Shutdown Fullcast - The Great 2022 Firing Futures Draft

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

Notes:  Spencer takes much more than two minutes to introduce everyone Tom Brady’s future as a single man in Tampa and how it involves Charles Barkley heckling him for sleeping on a box spring on the floor  Holly delivers a searing dissertation on the long and distinguished history of cheating in fishing tournaments  We draft the coaches most likely to be fired this year as an excuse to set up an elaborate Broadway joke  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I mean, a lot of shit will be different. That's, that part's fine. Like, Jason, do you want to listen to that voicemail about your butthole again? We don't have to. I welcome all talk about my butthole. There's a cold open server. Yeah. Just two lines.

Ryan, are you able to see the chat that was happening before you came in? No, no. Okay, good. That means that I get to be the one to show you the graphic ESPN put up for the baseball. I tweeted that you about it. Oh, never mind. Sorry. I'm there's a second one no Nolan Thomas has made a better one

fuck and I would like you to see it you're like you can't put like a force ghost filter on no come on they had so much time I like that they went with the six and the two. That's like Super Mario Brothers, the movie font. That's like Uneracer's font. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Bob Hoskins is spinning in his grave. Oh. Did you know Bob Hoskins didn't know that was a video game when he took the role? Shut up. No, I did not. There's like an interview with him somewhere where he's like, yeah, I took this role. And then I told my kids, they were like, yay.

the video game and he's like what what's all this now you know rat was due it's it seems like a nice man it's pretty it's pretty great that they're like you know you know what two things kids love bob hoskins and dennis hopper that's what kids want to say i've come back around and i've decided this is a pro berry bonds protest in graphic form this is what you get when you only hit 62 home runs. Yeah, this is only 62 worth of graphic design. Okay, here's the thing. I like that they watermarked it.

That's the funniest part. Don't steal this. The funniest part to me is, like, you know how, you know how this goes in big news? Do you know how many people had to sign off on this? This had to be made weeks ago. Yeah. Do you know how many people had to think this was okay?

I think, I think, what if, what if they just fucking forgot to make it? Oh, shit. Oh, God. Damn it. We got plenty of time. I think that this is what memes look like two weeks ago. Like we in our minds, PlayStation 2 video games were fucking incredible. You go look at them.

They look like ass, right? Movies from 1993 were like, oh, yeah, it looked really cool. You go look at you can't even, I can't even tell what I'm looking at, right? Like old sports highlights is like, am I blind? I can't see a thing. This is just what memes look like two weeks ago. This is how memes age. It's unfortunate.

I really want to I really want to underneath that comment does anyone need a quality logo I don't know if you've seen but like in your spam under every single tweet that gets more than like five

there's somebody who's like does anyone need a quality logo? Or the best one is someone trying to sell a shirt of the meme it's not their meme that's another kind of spam somebody also posted it and I didn't see this a couple weeks ago when so the the WMBA season was winding down and a couple of super famous like folks put around since the beginning of league retired and this is the graphic they put up then and I don't even know what they were going for there Jesus Christ is it supposed to convey them like echoing through the arena like

Sylvia. This is, this is fucking rough. Are they ghosts? I don't know. They're retiring, so they're dead? All of these, this one and the Aaron Judge one, they look like unlicensed Super Nintendo video game covers.

Oh my God, that's it. They finally fired the one person in the newsroom who had the Getty login. Yes. Yes. And now all there. Mom, why did you buy me Sue Bird cart racing? God damn it. This reply, spot the difference, and it's straight up just like their names written in like

1998 PowerPoint. All right. Sorry, this is all I want to talk about now, but it's okay. I'll get over it. I just keep seeing, like, okay, if you had a Tatino's pizza deal that was celebrating this home run, this would be the thing that they put on the paper label that goes inside the pizza, this is what would be on there. I have seen

NFT. Not even the box. No, just on the paper insert. Just like the paper insert that's inside the plastic. This is what would be on there. I have seen I've seen apes more compelling. This is this is the sticker you get in like a particularly

shitty box of Cracker Jack. Yeah. God damn it. Oh, God. It looks like what was the 90s baseball card brand Pacific? Yes. The one that didn't have gum. most of them stopped having gum around like 90 I think

but Pacific was just like ass shit garbage What was I chewing? Oh was that the one that had like today's equivalent of Wikipedia photos On the cards That's that's a pretty good It's like trapper keeper Wikipedia basically How ugly are these?

How ugly are these Pacific? Oh these are dog shit Oh these are incredible we just switched places these are absolutely fucking awful and all their replies to the original tweet are like good stop interrupting my game now their football cards on the other hand

are amazing because they're all like super spangly and glittery yeah this looks like here's Bill Robinooski and Lisa Frank this needs like tear drop shaped rhinestones around the edge one of the first ones in the image search. The third result is

Scott Case, Atlanta Falcon's safety. Oh, yeah. Looking like white trash dirt bag with Spangles. Oh, Betty just saw the graphic. Oh, my God. These are these are

brand. They are phenomenal. Oh, a Brett Far Farfalkins card. Wow. There was action-packed. Remember those? Yes.

I don't, yeah. There were three-dimensional cards. They were like tiny bricks. And you could like feel the bumps of like Mark Carrier's butt, I guess. It's Dan Marino's bulge. Feel that. That's the championship bulge. It's not.

It's an AMC championship bulge. It's 5,000 useless yards. World's card bulge at best. or 85. Let's be honest. Welcome. The shutdown full cat. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall and I am about to introduce everyone in this podcast in under two minutes.

That's how long it's going to take and no one is going to distract me. I'm going to start furthest away from my location with Ryan Nanny joining us live from Music City, Tennessee. Ryan, how are we doing? Didn't have a biscuit. I didn't ask you, you'll notice. Do you even care anymore? He doesn't care and I can tell you why. Please.

Because someone on the internet has found a more annoying response to him than the biscuit and keep sending it to him. Spencer, would you like to tell us about it? No, because I have two minutes to introduce everybody. It's the biscuit song. I'm not entirely no selling it. We're going to come back to it.

Spencer, the biscuit song. Do not send me the fucking biscuit song again. Now you know how the rest of us feel. Don't send me the goddamn Biscuits off. It would be a real shame if you can all go straight to hell. Spencer has a hundred and six. Don't even wait for it to get to your floor. Open the doors and jump head first.

Richard. Richard, have them play the biscuits. But can't get the rights to it. ESPN can't get the rights. Try. For the people probably owns it. People don't know. Prince wrote.

the Biscuit song in his estate won't release it. The voice you hear egging on the Hellions who will be in my mention sharing this creepy lady singing the creepy song is Jason Kurt. Jason, how are we doing? I don't think Jason was egging you on. I don't think Jason's a creepy lady. If anything, I think I was egging it on. Anyway, sorry, Jason.

Spencer, would you rather people bombard you with the biscuit song or with the, what was it, the Battle of Nouveau? I forgot about that. The battle of his room because I laughed thinking about. That's like Ryan's finest moment. Why did we ever stop doing that? This was,

folks, this was Ryan used to Rick Roll Spencer with the Battle of New in our ancient company campfire. Yes. I think with the roots of it. Well, it started because Spencer

Rick rolled himself. Yes. I accidentally putting it in articles where he went to put a football videos. And then it became a thing where at the same time. came a thing where, when editing Spencer, you would then add in the battle of the boo. Oh, Spencer, let me take this out for you.

Was this before or after, is this Trina? The closest I have come to action. That was around the same time. Is this Trina was campfire era, right? The closest I've come to actually. I did not know who Beyonce is. The closest I've come to actually grabbing the nearest hammer and braining myself with it was when Ryan did that for a third time after I'd already corrected it twice.

And he put it in the third time and I was like, I'm going to kill myself. I'm a really good co-worker. I did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. This was peak like I'm trying to do too much era. And Ryan put it in a third time. And I was like, nope, that's it.

Give me a piece. Give me a stick of dynamite and I will happily bite down on it right now. So what we need is the Battle of Naboo set to the Biscuits. Yes. Oh, man. We need Yubnobnob Stop Watch is running. I am over two minutes at this point. However, I'm fine with that.

baby boy that's right the timer in this question in this case is holly anderson holly what's up sluts you can't say that stephen godfrey's not in this room can't say that sorry that was a joke stephen godfrey is allowed to say sluts he's uh modeling bret be lemma his family's a louisiana woman and a mississippi man rip one-on-one loretta lynn this is one of the first things we spoke into existence without knowing we were going to speak it into existence was talking about hey, what if Brett Belema coached in the SEC

and how he would enter SEC Media Days with a case of beast on each shoulder walking in me like soaps lots and that's pretty much exactly what happened. That's not any weirder than Brett Beal in the fielding in Illinois team that has an offense that I like watching. Yeah, or beating

the crap out of Wisconsin so badly they fired their coach which I know. Yes, scripted perfectly. yes, oh, the irony, that it flew this low under the radar probably says, yeah, you probably should have fired Paul Christ. If we just like, well, that's just the way things are now. Wait, flew under what radar?

What radar are you talking about? This is like all anybody has been talking about for two days on college football. No, not the firing, but the defeat that it was that bad and that's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the firing to be still a bit surprising, but then you go, hey, if you lose Illinois and people don't even really kind of like shrug that much, that's a sign. things have gone bad. Paul Chris Wisconsin had definitely like brought itself off of the cultural map where it was like unless they were having a like, uh-oh, Wisconsin's 10 and no season. Once they hit loss number two, you could just hit the eject like you didn't have to bother. You really didn't.

They were stuck in the fast food death spiral where you go, well, the burgers, fries and shakes are pretty good. And then a couple of years later, it's like, well, you know, I might not do the fries, but the burgers and shakes are still solid. And then like five years later, you're like, their condiments really aren't rancid you could probably go get a decent packet of i also like this because this means that and this is true based on the wisconsin offense of the last couple years they were never fucking with the menu they were never they weren't the fast food restaurant those like i don't know we do mexican breakfast now maybe is that a thing they're not taco bell no i i think spencer the decline of a establishment there it's

sort of like if they went from culvers to kfc yeah splits on duo Thank you, patrons. Please introduce our producer, though, Spencer. Michael Ray Serber. Clock's still running. Who's had a fucking day? He has had a day. Because what you should know is that before...

That is eight minutes for those of you who work. High. That's a tight eight. That's a Navy. That's a Navy drive. It's better than last week. Yeah, but you set expectations too high by calling... Here's...

