Shutdown Fullcast - Some Of History's Greatest Horses Were Lost In The Flow Of Time / 2024 NFL Draft Mock

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Simultaneous horse developments on r/ShutdownFullcast and in the Fullcast reader mailbag are addressed It's draft week, baby! What are we drafting this year? Don't worry about it! Holly and Ryan twi...n, with terrifying results You can watch Spencer at the real draft this week, on television! (On your computer!) Charity Bowl results! Summer 2024 live show teases! We're about to fight a timezone! This week's theme song arranged and performed by Wes Hunt Follow Jason's work and upcoming book-related appearances on Vacation Bible School, Shutdown Fullbooks, and elsewhere at jasonkirk.fyi Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at channel-6.ghost.io, if you dare Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcast, We're Not All Like This, wherever finer podcasts are placed Purchase only the finest merch at sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 What? I'm jumping in. Sounds like that's what's happening. So wait, we're not going to do a 23 long minute cold open. I think this is the cold open. Spencer, take it away. Christ Jesus. No, you know what?
Starting point is 00:00:20 Stop. No, I want to do this first. There are many opinions on weather. This is like watching a catcher and a pitcher just scream at each other. I said don't throw the ball Hey here's the best part Hey you were on my side I still am on your side
Starting point is 00:00:38 I also you also wanted to do this For those of you who maybe haven't been online We have we have some It's not disturbing It's crucial though Yeah it maybe you know the passage of time Has no emotion But anyway I
Starting point is 00:00:56 In our in our Reddit four days ago user heavy lunch posits and here's the post quote a fifth era of horses and he's quoting the April 9th episode era one horses before man rode them era two horses ridden pre-saddles
Starting point is 00:01:13 era three horses ridden with saddles era four horses will ride man in the future and he posts today a historical photo from the Pistol Lily Ranch tax shop which discusses horse diving between the late 1890s and 1930 now.
Starting point is 00:01:34 I don't like to think that we're all getting old, but eventually if we keep this up long enough, new generations will come into the show. And that means eventually we're going to get listeners who have never heard of the 1991 Disney film Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken, which is dearly beloved to both Ryan and myself. On the list of inspirational stories, for families, maybe, question mark, to watch about horse diving and overcoming blindness caused
Starting point is 00:02:06 by it, number one on the list. Not even sure who's number two. Is it about a real horse diver? Yes, Sonora Webster Carver. Does the movie star Gabrielle Anwar of, at the time, 1992, Disney's Three Musketeers, and later burn notice fame. Also, yes. Is it better than the Ben Affleck Daredevil?
Starting point is 00:02:27 Yes. Oh, 1,000 percent. And more action-packed. Why was that the movie that came to mind, right? Because it's two movies about blind people overcoming the limitations set before them. Your devil doesn't even ride a horse. He doesn't even know what a horse is, I'm pretty sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:47 How would he know? Yeah, exactly. How would Daredevil know what a horse is? You can't fit a horse in his apartment. No way. Yeah, no way. It's not held stable. It's completely, but.
Starting point is 00:02:58 completely impractical. And hellstable would be such a good name for development. Did the cinematographer of this movie go on to become the cinematographer of Let's Be Cops? Yes, thank you, Tara Okada. I do want horse kingpin. Really big. Wait, wait, wait. Imagine how wide that horse would be?
Starting point is 00:03:16 Is it Kingpin who's a horse or is it Kingpin's horse? I went Minotar Kingpin. Minotaur Kingpin. Minotaur King.com. Anyway, I invite everybody who was surprised by this. fifth era of horses to head to your nearest blockbuster video or just find whichever earlier episode Ryan and I are hollering about the wild hearts can be there's at least three or four of them where we just completely derailed the show to talk about this movie where indeed a it involves a girl
Starting point is 00:03:45 in like a 1930s circus dress riding a horse up a big wooden spiral ramp and diving it into a tank and you may wonder why why did such a thing happen because this is what passed for entertainment This is what I, yeah, you think people are worried now about kids spending too much time on their phones? They used to, they used to dive horses. Jump, jump them into the damn water. Yeah. Oh, we used to come home after dark after we jumped all of our horses off the Kearney platforms and went blind. Yeah, skibbitty toilet is a fine substitute for this.
Starting point is 00:04:16 I'm good for it, yeah. We also received an email. Anyway, thanks for trying to delay that, Spencer. Oh, you're welcome. Horse time travel is the most important topic, this, this, uh, this podcast can cover we received an email with the title the subject line the inspector gadget horse paradox this is from uh uh roger who is uh a teacher in middle school and said one of his students finished his assignment early and asked what he asked what he could do and he suggested
Starting point is 00:04:49 that he pondered the medieval horse times horse question at the end of class he came back with the following thoughts number one the horses had a different understanding of time before being colonized by people. Number two, horse sense of time was whitewashed by people and turned and buried in generational trauma. Number three, as a result, some of history's greatest horses were lost in the flow of time. One of the greatest phrases I have ever been sent via email. I'm going to say it again. Some of history's greatest horses were lost in the flow of time. That's some shit you'd get in a Zelda game. That's actually how you get mini horses. It's when they pluck them out on the way to the
Starting point is 00:05:28 quantum realm. And current house horses, horses have lost themselves in the same swirl. He calls this the Inspector Gadget paradox, where medieval times only serves to reify this distorted sense of time and space, cementing horse memory in the times in which they have been subjugated, much like how Inspector Gadget should have memories of his time before becoming a cyborg. but does not wait do we okay do we think this emailer is telling the truth this I this is what middle schooler knows the word reify is this a time track okay okay I have a I have a feeling
Starting point is 00:06:09 that this is a social studies teacher okay and I think I think they this teacher is adding some of their own language yeah but I do think this is the the this feels very much like the theory the theory of a seventh grader who finished the quiz early. podcast. Sometimes we dabbled and equine time travel. Not sometimes. All
Starting point is 00:07:00 the time. Dabble. People wouldn't be coming to us with their concerns if we were dilettantes. But there are so many concerns. They're just growing. We can only afford to dabble, I think. I mean, I think I'd like to
Starting point is 00:07:18 say that we're just professionals about everything including horse travel. Yeah, we know a lot more. We're only telling you a little Daliton is. Yeah. We're only... Dilatons. We're withholding
Starting point is 00:07:28 most of our information on this topic. That's right. Behind the paywall that we won't tell you about. The secret horse horse is a horse. We only pay each other
Starting point is 00:07:39 for that information. A little horse to dive into the tank. These are the real horsey books and we won't give them to you. I do like you have to click the horse on the podcast. Someone just looked at their phone to see where the horse is.
