Shutdown Fullcast - Taco Bell & Frisky Metrics

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

`SHOW NOTES The Taco Bell $28 challenge, again Taco Bell funerary practices Biblical allegories of Taco Bell Mythical appearances by Taco Bell Introducing Governor Knife Baby’s first cusses Spencer’s years-long and entirely one-sided vendetta against Grandpa Joad is unveiled We have a new plan to discipline the moon Holly struggles with Georgia blindness Fixing Tennessee’s fundraising Visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm going to be able to be. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall, something I did not say last episode when I was introducing everybody. Round the horn here in order of increasing distance. Ryan, you're all the way over there in Nashville. How are you? I've had a trying week, but I know you want to get through your introductions,

so I'll save it. Yeah, okay. Wait, what happened? We're going to get to that. He said. We also have Jason Kirk. Say hello, Jason. Hi, I have completed the Taco Bell $28 challenge today.

Did you? Oh, wait, we have to hear about this. Okay, okay. We will also get details on that. Focus, look at him. Expressing curiosity. We also got a reader voicemail about the $28 challenge. Oh, fascinating.

We have a lot to discuss. Holly, there she is. And our producer, Michael Ray. Michael Ray Server, joining us. What a gentleman. Holly, there she is. This is. God damn.

She doesn't want any more than that. Wow. He declared. Do you order for her in restaurants too? The lady will have. Sometimes. The lady, I think. The lady will have saltines in a glass of warm water.

The lady, I think, Baja blast. I need you to bring her a jug a shine and a prime rib. Listen, we all know my purpose on this podcast is to sit here, play video games, and show up on a list that means you don't have an all-dude podcast and therefore can get into Southby. They would never invite us. And occasional death. They did twice. No. That was an official stuff by.

Carefully peppered death threats. That's all. to um south near southwest yeah um

can i try something real quick here with you spencer and holly please god yes you can try yeah Spencer you're going to crystal you're picking up lunch and you're ordering for holly

but you can't contact her what is your order Ryan we need a sorry we need a special proviso what time is it yeah what time is it and say the noon.

Okay. Okay, so we're past breakfast because otherwise we have an established breakfast order. Yes, yes. And Holly has evangelized Crystal Breakfast very effectively, in my opinion.

But I just want to see how well you understand what you should be getting here. Well, for lunch, it's a little squirley because usually, and I'm going to say this, like full transparency,

I don't know, because I know the breakfast order back and forth. I can guess, and I think I guess with some actors. He's actually correct because I don't like,

I don't eat lunch at Crystal. This is a trick question. Yeah. Crystal's only a breakfast stop for me. It's challenging because I know she's not in particular a fan of the like soggy slider. That's not like a, that's not a big thing. So I'm going to go ahead and get the answer right. I think that's the right answer right by declining.

Okay. Good job. Yeah. And what she can order for me is anything. Crystal chicks. I'll get you crystal chicks. Because I'm a garbage scow. You can just pile it on.

We haven't talked about the side chick thing, have we? We have not. Okay. Just really proud of Crystal for deciding that that's their marketing campaign. This was after the trap house Crystal was established in Atlanta. It's still going. Get you some strange at Crystal. I miss the Crystal by my old house.

It is the most lockstep crystal I've ever seen. Shout out to Ms. Tanya. I say when you order some strange. at Crystal, that means make me whatever you want. When you order some strange at Crystal, you get an actual cheeseburger. I think that's where they're going. This is a rotissary chicken. How did this come here?

I'll have the most philipardous chicken you got. If Crystal had mini corn dogs, I would try that. Hi, Crystal, I'd like to order a lunch that can ruin my family. What do you have for me? Oh, so many things. I'll have the adultery slider. I want to see the meetings where they had to talk through

everybody who had to be talked through was this a hard process or was everybody at Crystal like this fucking rocks absolutely I think you know what it was is it was like I swear to God if you tell the boss what this actually means I'm gonna beat your ass

dude you're ruining it all it means is a side of chicken don't tell him it's good because it draws a more effective line between like Chick-fil-A is very much like hey we're the restaurant for family of a certain kind. And basically, if you come here, we'll adopt you as our son, and we'll get you nice presents

on Christmas. And Crystal's all like, hey, you want to fuck around. Hey, man. It's Sunday. It's Sunday, and you need chicken. It's steamy. Chick-fil-A won't know. I think that's the act.

Yeah, like, that's it. Every time you go to Crystal, by the way, it's an admission of guilt. I think that's sort of the basic semantic. backbone of all of this. You should pay a Bobby Petrino lookalike to pull up to, in one of these commercials pull up to the restaurant on a motorcycle with the neck brace. Yeah. Put something hot

in my mouth. I'll take three side checks, please. You think you could fit all those on your bike? Yeah. Why? Hey, let's talk about real food. Jason Taco Bell Challenge?

Yeah. I did the easy mode I did uh there the the easiest possible order to complete this is simply three doritos loco supreme combos um which comes it's nine tacos and that's it's it's it feels like cheating honestly um it's gonna come out to about 1,700 calories okay so you're getting that's not bad yeah like like say you're uh say say say you're a say you're a person breakfast yeah so well like say you're trying to get most of your calories of the day in it once boom um a large amount of it It was, not the calories, but of the total pile, it was lettuce, tomato,

sub some beef out for chicken, potato, beans. Like, it's basically a big salty salad. Jason, did the quantity of liquid that came with that make you founder at all? That would be my concern. Liquid in what sense? Is consuming that many drinks would be my concern? Well, I decided it fits within the rules if I simply save two of them. Okay.

I didn't consider I needed to down all three. But like three sodas is like, you know, I'm from America. That's nothing. I'm from. Three Mountain Dews. I mean, that's like, that's what you drink before coffee around here. So you're supposed to get a recommended 2,300 milligrams of salt a day. You just consumed how many tacos, Jason?

Nine Doritos Locos Supremes. Okay, nine. So let me just go ahead and do a little quick math here. That's, you are good. You shouldn't, just don't, don't lick any salty rocks for the next day and a half. Okay. And you'll be fine. Would you like to hear from, I'm not going to play the voicemail because the quality wasn't great,

but we had a reader who wrote in regarding the $28 Taco Bell story. This is Brian from 262. We won a trivia contest at our college and the top prize of the $50 Taco Bell gift card. And the problem with winning this as a trivia team is you have to deal with the hassle of splitting it up. We decided to go expend it all at once for five of us. And we were listing off the order in the drive-thru. We got halfway through. And the worker audibly said,

Jesus Christ, there's more food. Eventually we did get our order. They threw the bag at us and said, please call ahead next time. You made Taco Bell quit. Congratulations to you, Brian. Well done. Taco Bell begging you to

call ahead. My single favorite Taco Bell experience was on a road trip a few years ago when they were like three orders behind somehow. The entire drive-through line, everyone is getting on the cars going back in because they got somebody else's order. So then they're just like, I don't give a shit.

Here, there's another bag. So everyone was walking out with two more bags. And it was very clearly, everyone was high as fuck. And the manager was just like, everyone did. Yeah, like everyone is getting double orders. The manager was just like, I do not give a fuck. Let's just get through this day. These teenagers are so fucking high.

It was awesome. You're describing the miracle of the loaves and fish. Precisely. the miracle of the truffle fries and the loaves and the cinnamon twists chalupas and fish I would also

I would like to contest to our caller not to our caller I guess the Taco Bell if you called ahead at Taco Bell no one would take first of all

who answers the phone at a Taco Bell no they're not taking you serious they're not gonna take you seriously we have a party somewhere between like four and twelve i think depends on who show and our dogs also that means you have to know what you

want before you get there yeah i i i cannot imagine taco bell is like yes absolutely let me write this down i'll fucking write that down absolutely not boop beep boop i'm putting it in the computers we have okay i'm gonna i'm gonna set this aside for you right it'll definitely still be here i'm definitely not eating it's idiot no no no it'll be fresh. Don't worry. Well, then you have to look at this person face-to-face when you enter the Taco Bell and you're the fucking weirdo who calls ahead. Yes, hello.

I called three days ago. I have come to collect what is mine on the agreed upon date. Man, what is three days ago mean to a Taco Bell? Time has no meaning to a Taco Bell. You could be a 300 days. They were not here at the time.

