Shutdown Fullcast - Tampa Bay Tom, Prepper Types, and English Village/QB Prospect

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

If you're thinking this episode seems strangely like the episodes the Fullcast releases when the world's operating normally, consider this: we were preparing you all along! (We weren't. We don't plan that well.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. I don't even know what this edition is. How to say it. Where to start? We have four people on here. This is an acceptable distance because we are several hundred miles from each other for the most part. Right? We're hundreds of miles now. I think that's only true of one of us.

So is that, are you saying like an average, or like iron is hundreds of miles away? This is like if you average out the Claussen brothers, right, at Tennessee, if you average out their quarterback yardage. Good. I like that we're just going to make Holly mad from the get. I wasn't listening. What? If you average them out, right? Jimmy and Casey are doing most of the heavy lifting, right? Jimmy didn't play at Tennessee. right listen do you think the claussons can hurt me any more than they already have yeah that's offensive yeah

if you average out like you know cams yard actually you know what camden's brother at howard because cam only played one year right yeah anyway we got to stop talking about the distance between us because it's really upsetting like two or three specific people on reddit yeah yeah so we are this episode of the internet's only college football podcast from entersociety.com, we are going to talk about mainly distracting you. I think that's fair to say. Can I get some gripes out first? Yeah, yeah. We can do this because on the internet's only college football podcast, everything's audible this week. I'm mostly in your leg. Mostly I am a that like so there are no sports we are everybody knows that already there are no sports and now

everybody's like well i still have a sports podcast how do i do a sports podcast that's not about sports and none of you all been none of these motherfuckers are like acknowledging the trailblazing research we have done for literal years doing a sports podcast that isn't about sports like where where is our new york Times article. Where is our write-up in Neiman Lab? Where are people acknowledging the hard work we did preparing for this very doomsday scenario? Garbage. That's my number, Kara Swisher. What the fuck? The pioneers, pioneers never get credit, man. For instance, cooped up in my own, right, in my own lodgings, I had to watch Togo, which I thought was. going to suck movie about Togo, a sled dog who saved a bunch of sick kids, right? And I thought,

oh, man, this sounds familiar. This sounds like Balto. You may remember Balto, right? Oh, Balto! Balto was a cute husky who saved a bunch of kids from New Mexico because he brought a medicine on a sled. He was fraud. I learned that the real pioneer was Togo because he did like 260 miles with with Sepola to bring this like serum to all these kids in Nome, Alaska, right? And then Balto got the last leg. Balto only went like 24 miles or something. Like, oh, you were first. Botto's a goal line back.

Yeah, Balto is the Mike Alstott here. Vulturing. Completely vulturing TDs. Yeah, vulturing TDs for Warwick done. That's what Balto is. Baltho, through no fault of his own, is a fraud. Togo is where it's at. That's us.

We're Togo. We're the weird dog that jumps through a window. when nobody wants it. That's what happens in the movie, by the way. Untrainable dog, absolute legend. Us. That doesn't sound like us. Also, it must be mentioned from last week.

I think weeks are like six years long these days. There's simply no way to know. It was affirmed by the internet that we are one of the sports world's two podcasts, no longer merely only the college football podcast. Now we are the only college sports podcast. and, in fact, the only other sports podcast is Matt Hasselbex, the only one to defeat us in the For the Win podcast bracket. Thanks to you, the podcast, our Reddit Hive,

our wholesome Russian botnet for boosting us all the way to the elite. A elite is a word often used to describe this podcast now and forevermore. But yeah, you only have two options, one's Matt Hasselbeck. We loosen the lid binge mode, okay? We loosen the goddamn lid. without tweeting gifts of our own faces. How about that? I would like to point out also that the last time I was on this podcast, everything was fine. And I'm not saying in the world, I mean, not on the podcast.

And I'm not saying that's the fault of anyone here. But I am saying, isn't it interesting that after this podcast's heroic underdog upset of Bill Simmons, the United States has turned to shit? Isn't that interesting? Don't you wonder what Bill Simmons Like hasn't Boston been through enough You do kind of wonder Is Tommy going to Tampa Bill Simmons no longer

Has a bad ass That's right The curse is back to life I do want to talk about Some Tom Brady News Independent of any Other Associated Media Personalities

Independent of Tampa Independent of that Tampa's independent and of itself. Yeah, but that's only, that was only from an oversight. We forgot to connect the power grid. Sorry about that. We don't have the lease. You got eight coal plants just bust in ass there.

Coal, coal, coal, coal, coal. That would be amazing if we had lost the lease to Tampa, right? Not the least, but the lease. The Spanish just come back in 10 years and they're like, what did you do with this? You haven't paid rent in three years. I think it's more like, oh, no, this is our responsibility. We're not getting the security deposit back.

Didn't you people build a single, decent crosswalk? Not one? Who thought concrete in a hot place was a good idea? I did learn an important Tampa lie today. So Tampa has Bayshore Boulevard, which it bills as the longest continuous sidewalk in the world. And that is a lie on the order. There is a, I think it's in Uruguay.

There is a sidewalk that is three times as long. What about the Great Wall of China? Does that not count? I don't think that's a sidewalk because it's not next to a road. Okay. But the Mongols thought it was. Next to a road? Yeah, everything was a road for the Mongols.

that's a really good point shit yeah so like south americans in the mountainous areas they were very adept at making roads all throughout hills the incans were famous for a road that like span the whole fucking continent i really doubt Tampa is outdoing the Peruvians here Tampa land of lies that's what I always think like Mongols Mongols basically the defensive tackle of empires because just go that right like what's your technique what gap are you blocking defense defensive tackle. I'm going that way. Okay, great. That's good. Engage eight. Where does your, yeah, where do you, where do, where's your arrow on the playbook that way? Okay, cool, cool. That's great, man. They did do some misdirection, though. Like, they ran some counter, you know, they'd say like, oh, oh, we're retreating. We're so scared of, you know, your little white guys with swords. Oh, it's a scary. And then your white guys

of swords rush out there and, oh, shit, now your white guys of swords are dead. No, they were just, they were just winded, like defensive tackles, right? Like, oh, I'm going to give ground for a minute and now I'm back right we'll send in we'll send in Kubla Khan this time all right good we got him some reps we got another one coming we do have um a little bit of podcast business blah blah blah blah blah blah podcast business i really my daughter knows how to play that So, like, her piano teacher, I don't know. I just look at it. She's playing.

Yeah. So we can have our own band on the podcast. Our very own hold that tiger aficionado at Ogeron doing a PSA this week for coronavirus prevention. Probably the most powerful coronavirus PSA you will see, right? There's some good ones. Mel Brooks and Max Brooks did one. But none will have the thunderous. power of Ed Ogeron saying,

watch your hands. There was, Matthew McConaughey's is very good. Did you see that one? No. I did. It's basically the Jimmy Guards on Twitter version of Matthew McConaughey, telling you to, you know, try and survive.

Turn a red light to a green light. Let's make some lemons out of this, make some lemonade out of this pandemic. Brother. Yeah. The vape, the vape pin with only the most powerful, like, THC oil is immediately off camera. Is there a celebrity who you think has offered to record one of these? And they've been like, no, thank you.

We're good. Do you think Johnny, do you think Johnny Depp has gone to, like, the city of Los Angeles? Yes. Yes, I do. Okay. It'll be me in a crowd of people on a ship. then I'll come and then I'll come in wearing a feather boa

with a guitar this is too much plot yeah and then there'll be like hundreds of people on the set Johnny you can't have hundreds we can't put hundreds of people we'll put tens

you can't put ten people together right now Johnny it's not we just need you like you okay and Keith Richards no not Keith Richards this is this is at least better

than the Vanessa Hudgens PSA which he respects the virus but it's going to kill us all and that's fine. What? Damn, Disney going hard. Vanessa Hudgens is a fucking voice of the apocalypse. It was especially good because she ended that.

She ended that video with, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but. Published. She followed it up with like, I guess that was bullshit, my bad, but it was like, you know, I don't know. I think you were spitting hard truths. The poster's creed. I don't know.

It might be bullshit, y'all, books. But click. I mean, look, when you can listen to, I don't know, the CDC and the World Health Organization or former Disney stars and sports radio personalities, you know, it's a hard choice. Yeah. It's a hard choice. How good is that that Vanessa Hutchins is like, Creepin' down!

