Shutdown Fullcast - Talkin' Bout The Noles

Episode Date: July 31, 2018

Florida State had inarguably their worst season in almost a decade, and yet they still handled Florida easily, needed a miracle to finally lose to Miami, and probably shoulda beat Clemson according to our patented Nolemetrics. They remain the kings of the ACC, a conference that is both very deep and total trash that the Seminoles are way better than. This is TALKIN' BOUT THE NOLES, the world's second FSU podcast because we're afraid Bud Elliott will sue us and win if we claim otherwise. Also the Bowden sons suck. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. A special edition. Nolcast, more like Nolcast. More like Nolcast. Nope, there's already one of those two. There is? Oh. So you know what?

Because we are doing Florida State tonight, I guess, because you got to talk about the neighbors a little bit. We got to do the ACC Atlantic. Welcome to the Null hole. No. No. No? No.

No or Null. no no hole our pastor listens to this all the null news for all your holes some of noles don't have pastors there are no churches in fs u well that's that's of the horses we worship that horse listen the name of the program is talking about the knolls talking about the knolls horse told me i don't have to answer any questions because what we do here is very simple straightforward it's right on the name right on the business card on the label when you When you go to Publix and buy a six-pack of podcasts, it's right on the outside of it. What do they do here?

They talk about the Knowles. Or maybe you talk about the Knowles. Maybe you walk out of Publix with your six-pack of podcasts. Who's to say? Maybe someone hands you a podcast under the table at Publix, and you leave with it. That's not a crime, by the way. It's not a crime. Perfectly normal.

We've all got friends, and friends do us favors. All of our friends work at Publix. If that's a crime, I guess soup kitchens are criminal. dens sounds like it you know what a soup kitchen is kroger that's right that's right it is nothing as magnificent as the good friends we've made through the years as noll fans at publics remember if somebody gives you something for free it's a gift also it's spelled right correct now i will introduce myself uh i am alternate universe spencer hall i'm the one who attended florist state university after my SAT scores were slightly lower than the other universe of Spencer Hall.

So I had to go to Florida State. Emission was already guaranteed, though, thanks to an accident I suffered at Adventure Island in fourth grade, where I was unconscious for four minutes. Legally dead. And you know what? Couldn't be stopped. Unconquered.

Unconquered by death. That's right. Unconquered by a water slide, Adventure Island, and a nasty concussion suffered when my overweight fourth grade self flipped upside down and bang my head. on the bottom of the dragon's tail.

That's right. As part of the settlement, I was admitted to Florida State University. And you know what? That made all the difference because it allowed me to be with you here tonight talking about the knolls. Joining me. In the no hole. In the no. No.

No. No. Pastor Horace is listening to this. Renegade. Good night, everybody. Remember, Jesus was the original renegade. He was a horse, too. That's true.

Bojack, yeah. Bojack Horseman, also about Florida State football. Entire show. That's why it's so good. BoJack Horseman is critically acclaimed. That's right, just like Florida State Football. Who else we got in the podcast tonight? Hi, my name's Jason.

I'm also a clone of Bud Elliott. My name is spelled B-U-U-D. and tonight at any point if I get stumped I'm just going to Google and figure out what Bud would say and then just repeat that which is basically like it's funny when you interact with FSU fans and like if you're around Bud a lot you see a lot of like copy of a copy of whatever Bud said like four days ago

like he really is like anything the issues forth from the pulpit of Bud Elliott you're going to hear it recycled for the next month from FSU fans he's the greenest Graven Idol You're saying he's the center of the tribe mind. Yeah. He's the Tallahassee Pope. Pope of Leon County. Do we have a Ryan Nanny variant somewhere on this podcast?

Yeah, I prefer you call me by my Christian name, Tud Elliott. It's because it's got a TD in it. Oh, that's that's a, you don't hang out with Jeff Bowden very often. I hate that motherfucker. No, he's still on Xbox. Still on Xbox. Jeff Bowden. Still on Xbox.

I've never told a joke about Jeff Bowden on this podcast. Jeff Bowden's still trying to figure out how to hook up a GameCube. Where do the batteries? Where do the batteries go? Daddy! Daddy? Dad! Tommy keeps hitting me!

This is, uh, I guess if we are, if we're talking Jeff Bowden, like, seriously, we've never, people do not believe us. when we talk about things on this podcast and say we are not telling a joke, we've never told a joke on this podcast. So if we talk about somebody, see absolute truth. Oh, Jeffie. Yeah. Maybe, when you talk about guys who've actually played a lot of video games

while coaching football, it's a short list that I know of. Wait, are we then entering a new golden age of Jeffie Bowden, whereby his Fortnite acumen rockets him to start him? It's possible. It would really increase your recruiting if you were. I don't know. Would it really help your recruiting if you were super good at Fortnite? Or do you just want to be good enough to know what you're doing?