Sorry, man. We turned over the staff twice since you have. So one of them just died I mean that was like four managers ago I don't even know There was a day when this was a church's chicken In between it was yesterday We're a bank to borrow

He showed up The true nature of capitalism Is that any building can become a Taco Bell Instantly Right Especially now that they've abandoned Their geographical silhouette You can't disguise it like you could a pizza hut

Right. I was going to say the other, the capitalism is every building turning from a Taco Bell to something else, from a Pizza Hut to something else into a Taco Bell. So you show up for your. We had a, there was a jeweler in my, what's the weird? I was going to ask, what's the weirdest Pizza Hut convert you've ever seen? There was like the fancy jewelry shop in my hometown for a long at Pizza Hut. And everybody knew. I love the Pizza Hut funeral home so much. It's like, yeah. It turns the, the roof into like a traditional demon. warding temple roof No, it's true

The angels are all contained in the top And the demons fly right off the side coming down Yeah, it's like It's just simple aerodynamics, yeah Big God demon to the TCBY with you Next door to the subway From whence you came The country's best jog off

Oh come on Yeah, that was a dog I want to know Like has there been a moment where somebody's like, yeah, listen, this funeral is really nice, but you guys need to be done it too because then it becomes the Taco Bell. And then, like, you're walking through, just let me say goodbye to Grandpa. And all of a sudden, you're like, it's fine.

We called ahead and made the Taco Bell order for the funeral, for the way. Oh, shit, we can cook. Oh, my God. Bringing like a seven. That's cool. That's when I wake up. I've never rolled up to a funeral with like a 20 box of tacos, but now I kind of want to. For mine.

Please do that. I really hope on the next Taco Bell earnings. Please tell us if you've taken Taco Bell to a repast. For whom the Taco Bell told. I hope on the next Taco Bell earnings call. I hope on the next earnings call, they're like, oh, yeah, thanks to influencers, profits were up like 3%. Thanks to influencers.

Just off people who wanted to see if they could eat $28 worth of our slot. Absolutely. Yeah, they're going to be like, thanks to smart asses who saw eight seconds of Fox News are. profits are through the roof. That's why we're paying Jim Kramer to unveil the $64 Taco Bell challenge in Q2. Was it kind of secretly gratifying watching sports blogs blog this and be like, yeah, we're pioneers. Like sitting back and pointedly not blogging at ourselves and being like, ah, our kingdom. I felt like Thanos looking out over the garden.

The other part I like is that the pattern, the reaction pattern of this seemed to be like, what the fuck, how'd you spend $28 a taco about? about when the whole premise was like inflation. And then everybody went and looked at the Taco Bell menu. And some people like me hadn't looked at it in a while. And you were like, oh, damn, this is, this did get a little pricey. Taco Bell used to be like the thing you would bid on first in a Price's Right game where it'd be like, what costs more? This box of toothpicks or five Taco Bill burritos.

You know, like, burritos. Burritos, bros. Britos, burritos. The whole crowd, the whole Santa Barbara cry. But if, I mean, if you, if you still want to party like the old days, you simply go get 28 cheesy rice and bean burritos for a stiff 12,000 calorie meal with two weeks worth of sodium. I am, I call it the lot's wife. You will, you will be married to a lot after this experience. You will not be married.

You will not be married to a lot. You will not be standing still, though. Oh, no. Well, you'll be in one place for a while. You'll just be seated. Some states, she's still sitting there to this day. Like, obviously, the bathroom trip after that version of the $28 meal is excruciating. But I want you to imagine the sleep.

That has to be the most uncomfortable night of sleep you'll ever have. Do you mean physically or, like, spiritually? Both. All of the. a bum. What if it wasn't, though? What if it was

the best sleep in your life? Oh no. Then you're right in your time to learn something. I got to call Pete Carroll. He's going to love this.

I saw some weird shit. I think like your body is so salted and dehydrated to just like you just kind of lay there and yeah, that's it.

We should have my brother on this week. Is he a talk? Is he a Taco Bell expert? Oh no. I was just thinking about his past romance with Papa Johns.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Serber, I don't think you were on the show when we talked about this, but at one point, right after college, my baby brother in his first grown-up apartment, received a, like, had ordered so much pizza from Papa John so constantly that they left a poinsettia arrangement on his doorstep at Christmas. Like, he didn't order a pizza. They just brought him flowers. Damn. Yeah. His whack-ass cousin, Jimmy won't do that for you, no matter how many sandwiches you get. Dude, this was an Aiken, too.

I'm like, Papa John's has to comprise at least 30% of the dining options. there. He's got to be in an elite tier. Yeah, but if you order enough Jimmy Johns, then the owner himself will show up Oh, I don't want that. I like sharks. Is it Jimmy Johns or Jersey Mikes that has Danny DeVito is the spokesman now?

Jersey Mikes. I think it's Jersey Mikes because I keep seeing it because bizarrely something called Jersey Mikes has become like a relentlessly promoted SEC sponsor. Yes, right. No disrespect, Jersey Mikes, but anyone who has watched any recent

season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, has not seen Danny DeVito is his character in that and been like, ah, yes, I'd like to take food advice from that. Yes, that guy. Counterpoint, rum ham. But they don't serve it. You can't order that. How would you know? Not, yeah, no.

Not yet. All you have to do is bring a little mini-bop. Any, listen, with prior preparation, any ham can be a rum ham. Listen, I'm kind of struggling today. Can you whip me up some Kalua turkey? Just real quick. Sounds tremendous. Yeah, no. This is about time to start

talking Thanksgiving recipes. I'm hearing nothing but good ideas. By the way, I wanted to complete the pitch for Taco Bell that they already have had fourth meal to bring to funerals, the Taco Bell funeral pack. Fourth and final meal. That, well, from James 115,

that when Lust hath conceived, it bringeth fourth sin I'm here to deliver your last bites yes I'm here to give you the damn nation 12 pack of tacos

oh man you could like rub the Doritos dust from your fingers onto the top of the coffee from Dorino dust you came how they know

the brandings already there I'm saying it can happen Ryan I had a question the coolest ranch is what I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you I was going to ask Ryan he said he's had a difficult week I was wondering if he wanted to get that off his chest

sure I want to start by asking you each a question as best as you can recall and you can sort of ballpark it here what was the first no this this one isn't what is the first cuss that you were aware of and used as a young child Spencer, let's start with you

Shit It's 1930 Yep Yep The first one they used was the damn Spaniards Shit is shit yours Is shit yours? Yeah, it was shit

And I remember the exact tone And usage of shit Came from Smoky and the Bandit 2 Okay Okay Serber What was your first Childhood Cuss

If you can remember I do remember I was in the car with my mom and grandmother, and I called Barney a motherfucker. Not wrong. Not wrong. Okay. We're going to come back to that, because that's actually making me feel a little better.

Holly. I cannot wait to find out what Nora has done, but I grew up with extremely puritanical parents regarding language and a couple other things, and I said hell in what was, I thought was an inquisitive context in the privacy of our own home. And who boy did I catch H-E-L-L for that. Okay. Jason. I'm not sure which happened first. I was in the bathtub and I was old enough to bathe myself but not so old that my mom would just like leave me to it. Like she would sit nearby while I bathed myself. And I remember I took a bar of soap and I said, now I'm going to wash my shit and I don't know if I even knew that was a real word or I was just being silly um but like

yeah that that probably went a long way to like what TV I was allowed to watch later on the other one was um me and my dad were playing like army man or something like that um and like you know it's like it's all very pretend damage systems like I think I've defeated that guy of yours but uh no you haven't because he had the whatever um and I was getting really frustrated frustrated. I couldn't beat one of his units, blow up his tank or whatever it was. And I said, well, how am I supposed to kill the fucking thing? I have no idea where I'd even heard that word. Like, there was absolutely no normal pop culture in our house whatsoever. And that's not even a word that, like, was, you know, going to be anywhere. And I had to have heard it in real life somewhere.

You got it osmodically through the air. I'm guessing I heard it on like Marta, public transit in Atlanta. Like, that's probably where I heard it. I don't know how I knew that that was the correct way to use it. But you used it very well. Yeah. Yeah. Ryan, can I add one more story that is my mother's favorite story from 40 years as a public educator? Absolutely.

So her office at the school where she spent most of her, most of her career was directly across from the school counselor, who is my auntie. They both had their doors open. So it wasn't, it was not uncommon for her to hear, you know, children being. brought in to the counselor for one infraction or another. And there was this kid who was on her caseload, um, who was a kindergartner,

who had called, uh, another little girl, uh, who had called a little girl a bitch on the playground. And the counselor, so he's, he's brought in and the,

the counselor is trying to get him to explain what he has done so they could talk about it. Just like, you know, did you call, I don't know what her name was, you know, it's like,

did you call Stephanie a bad name? And he's just kind of, uh, it's like, did you, did you call her a bad word? And the kid's just staring blankly. Nothing's getting through. And she's like, did you call her a B word?

