Shutdown Fullcast - “Speaking words of wisdom, daiquiri"

Episode Date: February 25, 2021

 - Hey y’all, it’s the FCS draft episode, where we overcome our current general disdain for sports to pick spring football teams!  - Featuring a brief but violent detour into the Boise State-Idaho rivalry!  - Our collective safari into perfecting our Maine accents continues?  - Never admit what is or isn’t gumbo on the internet.  - “Spencer, I have a money question" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown fullcast. You're listening to the internet's only college football podcast. And we go year round. Normally that means we get a little time off. time off from actually discussing football and time to you know enjoy the finer things in life and like most things pandemic has just said no you don't get to do that why because we're a little blessed i don't want i don't want to make it seem like a complaint um we got an entire football season happening in the spring gal and i know jason is like fairly excited about this

because you are i think on this podcast i'm going to go ahead and call you the fcs aficionado Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, it's tricky. It's weird. Like, I think in any normal year, I would approach this as like, holy shit, this is awesome. Bonus football. FCS getting the spotlight.

My alma mater, we're ranked like five or eight or something like that in the top ten. I don't know the digit. But, you know, this would be very exciting and very cool. And as long as we can pull it off of the way where FCS players have a chance to get drafted, then I think it's cool and good. and maybe we keep it going in some way, I don't know. But, yeah, I'm still in this whole, like, sports. Understandable ambivalence?

Yeah, it sucks. It's not the FCS that I'm like, eh, about. It's sports. Yeah. It's watching things, you know. But this is weird and weird things are good, so I will be getting into it. um you know for for anyone who who hasn't paid much attention to fcs football it's probably good time to take a look you people watched xFL and a aaf this is not worse than that

no no it's definitely not worse than aaf yeah i will say fan fan control football giving it a run for the money glacier boys for life i mean yeah north dakota state versus the glacier boys it would be say that what field are we playing on that's my question so what so where is the twitch ball happen uh twitch ball's going to happen where all other bowls happen which is deluth georgia oh right right right right is it um yeah i'm so mad this is happening in deluth and we can't go of course the reason it's happening at all is that we can't go yeah is it like a tiny field or is like an arena field it is an arena field basically Yeah. Okay. I don't know why I'm asking these questions if it matters because North Dakota State is just going to steam.

You're like, no, I'm going to hook it up. Well, actually, if this were, if this were Arkansas, if this were central Arkansas, yeah, they might do it. They would do it. You'd be like, hey, listen, the field's 50 yards, we don't care. We don't care. Where is it? It might be that Twitchball is literally trying to keep them out, you know? Hating on our owls. Do you recognize this bear? Do not let him in the building? he wants to play football with you it is all he wants central arkansas glacier bears yeah and there's also like glacier boys have an unfair advantage which is quavo quavo's like one of the people behind the scenes for him quakevo who that is there are there

two yeah like i guess is what i'm asking Cuevo Garcia, 32nd President of Mexico. Cuevo O'Reilly. Okay. Yeah. So this is that Cuevo. This is that Cuevo. There's not an additional Cuevo.

No, there are no additional, there are no additionals Cuevo. That's not how that. I just wanted to say it. But yeah, that's, that's. You know why I like that Cuevo is rich? Hmm. Because it means that after a childhood of not being able to find a tiny license plate with his name on it, You can now just have them made out of gold.

Good motivation for all you kids out there who never got to buy souvenirs at the museum gift shop. You won't know the pain, Ryan. And you won't know the pain, Jason. I never had them, which is weird. My name is super common, but it was always like Heather and shit. I'm basically just like Cuevo. That's what I was about to say.

It's just one of the many things we have in common. Why are y'all laugh at? Quit laughing. sorry but what about Glacier girls let's be inclusive we should move on the

the FCS season will be in full swing and kind of pending like all things they're they're playing on like

Fridays Saturdays Sundays Sundays like this is the craziest fucking schedule Thursday, March 4th, South Dakota, North Dakota, followed by Friday, March 5th, Albany at New Hampshire. This is so fucked up.

April Fool's Day, East Central at Tarleton on ESPN Plus. Wait, did you make East Central up? No. No. Okay. Did I make Dixie State up? Because that's who Tarleton's playing this weekend? No, Dixie State.

You know who Charleston just beat? Hmm. The only FBS school playing the spring schedule. New Mexico State. Oh, right. Ow! Their honorary FCS for the time being. They fucking tune New Mexico State up, too.

They should probably think about making this honorary step. They should probably just, you know what you should do, New Mexico State? Listen, I like your, I like one of your logos, the teal, that's very cool what you should do so maybe we pass along that message via that connect that new mexico state while you're basically an fcs team you just go ahead and sneak away with do you think you could do you think we could get a DM into him i'll see what i can do you'll see what you can do just like play it cool new mexico state i mean i don't want to say this the rude way but no one will notice if you just sneak away with the fcs teams everyone agrees it's for the better

I mean that's what Idaho did Idaho. Live in the good life down there Okay well all right Live in a life Living Have you ever been in the Kippy Dome?

I've never been to the It is a deep regret of mine that I have never No it's not No It is one of the most singularly depressing places I have ever been But good news Paul Petrino's there

Is he still? there? Yes. Oh my god. Look, there's a place for everyone. You fucking know he is. Is this his overlook hotel? Like he can never escape. He's been there since 2013. Ask me how many winning seasons he's had. So there. So one is correct. Yeah, since they got down to FCS, uh, four and seven, five and seven. And then we'll see how they do this year. Like it. they were they were barely cut out for d1 the entire time they were in fb s yeah i remember we used to call them yarn balls is he idao yarn balls honest question is is he just hoping to slide them down until they get

competitive like high school all right we hit it n aia middle school feel real good that we're going to kick the crap out of these pee we leaguers fuck i don't just beat me in NFL blitz that was amazing our first victory in seven years boise state fans uh i don't know what you did to deserve this audio this is probably your favorite five minutes in the industry before just remember that boise state despite the successes that they have had and the major victories

against actually good fbs program this is how you know this is an actual rivalry is because it is completely one-sided and Everyone involved still hates the shit out of it yourself. Absolutely. This is my argument for continuing Tennessee Bama, by the way. Absolutely. This is such a rivalry that, like, it's virtually guaranteed they'll never play each other ever again. And Boise State fans are like, I fucking hate those guys.

