Shutdown Fullcast - The Edited Version - Week 8 Reviewed

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

I (Ryan) wasn't on this episode, and apparently my chucklehead cohosts screwed up the recording somehow and had to do the episode over again. HA! I AM NOT THE SOLE CAUSE OF PROBLEMS, JERKS. But I have no idea what they talked about on this so just go on faith, I guess. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. We're going to call this one a remix because we recorded a whole episode, F, F, F, F episode. And my track, solid. Holly's track, banging. Jason's track. Gone. Too dope for the streets.

Y'all don't deserve it. The last episode. Y'all don't deserve it. We have had obviously longtime listeners who are people with endurance ratings of 99 are aware that we have had all manner of audio difficulty during the 39,000 years of recording this

podcast. We have had entire episodes that just didn't get recorded. We've had an episode that was nothing but Ryan and I talking to an invisible moon man. Well, we just did the opposite. It was Holly and Spencer recording comedic genius with

dead air from me. And luckily we taught it so we can try and sort of summarize what happened. We can't even make a joke about how it was an improvement because you're the only good one on this podcast. Well, that's far fresh. It is not. But not the only great one. That's there.

There. So we're going to try. Why do we pretend that anyone but Jason is interesting on this show? We should make a, we should make a, a promo, then. The shutdown full cast. so anyway here is us trying to remember things we just said that this is what happens when we're actually i guess the funny thing is that this would have happened even if ryan had been here and yet ryan leaving creates chaos no you know what ryan not being here is disrespect and that allows me to pivot to our first

topic which is the rivalry this weekend played under a cloud a literal storm cloud of disrespect is lightning the most disrespectful of meteorological phenomenon probably because it's what's slowed down hail is God spitting sunflower seeds at you out of his tree stand dang but lightning's the damn fast lightning's like

whack fuck you lightning is like getting flicked on the ear by God but hail is just so repetitive I would you know either way they got both and that's why Michigan Michigan State is special it's also special because

only Michigan, Michigan State can have an entire scandal that really boils down to manners most teams, it's a fight right, like a potentially injurious fight breaking out between players who are already armored but Michigan, Michigan State

as you might guess from two such rugged teams of the Big Ten it's about your fee-fis and etiquette dang it because here's what happened C3 P-O-ass coach I mean

come on the number of times no I'm sorry if you're going to accuse a coach of standing there and smiling noted smiling enthusiast Mark Dantonio better be pretty far down on your list the scandal in short before the game there were

there was a brouhaha there was a tiff there were some that's that's generous it was just like some people were standing in one area and then someone else wanted to stand there someone else wanted to walk past this is all like

HOA dog park picky un penny annie shit and we are here for it yeah this is one of the things that makes this rivalry so delightful along with the occasional you know furniture arson and vandalism that goes with this Remember, Michigan fans, my favorite thing, you come down to our level for this. By R, I mean, us, the vulgar barbarians who, you know, do these kind of things.

On the reg for college football, only Michigan State makes you deface statues. Classical statues at that, right? And then make snarky comments on message boards like, Spartans lived at filth. How could it be a word for clean? Bear. Is this cat purring picking up on the mic? I hope so.

That would mean at least something is for once. This is the quiet cat is the deep irony. It's not the loud one. So in this game, before the game, there was, yes, some bumping. There was some kicking of a logo by Devin Bush. She's purring because cats love pettiness. That's right. And cats absolutely love Michigan, Michigan State.

because, you know, it's petty, extremely trifling this game. Before the game, this happened. Then Michigan went on to a 21-7 win where they ran the ball, played great defense, and it sort of felt like a soccer game. I didn't say this the first time around, but when they scored that third touchdown, I was like, 3-1, no way, East Lansing United's coming back from this. None.

Simple 3-1 game, they can protect that lead. Park the bus. ball they are setting stuff on fire in the crowd though that is that is the soccer thing that's happening oh my god this is really a soccer rivalry isn't it it kind of is i mean it's all about like um having the prettiest grass and damaging the other side's grass if they don't if they don't like their grass and sometimes slow negative styles of play martintonio hey listen we're just playing for pk's that's all we're doing Just trying to draw a red card, that's all.

