Shutdown Fullcast - The Asbestos Of Past Podcasts

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Shelf life of old Fullcasts: shorter than you might think!We may never know Jor-Don's true purposeNFL Draft recapWhich podcasts and which podcasters are AI, and how might they Mysterio Spencer into thinking he's getting attacked by a giant space octopus2026 Charity Bowl recapFullcast Getback Give-Back donation recipient announced: https://www.treehouseforkids.org/What was YOUR "welcome to the League" moment?C.A.T. Squad and C.A.T. Squad: Python Wolf, reviewedFor those of you returning to this episode in 2032 looking for the debate on morality in the Super Mario Brothers universe that eventually tore the show apart, you want to skip to about the last 15 minutesThe Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 28 (twenty-eight!!) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Now through June 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch sold through the Shutdown Fullstore will be donated to the Transgender Resource Center of New MexicoShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Brock JerueDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz

I play episode 300 of Hand in the Dirt over and over again. I have to have listened to it 10 times since it actually came out. It's just one of my favorite pieces of audio. It's, I think it starts where Felder's dad calls the show and explains that he doesn't listen to the show much anymore because Felder complains too much. And Felder's immediate defense, and Felder mounts several versions of a defense to this, But the immediate defense is, guys, my dad loves me.

He just asked me my hat size. And then that is later, that is the episode where Serber talks about Hartzell showering in the office after going to the gym, which the office appears to have a shower. I don't think he's taking a whore bath in the sink. Well, what did your grandmother call it? That's what mine called it. But then it's Spencer, you heard me play in episode 300 last week while I was doing charity bowl prep. and there's an extended sequence of server describing how weird it is to be around a man who is not currently wet but who has recently been wet. Who has been wet? Yeah, sure.

This is how my children feel when I pick them up from like the childcare areas at the why. And I'm thinking, they're like, why are you, why you damp? Like, because I took a shower and they're like, that's not cool. Don't be that way. Yeah, it's very much. It's very much that. Anyway, if you never listened to Hannah the Dirt, started episode 300. Started episode 300.

They never tell you. By the way, that's like bike commuting. I think bike community is great. I think it's awesome. Bike people do not fuck with me. Do not. I respect everything you do. I understand.

You come for people in like, you know, pelotons of people saying like, how dare you say a bad thing about a bike? Bike gang! Like, bikes have shooters. Oh, this is also the other episode. Man, if bikes had shooters, that was in a literal sense,

that might solve a lot of problems. Yeah. And like, as far as lesser of two evils goes, I will take bike commenters any day over the large number of people, usually on meta-hosted platforms who are like, yeah, you should have run them over. Like, what the fuck? Like, there's the number of people. First of well, we should run a lot of people over.

Yes. But. That's not necessarily fair. Bikers aren't special. Better improv partner. I'm trying. Yes, and. Yes, and.

Yes, and there's just a large number of people who are like, yeah, I don't know. It's not the bikes don't belong in the road. It's, I think people who own them should be murdered. And you're like, yes. That seems like a bit much. So we're fine with... We're fine with the bikes themselves, but not the riders. So, like, you want unaccompanied bicycles, just skittery down the road.

Dron bike. Dron bike, or fend to bicycle, right? Free range. City bike racks are probably pretty easy to spot from space. Probably, yeah. Also in hand in the dirt episode 300, I think, Serber, that is the episode where y'all try and convince Tripp Hurd to wear socks. Oh, yeah.

That's never going to have. happen, but it was a value of One of you says, don't you want to Sheathe your feeding glory or something like that? Something real erotic. Yeah, that sounds similar. That sounds like the way Hartzl talks to me usually. It is, it is my favorite,

it is my favorite episode of saying my favorite episode of Hand in the Dirt is like trying to pick a favorite star in the heavens, but that one does shine the brightest for me personally. How do the rest of you feel when somebody on the internet is like, hey, I've started listening to the full cast from the very

first episode. How does that like what's your sort of initial feeling about that? Shouldn't you be focused on finding a wife? Are there aren't there hogs that livestock to tend to? Or a husband. I say or a husband, but it is it is generally the straits who start with this level of completest nonsense. Like if you've got if you've got pets or partners or children to care for, you're usually not this much of a completest with this shit actually. show. Ryan, how do you react? With horror. Immediate horror.

With horror. That's the exact word I would use. But not directed at the person who's making, because like, listen, some people are like, I have this television show that I'm going to rewatch for the eighth time or what. And like, that's fine. Like, I get that I, I understand this as a human behavior. I don't think I have

anything that I am particularly drawn to do in this way, but I get it. We all have compulsory. This is one that I that I meet with with yeah, horror. But but it's important to me psychologically that with some exceptions the full cast of the past stops existing like it it is like a chemical element with a half-life and when you're like nine years ago. I'm like yeah no that that dissolved whatever we said like tears in the rain okay like isn't there anymore and for you to say that it's real is a lie

And so that's what I'm worried about. All right. Have you seen Coco? Yes. You know how sort of the central conceit of Coco is to exist in the afterlife? You have to be remembered. I would like early seasons of the full cast to be continually fading away in the afterlife because they are no longer remembered.

I would like them to just die. Well, so there's your problem then because people keep going back to listen to the entire thing. Even people, this isn't just new listeners. This is people who joined in whatever year and they have issues. They haven't gone back to read, so to speak. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Like, to me, it gives rise to that thing where someone will say like, oh, you guys said this in 2018.

And I'm like, I will take your word on that. Sure. Sure. This happens at live shows. Someone will come up and say like, hey, I'm the person who's sending the thing about the whatever. And I'm like, I believe you. I'm sure you are. That sounds fun.

I will say, we don't read the emails we have now. I don't think we get, I have not been subject to us people trying to freezing cold take us. I think people understand that this show is not that kind of a show. So I have not had the experience of somebody saying, hey, dumbass, in 2017, you said this would never happen. And then it did. And that's why you're a bad person. And should, like, that doesn't happen. I think it's because we give them so many other reasons every week, why we're bad people.

Maybe so. We used to get in real time, like, honestly, like 10 years ago, we used to get like, These idiots, Bermined Ohio State. And then we shook all those people off, I think. Once it's that we, we don't get anyone who goes back and, like, looks for our incorrect takes. Because when they, too, they often find far too many that ended up correct. Just wait. We've been out long enough that you're like, not wrong just early.

There's a lot of that. Right. And I think there may be a thing where they're like, there's so many wrong that maybe they did it on purpose, and I'm playing into it by highlighting the role. Oh, no, no, no, okay, so we delete everything up until this. This is our strategy. This is our new strategy. We get to do this thing where we throw so much bullshit at the wall that when one percent of it ends up correct, we look like geniuses. Yeah.

Because all the rest is just jokes. And when we get it, when we get it wrong-ass wrong, like sincerely held beliefs that turn out to be wrong, we dwell on it, Mac Brown and Justin Fuente. Yeah. I was right about MacBron. Jason was right about Mac Brown. I could take Jason's word for it. I don't remember this, but I'm sure he's right.

I don't even remember having feelings about MacBron. Bad hire, and then it was like, eh, and then, no, no, bad hire. Yeah. That was it. I'll tell you what, we were right about Bill Belichick. From the gun. No one could, no one else could have seen that coming but us. Yeah, everyone else loved it.

Even if they win the ACC this year. When? You know, do you know how many? any draft picks the 33rd NFL team had this past weekend well they're keeping their NFL talent let's put it that way that's right yeah people got on that it's like you can't draft from other what are you gonna you can't draft Jaguars I don't there's not an expansion draft happening this year what are you talking about if if did we ever did he ever correct the thing where he wasn't even letting

Patriot scouts in the building I suspect so. That's still a thing. I suspect that probably got walked back mostly because I don't remember it coming up again. Yeah. Or he was like, yeah. They were declining to promote Drake May? Or it's possible that he was like, you could do it, but only when I'm gone on cheer weekends.

That's fine. Then you could go. They were posting May highlights. Like, um, but initially they were not. I don't know. It was, it was weird. It's just a weird thing. Jordan is still foyering everything.

Foyaball is all over Jordan. Still being Jordan. Like the attention faded away. I guess that's the fun part of it. The attention completely faded away, but it's all still going. Can you, like, stop and sit with that for a minute. How weird is it to be in a relationship with someone

who is constantly sending freedom of information requests to your employer and is not a journalist? It's not like, hey, honey, I have to do this for my work or something. And only to your, like, that's fucking, like, look, has my wife at various points been like, give me insert name of boss's email? I want to say something to them 100%. We shouldn't want to do that. That's not the same thing as being like, I demand the public records from your employer. I want to see the emails.

She's just sitting in the house doing that. Like, think about that. Like, you're like, oh, ho-de-ho, got my toasting eggs. What you doing, honey? I'm foyering your employer. Okay. Sounds, sounds fine. That said, if Bill was the coach at Arkansas, I'd be like, she gets the culture. She understands what this fan base is about.

This is why cultural fit is real and not always racist. Most of the time when we say that, we mean racist, but not always. Yeah. If you're the Arkansas coach, like, right now, should he just FOIA himself? People were wrong about. Right, right. Like, should he just FOIA himself? Yeah.