Someone has to set the bar, Jason. Here's the fuck here. set the bar. If you don't hit it, like on the floor. Let's bring the audience behind the curtain for a second here. This is the second time we are recording this episode. And by this episode, we mean the whole thing. For reasons, we will let Sir Burr explain in a second. But part of why Spencer started this episode so cocky about, oh, I'll get through this

intro, is that the first time we recorded this, he did get through the intro, and he did probably do it within two minutes, but there's no historical record of that. The first time he said he was going to do it in three. did and he hit it yes and i said to and went right but then he decided to go to all of us into not yelling over him which like have you even listened to this show you know what really set me way over that three-minute limit was the fucking naboo thank you it was the no boo video and the last time the last time we did this it's called psychological warfare the last time we did this jason tried to go the other

way and get you talking about something you like by asking you to name steely did your five favorite steely dan i brought up the American sniper workout. We tried to do this the easy way. Steely Dan albums proved too close to the front of Spencer's brain. It just went like, blah, blah,

we almost got him on five. Five took him a few seconds. Yeah, it's press a logic. You sure about that? Yeah, it's the fifth best one. That's the second time he said that today. So,

server, can you explain what, to the best of your ability, can you explain what happened earlier today? Mostly because if you don't, everybody's going to say it was Ryan's fault. Which might be true. We were,

Funny you mentioned Ryan, we were about three minutes away from Ryan's out time, of which we had to be done because he was leaving. And all of a sudden, the page in which I was recording the episode with the platform that we use, it's my Google Chrome just said, oh, snap. With that sad little, with the sad folder thing. The sad folder face. Oh, my B. Hold on, I got to turn into an Apple computer from 1994 real quick. A California rapper works at Google. Which was not,

which wasn't helpful. It wasn't helpful at all. I tried the back button. I tried the refresh button, but everything was gone. Everything. And it was. I think the California rapper to blame for this is corrupt. They don't give a fuck. Yeah.

So this is the second time in about three months that we have lost an entire episode through a version of a technical glitch that has never happened to any of us. Really? Yeah. I was, we've lost another entire episode, but I thought this had never happened. We've lost it. It's the one where you weren't here. It's the one where we were all at my house and then you were in Nashville and we thought, but even that, even that server was able to salvage

enough, but this is the, this is the first time I can remember the, ever, ever, let me, let me, let me rephrase this slightly there have been other times where we have done the show and one or more tracks have failed to record famously the one where it's just spencer talking to himself right right which i thought was great and i appreciate that y'all put that out of me the garfield without garfield the podcast but this is the first i don't think we've ever gone back and redone an episode i think we have either said when have we done that we have uh we did it once when my track didn't record we just started over um i'm pretty there's probably a week in there we just said ah fuck it yes time because we're like that this is our job fuck that feels that it feels that it feels like we either

said yeah nothing up but now this is my job so that's right yeah have you better if we recover the original file can we like put it out for charity as an alternate track at the same time director's cut yeah i think so i think we have to cast after after dark mark email me back you son of a bitch bullcast way is just to layer those vocals so wait you Welcome to the event horizon. Wait, finally. Serber, you told me that the support guy

like knew the length of the recording. So there's something in there. There's something out there. Yeah, this is cursed. Don't do it. Yeah, he goes,

he goes, and you recorded this today, correct? And just to confirm, the recording length was around two hours and 52 minutes, which I was like, no,

it was around an hour and 52 minutes. I said, this was not hand in the dirt. So, So what's on that, what's on that hour? The screams of hell. The screams of hell, Spencer. There's something.

It's, it's in the ether. It's just Mike Felder saying we're going to get out of here. That's what hell is. Hell is your trap there. And Felder every 20 minutes is like, all right, your, your time is about done here. We're just, oh, wait, one more thing. Well, one more thing. Sounds perfectly fine.

One more thing. We've been there 10,000 years. There'll be no less days. Mike Felder to tell us we are about to leave. I mean, don't we all end up ultimately with our hands in the dirt? Damn. Wow. Not me. I'm going to get cremated and scattered.

And where is your scattering is going to go? In the dirt, right? Space. Space. Space. Space. Guess where that ends up. Yeah. You're an asteroid. Probably just float.

Space trash. What about when the universe eventually contracts down in the big crunch and you become reabsorbed into the dirt and stuff. What then, tough guy? Hey, speaking of space debris, uh, returning to Earth, let's talk about Tampa. That's, you know, I knew something was wrong when he came out and said he had a lot of shit going on and his hair line has kind of wandered over.

Oh, that'd be Tom Brady. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Tom Brady when he said, you know, I'm 45. I got a lot of shit going on. And you look like the guy who throws Bell's dad in the asylum and the cartoon beauty and the beast. It was the hair. The hair was really a car. for help. Sheath bones, man. The filler. No, that's the opposite of filler. Like, he looked like he'd been contoured.

He looked like he'd deflated. Yeah. Like, he looked like everything for his cheek, which was like, yeah. It looked like he'd eaten a strawberry. He looked like, he looked like he'd been used as filler.

Someone squeezed Tom. Someone's just putting Tom Brady in a tube. Someone decorated a cake with Tom Brady. Don't count out. To to talk. Wait, to be 12. Was, was the presence of Rob Gronkowski, the thing holding Tom Brady's marriage together? Because he's not, he's not playing this year.

Marriage counselor. I feel like, I feel like, gronk was the one who was like, bro, you got, you got to have open communication. Bro, we got to talk about emotional labor. Not all labor is just stuff you do. Sometimes it's stuff you think of. Dog, dog, dog. You're actually like there's only one way to. present as masculine yeah bro i feel like

bronc here here to tell you about love languages they're all different we all have different ones my love language is beer tom what's you're a negro mine's all of them i thought it was about buds it turns out it's not grok's love advice is just like hey did you call your wife today she's cool i like to talk to her and brady's like all right fuck i'm married i better yes every day gronk walks in and he's like oh you're married to a fucking model that's so fucking cool

she's not just a model she's a superhero that's fucking awesome did you talk to her today oh god damn I have to talk to her today Tom I'm an ENFP and that means peg and angeloon football

football and penis yeah that's it that's my life I mean my penis but you know I mean that's cool if it's your thing wait what do you mean it's not ENFB. QB1. Mercury's in retrograde. You know what that means. He's so close to becoming. QB1, a relationship has two, my

man. I just want you to know that woman lived in Boston all that time. Boston. I'd be so goddamn angry if I was her Boston. Years and years in Boston. It's fine. It's cool. It's going well. Two years and he's like, we got to stay in Tampa longer. And it's like reject. And the whole time. I was Bridget Moina Hanna, very pleasant evening. Bridget, come on the full cast. Talk your shit.

We've never seen Blue Bloods. I think she was on Blue Bloods. Why is that what through everybody? Yeah, he's so close to being a dude who's going to be like into even sketchier stuff than he is now. All right. I tried to say this earlier and it came out right, wrong. So let's see if I can do a more delicate version of the way I said this earlier. I'm trying.

I'm trying and I tried earlier. Okay. Here we go. I'm just not going to say it. No, I stand by the sentiment. Which we need to know what the sentiment is. I think that Tom Brady might be happiest if he stayed on the football field until he died.

A la, Joe Paterno, and Bear Bryant, you know, they, we, we hear talk about like, oh, these guys, you know, when they leave football, they've got nothing left. I've never seen anybody who. has less outside of this game and his weird jammies than this guy, he should absolutely stay in the game. Do the LeBron thing. Get on a team with your kids. Go nuts. Because can you imagine him trying to like be a dad at a pool party with Normies? No. No. And I think like for years people have been like, wow, it's it's fucking crazy that Tom Brady has made it this far. And is this old and is still this productive because, you know, when you look back at other, like, Vinnie Tessaverdi played when he was about this age.

Vinnie Testerverdy didn't play that well when he was this age, and he didn't look back good either. Vin Tessi Verdi did look like he should be a dad at a pool party. But now we know the answer. Tom Brady was probably just a terrible husband the whole time. All of the points that married people put into their marriage, all of the skill points they put into that tree, Tom Brady was like, nah, babe. got to go to football. All of these

got to go to football and stealth. A few into stealth. None into charisma. Not into charisma. None into listening. None into helping with the groceries. None of that. Diapers. What are those?

I did consider that. Do you think Tom Brady's ever changed the diaper? No. No. No. He doesn't touch. He doesn't even touch cucumbers. It's like a cat who's afraid of cucumbers. I like the I do want to see him jump up on all four letters

The crazy is the most fucked up part here is the person that he's like assigned all this to is like more famous and successful and like everything than him Probably richer She's had a longer career She left tens of millions of dollars To raise his children

Like what the fuck Man if she ends up having to pay this bum Yeah I said it He's a bum Yeah she's the fucking bum He's a fecking bum. I'm sorry, I can't stop thinking about the notion of, like, he's asleep on one side of a huge palatial bed, and you just leave, like, a child's lunchbox on the duvet next to him. And he wakes up, and his whole body just hits the canopy, like the little girl in the ring.

What do we put in it? What is the most? I feel it with TB12 protein powder. What is the most divorced dad franchise that Tom Brady could go play for? Tampa Mike is it not? No, he's playing for them. Okay. Oh, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, the Raiders of Los Vegas. I stand fucking corrected. Damn. Because Derek Carr is not divorced at all. So he needs to move somewhere else. He's like, he's up there with Russell Wilson among the least divorced quarterbacks. Derek, Derek Carr has very strong disappointing Carolina quarterback vibes.

Like, just add him to the list. Eventually. Yeah. He thinks that mean the same thing. Yeah. Also, to be clear, as we discussed earlier, Russell Wilson is somehow a wife guy and big divorced energy at the same time. Yeah, that's the one specter of divorced dad that I don't actually want to see.

That's Russell Wilson getting another divorce is like opening up the seventh seal. No one will mention this and this will be a source of the diversity for him to overcome over the next season. There will be only one public address of Tom Brady's personal life. And it will be when he does the next golf tournament in the off season, the event where it's like him and Aaron Rogers and the Tahoe thing. Yeah. No, no, it's the special thing. where they have the miced up, right? Yes, like, let's, let's see these big boys talk trash on the golf course.

Right. And they do some like gentle ribbing. And then they go, hey, isn't Charles in the studio? And he's going to be like, hey, you missed that fairway like you missed your wife. That's what he's going to do, right? Aaron Rogers in the back room going, you know, we're really just normal guys as he vapes, hazel nut squash. Striping off the ride and snorting it. Yeah, ground up mastodon bones.

It's really going to hit Tom. Nothing is more from the earth than mastodons. She's paying you, Tom, right? You pull that off. You pull that off, kid. How are you hurting his teeth so hard that you could actually see tiny fragments of shooting out. Hanging out with Aaron Rogers is really good.

Hanging out with Aaron Rogers is really going to hit home for Tom Brady what it means to be a single man without a family. He's like, oh my God. This is who I am now. I had it so good. Does Aaron take him on as a pupil? And he's like, have you met Shailene? Have you ever thought about eating diet to Mesh as part of it?

It's like, Tom, come on. I also have an unusual diet, Tom. Okay. I would like to show you some of my favorite kung fu films, Tom. All right. I'm going to bridge this. I'm going to bridge this. What if gronk tags along and we get Earth Brank?

Oh, man. like the thing that's a gore on testic for that's a gore on is what that is yeah don't lie tom i know you've got that mattress on the floor i was googling it and it turns out that toothpaste has a diet tomatian's earth is one of an active ingredient so i just squirted a whole thing in colding it in my mouth i'm doing fine right there aren't there wrong take tom brady do ikea help him get fer and go there ain't a tomato or a coaster in that house not one that's what that's what i'm waiting for I'm waiting for Barclay to get on an open bike. God,

Tom Brady, put a fitted sheet on the bed challenge. Dude, it's really lived like this. Tom Brady with a milk crate and an Xbox on top of shit. Tom Brady finding love in the Rape MySpace community on Reddy. He's like, hey,

you guys are all right. Finally I found the community for me. You know what? I'm going to call that bunker toss salad and scrambled eggs because they're calling again, Tom. what you eating that's deep yeah

this is a really good Charles and I'm not going to stop you from doing it yeah this is you know he's going to do this too yeah and it's going to be the funniest thing

you've ever heard yes it is it's going to be it's going to be it's going to be like oh god damn we're so divorced

divorce divorce steaser tiger woods rising this chariot john daily descends from them hey boys

hey don't go that way no that option no no the final boss is larry king i'm dead and loving it so tom is in a vulnerable state right so he's the one who's being taken on the path you know rogers is obviously rogers is obviously going to have diet covered woods is going to cover exercise he's going to take them both in navy seals camp with him yeah when it comes back around to be his like you You know, whenever, when Tiger's next, next fiasco hits, and it's now Tom's turn to be one of the supporting legs of the triangle, what does he bring to the group with diet and exercise already covered? Skin care, maybe.