So you had, after Michigan one, you had Jim Harbaugh calling Mark Dantonio Bush League, which is a very 1950s Big Ten insult for smiling while the Spartans walked, allegedly clotheslined a Wolverine, which is a little extreme, probably. It was more like a bump. And then you had Dantonia responding with, that's BS, which is equally 1915. 50s big 10. The guff of that fella. Come on, Antonio, cuss. Yeah, don't make us some quality old man cusses and call that man a bum. I drove my way all the way to East Lansing to sit here with this notepad and I'm not writing down an acronym. Say bullshit. Do it. Do it. Lay it out there like

you're coaching in the Big 12, all right? Like, we know you want to. It's not like we're encouraging, I don't know. I was trying to think of like a sweet, nice-tempered coach, but I don't Like, you know, it's not like we're encouraging Bill Snyder to call somebody a motherfucker, although I'm sure he has. You know, come on. Once, but he meant it. You want to cuss, Mark cuss. Yeah, that's BS.

Come on, man. That, that to me proves this rivalry strictly about etiquette. Because you didn't say bullshit. You didn't want to punch that man. That's why I mentioned you want to fight. Exactly. That's it. Harbaugh probably would have said bullshit.

he probably did i probably just cut it out i think harbaugh goes for like horse hockey the milk of profanities right at least that's a word he cares about to him it means a lot and that's what matters most i i think after the key is after the game you had um michigan fans who in victory prove themselves to be as ms paint zepruderie as they have been in defeat in the past um they broke out from every angle you can can fathom every piece of footage available to show that indeed Mark Bantonea was smiling as his boys walked instead of walking differently. Aha!

Got him! Got his ass! Now who's BS? Are they trying to say the spot was good? That was the last time I checked it with, like, the Michigan's Zepruder cult. They were saying the spot was bad, and this time they were seeing the spot on his face was bad. I do enjoy this little, like, sort of mock fight that happened in Michigan, Michigan State,

and we're like, oh, man, college football is so petty. And on the same night, Rajan, Rondo, and Chris Paul actually threw down the basketball arena floor, like with some proper punching and somebody flying in from nowhere. Melvin, like, Ingram all the way from Kingston, North Carolina. even has a wrestling like name and town it's beautiful anyway they won and that's not the most interesting thing that happened to the big ten no no no no no they're over there having an etiquette brawl you're talking about northwestern kind of loser records right about 1815 win for my northwestern wildcats sir as a medill grad i ask that you be factual

just wanted to mention no before we got to the to the main event. Yeah, no, no. The main event where, yeah, you know, you thought it was a nobody walking in the ring from Parts Unknown, the Purdue Boilermakers. Wes Lafayette, indistinguishable

from Parts Unknown. From Parts Unknown, the masked man. Purdue Pete, literally, the masked man, right, with the haunting eyes. Where does he come from? He's got a hammer. He's got a, no, he's, this is, this is checking out, man. He's got a,

big drum. Then Brutus the beefcake Buckeye rolling in. Fat and happy with that title belt and then, oh my God, King! Oh God, his big fat head stuck in the turnbuckle. Perdue Pete

bringing them hammers. Oh my God. Not even the edgy, close upset that you might have thought it should have been, say, in the second quarter, when did you know this was trouble, right? That's what I want to know. Like, when you were watching this, Jason, which you did like I did, when did you know that this

was authentic risk and danger for Ohio State? I think most people suspected coming in, just looking at the trajectories of the two teams, Ohio State can't play defense, Purdue very easily could have been undefeated coming in. And they do a lot of checking stuff on offense. and once they got a touchdown or two on the board, it seemed like the mood very quickly, you know, turned into like Purdue could do this for real, you know. Yeah, I knew it was ever when their quarterback was jawing with the defensive end after a scramble and he threw the ball away

when they were talking to each other. And I thought, what's an Ohio State defender doing talking to the quarterback at Purdue? Quarterbacks at Purdue are either Drew Breeze or they transfer it to the SEC. and sit on the bench in two years. That's what Purdue quarterbacks do. You shouldn't acknowledge them. The lion doth not speak to the sheep.

