Shutdown Fullcast - Spring is Sprung: Embrace The Erotic Pitt Mindset

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

Pat Narduzzi sets a sensual tone for spring ball Find out which reader question haunted Ryan into doing a French bulldog voice The Calipari-Chicken Man Plan Assorted additional spring football surveys Peeking very carefully around the corner at NFL media and asking if y’all are okay?? CHARITY BOWL UPDATES AND RULES, HELPFULLY EXPLAINED FOR YOU How to get Holly to unblock you on Twitter, for a cause What’s this year’s stretch goal that Spencer will inevitably forget to fulfill? Wrestlemania, reviewed A somber update on Le Big One from chief international cycling correspondent Michel Surbre This week's theme song arranged and performed by Anjuli Shah Follow Jason's work on Vacation Bible School, Shutdown Fullbooks, and elsewhere at jasonkirk.fyi Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at channel-6.ghost.io, if you dare Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcast, We're Not All Like This, wherever finer podcasts are placed Purchase only the finest merch at sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'd like to go ahead and start with this quote from friend of the show, Pat Nard-Dootzy. That's right. The Dudes is loose. The Nard-dog himself. The Nard-Dog. That's right. Do you think Pat Narduzzi listens to it? Not this podcast, just podcasts generally.

Has he heard of podcasts? I have a feeling he, like, eats records. I'm telling you, that man has listened to at least one inspo podcast. I don't know which one. Maybe, like, maybe a Huberman lab, but that might, you. You know, that might sound a little too scientific for him. I don't trust it. Probably one of those like men's rights podcasts about not scoring.

That's right. That's right, Jason. It preserves my virility. The original Mr. To Protect My Essence, I bombed Russia. I mean, I deny them that. I simply did not know the air game. That shit does look like they're doing no nut November. and October

September the schedule's pretty light So it depends on September is a maybe Maybe not September Some somewhat nut September It's like Pat Narduzzi Metaphorically speaking Had one year of the wildest sex

Of his life It was like, never again Oh my God, my heart Jesus Christ I'll die You know how many times I had to change the sheets we're not doing that again all right what's the what's the pat arduzzi quote you want to lead with uh the pat and arduzzi quote i want to lead with to set the tone and remember this is spring it's about setting the tone today is april ninth yes we're recording this on april ninth when people

are coming out of spring practices having scrimmages doing all that kind of stuff looking faster, looking leaner, gaining 15 pounds of lean mass in the off-season, excited about the performance and the buy-end that we're getting from all the freshmen on campus, et cetera. We are, we're in the midst of all that. And I was looking for a quote where I was like, somebody has spring footballed harder than everyone else. Why didn't I start with Pat Narduzzi? Why?

That's a great question, because after I read it, it became obvious. This is, what's spring football all about? It's this paragraph. ready? Yeah. Just watching the physicalness of a drill. We've gotten after each other. It's been a physical battle every day.

There's more of it. We've had it in the past, but we've pulled back from it. We have it pulled back this year. We put our foot down and kept going. I want you to go ahead and realize the funniest sentence in this whole thing is the broken out separate. There's more of it. I don't know if I'm just in the erotic pit mindset based on the previous minutes discussion,

but I'm feeling more of it here as well. You can tell, based on that paragraph, you can tell that like, if Pat Narduzzi could be at any time and place in human history, past or future, he would pick the set of predator with Arnold and with Jesse and with all the guys

just doing big dude stuff. I was thinking the Battle of Verdun, but yeah. I was thinking, I was thinking pit football practice spring 2020. I'd be right here. That's right me. It's like if I had a, you know what? If I had a time machine, you know, I'd take myself right here. I'd see if I could lift it over my head.

Yeah. Just to be strong. I'd fucking punch it is what I'd do. He would. If you want to know what Pat Nardusty would do and what most football coaches would do, with a time machine, it would be destroy it. Don't want to look back. I'm going to go back in time and physical Hitler.

Just going to physical him until he can't physical himself. That's it. We're trying to outfiscal everybody. That's it. Breaking news. Some brave American has Oklahoma drilled the Kaiser. If a football coach were in. War is over.

I think Matt Damon in Interstellar is a football coach. Hitler loses a slam dunk contest. Hitler Yamdan. American Celebrate. Look at you now. You've got to fight that man in the parking lot. Crombo Salini. Ooh, he nasty.

Yeah. Not going to lie. I'm getting cooked, said the furor. Um, yeah, that's that Pat Nardousy would be Matt Damon and interstellar. He would destroy the ship and be like, now, now we got to figure it out. Now we're committed, boys. This is football weather here on ice planet. Yeah.

We're going to burn the boats. That's our lunch. The quarters here are nine years long. Eat boats does sound pretty, pretty fucking football. Sub sandwiches, fuck that. Boat sandwiches. That's right. I have this rope.

You need to hold it. and eat it. Eat the rope. Eat the rope. Spring, we've been eating all the rope. We've been eating that trichord. We've been eating that bichord.

We've been eating that manila. This keeps getting disturbingly sexual. Yeah. It is pit football. It's spring. It's spring when the fancies of young persons turn to love and pit football. That's right. Yeah.

Grass is growing. Everybody's doing edging of a different sort. Jesus. It's not what an edge structure is. It is in April. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. That's right. I'm back.

I'm back, baby. I'm back. Do you all have fun without me? No, it was miserable, sir. Superb. Jane was here. We spent the whole time worrying about whether you would fall in. Didn't fall in.

Thought about it. What did he just thought about it? You can't say that. Yeah, you can. You can say that. It's, what, does the void not call? Sure. No, yeah, that is a very human, like, any time you go to something tall or deep, you do

sort of wonder like, boy, I bet falling would suck. Well, at the Grand Canyon in particular, it's very much a, it would be really easy to fall in. Like, it's almost a trick how easy it would be to fall in. It has a trick of the light where your brain is okay. I think the human brain is okay with inclines and declines. And it's okay if you are the one person on that declines. line looking up and down and going, here I am on this, this particular, like, scale, right?

Here I am on the mount. That's not what the Grand Canyon is, though. The Grand Canyon is, what if all down? What if all down? Your brain really can't handle it. So you're looking at it, you're like, you're like, oh, man, you know, maybe I should just, you know, see what happens. Maybe it's just, you know, just tumble.

I'll be like Wiley Coyote. Now, that's not a suicidal impulse. It's the impulse of wonder what would happen if I just dorbed down. Is this a landing the plane impulse? Exactly. I could bounce off that rock and then that rock and then that rock and then that rock. And then at the right moment, I'd tuck. I simply tuck.

I will Tony Hawk combo my way all the way to the bottom. That's right. I will, and it is very much a Tony Hawk thing. You're like, combo bonus right there. I'd get one right there when I jumped off that and I combat rolled onto the next platform. Yeah. I will simply impact roll. It solves every problem.

If you can't impact roll out of it, it can't be done. I'm so glad that you're listening to us figure out how we would not die following into the Grand Canyon here on the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk on the ones and twos Michael Ray Serber. We also have along the way Holly Anderson will be joining us at some point this afternoon. I believe things are running behind, but she will be here. as well. We started off talking about spring football practice, which is happening kind of at every level. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. I've done a really good job in the past few months about not cutting you off and not just jumping in with dumb bullshit. Have you? I've done a pretty good

job. Okay. I've done a job. You've done a job. Okay. Say, hey, same. Same, buddy. we got an email in the shutdown forecast account that demands that I interject and bring it to the group's attention. Please. We, listen, if you email us at shutdownfulcast at gmail.com, probably Jason or I will read it. I read all the emails. I'm not very good at responding to a lot of them, but I do read them. And we, you know, we recently got nice notes from Michael and Megan, and we appreciate those. Michael and Megan, thank you for listening.

We hope you both well. But this is an email we got from Joel. Here's Joel's email. Do you think that the horses at medieval times think they live in the Middle Ages? If you took a modern medieval times horse to the year 1,100, would it befriend the knight's horses or become its bitter enemy? One of the two, yeah. It wouldn't just be middle of the road.

Do you think horses have any sense of epic and era in the same? Does a horse have any sense that it's living? living in a time that is wildly different from the year, from the year 1100. You're positing that this is the village situation for the horse. Potentially, yes. I think that's potentially possible. Now, let's assume for purposes of this discussion that the horse is kept in an immersive environment at medieval times.

Like, this doesn't work if the horse is just like on a reality. You try to me the horse is going to see one cell phone and be like, I knew it. Send me back. I like this because this makes me realize that the purpose of medieval times is not to entertain the people in the crowd. It is to trick the horse. To fool the horse. The entire thing is an emergency VR environment for the horse.