Okay. Like skeletalitory skin care. Mm-hmm. Bone care, I think is one of it is. Bone care. Okay. Yeah. Osteo health. Yes.

Okay. Crypto bone care. Oh, God. Never mind. Never mind. You're right. He's their financial planner. Oh, yeah.

I was trying to make a point about how without diet and exercise, he is nothing, but I forgot cryptocurrency, which will totally still be a thing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Just like his marriage. Weird diet, weird exercise, weird alternative currency. Yeah, that's a divorce dad triforce right there. We're off to fight cannon.

Yeah, I love this RPG party we've built. Do we have a healer? Ah, well. Rob's like, I'm a paler. They all, yeah, they're like, who's the, who's the damage tank? Not it, not it, not it. Aaron Rogers is the healer. He's not good at it, but he is the healer.

I think they all think they're the damage sorcerer. That's right. You know, like they're all, yeah, I stand back. I do cool shit and I, I, I'm the one. What's your character class? I'm John Wick. I got a gun that shoots magic. It shoots, it shoots facts.

It's the for the liberals don't know what they are. What drives you know? You want to let it keep bleeding because that's the toxins leaving your body. Just place this coin. over the wound and press. Yeah, a cold spoon put in the middle of this acorn squash will heal it all. It will as long as you put it out. That's the trick for keeping champagne carbonated.

You can't fool me. Oh, yeah, it is actually. Okay. That's a kind of healing. Listen. Yeah, for a recently divorced dad, that's going to be healing. That's all the healing. What is what do recently divorced dad's drink?

it feels like champagne canned champagne that sounds pretty fucking that sounds like early covid for me it was all like canned wine and prestige television uh for tom it's going to be some sort of celebrity tequila that's going to be because the rocks okay time out the rocks yeah tequila i regret to inform the group that i have had both the rocks tequila and george cluny's tequila within the last like several weeks or so who you got both they're both they're both good That's the thing. They're both surprisingly like, I would, I'm not enough of a tequila connoisseur to call them excellent, but I don't really normally like tequila and I like both of these. Maybe that makes them terrible tequila. I don't know. I would give the edge to clunes. Wow. But both surprisingly drinkable products. Again, this means me, this brings me no pleasure unless they want to sponsor us. But no, I've had both of them and I was pleasantly surprised. Please tilt the camera down so that we can all see that Betty has joined. Mom, what do you drink it?

Because I bet you're real thirsty. Who does... Sitting up alone in that house in Tampa. Who does he rebound with? What celebs are in Tampa? Oh, God, I see the problem. I think it's probably whoever DiCaprio just dumped. Dave.

Boat show models. Dave Batista is going to hang out with him. No, don't do that to Batista. Batista and Gronk! There we go. And Grong. Give me what I want. And somebody will get hurt.

When you Google, when you Google Tampa celebrities. Tom Brady. The people you get, the people you get include Hulk and Brooke Hogan, Dave Batista, Channing Tatum, Gallagher. Channing Tatum lives in Tampa or? I think Channing Tatum is from. That was part of the Magic Mike Mythos, yeah. Gallagher, Aaron Carter, and Sarah Paulson.

Sarah Paulson is a God. What the, all right. Good for her. and Ryan Nanny Yep And Ryan I think this is your job buddy Sarah Paulson a great model for finding

Your one true love later in life Maybe Tom could learn from her And Kia Oh wait the CEO of Spanx is from Tampa Yeah that's it's Sarah Blakely she was on billions Yeah yeah yeah yeah she was born in Clearwater She's rich

I don't know if she's married or not But yeah Wait she's born in Clearwater Is she Scientologist She went to Florida State So maybe A hundred percent A hundred percent going to be this late

yeah all right I'm really impressed by her business sense folks speaking you're impressed for her dollars and cents because you need them because you need them you broke boy I've been there my account to kill himself thinking about that how long has it been since you've done Scottish Charles Berkeley

the best part is I'm only changing you know you're going to have to run into him eventually again and you know somebody will Who's got us Charles Barkley for me? Yeah. Yeah. You never, hey, this has worked out for us before.

If you're fairly new to the show, Jason does such a good Wright Thompson impression that Wright Thompson himself once had Jason do his outgoing voicemail greeting. That's true. This, this Charles Barkley impersonation is maybe the nicest thing we've said about Auburn in like three years. The best part is I'm just changing actual quotes that Charles Barkley said by like one word. I had a terrible specter flash in front of my eyes just now. you think it's Charles Barkley and Bruce Pearl talk like yes yes oh yeah no they get along fabulously give it to you explain explain this APEC yeah trams yeah zan I thought he was in the league I guess I am Zionist because I really wanted to do well I want good things to happen

Bruce is like I'm putting you on my email list yeah what's email now okay sorry I don't do a Charles but I love him respect you Charles yeah how are those women how are those women over there are they as big as the ones of San Antonio every like 99 other people get

absolutely shillacked and pilloried for this Charles Barkley does that every single goddamn season of people are like oh Charles San Antonio got a wailing wall but it's with a W.H. Well Come on now, Charles.

Come on now. Fishing. Yes. That's even better than the one. We've had a number of you ask us to weigh in on accidental fish tournament pun on the viral video that circulated over the weekend involving a fight at a way in at a fishing tournament. It took us a while to come up with a response because. This falls to me as the designated fish correspondent slash Hilljack. And I was puzzled that this made news for several reasons.

First of all, the story, if you want to, it has made it all. My mother heard about this on NPR. It has made it to the Holy Halls of the New York Times. Not the first time the New York Times has covered a fish tournament scandal, but we will get back to that. The original story, I believe, is from the Toledo Blade, which is very smartly paywalled this story by the time you hear this. But there was a walleye tournament at Lake Erie, and the gentleman who won, who I believe also won the previous year, were found to have inserted lead weights and fillets of other fish inside their winning fish and were caught this.

I was confused for like 24 hours as to why this went viral because I, oh, hello, thank you. Oh shit We decided we were going to drink If we were going to do a show all over again I already forgot where I was Because I got champagne bubbles in my nose You weren't sure why it worked fine Okay I everybody hates the why is this news guy

This might have been the first genuine Why is this news moment of my life Because I cannot remember a time in my life When as a lake raised hilljack I did not know how to cheat in a fishing tournament If you open up your grandpa's tackle box you'll see a whole bunch of little lead balls those are called sinkers you put them you affix them to the line they help your bait uh sink down into the water and uh hang out near the

bottom where the fish are and they also serve as super handy cheating devices this is a really basic way to cheat in a fishing tournament um the weights in this fish were somewhat larger uh if if they uh and and the fillets were surrounding them in theory so is not to distend the body of the fish quite so obviously they still got caught because an experienced judge who looks at hundreds and hundreds of fish a day is going to be able to eyeball it at some point, right? He's going to be able to look at this fish and say, oh, it's like a five-pounder. And if it shows up as eight, you're going to invite scrutiny. So ultimately, I think this took off because there's video, there's a man at a funny voice going, we have weights in fish,

and there's a scuffle. So I'm going to take you guys through a little bit. bit of how to cheat in a fishing tournament and why you're going to get caught. Ryan, you had a question earlier. Do we want to go through that again? No, no, let's proceed with how to cheat and I'll interject if I feel the urge. All right, so here's what you need to know. First off, this is a really stupid way to cheat. It's the weights were, if you're going to cheat like this, you need to go incremental.

These were experienced fishermen. who I think got a little bit out of their skis out over their skis and it produced because this is a a really stupid way to cheat this produced a lot of questions like why do they cheat which is first of all kind of like asking why athletes dope because you might not get caught or maybe you're addicted to the thrill of cheating but this was kind of a bad example of how to get caught cheating in a fishing tournament because they did just about the dumbest thing you can do uh the the best way to get into this is to explain it in terms of spectrum. There's a big spectrum of ways to cheat in a fishing tournament.

There are tournaments where, for example, you can't bring in a fish longer than 16 inches in certain tournaments in Texas. So sneaky anglers will trim the fins on the tail of the fish like they're trying to be allowed to take it as a carry-on luggage item on a flight to make sure it fits within the 16-inch margins. You can catch fish ahead of time off-site, and you can hide them. They've been found hidden in cages underneath the water, like where you'd put a lobster pot. They have been hidden in buckets in sheds on riverbanks.

I know there have been at least a couple where, you know, abandoned oil barrels were artfully staged, like in kind of an industrial river town. They were full of fish that had been bought off of a game fisherman. Buying fish from other fishermen who aren't competing is another common way of doing it. But weights aren't the only thing that you can put inside a fish to increase its weight. Filets of other fish is kind of a fun, sneaky, festive way of doing it. Ice is common because it melts down into water, although that's a pretty easy way to get caught because biologically fish don't hold a lot of water inside their stomach cavities. So if you pick a fish up by the tail and a whole bunch of water pours out, you're in trouble.

Even something as simple as, you know, say a tournament is, okay, we're going to fish from here to here on this river and you go a couple miles further, you know, you sneak past the boundaries and go a couple miles further downstream and get all the fish in that one cove to yourself. So there's, there's dumb ways, there's smart ways. It's, it's a spectrum. Another thing there's a spectrum of is tournaments. This was probably the most puzzling part of the story to me because this is no disrespect to the fine folks at Lake Erie, but it's not like this was, it's not like this was the world championships this was like uh this was a dumb method of cheating at a at a you know a regional tournament that blew up because there was a funny video

is this like is this the equivalent of like hey our local golf club is having its annual tournament and i'm cheating at that yeah okay yeah or or like it's you know if if your local golf tournament drew like not just people from the town but like people from the region because like lake erie is it Lake Erie is a big spot. Sure. Right. But, you know, this wasn't going to be televised. There are, there are, you know, there are the Bass Master classics that you see, you know, on ESPN. ESPN outdoors used to devote a huge amount of coverage to all this.

There are NCAA level collegiate tournaments. If you want a good time, go look up LSU. Yep. It's the best Oklahoma State logo. Go look up LSUs, bass fishing jerseys. Go look up Louisiana Lafayette's bass fishing jerseys. There are state-run tournaments, there are club-run tournaments, there are specific marinas have their own tournaments, municipal parks departments have their own tournaments.

The thing that was funny about this is that this is a method of cheating that I think you probably would have seen most commonly at what's called a wildcat tournament. And these are, wildcat tournaments are the pickup basketball games of fishing. Like there's no way to count them. They happen every day all over the country. I'm sure they happen in other countries without record. It's where I grew up, the way you throw a wildcat tournament is, you know, it's six guys with your boats meeting on a Thursday afternoon at the pier. And everybody throws $20 in a pot and you go out for three hours and whoever comes back with the biggest fish gets all the money in the hat.

after which here's a key a lot of wildcat tournaments and a lot of these smaller level and medium level tournaments are catch and release so there's no evidence left behind in a lot of these places because you're putting the fish right back in the water I would like to briefly note that as of this recording

Auburn is number seven in the collegiate bass championship rankings and Bama is number 40 oh that ain't fit oh no Alabama, we thought she was rich.