But that's what he did. And then I thought... You're referring, of course, to David Blow! Moutherfucking Blow! Ohio State can contain David Blow! Which is kind of an issue. Because there have been more than a few David Blows, although David Blow is the only quarterback

to put up serious numbers on Ohio. Ohio State this year, and also join the defense to celebrate a pick six, thus getting him an unsportsman-like penalty. But I insist if you're pulling unsportsman-like penalties and blowouts, good. It's a sign you're a great teammate, and that you're confident. Go right ahead. Yeah, I'm a Florida fan, obviously. Up by 27, punt the ball in the stands. Why? Because you can. kind of bad at a lot of stuff they can't run the ball they the only two teams they've run the ball successfully on all year were Oregon state and Rutgers the two worst teams in all the power five they can't play defense um they've given up what like how many teams have they given up

their best best yardage day all year it's it's several including minnesota which just got its ass waxed by nebraska on scott frost day best scott frost day ever yeah i mean there've been several but for Nebraska to finally win on Scott Frost Day it's momentous. It was a great Scott Frost Day but not for Ohio State no no no for Ohio State

keep in mind this is every team so far this year has had like their best game offensively versus Ohio State's defense right like this started early this joke this joke had legs and now it's got like

multiple legs It's a spider of a joke, is what we're saying. Because this deep into the season, I have to say, Ohio State's defense finally improved. Because this was not Purdue's best game. No, no, no, no, no. Purdue had more yardage against Illinois and Missouri. Those are your compatriots, Ohio State. More yardage and yards per play comparable to Missouri and Illinois.

Which, Missou, Illinois, sounds like the worst, like, Advocare Bowl ever. They have a basketball rivalry based around the St. Louis Arch, I believe. Which barely relates to either town. Our nation's most pointless landmark. It goes up, and then it comes back down. It looks like a terrible punt. Yeah, what can you see from up there? Missouri?

so glad we built that there's all the Missouri that's where we put it that's where we put it yeah so that's you slowed Purdue down a little bit Ohio State good job you can't defend a basic high school

trap running play sitting there cackling you're like they're running the play so simple I don't run it in NCAA 2014 on my old Xbox Jeff Brom with all his trickery he's got that Bobby Petrino

pro style offense and then he put all those trick plays into it like run two run two with the Jet Sweep fake no one's ever seen that unless they attended a high school game last week Greg Shiano

as we have been as we have mentioned several times over the past days week months years on this program, Greg Shiano, his output is, it's bad. He's getting paid a lot of money, and the product is bad. And I know there's a lot of justified, I mean, even before the season started, there's a lot of justified calls for Urban Meyer to make certain life changes, such as stop coaching Ohio State.

But Greg Shiano as well, that guy's got to be, uh, on the list of people who should consider doing something else with their life at this point I think yeah by the way money Greg shiana was paid to coach this defense 1.5 million dollars a year 49 points to Purdue 55 points to Iowa and we ain't done yet no no no they got to play Nebraska I'm dead serious because you know who's got you know who held Purdue to fewer yards than Ohio State and a better yards for play average and fewer points. Yeah, that would be Nebraska. Dear God.

That'd be Nebraska who finally figured a couple things out. I don't know. I'm not betting against improving teams, right? Because guess what an improving team did this past weekend? It buried the number two team in the nation. That's why I hate polls. Because, yeah, they were the number two team in the nation. they were six and no coming into this

I hate polls because I walk into them that's right like Ohio State walked right into them you know what Greg Shiana would do if you ran into a pole it would be like somebody needs to put that pole somewhere else because this is where I walk I think that's what Michigan State would do

no they would go the effrontery of this pole how dare this pole have the goal that's just BS I'm going to call my friend Gary at the bowling alley. We'll see if I could borrow his jackhammer. Come over here and give that pole of what for?

The subway architecture rivalry. As opposed to the subway rivalry, which is Purdue, Ohio State. It's probably where Ohio State had to eat because you know what's next to that stadium in West Lafayette? Not much, man. Yeah, they don't have a Papa John, so. Think about that. I want you to just put that on, let it wash over you, right? you lose at Purdue, you lead the stadium at Purdue,

famously described by Jim Harbaugh as having the x-ray machine from like the Spanish acquisition as its medical equipment in the visiting locker room. They literally cut you open to see if the bone's broken or not. Dr. Malvolio says you look great. They have like, they have a witch. They ask her if the bone is broken or not. You have a fever right here of the millial variety. I prescribe bleeding

Yeah, that's You leave West Lafayette And you walk out And you've just lost to Purdue And guess where you are You're at West Lafayette, Indiana At like 11.30 p.m. Your body hurts