Yeah! Damn! If I'd known you were this medal, Vanessa. I want to watch whatever show you were on. Can I share one travel story from while I was out? Just because it really touched my heart and have really fucked up way. Yeah, before we get to the business, by the way, which it should be pointed out, you almost, you came very close to having, like, very little chance of getting back in the country. To being trapped in Europe, yeah, sure dead.

You were almost trapped in Spain. The thing that really impresses me about this is that you bought those tickets like eight months. ago. Yes. And when I, when we left, by the time this comes out, it'll have been like two weeks plus. Spain had like very few reports of coronavirus. And I was sort of like, I was on the fence about it. I was like, well, I don't know if this is a good idea, but like for now, things seem relatively calm. And while we're there, obviously, like things are changing and evolving. It's like, keeping an eye on it. And then by the time we get out, it's like, yep, okay. All right. Like, Indiana Jones reaches back and pulls us.

hat as the door slammed shut um while we were on vacation uh my wife had her passport stolen so we had to go to the u.s consulate in barcelain to get her an emergency replacement and the nice thing about going to the consulate is that everyone is there for the same reason they have lost their passport in some dumb way they like it's like i put my backpack on the ground and uh and a friendly stranger offered to take my picture and then a person who was what the stranger took my backpack and ran and like there is no judgment that happens because again we're all here for this same reason but there was this one older couple and they're like 50s she had had her passport stolen he was with her helping her out whatever and you know they're

chatting us up they're like hey where you from we say Nashville and they're like oh he's like oh are you are you Titans fans and we're like yeah you know family is such a loaded term. And it really didn't matter what we said at that point, because all he wanted to do was what he did next. We just say, well, let me, this is going to make you mad, but let me show you something. And he pulls up his sweatshirt and he has a Kansas City Chief's Super Bowl

Champions T-shirt. And he's like, how do you like that? We're like, we're fine. We actually thought the Chiefs were very good, sir. But I just appreciate that this guy, who may very well be trapped in Europe, is just going around to anybody and with any provocation

like if somebody's like man boy this whole coronavirus thing is really unexpected he's like you know what else is really unexpected let me tell you look at this right here are you fan of real Madrid we'll get a load of this I'm from the real Kansas City

Rayelle Casey real it's pronounced real amigo so that's one thing that's going to stick with me the other is the lunch we had in a restaurant that was playing pop music but like covers of it sort of in the vibe of the girl from Ipanema like that sort of cadence and rhythm and some of it was just sort of weird like they did purple rain they did umbrella but they also did the song that seemed wildly inappropriate for this like smooth jazz treatment and that is

tears from heaven by Eric Clapton a song written about a child dying after falling out a window. And I just don't know. Is that what that's about? Yes, he wrote it after his son fell out a window and died. Oh, I was going to say, that's a very specific thing to make up,

but he didn't make it up. Yeah, that's, yeah, yeah. You know, it wasn't Billy Joel because that's what he would have called. Billy Joel's like, it's called Tears from the Attic. So, yeah, that's it. That's everything I did on my trip.

Fun stuff. Yeah. Glad you made it back, buddy. Don't worry. You don't have to care if my travel tips are good or not because nobody's going anywhere. Yeah. Y'all, we're going to try to give you what you need here, which is something that we basically do every week anyway. All I want is unlimited power over my enemies.

We're going to get to that. Okay. But first. Wait, what would you do with it? What would you do with it? Like, really, what would you do with it? The look on her face right now is basically murder. But like murder plus, like the subscription package.

I'm smiling. Right, right, right. I'm smiling. Like, not just taking out your enemies, but doing absolutely terrible things. I'm smiling. You've already used up your time on the free version of murder, but just for just $59.99. Would you like to download Murder Plus? You can, you can update to Adobe Murder. plus.

Stop talking about us being in the same room. You're upsetting Reddit. This is a deal, Janine. So we're going to do that. We're going to give you the usual gibberish. We're also going to let you know that some people have asked about fundraisers, about charity events, because Lord knows there are countless different parties of interest who are going to suffer a lot because of quarantine, closing, self-isolation,

and everything that happens to the economy of people's jobs after that. The answer to what are we going to do is we're working on it. We're like everybody else. We're day by day here. We're not really quite sure what we're going to do yet. We do know that the EDSPS fundraiser, the EDS charity bowl, we basically kicked that down the road a month at least. Their offices are closed, too.

Yeah, because they too are working from home. and are unsure of exactly what the next day, week, or even month is going to bring. So that's been put it down the road. We will be doing it when it's appropriate, when we can, when everybody is back to something like semi-full capacity work-wise. So whenever this clears up, that's probably when we'll end up doing it. That's definitely not coming back to hauntus. We will also, we're also working on some more immediate and probably shorter-term charity things for people, for communities and such directly affected by the horrible spread of coronavirus, which we're, don't worry, guys, they're totally on top of it. It's fine. It's probably going to be gone tomorrow. Probably. Depending on when you listen to this.

That's a really good point. That's true. And your definition of tomorrow. And they. Yeah. Thank you. Our lawyer gave us some. Our trained counselor gave us some very broad windows within that statement. Fucking Bill Clinton over here.

Depends of what your meaning of every word I've just said is. Yeah. Let's examine the sentence, word by word. I would like to say, I have like a bizarre level, like a little bit of admiration for the NFL, while the rest of the world is like melting down or shutting down or altering drastically

the NFL is just like sorry I can't hear you just over here football it as hard as I can't hey you're gonna have to speak up sorry man we're out here football and this is all we know how to do

they absolutely are going to play the season whether the country is in tatters or not right oh oh if Roger Goodell like we agree on this right Roger Goodell will wear a plague mask at the at the NFL draft if he has to just to keep it on the schedule So NFL draft

The first pick The thing that I can't stop thinking about Is the players riding the little swan boats Alone across the empty canals Of the Venetian In an empty Vegas because they're closing the casinos today Like a like like like a like a like dozens of promposals gone wrong.

Jets fans. Like every pick looks like they just got voted off the island. A lot of events are amazing. And one of the very, very, very few of things to appreciate about this is how bizarre the things on TV are. And I guess that'll continue. The NFL will surely give us as much of that as, they can possibly squeeze out.

The one that is the sport that to me has been the most obvious, like, oh, yeah, they would all get that, has been the NBA because you're like, oh, why have they hit so hard? Oh, yeah, idiot me realizes that they pass a ball back and forth with their hands frequently. In fact, really good teams do it a lot all the time. Why do we try to tell you about running the ball this entire time? See? And also they were in season. And they were in season and crowded auditoriums.

Yeah, they were actively traveling throughout large cities for the entire time. This was operating the country. Like, court. Let me put up the chart of like the Utah Jazz had had first or second or third hand contact with literally every team in the NBA. Like the poor NBA players, they didn't stand a chance in terms of like, in terms of not coming into contact with this because they have every single high-risk, like, environment and arena all lined up.

Kevin Durant got it, and he's been injured all year. Yeah. Yeah. He hasn't played any basketball. So we can rule out basketball as a, uh, it's folks, it's not just you avoid basketball. Oh. It's you avoid everything. Which is a shame because Spencer's lifelong aversion to basketball was starting.

to look like a public health decision, honestly. Yeah. I mean, to a certain extent, like if Spencer went out right now and got a game and pick up going, that would be bad, but he will not, and that is good. Can I just one note here coming back to something

that we sort of started talking about? The timing of any NFL news right now is just hilariously bad, right? Oh, man, DeForest Butner got traded. now in pandemic news they have to pivot closely to they're not even doing that

that's the best part is NFL reporters are just like it's cookie monster with cookies you can't be like hey cookie monster we want you to eat these cookies but also report the news he just eats the cookies

that's what he does who's doing the weird thing here it's the league right the league should have postponed this the league probably should have but there's also like NFL fans seem perfectly happy to be like yes please give us this it's i don't think it's wrong necessarily it's just really fucking funny it is it is weird as hell i'll certainly grant yeah i guess i don't blame anyone short of the league because if it's going

to happen and fine sure especially because all the shit that's going on now is just like you know roster movement stuff that is happening in theory on the phone or whatever I've, like, it's not, it's not in any way sort of promoting a risky behavior, but it's just so weird to be like, yeah, oh, here's this, here's this whole state where they're shutting down everything that isn't a hospital or a pharmacy. And, oh, by the way, Philip Rivers to the Colts, big news. Yeah, it was pretty wild today as we record on Tuesday. The top three trends involve the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on like literally one of the worst days in the history of the world. It'd be like if you played a fallout where you could go to an NFL game,

like a regular NFL game. Y'all are edging really close to the subject of the story that I'm working on. And Ryan is laughing because he knows what it is. I know. And it's also, yeah. The team that we were using in the story as an example was the Orioles, but Tampa might be funnier. Oh, man. Fuck. In the middle, just in terms of, I believe that if the world is telling you how things are going to go, you should listen. And Tom Brady is in all likelihood going to announce in the middle of a global pandemic that he is going to play at the age of 43 for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Tampa Tom!