These fooled horses must be providing some sort of resource that we're harvesting from them. The surprise of horses is what fuels everything. Now, the problem is this is a very human-centric approach. Like the Middle Ages is a term that means something to us as humans because it's largely about what has happened to us as humans. I think horses really only have like three eras of history. One is the time before dudes started riding them. Dudes and ladies started riding them. The second is now the time when dudes and ladies are riding them.

And the third is the time yet to come when the horses will finally get us fucking off of them. And I think outside of that, historical, like, breaking things down further just doesn't mean anything to a horse. It's either like, it's, the only technology that matters to a horse, the only scientific advancement is, is some dumbass human putting a saddle on me and climbing on me, yes or no? Maybe four eras, because they're riding before the saddle.

But yes, I agree. Yeah, yeah. Maybe there's a fifth era. When horses ride men, maybe there's a planet of the ape situation where horses will ride men and enact their sweet revenge. The era of two men on one horse. When horse decides more weight, the Charles Corey of horses. The time of men has ended. The era of the horse has begun.

But I don't think a horse would be even slightly bothered. if it traveled back in time to any era, frankly. It might be with the amount of disease it brought with them. Like, it would probably be, like, if you brought, if it time traveled back, it would be like, why are all my friends dying? I went and said hi. And they're all dying from these crazy modern microbes I have brought back, right?

Then the horse becomes some sort of, like, disease God that medieval times people have to worship and fear. It is the pale horse of death. Yes, the plague, all worship the plague stallion. Let's keep going with there because what do you see at a medieval time show? The arena is broken into four quadrants. Like the four hubors of the body. Well, okay.

Also that. But each quadrant is assigned a horse to root for based on the color of the horse in the knight's uniform, right? Yeah. What was John of Patmos seeing, if not, four horses transported back in time from medieval times? Shit! Times!

It was right there all along. It's not called medieval place. Time traveling flu horses are what triggered the apocalypse. Yeah, John saw that shit, and he was like, oh, no, the mall has come. Oh, my God, that one's got a Pepsi. Jesus. A chicken leg costs how much in 2,000 years? There's only one place that has our pricing, Augusta National.

We're not sure what it is. but it's very affordable Joel thank you so much for emailing this and it has been on my brain like for days just seeing you sitting there taking care of your kids and you're like but if the horse have thumbs I've seen neighbors and I've had to like not bring this up because you can't talk about this to normal people in your neighborhood like are these neighbors who know about this podcast

or absolutely not these are the neighbors who are like what is it you do I'm like I don't know. It's unclear most of the time. Anyway. Internet media. Content creation. So like you'd have a 30 minute preamble on like, okay, so college football. Yes.

Yes. Antioch the spider. I feel like the animal that would be most unmoored if you sent them back in time would be the modern dog. Because like in many ancient societies, dogs were just rats. dogs were just trash disposal devices like at most their loftiest perch was go round up the fucking sheep

Do you think it's breed dependent? Do you think there's some dogs you can send back and be like I think you send back a mastiff and they're like we have been greeted by a messenger from the gods exactly you send back a mastiff and people will be like

that's the king that's our new king and the mastiff would be like Correct, I am. Hail Gerald, the dog king. And at last the Mastiff would be like, someone who gets it. Gerald, the dog king, demands that we embrace Catholicism. We have been greeted by the slobbery god.

I feel like, this is truly a dog for war. And, you know, the Mastiff would be like, yep. You seem like a little yappy dog and all the kids are like, oh, yay, this rat makes sounds. You know, I think it's the medium-sized dog that would suffer the most. I think it's the French bulldog that would suffer the most. I think it's the French bulldog that would. suffer the most the pandemic

everybody got a French bulldog and French bulldogs have their own psychiatrists they have three different skin conditions you know

they have like they have oh there is no Zanax in the past I am fuck like every single one an ugly demon approaches

someone in there's someone in there says oh but the ugly demons are the cute one Park the wingless gargoyle Disgusting What have we done to offend the gods

That they send their most hideous most useless messenger Who has all sorts of brain problems A hairy tone approach it If you sent that dog anywhere but France They would assume the crops would fail and fall I cast the spell of give it normal eyes It's breathing so wet at me Either that, or it's so inbred nervous and messed up, they will make it a king as well.

They will be like, ah, obviously, this must be nobility. Look how useless it is. It has come to bear away all our sins. Only something this grotesque is up for that job. Hey, oh, foo, sin eater. You'd go there and, like, the dog would speak in dog and go, yeah, when's my therapy appointment? and they'd be like, what? Fufu has farted.

Your sins cast out. Let the winds carry it away. Hounds would be fine. You'd be like, you could shit anywhere? People shit anywhere. People are hounds here. All right. It's great.

So, Spencer, can you seamlessly transition to... Whatever you wanted to talk about a couple of things. One, I wanted to talk about... Once upon a time a program was a punch. launch line. And then one man has changed all of that. One man through steady eight and four performance, a barrel-like build, like a truly robust cylindrical torso incapable of being penetrated by any of the sharpest object. Surgery, impossible for this man. He either has to live forever or die. Either way, Kentucky's going to ride with him. A man who once set a bottle of bourbon to the Pope, which is my favorite film news caption I've ever seen. seen from like a stock news photo it's like a bottle of bourbon that mark stoop sent to the pope that like one night mark stoops was just like you know who needs a bottle of this shit the holy father the fucking pope he's got a lot on his plate i'm just going to hold on a second

hey hey steve can we get him to the spring game and apparently the pope got it because that's what the photo says and it's hilarious because the pope's looking at it like the fuck am I going to do it with this? What the fuck is Kentucky? I would love, man, Amanda Mull, if you could do like a month in the Pope's mail room and write about it, that shit would be great. I would love to know all the weird shit the poke kits

over the course of a month. Mark Stoops, who famously, a couple of years back, feuded with men's basketball coach John Calipari, or at least as close to a feud as you can get between two coaches at the same school, because they don't tend to do that. They tend to...

Except at Kentucky. except repeatedly over history and multiple eras at Kentucky. But he won. He won. That's what I wanted to point out, that in the great debate between whether Kentucky is a football or a basketball school, it is decided. It's already, it's, listen, the evidence is spoken. There was at one point some debate about whether it was. of football or basketball school. That's done. That's done. Because

look who the steady presence is. Look who the consistent performer with real institutional loyalty and credit. Look who the man who's decided to make the Bluegrass State home and establish a new standard for Kentucky athletics. It's not John Calipari because he was walking his dog in a baby stroller yesterday and not answering questions about how he was going to take the Arkansas gig. Nope. Which means Arkansas is a basketball school. which honestly, when you think about it, it's really not. Yeah, sure.

I mean, they've had more success. Yeah, far more recent title. Yeah, that's probably right. Far more recent success. But no, you might have laughed at the beginning when the vision wasn't quite as clear as to what Kentucky was going to become, which is getting to the point I wanted to relate.

What has Kentucky become? I'm going to give you another quote from spring practice, and it might actually be better than the Pat Narduzzi quote. It's not as Pat Nardusti is the Narduzzi quote, but it's close. It's close. This is from KSR. Punching a wall isn't a metaphor.

In practice this week, Ann Moore Stewart lined up his unit in front of a blue cinder block wall and instructed the defensive linemen to get physical and harden your hands, that's in quotes, by striking the wall. If you think that sounds silly, how much different is a cinder block wall

than an SEC offensive lineman. I have an answer. There are a few differences I can think of. Very. This is like stupid Bruce Lee. It's like one of those, you know, baseball players are big on that. What'd you do over the off season? Yeah, I just punched some rice in a barrel.

There's a baseball player this year who his method for getting in shape was standing. I just don't, I don't, I'll all they do is stand all day. I lay down to go to sleep, then I stand up and stand, and that's it. Did he, did he, I want to know, did this work? Yeah, fairly. No sitting. I stand constantly. Richard Petty, that's Richard Petty's

explanation as to why he's so skinny. He stands. And in his own words, the food has nowhere to go but down. The food can't hang around his midsection. So it's got to go down. I totally buy it. But yeah, that's it.

Just if you wanted to know, like John Calapari and Kentucky basketball having embarrassing losses. suffering coaching turnover and providing unnecessary drama Kentucky football

punching walls what you're gonna do you go over there and you fuck up that cinder block wall no one can leave because they can't drive a car because they broke their fucking hands

don't need them we're just gonna use our hands as clubs I think it's also important to note that like a chicken, I assume, billionaire, but at least very high millionaire, is a key player in this drama as well. So you have one program that's like punch walls, like it's a street fighter bonus. It's this, it's use coal money, find big man, big man punch wall, coal equal punch wall. And on the other side, you have John Caliperi going, people are mean.