Yeah. you know just to be like hey you know make your make your password password and just let whoever they want to turn the entirety of your internet output into one big john curry group chat yeah just ryan silverfield being like hey you know you could go ahead and do that because i did it to myself i wanted to make sure i i was on the straight and narrow so i keep myself in check i would say the if i'm the arkansas coach i'm like i don't do you emails i have a running google doc that you can add to and therefore if you want a foia me great here's the one doc it is 8 000 pages long and you have to decide what's important it's all in there

but you have to sort through all of it and i will only export it as non-o-crd pdf and good luck have fun oh it's a web p file yes here's my email jpeg good luck Woo pig, web pee, I can get there. Give me like 35 minutes. Yeah, that's, we, we've slept on Jordan still being there and just kind of continuing to do low grade fucked up shit, right? Like, like second degree fucked up shit, third degree fucked up shit. Just weird shit.

It's just weird, yeah. Shelly Meyer, but, um, this one's, this one's funny because it's so aggressive and so anodyne at the same time. Like, what is, what is Jordan doing with the, like, she's getting, something, what is she doing with the FOIA request that she's getting back? My favorite part of the report is like,

it's like, uh, Jordan foyer at us again. And it goes to like the highest reaches of the university. Smash the, the Among Us button. Meeting, meeting time. Jordan documents are here. Okay. Let's also do this.

As far as public foes that she has picked, and people like Jordan always have to pick a public foe. They always have to have these. Like that is, that is. That is. This just purpose in life is gained from identifying an enemy no matter how nonsensical. And then organizing your entire life around, uh, low grade fights with them. Yeah. Right.

It's very college football to be clear. It is very. The, the most malign force in the world is a small liberal arts college in Palo Alto, right? Like Cal's like, er, fuck this tiny little rich school. Sure. You know, we are. Stanford is a force for evil in the world. Also, go ahead.

UNC has felt that hatred of Cal very recently. That is true. They tasted the woke lash of the calcarythum. Easy. But that's, like, of all the people to pick, and I'm picking somebody like, she's like, I swear I will get you, Pablo Torre.

Okay, okay. Of all the people in the world that you would pick I'm saying you're going to get a my little pony. Dude, there's some ponies I wouldn't fuck with in Ponyville. I didn't say that. I didn't say that wasn't. But like, yeah, picking an enemy who is, his entire thing is like, I'm going to find all the documents about you. Not just that, but picking the genial one.

It's not like, hey man, Don Van Nata. I'm calling Don Van Nata out. Fuck, no, you're not. You're not calling Isaac Chottenner out. I'm sake of Kendrick Perkins talking shit. Oh my gosh, you should call Isaac Chotner out, though. Can we figure out a way to make that happen? Yeah, she's not...

I'm going to say the most disrespectful thing I could think of to say about this woman. I don't think she has the requisite... Okay, there are many kinds of intelligence, right? There is book smart. There is tactile smart. There is what I like to call raccoon smarts. I don't think Jordon has the requisite raccoon smarts for this job. I don't think she has the caniness and the cunning necessary to present herself

as like Chapel Hills Marjorie Taylor Green. I do not believe she has the chops for this. There are many kinds of intelligence. There are people who can speak five or six languages and can't do simple arithmetic. I myself, when confronted with one of those puzzles that's six flat squares of paper that make into a cube, I can't do that.

I'm dumb about many things. But there requires a specific set of intelligence traits to succeed in what she's trying to do here, and she does not have it. She's jealous. I mean, she might. I think the thing is we don't know what she's trying to do. You know what I mean?

So, like, does she have some brilliant scheme that we can't even conceive of? Is she doing what we're doing? Is she just strafing? Yeah, I don't know. No one knows. Like, the whole university is coming together. Like, what the fuck is she plotting for?

I don't know. Give her the documents, I guess. Maybe she's just a raccoon in the walls. You're like, what's she doing with those wires? I don't know. She's up to something. But to Spencer's point, the more she does this shit, the more Pablo could be like, great, let's talk about what you're doing now. It's fine.

Like, it is weirdly feeding into it. Also, for all of the things at stake. Also, she just wanted a real estate empire, man. She has it. And she's good to go. That's what I'm saying. That's what makes her, like, in the literary sense, a tragic figure. Go clean a dryer vent.

Stop bothering people. Adult cheerleader Icarus, you are flying too close to the sun, babe. Fuck, spread some mulch. There's a number of parts of you that's melting right now. I mean, I can't judge anything she does as good or bad because, like, her ambitions, her ways are not our ways. Her ambitions are inscrutable. It is her entire goal in life to have Pablo Tori's attention.

You know what I mean? Like, doing great. Doing awesome. Like, I can't, I can't, she's on some sort of metric that is not the same as mine. Also, Arkansas fans, before we get away from here, I know that it made us, I know that we may have made you sound right now

like a bunch of toddlers who were just hoping will tire themselves out before bedtime. That's not true at all. We view you as a bunch of toddlers trying to desperately tire you out before bedtime who also know how to make pipe bombs. And we love you. Go to bed.

Get up. Give me the bomb. Get me the bomb. At fuse two. Out of your mouth. Out of your mouth. We'll set it off with some tanneride at the quarry later. Happy birthday.

Happy Mother's Day. Oh, man, we should say, man. The universe, okay, if whoever runs the UNC football's Instagram has any kind of a sense of humor, they'll do a Mother's Day card for her on the grid. Again, let's go over two teams that had nobody drafted just in Jason. UNC, how many players drafted? Not any of this time around. That's right.

another one for the first time since I believe 1978 Wisconsin Wisconsin head oh yikes but that makes that like it makes sense but it is sure it makes well I mean yeah the team sucks so this is just further further evidence that the team sucks yeah that's rough I mean Florida went four and eight we had people drafted and like equally shameful is Clemson had a great draft one of the best Davo gets up paid oh but one of the best drafts in school history at after losing the flop.

Record tying draft. Hey, listen, listen, we do not say a lot of nice things about Davo, but Davo took this L 100%. Like, when asked about it, he was like, yep, I did a bad, as you can see, I did a bad job. Like, I will absolutely give him credit for acknowledging the obvious thing. Right, he didn't Brian Kelly it.

Sure, yes. But that's not always where you think Davo would go with it necessarily. Well, like, sure, Dabu, it is, I think it's a self-aware thing where it's usually going to be about, there's time to blah-d-blah-blah-blah-b about, like, money or whatever, right? Yes. And he kind of realizes that that bit has worn out. Yeah. And his annual rant isn't going to cut it.

Yeah. Biggie, big, pinky. I cannot. Like, be careful. Where were you when you heard Cade Club that was in New York Jet? Be careful what you ask for. Just rip it. Fuck y'all.

Pick that scab off. You got to pick somebody. Okay, no, no, no, let's do it. Let's do it from this direction. Serbert, do you think he's going to have a good time? I'm a Miami Dolphins fan. I hope he has the worst time. I hope it goes the way it always goes.

But it hurts me inside to say that about Cade. I don't get what happens to the Jets, but do you think Cade is going to enjoy what's about to happen to him? Fourth round. Who are you going to take in the fourth round? Who's so much better than Cade Clubnick? Um, any A lineman.

A lineman. Go get a body. Go get a big lineman. Right. With bad footwork. Let's remember this off. Joey Aguilar. There. Boo, by the way, excuse me.

Let me call him by his name. Congratulations, Ryan, Joey Jaguilar. Joey Jaguilar. Yes, that's correct. I like this so much. Oh. That is correct. I won't stand for this.

Kate has tremendous arm talent. He was on a shit, shit, like on a team with a real shit steam. No, man. That dude is that dude can sling it. He's a good quarterback. I don't think so does Kirby the game the game character I think he's a steal in the fourth round That's a great It's fine Serber as a fourth round pick. It's fine This is a two-step. Yes, it is a fourth round pick but it is a fourth round pick by the Jets

Yeah, by the Jets and that's the part where I'm like when the genie appears and says what do you want But maybe this is, narratively, maybe this is the best thing for Kade Klubnick. Because if Kade Klubnick never does shit with the Jets, people won't be like, oh, this proves Kade couldn't make it in the NBA, in the NFL. Get yammed on. They'll say, listen, we'll talk about that later. They'll say, oh, it's the Jets. Of course, like, it's a no-win situation. It's not even the same thing as Drew Aller going to the Steelers where it's like, well, I don't know.

That's just hilarious. I will say, I have been convinced by I believe it was Bill DePilippo that Durella is going to do one and only one thing with the Pittsburgh Steelers. He grew up like a Cleveland Brown super fan, and he has 100% going to beat the shit out of Cleveland at one point in his career with the Steelers just to make the Browns miserable. That'd be nice. This has been your NFL draft recap.

This is everything that happened in the whole draft. One more thing, to Spencer's point of this, to me, what sounds like slandering Clayed Cade Clubnick, except that would make any part of what I've said untrue, and to Spencer's part of this being the Drette's. I think my view on this is very simple. Cade Clubnick is white vinegar, and the New York Jets are baking soda. Benign, useful, legendary household cleaning products each in their own way. However, when combined, you can make one fucking hell of an elementary school science fair volcano. Hard to do that for 17 weeks, though.

