Shutdown Fullcast - The Eating 12,000 Calories a Day in Honor of the Big Ten Episode

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

--A brief discussion of the World's Strongest Men and why they listen to the Fullcast --Will a Strongman eat your pets? We ask important questions here --We're calling that shot: Nebraska is going to beat Ohio State! --No one will remember this! If we're wrong, and we will be, it won't matter! --If we're right we will never let anyone forget how we called it! --Ryan and Jason invent the concept of "Fresno as America's 'base' in hide and seek" --A big discussion of this week's mailbag question: What is the worst kids' book? --And why is it a book about a child rampaging through a New York hotel without punishment or correction?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown, you are listening, live, welcome to the shutdown full cast, you are listening live, live, live, live. to the internet's only college football podcast. Live as in you, the listener, are currently alive. You're alive. Yes. Nice job on that, by the way. Thank you. What if this is the last thing somebody listens to before they die?

Oh, come on. There are so many worse things that people have listened to before they. I mean, think about how many people die in hospitals listening to, like, somebody emptying a bedpan next to them. This is paradise compared to that. I mean, what if you heard Big Sean before you die? Sure. You know what? That would encourage me

because Big Sean would say things like I don't let haters take my energy or some other lifeless line like that and I would just go, yeah, let's go. This is enough. Take me, Big Hater. The big hater in the sky is calling me home. Like anyone cares enough

about your awful rap to hate you actively as opposed to like Big Sean and rap is basically raisins in anything for me. Like, oh, who put that in here? That's unfortunate. I don't understand why anybody enjoys these things. That's a big Sean appearance. Yeah.

We have this week, for a midweek show, a couple of agenda items. We are going to look at a couple games up ahead. The Big Ten is back. The Big Ten is back. The Big Ten is back. Speaking of Big, I would like to point out a social media phenomenon whereby the three of us on this call at this time. have been followed just now by the World Strongest Man account on Twitter,

which has been around since 2015, which follows, as of this recording, only 46 people, almost all of whom are actual strong men from Mark Henry to the Mountain to Lou Forigno. It also follows Mr. Universe, Miss USA, Action Bronson,

and then Ryan, Annie, Jason Kirk, Spencer Hall. I don't know what to make of this. perhaps they need our assistance in the greater Bradenton metro area to cover this year's event. But Spencer, as our foremost strongman expert, could you sort of walk us through what might be happening here? Well, apparently we give off enough strength aura and strength vibes or the appearance, and I think this may be it more than anything else, of being people who appreciate a properly thick-necked man and the achievements that he has in the field of sport. And I would point out,

by the way, legendary strongmen and sport, like hand in hand, man. Like, no, you don't get to the world's strongest man without popping up somewhere else first. Great example. This would be the legendary Bill Casmeyer, also a privileged follow of the prestigious world's strongest man. account Bill Casmeyer. You may recognize him from numerous reruns of the world's strongest man competition, long-time commentator on said program. Where did he play football as a thick-necked robustly forearmed and gigantically bicept young man? He played at the University of Wisconsin, y'all. Go badgers. Go badgers. Well, of course he did. So yeah, we will be the broadcast cast team for this year's world world strongest man competition let's just say it and see see what

happens speaking into existence sure i do wish that like spencer i appreciate that strong men come up through other sports like i imagine college rest college like olympic style wrestling is probably another one if i had to guess maybe definitely definitely there are some there are some wild cards in there is there like can i get a tennis player because that i would really enjoy if it was like wow the status player like his backhand is trash but his lats are fucking huge forehand you see the neck on this dude oh my god i will tell you a few of my favorite backgrounds and competition for these guys or just even for work there are an inordinate number of stone masons which yeah sure a lot of guys a lot of guys who are like are being the stone somebody else

mace and not in like a ancient cultic order kind of thing like no literally rock carriers no this guy's like this guy's actually a rock carrier and he saves on labor by yeah he's a gore that's

you know the gorons and Zelda are basically yeah they are strong men those they really are yeah in breath of the wild all they talk about is working out oh let's get really sweaty they're like oh link you're going to get so jacked bro in link they are i'm gonna weigh 47 pounds regardless they're the only people in the series who use the word bro and talk about eating but which is funny because the way that gorons get swell is by eating rocks yeah so they're like yeah bro got to get the rocks in then i got to go like the gorons are so that

that they actually ask link in breath of the wild what workout plan he's on that's not a lie also well i mean link follows the same plan what does he make unidentifiable pixelated mush, and it makes him strong, doesn't it? That's pre-workout. That's what that is. Link's actually, Link's ideal diet really has him leaning toward pre-diabetic. It really does, because the most powerful things he eats are like stewed bananas

and like stewed durian. It's just fructose, and he eats tons of it. His diet is horrible. He's basically on the carnival cruise ship diet. He is. He's like, oh, you see all this tropical fruit they got on the bar? I'll take it. all in cobbler form, please?

Link's got the metabolism of like an electron. He's fine. Well, because he doesn't have anywhere to sleep. He just runs all day. Yeah, man. It's called endurance athlete. Listen, the minute he stops, the minute he stops. Oh, he's an ultramarathoner, isn't he?