I want to go hang out with my chicken buddy. He's right. They are mean. They're punching walls. They're punching fucking walls. You don't take the Kentucky job thinking like, I'll make them love me. That's not how it works. I haven't thought about this too hard, and maybe it's wrong, but it kind of feels like Kentucky basketball is the LSU football of the SEC, maybe of the whole sport, of like, winning a title is not going to do shit for you there.

That doesn't mean anything. There are lots of other things down for a couple years. Maybe. And that's true at LSU as well. Yeah. But it's not. You're not winning. You're just postponing the inevitable.

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. You get to live another year. Which I kind of like, by the way, that like it's like he's basic. It's almost like Shogun, right? Like I am receiving all of these plaudits and all of these treasures. And they're like, you may live another day.

Yes. You have been useful. Wake up tomorrow and maybe the situation will. change. I also like that there is, there is a report that Cal Perry went to, uh, went to Mitch Barnhart and the, and the athletic department. I was like, okay, I think I'm going to take this Arkansas job. Here's what it will take for me to not. Here's what it will take for me to stay. And Kentucky was like, let's get, let's look up Google flights right now. My man, let's figure out. They did what I do with my kids when they're like, when they're like, I want to get away from here.

and I pull out the Delta app and I'm like, how far? Boy, we got points to use. Great new. You want to get upgraded? We would love to upgrade you. We just got to get some Tyson chicken to the Pope. That's right.

Boy. The Pope receiving a gift of Tyson chicken from John Calapari. That's beautiful, which means now that Arkansas has the combined duo of Bobby Petrino and John Calapari. as they're one, two, across the big two in college. We should know. Bobby Petrino is not the head coach of the Arkansas football program.

No, he's the head coach. He's the head coach. Sam Pittman is still there. Come on, man. I think Bobby Petrino should take over because the marks against Sam Pittman include hiring Bobby Petrino. No one who hires Bobby Petrino is qualified to lead a program. We need an experience.

I've experienced SEC coach in here. I have an off-leash black mamba in my house. It's going to work. I've decided it's going to work, so it's going to work. Okay, Sam. Like, I understand it's, you know, it's not the same sport. And maybe Arkansas fans aren't the same way about basketball that they are about football. But, like, that's not a fan base that's necessarily going to love you either, man.

These are all, if these are feelings-based choices, I'm not, I think, I think the solution might have been to figure out how you deal with adversity rather than run away from people who aren't mean to you. I want to go someplace where they're not mean. It does feel like he's trying to become the Mark Stoops of somewhere else, right? Jerry Jones and John Daly will be nice to be. I'm positive. But like, he's going from a situation where he was the one who had to, uh,

bring home all the bacon and Mark Stoops had the just win a few games every year situation so he's you know he's kind of trying to reverse that I don't know if it's closer to that than it was previously certainly but like it's still going to be a place with

expectations oh sure especially because he's John Calipari and especially he'll somehow have a top five recruiting class at Arkansas he's got a weird pitch though and the weird pitch is this he goes to his fans and they say well what are you going to do and you're like You're going to have the best players in the nation. And they're going to be so NBA ready, right?

How's that time to go? Which is the wildest thing because you go, that's cool, that's cool. I'm glad we're helping these guys out. What does it do for me? What does it do for me who wants to, you know, win tournament games? It does nothing. It's the weird. It's like, it is the most like, hey, I need you to pay me money.

for what? So I can give it to somebody else. So your name can be heard frequently during the NBA draft. Yeah. You ever thought about that? You ever thought about being a huge fan of Sacramento Kings? And then once your name is all over the place at the NBA draft, you know what that means? More recruits who then go directly to the NBA draft.

And that equals titles. No? More NBA draft. Have you seen how visible our brand is? It's really it. It is kind of like, I admire it because at the end, you go, this is kind of a pyramid scheme. Yeah, who's paying these players?

Guess what? It's you. Are you paying for wins? No, no, no, no, no. I'm paying for their professional development. Like, it's incredible for players, right? Like, do you have to win? Just be good, man.

Just, you know, here. Just be healthy. Yeah, I love the pro-labor stance of John Kalapari, which, like, we've said many times over the last decade, unironically, when he's like, listen, the main thing is getting these kids paid. And I'm like, well, yeah. Also, your fans will run out of solidarity with that approach. But I'm all for it, buddy. Yeah, if you want to win, you know, you need to go embrace the sort of, like, scrappy half-court offense. Who wants that?

I don't want to watch that. I guarantee you, go watch the ratings from last night between Yukon and Purdue, by the way, shouts out to no escalators and every sad Husky fan out there in the world who actually gets to celebrate something. I think that's beautiful. I know, they've gone back to back. I'm glad. In our universe, in our universe, it's a complete bizarre. They've obliterated people for two straight years.

They care about them. For two straight years. But they get to do it in basketball, which is not football. in our universe, it is definitely an Aquaman situation. Yukon below the water in college basketball. Amazing. Amazing. Yukon in our universe, Aquaman above water, right? Like, what are we going to do with that guy?

I mean, Aquaman was the only good DC movie in the last however many years. So I think that elevates Yukon's title a bit. Dan Hurley does look like he'd be very fast in the water. Very slick. It looks like he would It does It's greased Porpoise

Aerodynamic Like all basketball coaches He's covered in a fine layer of glycerin For no reason whatsoever Like always sweaty a little bit Even when the gym is like 48 degrees Yeah Also by the way

He would be complaining at every single like Breastruck breath right Every single freestyle Oh 100% I can't believe you're going to Oh no no I'm looking He's ordinary.

So yes, congrats to Yukon. What about the ratings to Purdue Yukon that you were trying to? Oh, with the ratings? Like, if you look at what they are going to do, it's not like people enjoy watching it. I guarantee you, if you get like a call a parry team mid-season, right? Or even like SEC tournament, you get a call a parry team with like five. of the most outrageously talented people in the world

playing some of the most half-assed X's-O basketball, right? And you get them doing that, it'll probably rate better. It'll probably rate better than, you know, your sort of mid-tournament, like, Purdue game. I don't want to say Yukon, because I know, I know. People love them.

They're fascinating. Might also be a better watch. Might also be a more attractive watch. Purdue's whole draw is, we got a guy who's really big. I'm sick at this It's like cool That's also on NBA TV

Like an hour earlier A guy who's like You know better Yeah I really love watching free throws And that's why I love watching Purdue basketball It is really

Like Purdue is kind of a throwback To like That I don't know Like mid 90s Late 90s NBA When you were like We got a really big guy

Cool Can he like do a lot of cool shit? No I'm telling you though But like, so big. So fucking big. What if we had tasteful shack without all the showboating and slamming? What if we just bypassed the dunks and went straight to the free throw line?

Shawd Bradley, baby. We got him. You're so back. Tall, looming, pale figures. That's what the youth's crave. Yeah. Speaking of people who are. medieval bill with us.

Fucking basketball Jack Skellington over here. We're going to work you over. We just want more basketball players who could be described as visages. You give me some damn brown villain-ass-looking man. You gave me someone who looks like a haunted figure in a cloak. Draft pros. Looming. Draft negatives.

Pick and roll. Scouts say he's susceptible. acceptable to indoctrination by obscure cults. Huh. This is not very nice to Purdue fans who continue to have a very hard time in this world. I, yeah. Sports. Sports period.

Yeah. Good at moon. Super good at moon. Yeah. I mean, you already have a whole world that's yours. Yep. Play sports there. I was thinking about that last night, though.

You're thinking about playing sports on the moon? I was. And how good, you know. Zach Eadie would be at it, you know, because you're 7 to 4. You don't even need a suit. You can just reach right in there. I was thinking that it sucks for Purdue because they got this far, which they never do in football. And they were this good, which they legitimately were.

But the kind of good they were, it's an absolutely unwatchable garbage kind of good. But the unfortunate thing for Purdue is like sometimes that can work. Like Virginia has a basketball time. title. Yeah. You can still get an ugly title in college, in men's college basketball. But I'll adjust as often, as these two programs have shown, you can also have a very hideous first round exit with this style.

100%. You can have that. But either way, it sucks because even if you give them credit, it's the kind of credit done with a hell knows. Like Virginia basketball, by the time they got to like year two of that wave, it was like no nobody would accept it right it's like a team it's it's honestly you know how long he's been there he's been there forever yeah yeah they've been there a minute they've been doing this shit for a while yeah and and it's universally reviled like you can go ahead and talk about but it's

not stopping them at all no no it's not just like iowa it's just like i know i'm just good thank you i was getting there it's just like because in football the threshold for that's really high for us to be like, oh, fuck this. Like, no one wants to watch this. Like, you can be like, 09 Alabama, and people will go, oh, man, that's defense, that's crap, that's special teams, that's great, you know? But you have to be, again, Pat and our dootsie at Pitt Bad or worse, you have to literally be Iowa before people go, all right, blight on the sport, like, just appalled.