That's the problem. Yes. I have a better explosion for you. The real explosion here is Carson Beck at the top of the third round. Like that to me. Carson Beck, third QB off the board, it's a weak QB crop. All right, you don't have a lot of options. Sean McVeigh and company like Ty Simpson, and yes, all the Rams.

like Ty Simpson, Sean McVeages has resting weird face. Carson Beck is the third QB off the board. Four rounds ahead of Garrett Nesmire. That, to me, is the one that jumps out is what the fuck is happening here. He's 6.5. Oh, my God. We need him. He's so tall.

Especially because Ty Simpson was down to injury and like nothing else there. Ty Simpson had been mocked to the Cardinals. Either like they'd trade back up in the first or they'd take him early in the second. Like that was the thing. And lots of people were like, boo, I don't know about that. Who wants to go play for the fuck-ass Cardinals right? now so it's like here's Carson back to the rescue like going from the exciting and um overworked Kyler Murray right to the non-exciting cars never exciting exciting exciting you know like in a

four-end I&T game against Louisville for instance but like you've gone from a guy who actually had a pretty high floor in Kyler Mary along with an totally unknown ceiling to to Carson Beck. That to me is the funniest pick in the whole draft. Let's look at the last play of his college career. Why? Was it exemplary in some way? It was, I would say it represents most of his career.

Yes, I think it was exemplary. Like, the best Carson Beck play is like, that was a well-timed screen. Like, in my mind, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't, it is, like, he goes to Miami for the big check, and I'm like, it was one of those moments for

I'm like, I don't know, I guess they know what they're doing, you know. And they reached the title game. It's true. With a, you know, several other big money quarterbacks. Guess what? Jeremiah Love is going to be there and catch a lot of well-time screens for the carclaw. He's going to do a lot of great blocking. He's going to block so much.

Between Jeremiah Love going third and Marvin Harrison, it's going to be like, hey, man, you want to run six yards? Let's fucking go! I just wanted to make sure. sure we covered Ruben Bain's entire walkout deal. Yes. The skipping the dumb mirror thing was funny. But did you guys see the hug?

Warm. Strong. If there were ever, this is not something I've ever thought about him doing, but if there were ever a moment where Roger Goodell would text his friends backstage afterwards and be like, he made me feel so dainty. he made me feel safe it's a it is there was a moment

it was very much like I mean I think there are some players who do doing like the selfie thing it fits them and you know like Travis Hunter like skipping to the stage last year was awesome it was perfect it was he was being himself this is Rubin Bain being himself especially when he goes

10 picks too late and I understand why he went 10 picks too late he shaped weird I'm not I'm not doing the like no at all NFL GMs are No, they're not girl. But then he's like, I'm going to show you how long my fucking arms are, Raj. Yeah, yeah. Like, like, it is completely valid for him to enter his NFL career very openly being pissed off about where he went.

And like to immediately get started on just like barreling toward the state. I mean, we would see him, you know, during Miami game. Like this isn't a new thing. This is how he took the field. Like, he takes the field like the Terminator. And like it is very clearly a mindset that now applies off the field as well. when you let him tumble to 15. But yeah, it was a great walkout in the sense that it was good character work.

That's how I viewed it. He did the double. He did the double fistcock from like Mission Impossible Fallout. Like he did the little Henry Cavill double fistcock when it came out. Yeah. He looked very mad, which is by the way, if you want to know how you would feel, it's impossible to sometimes know how an athlete would feel because you're not going to be on the field in front of 85,000 people.

You're not going to ever get blocked by Trent. Williams. They're just things that you probably can't experience. One thing I know I can't experience is this. The level of anger I might feel if for the past five months people have been talking about how short my arms are, it would madden you. If the only thing people are like, hey, that guy's got short arms. Like, fuck you. My arms are great. My arms are fine. And then you just do that again and again for like four or five months straight. How mad can you get? Go watch Rubin Bain take the stage. He looks really fucking mad. There's a thing. There's a where like he goes to a team that um my hometown team has to play twice a year and i immediately

fistpont anyway right like that's it's like you you whenever you watch a draft you have like your guys right you have those who you believe in to an extent that you think they will um outshine their spot and yep he's one of them Caleb down's going at 11 that's hilarious that's just hilarious to me but anyway But yeah, like an absolute mutant. You're like, yeah, 11th. That's the 11th player off the board. Like traded out of the pick. Miami Dolphins did.

They traded out of the goddamn pick. Like the Cowboys just goofing into a brilliant thing. Great, great, nice, good. They'll fuck it up. They always do. They will. That's what the rest of the franchise is for. Yeah.

Diego Pavia just apparently signed with the Ravens. So the mini camp has a... Huh. Well, that takes one segment. we were going to do. So, well, does it? I mean, I mean, like, he's still an undrafted free agent, and it, it, it, it wasn't exactly a high priority undrafted free agent.

Not exactly taking Lamar Jackson's job. Like, oh, that's going to. No, why don't you tell him that? I guarantee you, Diego Pavia's like, the bar's in trouble. That's a great, my thing is like. Lamar Jackson's, mom is going to put landmines in his bed. I think, again, if Diego Pobvi is like, he's, he's in his bed. were shaped normally and he was an asshole who like talked shit about Heisman voters and did all the stuff if if he was Diego Pavia but shaped normal and and said I'm coming for Lamar's job everyone to say that's cute that's awesome we love it right but he's shaped weird yeah so but like it's also that he played for Vanderbilt like I mean Fernando played for Indiana yeah but Fernando didn't do any of this shit you're talking about

So you're saying there's like three strikes here. One of them is playing for a little team. A formerly little team. One of them is being shaped weird. Like I think if he did, I think if he did all those things and he played for Boise State. I think people would be like, fuck yeah. Like part of the problem is at Vanderbilt you're an underdog, but you're not really supposed to say you're like it's kind of a weird fit. Yeah.

That's all. It's poor little rich kids. Yes. Teen movie bully underdog. Right. Which is not Diego Pavia's story. by your dad's summer camp. Right.

Yes. Which, by the way, there's something, there's another element that's very specific here to him going to Baltimore, that there may have been another path to him if he were drafted by, oh, let's say, Indiana, to becoming the, depending on who's looking dreaded capital F fan favorite. not a huge avenue for that in Baltimore. Oh, I mean, giants, he's got giants written all over him. Him and Skadaboo and Jackson Dart. Just give me that knucklehead backfield, man.

Diego Pavia and Cam Skadaboo starting their own like health health takes podcast. Crypto health podcast. Crypto vitamins that you keep in a real wallet, they're flat for school. It's like crypto health and ECW podcast. We're calling Dr. Johnny Mansell for more on this topic. Our mentor. I'm an adult. The wise one.

I pay taxes and go to the dentist occasionally. I know that Norman Osborne is not real and that the Green Goblin technically can't hurt me. For the safety of the human race, we can't ever put Diego Pavia and Cam Scadabu. We would talk to. Oh, it would have such good like bebop and rock steady vibes. We were talking. Until the incident. Yeah, that's what you bring me up in Rock City for.

I'm trying to see some incidents. No, if I'm at the podcast store, then they come in and they're like, we would like the podcast mic. There has to be a button under the desk that you press. Listen, man, if Theo Vaughn could be famous, why not it? Like, it doesn't matter. We're fucked already. Who cares? I have received a vision.

Are you ready for it? Yes. No. Diego Pavia. Buffalo Bills. Oh. Oh. Oh my God. Josh Allen could

carry him around like a backpack. Josh Allen's weirdly shaped. He's got, he's got, if you average it. I'm saying if you average them out, you have a normal shaped quarterback. In that circumstance, you are now describing like comic book accurate Wolverine where it's like he's five

four and he's mean and he likes to fight. Yeah. And Josh Allen being a shit juggernaut sometimes. Mm-hmm. Sometimes he throws like. him too. I can't say that because someone will say, oh, you said he'd be bad and we're still on that shit. Those people still come after me, man. I was right. Shut up. Man, they got to listen to the show to

find that out. Who's really winning here? It's true. They got to listen to a half hour of the show, too. They got a dig through all this. They got to dig through all of this to get to that. They will. They will. They will. They will be like, hey, I knew Josh Allen was going to be good. No, you didn't. Gentle listener who's listening to this in the year 2033 as part of your relisten. Welcome. We're so happy to have you. When you were Diego Pavia has won two MVPs. When you're turning in after Josh Allen's Hall of Fame ceremony where he is shouting out his best friend Diego Pavia,

just know I was right about both of them. I hope you're enjoying the second term of the Dwayne the Rock Johnson presidency. Honestly, that's probably about the best we can hope for at this point. Yeah. Unfortunately. Time to start the show. Yeah. So anyway, I do think it's weird when a guy's wet around you.

That's, you know. Hang on. Can you back up? There was. Nope. Just start the show. All right. To the shutdown fullcast. You're listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall, joined as always by Ryan Annie, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and Michael, right, server on the ones and twos. Hey, did you get that thing I sent you? I posted this, but I wanted to talk about it because we were talking about what podcasts, what ideal podcast should be. Ryan says it would be

No podcast. Cam Scataboo and Diego Pavia discussing magnetism. Whether it's real. Was this not settled by insane clown posse v. gravity? No, they believe it's real.

Diego Pavia, Cam Scadaabu, accomplished high school chemistry teacher, worked through a year's worth of lessons, and we see how it goes. I learn a little bit about friendship and life. I could sell this tomorrow. Yes.