Do you remember that? And he goes, B word. And she said, B word. Like B sounds, bu, bu, and he goes, Buh, B motherfucker. Motherfucker? Ha, ba, ba. Matherfucker.

So, and then, of course, have a new problem because they can't laugh at this. Sure. Yeah, yes. So, so, so anyway, go vals. Yeah. Is the, is the, is the point of that story. Um, this was the week that, uh, my daughter, while spiraling over something and getting frustrated, uh, we heard her yell. I'm such a fuck. And we had to, we had to sit down and be like, okay, cool, let's talk about this. So, so my wife sits here now is like, all right. This is a word you know now. And I think much like, Felder has talked about on hand in the dirt, our approach has been like, let's talk about

when and where you should use this word. Because if we just sort of, especially with my daughter, if we sort of say like, no, absolutely not. Like, it'll turn up more and more. So we walk through like, if you say it at school, this is what's going to happen. If you say it with your grandparents, whatever. And then my wife's like, well, you know, sometimes I get frustrated and I use this word. like she uh she had to get a cortisone shot in her ankle earlier this year because she sprained it really bad and had to get treatment for it and she said and it hurt a lot and i said it at the woman who was giving me the shot because i was frustrated and my daughter looks at my wife and just says you're a very angry woman oh no and all of this is just trying not to laugh so we don't

encourage this kid but i guess my thing is like fuck is such an aggressive like first entry i feel like you're supposed to have a more normal hell damn shit sort of slower entry path the fact that the candy land shortcut i mean the fact that server led with motherfucker i like i think you're her uncle now so congratulations to you cap um but yeah it's been it's been it's been a trying time to sort of i will say there was one positive we asked you like where did you hear this word and she would she learned it at theater camp Which is the, which is really deeply important. Yes. Yes, girl.

And I think my wife and I talked, and we decided that the most positive thing to take from this experience was she didn't learn it from us, which seemed like a highly likely possibility. And that wasn't us is like off our plate a little bit. Oh, oh, sorry. I need to drop another story in because this one just happened. My mother brought my oldest niece, who is about to be 10 down last week for a visit to, you know, go to the aquarium, go to the botanical gardens and do stuff, doing a fall break trip with Nana. And it was all going great until the first night of the trip

when Mom found in a stack of things I had not yet finished unpacking, found our Milborn game, which is a card game that inevitably results in fist fights in my family. And mom is sitting across from me with my niece. And I'm sorry, I'm trying not to say names, you don't have to bleep anything else out. And she's teaching her how to play the game and go along. And we get about three minutes into the game before my mom starts openly encouraging my niece, who again is 10, to attack me with her, with her attack cards and not my mother. About the third time that mom encouraged to attack me and not mother,

I folded my cards down on the table and I just said, Nana cheats. And so you really need to watch out for her. Now, this is true. My mother is a famous and very skilled cheater at family. card games. And her power against this, her reaction to all of this is just to, because, you know, we bring this up all the time. My brother and I bring this up all the time. This is a long-running family gag. And her strategy to combat this is first to act wounded and then to do something

completely underhanded and awful to ruin whatever you're doing in the game that you're playing. Like she'll attack you for the rest of the game, right? Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, we'll be playing uno and she'll have 16 cards in your hand and we'll be like oh mom how could you and she'll be like what are you talking about that's so hurtful and lay down like 16 draw fours how did you get a draw 15 what fun we don't know so i i put my cards down and i lean over and i'm like nana cheats and you need to know that and before my mother could even get a gasp out my niece goes my daddy says that all the time she just she was not prepared for for the opening of the next generation

to be ultimately open. That's that you're the second, you're the second source now. Now it was so, I could not have scripted it better. It was so beautiful. It was such a beautiful moment. I really hope my mom doesn't listen to this.

We can confirm the Nana cheats the cards. We can go with this. The biggest problem, um, that I have found now knowing that my daughter knows the word, fuck, excuse me, is it's very tempting to weaponize that now.

Like my wife's aunt and uncle, who are very nice people who love our daughter a lot and they have a very good relationship they both went to Alabama and so we both decided like it would be really funny if when we showed up to their house

for Thanksgiving or whatever if Nora walks in the door and is like hey Uncle Tom how about them fucking balls I don't think you would know what to do how you fucking doing but yeah

it's fine it's good I don't think Nick Saban's the fucking man for this job, Uncle Tom. So the problem is that... With all the fucking penalties. Yeah. Sorry. You know, he'd probably be like, right? Right?

That's true. I think if you took it a certain direction, you could get an Alabama fan having a serious conversation with a six-year-old about. Who's the youngest fine bomb caller? Young lady, that is an astute fucking observation. It's about fucking time somebody says. It's about fucking deal. That's right.

Somebody said it. How is this little girl fucking gets it? How's this little girl saying what we're all afraid to say? Some of you motherfuckers might be listening

to the youths. I'm going to call her Joan of Arcadelfia because she will lead the way toward regime change at the University of Alabama because we will not lose two games a year.

Kindergarteners, they get the basics. Bill O'Brien, he don't understand shit. Jesus. Mm-hmm. my um my kid i don't know if she's ever cussed in her life um not it it's for aesthetic reasons like it's not her vibe yeah like it is definitely not like any sort of um puritanical thing she's been

to church like twice in her life i think um it is she's just like too chill that yeah yeah kind of yeah um the funny thing that we ended up having is all of her cousins are incredibly churchy um like half of them call shut up the S word then what is shit you know yeah yeah it's like that level one of them while she was over here one of her oldest cousins is kind of

in on the joke and playing along with it so she decided instead of the C word crap I'm going to say crepe like the food item yeah yeah like an angry Wisconsin mom

ah crepe yeah so then we had so much fun just yelling out the name of this food that now all of them just say crepe when they're angry it's great like even my kid like who I wouldn't give a fuck if she said ah shit but she says ah crepe sincerely now

because the joke is now that's a good enough word it's pretty awesome have you found yourself to live in the good place it's great yeah I'm so much more disturbed by people who go to elaborate length not to curse because then you end up

it's still in your heart man what do you think you're doing yeah you just end up Instead of like, instead of hauling up a sign that says, I want to murder you, right? You hold up a very shittily scrawled out hug written over the murder. I can still see the murder behind there. I see what you're saying, but there is nothing funnier than somebody like, something bad happens to someone. They like stub their toe really bad or they drop, they drop like a vase and it shatters. And instead of saying like, fuck, they're like, oh, God bless America or cheese and crackers.

Oh, that's my dad. My dad is a huge, God Bless America guy. That's so much funnier than somebody does. Which he doesn't say in any other context. Like, he's not a guy who runs around saying, God bless America on the regular. It is just a cuss. Oh, crackers. Oh, horse feathers.

Yeah. That's so much more disturbing to me when you turn into, like. I think it's much funnier because it shows you, like, how they're, you're seeing how a person's brain is wired. Because, like, my mom doesn't cuss that much. But if she gets really mad or something, like, really startled. happens she will but what i'm describing are the people who have so successfully wired their brains like it's not i'm doing this because like that is their heart is saying god bless america that is the truest reaction yes yeah yeah it's it's it's not even like like you see a fucking

ghost and you say christmas that's not like i am active i am actively self-editing myself so i don't So I don't offend the ghost. The actual word that is coming out is cheese and crackers or whatever. That is funny as fuck. Ghosts over here like, who are you fucking fooling? I want to shoot a mob movie where everybody replaces their profanities. Like, do Goodfellas, but or Donnie Brexley. You call it Goodfellas Jr.

And you make it a stage version that kids can perform. This is a television edit you're described. Right, right. You filmed the movie as the television edit. Yeah, you've filmed that. But like, but like, but you, you, you. only the most deliberate old time. Okay, so one of my most

despised characters ever is in the Grapes of Wrath is the grandfather in the Jod family who's like, I'm going to go to California. Everybody in that book except the turtle sucks. Right? Um, and I fucking hate him because he's a fucking moron, right? Because he's so clearly doesn't understand he's about to

die and he's so clearly like everything's going to be good because I can have food. And I just, I hate him. I don't know why I hate him. I have a contempt for this Fuck you in meeting your basic needs. I know. There's a dude who would love the $28 taco

He would. Oh, I heard in California, you can eat $28 worth of Taco Bell. Like, I just want to shoot it. I would have gone in those days. Like,

when Grandpa can't hack it and he dies, I'm so happy. That's not what John's Sibbondon. And then Papa found $28 worth of Taco Bell we ate all winter. He's not dark. Anytime at a book where they're like, here's the obvious wink,

link, and he's, he's definitely going to die i'm like get it over with tedium bored already here throw him off the boat the gospel of mark is the gospel for you spencer like this guy's going to die he's dead she's dead get it over with it's back well he's gone i have we're on to sit daddy i have a list of to do items okay and on this island piggy's got to die right now none of this foreshadowing just kill him okay don't don't be don't be don't be the the regional manager to the spencer are to play is Like, I see it.

