Shutdown Fullcast - Super Bowl Recap And Winter Olympics Sex Hut Report

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

Episode title, continued: "And Dallas Cowboys Spring Preview, Plus Assigning Winter Sports To SEC Schools"Now through March 31, 100% of proceeds from all PTKU merch sales will be donated to TransVisible Montana. Visit preownedairboats.com to purchase BRAND-NEW BLUE SHARKS GEAR #EXCLUSIVEShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by David CookDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band Killer Antz

The first season is like based in in the 60s and in the Apollo program. Yeah, which is why I didn't watch it because I was like, I've seen the right stuff. What am I doing here? So I just never kind of tried it. It's alternate, right? So it's based in that, but other things happen because the Russians get to the moon first. That's the whole premise of the first season. And then around somewhere in the middle of season two, they're like, you know what?

Fuck it. And that's the MO for every. everything that's happened since. They just, they're like, why don't we do the most outrageous thing? Why wouldn't you have a gun in space? Why wouldn't everyone have guns in space? In case there's a bear. I will tell you, at one point, Sally Ride pulls a gun on someone in space, and that's when I was like, so the Russians won and therefore American astronauts are armed as well. Because we're going to shoot them off the moon? I've never seen any of this show. There's also North Korean astronauts.

Okay. Can they have war guns? No, like everyone else by the time they're in the game, everyone else has these like spaceships with nice Star Trek, the next generation looking LED screens and shit, right? Like they've done things like the food doesn't need to be cat food. It needs to be like human food in space. And like we're going to be up here for a while, right?

And then they show the North Koreans and like everything's on fire in their ship. And it looks like a bathtub that somebody's strapped a bunch of like LEDs onto. and they're all screaming at each other. It's fucking great. So they're going old school. So like what decade is this in that everyone is in space? It's a realistic show. So the late 90s,

the late 90s, everyone is already in space. That's what it was like, anyone who wasn't there. The funniest bit of meta history from the whole thing is that the IRA murders Margaret Thatcher. Okay. Yeah.

Like they just flashed that for a second. And I was like, someone on that writing staff was like, you know it would be funny. But not in space. Sadly. No. With a space gun?

Oh, my dear. Does Ireland have a space program? Ireland does not have a space program. They're like, that's foolish. We wouldn't do that. Not going up there. Doesn't seem like any of our business. Not a bit.

But yeah, that's going to be one of our special episodes, is I'm just going to explain, I'm just going to special interest the show and pitch you all on it. And also spoil like half of it, which doesn't matter because I had half of it spoiled for me and I still watching it and I was like, yes. This is so fucking dumb. I don't know if we'll leave this into tomorrow's recording or not.

Honestly, I think we should. But, like, this is a pretty good series that we could all do. It's like, hey, I have an hour to evangelize you on this thing. You know nothing about. Yeah. I will do the first one, and it will be on for all mankind. Somebody will ask me, is this a good show? And I'm like, define good.

By the way, folks, if you're just now tuning in, which you probably are, beginning of the recording. We're talking about a Patreon special thing that we have just now, seconds ago, decided to do. So sign up now, so you don't miss it. Sign up now. That's not what I wanted to lead with, though. There's the story that I think. I guess we'll see if this is better or not. It is better. It's not much. Listen, not by much, because I will tell you, for all mankind is pretty spectacular. But sometimes there are space cadets on this planet, who, though they have not traveled in space may already be in their own galaxy. And by that, I mean a Norwegian cross-country skier

whose name is Lagrid, Holm-Legrid. Home Lagerd. Home Lagerd. Home Lagerd is a very good, very good skier, by the way. Like, he's absolutely legit. And he's competing in the Olympics for Norway and he won bronze today. And when he won the bronze, he, of course, was given the opportunity to speak and said all of the following afterwards, which was, it has been the worst week of my life. There is something I want to share with someone who may not be watching today. He's on a mic, by the way. These look live, right? On an RK, Norwegian television. Half a year ago, I'm I met the love of my life, the world's most beautiful and nicest person. Three months ago, I made the mistake of my life and cheated on her. And I told her about that a week ago. That's so fast. I need to stop you briefly.

First of all, you did this, this, this, this man's name is Sterlohom Lakerid. Sterloh, it was the 20-kilnabler biathlon. That's, yes, that's the important part. You said he was a cross-country. I did, I did. And that's only half right. Is he Norwegian? But I do think it's important.

Did he win bronze? For the context of all of this, to note that this is the man who uses a gun for his job. He does. Frequently. While like completely exerted, who's, who's tired with a gun. Yes. Yes. This will, thank you, Ryan, for setting up a plot point later, which I will let you, I will let you address that.

I'm just going to set that for you, okay, since I've already. made a complete hash of this by misidentifying his event. Okay, it's okay. And leaving out his stellar first name, Starla. So Sterla Holmlagrid in tears said, this is, God, this is the most fuckboy shit ever. I had the gold medal in life, and I am sure there are many people who will see things differently,

but I only have eyes for her. Sport has come second these last few days. Technically, it came third. Yes, I wish I could share this one. with her. And then he was asked by the interviewer how he managed to finish third. How did you overcome cheating on your girlfriend? How did you climb the Mount Olympus of fuck boy, emotional labor?

The adversity that is you. If you case you wonder whether it's just our media that does that, right? That's just like, how did you overcome all the adversity with your domestic violence arrest earlier this year? Well, you know, it's with God. and I didn't listen to the haters. We're not the only ones who do that. NRK does that as well.

The Norwegian media at least does it. Lagrid answered, I try to be a good role model and I did something stupid. I got a nice video from the club at home and I used that as motivation today. As I said, I want to be a good role model, but I have to admit when I get something wrong. What's on the video? It's all the other guys being like, yes, we cheated on our reference too. You have to admit when you do. do something you can't stand for and hurt someone you love so much. Not for two months.

Are you still reading or is this a monologue? No, he's still going. Oh, God. That's a lot of words. He said that part too. Yeah. The two months part. Yeah. He said, he better be right. He better, better not turn around and be like, actually, it was six. Yeah. He said he hoped he hoped he could winter back by committing, and these are his words, social suicide. Yeah. Oh, by by like throwing himself at the altar of public opinion and what I mean. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

He's Norwegian. He's Vindervo. He's Vinderval. Vonderval. Like the love of my life to cheating timeline is so fast. It's not that fast. It's like skiing. He said he did it three months ago.

And he's like, I told. Right. But like, I met the love of my life and then I cheated on her three months. That part is fast. Like, I guess if you're giving someone love of your life status, it feels like it's going to take a greater amount of time to get to cheat on them. Well, you have to remember that for Olympians, all time is stretched. So, like, what we experience is a normal day is four days to them because of the Olympics cycle.

So in reality, it had been a year. They're on that grind set. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have, they experience time dilation because of the Olympic schedule.

Also, when you're a person who does double two events, that's like double, therefore it's six months. Yeah. The reason it was important, Spencer, to note that this man is not a cross-country scare. He is a participant in biathlon. It's because of this. During a World Cup event in December 2020, 23, he accidentally fired a shot in the team hotel during a safety review when he had mistakenly loaded a full

magazine instead of an empty one. He was disqualified from the race entirely, even though the shot only hit a stool. Now, that's Norwegian. This is my new favorite athlete. Yours, yes. Yes, yes. Yes. Ours, the listeners, no. No. Yours, yes. Yes. Yes. Yours, the listeners, no. Norse, yes. I mean, I find him quite a character. The dude has decided, like, hey, you got me post-race remarks? He's like, I tell you, I'm a cheated on my girl. Boy, do I.

It's also, I have a country song for you. It's also useful to note that, like, this guy won a gold medal in Relay at the 2022 games. He's already won a bronze and individual. He's won a bunch of world championships. he's won a bunch of World Cup race. Like, he's done, he's an extremely accomplished by an athlete. Yeah, dude's legit, yeah.

And that has no bearing on whether he can run a personal life or performance safety check of his own equipment. It's always, it's nice to know that like, man, you can be elite at some, at something. And just a fucking mess at everything else. That's just, boy, they really are like us athletes as it turns out. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I just want to know how this all happened because the idea, I know, if you're a Scandinavian and you're listening to this, hello to our two Scandinavian listeners. We love you. But the next things I'm going to say are coming from an American perspective.

One, it's very funny that you can get your spleen out for $2. I think that's amazing. That is, that's incredible. A life I can never imagine. Yeah, can we have one? That would be $4. And you'll have to put it together with an Allen ranch. The other thing that I find amazing is a Scandinavian having problems.

