Earth throughout time that, like, ends with Hitler. Is that just an attack? Right.

Yeah. Because, like, Hitler is the oldest radio address. That's what the Georgia ad reminds me of this year. Florida, of course, is just a running gag. Look, Hitler was a hell of a basketball coach for Georgia. He made some mistakes. Granted, he got an NCAA trouble. He won't Jim Herrick.

That's what I'll say. Okay. Let's go ahead and reel off. This is like our ninth tangent off tangent. So I'm going to reel it back in and actually ask that we finish up by looking at a couple of games. A Thursday night game, by the way, once the fun belt wraps up tonight, we got us a Miami, North Carolina, which is going to be a disaster because North Carolina, what is wrong with them? They are one and four. They can't defend anything.

Larry Fedora just paralyzed. Turns out G.O. Bernard was pretty good at defense, I guess. By the way, is this not the kind of game Miami would lose now that we're all high on them? I mean, this is like... Hey, speak for yourself, people whose team has lost to Florida. I'm not buying in on Miami yet at all. All right, all right. Respect to that.

Speaking of teams that haven't lost yet, and a very challenging game, like a legitimate challenging game. UCF, visiting Louisville for, I think, like, seriously, Louisville could lose this game. Now, one thing about this game is UCF arguably their best defender, their leading pass rusher. Yesterday just up and decided he doesn't like football anymore and quits, which George O'Leary's is head coach. So there you go. Counterpoint, Bortles. Bortles. Again, Lake Bortals, who against South Carolina and UCF's previous big game of the year, mistakes were made if you watch that game.

He's a government official. That's how he'd put it. But they beat Memphis by a whole touchdown. Hey, this year, that's no joke. And I am dead serious. You sound serious. Memphis, most improved team. Most improved one in 14.

Most improved team in conference USA West, which is like the worst division in football history. Chris Vernon wants me to not pay attention to Memphis because every time I mentioned with them to do something bad. I'm like, go Memphis. He's like, stop. Screw them up. Also on Saturday, I'm looking through a vast array of games. One should not watch. Hello, Purdue, Michigan State. Oh, boy.

Michigan State's going to score 50 points in that game. That's just what they do. Michigan State's football. If you don't like it, man, stop it. It ain't run enough to score. I mean, Martin Teno's Series was like, we're not even doing this on purpose. purpose. We don't even have the ball. They put a touchdown up on the board. They don't. Upset

Watch. I'm going to go ahead and say the skid could continue when Georgia visits Vanderbilt at noon because it's at noon and nothing good happens in noon football game. Vandy's 0 and 3 coming off a bye week. Watch your ass Mark Rick. James Franklin's going to come

out swinging. Literally. Moving on, we've got South Carolina, Tennessee, which again And it's at noon. Noon in the SEC, I always assume someone's sleepy, and they're going to make a mistake. That's probably Steve Spurrier, right? Oh, yeah. This is a classic Spurrier game.

Now, is Florida Mizzou, that's 21 minutes afternoon. So is that clear? It's 21 minutes afternoon to signify the 21 gun salute. You give it the funeral of a season. It's also being played at 1121 local time. Ooh. Florida, the worst brunch ever.

Missou with their backup quarterback and Florida with Florida. The brunch that kills. The health department would close this game down in a hurry. Don't watch it. There are tacks all in these eggs. Eggs should have tax in them. That's a bus champion.

I think the thing is that everyone in the Ozarks goes to sleep at 3.8. So it's just roll out of bed and hop right to it. I don't know if we're talking about sleeping in a normal nocturnal diurnal cycle once you involve, you know, methamphetamine. Yeah, there's meth and there's wolves. There's meth wolves. There's Methwolves. There's Gary Pinkle. Like, dude, seriously, like Gary Pinkle, you know, just go ahead.

Rock it on the sideline. Have your wine boy. Have a good Just have the snifter I hope he has one of those You know those little necklaces That white people wear at wine tastings That hold your wine glass for you

I hope that's what he has on the sideline What Jason you won't understand I'm from Georgia I don't My wine tasting's happening in flowery branch You know they make muscadine wine It's a local vintage

You mean that peach wine They got a Publix Yeah That shit gets a little dusty, man. Go over there. It's got a little fine film of dust on it. You got to shake it. You don't want to watch Syracuse at Georgia Tech.

I don't want to watch Syracuse and Georgia Tech, so let's just not do that. Hey, you can even change that conjunction. I don't want to watch Syracuse or Georgia Tech. Yeah, in any context. But, you know, moving next rank team, by the way, UCLA is at Stanford. Yeah. Which, that's a dangerous game for Stanford. That's danger for everyone involved.

I mean, yeah. But, you know, Stanford, like, you don't want the slide to continue with whatever happened at Utah. And, by the way, expert analysis, I still have no idea what happened in that game. Well, Utah has the big talented defensive line, which can stand up to Stanford's O line. I don't think UCLA quite has that. No. Anthony Barr, I don't know if he can do it all by himself.