Also, he's got 20 hearts. He's fine. So when Link meets the Gorons, it's ultramarathoner meets Strongmen. Yeah, they have a big debate about cardio. That's fascinating. they do yeah the the endurance versus strength thing where they're like where do you want your hearts the thing is and i think this is an appropriate metaphor for training when you have to get your hearts exchanged to allocate whether you're going to have stamina or strength and be able to take damage you have to go to this evil spirit who's like i will now put you through excruciating pain to alter your body and i'm like yeah that's a personal trainer yep that's a coach also you meet that dude in like a back alley hello you do Dude, you meet him by a river, literally, like by a creek. It's like, I go down to the creek and talk to John.

He'll pop up all over. In the desert town, he's like, hey, hey, p's come back here. I'll teach you how to exercise. Some guy behind a convenience store in Reno who's like, hey, man, let's make it happen. The other, they're not all, by the way, strong men don't all come from, like, obviously, like, jacked sport backgrounds. That's not saying basketball players aren't strong, but hat for Thor, Thor, Bjorn. send better name to you as the mountain he started off as

a basketball player and yeah which he was quite he wasn't 400 pounds so Iceland if you're wondering yo why wasn't Iceland dominating international basketball yeah he wasn't he wasn't the mountain he wasn't a 400 pound

center imagine telling the fucking mountain like all right you got six fouls I want you to use them if you get two flagr I want you to use them, right? Like, that means you're going to go murder two people and then we're going to win.

He's straight-up killed a dude. Wow. Also, basketball, not an uncommon switch because America's best living strong man is Brian Shaw. And he, he was a basketball player as well. And if you've ever seen Brian Shaw, my favorite Brian Shaw thing, anyone has ever done with them because I will tell you, Brian Shaw, you're going,

oh, who's Brian Shaw? Well, if I told you he was the guy I went 6'8, usually averaged around 420 pounds from Colorado just this giant literal rocky of a man he one is the strong man who looks most like a Goron

he really does like if we're talking Gorons in Zelda totally looks like a Goron he's got a big old bald head looks like he wants to talk bro's stuff with you but wow so this dude's photos like he looks like he's two feet tall but he's not

no he's built like he's built like he's two feet tall right like that thick and then he's six eight so my favorite go ahead well i was going to say the next the next sport that's going to contribute to this that's golf and our sweet sweet brison okay who's gained like 50 pounds for people who don't know this is a man who's gained like 50 pounds in a year and here for this is from a golf channel article this is his general daily diet Breakfast, four eggs, five pieces of bacon, toast, two protein shakes. Throughout day, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, plural, macro bars, snacks, which, who knows, two to three protein shakes. Dinner, steak, potatoes, two protein shakes.

That's six or seven protein shakes a day on top of, like, a regular amount of food. Just to play fucking golf. Okay, that's interesting. How many calories did you say that was? It doesn't say how many calories. It does say that it is almost 100 grams of protein a day. Yeah, which I will tell you, 100 grams of protein a day. Not really excessive.

Like, he's going for bulk there. Sure. Like, he really is. Like, 100. Yeah, he estimates it's 3,000 to 3,500 calories. Okay, that's fine. It's not that much. I'm going to take you through Brian Shaw's Day.

You're ready for, you're ready for B. Shaw's standard day to stay at a svelt and cut 420 at 6.8. These numbers are absurd. By the way, this is... Creator wrestler numbers gone wrong. It's just like when they're like, I guess we've got to put a heightened weight for Blanca. Like, sure, whatever.

I mean, these guys are... I mean, I'm not saying this is good. Like, when these guys talk, you can hear them breathing, right? Like, sure. Yeah, so. But I will say this. You eat like this and you can deadlift a thousand pounds. Okay.

And bench 525 and squat 903, which are all Brian. Shaw records. I have my favorite Brian Shaw record, which I didn't quite get out, by the way. They put this enormous six foot eight, four hundred and twenty pound man on a rower on camera, and they said, go for a hundred meters. And when he pulled the entire rower scooted back three feet, like he went, and the thing went, and they had to start over because his first pull knocked the thing a good third of

the way across a good sized room. So if he does that enough, he is using the rowing machine literally as a rower. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, the rower, he has a land rower. He has a mobile land rower with every rower. Yeah, they asked him to do 100 meters as fast as he could, and he did it in 12.8 seconds. Good God. Yeah, he's a freak.

So his diet, I know that 3,500 is like real cute and everything. Yeah. So, Brian Shaw, breakfast. eight eggs, cinnamon toast crunch, and peanut butter. Same. I'm with him so far.

Yeah. So breakfast is 1,180 calories. Meal 2. Notice. Meal. Not lunch. Meal 2.

I have transcended your meal labels. He's not even at brunch yet. Yeah. An hour later, he has a way protein shake with 80 grams of protein and then he tops it off.