I see Chekhov's gun. Somebody just pick it up and shoot it. Exactly. Just do it. I'll do it if you don't. You're like audience Patty LuPone. Uh-huh. Which is a joke you don't understand, but I promise it's accurate.

Ryan gets it. Yeah. I do get it. I am 100% ADHD when it comes to plotting. I don't need to see the regional manager to the flies. I need to see the Lord of the Flies immediately, okay? You were the first honor to eat a cheek for sure. Correct.

Correct. Let's just be honest. It's been 36 hours. Like, what? We only have 12 cans of beans left. Just eat the guy who points that out. This is why you can't travel with Spencer. If there's like a five-hour airplane delay, he's like, all right, I can tell which one of you is weak.

And the knife's coming out right now. I don't care that we're in Terminal C. All you have to do is this is why you safety pin a craft single to your collar and he won't go near you. That's the best thing about Heath Ledger's Joker is that he walks in and he does that for me in the movie when he's He's like, and that guy there is a squealer. I'm like, yes, yes, get it out of the way. Save this tedium plot. Just, just go ahead.

Anyway, not spawn. All of the profanities should be exactly like, like Grandpa Jodes, right? Like, oh, kisses and butterflies. I shot Billy bats. Right? Like, they should all be. This is not how I remember the grapes of wrath, which sucks. The best part is I think Grandpa has like three sentences of dialogue and the whole thing,

and I'm like, I fucking hate that guy. That's, I don't think there's anything in here for you to explore. No. Like internally. I'm glad that you're not thinking about it. Not one goddamn bit. It's very hard for me to tell my kids not to cuss, by the way, because I don't know. It's my job.

I was trying to think of a good story, a good cussing story involving my nephews, your sons, and I just, it's just a bounty of choices. My favorite is still, when, I, when I favorite is still the littler one in the car. Yeah, when he was like, I'm going to say it. The one who was, have you told this during the show when he was, like, holding you hostage with threatening to us. Yes. And the problem is that. Didn't he want beer? Wasn't that part of it? Or something? He was demanding beer on the way to school. This was, he was like, this was the same week where he was like, I'm going to, he had been, okay, we've been watching a lot of, like, from Earth to the Moon. We're in, like, very NASA, early NASA phase with this young nephew's development. And this results in him, like, running around the house saying things like, I'm going to send a gallon of piss to the moon. And. which he did say the other day Yeah that happened

Honestly if Ron DeSantis gets a hold of this He's like I like the good of this kid's gym He doesn't do what school tells him to Yeah he's blonde and blue-eyed Ron DeSantis will love him Florida needs to send a gallon of piss to the moon That's what Florida will do under Ron DeSanth It's time to show the moon who's boss

Where are we keeping all our piss here on earth That's where we live The moon should be taken on more of our piss from jupiter to the moon jupiter florida that is where i will establish a space port i'm taking all of florida's medicaid funding and establishing a pipe of piss to the moon the moon is literally getting a free ride that's true oh shit don't point out that we are too doesn't even provide its own life just blame it on the moon yeah yeah yeah it's stealing our light controlling all our personalities

you don't tell me when the waves happen I decide that yeah I'm tired of my surfing schedule controlled by a piece of rock orbiting our planet sorry since this is just a child episode since this is now a child episode I have to tell my favorite

another favorite knee story which is her standing knee deep in the Atlantic Ocean as waves smack her in the face and I guess we had been watching 24 which is because it was about that time and every time a wave hit her she would scream tell me who you worked for her so like she had the rolls reversed but she was like every time it hit her she was like give it up you're out of options like the logic there is like the you're wearing down the ocean the ocean's like That's right. She won't budge.

And by virtue, really, you're wearing down the moon. The moon will confess its sins. Ultimately, the moon will say, I've got to get this ocean further up along the beach. God, I'd rather than this gallant of piss than this indomitable daughter. I'm pulling as hard as I can, but the ocean isn't where I want it. Seven hours later. And now she's peeing in the ocean. No.

Now there's more of you. There's so much more to pull now. I'm going to wait seven hours, and that coward's going to dip over the lip of the horizon. And I'll have one again. I'll have more piss in the morning for you. I can do this all day. I can make piss all day. As soon as the ocean receipts, I'm going to drink 10 Capri Suns, you son of a bitch.

I'm going to get nine Doritos Locos tacos. And three gigantic beverages. I'm going to eat. in the ocean you come back freeloader oh god the worst time we've been

flying to the moon to conquer it just shit in the ocean make it heavier pull the moon out of orbit that's right this would have been way better than what they came up with for the actual moonfall movie

this is the moonfall what happened I haven't been able to see it I have there is no bigger Roland Emmerich fan than I and this is This is worst. This is, it's just, uh, can I ask a quick request for the listeners.

If you are, I guess, an astrophysicist, if you can tell us how much poop we have to put in the ocean to pull the moon out of orbit, please let us. Wait, wait, wait. No, we have a, we have a problem. Like, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. So we're ultimately always talking about the same amount of mass, right? But if we concentrated in the ocean. From the land to the ocean.

Okay. So then we pull the earth into, like, a into like an asynchronous orbit? That's what I'm, that's what I'm wondering. Yeah. If we put it all, like if we fill the Marianas Trench with poop, what happens from an orbital standpoint? This, folks, you may think we're silly, but I didn't want to play this voicemail because

I thought it sounded too much like fluffing myself up. We did get a voicemail from a hydrologist that said I was strangely almost exactly correct when I was characterizing, uh, hydrological fingerprints in bodies of water. So yeah, eat it. We're scientists. how many dollars of Taco Bell would it take to fill the marianna's trench there we go with food or processed ultimately it's all the same thing okay that's tree poop okay processed food yes that's what we'll call it people oh you mean the stuff sold in the in the cardboard boxes at grocery stores no

I mean processed processed processed by me is what I mean that's going to be my business is that The factory that is my body. I'm just going to take empty septic trucks, and I'm going to go around, and I'm just going to go around asking for people's poop. And people are going to be like, what's this company got going on? What are they doing? They got to have something. No, no, I think a person who looks and dresses the way you do should do this.

It's a big, terrifying. This is septic tanks, right? Only houses of the septic tanks? Yeah. Sure. Sure. Yeah, and we'll be like, listen, we'll go around to do this. And they'll say, are you going to take this to a disposal site?

Okay. Okay. Okay. A question, Ryan. Step two, build a lot of social buzz, right? Do some sock. Oh, man, he's going to get venture capital now. He's figured it out.

No, no, no, no, you're on the way. Some sock puppet accounts that are like, listen, I love Porta Poop. They really did something new and unique in the space. Poop influence. Yes. Poo fluencers, yeah, we're going to do a bunch of that. And then that's when V.C. comes sniffing around. They're like, listen, I don't know.

Sniffin. You got to tell, yeah. You got to tell me your secret. Honestly, even this is a better idea than not woke bank. Yeah. Man. This is a better idea than what I do after 5 p.m. in my home. It's not of concern to the Wall Street Journal.

Movie pass? Come on. Movie past got a lot of money. Wells Fargo, you're so woke. I'm tired. I want a bank that openly screws me. That's what I want. I want a bank that's not sorry

when it gets caught screwing over black people for home loans. Fannie Mae, that is her website. Advertise credit risk transfers. You know what that acronym is? Woke bank. That's right. Oh, shit.

Mm-hmm. The signs were there all along. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm actually shaken by this. This goes with my, this goes with my governor knife campaign, where I will rename myself. Is he running alongside,

uh, incumbent homophobic country ham? Yeah. No, I'm going to beat him, I'm going to beat him farther to the right, right? Like my promise will be,

my promise will be to eradicate every citizen in this state. I'm just going to be the least woke, most hard right governor on the planet where I'm like the enemy is us. And the person who's going to correct it is me. Go on all the way back around to like, I think, I like, I like this idea of this is.