Tampa Tommy! It's like the scene at the end of 28 days later where they look at the end of, up and, you know, the island has been ravaged, destroyed by zombies who can run. And they look up and there is a normal passenger jet flying overhead. That passenger jet in our world is bearing NFL free agency rumors. It actually is bearing NFL free agents. Hey, there's Tom Brady. Oh, man, he's leaving to go side with the bucks. That's crazy. Oh, yeah. Apply the flight tracker sundial because we don't have computers anymore. And yep, he's on his way to Tampa. Tom Brady is going to do so many terrible social media videos trying to make Tampa look better

than it is, right? He's going to have, like, live in my best life playing in the background, like, yeah, 8-13. Life's nice down here. They're going to be like, Tom, you're clearly in Jamaica. What? Not sure what you're talking about, friend. Hey, Tom, we'd like you to meet the Todd. I'm going to put a comic on Instagram where he is a pirate. Oh, that seems that seems very unbranded. I would like to update everybody

on how the Todd adult superstore is responding to the news of the day. This is a Instagram post from two days ago. The graphic design is terrible. It is

it has Todd the couple's superstore which has a king and a queen on it. I'm not really sure about that. It says fun at home with the at sign, a variety of, a variety of sex toys. And the following text, if your event was canceled, get something sensual to pass the time. That's it. That's all the Todd has to say about COVID-19.

I love that event could mean so many things. Yeah. Like, oh, your graduation was canceled. Your NHL season was canceled. get this dildo. Man, I'm going to be so mad if I die and this is the last show. Why? How did she go out?

Oh, you know, Tom Brady and Tampany and Dildos. But you repeat yourself. Now, updated. You're like, man, life's just life's just a bunch down here. It's, you know, I got asthma. It's on my mind. that's fair Tom why don't you come down

of the Plant City Strawberry Festival I'm sorry I don't need they're poison I'm going to play for the Vikings Tom's going to get his first bite of a chicken finger sub from Publix as part of an endorsement deal and he's going to age 500 years

he's just going to get that batter and he chose the wrong grail yeah he's just going to dehydrate like jerky You already chose the wrong grail. That grail is Tampa. I'm going to see that Tom Brady. Okay.

I have a real question and I recognize that that's a problem, but I'm going to throw it out anyway. Does Tom Brady need money? What is he doing? Like, what is he's making, he's making like Cuba Gooding Jr. level choices right now in terms of his career. What is happening?

He wants to compete. What? There are many three. Who is he? Listen, I don't follow him well enough to know. Who is he racing against at this point? Is it his dead dad? What's that?

So Jason is right. I think there is a possibility that he's like, I need to prove I can do it without Bill. I need to go to the least. Oh, God. It's his live, dad. I need to go to the least Patriots organization in the league, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

That's the other thing. Man, the only thing that would be funnier about this would be if we got DeShan Watson, which, by the way, we need to, we got to get Deshaun Watson. that's not of Houston, like, as a society. I'm not going to watch them do to him what they did to David Carr, which they've already started to do. But, like, short of planning him in Houston, is there anything funnier that could have happened here?

The Jags. He could be a Jag. Jax. It would be really funny if he was a Jack. Here's why, because almost every other fan base. Yeah, Ryan, explain the difference between Tampa and Jacksonville, because even for me, that's a tricky needle to thread. Okay.

So if from the NFL perspective, Tom Brady will be welcomed in Tampa. Like there will be plenty of people be like, we won a Super Bowl with Brad Johnson. And Tom Brady's way better than Brad Johnson, blah, blah, blah, blah, fine. Like, he will, nobody will be upset that Tom Brady is a buck. If he had gone to Jacksonville, and I know they weren't looking for a quarterback and he wasn't a possibility there, like I think they might boo him. I think they might... You got some big shoes to fill as they hand him like Blake Bortle's locker. Like, I think they might be like, no, we want to either like suck or have cool young dudes.

Fuck you, you suck. You are the least Jacksonville man in the world. Like, I think... Relatable. Yeah, I think it might have... Well, especially because then it would have been like, hey, instead of Gardner Minshu, it's Tom Brady. I would love just one more episode of The Good Place in the world where Tom Brady is the quarterback at the time. The Molotov just, like, lands accurately where it was supposed to go.

It's only 15 yards away, but it still got there. Yeah, but, you know, I too want to suck and have cool young dudes. And it's full with green juice. Really? Nobody? I heard it. Yeah, we heard it. A lot of things make the air. Some of Tom Brady's passes this fall, for instance.

The last one made the... The last one made the air, and it went for a touchdown. Yeah. I would love it if he just turned into old Jamis. Like, if James was contagious. In what way? Right? Like, if he just, like...

I think he knew James, right? If he threw, like, 443, 44 picks? I don't think... Like, I think he would die. Again, after eating his first public chicken son... Ryan, are you saying he would go like Johnny Five and disassembled? Yes, yes. I think Tommy five, yes.

There's going to be some horrible, like, they're going to go, oh, no, I've just seen the future, and it is hell. You ready? Yeah, because now is great. It's going to be a 43-year-old Tom Brady playing the Saints in New Orleans. Correct. Getting sacked like nine times. Yeah, Cam Jordan just, like, just dragging his ass all over. Just pile driving him, right?

Yep. Like DDTing? I'm like, hold. holding it up, right? Like, oh, oh, here comes. The ref's like, I'm going to let this happen. Oh, the refs giving the Saints calls, even in this. Yeah.

Can we? Actually, the refs distracted, right? Like, Sean Payton has, like, hit him in the head with a chair. I'm like, go no! Yeah. That's what we're going to get to watch, is you're going to get to watch Tom Brady going to New Orleans as a 43-year-old quarterback with all new teammates

in a completely new system. It's going to be absolute nightmare. Brother, that's two 43-year-old quarterbacks at the same time. That's the documentary film Grumpy Old Men right there. What if Tom Brady either a... That's a democratic debate. What if Tom Brady either doesn't want to, like just doesn't want to live in Boston in winter anymore,

or just doesn't want to make the playoffs? What if Tom Brady has just been like, you know what? The annual salaries, the same... The playoff bonus isn't that good. I'd rather just get paid for 16 games. Like, I don't, like, I can't do that in New England because no matter how shitty and dumb the team is, Bill Belichick will make it into a playoff team

in part because we play in a terrible division. I'll go play in the NFC South where nobody is, like, ever good enough to be dominant, but nobody is bad enough to, you know, be, not beat the other teams. Everyone will go 7 and 9. I'll go 7 and 9. We'll lose the tiebreaker.

I'll get to stay home, and home will be one. Oh, God, I just thought of another thing. This is not about football at all. Wow, what a new experience for all of us. This is taxes. That is a new experience for all of us. Okay, that makes a lot more sense. Yeah, this is taxes.

And also, like, if you're like, hey, my whole second act is going to be about kind of shady lifestyle health bullshit, you should probably be in Florida. Okay. Yeah, never mind. Do you know what else is based in Tampa? QVC. I was going to say Herbal Life, but... His brand can now become bigger than the New England Patriots. And it kind of arguably is

because he's the most famous football player ever. So... Damn. It's a move. I appreciate the scam. Scam hard, Tom Brady. No, this makes so much more sense than it did five minutes ago. See, I asked a real question and I got a real answer somehow. I also like it because I will be pretending that the bucks are,

the sort of Valhalla of quarterbacks and it was only after Tom Brady proved his worth that he could ascend to this level because the Patriots are merely the proving ground. You know, but can he win with James's players? Or is he only, you know

what I mean? I meant to do the reverse of the God damn it. It's still a funny question that the way you put it for you. I mean, this gets to be funny either way, right? Oh, to be clear, the funniest outcome is the bucks win 11 games and go to the playoffs, the Patriots win six. Like that is the funniest

outcome by far. Like three. Like it just turns out Bill Belichick's really stupid. Right? Like he's just been faking it. They're like, yeah, do you know why he wears like underwear and a torn up sweatshirt on the sidelines? He's a fool. An actual gibbering fool. What about the Matt Castle year? That was actually Tom Brady. Yeah, that was Tom Brady. Yeah. That was Tom Brady. Tom coached. It was wild. Bill Belichick is actually a bear. Yeah.