No, I'm saying that Jeff doesn't make that distinction because he's not smart. Well, okay. I'd know you say that about his team scholar, Dr. Jeff. So like the shrewd coach would be sure to get to the final two in order to spend the maximum possible amount of time with the prospective student athlete, but then you let the player. win right yeah whereas jeff is just like huh no why would i do that i think i think nick sabbid would be immensely frustrated by playing fortnight because there's a limited number of players i don't know the number keeps going down he seems to like when that happens yeah there's that also he would

just be built he'd just be building with a hundred players and you got to whittle it down i got this we're just building forts that's it nick you have to pick up a gun oh facility upgrade going on. More facility. Shooting people. More resources. Oh, this is fine. I'm from West Virginia.

They dropped me in a forest and I chopped it down. Built stuff with it. This is great. They chopped it down and I built a sheets. I made a football stadium out of a dilapidated gas station. I'll beat your ass to death with the pepperoni roll.

Why can't you make a sheets in this game? are there any are there i mean all right let me preface this spencer ryan and jason are not exactly like the hardest hitting names but i feel like when bobby bowden was naming his sons he did so specifically to be like oh what can i name them so they'll never get drafted by the army tommy terry and jeff just the like oh man the cuddliest softest names possible three care bear names right there just adorable it's kind of a power move over your own sons right like you know like dadgum someday I'm gonna have to face these dadgum kids in the ACC game

you know dadgum sure want to beat them so I'm gonna give them a lifetime of being called Terry. One of them name is you're literally named after a cloth you're literally named after a cloth I mean nobody in the nobody and the history of humanity has ever looked

through the you know swinging doors of a roadhouse and gone, oh shit, it's Jeff! Oh, Jeff! Run for it! It's Jeff! God damn, y'all! That's part of what makes Terry's success at Akron so remarkable. Oh, yeah!

Like, to succeed in all that time in Akron with Akron-based football resources, while also being named Terry? Yeah. I mean, really, like, Terry Cruz has really brought up the profile of the, you know, named Terry generally. But look, but look how big he had to get to do that. That's true. He had to become a fucking superhero for us to be like,

okay, Terry's a good name. Hey, I got some intel from Bud Elliott on Jeff Bowden. This is a tweet from October 2017. The original is The Bears just got a delay of game after calling a timeout to avoid a delay of game. Bud says, Jeff Bowden smiles. Thank you, bud. Always present.

Always present. But yeah, going back to that, Terry Cruz? Think about it. He didn't just have to become huge. It was like, he's a Terry. So I'll be in the NFL. I'll be an actual artist who's good enough to sell my paintings to my teammates.

And that's how I actually make money on top of my NFL salary. I'll be bigger than Jesus physically. I will become a gifted comic actor, right? And that's what I had to do in order to become a successful Terry. he went like three or four times over what anyone else would have to do with a name not Terry What's the greatest thing Terry Bowden ever did?

Hmm? Greatest thing Terry Bowden ever did I think was he the last SEC coach To wear a tie on the sidelines regularly? Rob, that feels right We might be missing somebody in there But that feels on point, yeah Yeah, he's the last one I remember

wearing a tie regularly. It was like him and Gene Stallings. And even then, sometimes Gene would go, there's a hot day out there. I got to just, I got to come out in my warm-ups. I'm just going to be out there

in my warm-ups. Grilling on the sideline. Gene Stallings, when I do him, by the way, very old Matthew McConaughey. That's all he is. That's fine. Yeah, that's totally fine.

The, the other thing about, about Florida State this year that cracks me up is that this is a Willie Tagger, yeah right willie tagger year one y'all familiar with willie taggart year one i consider it year two really i think we just loaned him to organ

for a little bit of you know to just sort of let it mellow let him let him age appropriately i consider that a florist state year really yeah our players were definitely paying attention to uh to oregon soaking up that playbook because they yeah weren't paying attention to jimbo yeah i in fact i consider oregon's wins last year our wins i think that's fair more than fair And I would also caution everybody.

You know, those shows that you, this is me in Florida State mode, those shows you watch with your wife. Spending times with loved ones. Those women shows like Fixer Upper, where I definitely haven't taken delight in watching them hang barn doors on every single home project they've ever tackled. No, I don't pay attention to that. I just didn't wait by my phone

for to get Knowles News from Tomahawk Nation.com text alerts. That's right. The tribe mine just feeding it directly into my brain. I actually have ticker tape

set up so Bud can just be constantly so let me tell you what year one is going to be and I think you just need to accept it, wait for it and just put it in your heart

just let it sit there. It's when Chip goes demo day. It's demo day. All right. We're going to have to figure a few things out, might have to take down a couple of walls. Year one, it's demo day. You're going to get

a beautiful 4-3 where once a 3-2 ranch stood with awful linoleum. And let's not forget it. Let's not forget who put that linoleum in. Let's not forget who is responsible for that tacky choice.