Right? Like I imagine how this happened. They're like, well, we were at the state sex hut and the sex hot has rules. And typically you bring your love of life to sex hut and sex with many people, but with rules. And I violated those. Violated several of the sex hot rules. And I wish to apologize to the love of my life for my appalling behavior in the sex hut. Now I am going to go drive a weird car into a fjord. I'm going to go ski with a gun. I'm going to go ski with a gun, and I'm going to go have no other problems. Can I add one more wrinkle to this story? Yes. One of his teammates won the gold medal, but nobody's going to say shit about that because the fucking wrongs medalist decided it was time to go on Facebook about all of this. This is the Olympic version of I am getting engaged at my friend's wedding.

Except it's I am getting divorced at my friends. You know? Sunrise, sunset, they say. The universe's entropy spins on. The sports psychologist is just out there like, do I tell him to cheat harder or cheat less? Did he get bronze because he was cheating or does he need to cheat more to get gold? What motivates this athlete? He's powered by cheating.

Sure. Cheating is what fuels him. You need to get back out there. It's in the song. Give me that which I desire. I'm sorry. He did have a quote about upstaging his teammate. I'll read that.

Oh, boy. Now, I hope I didn't ruin Johann's day. Maybe it was really selfish of me to give that interview. I'm not really here mentally. This is the most. Um, let it fly, dude. This is also a little like on the standing in the bronze spot on the podium. I'm not really here mentally.

This is, isn't this just a tiny like a sous song of like, well, you know, if I had put my whole ass into it. I'm not really here mentally said the man in the gun sport. Okay. That right. Okay. No, no, hang on. Hang on.

Hang on. Let me speak as a coach here. This is an argument for reps, right? This is an argument for conditioning in the off season. because when you find yourself in the position of publicly confessing to the international community that you cheated on your girlfriend at the Olympic medals press availability, what I'm trying to say is here you don't prep for, you don't train for the good days, right? You train for the bad days.

You train for the days when you're too hard to train. So with that, you know, when you go out and point your ski rifle, you can, can be thinking about Bethany or whatever her name is. I it's probably Bethany. I guess my conclusion is Dwight Howard should have been a biathlet? Yeah, he would have been an incredible biathlet. They would have been like, there would have been an NBC thing where it would have been like, Olympic greatness, stories of valor. And be like, Dwight Howard won gold.

I'd watch Stephen Jackson do a biathlon. Sure. Yes. Yeah, but it's funnier if Dwight Howard is the one, because then we could do the, like, Like, he cheated on his girlfriend with, you know, several Instagram models six weeks before and yet overcame that stress of admitting it to win gold. And Pyongyang. Adversity. It's everywhere.

Sponsored by Visa. He's doing this in, he picked an okay spot for this too. Like this is like, Ryan, no offense. is Italian as hell. None taken. I guess the only way could be more Italian is if his mistress was with him at the podium when he announced this just sadly nodding along. Yes.

Yeah. Or hitting him. That might work. Yeah. With like a slice water or a wooden spatula. Yeah. Yeah. throws a pot of spaghetti sauce.

There we go. There's the emails we want to. I mean, these are athletes. I mean, these are teammates who are like, how man have been there. that's a real hard time. Like, that's difficult. You've got to climb that mountain. Slut mountain.

It takes a lot in this current environment to get something to stick even for a minute in the cycle. So, like, you know, congratulations also to this man. Man, between this and like the penis. We're talking about him right now. Between this and the penis injections and ski jumping, like Italy is having a sexually confusing Olympics, that's for sure. Like, I wouldn't call them sexy, because I don't think that really gives you the whole emotional range that's going on.

There's also the Luge Dick Cam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I thought was like in the top of their boots, but apparently not. Yeah. It's very like Lars von Trier sexy. These. I think at B.C. should lean into this, honestly. Be like, hold on.

Did Diane Lane? just slap somebody in the crowd? What happens? What's going on here? I was following. So there's a defector article. I know the Tuscan Sun, but make it combat. There's a defector article about stop doing loosures dirty, right?

But with the camera angles. And Ken Childs, who if you don't follow him, he does sledding on ice.com. He's one of these, like, excellent people to follow during the Olympics because he writes a lot about bobsled and luge, right? Like niche sports done really well. And he, in response to that article, is like, I've been doing this for a real long time and I'm a professional photographer and I'll tell you something. It's very hard to take a good picture of someone on a looge. It's just not like it's just not. Yeah.

The Kosikos brothers did not try that. There was no. No, there's no poster of somebody kind of hunched up in a, in a crunch like, like, that's why it should end with a ramp that you get to like do a trick off of at the end. Like it shouldn't be part of the event. It shouldn't count for points or whatever. But you should have a good, like, photographic opportunity at the end of Lush. Yeah, I mean, like Mario Kart has mastered how to handle this. That's right.

Like, even the big spin. Yeah, you turn around and you flat and you, well, Flash is probably not the word I want to use there. At these Olympics. Careful these days. And there it is. His full asshole. I mean, even. Okay.

Okay. Are any of y'all watching ice dancing? Yes. Which I will say this, by the way, like, it's very important to give your friends credit for the awesome things they do. And one of the awesome things that Holly has done for me and continues to do for me is to go, hey, come watch this figure skating shit. And I'll always go, I'll go in. And it's worth it every time because something insane happens. Why did full asshole make you think of ice dancing, though?

Well, Ryan, I am so glad you ask. So I have a close friend who, you know, we watch these together. The reason, Ryan, is because we are through to the individual event of the rhythm dance. In the rhythm dance, which is the longer ice dancing, which is, it's for a very, very messy, compressed version of this. You can think of ice dancing and pairs figure skating as, like, dance team versus cheer. Like, one has a bunch of stunts and one doesn't. And in, I think it's the check, there's a check team that is doing, like, a can't. and Barbie routine and the check girl starts with and she's got you know dump truck asses are not a

hugely prevalent thing in skating right which you know nobody's perfect but the check girl has a bit has a bit of a gift in this area and she starts this she starts her routine like ass to the camera with her head like back over looking toward it but she's also hiking her skirt up behind her in a way that makes it look like she's picking an enormous wedge and that's funny enough but then immediately the first thing she does uh upon starting the routine when the music starts it's flipped this entire skirt up in kind of like a oh ain't i cute ain't i ain't i mischievous way only she is she flips the entire skirt up and it's just like there's just a thong yeah and this is not typically you know skating has in the past been very uh

conservative and you know there are there are abs and flows in that but it was like even for a sport where everybody wears spandex it was spencer you saw it it was a lot it's a lot of ass i some i'm pretty sure was like work and i was like hey come look at this chat girl's entire but no no i'm watching this like hang on i've just met the love of my life and and the one with whom i should have her in the sex hot i forgot the best part i forgot you found your sex looper bring her to sex hot So the best part of this was this happened immediately upon the USA to NBC handover last night. So there was no intro.

Like they messed up the timing just a little bit. So you went straight from the ad. They missed the intro that was happening live. And so you cut straight from the last commercial of the ad break to this girl's entire butt. Yeah. I'm screen capping it right now. Like right down fucking Main Street, man. I'm going to take a picture of this girl's butt with my phone.

This is devotion. You are taking a picture of the screen. I'm just going to show you. I'm just going to send you guys all this video. This is why 58-year-old sports writers have always known the right way to screenshot. They've never been to stop. That's right. Bypass all of that shit.

Direct. We need to see the ice dancer butt. Let me get the butt. J. Jonah Jameson. Bring me more pictures of ice dancing butt. More pictures of chick ice dancer butt. J. Jonah Jameson has needs. Should invite Jay Jonah to the sex hut.

He has sort of a Nordic name. He does. He does. He'll remember his ancestry once he gets in the sex hut. He'll be fine. Shauna then sex hut. Damn it. This biathletes spread my information all over the broadcast.

I'm just texting this to all of you. Thank you. This is fun. Greetings to all. All of your wives. They are all lovely. I will send this to them. Without explanation, I hope.

Yeah, oh, there is no explanation coming with this video. Thank you. Anyway, I sent you a little video clip of what it looked like coming out of the ad break into the wedge yank and then just her flipping her whole ass. I like that we can see how eagerly each of us is scrambling for our phone. It's for journalism. I mean, it's for the show. I had to.

Also, her hand is, like, planted there. Like, it looks like she's got, like, two fingers deep. Wow. It's a lot, right? Yeah, no, that is. It's up there. That part's weird. That part really is weird.

Otherwise, tight, butt. I'm not even sure what she's going for. It doesn't look comfortable. It's kind of a wipe. You know what? Oh, Italy. Anyway, that was the opening of, so that was the opening of the Rhythm Dance broadcast on NDC last night. I mean, that's how you're real in viewers.

People are like, I don't know if I want to watch that. Actually, I do want to watch this. We're not even that far into the Olympics at this point. No. No. This is not even the funniest thing that happened in that event last night. I'm going to, I will send you guys another video. So there is a, there is no reason whatsoever you should know this.