Just in case you needed to top off, he topped it off with two granola bars and some peanut butter. That's another thousand calories there. We have arrived at lunch, at which point most people would be dead. Pasta, meat sauce, grass-fed ground beef, angel hair pasta. He recommends grass-fed because you can eat it and it's easier to digest. And I imagine digestion is a very big concern for anyone eating this much food. Eating a jar of peanut butter in day. maybe two man i don't know i'm not even done with this uh that's another 2100 calories right

there so we're already well we've smoked bryson de chambre yeah yeah golf ain't shit uh meal five which is labeled as post lunch pre dinner hobbits must have been amazing power lifting um for the fifth meal shaw cooks a bunch of lean organic ground turkey white jasmine rice rice and broccoli. That sounds fine. Sure. You know, how much of it? 1,400 calories worth.

Okay. Right. Meal 6. Also known as meal team 6. As dinner. As dinner. On this day that Men's Journal recorded, he described that as an atypical meal.

He was going to be deadlifting the next day. So he went to a carb heavy meal, some Italian. and usually meal 5 is another pound of beef and potatoes with asparagus. On this night, it was 3,430 calories worth of pasta-heavy Italian food. So that's a huge day of eating. I'm not done. I'm not done. No, no, I mean, just that meal is a huge day of eating for a regular person.

And that is meal six. Yeah. No, no, no. We have the Marvel Post scene. here we have the little stinger the preview right the post credit scene meal seven night time snack and protein shake before shaw goes to bed he has a midnight snack this meal includes four pieces of cheesecake and a way protein shake with 80 grams of protein just a quick 1,600 calories

before bed finishing up a 12,000 calorie day. You said Bryson had 100 grams of protein? That's cute. That's real cute. What have we? B-Shaw is sitting at 705 grams of protein.

This is the closest. 705. Have either of you ever tried, have either of you ever tried to eat triple-digit grams a protein in a day? No. Why the fuck would I do that?

I have. I have. Like we're in a Vegas buffet? You will hate food. You will absolutely hate food if you try to eat that much protein in a day. It's horrible. That diet is the closest any human can get to like being a katomari ball. Like that's that's not eating.

That's just absorbing. For eighth meal, I eat a police precinct. This means you poop seven times a day. I would be real worried being in the room with him if I were any kind of animal of size or substance. Because at one point, I know he's not hungry. Like, you can't be hungry eating like this. You just can't.

I don't. You don't think your body gets used to it and is like, no, it's, hey, buddy, we've blown past meal forward. here a good 15 minutes chop chop i i can't imagine it you know like they just don't look like they have fun when they're eating yeah they're just it's it's a job you eat more than you train right you know like i think that's true of most people but like you eat it's like owning a steamship more call gave shovel nice meaty chow walks in the yeah hey do you like that dog Do you really?

How do you feel about that dog? Because I'll eat it. Straight up with rice. I'm not a monster with rice and broccoli. Yeah. Yeah, you need some roughage to push that dog through. Wow. That I just ate.

The cinnamon toast crunch is my favorite little thing in there. That's for me. That's for me. Yeah, what is the reason for the cinnamon toast crunch? Because I as well found that the most fast. Just a nice way to start the day, right? I think honestly that's the one thing he gets to do in there where he's like me time what's my me time I get some cinnamon toast crutch and then I begin the odyssey that is

eating my way through this day you know how much he's going to love just weighing 300 pounds when this is over and he's like oh god the cTC is uh has 35% of your daily iron sure oh uh I don't think he is low on iron that does not seem to be a concern. I am laughing, Ryan, though, at you expressing any kind of like, well, hey, what's this part about? Okay, what's the entire thing about? Like, this part doesn't make sense. None of it makes sense.

No. No, you're right. You're right. Why are you eating an entire pound of ground beef as a snack? That might be the part I would ask about. Why are you eating four slices of cheesecake before dinner? This now makes me wonder, and now we can ask them, apparently. What is the catering sitch like at the world's strongest man company?

Like, what on earth are they bringing in? It's got to be tense. Are they just like, here's a cow. Have fun, guys. Yeah. Here they come. Oh, God. We bought a whole publics for you.

It's yours. Take it. Like, I've seen. Here you go, fellas. A dragon. And it's got to be worse because he's big. He's naturally big. He's a 6-8 dude.

He's probably had, like, an intense appetite his whole life. There are guys who aren't that big. Like, Eddie Hall, who shares the name with my dad, which is always my favorite thing when I see. Like, Eddie Hall sets deadlift record. I'm like, kill. Kill it, Dad. Absolutely killing it.

Like, Eddie Hall's not that big. Yeah. And Eddie Hall has to eat, like, like, he's only 6-3, you know, only. And that dude is a swimmer. he's got to eat like a horse. Right. Just to maintain weight. I hope Bryson listens to this and it's like, challenge accepted.