Like, you have not just left them in the dust. You have left their planet and you still hate them. That's awesome. I like the interstellar comparison because you know that there's, like, aliens who are like interstellar what is the big theme of the movie

interstellar is that there is this power across the universe that you could call it gravity or you could call it love guess what else you could call it hate so Matthew McConaughey behind a bookshelf if he'd gone to

Boise State is just like sending messages sliding potatoes out Idaho oh my God when they sent out that message just said stay stay in fcs you bitch so i can

i think i think what he did he he wrote out state that's that's all like some boise fan will hear this and they're just going to drop pants and be like yes you look up at the you look up at the bookshelf and you see your space dad doing kill a more finger guns

at you I hate Rob Akey Why hate Rob Akey? I hate him Idaho Fucking hate him Why has he got two Bs? He doesn't need him

If he had two Bs He can do a better college in Idaho That's him That's him Oh, God That's amazing Oh yeah They still

I don't think I've ever seen Two schools of like such otherwise innocuous like nature absolutely hate each other like like just despise each other so yeah all these bad things we're saying about how idaho is even struggling at the fcs level and paul petrino has only one winning season in his time there uh lap it up lap it up broncos fans they are meanwhile new mexico state fans are just like god at least they stop talking about us fuck thank you guys like so new mexico state all right all right here's the thing imagine how much worse it would be if you were yukon right we'd do a whole episode about how

much you're going to suck at fcs new mexico state you just get you know two or three minutes and that's that because you're not yukon no no no no no one's you con um what a beautiful concept no one's yukon no one this is our this is this centuries everything was beautiful nothing hurt. This is like the opposite of VORB. Like, VORB is like, be better than VORB, but this is the other side of like, well, at least you're not Yukon. These are the, uh, it's, these are the, uh, just try and aim between those two poles.

Yeah, yeah. And then you're okay. You're acceptably bad. Man, Yukon went, Yukon went to a VCS bowl. I still. Yeah, man. Yeah, BCS was dumb. It was great.

It was really stupid. God, we do things the dumbest possible way. Every single time. You're welcome. This is, I mean, this. It's just like a Ted Lassau when they're like, yeah, you guys don't have relegation in the States?

He's like, no, what do bad teams do? We just play out all the games. When are us the episode where we make Ryan and Jason watch Ted Lassow? I should. I'll try. I watch Fast 5. Does that count? Yeah, okay, tell me about that, first of all.

That is like the second most wholesome entertainment. You all know us? Do you know how enraging it is for me personally to discover that Ted Lassow is exactly as good as everyone has been screaming about? Why is that enraging? Because it's me, and I'm a bad person. But you watch Ted Lassau and now you're a good person. Yeah, pretty much. That's the idea.

Wow. No, I'll try to watch it. I'll get on it. I know I should. don't like we're going to have things it's it's not like a thing that you should because you have in your life i mean it'll make you happy for a few hours it will make you actually happy when's the last time that i got to happen for any fast five thank you ryan speaking speaking of how's that go about you and your wife's first experience

the fast five so my favorite kind of movie in which two-thirds of the way through it becomes a complete other type of movie sure um first off i a i really appreciate appreciate that one of the first people you see on screen um is part happily from parks and rec like he's one of the castor yes he has a newscaster as is like his whole i mdb uh real at this point um really delighted amazing job that would be you get to go to all the premieres and all you ever have to do is record studio footage yes like three minutes of work it's fucking great it's like that dude has the best job in hollywood he's he's doing amazing he's absolutely doing amazing um really enjoyed how heavily died the rock's beard like goatee was like just it's firm oh man it's really

it's very solid man i was just wait for it to start bleeding it's simple it's just start dripping it's like rudy juliani you never do that the rock's goatee would never those colors don't run buddy dude it looks like a murkin it is really yeah it was it was mostly satisfying because i i like how so much of the movie is very it's very ocean's 11y where it's like we have a plan we have to do these things like here's how the heist's going to go and then

it immediately abandons the plan. Yes. Because life's like that ain't it? To the point where we were sitting afterwards being like wait would any of the plan work in the first place and it's like it doesn't matter

it doesn't matter the answer is this is Brazil. Yeah I got to tell I so I knew that the vault scene was a thing I was aware and when it started I even turned to my wife and I was like just you know

this is like probably the most I don't know like maybe the most iconic sequence in the film in like the franchise yes and it even knowing that going in doesn't disappoint in the slightest not in the slightest just a delightful romp the whole way including the turn at the end

which I won't spoil because some people might be like me and they haven't seen Fast 5 but man just like super fun super fun mostly nonsense like almost everything that happens in the film you're like why is this happening like it falls apart under the slightest scrutiny but the film's like don't do that friend

just sit back loved it it is an amazing film and if only for the rocks constantly level of moisture. So here's the other thing I like about. Here's the other thing I like about this. So they try to film when the rock fights Vendiesel.

They try to film it in such a way to make it feel like these are two people of roughly equal stature. Because both of those, you have to read up on the feud that they're super vain, right? Oh, there's a whole beef history, right? Yes, yes. It is written into, it has to be written into the movies the entire time that neither one of them can really get the upper hand on the other because they are both crazy like that. There are whole factions within the cast and everything. Right, right, right. I just, I, yeah.