And I think like the, it's called team chemistry. The stick, of course, is having to learn things, but the carrot is like, you get to headbutt each other at the end. That's right. That's right. Even the teacher. Especially the teacher.

And I think, this is the first time I'd be like, that should be a video podcast because they're going to get magnesium and they're going to do some dumb shit with it. It's a supplement. Hit it with a hand. You know what? They're going to have to supplement the NFL draft when at least one of these locker rooms gets taken out of their flooring fire. Yeah, flooring, then. It's natural. It's organic. It's pretty body.

The first ever NFL contraction draft. Yeah. I think, I think at one point we will run out of athletes to have dual mic podcast, you know, two chairs, dual mic, a bunch of Chili's-esque brick-a-brac back here, right? And the, I'm gesturing behind me. Yeah. We have not done enough to make these in our own, in our own studio. spaces we're gonna we're going to run out of athletes who can do that right we're just gonna run out of we will event there's a limit now that limit is still a ways away but like a limit in what sense that they'll stop making them we'll just run out of mics we'll just run out of okay like right of the straight or straight of her moves yeah listen and server i'm not including you in this i want to be very clear there's one thing the four of us know podcasts are cheap man it's

It's cheap as fuck to do a podcast. It's cheap as fuck. Yeah. Like, oh, like, based on the type of videos we're talking about,

it's like you need four, like, leather, club chairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they all need mics in their hands,

and you need some glowy shit in the background and you need one camera. And I need to say, it made wayfare for men. And then those four guys need to like debate gender. Yeah, and then I need to ask you this. Hey,

Jason, what was your welcome to the NFL moment? It was probably, man, when I was coming over the middle and then that you know we all saw that but I think the thing about it is I don't think my wife should be allowed to spend my money you know when I'm fellas I don't think money is real only only the fellows out there know what I'm talking about this is I'm so happy you got into this so we can talk about fiat currency and the lie that it is here

on team chemistry so I was thinking about magnetism as it relates to my wife spending my money and it's not real, neither of them. She actually doesn't spend my money. And then we have her on, and then she gets her own podcasts. No, absolutely not. She has a spinoff podcast, Spencer. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. Well, mainly she argues magnetism is real. Yeah, it's medieval herstery. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like alchemy and whatever. That probably is a podcast shit. So at one point, we're just going to run out of that.

So naturally, of course, people have already started doing, at like AI sports podcast, wrestling, there's just one. Two days ago? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? I gotta stop speaking this shit.

Yeah. So somebody would, somebody would just go ahead and, you know, let the bot do it, right? And this is a clip from, it's, I'm going to repost it in the chat, just for reference. Okay. If you have not had the joy of watching this. It's from a channel that is just AI-generated nonsense about the WWE, which if you're going to do it, that's certainly how you'd want to do it, right? Yeah. Just watch that if you have not yet.

Just take a little gander and let that play out for a second. This appears to be, so is this real video and people are talking over it or what? It is AI talking over. Now it's video game footage. Yes, so now it's just some random video game footage and like whatever the bot. So the AI is just bullshit in about wrestling and this is the thing people are posting? All right, it does that for a minute, but you should at one point. I got to it.

Yeah. Uh-oh. Sober is it just you of me? Got to what? No. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. Pat McAfee sounds great. That is, I was going to say, this is, first of all, McAfee bot, definite possibility. I see, I think AI is damnable, should be erased.

However, I might want to keep the Maccify bot. Yeah. Second, I really appreciate that, that when you have something crawl most podcast content and most sports podcast, content. What happens is there's a coherent bit and that coherent bit if you take the whole the body of the podcast is like two minutes of coherent thought and then the rest of it for it by garbage. The rest of it is it for engagement purposes is somebody getting very excited or being like, huh, what, huh, what? And the computer looked at it and did exactly what it was supposed to. They're like, what do people want to hear? Server played again. This is what they want to

hear. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. DJ Clint. What, what, what, what. What, what. What? Yeah, this is very educational in its own way, or at least enlightening. Just Jim Beck off in a boardroom playing this and being like, we need more of this. The future. This covers a super thought sucks. I love that we talk about how bad podcasts are because, you know, if AI of ours, it would, it would be great. Because, you know, not even AI could fuck it up, really.

I would love to see it. No, I don't actually want to hear it. No, I don't. Hey, to be clear, none of you need to show us. Don't do it. Don't do it. We're going to, we're going to be mad at you. Don't do it in a cuty way because you think you're being, you think you're being a scamp either.

No. No rascals. Please don't. 10 times out of 10. 10 times out of 10, what you can do in MS paint or a doodle pad is better than anything. But I can't draw. I don't give a shit. If you want to download.

If you want a Mario paint version of this show, I would like to see it. If you want to download 20 different full cast episodes and construct it entire episode of Spencer talking to himself great that's cool yeah I'll promote that for you didn't we post three episodes three episodes we posted that at some point in like 2015 right there is there is at least one there is one episode before we started working with server it was you me and Spencer where my audio didn't record because I was the producer and so all you hear is Jason and Spencer talking so we sounded like we were on the moon yes and I don't remember

If we published it or not, we probably did. I'm pretty sure. An existential horror drama starring Jason Kirk. I mean, those are the days when we publish anything. We've published this show as a transcript. We've published this show on a different feed that didn't belong to us entirely. Let's not leave out our fine legacy at free conference call.com. That's right.

If it's a bad idea, we've already done it, so we don't need AI. Why do we need it? We have, get the good slop made by people, all right? Think about the amount of effort that we have had to go to through to get this dumb show to you. Right. It's disrespectful to our slop work. Would you make AI slap?

I would describe AI a slop, slop, in that sense. Disagree. We've spent a trillion dollars just so we can get to the core of the matter, which server again is. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. I would rather listen to that than the average wrestling podcast, that much. that much is for sure. That is true. The average wrestling podcast, I think, does boil down to that, right?

By the way, that goes on for at least 10 to 15 minutes. If you keep letting it play, the sound becomes more and more recursive. I'm going to put it on. No, no, put it on. It sounds like somebody, it sounds like he turns into a fly. At one point, it sounds like he is performing oral sex. At one point, it sounds like he's turned into a tyrannid. It sounds like an alien transmission from planet bug.

Yeah. The best part is the stressed out breaths in between. It has added the... Right. What, what? Like, we all assume if you turned on Skynet that it would be like, okay, clearly humans are the problem. This is, what if Skynet was overcome with crippling anxiety?

What if Skynet's only? directive was to imagine Sisyphus happy. All this thing wants is for you to pay attention. That's it. It's the compliment machine that wants you to pay attention. And to do that, it's managed to find the noise that will make you do that.

We're talking about it right now. Yeah, look at that. What, what, what, what, what? A trillion dollars, and that's what you came up with. You stupid fucks. Like, it's not hard. to imagine a machine that talks about wrestling. I've heard

about passes for wrestling discourse. Yeah, Dave Meltzer. It doesn't seem like you need to aim... Like, Dave Meltzer is the gold standard of this shit, and he talks about like that. Like, no shade. Like, the same level of grammatical

coherency, if you listen to him, speak. So, like, taking it down about five levels of intelligence, and you're still doing better. So, like, I don't know. It feels like rassling discourse should be an easy thing to replicate. But alas. This is where I also come up with my controversial opinion that,

or probably not controversial at this point, Josh Pate's AI. He's just AI. That's interesting. P-A-I-T-E. Pate. Like they couldn't animate hair. It does count.

Yeah, he hadn't finished rendering. Do you mean his content or him, like, there is not an actual person, that that is an a-I-I- There is an actual person. I've seen him. So I've verified that. But I think they just use them as a template now. And that's why... Are you sure?

Is it possible you got Mysterioed into believing if there is an actual... Well, like... You know what, Ryan? I could get Mysterioed. 100%. And you know what? You'd have a great attitude about it. What a technology.

Far more useful than AI. Yes. Yes. Why are we spending all this money on AI when we could be mysterioing Spencer into thinking he's getting attacked by a giant space? space octopus by a giant Josh Pate so like is so like Josh pay oh my god P8 the space octopus that's right is it like he has retired from sports six and now oh yeah the computer is doing it or is he an actor on whom the character was based all that dude does is work I think it's

him I think he is now wisely retired and now it just says things that he'd say anyway right like it's going to find that medium between engagement and controversy where it's leaning too far out there so it'll say things like hi I'm Josh Pate and I think it is a big season for Kalin DeVore will he prove that he is worth the money or won't he thoughts I see so this is like movie phone but for coach gossip yeah it's just movie yeah but for mild coach gossip right we're not going to lean all the way up there will turn it around press for yeah more physical this spring Press 5.

To hear about the Texas defense being multiple. Press 7. Yeah. Will Steve Sarkeesian be sort of disappointing, but not enough disappointment to fire? Yes. Press 1.4. Absolutely. Do any of us understand life while we really live it?

Press 9. And now this message from Draft Kings. I know why all the most sinister directives in my head immediately go to our town. Yeah. I do. but we're not going to get into that here. Fair enough, Emily. It should be carousel, but that's fine.