Starting point is 00:07:51 Shit. They got me. That's right. what we've been trying to tell you is that there's an entire archive of even dumber shit that we talk about that's kept behind a paywall that's the good stuff no no no that's that's the smart shit I like that this makes server like Prince being like nah this has got to stay in the vault until after my this is too hot this one's too hot he's got eight hundred hours of full cast that can't be released until 15 years after
Starting point is 00:08:22 his death they're ready for this one but they're ready for this one but they're kids are going to love it. It's the Paisley Park Archives of Brain Damage, just lurking behind the paywall. Can we talk? Have you guys heard about the time I saw the circulating on Instagram today? I don't know if it's a recent article or if there's like a born identity film's oral history out or, but Julia Stiles was talking about attending the born ultimatum
Starting point is 00:08:45 premiere in London and Prince actually came to it and then got tickets for the cast to come see him perform and they were, and she uses the word summoned, which I think is absolutely correct. She said we were summoned into a room to meet him after the show. And Matt Damon is attempting to make small talk with Prince, which, oh, Jesus. And Matt Damon says, so you live in Minnesota. I hear you live in Minnesota. And Prince said, I live inside my own heart, Matt Damon. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think I've heard that one. So it's good. This is recirculating. This is, this is worth remembering. Thank you to Noah Malingram for putting this back on the timeline for no reason whatsoever. The context in which I saw was on Pablo Torre's show today,
Starting point is 00:09:23 they're talking about Caleb Williams and about how Caleb Williams cries and NFL NFL people have a problem with that and one anonymous NFL personnel person was like he's the prince of college like the musical artist the prince of college quarterbacks
Starting point is 00:09:40 and a prince shall lead them and everybody's like that would be awesome why would that be bad why would you not want like Prince was at least musically a very good teammate a very very very fucking good teammate. He'll play all the instruments himself, which is kind of USC last year.
Starting point is 00:09:57 And he'll give you, and he'll let you take credit. Like, he'll build a whole, he'll build a whole band. And that's like, you play this music. It's mine, but you can have it. Congratulations, Morris Day and the time. Yeah. How was this meant as, so this was meant as a criticism?
Starting point is 00:10:13 This was meant as a criticism. Like, how? They've been mad at him since he painted cusses on his nails. Yeah, oh, 100%. It's more, it's like Prince was too esoteric. Is it, is it possible to read this? like Prince was too feminine and that's a thing we're worried about with this quarterback too sure entirely possible is is Caleb Williams gonna get too much
Starting point is 00:10:33 ass as an adult that's what I'm reading this as you're like oh yeah the Prince of quarterbacks and you're like you mean he's just gonna have a lot of sex I hear what's happening here this evaluator's wife said that guy's pretty good looking the cat let her look at let her look at the football anymore and spotted the monitor and just very a little too casually was like oh who's that yeah the quarterbacks used to be ugly but now they're not because of woke i want a quarterback painting his teammates nails i want terry bradshaw going bald at 20 bring it back all that dei shrank their pores bring back our weird faces bring back kenny stabler looking like the grim reaper at nine
Starting point is 00:11:18 hell he watched his dad fight his uncle at the dump and foley i mean that'll age you right we need ugly guys they used to say like i like my lineman ugly now they're now they want quarterbacks ugly too they just went disgusting creatures throughout the roster oh it's awful women hate it i love it of all of the various dick that you could have for a position the funniest one the funniest one to me is i want beautiful handsome boys at defensive line that's all i want i want Deadpool's my kind of quarterback that's what i just deadpool is my kind of quarterback that's Oh, it's society. More Deadpool.
Starting point is 00:11:54 I just want a sexy, luscious, curvaceous, punter. That's all I want. Punter's got to have a dog. It's got to be halfway up his back. There was an article at The Athletic about, I forget which coach it was, who, it was Andy Reid. Would you check in with his punter once a year? Speak to him once a year like, hey, your butt's still big.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Guess we'll see you next year. How's the outboard engine? It was literally his only feedback for his punter every year is like, But it's looking great. Keep it up. That's your powerhouse, you know. See, that's the annual physical that Americans crave. That's all I want to hear, be affirmed.
Starting point is 00:12:30 I just want the doctor to tell what my dunk is good or not. Coach, how's my wagon. Specific ass approval. Oh, well, your ass has dropped half an inch from last year, but that's normal. The top of the crack stays exactly where it was. But it's dropping because it's bigger. Let's keep it going. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:48 It's like a, it's like a heavy thing on the trailer hitch. that thing. I'm sorry, I'm learning something about the queen. So I have to do the draft on Friday night on ESPN, and I'm totally... You got to do the draft today. Let's put all this out of your system. I do have to do the draft. So that means I have to get all of the butt talk out of the way, right?
Starting point is 00:13:09 Do you? No, I do. Oh, yeah, you definitely won't say anything like that. I know you're listening to this. Keep his mickeyed on. Have you seen the onion on that guy? Can we like Like I'm an outback
Starting point is 00:13:22 Can we right now Like program you to just talk about Like J.J. McCarthy's butt Like it's all you can say about him It actually might be easier than you think Because they've lopped off a lot of the seniority On this digital broadcast team And it's like him and Harry
Starting point is 00:13:34 Oh yeah, all right Yeah you think Mike Mayalk talks about We're gonna have some fun Harry who's been working out So there's a lead into the butt talk Harry's doing like muscle ups on the bar At like the L.A. fitness and Buckhead that's that's that's that's psycho behavior that's serial killer behavior
Starting point is 00:13:52 because that's not working out to be like hey ladies take a look at me here you go hey fellas look yeah I'm putting in that work that's like no I'm ready to be an assassin harry liles is out here training to kill people look at his face who would suspect him he'd be a perfect assassin the baby faced one yeah why don't you just lean into this and just show up and be like hey I need graphics I need graphics to just here's my don't rankings yeah We're going to talk about specific architectures. We'll be like, look, little weak on the underbutt, but man, this sucker's coming out high on separation.
Starting point is 00:14:26 The flying buttresses. That's what they call it a buttress. Yeah, there we are. Yeah. A lot of people will tell you front butt's not butt. They're wrong. All butt is butt. You're going to do it.
Starting point is 00:14:41 I thought I was going to say the most disturbing thing. But you did it. Why? Why? What? Yeah, what did you think that? Stupid. I'm all hopped up on wildhirts can't be broken.
Starting point is 00:14:55 Of course, I'm in tongue with butts. I'm out here to talk about the good old days when we made animals jump off of tall platforms with girls on their backs. When we let animals jump off? All animals want to. Yeah, by the way, the girl wasn't the one running off that platform, by the way.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Was this back in the day when, like, real animals did these things in movies? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. okay so this was not the humane society was not on set I was a child
Starting point is 00:15:23 at the time I haven't seen it I don't know sorry a society that was like the girl wants to do it this was peak Disney too because this was this was like the year before they put out the three musketeers movie that had Oliver Platt as a musketeer this is rocketeerish Disney yes oh my god
Starting point is 00:15:39 Disney has never been better so imagine the rocketeer except of the rocket cinnamon it's a horse jumping off a dock yeah and the dock is very high like a rocket would be and gabrielle amore's like how do I look and Cliff Robertson's like like a hood ornament be like after this you won't if you're this you'll fight crime the power of hearing
Starting point is 00:16:02 it severs her optic nerve ladies and gentlemen of the convention I will not stop until I have placed a girl on the back of a pony across every city in the United States in every home there will be a pony leaping into the oblivion of gay juniors here everybody vaccines aren't real and horses
Starting point is 00:16:20 crave the void there's the episode title Aaron Rogers is taking Air Rogers is like That's true man It's so fucking true Every horse I talk to says the same thing I've been smoking crushed up horse
Starting point is 00:16:36 It's been fueling my workouts A lot of things make sense now that didn't make sense a few minutes ago Jared Rogers, do you mean glue? No. No. You're talking about glue? Nope.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Just like mashed potatoes, you know? Just like you just hammer the horse from above until I would inject it, but it's a little thick. I'm sorry, Spencer, you were saying how you were going to say the weirdest thing today? You know how you can inject air bubbles into a person and create an embolism and kill them? Sure. What it? How much mashed potatoes? could you put into a person's bloodstream
Starting point is 00:17:15 before it just thickened the whole If you are a doctor who listens to the shutdown forecast, please email us with the answer how much of mashed potatoes could your blood hold? Will kill a person. Hmm. What would happen?