Yeah. I think you should, I think you should ease into it a little. Like, I think you should say, my proposal is that all government documents will also be knives. So your, your driver's license, that's a knife. Your passport, that's a knife. That's a knife. Tax bill, that's a knife. Your license plate, that's a knife. And then through the natural process of having all these knives around, you will eventually reduce the population.

But I don't think you can lead with eradication of humans. We'll be, no, no. We're going to, no, see, I'm like, that's typical. DC insider talk Beltway want to. No, my concern is that. You don't know the way folks around here, traditional values. Trying to tell us how to think.

Traditional values. You know the easiest way to cut wasteful spending? Kill our citizens. Cut. Is to cut people. We got way too many people on the payroll. We need to bring it down so hard working citizens can die the

swift death. They need to die. Governor Knife. Governor Knife is going to bring this state into line are there no prisons no poor houses hi i'm spencer hall yeah that's it you want you abolish prison i'll abolish prisoners i just listen i just feel like your eradicate all human life really goes against our previous idea which is put as much poop in the ocean as possible no these two things are totally compatible they all poop themselves when they die we're gonna we're gonna squeeze people for all they got that's right extrude america You are a tube of tooth base that will bring the moon to its knees.

I want to... I want to unleash the power of the market on a commodity that finally has its day that is human flesh and blood and poop. That's Peter Thiel. You're just describing Peter Thiel. Don't tell me. Who do you think is going to give me money?

Don't tell me what to do with my body or the multiple bodies I have in the garage. Okay. All right. My body is my choice. Governor Knife. It's summer. Major League Baseball is in full swing

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for $20 off. Download game time today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. This is a good time to talk about Old Miss? Yeah, let's do it. Speaking of people who have already embraced my platform, the state of Mississippi actively trying to kill. Why did I miss something? No, no. It has dawned on me recently. So our friend Alex McDaniel hosted a Twitter space the other night where basically Old Miss fans got together and had like what was kind of an interesting therapy session about out like is old miss no longer this like dick tripping w aOM like it makes me nervous just listening to it right but like is old miss i don't mean in the football sense because i don't think that part is true is old miss in like the best emotional place you can be as a football team where

they haven't lost but also nobody has exhibited anything close to expect like nobody has bought into old miss at a national you see people you know Tennessee beats Bama and there are already people who are like Tennessee is the number one team Tennessee's the national championship like the expectations are there now there are no expectations like old miss is in this weird place where they and Lane Kiffin are good enough that they can succeed but everybody kind of like there's a hint of like I don't believe any of this that fuck up can never get it done and so like they never have to deal with like the gym the at the a and m level expectations of like well you didn't win the west so you're a piece of shit yeah like have they kind of found the the perfect

medium in between place where they're they don't suck but nobody cares if they're like they're not required to be awesome for now yeah yeah i mean it's either you uh either you uh have a very successful year this year and then your expectations predictions go way up next year and then you don't hit them and then everyone panics. Think about the fact that Lane Kiffin is, has enjoyed a tremendous amount of success at Ole Miss. And at the same time, constantly sort of in a kind of trolling kind of not way, hints at like taking other jobs, but not in the way that like gets you in trouble like Justin Fuente did or Scott Satterfield did. Jimbo couldn't do that. Jimbo couldn't like tweet out something about like, here's me, here's me.

You know, at the Chargers Stadium. Recruiting in Knoxville, yeah. Yes, yes. But, like, Lane can do all that shit. Because once you've established yourself as a troll, you don't ever have to not be that. Yeah. It's also, so their win total,

Vegas win total this year was seven and a half. They're seven and no already. Yeah, yeah. So, like, it's very close to house money. Of course, that doesn't apply if you lose four in a row to close the season, which they could. Yeah. but like yeah because we really don't we don't i mean jason do you feel like you know do you feel like

you know how that's going to go like do you feel like you have any confidence whatsoever and what the next four games are going to look like yeah i mean i i make fun of the difficulty of the cc but like they are the very rare seven and o cc team that almost hasn't played anybody like kentucky is probably a top 30 type team right but like other than that um is it fucking all kinds of things if i say the team that i think is next on that list is Georgia? Um, in terms of,

in terms of ain't playing nobody? I didn't mean to change the side. It's not so much as ain't played nobody is as it is that I don't think we've seen. That's a good podcast title. We should steal that. Anyway, sorry. I don't think we've, whoever Georgia is this season,

I don't think we've seen it yet. And therefore, I feel like I have very little idea what to expect from them. So I have one question. I feel like I have not seen them have to play a complete game yet. I have one question that makes me push back on that. And that is the Oregon game. Because the Oregon game, I think we all immediately reacted to that in terms of just like,

the reaction was, oh, Oregon sucks. Oregon's a fucking wreck. Oregon doesn't appear to suck. They, you know, they're maybe not like playoff material and they probably have another loss in them here or there. But they don't suck. and it feels like we should put some more weight into that than we did. Are we, would that be overweighing a week one game though?

It could be. It could be. Especially with, sorry, go ahead. Well, like, in my opinion, like, every week sort accounts equally. Okay. And mathematically, that is true as well. Well, sure. No, it is.

Literally true. but like um we do often not not us but like college football people tend to over eight week once so much that i think there's a temptation to like over counter that you know that might be what i'm doing yeah georgia beat the fuck out of a legit top 25 top 20 team like 46 point you know what i mean um yeah yeah like looking at looking at what they've done almost every week except for Missou and half of Kent State is like exactly what the best team should have done. Like, like, I guess what I'm saying is Georgia's win over Oregon right now is better than any of Ohio State's wins.

And I'm, well, see, and I'm not knocking Georgia, to be clear, I feel like I don't, because they have not yet had, Georgia has done everything that Georgia has wanted to do. Yep. Have you guys seen a team that made Georgia do something they didn't feel like doing for even a series yet? So you know what's, you're right. Like that's, that's what I want to, I, hmm, but this is the exact same. I'm not, I'm not wording this right. I just can't, no, you, I think you are, but this is the exact same way we used to talk about Alabama, like five years ago Alabama.

Right. That's, and because so much of what else is going on at Georgia, it reminds me of Alabama a cycle ago. Right. Maybe that's, maybe that's why my brain is going here, but I feel like I don't. I feel like I don't know this Georgia team yet, and it's mid-October. So does that mean they need to suffer the Alabama loss that brings everything into focus, or does it mean it doesn't matter? They're just extremely good.

We haven't had to see them hustle yet, right? Sure. Is that what I'm, is that when I'm... I mean, we can cut all this out, we can cut all this out, by the way, because I feel like a fucking idiot, but I feel like I don't have... I don't like when we sneak football talk on the listeners when they're not expecting. Yeah. I feel like I don't have a bead on this Georgia team yet, which is weird.

Some of that is, some of that is, I think, Holly, that the schedule, the natural beats in the Georgia schedule. Like, Georgia should have played Tennessee all right. That's part. Yes, that's part of it. That's part of it. Yeah. And it's that combined with the fact that Georgia already played Auburn and nobody cared. nobody cared in the slightest

and it's not we've talked about this before and that game should have been you know that game should have been Thanksgiving or week before Thanksgiving right sorry two weeks before Thanksgiving because you have to warm up for tech yeah but there's also like looking at the undefeated teams

which there are we're getting close to there being like weirdly not many the hardest team Georgia's played is Oregon okay yeah all right you know the hardest team Ohio State has played is Notre Dame which is like And that, and that, which looking at where, and if you want to get real into the weeds, looking, looking, looking where Marshall has gone since that game, yikes.

Right, yeah, right. Like, Notre Dame is nothing special this year. The hard to see Michigan has played is Penn State and beat the fuck out of them, all right? Let's not leave Michigan out of this conversation just yet. Clemson, their, Wake Forest, okay, sure, took it to overtime, had, you know, had to go to overtime. Um, Ole Miss, again, Kentucky, sure, fine. TCU, okay. Oklahoma State in overtime, you know, but honestly, Oklahoma State is like, it's not, not a bad schedule there. UCLA beat Utah, okay, pretty good. But, like, there's no team on, there's no undefeated team that's been, like, super tested to this point. Right. And, yeah, that's kind of, well, what's funny is Michigan gets all the shit for this. Everybody's like Michigan has. Every single year. But it's kind of, this year, it does happen to be a little bit, like, yeah, there has not been a plethora of evidence for any of the undefeated teams, which is, like, part of,

why they're, it's not all of why they're undefeated, but like there are some interesting one loss and two lost teams that had like hard schedules to play. And I know we're only halfway there, but I think, I think, uh, I think Jason and Ryan, you were both getting at a better way of what I was trying to say, which is, I don't think I've seen this Georgia team above third gear yet. Does that make sense? And I don't know where there, I don't feel like we know where their ceiling is. Sure. And which is, which given like the conference that, they play in, maybe it all just comes, just does come down with this being a really weird scheduling year. But I feel like I don't know that team at all.