But if, you know, despite all of these, you know, there's all these spangles and sequins and, like, little frufey decorations and skating and whatnot. But they all have to be like, terrifically attached because for obvious safety reasons, you know, like a sequin on the ice can, can, you know, trip somebody into a concussion, a broken bone or worse. So if part of your costume falls off during a skate, you know, that's a big point deduction. And in the middle of one of the Canadian pairs routines last night, this dude was wearing like these, these little like, they look like tarry cloth wristbands, but it's figure skating. So they're like spandex and bedazzled. it falls off in the middle of a lift as he's pulling his partner up and in kind of a miraculous moment

it sticks to the Velcro under wherever sticks to her tights so it's stuck to her leg and she does this like amazing little sleight of hand to get it to get it out at the finish but he doesn't see that happen and so for when you slow the broadcast down for two full revolutions of this guy spinning on the ice holding this girl up in the air he has the face of that Michigan and punter when he bobbled the ball a few years back. He's like, but he's also got a lot of eyeliner on. So it's like, it's like, it's a very like teen drag vibe. Can I try and get a video of this?

I'm going to set the scene a little bit more by telling you that all of this latent, all of this like horror was happening on his face while RuPaul's super mama was playing. Sure. Work! Yeah. I also want to note that the butt crack video, which I have only viewed once so far, it opens with a commercial ending, so it appears to say a film by Stephen Spielberg. Welcome to Jurassic Park.

Yeah. Stevens changed. Times are hard. Sex sells. Yeah. I am overjoyed at the fact that I have a new favorite professional athlete. what I wanted to end this way. He's got more events too.

So like, this is not like, all right, back to the plane. Go off. You're saying he didn't stick to just one. We have time for him to fall in love and cheat again. That's what we have, right? Like gold metal. It's kind of hard to avoid from what I hear about the day. Right, right? I'm sending you guys the second video of the Canadian rhythm dancer making Michigan punter face while looking for his wristlet.

I mean, Olympic Village in Italy sounds like the cheatingest place on her. I think you mean love love yeah whichever we're French we never get the like the condom stories right I feel like in the Aussie Olympics was it when we got like the how many condoms the Olympic village go through yeah okay here I sent you the video watch his face like watch his eyeballs rolling around in his head it's like a scared horse her whole ass is on his head and he has the most panic in the world this is the most drill tweet made form I've ever seen. I am ice dancing with butt on my head. Panic. Cops everywhere. You see panic in these eyes? He looks like...

On the second revolution, yeah. Or panic or like gitty vampire. Giddy vampire. Blah. There's a shit ton of skating in the Olympics. Now it's a team event. So I'm happy to curate these special moments for you. NFL Films presents Tom Brady.

Overcoming Divorce to Win a Super Bowl. He won a Super Bowl while being the most divorced man. To the shutdown forecast. You want listening to the Internet's only college football and Olympics podcast. If it or not. That's right. That's right. Speaking of overcoming.

The Olympics, let's talk about the Super Bowl. Speaking of overcoming adversity. That's right. Overcoming me and the adversity I provide every single week would be Jason Kirk. Holly Anderson, Ryan Nanny, Michael Serber on the ones and twos. And oh, oh, as always, as always, Brian Floyd, who, man, let me tell you what, Brian Floyd, you can talk some shit. Just talk your shit personally because as a Seattle Seahawks fan, the week is yours.

Floyd, you have to speak up this week a little bit. Yeah. Super Bowl champion. That's when you get to hear me too. It may not have been fun for everyone else to watch, but it was delightful for Seattle fans to watch their defense just kind of squeeze the New England Patriots for a couple hours. It was great. We had a good time.

Can I read the meanest thing you've said about the Super Bowl in a group chat we have? Yes. This is from Floyd. This is yesterday. The Super Bowl was like fighting someone 20 pounds below your weight after you've been training against people at weight or heavier. Like, they had to sit there and go through the NFC West. And so we were trying to be polite about it, but the feeling was real that like, okay, you just beat the 49ers and Rams. You just won the Super Bowl and then the rest is kind of a formality.

Like, it's kind of what it felt like. You're playing on hard mode and it gets a lot easier when you're not playing on hard mode. And boy, was that rough for New England in every way. It just felt like they were in trouble from the start. Do you think New England knew that? Like, in thinking about this game, I think there were some elements where I'm like, I think, I think they called this game being like, yeah, we're just as good as them. Like, I think that like to a person, if you were to want, and this is the Seahawks players in the run of the game were being very nice and polite, but they were just like, hey, you guys should just like watch the film a little bit.

You maybe tell us what you think of that. And so like, I think that, you know, Brayble can keep the facade up and, you know, kind of raw, rot. But that only goes so far when you're just getting knocked on your ass. Like, there's only so much you can do to make your team believe that you're in the same weight class. But, like, when you're actually, when the punch you get thrown, your left tackles on to ask most of the time. Yeah, like for any of our college football listeners who haven't heard this stat yet, the Patriots were one and two against winning teams in the regular season. And then they faced, eh, pretty mid, and Jarrett Stidham in the snow. And that was their playoff path.

So, like, this was very much ACC Coastal champ versus actual champ. And that had to be really fun, Floyd. They barely survived Jared Stam in the snow, too. And meanwhile, the Seahawks were sweating over having Matt Stafford just throw all over the place. And they got to the end of the game and you can feel like it was their Super Bowl because they were like, oh, thank God. We hung on. Oh, yes. Don't have to play them again.

Yeah. Yeah, we don't have to think about this. They sent the last month and after season playing the Rams twice, the 49ers twice, and then the Panthers were shoved in there too. And the Panthers as they were kind of peaking. as well. Oh, yeah. And no, this was like a very Seahawksy season. Like it was a Pete Carroll season. I was joking about it last night. They played the first preseason game against the Raiders and tied on a misfield goal at the end of the game. And like from there, it just kind of turned into like what a Seahawks defense and Pete Carroll type coach team would be. A couple weeks later,

they went to Green Bay and the Seahawks smallest defender fought the biggest offensive linemen on the Packers and then they went out to do karaoke later. And the rookie offensive linemen thanked future stick talk and ended the song, when he just yelled, I'm going to put my thumb in her butt with emotion and walked off stage as the entire team cheered. It was in those moments that you realize that maybe there's something to this. You're like, wait a minute. Like there's something going on here that we should go. Guys, we all got to go cheat on the love of our lives.

Yeah, that's right. We're not going to Disneyland. We're going to Italy. And like one of the defining moments of their season was just a accidental backward pass on a two-point conversion than a running back just notchantly picked up and ended up being the difference in the game and getting them the number one seat. like just a bunch of dumb things happen. They got, you know, they solved the problem that, uh, the last Seahawks Super Bowl team had in that they traded for the game breaking punt return, but this one doesn't punch his teammates and coaches on the run up to the Super Bowl.

They went nice Percy Harvin this year and got Shichahid. So it was kind of like playing all the hits again, except, uh, tweaking them to be like what you've learned from those situations and it turned out really, really well. So we just got to kind of celebrate for a while. Like when they got to nine points of field goals, like I know that no minute ended up scoring more, but they got to nine, everyone was just kind of like, all right, I think we're good. Like, we can just pack this up and kind of wait for the rest of game to play out now.

Like, I think hand the ball off do well. So it was fun that way. It's not, again, it's not like entertained for everyone else to watch, but there is something to, like, if you like defense and like really like that defensive kind of chess game, it's really fun to watch. I know a lot of people like offense and all that, but watching someone try to, watching someone basically outmatch an offensive coordinator for the entire game and put people in positions that they shouldn't be, it was amazing. I had a single metric I was judging this game by because I, you know, I could kind of see

the score. I was upstairs in the kitchen and I went down to the basement where the guys were, and I saw the score and I looked at Jason. And I was like, Jason, is this a good game? He was like, okay, that's all I need to know. I think the score is probably 12 to nothing. And I was like, let's hold it perfect. Let's hold it right there.

It's beautiful. Real ball. I don't want to see anymore. It's one of those things that people, you know, that watch football a bunch get really excited about but there was like little things where the sea ox started run stuffing the patriots out of dime packages where they had six defensive backs on the field and they were stuffing run for zero yards which is stuff that shouldn't happen like ever and so it came to the point where the seahks was like I don't think you can do anything so we're just going to do what we

want to do and it was hilarious to watch their little defensive backs is the underrated thing that I really love not with the seawks but with anyone like they really love to get up and run fit and like set edges and stuff like that where you'll see these little defensive the backs can flying up and lay someone out because they just take pride in hitting people and really don't have any kind of fear at all. So it's one of the fun things to watch when you get defensive backs. You're like, yeah, we love hitting people. Not just receivers, though, we're going to come pop inside and on offensive line.

Not just the- What was that? Was that? Nothing. One of the points in the season two that I realized that, like, okay, there's actually something here was when the Mariners were playing into the last game seven to the Blue Jays. and I was sitting at a restaurant with my friend, and the TVs all immediately turned the Seahawks game.