Starting point is 00:17:29 There is a Reddit discussion on this. What happened if you injected mashed potatoes into your arm? Unfortunately, this was not done they did the math subreddit, so there is no actual answer. Oh, this is interesting. They did the math, would do the math.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Yeah. Yeah. This is, by the way, why Reddit is now essential. Google's ass. So now the most relevant search result you get will be user 69-69-420 Thunder Thighs boy saying, actually, like, I figured it out. I'm actually a nurse practitioner. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:01 Like, it will be, right? It'll be like, yeah, I dropped out of med school, but I did do my doctorate on this exact thing. Yeah. And it's free if you want it. Yeah. Turns out there was this one crew. of submarine guys in World War II that experimented with this
Starting point is 00:18:16 and their numbers are shocking, guys. Also, here's some anime. Yeah. It's on the same thing. The files of the Tater Squad were never released to the public. It's like the least impressive Lee Marvin World War II movie.
Starting point is 00:18:32 But believe me, they turned the time for the USMA. Oh, the Tater boys. Ewo Jima wouldn't have been the same without them. That's actually what universal O-type blood is meant to designate. It's just orida. it's summer major league baseball is in full swing and there's one app for you if you want
Starting point is 00:18:51 last minute deals on major league baseball games and that's game time dot co that's right game time dot c oh i'm looking at the app right now and i'm picking out america's team really the kansas city royals uh and at kaufman stadium just in a couple days there's tickets available for $16. And then, well, I don't want to up the stakes too much here, but let's go to next week. It looks like they're playing the Chicago White Sox. There are tickets available right now for $3. You could see a Major League Baseball game in Chicago for $3.
Starting point is 00:19:22 What stadium you ask? Not important. It's in Chicago. But GameTime.co is not just for Major League Baseball games, even though you can get great deals for that. You can also get great deals for concerts, football games. Those are going to be coming up pretty soon. You can find them on Game Time. dot CO. I use GameTime.com to purchase last minute tickets for an Olivia Rodrigo concert.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Tyler Childers did not show up at mine. That would have been awesome, but it was awesome nonetheless, and GameTime.co made it super easy. I got my parking through GameTime.com.com. And I got great tickets for my wife and I. GameTime.com.com made all of that so easy and one of the greatest concert experiences I've ever had in my entire life. And I'll be using them again. In fact, I'm seeing a little bit called The Beaches in late September. And where did it? I get my ticket? That's right. Even ahead of time. I didn't wait till the last minute because GameTime's not CO has you covered then as well. That's what I love about it. Whenever I want to get a ticket for an event, whether I heard about it months before and procrastinated to no end and
Starting point is 00:20:21 have left myself in a lurch, you can save up to 60% of buying last minute for sports, concerts, comedy, theater, anything else. So take the guesswork out of buying MLB tickets with GameTime. You can download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code full cast for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code F-U-L-L-C-A-S-T for $20 off. Download game time today.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. So it's a natural segue out of that. Spencer wanted to say some nonsense about helmet communication. I think we're past that, and I at least want to start the draft that's $2.25. All right, fine. Executive decision. We can do a football. If you want to listen to football talk, go to
Starting point is 00:21:06 Split Zone View. We're here to talk about horses and other shit. If we're to listen to football, I got to fuck off. What's going on this week? What's going on this week that would make us talk about football? We didn't even talk about the charity ball. That's true. It's draft week, so we're drafting.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Draft Day, baby. Hollywood are we drafting? We are going in the order that I see you on my screen, only I'm going to reverse two of you because Spencer is the terroristic architect of round five and so I want him to have the chance to have his
Starting point is 00:21:38 pick stolen. Okay. We are not going to serpentine. The draft order we are taking is Cerber, Spencer, Ryan, me, Jason based on the order I see on the screen. Wow. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:21:54 We are drafting in a quest to determine the most inane thing we could possibly draft this year. I first settled upon shapes. Then kind of figured out there aren't that many shapes, really, without getting into a lot of the Latin. So we're going to the next best thing, and we're going to draft colors. The entire hex board is your draft board.
Starting point is 00:22:18 You have all been presented with a list of every hexadecimal color, and it's sometimes terrifyingly whimsical name. And then when we get to draft five, we will pause for a concession that we have made to spencer in order to keep him from scuttering this entire thing buddy do you think you can wait that long i can wait that long this is an exercise and delay gratification we're going to have we have one marshmallow right here and that's you ruin i want the marshmallow you don't get you can ruin the show right now or you can ruin the show twice in like 10 minutes i'm going to hold off okay you ready all right everybody has their boards server with first pick in the shutdown full cast color war draft
Starting point is 00:23:06 Take it away I just want to get the most out of my pick I'm going to pick maximum purple strong can you explain your choice I like purple a lot purple happens to be my favorite color this is the most
Starting point is 00:23:25 maximum version of it I wanted to get the most purple for my first pick all right makes sense the color of kings yes my middle name is ray which I think means king I think maybe I say an alternate also with the second pick
Starting point is 00:23:42 Spencer pick a color I am going to take Robin egg blue Robin egg blue that's that's that to avoid sorry about the blue pun but that's a Tiffany pick there it is it is and uh blue is my favorite color um i also think robin egg blue is um i have to admit
Starting point is 00:24:11 it's more of a skilled player and less of a glue guy okay all right you're not going to base a whole lot of things on it but i think robin egg blue is going to add a lot to the team so to speak so i'm going to i'm going to go ahead and take that uh not as a base but as a skill player in round one fellows are we buying this uh sounds It feels obvious. Ryan, you look skeptical. It feels obvious. It feels like a real basic bitch move.
Starting point is 00:24:38 Like, you're decorating an Airbnb. Not impressed. Ryan, out of the gate with the heat. Ryan, I bet you don't even read the instructions. I bet you didn't put the curtains in the washer when you were done. I bet you went through the gate after midnight. I heard that. You saw it?
Starting point is 00:24:59 You saw it on the mini-cams. This deposit is fucking mine. That's fine. Oh, Ryan, fortunately, it's your pick, and you are able to answer. So I also choose purple as my favorite color, and you've made an excellent choice that I'm going to have to try to recover from by selecting palatinate purple. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:25:25 This is the purple. A historical purple. Associated with the same. city of the city and county of Durham but the one in England also with the Furman paladins yeah I think that's right yeah palatinate
Starting point is 00:25:41 purple a lesser purple had I ever seen one listen I thought about taking medium purple just to show how restraint I don't need maximum purple listen nobody needs that I mean what do you do when somebody takes
Starting point is 00:25:55 what's on your draft board do you just go get the best player available or do you try to get an imitation of it serve around with you I think you took the player he wanted. Do you genuinely think that? Are you just mad that Ryan called you a basic bitch? I am punditing as hard as I can right now. He's practicing.
Starting point is 00:26:12 I am practicing, and you're just going to see. I think this is, honestly, I think this is a, this is a scared GM move. I think this is how you get fired through cowardice, not through being bold. That's just, just my two cents here. Spencer's about to talk shit about Ryan's butt. He bet I would never. I would never. You seen that?