I mean, our defense was bad last year, but I wouldn't call it a 3-2. that's uh now three two that's a floor score right there that's right on a good day that's right avoided that shut out boys well done that's actually a pretty good burn that we scored a safety to do that yeah y'all talking shit about florida this this character should be very easy for you no there's absolutely no effort whatsoever whatsoever folks if you just minutes the first minute of this podcast, it'll be indistinguishable to you from

regular edition. What, how long do you think we've been recording? Right. The first minute was when we explained it. Oh, I see. I see. I thought we'd only been recording for a minute. And I was like, oh, God, Jason's in the garage.

The car is running. Listen, man, I'm just so sick of Jimbo getting Jimbo's tempo. I don't even know how time works anymore. old Jimbo's been in three minutes at the line of scrimmage slowing it down slowing it down just wants everybody to know

how smart he is how rich he is embarrassing I'm on that I'm on that Willie Taggart speed now that's right I've been recording

for an hour I don't know about y'all this is our third podcast of the night catch up that's right this is a no huddle podcast now we don't move

we don't move at slow aristocratic speed like Jimbo went to Texas to get rich how original That's fine. I don't miss him. I wish him well. I hope he can, you know, find what was missing. You know, not going to have any Florida players lurking around around his family at Texas A&M, so he's got that going for him.

That's meaner than what I was doing to say. All right, this is an FUSU podcast now for sure for real. This is, I do not know what you are talking about. I was going to take I was just about to take this in the direction about how other people close to him have found their own happiness in the SEC But

Oh no I support her in this to be absolutely Conduct Listen It was the lawyer who opened this can That is true Listen all it proves that Florida's easy to score against Nothing wrong with that

He's still on this podcast And that means we all have diplomatic immunity That's right You come to You come serve us papers in Nolesylvania Pastor My attorney made those jokes, not me

That's it I want to know the first like This is the thing I want to know About Don't change the subject I'm trying to desperately I'm trying to steer I'm only one trying to put this train back on one track

Much less two Anyway back to the knoll hole Back to the We should continue you to talk about the knolls. What about the knoll huddle? The noll. Damn it. Grassy knoll.

That's good. A grassy knoll. That's like Bud's Lone Care podcast. The Noler Express. I would, listen, I would pay pay pay per view dollars for Bud's lawn care show. Can put Bud's, listen, can we get Bud Elliott talking about lawn care and mowing his yard on Twitch? Can we just do that? Stream lawn care.

I would stage dinner parties with a flat. screen at one end of the table around this he's got a GoPro on the front of the mower just screaming into a microphone god damn it Zoycia just like rattling off facts about how much Miami sucked for

like between 2006 and 2016 yeah because too much Zoycia I'm going to have to buy the name Yard Barker because that's what this is wow you know the awful thing about this is this is all spur of the moment so i know you weren't even saving that nope oh please you think i saved it lowered into being he planned that just for this

exact scenario who would preserve who would carefully preserve these jokes weeks or days ahead oh let's craft oh this will be good are you kidding me all of this is garbage all of this is spoiled food that i'm feeding everyone else go gaiters you know who's you know who's you know who's also feeding everyone else? Florida State. Feeding them else. That's right. That ACC bowl money, it's all ours. Mm-hmm. That's right. We go to the good bowls, like the independents.

I mean, just, what was the wrap on, what was the knock on the ACC for years? Unbalanced Conference. Didn't have, didn't have a... Doesn't know where the ocean is. Knows that the ocean exists, though, and is willing to look in multiple directions for it. Can think of two words that describe the ocean, Atlantic and coastal. I mean, you know, you know of an entire ocean. If we ever have to open up a third division, we will call it sand in your crotch. Water.

No, it should have been. The third division is conference. Oh, wait. No, we already got the swamp crotch division. It's the sunbelt. Yeah. I think, I think they should have just had the, they should have had water. Water. The water division.

The Atlantic coastal. Put pit in the water. Yeah. Put pit. That's it. Not after midnight. That's how you get. That's how they get you. I got a, here's a good question from a fellow Noel. Danny from the block on Twitter, Colin Papa's Poles is the handle. Figure that one out. Is Louisville more Atlantic or coastal and why? I have thoughts on this, but I'm willing to.

I'm willing to cede the microphone. All right, so I'm first on the depth chart here. So I'll try not to get my, get changed. Leave some reps for the rest of us, though. Please. Louisville, of course, is in the Atlantic. Everyone knows this. ACC's divisions are actually very easy to remember,

despite the fun joke about how hard they are to remember. Everyone, everyone knows which team is on which side in the ACC. Except no one knows where Miami is, because they were put in the division that we aren't in so that they wouldn't, We wouldn't play each other in ACC title game all the time, and they only made it once and lost 0-1 all-time, ACC title game. Most important fact about the ACC. I feel like Louisville is more of a coastal program,

but that's only because they never actually win anything. And like the Coastals teams, like, you know, your Virginia Tech, okay, you lost a lot of BCS Bulls, you know, Georgia Tech, you lost the BCS Bowl, the rest of you is just NCAA sanctions and so forth. so like Louisville hey NCAA sanctions that's a good spot for Louisville I feel like the ACC should go for more of a relegation model