It doesn't matter. Is that a musical, Ryan? I'm not doing this. Yeah, that was, I just wanted to, you know, throw that bit of AI slop in your face because I heard it and I was like, oh, this is so bad. Naturally, I want everyone to taste it. Here. what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what dad what dad what dad what dad dad dad dad dad dad it's really sputtering yeah as he yearns to be understood yep with greater and greater urge

I want to see the rage bait face that the other podcast co-host had that made this this co-host crash out so badly, you know what I mean? Like, you know how much you'd be smirking at someone who's going, what, what, what, what, what, what? Now look, I'm not saying you should do this. I do think you could trick Mike Francesa with an AI caller. Oh. The maddest dog. Mike Francesa might not have talked to a real person in two years at this point. He'd probably prefer it.

Finally, someone with some intelligence. Do you think when it's time for them to retire, they're going to goodbye, Lenin him? It'd be the right call. It'd be the right call. They had to do it. Had to do it, Mikey. Yeah, that's, I, yeah. I love that probably, that also kicks in, like, like, just at the point where the engagement would fall off.

So I know that's probably like, like, algorithmically, it's like, here's when people stop watching. You need to really grab their attention. Here's the YouTube chart that told us. Oh, this is where the what's got to go. Yeah, and the AI's like, okay, I'm going to turn it to a bug. I would be fascinated to see one of those for this show just in any given week. I don't. I think we'd find some surprises.

I don't think we'd like what any of the surprises said, but that would be on us for listening to our own show. To me, that's like thinking too much about how your circulatory system works. I don't want to. Or dust mites and how thousands of them live in your skin and eyes. Yeah. And you need them. Welcome aboard. Yeah.

More on Team Chemistry. Street with Dengophe and Kim Skap. Today we've got fluorine. Oh, not for long. Yeah. Sodium. It's like salt, right? Today we're going to hit it with a hammer.

Every episode is they just get an element. Can you fight this element? Yeah. Oh. This is lit. Oh, I cure him. Yeah, get Felder. Get him right now.

I could swallow so much mercury. We could do the periodic table of like here's all here's how many before we can get into the periodic table dropping three kilograms of this element on Felder from the height of a three-story building. It's hot ones but with poison. It's start pitching you. Dude, it would start off bad. We start with hydrogen. Yeah.

We're not making it out of episode one. How are you going to get that many kilograms of hydrogen? How are you going to keep them from? How is anybody but me going to get three kilograms of hydrogen? Time travel. Yeah. Then, like, episode three is lithium? All right.

I think you got to go, never mind. I think you got to go by volume and not wait. Because otherwise helium wouldn't be any fun. And neither would the rest of the gases. Watching the two of them inhale helium for 30 minutes on, yeah, I'd watch that. I fucking love science. Cam Scadaboo. It makes my voice.

Hey! Adore. Love. Is it time to do a bit of an update on the charity ball. You tell me, boss. I think so. Let's do it as part of podcast business. In fact, let's lead podcast business with it.

Podcast business. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Do the field goal. Do the field goal. I need the field goal team. Ah, yeah. Podcast business.

We have some business to discuss. Yeah. Thank you. The charity bowl concluded at 12 a.m. Monday. Oh, boy. Okay.

Yeah. He got it. I did. I did. It concluded. And we set a record this year, just like we did last year. But,

but God damn, y'all. One million, $1,763,317 is the 2026 Charity Bowl. I'm going to read that again because it feels good. $1,763,317 for new American pathways and the work they do supporting refugees here in the Atlanta area. If you donated, thank you. If you spread the word, thank you. If you heard this and didn't do any of it, we do this again every year.

Get on board. Okay. I was waiting for you to jump in if you want. What? Holly, which school most impressed you with their jump this year? Oh, man. Or what's one school that sticks out as you're like, okay, way to show out? Jeskey Police Academy did end up finishing 13th,

but Soviet Cat University finishing between Georgia Tech and Stanford, their academic peers, and the University of Nightham finishing below Stanford and above Notre Dame. I love that these communities that have come up around this stupid show and our various stupid websites are churning out this level of good and righteousness in the universe. Also, Tennessee finished ahead of Illinois. A couple of broke-ass Illinois donors were trying to make that happen, and you didn't. Thanks for your money. Sorry for your loss, which is yours, not mine. Also, full credit awarded.

Georgia $52,461, Florida, 48,000. Florida have a lead, a substantial lead over Georgia and then let it get away. Georgia ran the ball from the fourth quarter. I've seen this before. What a new and frightening feeling that must have been for you to watch for advanced age. We'll learn from this. We'll get better. God damn right.

We will go. Not true. Two million next year. Let's go. An additional update. I do not have to play basketball in public. No, this ended. Yeah.

halfway through the week Spencer said casually things usually work out for me because I'm insane and what he meant was we're going to beat last year's record which we did we're going to beat our initial goal which was a million dollars which we did we're going to beat our first stretch goal which was 1.5 million which we did we're also going to almost double up last year's margin of victory over 2024 which was about $200,000 this year I believe we beat it by very close to $400,000 and because we did not hit $2 million Spencer just not have to play basketball. We are planning an Ann Arbor live show for this summer. We do have a special guest already booked for this. We are working with the library right now to figure out

when exactly that will be keeping out for that announcement because we will be announcing soon. We also need to announce the winner of the donation target for the full cast get back give back. University of Washington won our mini game that we ran during last week's episode. We have earmarked a donation for Spencer giving $500 to this donation. I'm going to match it because you guys put me in a really good mood. So we're going to be sending a thousand dollars to tree house in Seattle which helps kids in foster care. It was founded in 1988 by a group of social workers. Their website is treehousefor kids.org and you can go check that out. But thank you to actually several donors from Washington who suggested tree house. So we've got

money on our way to them. I wanted to shout out a handful of schools who did very well. one being Mountain West champion in terms of donations, North Dakota State. First year just showed up and took the conference over. It was a close battle against Hawaii and Wyoming among Mountain West donors. Hawaii came strong. Yes, they do. This was one of the most exciting conference battles to watch on the leaderboard at money cannon.org. I also enjoyed everyone who was either everyone was donating to liberty to raise the floor for everyone else

because you don't want to be below Liberty or someone at Liberty had a heart. And I love both of those things. Additionally, you know, shout out to all the conference champions. Just a random thing for me to celebrate, which would be USF. Georgia Tech, Arizona State, Michigan, of course, Miami of Ohio, North Dakota State, as noted, Washington State, Georgia and LaTec and Kennesaw State. No big deal. Kennesaw State. We managed to win. We doubled up number two, Delaware. It's fine. but yeah, I enjoyed all the... It's pretty commonplace for you guys at this point. Yeah, we're pretty used to it in multiple sports.

I enjoyed all the battles in the smaller conferences. I was keeping an eye on all of those, and it was very fun to see. Like, I guess it just goes to show. You don't have to be an alarm of a 150-year-old school with, you know, with billions of dollars in endowments. You know, like every little bit helps. And like Holly and Spencer are saying, tagging in a few friends, moves you up a few spots. keeps you away from liberty. We were at New AP's offices last Thursday,

and we happened to ask them about volunteer opportunities for the rest of the year, because one other really cool thing that happened this year was, we had more people than ever before asked, like, you know, hey, this feels great, how can I keep this feeling going? Our first answer, as always, is to find refugees in community where you live, find a food bank, find any way you can to, like, actually be a useful pair of hands

in supporting these folks in your community. if you're local to Atlanta, they did mention specifically while we were there that they have had a lot of trouble for which would be very obvious reasons these past few months keeping their food pantry stocked. The way they do the food pantry at NARAP is really cool. You know, instead of they're just being like, you know, here's the cooking oil shelf, here's the grain shelf. They do it in boxes and the boxes are all specific to a culture. Like you can decide to support a family who's here from Afghanistan and they will give you a shopping list of like hey here's how to shop for this family to like give them the meals that they're used to if you go to their their get involved page

on their website which is new america pathways.org or if you go to their instagram you can find out ways to help out with that food pantry and i know that a lot of you listening actually went out and volunteered with job training and helping folks write resume and shit this year and the numbers were great the big numbers were great the number of people who shut up was great the number of you who wrote to us and said, hey, how can I keep this going? That, I think, is the part that I'm going to take away from this that really, really made me the happiest. So there's just some ways you can keep that going. In summary, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We will, I will have maybe a voice in some sleep by next week. Probably not.

Working on it. Um, next. Hey, hey, Jason. What's going on with you, buddy? Uh, we have a patreon.com. It's at patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast. We put stuff there. We're talking about future stuff to put there. If you, if you listen to this podcast, you think, my God, I wish there was more of it. Do not, as Ryan noted, go back to 2013 and start listening to the oldest episodes. I don't know if they still work. I don't, it doesn't seem like they should. I wouldn't there for a happen, which may be not a deterrent.

They might have asbestos. You could get sick. Yeah. You will get sick. All those 2010's diseases. Instead of doing that, you should only listen to the latest episode and you should be on our Patreon where you can get episodes that are not expired but are additional. It's like the best of both worlds, right?

Like you get more stuff that is not old. Old stuff sucks. Ew. The past was bad. Yeah, like there's a reason we left it in the past. You want that new stuff. Patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast. It's $4 or whatever.

Although if you want to keep the spirit of the charity bull donning and give to the Patreon in the form of a score of your choosing. A lot of folks do do that. We need to figure out some way to appreciate those to shout out, like, especially creative Patreon amounts because folks are giving those. We like that. Here's a great place to put all those $13.9.9 donations.