Challenge accepted. I will become golf juggernaut. But Bryson also has a whole other ambition, which is to live eternally. That's true. He is balancing sick games versus defy God. Yeah, this man wants to be frozen and blasted in the spirit. spaceship as an AI consciousness and be a reboot like he wants to live around along enough to hitch onto that wagon right while also pounding excess protein those two do not tend to go hand in hand

also Eddie Hall's diet was around 20,000 calories so it was it was more that and he took two naps a day that's the sumo method there's there's so much shopping there must be so much shopping involved in this right oh yeah so what are you doing all day long you train for like an hour and a half or two hours right and the rest of your day is fetching food eating food and evacuating it's it's waste like you're just this gigantic horrible swollen angry powerful tube roaming the earth what you are you're a cell you're like a cell in your body where you're like the only thing I do is take in

nutrients, turn them into energy and expel the waste and repeat. Like that's all. Yeah, you're a saffanophore. You're a sponge. You're just like, well, I'll follow the ocean today. Folks, if you'd like to see these sponges in action, come on down to join us in

greater Metro Bradenton, Florida, where we are inviting ourselves to the World's Strongest Man competition. Beautiful Bradenton, Florida. Beautiful, greater Bradenton, Florida. Yeah, they're going to fuck up a Perkins there, man. They're going to destroy Perkins.

This village it belongs to me. Oh, that pie case? Gone. Gone. They're just going to do that thing, like the metal oculapse thing. They're going to put their face through the glass, which I've always wanted to do, right? I'm going to look at that. Shoney's leveled.

All you can eat restaurants set on fire by owner. Leave. yeah um i think it is time to now that we've talked about our favorite thing which is uh strongman competition the thing that made this podcast great we actually have football this weekend and we have a new flavor of football for the 2020 season um i think the big 10 is going to play football if they've made up their mind to do that decisively yet it appears that they have yeah we have that big carb heavy cheesy flavor and we also have the tart crisp refreshing flavors of the mountain west joining us don't overlook that like that's what's been the best league to watch this

year so far in terms of unpredictable quality that would be the sunbelt sunbelt's just been knocking people off left and right playing high level football and I now definitively know after years of just assuming a pretty close guess I know what a shanticleer is so the sunbelt sunbelt's been doing good things why not to Mountain West

yeah I mean yeah it's fine all of it's fine at this point it's definitely not but that's the thing we're just saying right yeah it's happening we can say that

we can go that far it's definitely happening i would um if i were going to say okay what am i looking at i'm going to admit to being very cruel and i'm going to watch nebraska at ohio state i think i think you're obligated to at this point yeah after making fun of nebraska for wanting to play football in the first place so badly and agitating for it now they get now they get what they wanted be careful what you ask for because you just might get ohio state that is without question the sickos game of the week sickos game of the week this is me looking in the window going yeah yes um the schedule is top heavy is one way to describe it um it's also compliment heavy like a handful of the noon games like nc state unc have basically spent all week explaining why they're not good like mac brown is like well you know

I think we were quite overrated, and you, NC states quite underrated. And Dave Doran turns around, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you NC underrated, I think not. Look how handsome you are. And Dabo, meanwhile, Syracuse hosts Clems, or goes to Clemson. And Dabo's like, well, we know all too well, what a Syracuse can do to you. And Syracuse is just like, please, can we just, let's just play a quarter and a half. That should be plenty.

Please don't acknowledge us. Running clock Starting now Can you eat 12,000 calories worth of food Before you take the field That would be good Clemson Do that

And see if you can still beat This is one of those Can we do this and still beat Syracuse How big of a lead Could Syracuse spot Clemson That you would still take Clemson Well what? The spread on this game is into the 40s now The spread started in the 30s

And is up to 45 and a half half so like that many so the thing about that is the 45 and a half is counting the fact that clemson likes to just clock out of games as soon as possible if clemson left their starters in for all four quarters how high are they going right like that would be the number we'd have to factor here okay they they scored 73 against a georgia tech team that while still like building is probably better than syracuse right now So, like, it's probably, it's got to be like 90, 95, right? It's maybe 100.

I mean, I know they can score 35 and a quarter, right? So if I give you two max quarters at 35 and then two at 21 at 21, one at 28, just selecting randomly here, yeah, you're well over. Yeah, that's over 100. It's like 120 points you just put on board. Yeah, no, and I feel pretty confident they could do it. Tech is a little better than Clemson. That game was in Atlanta, not Clemson.

Clemson had punters throwing to back up Swinneys, not even on top Swinney. And Georgia Tech was actively running clock the entire game. I mean, Syracuse just got run on for like 300-some yards by Liberty. And Liberty is not a bad team or anything, but like it still is not what you expect to happen with an AC. Anyway, yeah. Yeah, don't watch that.

No, no, don't watch that. Watch the same thing happened to Nebraska. No, what you? 30, 35 and a quarter. I'm going to be very honest. There's some part of me, and I don't understand this part, and I can't explain it. There's some part of me that's like, it would be really funny if Nebraska won that game. It would be really funny if Nebraska won that game.

I mean, one of these teams are going to lose, and that's fine. Yeah. It'd be side splitting. It would be the funniest thing to happen for them to go like, we told you we wanted to play! And then lose. Because the funniest thing I think Nebraska could do this year would be to pull the Mississippi State where they start the year with huge road upset,

like playoff changing road upset, where everybody's like, wow, it's all coming together, it's working better than anybody thought, and then immediately just lose every game after that. Just go one in nine or whatever. I mean, remember, they wanted this schedule and then they bitched about it.