Who's on Team Rock? It's, listen, not many people. Also, it changes with several movies. Yeah, it fluctuates a little bit, but it's basically just Jason Statham is on the rock side. Because that makes Jason Statham rich. there's also this like Tyrese splinter cell at one point anyway it's a whole thing yeah um yeah I like I like that they try to make it look like oh look it's Thanos versus Thanos and you're like one of these men is clearly much larger than the other I'm looking at the poster right now and yeah Vin is like only slightly closer to on the poster and correct or former D1 athlete right we're just kind of yeah Vin's just kind of like like a pretty big guy he's a big actor what he is is a big actor that's it and the other thing

the other like really alarming thing about it is that in fast five that's not even like peak big rock no and he's still much bigger than vin diesel much bigger and and just covered in goo just a sheen oh yeah this is wet rock very wet they have a shirt on him and it barely matters Feel the peril. Folks, welcome to our FCS episode. We're talking to Slipery Rock. Holly, you have to do the ad read now. It's long.

No, that's it. It's law. Today, my very, very long-awated University of Hawaii vintage hoodie made its debut in my home. I can report that it is as snugly as Brian Floyd's has looked. on on previous zoom meetings during which i have right how long have i been coveting the university of hawaii hoodie it's been months it's been an age yeah uh it had its debut today at work i check it on a fine walk uh with the new rescue dog that has joined our family so it got a little it got a little outing outside uh i can't wait to wash it and have it become snuglier than ever

you too can be as snugly as I am by going to home field apparel and using hey Spencer what's the promo code forecast nailed it Ryan is that right yeah that is he did he did a great job Spencer what's the discount for that 10% off no 20% off 20%

10% can we can we math isn't my thing let's try to get let's let's pretend that Spencer offers 10% and it's like folks if you act now. I'm coming over the top of Spencer. Spencer's deal's not good enough

for you, full cast listener. I'm up in the bonus offered a 20% off. That's not how we treat family. Homefield finally has gotten into the sports writer pleasing game by bringing JMU to the full

go dukes. So you can, yeah, I don't have a very poetic read. I'm just extremely happy to have this University of Hawaii hoodie. I added the University of Hawaii hoodie, the University of Utah hoodie with the outline of the mountains, and the slippery rock hoodie featuring the large anthropomorphic rock wearing a fur coat to my collection this time around. I'm extremely pleased with all of these. And you can be too. It is, by the way, the Utah one, majestic.

Thank you. Absolutely outstanding, like all of homefields gear. What a transition. What a fantastic way to work your way into the home field, like a plus execution there. Thank you. Anyway, back to talking about slippery rocks. Here's Fast 5. I am just really looking forward to Ryan experiencing Fast 6 and everything past it just so we can go through.

Justice for Hahn. Not too far past. It's just long. Oh, yeah, no, we, we don't, we don't truck with the, uh, with much of the Jason Statham era. Fast A it's not canon. Nope, it's not. It's dumb, Ryan. Like, you should watch it because it's really stupid, but just know, I'm going to watch it.

We're watching all of them. Just know that it's not canon. It will not glad in your heart. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. It's got a submarine, so you should watch it, but sure. It's not canon. it does have Tyrese driving a Lamborghini on ice and that that was the highlight of the movie for me because you know a movie is you know a movie's doing real well when your youngest kid looks at it and goes that's stupid this was made for grownups

my son was the kid at this point um seven yeah he's watching it and he sees Tyrese pick an orange Lamborghini to drive on ice and my seven year old goes dad that guy's stupid and i was like well aside from the actual benihanna he has built in his backyard yes i mean that's the character the character is tyrese is stupid ludicrous is smart that is that like that is their entire uh comedy duo so yeah also pretty accurate if i was just guessing i don't think they're playing against type name a few universal truths ludicrous is smart Barstow, California is scary And Tyrese is stupid I'd be fine with that

Tyrese might be like yeah I'm stupid and rich Name a few universal truths The Rock is bigger than Vin Diesel The Rock is bigger than Vin Diesel Be like no prove it Could God create a Vin Diesel bigger than the rock Teach the controversy I think it's a matter of opinion

Oh shit I had a really good Vin Diesel impression a while back i can't remember the steps now you gotta rewatch so it's like you got first you gotta get a new jersey accident you know you gotta do this and you gotta make it really mumbling i think you gotta take you down really low oh i remember the key now here it is so you just make that grumble noise but you say it with a smile on your face you never had me you never had your car and you say it with a smile that's what does it that's the trick but you can't move your lips too much no no No, no.

You got to really keep everything's got to be in a very tight, tight orbit, basically. None of y'all sound like Vin Diesel. The thing is that we feel like Vin Diesel. Yeah. Frank Jude Schelfo is an American football coach. Oh, wait. Now you tell you. South Easton, Louisiana University.

Schofo was the offensive coordinator for the UTSA Roadrunners. see this is by the way like dominic tureto in that series never does anything like he never plots is or does anything really stupid that's all i want him to do like i want a whole scene where dominic turetto spills a huge amount of chili on himself right like oh dude never does that like he's kevin from the office right like he never has any moment where like he absolutely screws like an average or normal thing up there is a very weird there is one very weird scene makes terrible tuna salad in the original Fast and Furious Oh yeah well one one one complication here is that Vin Diesel literally pays for all these movies to be made right so he kind of looks cool and kind of looks like he's as big as the rock so one of the one confusing scene in the movie there's a scene where Dom and Brian are on like a

balcony Paul Walker yes and they're talking about this is right after Jordana Brewster has been like hey I'm pregnant they're talking about their dad's helping them with homework well they're yeah they're talking about about their experiences with their dads and um brian's side of it is all like i don't remember my dad at all and you keep waiting for him to be like because my dad left or because like this that or the other but he's just like i just don't remember him because he just wasn't present and dom is all like oh i'll remember everything about my father he would sit at the kitchen table helping helping him with all work after and it's all this like loving sort of like say it with a smile sorry this loving

appreciation of the father I can do it this is great and and but at the end of it you're like wait is the message here like my father was such a good dude look at look at the son I turned into it's like no I don't think that's like aspirational I'm not sure this is a good message

it's maybe saying something interesting about nature versus nurture but shit dude he was a good father and that's why I'm an international coffee I mean, point made, I think. He's doing what he has to do to take care of his family. I mean, this man is, what, two movies away from saving Earth as a car thief? Sure.