Take that shit away from me. I don't want to watch it. Yeah. But it works. There are no football weather guys in basketball. Oh, yeah, this is nasty. Yeah, like, you even have football weather guys in soccer who are like, yeah, park the bus. Yeah.

What a ho, baby. That's it. Athletical Madrid for life. Daddy's full. Right. Like there are. Cobra clutch slapped on. lean into it for

Gointher, 60 minutes. Guantir. Well, yeah, there are teams that are the Gunther of their sports, right? They just, they do 1952 wrestling moves

and they slap people in the chest. We should, what we should do is to deal with the UVAs and to some extent to Purdue's

and what, like, Wisconsin used to be this way, aggressively used to be this way under Bow Ryan. What we should do is we should do is we should, have an additional official who sits at the scores table and their only job is to increase the shot clock or decrease the shot clock if they so choose like if they're like you're playing too

slow and boring the shot clock's now 20 seconds if you keep it up it'll be 15 I'll take this motherfucker down to eight if you make me like we will speed this game up one way or the other yeah save this for Iowa, man. Iowa women's team. Iowa women's team got, like, they lost. They got that ball up in like five seconds. Sure. Yeah. Like, that's they were never going to be victim of that as opposed to, yeah, Bo Ryan

Wisconsin. If you're one of those best ball teams, it's like, superb defense and half court offense, just like to add another channel. You could do this in football too. You could be like, all right, play clock, play clock's 17 seconds and fucking get it. No, stop, stop it. Stop it.

People want to see football. Not you sit sitting on the ball and waiting go go go go now yeah if the ball another one if the ball doesn't go downfield i'm taking away a second that's it right if you throw three lateral passes in a row that's it yeah i'm not going to do it we're raising the limit at this table sir i'm tired of watching you put a dollar on 30 on 31 right anytime you punt in their territory your next drive is five seconds per snap you you got to be in hurry up the whole time. I would like

somebody also pointed out to us the athletics women basketball account had this, tweeted this. Caitlin Clark scored more points this season, 1,234 than Iowa football scored during her time as a Hawkeye,

1,028 points. I love how many people tagged us in this. Thank you. Thank you all. And they also, props to whoever's running the Athletic Women's Basketball Twitter account. The photos they used of just like, here's Caitlin Clark, like, clapping, happy, you know, participating.

And here's, like, the sloppiest Kirk Farrant's photo you've ever seen. Just looking grumpy, like, grumpy oatmeal man that he is. We love you grumpy oatmeal, man. I really do love them both equally. Like a Depression-era legend. Oh, grumpy oatmeal. man comes to children who don't clean up their toys.

It takes away their touchdowns. He'll take you up to a punt Mountain. And he'll kick you off the side. They say if you leave a touchdown out at night for old man Ference,

you will board him away. That would keep him away. That would totally keep way. Is your defensive? That's a really good Gabby Hayes voice, man.

I'm like, that's outstanding. I don't know. This was just, in watching the stream of college basketball, it just occurs to me that not only is that an entirely different universe in terms of expectations and intensity, because I know people care.

I just, especially with men's basketball because the entire plot line of the past two weeks has been, you know, man, the women's game has come along in terms of overall popularity and intensity. And I know for various reasons that is not the case with the men's game at all. No.

Not in the least. And it's so bizarre to me because I do remember when people actually cared. And the one thing that we wanted in college football for so long and are starting to get it is player mobility and to this point, it has not really affected the, it has not really affected the overall sort of popularity of the sport. Not yet. No, I would say it's probably helped it in a lot of, like early player mobility, specifically quarterbacks, has like been the thing that has made new programs

interesting and it's sort of like kept more teams in the mix in a weird way. Yeah. And like even the spring. Like, I was looking over stuff before the show. And you're going, oh, yeah, I forgot. Brock Vandergriff is at Kentucky, like former, you know, all-star. Former Georgia, almost starter. Almost starter is at Kentucky. And Cam Ward is at Miami. By the way, fun thing to read about Cam Ward when you're doing that is you go, Miami, still deciding on an offensive line, and also with no one returning more than like 15 receptions total in the wide receiving core. And I'm like, Cam Warren is going to freak you, Miami fans. Cam Warren has succeeded in a weirder situation, so it's fine.

I was going to say he's very comfortable. I heard that and I was like, no problems. Yeah. No problems. Yeah. It's already weird? Great. All-time weird college football quarterback.

He is going to be swimming in success. But it's the kind of thing that makes it more interesting. That's not been the case at basketball at all. Presumably because you still actually have to go play college football. because we still have the, you know, the three-year rule. And that's managed to keep things up. And I was like, I was wondering, like, is that when football has insulated itself by being so violent that we, that really can't happen, right? Like, oh, yeah, you could go straight from, you could go straight from high school to play college football or to play in the NFL.

No, you couldn't, like, at all. Like, it just doesn't seem possible. Yeah, but you, like, we've definitely seen examples of guys who could leave. after two years, and they can't. Like, just not how it works. Not a lot. Not happening. Who do you think could have left after two years?

Marvin Harrison, Jr.? Marvin Harrison Jr. didn't need to play. Like, there's nothing Marvin Harrison Jr. needed to do this year. Trevor Lawrence didn't need to play his third. Like, in terms of, like, what they needed to prove that they were ready for the NFL, there was nothing a third year did that, like, push them over the edge that was like, oh, yeah, now you're it.

I'm going to retro engineer that Trevor Lawrence take into, he did everything that he showed in order to show that he could be a Jacksonville, Jack War. That's fine. That's fine. And like, look, you can quibble about, like, whether they've improved their draft stock or whatever. But it just in terms of, like, are they ready at this point in time to go play pro football, they were both ready. They just couldn't do it. And yes, there will be, there would be examples of guys who tried to declare and maybe weren't ready. That's happened in basketball too.

But, like, it's not a perfect hard and fat. It's not like, ah, yes, this, like, properly seasons everybody who's coming up. Yeah, I mean, I think Trevor could have left after one year and been drafted number one. No, but a team taking a flyer on a guy with only one year. I mean, shit, look at everything, the Niners traded for Tray Lance, who played like nine minutes in college. We don't really give them enough shit for that. And it didn't even hurt them. I mean, sure, they probably would have won a couple

Super Bowls by now. But other than that, it didn't even hurt them. No, they still have a certain Shanahan on hand. That's right. They sure do. The eternal restrictor plate of that guy who cannot maintain a lead in the playoffs for the life of him. Kyle Shanahan is trying to genius himself

into winning some kind of bet about how little quarterback you need to win a Super Bowl. Yeah. right like after the matt ryan thing he's like less less i need less find me find me less quarterback i will find less quarterback oh boy it's april ninth and it's time to shit on brock purdy is brock purdy is brock pretty uh is brock birdie even a whole man does brock pretty have all the organs and bones that a normal man does Brock Purdy, the skinny cut QB.

In other words, you know, do we need... The drop 50 cubic. This is mostly water. Do you need to pack one bag worth of quarterback on a trip? One slim bag? That's right. Take the Brock Purdy. Brock Party's a great quarterback.

Please do not email me. Not that you would. You know I'm not going to answer. Even if you do, only Ryan and I will see it. That's right. But it was, it was, in going over those, there's skill players. I don't know how many linemen could do it. I don't know how many linemen I've seen who might be able to.

It's not, it's, it is definitely a select group. Yeah, it's both out. It's not everybody. I would say there's a couple, and kickers too. Kickers are immune from that. Like, I think you could actually have like a 17-year-old kicker in the NFL. I mean, they haven't endured the psychological breakdowns of being a college kicker. Uh-huh.

They like neglect, like, you know, so many programs without a designated, like, kicking coach. Like, so you go straight from your kicking academies to the pros without enduring three or four years in the wilderness. That, yeah, yeah, that's the move. Yeah, you really don't want to have the, I think the psychological after effects of losing a game for LSU because you missed a kick, that's just, that's not worth it. You're not being paid for death threats, right? Because nobody protects kickers after those losses. right the coaches the coaches will always say the same thing the players will say well you know there's a million different plays you know that wasn't the play that you know it could have been anything in that game and then meanwhile their aunts are like getting their houses burned down because you missed a kick sorry lSU didn't mean to single you out everyone loves to threaten the lives of kickers following losses like it boise state did that Kyle brotsman got that after he missed a kick against nevada you know if boise state fans well i don't know it is idaho i don't It was kind of scary.

Talked myself into a corner there, sorry. All right, welcome in our other host who has arrived and showed proof of dog to try to get your attention. Hello. There's proof of duck. Hey, happy Appomatics Surrender Day, everybody. Losers. Did you all take a celebratory spin through the Toyot-a-thon Appomatics episode? No.