Their next game is Wisconsin. And they got to go at Northwestern. Not exactly a guarantee. Then they got Penn State. So, yeah, that could happen. One and three with the W of Ohio State. They're on the Mississippi State plan, is what they're on, right?

Like, we cannot die! Yes. Oh, no, we're dying. We're dying a lot. We're dying a lot. Yeah. Another game on the schedule that I find intriguing in terms of, hey, what are y'all rolling out?

I know what Minnesota's putting on the field. I know what they're going. going to do i have no idea what michigan's going to look like and neither is michigan be very exciting also there are several computers that are favoring minnesota over michigan michigan at oh and one could be that could be perilous that said like pj flex basically already said like yeah we got covid but i'm not telling you about it cop i believe harba also said yeah we've had some positive tests and then in a press conference today it was like yeah we don't have any positive tests okay

remember consent to search is the number one way that they get you you can just you could say anything to this mic anything at all it doesn't matter um the game i am most interested in is number 17 iowa state at number six oklahoma state um a because i think these are the only two big 12 teams that are ranked unless i've forgotten somebody uh i don't think i have oh kansas state is ranked too apologies to kansas state who will probably kill me for that but that's fine god that's weird as shit those are the three ranked vict yeah go on kit can either of you tell me the three games Oklahoma state has played this year uh an FCS Tulsa barely Tulsa barely be Tulsa barely be Tulsa correct fCS game nope okay uh did did they play a man i want to say they played two con they played two conference games oh right supposed to play They were supposed to play Baylor, and that got postponed, but they have played two other big 12. Did they play Kansas?

They destroyed Kansas by 40 points. Yeah. And they beat West Virginia by two touchdowns. West Virginia's pretty good. That's, but that's like, because the shit's so weird, barely beat Tulsa, like, had to fight with Tulsa. I won't say barely beat, but, like, had to fight with Tulsa, beat West Virginia fine, destroyed Kansas. you're sixth. You're sixth of the nation. And there's nobody, like, there's no evidence for me to say, like, you shouldn't be here. You don't deserve it. And on the other side, it's an Iowa state team that lost to Louisiana, barely beat TCU, and then beat Oklahoma and then beat Texas Tech. But Texas Tech doesn't really matter right now. So, yeah, like, numbers are just numbers. They just mean whatever you want them to mean. Sure, Oklahoma State's six. Virginia tax 19.

Whatever. Just say whatever you want. Let's just establish the five spot as the ring of death. Like that's it. Like five spot UNC ends up losing to FUSH. Okay, so Ohio State is losing to Nebraska then you just said. Done. Starting at five.

We're calling that shot on Scott Frost Day. Wow. So that was one. We're going to get Oklahoma State into the top four right here because number three, Notre Dame. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Everything is going great for you. You put up big 12 points against Louisville.

That's spectacular in the year 1862. That would be a great score. You're going to play Pitt. Pits three and three. Well, surely, that's pretty even. Like, maybe they lost a game early, lost another, and then won a few. I thought there was a motor cycle.

No, sir. No, sir. I was going to Spitzer. Sorry. You are walking into Pittsburgh, facing a Panthers team that has lost three straight games. two of them by a single point

the super weapon had a chance to discharge last week and they didn't even cover against Miami shit is even more perilous for you now than before so Notre Dame down you go up Oklahoma State coast passing Ohio State in Notre Dame

actually I think the most AP shit would be Oklahoma State remaining behind Ohio State in Notre Dame yeah that's true No, that's definitely what happened in the coaches' bull. That's the coach's pole behavior there. Super weapons charge as hell. Like, it's ready to go.

Somebody just needs to walk in front of it at the wrong time. What's the wrong time? Who can say? Spencer, I thought about adding like 10 paragraphs to that just to see how much you could add to that rumble. How much charge? I was about to start coughing. It was starting to. Okay.

All right. Yeah. So I was glad. Spencer, tell me one thing that you are confident will happen in this game. South Carolina at LSU. No. Okay. I have one.

I have one. There will be a debate about college baseball. This is correct. This is correct. I got one other brand-adjacent heater of a game that I'm sure if I know both teams, will end with pain for those involved. And excitement and horrified fascination for everyone watching. And I can't believe nobody else isn't pointing this out.

It's on FS1 at 3.30 p.m. Eastern. That would be Indiana hosting Penn State. I know one thing about my dear 9-win Hoosiers, and it's this. They're going to make it as difficult as possible on everyone involved, including themselves. They will have a lead. We know that much. How long? Well, they'll have it.