Yep. Penn State, number 28. Purdue number 29. Bama, what fuck are you doing? Purdue does have an excellent tradition of fishing. Number one is a school in Adrian, Michigan called Adrian College. Dude, I bet that's awesome. Yeah.

Like, as an experience, I bet that's fantastic. Yeah. This is where the region for the region for fishing schools is less of a coast to coast left to right and more of like a vertically up and down middle third of the country chunk right right right like you've got the big sport fishermen in Florida Louisiana Texas

but then don't count out them great lakes I'm clapping like a coach while I say this so another thing another part of the story that is a spectrum is the array of judging practice also varies wildly you might have two guys at a folding table at the dock

who have like a kitchen scale, a digital kitchen scale. It might not even be like a fairly accurate scale. It might be all the way up to forensic analysis of the fish that has been caught. And we will get, we will come back to that in a second. One thing that has become actually super common at smaller and mid-level tournaments, not like Wildcat tournaments, but more official tournaments, which is hilarious to me because it has been, as it has come into and then gone out of fashion and law enforcement what is currently super common in fishing tournaments as a judging method is polygraphs like you have to sign when you sign your agreements like if you sign up for

this fishing tournament you have to sign a statement that says you will submit to a polygraph after the end of this um Ryan are polygraph still admissible as evidence like anywhere or they just like frowned upon I think I think it varies wildly I think they are maybe more admissible in civil court than in criminal court but they are like pretty they are like pretty they are out of vogue for sure. All right. So there's there's increased surveillance that happens. Also, fish in wildlife departments in states with better funded departments have drones that can, you know, surveil the riverbanks to see who's scuttling up to a shed. Smart judges, again, are a big part of this. They know what a fish is supposed to way that looks like this after years and years of doing this.

Fish who have been caught in kept in captivity for several days can display signs of stress around both ends of the fish. They tend to turn reddish. So that's another way to catch somebody. So there's also, oh, I'm forgetting one thing. Oh, oh, they've imported strategies from other sports like golf, like the draw partner system where you draw to see who you're going to go out with. You might end up out on the lake with a total stranger and you guys have to sign for each other's catches at the end, like signing your scorecard and golf and you're taking responsibility for your partner's fish, all having been caught legally. So the most entertaining, recent example of this that I could find is actually another.

It went on for so long that it actually also ended up in the New York Times story. But I asked this earlier and I'm going to ask it again. Has anybody watched the second season of Hannibal? Not recently, but yes. Do you remember the mural? Yes. So like the mural and the corn silo. Yeah, yeah.

Do you remember how they found out that that one guy, that the guy, the middle had not been drowned where he was found because the water in his lungs had different was a different water composition than the body of water where he was found this sounds vaguely familiar yes okay so this is i'm not a hydrologist i probably should have brought a hydrologist with me to provide a cogent explanation but no two bodies of water or bodies of water have what i'm going to compare to fingerprints, which is a bad example. But they have, you know, different compositions of plant life, different compositions of soil, dissolved minerals. In this case, via this contest in Lake Powell, they relied on different amounts of radioactive isotopes because we're in Utah

where there's a lot of those around. In October in 2018, two different fishermen at a contest in Lake Powell had their fish confiscated as being suspicious. It took two of investigation analysis by labs, the University of Utah, for these two guys to get caught. And the Utah Department of Natural Resources ended up hitting them with fraud charges. Third degree felony. They were caught. Now, Texas has, it has.

a Texas has like a wide array because it's a bigger industry down there with like salt water fishing and game fishing offshore Texas has a wide array of uh charges that you can be brought up on laws specific to fishing tournaments like at small tournaments you can get I'm a fish attorney as small tournaments you can get hey judge catfish we we spoke him into existence or we just discovered him under a bank um you know you can get a at a smaller tournament I think where prizes are less than $10,000, you can get a Class A misdemeanor for cheating. Above that, you can get up to a third degree felony, which can be, felonemy, which can be punishable by up to 10 years in prison. This, I believe, was the first time in 2020, was the first time that

charges have been brought in Utah at this level. But they were caught because the bass that they caught were tested at a University of Utah lab. And I'm going to read directly from the New York Times article here. Researchers were able to determine where the fish had originated by comparing the amount of strontium isotopes found naturally in the lakes to the strontium isotopes in an otolith, which is a part of the fish's ear, like the inner ear. The otolith in a fish has a high concentration of calcium and it's sensitive to water chemistry changes. So this was in 2018. In 2020, they were charged with tampering to influence a contest, which is a third degree felony, unlawful release of wildlife, which is a class A misdemeanor, and captivity of protected

wildlife, which is a class B misdemeanor. They had to pay fines. They had to compete community service. They were also sentenced to 24 months probation, during which time they're prohibited from hunting. Ryan asked earlier when we were talking about how the reason this particular story went viral is because there's a fight video, is if scrapping like this is common. And my answer to this is very simple. It depends on what kind of buddies you have because most of the time you are not, you know, it's like think about playing basketball. You know, you have the, think about the spectrum from like park, cul-de-sac basketball

all the way up to the NBA, where you list less likely to get caught cheating. Like the lower you go, the less likely you get caught cheating. But the more likely you are to get caught cheating. But the more likely you are to get caught. cheating by people who are your friends. Yes. This feels like cheating your friends at like a poker game or something. Yeah.

No, this is very personal, local and immediate cheating. So it's like the punishment there depends entirely on how your friends feel about you taking their money. While you're holding a knife. In while you're holding a whole bunch of people who know how to gut things standing around how they feel about you taking their $20 and what is maybe, you know,

you're only uh in what is maybe in some seasons your only socialization event of the week i honestly might rather get caught by the university of utah's fish cop science police i i appreciate that utah goes to this length and this expense and this amount of time for a fishing contest where i think that looking at the article these guys could have won or did win and then didn't $2,500 while the NFL a touchdown is scored or not it's just like, I don't know, spend two minutes looking at replays of it. Don't know?

Move on. Who cares? No big deal. All of this combined. This is like this is like some kind of local thing breaking national because there's a funny video and I just I thought it was funny to watch major media

outlets fall over and thrall to this fight video because they thought they had caught something like fish world shake it no no here's my thing if you're going to fight at a fishing tournament you should have to fight in the boat yeah like you shouldn't get to fight on land absolutely with bill dance being like test your might i'm ready i would rather get brought up on fraud charges by texas fishing game than have bill dance look at me with disappointment in his eyes Corsel combat. Oh, God. Okay.

Anyway, I hope I've educated some of y'all. I learned. We have a game to play. Can I, can I share one story first? God, fucking damn it. One story. Yeah. Okay.

It's my favorite fish cheating thing ever. If it's your favorite. It would be this. It would be from 2012 in July. Matthew Andrew Clark, 29-year-old man at the time. He won. He won.

the Ballywick Bass Club competition with a 13-pound prize bass. There's a picture of him included with the BBC story. Oh, this is English fish cheating. Yes, yes, because a lot of people don't know. Like, you know, the heart of the international fishing community, it starts in England because the English made a sport of everything, silly or not. he's seen here in a V-neck black t-shirt with the starter kit of arm-sleeved tattoos, a gold chain, and an extremely puckish look on his face.

He's very happy to have won the Ballywick Basketball Championship. Let's fast forward a little bit. That is a Guy Ritchie extra. Yes. Let's fast forward a little bit to January of 2013, where he has found guilty and admitted theft and fraud. to the town magistrate over this competition. How did they discover that he was cheating? Well, around the same time, shortly before the competition,

a prize bass had disappeared from the Lavalette Aquarium, the local aquarium in the area. When he caught this fish and presented it to the judges, a tiny little girl in the audience said, Papa, does that not look like the fish in the Lavalette aquarium? she did not say are you re are you quoting paraphrasing okay this is dramatically yes and papa said huh that's interesting this was mentioned to the judges and it turns out matthew andrew clark had stolen the 13 pound bath from the aquarium and then caught it finger quotes and claimed it as

his own and clark's advocate said sam macdonald said her client regretted stealing the fish and that he was at a loss to explain why he'd done it. I don't know, man. He seems pretty happy about this. I have. He's playing a chain. I haven't seen hard to explain. I have one other one other fishing story I have discovered here.

This is from 2000. Yeah, this is from 2017. So Holly brought up, Holly brought up the polygraph thing in 2017. I didn't know you could just get this many polygraph machines. So in 2017, a federal judge in Maryland, ruled that this dude from Naples, Florida, who had won a white Marlin open tournament in Ocean City

would be disqualified and because he failed two polygraphs at the conclusion of the tournament. His prize that he forfeited as a result of this decision was $2.8 million. And the caper for this to me is that the guy who then, the guy who then won because he was second place and he got elevated for having the prize winning I think he had a tuna this dude his his boat's name was hubris hubris one oh that's beautiful that's that's poetry that's gorgeous yeah see my guy matthew only did it for like 800 pounds yeah I think that's that's the thing that confuses me most is that like most of these I understand cheating to win two million dollars I get that

most of these guys are cheating to win like two yeah yeah it's pretty good with with people they know and they're gonna have to see it the QT right yeah like that's the thing you're that you're the fucking cheater forever I have also found a school teacher in Gainesville Texas who was charged with freshwater fish tournament fraud oh that's beautiful they're doing all this shit for like clout this guy on your street yeah this guy was just a high school like fishing coach anyway if we're if we're trying to come away with something i'm i'm again like this this started as a why is this news quest because i was genuinely puzzled but if you like what you saw this weekend there is a rich deep uh there is a lot for you to dive into and i would encourage you to

I don't know start with start with Carl Hyacson and see where you get oh man in the 80s there were there were four dudes who went to prison for up to five years because they were bringing in fish that they purchased in Florida and then pretending they were caught during competition yep fuck yeah there's nothing new there's nothing new on the planet I don't I would see I would just I would get an entirely different animal and it's just it was a fish that I caught that's good like you yeah a deal Yeah, yep. It was there, swimming.

Big dog. Big dog, you don't even bother, like, shaving it or anything. I feel like I told this on a recent show, but I have I told you guys about the kid I saw at the Tennessee Aquarium? No. I forget the context of this, but this was a couple of years ago and I was behind the Tennessee Aquarium starts at the very narrow escalation. like up into it funnels you through like one display at a time there's a you kind of can't wander around there's a designated path and so they they put you on this single file escalator to get in and there's this small plucky child in front of me heading up the escalator and um holding you know floppy

hair like some kind of like alien bopper headband on and holding hands and looks at their mom and goes i want to see a cat and i'm like oh man this mom is in for a long day and you know we we kind of get separated by people over the next few exhibits. By the time we get over to the river otters, I'm caught up to this family again. And we're right up against the glass and the otters are kind of squirming in a knot on the bank. And one of them dives in right in front of the display window and the same little kid points and goes, look, a fish. I'm like, you know, maybe this kid's just going to be happy no matter what.