That is the funniest outcome. The least funny outcome is the inverse of that. If the Patriots are still good, it will be a little funny, but then Patriots fans are still happy. Yeah. The least funny outcome is Tom Brady winning a Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. No, disagree. Because then I will vociferously push for him to go into the Hall of Fame in a Bucs

uniform. Oh, my God. With the fucking digital calculator font on it. Oh, unless we forget, we have to work with Richard Johnson this entire time. Yep. And we know a lot more Jags fans than we know Bucks fans. At least three of us, too.

Do you know any actual Bucks fans? I know some from Tampa, but like... Alex Kershener? He could be... Alex is going to adopt him any day now. Yeah, he could be... persuaded. I mean, I don't know enough like silver nitrate drinking libertarians who drive Tahoe's to know any Bucks fans. Did you go to Florida? Yeah, that describes, that describes

most, describes like 30% of Tampa Bay, right? People are like, yeah, man, civilization's ending any day now. So like I said, I'm going to Zumba tonight. As you can see, all around me. I was going to say the the 30% following them are the doctors who are constantly treating them for their libertarian missteps yeah man listen it's funny all these people like buying food and not guns i'm just going to steal it from you i'm like i don't think needing more food is your problem bro let me tell you about colloidial silver mike i'll stop yeah i'm thinking i'm thinking i'm just going to be able to i got a gun that's cool i'm going to run 40 feet i was saying in the date about how um this entire situation has revealed there are i think roughly four kinds of preppers i think you have

the like practical prepper buy what you need have it when it's time to use it use it then that's holly like right you you're the practical prepper right yeah like you've holly's your whole thing and is like just have a full pantry so that you when things go wrong you're okay and and Well, it's, it's a little more than that. Okay, please, go ahead. It's, it's, okay, I have to talk seriously for a second, because I find it hard to talk about this unsuriously. The thing with disaster prep is it's not really about you.

It's about your neighbors around you who have maybe neither the means nor the space, nor possibly the ability, you know, if they have a physical disability, if they are homebound, you know, due to some reason, whatever. you will have neighbors around you pretty much wherever you are that are not going to be able like even a child care issue can keep somebody from going to the store before the hurricane hits or whatever people like right now people who like work in the health care industry it's like correct do not have a lot of time to go to the grocery store but even like you know even if you think your neighbors are able-bodied and healthy people uh a babysitter canceling can screw up a family's entire like tornado season prep, right, if it comes on the wrong day. And by preparing yourself to stay in your home without going to the grocery store, the pharmacy, urgent care, as long as possible, you are freeing up those resources in a crisis for your neighbors who need it a lot more than you do. That's it.

That's the actual thing. The practical. Like it's great for you, but it is really about, much like coronavirus, it is not really about you, although obviously you will read the immediate benefits of staying home. It is more about the people around you. Okay, that's the end of my speech. Yeah. And like, I've always subscribed to this as well. And I think the additional benefit of this is if you get your shit now, you don't have to go out there and possibly get infected or infect someone else while getting it later. Like that's the specific additional benefit of this one. Like the last time I left our neighborhood was one of the first nights when people are showing like, idiot, young millennials at bars, uh, as an old.

old millennial. I can, I can, I can talk about this. Like, I'm ancient wisdom. I saw that shit. And I was like, all right, I'm going to go buy six more bags of canned goods. It's going to be a while. But, yeah. So you have the practical prepper. Then you have, like, the political prepper. And I think these dudes are the ones who have really been exposed here. Like, these are the ones who like, all right, you have crates and crates and crates and crates of ammunition and Kevlar and all that shit and MREs and all that shit. And you're not going to do a goddamn thing with it until your chosen political TV network tells you it's time to. Until then, like, you fantasize all day long about the shit hitting the fan.

Well, guess what? It has. Now's your time. Now's your time to shine. Here's the third category of prep. You've got the religious prepper. These people are desperate for the shit to hit the fan. It's kind of the whole point.

Yeah. Can I rewind for one second? These folks bugging out because they have already bugging out. The fourth kind is the gamer. didn't even need to know about this. They are already quarantined. Can I say one more thing about the political prepper because they're my least favorite kind and they get conflated with my people far too often? This is not about living through the imagined end of society because if you think about it for 10 fucking seconds, you don't want to

be around for that shit. Nobody actually wants to be around after the end of the world. That's going to be terrible. Think about the longest camping trip you've ever been on and by the of it you're like oh my god where's my water pick spencer i am i am confident spencer will be there yeah i won't shit so anyway like this is this is not about like outgunning the government or like you know i would be here when society collapses you don't want to be there when society collapses but hopefully that won't happen and in the meantime keep your dumb ass off the roads and keep your dumb ass out of the emergency rooms unless you need to be there and say it those resources for people who actually need them. You dumbasses. Okay, now go back to the jokes.

I do like, I do like the political prepper a lot. Okay. Yeah. We like them for entertainment value. I like them for entertainment. I don't, but I grew up around too many. Because you actually have to just, they're just going to end up being you. That's it, right? Okay, cool. We get to start things over again. Well, what are you going to do? Well, we're going to eat ammunition first thing we're going to do

is reconstitute the NFC South we probably need someone in charge okay so like like the thing we did before no not like that we're going to need some clean water and everybody's probably going to have to chip in for that so like taxes no not Texas

no no taxes you know we should probably have one person who's designated to put out the fire I don't know about that like the internet has been the best because so many people just are like, no, no, no, I'm going to approach this from a completely new angle. And 10 minutes later, they're like, I just invented government.

You know, like, hey, I'm going to invent it. What I really, no, what they really, this is not a new statement, but what they really want is welfare for white people. And jet skis. Okay, listen, I am on board with the Medicare for all plus jets. This is my other thing. I think I can win this.

If you were against this, like, they're like, there's going to be, there's going to be, like, some silly corruption. Like, people are going to be buying jet skis with their money. I'm like, what is it awesome about that? Like, I remember, like, this was, like, 20 years ago, there was a survey of the Italian public, okay? And the Italian public were asked, like, they were asked, hey, the following things all got paid for with government money.

And one of them was, like, an erotic vampire porn movie. Okay? That got paid for, like, entirely by Italian. government money by like grants and stuff yeah by like grants and stuff like somebody took an italian government grant they're like oh we make up the vampire porn them and do you know how many italians had a problem with that like five percent that's it it was like a margin of error those were all the people who were in the vampire there were those were all the people who were the competing werewolf ones i know they're like you should not watch the well the werewolf

i'm sure like i'm sure the five percent were like i'm glad we spent money on it i thought it was bad I didn't think With my tax money I would like better vampire porn God Like that's What's like I hate that

Well what if you get a jet ski buddy Well now we're talking People who pretend They're worried about corruption Are such fucking nerds man Like We just vomited We just vomited

$1.5 trillion dollars Into the fucking banks And it didn't make a dent It didn't do a goddamn thing It made a bump for 10 minutes You don't care about money Money isn't real and you don't care about it.

Neither is jail. And shit it out however they want. Jetskis are real, though, aren't they? Yes, they're real. They get from a bunch of bloggers who started blogging in 2008. Money isn't real. Like, okay. What's harder to flip over once it's upside down in water?

The interest, the federal interest rate? Or a jet ski? Like, I had some people who were up my ass because I posted a dancing snoop dog to like the Dow going down 3,000 points, right? And you know what? This is going to be like, what? You got to me to fail. You know, you're so great people losing their job.

These liberals want the economy to fail. No, motherfucker. This is my fourth recession. What? You think I'm going to get all antsy and excited about it? No, this is old hat. I mean, we've had the same morons in charge, bi-partisanly, for like 40 years. And the M.O. has been like, hey, you should just do what feels good, man.