Starting point is 00:26:31 That's solid American product right there. Listen, that's the Pullman Passenger car of asses, okay? Carries in comfort. Iconic. All right, with the fourth pick of the first round of the color war draft, I am treading that line between bold, bossy, and outright shrill, folks, the 90s are back, and I am taking cyan. Wow. Yes. yeah that was uh as as the 90s taught us is one of the eight colors
Starting point is 00:27:05 it's like red green yellow that what a perfect description and docman I feel like I'm playing ski free right now I'm gonna go in and I'm gonna log into all your Apple 2ies and I'm gonna change all the sounds to wild eap whatever color Doc Martin's worth that's it Colors of the 90s.
Starting point is 00:27:31 There have never been Sion Doc Martin's. I bet there are actually. Those are aftermarket though. Like they don't make this. Actually, my Tims are pretty close. You know what? They are aftermarket,
Starting point is 00:27:41 but Kicks Crew does have some Sion Doc Martens. Like there's some green ones, but if you find one that's been done up in turquoise or whatever. Oh no, check out the chat. I found some real ones. I don't know. I don't know if the color matters,
Starting point is 00:27:54 but they all stole my lighter. I think this reinforces your decision, frankly. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Listen, honestly, I think this is an amazing pick. This is like a, this is like when you draft a franchise left tackle. It is an amazing pick. I agree.
Starting point is 00:28:07 All right. All right. Jason, close out our round and let's go. And by the way, we are serpentining because I am a creature of habit. Serpentine to avoid detection. So you are picking twice. Yes. Having been in Ann Arbor, Michigan this past weekend,
Starting point is 00:28:23 a particularly celebratory weekend for numerous reasons, one being the conclusion of the Charity Bowl that raised a. million dollars this time for some reason the locals were very proud of that um i have to go with the most honorable noble academic virtuous generous kind-hearted and humble color which is of course maize all strong solid and the first veering we've seen into the warm tone that you know there's a lot of controversy around picking warm tones in the first round jason And what led you out under this particular limb? First of all, being a Michigan alumni, I, you know, as a brave and bold leader and legend,
Starting point is 00:29:09 I don't really listen to what, I don't pay a lot of attention to what Southerners do because I'm better than them. Because I'm from up north. I went to the best public school with the biggest stadium. So that's why the sun shines on us brightest, even though it's cold up here in Michigan. Is it round two? It is round two. You want to lead us off? So I asked my child, which color I should select in round two.
Starting point is 00:29:38 And she is an artist. She won an award, in fact, for art class this year. She's a very talented little painter with full command of the entire palette. And the color that she recommended, and I think it's a good choice, is black. Strong. So as a child who likes Moody music, it's a little surprise she selected that one for us
Starting point is 00:30:03 But All right, Mays and Black, you're Iowa. Congrats. Oh, shit. Oh, dear. Well, you're done scoring. Listen, sometimes the serpentine bites you. Or are my dusty roads?
Starting point is 00:30:18 Oh. I can be both. Daddy. Folks, I'm going to continue on my historical quest, not to reach too far. back into the bag and it was it was a reach it was it was it was a real risk I thought leaving this until the second round I thought surely someone would snap up the most saturated and beautiful
Starting point is 00:30:41 and I would argue royal color in the spectrum uh if I had to be honest with myself I think I was probably trying to make a little bit of a news hit of a viral splash with pick one but my nerves are shot but it's here on the board and I am taking it Cerulean come on home go Gators also unfortunately it's a good blue it's the only blue it's the only team I know of that uses that actual blue in their jerseys and by God does it look beautiful on television it really does this is this is my I managed to hold off on my own personal favorite color until now but oh baby baby come to mama Holly I think we these two um these two shades you've selected it feels like you're painting a bathroom
Starting point is 00:31:30 oh it does doesn't this is uh this is also where i would argue that this is more of an ultramarine than the ultramarine that is listed in the hex chart but that's a 25 minute argument from somebody who took too many theatrical lighting classes in college that we don't want to hear right now you just said ultramarines in front of spencer down da da down uh oh it's ryan's turn round two fire and engine red. Just a, whoa,
Starting point is 00:31:59 a big 10 pick. Just a super, I want a tacky color. Fire edge of red is a tacky fucking color. Buddy, I can see you. Are you called firefighters tacky?
Starting point is 00:32:09 You're in the passenger seat of the engine at the station. Your mom just gave, your mom just gave them, yeah, your mom just gave them some muffins. You're going, I'm a big boy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:19 I had two popsicles. That was a mistake. Our nap time is ruined. he's going to be right it is when he has two popsicles they put him in the fire engine that's what I sound that's what anyone sounds like
Starting point is 00:32:36 when they have two pops I'm listen I'm old you put me in the seat I'm make that same noise it'll be great nice deflection all right Spencer in reverse order to round towards the end of round two
Starting point is 00:32:50 what are you taking for your second pick I need a fundamental here since I went skill player color in the first one. So I really need to shore up the base here. I need something that can work with a lot of colors. I need someone who I know is a good teammate and really won't, you know, do all that Caleb Williams in where, you know, they're painting their nails and wanting attention.
Starting point is 00:33:13 That's why I'm going to go with Tuscan Brown. Tuscan Brown. We need a good, we need a good fundamental interior color. So we're going to start there. Also, because I'm American, I inherently trust anything you call Tuscan. Even if it's not actually Tuscan. Dangerously close to Twilight Lavender on the board there. Do you have any character concerns?
Starting point is 00:33:32 So now we're veering from Airbnb to Pier 1 imports. Listen, I got all kinds of flavors of basic bitch. My man is coming out of there with those rolls of wallpaper boarded that just have bunches of grapes on them. I'm flipping this shit, Ryan. Yeah, but flipping is supposed to go forwards in time. It doesn't have to. It's a backflip.
Starting point is 00:33:52 I'm a backflip. No way. Oh, my God. We've invented retroflipping. No. I'm selling this shit in the 2011 Phoenix suburbs. It's going to cook. I added textured wallpaper.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Fuck you. For the Spokane Airport. Right now. Server. Close out round five for us. Dazzle us. I've been thinking about this one pretty hard. I've had a lot of time to think.
Starting point is 00:34:21 And I need to, I think I need a bookend for maximum purple. Sure. And that would be dark purple. Whoa. I also thought about all purple, but I'm glad server's doing it instead. Server, are you worried you're not going to be multiple enough with these choices? No, not at all.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Did you ever see Prince use any color other than purple? Yes. Yes. What? Yes, at the Super Bowl. Yep. What did he use? Not purple.
Starting point is 00:34:51 He was a, yeah, yeah. But still, I think the point states. Well, you combine those. I'll make purple. Don't look it up. Everyone knows purple is the combination of all colors. Yeah. Kid me?