Yeah. Listen, the only difference between that kid and Darwin was, Darwin was first, so he got to name all this shit, but he didn't know either. That's not really how it worked, but whatever. I always thought Jason had a good response to this. Like, this is one of those like, well, that's your opinion. It's summer. Major League Baseball is in full swing and there's one app for you if you want last minute

deals on Major League Baseball games. And that's gametime.co. That's right, gametime.c.c.O. I'm looking at the app right now and I'm picking out America's team really the Kansas City Royals and at Kaufman Stadium just in a couple days there's tickets available for $16 and then well I don't want to up the stakes too much here but let's go to next week it looks like they're playing the Chicago White Sox there are tickets available right now for $3. You could see a major league baseball game in Chicago for $3. What stadium you ask?

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There are many interpretations. He has an excellent game plan for us. Let's get it. um so we uh played uh let's see let's three four about we played about 75% of this game earlier today and we will now pretend to play those 75% and possibly more are we allowed to change any of our answers can i be mad in advance now that i know my entire board is going to be like my entire draft board is going to be eliminated by the end of the second round i feel like we have to proceed according you want to proceed okay okay we got a faithful historical reenaction yeah we can be mad in advance that we're all stealing maybe that just means that we're all very smart that we all pick the same coaches but now we can be mad at advance that we've all taken each other picks yeah get all your there we go got it all out of the way so it is uh it is coach firing season um that paul chris is the latest to fall victim to being paid eight million dollars to not have to work god that sucks for him um and uh in in celebration of this glorious happening that occurs for all of college football season forever at all times um here's a game we are going to draft the next coaches to be fired you can play along at home by thinking about a coach who'll be fired you did it you just did it right now didn't you invent a guy to love it get not mad at but

fired um so we are going to do five rounds each of us selecting coaches um the first name you a reader at home you're thinking of is of course Auburn's Brian Harson and guess what you've picked him because we are all picking him with our first pick we are all sharing joint custody of Brian Harson and his $15 million that would be inbound any day now

can we can we pause briefly before we resume the game? Fuck yes why is Brian Harsen not fired like that's a great question what is happening here I think it's the yellow wood market is is that okay lumber lovers get

Auburn y'all broke because there's ah boy even he has to kind of be wondering at this point no one seems happy is it just so they that they don't want to make

AJ McCarran look smart why would he look smart so AJ McCarran went on slow news day with Kevin Clark and and said he had sources that said that said Brian Harsen is basically already fired

and they're just sort of waiting for the time and the place at this, I'm paraphrasing probably clumsily and people got mad including like people who know things about Auburn people were like, that's not true, that's not what's happened AJ McCarran doesn't know shit and like that's, I agree that AJ McCarran probably doesn't know shit But I think now Auburn is in the awkward position where it's like, we have to get some space between this A.J. McCarran. Honestly, God, I'd buy that completely.

I'd buy that completely. Because given the turmoil they've had at the AD position, there's going to be a whole bunch of people involved in this decision. And I can easily see like one person who's trying to act emotionally might be overs, but might be swayed by other actors. But these are multiple people who don't have like a set decision making rubric because they're not the AD. I could totally see them waiting because, like, no, we're not going to give them the fucking satisfaction. You're right.

And it's going to be like a fucking European Parliament where it's like, okay, well, no one faction has a majority of votes. So like, it's like European parliament with less smoking and more chaw. How long does it take? The real question here is. Liz Truss and the Yellowfella fan fiction.

Folks, make it happen. Trusts are wood, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like in the yellow fellow guy just said, They're going, well, I do like subs. The sandwich.

They're delicious. You killed the Queen of England, you say. I respect that. Yeah. Shot her right in the chest. I do am an anti-moner. All right, Pete, Liz, gun down and hanged her in the solar places. We're right off that steel cage.

Like a tent. Five feet to the floor. Friend of the program. Swatted her with a two by four. The program, Dwight Jokham said earlier today. I was making fun of people feeling sad about the Queen of of England, but then Loretta Lynn died. I'm like, no, but that's a queen who earned it.

That's true. Yeah. I, um, there's no really, I think the actual answer is they're trying to come up with seven and a half million dollars. They're trying to line up seven and a half mil because his buyout is something like 15 nil. It's a little more if they fire him before the season's over. It's a little less that they wait until the season's over to fire him.

So they're going to find seven and a half mill give it to you and say, Spencer, rule at time. We need this to become a full buyout. Well, they got to pay. they get right so they then they have to do the four installments thing later on but but you know they could give it to me and i could really make this decision very rapid i other you will fire brian harson for a reasonable fee so the other theory i heard they're going to pay you to kidnap brian harson that's correct the other theory i heard was at the tailgate i went to at the ls ubern game from an auburn fan

who said they're not firing him because they want him to have to suffer through the georgia game I think that I that is what I believe most yeah that totally yeah yes yes yeah Auburn does like to pick and choose from the old testament but when they go they go hard all right sorry um so yes uh Brian harsen is number one across all of our ballots we all get we have we have all drafted Brian harsen um and we will go through any coach in fbs which could include current interms because we have started this game uh unfortunately five weeks into the season, which means coaches are already dropping like flies. So if you

believe, say Nebraska will double dip and fire yet another head coach, they're dumber things have happened. Who knows? You're allowed to do that. Let's see, the scoring system here, if you'd like to keep score. The sooner the coach is fired, the more valuable

they are. The next coach to be fired will be worth the most points at the end. And the latest coach to be fired will be worth only one point. It'll go, if 20 coaches are fired, then the next coach to be fired will end up being worth 20 points. And we're taking this up to, uh, we're taking this up to the, the eve of kickoff of next season. Is that how long firing season extends? I think signing day. Okay. I think we can,

and then after sign, or February signing day, after then we count those toward the following season, I think. Compromise. Game one of the NBA finals. Um, Dana might get fired there. the NBA depending on how other things are going What would she have to do

with the NBA final? No, sorry, you're right. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you for

calling me on that. That was wrong. Also, thank you for putting the sound of Dana Holgerson

singing round ball rock in my head. Go ahead. Do it. With his only we have, we had the national

anthem. Go ahead. Let's make a Dana playlist. It's a song of a basketball. That's what it is. It's called

Roundball rock. Fuck it. That's way too. Bombs bursting in there, bombs bursting in there. I need a beer and I need one now. Please send one this round. Ball Rock and I need a beer. Fuck it.

Wow. So in this, do any other questions or anything? No, it's a chance. The second time taking this. Yeah. So Ryan is, Ryan is first on the board with all of us having already selected Brian Harson at the same time. Yeah.

I can't change. my pick, but it wouldn't change in any way. I'm going with Jeff Scott of USF. He is currently sitting on an impressive 4-22 record with the Bulls in, call it about a little over two seasons with the first one being COVID year. The four wins are against the Citadel, Florida A&M, Temple. So we got one went over an FBS school in there and Howard and everyone else is like yes, they almost Florida, almost Florida, but not Florida and immediately followed like in just perfect like they went from that game where they almost meet Florida in Gainesville and everybody's like, okay, maybe this is like a sign of progress to immediately farting out of 41.3 loss.

I remember at the end of the Florida game, Billy Napier is like, that's a team that's turn in the corner you'll see yeah and i'm like i don't know maybe and it's like oh he well he he wasn't right about that what he said just aggressively now yeah i i don't think this can go on much longer and i don't think i i don't think yeah yeah this one is this one's such a good pick that i thought about giving us all joint custody of jeff scott in addition to brian harston because both of those are it's he's he's super fired i mean if there were more of us he would be a high to mid first round pick now it's only it's only due to the number of our small group here that he felt the second round yes that's true i just assume that in a group of 20

the first five people would pick brian harsen yeah yeah there could be there could be 20 shares of brian harsson that's true that's i think that's how feet yeah yeah yeah uh holly you're up next um we're having a pretty good time and i'm not betty god damn it. This is mainly for off-field reasons, but it's not like we're short on on-field reasons. I really don't know. This is one of those ones where you try not to get too caught up emotionally in the responses of an institution that does not and will not ever value you as a person.

But if Brady-Hoke makes it out of this season and ever gets a job at this level again i don't know what the fuck we're doing here man like he it it's kind of funny watching watching the eresa story unfold and eriza at all excuse me and the memories that float to the surface of stories that came and went like though i don't know the shame morris concussion incident um yeah who was the who was the punter um at michigan who also brady hoke was like he won't be playing but for totally okay reasons then it turned out he was also under investigation for sexual assault he did

Brendan Gibbons yes that's right Brady Hook was kind of made to be an interim SEC coach when you when you think about it and I don't mean that as a compliment at any rate they're currently at the bottom of the Mountain West after

some surging play last year and I'm pretty content to let them stay there because I don't want to hear about him again for a very long time. This is an emotional pick, but also, I'm right. He fucking sucks. Yeah, like off the field, there's a lot, and on the field, they score four points

a game, so. This is, I think this also is possibly a strong pick because it may be one of those where it's like, oh, we're firing everybody. We're firing like 15 people at the university. Well, yeah, he already fired his OC. Yes. Sorry, I forgot to mention that. Yeah, yeah.

That'll probably fix everything. they're probably fine now. Spencer, who you got as if I don't already know? With my pick, I will select Scott Satterfield. If there is a mercy killing anywhere in here, this is the one.

He might be the happiest one to go, given how ardently he has tried to find other jobs over the past couple years. To leave, a guy who has actively attempted to leave this job for multiple years in a row. no one's happy everyone hates it his record is declining steadily louisville in 2022 now standing at oh and three in the ac c and not looking like it's going to pick up a whole lot down the road stop hiring coaches from the new boise aka appalachian state it's the place not the person you're just

grabbing a bunch of dan hawkins and dirt cutters what's listen i like dan hawkins what um I had a reason for that. Here in the next three Louisville games. At Virginia, hosting Pitt, hosting Wake Forest. Which one is it going to be if you have to pick one to be? After Virginia, because then there's the buy. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And also, if it's not that, then you're going to lose to JMU. To be clear, I like Dan Hawkins because I showed up with my hand in a cast at a game and he was doing CBS radio. And I had been chasing my dog and slammed my hand in a swinging door and broken it. And I told him I was at a bar fight and he believed. me so i like i like dan hawkins because when you're at uh elite 11 high school quarterback camp um he was going he was a counselor whatever and he was going around he said something he was trying to get the kids fired up and he's like that's pretty turnt huh that's pretty

lit god and now he's a successful fcs coach he still got it was he or was he irvine um uc uh fuck david he's at one of the fancy little schools yeah davis yeah and and perfectly happy Like Dan Hawkins. Honestly, that, given the lifestyle and the level of scrutiny, that level of California State School seems like the dream job. Yeah. Not a bad gig. But yeah, Scott Satterfield, he's done.

Yeah. The one argument people have made in favor of Satterfield is the like 19th ranked recruiting class. And do you think you're going to hang on to that when they're four and eight? Here's that. This is kind of rhetorical and kind of not. Are these Louisville fans making arguments in favor of Scotland? Scott Satterfield because they can't be like that's this is this is rhetorical in this group but it's

really not who is making arguments in favor of Scott Satterfield because if you're if you're outside if you're outside why are you caping for this man if you're inside are you really happy with this guy who so clearly doesn't I haven't seen like passionate fervent defenses it's more just like I do you want to risk the recruiting yeah I think it's more I think it's more about like there's a lot of devil's advocate it's kind of arguing like how on fire is this building. Some people are like, it's burned to the ground. Other people are like, just let it burn through the

dining room. Yeah, yeah. I have not seen anyone like screaming Scott Satterfield needs more time to implement it. No. Although he might, man, how unhappy would he be if you like we should just mount a Scott Satterfield

needs more time campaign just to make it miserable. It'll be fun. Holds to press conference. I do. 38 Godfrey if you want to complain about this. I do not. pack need more time at this institution. Please, God. I've had enough time to implement my system. This is my system.