I think there's, I think there's a lot of cards on the table. We don't, we haven't seen them yet in terms of like what they'll do under certain circumstances. For Georgia, to me, the interesting thing about them and the thing that I haven't seen, I know that they can, I know that they have tight ends who are more than capable of splitting a game open if they have to. But if you hammer down on them, and that's a big if. because they got two dudes, at least two dudes who can't be covered one-on-one at tight-end.

But despite having those tight ends, their run game hasn't been exactly what you think it would be. They haven't, you know, they haven't been, you would go, oh man, Georgia's running for like 250 yards a game. No, man, like yards per attempt, Old Miss, Florida, and Alabama are all better than them. So that to me, like they're good,

that they're not the best rush offense. And how many receiving touchdowns has their leading wide receiver head? He's got one. That's it. Ladd-McConkey has one. Ladd-McConkey is your best option at wide-out. So, you know, offensively, I don't, offensively, they're good. I don't think they're what everyone thought they would be at the beginning of the season,

because, yeah, we overweight week one, and they absolutely clovered Oregon. But I, I, at the end of the season, to me, they get two tests. They get two tests. They get Kentucky. and they get Tennessee. They get Kentucky in Lexington in November, and I don't feel like I, like that's the game I want to go to. I don't feel like a lot of people

still understand what it's like to play in that stadium in November. It's terrifying. The way I see it is like all of the undefeated teams, like literally almost all of them will just work themselves out, Georgia, Tennessee, Ohio State, Michigan, Clemson Syracuse this week, UCLA, USC, who the fuck saw that coming. I feel like we spend so much of every year waiting for Clemson and Syracuse to work each other out. I was going to say, Jason, could you repeat that ACC one more

time so my ears would, of course, be traditional football heavyweights, especially over the last decade, Clemson and Syracuse. Just like we drew it up. God, that sounds so good. So good. The reason I jumped there from Ole Miss is like, I feel like there's a kind of, with the obvious exception of my own team and maybe that's just because it's what it looks like from here but I feel like there's a lot of a lot of chill permeating the undefeateds and uh I don't know that's that's just not somewhere I expected myself to find after week seven for now I think part of it is like so many teams have lost I think we are ahead of the usual pace on teams that have lost so like if you haven't you're feeling really fucking great

like usually this is the time of year where there's like 12 or 13 undefeated teams you know so you're like arguing we should be above those guys and all that shit but like this year if you're undefeated you're doing awesome there are also not I this is off the top of my head so it could be totally wrong with the exception of the big 12 there are not that many frisky teams right now Illinois is a frisky team like I'll give them but there are not like who who is a frisky team in the SEC, there's Kentucky, there's Mississippi State depending on the week. Does that mean like a team that's not probably not going to playoff? A team that you're like, they're going to lose three games, but like this is Pitt a lot

of years. Pitt is a frisky team where it's like, I don't think they're going to go undefeated or play for a conference title. They won the conference last year, obviously. It might be West Virginia this year, which is not in the SEC, but that's... Right, but like the Big 12 has a shit ton of, almost every team. in the Big 12 is a frisky team. Even when Virginia is, I mean, like, they're having a terrible year,

but that's a top half of FBS team. Right. Like, the Pac 12 has, Oregon State is a frisky team. Utah is obviously a frisky, but like, it feels weird saying Utah is a frisky team when they won the conference last year. Klum, clunk, clum, clum, cluck, clob. Utah can be both 12 in O and frisky.

Imagine an at-at capering through a field of wildflowers. That's Utah. Yeah. Frisky like a rhino. But, like, there are usually, I feel like there are usually, more teams that play this role in the Power 5 conferences at least

where it's like, okay, this team is too flawed or too unbalanced to contend for its division but it could fuck you up on the right day and the right set of... Like, that's sometimes what NC State has been in years past, or that's what Louisville has been in years past. Now it's just like

they're just okay. I don't know. I think this is a year where that is almost every team. Like Louisville is... Is frisky? Is UCF already? Right, yeah, yeah. Did you watch that game though? That game just fucking sucked. Oh, it's terrible. It was awful.

It was frisky shit. One way of doing that is to turn the game into an absolute turd fest. I may be saying that's ahead of the Ohio State Iowa game. If Pitt is the benchmark for frisky, frisky is allowed to look like shit. Okay. I will also say Florida State is probably the frisky ACC team this year. Florida State, like, can play enough, long enough in every game and does enough interesting things in both directions emotionally that they are the frisky team yeah i'll put i'll put

wake in there as well i'd like you yeah unc can put 70 points on you while giving up 72 i'd like to offer duke i think duke is very very frisky okay yeah that's fair yeah that's fair i'll buy that kind of frisky not as frisky as the big 12 but no right you're right i'm looking at the um but i think like the cc and the big 10 specifically like very little going on there it's mostly because like the Florida's and the Auburns and even like the South Carolinas maybe the teams that you're like I don't know that's like a weird night game and it's like this year it's like nah you got that we didn't have a reader by the way Colin to assert without evidence or really any notion of offering evidence that just says Shane Beamer does have a belly button ring

accepted yeah I accepted this without question it has a little lunchbox attached to it. Since firing Jeff Collins in the computer ratings, Georgia Tech is up to 10th in the ACC. Okay, sure. They're like just a hair behind Miami. Yeah. That guy's bad, I think. It's the worst.

Dude, it's the most painful thing when the interim absolutely starts thrashing because it means you were the restrictor plate. You were the millstone around the neck of this team. Oh, we had, and let's not do the math, actually, let's do the math because it would be really funny. We had a Georgia Tech reader right in this week to talk about the impending Georgia Tech Syracuse ACC championship game. I think Georgia Tech is currently three wins behind UNC, but hey, Ryan, pull up North Carolina's remaining schedule. Let's see how we can do this. Here's the crux of the issue. I would like to entertain this.

UNC is six and one and leading the coastal. Georgia Tech is three and three, but they're only two in. in conference play unc's a three and oh so Georgia Tech isn't in fact like in second place and here's who Georgia Tech has left they still have to each other so uh they do Georgia Tech has Virginia well yeah caller that would put kind of a cramp in your plans I guess of of the conference schedule because like again for these purposes clean old-fashioned hate doesn't matter UVA at Florida State at Virginia Tech Miami and they And their last conference game is at UNC.

So that could be a game that is played for that. UNC has Pitt at Virginia at Wake Forest and then the Georgia Tech game. And then after that, they do have NC State. So it is possible that something stupid could happen. Man. And UNC can stop. This is funnier than I thought it was. Correct.

Virginia and VT are very bad. Yeah. And UNC has to play like a couple good teams there. yes it is not and this and like honestly honestly what a perfect fucking way

for the ACC to like usher divisions out and then for interim coach slag Georgia Tech to get an appearance in the ACCC title it would be the most powerful ACC moment of all time

if this happens we're going right well like Wake Forest I'm definitely buying a t-shirt if nothing else Wake Forest is ranked like 12th and has to watch like fuck-ass Georgia Tech in the conference title

Not just fuck-ass Georgia Tech. Fuck-house Georgia Tech who probably just lost to Georgia by 40. Oh, yeah. Congratulations. Interim fuck-ass Georgia Tech. That probably just skipped the Georgia games. Congratulations, Wake. You finally arrived in terms of football playing,

and now you're kind of arriving as a program in terms of all the other fun shit you have to go through. Yeah. I have a... Well, this is very educational for them. I like also that we just skipped over the Syracuse part of this. Don't worry about why. Who does Syracuse have to play the rest of the way?

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Would I be concerned about this? I would laugh so hard. Well, that's even funnier. Because you could have Syracuse, Clemson, and NC State in like the top 20. And then Georgia Tech wins the conference at 4.8. Jason, I feel like you just poured, I feel like you just poured kerosene into my blood somehow. If Syracuse wins out and they win the- Oh, I want this.

If they went out and they win the ACC title and you wake up and after having missed the player, off announcement and you refresh your screen and check the seeds and you see that they are not one of the last four teams you would not be surprised if like college football completely forgot right like congratulations to undefeated syracuse i wouldn't be honest i wouldn't make dwight frey that mad i wouldn't do that just spinning out of the closet it's a bad idea it's extremely agile should we put syracuse no no we looked at the tape and we decided no If you watch them play, I would not blame you for making that decision. Have you actually watched Syracuse play this year?

