Shutdown Fullcast - THANKSGIVING ADVICE FOR 2021 (Or, You Had Me At "Cool Whip And Pudding Mix")

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

The intrepid crew of the good ship Fullcast are joined by Michael Felder and Emily Kirk for a series of loud arguments concerning Thanksgiving and the celebration thereof. POINTS OF COMBAT INCLUDE: What is the correct Thanksgiving meat? Which holidays are best for greens? Is pecan pie trash? Is chess pie trash? Casseroles: why are they? Whose family makes the worst macaroni? PLUS: Ryan makes a devastating threat against Spencer's dinner table that ends in a harrowing cliffhanger Visit homefieldapparel.com/collections/shutdown-fullcast for NEW MERCH, including the blessed return of the always holiday-appropriate University of Night Ham shirt! Please visit sunny preownedairboats.com for all other related wares. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The land down under has never been easier to reach. United Airlines has more flights between the U.S. and Australia than any other U.S. airline, so you can fly nonstop to destinations like Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane. Explore dazzling cities, savor the very best of Aussie cuisine, and get up close and personal with the wildlife. Who doesn't want to hold a koala? Go to United.com slash Australia to book your adventure. I was thinking I was like

This could be the cold open This is good And then it's just And this can't be the cold open This is not good No It's a disaster I'm trying to talk about

How Castor Troy should sue the government Serber that's why you're the best of the business No castor Troy should sue the US government Or his family should I guess Because he didn't consent to any of this face swapping shit Like yes he's having a good time being Sean Archer

Is that his name? Sean Archer? He's having a good time being a real. Beryl it in there with guns fucking blazing. Being a creepy dude. But like you think of the consent forms you have to sign for like the most minor medical procedures. And they took dude's fucking face in secret in the middle of the night. Like I, if were I his defense attorney, I would argue all his subsequent crimes washed clean.

Because you know what started them? Would you stole my client's face? is that like pleading insanity is that pleading like insanity an insanity plea kind of yes i would say like how could anybody be in the right state of mind when they wake up and find their john travolta but but what about he didn't wake up i'm not you're right he woke up and found he had no face at all woke up with no face yeah then zin said put his face back on my face yeah it's unclear i i suspect the first thing he said was hey put my face back on me and they said oh problem with that hoss no they show it and he says

check the tape check the tape check the tape you're here says put his face on my face i'm going to go live his life i'm going to be the one that says i i hate eve i hate to watch you go but i love to watch a leave but i think he's only saying that because option a is not available i don't think he came in and said you know what wait i'm going to make lemons lemonade out of lemons here No, no, no. Does Castor Troy strike you from the text as being a guy who is adept at pivoting on a dime and making the best of a given situation? No. No. Yeah. So I think that's why they know that the bomb is planted there because they know they only have this amount of time. He's a planner. None of this changes the fact that he didn't consent to the face swap in the first place. And that is why, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you must return a verdict of not guilty.

I'm saying that Castro is a Felder here and they fuck with his routine I'm not sure he recovers Prosecutor Kirk has a question You can't just look up And you have a different face And therefore you're allowed to get away

With everything forever Yeah there's a time limit maybe I mean at some point Also how many minutes would you say I think you get a week I think you get at least a week That's all they had That's all they had

One week perj period You get one week when somebody steals your face to do anything you want? Ryan, you've actually already made the strongest argument you could possibly make by saying, how are you supposed to act when you wake up and you discover that you're John Travolta?

Right, right. But he didn't. But his alternative filter was to be a faceless man. He didn't have another choice. It's not like they were like, let me open up the lookbook and you could be anyone. Or Randy dad, John Travolta.

Yeah, it's not like they were you could be like, hey, you can be Peak Dennis Quaid. Not an option. We've told too many children that they can be anything they want to be, I think is the lesson here. The other one, though, they do have spare faces. It just so happens the easiest face to grow. The easiest face to grow in a lab is Richard Kind. You'll just end up looking like character actor Richard Kind.

Richard Kind does look kind of par baked. Look what you did to me! He's mad handsome, though, right? No. No, Richard Kind is like a taken bake. He's like a Papa Murphy's Pizza face. Yeah, no, he's got not, like, he looks like, like his last name fits. He's pleasant looking.

Yeah, he looks, call him. All I'm saying is if I'm the government and I get hit with this lawsuit, I would feel confident. If I get hit with this lawsuit from the estate of Castor Troy for illegal face swapping, I'm settling that shit. I'm not going to court. I'm saying he's your $3 million. The government was the one who did it.

so how can it be illegal if the government did it exactly as always our pro government podcast is here to defend any and all actions of the executive brand i need to rewatch i need to rewatch okay yeah they said him he said i'll go i'll because they could have had anybody else that wasn't sean archer do it and it said he's like oh do you mean the guy that killed my son through my body, I'm going to go undercover as him to go to his brother because I know the most about Pollux. So clearly I forgot

me. I wanted to be a producer when I grew up and look at me. The entire reason they swap faces that escape my brain. All I remember is what happened from that point onward. Right, right. He's got to get the location. He has to go to the maximum security prison. That's on a boat. With the magnet boots. That's on a boat.

With the Mario boots. He's got to go to boat prison with the boots. Get the information from Pollux. Pollux realizes it's not really him. Pollux is, no, Pollux doesn't realize it's not really him. He gets some of the information. Then he gets out of the, breaks out of the prison,

jumps out of the thing, barefoot. Finds out he's on an oil rig. On an oil rig. Swims to shore, swims to shore. Then that's at the same time as when Archer, not Archer, not Archer, Pollux is. Haskell. Castor is, why are you trying to find a man who has swapping himself.

Yes. But Castro is swapping himself. Right. Then he becomes, he becomes, he becomes Sean Archer. I wish you, the listener, could see the frantic hands gestures that filter. That's the exchange. Passion. And then he becomes Sean Archer, Archer.

Then he gets his brother out of jail. And then they do a. fake interrogation. He's like, yes. You got to come on big bro. He turns off the monitor, says, come on big bro. You gotta give me some information here. Faces off. Come on, little bro. You got to give me some information here. Then he does that. Then he also goes home. Remember Janie, his daughter? He calls her Jamie. She goes, it's Jay. Is it Janie? Then he calls her the wrong name in or M. One of the ones are, they're wrong. Then Danny Masterson is in this movie. With his daughter. Yeah. It's you've got something I need.

And then he gets close to her, but it's cigarettes. And then he goes, Papa's got a brand new bag. Yeah. I've seen this movie a lot. Really? Just for the listener, Felder is now tallying off after a good rep, a real good rep. What, 1999's, 98's face off, the full Filder Stratter treatment. We can start the shatter.

now. Yeah, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother. Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother. welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown full cast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast there is never enough welcome never this here in the holiday season of thanksgiving where we open our homes arms and families to To anyone and to all, you dare say, there's too much welcome in the shutdown forecast. A Thanksgiving, can there be a Thanksgiving humbug? I have found him, and he is Ryan Nanny. Yes, yes.

Joining us from Netflix. Ryan has become the thanks taker. There has to be. How can it be given if it's not also taken? If there is sunlight, there must also be darkness. Are you saying that it's not possible to be dumped? Are you saying that every person who ever got dunked on is ultimately submitting? Yes.

Okay. Yeah. You have just heard the voices in sequence of Jason Kirk from beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia. You cannot see, but on our Zoom call, highlighted by the rays of the setting late fall sun. And Holly Anderson, joining us as always from beautiful Atlanta, Georgia sitting next. to me highlighted by the super nintendo highlighted by the glow of the super nintendo and bubsy the it's bubsy too bubsy too i'm sorry completely different game completely different game we also have on board two guests today because um if the crampus of thanksgiving

ryan nanny he who walks around thanksgiving going you're welcome randomly as people are giving thanks yeah how the indians like that ryan you're welcome for helping you're helping you survived the winter. It's the worst mistake they did. What's your aneogram type? Oh, I'm smallpox blanket. Joining us as guests, we have first Michael Felder. Michael Felder, welcome back.

Thanks. I don't know if people are going to like that I'm back or not. Buddy, I'm back. So it's clear that we don't care whether they want us here or not. But I'm excited because I am, if, If Ryan is the, a succubus, I'm not, I'm not, but, but fine, sure. A succubus?

What do you think that is? Tuck you what? Isn't that someone that like sucks up like your energy and everything? It is now. In a matter. Yep. Yeah, it is. All right.

Is that, am I wrong on that? Ryan, Ryan, the Jezebel Nanny. You're welcome. Father, traditionally a succubus is like a sexy female demon who's there to lure you to your death. I honestly, I would rather be called a succubus than Thanksgiving crampus. So I'll lead into it.

Here I am. Here I am. Sexy as fuck. Sexy crampus. Who looking to steal your soul? Sexy crampus nanny. I thought they like stole your like energy.

Like energy. They steal it through your dick. Yeah. But it's a very specific. It's a very specific like route. Through which that. that happens. Ryan, the sexy Grinch Nanny. Well, Thanksgiving is my dick.

This week, Ryan gives the sex talk to your kids. I was going to call. I was going to go with the holiday theme and some food and call Ryan Yampus. Yampus. But get out. The crampus of Thanksgiving. Get out. I have to cut that.

Anyways, point being, if he's going to, if he, if Ryan is, I use the wrong word. I'm dumb. Come on. You only times I'll be hitting the head? I'm the siren of this podcast. Okay, what's Spencer's excuse?

Born this way. Natural luck. Just blessed. Also, it ate a lot of Wendy's. It's true. My dad worked at Wendy's when I was born. So I am literally made. Like, probably my first solid food was probably Wendy's.

Frosting and Chemical X. That's what Spencer's made out of. That's right. That was pretty new fries. I'm like Moon Knight. Cannot be killed. Cannot ever truly live. Anyways, I love Thanksgiving. That's the whole point here. I used the wrong word. Did I do it wrong? Yeah, sure, absolutely. Did it bad? That's my fault. No, but it was, you made it better.