I did a little warm up with it this morning. I did, and I forgot what happens in the middle of that episode. Which is. I'm a little bit sorry that I recommended it earlier. So the episode where we recorded immediately after the press conference at four seasons total landscaping is, I think contains some of our best voice work, such as Jason discovering a Toyota used dealer's in the middle of Appomattox and declaring them the home of lost cars but I forgot what happens

in the middle of that episode which is that we record a good chunk of the episode into the Trump voter fraud hotline and he was still like we called it and just we called it and let the line run and just kept doing the episode he's still president at the time

is this in the library of Congress somewhere I hope so there's no way that that was run on any official federal like that that was somebody on a non-government contract who never got paid probably converted our words into bitcoin to fund whichever criminal defense thing he had going at the time yeah in case that isn't depressing enough it's also it's a really interesting time capsule I when I recommended it I forgot that this was also the week after Tennessee got the shit kicked out of it by Arkansas and Ryan maybe talk about it um this is also indiana fresh off a thrashing of michigan and all of us making fun of georgia for not having won a title in a really long time there's also derogatory talk about the now deceased mike leach that's also in there is there oh i didn't get that far so much has changed well okay it's not our fault we were right at the time like if covid's not real we didn't speak that into existence and i think mike would have told you cov it's not real

actually he did um i did not i've waited to talk about this holly um which is what which is there was a story in the la times this week are we going to talk about this i want to talk about this this about the recently i'm not sure i can talk about this without committing like some inter-industry slander which we would never never do yeah but i don't know this person oh okay okay okay So I'm just going to talk about the facts that I have learned in it more than anything else because they are, to me, worth mentioning Jim Harbaugh, former coach at Michigan. This is an article that begins by talking about him and then just decides it wants to talk a lot about the Rockford files. Based entirely on the process. Okay, first of all, this would have made a fantastic blog post.

But this guy's blog post got into the LA Times. this guy got like a 19 I don't know how long it is but I hit scroll like four times when it became clear he was not really talking about Jim Harbaugh and every time my finger stopped it was like no we're still talking about the Rockford files I did like this though because it does resemble what I have done which is sometimes you corner someone at a party and you go hey I want to talk to you about a thing so the premise behind this LA Times column is that hey for a while after he moved to LA but not anymore Jim Harbaugh lived in an RV by the beach, not by the beach, but in the parking lot across the street from the beach, because it was $20 cheaper a night, which is surprised absolutely none of us, but which the reporter apparently uses as a springboard to just talk about how much he loves in Rockford files, which to be honest, is sick. At one point, I respect it. At another point, I sent this to three editors I used to work for, and I was like, I would

love your feedback on this. And I got variations back from all three of them that start with, what the fuck did I just read and go downhill from there. It's kind of awesome. I'm not saying it's good. You know what? It is definitely the best sports column. The LA Times is printed in the past couple of weeks.

More of this, less of that other thing. Yeah, this is fine. If you just want to publish, if you just want to publish like 1100 words, that's all about, hey, James Garner was cool. Although if we're going to talk about James Garner vehicles, we really need to talk about the Richard Donner Western film, A perfect film, despite containing Mel Gibson, a perfect film. Mel Gibson and Jody Foster have zero chemistry in that movie.

It doesn't matter at all. Because the movie is not about Mel Gibson and Jody Foster. The movie is about Mel Gibson and James Garner. You have exquisite chemistry. Yes, and it also contains one of the best pieces of dialogue in any Hollywood movie ever, which is you'll be dead. Yeah, you'll be dead and I'll be happy. You'll be dead and I'll be happy. It's Mel Gibson chasing.

I think Graham Green with a bow and arrow. yes you'll be dead and i'll be happy you'll be dead you'll be dead and i'll be happy um on i i know you all wanted to ask server about a bicycle crash and i think we also wanted to talk about russomania so i which direction would we like to go first charity bowl all right podcast business podcast business podcast business podcast business what's the business podcast business Springtime business Charity bowl stuff

We're going to raise a million dollars For a charity And it's going to be really awesome Folks if this ain't you're the Michigan million You know whose fault it is Hi Betty The Pope The Pope

The Pope should have enjoyed More tar bourbon Given to him by Mark Stoops Mark Stoops Have we covered how Mark Stoops Is now the King of Kentucky Yes Okay great

Yeah Because I know that's all I've been thinking about charity bowl Hello one of these years I'm going to remember to write this all down before I delete

the previous year's Twitter thread this year is not that year so we're going to try something a tiny bit proactive this year this is where

the charity bowl frequently asked questions thread is going to be deployed in advance of the charity bowl we're going to send it out as part of

Friday's free newsletter we're going to post it various locations online so that when the charity Bowl launches on Monday April 15th 2024 you all know a little bit about what you're getting into.

What is the Charity Bowl? Here is the game. The Charity Bull is an annual fundraising contest staged by the EDSBS-extended universe in aid of New American Pathways, which is a full-service refugee resettlement nonprofit based in Atlanta. Thank you, Betty. We have been staging this celebration for well over a decade at this point. A number we were very happy to hit because in true EDSPS fashion,

nobody can quite remember what year we did the first one. Why New American Pathways? Many jobs and mergers ago, a young Spencer Hall worked at one of their predecessor organizations. You can read more about that time and what still moves us to work with these communities today at Channel 6. It is a free read. Go to Channel 6 and search for the story called How We Got There. So what on God's Green Internet is the hashtag charity Bundy Bowl. That is the official contest hashtag. We've been doing this a while and our notion of charity has evolved. It's a term that can be loaded in certain circles. So a few years back, we co-opted the name of the short-lived Boca Raton Bowl for our own purposes. That would be hashtag Cheritabundi Bowl. Three years ago, thanks to your rampaging generosity, New American Pathways, was able to establish the EDSBS Empowerment Fund, which we specifically named after Spencer to embarrass him. Thank you.

You can look at more of that on New American Pathways website. But this is a fund that is specifically set aside for little piddly shit that you don't think would be a big deal, but later turns to do a big deal. Like, say you've got, you know, you've got a family that's been resettled in America and, oh, hey, mom and dad both have jobs secured. Great. Hey, neither mom and dad have driver's licenses. Let's pay for them to have driving classes so they can get drivers licenses so they can go to this job. Oh, shit. Who's going to take care of the kids while they're at these driving classes?

Let's pay for child care out of this fund. It provides little, we're spackling in between the bricks to kind of keep the wall up with this fund, which feels very much in the spirit of what we do professionally. Okay, so how does this all work? And why is the leaderboard just a bunch of school names? This is where y'all come in. You can donate in any increment you like between Monday, April 15th, and Friday, April 19th. But tradition dictates that the donation have some special significance to you, not in value, but in the number itself.

As a galaxy of college football idiots, we typically make our donations in the form of a game score, say 5249 or 4523. Two examples that mean nothing to us personally. You will see a drop-down menu on the donation forum that will allow you to select the college football team of your choice. And at the end of the week, the school with the highest donation total will be declared the winner. For a mind-bending streak of years now, that school has been Michigan. Second place has not been close. Is this the year that narrative is challenged? We'll find out together.

Aren't you tired of giving Spencer Michigan-themed tattoos to answer that? I can't afford 49.0 anything. Look, if there's anybody who understands this argument, it's a bunch of bloggers. We say this every year, and it keeps on being true. The vast majority of our donations, including those from Michigan, are in the $20 range. $10 is welcome. $5 is welcome. It literally all helps.

You can look up New American Pathways on Charity Navigator, where it's very highly rated. You can look at their impact report. If you can't find it online, I will give you my copy. You can see just how much of your money goes directly towards helping brand-new Americans from the moment they touch down at Hartsfield Jackson until the day they take their citizenship exam. The schools at the top of the leaderboard tend to have one or two big money donors that move them up to their ranks. But even at Michigan, the $20 donors outstrip everybody else by far. Michigan's playing a volume game. Can't overemphasize this enough. They can be beaten. You just have to get your friends involved. They keep winning because they have hordes and hordes of donors. Do you want to win big this year? Bring your friends. Where is the link to donate? You can't have it yet. This is for your own good. New American Pathways will gratefully accept your donations year round. But if you click on last year's link, your donation will be recorded in last year's database and will not be counted towards this year's score. I can't do anything about that.

because it's a huge pain in the ass. So quit asking. Can we go get it and add it to this year's board? Can someone at New American Pathways do that? No. Ask them even less. They're very... Mario Cristobal, stop asking these questions.