Starting point is 00:35:04 I mean, that's what mixing everything in a suicide at the Coca-Cola drink thing tells me. That's true. That is the ultimate science lab, I think. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, listen, I have the best version of purple and the evilest fucking version of purple like come at me other purples
Starting point is 00:35:28 what do you got to say mouth uh it's my pick again isn't it yes it is I'll take mouth
Starting point is 00:35:43 it's a cool color oh wow what a you anyone who might have been thinking about trading up because they're like I hope I hope he doesn't
Starting point is 00:35:51 snipe mouth from me I'd better make it true Yeah, that was excellent, excellent gamesmanship on your part. Yes, Serber, are you, are you stocking for a trade? What's happening here? Tell us your thinking.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Man, I remember that episode of Hey Arnold with the Malve Avenger when he had the race car called the Malve Avenger? Yeah, yeah. That mainly was motivated by that episode. That pretty much just that. That's the only reason. And it's kind of purple. It's purple. Can't argue with that.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Light purple. Oh, goodness. Who's next? It's Spencer. I am going to take And you know what I'm going to go a little off script here just because I like the color
Starting point is 00:36:29 Salmon Pink Sam and Pink come on down I think you're worth a third rounder I think that's I'm sorry That's a trash pick That's a trash pick
Starting point is 00:36:41 That's fine That's fine You know what The record is going to speak for itself That's cat food Cat food is a delicious delicious thing for some species And also I think
Starting point is 00:36:53 an excellent color for um shirts why did you go salmon pink instead of salmon uh i just like the salmon pink shade a little bit better also right maybe some of us are just trying to you know Tommy bahama this bitch up I'm trying to sell it some people want the islands and what says island better than a cold water fish Alaska has islands that's true I didn't say what kind of islands, right? Shutter islands in Ireland, technically. God. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Who's next? I think it's me. God, there's so many to choose from. I think I want a green in this round. And I'm tempted to go with a classic of some sort. Hunter Green is nice
Starting point is 00:37:54 But I think I'm going to go with Yeah, I think I'm going to go with A real bonkers No, I'm going to just steal from server Give me Maximum Green, please Wow Damn Maximum Green is a linebacker
Starting point is 00:38:10 Yes Yes Maximum Green on the tackle Is it too late to brand this our 420 show it's not inappropriate no I'm gonna go oh I'm sorry I need to practice punders here Ryan by the way this is what you say when you don't know anything about that pick you know what I hear great things about him thank you
Starting point is 00:38:35 good team player really productive at shuffles paper shuffles papers San Diego State I talked to his coach recently his coach is a great guy he made a big jump from last year to this year yeah it's a project because he got drafted just now on tv behind me i was there with me here and that's big for him i've heard of him as of now i like when he brings to this team arms legs blood let me presumably madge potatoes his veins flow with starch starch and that's what you need
Starting point is 00:39:20 I'm going to give you what Dominique Foxworth would say in this moment. Y'all, I don't know anything about this guy. Wow. Dominique would just straight up be like, nah, no clue. As a brief aside, I did like that Sean Payton, I think last week was like, our team spent two hours yesterday talking about analytics ahead of the draft. And people just started dropping in sports movies that run two out, like, Might have those two hours, 17 minutes.
Starting point is 00:39:50 We watch Free Willy. It was triumphant. Sean Payton runs the annexation of Puerto Rico. There is something beautiful about Sean Bain being like, cool. I've done two hours of analytics training. I'm ready. I've mastered this. I'm so tired now.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Can I have a popsicle? Plus three and math. Let's go. Two popsicles for Sean, Sean. Sean will let you get in the cab. I mean, we're literally talking about a former little league coach here. yeah there's some there's that's what he did he watched the fucking kevin james movie about himself the snobsberries tastes like snowsberries fuck i did great just put in the lego movie and it's like
Starting point is 00:40:28 i'm ready to draft everything is awesome that's the analytics everything is awesome when you're part of a team being of people who have no business drafting for an NFL team i am ready for my round third pick um in which i'm going to keep writing y'all I'm going to keep writing this late 20th century hot streak. I wanted a hybrid choice. I wanted somebody who could play both ways between green and yellow. And I am going with Volt. Damn, that pairs very nicely with Sion.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Thank you. Thank you. I just realized I'm building the Seattle Seahawks, and now I have a lot different feelings about this than I did a while ago. You're going to have an awesome laser tag arena. Thank you. I am excited. all right
Starting point is 00:41:17 uh jason finish out round three for us so this name just jumped out to me um i hadn't been planning on making a purple particularly a dark purple one of my five i already have i already have black um the darkest color in my opinion but the name of this one just really spoke to me so i'm going to go with it cyber grape
Starting point is 00:41:40 yo oh that's if there's a sloth leap or hit to be declared this early, that might be it. I don't know what's cyber about it, but... I just heard it in the iced tea voice. The kids are calling it at Scyl. The cyber grape. What's disappointing is there's one below it called Cyber Yellow,
Starting point is 00:42:02 and I don't understand why it's not Cyber Grape and Cyber Lemon. What happens? Why does Yellow not get that respect? They don't like to talk about it. Don't forget it. I guess so. I thought about Cyber Yellow, but I already have a yellow. The best yellow.
Starting point is 00:42:12 Sure. You said you were picking based on name and I was wondering if any of you have seen the final, um, the final element on chart. Okay, you know, you know the one I'm talking. Okay, can we say it on three? One, one, two, three. Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuzzy. Oh, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:42:32 I thought you meant the final, final one. I thought you meant Fuzzy Wuzzy. No, I saw, all right. There's a color name fucking Fuzzy Wuzzy that hasn't taken yet. The absolute last one on list are, consider this our next best available segment on on the end on the very last link the end to z link on wikipedia the last color is called zomp z o mp what the hell i thought that's where you were going fuzzy wuzzy is very good too but they're in very different directions the one above fuzzy wuzzy is also confusing but i want to say it yeah i um i almost drafted
Starting point is 00:43:07 that just to see if i could make y'all uncomfortable okay yeah it's a kind of jason it's round four oh it's me again um let's see here enough in time let's see here uh i definitely had one that i was that i was eyeballing oh oh man oh are we pulling a vikings uh-oh i have one if his clock runs out maximum blue green there we go which one is it maximum blue or maximum green is it is it the is it the maximum combinationness like is the most integrated color you could possibly have that's yeah with all the blue and green sliders turned all the way up this is what you get
Starting point is 00:43:43 from the resulting spray. Jason is quietly harvesting colors for his energy drink line. What else were there before? Corporate espionage. All right. With the fourth pick and the shutdown full cast color war draft. Round four. Team me selects.
Starting point is 00:44:02 Oh, we've got to run on hyphenate, folks. I am taking red purple. My first purple. It's two colors at once. It's a good one. Mm-hmm. I'm going for, with two very strong, very, very set in their way as traditional picks
Starting point is 00:44:16 in the first two rounds. I'm going for high value hybrids here in the later rounds. Could play both ways, yeah. Folks, if you learn absolutely nothing from this episode, please learn how anyone can be a draft. Please, or not, anyone can be a draft expert. Because we decided we were doing this like
Starting point is 00:44:33 two hours before the show. Just like the real draft. That is how the real draft works. It is. No, it is. Spencer, what day is the draft? Uh, the draft begins on Thursday. When do you have to get to Connecticut?
Starting point is 00:44:48 Thursday. Okay. Uh, when should you get to Connecticut? Where, hey, where is the draft this year? The draft is in Detroit. That's why they're going to Connecticut. Yes.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Could be doing that in Bristol. Hmm. I, oh man, that's actually worse. I shouldn't say that. Uh, hey, it's surely somebody's turned by now. Ryan, um, Brown for us, baby. This is a little too on the nose,
Starting point is 00:45:12 considering the subject matter, but I'm going to pick Honolulu blue. Yo! Which is, of course, the blue of the Detroit Lions. I was going to say it's little known, but that must be why. I love that. I love that the lions. The Lions have Honolulu.