They're playing the Texans on Monday football. And the Seahawks just kind of like sat on the Texans for a couple hours. It was kind of close at times, but never really close. And we went from like, oh, man, poor Mariners, that was bad, to, like, wait a minute. There's football things going on here. And there was, like, an immediate transition to it. And then they only lost one more time from there. So beyond that, too, like, that season was a way better than people realized in that, like, they lost.

three games by nine points combined and all three of those games were very close at the end like matter of yards between winning and losing it was pretty wild i adore devon wetherstone he's so good that is the craziest player to have a cornerback who tackles like a linebacker to have a cornerback who sees a run fit and goes yeah in my face let's go and like with two weeks to everyone's probably seen these stats but they hadn't blitzed them in a month. They'd only blistered them 14 times a season. They blitzed him six times.

And at this point, like, throughout the season as it went along, it got kind of unfair that Mike McDonald had him on one side and Nicky and Warrior on the other. And a lot of times send both of them were put them on the same side and overload blitz them. So you've got like two guys that think that their safeties or linebackers but run like their defensive backs

and he was doing all sorts of fun blitz patches with it. So it's really nerdy, but it's fun to watch how, like, They basically disrupt a game by screwing with the front seven and then just let their coverage people cover. And like Witherspoon being the 180 pound one, who's like, he plays like that, littlest guy out there. Oh, here's the 230 pound safety. Oh, here's the 10 guy deep defensive line. Witherspoon's like he's a chihuahua that thinks he's a German Shepherd, like has no concept of it at all.

And it's partly right. No, he's totally right. Yeah. He is, he, that is, that is the most, like, the only guy, the guy that I thought of, and this is going way back, was Steve Atwater and even Atwater, I think was a little bigger than Witherspoon. I've just, the amount of force that man could exert and the amount of, he just moves like a problem. Like, if I am an offensive lineman, I don't care how much he weighs. That's an issue. Whatever he's about to do, which includes, they showed in, oh, they showed him on that he was attacking that right side of the line instead of left. so it's not Will Campbell's side, but that poor left, right side of the line, the first splits that he had, he jumped cut in front of the, I believe, left tackle. Left tackle flailed, and he got a sack.

He kept kind of messing with them in different line games, and then later on he ran the edge on the left tackle, and got around the left tackle on the edge, and it looked like May would have enough time. I'm going to spotlight on this on video, and Witherspoon planted one step with his outside leg, took another step, and was already on May, and dropped in the ground on the waist. You don't expect him to be that fast, but you can see on the video when you rewatched it. Like, he accelerated coming around the corner in ways that you're like, you shouldn't be able to do that. I think the most confusing thing for me about the Super Bowl result was that it ended with Dave Portnoy, acting like the New England fucking Patriots are an American East team. America East team that made a good run to the sweet succeed. Why are we being mean? Small bean patriots.

They're like, what? They kind of are, however they're the Patriots. Like in 2020 context, they are. But in 2000 through 2025 context, they are not. This team had so much heart. You can't rebrand that fast. You've built an established brand up at this point.

You're not the gritty under the hugs. It is true. They are the one-year flip found family of castoffs who managed to cobble together bullshit wins. And that is true. However, they're the Patriots. Right. And also, you still,

you still have to feel bad that you lost the Super Bowl. That's how, and we, we have seen, the Patriots beat the Rams in a Super Bowl that was very similar to this in terms of like how neutrals fell about it, and in terms of like the like, oh, you're just going to watch one side destroy the other one defensively, and they're going to look like they're fucking clueless throughout. And like, there was no, like, Patriots fans after that were like,

boy, respect to Jared Gough, what a war. They were like, no, fuck that. I don't I don't have any like I don't have any great loyalties in this game other than to my friends right like sea hawks fine cool amazing defense absolutely fine thrilled that my Seattle people are happy also thrilled for a long time friend of this program and that's Super Bowl champion drew lock yes say it with me the best season ever Oh, no. Was it before the divisional game of Drew, Drewlock, Darnold walking into? Yeah. Drewlock had split steps with Sam Darnold because of the oblique thing that was more serious than they said. And like, I think people thought that they were just doing that for that time. But like, no, no, no. Like, throughout the season, Drewlock was Sam Darnold's backpack. Like, he went everywhere with him. They were like, they knew each other in high school, the Lleven and stuff like that.

But his job basically, and like he is a proof of the rule that, like, if you're really, good hang you can hang around the league forever as a back that's right but his job was just to be like a really good hang and to be like a vibes guy and to keep sam darnal calm and to be good in locker room there's video him in the locker room right after the game someone was live and like they're talking and like Drew say something real quick and he just leans in the camera he goes a plus on the group project and walks away like he's having the best career and Seattle's the best place for him but like last year when he uh was last year two years ago when he played or last you played for Gino's fit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has like a light-em-up game against the Eagles and like everybody's celebrating like he's their best friend. Like it is the, you know, good vibes back of quarterback, but also he can play. He, like, the snap he got into the playoffs though, the first snap he took. He went to go hand the ball off and he had his wedding ring on and he had his wedding ring ripped off and torn off onto the field. So like he's still not quite prepared all the time, but he came off and he's like, I lost my wedding ring on the first handoff. What do you mean? They're like, it got caught and it flew off.

Like, all right, Drew, thanks, bud. That's about the best case. scenario for everything that could have happened. I lost my wedding finger. Yeah, de-gloved myself on a handoff and a blowout divisional game. I also will say it is particularly, I know it's not the Bill Belichick Patriots anymore. It is still very mean to beat the Patriots with perfect special teams play. Finally, we get to the star of the show.

And who is that coach that's coaching that special team? What is that man's name? the top ranked hardball at this point that is he had the best harbar year i was thinking of this morning he didn't get fired he won a super bowl uh himself and like the seahx special team unit there's the returns and all that stuff but they were just really good they were they took that kickoff game and they treat it like it's a a whole different mini game they were i think one of the first ones to put uh defensive linemen in the middle of their uh kick coverage which was all in the fumble like the first time that did it but it was they figured out ways to

limit teams and put them in binds where they wanted them to return it because they were like watch what we can do so j harbaugh went from like he is the favorite son of the of seahawks fans now as well which is a pretty unexpected turn because like for a while he was not well this is also a moment for merrist university to talk their shit they had a ball on it did marist social media accounts or nothing like another thunderous kick from merrist grad jason meyers jason med state We have outscored the Patriots 15 to nothing. Like this dude, David Roth wrote a great post about like, this is the guy that now has a scoring record over Ladani and fucking Tomlinson.

This guy, like, you know, a decade ago in college football, if you said spot the kicker who's going to do this, literally no one, probably not even Marist's coaching staff would have even fancied a notion that kickers are amazing. Just random number generators. And look, you take on the other side of the special teams, you take Texas, such a checkered history of putting players into the league and not panning out the way you necessarily want them to, like, you know, and who, who was it? Who finally carried the Longhorn torch? Who made the University of Texas proud again? And Aussie Punter, that's who Michael Dixon. The one who, when he was in college was one that we're like, oh, that dude's going to flip a Super Bowl someday. I'm pretty sure he won. a bowl game MVP playing against Drew Locke in a bowl if I have the game right. I do think that's right. His first season with the Seahawks, the Seahawks were very bad that year as a Pete Carroll

here and it was legitimately like an event every time that he took the field and took the field a lot. But people were like, oh, here it comes. Here he comes. And he was just boom. And he's gotten better at it. I don't know if you guys saw during the Super Bowl, the Australian commentators were having a field day during the first half talking about game breaker and difference maker Michael Dixon.

like oh another banger punt from michael dixon and like they were having the time of their lives just focusing on their guy and like it was a show for them was amazing he does some really cool stuff at the ball though i wish you could see it like if you zoom out far enough like yeah people fumble and stuff like that hard to catch but like he's doing something to the ball and it's coming down in very weird ways where it's like yeah that guy missed the ball and it let it go it's actually because he's sitting there going like this because he spinning his finger around because he hit a knuckle ball punt and no one could figure out how to catch it. Can I give you a fucked up stat from Michael Dixon's playoffs?

This is from Michael Dixon's playoffs this year. In three games, he punted the ball 15 times. Ten times he stuck the punt inside the 20. Do you know how many total return yards the Seahawks allowed on playoff punts compared to those 10 punts that went inside the 20? It's 11. 11 return yards in the entire playoffs. That's with three coffin corners in the Super Bowl.