I think his dad did a pretty good job. That's a fair point, yeah. Also, I don't know. How stupid is the idea? Also, you don't have sons, Ryan? Shut up. Yeah. If one of my sons became an international car thief, honestly, I'd be pretty impressed. I'd be like, that is well beyond.

That is among the best case scenarios. Yeah. This man started as a DVD thief. And now he's blowing up submarines. I only steal wheel-shaped things. Wait, what do you think DVD players are shaped like? Oh, I thought DVDs. DVDs.

Yeah, DVD go around. Like my car. Car's wheels. I stole laser discs. It was wildly unprofitable. I'm going to use DVDs as a hubcaps on my car. The Dominic Toreto business model. I'm going to steal muscle cars and make $12 billion a year?

Yeah. We're going to steal a bunch of iPods. They should have crossed this up with the National Treasure franchise at some point. There's a truck full of U.S. We're going to put a DVD player on top of the Declaration. That truck has 500 constitutions on it. We're raising We're raising for pink

Constitution The Constitution is America's pink slip Is it? We're taking this George Washington King Henry's like Menasie!

Which king was it? I forget. King George, sorry. King Henry was also like that. I'm just going to say that. It's true now. There was a lot of them. Surely one of them was.

I'm only on this if Nick Cage at one point becomes Ghost Rider. If we can work that in, sure. Yeah, sure. What's stopping that from happening? Nick Cage will suggest this. I'm just going to go ahead and spoil it for you

because he's going to suggest that. Like halfway through filming, he'll be like, what if I just did the, what if he just made me ghost-r- The ghost rider is going to hit Dom with the pennant stare and Dom is going to feel the pain of all the DVDs he's stolen from other people oh now I get it now I understand I brought I brought circuit city to its knees and I do it again for family I was thinking too much about the circuit city and not about the circuit city and not about the circuit community

oh my god it's a circuit family um we asked our uh followers to help us take an fcs team we call them a family a family hey we actually asked them to do something else can we

uh remind about that real quick we did actually and conjunction with split zone duo we asked our listeners and followers to help out organizations of their choice a couple we suggested a couple were suggested via the internet it basically help out those who were trying to help out everyone affected by the winter storm that it damn near paralyzed large swaths of texas taking out power and water and making life super miserable for most people there and y'all you all did beautiful work absolutely being to do beautiful work there is still beautiful work that beautiful work can

continue and so far i believe the total was that 13,332 dollars as of count people have just been tweeting us we asked them to tweet us the receipts of their donation to the moon crew account not to godfrey for once yes not to 38 government to uh at moon crew llc on twitter.com if you would like to do that um we will uh include we will include a link in the notes for the show for organizations you can donate to and we're prioritizing mutual aid groups uh community aid groups uh anybody who's helping folks in texas get what they need right now and when we hit a dollar sign texas which is a an amount of money of our own devising we will know it when we see it we're going to do something real real stupid with our brothers at split zone something real stupid and texasie

for a show you will like it yep so go ahead if you want that to happen donate we will help you with instructions on how to do that um it is without a doubt my favorite state filled with some of my favorite people so on a personal note i would really appreciate it if you help them out in a really crappy time for a lot of people down there so uh the other thing that our listeners and followers have helped us out with is yeah we're going we're going to get right and we're going to get some fcs teams too uh if not follow for life at least ride with for this season and we asked a pretty simple question. We're just like, hey, listen, sell us on an FCS team that we should adopt, okay, during whatever it is happening right now,

which is, again, pretty good way to describe football in 2020 and 2021. Also asked you to make a case, not just, you know, hey, this team, just trust me. No, no, no, we had to get a little bit of a case. And y'all responded beautifully. I've selected several that I've found compelling, but if y'all would like to chime in with your own that you found particularly interesting or moving, let me know. I got this from one that I'm going to actually, this will lead me to two here, okay, from they call me me, meadler said, New Hampshire, believe it or not, I actually know what's notable about this, which is, yeah, produced Chip Kelly, Ryan Day and Jerry Asima. They play Maine every year for a rivalry trophy, rivalry trophy that is an actual mascot. Mascot, musket, Jesus.

What the, that? I had a stroke. That was amazing. Winner of the rivalry gets to shoot an opposing player. Fine, I made the last part up. I don't know about that. I really don't. I wonder if football equipment would protect you from musket fire.

Like, could it penetrate shoulder pad? Let's find out. I don't know the answer. let's not find out the answer I'm going to bet no I mean we'll put it on a tackling dummy you've changed fuck

you used to be real man the lawyer the lawyer is like no let's see legally let's try this out not just any lawyer our lawyer that's right our attorney fully suggesting that we go ahead and fire it off

I was just going to suggest something maybe a little controversial for somebody who's pushing me to follow the University of New Hampshire I think Maine's a pretty good pull as well because Oh we have long loved the black bears for their logo which sometimes has the black bear

shooting bolts of lightning out of its mall Yeah I am I am always here For some Maine football I mean where to begin with the new balance bears of Maine They also Yeah they were new balance because Because fuck you that's why They were also

the ones who produced the incredible meme of the husky gent wearing number 69 with the crop top diving sideways after the football the greatest uh sports like the greatest like calendar shot ever that's main man did that in a new balance crop top the greatest of all crop tops like the only thing funnier would imagine you got and your dad is cutting the yard in a new balance crop top Maine also responsible for one of the best final scores in all of college football history. That would be Maine 9 Mississippi State 7. That is, that is, I was going to bring up that Maine, yes, has a victory over an SEC team. I believe an SEC team that went on to defeat, that went on to defeat Florida.