The only place you can eat Is an American deli That's been open for 14 hours. Ugh. It's a bad spot is what I'm saying. It ain't good. By design. that was kind of the

that was like the story of Saturday I thought like there was you know the early games Michigan Michigan State was great and awful mostly great well mostly awful it was it was one of the two and then the middle slate was

eh other than like Butch Jones getting ironically Gatorade doused by Bama players that was good but the night was sort of a book in to the morning and the preceding night where Pullman Washington finally got college game day great moment amazing crowd um the flags everywhere game day hosts really it seemed like they couldn't

believe what they were seeing and then we go from that to Washington state gets the win best day in Pullman history Purdue gets the win best day in West Lafayette in decades it was it was like the small town the random small town uprising yeah like towns no one would ever really intentionally visit unless it was for a college football game yeah except for you know except for like a place like you know starkville where game day went before i would just like to point on game day went to starkville before they went to polman which is if you've been to starkville frankly amazing one last statistical nugget here on the yards per play tip I'm just going to list the five teams surrounding, maybe six.

We'll go six. The six teams that are in the same tier of yards per play. Yards per play, it's not a perfect step, but it's a good indicator of, you know, it's a strong indicator of what you're giving up defensively, right? Sure. I'm going to list the following teams. Pittsburgh, Texas Tech, New Mexico. Are they all better yards per play than Ohio State or worse?

Oh, God. Texas I note I said well Texas Tech okay at defense this year Pitt and New Mexico Jesus I guess I have to say better All three are better Good God almighty They are they are respectively 88 89th and 88 89th and tied for 89th Ohio State

$5 million per year Ohio State is 91st Do you want to know who is this this is the most damning thing the two teams that are immediately behind them all right and not by much I mean like one in one case one one hundredth of a yard and in another case three one hundredths of a yard basically the same okay statistically just an aberration that you could call them anything but the same all right uh Arkansas and Rutgers yeah Arkansas record yeah yeah yeah yeah well at least ohio state has played a super tough schedule as their fans told me for like the first month of the season since bama played a normal schedule and they thought theirs was super tough like they played oregon state they played ruckers three and four tCU indiana two lane those are all really good teams that oh i have states played right so that probably excuses that oh yeah yeah about that yeah like i said ride the lightning with me two weeks put some money on nebraska y'all to cover to cover

i don't know maybe to win hell let's see uh i'll talk myself into this mp plus would give you about 15 points on a neutral field yeah i think i think you can work with that what makes what makes anyone think they're going to stop it what Purdue Purdue was running up and down the field on you brother you lost you lost to you lost a Pete from parts unknown with the hammer he might just slide back into the middle of that match oh he's got herbie Husker pinned oh here comes the man from the raptors yeah yeah so yeah i don't sucks yeah and yeah myr's done i don't think there's i don't think there's any way that

recovers and i don't and i haven't thought there's any way that recovers because you know that's like that's a local stink first right like we have like a national picture in college football which is always kind of erratic and our attention is pulled away like you know that of an ADHD afflicted toddler, just looking left and right and going, ah, it's so much sugar, look at this. Talk about Michigan, Michigan State. Ah, don't look at Michigan for a couple of weeks. Go over here, look at this. We kind of forget the Ohio State.

Like, they got to live with that. The entire aftermath of that scandal, ugly as hell. People don't trust each other anymore. How can you, like, it's just not going to be the same. It's not going to be the same when you suspend your coach. Because typically, if you want to know what people in power and an institution or saying, just invert what they just said. Whenever Meyer said,

yeah, it's no distraction that I'm not there. Everyone's fine. Football program's just going to get back down to business. Guess what? That's not what they did. Because they just lost to Purdue. And they've looked shaky all season. And that matters.

It adds up. I just think organizationally, like, having difficulty replacing coaches, which has never happened to Urban Meyer before. Yeah And yeah His mentor was Lou Holtz Is there a pattern here

Because you know there's like Five or six people in the history of college football Who have ever had a consistent ability To maintain quality across multiple decades Long term If somebody's good for 10 years, that's crazy At one place At one place, that's astonishing

Whereas There's more than a few people who can just roll in And you know Set up the tent, have a hull of balloon, get out, before the cops come yeah the uh the holzmire model is sort of start a franchise and set a bomb off in it while you start another one elsewhere burn it for the insurance money yeah yeah the tampa model the tampa model holtsmeyer Tampa model yeah the Tampa two step yeah the Tampa two the Tampa two step one open franchise step two fake death burn name

that's uh that's what we're looking at here and that sets everything up perfectly for uh urban mire notre dame head coach 2021 great done should do that we didn't discuss wazoo we kind of did we said like four words no wazoo was awesome that game was great i actually watched that one more um closely than the ohio state thing at the time um because you've seen because you've seen that ohio state game already yeah like when they played iowa or when they play clumson you know just ohio state does that shit pretty frequently

yeah and they'll you know they'll probably you know bullshit their way excuse me bs their way into the play off and then play that game against alabama dear god will they play that game against Alabama. So I've seen that before. What I haven't seen is wazoo with an entire world looking down on it. Go up 27-0 in Oregon.