Yes, sure. The Patriots even had things blocked up and they were doubling gunners. And then you would see the Seahawks had two fullbacks this season, one was on special teams. And you would see him, the guy with a long mullet running down as the long snapper and laying out the return man, even though they had the edges blocked. Like, it was just beautiful special teams. This team turned both me and Jason and several. other members of our viewing party into the stereotypical football watching dad

because the way they play forces you to say things like great punt, field positions everything. We were just Leo punting at the screen every time they show you. Honestly, it's much like watching Indiana where it's like, these guys know how to play the game

the right way. You're mimicking your dad, but you're also explaining the only reason they're winning by so much. They just don't make mistakes. They make you make mistakes. And like, that's like so stupid and cliche, but it is the explanation. It's a little, they're, they're kind of Ben Wallace Pistonsie in a lot of ways where you're just like, boy, boy, this is, this is rough shit, but they're having a, look at them, they're having a terrible time out there. I think the answer may be that now that

we're dads, we're right. Yeah. They did make mistakes in the regular season. The quarterback made some mistakes then. Sure. They just decided to stop. No more mistakes once playoff hit. Quarterback. Like, there were several passes where our entire group was like, oh, dear. But he got away with, he got away with a few.

Other than those few, the Patriots never had a chance. There was an ample. I was trying to explain to someone that it was a difference between bad throws and dumb throws. He had some throws that were off target, but he didn't have any, and it's very Sam Donald going back to even USC. And, like, I could still have a bias from watching him play. Well, they wouldn't losing them.

but like Sam Donald's brain still clicks and he's like, you're a ball, Sam. He's like, I can do this. And they figured out in the playoffs how to like disable that switch. And you could see it a lot of times where like he's going and he's thinking like, I can fit that throw in and then he would just stop and either like take a sack or run out of it or throw it away. But there were a lot of times where he decided after a season of trying to fit the ball into every window. He's like, you know what?

I don't think I need to do that. And it saved their ass. There's so much like, oh, this is who the page. Patriots want to like Cooper Cup. That's a Patriots ass receiver right there. Kenneth Walker going from like, oh, I think they're going to try to trade him to whoop Super Bowl MVP running back.

That's some Patriots of shit right there. Oh my God, they've become you. You look what they've taken everything from you, New England. The Seahawks would prefer to be in two tight-end sets. They have packages on the field where they're it's Cooper Cup, Jake Bobo, and two tight ends, you know.

They'd prefer three tight ends, but one was injured and you played in the Super Bowl. Like, it's very Patriots where it's like, we can, well, early in season two, they were like, we'll do the ramps thing, load them up and throw. And then they went back to spreading it out and they were kind of doing whatever. But they really enjoy just having, it's not people that are going to burn you deep other than Shaheed. They're just going to pick you apart and make it really painful for you for a while. Yeah, like there really is so much like the stereotypical Belichick era stuff.

Oh, we have a weird shape safety. We line up up everywhere. We like nickel and dime you in special teams to death. You know, field position is really important, Jason. We noted that while watching the game. We found that if we punt onto the left side line. So Floyd, after many years of the Seahawks being DVOA champs, but usually not the actual champ, how do you feel about being one of the top 10 DVOA teams of all time and the champ?

We're running out of room for the DVOA banners that we've had to hang. They've been up there for years without the divisional banners and all that. But like we have, I think part of the Seahawks thing is that they figured out how to hack the stats about like 15 years ago. And so they play like they want to make sure. They're like, okay, well, if we like can time this up to DVOA, maybe we'll end up being good and actually did work this year. I think the defense was actually better than a lot of people realize and the numbers will end up bearing it out eventually. It's just you don't know who any of them are because they're not loud in Legion of Boom. They all just kind of do their jobs real fast and efficiently.

and it's really, like, it's bad for the other offense when they're clicking. So, yeah, we're the stats champs still. Yeah. Like something about that, about how this team won in ways similar to Seahawks teams of old, like lots of secondary, lots of running, it's passing when you have to. Like, it's not like John Schneider who only has one blueprint. Obviously, he's two at this point completely different teams that have done this and made some extremely bold moves to get here.

But, like, it has to be really cool to have, like, this. When a Seattle team wins the Super Bowl, it plays kind of like this, like that kind of identity across two completely different seasons. That's got to be pretty cool. You could kind of see and start to, like, if you took a step back and started to look at it from when they started last year, like the beginning of this was they had a bunch of players on the roster still. It was first year, and they went through the season.

And they traded for Ernest Jones, and he got, like, his guy that he wanted to be his middle lineback. And there's a lot of scheme-fit things that they did. And then coming into this year, they added to the defense. And then it starts just feeling like that old Seox team. The feeling was the same. It's like, oh, there's something here. That's interesting.

And then it just keeps getting better and better because they found all these guys that fit what they want to do, and they're just kind of there to play that defense in that system. And, like, Mike McDonald is a brilliant, somewhat psychotic coach. watching him coach that defense when he got the pieces that he wanted, much like Pete Carroll, there's very certain players and certain body types and certain athleticism that you look for.

When he got him, it was like, oh, you can watch out because he is able to use them all. The only games that the team lost, including on the paper midfield. A bunch of the secondary was hurt, and the defense was hurt, and they gave a bunch points. Like Witherspoon was hurt in one of them.

Most of the defensive back deal was out against the Buccaneers. And so watching them, you're like, They're really good, and even when they're not playing well, or they're hurt and their best players are hurt, they're still playing well, which is kind of credit to the coaching staff, too, it was interesting to see. But the archetype of having a defense first thing, it kind of feels like comforting, like being back home again, where people here are like, oh, we know this type of football. It worked last time, and it's really enjoyable. A lot of people will scoff at, like, the defense and just boring kind of low-scoring football. But people here, like, oh, that's my stuff. I feel so good again.

like that's bad we're back do you know what else is awesome that I love is that you were able to sustain that that kind of build across a coaching change and like not even on purpose either you want a defensive way thank you Russell Wilson trade thank you for that you know no one says thank you for to Russell Wilson no one it's just over here but do you know what else Mike McDonald gave us to which was just another primo set of dad opportunities was we got to explain to actual children on Sunday night that two, three things can happen when you pass the ball and two of them were bad. What a gift.

Yeah. It's true. I think the other thing with the other connection to the Seattle teams of yours is there are so many personalities on this team. Like the old Seahawks teams, it was like everyone knows like multiple player personality, which is very often not a thing in the NFL. Like even the Chiefs, it's like every, you know, Mahomes and Kelsey, you know, and if you're casual, maybe like one other tops or what, you know the kicker, unfortunately.

but like with the Seahawks, like this year reading Michael Sean Duggar, like inside the locker room after the championship, it felt like watching a sitcom, like so many distinct personalities just on the defense. Like this is as enjoyable a team when they're playing and when they're not as the Seahawks of your were, and that is high praise all around. The Pete Carroll teams used to be like, it's a locker room thing too. There's like a culture thing in the locker room, and Pete Carroll was the guy that was like, I'll take anyone. My locker room culture will, you know, make it all work.

Sometimes it did. Sometimes it didn't. They did the locker room culture thing with this, but it was more like, we're just going to get a bunch of dudes that we think are really getting along in this. And you could tell throughout the season as it went, like, they actually really did like each other. And like there's little groups within that and all that.

But overall, you would see at a media day that the teams, the defensive players are shadow boxing across the room when they're bored, like in the middle of media day talking. Like the locker room is doing a bunch of shadow boxing. the wide receivers and quarterbacks like go everywhere together and adore each other. It's just funny to watch where there's not a lot of like drama or anything like that. They just show up and beat people up and enjoy doing it together. And they're just like they were mostly sat after the Super Bowl because they're like,

oh man, this was really fun like doing this video. It won't happen again. Like it sucks. Like we can't do it. Summer camps over. Yeah. It was like, you're going to graduate. We're never going to see each of.

It was very much like last day of school vibes. We got to play another game. Can we all sleep in a house? house from bunk beds and just sort of you know eat the same cereal yeah like from that part it's the complete opposite of the pete carol and leger boom siacs which could have like a 30 for 30 on every part of this like 10 parts because there was so much chaos on and off the field whether people realized or not and like they were a the leon of boom really was just a wrecking ball in its own way this group is just a quiet record this group is all michelangelo those

seahawks were all raphael yes 53 raphaels Well, I don't know, Russ Wilson was something else entirely. It's just fucking weird. He was Crang's body. Russell Wilson was Crang's body. Wow, that's really big and strong. Russ might be like pre-mutation Master Splinter or something. That feels right.

Floyd, I would like to give the Seahawks credit for the smartest thing they did all year. And that's in November just before Thanksgiving. They came to Nashville and they beat the Titans 30 to 24. What's the game actually that close? No, Tennessee scored a couple of late touchdowns. But what that did is, my theory, everybody saw that was like, they only beat the fuck-ass Titans by six. The Z-Hawks can't be that good.

They can't possibly be that good. Write them off. Don't pay any attention to him. And I think that was the most true. I know he's not there anymore, but it puts my Keith in my head, the fuck-ass titans. Losing by a score of 30 to 24. The fuck-ass.