You made it better with your improv. Listen, we can. There's another guest. Thank you, Felder. Also joining us from beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia. Sitting next to Jason right now is Emily Kirk. Emily, you are here to help us with Thanksgiving questions and your expertise, correct? You are Midwestern. I just want to make sure nobody has Zaxby's trays for Thanksgiving. Why?

My first year here. Was that ever your introduction to the state you'd just moved to? Yeah, it sure was. That was my first holiday in Georgia, and his parents had a Zaxby's tray, and I cried. Go down. But a Zaxby's tray for what? Of chicken tenders for Thanksgiving dinner. I just, just so everyone knows.

Yeah. Zatsby's officially calls it platters with his name. Whatever. I'd never had Zaxby's. It's called Thanksgiving. Yeah. It was bad. I cry a lot.

And I wanted to go home. This is my world now. Made me want to slit my wrists when I saw. Wow. These are our traditional. traditions and you will adopt them. Traditions. Hey, we've never had it again since, so my crying worked.

I'm just picturing. I'm picturing like a horn of plenty overflowing with nuggets. For folks who want to hear more about this story, we have it preserved in the Thanksgiving disasters episode from a couple years back. But Emily, were you guys married at that point, or did you technically still have an escape route? I had an escape route, but I mean... She forged ahead, nevertheless.

Yeah. We were not married, not quite yet. Is the Georgia contingent of your family now properly appreciative of your holiday efforts, or did they take some wrangling? So they definitely know that I will not eat out on Thanksgiving now, so that's good. It took a couple years to get to that point, but at least it wasn't Zaxby's. Or Golden Corral. But yes, Golden Corral.

was always like the follow up yeah and then so now we elder palder's angry we always cook thanksgiving dinner but now my issue is that so like i brought the thanksgiving dinner tradition here with me apparently and they still fight me on the things that i make better than anyone else yeah so and they say they'll say things like oh but you know she always makes this and i'm like Whatever. You guys had Zaxby's before I came along. You should, you should stun on them one year and don't tell them just one year when everyone's coming over, boom.

You've been Zaxby back. It's been years. The Zax back. But the revenge of Zaxbyes has been visited upon you. I don't even know if they would remember. Like, it was just like, whatever. That's the problem. Or they might step right back into it.

They might be like, oh, it's Thanksgiving. Oh, that's worse. If you undid all your conditioning. And they'd just be like, oh, you're pretty careful. Felder is really unhappy right now. Felter is massaging his head like he's got a searing pain. They would just forget it ever happened. Like, I'm convinced with society, most of the time you could be like,

at one point the governor will be like, yeah, you should have to like totally like, we're not just going to have water anymore. We're not going to put water in your house. And people would be like, you know, you should just get water in your house through a pipe. They'd be like, no way. No, that's crazy. No, I go to the ground. It's 30 down there.

Felder, I know you would probably not get into this situation in the first place, but if you went to somebody else's house for Thanksgiving that you had no participation in, and they were like, all right, everybody, sit down. We got the nice plates and napkins out, and they just brought out Zaxby's trays. What would you do? I mean, I would cry. I'm saying this from experience. I, we made it to a bowl game.

My sophomore year, we made it to a bowl game. we had practice Thanksgiving week, my family went to Atlanta. They left me and I was like, okay, that's fine. I'm dating a girl that lives in Chapel Hill. I'll go to her house. But what I didn't realize is they're from Connecticut. Oh, no. So they had fish.

Hmm. What? And like dressing that's in the turkey. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, neither are those people. Not the big boy white plate that you get.

Yeah. It's like, hey, who wants. and maybe get food poisoning in small portions. Yeah. They had the dressing that has like oysters in it, didn't they? No, no oysters, but they did have fish again. The, the, the turkey was like the second centerpiece because the fish was there. And I was like, fish.

What the hell is happening? And she drove, we, I started crying. She drove me home to Charlotte to stay by myself on my birthday. My 21st birthday. I got driven home by my, and she left the next morning and was like, all right, I'm going back home. And I was like, okay, I'm going to just be at home by myself. I don't have a car. I'm here.

And I was like, but that's better than what just happened to me. I can't believe we found something sadder than Spencer eating Thanksgiving at Waterberger in his car. I just like the idea that you cried the entire way, that it was just like, you know, Like 458. Why do you like that? No, but like a loud gusting cry because he was so offended by. I sobbed. I saw like my, my girlfriend at the time, her family with her two,

she has two twin little brother and sister. They saw me cry and they watched me cry and they were like, I think you got to take him home. He's not built for this. Like this is not his life. I like that you are now a story at some other family's Thanksgiving. Forever. Forever.

Right up cried and left. Remember that football player we had from UNC that came over for Thanksgiving and then he cried? You remember when she brought the crying bear over? Well, we are going to help everybody avoid. Let's find ways to avoid this. We're going to avoid tears. We're going to hopefully help you avoid. unless this is what you want we're going to help you avoid eating what a burger in your car in the parking lot of a texas what a burger and this was in uh in college station where i ate it uh we're going to avoid that okay um we are going to help you with your thanksgiving questions um holly do you like to ring lead us on this and guide us uh do we throw do we throw thank you this is hog at this is hog asked man i feel like we kind of did this

already but he's trying to thread a needle here so I would like to take it genuinely if we can what is the most bizarre dish I could show up to Thanksgiving with and still be able to pass it off as legit um I mean I think you can pretty much you can pretty much pass up anything is some weird family tradition and people have to say yeah you know people people can't call bullshit on you because people are fairly political um like my My brother-in-law's family, they always ate Thanksgiving with us, and their family was closer, and we never really knew why. And then one year, he was like, yeah, last year at Thanksgiving for dessert, my mom made canned pear halves, and the holes and the pears were filled with mayonnaise and shredded cheddar cheese from a bag. And apparently this is one of those like-

I want to end the episode right now. oh that's why you drive from birmingham okay that makes a lot more sense now so like everybody's family makes some weird awful shit so no not everybody's family makes weird awful shit that's not true my shit is all point my family shit is all point like we know not everyone makes weird shit but you are spot on the answer is you could pass off anything so i guess the question really is like what's the most bizarre What's the most bizarre concoction you've ever encountered at another Thanksgiving? That's that tops anything that I have ever seen.

Feltner, what is the fish objection? It's Thanksgiving. I'm trying to eat a turkey. Pretty simple, Rand. It's a straightforward logic. Yeah, Ryan, don't bring it up again. Like, I get, like, if you're a pescatarian, I dig it. Go, go for it.

But you can't have turkey on the table. and make the fish the star and the only reason that i can think of that is like oh well we're trying to be more we're trying to do what they actually did at the first thanksgiving yet everybody died at 35 at the first thanksgiving yeah i don't want the first thanksgiving and also they weren't eating indoors everyone the past is terrible and we should not try to recreate it yeah you don't want to be up there just had goose that's i think that's the answer i would like to it i would like to attempt to go to some point no that is the answer The most disconcerting thing you could do would be to roll up and go, hey, I have a whole fucking goose.

And I mean, it's live in your hands when you walk in. And they're like, they're like, don't you have some steps that you need to follow here? He's like, yeah, we're going to do it in the backyard. Like you first have to like take the thing out, which is no mean feat because geese are ready to fucking fight. And if you show up with one that's not dead. Yeah, don't have, don't have step to a goose. You have to finish it quickly or it won't respect you. and it may kill you.

Angela, you said you loved farm to table. What the fuck? Yeah. Additionally, have you ever tried to cook a goose? No. It's real fatty, right? It generates an astonishing amount of fat that you have to catch in a huge drip pan. And if you don't have an adequate size drip pan for this massive goose because they're huge too.

You're going to burn the entire goddamn house down. It is the, and it doesn't even taste that good. It's like a tremendous amount of work. Oh, it doesn't? Okay, I figure with all the fat, it would be good. No, no, it's not, no, it's not, it's nowhere close to duck. Duck is so much better. Why are they so different?

Like, why is the meat so different? The meanness. It's the, it's the meanness of the goose that makes it. They have mean dots and that filters through their bloodstream. I wonder. Like the traditional turkey fryer explosion, can we go goose fryer explosion? Would that be like? It'd be just a nuke.

Yeah. It looked like the Terminator, too. We used to have a tag on EDSBS that just said Turkey Friar Holocaust, and I think I would like to replace that with Goose at this time. Goose Agedon. It's not even that good, and it's such a pain in the ass, and you could burn your whole house down, and then everyone's just like, ooh, goose, that's traditional.

So I think that's the weirdest thing you could bring. The Oklahoma football of, there, we've done football talk. So can you go ostrich for even greater? Showed up with a live ostrich. Ostrich is good, though. Is it? How do you know all this stuff? Ostrich is good.

Do you've had it? Yeah. We've had it. Where have you guys had ostrich? We had it at the first part in Atlanta. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's a South African restaurant in Atlanta called 10 degrees south.

And they have it. South African. South African. Yeah. Yeah, they used to sell it at the farmer's market. They're like, there are ostrich farms outside of Charlotte. And so they sell, like, they sell the ground meat. And they also sell.

sell kind of like the cutlets. And obviously the eggs. Is this information of an ostrich farm for like ruin Hartzell's life? First of all, we buy him an ostrich. They can't be that expensive. Bring it to the house and just tie it to their mailbox. Just tie it to the mailbox or a tree in the front yard and leave. It's a pet.

This is for Julian from Uncle Serber. He'll lose his mind. It's hostile. I love it. Harsel's not going to listen to this for a couple of weeks, so we won't be in trouble until after Thanksgiving. It spits and kicks it, Daddy. Can we keep it?

Can I keep it? I think I can maybe make that worse than a fighty animal. And although I guess this depends on the amount of children in your party, what if you show up with a cute animal that's part of the meal? Rabbit. I was thinking pig. Headhog. Yeah.