Will it be safe? Friend, nothing is safe when it comes to Indiana football. Life is about moments. Appreciate that moment. Speaking of Indiana football. There we go. Thank you. Today's episode of the shutdown forecast,

sponsored as always by our good, good Indiana Big Ten friends. at homefield apparel.com rolling out not one not two not three not four but five schools for this big new saturday they are joe flacco's own delaware blue hens uc irvine fresno state the cradle of dilfer rice why do why do why do we go to the moon why does rice play texas so that you can buy comfortable t-shirts sweatshirts and bowling bowling success and baseball school Vanderbilt

here number number five on this list so and Vanderbilt and Vanderbilt I'm pretty excited about this because this is like this big new Saturday because it's these five

it's sort of like hey what do you want your WITSEC identity to be you know like who do you want to be like do like name Spencer name somebody you know in your life from Delaware no can't do it Jason can you do it a cup cup is from Delaware I think so that's insane if not then he is now okay like there's nothing in Delaware is real it's not no Delaware is the thing like you anybody could say oh where you grow up Delaware sure I have

no way to fact check that. There's no documents that can prove or disprove that. U.C. Irvine. Like, not a UC school that people associate anything with. Fresno State? Who's making up? Like, oh, I have a deep Fresno State background. Rice, maybe there's a little risk there. And Vanderbilt, like, do you look rich? You're fine. Like, you can make, all I'm saying is if you want to change your life, like literally change it, your name, your identity, your backstory, whatever. If you want to leave everything behind and cut ties and never talk to your family again, home field apparel can help you do that via sweatshirt or t-shirt. Hey, Vanderbilt's good for that because Skip Bayliss doesn't talk to his family.

I feel like if the cops pursue you to Fresno, it's like the scene in Fast and Furious where the cops chase them to Brazil and Vendezel just says, no, you're in Brazil. Yeah. Fresno is America's base. They can't touch you there. once you touch base um yeah you can get 20% off your first order when you use the offer code fullcast you'll want that 20% off because in your new life you're going to need to be cash heavy for a while you can't you know your old bank accounts you can't rely on you do need to

just have a lot of cash with you i imagine frankly if you just DM homefield and they're like hey i'm i'm going under an assumed identity and you know i can't use a credit card right now. Can I just show up with an envelope of cash at an undisclosed location and swap you for a rice sweatshirt? They'll say yes. They're cool. Yeah, lucky you. Most of Indiana is an undisclosed location. Yeah, by design. So, uh, yeah, I hope you're happy with that one, Connor. Probably not. I really like the, uh, UC Irvine antieter's logo where he's saying Zot. He's saying Zat. He's saying Zat. The, the, the anteater. has a speech bubble that is explosive and it says that it is a very um it is a very like sunday comic

that you didn't read aunt eater you're like this one talks about politics a lot yeah when you're our kids did you did you read like the newspaper comics page like yeah like i did that i yeah i do some of them but some of you get to and you'd be like this is i don't understand this is making a lot of jokes about the deficit i'm nine years old i'm not reading dunesbury right but this one would be one that had not changed in like 80 years correct yeah like gasoline alley i used to read gasoline alley didn't even i thought it was so brave because it didn't even follow the conventions of narrative form the person constructing gasoline alley had obviously died 40 years earlier and they were just mixing in random panels that were sort of related so one thing would

be like Walt not the gas station and then the next panel would be something exploding and then there would be somebody cooking eggs going ah great start to the day And that was Gasoline Alley, the whole thing. That's pretty good comedy, though. I thought it was a pretty good. Like, after a while, you kind of got addicted to it because you were like, yeah, this is surreal. This is like Akewood before Akewood. I really enjoy it.

Also, real glad that this whole thing died out before Akewood ended up in the papers, because people would, like, the letters to the editor would have been amazing if you've ever read Akewood. They would be like, why is the cat wearing a speedo? This is a moral. Speaking of a moral. Our readers and listeners decided to, again, after we asked them for questions, sorry, real quick, UC Irvine has more NCAA championships than Vanderbilt. Just wanted to get that in there. It is known.

In response, Zott. You talking shit, Fandy? I got one word to say to you. Zot! Zot, motherfucker. Zat. There goes your bowling championship. Zat. Damn. Just snatched that. Yep. That's the only thing they're going to do. That's their only trash talk.

I would love to play for UC Irvine football just so I could do that. They're like, Zad! Gotcha. Our readers, after we requested, our weekly ask for one question for our mailbag. Other podcasts, they divide attention. They just scatter it around. and they turn dollars into cents by answering multiple questions and thus dividing the attention of the enormous brains of their host.

That is not what we do here. What we do is we take the combined brain power of all three of our enormous skulls and we apply it to one extremely important reader submitted question. The one question mailbag that we do

for the midweek full cast. This week I have selected the following. It is an important... I'm going to call this a football question. This is from Fourth and Jort, longtime supporter of the full cast, moon crew, and et cetera. Thank you, sir.

The question is, what is the worst kids' book? This is a serious competition with a lot of worthy or, I guess, unworthy candidates for the eyes of your kids, but what is the worst kid's book, in your opinion? I feel like, Ryan, you're the closest to the situation,

because you have the youngest kid here. So a lot of my answers are going to be functional in that regard. Like, to me, a bad kid's book is, hi, did you put the text on the page in a color that is not very high contrast to the background? Because now I can't fucking read, like, when I put my kid to bed and we're like, Like, turn the lights off and getting cozy. Like, I can't fucking read. And I have to guess what these words are.