I think sometimes you got to do that. You got to go underground. And how do you do that by only beating the Titans by six? They had a run where they played really bad teams and back at quarterback. So they would just blow them out by 40 or whatever. But the rest of the time, you would always know to expect a game. It was like plus or minus four either way. It doesn't matter how good the team was.

It was like, okay. They're probably either going to win by a touchdown or lose really close, even if they're going to Tennessee or Carolina or whatever else. And you just kind of expected it. It got pretty comfortable, too. Mike McDonald, for those who, don't know the graduate of the University of Georgia. So that's just another one.

Let's not hold that against him. That's just another one that Kirby, Kirby just let him get away. I mean, I think in the off season, you might want to dig into that in the aisle, see if you can get my McDonald back as D.C. You know, because I want to replace Glenn Shoe Man. I call him Shoe Man because he stinks and I want to throw him.

Because we need to boot him out of here. Yeah, that's right. Hey, there was a bit of Bobo lore that I picked up, I think last week, and I forget where now, that I don't think we discussed when previously trying to separate the Mike Bobo from the Mike Bobo from the Bobo sons, all of whom have the same names. Did you know that Mike, the Bobo that we are mostly speaking about when we curse his name, the one who was the head coach at Colorado State and is now back of Georgia? Did you know his first name is Robert, which means that in a slightly divergent timeline, we could have had a Bob Bob Bob. Bobo?

Bob Bob. What's his middle name? Bobby Bobo. Michael. It's Michael for sure. I was hoping it was Orlando so he could be Bobo Bobbo. Do you like Bob Bob Bob Bobbo or Bobby Bobbo? Bobby Bobbo is very good. Bobby Bobbi Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob.

It also go Robbo. Bobby Bobbo anyway. I don't care, man. He needs to Bobo is way on out of there. We get Mike McDonald back over here. Kirby. Can't believe he lost in another one. It was sorry.

All right, this was a long-time friend of the program, Yifam Wu, who said this, and I've had it in a note since like the end of January, that we were robbed of Bob Bobo. In my Bobo notes. File, Mike Bobo. I do have an Evernote thing that just has Bobos. Contents, but just the word. God damn. Bobo information. Listen, you try and keep them straight without writing it down.

The Bobo dossier. There's another Super Bowl ring, by the way, and this is where the SEC comes in because, of course, we are to credit. Jaylon Milrow, their third string quarterback. Also picking up for him. Josh Jobs. I mean, the Seahawks made the best. If they had gone to Josh Jobs, Patriots might have won. Yeah.

The Seahawks made the best trade with Alabama in the soft season where they gave them Ryan Grub and then I got back Jayle Milro. I think we got the better end of that one. You receive. You get offensive coordinator who likes to spam weird plays. We get your quarterback. We get Super Bowl. You get ass kicking by Indiana, the Rose Bowl. That's right.

Fuck ass Alabama. Mike Heath. My favorite thing. And this actually does give me a lot of warm feelings. This morning ESPN doing their sort of like, all right, it's Tuesday. It's time to talk about next season. they go they go through the groups they're like who's going to be back who's going to be in the super bowl this year not one person pick the Seattle's they all went with the pack we wouldn't either

the Packers in the race yes and that's what I like like I genuinely appreciated it they're they were like oh no you don't want to this is a really fun house to rent you don't want to buy it that's crazy don't do that we're like a lot of the other fan bases where it's like please don't look at us don't perceive us just leave us alone after that you can move on to the Packers now that's fine we'll just be over here doing our thing surely the Packers won't disappoint you surely absolutely not we won't learn our lesson here it also led to of course welcome we're already in the season what did the cowboys have to do to get how close what are the i was about to ask ryan the questions i need answer here that's real nice the reasons that the

cowboys are all brought up are manifestly abundantly obvious to everyone but i i laugh at the mere mention of their it's funny every it's funny every time they are like i did this during a work meeting earlier today. We were talking about the most interesting NFL teams of the off season and someone said, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And like the seventh one was like, well, you got to mention the cowboys. The mention of the word cowboys made me laugh. Yeah, yeah, sure. And I wasn't the only one. The team that didn't make the play. Yeah, I guess we should talk about how close are they. They're a phenomenal punchline, and I am glad that everyone gets to talk about them all the time. It is pretty great. It is pretty wonderful.

Congrats to Dallas Cowboys for not winning the Super Bowl again. Congrats to the Pittsburgh Steelers for hiring undersecretary of Mines. Oh God, did we not talk about that yet? Was that this week? No. No, it's been a little bit. I have less sense of time even than usual. Just Mike McCarthy showed up, and that was not the face of a man I would describe as refreshed.

That's not what you won in Pittsburgh, though. No. Like, you want a guy who looks like he's spent some time in the catcher factory. weathered. Yeah, but you don't want to look like he was in a vat at the catch-up fact. Tannes, you sure is shit. Tanned rested and ready, but tanned as though he's been in a tanner. In a leather.

It is like really funny to fire Mike Tomlin because he didn't win enough playoff games in the higher Mike. What were you do? Yeah. Hey, we're tired of this guy coasted on his one Super Bowl title. What are we doing? We are again laughing about the cowboys. See how funny they are. My Toblin Super Bowl title was so long ago.

It shouldn't cover that much. Right. Let's go get in this guy. Exactly. And in doing so to break with your own established hiring patterns of coaches. Yeah. When has Mike ever won a Super Bowl since that quarterback left? Holly, I think if the Steelers are real, they will stick to this and they'll say, well,

Mike McCarthy gets 18 years. That's what he gets. That's who we are. He's going to be. being a fucking iron lung. You know how sick that we're looking at Pittsburgh? It'd be like all rusty. It's going to look like a June tie-in.

It's going to be a fucking harkening at that point. I might find out in Dallas because I don't think Jerry will depart this earth. No. Until he gets some in-season satisfaction. So we might get to see all kinds of weird dune technology. I'm sorry, Arn-Arn-Lung. Excuse me. Arn-Rn-N-City-Lung.

Lung. Lyssa and I can't do it. The Cowboys, of course, have not been to the NFC title games since 1995. I think this is the year. Dad does it. Just sit with that and casually think to yourself how many teams have been to the NFC. Almost all of them. The fuck-ass Falcons!

We've been like four times. Yeah. Yeah. The fucking Cardinals have won it. The fucking Cardinals have won it. The commanders have done it. Like, everyone has done it except for the. team that we have to talk about the cardinals is harsh damn damn like like i'm so sick

of talking about the cowboys you know who's sick of hearing about them cowboys fans yeah yeah they hate being the most popular team yeah and if you're cowboys fan you get called a bandwagon or even though your team has been asked probably your entire life this would be like if we talked about pepsi all the time yes it was like when notre dame was the bandwagon team up until like eight minutes ago even though they sucked yeah i I feel obligated to bring this up every time it happens because it is tragically true. Like we have nobody but society to blame for Cowboys. Ryan, I know you guys did an episode on this.

Sure. And I yelled at it almost the entire time. If they didn't rate, they wouldn't be on TV this much. Like weird that we society are the problem. But I think, I think we've adapted a healthy relationship. Well, not a healthy one, but an involved relationship where where before it was like, oh, we have to talk about the cowboys because the cowboys are important i think we're moving into a thing where it's like we have to talk about the cowboys because the cowboys are funny yes it's the cowboys being this

bad for this long is objectively fun it is fascinating and it's going to end up being like a net societal positive now that we just get to watch them for these reasons yes like like it is not just um the the fucking lions figured it out before the cowboys the level of interest in the cowboy has come all the way back around to like, know the Cowboys are really interesting. Yeah. It's check out this. Derogatory.

Derogatory. On the sidewalk territory to return to an old metaphor. It's good. I feel like this is like they're now in like decrepit Hapsburg territory. Where you go like, look at their fucked up chins. They can't even make themselves right anymore. What if Howard Hughes had lived? Right.

Look at the weird old franchise. Captain Penthouse. Watching Ice Station Zebra over and over again, demanding that you get in the spruce moose. Yeah. That's it. They're just the creepy old germophobic franchise trapped on the top floor of their own penthouse. It's the Browns with better branding. So much more branding.

More, absolutely. Oops, all brand. That's your other team that doesn't go to the conference championship game. Yeah, it is. I like that you can buy tickets to go watch the Cowboys suck in real time. Like, you can go to the facility and buy a ticket, and you can be like, this is the meeting room where they don't do anything. Which is probably part of the reason they're so bad is Jerry Jones wants you're $30 to get in the players' way.

Wait, I don't know about this. You can go tour the Cowboys practice facility and, like, players have to avoid you as you were walking through their walls. Like you're walking into the weight room and stuff. Oh, that's a terrible idea. Like he will monetize literally. life so bad. Yeah. Yeah.