if you win the coastal you jump up to the Atlantic it's the one Florida State in it which has a recent national title much more recent than Miami's and also Clemson Clemson also well the coastal is Castlevania when you play it the first time and then when it turns upside down that's the Atlantic

it's the upside down because in the upside down there's a there's a big monster who comes through your wall Paul Johnson Paul Johnson no he's in the coastal

no dang it I hate these I hate this conference he would call that bullshit I don't know there's nobody there it's quiet it's quiet

it's quiet scary finally finally I could be at pace with my thoughts yeah oh you're a monster cool original pretty great

you're a mom monster who likes to eat other people. You know what? I think we got a lot in common. You know who I worked for? I don't have to wear pants in the upside down. By the way,

Syracuse in that deal hanging by their fingertips for relegation. Syracuse in this case, if we institute Atlantic to coastal relegation, Syracuse is Blackpool, their Stoke City, which actually this,

this plays. Because the ACC's actually like, I think the conference that's most like EPL in that the smallest Just lost every Florida State fans Yeah man Yeah man I'm in and out of character In and out of character

I got no idea of you're talking about I'm sorry soccer sucks there Louisville is more coastal Because Bobby Petrino will always pick The term that is least descriptive When asked for his location Atlantic that narrows it down a little bit Coastal

I mean that could be so many places Like, because he's trying to throw folks off his trail? Yes, yes. Bobby, where are you? I'm coastal. I'm by the coast. Bobby, which coast do you buy? Yes.

Yes. There's so much water. These voices get more upset. I know. It's so bad. You're just turning them into Peter Lawrence. Master, the plan. the key to a good

Bobby Petrino impression is like you have to feel ashamed as you're doing it you have to think like it's gone from white noise machine to Igor but also a little masturbatory

you have to be a little horny and ashamed your shame is making you horny essentially and like you're like rubbing pizza on yourself I'm gonna say speaking of Papa John yeah speaking of

yeah butter in there. Garlic butter. I do like the idea of Bobby Petrino looking... I do like the idea of Bobby Petrino looking at something on his phone, like looking up something on like Google and it's saying, can Google use your location and him throwing his phone immediately? I don't know.

What's Google wearing? I've been burned before. I would argue Louisville's on the water. It's coastal. So I'm just going to go there. That's pretty smart. Damn, that's the FSU education. Wait, hey, listen.

You know what Leon County is when you rearrange the letters? Do it. Do it. Leon County. Yeah. Well, when you realize Leon? County Leon. One L, number of times you lost Miami, that I can remember.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Zero. Number of national championships, Miami has, since the stakes matter of sorts of... Count. Yeah. No. E. Leon.

No! oh that's awesome i'll get a license plate that says all that hell yeah love to talk about knolls and leon who's leon he sounds cool leon first got to live there just moved in what's his name like the leon like the feudal lord count leon i would buy that i would buy that there were like a bunch of spanish uh a bunch of spanish conquistadors and you know heading looking for gold or the fountain of youth or something one of them named leon was just like I'm just going to stop here. I'm good.

Y'all go on. I'm good. I'm just going to stay here. You know what? It actually is named after Ponce de Leon, right? I'm just making that up. I don't actually know. It was probably named after a guy named Leon who owned a gas station there.

But I'm going to just say I was named after Ponsdaleon. And you know what Ponce de Leon was looking for? The Fountain of Youth. You know where he found it? Tallahassee. As in talent. Yeah. Willie Tagger.

As in talent, as in recruiting. Playing lots of freshmen. Willie Tagger. 18 years old. That's right. He is 18. He's a... Do you ever see...

Have you ever seen what we do in the shadows where they're all vampires and like Jermaine Clements? Why do you keep going with references Nol fans won't get? Come on. We have an excellent film program, Ryan. An excellent film program. Did you not know this?

What's a vampire movie that Null fans would know? Twilight. No fans have exquisite film knowledge. Twilight. That's of our outstanding... Girlfriend. Yeah, my wife.

My wife made me watch that on our... My wife made me watch Twilight. We do agree with it, sir. They do have a great film program. They do. See, we do have a great film program at Florida State. We, we do have a great film program. So, you know, while our taste may be more, I don't know, closer to every man across the board, in film, we have more Catholic open at universal taste in what we like.

I got my master's in Walker, Texas Ranger. What? Now we're talking A&M? Is that why Jimbo went there? I don't know why anyone would ever need to talk about them. Yeah. Walker's right, coward. What vampire movies would Florida State fans enjoy? The original Noseveratu?

Come on. After dark? Huh? Yeah. Or he's just going to name vampire movies for next? We got range. The actual answer is Blade. No.

The actual answer is Blaine, too. The actual answer is Van Helsing. Van Helsing. That movie's awesome. I love his hair. That and Blade, be like Wesley Snipes is awesome in that movie. Taxation is theft.