Are the words unnecessarily small? Like, that's the kind of thing. I will say one of the books or one of the series that has been grinding on me lately is Eloise. I don't know if you're familiar with the Eloise Uvre. Eloise is a child who lives at the Plaza Hotel. Like, let's say in the 70s. or something like that maybe the 60s when when the plaza like i think a lot of new york city um hotels at the time was a combination of like apartment building like apartment living and hotel i think

and like her whole vibe is like yeah i just do whatever i want here i like run down the hall with a stick and just hit every door on the way i like pour honey down the mail shoot I fuck with like the phones in the lobby I bother the doorman and that's it there's not like there is no comeuppance

there is no like and but you shouldn't do that because but you should be like thoughtful and aware of the people around you it's none of that it's just like I live I am a New Yorker who has an apartment and fuck everybody

else and on the one hand that is in some ways a useful lesson for children who grow up in New York. Like either A, maybe you're going to be like this and it's better to get it out of the way now or B, be aware that other people will be. But there's not like, there's nothing. It's like, here's a bunch of behavior I don't want you to emulate. This kid's just having fun with it. No adult really gets that mad and there's no lesson learned. The end. Nice. This sounds like an accurate picture. trail of what it's like to be a 45 year old new yorker though like it is minus but everybody

can be like 12 in new york forever there's not like enough hey god i pick up a phone and someone brings food to my room there's not enough like bed bug bedbug scenarios in it but other than that yeah do you do your own laundry no someone brings it to my house magically yep you know do you have a real job no i go to a box and i talk people pay me for it yeah that's podcast that's what we're doing that's exactly hey it's a noble profession sir the statement is not exclusionary okay we are both hunter and gatherer yeah this is how our ancestors we hunt audio and we gather it here um jason what is your your worst kids book i mean the very first one that came to mine is uh also the very first book that comes to mind for any

And it's the Bible, which is often framed as a collection of simple, relatable cartoon moral stories that are applicable to people of any age that can be taken at face value, that can be reduced down to simple, do, or do not morals. And on vacation Bible school, we have completed Genesis. And if someone were to say, all right, base your life on what we learned in Genesis. I would probably not associate with that person because they're going to spend all their time trying to undermine their older siblings. They might have like, you know, called down fire on a city that they didn't like. Like there are, you know, deep, beautiful, valuable moral lessons. And there are some wholesome good stories. But they are not the ones that we think of as the, you know, as the sweet, beautiful.

simple reducible lessons um we've talked about nozark on here and ryan has talked about a nozark um and like the reason for the flood is not that like you know everyone was being selfish and mean it was like they were having sex with angels so like okay i'll try to avoid that right i will that's that's that's the moral lesson well you continue to get us all flooded again too bad i love it it's for the good of it's for the good of the world don't be selfish Ryan well he said he wouldn't flood us again with with water but he didn't say that he wouldn't flood us with you know applesauce or vinegar or any other liquid so I would not test it if you try to be discreet

all right let's just say that but yeah the the Bible should have a big old content warning right on the front of it um you know it's not most of it's not for kids some of it is man that would be it that's such a tricky conversation to have with your significant other so what were you doing last night well you had sex with an angel so there's this angel so you got to make it you got to make it sound extremely cool first right you won't believe it i saw an angel i saw an angel that's absolutely crazy don't get mad you promise not to get mad probably not to get mad yeah he was an angel for real his name was I bet it was

Yeah, he's in the taxonomy of angels He's like 730 second on there That's right, he protects airport bars That's his job This angel's still a credit card out of your wallet While I was on the nightstand, honey? Yeah, so I wouldn't be covetous So I wouldn't be obsessed with material wealth

Um, so my worst kid's book is the box car children. I mean, either of you read the box car children. Sure. Isn't there also a visual of some sort, a show or? Yes, yes. There have been several adaptations of it. But the outline is first published in 1924, gets the revision in the 40s.

Uh, the revision in the 40s to introduce everybody to the box car children who may not be familiar with this atroval. relic of a society that should be condemned to hell and damned for all of time is this the orphaning of the children is eliminated as a direct event so that the story is less horrifying it's basically about four orphans who have been orphaned for some time when the revision joins them in the original they're graphically orphaned in the first 10 to 20 pages which as you know every child loves to read about before they go to bed yep their parents who married against their hard-hearted wealthy grandfather's wishes and are estranged from him have died and they're wandering from town to town hungry and cold one night they stop at a bakery to ask for food the baker offers to take them in but the kids are by the way run away from the baker because they overhear the baker talking about using them as labor that's that's why they run into the woods in the first place when they're there they find a box car

box car becomes their home eventually eventually realizing and I quote that they cannot live on water and blueberries they go into town not if you want to be the world's strongest man

that's true meanwhile their hard-hearted grandfather who it turns out is a steel baron who by the way they're homeless because he didn't approve of of his child's marriage to one of their parents

he introduces them and they find out that the cruel steel baron is actually a really good guy they go to live with him and at the end of the first book because they miss the box car he has it transported

to their backyard so they can visit it anytime they like you skipped over one important part I'm looking at the Wikipedia summary I assume that's what you're looking at as well I went by that as an outline and I still forgot something