We're all in on this. By the way, no, no, let them in. They came all the way here from Omaha. They paid $32 each. Dad, go kiss him. Let this happen. But every player gets a basket of softballs just like sitting beside them wherever they are. And they can do whatever they like with them.

Don't tell Eagles fans that they can go to Cowboys Stadium and get in a fight the Cowboys. Don't tell them that. This is why I'm saying hand out softballs to all the, to all the, to all the, Cowboys players. What's that is former? He sent him all back to you. Just sitting there peeing in the wait room. What are you doing, Eric?

Fuck the cowboys! He paid his money. Classic Eric. They came all the way down here. He gonna clean it up, right? Treb! Stop it, Treb! Yeah. Trab would never pee where they can see.

Come on. We have so much good shit thanks to the Olympics period. I did have one. Like I have two college football notes, like two things that maybe, maybe we should mention. I'm sorry, it's a long offseason. We could do Olympics, it's fine. We'll space them out like to school. We can get to college football when we get to it.

There is a biathlon, another biathlon story that you should know about. Let's do North Dakota State next week. Let's do that. Okay, we'll talk about that next week. That will still be dumb next week. And it's also in biathlon, biathlon, which we've been missing some stuff in biathlon. This is the most, I said this last week, this is the most lore intensive Olympics. Like, I don't think you can be blamed.

It's hard to even keep up with like one sports drama right now. By the way, there is another thing. One of their teammates died six weeks ago on the Norwegian team that we were talking about. How? I am not quite sure what the cause of death was. Oh, he. I mean, like it wasn't like biathleting, was it? it? No, it wasn't by it was not byathleting as far as I know. Um, but he, he, the, and his,

one of his teammates discovered the body. So in the middle of this like a beautiful emotional, like, just to add something else to the, oh, is this also going on while that guy was talking about his girlfriend? Yes. Yes. Like that guy won gold. And you know, like he's waiting for his like, oh, this is from my boy moment, right? Like, oh, like I'm so emotional. I really just want to dedicate this to my and this guy's like, I cheated up my girl. I'm so sad

because I fucked up. Oh God. Yeah, but that's not the only biathlon story. On the French women's team, there is a woman Julia Simon

who is competing but was earlier found to have stolen a teammates credit card and then run up like two. Did she go to Florida too? I will look.

We don't have a biathlon team that I know of. I mean, you produced a champion speed skater, so just checking. Yeah. This is a gold medalist, by the way, Julia Simon. Their attention's on the French team because she stole a credit card

from one of her teammates. And also has our already won gold this time. So just in case you're like, oh, yeah, biathlon. I'm sure it's normal besides that. No. No. Of all the sports to choose to commit crimes in at your teammates.

The mobile gun one? Surely they can't catch me. The Scandinavian mobile gun one? I'll hide in the snow. Although that's good motivation. This is the literal Scandinavian. To go real fast. Scandinavian mobile.

gun damn. Is it time to do a little podcast business? Yeah, we might as well. Podcast business. What's the business? Podcast business. What's the business? Podcast business.

Olympic scandals. That's all we're talking about because I got it cheated on this. There we go. Absolutely nailed it. Yes, we do have a diverse rate of a topics here on the shutdown forecast. But you know what? We range all over the place. For example, on Channel 6, Channel 6, what is that? You ask. That is the newsletter that Holly Anderson and I put out two things a week. It's a low price of $10. We'll be writing all kinds of stuff. We'll be

writing about football. We're going to be writing about the world's oldest announcer. We're definitely going to write about him later this year, do a little project about him. We're also undoubtedly going to do some Olympics content because why the hell not? Obviously, we talked for this long about a bi-athlete who won a bronze medal in cheating on his girlfriend. But yes, that's what I'm going to call it. He didn't even win gold at it. He's got to get better at it. But we're going to write about all kinds of stuff. That is quality content coming to your inbox. Two things a week for the low price of $10.com. Channel-6.ghost.io. Again, channel dash6.ghost.com. I Oh.

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And also, you never know when Ryan and I will go deranged in Photoshop. And you will get something like a daredevilin sticker that you can put on your Stanley Cup for your next pedal tavern crawl through Nashville, Tennessee. Thank you. Jason, what if I don't want to pay for a newsletter? You know, actually, this time I would like to mention that two years ago, This week was when my critically acclaimed novel came out. It's called Hell Is World Without You. And it is still available in all bookstores, probably your library, if not.

Tell your librarian, and they will probably put it in there. The audiobook is good. Server held with it. He put in sources of sound effects and stuff. And yeah, two years and still selling. They said it couldn't be done. Jason, I think your newsletter is good for reasons besides it being free. I just wanted to be brave and say that.

Oh, thank you. I was just doing this instead of the newsletter this time. Okay, sorry. The newsletter has other qualities. I just want to tell people that. Oh, okay. Thank you. No, it's outstanding.

Besides its cost, there are other nice things about the newsletter. For us, for us imagining the newsletter, it's called until Saturday. And it is free. And it is true that it is not merely something you could print out and use as kindling. I do put a lot of thought into the words that appear in the free product. But it's fine if you subscribe, open, and print that will help my statistics if you do that. Thank you for this information for my dad. Still printing out the grid.

Yeah. For all of our newsletters, by the way, feel free to print it out. Print it out and give it to your dad. Print it and give it to your dad. Yes. You know who sponsors this podcast also? Our only sponsor. Ryan's not here, so I almost forgot.

No, we're not forgetting this because I was unaware that it was basketball season until, as I do at least once a day, I check homefield apparel.com. You get the coaching jackets? You see the coaching jackets? It's been. It's been. Listen, what would Florida know about championship basketball? That's right. That's right.

One day we'll win one. And then I'll have to buy a home field apparel Florida basketball shirt. Honestly, it's a good thing you're not a basketball fan because. If you had the same approach to Florida basketball emotionally that you do to Florida football, like, I've seen two championships in my adult life. I'm deprived. I think we might have to, like, throw you over the side of a boat somewhere. It's not my fault that I was born rich.

Okay. When you do get thrown over the side of a boat, do it in home field apparel. They have various garments that will help you wick away that moisture. These jackets are buoyant, yeah. The starter style jacket would be the number one. I would recommend if I were being thrown overboard. I also think the bubble the bubbly trucker hats are going to be quite reflective. Could be used to bail out a boat?

Well, I think mainly what I'm looking for there is I want something that I'll help like the spotting helicopter find me. Okay. And I think those hats, not exactly chrome, but still they're going to have some reflection to them, I think. Also, by the way, if you watch Duke lose and you were like, ha ha, Duke lost. Guess what? You can get plenty of North Carolina gear available on Homefield Apparel. There are so many schools that are not Duke. You should like, like, dear reader, you should go look them up. Like, if you don't like Duke, you have hundreds of non-Duke options.

Even more than in football. Yeah. Remember, Duke football, sainted, good, angelic, Duke basketball, the literal. The literal devil. But you can also buy Duke at Homefield Apparel. And they have, they have other. non devil stuff that's not duke they have non dupe devils as well like the arizona state son so that's it go thrive purchase consume homefield apparel dot com dot com oh server what's going on

in the world killer ants we're still banned you still listen to us all the shit's still there we got more shows this year uh follow us our name's got a z in it at the end um that's i You can find us on the social medias, and we'll announce the shows there. Now, since Ryan isn't here, I will do a spot-on impression of Ryan promoting Phantom Island. Howdy y'all? Phantom Island. Show is where you can go to if you want to hear me and Stephen Godfrey do Phantom Island or single wing. Or maybe sometimes have conversations with Mike Golic Jr. about offensive line coaches.

Phantom Island. dot show the free show's in the middle of the week but you gotta pay for the one on friday all right server produces end of impression i thought ryan left as the producer of phantom island server would know better than anyone that that is exactly how ryan sounds and how he talks that's how ryan sounds before server fixes him each week god man y'all won't even know when it's done when when this when they hear this they'll hear all the production stuff done on it and it'll sound just like what they're used to i hope you don't forget that would be so crazy if they heard if they heard if they heard if they had the raw dog ryan's voice

like Alex Kirsner in a quarter zip just wrong talking it uh I would like to do in business by the way I'd like to do one more uh one more salute shouts out to Finland apparently Finland is our leading Scandinavian audience so if you're a Finnish business or advertiser you know if you're if you're sorry we put your name on a cup as a joke This is based on Serber looking this up during this episode. Yes. It's also based on Serber is the one who yelled Finland during the Music City Bowl preview. And that was a tribute.

Okay, there we go. Let's go with that. There we go. Respect to the nation. We are sorry we spelled your name with all those whys. Scandinavia more than Finland, Norway, and Denmark combined, according to Serber's analytics. Excuse me, sorry, I messed that up. Sweden.