It is what it is. Yeah, love it or hate it. More time will not improve this system whatsoever. I am delighted to get the number three on my board after Harson and Jeff Scott. I am grabbing Jake Spavitol of Texas State, who is a resounding 11 and 30 in year four. This is a good pick because if you had asked me, I would have said, oh, they already fired him. I'm pretty sure that I have happened. on pace for about three and nine this year and like before the buy you got app state at

troy and a like improved southern miss like three ls and you're out of here for the buy i think recruiting is like mid fcs bad it's it's it's nothing it's nothing so yeah i mean go be in oc somewhere you know yeah i i love i i hate that this didn't work out i love watching his offenses play but man that is a tough spot um and serpent style round serpent turn i will start us off with neil brown of west virginia uh also in talk about it also in year four uh yet to have yet to have a winning season outside of the um uh covid year and like two and three right now and every single game the rest of the way is quite loseable.

Yeah, we, um, Jason, you said the first time we recorded this episode, we probably watched this coffin being nailed shut in week one. Which is very West Virginia when you think about it. Yeah, I'm in here. Brought him back alive in a box.

Good. Stay there. I ain't going out without a fight. You're going to hear some tussling and some rustling in here. That was just you in there. So, knock yourself out. I hate this guy. Literally.

there's some bitch locked in here with me it's me it turns out my phone's dead anybody got the charger nope Spencer you're up next I am going to go ahead and with third selection in my draft take will Healy at Charlotte there goes the entirety of my draft board okay yeah tough gig tough spot not a lot going on man will healy uh is pretty much exactly he missed that vanity window yep to take that gig and is now going to have to reboot after a

bad year four where they started one and five they're oh and two that's coming off a five and seven year didn't really show much improvement overall remember when you're in kusa it's not so much about those out of conference games winning those it's about actually showing up in conference and that's just been going downhill since 2019. So if you peak at 7 and 6, man, it's not good.

So, yeah, we'll heal. This is a difficult job, and he has succeeded in those before. And there could be another window later on. He's still only 23 years old, right? Yeah. Yeah, he's maybe 22. It's a big loss for Gen Z, but we will see him again. That's our first ever firing on TikTok.

Very sad. So with the loss of Satterfield, Spav, Neil Brown, and Will Healy, everybody that I had on my short list for this board is now gone, which I am going to take this opportunity to move us into the implausible but hilarious portion of the draft board and select for round three. Pat Fitzgerald. I love it. Submitted for your approval.

Man, I currently atop the Big Ten West, which will only make it funnier. What would, what would it take at this point? What, can I interest you in a 11, 1 and 11 record with loss to FCS team? Where? And he's only had one non-terrible year in the last four? We, one of the things that we brought up several times during our, I'm just going to call the last time we recorded this episode, our pregame, our pre-show prep meeting was, coaches having coaches and administrators in the Big Ten staring down the spectrum of having to play teams in the new Big Ten and deciding to start rebuilding their programs before they have to get to that season where they're playing USC and UCLA all the time. Yeah, like, it's the Paul Christ Wisconsin thinking where like you got, you know, you, you got nice and plump for years on not having to have players and playing these bullshit teams who also didn't have any players.

and oh no now there aren't divisions and you have to pull the u.s.c and ohio state all the time you need you need players so you should get rid of guys who don't get players football i mean also they lost to miami ohio at home and southern illinois but they've done they've done shit like that before that's listen there are so few things you can point to where it's like this would be a new thing yeah right but stack that next to what's coming in right like you do you want to start rebuilding your program after they face plan against the expanded big ten or do you want to get ahead of it. It's Northwestern, so that's a real question.

All Northwestern once out of football is like to dick around and accidentally make the Big Ten title game every five years. Is Northwestern the power of five middle Tennessee state? But all they want is to play Ohio state only in Indianapolis. That's going away. They also have a new stadium that's coming up to. That's the way. No, that's that is highly theoretical.

That is highly theoretical because because, I was talking to. They're currently one slot ahead of Michigan 24-7 recruiting ranks for 22. I was very proud of myself for remembering that Northwestern was possibly getting a new stadium. You're nine levels above me with like, I have Intel.

I haven't heard about this at all. This is not Intel. The city of Evanston has to approve it. And the city of Evanston is not happening. Yeah, it's not. It's going to be like, fuck you, that looks fun. Absolutely not.

Right on. Playing your garbage pit. I'll probably just put it in Chicago. no but uh western michigan is chicago's college football to you that's true that's true we've established this i think pat's pat fiddled is a very fun and exciting pick um let's folks let's see if ryan um will uh bring us back down to something a little more sedate and serene yeah i took jimbo fisher i know can you put in a sound of like just firing a bunch of pistoles

I know. I know what the buyout is. I know what the recruiting class look like. Oh, Ryan, you act like you're trying to hit. You have to convince us. Buddy, you don't. Yeah. Yeah. Like it. Yeah. It's it feels it feels promising because here's my thing. And he can go on a road trip with Tom Brady. Right now, somebody with money at Texas A&M is saying, wait a second. Wisconsin wasn't putting up with this and we're much richer than Wisconsin so what the fuck are we doing over here? Now what if that somebody is MBS?

Right. What if that somebody is an actual Gulf state? Right. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I think all we need to do is to get like someone at Texas at UT to say to the president,

whoever at A&M had booster at A&M you're going to let Wisconsin fire their coach. without you getting in on this that's right what that's right somebody brought you can't afford it i guess that's right and he's got terrible infosec letting all these yell later videos get posted on the internet too our most advanced jokes from 1931 we're talking over you now this is just how it's going to yeah someone brought this up to me and said man are they really going to pay like would they really pay a 95 million dollar buyout and i said they you don't understand the only thing flossier and more rich guy than hiring somebody

and guarantee $95 million is flushing it and doing it again. Here's what you do. You fire him. You declare bankruptcy for the athletic department. You reorganize the athletic department under Shell LLC.

He can't touch your money. You fuck over. We mean under Shell Oil Royal Dutch. You fire him. You pay it all out. And then you give a 200 million dollar guarantee deal to dabbo it's gonna be

Irvin yeah oh I just got sorry that went dark let's go on boy my eyes just turned black I can't imagine urban Meyer having to pretend to care about the fucking dog

this is this is this is Miss Revan animal about whom I feel very positively gig them gig them I'm sorry, I'm imagining him like turning an ankle

trying to walk on ostrich boots They told me I have to be awake at midnight Fortunately, I already was Just not at the stadiums Yeah, just just Urban Meyer listening to him Cut all those Norm MacDonald jokes that they do it At midnight, you know, that's what I want, right? Their boys are so skinny.

like storks this team is for the birds a for the first time ever urban meyer laughs what does it sound like it sounds like the crust of the earth cracking it's like what rubble hop hop hop yeah it sounds like a broken door hinge um right quick get us out of the stales my my next pick from uh an equally rich petro state tom allen at indiana I think time's ticking for our buddy Tom because you can't there were there were many many years where you could lose to Nebraska and that wouldn't necessarily fuck up your job security but 2022 ain't one of them friend yeah sorry we need a stronger state apparatus to plop to prop up our beloved industry of home field apparel yeah remember ellie remember tom ellen and eleo stands for lose to everyone yeah they're gonna fire wow they uh four and eight would be a good finish be a great finish yeah at this looking at this schedule also they're last in the Big Ten recruiting

with USC joining soon fucking terrible yeah I'll take Tom Allen thanks goodbye Tom let's see

let's see if we have any more big payments to distribute thinking of large payments yeah okay this feels like recency bias but given this is recency okay okay this feels like recency bias but they're sixth in the big 10 east they have ohio state at michigan and at penn state left on their schedule how do you think

michigan state's going to get through this no you're right like like the recent is tanking the recentcy bias here is that last year last year was you know like please insert Kenneth Walker Desk to continue installing Michigan State football. Which again, we lost it. Mom, we lost Kenneth Walker Desk. I don't encourage him that. So many coaches have made money off shit like that, right? Like, yeah.

Like every coach extension that he's like, wow, before he even got here. Like Matt Brown, he's a great hire at UNC. Or did he just have some guys and they're gone? The Chiswick widget. Jimbo is another great example. Yeah, let's play a quick game from here. Let's do a quick winner loss updown for the back half of Michigan State schedule.

October 8th at home against Ohio State. Massive loss. Massive. Okay, so that's two and four. At home versus Wisconsin, October 15th. I will say ugly win. Let's be terrible, three and five. I'll say a loss, but.

All right. It's not a game that anyone will feel good. good about no yeah um october 29th at michigan l yeah yeah that's six losses here's the fun one at illinois november 5th yeah yeah right six losses uh home versus rutgers home so i'm going w here i don't know i'll be nice again weird the fact that we have to think about it is weird yeah i'll be um here here's maybe the most winnable game left on their schedule to get indiana at home on the 19th and then they close out the regular season

going to Penn State loss either loss or very weird man I'm gonna say now that I'm gonna say now that I heard him say it all out that I'm okay if Mel Tucker Tucker saves his job beating Penn State

on the road Mel Tucker is not going to lose his job yeah I think it's more like Penn State is somehow 11 and O there's gonna be no living with James Franklin. Mel Tucker's going to come out in shorts against Michigan and win. I really,

I appreciate that teams like Kentucky have been going undefeated because it obscures the fact that we have yet another promising early season run for Penn State that's going to do something squirly. Yeah. Or worse, isn't going to do something. Mind you, by the way,

they're paying all that money for a dude who's recruiting at Cincinnati levels. Mm-hmm. I know he does well in the portal. It has done well in the portal. But God damn, you've got to do better than that. Yeah. speaking of you got to do better than that speaking of doing things yeah building things brick this is the worst pick this is the worst that i like it i like it it's a that they'd fire

butch jones because it's a vibes pick my argument it is a vibes pick because in my mind there are two words to describe butch jones the minute he walks in the door and that is mad fireable Can I return fire with two words? Can I return fire with two words? For whom? It's Arkansas State. Are they not happy as an institution? If only they save money not changing the nameplates? They finally got a guy who can't leave for a bigger job immediately. Oh, I think they're fine with that as long as they don't suck. Do they, as an institution, do they want to keep being the cradle of coaches and turning over, you know, turning over their coach to a bigger school? every year or do they want to like at least not have to buy a new desk because butch ate his i mean on an actual like real real deal level no i'm really asking i think they think of themselves more as an institution that's successful no matter who the coach is or not and

and if anything they would probably view a coach like butch jones as a restrictor played on their potential performance then why did they hire him then why did they hire him they hired him in the first place yeah they hired him to prove they can he didn't come with the house I think Jason might be on to something. They might have been like, this is them turning it up to dynasty mode and see what happens. What I think here is like they're actually, you know,

he's improved some things like they're, they're better this year than they were last year. But I think where Spencer's going with this is like, this guy's a dork and he's a pain to be around. So fire him. Right. He's mad fireable. Like Tennessee every single year would be like,

God, we got to discuss coming back. Fuck. We got to do it again. Yeah. This is a vibes thing. If he's like, if he's only mediocre, they'll say, we were much better trading out coaches every one or two years. That's the thing that's in their head. Additionally, there is one ghost in the machine here that I have to highlight, which is that the word Arkansas is in their name.