Headhog. Yeah, everybody. We're doing kebabs. I was at least thinking of things that people eat. Someone has eaten my hedgehog. Someone has. Someone has been like, dude. All right.

it's real rough right now but the hedgehog's going down guinea pigs guinea pigs delicious allegedly what allegedly i've heard i've heard the same oh my crows yeah this is a south this is a south american thing it's a it's a delicacy in peru it's a delicacy in venezuela yeah yeah according to medieval experts hedgehog should have its throat cut be singed and gutted then trust like a chicken then pressed in a towel until very dry, then roast it and eat with some kind of sauce, or in pastry with wild duck sauce.

Thank you to Dr. Robot. That sounds right. Thank you, Dr. Robbins. I don't even know where are hedgehogs from. Where are they native to? I mean, I guess England, if we're hearing about this in medieval cookbooks. They're in that, like, Indo-European area.

Okay. Like throughout there, yeah. Hey, let's skip to a new question. This is incredibly upsetting. Let's see, R.E. Golf asks, I'm by myself for Thanksgiving this year. What should I make for dinner? And I'm going to throw this to Ryan, because Ryan has a great attitude when it comes to alternative Thanksgiving takes. Whatever you like, whatever you want. Like, I am, I am much more on the idea that Thanksgiving should be just about making food that you enjoy making, that you believe you and your guests will enjoy eating. I agree with Felder that if you're, going to try something outside of the traditional realm you should let everybody know nobody should get a surprise fish for Thanksgiving but if especially if you're by yourself like if you're like hey I just want to like grill the best burger I've had and like buy some really nice ground

or grind my own beef for it or whatever and I want to like make my own french fries like just do that it 100 percent you should not spend the time on Thanksgiving and the money on Thanksgiving, making food that you don't like. It happens to so many people, and I truly don't understand it, because I think if you asked your loved ones, hey, can we change this to something that, like, is more enjoyable for me? If their answer is no, fuck that. That's not a very good Thanksgiving, is it? Yeah, no, I think you're, I think you're right. I also would say what are you interested in left

interested in leftover wise Oh that's a good point Yeah Because yeah That burger is great that day Yes correct But if you're someone who does like turkey Do like mashed potatoes

Or you would like to have that extra thing Like one of the big things for me I love the food on Thanksgiving I think it's really good I think we handle it well but I also always fry two turkeys because you want you want the leftovers I want the leftovers yes and if you want those left like they are on sale right now you can get a turkey breast so you don't have to make a whole turkey you don't have to eat a whole turkey

but you can get a turkey breast for relatively cheap you can roast that off or smoke it off or grill it or whatever you want to do but then that's going to give you the leftovers because if you want to do that Thanksgiving sandwich the next day, right? Yeah. You have the ability to do that. So yeah, I would, that's the other part that I would say that they, like, you hit the nail on the head, uh, Ryan. I also think that those leftovers, they be hitting.

If you, if you're, if you're having Thanksgiving entirely by yourself and you make a whole turkey, that's just amazing to me. And people are probably doing that, but you really like turkey sandwiches. I'm, I'm not even like the turkey is not my favorite part of Thanksgiving. but I would totally make an entire Thanksgiving dinner if I were by myself. Yeah. Okay, what would be putting in there? Yeah, what are like, let's do the, what's your standard operating?

What's the four? What's the four? What's, you have four things that I can give you for this. Four? Yeah, I'm saying. No, no, no. I want to start at four and then I want to expand from that. Thanksgiving crampus is back again. Okay.

With his sexy ways. Okay. Crampus back again. Check it directed. Let's begin. Right. and put your shirt back on not again this is because i didn't wear the eagles jacket yeah penny sorry penny we can't see you without your true form all right emily what is your

what is your what is your go-to rotation what are we um mashed potatoes of course and then my great grandma's noodle gravy and what's that okay so we yeah let's hit pause what is noodle gravy um we make homemade noodles and use that like we would make a gravy for the homemade noodles and it becomes like a two and one kind of dish because you can eat it as a side or you can put it on your turkey and potatoes. Oh. But it's amazing. You like make the noodles the day before and then they dry out and then you roll them up and you slice them super duper thin and then you just boil them in with the with your gravy. I've never heard of this but I like it. Oh it's amazing. Yeah. I used to learn that like I was a little growing up with my great grandma.

That's like something that I like to do when I can. It's time-consuming, but it's worth it. And your family's from Kansas? Is that right? Yeah. Right on. That's a must-do in my family. And then also my great-grandma's cranberry salad, which isn't really a salad.

It's just sweet. But I don't like canned cranberries because it's just jello. So we do like fresh cranberries. and other fruits and things and a lot of sugar and then you use jello now that we have a vegetarian daughter we use some other jello like thing but it sets up so it firms up a little bit and then it's just like really good cranberry side and let's see is there is there walnuts in yours we use pecanes and my my grandma did a variation of this that was green and had pistachios in it and oh no this is it's totally red um it uses whole oranges to use the peel and everything and pecans um pineapple

i why can't i think of what else is in there a lot of cranberries this sounds like a very church cookbook recipe because i feel like i've seen a i feel like i've seen a variation on this from like a couple different aunties yeah i don't know it's funny because anytime i brought it places people either love it or hate it and a lot of people hate it before they even try it so whatever Who hates it? Your family does not like it. Well, they like sex. I was going to say.

We've established the perimeters here. Is that why I don't have an entire bowl of leftovers? It's funny because my family fights over it. Like, we have to make like 14 batches because everyone's like, I want the leftovers. But yeah, around here, it's like we're the only ones to eat it. These Baptist simple palettes, y'all. And yeah. What else is on your table?

I'm not as big into sweet potatoes, although I eat them more now. I like them savory. I don't like them with marshmallows. So in place of sweet potatoes, if people make that sort of thing, then I like acorn squash roasted with butter and pecans instead. And I also do, I love green bean casserole. It's easy and simple, and a lot of people do it, but I love it. And I do it with Swiss cheese and cream cheese instead of just the cream of mushroom base.

So, yeah, those are my must have. Shout out to the cannibals and a friend of a friend of the program who made the four-pound green bean casserole for the office potluck last year. My brother always had the best Thanksgiving ninja trick of all to go to the green bean casserole, which in my house was prepared in the classical southern style, meaning this much green bean, about an inch, and then three inches of derkeys fried onion. layered on top of it, and he would just, my brother, being the trash hound that he is, would just scoop up and be like, yeah, I'm getting the vegetable and would just scoop the fried onions off the top of it onto his plate. Those are just upside-down nachos. I, to be fair, I did just buy the bulk-sized bag of them from Sam's, because one of those little things is never enough. No, he's like, I got a vegetable, mom. that is the single

out of every item at the grocery store the canned onions is the single one that no one gives a shit about until Thanksgiving week like if you work at a grocery store that is the week when every single person who passes you says where are the canned onions because no one thinks about them Black Friday they can cease existing

people call them can't you know whatever put them on the ink cap yeah no and they got to be turkey I don't know why the turkey brand French is man Jerky brand fried onions just hit like no other. I don't know why.

And only in November. Because I've bought them on a lark, you know, in like April. You go, oh, man, you know, this might be good. Did you buy them like to snack on? Yeah, you know, when you're hungry, you're shopping hungry. Yeah, and you're like, oh, I'm just going to try a handful of these and you do it. And it's immediate regret. It's instant regret.

Like, oh, this is, this only tastes good once a year. Um, Ryan, what are you guys, are you, I know you guys made. Italian for Thanksgiving one year. What are you, and you're hosting this year, right? What are you making? Um, I am hosting. I am doing a mix of, I'm ordering some. I'm getting a smoke turkey from a local place because I just don't want to deal with it.

And then I'm trying to do, uh, we're going to do like pistachio-crusted pork tenderloin as sort of the supplemental meat. Not the star. Not the star. Not the star. It will be the boost. to the space shuttle that is the turkey. I promise you, Felder.

And then this year, here, I have my list right here. Yes. So we're doing Brussels sprouts, corn suflay, parsnip puree instead of mashed potatoes. Because like, I think mashed potatoes are good, but I also think they're very heavy. And this is like a recipe that you use olive oil and you use the parsnips instead. And I just think it's a little healthier. And I like the taste just as much. mac and cheese cranberry relish I'm going to make the rolls we're going to do like a wild rice with mushrooms thing and then some dessert that's what we're looking at I like it what's your let me I know we're talking about what we're all going to have but what's your I saw that you just pulled up the card yeah so what's your like planning process like because I think that's one thing and as this comes out ahead of time I don't think enough people plan right out so what's your process like I have a I have a

oven space. I have a spreadsheet. See, to me, to me, the problem is less, and this is just because of my setup, the problem is less oven space and it's more freezer and fridge space. Because I know, like, the parsnate puree, for instance, I don't need to make that day of. I can make that ahead of time and then reheat it later. But the problem is going to be, I got to keep that in the fridge somewhere.

So some of this is enlisting, like, local relatives who will be convenient. And it's like, hey, I'm going to come to your house on Tuesday. I'm going to bring a big pot of this. And you're going to bring it back to my house. And then we're going to heat it up. But yeah, I have a spreadsheet where I have listed out everything that's getting made, who is responsible for it. Because some stuff I will staff out because people want to contribute

or because my sister who's coming in town really likes making the cranberry relish. I don't give a shit about it. It's not one of my favorite things, but she wants to make it. Cool. You're on the list. And then I have to list out. what do we not have that I need to get in some sense of like because you know the other thing about Thanksgiving is so many of these dishes are randomly like here's a spice you never use half the year

or here's like a can of something that you are not would not normally be in your pantry and then I have a list of here's the order in which I'm going to cook it and here's the order in which I'm going to reheat it. It's it, it is like a real organized process because I have learned the hard way that if you try to wing this and if you try to just think like, well, this will take about this long and this should take about it. You will completely fuck yourself. You will completely fuck yourself.

Yeah. No, I, I, I, that's why I had to ask because I am a, I don't do a spreadsheet. I'm a hard copy guy. Mm-hmm. But I go hard copy menu. that menu then spreads into all the ingredients I need for the menu then I cross-check that

with what I have in my home versus what I need to get from the store and this is my last week of shopping I'm going to get everything that I need because I don't want to be in the store like a psycho the week of Thanksgiving when everyone is going in there pretending like they know what they're doing.