We got another question? You distracted me because now I'm thinking about Blade lining up a quarterback for Forest Bay. That's right. Now you're thinking about how awesome Blade is. That's what happened. That's when you talk about Blade. I'm going to give me a jersey says Blade.

You know what? I'm going to commit to Florida State, but you've got to make me a deal, Willie. What's that? My jersey says Blade. It's the only franchise that keeps giving you baby names. Blade, Blade 2, and Trinity. That's right. And you know what I get to do?

I get to play with a katana on my back. I'm not going to take it out on the field. I'm not an idiot. I just want to play with a katana on my back. Willie Taggart's like, yeah. And you know what Dan Mullen's doing? He's going, hey, you like Dracula? that's why Willie's going to out recruit him

Dan Mullen's favorite vampire movie is Dracula dead and loving it undoubtedly yep sorry heels uncultured heels all right this question comes from

number one uncle cracker fan at Buttpocket Go no 100% real God I can't believe butt pocket was taken shit please just make sure everyone knows

that Clemson isn't a threat to FSU's dominance honestly I'm astonished you even thought that was possibility I'm kind of insulted by the premise of this question to tell you the truth sure I mean I appreciate listen when you look around the ACC you see that other teams have done their job and that is to put quality wins on Florida State's schedule

now it's up to Florida State to harvest those wins but we are the farmer and they are the wheat and and that's all clemson is at this point you know they're they are the fatted calf and whew they're fat as hell you've seen that defensive line that's that's a lot of beef but it's just time for florida state to to have some barbecue that's all really and you know tallahassee of course greatest city in the world for barbecue world's capital barbecue hey we're closer to the source because you know what state produces more beef cattle. The ocean. Then all but, no, then all but one, all but one

in the nation? That's right. That's a manatee, Ryan. Yeah, that's it. Manatee's beef? Yeah, it's got beef in it. Tudas the original cow. Look it up. You open a manit. Listen, man, when the ocean keeps flooding, you're going to want to have fish barbecue, right? That's right. Come on over. We'll put a manatee in the ground. It'll be good.

Absolutely. I'll barbecue a mermaid. They're not people it's not a crime are they American citizens I'm sorry I don't care and they're women they're border jumpers that's all I need to do is protect the borders

by barbecuing a manatee that's all I'm saying Donald Trump help me out hey a border that's kind of like a coast isn't it protect the coastal that's all we do see are you going to be that internationalist cabal of teams in the Atlantic

stretching willy nilly from one continent to the other, or are you going to draw a line in the sand and join the coastal? Well, we're in the Atlantic. Doesn't matter. I was on a roll. Yeah, we're going to win both of them. That's right. Doesn't matter.

We're a sleeper cell. I have a question that I want to address. I know we're not going to talk about the past, but I do think it's about time because we can finally discuss the real truth behind this. This is from at Matthew underscore flare. It's less a question than

request it's time to talk about quote slim jimbo unquote from jimbo fisher's wikipedia page and he highlights the following text which i had not read before fisher earned the nickname slim jimbo because of his affinity for meat snacks slimbo that's so much tidier isn't it like that's so much easier he is he has mentioned in numerous interviews that he wishes to launch an organic jerky company after he retires from coaching. The company would feature jerky made from animals native to both the deep south and his native West Virginia, such as alligator muskrat. Revenuers. That's, that is the next one. And wild boar. I, uh, I mean, isn't jerky just, isn't jerky just

taking a five star and somehow coaching him? only ends up a, like, sixth-th-round draft pick. Isn't that all that is? Isn't jerky just taking premium talent? But people still pay for that jerky, don't they? Rumoredly. I don't have to... What do you, cop?

I mean, I think he's killed enough Gators. He's got a supply. Damn. You know it. I have two points... If I were a Florida fan, I would have two points to rebut that. that's it got them both at once too got them both at once

yeah apparently this is apparently yeah this is this is in his this is his Wikipedia page so it has to be true standards might not meet this standards might not meet scrutiny but yeah you know what muskrat jerky I'm down with it that's fine

Florida State listen the trash we have to eat for most of the season playing the pitiful schedule that we play which is really hard remember our schedule is both very hard and it's against trash our conference they're all garbage all of them are garbage

it's a lot like Florida students hooking up that's right I think this is another example of a thing where Bud has pretty much single-handedly changed the internet narrative because like it was like oh the ACC's garbage they don't deserve us and now it's like ACC deepest conference of the land

you might remember you might see 13 teams making bowls except Miami rose to the challenge i mean basically you look at it uh we're superman and the rest of the conference is all the other stupid dc superheroes like did they have to rise to a challenge because of us absolutely are we in this together yes could we kill them all with our heat laser eyes 100% 100% i don't know i think i think we're batman we got the plan to kill them all you know like batman's always got like the um spreadsheet full of like ideas on how to kill superman yeah but i'm not wearing pants i'm not i'm not doing that I think Miami's 100% Batman because his biggest enemy would be the IRS, right?