You're like, oh, they'll make rational decisions. Sure. Sure. So, yes, I'm, now I will say, not the strongest pick, but my board's empty of the strongest picks. We're into fanfic. no you're at this point you're that's fair i just i i want it on record sure i think pat if i get if they fire him tomorrow i am going to call you that's fine i am going to hoot and holler how is that different if if they fire him literally tomorrow october 5th 2022 i will get you i will get your name tattooed on my body okay oh god i'm a call

I'm going to call butch right after we which I need you to tweet this racist shit we will find we will find exactly how many Arkansas state boosters listen to this program what when does deer you know what they'll DM me and be like dude he's such a fucking dork I'm not saying anybody likes him yeah exactly no far I'm sorry bow hunting season opened on September 22nd nobody is listening to their so they're sitting in the fitting in the trees with nothing to do other than No, great point. Yeah. Stand corrected. So let's stay in the Ozarks. Here's a coach who

a few days ago for a couple hours looked like, gosh, you better give this guy an extension. But let's zoom back just a little bit at the Eli Drinkwitz administration at Mizzou. 13 and 15 overall, two and three on the year. Yes, they're also much better, the extremely impressive three and two, albeit with a non-competitive loss to Kansas State. Their SEC record over three years started 500 last year three and five this year if they beat vandy they'll they can get to one in seven maybe they could be better than that maybe two and six um i'm not seeing

a lot of wins on the rest of the schedule other than new mexico state uh and recruiting is um there's there's none of it's oh let's let's review how bad ely drink which is recruiting is last in the c for one thing last in the c Vanderbilt is above them these are other teams that are currently out recruiting them by wide margins. Boston College has a better class than

Missouri, Arizona has a better class by a full 10 spots over them. Colorado that just fired their I think actually

dead coach. I think they weekend at Bernie's most of the season with Carl Durrell. Northwestern

Northwestern has a better recruiting class as we've already discussed, but that's not the worst. Iowa State,

Purdue, Minnesota, Mississippi State. I don't even know if Mike Leach recruits and Rutgers all have Nebraska that just fired their coach has a better recruiting class than Missou. It's not good on any front. And I don't think there are many excuses. Yeah.

Oh, I also have the next pick. So Boise State has not. had a losing season since 1997 and this is where I'm getting into my flyers because what happens if they do? They're three and two and I think you can get to six or

seven wins, okay, but what if you don't? Yeah. I don't know how much they're going to put up with that because that is very much not the standard there. You still get to play Colorado State. That's nice.

so they're going to play Utah State that's pretty nice Fresna apparently sucks this year so I think there's six wins but this is another instance where I think institutionally they might believe that it's the place not the coach and if you look at them pre Chris Peterson I don't know about that Brian harsen go on home Mama's Cullen yeah and the current offensive coordinator there is dirt cutter which is to me there's a interim there's gonna get up banged the gangs Sorry, I said Boise so many times.

Former Boise State head football coach, dirt cutter. They should form potato Voltron and have Dan Hawkins back. Yeah. Dirt cutter. Houston nut in an emeritus thing, right? Get them all together to form some sort of Boise singularity. Bring out Chris, bring out Chris Peterson for the bowl game as interim, right? Sorry, I said I cited Dan Hawkins, or I started Chris Peterson as the start of the Boise on fire area.

And that was Dan Hawkins erasure. I apologize to that. We have now entered a very exciting part of our game, folks. We have now arrived at a pick where we do not know what is coming because we did not get this part before. This is where the podcast died last time. No one knows. This is the farthest, this episode. Server's butthole titans.

From here on out, it's all house money, folks. And who will take this step out onto the tree branch to see if it will fall? Who do we send in the red uniform, beaming down to the planet? Who is going to test? No. No, I am the one. I am the one. Why are you saying all this stuff?

I am the, I am the dim private who will run point here. God gives his toughest battles to his dimest privates. Yeah. Why don't you see us around that corner, son? Labor and Jenkins. I know no dimmer privates than yours. Let's go.

Yes. Oh, boy. I will I will with this pick take the biggest the biggest flyer of all go big or go home we are purely fanfic speculating now

you can't jump me because you already know what my pick is I already told you what this pick was oh no I didn't listen Brent Venable Oh fuck I forgot It's just not working It's just not working out

That's the scenario in which In which they fire Brent Venables after one year If we look at it And Oklahoma is so allergic to any form of struggle whatsoever on a grand level that they say, hey, look, we gave Blake too much time. We gave Schnellenberger too much time.

Okay. We can't have Texas get any ideas that they might get better. I know that's a funny sentence of Steve Sarkisian's your coach, but still entertain me here. And we're going into the SEC. We're going into the SEC with a dude who will only win five games in a year. five. I think the standard is a national

title by year two. Right. Barry Switzer and Bob Stoops. Right. That's like I think we haven't seen butt ass crazy Oklahoma in a very long time. But their leash historically

speaking has been super short in a pre-Internet era, in a pre-Big Money era, their leash was super short. It's only gotten shorter around the entire college football world. And in Oklahoma, I could see them pulling, they could pull it real fast. That trap door could open real quick.

So yes, do I think he's going to be fired this year? No. But if I had to take it a flyer on a sudden out of left field firing that has a grain of truth to it, this might be it. If you, if you see, dude, I'm serious. if they lose red river to an unranked texas possible right what did you say this was the first unranked red river since

when it's i i forgot who who looked it up but it's it's been a long fucking time since neither team was ranked in this game especially since this happens like relatively early in the season and we haven't had a chance for texas to fall out you should like said this year they did think uh good job um if they followed that up with a home loss to kansas which this year is you know something else and then if they go on the road and they lose to an iowa state team that has looked like not not completely punchless but not not as interesting as iowa state teams of years past i that would be a five game losing streak for a team that like when is the last

time oklahoma even lost five games in a season keep going by the way somebody's going up the last time i don't i don't think you have to go that far because no you don't but keep going because Because if you want to go ahead and hit rock bottom and keep digging, we could tunnel all the way straight to hell because the last month of the season is Baylor and Norman at West Virginia. That's probably a win. And then the last two, the last two, Oklahoma State in Bedlam with what is, I think, at this point, a clearly better Oklahoma State team and a mean-ass Texas Tech team in Lubbock. Sure. Yeah. This is not a bedlamist fake year for me.

Like, this is entirely premature, but you have to go back to 1998 to find the last year that Oklahoma didn't make a bowl game. Yeah. Doesn't mean it won't, like, like I said, doesn't mean they're three and two. They're not like in full blaring alert mode, but like there is a path to this where it can get so bad that, yeah, that maybe is on the table. they look and they say this was a terrible fucking plan. Yeah. Additionally, when you have these words,

when I heard this is Blake bad, when you saw TCU hanging more points on them through negligence, like not through your guys being better or worse, but through absolute negligence. Yeah. And the the like the tease of their first couple games, it almost hurt the feelings a little bit seeing OU fans. like oh we're good at defense now we hired a defense guy that shit against tc u yeah i don't know

if mike stoop's ever had a game that bad i also don't know i also don't know it was it was a fucking track meet i don't know that brett venables can like win the room well enough to like guide you through this you know like i charm of brent vending yeah i think that's i think that's dice that's an issue and we're also ultimately talking about sorry with no i was about to make a really stupid point with, you know, with Bob, with, with Lincoln and Bob and all the, and Barry and all the continuity that this, Oklahoma is one of these, is one of the very few programs where, you know, it's kind of, it can be kind of smooth as an entity from the outside because they've had such continuity in head coaches. But when an institution gets, you know,

gets that big the smallest thing it's we're talking about like small thermal exhaust port death star moment there's no real we don't really have anything to go on like i'm saying this might be more plausible than we thought at first sight because there's no real way to predict how an institution this big is going to react because we have no data set like right do you remember the story that circulated like two years ago about uh the time cern had to suspend operations for like a week because a bird dropped a bag yet into an air vent on top this is that this is that also right you never know what's going to fuck you up and how when you're this big because you have like if you know it if Tennessee fires Josh Hyple this year whatever I did not whatever but

you know we know how everybody's going to react right it's it's pretty easy to predict when you're on a four to five year cycle of coaches like a lot of schools are how the institution's going to react we don't have a data set for oklahoma we don't we don't know what to do we neither do they no they don't that's and that's like that's that's like we can't as much as we can't predict what they're going to do they themselves don't know how to react to this because they've not been in this situation that's dangerous as hell yeah watch them win like six straight games yeah this could be nothing but i mean like i think that's a good point all that like We've seen even Ohio State have wacky moments.

Everyone but Ohio, but Oklahoma has gone through bullshit like this. I also think something else that I forgot. This is a great point. Oregon is the other team that reminded me. I was going to say for a long time. Like the end of Lloyd Carr's tenure at Michigan. We saw a series of wacky moments to send for Michigan. Oregon's a good one.

There's also this. You're not picking, John. Gosh, Heiple, are you? What? No, no, no. But I want to pick up Heiple for a second because in the event. Something much meaner. Okay.

In the event that you do manage to have some sort of like moments of. I was just a simple example because we had turnover so fast. So a moment of brand panic where everybody says, oh, my God, what have we done? We have no idea how to cope. Oh, I see where you're going with this. Okay. Then typically what you need for that narrative to take hold is I know who could fix it. As shining, yes, the alternative.

I know who could fix this. And there are multiple examples. If 10 win Tennessee. Yeah. If Tennessee has a crazy year this year. And there were rumbles of this last year. Yeah. Or if Heppel's not that guy, then who has experienced in the Big 12 in that area?

Mike. Reserrecting a dead program. That's right. Mike Gundy. That's exactly. Are the next like four weeks just going to be Every team Let's remember some guys Big 12 edition

Matt Campbell Baby baby Dude Matt rule would not be the worst No that would not be a bad hire at all Right fans agree Listen at least we know he's going to dress weird Go get Matt Campbell man And that'll get a lot why would

Why would Matt Campbell leave the IOSA job To take the Oklahoma job Because it's the Oklahoma job and he's at the Iowa State job. You're talking like an SEC home. An SEC hot. Do you like making more money and having better players? I just don't. I just don't think.

Better players and one of the winningest programs in college football history as opposed to AIMS. Thank you. As opposed to Ames where they're going to fire him for raising the expectations that he created. I don't know if that's true. And also just like I just don't get the sense that Matt Campbell wants the Oklahoma job. Well, it's not open. I want the Oklahoma job. Everyone wants to Oklahoma.

All right. This is, we've gone, I like that of all the schools that we've talked about here. This is the one where we've gone the furthest down the, well, what will they do after they fire? This is how good. What happens after Oklahoma fires Matt Roll? Well, that's going to be in the show notes. Yeah. So we'll be, listen, we'll have, so we'll have the SEO.