Y'all are making during the bowl. Encouraging you was a mistake. And I love you. Thank you for your money. Go to hell. Next. Ryan, what you got cooking on? Ryan, what are you doing?

Ryan, what are you doing business-wise? as far as business is concerned. Uh, yeah, business is business at phantom island. What kind of business? It's talking about sports business. Uh, if you want to listen to the free episodes, those come out on Wednesday. The one that comes out at the same time this episode is coming out is about professional sports and Connecticut and why they can't work there. Ryan, are you concerned about releasing an episode so close in topic with the same day as the full cast about that?

I'm not afraid of anything anymore because podcasts are. aren't real and the asbestos of past podcast has rotted my brain to nothing so it's the fear part of my brain gone thanks to that's why you'd be on some like what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what yep so if you want that just go to phantom island dot show sometimes i ask sometimes i ask stephen godfrey what what what what what sometimes it's a guest like Roger or Kevin Van Valkenberg or anybody you can think of I just go what what what what what what what they say things back at me and that's how journalism man that's journalism What, what, what, what, what?

What, what? What, what? What, what? Ryan, what was your welcome to the leak moment? What, what, what, what, what, what, what? What, what, what, what. And what did it teach you about having caveman opinions on Jen? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? See, what I learned about females is.

What, boop, whoop, boop, boop, boop, bo, bo, bo. Ryan, you ever going to have Cam Newton on the show? Yeah, we're working every day, every day. we're going to get Cam Newton and we're going to get Nick Saban on and we're going to finally get to the topic of what's the right way to raise children. Oh, yeah. And you both are going to wear hats like one of you like Camden. Oh, every time it's a straw hat. Yes, every time it cuts to us, we will wear an increasingly larger hat.

I like, see, listen, most people say, hey, Cam Newton, don't say shit like females. And also some of the other shit you say is crazy too. And I say, I, how quick we are to dismiss somebody who is one of the way. of those for every 10 likes i'll make this hat bigger but in real life listen you can't like if kavey at mTOR can come in hat form i feel like cam newton is delivering it to you like hey you're about to hear some crazy shit the hat should indicate that to you i'm not dressed like a person who's gonna tell you something normal i can't help what i'm about to say as you can see from the hat i'm a peacock wizard all right just be cool what if the babadoop was real big you ever think about the help yeah i'm a genie pirate

it. Who knows what I'll say? I had that big as like somebody walking up with, you know, a crowbar impaled through their head. You're just like, oh, this is going to be something. Sexy orco here, here to tell you all about my happiness. Hey, folks, today on Cam Newton's podcast, it's the exhumed corpse of Phineas Gage. All right. Anyway, what's going on at Channel 6? The place where hats are not allowed. How am I supposed to answer?

The place where hats are not allowed. I'll be honest. through with the Charity Bowl wrap up work like eight hours ago and we're still trying to figure out what we're going to write this week. So y'all find out when we do. You should still pay for it. I think that's a good pitch.

Yeah, we do have it. It'll be a surprise for everyone, including us. Yeah, we do have a couple. We do have a large project that we are trying to put together, which is going to be fun. It's a horse. They're building a horse from first principles. It's a 3D puzzle.

It is. Of a horse? It is. I owe everybody. some pit power rankings. I do owe that. Oh yeah, we didn't do our final postseason pit power rankings last week for what should be obvious reasons. And then some of you got mad. And we're sorry, we thought two of those would make everybody bored. And so we only did two of them. But we'll come back and do more because y'all said so. Apparently we have to do those.

Additionally, we're going to have our usual free newsletter. That's just, you can get that with your email. See, where else's been really good this off season. Like sometimes, like, sometimes I just feel like I got nothing at the end of the week for TRL, but I feel like we're on a really great hot street this offseason. Even if you don't want to pay for it, you should sign up for our free email list at channel dash 6.ghost.io because even the free newsletter is pretty good. The paid ones are even better, but the free one, the free one is quality. Yeah, $10 month, two things a week guaranteed the solemn oath we swore to do the subscriber.

We have not broken in almost five years, which is kind of weird considering we don't get weeks off or have people we can tag him for us. Yes, two things a week for $10 a month. Channel 6. Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe. Michael Serber. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, Killer, Hans, has a new song, out call, you once love rock and roll. It's on all the places. I think there's a band camp Friday coming up.

Do you want to buy it, do it on that date. I don't know when it is, though. You got to go to band camp to find out. But you can get it on Spotify, YouTube, Amazon Musics, all kinds of shit. Listen to my shit. Please go post about it, stream about it, listen about it, talking about it. All right, that's me. The only one who had intro music.

That's beautiful. Home field apparel. Home field apparel, man. Listen, we were talking about outstanding schools. We were talking about fan bases. that care. We're talking about small schools. You can get it all at homefield apparel.com. You know, from Indiana, which is a very large school. You know, I had open as we were discussing UNC earlier. We've said a lot of mean things about UNC, most of which aren't the fault of UNCP. They

didn't want Bill Belichick. Like Jordan is their, you know, the master of their universe and the state governor and so forth. They didn't vote for her. They're worst choices. But anyway, time for some nice stuff about UNC, okay? Because I have been looking for most of this episode at Homefieldapparel.com's UNC tarheels apparel pages. There are, yes, four of them. And as you know, folks, this is a segment where we record, we just look at the internet, we look at homefield apparel.com. I've pulled a few selections for you. I am your stylist. There is a shirt where Ramesses, the UNC Ram mascot is wearing a football helmet. That's awesome.

Why does a ram need a football helmet? Can't be too careful. Rams by definition are born with help, not born, but you know what I mean? They have helmet. They are a helmet. They are a helmet. That is a missile, man. It's badass.

I love it. It's so extra. Additionally, you can get an Astro Blue Bonnet Champions shirt where Ramsey's is standing tall over the Astrodome, 19-9. 80 Blue Bonnet Ball Champs. Great shit. Something I would buy on eBay during the show for one of you. That's a compliment.

That's kind of the thing about when you troll homefield apparel.com's pages long enough. You know, like you'll see, you'll see it like, all right, you've got the logo stuff, blah, blah, so on and so forth. But then you got this NBA jam style 1994 NCAA women's champs shirt, nothing but net with the flaming ball going through the net. God damn, man. How could you pass up that when you see it at homefield apparel.com? Like going to the school and then flip into like the third page, you're going to see something amazing. And if you're worried like, oh, well, if I buy this, people are going to ask me. No.

If somebody sees you in your Ramesses shirt and they're like, what do you think about Bill Belichick? Looks like he really ate shit. No, just be like, no. I love animals playing sports. That's what I'm into. Yeah, that's right. Okay? I'm not here.

Who is that? And then you could be like, oh, did you know Ramesses is the only mascot that's committed patricide? That's true. go look that shit up okay also i mean if you're if you're wearing a unc basketball shirt and someone says what do you think about the football you just be like i don't know i follow our actually good program even though you're lying because you're pretty bad at basketball these days too you will get asked a lot of questions about the dean dome and all you got to say is they got to keep it just then you're good you'll be fine i mean as if you're wearing the women's hoops shirt then

you're fine like like they made the sweet 16 blah blah blah so like anything else just pretend you don't know what sports are. Yeah. I think it's sweet that they let men play basketball. I root for UNC for the articles. Men can do anything they want. Unfortunately. Yeah.

Like, except coach the Atlanta Falcons in the case of Bill Belichick. And they'll let anybody do that shit. I mean, they'll let some people do that shit multiple times, man. So like, you can get five for the Browns and coach the Falcons, brother. And everybody would be like, that's great.

We're so much better. Did you see the record he had with the Browns? That translates to a really good record with a really good franchise. How many goddamn Super Bowl's got to win to impress the people in Atlanta? I swear to God. You kind of made an assumption there with that with a really good franchise part. I mean, the NFL is the most hometown job market ever. Like, yeah, I got fired from Petsmart, but I'm over at Home Depot now.

It's good. Anyway, you can't buy Falcon's gear. at Homefield Apparel.com, unless it's the Air Force Falcons or the Bull and Green Falcons. And there's probably some other Falcons that I'm not thinking of. But don't go looking for Atlanta Falcons gear, which honestly, another mark in favor of Homefield Apparel. They won't sell you Atlanta Falcons gear because you don't need that in your life. You're better than that. I am now looking at the Air Force Falcons page at Homefield Apparel.com.

Just bangor after bang. That's a good blue. That's a goddamn. Just hit after hit after hit. Yep. Like, if this wasn't the United States military. Without that whole part, man. So in that light, we're going to look at Bowling Green instead.

But homefield apparel.com, really just do what I'm doing. Just skip around until you find your money leaving your wallet. Actually, Bowling Green might be a perfect combination because you can wear Falcons gear in Cleveland Brown's colors. In Brown's colors, yes. This can be the Stefansky uniform. You are bridging cultures with your shirt and sweatshirt. Don't do that with your hands. That's gross.

Oh, sorry. Too late. Yeah. Anyway, I'm a manager at Michaels now. It's pretty good. And that concludes podcast business. Holly, do you feel like you can discuss the film, the dual film, duo of films that you watched? The film universe? Yeah, the universe that you consumed this past weekend. What? The movie is watched.