No, Miami's definitely the Joker because it's always like, yeah, you really went into a lot of effort for this costume and you're just waving a gun around for no reason. Yeah, yeah. And you kind of like, you kind of like fighting more than winning? It's unclear what your goal is here, Miami Joker. Also, like, if you had, like, 100 ACC fans in a room and you just said the words, Miami's like the Joker, every Miami fan is like, fuck yeah, we are. We're twisted. We're sick.

And if you ask them all, here are all the people who put random and sarcastic in their Twitter vios. Yeah, like, if you ask Miami fans like, which Joker? They would say, like, he's... Jared Leto! Suicide Squad was awesome. We put the U in suicide. and squad took me a minute. That was good.

Virginia Tech would not claim a superhero. It would be just like, I don't, why would you? No, no, they're too busy, like, actually building bunkers. Yeah, that's exactly. Comic books, those don't go in, those don't go in the hole. They're kindling. They're kindling. That's right.

We won't need comic books in the future. Our future. But, yeah, apparently this is something that's actually true. that Jimbo wants to run a jerky company, which, you know. It's sweet that he's still pretending he's going to have a job after this one. Why would you work with that much money? Love of jerky. Just love jerky.

That would be the best explanation for why he left. Not some really well-written and researched, deep piece written by Andy Staples on how it happened. It would be, well, A&M's got a great meat program, and I need a lot of seed money to start this thing, because musk, muskrat ain't cheap. Assistant Goh just kept trying to go in his office, and he had just like strips of salted dried, get out of here. You're going to let the flies in. That's it. He's like, I need a lot of seed money, and A&M would build me the biggest basement I'd ever had, just curing as far as the eye can see. Can you imagine in that interview with A&M?

Jimbo's like I'm gonna put in the test I'm gonna ask them about their meats I'm gonna ask them if they're meat's high quality enough so tell me about your meats Aggies are just like oh we got him we got him now

little hearts in one eye and dollar signs in the other they're sitting there like I don't know I don't know if we can land a big fish like Jimbo but then he said meats when did you know he was the one

probably when we were discussing field cleaning um speaking of meat i have i have a two-part question i'd like to address um from fellow null dac moyer on twitter how many public's chicken tenders can you consume in one sitting before it comes bad for your health oh man tud's gonna go ahead and put on his legal hat here because the answer may surprise you go ahead but first and more importantly the follow-up from the official public's account which is a name searcher evidently because they were not at it in the original tweet.

Quote, the limit does not exist. Your friend should enjoy the chicken tenders. There is no judgment here, smiley emojis. Now, so according to Canon, according to Publix canon,

literally eating infinite chicken tenders is not bad for you at all, according to Publix itself. That's legally binding. What I'm telling you, Dak, is that you can eat 500 chicken fingers and whatever befalls you after that, organ failure, death, long-term coma, being able to levitate, you can sue publics

for all of it. Transubstantiation. They just warranted to all of you. They just told you 100%. No risk here. Are you kidding me? Everybody knows that the most dangerous thing in Florida's chicken fingers. How are you going to tell a Floridian that there's no, you know, they're free of legal consequence

for what comes next? Man, man, man. You asked for it. The most dangerous man alive. You asked for it, Publix. Tell you what, Publix. Nothing but chicken figures until I die. And then me and my family, I'm taking you to the cleaners.

My dead family. Me and my dead, me and my dead chicken finger stuff family. We'll see you in heaven court. The corpses piled up in my kitchen. We'll sue your asses, Publix. And you know what? I run a daycare. And what you just told me is,

I can feed those babies. You know what? I got 18-month-olds. You know what they're getting out? Chicken fingers exclusively. Hey, you know what you're-ut-up chicken tenders. Oh, they didn't say cut up. Where'd they say cut up?

I'm cutting them up. I'm humane. Yeah, you know what you can do? You can take all those chicken tenders. You can make a gallum out of them, like just to make yourself a chicken tender gollum and write the words recruit on a sheet of paper and put it in glitter. Dip it and glitter. Put it in the head of the gallum.

and it will still it will recruit better than Dan Mullen. That's true. Yeah. That's true. I mean, hey, listen, you know, you know what's got three stars? You know what's got three stars?

Blade. The universe. That's right. That is correct. Blade is such an awesome movie. I'm like, I'm not even in character. character. I'm like, Plade, thank you for sponsoring the shutdown knoll cast, first of all.

Talk about the knolls. Sponsored by Wesley Snipes. I want to be clear, it's not Wesley Snipes, and it's not even like the Blade family of movies. It's just the 1998 film Blade, starring Stephen Doran. The Blade extended. No, no, no, no, no. The third one has Chris Christopherson in it. It does. Yeah, but the third one has a lot of, the third one has, like, everybody in it. Ryan Reynolds is excellent in it, doing all the Ryan Reynolds stuff that he's famous for now. Yeah, but does it have Steven Dorf? There are

advantages. Steven Dorf could also out-recruit Dan Mullen. Teens don't even know who he is, but they know he's not Dan Mullen. That's a big advantage. Steven Dorf is the Jeff Bowden of the Blade extended universe. Kids just so repulsed by Dan Mullen.