I'm so impressive. There's a part in this where the, I think it's, yeah, the oldest, the oldest box car child goes into town and starts doing odd jobs for like the town doctor. And the town doctor is like, is like something seems weird here. So he follows the kid home and by home I mean to the box car, the abandoned box car. And after seeing this, again, this is a physician, sees children. living in an abandoned rail car and decides they're fine

I'll let him tell me about it when he wants I don't think he's wrong I think that like four children you think you think a doctor made the right decision when he saw four children living without an adult in a box car and said they're fine

yeah no no no because inevitably they were going to be a split up right because what makes you think that anybody in this story is moral enough to one not instantly use them as slave labor and two to go nah i only like two of them this one looks like a spaniard like everyone in this everyone except the kids in this story is a complete blithering idiot all of them every single one of them how does a grandfather completely completely loose track of his children. Well, I mean, it's the 40s. There's like, you know, there's no cell phones. Dude, you got to know what town they're in. He's like, oh, I don't know. They're just abstractions.

He's got a map. I know they had maps. I know they had telegrams. Couldn't he have just taken off his top hat, picked up the enormous ivory-handled phone and going with you telegram. He's a telegram every town. Yeah, hi, town. Have you seen four rando kids?

No? You didn't respond, so I don't know what to do now. Don't like sin police to the place where this telegram originated from asking why someone has lost track of children, because I'm just asking in, you know, a general way. In a fun way. Evidently, no one would have blinked. They would have been like orphans, which ones? We've got hundreds of them.

This is a time, I think that's also like part of it is this is a time when like orphan was just like a category of child out in the world you know you'd be like oh look there's some third graders and there's some look at those high schoolers and there's some orphans it's just like you know it's just like naming types

of flowers or vegetables or something give them cigarettes they'll love it yeah yeah everyone in this book is a terrible human all of them including the doctor who's only least terrible by going yeah they should probably just stay feral in a box car

I'll just get them something other than blueberries and water to eat. There's so many, now that I'm thinking about it, like, so many, so many stories about children require orphaning. Like, there's a real through line here of like, hey, if your parents are still alive, your life's going to be hell of boring. If you want to be, if you want to be little orphan Annie or the boxcar children or Batman, you better hope those parents kick the bucket. You want to do some cool shit. You better be an orphan. this is definitely a thing in like young adult literature it's like a common thing like the question of all right you're making a story how do you get rid of the parents and like by now everyone has tried every method right like the parents die on page one or the parents were in a shipwreck just off camera or you know yeah the parents are out of town for christmas um you know like every single method of offing the dad is like the town drunk right yeah they just write they just instantly write write him out by being like he's actually

that's the worst one because it's like he's actually engaged in a living death a fate more horrible than the big sleep itself you know but let's get a couple of good drunker jokes in while we can because things are dark in Missouri and the humor is pretty rough around here

yeah right right I think there's an entire there's the thing about where you have to put the adolescent or pre-adolescent on trial so that they could discover things about themselves and I know with the box cartel discovered they discovered that steel barons are your real friends and that small cottage industries aren't the ones who are supposed to use child labor no big safe factories run by

nice men i like this was this was also this was also the birth of glamping where the steel barons like oh i know we'll just bring the box car home and then we can have pretend camp out isn't it fun to pretend to be homeless orphans again i guarantee isn't this a fun game i'm gonna look this up right now converted box car house i guarantee you there's some video shot with a fucking drone yeah yeah that's some grand that's some grand design shit right there yeah this is also converted into stunning off-grid home actually yeah like this is also the 1920s the 1930s where i know two people died getting that rail car to the steel barons home right like one of tetanus and then one where they did something amazingly ignorant like well we were transporting it with a

of gasoline and a man smoked right next to it right thought it was water and the other two were not paid because he's like this box car you cracked this box car i'll take it out of your wages yeah you brought it to me missing one panel i'm going to dock you all four months wages because i'm a horrible person and that's how i became wealthy i will also say i take issue with like them adopting the box car like they're the box car children after this and there are more books they don't go back to living in the box car in the woods and it's sort of like it's it's it's a version of like we get it you went on study abroad and it was like an amazing month for your life but like you can't call yourself like castilian dave that doesn't make sense and you're not

you're from ohio stop it so in subsequent stories they like go back to the box car no no I think it becomes like kind of like an encyclopedia Brown type thing where they solve mysteries and shit. Minor mysteries that they solve things where the steel baron is like someone's been stealing a farthing a week out of the till and work. Someone's taking my

steal. Yeah someone's taking who's taking my steal? And they're like well it's this hungry starving single mother and it's like I'll have her clapped at irons. Thank you bars car children now I'll read to you about tariffs before you go to sleep exactly like volume eight of the boxcar children is like why we should clear these bonus babies off the white house lawn and stop their sponging off of good men like Herbert Hoover you know like that's there's just these wildly like that young man in Germany has some good ideas about a lot of country box car children is like really the many can become strong as one so long as we listen to the ones Screw the box car children, okay? Like, screw them.

This is just sad authoritarian literature that teaches children terrible lessons about survivalism. I'm glad we've canceled the box car children.