Is it also possible this is the game where Jim Moore is, like, look at these fucking. losers. I'm so much smarter than these assholes. It's like, hey, Sean, I'm going to tell you the first 15 plays, you fuck face. And then they lose by 30. No, no. That could happen. This could be

the moment of truth for him for doing that because he would do that. Oklahoma, Kansas, just, you know, just for, that's for comedy. It's going to be like a terrifying 11.1 for Oklahoma. Everything's going to be terrifying for.

Oklahoma from here on out. And whatever bowl game they go to, oh, God. That patented Bob Stoob's bowl preparation. This is going to be like, I came home the other day and I saw my neighbor just kicking the shit out of his car and he was losing. He's losing to the car? Yeah, losing to the car. This is the week of danger, by the way, because, just because I said it is, also because it's got a lot of teams coming off of crippling losses, facing opponents who are more than capable of kicking their ass. For instance, low, on the horizon, we have Indiana versus Michigan. God.

Oh, bring it Hoosiers. Because if you don't think Kevin Wilson is an agro freak who will take that compass in geometry class and bury it in your eye when you're weak, when you stumble in after just being dumped by your girlfriend, Michigan, he'll do it. Uh, one example of a team that's coming off the crushing loss that is not going to hang around is Arkansas at Alabama. Arkansas needs, Arkansas needs to stop the skit and there's the skit. Good news is, uh, it gets worse, Arkansas.

It gets worse. Oh, is this when Bielma pulls some absolutely dumb pulled from his ass crap to really piss Sabanoff, right? Like, like, like, I don't know, uh, onside kicking when he's down by, onside kicking when he's down by like, In the third quarter. Start is not attempting its third 70-plus-yard field goal. Yeah. Or is it he tries really hard to impress Sabin. Because, like, he's the even more normal American football guy.

But, like, Sabin's, like, about to just fuck it and start running the spread, so. Yeah, but Beelma's like, no, no, no, I'm going to match up with three scholarship tight ends who wouldn't make your team's practice squad. That's what we're going to do right now. other Washington, Arizona State, if you just want to see Todd Graham really try, you know, stick it to Washington. Who, by the way, one and two in conference, while Arizona State is 2 and 1. So very, very possible here that Sark Week dies for the year here. It's almost like Arizona State's schedule is just engineered for Todd Graham to be a maximum dick to everyone. Like every team he plays is coming off a loss.

Todd Graham's taught the unauthorized biography of Todd Graham, Maximum dick. Did we skip over Auburn, Texas, A&M? We did. The best game of the day, short of FSU Clemson. Free five. Well, no, I have one game which is performance art, which I believe will be an excruciating watch strictly.

Like, this is built strictly for Cuban links. By Cuban links, we mean officiados of atrocity, and which I am. So I'm going to go ahead and sign on for it so you guys don't have to. Because I know, oh, Auburn, Texas, A&M, there's going to be all kinds of fun things happening and people enjoying themselves in that game. And guess what? Screw you, because I'm going to be watching Iowa at Ohio.

Because I am for no reason whatsoever emotionally convinced that I was going to win. Now, what I wonder is, will Kirk France tell his defenders not to return Braxton Miller's arm punts? Just fair catching? Yeah, can you do that? Can you fair catch an interception? We'll find out. I mean, what are they going to do? Tell you to run?

This is the big 10. Tell you to run. His player gets sacked and his kidney explodes and the trainer's like, that's according to our training protocols. That's how we train. It's the way we do it at Iowa. So, yeah, I'm going to watch that because I'm just, I told Adam Jacoby that have eight wins before the season.

I'm convinced they're going to have eight wins. Iowa? Iowa, yeah, and that one of them was going to be Ohio State. Wow. Yeah, and I have no idea why, other than the funniest team to end Urban's win streak at Ohio State and ruin everything for them would be the team that I define as the opposite of football, Iowa. It's almost like Lane Kiffin being fired sort of shook everyone off the hop seat. Like Gary Pinkle, his 6-0 just beat Georgia, Matt Brown just blew away Oklahoma might win the Big 12. like nobody's getting fired now maybe because they're terrified

i was going to say there maybe they're terrified lane would show up right like that's what they're like no no hold on to our guy yeah we might get stuck with him soon we might get that so you can watch you can watch all you can watch that fancy evolved football that's happening over in the cc west i'll be sticking with good old fashioned big 10 football you're sad man i'm not going to be doing that actually there's no way not when maryland way for us is on Oh, wait, Forrest, you're so bad we don't even talk about you. Speaking of excruciating Iowa State Baylor, I'm telling you, Iowa State, they're going to be an obstruction for at least a quarter and a half, perhaps two.

High praise. At least, Iowa State. Florida State is, you know, get yourself a divot, right? Just wear yourself a divot. And Iowa State says an obstruction for at least, you know, 27 minutes. Of real time. Of real time.

We're also looking at Washington State at Oregon, where I don't know which side of the ball will score more for the ducks. If Connor Halliday is playing, it's a toss-up. Literally. Yeah. We should stand there. Perfect. We've got a nice hour-long podcast.

Saddle up. Dig in Dig in We got a motherfucking hour The best part Is that We'll probably

Get another 1,300 listens Shut down Foldcast Only for truckers