That sounds right. That could be anybody. Okay, yeah. Except to see. Yes, yes. This Mississippi State team won three games. They beat Kentucky, Tulane, and number 20, Florida. That is correct.

And they lost to Maine, Vanderbilt, and UAB. Yeah, I believe that it is. I believe that is the game that finally got Ronnethon Zuck fired at Florida. Was that loss to Mississippi State. And then what did Florida do after that? Beat Florida State. that is correct in the first game at bobby bowdenfield football it's magical um so excellent suggestion and uh implied counter suggestion by they they call me adler um Alex Graber uh yes has recommended

like everybody else the jm ukes go dukes yeah i'm required as a sports person to say that i will say that would be probably one of the few teams in the state of virginia i'd feel okay rooting for would be the jm ukes and that's not just because they have a bulldog logo who kind of looks like a drunk bulldog awakened on a boat if you know the one i'm talking about where he's kind of wearing shorts and looking like he's got his dukes up like he wants to fight pun intended yep yeah that's a jam jm u like actual good football team you wouldn't suffer a lot i i'm out on jm u they're too good they have a championship in my lifetime and i'm from the state of Georgia. I don't, I'm not, no, no. They also don't need us, like, because they have

the entire rest of the sports media apparatus. Yeah, they're doing okay without us. I would like to read you one important sentence from the Wikipedia page of Duke Dogg, the official mascot for JMU. On September 22nd, 2007, Duke Dog was tackled by Chanticleer, a chicken mascot from Coastal Carolina University. A chicken mascot. A chicken mascot. Not the chicken mascot. Correct.

A fight between the mascots ensued and the Duke Dog inadvertently struck one of the police officers who was trying to do anything. All cops are bastards. Duke Dog. Duke Dog at the front of the line. That's God. Is that the only mascot I know of who's, actually struck a cop antifa duke dog leading the way all right this is a level of affection

i did not expect to feel for chm you put up put up your put up your dukes duke i mean you say your mascot's rowdy well we got no fight with the other mascot did he punch a cop punch a cop so i know it's real folks you can reach me at 38 godfrey meanwhile Sebastian the Ivis is like, all right, I love you. One of these days I'm going to fuck around and give out Godfrey's dad's Twitter. Oh, no. Please don't do it. Please don't do that.

Sorry, Steve, Sr. I, by the way, like, this is also, this also means that someone in court, this is probably a matter of public record that somebody had to say, yeah, I punched the cop because I was wearing a bulldog costume. Oh, I thought you meant the animals fought. Oh, no. No, it's sorry, it's the costume mascots. Yeah, like somebody's not a literal dog. The lawyer had to be like, your honor. He had a plush.

A literal bulldog off of the cop. Okay, that's much less interesting. Yeah, no, like he would have had, he would have had to go into court and say, I'm sorry, the plush bulldog had really impaired my vision. And that's why I punched a police officer. Your Honor, I believe in the integrity of the character. You ever go to Disney, Your Honor?

They don't get to break character. The court calls Pagliacci. All murders committed as goofy are technically common. Right, Ryan, is that accurate? Garsh, Mick, he still, he sure is bleeding a lot. Gag, Gat, Gap! Caught you're slipping. Garsh, come at the king, you best not Mish.

I didn't know you'll like to get wet Now I'm doing training day with Goofy And it's the best thing I've ever thought of Oh boy I'm going to listen Goofy Is Goofy high on PCP? Oh yeah

We have another one from At Maddie Kirk 7 Who I had this as a suspect On a team to potentially win that but they are a little too good. However, I'm going to let them make the cell here. Youngstown State, we are deeply in the pockets of multiple criminal organizations. I think they are still on Pellini probation.

Yeah. And also, they haven't been that good for a long time. Yeah. A penguin mask can... Only go so far. Yeah. Yeah, the penguin ain't cute enough to overlook Bo Pellini. Yeah.

Can't do it, y'all. Sorry. Yeah, can't do it either. But, you know, it was a good try, but no. no uh via the uh at clay bogart suggests the v m i key debts because a full grown kangaroo could beat the living shit out of any other animal probably all right let me put them on the board v m i is on the board yep folks wanting to know why your suggestions never get heard this is how it's done yeah yeah this is uh because full grown kangaroo like we're basically like we'll

root for you if your uh mascot animal is actually rowdy and as anyone who's watched anyone any fight video out of Australia inevitably a kangaroo will wander in and dominate they're ripped just a jacked angry animal is that soap suggests the Bethune Cookman

Wildcats speaking of absolutely jacked animals the enemy of Florida State is our friend yeah sick uniforms two time black college football national champions and their mascot is a wildcat strength coast and I mentioned jacked beasts

because I want you to look at the photo that I have included with the notes of Bethune Cookman's mascot. He looks like he's made out of wads of cookie dough. I was going to say this is this is this is this is this is pancake dough that needs to be mixed more. Someone asked does his face have is his, does his face have muscles? Like does his face?

Yes, that's what it looks like. Yeah, like other mascots have the plush face and then like the jacked body. I don't think if you touched that it would feel like plush at all. No, Bathton Cookman's mascot's face is ripped. Like, his face has been doing squats. I don't know how, but it's been doing them. Like his towels can do curls.

Mm-hmm. I don't think Bethune Cookman is playing in the spring. Well, that's great staff work on the part of our readers. Does that rule us out? I'm going to put him on, I'm going to put him as a provision. Why don't I jump in here and suggest Mighty East Tennessee? State. My cousin played there. And despite the involvement of Philip Fulmer, they still have a functioning football team, which is more than some schools involving Philip Fulmer can say.

ETSU gets numerous suggestions here, by the way. Oh, good. Glad to hear it. Yeah, like, they have, they have a crew, and they push hard to suggest. They are, they are close to, for those of you who want to cross sports with us, they are pretty closely situated to the Bristol Motor Speedway. So if you want to, if you want to really take in a weekend,

look for a time when some of those events might line up. Jason, where do we stand on South Dakota State? Are they too good? Are the Jacks? Oh, God. No, that is, oh, fuck.