A little, yes. This decade? No. Doesn't matter. Long time, Dino Babers, enthusiast, yes, I have. I've watched three of their games, and I will tell you this. Syracuse, I have no idea how... I'm sorry for making you watch three of their games.

I have no idea how they're doing this other than good defense and Garrett Schrader just hitting the random play button. It's early Otts Auburn. They're pulling out double coupons. They are. Like, you turn around and they have 17 points. You're like, huh? That's weird.

the name of one of their wide receivers. No. Do you know the name of their kicker? Andre Schmidt. Yes. They're that kind of team. Sean Tucker is the truth, though. He is. They have an extremely, it's almost like when Kenneth Walker was at Wake Forest. Like, what are you doing there? Sean, what are you doing in Syracuse? Well, it's especially weird because you look at a Syracuse box score and you're like, there's only like two names here. Like, there's not. Considering how weird it is to see, like, most of the time you look at a rushing box score and you're like, all right, six guys got carries. Is it. It's just like, they just gave, he got the ball. It's a music festival. It's a music festival poster. You've got the two names across the top. And then it puts you little bit of name top of it. It's like, well, when we were good, we just gave the ball to Ernie Davis and Jim Brown on every playlist.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. This returns with roots. Yeah. If Syracuse rolls in at 13 and O and the committee says, we're putting them in the peach. We're putting them in the, uh, the, the, which one is it? The orange bowl, right?

Syracuse fans, come on, you'd rather do that than go to the damn buy off. I will tell you what Garrett Schrader, Garrett Schrader, to me, they go on the sideline and they tell him, you see the numbers over there, the three and the zero? Yeah, somebody's going to be there. Multiple guys in your jersey are going to be somewhere. Why don't you just keep an eye out and see if there's any action going on there? And that's the level that Garrett Schrader's playing at.

Like, I'm just going to put the ball there. See if anything happens. Very Kyle Baller. How is that not mean? It feels like it should be mean, but it's not. Because I'm not talking about Kyle Bowler as a pro. That would be made. Okay, yeah.

Yeah. Incredible team, if they go undefeated, they will not make the playoff. I would put money on that not happening. They'd just be like, nah. The SEC Commissioner would say, I'm disappointed with the decision. You can't do that to a journalism school. The articles, man. But the AP no longer has any bearing on the playoffs.

That's true. It's just the people in the room. That's all. Imagine discarding the judgment of Ralph Rousseau for Gary Barda. I mean, Jesus Christ, what is wrong with this country? Listen, Gary, Gary Barta is going to see a team with a great kicker and a good defense and an offense that is, you know, sort of a file not found moment. And he's going to fall in love.

He's going to be like, I've found Iowa's next head coach. Iowa has a head coach, Spencer. What are you talking about? That's true. He's never leaving. But if I had to hire somebody else, Kirk Farrant's with a gun to Gary Bart his head. I bet that's how Kirk's kept the job is physical intimidation.

He probably walks in every single day and peeves on Gary Bart's car. He does have kind of a Richard Gear look to him, which means he could be a crooked cop. Just beats the shit out of his box every day. Every day. He just still holds it. He just walks in. And Vince is like, no!

It's so cold! It's his boss with the best. bed pan full of corn syrup, cracks two kids in water. I'll take this nurse. Yeah. Hey, I have a question for,

I have a question for two of you that is absolutely outside the bounds of this podcast, but I'm genuinely curious. I absorbed absolutely no information on Saturday beyond what happened to my own football program. Which was? You know that thing where we, like to just repeat the first bar of a song over and over again for

comedic effect? Yeah. Has anybody ever noticed that the first four notes of Rocky Top are the same? Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ha-ba-ha-ba-ha-ba-ha-ba-ha-ba-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Listener, I know you're thinking, listener, I know you're thinking maybe that was Spencer. It was Holly who made it. Anyway,

I was super confident. and I thought I had data to back that up that LSU was in no way going to win that game and I didn't see... No, I didn't see a second of it and I really thought this is what I get for thinking seriously

about a game. I thought Florida had it in the bag. What happened? Florida doesn't play defense? Have you looked at Florida's defensive numbers? Yeah, we are the worst third down defense in the nation. In the country.

Wait, what? Again? Like actual worst? Again. No, no, no. No, like, like, like we say again, the, Florida is allowing, Florida is allowing third down conversions at a rate of 52.58%. Holy fucking shit.

Colorado is one percent better than that. Yep. Arizona State is four points better than that. 52.4. This is Akron from last year grade. I'm sorry for making us talk about the Gators, but I was genuinely curious what on earth happened there, and I did not see a moment of it.

And honestly, I don't think it's a matter, like, I am a Florida fan, so my first instinct is to crack out the guillotine and fire somebody. I don't even think it's that. They don't have dudes who can play. They don't have anybody who can play linebacker besides Ventrell Miller. And that secondary has been porous all year, and they have no pass rush. So the two power five teams in the past five completed seasons with worse third down defense would be Kansas last year in 2017, Oregon State.

That is correct. Goodness. Now, yes. To show you where, that team went one and 11. Yep. To show you where we're at in terms of I can find hope by looking at X.

This just makes me feel even more unstuck in the SEC East. Florida, Florida to me, I am now looking for the positive performances of Kansas football in Oregon State for Hope. Hmm. Like, so. That's facts.

That's facts. So LSU went 8 of 12 on third down. That's bad. but to make it worse, they went two of two on fourth down. Yep. So, yeah. Florida just does not

does not play any defense at all this year. Honestly, that's fine, whatever. That's weird. It's mostly, yeah, I mean, this year's the wash anyway. So, like, this is baby shambles. Yeah, I'm not trying to bring you back into your, like, Florida's on the run of mediocrity.

I was just like, I got facts. That was the one game that just jumped out at me from the schedule. this last week and I was like oh I know what's going to happen here and then nope like to his credit jaden Daniels played an amazing game man he was good like he was really good now you could be like hey Florida can't defend at all um steal it go ahead it's like take it if we can't play it go ahead and take it so LSU had a very uh they had a very opportunistic win at Florida because there was a lot of stuff left unguarded but like it's not it's not an accident that you

S.F almost beat Florida in Gainesville. No. No. There are, same thing. I'm not smart enough to tell you like what the issues are, but like there's a lot of rot. Oh, same thing. Same thing there. They would do one shift.

Linebackers are in alignment. They would shift one person and the linebackers immediately did the dazed expression from Animal Crossing when you're stung by bees, right? Like yeah, like one shift and it was all undone. All run gaps broken. That's exactly how it's supposed to work. Gary Ballinan went in a box, and now we can't find him anymore. Yeah, like, they were all like our family dog who, when you covered the tennis ball with your hand, was like, what?

Whoa! Like, that's, and it's part of that. See, that makes it sound fun. Part of that, it's, it's, it's fun for the office. It's fun for anyone watching who was a Florida fan. Yeah. Can we talk about a different team in the SEC East? please yeah i would love to so Tennessee on all right no it's all right let's go so Tennessee

um after spending 19 hours as the coolest team in american sports um ad danny white decided that it would be a good time to release a call for fundraising um from vol nation to pay for the two goalposts that were thrown in the river and or someone's garage or whatever i have they make 50 fucking million dollars a year and they need money for two pieces of equipment that every high school has honestly the most I will I will speak on this go ahead on this a okay just unordered list of thoughts a this is not the first team I've ever seen even in this conference fund uh send out a general fundraising email off a big one and that's actually what it was if you clicked it's this is a general fundraising email

which schools tend to do a lot. Yeah, B, if you click through and look down at the bottom fundraising option, they are biting our charity bull strat and giving you the option to, like, donate based on the date, based on the score, based on the capacity of the stadium, which great job for y'all finally catching up to us after 12 years. C, I can confirm that upon walking the stage at graduation at Tennessee, They don't actually give you your diploma because my graduating class had 7,000 people in it. I don't know how they would organize that. They give you an orange tube that looks like it contains a diploma.

But when you open it up, it's a welcome letter from the Alumni Association asking for money. So this is actually very in line with how they operate. Congratulations on Stop paying money. Would you like to pay more money? This is actually very in line. We have how they operate. D, I'm not sure if I told you guys about the Texas. I'm on Texas Tech's fundraising email list.

I don't know why. I don't know how I wound up there. I've never been to Texas Tech for a game, despite many efforts to do so. Texas Tech sent out a fundraising letter this summer announcing, I think this was in July, announcing a $200 million gift for Red Raider football and then asking people to donate money in the same email.