And you know what happened? Like four fucking recessions. I'm not going to get boss. by this on that day i think the uh the the the over overwhelming emotion was simply three thousand's a big fucking number man i don't need to give you the ramifications of the big fucking number i just need to tell you like god damn i've never seen it do that before right yeah no it was like that's a neat trick there's a very like sim city he lacks fritos there's a very there is a very sim city 2000 quality to everything that's happening right now

like hey i built a new stadium now those people are young at me anymore. It's that exciting. I respect those of you who are just now figuring out and I mean this. I respect those of you who are just now figuring out some of you were a little bit younger than us, because we're so sage, that the federal government

basically approaches the economy as though it were bat boy in the woods. Like I don't say see if it likes Fritos as a joke because I'm pretty sure that's probably been brought up this week. Yeah. But it's not that it's everything's going to be okay. Nobody's saying that, but you sure a shit can't

do anything about it. So, you know, worry about something else for a minute. We've got enough to worry about right now. I mean, look, wherever you are politically, it's very telling that the president goes on television, it's like, local government should figure out their own ventilator supply. But don't worry, Google's building a website faster than they've ever built a website before. Because my son-in-law told me they were. And when you learn about it? Like, some of you, some of you, some, of you will be offended by this i'm gonna yeah on facebook group i'm gonna i'm gonna laugh the minute you put my head in the guillotine okay this is hilarious your head won't fit in a guillotine that's right

i keep going back to that adam server quote from last week who said at least the lives roared and you've got a generation of judges who won't say if brown v board was rightly decided congratulations fuckos now to football I love that because the plan was not even to discuss football. Yeah, no. I saw exactly one college football thing happened this week. And that was UNLV announcing that they were going to play a game at Notre Dame, I think two seasons from now.

And it was just like, what the, what? Okay, sure. There was also this, that Alabama waited to cancel practice until an hour before. Yeah. One hour before practice. As a certain Alabama beatwriter said to us last week, you can't get the disease if you don't test for it. We thought maybe it would clear up in time to have practice.

We were really open that everyone would overcome it. They think I can predict future. I can't predict what I'm going to have for lunch today. Coach, yes, you can. It's the same thing. Yeah, you can. So here's my question. Are we overall, is it a net positive that we're taking coaches,

who many of them are incredibly antisocial anyway and saying, hey don't go out and talk to other people or is it a net negative because we're taking coaches who just want to be recruiting all the time and like telling them no both in person and otherwise you can't recruit stay home with your families i think that depends very much on who you ask okay that's fair ask their wives right now yeah yeah christie balls on i got a guest room babe come on up Honestly, ESPN, before, before like everything really turned, they should have said, like, hey, 10 of you who are the worst, who your families really don't want, we're going to, you can bunker in the coach's room. You will weather, you will spend two months there, and we'll feed, don't worry, we'll feed you pizza and crudette, like, and you're just, and you're just, and we're not even going to show you anything. We're just going to have a camera on you the whole time.

All right. Real question. Real question. How many SEC coaches, I'm trying to picture like them at home doing normal dad things in a time of the year when they're not used to being at home doing normal dad things. And how many SEC coaches, just out of the 14, do you think know what grade their kids are in? Mississippi just made this a lot harder than it was. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, this is like, all right. No, what, if they have adult kids, this is still a valid question, right? Like, I think they're a, high school yeah yeah it's very much you know

they they show up wearing something hot oh is that for prom yeah um you know daddy I'm getting

married leech probably thinks of his kids being in like 34th grade right like oh yeah you're always

you're always learning always learning um lebit lane knows yeah he takes so many pictures of his kids he's around

them all the time yeah yeah Elaine knows um let's see Sam Pittman yeah you know what yeah i say sam pitman knows he has kind eyes he does i think sam knows i think

sam knows i think sam remembers things i just like to think of sam as like a ruthless coach he's probably a real sweet family dude it actually took me a second to remember who tennessee's coach was right now which was a nice second what i was like didn't what a blessing i know it was great i want to go back to that moment does prove it no he has kids i don't actually know if he does do you think he knows yeah i'm going to say if he does no clue on the grate there has must champ ever heard of school I bet I'm gonna hedge on must champ

oh wait guys guys I want you to imagine I don't know if he has children or how old they are I want you to imagine Will Mustchamp having to homeschool his children for a possibility What if Will thinks he's got a secret family But it's actually Kirby's family What if they just what if they just are like listen

We need one whole father The Spider-Man point pointing at each other. Right. We need one whole father time-wise. So what we're going to do, like coaches, we're going to have a platoon dad. Like a spot uncle, but in the dad slot. Yeah.

There's a lady with two brother husbands? Yeah. Yeah. Like, how do you think it goes when you explained to Well, Mastchamp, that the war of 1812 ended in 1815? Oh, shit. Oh, I got it. I got it.

He'll just say, oh, I guess we went to overtime. I will say this. With Will Must Champ, just based on what I know, semi-serious answer, very dedicated, very engaged, knows the kid's interest, no clue what grade they're in. No, no. Right? Like, oh, yeah, that's great.

Hey, we're going to go do this. Dad, I'm a fifth grader. I really can't go see Mad Max Fury Road. Oh, oh, shit. Yeah, sorry about that. But he knows his kid wants to. He just doesn't know that, like, he can't get him in the theater. Right.

Right. Yeah, that's the answer. Eli drink. There's going to be a lot of coaches fixing their kids like smoothies with fruit. The kids are allergic to. Dan Mullen. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. That's Dan Mullen. No blame it on the kid too. And then dance with them. Sorry about that. Here, let's fide. That's five. We're biving. Oh, Dan Mullen's going to be trying to get into TikTok this whole off time.

Oh, dear. Trying real hard. Real hard. Oh, sorry. Dad, the Wi-Fi's down again. I think it's more like Vine Because like You know

He tries to be cool But not that Not that cool Yeah I'm gonna do two at once The entire state of Alabama No No

No I I Nick Saben's got to be Chewing through the fence Now It's got to be bad man It's got to be real bad

Like I don't know if you've ever worked With somebody who I hope you shit posting at least if he can't like does Nick Saban even post anywhere Nick Saban if you have ever posted

please drop the link I don't care what it is ever I don't think Nick Saban has ever posted do you know the worst part the worst part about it for the Alabama coaches now they have to pay attention to Tommy Tuberville possibly

like at least they can be like, hey, I don't take question. You know, we're all focused on spring practice, blinders on. Nope, can't really. Just got, oh, boy. I'm just going to go ahead and say this. Mark Stubbs has turned Kentucky football into a viable threat on the field. For foot, okay.

Yeah, he's turned. Like for football or for public? Yes. So that pretty much tells me no. He does not know his name. He does not know. All he knows is whatever is in front of him. In three years, he's going to be like, oh, God, I have kids.

kids. Oh, I miss so much. I got Kentucky to eight wins. Jimbo. Yeah. Yeah. Shit, I just did it again. I was like, where's he coaching?

Yeah. Jimbo's actually a pretty devoted father. Yeah, no. From what we know. Like, that's the one thing when people are like, man, Jimbo's just such a dick. They're like, everybody's like, yeah, dick here. And he was a dick about that. And he's a dick about this.

And he's got all that money. And his hair looks like bad. And something will be like, yeah, he's a devoted dad, though. Oh, wait. That's not a butt. It's an and. He can be both of them. So is he the kind of dad who knows what grade his kids are in because he's been leaving mean anonymous reviews about the teachers?

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Like, damn, who put up a negative Yelp review about the school cafeteria? This is, okay, this is an unnecessary comment about a science teacher needing a thang trail. They hadn't even talk about hair. But, you know. They are sloppy banks.

I feel like to know. noticing that the field trips are costing more and more money. Dang it. They're driving 30 minutes? We got a playground down the street. That's correct. The most like everything you need to know about Jimbo Fisher, just personality-wise,

is when at one point, James Winston comes back to the sideline after throwing a pick, right? And this was in the Oregon game. And Jimbo, you know, he looks. like worried, right? And normally what you would see is a quarterback guy. Does he have his grandma glasses on? No, he does not have it on at the time. I find him so much more bearable when he's

wearing those. What is it about it? It just softens his whole thing. Because it looks like he's about to tell Raylan that he needs to call, Raylan? You need to get off that dinosaur. You're going to mess up this whole case, this whole case, just out of pride, out of ego. You need to check that, son. I can do this whole speech, man. That was, like, born for this rule. But Jimbo, like, you know, he comes over, and typically what you see as a QB coach come over and go, like, school, school, next play, we're rolling, right?

Like, that's offensive coordinator thing. Not Jimbo. Jimbo looks at him, and you can see him, mouthing this very clearly. If you don't calm the fuck down, I am going to bench you and keep you out of this game, motherfucker. Like, that's the soothing tones of Jimbo Fisher. James, calm the fuck down.