Sweden more than the others combined. I was thinking in Crusader King's terms. Of course. I learned everything I know about European geography and history from Crusader games. Where else are we supposed to learn about? A little note fact, every European person in any European country has a nemesis. They are assigned to you by the computer. Also, I misread the note completely.

It is Finland. I'm just going to keep revising it. I don't care. Yeah, that's fine. What, Finland? If Serber has time after, fixing Ryan's voice, he can correct our errors. Nope.

That's right. I think that concludes podcast business. Next. I was thinking that we need that that we need because the SEC is kind of starving right now, right? Like for what? Well, hasn't won a national title in three years. You're really good at basketball. Stop crying.

Again, I just learned the basketball season. I've started and I've just learned the SEC is good at basketball. Well, you can take what you can get. Speak for yourself. This is all been in education for me and I appreciate that. I do a podcast so people can tell me what's happening in sports. Oh, thank God. Football season's over.

Now my happiness rests on Kim Caldwell and Rick Barnes. Jesus Christ. I think every SEC team needs, I think they need a winter sport. I think just to sort of get into this. Now, how are you going to train for that winter sport? not my problem, but it needs to happen, right? Do you mean a snow sport? Yes, a snow sport.

I think each one needs, where are we going to find snow? We talked about this last week. It might have to be indoors because, you know, Aaron Jackson, U.S. gold medals in the 500 meter in Beijing, is a gator grad and is from Ocala. So she found ice somewhere. She also credits Waffle House for her career, like she wasn't enough of an empress. Right. But like I think there's some natural transitions that we can make, like, for other. schools. For instance, Arkansas, legendary track and field program. Tennessee is probably

biathlon, right? You're like, which is the shootiest? I think you're probably all biathlon. Not so much Vanderbilt, but everybody else is going to be. If you want a team who can cross country ski in jeans and then shoot somebody, I, listen, I hate to pull rank here. Our entire uniform is denim. There's like, I guess it's probably, not Oklahoma. Let me put it this way. I didn't know skiing in jeans was considered abnormal until I was like 25.

So there's like seven Scandinavians and body suits and then roaring up the middle on the home stretch. There's a guy in real tree of jeans just who, huh, who, huh. Correct. Smoking. Hey, they could bond over

cigarettes. They could bond up, you know what? They bond over Zins. Right? That's the universal language. No, no, no, no. We're back to the real thing again. Yeah. I think Arkansas speed skating. Arkansas speed skating. We can just transition track and field over because. Yeah, they can build the Tyson chicken people can build them a big old indoor refrigerated arena. Right? They've got refrigeration. I know you do. I see the vision.

You know, I think that's like the natural pivot there. LSU's figure skating. They got a really strong gymnastics program, obviously. they've got a really strong dance program. We can kind of run both of those up. I like that. I wasn't thinking that at all. That's actually, that's a good, no. I like that.

I am surprised that I had a good idea as well. Thank you. Just, I was thinking for, I was thinking for Texas since they all ski. If you don't know, everyone from Texas goes skiing all at the same time on spring break, like they all go.

so I think obviously snowboarding snowboarding is Texas like that just seems like a Spencer I think we have to leave Texas to the skiing proper yeah I think snowboarding is still too counterculture for them yeah Texas is too fussy and rich for all that like like snowboarding you need like punk rock soundtrack let you know whatever Texas is gonna they're gonna cling to those resorts where you weren't allowed to snowboard for Texas is you pay someone to go skiing for you there we're Yeah, yeah. This is a ski lift to resort.

No exercise happens. All right. So we've got them at proxy skiing. Someone is going to ski for Texas. Yeah. Okay. The one I was struggling with was A&M because I was like, what winter sport? Biaathlon without any skiing.

Just snow shooting? Snow shooting, yes. Snow War. It's gun with walking. If we had like a tower defense snow fort building game, that is who I want. That sounds really good. Snow murder. Wait, wait.

What if we put A&M on bobsled? They could start from, they could just build a sled from the top of the stadium to the ground. Ooh. Let's do dog sled and we'll let Miss Redd. Oh, there we go, yeah. Do the bobsled. Yeah. It actually would be very Texas A&M to be like, okay, here's a dog sled, but we revere the dog too much.

So we're just doing the part where the people have to run and make it move. It's four guys running with ropes pulling Ms. Rev on the sled. And their little white pants, yeah. Yeah. And there's a little short sleep button ups. I was going to give Mississippi State to me is like the most backyard games university in the SEC. So that ski mountaineering. You say, so you say ski,

ski mode for them. That's aggressive given the fitness level. I'm going ski free because they ain't, first of all, they ain't got money. Secondly, you might get eaten by some eight bit shit. I was going even cheaper. I was like, well, where's the one we can just stand around, drink beer?

Curling, curling, that's it. What do you need? Rock. Rock don't cost money. And, you know, they're, they're, their vaunted turf grass program would lend well to them having like very specific and and very violent opinions about the rocks themselves. Absolutely. I think this is like no pun intended, totally their lane, right? Like they could they could easily translate like their soil science

interest into an interest in like geology proper. Also it's kind of the most like you know, it's the most like hey man I just need four we just need like you know some stone. and a little bit of ice and we're good man there's a lumpy ice what me that's none of that smooth ice like like those those fancy folks it is this is turf this is turf management of a sort yeah so for almost you go just like opening ceremony and then they they're out they don't attend anything else I was gonna no for them I was doing ice dancing because you dress up okay yeah yeah yeah you dress up and also it's not that athletic kind of dress up and you think it's real special and everybody else is kind of like, well, they seem happy.

Yeah, that's it. The only problem is that they would all be doing wagon wheel. But, you know, that's fine. Another routine to wagon wheel. Okay. Another routine to chicken fried. All right. Fine.

I had Georgia, Georgia, this was hard because somebody has, somebody has to be the most NASCAR one. Snow golf. Snow golf. That's job creation because then you have to go back and unfuck all the greens for spring. Then you have to find the ball. Yeah, the ball is white, I assume, in snow golf. Yeah, but short track speed skating is like, that's the one that like... That's awful active.

Like, we're going to work, but not for long. Yeah, so that's kind of like, I kind of wanted to give short track. I was divided as to like who... I feel like short track should have somebody who's better at drugs. That should be y'all. I think that's good because short track also is... You want Georgia on a short track because you don't want them maneuvering behind the wheel for too long, first of all. Like you don't want them traveling a great distance.

That's why I didn't give Georgia bobsled. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to give... I was going to give Auburn bobsled because, because one, it's a family. You've got to get four in there, right? Yeah. And Auburn's all about family.

Yeah. It's real NASCAR. It's got that kind of, you know, Auburn has like that, we're good at engineering, but not that good at engineering. So, you know, I would. I would trust Auburn to build a bobsled. I don't know if I would trust them to build a car. We're okay at engineering.

Well, I would trust Auburn to build a car that turned left only, okay? That's a good claim to fame. You're being decent and good enough at engineering. Good enough to go left. Good enough to build me a bobsled, right? But if you don't have the money for that and you're kind of doomed, I think you're South Carolina, because South Carolina is skeleton. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to head first. Is it smart? No. We're Americans doing skeleton. Are we ever going to be first? Never. Never. But yeah, skeleton.

There are now more SEC teams than there are Winter Olympic sports. This is my concern. It's close. Like, I'm looking at the list. We might have to get some X games in there. Yeah. I also had, I would have the one I forgot as Mizzou.

Whatever sport I just. Oh, we didn't assign Schemeo to anything, and that is M.O. So why don't we just give them ski Miz? Yeah, scheme is. Congratulations. What do you think? You know what?

That's very Missouri. It would also confine them to Missouri where that little corner. where the Ozarks is where the mountains are because nobody wants to hang out with y'all anyway kind of confusing and difficult to watch right like mazoo for the first five weeks of the season they went over that hill they'll be back why are they moving their feet like yeah yeah then they come back and we're like oh it's it's october and they're seven and oh how oh mazoo you're in fact yeah so yeah they'd be schemo oh did we give jrown know what that is at all so that's a good fit oh that is uh that is ski mountaineering which is a new thing this year i still don't know what that means but that is that is is again perfect fit for missou it is uh in very t lDR terms it is you hike up a mountain and then ski down yeah but you hike up big mountain you hike up with your skis so really it's broken ski lift the event yeah that sounds that sounds like that sucks so we're definitely giving it to missu yep this is bullying and we're good at it we love you missou not as much as we love finland

not as much as we love finland don't don't lie to these speakers people. Uh, I gotta give Georgia one. I thought you already did. Didn't we just, we literally just did we? Did we, did we decide on Georgia? I mean, you said one and then we moved on. I didn't, I didn't hear a let circle back to it. Yeah, we don't have Florida. Do you have a hockey? Hockey is the one that we don't know. Florida's hockey. Sorry. Why? Home of the Stanley Cup champions. That's why baby. We'll continue to forget. That's how the NHL works. This brings me no pleasure to report.