That's like being an Auburn fan. That is being the Auburn fan of FCS. Ew. Your arch rival is. God. It doesn't matter how good you are. They're cool. They're good. It's going to fucking suck. You're going to lose to North Dakota State once and maybe twice. If you beat them, you're going to lose to them the second time.

It's a horrible existence. Oh, that's not what I thought you meant by Auburn. Okay. Because Auburn, you got to play Bama is all. That's what I'm getting out. It doesn't matter how good you are. You might bullshit. It's worse than being an Auburn fan. If you're an Auburn fan, you beat Bama once. You don't have to play them again. South Dakota State, you beat the bison. Cool. Wait a month. Here they come again in the play.

playoffs it's worse than being an auburn fan i'm out on south dakota state fan i mean it is signing up for some paint you do get the balm of having a really great mascot sure i bet that feels great yeah it doesn't go so far our mascot's cuter jack rabbit out of you given given time they will but you know this is what this is mascot determinism because the bud is facing

the jaguar I'll fight you ow ow ow ow that was a mistake and sometimes you have in the regular season you have the jack rabbit walks up and you know kick ha got them right oh shit you made it mad here come the playoffs he's back with ten of his

friends they're huge mean yeah I think that's a hard road I think South Dakota State People talk about North Dakota State should go FBS South Dakota State should go FBS to get away from North Dakota State

Go join the fucking Mac and make Akron your rival Yeah like I don't hate this No you could be like man Jack rabbits versus kangaroos come on Eight Big 12 championships later What was South Dakota's secret to success We were terrified of North Dakota State

We're so sick of those bastards Fear is a powerful motivator. Sometimes I still see him in my sleep, even though I'm winning here in Texas. I'm winning here at Darrell K. Royal Stadium, I'm afraid of North Dakota State. I got Steve Syracian fired from two schools. We joined the SEC, just because North Dakota State joined the Big 12.

South Dakota State versus Miami is a rivalry. now. South Dakota State's going to end up in like the AFC North just to get away from them. Um, I, this is an intriguing suggestion from at Adam.H, which I had really, I, I did not know all of these fantastic things about the university of South Louisiana. Okay. Uh, or southeastern Louisiana. Sela. Yeah.

Sela. Okay. Can we say Sela? Say la Say la Say la Whatever will be Dacquerie

Which Dacquerie is an important word here The future's a Dackery So Southeastern Louisiana Lions It's more or less halfway between New Orleans and Baton Rouge Oh man, what a place to be Sold

Sold in I'm buying this house without seeing another room because this one has a jacuzzi how bad could it be um play in strawberry stadium where you can order a killer dackery for five bucks flat no questions asked i assumed that no ID required like what it sounds like a five-year-old can order a dackeray in the the magical land that is strawberry stadium listen I gotta see you drink it with one hand

Louisiana I gotta see you hold it with one hand that's how we clear it comes in a sippy cup by the way included the first thing included in this pitch is not the team or the stadium it's a picture of the daffery Adam this is this is a great a great portfolio Adam yeah no and there's way more

there's more run out on the field to a really terrible circle of life trapnik remix it rules there's more each year during homecoming week they essentially fill up a tanker full of gumbo and handed out to students walking to class essentially that sounds like kind of a binary state is or is not the tanker full of gumbo even they're afraid to say what's gumbo definitively on the internet which i think adam's being very smart no that's healthy that's a lifetime of louisiana of talking there. Yeah.

But yeah, he's like, just put it in my hand on the way to class. Here, I'll make a little cup. Uh, they agree that,

we're back to viscosity being a key. Mm-hmm. And they agree that textbooks are a scam and each student can rent their textbook for an entire semester

at no cost at all. And then you take the dackery to class. Man, that's actually a great instance. With all the money you've saved on books, shit.

Yeah. Just go down and get those five. God damn. What kind of damage did these people do themselves with $5 dollar daqueries? unkillable once they graduate are you kidding me damage they live halfway between new

Orleans and Baton Rouge there's no concept of damage they're daywalkers they're truly are lions I love it Adam this is a great fucking resume this is incredible PowerPoint they should put this should be the university brochure this should be the commercial that plays at halftime of their games also they're good they enter the season they're a ranked team they play other other good teams so I know this. Say what? What city is this in again?

I know this. It's halfway between it. What exact town is it? Hammond. Thank you. Oh, it's it, Hammond? Oh, boy.

Why do I know that? Why do I know Hammond? I feel like I've been there and I can't remember why. That's probably because of the DACCries. That is absolutely the point. $5. That is a true. Well, I spent $60 on DACarees.

And that's why. I didn't remember why I was in Hammond. And that's why every subway in Hammond is closed. Got their shit eating for lunch. $5. Daugree? No more room for $5 foot long friend. You know the scene in Hot Rod where you're the voice is playing and like everybody

starts rioting and like fighting with crowbars? Every day. No, that's not every day. They're conditioned. But if we put a bunch of Wisconsin fans in the middle of Hammond, Louisiana on game day, and they're like, $5. Daughery. Wisconsin should schedule a home and home with them, for real.

They wouldn't make it home. They'd be okay at LSU. That was like their warm-up. Wisconsin's a strawberry stadium dropping a fucking billion dollars. By the way, the photo that Adam has included of the stadium, in case Adam has not put together the most compelling resume for any FCS school here, the photo that they have just shows clouds of some sort of mysterious, firework, I think, oriented smoke hanging over the stadium.

It kind of looks like a high school stadium during wartime. It's perfect. It's great. You're a high school stadium all the time. Get a $5 decoral. Do we have, were there any more, Spencer, that you, from the listeners that you found worth considering? I got sold to cut.