You don't calm the fuck down. That's what our whole country needs right now, isn't it? With like, his eyes just got like huge, right? Like he was turning around looking at full of like at the school bus full of kids screaming. And he's like, I will drive you off this cliff. Amanda, I will throw you off Quiz Bowl team. I swear to God. Jesus Christ, Jimbo coach.

Okay, okay, new game, which SEC coach is going to be the most? unbearable coach of their kids' academic decafalon team. Wow. Jimbo. Jimbo. I don't know, man. Compare, okay, compare that to the quiet fury of Saban when someone cannot name like the year of the Battle of Hastings. Kirby Kirby will be good because his kids will be like, Cad, please stop offering the other team money. Stop it. If we're talking quiz bowl, we need to move a little bit at North where they actually care about such activities. You're going to want to look at

Big Ten coaches here. Gregiano. Yeah. Pat Fitzgerald doesn't approve a quiz bowl because it's multiple young people working together for their collective veterans. It's also ironic that I think the most nerds coach in the Big Ten

is the one at Northwestern. He'd totally be in the back and be like, do some push-ups. Weeks off. I'm going to key your car, Judge. Then I'm going to go shit on my boat. Oh, Pat Fitz wants to do a shit on this boat. On the boat or off the boat? Either one, it's my boat.

Coach, you're going to shit on your own boat? If I want to. It's called marking your territory, bro. You and your union can't stop me from doing it. It's maritime law here in Lake Michigan. Your boat is on Lake Michigan, and you're shitting in it? Is that correct? That's whatever I want.

whatever I want. I don't have to do it to ask anyone's permission because I coach Northwest. What are you a shop steward? Yeah. Are you a shit sheriff? I do have time for a planned activity. I do have one thing that I think we can

We have a quiz for everybody. Actual Can everybody tell that like our brain are collectively even softer than they are normally. I was thinking this is a great show. I don't know what you're just to answer the question. Yeah, I think we're rolling. Maybe I shouldn't be in charge of anything.

I thought this is going real well. All right, please do the game. Do the game. I feel like we do a lot of pretending we don't, you know, pretending we, you know, pretending we aspire to a higher level. than this just wallow in it man no no no to be clear i don't like i never know if the show is good or not that's because you don't listen to it ass all that's the point i do listen to it holly when i do the

editing all right oh yeah that's true like i said it's hurtful um that's that's when it hurts but we're going to smile through it um the i made spencer listen to so much cats today he's just happy we're recording because I had to turn the cap. It keeps the speakers off. It really does. Explain how the game works. So people can play this at home. One of the things we're going to do, and one of the things I'm trying to do is I'm just

trying to keep people busy. Did you hide my recorder? Right. And one of the things that, I mean, we'll have things that we're doing, right? Like catching up on shows. I'm going to the car and I'm going to get my tambourine. Teaching our kids stuff for 45 minutes a day. combined, right?

If you can get them to sit still. Teachers are drastically underpaid, y'all. It's also, I suspect. Brian, that thing you posted from that teacher friend of yours last night. That was very soothing. I said that to a lot of people. Yeah, because I think without that sort of attitude of like, hey, you're not a teacher and you shouldn't have to pretend to me,

I think our collective, let's say, dilution of knowledge will be exposed rather quickly if we have to pretend to be like a high school teacher for more than a week. Also, parents, if you're out there and you're crying in your car listening to this right now, I listened to my mother, a special educator of 40 years, give this exact same speech to my sister-in-law over the weekend who was trying to sell their house in the middle of a pandemic while homeschooling my seven-year-old niece and keeping track of her one-year-old daughter who has just learned to climb the stairs.

so yeah it's going to be fine and at the end of a day when you the main thing she was saying was at the end of a day when you look back and you're like i didn't get all your thing all the workshoots done today well yeah you didn't get done you didn't get that done you can either freak out about it or you can try the worksheet again tomorrow this is not going to freaking out tonight is not going to do you any good this is also why child labor was a thing like in the 18th century oh yeah i made my nephew clean the grill today yeah this is this is why we were sending six-year-old to the mines. It's not just because we were cruel and trying to extract whatever we could. It's because we needed the six-year-old out of the fucking house.

Yeah, I've got a lot more sympathy for those people now. Minor, minors. Let's bring them back. Yeah. Maybe that's what can pay for all the tax credits. Just remember, our plan. You know Romney's down for this. He's got a lot of grandkids. I'm like, Robinney's like, hey, we want to send everyone a thousand dollars. And the Democrats' response is $23 in tax credits in 2024 that you can start socking away now. Where is Mayo Pete $17 worth of health care for everyone who wants it when I need them?

Oh, you know he's going to come out and be like, roll this 20-sided die to determine how much you'll be your... No, God. Shoot low, boys. We're fighting private school kids. We're going to do a lottery for a loan. You already get for. free health care in the form of Netflix. Netflix isn't free.

But we've all been trying to... But it has a free trial, so it seems that I would be correct. That's true. Only $730 a month after that. And we all say... Sing! Spencer, explain the game. So the game, one of the things in keeping busy, in addition to catching up on shows, reading stuff, right? Working out, et cetera.

one of the things that I've recommended to people, go to Google Maps, pull up Great Britain, hit the little plus sign, keep hitting the little plus sign. Get down to like, go from, you know, island to region to city and village level. Like, give me the equivalent. If you were looking, if you were zooming in on the United States,

how close are we getting? What is the smallest? Go to Google Maps right now. just type England. England, yes. You've got to be specific. Because if you say Great Britain, it might give you whales. And you are not ready to see Welsh words.

No, you can't read this. I'm going to tell you this. Why don't you just go ahead and put in Yorkshire? Yorkshire is a gold mine for a lot of these. Sorry, I decided to do whales. I swear to God, the first thing I've zoomed in on, I'm going to spell it. C-W-R-T-Y-C-A-D-N-O. That's actually pronounced, Steve.

That's why you can, Ryan. Oh my God, this is... No, so just do that. You can do that with whales if you want to. Just zoom in until you can see little town names everywhere you look in England and just start finding one. I just picked an area at random and started zooming in, and I got Crackley Bank, which is directly south from Sheriff Hales,

which is right down the road from Ape to. Yeah. Now, when I'm telling you this, like, go from, like, continent level. You're going to want to give it a good, like, five clicks. Good five or six, okay? You can even go seven if you're a connoisseur like me. I've just randomly picked. The small village is the weird or the fucking name. Yeah. So, by the way, I'm just sitting here looking just north of London. And I get all of the following. Are you ready? Is the gate, hold on, is the game started? Are you just giving us examples? No, I'm giving you examples. This is the opening ceremony, Ryan. Because I went through this on Twitter and, like, tried to curate it. This is me just looking right now, okay?

On one frame, no scrolling. The artist at work, yeah. You sound angry. Nut Hampstead. Yes. Throcking. Cottered. Oh, I just found knucker down.

This is how, you know, like, Roll Dahl actually had the easiest fucking job in the world. Wimbish! I'm a fucking root for Throcking FC. Ooh, I got Fritchley. I guarantee you it's Throcking sporting. It's got to be. Like, it absolutely has to be, right? Chipping onger.

Chipping onger is a captcha. That's not a town. You can you're in frocking, they do root for cotterd. Yeah. They've pooled their powers into cotterd FC. I found a town. last night called Bitchfield. I'm afraid I just found cuckney

this minute. There's also Cuckfield, which somebody tweeted with me at, Tough Night for the Lads, eh? The only one, I found one handed it in and then retired. It's a river called Taddle Gutter. Okay, that's better than my favorite one I found,

which was Belf. Well, let me tell you what. Let's talk about the Belf Bowl. That's right down from WorkSop. Not workshop, WorkSop. Which, okay, there's a village named Rhodesia and I have a series of questions. Let me tell you.

You can get good stuff anywhere, but I'm telling you, Yorkshire, just southeast of Leeds, absolutely goldmines. There's a town called Old Coats. I'm sorry, did you say Old Goats? Old Coats. like C-O-A-T-S

like C-O-T-E-S but that's fun here In one frame I'm just going to hit you with the magic of Yorkshire You're ready? You're not ready But I'm going to take you there anyway Tadcaster Let's get with

This is a Tadcast Counterpoint Read the one that I just found Tick Hill Tick Hill You ready? Burn A village named

Burn B-U-R-N That's not even the best You ready? Snafe. S-N-A-I-T-H. Still not the best. Gould with two O's and an E.