So, but yeah, this is Danny White. So it's going to look stupid. Um, anyway, none of that is, none of that is to defend, none of us is to defend this. I'm just saying this is neither out of character for Tennessee nor, uh, nor out of character for college football. It is very funny to make them look like we are goal post poor. Just send the bill to the Haslims, Jesus. I just wish.

Every school does this, every chance it gets constantly. But Danny White has a special, every single college in America does this. Danny White is especially talented at making it look stupid. It was, Danny White is a man built grand. round up from automated, weaponized, cringe, and it's like he knows it and he loves it. Danny White, I think, concealed, this is a longer, sorry, Ryan, this is a, I think Danny White like soured me on Josh Hyple unfairly at the start, and that's easy for me to say now. But can I tell you what's finally given me confidence in him, and it's not the Bama win?

It's over this season, he's lost so much stress weight, but his head is the exact same size. and that's also something that happens to me. Like, I'm just always going to be a pumpkin head on a body that fluctuates in size and volume. And that makes me feel comfortable around him. Like, okay, you're one of us. My thing is this, the ask for this go fund me was what? Like, $150,000? Mm-hmm.

I think if you're going to do this, just be fully shameless and be like, Tennessee, VAL family, we need, like, we're so excited, but we need these. goalposts to play our next football game. That's why we need $15 million from you by the end of the week. Ball fans, we only get paid every two weeks. That would, listen, that would resonate. If you could just float us, I promise we're going to get you back. If you literally just say, we want money.

Okay. Yeah. You want money. If you are lying about needing someone to buy equipment for you. Yeah. You were in a lot of the coolest team in the country. The first reply to that thread that I saw the night it happened

by the way was a Tennessee fan whose name I forget. I'm sorry. It was nobody I knew personally who was like, I would actually prefer it if you just said, hey, we won, give me a hundred. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? That shit worked. They did

affect me. And also, like one was one, do we want Danny White to have shame? No. No. That man got that man got UCF to a national stage. You don't get UCF on any stage if you have shame. Second, if you clicked on the email, right,

if you clicked on the link and you got to the thing, obviously like a much more finessey pitch. That was not targeted because I'm not on the alumni list for my own school. That was only targeted at one of us, right? Like it wasn't, we're not the target audience for this, right? So like everyone who wasn't targeted at me, I'm not on the list.

And then the third thing is this. Don't put me on the list. I know you're listening to this Stephanie. Don't you put me on that list. It is so, dude, this is so close. to like the, like, President Smokey need your help, Patriots.

Like, it was so close match. Seriously, I could have done this for, I would have done a better fundraising email for them for free. I would have done this. Do you know what? South Carolina wants to bring Sherry a law to Tennessee unless you don't meet today. You know what? I don't even like Sherry. That's a track liquor.

Thank you for that idea. Smoky, the dog is looking at his list of Patriots right now and he's heartbroken that he doesn't see your name. I want you. um shit i completely lost my turn of thought because i did just open up animal crossing um oh you can find our linebackers in there they're being stuck of friend of the program and should be surprised to no one michigan uh enthusiast ryan henyard came up with a came up with i thought a much more a much more appropriate way to celebrate the win he donated uh 52 49 to american coonhound

you, which is the organization that gave us the shutdown full hound. I thought that was very sweet. Everyone should follow his lead. Also, Tennessee, you've never done super great in the charity bowl. And if I don't see a leap in the standings, I will be approaching all of your mothers in church to find out why. Oh, sorry, Holly, but we've run out of grass, Neeland Stadium, and Richard. President Smokey cannot be benighted by the barren dirt upon his past. I had better see your broke asses contributing Fancy Pelosi

wants to bathe as a color Okay Honestly putting Pelosi in there might do it Stacey Abrams It's going to invade Tennessee For our water I

What is the most Like what's the flossiest Gold Post you can get though Like if you get One with lasers like Jimbo wants. Yeah, orange lasers. Oh, but listen, like,

orange lasers would be very flossy. If Tennessee got goalpost lasers and only turned them on when A&M came to Knoxville. But turned them off when A&M is kicking. The answer is made of bones. If you had goalposts made of bones, ooh, that's very weird.

What if we, um, what about bones or, uh, goalposts that are cigars? Just puffing, puffing. Saturday victories can you win

can they light every time you like make an extra point they burn down they burn down every time you win slowly and smokily that actually sounds like like what are those that kind of candle that like

yeah it like burns down from within yeah yeah that's a good plan that's how my cousin died who's incinerated by them goalpost the EPA doesn't want Tennessee to have its well earned victory goal post he was on a trampoline at the time

game he was on a trampoline at the time but that's neither here nor there nor on the trampoline as it happens check check the standings valls it's first-hand smoke this week oh god y'all harry liles was down in that shit and he did not smoke or partake of a cigarette and said he woke up the next morning just hacking from like feeling as he smoked at least a cigarette's worth of a second-hand inhaled cigar smoke and so he just woke up feeling like death There were shots from the stadium, like, far away with, like, just gigantic cloud of smoke, and it's like, I'm pretty sure some fireworks, but I'm not sure. But, I'm not entirely sure.

Well, it's not all from fireworks, because remember, if you look, the fireworks are on the upper rim of the stadium around the outside. It's, like, all over, a huge cloud over the stadium. So, like, most of its fireworks, I think. The fact that I have to say, I think. Younger listeners, this is what it used to just smell like to go out to dinner at Bedigans. true the day you knew you were grown up

was when you had to tell a host or host is non-smoking please So my younger son has been going through old World War II movies and I've managed to sneak some submarine movies in there because remember all movies about the sea are dope And in it

every time there's a shot of an older submarine An older movie with a submarine in it Everyone on the submarine is smoking like in a submarine they're like ah nutritious cigarettes it's stressful man you gotta do something you don't cool out you're in a pressurized

a can it's probably it's like efficient weight like a stocking a submarine you're really conscious of the weight where like a card of cigarettes very small and everyone gets to enjoy it curbs your appetite too we don't need as much food on board

I was going to say smokers use less oxygen well there's there's this so submarine I think we need more smoking on submarines, damn it. See, they get the best food in the danger. I'm Governor Knife. Right? I'm Governor.

I'm Governor Knife. This submarine's going to be lurking at Lake Lanier, ready to kill you. Lake Lanier just became more dangerous. Wow. Yeah. You wanted to make Lake Lanier more dangerous. Some of you were saying, oh, what if the submarine sinks when the ghost grab it? I want him to grab it.

We're going to fight them ghosts. I'm going to put my cigarette out that ghost's eye hole. We're going to make more ghosts. You lightweight. have been dying in regular Lake Lanier. It's time to step it up. I'm going to abolish speed limits because, one, the government can't tell you what to do, and two, if they do, it should be you should die.

Speed limits are math, and that's a choice you should make at home. You think you're better than me by showing me math? Who says base 10 is what I have to live by? Not you. All speed limits are homeschool math now. Oh, boy. How fast where you're going? I was going Jesus, Miles Brown.

Why is this speed limit sign? Faith over fear is my speed limit. Jesus is my co-driver. That's why I'm going 150. Jesus is my gas pedal. Let's go. Oh, man. I saw somebody, by the way, living what I have to assume is one of the most southern experiences on the planet,

which is they were pulled over on the side of I-85 in a construction soap where I know this dude had passed me doing like 105 and he was pulled over by a South Carolina state trooper and I'm like I didn't know they pulled anybody over on that stretch oh yeah I've never seen anybody be pulled it I thought you have to be listen this stretch of this stretch of 85 in South Carolina it was my understanding and always has been my understanding that you have to be actively murdering someone on the road uh to get put I really was not aware that that stretch of South Carolina has always been like Wyoming to me I was not of where speed limits existed. As Governor Knife, I promise.

Nobody will ever be pulled over on that road for anything. Serber, back me up. That's just outlaw country, right? Yeah, upstate law. That's what they call it. Governor Knife says everyone has to use that road. Fuck, where is that CBS procedural? There's no investigations.

You could be going 111 miles per hour, and someone will come up behind you, ride your ass, and blink your lights to get over. It's insane. Fuck over, man. I have never seen King Ranch's drive as fast as I have in South Carolina. Where are they going? Decaf me.

Out of South Carolina. I got a little bit of the biggest. It's just over there. I got to look at the past. The promise. I got to jack off on the water tower. Tuesday. Going from a normal Tuesday water cooler we're about.

Don't make it weird. Go talk. The glories of Raleigh!