About three people recommend. to Tarleton State, which, Tarleton State, yeah, with a big win over New Mexico State. So, you know, if you want to get on the momentum wagon, that'd be one way to do it. That's not the reason I thought they were compelling. It's this from at Florida Georgia line sucks, says Tarleton State because they have a really good meat judging team. That's important. Okay, sure. That's important.

I found that one compelling. I like the Richmond spiders too, because, damn, they're the spiders and they just stuck with it. They weren't like maybe maybe we should get a less disturbing mascot. Nope. Richmond spiders went right for it. No, that's not even the original name. No?

I'm looking on, I'm looking again on Wikipedia. Shut down forecast. The only podcast that will read you Wikipedia. Hey, at least we cite our sources, the dollop. Come on, y'all. For like the first. New York Times. For like the for like the

for like the first. For like the first. 15 years that they had sports teams in the late 1800s, they were the Colts. And then they decided like, ah, fuck it, we're the spiders now. Fuck Colts. What a great, I love that path. Yeah. I simply love that path. I too am the spiders now.

I'm going to recommend Weber State. They are good these days. You'll probably get to see some good games. You might make a playoff run. they have done three of those in a row one playoff games three seasons in a row but I remember one time I was watching

a game of theirs some random game and there was just a big fucking fire on the side on a hill on the side of the field a big ass W was on fire or oh okay mostly yes but you tune into a Weaver State game

and there's just a damn satanic ritual going on the hill and the sideline Batman or some shit? No, it's a W. They're summoning Wario. That's one of my favorite things I've ever seen in an FCS game. You watch an FCS game and it's like, it sort of feels like football in its natural state. It's not being observed.

Who knows what you might see, right? Who knows what they're trying to get away with down there? And then you see a damn druid ritual going on in Ogden, Utah. If they change the mascot. I'm so glad we're back to Druids. What a great callback for us. If they change the mascot from Wildcats to Warios, I would be 100% on board.

The Weber State, is it Warioes or Wario? Well, first of all, it's Weber State. Okay, sorry. I think it's Wario, like, the Stanford Cardinal, yeah. Right. Yeah, the Wario. I think it's Warre. Warre.

Oh, my God, Wario goal. Don't take this, Auburn. You can't have this. You have enough fucking mascots. Eastern Washington. a redfield yeah yeah it's a red they beat washington state we can watch them at all the normal times when they beat washington state yeah um i am obligated to mention the kansas state we are currently the best team that runs the flex bone option that's not a service academy in all of football

so and we play bad teams so that's pretty fun um i would also this will always be owls will always have a home here i'm going to come back to eastern east tennessee state for two reasons part of the origin story for their mascot the buccaneer is that they were named after a pirate whose story was that he got lost it ended up in appalachia which again this is northeast

tennessee that's so lost there's not even a lake if i just keep walking this way surely on the ocean this is about as far from sea level as you can get and stay in tennessee oh y'r i peck me trick compass fuck

the water would be getting narrow and treacherfully surely this means i'm closer to the sea i would say this i'm from tennessee you could see it happening couldn't you be an ancestor of mine right this is if you're like what what idiot would do that one of my ancestors totally so the plausible story is what i'm saying sure as you additionally they had a mascot who was kind of a kind of look like like a real redneck looking pirate like if you cross davy crockett with like Captain Jack, that's what this drawing looks like. But if it were drawn by somebody who weren't actually

that great at art, and the reason is because ETSU's logo for a real long time was in fact a sketch done by their trainer. They used that logo until like 2001 because they're like, well, Randy just put this together

and we think is pretty good. Also, without the well, without much of the good old boy drama that went with the UAB version of this. ETSU died and was resurrected fairly recently. So if you're into the little football team that could narratives, this is a good one. Yeah, and apparently their basketball team is feuding with some local politicians, which good.

Okay, this is good. This is quite a resume, ETSU. I'm with it. Who else, if we are, Jason, if we're looking for somebody who, who might plausibly be good and also compelling at the FBS level if we wanted to adopt. I'm not saying hook me up with the North Dakota State. I don't require that. I just want it to not be, you know, sheer misery.

Sure. So Sam Houston is always dumb. Yeah, if we want sheer misery, we can watch our regular football teams. Yes. The Sam Houston State, they have a very stupid nickname, the Bearcats with a K. They're, you know, they're very big 12, always have been. And they're always pretty good. That's a consideration.

Southern Illinois, they're always pretty good. There's the Salukis. That's very weird. like the majestic Egyptian dog or whatever Austin P they're formerly like the worst

like the most beleaguered team in all of Division 1 more or less and they're just kind of good these days that's pretty interesting that team feels a little split zone for me a little boutique but you know go with God all of FCS feels that way

no just Godfrey likes them so that kind of makes me recall from them in that case uh but yeah the options are vast i mean i'm going to be honest i'm sold on se la myself my my heart belongs in strawberry stadium at this point but listen you say five dollar dackeray i say football excellence before we before we make a decision spencer um how would one acquire the copious coin necessary to live the life of five dollar daquery forever well listen i'm not saying that i'm not an investment You know what? We're all investors.

I have a money question. I laughed a little too long. I know you're not laughing at me. Spencer Hall, let's talk math. I know you're all not laughing with me, but you're laughing. Spencer, do you have a belt recommendation? We're laughing all the way to the bank is what we're doing. Spencer, do you know where your bank is?

I do it's on my phone because... Do you know where your phone is? That's a better question. His younger son has it, and he's slowly transferring money off it. Out of my family account with Acorns, Acorns and Acorns.com. It is the app that turns everyone into an investor, including, yes, me, including, yes, you, including the guy who drew who was a traitor who drew the mascot for ATSU on the back of a napkin, and they used it for like 30 years.