Gould. Now I understand why y'all think so much stuff is food that is not food. Yeah. Sike House. Sight-house, England. Another village named Fogathorpe. This is within a 20-mile little square of land. Are you ready for the topper?

The best one of all. Yeah. A small village. Is it Horbury? Just off the end. M62 if you want to visit it. That would be currently 54 degrees of village called Great Heck.

You're making this shit up, England. Flush Dyke. Wow. Jagsworth. You can just say anything. You can just say anything and it's actually an English village somewhere. So what I wanted to ask you guys

was this, I have gone through the 20, 21, and 222 quarterback prospects, and I have selected nine names to go with nine English villages. And you will have to tell me, without looking these up, whether they are a quarterback prospect, or whether they are in English village. before you do that i just want to point out um great hex last uh the last century on their wikipedia page before the references is 2015 refuse fire and it's a trash fire in a privately owned waste yard that burned for uh it appears six months wow this is what happens when you have your great hit trash fire for thousands of years and this is the show shit they get up to.

By the way, most of these places are over a thousand years old. Firefighters responded to this site 385 times in the space. Boy! Back to Great Heck,

are you? Great heck! You people know how to start a fire! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please go ahead. Answer, are we working together or... No, you were all working individually. I am going to do that's a lot of work for you buddy are you ready i i'm no but i'm gonna try let's let's make it easy on him

let's work as a team and try to like let's come to conclusions all right okay okay okay i like that that keeps me from uh you'll still fuck it up don't worry i will i will but i appreciate that you know that the first barkston ash barkston ash barkston ash barkston ash barkston ash barkston ash Barks and Ash, Scambling to the left. Barksden Ash. Holly, what's your... Of the danky pifflet.

Holly, what's your gut? England. That was my gut, too. Jason, do you disagree with... Like, if you want to sway us... We got bad guts, though. That's true. If...

So, we could just do this pure democracy. We could, but I want you to have a chance to overrule us if you, like... If I have a powerful... argument because that's how we do shit here in england right like yeah we can get at each other and whoever has the fire us bars wins like that's how they decide all the shit and somebody has like a big a big piece of railing as well yeah they yeah they like they're crammed into this tiny little space and they're just it's basically fancy eight mile

yes with powdered wigs yeah um i don't have a strong enough opinion so we can ride with that Britain England Sorry That is correct That is correct It is Good job guts

A village in Yorkshire Home of the Ash Tree Pub And mentioned in The Domes Day book So it's been there For what At least like

A thousand years Yeah Cool Next Newton Kime How you spell that last Word I'm not giving you

The spelling that makes me think it's a it's a quarterback yeah yeah i think i think i think if i think england i think if it was like okay what if he's doing like but what if he's doing tricky pronunciations to throw us off no i'm saying no i will say this i actually looked up how to say them you looked up how to say this if you looked up how to say them i'm going because there's no pronunciation guides for high school quarterbacks sometimes they're well no that's true but should write one though

it's pronounced heem his family's from hungry I will tell you I'm not I'm not going to screw you over on pronunciations I'm not going to try to do anything weird just reading it you're not going to do an English accent at any point please why did you bring that up don't even invoke it

we got so far it's like it's like beetle juice I'm so I'm so like Randy man Randy man Randy man here's the reason I brought it up Because the two of you don't like it, but I think Spencer and I both like it. Oh, shit.

Well, it's the last episode of the podcast, everybody. Newton, Kime. I guess we'll leave it up to the readers. Village or quarterback. Quarterback prospect. I am tilting slightly quarterback, but I don't feel strongly enough to. I'm tilting Village. Okay, let's go with Village, then.

Why do you love, Jason hasn't said anything. Jason said Village. I shouted village. Village. Y'all are 2-0 so far. Wow. Good job, guys. Again, in Yorkshire, right next to the aforementioned Tadcaster.

Now, do you spend the last word like K-H-Y-M-E? K-Y-M-E? K-Y-M-E. T-Y-M-E. Okay. K-Y-M-E, which is an old English word for right next to Tadcaster. Number three. Preston Stone.

Quarterback. Quarterback. If that's not a quarterback, that is a devious selection. Yeah. It is so close to an actual name, but in England. But yeah, you are 3 in O. Congratulations. If it was a village, it would have been Preston.

Yeah. Which would mean a stone made of Press Stone. Preston. Press Stone, yes. Yeah, Preston Stone is out of parish Episcopal in Dallas, Texas, y'all. Burton Salmon I really want that to be a village I'm going quarterback

Burton Salmon Burton Salmon Wow I don't think the English knew what salmon was So I'm going to say quarterback You have suffered your first defeat Is a village in Yorkshire has been there Since at least 1160

Because it's also in the Domestead book Is salmon spelled like the fish? Should the two of us have to apologize to the one who was right? Yeah. I think so. Yes. Is salmon spelled like the fish, Spencer? Yes.

Okay. Interesting. Yeah. Those fellas get around, don't they? That's the only thing the Vikings actually left that was good. They're like burnt house. Everybody did. Fish though?

And an Aldi. We offer these horny fish to Oden. Jason, thank you for reppping our chosen religion, that of the original Norse gods. You and I are the minority. We're 50% shareholders in this podcast. We're 100% Odin forward. Yeah, Spencer and I are definitely the least. I think you mean Odin forward.

As long as the Raven flies, we have hope. Okay. My far are the least racist Vikings. I can't. Okay. So you are currently up three one. Free 1, Most Dangerous Lead in Soccer, 3-1. Lankton Herring.

Wow. Right after what's his name, Salmon. That's, oh, that's devious. Man, I hate, Spencer so rarely puts thought in things on this podcast that I wasn't. That's why I'm trying to work with one half my brain tied behind my back. That makes this diabolical. It honestly feels a little unfair. I'm really not prepared for him turning his actual

brain on this is bad this is this is very much the like you should do this more often i hate it this is like anico montoya being like yeah i'm not left handed at all and also i'm i'm actually not looking at my phone while i fight you hey pick up your sword let's go uh say it one more time can we get that linton herring village i i have nothing i'm so i'm so gun shy now um lankton or langton langton

langton okay I think I'm going to go quarterback so Ryan you do have to I don't I don't think he's going to go Fish Village twice but Herring is so fucking British man you're putting so much more thought than this that he did and you know that

and he's siking you out village Village. I'd be a shame if you recruited Langton Herring because you'd have 240 small town English people coming to you. Yes. That is correct. You're 4-1.

It is a village of 240 in Dorset known primarily for being well-situated over the coast. That house looks well-situated. Yeah. That's a very British compliment to be like, how well-situated you are. How would you describe her ass? Well-situated. next baron morton i will tell you this um baron morton that feels

we'll tell us what that feels cornered us the name again you will tell us this and then you just said the name again you know i haven't given you a spelling right right so yeah so i'm not going to give you a spelling oh oh you already forgot that you hadn't given us a spelling yeah i was about to and yeah i was going to this not a goddamn thing because when he said When he said Barron, I read it, I heard it as B-A-R-O-N, but it could be B-A-R-R-E-N. The fact that he said it like that makes me think that it's a... The fact that he thought about giving us a spelling makes me think that it's a village. No, it's unfair, so I'm going to give it, it's unfair because my accent and pronunciation are kind of messing this one up for you.

So I'm going to give you a little help. B-E-H-R-E-N. Okay, now I think it's a quarterback. Barron Morton. Barron. Yeah, I agree with Holly. He's a three-star prospect out of Eastern Texas. That's Baron Borden.

Woo! I was going to say that first name sounds German, so quarterback. Yeah. Next, Athen Kalyak Manus. What? Wow. And these are all in England, not Wales or Scotland. England.

Okay. England proper. This feels like a curveball, which makes me feel like it's England. Athen, was the first name, Athen? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It could be A-T-H-O-N. Calgett Manus.

Right. Now, does the name read as festive as you're making it sound? I do not understand the question. John Banjovi. Shadow. Quarterback. One village. One village, one quarterback.

I think quarterback. Man, y'all are killing this. You're just doing such a great job, and I'm so proud of you. Because, yeah, yeah. Athencaic Menace is out of Antioch, Illinois. Wow. Class of 2021. All right.