Yeah, I do mine in Evernote and I would also underline several times, especially if you're trying this for the first time or you're cooking for a group for the first time. Plot your prep time at two. Plot time for, you know, because if you're cooking multiple dishes over multiple days and you might need the same pan to cook more than one thing,

you know, make sure you spread those out. So I do mine in Evernote and I start by making a menu and then I nest, you can nest notes like have like, you know, notes that live in a little notebook like a little virtual notebook within Evernote and I have a nest of the menu is on top and then I have a nested note under that that lists out ingredients for each for each dish and then I make a copy of the menu into a third nested note where I that's where I go through and cross check it against everything in the house and everything that remains is my shopping list but

it's two shopping lists right because you got to do one like a month or three weeks beforehand where you get everything you don't have to get fresh non-perishables quick run you do a quick run like Monday of for your for your meats and produce and then you don't go to the store on Tuesday or Wednesday because we raised you better than that I would like to offer a dissenting opinion to all of this planning this is relating back to the original question that you should be boy that if you were by yourself for Thanksgiving right there's a lot of preparation you could do to prepare a nice traditional Thanksgiving meal for yourself if you aren't feeling that I would suggest $85 of Thai takeout.

$85 of tie takeout and just watch the lions suck. That's what you should do on Thanksgiving. No, watch a movie instead. Don't watch the lions. If you wanted one tradition, if you wanted one tradition, if you wanted to throw one tradition in there. That's the tradition you want to put on people. Don't make people watch Jared Goff.

I was trying to think of another Thanksgiving tradition that one could enjoy by your choice. Eggball. What? Okay, that is also violence, though, if you want to watch things. Okay, it's fun for an observer. If you're a Mississippi State or a Mississippi fan and you are by yourself, don't watch the Egg Bowl by yourself. I'd like to offer one more planning hack that Holly and Felder may not approve of,

but I want to offer it anyway. I intentionally plan my menu with room for failure or stress. So I will always, I will add one extra thing that I know if things are dicey or if I'm just like, fuck, I don't feel like making that, I can kill it. And I'm just, like, this year, if I'm just like, you know what, we're not having the Brussels sprouts. I just don't feel like making them. It's like, that's cool.

They'll keep in the fridge. We'll make them on Saturday or something like that. Like, build something in so that you can pull the rip cord and say, all right, I have taken one thing off my plate without even having to worry about it. I think you're spot on. That's good. That's like when we put Minnesota in the top 25. Yeah.

This is like, you're down in the first. 15 spot in your rankings down. You just got to start guessing. Right, right. Do you have more planning tips? Not really. I tend to just, I don't care if I don't sleep as long as I get everything done. Right.

Yeah. This is also. This is very Midwestern. It's okay. It's fine. It's fine. No, that's, listen, that's where, like, that's where the Midwestern and Southern moms are joining hands across the aisle and going, we're not so different.

Well, and it's Connecticut moms are just like, it's fish, it's fine. It's no worries. I'm telling you guys, like it's, that's how I felt. That's how I felt.

I cried in the bathroom of a Walmart one Thanksgiving because the... Hold on that. Felder, how many adult thanksgivings have you cried at? That sounds like a few. I think three.

Okay. All right. All right. This was, this was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I my injector broke oh no and I went to Walmart

and now you have to go shopping with the idiots who start shopping on Wednesday and I had to go and it was like nine at night so I had to go a 24 hour Walmart and they didn't have any and I this is I'm this is a point where I'm

I'm frying I think 10 birds because I've got to do I've got four birds for some of my wife's co-werews coworkers. They've already been picked up. I've got two birds for my sister-in-law and her big Thanksgiving. I've got a bird for us for the house. I got a bird for for to and we're driving to Fayetteville the next day to go to my grandparents house to take them Thanksgiving. So we got to drive to three hours to Fayetteville. And I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to get this this thing done. And I was like in the grocery store looking for a new injector and couldn't

find one. Couldn't even find the Tony Chashorees that comes with the injector. And I went into the bathroom and I cried and went back home and I was like, I guess this one's going in the oven and we'll take my grandparents one of the ones that's fried. But yes, it is high stress. I totally understand. It is, it's, but I'm getting better. And to Ryan's point, have a thing that you can jet you can blast into the sun have a thing you can blast into the sun so that you don't have to feel like you're losing your mind and for those of us who are uh thanksgivinging in warmer climes i also like to have a i tend to change up the veggies at the last minute depending on the weather like if it's going to be 75 and rainy like it is on many thanksgivings here i will forego the green bean

casserole in favor of like I think one year I just did a bunch of like soft greens out of the fridge and I pulled I went out to the garden and I pulled a handfuls of every herb that I still had going and I chopped it all together and through some olive oil and lemon juice and coarse sea salt in there and that was what we had instead of Brussels sprouts or green bean casserole because I was just done with the heat in the kitchen and it was great it was fine you know also suggest cooking outside Yes. If you have the ability, by God, yes. That is also a thing you should not attempt for the first time on Thanksgiving. Nope. Nope.

I always like to, sorry, go ahead. Oh, I was going to say, you know what makes me cry. The idea that family members might this holiday season open up packages and not get a delightful present from the good people at home field apparel. That's what. Folks, he got the dismount. The Thanksgiving. Yes. You know what?

Thanksgiving Frampus here telling you it's okay to give Thanksgiving presents. It's unexpected. It will make your relatives feel bad because they didn't get anything for you. That's right. That's my angle. And if you don't want to do that, if you want to wait until normal times, hey, good news. Homefield is running a Black Friday sale starting on November 26th and running through November 29th. All items will be 20% off.

off for the duration of this sale. You don't even need our code, which is offer code full cast on your first order, but you technically don't need it here, but remember it for after the 29th if you fuck up. But it only works on your first order. Yes. This one works for anyone.

Your eighth order, your 15th order, your 1,000th order, doesn't matter. Don't touch me. Those of you who've rocked with us for a very, very, very long time, we have a Thanksgiving present for you. And to the point of planning,

as you can probably tell from, I don't know, everything else around you. These items are going to sell out. These items are going to take some time to get to you. The supply chain problems are very real. There's probably a like shipping container sitting in the Suez Canal full of comfortable sweatshirts and t-shirts. So order as early as possible.

Uh-uh, because they're printed in Indianapolis. Oh, yeah, it's not theirs. They route through the Suez. Yeah. Yeah. The Yukon sweatshirts and what have you. from Indianapolis to the stewardess and back. Yeah, they send them on the big boat

to sit in the canal for seasoning. Yes. So, they're so comfy. Get your, Homefield is telling us to tell you, get your orders in as early as possible, so they have plenty of time to get you

all of their fine goods for the holiday season. Yeah, that's that, that's what makes me cry, the idea that somebody might wake up some, some, some uncle or aunt might wake up Christmas morning.

and not have cozy home field apparel. That's additional uncle birthday holiday. Listen, it's a really good uncle or aunt gift. When we gift to the uncles, the gift of four hours of watching the Dallas Cowboys every single year. If you're going to watch the Lions, wouldn't you rather be comfortable doing it? But I'm not going to watch the Lions because I'm not a psycho.

So why not be hyper comfortable? Why not be hyper comfortable? Well, because I know how to invest my time, Ryan. Okay? And it's not the only thing I know. That's the only thing you know how to invest. Well, who can help me with that, Jason? Well, here you go.

You do both at the same time. What you do is you download the Acorns app atacorns.com. You make sure to add the slash fullcast on there and look what you got. You got a $5 starter pack for your investment. You maybe start working on your Thanksgiving fund. That's how retirement works, I think.

You cash it out every Thanksgiving. And then buy the biggest turkey that you can is my Thanksgiving advice. So how it works is as you make these purchases, as you buy Thanksgiving ingredients and injectors and so forth, it rounds up the nickels and dimes and they go into this magic pot that then gets invested and whatever. And then you retire. You won't want to squash these.

They pay us every week for this ad. I say that every week and they keep paying for it. And then when you retired, you can have whatever you, every day's Thanksgiving when you're retired. Just make whatever you want. You can eat a whole turkey every day. That's right. Acorns.com can get you further along towards your life goal of buying an entire turkey every day and just eating it.

Just sitting out in your front porch and a kitty pool with a little baby bib, no shirt, and in a pair of hot pants. Just eating this turkey. This is like 1910's populist presidential campaign. A turkey every day. A turkey. A turkey on every porch. Yeah, vote for Wilfred Miniman. He'll give you a turkey every day.

Spencer has a scourge of turkeys everywhere. God damn it. Speaking of turn-of-the-century child labor, Spencer, how are Rowdy and Ricky Bobby Jr.? We have now had, I believe, after a sudden reversal last week, we are continuing. That's also a very turn of the century. We are continuing that as Elder's son is now behind Younger's son, who was previously down. We are now, let's see, a gap of $603. So the gap is holding steady.

I do not know if the two have been hard on the embezzling hustle this week or if they are just, again, occupied with crypto. Probably crypto. They're probably just up to their eyeballs in it. Speaking once again of children, and that is acorns.com for all your investment class needs. Speaking of kiddos, we have a question from Aaron Brotman at Aaron Brotman on Twitter. How old does a kid have to be to put them to work for Thanksgiving prep? Spencer, I'm ruling your children out. Let's throw to those who have daughters and hear from them.

Old enough to read. She can follow directions. What does he mean? What does Evie work on with you guys? See, she likes the idea of cooking a lot. She loves the idea of cooking and making all the things until she starts it. And then she's like, I'm going to go play now. Yeah, we've had that experience in this house a lot.

Felder, I tell my nephews when I want to shame them that Savannah is three and knows how to load the dishwasher. Where is she on her on her sous chef journey with you? Yeah, she's a plate clear. She's a dishwasher loader. She's a dishwasher emptier. She also is, she has her own, like we got her own chopping sort of little microplane isn't the right word. You know what I'm talking about, Ryan.