Just follow instructions. They're very busy. Thank you for your money, which is now their money. It's gone. Okay. Can you donate by mobile? You sure can, but you can't have that link yet either. If you try and donate between now and Monday morning, April 15th,

before we launch, your donation will be recorded as part of the 2023 contest and we won't see it. Sit tight. Okay, what else? What about corporate matching? We love you. We love and accept your boss's money, added incentive. All verified matching donations go on the leaderboard. They will not show up on the splash page where you made your donation, but that is why we release our own scoreboard several times a day during the week. So if you donate $100 and your company matches that with $100, your school is now up $200 on the leaderboard. On the day of the launch, we will also provide you with the contact folks at New American Pathways, where you can email them to get your donation verified and scored.

What about recurring donations? Here's where you can really run up the score. If you sign up for a quarterly or monthly donation to New American Pathways during Bull Week, your donation will be scored for the full gear in advance. So if you make a $100 pledge, that's a one-time gift, your school is going to get $100 on the scoreboard. If you make $100 quarterly pledge, you're going to get $400 on the scoreboard. If you pledge $100 a month during ball week for your school, your school is going to get $1,200 of credit on the scoreboard. This is a really, really, really good way to run up the score.

Also important, some of you will remember from last year, this is a thing that we use with the giving platform, and it sucks. We can't figure out how to change it. can they. Some of you will remember from last year, we have no way at present of changing a recurring donation over from last year's contest to the new campaign. This is not a thing that's possible on the donation platform that we use. Yes, it's a pain in the ass. What does this mean for you? It means if you set up a 2023 recurring gift and when it scored for 2024, you have to cancel it and make a new pledge. This is tedious. We hate it too. Sorry. Contact Sarah at s.orgza, Pathways.org, and she will help you get it canceled.

One more annual recurring gifts hiccup, and we are hoping to have it fixed this year, but by God, I don't want to risk it. The donation platform, so far, has not been able to process recurring gifts via PayPal. They swear they fixed it this year. They said they fixed it last year, and it turned out to not be true. If you want to make a recurring donation right now, it has to be done by a credit card, or you can contact New American Pathways directly, and they will help you do it via bank draft, family foundation, if you have any other arrangement you want to make your donation through,

contact them directly. They will take care of it and you will be on the scoreboard. Also, if you're making a gift over $1,000 and you don't want credit card fees deducted from your donation, you can make alternate payment arrangements by contacting Nancy Gaddy. Her email address is n.gaddi at new American pathways.org. All of this recurring gift shenanigans brings us to another note, I am tired of hearing my own voice too. I promise we're almost done. You won't see corporate matching or recurring gift multipliers reflected on the front page of the fundraiser because we have to enter them manually. This is why we run our own scoreboard alongside it. Okay, that's the basics. So, bowl is kicking off Monday, April 15th via announcement on the New

American Pathways Twitter feed. You can follow them at New Ampaths. You can follow there all week long. We'll have scoring updates. We'll have flash contests. We'll have giveaways, whatever other entertainment we can come up with. The bull typically runs through Friday evening. We have been known to push it over the weekend to hit our scratch goal. It may take us a while to get there, however, because we are setting this year's initial goal at $500,000, which is a lot. Please dazzle me. Don't scare me. What else? There are other ways to get involved at New American Pathways. We're going to post opportunities for volunteerism there during the year, during the bowl week. And yeah, by popular demand, we are also bringing back this.

little carnival game for a fifth year. If you're blocked by me on Twitter, I will unblock you for a $500 donation. If you have a friend who gets unblocked by me after making that donation and you make a $1,000 donation, I'll block them for you again. We have had, I think, over the past five years, we've had, I think, eight people take us up on this.

It is my favorite thing that happens. Has anyone ever gotten themselves, like, made multiple journeys through that? We have not had a triple. No. Per tradition, we will be Spencer and I taking over the New American Pathways Twitter for the week, highlighting your donations and rivalries, running some surprise games. Please especially be your sweet selves with the New American Pathways folks, many of whom are refugees themselves or were. The volunteer who misfiled your Arizona state donation under regular Arizona may not know much about the PAC 12, but they're also working in their fourth language, so chill. and as always, sharing of receipts online is encouraged for bragging rights, but do not forget to mark out your unidentifying details. All right, one unfriendly reminder that I buried really deep on purpose because you're going to complain about it. We have had to quit adding schools to the

drop-down list because it is an absolute nightmare to navigate on mobile, which is where most of our donations are coming from. You may write in whatever you want. If you want to make up an imaginary school, we offer absolutely no guarantees where your money will be scored, and we're going to put it wherever we want. Several schools with pre-existing places in the EDSPS-extended universe do still appear in the drop-down. These are canon and will be scored as themselves. I'm going to list them here. Protect TransKids University, Split Zone Duos, University of Gold Transams, pay them kids their money, vacation Bible school, make Spencer eat cheese university, University of Night Ham, sister school, jet ski police academy,

Naropa University, which is a real school, sort of, and Soviet Cat University. Everything else, if you're making it up, I'm going to give it to Arizona State or something weird. Again, we are working with a team of volunteers behind the scenes, many of whom have never seen a football game in their life, and I can only tell them so many times what ARP, ARP, ARP, ARP, ARP means. There's a little notes field where you can get creative, go wild,

but please use the schools from the drop-down menu. It helps the score it faster. Fellas, did I forget anything? Man, I don't think so. But it'll be interesting to see if Liberty has a single donor, as usual. Oh, so far, no. Last year we had one person donate for them as a joke. Yeah.

And that would mark, by the way, the first time in Liberty history of the bowl that anyone is donated on behalf of Liberty. They are the only FBS program never to have had a sincere donation that we are aware of. And I mean like Old Dominion got right in there. Stunning. Sam Houston State, you're up. Time to trounce Liberty. Jacksonville State. Let's get it rolling.

Coastal Carolina out donated to you Liberty. What's up? I say what's up like they're listening to this or anything. Anyway, that was a super long monologue. I'm going to have all of this written down for you guys before Monday. but yeah this is the week of year where we make it seem like we're good people

so help us out you have forgotten one thing and by you I mean Spencer Spencer have you thought about the stretch goal that you will not pay off fail on what what lie are you telling these people this time I'm going to think of a By the way he started with the tattoos

as the stretch goals went through on both of those and then set perfectly manageable stretch goals in subsequent point years that he just completely blew off. No, here's a big. I'd rather get a tattoo than play golf. The other stretch goals require Spencer to organize something that will take multiple days. At a tattoo, you just show up and say, put this on my body place. There's a lot going on, Ryan.

I like the one where you were going to drink a beer for every, like, $10,000 we went over and it ended up being 300 beers. And Ryan and I had the perfectly reasonable suggestion of, hey, we're going to buy beers for everybody at our live shows until you pay off. No. And you said no. Anyway, what's this year's, what's this year's Fib? You're all very smart and dependable.

You can say anything. Because you won't do it, it can be whatever you want. I haven't decided. I haven't decided what this year's... You really know what to make up? Good. I don't even know it to make up. Hey, you know what?

I'll make it up. Okay. All right. how he's assigning a thing. The golf, the golf thing, the golf thing, the golf thing is in motion. Uh-huh. Sure. Yep.

How about the beer thing? Yeah, what about the beer thing? The beer thing is probably never happening. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. You could start that at any time and say, hey, we've got shows coming up this summer. Everybody who buys a beer at one of these shows can have it knock off Spencer's debt. We'll pay for it. But no.

that's a really good idea we should do that do we do we count all the beers you have drank since then that's like four beers and that'd be like 23 beers over the span of like that's a start 237 beers yeah yeah listen I'm just not consuming that much beer anymore I like this has become Spencer's like student loan debt where he's just like I'm never it's never gonna get out unless Joe Biden says Spencer's beer debt is discharged the day of beer jubilee this man drinks one beer and then looks up and interest has added four more beers hey jack you need to let sterling off the hook on this one oh dang we have not charged interest that was a good idea it's 400 beers hmm it's like i mean the song tried to tell us 99 bit of beer on the wall take

went down 99 bottles of the fireworks yeah yeah yeah yeah so i i think that's it god that was what what's it you you didn't you didn't reveal uh holly no holly's gonna holly's got okay holly sorry Collington is something that he'll hate more than anything. I thought golfing and Jinkos was it. Oh, yeah, he's been working on the golf thing. He has suspiciously and conspicuously forgotten to mention the Jinko's aspect. I thought you're going to say working on the Jinkos. I'll bring the Jinkos.