Greatest Day in Pullman history. And then, oh boy. Oh, boy. Here comes all that fireball. Gurgling his way back up. Oregon. Justin Herbert is slinging that pill Ducks got a chance to tie it up

And then Boot and Rally, buddy Boot and Rally, motherfucker. It's okay. Got a little Pedyelight and some pizza. I'm ready to go. Act two, buddy. Act two.

The Coogs did it, man. The Coogs and the Boiler Makers. Deadliest tag team there is. That's it. Remember, like, finding joy in the sport is about ignoring the painful end. Painful and obvious end.

That's going to happen to all of us when we face Alabama. Just ignore the Reaper. Focus on things like Wazoo. And Gardner Minchu, who really does look like Uncle Rico. Like he's got, like, right down to the headband, right? Right down to, yeah, I'm going to let you guys carry me off on your shoulders at the end of the game. Probably going to sit on your shoulders a little too long. You're probably tired of this.

I'm not. Gardner Minchoo! You don't get, listen, man, you don't get through things in life unless, you know, being named Gardner, unless you just go full bore at it. And they did. They managed to salvage a win where other teams truly would have coogged it. But instead, we installed the essential part of the software, right? Tribute to Paul Allen, attended Washington State. No, no, no. A new piece of code has been written, which is the drunkenness and collapse has always been there. But the boot and rally, the boot and rally is there for Wazoo this year. All right? For how long?

listener i do not know because predicting anything about the outcome of a washington state game there's a little heisenberg principle working here not really sure we can observe it without affecting the outcome but for the moment they they have that will they keep it probably not i just i don't know is that why nobody watches the pack 12 what because if you observe it you change the outcome um probably probably that and uh terrible TV deal. I think the terrible TV deal probably has a lot more to do with it than anything else. But yeah, that too.

The best thing here is that Mike Leach, who days prior had called out the PAC 12, were putting a VP of Business Whatever in the booth to make a crucial call against Washington State and in USC's favor. Again, the guy was in charge of business whatever. And if you're in charge of business, USC is good for you. Mike Leach, who made that accusation, is now the Pac-12's last playoff hope. The conference's entire fate is in that madman's hands. You're welcome.

This is great. Wazoo's remaining schedule. Could they win all of those games? Certainly. Could they lose any of them? Yeah. Yeah, that could happen. This is Wazoo.

I'm not here to tell you what's going to happen, right? Oh, so no reason why they couldn't. I don't see any reason why they couldn't. I also don't see any reason why they couldn't lose them all. Because reason is kind of irrelevant here. This is Washington State football. It could all blow up at any second. And if their biggest win, probably of the Mike Leach era, I think, in this case.

Because this is the kind of game where they would have collapsed, especially against a team like Oregon. But Justin Herbert, who's looked awesome this year. I know he's got two really, like, just painful losses on the record. arguably I don't know how either of them were really his fault when you look at them but man they would have lost this game

and they pulled it out that does not imply any kind of future correlation whatsoever right this is a different wazoo team we're seeing don't say that don't say not loud don't I said it in air quotes to make it invalid just because I don't want to interfere with the experiment let's see how it runs

also don't stand too close to it there's no telling when it could go off Yeah, Ryan's not here, but the air quotes, those are still legally binding. I do want to point out the Pactaw title game that's currently on course. Things can change quickly. Life's all about celebrating moments. But in this moment, Washington State versus Utah for a Rose Bowl bid, just let that marinate for a minute.

And then know that on the other side, we very well could see in the Big Ten title game. Half of that could be, well, I mean, honestly, it's probably going to be some combo of Iowa, northwestern, Purdue, you know, if Wisconsin were to stumble. So am I saying that a Purdue-Wazoo Rose Bowl could happen? A Utah-Iowa Rose Bowl could happen? Yeah, yeah, those are all on the table. Oh God, Rose Bowl is such a venerable old building. Be ashamed to watch it burn down like that, or would it?