They flee to any other adult please let me sign for your football program i don't i don't have a football program just be cool man man dan lullen's approaching me with his jordan's i like that with florida uh florida basically looked at jim mccleine and said hmm the car is right but the body kit we need something with a with a sturdier body kit and that's how they got dan mullin's just a just a wider base same let's go ahead and lower that a little bit uh yeah let's get the f250 version of McElwain I like

that he hasn't coached a game He hasn't coached a game We're already like trash Was he never wore socks Right He just had those smelly ass loafers So like We really like

Jim McElain But like can his entire personality Be based around his shoes And like the socks he puts in them Right We really want people to know he has socks on Like He's definitely got feet

Look at his feet are covered I just hope someone Looks at Dan Malin and goes Hey man why you got the crying man 2018's on that's it yeah like that's going to be the greatest

when like you know the current trends if they were to accelerate or whatever and suddenly like Adidas is like officially cooler than Nike oh yeah no no no because you know you should go back to Mississippi State so you can actually recruit

Coke all right you all want to do a little let's do a little schedule preview shall we yeah yeah all right First up, Florida State got Virginia Tech placing a bunch of starters on defense. No linebackers, no secondary, I don't know, easy, easy no win. We worried?

What's the worry about with Virginia Tech? Nothing. Nothing. They got like six scholarship players over it. Samford, you're not real. You'd probably beat Florida. At Syracuse. Syracuse kind of Pitt Jr. at this point?

I think that's fair to say. Here's what I love about the Syracuse game. as a null fan I love playing a team in orange and blue that can actually score touchdowns it's fun is different that's no one yeah

yeah it's weird N IU yeah we already beat you in a big bowl game good to see again yeah by the way Syracuse you said that you know like baby pit I would call them pity column

sure shit uh Louisville I mean you all know Louisville's got a new defensive coordinator right oh go on mr brian van gorder and here's what here's what i love about bobby petrino

between brian van gorder and uh todd grantham a couple years ago bobby really does a good job of hiring assistance that make you as the ad say yeah i don't think he should be the interim so bobby can stay that's a smart job security well we have no one on staff qualified to coach this ball game so We have so many, let's see, there's a wide receivers coach named Zane Petrino. Ah, damn it. Nope, can't be him either. I guess if it's between Zane and Brian Van Gorder, Zane's getting the job. So, that's a win.

Miami. Win. Win. I'm glad we gave you one last year. You know, barely beat the worst Florida State team I ever damn seen. Congratulations. Wake Forest, win. Please.

Never again. Never, never, never again. There's a certain, certain incident or two we don't talk about. Never again. Listen, sometimes you thought you pressed pause and walked away to heat up some bagel bites. And you didn't press pause. And that's all that happened. Nothing wrong with it.

Okay. You come back and you've committed 37 delay of games in a row. You're on the one yard line. And you're just still inching backward. Still a better game plan than Jep out and would have. Yeah, that still wouldn't cause Wake Forest to score 31 points. Clamson, you know, I think the coaching, the coaching gap has been narrowed here considerably, if not eliminated. Not really worried about that.

Probably. Their advantage was they had a really young skinny guy. Now we've got an even younger, skinnier guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here's what I really want to get to. We're going to play a little game called NC State or Double Florida. The way this game works is I'm going to give you a stat from last year, and you're going to tell me what's higher.

NC State's total, just playing the season, or if we doubled the Florida's total from last year. You all ready? Mm-hmm. Passing touchdowns. NC State. NC State, yeah. Double Florida edges it out.

Double Florida gets 20 to NC State 17. Rushing touchdowns. NC State. NC State wins that one. 35 to double Florida's 30. 20 plus offensive plays of 20 plus yards. NC State. Yeah, NC State.

Double Florida's just barely winning this one, 76 to 75. And then the easiest question of all. Oh, that's bullshit. wins. Oh, that would be... Is that a tie? It's, nope. NC State wins that.

Nine to eight. Yeah. So, congratulations, congratulations, Florida. If you're twice as good as you were last year, you'll be, well, like, neck and neck with a good NC State team. Proud of you.

Nine to eight, that's going to be the score in the Florida, Kentucky game. I think, I think NC State is only this successful because of that, uh, that NFL quarterback they have. have Jacoby Brissette. Where'd he come from? Florida. He came from Florida. Oh, so he's a double Florida too then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He is. That's Dave Doran. He's terrible. Remember, he's one of the best coaches in the nation in the deepest conference. He's awful. It's trash. He really is like one of those like hot seat extension types, you know? Well, I mean, NC State people are so confused about, like, you've got to lose four games, how you want to do it. Like, where do you want to? Where do you want to apportioning all of these, right?