Like it's the, you hold it and it's like a bench scraper, but that you can use to chop. Yeah. But she's three and she'll be a part of Thanksgiving. It'll be, I think it's about interest more than it is about making them do it because you're nicer than me but here's the problem if you're not into it and you're not interested and involved I don't want you in my way

other ones people who are committed to this team yeah well it's just more it's more of a hassle if you're having to stop and redo what they're doing or keep getting on to them to keep going you got to buy in yeah so the other way I think about it is less my kid and more how I was I grew up, I'm a mama's boy, no doubt about it. That's the reason why I'm homesick.

I'm not close to my mother. And literally, to be in the kitchen on Thanksgiving, you had to be doing something. And so when I'm four, when I'm five, I'm washing greens. Nobody mentioned collars, but collars are a big part of Thanksgiving for me. Like, I was washing greens. I was pulling greens off stock. I was washing greens when I was growing up. Then I got to the point where I could chop the greens or pull the greens apart.

got to the part where I could, you know, cut the corn off the cop, got to the part where I could peel potatoes. And that was just like growing up, you like level up on the thing that you're allowed to do. So yeah, I think like right now I've got a kid who she helps me tear greens off stems and put them into the, put them into the water to wash to soak. She's at that stage as she gets older. If she's still interested, we're going to get her peeling potatoes. We're going to, so I think kids if the kid if your kid is interested get them involved because it's a skill that they'll have for life like i i don't know about you guys but i have like this my cousins that are all my same age and quite frankly none of them can cook for shit and i hope they're listening

it's it's one of those situations where they never learned that skill because they did they were like, oh, I'll come in and pick off the turkey and then go out, but I'm, I'm not staying in here to do extra work. It's not dissimilar from learning a language. Like, you can learn it later, but it's going to be harder and it's not going to come to you as naturally. That's a great point. We are.

Thanksgiving while your brain is still soft. My daughter and I tend to do the baking portions together, A, because those are usually happening before Thanksgiving itself. so you can sort of just focus on that. There's some math involved. The other thing is for me, baking, I would say much more so than a lot of the cooking parts of Thanksgiving, really requires you to, like, do your me's really well. You need to say, like, and for me, it's very helpful to say,

I have already measured out all these things. So I can say to her, okay, here is a half cup of this. Here is a teaspoon of this. And it's already been separated out into a cup or whatever. Yeah. And you can learn about dry mix and wet mix and whatever, and you can more so than actual Thanksgiving stuff and a lot of cooking stuff, it's the kind of thing where if she's with me for half and then she decides she wants to bail, that's fine. Like we got a little time together at Thanksgiving. She gets to feel proud and say like, hey, I helped make, you know, this or that.

That's cool for her. And it just like, but I agree with Felder, like the idea of saying like, you get it. in here and you start you get this knife and you start getting to work like that's that's a terrible idea that's just the worst we have we have different mothers um Ryan what is your while while we have you on the subject what is your what is your menu this year besides the did you did we get all the way three years because I think we got derailed on parsnips uh well no I we we had all the main things my my mom wants to handle the pies so she's doing that and then there's the there's a mystery item that is yet to be

determined. I want to make a third probably chocolate-based dessert. I don't want it to be pie. I haven't decided what it's going to be yet. And I do have to decide that pretty soon here. Ooh, you could do like moose cups, because those will keep in the freezer. I have. Everyone king-sized knicker bars. I have thought about moose.

See that big fucking Reesey cup? The pie-shaped Recy cup? One of the problems with moose is that you have to use raw eggs in it and there are some people at this who should not be having raw eggs. So, I have to, like, you can, apparently you can buy pasteurized eggs.

You can use coal whip. It's fine. So, so, so we'll see. Yeah. That's, that's what you do. Just, just serve for chocolate. Think about the pie-shaped UC Cup, though. Mm-hmm.

Those, you know the rice, you know the pie straight breaches sold out, right? Fuck. Wait, those are real? I thought you were joking. Oh, no. No, it's like a nine-inch. Have I missed an internet thing? Oh, my.

I have missed a nice time. Why exactly are people acting like it's a new thing? My dad 100% brought us one of those from the truck stop one time. That sounds South Carolina as hell, though. Okay. That's very true. Yeah, that might have been one of the like rare blessings of living in the Palmetto state. They're like, hey, we got an endless supply of these.

I don't know why. They just keep all off the train. You don't come on over. People don't know this. The nine-inch Reese's is actually the state bird of South Carolina. This is the lost verse to Big Rock Candy Mountain. What's your favorite kind of... Hey, Strom Thurman, what's your favorite kind of steak?

I like a racist guy! Don't make me like Strom Thurmond. Everyone has one thing in common with humanity. We all like... That was, by the way, chillingly accurate... Strom Thurman imitation that I just did. Water finds its level, but dude, water finds its level. Hey, you know, two for dessert.

Emily, if they make chocolate cool whip, you can just put that in the fridge and it'll harden up. It's like a new dessert. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. That's what I learned. Get a knife. Put it at the middle of the table.

I know we were essentially talking about children. Spencer, what is your key contribution to Thanksgiving prep? I cut. I do good knife work. So if you need something chopped, I will do that. That is traditionally my role is to do. decent knife work and to keep my children away from the fucking turkey fryer keep them away from the goddamn hot oil bomb already and we haven't even

started cooking I'm so mad I'm already so fucking mad coach of thanks how well how old do you think a kid should be before they start fucking around with that turkey friar probably older but they're not ready they're not ready you don't understand they're not ready no they're not ready for each like and I don't trust them either with prep with a knife yet both for very different reasons each child i distrust them i just trust one with the knife because there will be blood and then i distrust the other because there will be someone else's blood yeah one is there will be blood accidentally and one is there will be blood on purpose yeah

so drink your milk shape eventually yeah but i'm gonna keep even they could this is uh i was gonna say a second ago where i do think it's very useful to get kids involved is especially if you're working on something else having them set up your mees especially in like a baking scenario you know measure show them how to measure out half cup of flour and put it in a little bowl they're going to get flour everywhere but flour always gets everywhere at this time yeah like most of the messes that you can make while setting up for baking are recoverable yeah but if i'm if i am if i am instrumental it all depends like i've spent thanksgiving a different like several different scenarios of the last couple of years and i'm usually the chop guy i can cook a turkey and it'll turn out fine because i can follow directions

especially when it comes to cooking meat. If it's like baking, I'm lost. That's too close to science. I'm out. Someone else needs to do that, right? But I can cook stuff that it's, you know, pretty much like one-step-fire recipe. And a turkey, there's a lot of prep,

but you can follow the directions. And then when you're finished with it, unless it's a fried turkey, it's still just a turkey. It's fine and it's good. It's just not worth you. You're like, wow, I worked nine hours on this thing, and I got a bee.

You make it stop? But are you making stock then? I mean, yeah, no, you can do that afterwards and all that kind of stuff. That's fine. No, no, no, no, no. Stock has to go before. You better. Yeah, stock comes with your dry run of the turkey in like October.

Right. I've got, I'm sitting on a, sitting on a carcass right now to get my smoke stock going, baby. All of my stock and sugo is frozen and ready to take up to my mom's because I am not hosting this year, thank the merciful, Jesus.

No, I'm in. I, I I started frying turkeys when I was 15 So I'm Kids are built different man I was thinking about how I had my first camping knife When I was eight And that's the age of Spencer's younger son And I'm not in a thousand goddamn years

No There's no way Look some of the difference now is if you If when we were going up I realize everyone on this call has daughters Fuck every single one of you Fuck all of you Look but the other distinction is

Hey Ryan's about to have a combo pack man The other distinction is When we were growing up, if your kids, if you got injured in a way that your kids should have been watching you better, as long as you didn't die, your parents were not going to make national news. They were going to be on the local news broadcast, maybe. But now, like, this country used to be great. You have the parent so that you're not the main character on Twitter.

We live in a world where, guess what, there was no chance in hell I could pull the television down on top of me. Right. Right. Yeah. Big ass wooden cabinet television If you If you did, you would have been playing at UNC when you were 12

This is the strongest baby on the world I like his want to He's got some want to Yeah Am I in charge of the turkey this year? I'm in charge as a turkey. What are you doing? What are you cooking?

I remember what we did last year is a shitload of butter. Butter is a secret ingredient You can't go wrong. I don't think it's a secret. My over much butter you think is a lot I think the secret is like infinite butter is the secret.

it. Under the skin? Yes. Everywhere. Oh, yeah. And we did a lot of herbs under the skin. I don't remember which ones exactly. But, uh... He made a buttery paste of herbs and butter. Yeah. I love a buttery paste. And shit loads of butter. And then stuffed it with veggies and more herbs and lemons.

Oh, yeah, lemons. Yeah. Yeah. I gave, I said, uh, because last year because of COVID, we weren't really seeing his family. So my family was around because we helped them a lot because they were super high risk, and those were the only people we saw for a very, a very long time. But, um, so I was basically doing everything else. I told him he had to do the turkey. So I found himself, and he could follow along to. And it turned out actually, probably one of the best turkeys we've ever had. And you've learned to delegate.

I can follow instruction. Everybody's acquiring skills. Yes. Yeah, because I don't know the last time he cooked. He can smoke things. Yeah, yeah. I cook outside exclusively. This was, you have dad cooking.

skills. Jason, I think your, my set of skills and your set of schools overlap in that. Like, if it's cooking outside, that's, that's my realm. I could do that, right? Once it gets into anything that might require wearing a white hat, like, to cook, I'm more and more uncomfortable with that. But if it's something that involves tongs and smoke and fire, that's, I'm farther over toward that spectrum. I had a question about the turkey. Do you think you could just take a can of Mountain Dew Rise, blueberry pomegranate crush and just put it in there and sort of gently ventilate so that

it boils out through the turkey and infuses the whole bird Yeah, that's fruit. No. Will that work? How about we're going to get two turkeys? Okay, we can have we're going to have normal turkey and we'll have fun turkey.