Cat Squad, that thing you watched. I'm vamping so that I can pull the website. Okay. All right. While some of you were watching the draft, I was watching Cat Squad and Cat Squad Python Wolf. And I will say this, and you can take this in whatever manner you choose. Cat Squad and Python Wolf were exactly what I thought they would be. However, I know that Ryan selected this in like a how you remember server.

Are you frozen like that? just continually horrified by me. Okay. Just the mention of these cat squad and python, well, if someone got money to make this, I'm pleased. Yeah, yeah. William Friedkin.

There is a, I just, I won't, I won't bog us down too much. I encourage everyone to watch these on, on YouTube. They are not available on DVD as far as I can tell. They are only on YouTube as far as I can tell. But I found, you were, we were led here by the phrase, the activation phrase, if you will, Jack Youngblood, Cat Squad, Python, Wolf. Folks, I am here to tell you there is a whole other names draft

happening within the walls of Cat Squad and Cat Squad Python Wolf. I'm just going to give you a small sample. This is not merely limited to character names, although there is a character whose name is Irish Johnny in the credits in Cat Squad. But these are real, names of real people that are in Cat Squad or working on Cat Squad and Cat Squad Python Wolf.

I give you the real name of a real actor, Frank Military. That was in the opening fucking credits. And we were locked and we were locked the fuck in. And that was before we got to the closing credits and found out that one of his cohorts had been played by a man named Umar, raspberry spelled exactly the way you think it's spelled these are do you think these are birth certificate names or do you think this was i'm registering with sag and i'm feeling silly i hope it's either way what a treat yeah um the edit the cinematographer's name was robert d yeoman

the production designer's name is buddy cone yeah this is where this is where it gets real fun the makeup department now this is french or french probably french canadian but i assume it means the same thing the makeup assistant makeup artist name is natalie trepanier as in trepanning sure as in i'm going to put holes in your skull yeah also not the same guy in the sound department carl lewis not that one that's it that was his name carl lewis not that one i am not even done with the complete casting crew list for Cat Squad but we're going to move very quickly to Cat Squad

Python Wolf and I'm going to tell you more names of people that I found in there the movie is fine the movie contains some spectacular deaths have you ever been watching like the Lord of the Rings show on Amazon was great for this where there's somebody on screen who you can tell is

getting their sag card just off of this three minutes of playing an orc and they are going to make it fucking count they're going to make it work yeah Like, they get stabbed and they do a fucking figure skating move falling to the ground. Yeah. Anyway, they lose Bradley Whitford in the first movie, spoiler alert, but add Miguel Ferre. And Miguel Ferre kills a person.

I'm not going to tell you who in the second movie with a death that I can only tell you is Muppet. Muppete? A Muppet should have died in this way. Can I ask one follow-up question? Which Muppet should have died in this way? It was very Abby Cadabby Wow

What? Damn. Okay. She didn't understand No, I mean, okay, the person died in a manner that made me think of Abby Cadabby.

Okay. That's what I mean. I don't harbor a personal vendettism This is not what you're, or indeed any Muppet. Also appearing in Cat Squad Python Wolf, a man whose real name is

Peter Neptune. Oh, do you know there's only one man for this job. Call the agent. Get me Neptune. These are... Yeah. A second unit director named Newt Arnold, as in the lizard.

Mm-hmm. Yep. Sure. And this can probably otherwise pass without comment, but I feel like given who he surrounds himself with, it's probably fair to expect to get tired with the same brush. Mark Wolf, show yourself. You think he's Dick's brother? Maybe.

got him in the business and then overshadowed him. There's a whole plot there. Yeah. This concludes my review of Cat Squad and Cat Squad Python Wolf heartily recommended. Ryan, thank you once again for a draft that has led me to a much more excitable and enjoyable night of the actual NFL draft than watching the draft would have been. Don't thank me. Thank Frank Military, a real hero.

So I want to point something out I've just discovered. There are two Frank Militaries. What? They are both in the American entertainment. Are they roommates? So one is, of course, the Frank Military, the producer, who is still around, born in 1962, working on NCIS, Los Angeles, and so forth. That's our Jack Youngblood, Frank Military.

There is also a member of the Songwriters Hall of Fame named Frank Military, who at the time movie Frank Military was born, Frank Military, the musician, was already working for a music publisher. He started in 1950, much older than movies Frank Military. So like, music, Frank Military might have a movie's namesake?

Wait, you said NCIS Los Angeles. That's what IMDB says. Y'all, we are two degrees from Frank Military. How so? One of my buddies from my first grown-up job after school works on NCIS, Los Angeles.

right so it's possible then that um the frank militaries also are connected in some how deep is the frank military maybe we get there there is an outside shot that we can find out um i really hope you're not listening to this shit i got to bleep her name out now i'm on a quest next week special guest of the full cast frank military we'll ask them about working with military appreciation day here on the forecast frankly well thank you for i want to went by and watched at one point, like, passing the television and saw... You were doing important things. Yes.

Yes. We were doing important things. But when I passed, this being an 80s action movie conceit. A TV action movie. TV action movie. Yeah, that's important. But an NBC action movie, so a little bit, like a little bit more less budgetary. Because, like, diehardt is an 80s action movie.

I don't think that's what you were watching. I mean, for fucking William Friedkin and Morricone. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, still pretty. pretty like quality right um but in doing this i was like oh man like what's going on in the movie and i peeped in and there was a guy in a bucket truck shooting somebody with a rocket launcher who looked like prince yeah it looked like prince did he looked like a purify yourselves

in the waters of like minnetonka ass dude and he had a blown up like three minutes later it is hey this is when physical stunts were king man this is when there was no green screen you get up in that bucket truck. Just the number of people in 80s films who are dispatched as a single person by a rocket launcher capable of destroying a tank. That's one of those things that made me feel like my adult life was going to be significantly different than it has been. I've never encountered these things in the while.

You still got time. I know. It's nice to have something to hope for. Two million dollars next year you get to shoot a rocket launcher at Spence. Oh my God. Yes. It's all I've ever wanted. How do you want the job done?

Do you want me to strangle him? Do you want me to shoot him? Nah, dog. Rocket launcher. Get up in that cherry picker. What are coach is always telling us in the fourth quarter? Leave no doubt. What leaves less doubt than a rocket launcher?

The funniest part is imagining shooting somebody with a rocket launcher from a cherry picker. And then that like, you slowly just. You got to take it all the way down? What are you doing? Perhaps it was prince. he was following his own advice in little red corvette and slowing down that's right yeah i just i love that that in those movies there's always an assassin they're like what's his name they're like his name is is the jackal you're like oh what about the jackal he's invisible he could look like yeah he can look like

yeah traceable you'll never know he was you'll never know he was there he'll never know he was there he's a master of is a master of stealth and then you see what's the jackal doing aiming rocket launcher at guy with cover. He threw a barrel labeled TNT at you in the middle of the ball. It is the most anarchist assassination style shit, right? Like, giant bomb labeled bomb and I'm throwing it up the guy. Donkey Kong trying to hack it as like a government assassin is a movie I would watch. He's bullet bill. You'll never see him. He's not huge in a bullet. If this is where the Mario movies go next, I wouldn't hate that either. I mean, what is Super Mario Brothers but taken?

right somebody took my princess and then i had to wreak vengeance because think of all of the innocent lives that mario takes along the way what innocent lives gumbus who's innocent come on they're just mushrooms this dude is traipsing through your yard they have the following orders that's what you're saying are you don't okay of all the times for us to come down it's an hour and 26 minute into recording and i i know that this is spencer your way of introducing into fact that Tennessee is currently in the process of advancing a law that allows castle doctrine and defense of property crime, but I feel like this is just not the venue. All I'm saying is that the entire plot of the game, the entire plot of the game is Mario

trespassing. That's all. All right. Literally. What are you talking about trespassing? It's called the mushroom kingdom. He's in their house. Yeah. That's not Mario's house. Mario. Mario, Mario is is trespassing the entire time. Have you really not considered the constitutionalist approach to Super Mario Brothers, right? I'm going to give, I'm going to give you, I'm going to go through some of the enemies

in Super Mario 3, and I want you to tell me if they are, like, morally wrong or not. Okay. Angry son. Oh, no, fuck that thing. In World 2, no. Kill that thing. No, evil.

Blooper, the octopus. A squitch, but not wrong. Okay, boo. Fuck that. No. No, evil. He had his time. You're a ghost.

Cheap cheap. I think cheap cheeps are innocent. I'm sorry. Dry bones. That's the water? That's the sea. And what do we say about the sea? You know what?

I do agree with you about the water. Cheap cheap. Okay. Wait, wait a look. Time out. What happens when the cheap chiefs take to the air? That's just temporary. Yeah, that's temporary.

Right. That's just visiting. Dry bones. Fair enough. They're basically Horace. Hammer brothers. Stupid but misguided. Yeah, I think they're, you know what?

They seem like decent guys. Do you have to just be throwing hammers everywhere? All right. I think if we're going to praise Cam Skadabode, Diego Papua. Right. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. They're just some bros.