Starting point is 00:45:31 What two places are most alike. They can stare up at the ceiling of the Delman Dream. The, like, announcement they did for their new uniforms, it was like, tough, rugged, midwomen. Western, wholesome, Honolulu. This is the hula I am doing to GMAX song about the Detroit sign. This is the hula dance I am doing to the other song about GMAX sign song. Sign dis.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Well, to what will surely be momentarily everyone's regret, it is Spencer's fourth pick. You know, some of you don't respect FCS football and I see that. I need a green, but I also want to show my respect for FCS football. that's correct i'm going to get sacramento state green i'm sure somebody else had it on the board sorry we're just faster and better like the like the football players at sacramento state sacramento state green is pakistan green that doesn't want it enough sorry conference best conference server i i realized when i said prince never knew anything but purple i made a grave error
Starting point is 00:46:41 So my next two picks will make sense If I just say them both I'm taking turquoise blue And Oh, I'm sorry, Serber We only have time for one pick Because Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:46:54 I'm sorry folks That sound means it's time to exceed To Spencer Hall's terroristic pregame demands We will be Also like the NFL draft So Cerber does get turquoise Is that right? He does get turquoise
Starting point is 00:47:09 But he's going to have to change his next pick because for the duration of round five and round five only we will by demand again of spencer hall who is making us do this draft characters from the uh seminal 1990s television program news radio cast members yes all right um are there are there any rules attached to this no if they have a credit on i mdb as having appeared in the show it can be a cameo it can be a series regular. If you want to pick Andy Dick and have the rest of us yell at you for the entirety of the rest of the episode,
Starting point is 00:47:43 that's totally up to you. But otherwise, no. Okay. Fly free. There are many, many fine choices despite the small core cast of the show. But Spencer doesn't have first pick. That would be Michael Serber.
Starting point is 00:47:59 Nice. Good. Kids in the hall, Dave Foley. All right. Now, how do you feel server, how do you feel about taking Dave Foley for a news radio draft based on his work in another program. Are you sure that's going to translate? I've never watched news radio, so that's my best chance.
Starting point is 00:48:17 I think this is a good pick. They put a lot on Dave Foley's plate in this show. You know what? He's the heart of the team. Is he the program, is he like the station manager, the program director? It does. Well, more importantly, like emotionally, he has to play the straight man among a roster of the most brilliant comedians of the age or some cases ever. and he does that, I think, admirably. Yeah, that's just what he did in the kids in the hall, except he usually just had like a wig on.
Starting point is 00:48:44 I was going to say there's actually an element here that won't be used. It's sad that there is a tool in Dave's, Dave's like skill set that won't be utilized on news radio, and it's that when he dresses up like a lady, he looks like an absolute babe. Yeah, he's really pretty. No, no, no, he's Stone Cold Fox, Dave Foley. There's a whole, there's a whole sequence in the documentary,
Starting point is 00:49:06 the kids in the hall documentary where everyone's like yeah people thought dave was really really hot sorry it's just they need to utilize that jo rogan would be like joe rogan would be like that girl looks a lot like dave oh god yes uh children news radio did contain an early joe rogan some cases playing himself unclear um but you know we had like we said it also contained andy dick and i don't think anybody at the time had uh anyway of knowing what Joe Rogan would go on to inflict upon all of us that's just my way of apologizing for history
Starting point is 00:49:43 but if we started apologizing for history you know where would we stop it's fair so why start Spencer take your goddamn news radio pick so we can get back to the draft of our serious business
Starting point is 00:49:57 more attorney more attorney franchise player that we stole in the fifth round Yep To be clear When we started Suggesting draft ideas
Starting point is 00:50:11 No matter what Spencer wanted to draft Moro Tierney in every round And so adding a news radio round Was our way of holding him off I'm really proud of you buddy Here's that second marshmallow That feels so good
Starting point is 00:50:23 I'm going to take that second marshmallow That morrish mellow Now I'm going to go sit in the fire engine Ryan There's also school bus yellow Ryan Take your news radio pick huh um this is this is going to be a guest i'm definitely putting a guest star i mean
Starting point is 00:50:44 man uh there's a couple there's a couple like stephen root is who i want to pick that's a regular sir i know yeah i'm i'm going through the regular steven root and phil that's also my pick if you want to steal i would want to take but i want to no i want to zag okay i think i want to zag here all right And I'm, I'm going to go with John Ritter. Oh, the Ritz. John Litter, who appeared on one episode in 1995, playing a character named Dr. Frank Westford. Just love, just, just, just big John Ritter fan over here.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Anytime I can get the Ritz on my team, I'm doing it. I'm putting on the Ritz. No, 100%. Can't, you can't say no to that. However, this now makes it my pick, and you bypassing my pick of Stephen Rout makes me concerned that there is something wrong with Stephen Roots needs. Oh, he's tumbling. He's something.
Starting point is 00:51:37 Yeah. What are his medicals? Smoking wheat. I don't know about. He did go to Florida. I am dropping down out of the main cast to take recurring artist Patrick Warburton as Johnny
Starting point is 00:51:53 Johnson, later known as the tick. If you were to demonstrate more versatility in the open field in those rows, other than those roles, I don't know what it would be. Yeah, Brock Sampson himself. Good pick. Good pick.
Starting point is 00:52:10 It does leave a lot of it. I can't believe we're to the end of the news radio around and Stephen Root and Phil Hartman are both still on the board. But Jason, what are you going to do for us? I don't remember whether I ever saw the show or not. I don't remember which one was this and various other 90s shows that I probably flip past. Silly Man in the City.
Starting point is 00:52:33 Norm McDonald is on the board Tone Loke is on the board But considering the time in which the show aired The single person on this list Who most would have gotten me to stop changing channels Of course would be Tiffany Ambertheson Foxy Please read Tiffany Ambertheson's character name
Starting point is 00:52:54 Because it is perfect I only copied my big board Into my notes pad here I don't have that information Her name is Foxy Jackson that probably would have that probably would have made me pause the remote control even more quickly can confirm how is that not a show in it of itself how is there not like a three episode fox series that didn't work called foxing jacks canceled immediately let's just listen it's just it's just to get
Starting point is 00:53:18 adolescents to stop changing channels and then there's nothing going on now i'm just going to drop in one photo please look how absolutely terrifying dave foley looks behind her oh boy oh boy is this guy bothering you Tiffany? Hello. Hello. My lady. Good evening. You can't fool me.
Starting point is 00:53:36 That's a vampire. You know what Dave's saying? He goes, I could rock that outfit way better than you could. Oh, 100%. Yeah. It's like, bitch, you cut bangs? There's a different time. All right.
Starting point is 00:53:49 With Spencer's reign of terror ended, we are returned it to round six. Why don't we throw out Spencer and then not tell him what the sixth round is? Oh, is he going to auto draft? His, he doesn't need auto draft. His colors suck. God, his colors suck so bad. They do. God, what a palette.
Starting point is 00:54:10 That's not fair. I'm colorblind. No, you're not. You know how many little army fans you've painted perfectly? You don't have taste. That's not the same thing. Spencer has selected the colors of like a badly run marshals that you go in. You're like, what's on the rack?
Starting point is 00:54:26 Spencer's colors. Please don't insult my culture. Why is there a smashed McDouble on the floor? Stone Cole, Spencer Hall. All right, go ahead. Pick one more color, dummy. I'm going to throw a little curveball at y'all at you all here that no one will see coming.
Starting point is 00:54:47 A hexagon. God, damn it. What an idiot. You didn't even pick a front shape. That's not a color. He sucks so bad. I can't believe I can say this to you in real life. So close, that is a shape.
Starting point is 00:55:00 Fine. You know why you picked a. Hexagon, because you need to fucking stop. You know, he picked a hexagon because he put some, wait a goddamn second. I was going to say he put a wrench in our plans, but yours is so much worse. That has to be the end of this episode. This made of a past And high-fructose,
Starting point is 00:55:36 corn cellar. Oh my God, he's got it gone. Holly, darling. What was the final Charity Bowl total, if you will? Oh, way to put me on the spot, Ryan, Nanny. Just, I, an estimate is... Vamp. Vamp.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Oh, okay. I sound like a vampire. That's good. That's good. There's a reason. I have to go look this up for a reason because it's seven whole numbers. Okay. Wow.