Where are you going to cook it? Fun. At our house. We'll do the normal turkey in the good oven and ours will be for fun. Yeah, so here's the thing about the good oven. our house was built in the 60s and it is fun size. Like our kitchen is not meant for cooking.

And our one full-sized drawer like our silverware drawer opens about four inches into the fridge. And our oven is about half size. So it's really fun when you're cooking a lot of food to try and cook in that kitchen. It's horrible. That kitchen was designed for smoking and drinking, right? It was like, what are you going to do? We're going to smoke and drink over a casserole dish no one touches because we've all smoked and drank

microwave the oven of the future I grew up in one of these and I have one now and my mother calls it the one butt kitchen I really there's only room for one butt in it yes that that is that is listen if we're giving people tips and tricks

absolutely figure out how many butts your kitchen can handle it and also don't you know what was the old thing that when drinking and driving first like became a thing when it was like friends don't let friends drive drunk oh when drinking and driving became a bad thing yeah a bad thing like friends like also don't cook with people you don't cook with

it's stressful it's remarkably stressful um it don't don't let your friend who she only cooks two days a year don't let her come over and then think she's going to do some work in your kitchen she's going to be in your way the entire time and she's not your kid she's not your kid that you have to love. Also, do not, do not, do not mess with someone else's mees. Do not add on to their dish, okay? The biggest fight in the history of my family started

when somebody put an entire half stick of butter in somebody's peas without asking on the prep and two hours later, everyone had gone home crying. That was the start. No, we got to hear the whole thing. I can't even take you through the whole thing.

It started into a fight that evidently unearthed. It was like opening the arc. So it was like, fight, fights from like was this were slights from 10 years? Yeah, it was like opening the ark of a covenant with a stick of butter. Yeah, old shit came up. Oh, dead shit. Like marriages that I didn't

even know about were referenced, right? That's why your first husband left and you're like, you know, that's why you have a kid across town? What? Like, that kind of shit, you know? That's why you kill the Kennedy. Lee. My uncle Lee, Harvey Oswald? Yeah, like, that was, yeah. So don't do that. Don't mess with that.

Additionally, if you are a person, all right, these two people can be in the kitchen together. A person who cleans as they go and a person who cleans as they go. A person who does not clean as they go cannot be in the kitchen with somebody who cleans as they go. That cannot happen. If you're a cook, there are plenty of good cooks in this world, probably, I guess, about at least half of them who do not clean as they go. They're just throwing dishes. That's fine, okay? But you can't be in the kitchen with someone.

You can't cross the streams. No, no, no, no, no. Are there people who clean as they go on Thanksgiving? Yes. Yeah. Really? You have to. That's very brave.

Oh, yeah. I don't know how to do it without going insane. I cook like a waffle house chef. You know how they're like, here, just like scrub like constant motion? Yeah. Spencer, does your, does this rule allow for two people who do not clean as they go? That's fine. That's fine.

You're both stack and that's fine. Like you're both, that's fine because you accept the mess, right? You're not the person who cleanses this, they go. looking over and going, what the fuck are you doing? I'm not doing those, right? This kind of covers the next question I was going to hit, which is from David Naylor at Professor Cedar, who says, we are hosting Thanksgiving for the first time this year. What are we going to screw up and how could we not screw it up?

Parentheses, Iowan Thanksgiving exclusively Iowan people. So I also happen to know if I remember from Charity Bowl last year, that David also has a less than a one-year-old child in the house. So I think we've doled out a few good tips for first timers. Emily, I'm going to throw to your to your Midwestern expertise there. They're there trying to impress some Iowans. Well, we have had a few Iowaan Thanksgivings. So teach us their ways.

I mean, basically. Corn. Corn. Everyone should contribute. Like I don't know if I would have ever been to a Midwest Thanksgiving where it's not like potluck style. So maybe they're hosting, but it doesn't say if they're, you know, that's a good point.

Doing all of all of the work. With their hosting and a new baby in the house, I kind of feel like that's a great excuse to say, okay, now what are you bringing and not even ask people if they could bring something, but just ask them what you're bringing? I would feel really weird going to any Thanksgiving dinner and not bringing like four dishes. Oh, true.

So, I mean, I really hope other people are bringing food. I think basically we've kind of covered everything it's it's just like anywhere else really like don't don't over budget your time make sure you have like a throwaway item like Ryan said and yeah don't let too many people in the kitchen at once I would probably prepare to have pretty much everything done maybe things just need heated by the time people get there like don't try cooking while you're trying to entertain people because that never works and something will go wrong. So as long as you're prepared for people to be there and you're already done with

most of the cooking stuff, you should be fine. All right. We have a question from right back at Drew at competentish on Twitter. Oh, let's let's light this smoke grenade and throw it into the middle of the room. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. I never have I don't have strong answers on this. It depends on your group. If your group wants ham, makes ham. If your group wants both, not both.

Yeah. Yeah, we always have like a two meat situation, I feel like, at Christmas, but Thanksgiving is strictly a turkey. I mean, it is official forecast policy that we endorse the presentation of ham once the sun is set. Yes. Right?

So if you're going to show up late, show up late with ham. Let the right ham in. Yes. Let the right ham in. And then around eight or nine, deploy the ham. Deploy the ham. at eight or nine with some biscuits

and then watch everybody suddenly get like their third wind. So I have a swerve I can throw in here. Wait, Jason, you want to say something. I was going to say, what is our number two meat? Because I feel like ham is often assigned to us, but we're not the British fans. I would say roast probably. We're not ham folks.

Yeah. Ham persons. I would say a roast is usually like if we decide to do something not so traditional for a holiday, which doesn't happen often. Usually Easter is the one. We would do like a roast. I think ham is the worst pig, it's my opinion. So I would say, Ryan, you mentioned tenderline.

That's very appealing. There's so many better pigs than ham, in my opinion. Ham is an accent meat. It's an accent meat, not a main dish meat, right? So when somebody's like, do you want a plate full of ham? I'm like, that's a tall order, buddy. I'm looking at a lot of ham. I'm going to have to put it down.

I have done that, but afterwards you're like, I don't know if I need much more ham. If you take that ham, put it into a sandwich, if you're going to sort of like come with the different mediums to sort of pass the ham through without it just being an intense amount of ham, that's fine. But like, there's a reason that they cut, um, that they cut expensive parma real thin, right? It's a very intense flavor. Ham is intense. Ham is intense. Spencer Hall. Quote me on that, right? So there's a, I fuck with ham, dog. Yeah. Like, I, I, you just do a whole way. That's my shit.

Whole plate of ham. You were just staring that fucker down and being like, let's go. Whole ham. Ham went back in cheese, dog. That shit is on point. But here's the thing I will say. Because you mentioned it with respect to Easter. You mentioned it with having a thing that you eat it with.

Ham is great for picking. Ham is great for picking. So if you're not going to cook two turkeys that day, but you're only going to cook one, Go get you a honey baked ham. Get that thing hooked up. And then all throughout the day, while you're busy doing something, somebody can pull a little bit off that ham.

They throw it into a Hawaiian roll. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. We got, we're in business. Ooh, I'm glad you said that. I am just reminded of a recipe that I don't think we've ever talked about in all of our holiday episodes on the show. So ham shows up in two contexts in holidays. In our family, it is a Christmas Eve situation where we have country ham biscuits.

We do like a snacky. dinner. They don't have that here. For, oh, I'll, dude, I will send you some from Clifties. I will absolutely mail you country ham because that's not. I had to go without it in Los Angeles and it sucked. It sucks. It sucks real hard.

I will send you some from biscuits. Everybody who makes it in my family is dead now. So we have to, we have to, we joke about flying it in from Paris. It's Paris, Tennessee. But we do like a little snacky buffet dinner at Christmas before we go. go off to church for four and a half hours on Christmas Eve. And then on Thanksgiving, my mom makes this Black Friday, well, not Black Friday because we're not like shopping, but Thanksgiving Friday.

My mom makes this Friday brunch concoction the day after Thanksgiving. That is, it's Hawaiian rolls, and you lay down the bottom half, and you layer slices of ham and turkey, and then it's this, this sauce that she makes that is like, it has. has it has minced onions in it it has it has plum preserves in it it has it's like a plum mustard and which sounds disgusting but it's so good and you you spoon half the sauce over the open face sandwiches then you top them with the other half of the rolls and you spoon the other half of the sauce over the top and then you bait you put um oh there's cheese in there too you put like Swiss cheese in there and you bake the whole pan until all the sausages all the sausages until all the

sandwiches are, like, gooey and melty together. And, but you have to spin the sauce on the top, too, that's important, because it has to be a disgusting mess. And it turns into, like, this, like, savory breakfast casserole pull apart situation. Is there egg in there, too? Mm-mm, but you can. Like, if you wanted to, like, throw egg wash or to, like, throw egg mixture over it, you could bake it as an actual breakfast casserole, but we tend to, we tend to do them in the

toaster oven and, like, pull them out of sandwiches. I love it. Yeah. Which is really good. let's see let's let's let's rock back to uh to desserts for a moment brian conway at brian conway two says i need some recommendations on good pies to make for the holidays so first of all let's go around the horn and see what everybody's dessert plans are uh serber we haven't heard from you in a minute what is your thanksgiving dessert uh we'll make

chelsea's there chelsea what are you making yeah chelsea makes the desserts and she'll make chocolate pecan pie um she'll also make she'll also make the thing that are like my family really really likes uh the chocolate of clear cake which is what is pretty simple it's pretty simple it's basically you take like um you take cool whip and vanilla pudding mix and you mix those together to make your filling and then you lay like layers of that and graham cracker and then you cover the top layer like you do you melt chocolate and then you cover the top layer with that melted chocolate and then you cool it uh overnight and then it's delicious and that's like my family's favorite thing pf and pudding from from the last show it's really easy to make like it literally i just described

everything it's simple like vanilla jello brand vanilla pudding mix and cool whip brand cool whip and graham crackers and you just need a thing to do it in it's super simple but it's really tasty and my redneck family eats that shit up. That sounds, oh God, that sounds habit. I want like one of those notations at the bottom that just says serves one. Yeah. She actually makes one just for my dad every Thanksgiving.