Yes, anyone can be an investor with the Acorns app and on Acorns.com. It is flexible. We've got multiple tiers of plans, which I believe all the members of the full cast have embraced at this point. The heavy metal debit card that comes with my plan. That's right, the heavy metal debit card. Feel the power in your hands. as you get the acorns heavy metal debit card just you get a debit card um i did not i have not activated yet but i am eligible i've been focusing on the family plan where i'm putting a little

bit of money away each week spencer hall focus on the family for the boys and uh google search results yeah and with just a little bit here and there and some roundups you know they're both a skimming off the top of theft from your son who is who is eight and who has evidently figured out how to transfer you know a dollar here or a dollar there uh and practicing what i consider to be proper financial crime protocol creative accounting yes what is guys what are we focusing on this season solutions oriented thinking that's right business solutions for a technical what i feel like running a pyramid scheme within your own house is brilliant in-house pyramid scheme that's some

drewberry shit and and jason what is the bonus you can get from acorns for a five dollar exact dollar amount no less five dollar starter pack for your acorns account by going to acorns.com slash forecast that five dollar investment it will blossom in bloom um into multiple uh multiples of five dollars with just like in the bible when when when jesus handed out the loaves and Jesus turns $5 into five dairies. Let's talk about the wedding in Cana when they run out of dairies.

The wedding in Salah. Mother Mary is when Mother Mary is in Hammond, Louisiana, like my sweet boy, our beloved lions have no way to turn up without the daugries at Strawberry Stadium and he's like, Mom, step back.

They are only $5. This isn't even worth a miracle. This is not worth God power. They're only $5. They're basically free. Fuck. So acorns will just give you dacarees? That's right, folks. Acorns.com slash daffery.

They can't stop me from saying that. No, they can't. They have to make that page now. They do. Unless they already have it for some. What are they want? They're going to have bad, they're going to get 404's errors. It's true.

They're going to wonder, what's all this traffic coming to Acorns. Where's the surge coming from? Shut it. shut down the fire hose they're in the system there they've they've hacked us we've taken over promo code full cats they're stealing our deckeries we are we're under a hackery attack I will tell you this if acorn a dracery of service attack the one of the things acorns does they have shut down they have partner institutions who give you rewards for using your acorns card with those partner institutions we need

like work we need to make one of those institutions the dackeray stand at see law we need to make this happen because if that happens man oh brother yeah we're going to be rolling in it i got to be honest we're going to retire 81 i assume that's a cash business i don't i have to assume wow wow right I think you barter. Wow. You barter. I'll give you this wheelbarrow for a dachry. I just throw a cartridge of 22 ammo on there, and they're like, hey, take the whole rack, buddy.

Hey, I got a quarter bag of mulch. That'll do. One dacry for you. This is the fucking Ray's Planet and Star Wars. Daccaries out from under a bridge for a little. Ray and Star Wars bringing up salvage. One portion of dacery. um what do you think guys what do you think ray is short for

oh wow daqueray that that would be some shit that if your parents leave you on a beach planet yeah they named you dacoree they'll give me 28 dacqueries for bb8 done movie's over we love listen bid die we love you we'll be back we'll be back have fun in there i sure will just Ray getting hammered She deserves it, man. She works hard. That's right.

It's arguably a better character arc than they gave her. Yeah, I mean, shit. If your grandfather was zombie palpeteen, I'm going to Hammond to get some backers. I need a drink. Fuck, Mommy need a drink. Maybe Star Wars fans would accept a lady hero if she was drunk all the time.

God, that would be the best Star Wars head. I mean, they like Carrie Vischer. Mommy need a drink. Thank you, Jason. That's a terrific point. Carrie Fisher would have appreciated this show. She would have. Carrie Fisher would love

the Southeastern Louisiana Lions. It's not a joke, but she would have appreciated it. $5. Dacqueries. You absolute lunatics. It's beautiful, man. Dacquery,

Dacquery. Dacquery. We're going to pick a team to adopt, but I think we've already picked the team to adopt. This is this kind of ceremonial at this point. I really wanted it to be Maine, but yeah. It's going to be cold, and you know what they don't have? $5. They got $5 worth of New Balance.

Do they have a trap remix of the circle of life? No. No. Life is a little bit different up there for those people. Yeah. Do they have trap in Maine? Bear traps. Bear traps.

We have the original trap music. It's not a trap house so much as like a trap, a trap. Field. Yeah. In a cave. Yeah. The original trap music is a skunk howling in a trap. Oh, that's beautiful, huh?

Is that a main accent? It is now. I don't know what a main accent is. I'm not even criticizing. I don't know. Yeah. Main accents. Main accents.

are nonsense. Unfathomable. I've never heard anything like it in my life. Yeah. Colden the fire? Can't get there from here. Everyone in Maine has the

accent of a haunted innkeeper in a nightclub. Oh, I do know the accent now. All of them. I know two people from Maine. One of them sounds like a young Ted Kennedy. Sure.

The other one sounds like Ted Kennedy right now. Yeah. All right. So southeast Louisiana, it is? It is. Yeah, the lions, the lions, baby. We play with pride and with $5. Daughery's working through our bloodstream.

I just hope that's what they dump on the coach. I'm so sticky. Licking his arm. And it came with a song that we made. We're going to end up there. We're going to end up at a game at Hammond. Like, everybody's going to get vaccinated. We're going to go to Hammond.

I really do. You said everybody's going to get. No, I don't know. That's, listen, if $5. Daugries are involved, I don't know if you can be vaccinated for everything you're going to need to be vaccinated for it. What if we put the vaccine in $5.00 dacres? Well, that's just public health work, isn't it?

Yep. That's just good messaging. Come to the stadium. I don't know if Louisiana likes public health. They like $5. That's what I know. The two are hand in hand, one in the same. can't have one without the other

listen your liver's a muscle like any other in your body it needs to be worked that liver's lazy you need to get that liver moving what's that liver doing anyway Ryan look none of this is is legally prosecutable later on but I just got to tell you

you'd make a very convincing doctor. Hey thank you and now with two days of training I can do a tracheotomy too so we've got we've got a number on it Todd call us please don't Todd save yourself

what are we going to use for anesthesia for this tracheotomy oh Zachary sir you look like a grape