Oh, man, 90s Tampa. I'll bring the big jeans. Nineties Tampa Jinkos. They're seasoned. So much surge in this fabric. Surge in QBC. It smells so bad In the NFL

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Jason, do you have any podcast business over here? Our April 20 show in Ann Arbor with Jancoston and Ace and Bender might be sold out. I don't know. Jenkoston? Damn. If only listener, you had bought tickets when you had the chance when you were worn before, but you didn't. I honestly don't. Check it and see.

so the link is on my on my substack um and also we have a uh a a lightning flash deal on an upcoming event as well shortly after that the wednesday after in tuscaloosa details to come okay i think that's all the business we have there was a lot of business so we won't clog it with further no will you stream my single bruce please on spotify oh yeah it's killer yeah it's out thank you is this about bruce is this about Mother Bruce the bear who raises baby goslings he finds in the woods It's about Bruce Springsteen Not familiar but I'm sure I love it

A little bit about Bruce Wayne maybe You could Yeah But you could take it that way Open to interpretation Definitely not about Bruce It's a conversation between Bruce and Dick Mainly

Yeah Bruce Smith Definitely not about Wishcasting future Kentucky Basketball coach Bruce Pearl Don't we don't need Why You want to play that You want to play that fucker more

Big Bruce it doesn't matter at this point Bruce Pearl meet me at the blue Arby's Bruce is like sent it's first All right WrestleMania I have I only have

He was order a drone strike on the Arby's but we probably shouldn't include that in the show I will have to go before too much longer so I gotta know do you all want to do WrestleMania recycling man's eternal choice I'm going to disappoint Serber and say WrestleMania

Okay Wouldn't that we're building toward the main event We're building toward the main event here Jason You went to WrestleMania You lucky bastard Yeah Took the kid to Philly

The most WrestleMania town Because of its previous Experience with other companies Of course So you've never been to a wrestling show before We did big gay brunch at which the chant

This is gay broke out Indeed it was Took her to the Japanese women's show that afternoon At which One of my MVPs of the weekend A 4'10 woman named Big Kaiju Who fights with a bag full of Godzilla toys And like hands on to her opponent

And they duel as if they have swords It's fucking awesome There was also a wrestle there Whose whole bit is she's very sleepy She goes to the ring with her pillow And when she lays down she lays down upon it everyone takes it seriously the whole crowd

oh she's into a silence and like her opponent tried to go for a pin and the ref is counting it one two she kicked out she woke up in time and kicked out fantastic show and then WrestleMania both nights the first night some people complained about the crowd

yeah it's because everyone's cranky because it was 40 degrees but it was great only one bad match and I think that might have been because one of the competitors was injured to some extent which one is that

Jay Uso against his twin brother Jay Uso is the good guy whose whole thing is saying yeat which makes the whole crowd say yeat and it all sounds like a flock of seagulls and the of course Jimmy Uso the evil guy whose merch says no yeat

so their match had a their match had a brilliant storyline which will prevail but it was very weird mad otherwise everything was awesome Sunday night was a very very great Jason Kelsey showed out Jason Kelsey and Lane's out the only thing we missed

talk about this those is the only thing we missed the whole time but uh just for a second can we talk about this because jason kelsey who plays one of the most physically demanding positions in the most physically demanding sport in the world and who just retired so you

wouldn't blame him if he showed up in a can like using a cane cleared the top rope and jeans and Tim's and made it look easy he looked like he was stepping up onto a curb he was just like whoop holy shit that was like one of the most impressive athletic

feats that I saw all weekend. The other athletic feed I wanted to talk about was besides everything else that happened in this match. Wait, can we talk about what the Uso's did the next night? Because that was another favorite athletic feat. That's what I was going to talk about. It's on that Jason was like, well, they may have been injured.

I was like, well, if they weren't injured on night one. I think it was like a shoulder injury because there were very specific like upper body spots that you would think they would have done in their initial match. But then in night two, the gigantic cluster fuck main event,

like it really felt like the season finale of wrestling. You know, it's like, Cina's there, the Rock is there, Undertakers is there, like people are just pouring into the ring. And one of them was the Yeat versus No Yeet side dispute going on as amid interference in the main event. And you can see, I rewatched a bit of it today, you can see when Jay comes out to help Cody Rhodes,

to defend Cody Rhodes from the evil, twin brother. You can see he like takes sort of a detour to run over and peer over the side of the very big ramp down to the ring. And he's like doing it in such a way where it looks like he's like taunting his brother into attacking him, but he's very clearly checking. Are the table, there are the padded tables definitely down there? Because, uh, they immediately come to blows and like within seconds are flying off the ramp that is a high ramp. And in the stadium, it was like, oh my God, they're gone. They're just gone. Like, we didn't even know there were tables there. Like, we had no idea what they landed on.

They didn't have a great angle. They showed it a little too much of it on the first angle, but when they showed it again in reverse, it does look like they're just flying into the abyss. Yeah. Yeah. So what he's talking about is Jay does tackle Jimmy when he begins interfering in the match. He in turn interferes and tackles his brother into what from a reverse angle

looks like a 400 foot fall off of the WrestleMania ramp onto the floor of the stadium in Philadelphia. I think it was so well done because it was just completely not lit. it looked like they were falling into a pit. It's one of those things that's visually very comedic because we're fundamentally children and this is like peek-a-boo. Nothing is funnier than something getting knocked off-screen. Yeah, WWE is so good at that.

They're so good at this on television. And I don't know how it registers in person, Jason, because I imagine you see all of this about to happen. But on television, they are so good at framing things so that you go, huh, action, left screen. and then somebody immediately blinds them from the right side of the screen. So the effect is doubled if it's something stunning, like, oh, my God! Yeah, I mean, it's really fun live because you get the big screen,

so you know what you're being told to focus on. And then you can also see like, uh-oh, here comes this, you know, here comes a crowd of people over here, something's going on. But, uh, yeah, like, Philly was, I think, the perfect crowd for this show. Because Philly doesn't like being told who to root for. so when you give Philly the ultimate squeaky clean super good guy in an American flag

get up and you tell this town of I say this with all affection assholes that like no you're supposed to root for this guy they spend the whole the whole first night debating like no we like the rock instead

the rock who's playing like fucking asshole character that's our guy like and it was this debate in the crowd constant debate in the crowd and then eventually by the end of night two, Cody had won over the crowd

and everyone's cheering, which it felt very much like a story playing out in the crowd as well. The part was fun. At what point did everyone in WWE just decide to do anime intros? Because everyone comes in, dressed

like, seriously, dressed like they're in some sort of like Jojo's Bizarre Adventure season five shit, right? Like they... Everybody wants to be New Day. I think it's part of Everyone adds a little bit of sauce to their entrance. Like Seth Rollins always comes out with Seth MVP of the weekend

always comes out dressed in the most insane get-up he can. Fortunately, Philadelphia has a local parade every year in which that's the whole point. So he brings them out and parades, literally parades them around the ring. Yeah, part of it is just wrestling is already the most ridiculous entertainment. And then for this, it's taken up 100 levels. Being in person, what was the, what was the most outlandish fan shit

that you saw? There's lots of male cosplay, which probably more male cosplay than you'll find anywhere else. There was a gentleman. There was a gentleman. I don't know if you could see him. There was a gentleman seated behind, from where you're looking on television.

He's seated behind the ring. And he was dressed both nights as Randy Savage. And but was sitting and watching very responsibly. So it was almost like Chief Justice, Randy Savage. Right? presiding.

He had an aristocrat clapping. Like he would tap his wrist with his fingers rather than, he had this very, like, thoughtful, pensive look on his face every time the camera would land on him. The Randy Savage who says, oh, yeah. There were, I think my favorite of those guys were the competing dusty roads. Please take a photo with me, guys, who you can see. They're wearing black and yellow polka dot, very, very distinct.

And they're both before the show just wandering. They did it both nights, wandering around very rare. intersecting, very clearly wanting to be like, I want to be the guy people are coming up to, because it's like, you know, it's very Rhodes weekend, Cody Rhodes is in the main offense, so Dusty is one of the things people want to be, so

it's like dueling mall Santas was the vibe of those guys. That's beautiful. Yeah, wrestling is good. Yeah, TBD. How long did it take Undertaker crawl out from under there not long at all he actually ran in through the crowd um oh god i think he was

under the ring there was one there yeah like most of the theories were that he came out from under the ring which like good god he's six 10 and yeah that's why i was worried i was like he's gonna lose oxygen down there he actually from watching it back there's a moment where cody uh tackles roman through the barricade and knocks the barricade over and that's where the undertaker enters from from where the barricade was removed. And he, like, slides in under the ropes as the rock is standing there. And then he gets hustled out by this crowd of people

in, you know, Lincoln Financial Field Gear, normal part of the job. Yeah, it was pretty cool. You know, we had an undertaker. Was that supposed to be Stone Cold? That was... So that is what people... That's what a lot of people were expecting,

and they had teased it in a bunch of ways. Like, Sina had posted something Triple-H posted something the day before at exactly 316 Eastern. I showed it to my daughter and she's like wrestling fans are all swifties and I'm like yes, you get it. It's like they're all in the comments like oh time stamp, timestamp, that's a clue.