You know, they're just a little too hype. Gross, we've found a bunch of hammers. That's exactly what they would do. Right. Um, piranha plan. Have we not considered that it? that in maybe there's a Rosengrantz and Guildenstern situation there, and the Hammer brothers have their own carpentry outfit in the same way,

or perhaps a masonry in the same sense that Mario and Luigi enter this by way of being plumbers. It's entirely possible. I have some real questions about carpenters who have decided the answer is to throw hammers, frankly. Well, what is Mario doing? He's not throwing wrenches. He's throwing fireballs.

That's fine. That's fine. Throwing fire is okay. Ambers, I draw the line. Piranha plant. Oh, that's just nature. Just nature? And also has been there since the dinosaurs.

Right, yeah, they're just eaten. All right. This is very specific. Shoe Gumba. The Gumba and the wind-up shoe that's hopping around. Blameless and even angelic. Whimsical. Angelic.

Right. Innocent. Thwomp. That strikes me is also something that falls under the category of crocodiles. That thing has been here way too long for it to be any of my business. I think it's a deliberate system. I'm going to say that thwomp is basically the worst nimbie imaginable. Right?

Like, like, thwomps murder people just for like stepping in the wrong sense. Yeah, and you know what? You can't say, oh, it's self-defense because you can't kill a thwomp. There's no, like, some of these others I can be like, I get it. Mario represents a, if you're a Kupa, Mario represents a threat to you, a very real threat, a documented threat. If you're a thwomp, the fuck is Mario going to do to you. Yeah. Yeah.

Not even with a star? Thromps are bad people. No, yeah, I think, I cannot recall any circumstance in which Mario or his coterie have defeated and killed a thwomp. To the jury. You started to Foghorn, leghorn there. You've been in Nashville too long, son. I would like to hear more. Mr. Mario.

Mr. Mario and his coterie. You know he would be a Mario. Give me a couple more, because I think this, I think this, I think this. think my point is proven. You think you're right at this point? Watch? All right. Chain chomp.

We just said the most anti- trespasser technology, Thwomp, is evil. Therefore, Mario is allowed to trespass. No, I'm saying that Mario. Your argument is crumbling, sir. Mario, like so many people in our society, has capital poisoning. He believes that property. Thwomp is the, like, ring camera surveillance system, shoot a guy walking in your door of the Mario universe.

Therefore, Mario should be allowed to walk in the door. fucking flat. It's true. But, but point being, the idea that everything is capital and can be possessed

or exchanged. To prove my point, I wasn't listening. All right, I'm going to give you one last one. All right. What, what, what,

what, what, what, what, what, what, what, finally. Finally, some intelligent. What?

What? Lequito. Lequito to me is. That's the guy with all the fucking flock cameras. Yeah. Yeah, he's flying around throwing shit at people.

Yeah, he's evil. Like, the Hammer Brothers really... The Hammer Brothers are jumping around throwing shit of people. The Hammer Brothers, I think it's strongly implied that, like, whether you are there or not, they're throwing hammers. Right, that's what I'm saying. You are interrupting the world's worst workout routine. Same as Thwomp. No, Thwamp waits till you get close, doesn't he?

How do you know? They'd just be going up and down all day long? I think some thwams are situationally aware. Oh, so we're, well, and this, Ryan, this brings up another good point is how fair of it is it for us to, especially in a side scrolling situation, to paint all members of this species with a single characteristic. And I,

now we're getting in the even deeper questions of like, what level of cognition do you have to have to even be evil? Like, Agumba is just walking and it's not even clear if it knows where it's walking. This is, Well, and this is all, this is all, God, we should have made this a Patreon episode. This is all before we even get to the implication of the events at the end of Odyssey. But Lakeitu follows your ass around, throws things at you, is definitely targeting you and you specifically.

Yeah, personally. Yeah, you personally. Yeah. Yeah. When you put it that way, I had him, I had him down more as like the inescapable banality of evil. So I think here's where I'm landing. Now I might put him up there with the angry son. I think angry Sun Thwomp and Lakeitou reflect that if you are a Mario enemy who lives in the up, you are evil. If you are a fish or an octopus and you live in the down, the ocean. What the fuck did you get an octopus? Or a piranha plant. The squid thing.

You know what I'm talking about. That's not the same thing. The noodly little thing. Squids and octopi are not the same thing. The noodles. You think blue is a goddamn octopus? Are you out of your mind? The noodle guys.

The anger. The booze are up. My point is, evil lives in the sky. Good lives in the below. I feel like good is a stretch. And neutral lives in the middle. And so in many ways, Mario is a complete inversion of Judeo-Christian understanding of morality, where actually the depths are heaven and the heights are hell.

The depths suck. The water sucks. The fish aren't good. No, but it's fun down there, and the music's good. Fun down there? The music is good. It's less fun. Your honor, the music is quite enchanted.

Yes. Your honor, the dulcet tones of the undersea king. The bridey deep compelled my client once again to seize every coin possible. How could he not? So shiny and shibbery were they? There he was, throwing fire in the ocean. It worked. I'm just saying the entire concept of property is at the crux of the Mario universe's conflict.

Mario doesn't give a fuck about property. He doesn't live anywhere. He does take a lot of money. Sure. He does take a lot of money. He takes a lot of money. He's constantly jacking people's shit. Are you honestly trying to stop, stop.

The innocent gumba in the shoe. What becomes of his shoe? You steal it. Are you trying to tell me that Bowser has title to all of these. castles that he has deeds registered with the relevant local authority? Do you think castles just happen? These castles can be taken. These castles were taken over.

These castles were clearly taken over by his kids, his nepoes. Yeah, but they're still, it's not like they're falling apart and they're well defended. They are falling apart. Mario falls all of them apart. I think I think my, where I come around to is none of these people are blameless. none of them none of them will see glory

Mario and his opponents I don't have to take a side as long as Peach is happy where she ends up I'm sorry there's only one honest dealer there's only one honest dealer in the entirety

of the Mario universe of the character it's Yoshi it's not oh it is not yes completely amoral no Yoshi is at times aiding and abetting

an atrocity right think about how many little innocent Gumbas. We don't even know Gumbas are necessarily bad. Everything he eats. Yeah. He's an ecological disaster, man. Oh, I'm sorry that an

animal wants to eat. I'm sorry that nature runs its course. If nature runs its course, why do I have to pull on the reins to get him to eat enemies? Yeah. What would he be doing if you weren't around? We don't know. He just sort of sits and balances. What? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?

That's what we see when we encounter him. All right. All right. Who is the ethical ideal in the Super Marioverse? It's Toad. Sure. Yes. Toad.

Toad's a chicken shit. Toad is Vichy. Not when Toad's like, hey, come play this swim card game. Toad's always got some good shit to do. Well, gambling is fine now. Yeah, gambling is fine. That's right. Toad, new quarterback for Texas.

He's more of a Kyle or Murray type. It's very fast. I mean, if you want moral clarity, I'm not saying, I'm not saying he's... I agree. If you want moral clarity, you need the version of Toad that sings Cia's chandelier. That's agreed. But if you want moral clarity, if you want somebody who is 100% their own ethos, and I think an evil one, right, or best in a moral one, it's Wario.

Because what Wario has a clear creed, he may be the only person. with a clear creed in the Mario universe, okay? Because what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, Wario's great. Yeah, sure. I'm gonna win. Yeah. Right?

I'm glad that you've landed on solipsism is the true way in the Mario universe. Like, Mario's whole thing is Mario sucks. He's like, stupid Dr. Doom. Yeah. Like, opposite of that guy is. But great clarity. A position of great clarity. at all times. I always know what Wario wants.

All he wants is Mario to lose, though. Clearly, in and of itself is not a virtue. What a sociopathic thing is? I didn't say virtue. I said it's pure. It all swing down what Mario wants, though. Because, like, if suddenly Mario has a bad day, then Wario's a good guy. Yeah, does Mario have motivations outside of Mario? Gold! Gold!

Mario wants nothing but gold! That's Mario's motivation as well! That's really big of you to... Or is it the princess? You don't know. That's the thing. That's Mario. You're describing Mario.

No, no, I was describing Mario. Mario has split. Oh, so Mario likes two things. Wario likes one thing. But I would completely disagree with that because all Wario cares about is Mario losing. Yeah. No, he wants to win. Have we not?

No, he wants Mario to lose. A secondary condition of that is that Mario has to lose. I think victory is what Wario creates. He would rather Mario lose than himself win. I see that some of you don't have the single-minded focus that Drew, that drove Michael Jordan to be the greatest basketball player of all time. Why would we be at all leery of somebody who has their own idea of what constitutes great? I said pure.

I would say Jordan is Wario if Wario is capable of imagining every single person around him is Mario. Michael George is what he did. Yeah. Yeah. What my point is, Wario does not do that. That's how Michael Jordan and Wario. are different. Basically, Spencer, you have come to the show today and said, you know who I respect because

he's clear-minded. Jackie Sherrill. I understand what Jackie Sherrill is about. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. That's not weird. Jackie Sherrill was, listen, Jackie Sherrill was about one thing, buddy.

Clipping them nuts. Clipping them nuts. Was he good? I don't think. Sometimes. Is he dead? No. No.

No. You can't kill that. It's like Mario. What does he want to do? That man wants to win. That's it. I know what he's about, right? I 100% know what he's about.

Dan Langing is Waluigi. That's the conclusion.