Right. It's like the entire NC State schedule every single year is a vaccination schedule. They're like, well, you can get these four or five shots all in a bunch and get them over with, or you can space them out. How you want to do it? Either way, there's going to be a rash. Yeah. I think it's more like a pit boss with a ball peen hammer who's like, listen, I got to take four.

You tell me which ones. I don't care. They're all toes and fingers to me. It's three and then one of them is like Okay fine You can keep that toe Sike plow That's the Clemson game every year

At Notre Dame Join a conference Boston College You know You just wonder what's going on at Florida That's a revenge game bro You just see Florida run I mean

Is it fair to say that Steve Adosio is the second most successful active head coach associated with Florida? I think so. I think so. Also, this is it's military appreciation day, which is fun because we're going to be running drills on them.

That's right. It's going to be a parade of touchdown. You'll probably lose that game. Can't spell stolen valor without Knowles. We're talking about spelling an awful lot for a Florida State podcast. Yeah, you get college credit. You get college credit for listening to this.

Can I tell you the only thing I need to spell? F-S-U. That's right. Done. 2013 B-C-S. How about that? Yeah, you like that? I can spell something else.

Dan Mullen. I'm just going to keep coming back to this. Because, like, making fun of my own coach before he's ever coached a game, feels really good, natural. I'm hoping to get you to like a West world state of things by the time September rolls around and you see his weird little face on screen and your eyes kind of go a thousand yards staring and just say it doesn't look like anything to me.

I don't see a coach there. Also you're wearing a bandolier and a prairie dress in this scenario. That also might be true. Yeah. He looks like one of those animatronic bears from Disney. They just sort of like reshaped into the country bears! well welcome everybody won't you sit down

I mean if you've ever seen him do karaoke it's indistinguishable true um let's see are we talking about Spencer or Dan Mullen both yep yep yes okay Florida I mean

yeah Florida oh let's see see if we can get see if we can get Dan Mullen a shutout see if we get in that pitiful streak they got I'm just impressed Florida players

even know what weapons are at this point. Evidently not. Asked and answered. Asked and answered. What are you waving around? It's a metaphor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, how are we, coach, how are we going to attack this defense? Well, we're going to get something, you know, too wide to really. be swung quickly, you know, kind of flat, just wide and flat. Sort of flail. Then we're getting some guns that don't really shoot, but they might scare them into shooting us. This is a good plan. It's a good plan that's successful.

I mean, I would think that you'd be more careful and understand that anybody could smoke you at any time if you're Florida, if you lost to Georgia Southern. Don't even need a fire shot. just keep you on the ground no no just ground a pound it's all you need that's why they got the frying pan they're like I've seen this work

the frying pan is a shield that's what it is worst Zelda players ever instead of Captain America that's Captain Florida it's dangerous take this with you

it's dangerous take this you might want eggs you know it leaves a little bit of iron with the food so it's adding nutrition with every meal I have a that's that's it through the whole schedule right with 12 and 0 in the playoffs all that

12 and 0 in the playoff beat whatever shit the coastal division burps up and then we're in the playoff yeah I mean it's a garbage it's a garbage schedule against some teams that just really aren't very talented at strongest deepest conference in the nation. Depending on which way the wind blows.

Yeah, exactly. You know, Wake Forest, they're garbage, they're trash. They're never going to be good. Claussen's done an amazing job there. It's just another difficult. Just to, Holly, we got some things to catch you up on. That doesn't look like anything to me. About all Dave Clausen.

Don't worry, Dave Doran turned down the Tennessee job. I found out my three or four, God damn you. Three or four moves ago, I was cleaning off an old bulletin board, and I found a post-it note that I had passed Spencer in the press box during a game in the Closson era. And in all caps, it says, I hate Dave Closson more than I hate smallpox, because at least that was eradicable. Plus, you got a blanket out of it.

I really... Jesus, God, you really did go to Florida. coaching at Wake Forest Really like Seriously man Coaching at Wake Forest And being like a sort of moderately successful cult leader Same job

Right How big is a community That's about 5,000 people Will it get bigger than that? No No it definitely no No I've topped I've topped out

My scriptures and my writings Are too disturbing for the mainstream That famous picture of the very empty ACC championship that's that's kind of like the picture of like a cult's like final moment oh that's jones town that's jones town for sure was that boston college virginia tech no it was any team in this conference could beat anybody else in the country nothing but ball teams garbage conference i call the acc the marionis trench because it's very deep but there's nothing there except james cameron yeah except for a trash bag ac c legend james cameron yeah i love

i love terminator too i wish he and blade would get married Actually, Bobby Petrino and James Cameron got a lot in common. Did James, like, wreck that little one-man submarine with his, like, mistress? Not to see Petrino crashing different vehicles. You'll crash anything, man. Put him anywhere on God's green earth, he'll find a vehicle to crash. That's why putting him in the ACC is so dangerous. You want to let that man near a submersible vehicle?

Yeah. Do you want to come to my house and watch Avatar?