So it is the case for one. Is she throwing some Oreos in there? No, she's never done that before, but I like, we did something, man, what was it called? We called it like trash pie or something like that. Oh, that sounds good. Mud pie. It was called it mud pie, and it was like vanilla pudding with Oreo bits in it,

and then you crush up Oreos on top as like the dry layer on top. We used to serve that at the restaurant I managed, and it was really good, too. You throw some gummy worms up in there? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, exactly. A little cup of, yeah, worms and dirt. Worms and dirt. Worms and dirt.

Yep. Felder, what is your dessert rotation? I don't think we've heard yours. I'm not big into dessert. We don't really eat sweets much. I think this year will probably, I'm probably going to make a cheesecake. It has nothing to do with Thanksgiving or Thanksgiving exclusive. My wife just likes cheesecake, so I'll make some.

But that's it. But traditionally, like if I was home, it's sweet potato pie. And that's like sweet potato pie and pound cake. Those are the two things that my mom, as I have taken over Thanksgiving from a family standpoint, she still insists on making her pound cake and her sweet potato. potato pie, which is great and it's fantastic and I love them both and I will give you this pro tip, a little bit of pound cake. You throw it into a pan the day after with a little bit of butter and you toast that thing like a grilled cheese. Like a pancake crin on. You got a really,

you got a really nice breakfast to go with your coffee. Like it's undefeated. Ooh. I don't think I've ever toasted poundcake before. That sounds insane in the best possible way. I will say something controversial again. Thanksgiving crampus here. I think pie is really good at Thanksgiving and it will always be at my Thanksgiving. And I'm not saying you shouldn't do it. But broadly speaking, as holiday desserts go, I think you have better options. Wow.

There is a really good plum torte. You can find that recipe on Smitten Kitchen. That I think is a really strong rotation. I think coffee cakes are a really nice thing to make for the winter. holidays they're very easy to cut and to give people portions of like pie pie's great it is harder to sort of transfer it is harder for to like give people leftovers afterwards it's harder to give us a gift or whatever um i think i think pie is good i think if you are trying to branch out with your holiday baking repertoire cakes and torts and cookies are probably the way to go instead

of just alternate versions of pie that's my opinion Right on. Pye's undisciplined. Like, pound cake. Pound cake you can walk around with because it's got some integrity. Nobody's ever been like, hey, hold on. I'm just going to hold this piece of apple pie. You have it first.

You never seen Jason at Thanksgiving then. Also, yeah, I was going to say, this is the least dad thing you've ever said. You can't eat pie with your hand. Fuck you, Spencer. I said you couldn't carry it with your hand. It could be eaten with your hand. It shouldn't. It doesn't need to be walked around with.

It needs to be. eaten at the fridge in secret before anyone can find you. No, this is your secret pie. No, this is your secret pie. Now we're just, this is Ryan's secret apple pie. It's not secrets pie. It's my walking around the pie. Yeah.

Yeah. This is my sin pie. It ain't going to last hell. Yeah, that's right. What if the sin eaters had pie instead of cake? Makes you think, huh? Um, I will say my mom has started doing for her pumpkin pies. There are several recipes out there for this where, uh, you add black pepper.

to your to the mix and it oh yeah i haven't done this myself i have tasted the fruit of it and it's very good it's a like i would i would try that out lemon juice too yeah got to get a little brightness in there um yeah more spice more spice more acid absolutely helps bring out the sweetness so black pepper goes in the spice mix for anything pumpkiny that i make because there is a we're a cake slash pie house divided there is an analog to the Christmas cake that I suffer at the hands of every year and it is thankfully never up to me to make although I might give it a spin this year since we're not going to see this part of the family it's a pumpkin bun cake that is in my great aunts church cookbook shout out Kingston Tennessee from I think 1972 is a copy of hers that I have and it's a it's a it's a an extremely thickly spiced pumpkin cake that's full of like cloves and nutmeg. And I started adding cardamom and black pepper to it. And of course, that caused an international incident among certain members of my family.

And now they've just gotten used to it. And they think the old kick is bland. So, you know, sometimes you can just charge ahead because what are they going to do, not eat dessert? There's a, I want to shout out our hot weather listeners again. there's a variation on pumpkin pie that I've never seen anyone but my mother make and I don't know if she made it up or if it's a recipe but she makes this frozen proline pumpkin pie that is she takes the she takes the pumpkin filling that and you make the pumpkin filling but you make it without eggs and she mix she whips it together with softened vanilla ice cream instead of and like making it

into a custard. And she pours the whole thing into a graham cracker pie shell and freezes it. And then this is for those years when it's, you know, 75 and rainy on Thanksgiving. And she makes a giant proline on a sheet of wax paper and in a great moment, hits it in the middle with a mallet and shatters it into a bunch of shards. And then like arranges those shards artfully on the pie when it's out of the freezer. And it's like a pumpkin ice cream. cream pie. It's absolutely delicious, but then that's pretty much all there is to it. I'm pretty sure you could just make it with canned pumpkin and vanilla ice cream and whatever spices you want if you wanted to. I'm in charge of dessert this year, and we have nieces with

multiple food allergies. I've tried to make this cake without wheat and eggs, and I think I probably could have done it correctly without one, and the other way it just slumps. So we are relying on a local we're relying on a local gluten-free bakery this year who is going to produce an apple cake for us and I'm going to do some kind of like maybe a pear pie

with a with like a rum caramel caramel. I mean I don't want to slander pie anymore but at my family we always have pecan pie which is trash. I don't know why people. I hate pecan pie too. It's just it's just it's just syrup with like it's just like the filling is

never worth. I could just is that. Yeah. I can't, it's the one corn syrup-based item I cannot rock with. Jason, you sound like you've got something on your heart. No, that's the thing you're all wrong. Or chest pie? I've never, it's never actually, it's never adequately been explained to me exactly why it's called chest pie or what chest pie is. This is going to be finally what tears us apart.

Yeah, I don't understand what either of these things are. You know, um, isn't it chocolate, like chocolate moose or something, basically? There is, there is chocolate chess pie, but regular ass chess pie. is like just the custard um i think chess pie is basically like gooey like gooey butter pie or gooey buttercake i think is like the missyrian analog to that your negative opinions can go fuck themselves i i love listen i'm a oh shoot i remember the fight we were going to have felder we haven't had that we didn't have the greens fight what about them after remember um i was wondering if anybody else had particular holidays attached to greens because felder

is making his for Christmas and greens at my house are like a New Year's and Easter situation and Felder I wanted to ask you do you have them on all like because I'll make greens a lot of times like just for regular non-holiday meals during the fall but they've

never they've never been like a Thanksgiving or Christmas food for me. Yeah no we greens we eat greens on Thanksgiving Christmas greens on Easter obviously as you mentioned we eat New Year's you better get them greens my mom Tori. My mom calls me and is like, you got greens? I said, yeah, you know I got green. You kidding me? If you don't eat greens on New Year's, you're going to be poor as hell. That's just facts, dog. Yeah, that's correct.

This is, no, this is my father's, uh, my, this is my father's lecture to me as well. Yeah. So we, but we agree. My wife doesn't particularly care for them, but she'll eat them. But I've been doing a smoke green. So I've been doing that outside on the smoker, in a pot, just getting a little smoke to them. But I love greens. Like, so we don't, I'm black, y'all. We don't eat green bean casserole. Wait, greenbee casserole is not, greenbee casserole has not crossed the threshold. I was not aware of that No, that's not

We know That's not a thing The first time I ever had it was That Thanksgiving that I cried I want to send you a recipe that I want you to try There's like Oh I can make it No it's because there's a casserole recipe that I have

That I think you might that I think might be more to your sensibility I don't like cassero No Casserol as a concept is pretty bad Don't back down, Felder. Fuck that green bean casserole. No, I was just saying, I saw this a couple of weeks ago. It's not green bean casserole, but it contains all the same ingredients.

It's more of a stir fry. The one Emily makes is more of a cheesy green beans situation than anything I would identify as a casserole. Like I make green bean casserole. I can make it. I can make it taste good. I used real ingredients. I've fried my own onions for green bean cassero. I fried my own onions last year and it was a game changer.

It's a game. changing. Unfortunately, I don't think I can ever go back. I use real green beans, nothing from a can. I make the whole deal. I can do the whole shit. I don't like it. I don't want it. I don't need it. But my wife likes it.

So I make it for, where's my wife from? The Midwest. That is correct. That's right. When you see a casserole, by the way, it's basically when you see a casserole, you're like, I'm in a radiation area. How high radiation? How low radiation? I don't know.

If I walk that way, it could get worse. There might be way more casserole. But right now, I can do a little bit of casserole. It's like a little bit of radiation. Casserol's a high danger area for you because you're anti-chease. I'm anti-chease and I don't like creamy stuff. And, like, I generally think. Casseroles exist because they were like, how do we sell all this extra soup?

Big soup, once again, pulling his strings. Maybe we can have them cook scraps of food in the hot soup. in a tray and then cover it with cheese because cheese is often used like an alibi. It covers a crime. That's what cheese is done in America. Yeah. See, Felder, I think casserole is the grown-up version of,

oh, how can we trick these people into eating some vegetables? How can we sneak them into some? Like, I always have the casserole is like grown-up struggle meal. Like, I agree with, I agree with Felter, I don't like green bean casserole, I don't make it. Mostly because I'm just like, yeah, I think the vegetables should

just be vegetables. That's just how I cool with it like i'm going to sneak a bunch of shit into my vegetables let's just do brussels that have bacon in them sure see i think this is why i don't do i think this is why i don't do greens at thanksgiving although i've like i've fried brus sprouts before when we were frying turkey like because there's so much else on the table that's heavy and cooked i want my vegetables to like be crisp and light and kind of break up the pattern yeah and kind of break up the pattern a little bit like I think that's, I think the weather was my excuse, but I, I liked it so much last year going with like the herbie green salad over any kind of, uh, cooked vegetable besides the potatoes that I think I might continue to rock that. It's more of like a, like I'm using vegetables more as a change up is how they've come to function in the meal. The way that I make greens is not healthy. It's not good. Oh, no, they can't be. No, healthy greens are not good greens. Those are not the same thing.