Six of one, man. Blum this out. should have made this harder coast from here this is very hard I want to be very clear yeah this is definitely hard

I'm legit proud of you all Kirk Smeaton Village Village yeah as the ranking Kirk I'm going village I'm not going to overrule

either No I would not either yeah that is a village in Yorkshire 71 It also sounds like a simple sentence What's it doing Kirk Smeaton

Smeaton. I included this. I didn't think it was one of the harder ones. Yeah. I included it because the pub in Kirk Smeaton, a tiny village in Yorkshire again, is named the shoulder of mutton. What? What a fantastic name? This is like the dopest bar on the planet.

I'll have what I'm having. I will say if you said if you said there, if one of these clues was mutton's shoulder, I would probably go quarterback. Louisiana. All right. Oh, yeah, that's mutton's shoulder pair move. He's out of Meta-Ree. Brampton Beerlo. Quarterback.

Wow. This is hard. This is hard. Brampton Beerlo. Okay, Village. All right. Are any of these quarterbacks who are also villages? Oh.

Man, I will tell you, some of them came so close. I just cannot picture a parent in the year, 2003, naming their child, Brampton. I absolutely can. Okay. It's like you didn't even watch teen mom. I certainly should have, evidently. Interesting.

Brampton, get over here. Brampton, get your ass off as well. That's the question is, can you picture in 2010 hearing somebody yell in the mall for Brampton? Brampton? Brampton, get your ass off that swing set? Yeah, I can hear it. Dang it, Brampton. sure quarterback

oh fuck what's the second word again Brampton beerlo as in my beerlo go get me another oh wait it's not spelled like like sluff oh no I'm not like no I just

I was just making a joke oh my god okay the spelling the difference to me hinges on the spelling of the last name here I'm assuming it ends in L-O-E I was thinking L-O-U-G-H, which is what made me think

Village. Right. You know what? You know what? I really want it to be a quarterback, so I will go with Jason and say quarterback. That is a village in Yorkshire. At one point, where's my apology? At one point,

rated one of the poorest places in the entire EU. Okay. For the record, when we create a fake prospect, he will be Brandon Beerlo. Next. Newton Stewart. Well, he's committed to Georgia. Village.

Jason, are you like... No, I'm... Is he committed to Georgia? Like, Jason said it... Jason said it so straight that I was like... He might be... He might just know this one. He did, but Stewart is such a British name.

Yeah, but Georgia was a prison. Colony. Was. Listen, the way that locker rooms go on these days, it might yet be again. Newton Stewart? Newton Stewart. That feels so quarterbacky. Jason sounded real confident.

I still think it's a village, though. Guys, I put this thing together, and honestly, like, regardless of the answer. Did you forget what it was? No, no, no. I mean, I have the answer, but regardless of what happens, I can't for sure say, that this person or village has not played quarterback for UGA under this name. Right, right.

There probably is... I said what I said. There probably is, there probably is like a charming 1993, like BBC movie about the village that played quarterback for Georgia.

From World War I. I think quarterback. At Georgia. I don't, if I have to, I don't want to peg it to Georgia necessarily. Newton Stewart is a very small village in... A very small village in Georgia.

It is at the very tip of Scotland. It's down, and I will tell you this. So that's their St. Simons. I included it, yeah, it's their St. Simons. I included it because it's in the county of Wigtown Shire. Wittonshire. Which the county town is Whigtown. Thank you, God.

Wigton. Wigston. Thank you for this moment. So y'all go to Wigtown? Come on down to Wigtown. Wigtown Saturday night. Get you a wig. Well, you get down the Wiggin and you get down the ball.

Oh, so we're backsliding a little bit. What's our school? You know, you guys are still dominating here. You said there were nine of these, right? No, no, nine each. Nine each. I'm salting them. Jesus Christ.

Oh, okay. I thought they're all nine as well. You said, you did say nine. I thought we were done. No, no, no, nine of each. Okay. We're going to move, but we can move quickly here. Okay.

Bring it on, let's go. We can move quickly. Cortland Dix. Quarterback. Quarterback. You're now at nine and three. Congratulations. Although there is three Cox, England.

That is a place in England. Um, let's see, Preston Candover. Fuck, it's British as shit. And quarterback. Village. Jason, you have to decide. Preston Candover. Canned over or canover? Preston Candover.

That sounded the same. There's a duh. Canned over. Okay, thank you. Okay. The D sounds like Dover, and they have a Dover. I'm going to go Village. You're now at 10 and 3. It's a village that is also the home to the Sainsbury family of grocery store tycoon. Chayil Garnett. Chayil Garnett. Is it possibly Kale Garnett?

No. Okay. Chail? Chail Garnet. You have to tell us I'll spell this one. Ja Rule is actually a village just outside of... You have to give us a spelling of this one. There's no way you're saying this way. How about he has to give us the first two letters?

No, I'll spell it for it. C-H-A-Y-I-L. Okay. It might be whales. Who knows? Garnett. You said we were going to Wales. Don't go to Wales.

You son of a bitch. I can't go to Wales because I can't pronounce any of the actual town names. The Welsh treachery. If you say some Welsh shit, we're going to spot that. Quarterback, because that had like three vowels in the first name. Yeah, quarterback. You are correct. 11 and 3. Dominant. Absolutely dominant performance. Next, Devin Lingle.

Village. Lingle. Village. Yeah, village. quarterback for school in Florida is that the first time we got swept oh man yeah

I think it is the first time you got Devin is such a Florida name Kevin Lingle being recruited yeah Devin Lingle that's a good question if he's being recruited by like Oxford whoa okay let me let me look up

Devin Lingle Devin Lingle Devin Lingle you look up Devin Lingle we're going to move on to the next He's committed to darkness brother. Damn.

Hey. Jackalby Criswell. Jesus Christ. That better be a village. Jackalby Criswell. Yeah. Again, really want it to be a quarterback village. Well, you get your wish, Ryan, because Jackalby Criswell is out of Moralton, Arkansas.

What? What? Yeah. What? Where is, fuck, Devin, where is Jackalby going? Texas Tech. what is it griswell chriswell because that sounds even more british yeah uh un c yeah yeah that's all right yeah spencer in mac brown voice say that name jack'll be chriswell

jack will jack will jack'll be chriswell jack'll be jick chriswell jack jick jick jick jick we call him j c we call him we call him j chris we call him jc because you hit him and he just rises up again Hampton Poyle Village Village You know what You guys are awesome I'm just going to say

Like sincerely this is awesome Did we get that wrong? No you got that right You got that right That's a yeah another What the Jewel of Oxfordshire And home of the Bartholomew Steer Agrarian Revolt of 1596

Wow You're saying there was a farmer Agitation from the farmers Yeah, yeah, Bartholomew Steer revolted. Didn't end well for him. Did not end well for Bartholomew Steer. The Bartholomew Steer Revolt makes it sound like a cow revolted. I'm going to make sure that the farm is indeed still on the Clemson Carolina wiki.

Yeah, and although it should be mentioned that Hampton Poyle recently merged with the nearby town of Hampton Gay. Oh, that's good. Let's see. Next, Hampton Faye. God. Quarterback. Quarterback Village

Quarterback Quarterback All Saints Episcopal Worth Texas But yeah You guys are Absolutely killing it I'm so proud

What's our score? You got one more One more That's not a score No I'll give you the score You guys are dominant right now It's 13 to 5 Yeah I was gonna say

I think we've 13 If there are nine of each We can't be 13 to 5 But yeah 13 and 4 All right so you've got One more to go Chaden Piri Quarterback

Chichadin But I feel like that bit us earlier Village Sorry Ryan Decisive village Chaden Piri Is a three-star prospect Well well

It's currently being recruited by Arizona State Boston College Central Michigan Georgia Arizona State. Yeah, Chaden. Arizona Chate. So I will tell you this.

Y'all nailed it, but you know what? You had to work for it. And I am, you finish with, let's see, I believe a total of 13 correct and five wrong, which I'm. That's respectable. I'm just impressed. Do you want a bonus one that I didn't get to use, but I love? No. Yes.

Aston Sanford. Oh, well, Village, then. Yeah, Village. Yes. It's not that great of a name. It is. Aston Sanford, I just chose that because the owner in 1086 is listed as a dude, Mano Breton, which is now my rap name.

My Memphis rap name is Mano Breton. Excuse me, Mano. Mano Breton. Oh, I'm so proud of y'all. You just absolutely nailed that, even though it was really difficult. Um, Spencer did a good job putting that together. Yeah. I'm more concerned about where the world is trending than I was at the start of this podcast.

Well, that's what is for. Spencer's showing organizational skills in preparation. Hug your loved ones tight. The end is near. Get your leg off my desk.