Starting point is 00:56:07 I have no reflection in the mirror. I'm done now. Stop vamping. I'm done. Jesus. Garlic hurts me. I'd get worse when Spencer left. Hey, buddy. He's infected us.
Starting point is 00:56:22 Go ahead. Sorry. Much like the vampire virus. I like that Serber's Dracula is sort of like when a neighbor is playing Santa and isn't really committing that hard to it You're like yeah Uncle Dave we know it's you man
Starting point is 00:56:44 Hey guys it's Santa. That's not what Santa sounds like Uncle Dave This is my Santa accent Oh ho ho All right Sorry 2024 ADSBS Charity Bundy Bowl fundraising total
Starting point is 00:57:00 is $1,171,087 dollars. Crossing the million mark before five days were even done. What the fuck you guys? Now, we do have to thank somebody that I know we don't want to thank. I know. Do you want to do or do you want me? I want you to do it. I've done enough.
Starting point is 00:57:24 You have done enough. That's fair. Stephen Godfrey put out a promise on Thursday. I think it was. On Thursday evening Stephen Godfrey promised to promise to
Starting point is 00:57:38 if we hit 700,000 by the end of the night had promised to record a 30-minute ode to the Majesty of the Rose Bowl and if we got 50,000 more than that was going to tack on 30 minutes
Starting point is 00:57:52 of warm, friendly talk about Michigan football. You guys, he broke. broke every model we've ever had in terms of what the money did after that. So thank you Stephen Godfrey. And, and I want people to know, Holly, I assume we're going to have some, some editorial oversight. We're not going to let him, like, fuck his way through this, right? I don't, uh, in complete and utter seriousness for one fucking minute. I don't think he
Starting point is 00:58:25 would do that. I don't think he would either. He wouldn't. Also, we haven't put on the schedule yet, but yeah, it looks like we're going to have to go back to Ann Arbor. Also, congrats to Protect Trans Kids University. Woo! The number four donor. As Michigan has exploded exponentially, on their own scale, so have these other schools. You know, Penn State was not, was not historically a big leader in this program. And we got a bunch of Thon kids on board a couple years ago, and they just started wrecking shit, Georgia at the singular behest.
Starting point is 00:58:59 of people like our friend Andrew, our friend Amanda have pulled themselves. Amanda threw down a chunk of change herself. God damn. And I would like to point out Amanda's chunk of change is basically the difference between Florida and Georgia. Sure is. She single-handedly put the dogs over the game. Sure is. Now, Georgia was passed again this year by Georgia Tech, which is interesting because Georgia Tech was our perennial second-place school for a really long time, the only school to even come close to competing with Michigan. And Georgia blew by them last year. And Georgia Tech put in a commanding lead again this year.
Starting point is 00:59:39 I think they were ahead of them by like six grand. So this is for the first time in bowl history, Georgia and Georgia Tech is now a real rivalry. And I love that. I love that as our kind of our kind of hometown thing. Also, one more shout out if we can to friend of the program, Georgia is a verb. who put Washington and Lee over Washington by almost two grand by himself and who again put Washington and Lee in the top 10 almost by himself just out of spite that there are other schools named Washington.
Starting point is 01:00:11 This above all other things is really why this sport exists. Also at Knock Notre Dame out of the top 10 where they had been hovering for three years thanks to the fine work of Mike Golick Jr. And his buddies, we have a cow hive composed of longtime EDSBS folks that raised almost $18,000 by themselves. Syracuse and Baylor and Bama
Starting point is 01:00:39 are also not historical. Ruckers did great. You just raised $10,000. Yeah. Tennessee hit both the metrics. I wanted them to hit this year, which is they're in the top 20 and they're over $10,000,
Starting point is 01:00:51 which is what I constitute, not embarrassing me. Thank you for not. embarrassing me. JMU beat Virginia by just a couple hundred dollars. Oh, that has to hurt. And while we spend
Starting point is 01:01:06 most of the charity bowl making fun of them, because of where most of the money in the charity bowl is coming from, Ohio State almost hit the $10,000 mark by themselves. They have really, they have really come along strong. It also strikes me, and this is probably true most
Starting point is 01:01:26 years, but there are a bunch of schools in the, like, call it $1,000 to $1,500 range. And like, no, by itself, that doesn't, like, vault you up the rankings that high. Okay. But there are so many of them. Here's,
Starting point is 01:01:42 okay, here's a thing. Two things. First of all, this is what I mean when I talk about how awesome it is that the other schools are moving up in such masses by itself. here's the thing about your school quote unquote only throwing in $1,000 or only throwing in $6.
Starting point is 01:02:01 And here is the thing that I really love about what we do here. And I'm going to try to get through this without crying like a bitch. You're looking at your school on the leaderboard right now. Like, oh, we're in a hundredth. I'm going to, let's see, let me scroll down. I'm going to pick a thousand dollar school just completely at random. Southern Arkansas University is in there for,
Starting point is 01:02:21 $1,500, which because we've been doing this for so long, it's good for 90th place. Here's what you should be celebrating 90th place. There is a family that touched down at Hartsfield Airport. That's going to touch down at Hartsfield Airport at some point over the next calendar year. And when I say they have nothing, they're going to have clothes and airline peanuts in their pockets. And that's it. they might not have diapers for their kids for the rest of the day, you know.
Starting point is 01:02:56 And at some point over the next calendar year, they're going to arrive in the United States. They're going to enter this program. And they are going to go to sleep in their own apartment with kids in their own beds, with a door that locks for maybe the first time in their lives, in any of their lives. and you did that. That's not in the abstract. You person from Southern Arkansas responsible for the $1,500 donation, put down the deposit on that department and paid their rent for the month.
Starting point is 01:03:34 You did that. It's right there. Every dollar counts. Did you throw in $6? Hey, here's a kid who didn't have shoelaces yesterday who has shoelaces to go to gym class this week, you know, to go play in a soccer league this week, you know, you threw in $10, hey, that's somebody's bus fare to go to work for the next week. This money's all going to people, to specific people. You will never know them. You will never meet them. But the only reason, the only reason this
Starting point is 01:04:09 works is because we're all doing this together. And we put up a, we put up a fun scoreboard to to goose it out of everybody, but I don't ever want to hear the word only applied to anything or anyone who participates in this contest because I think you should feel that.
Starting point is 01:04:30 I think you deserve the opportunity to sit with that. Go mule riders. That's southern... I had to look at it. Southern Ireland and saw mule riders. I have a couple of fun stats from our intrepid backroom
Starting point is 01:04:42 statistic in Stephanie Lane. The oldest grudge for the second year in a row. We still get a shit ton of Georgia Tech donations hating on that 1916 Cumberland team. The most, we had a, I'm asking for people to at me. We had something real weird happen this year. Ohio State's most common denomination of donation is the score by which Michigan beat them last year. Can someone explain to me what happened here? Wow. That feels like a motivation. That's like, that's the shit you hang in the wait room. Is this Michigan people sarcastically donating for Ohio State?