This is also a regional thing to some extent. because, like, there are maybe three days a year in Florida where you're like, hmm, casserole sounds good. It's like, you can't have casserole when it's like 88 and raining, hot rain. You can't do, you can't just be like, yeah, that's right. Get the cream and mushroom soup out. We're a casserole the fuck out of night. Absolutely not.

Am I a Dade County casserole. Like, yeah, like Florida just, like, Florida is a place where you're like, oh, Boston Market. That sounds heavy. There's so many Boston markets in Florida and I was always like, who's getting fucking chowder today? It's 92 degrees and somebody just got shot across the street. Let's get some chowder. Wait, time up is, do you think that Boston Market is about chowder?

I don't know that there are meat. I've never been inside a Boston market in my life. I think literally Boston Market. Wait, so what is Boston Market? Hold on. I'm going to look. I'm going to look. Why is everybody laughing at us? By the way, why are you asking me questions like knowledge isn't incriminating,

knowledge of what Boston Market actually has on the venue. I can't speak to Spencer's younger days. As of now, Boston Market does not serve chowder. Damn it! They've abandoned their roots. But it's 92 degrees in Florida, and I want chowder. Reject modernity, return to tradition, embrace tradition. I swear we had a.

an episode at some point about Tampa's best chowder joint. Anyway, we did know, yeah, yeah. You've lived, you've lived this long of a life. You've lived this life thinking that Boston Market made chowder. Now, why would I have gone into a Boston market and verified what's

in there? I've never eaten at one. Who eats there? Who goes? I don't know. I don't know who eats there, but I know that they're a rotisserie chicken place. Yes. Yeah. Here's the other fuck. Really?

Oh, wait. Here's the other. fucked up thing you can get a Boston market you can get meatloaf yes yeah like the the idea of buying meatloat the idea of being on a road trip and be like you know what we're going to stop and get meatloaf let's get fucked up on some meatloaf we're going to get some traditional boston meatloaf the Boston is like that's a total misdirection here this is amazing had it with fish in it if I throw if I throw if I throw a container of red pepper in the place does the restaurant just shut down oh my goodness i can't believe this i cannot believe that you've just traveled through life thinking boston market absolutely chowder spot he thought i can't believe anyone would

know it was in there i like the idea of spencer rolling up to boston market be like two lobsters please i would totally do that this seems entirely reasonable to me and i'm concerned with what that says for me because i'm agreeing i'm pretty i mean i think i've eaten there once When I was like 24 or something? Yeah, I had it when I was a kid. Yeah. Oh, it's, oh, it's like, oh, it's like, oh, it's like cafeteria style, but it's it's like mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, okay, it's, it's, I got it.

I got it for you. I'm going to, I'm going to translate, all right? Yes, that's exactly. Okay, I'm ready, please. It's a non-buffay shoneys. Yeah. Oh, that is great. Yeah, but.

Shoney's had that points. Shoney's had that, thank you. Shoney's had the shoneys had the tray of bacon. The bottomless tray of bacon. Oh, Felder, you weren't here when you found out. I didn't go because COVID, but my 20th high school reunion was at Shoney. I love it. Oh, wait. I just realized.

I did not attend. Y'all. Shoney's had their mascot was a bear, Shoney Bear. The lollipop bear in the tree, yeah. Shoney bear was nothing but kindness and love. All he wanted you to do was get the breakfast buffet. those little hollow twinkies that you could put fruit filling and whipped cream in oh yeah oh my god i just realize i can order boston market and have it delivered excuse me i think there are

i think there are ryan don't you fucking i am i am going to on a day of my choosing without warning i'll give you a call to let you know it's coming but i'm going to send you boston market for dinner one night this i know it smells like it smells so bad right this is this is going to hurt me somehow Maybe you'll get lucky and I'll, maybe you'll get lucky and I'll do it on Sunday, Wednesday, or Friday when Prime Rib is on the menu. I think you could do a lot worse than Boston Market. Ryan, Ryan, don't do this week. Do it for Thanksgiving. Oh, wow.

Do it on, do it the week of Thanksgiving because I'll be in Tennessee. Do they not have? Do they, do they, I bet Boston Market offers a full Thanksgiving dinner. I would be shocked if they didn't. Yes, I would believe that they didn't. Oh, I'm going to send you ribs. I'm going to send you ribs from Boston Market. You fools.

You're ruined. They have no. They have no sauce on them. You're talking. Ryan, you're talking awfully bold for somebody who's going to be on parental leave in the new year. And it's going to be getting a lot of delivered meals. He's a Boston dry ribs. Holly, I'll be so tired and sad that it won't matter at this point.

You can't break a broken man. Why would you be sad? Because children are up all the time when they're babies. Because he's tired. It's true. He'll be very tired. Yeah. He'll be tired from giving.

Well, I'm on my food questions from an alien kick. X-L family meal deal, yeah. No. See? Nets. Can I tell you? Hold on. Before we move on, what you're really going to fucking hate about Boston Market is the cornbread.

You're going to be so fucking offended by this cornbread. You're going to think it's an affront to God. Oh, it is. Ryan, I'm telling my father. You're also, I will say You're also going to hate the corn Yes How can you hate

Is it just cafeteria corn? How can you hate corn? He asked innocently Imagine corn with nothing in it At all You, yes, it's basically just like What have we put it in hot water? That's it.

We didn't cook it in hot water We just put it in hot water. You're just bringing a human hog fodder To my door. Oh my God. I cannot wait to send you Boston Market I'm so excited for this. What did I ever do to you?

I can't believe as our last question. Well, my question for y'all is this. Is mac and cheese considered a vegetable at your house? Is that how that works? No. Because I don't, well, full disclosure,

I do not understand the dish. I do not know where it falls in the protein carbohydrate. I do not know whether it's a side or a main. I do not know what goes in it. other than mac and cheese obviously i don't know what's forbidden or what's like considered altrey in terms of making mac and cheese i just have mac and cheese questions well you don't like you know i'm a floyd episode i'm assuming you don't like mac and cheese

oh yeah no it's rank i'd all stand on it no i fucking hate cheese period no i understand yeah no right so mac and cheese is like a definite no go all right mac and cheese is not a vegetable at our house but i do come from a family where we frequent restaurants where it is a vegetable if that makes sense it counts it like if you if you go to if you go to k and w it counts as a vegetable yeah if you're if you're if you're going if you're going to the k and w that's what you get your main you get three vegetables one is going to be mashed potatoes or baked potato the other one's going to be mac and cheese and then you're going to get green you're going to get greens i'm not getting green

beans but you can get green beans but like that's the three and those are three vegetables they go with the steak or chicken or whatever you get it counts is it a vegetable absolutely not conceptually conceptually it becomes a vegetable it's a really good way of putting it okay Jason what should not and what is it for y'all yeah it is aside I would not call it a vegetable this is how we know you're not southern yeah sorry. I mean, I make really good mac and cheese. I make really good mac and cheese,

but we didn't grow up with mac and cheese as a Thanksgiving site anyway until I got older, and then it's often a kid requested item, so it gets made, but it's... To me, the key to Thanksgiving is I want to see evidence that it was cooked. I don't want just cheesy noodles. Yeah. Like, I want, you know what I mean?

I want some crispiness. You're talking baked mac and cheese. Yeah, you want some cheese. I usually make it. actually on the stove mostly and I may top it off with the crispy layer in the oven, but just because he prefers

that, yeah, I don't know. I'm here to rep mac and cheese. I fuck with it hard. Mac and cheese. I didn't even... What's your method, Felder? I didn't realize that mac and cheese couldn't be baked until I was an adult. Oh, so you didn't grow up with

like stove top mac and cheese? Like we had like, there's a humongous difference between Easy Mac or like Velvier. meat as shells and cheese. Yeah. But like when we have mac and cheese proper, proper, it was always baked mac and cheese. That's just what we always had.

And we had it for every holiday, going back to Easter with the ham. Like we had it for Easter, had it for New Year's, had it for Christmas, had it for Thanksgiving. We always had mac and cheese. And it was always like you make your little roux, you add your cheese in, you get your noodles in, and then you get that into the pan, the pyrex you get the pyrex with a little extra cheese on the top you get it into the oven you let it bake

then you flip it to the broil you broil that top so you get the crusties on the top no breadcrumbs just the crust of the cheese baked onto the top and that's sweet i didn't realize what about and it's you could like and you could like the next day leftovers like you just cut the leftovers with a knife out of the pan. That's like a brownie pan at that point. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you know.

That's how you know. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, yeah. I mean, Mac and Cheese is walking around food. I don't want to scoop the mac and cheese. I want to slice the mac and cheese. Yeah. I want a hunk.

That is how the cheese at that point has reformed into a single cheese. At that point, it is a type of cheese all by itself. Can you just give me a slice of that mac and cheese? Yeah. I know, by the way. the way like this is the influence of either the south texas end or both on thanksgiving because at no point in any courier and ives portrait of a traditional new england thanksgiving that then spread throughout the rest of the country did anyone at any point entertain the notion of

mac and cheese and then at one point around like 1940 or 1950 it was like hey hey y'all you don't be real good with this cheese and noodles yeah you're welcome and conquered with zero resistance the rest of the country i'll say this too as people go out to do their shopping fuck a elbow get the cavatopi cavatopi every time hey just so you all know boston market also has mac and cheese don't you god damn dare ryan and guess what it's terrible you're going to see it we're not even blood i'm gonna mail it i'm gonna mail it back to you i'm just gonna pour it into a fedx mailor and send it right to your fucking house.

They won't take it. They'll be like, oh, another, another attempted shipping Boston market? No, sir. Into the crash. You're banned from FedEx for life. Does this mean he's going to call me?