Jimmy Johnson. We won't make you wear shoes. That's when you hire Tim Tebow. coached him oh you know who's really got it made going forward is oklahoma state and the big 12 that's right they might just fucking own that league like and good for them it'll be them and it'll be them and baler i mean like baler and tc u and the and the others would probably jump up and down a little bit but like oh this you really good mention you know what's fun it'll probably be a really fun league to watch it's going to be awesome it's going to be incredible i remember um i broke

down the numbers last year like as soon as it happened it was like okay you take out the two heavy weights one of them is heavy no actual punching but like they're both heavy um and like you add in these teams that are like actual peers actual competitive peers um you see f like if ucf recruiting ever you know takes off at a power conference level they might dominate like they're like you can have a different team win it every year i i just think osu is you can get you can get those years where it's like oh shit b yu's nothing but eighth year seniors this year fuck they're really yeah yeah yeah yeah I realized the other day not only do they have guys who graduated high school during the Obama administration those guys are juniors I really love the notion of Mike Gundy as the guy who after everyone gets raptured is like

I love this street now I'm mayor of this town yeah mayor of this town look I got all their stuff two more picks basically Willie Harold said in zombie yeah no that's oh tell me there's someone in that movie named Stillwater yeah probably

let's go with that Matt Damon can coach Oklahoma there you go Holly's up next um hey let's let's not go too far let's keep this in the neighborhood I am picking Steve Sarkesian

for the sole reason pretty much that I wanted to say the following phrase Texas is 3 and 2 and still has to play both Kansas

schools. You don't want that. But for real, though, their remaining schedule also includes at Oklahoma State at Kansas State

their last four of their last five games in a row and that's not even including whatever Baylor turns into after Red River and Iowa State they, which

are both, you know, home, home and home-ish, they have at Oklahoma State, at Kansas State, TCU at home, at regular Kansas. Yikes. Do you realize how many times on this episode we have gone through like just the regular Big 12 schedule? Like, oh, God, this is hard. Like, shout out to the Big 12, man. Yes.

Y'all came up. Congratulations. You're making, you're finally interesting. So I need this. I need this to not happen for one reason. I can't. it will i don't think it will happen i'm just like oh man this is but but no let's see normally i would be fine with it but i cannot deal with like however many months of like

what will arch do that like no i don't i don't want i don't want that i do not really confused that that happened in the first place i just need to like i'm good for arch wherever he ends up if it's texas as it's gonna be cincinnati fine but i just like oh i'm so i'm already so tired of I think I think it's Navy great Spencer had to

go outside with the extremely hollering dog now that we've fired all of Red River Ryan you have the final

so I'm a little torn because there's a coach here who I think should be the pick and that coach I would argue

is David Shaw because Stanford has not been good for years really for like a full four of them yeah like actively actively not just bad but like kind of increasingly shambling they have lost their last three games all by all all all giving up at least 40 points in them they are not super competitive at this point most of the time you get to half time of a Stanford game at least against

an FBS opponent and you're like, yeah, this ship's over. They still have to play a very good or at least a very like tricky Oregon State team. They have to play a Notre Dame team on the road that is maybe a little better than this record, but it's not terrible. Arizona State is a mess. They have to go to UCLA. They have to go to Utah. They have to play a wazoo team that has been good at points this year. They got to play BYU. They have Cal. on the road like that there is the path to bull eligibility is i don't know how you draw it and like the days of stanford is flirting with double-digit wins uh contending for a spot in the conference championship recruiting what all of that shit is gone like the case for david shaw continuing to be the guy at stanford is incredibly thin but the counterpoint is like I don't know that there's enough, like, care. I don't know if there are enough people who care about Stanford being kind of bad to get rid of this guy who, A, has had some success there.

It wasn't, like, beyond just sort of like he took what Harbaugh did and ran with it. Like, he had some success of his own and is also, like, incredibly inoffensive and, like, is never going to give, he's always going to represent the program well. at least in an interview or whatever like they're they never have to worry about oh geez he's out of pocket he is also like shown them at least some degree of loyalty by not by not leaving so I'm gonna go instead in a completely different direction I'm going to pick Pat Narduzzi and we're back home because strong like I know they I know they just want an

easy title but like way to pick this after we get back from But they just lost Georgia Tech. They just lost two interim Georgia Tech. And Pat Nardousie hated the team that won the ACCC. Correct. He hated it. Correct. And took active verifiable steps to correct

that success. That was literally bringing this up because it's real. He dismantled their best team of the millennium. This is a bit. This will never happen again. That was his response. Not on my watch. Not on my watch. And by God, he, listen,

And he succeeded by that metric. So congrats. There's also like, they don't play Clemson this year. And on the one hand, you're like, well, that's good. They get to Dodd's Clemson. They don't play NC State. The only ranked team left on the calendar right now is Syracuse. Which.

But what that tells me is like. Rolling juggernaut Syracuse. Right. What that tells me is there, there are a lot of games here that people are going to be fucking pissed if Pitt loses. There's not a lot of chance. to make up for losses right like there is there is if they lose the virginia tech coming up if they lose to louisville two weeks after that especially if it's interim coach if they lose the two interim

coaches this year like what's the most interim coaches any team has lost to someone out there who is a real somebody has to have that yeah i mean like i i i i don't think patner dozy is in that weird place where like and granted will must champ was kind of in this place when he had his double digit win season at florida where it's like even when he wins there's a sizable portion of that fan base that is like this fucking guy this fucking guy can't stand him i absolutely can't stand him and he's you know he's got one dumb loss in him one one one like dumber than i'm georgia tech it's i mean dumb loss in the sense where it's like, well, we were down eight and he kicked a field goal from the five. Got some shit like that.

The things he did were, was. Yes. Yes. I was told there would be no math. This is, this is the only man who has gone toe to toe to toe with James Franklin in game management and been like, I'll eat the chess pieces before you. Watching, watching, listen, watching the two of the manage game against each other was yes, like watching two men eat the chest pieces as they thought, right?

I need this rivalry to continue forever for this. Like, I might want this to continue more than I want the backyard for all to continue. Just as long as these two guys are coaching. I see you pick the bishop because it'll be easy to swallow. That's why I'm picking the rook. The rook. I like a challenge. Nice, which is a molasses swamp.

That's a candy land board. There's the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the pit super weapon leveling up thing where, of course, pit can always redeem itself with one gigantic, uh, upset victory. There are only opportunity for that might be Syracuse, which, okay. Let me tell you Syracuse's next three games. Syracuse is a 5-0 after beating quite arguably the worst team in all of Division 1. The next three games are NC State at Clemson, Notre Dame.

That could be a 5-and-3 Syracuse. That is much less of an impressive pelt for you there. Plus let out. Plus you can just go get Paul Chris now. Yeah. Bring him home, baby. He's trade. Just trade.

Like, Nardusi and Mustchamp, both have this in common. and that when they were good, it was an accident. It was an aberration from the plan. Sure. It was not what they wanted to have happen. Right. Right. It was like if you discovered, like, it was like this.

If you discovered the entire continent of Australia, right? And you did it accidentally. You said, this is amazing. Oh my God. We've, we found this for the queen. Right. This is amazing. Let's send all the prisoners here.

Let's send all. what are you saying in 200 years it's going to be a vibrant democracy okay that's what we're saying about pit football yeah yeah and and they'll be really good at cricket also we'll sidestep the issue of there already being people here just going to avoid that all together in pittsburgh tradition yeah yeah yeah plus like who's going to get mad if they fire pat Arduzzi. Not even Pat and Arduzzi. Right.

Because then he doesn't have to coach offense anymore. Just coaching defense. I will never get that on either side of the ball. Like, even Lane Kiffin has like, like, fine, fine.

I'll have a defense. Fine. I'll eat my vegetables. But defensive dudes who are like, yeah, offense, who needs that? The scoreboard. We'll win without points. You'll see.

the fucking scoreboard we'll win by making the other team go negative what am I some tart trying to pass the ball go get me Frank Signetti fuck points get signetti honestly I think it's a red phone but on the other end it's a telegraph

by Frank Signetti's bed get me signetti I think coaches like this look at I think coaches like this look at like their preferred side of the ball as like their partner and they're like i'm not going to let somebody else come and fuck my partner even if it is on our team which is again why lane is cool with it now yeah yeah let's just go ahead i don't like to watch yeah that's why i'm tired or not yeah god you freeze at all i just realized like i so don't i just don't

fucking get it like how high are you in your own supply that you're like i will ignore half of the game it's because they don't want it's because they cannot deal with those practices man they're like every touchdown sears my very soul they don't count they're not real why are you so mad he got mad at his previous offensive coordinator for wanting to be good I'm wanting to pass. You say this, but like, everyone has worked for a boss who gets mad at good ideas that aren't theirs. And if you are a defense... We have all worked for the same boss.

If you are a defensive first person, seeing the offense fucking take off, that's a good idea that's not yours. Like, that is the most relatable part is this is just a boss who's like, no, I'm not getting the credit for the thing that we're doing well and I hate that. We're going to lose to Georgia Tech. But everyone will know that I did it. God damn it.

The signature loss. It's got my signature on it. It says signetiture loss. Yeah. It says Patnard doozy. This actually says steak. That's how I sign.

When they're I draw a steak. I draw a steak. I draw a steak with a bone in it. He's tracing one of those little steak shape. No, he's taking one of those little steak shaped dog tubes and mashing it on the page like a seal, like a wax seal. With a hammer. It's bacon.

A few other names that I had on my board. If I had to take a weird, weird flyer, this was like, I don't know. They probably can't. ford to fire him and they probably don't care but uh justin wilcox hasn't done anything ever justin wilcox was the other one i was considering their recruiting is that would that would be a like cow's board kind of move yeah yeah um yeah neomazololo i don't they wouldn't do that until after the army game i don't think like you know because like who gives a fuck about navy recruiting it doesn't that's that's another one where like he stayed he's offended if they fired him yeah that's another

And forever, and they've fired his OC and brought him. But, you know, like, it's not like things are perfect. And that's, they've been pretty bad for the last five years. Yeah. I'm really surprised on his end that he wanted to stay after like the administrative bullshit that got pulled last year. And I really, this is maybe more of a Godfrey question. But I really wonder whether they actually patch things up to his satisfaction or

whether they're just kind of fuming in corners at this point. the um next i had david shaw as well uh it's amazing his record is 94 and 48 even though he's been terrible for four straight years like that's a hot start they were real they were really good for like seven years under him it's stanford so maybe they're only checking him off on progress views i'm like no you're the metrics overall metrics still say you're fine completing you're completing all your games yep um i had i had one i had one more that i think it's just um it's always worth just putting a chip on the table you know it's like roulette you lay out your chips down you go i think we're good and then you see a glowing number and you're like that one feels hot just all

the time gonna just gonna lay a chip down on there the system works the system works but you know what i've the spirit of edgar allen po reached out to my brain in the darkness i always put i always like edgar and i always put a chip on double zero okay i don't know what it is and you know what the double zero in this game is liberty head coach he freeze. No. No. No. No. You're listening? It's liberty. He might accidentally give money

to like LGBTQ Yeah. No you won't. Accidentally, I said. I don't even want to He thought he was buying lesbian porn. Good night everybody. I feel like accidentally donate to save

the environment or something. it was an art film and i support the arts supporting the arts probably gets you fired at liberty exactly exactly that's not better that's probably shit well i went to see funny girl you did what lea michel is a natural treasure well she could probably get into liberty right