Starting point is 01:05:16 That's my other theory. If they are, if they are, nobody gave it away. But Ohio State's most common denomination was last year's score. But no, I like Jason's weight room theory that this is just like, this is the only number we care about because we won't let it never again, never again. This also made Michigan second place in the most spited team as in the opponent in the highest donated scores, which is always Ohio State. But now this year in second place, it's Michigan. third most spited team was Oklahoma followed by USC
Starting point is 01:05:46 the most frequently referenced season that's not last season was 2007 most frequent donors donating on behalf of 2007 are of course App State Iowa, Florida and Pitt and we also have one dedication that I just thought was really there are dedications by the way to all of us here on the show and I'm going to get those to you guys
Starting point is 01:06:07 it's a big huge long list I'm going to make sure all these get where they're going but I wanted to close out with one that I didn't really understand but I thought was really in the spirit of the thing from a donor I don't have a clever amount I just want to help refugees
Starting point is 01:06:21 and let the world know that Toledo is the Muncie Indiana of Ohio I couldn't have put a better myself um hey Holly and Spencer he's not here awesome job like a million dollars is a shitload of money and you just fucking blew through
Starting point is 01:06:39 it's god that's godfrey we blew through it on friday like i was i thought we would get there by monday i thought we would get there i didn't think we would get there three days early and if you were watching with us on friday you saw we had nothing prepared yeah it's true oh like someone someone who someone with graphic design as their passion in the new ap office made the thank you graphic that had like the ends and the top lopped off the football because they had cut it out of something else that we had done um that sounds like us it was it was perfectly in the spirit of the thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Jason, by the time this comes out, there is one more place people can see you, at least? So this recording's release tonight, April 24th. Yeah. I am at the University of Alabama. We're doing a book thing in the English building, Room 301 at 7 p.m. Central with Mike Altman and Van Newell, religious studies in English professor respectively
Starting point is 01:07:40 and then we're going to the bar wait are you going to Bose? We're going to we're going to a secret bar you better come to the Bama thing so you can find out which bar we're going to no one could possibly no one could possibly guess based on the fact Boas announced it
Starting point is 01:07:56 but oh my God God help them they're going to Inn is free otherwise you should pay attention to, I guess, the forecast on various social media platforms. Oh, oh, we have announcements. That's right.
Starting point is 01:08:18 Well, I don't, I'm not going to tell people what, I will, I will tell people this amount of information. We are announcing three live shows soon. Those live shows cover, uh, well, no, technically it's not three different timesomes, but it's more, but it's more. Is it not? No, one of them. The first one's not? The first one's Eastern Time. Oh, that's going to fuck me up. It's really pushing the definition. But it's basically central time. I don't understand that at all.
Starting point is 01:08:47 It doesn't make any sense. It seems fake. It doesn't make any sense. One of them is a West Coast show. We haven't done a West Coast show. You're welcome. We have a West Coast show coming. Tickets for these things are not on sale right now.
Starting point is 01:09:01 Don't ask us where they are because they're not, as of right now, when we're recording us, they're not on sale. When will they be on sale? I don't know, pretty soon. Keep an eye out. That's all I can tell you. Also three cities we've never been to before, although we are repeating one state. Why is that?
Starting point is 01:09:19 Because we were invited. Don't yell at us. Yes. That may, yeah, I had to do the math there. Based on where we're going, I think the most out of luck people are listeners in New Mexico, probably. That's the ones who have the longest.
Starting point is 01:09:35 Or Maine. Yeah. yeah although we've done we I don't know if I would in terms of eventually like filling in the board we've done multiple Texas shows oh yeah you yeah sure I just want people to know if you're an if you're an excited New Mexico listener being wow three live shows surely one of them is close to me I'm sorry this also not this time if you're a West Coast listener figuring out how to do these so that we do not end up losing a shit ton of money is really really hard don't jinx it on the West Coast don't jinks it we might no listen I believe What I'm saying is, jump on this one because we don't know how often we're going to be able to do this. Yeah. And we really, really wanted to because we've always wanted to. But, you know, travel is exorbitant and our listener base is smaller out there. We heard you.
Starting point is 01:10:22 We're coming. But y'all better fill this room. I think that's all we'll say for now. But, like, very, very soon. I'm also going to put it on pre-owned airboats.com, our merch site. We'll throw a page up there for you to see where the live. shows are and tickets again if you go there today there's nothing there there's nothing for you calm down you need to calm down i just but i i i want to buy a bladder pill stick
Starting point is 01:10:47 if three deep breaths if you're not seeing it ask ryan why that's right ask me come up to me personally holly will give you my address you can come to my house you could knock on the door you say where the live show tickets i'm too i'll find anybody that's why i'm too afraid of Brian's wife to give you a dress. But I'll give you Godfrey's address. He's got feral children. Hang on, that implies that I'm not
Starting point is 01:11:13 afraid of Annabeth and I totally am. Sorry, Annabeth. Plus, we're thank you, Godfrey. This is the episode where we're not called the Godfrey. He's just so handsome and generous. I hate it. Okay, I think that's all. Is there any other podcast business?
Starting point is 01:11:25 I just technically realized that Godfrey blew the back out of the charity bowl. Go listen to Killer Ants on Spotify or other music platforms that won't actually pay Serber that much if any money. But it's nice to listen to Karen's music anyway. We're a little bit behind, but I think we've made like $35.
Starting point is 01:11:42 Hell yeah, brother. Which is really cool. Now, if this was like 2011 when I sold CDs at my shows and as many people had listened to my music as then, then I would have a lot more money. But I do have a CD player in my car, so you should sell them.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Yeah, I'll burn you a disc. My car is 10 years old. My car is 10 years old. give me your music. I still have a CD player. I still do, I still do, I bought like an external disc drive because I still do mix CDs.
Starting point is 01:12:15 I think that's awesome. Like, sometimes I don't want to do the, like, I don't want to do the phone. I don't want to listen to one album and like, I don't want to do a playlist I've curated. I don't know. I will get a physical media rant going, but I don't love the idea of renting songs.
Starting point is 01:12:31 Mm-mm, no. I'd rather pay you for the thing Okay, I think that's it I'd just say the other thing Listen to Hand in the Dirt Follow him at Hitipod We may or may not have a big announcement Coming up soon as well
Starting point is 01:12:48 How dare you? How dare you? Not to steal the thunder Good goal! No, we're not going to sell a single fucking ticket now. You're going to bury us like so many tulip bulbs. I'll never show up at any location That's hosting hand in the dirt.
Starting point is 01:13:03 That's a good. That's for sure. Any club that would welcome them. Instagram just suggested that I follow Felder's mom. What do you guys think I should do? I'll karate chop Stephen Hartzell right in the throat. That's what I'll do. I want to follow Felder's mom.
Starting point is 01:13:17 I'm not a karate guy. No, no, wait. Hartzl knows Kroff Maga. You've got to pick somebody else. He doesn't do Krofmagat. He didn't even know what it was. And we told him what it was. That's different.
Starting point is 01:13:30 Wait, wait. How did Krav Maga become like a year-long running meme on that show? because the kids were taking Taekwondo and Felder was like have you looked into Krov McGraw Krov Maga and he said Krof McGraw sounds like Tim McGrath's cousin Kroff Magas
Starting point is 01:13:46 Chris Gaines's final evolution Shaghanx Shang Sung Krav Magra And Hartz And Hartso goes what is that And then We informed him that it's Jewish karate
Starting point is 01:14:04 and he was like oh I'm Jewish like yeah we thought you knew Crom McGrath is what you have to learn to face Morgan Wallin on Broadway I thought you just had to be a I thought you just had to be a police officer

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