I think two things happened. I think one is they realize Stone Cold's pop, the volume of the cheer, would have overshadowed Cody's win the story they've been telling for two years. People were more excited just to hear the glass break than to see Cody win. They didn't want that. And the

other is he didn't really have anything to do with the bloodline story, the story of Roman reigns evil mafia family. He just has a rivalry with The Rock, whereas The Undertaker does, because it was Roman beating Undertaker a few years ago that sort of planted the seed of Roman being this badass boss character.

And The Rock has been calling himself the final boss, which some people said, oh, you did it now, he summoned The Undertaker. Also, I think what really the final nail on the coffin might have been the Rock saying he regrets announcing he's voting for Joe Biden. You can't do that around the

Undertaker. You can't admit you voted for Joe Biden because the Undertaker's, the Undertaker's politics are, uh, you really threw off AJ. You could tell. Yeah, AJ, AJ was down. The other thing is LA Stiles, the guy who faced AJ. His whole thing is saying, yeah. And for months, I'm like, I don't really get it. I don't see what's cool about this. But my God, it is so fun to be around 70,000 people who just, yeah, every single time any one of them says yeah. Everyone around them says, yeah, and it just spreads and sprawls, just shouting, yeah. And it's also a nice replacement for the Rick Flair Woo. Rick Flair is exactly as problematic as he is openly presented himself for decades,

and yeah and Yeat have replaced Wu. So the better world is possible. That and I think this is the, I think anytime you can just say things with a bunch of people, it's infectious. Yeah. That's the effect. Yeah. That's the effect of neck. Yeah.

Like, you could be like, I don't know if I want to say, suck that tiger dick, bitch. It just, well, then all of a sudden there's 70,000 people singing it. You go, this is great. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought for just a minute while Jason was talking about the timestamps about how our audience might react if we started coding things like that. And then I'm like, we're so disorganized that we would end up. like we would end up presenting them with some kind of like lovecraftian plot to reveal to like to reveal a secret government order or something like we would be so disorganized that we would end up feeding them all kinds of malicious code just by pure accident they're all showing up in somewhere random in sweden because we've accidentally told them that's where they should be you said we were going to you said we were going to be revealed it's our live show at malmo folks you said this is where the ascent would happen land of the midnight sun it's 26th, going to be preseason there. I'm not saying that's a reason not to do it. Is it bike time? Bike time.

Server, what the hell happened, man? What happened? This was the equivalent of the big one at Talladega. Wow. But if it, but if it, if it like ended seasons, right?

Yeah, this one wasn't funny. This one wasn't funny. This one wasn't funny at all luckily everyone is okay from that so i'll preface with everything i'm about to say with like everyone is okay um everyone's fine from the accident but at the tour of the boss country there was a really cool like kind of preview to the tour de france that was going down because um yonis finger guard who's won the last two tour uh tours de france um was there with rimco evnipal who's racing the tour for the first time he's he won the world championship at like 22 years old he's won liege best on the age and back to the age and back to

to back years, which is one of the oldest and most prestigious races in cycling, and he also has already won the tour of Spain. He was leading the tour of Italy a year before, or was it, yeah, it was last year. He was leading the tour of Italy when he had to pull out the race with COVID. So he is considered one of the four favorites for the Tour de France. Primos Rogelich, another, one of the Slovenian cyclists, superstar cyclists in the Peloton, was also in this race. So it was a bit of a preview of the tour. They all crashed in the same corner. Jonas Vingeguard

has a broken collar bone, broken ribs, and a punctured lung. Good God. Pippa York, who won the mountains classification at the tour in the 80s. She wrote an article basically saying

like he ain't went in the Tour de France this year. That's not going to happen. So, this is interesting because the only writer who was not in this race, who is considered like a odds-on favorite to win the tour, is former two-time winner Tadi Pogatja, Slovenian

cyclists, countrymen of Primo Shroglitch. He's racing the Jero de Tire this year to try and win the pink jersey, the tour of Italy. So he was not in the tour of the boss country because he's more preparing for that grand tour, which happens in May. He's attempting to do something that has not been done in over 25 years. Even Lance Armstrong at his

dopiest doping was not able to do this. You mean at his best. At his best. All cyclists who have doped in history have found this to be an extremely hard thing to do which is to win the Jared Italia and the Tour de France within the same year. The door has now been opened for Tadi Pogaccia

because Vingerard is most definitely he might not even be at the tour, much less compete for the tour. Remko Evanapole has a broken shoulder blade and broken collarbone. He's going to miss the rest of the art in classics. He probably will not be fully back on the road training with his team until mid-May.

So he's not going to have a full run-up to the Tour de France. Primus Roglich, who has wrecked out of every positive situation he's ever been at in any grand tour and who finally won the Jared Italia last year and who has won the Tour of Spain three times, but has never been able to win the Tour de France, walked away from the accident, Scott Free. He had bumps and bruises, and he will be okay. So now the stage is set for Tadipagotia to have his two main rivals kind of neutral. for the Tour de France in June, which is in a little, it's a little bit earlier this year because

the Olympics are in Paris, which also means that the race finishes in Nice. It'll be one of the only times in the last like 40, 50 years that the race doesn't end on the Chansalise in Paris. And it ends with a time trial, which is to the end. I was going to say, does that mean it actually ends with a meaningful state? Yeah, it's a, it's a 20, I think of like a 28 kilometer, 30 kilometer, hilly time trial which we've seen the tour the yellow jersey change hands

multiple times as well as the pink jersey the red jersey change times in late stage time trials like this so the tour will be 21 full days of meaningful racing which would be interesting and the and the peloton is all to hell because even while pogacha is okay j vine

probably he's one of his teammates and probably like one of his main domestiques in the Peloton is, like, fucked up really, really badly from this accident. Sean Quinn, um, fractured his sternum. How? Nathaniel Tesphazion, uh, has no fractures or concussions, but, um, he's, he was bruised up all over his body. Uh, Steph Krasse has a pneumothorax, um, several fractured ribs.

I don't even know what that is, but, two dorsal vertebral fractures. they were going down a hill when this happened. They crashed directly into a ditch and into a field. Was this all in one crash or was this multiple people hitting the same fire? This was all one crash. And then the next day, Mikhailanda, who is Rimcoe Evanopold's main supporter in the mountains, who was hired in the offseason specifically to support Rimcoe Evanopold in the Tour de France this year, he broke his collarbone in the very next day of the tour of the boss country.

So the Peloton is a complete turmoil as we head into the, Arden classics. Matthew Vanderpoll won a relatively uncontested Perry Rubet. He is the world champion. For a long time, people have talked about a curse on whoever the world champion is. The world champion typically has a lot of really shitty things happen to him throughout the season. Matthew Vanderpull has won a shit ton of races so far. And his main rival, Walt Van Erich, who is not a GC guy for the tour, but is a main guy for the classics and was going to be racing his first year to tell you um also broke like several ribs and messed up his collarbone um so yeah cycling is fucked and who's left one of the most horrible crashes i've ever seen yeah i was like it's it's

it's it's pachacha right like that's it's he's it's it's pogacha's now in the driver's seat uh pretty much roglich is now also kind of though been handed basically it's two sylvanians are favored now probably to duke it out can i ask a stupid question yes is there some like does this open the window for like some random dude who nobody a month ago thought would have a prayer could win the tour this is the other thing with the tour is a 21 day race it's a long race a lot of shit happens there's cross winds there's crashes like we are talking about in the boss country that happened in the tour de france um there's guys like roman barde the great french hope from several years ago who has finished third and second in the tour de france before he will now have like an outside shot at a podium And having an outside shot at a podium and the Tour de France means you have the chance to win the Tour de France because anything could happen. Juan Iuso, a young Spanish writer, could potentially win. There's a tremendous crop of American riders right now. Mateo Jorgensen won Perry Nice this spring.

Sep Cous won the Tour of Spain last year, becoming the first American Grand Tour winner since Chris Horner, which that's a little awkward because Chris Horner was totally part of the Armstrong entourage. So some debate as to how legit that Tour of Spain. victory was for him several years ago um but sepcus is on the same team as yonis finger guard so we could have ourselves a situation like we did in the tour of spain last year in which yonis was supposed to go for the red jersey sepkus took it there was this idea that sepcus has been his main domestique in the mountains at the tour for so many years yodas should support him and so he did we could have a situation where if yodas is not 100 percent he then is throwing support behind

someone like Sepp Coos, which could be crazy and huge for cycling in America if we were able to have another Tour de France champion and kind of take a step past the issues that are present with Lance Armstrong and Floyd Landis, the guy who got the other American who got his yellow

jersey taken away. Bitch, our producer just dropped a whole capsule preview of the sport me to cover. Get on our level. Get on our fucking level. Michael Ray. And you can follow me at Ryan Floyd on Twitter. Download brook, bitches.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.