Shutdown Fullcast - The Hugh Freeze Hospital Bed Episode

Episode Date: September 3, 2019

Look, there's a significant amount of football discussion on this episode, seeing how Tennessee lost at home to Georgia State and (other football games that are not nearly as funny as that). I'm sure we said funny or insightful or stupid things about those games, but let's be honest about why we're all here: to talk about Hugh Freeze coaching a football game from a hospital bed they put in the press box. Because Hugh Freeze coached a football game from a hospital bed they put in the press box. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown fullcast oh oh y'all this we actually have a ridiculous amount of football to talk about for once this the internet's only college football podcast will actually discuss football that's right right that's correct like we're gonna if you're if you're listening at home if you're wondering will this promise pay off my wager is no so just go ahead and mentally mark down roughly what percentage of football to non-football you think we'll talk about

this is football it happened at a football stadium it happened above a football from the alley down below who the alley between his tackles

all right Spencer, okay Hospital Gurney Going to sit behind the window and point Bring over those sealed hospital records Y'all Excuse me, those shredded hospital records A lot of things happened in week one

But none of them None of them equaled Liberty University coach Hugh Fries coaching football from a gurney in the window of the stadium Someone else talk I have to laugh

I have the same problem It just is It just that's what it is He looked like a fucking astronaut You know in the photo where you see the astronaut Looking down on Earth That was the view at the end of the game For his postgame presser

Where you can see the tiny little football field in the background and there's Captain Freeze orbiting lonely above Earth you don't even have to change the name where God can't see him yeah could be ad astra get it

what because it's got ass in it same word yeah yeah exactly word talk about fathers and sons talk about interstellar this is going to get worse and we're steering into it.

There's a milky way joke here, but I'm not doing it. Everyone into the crevasse. The wormhole. Oh, God. You guys thought that we hit a new low with Jerry Falwell and a chain bikini, and as usual, the truth is worse. We've tunneled under it. But surely Hugh Freeze just sort of kept a low profile as he sat in a hospital bed wearing a visor indoor. doors in said hospital bed while he quote unquote coached Liberty football, right?

Press boxes are some of the least ADA accessible spaces I've ever been in in my life. How did they get a fucking bed in there? I mean, at least it was a productive piece of theater, right? Like Liberty scored, did they score like 24 points or was that the other team that did that? No, zero's. Oh, so Liberty didn't score any points? None. So this was all, this whole, this whole spectacle, this whole engineered sports entertainment

spectacle produced nothing of any value for anyone, other than joy, other than joy and general enjoyment, which that's what matters most, I guess. Which that's the first that I can say from, man, from a Hugh Freeze game since I think old misbeed Bama. I think this is the first good thing Liberty's ever did. Oh, absolutely. I'm not, I'm not saying I know anything. and I definitely don't.

But it has the whole feel of, well, shit, I told everybody I have cancer, so now I have to shave my head. I just wanted some sympathy from my co-workers, and now I have to shave my goddamn head. Oklahoma scored again. We're recording during Oklahoma, Houston,

and if you didn't see this game, you're probably not missing much. Is it 35-10 now? Yeah, about to be. Yeah, you know, that's actually, that's actually 45 more points combined than Liberty scored which is your what happened was

Jalen Hertz barreling toward the end zone hurtled a guy launching himself up into the air up into the atmosphere which is where Hugh Freeze resides on his magical healing platform I think Liberty should put

a put a gurney on the sideline is there a turnover trophy you punch that the turnover gurney yeah the maybe they turn you over they put you on it and they flip you check you for your bed sores then flip you back over

that's a big third downstop come get your catheter come flip this 320 pounder I the thing that I mean this entire thing is absurd and ridiculous what about it

well before we get there right the entire situation at root is absurd because this is Liberty Universe openly trying to have you know like first of all Liberty just go look it up you don't love dudes using church as a mayor badge

on a good day yeah Liberty second they uh second they hired Hugh Freeze third who hired you

he freeze Libby Jerry Falwell Jr. Um who else Jerry Falwell Jr. Who did he hire who fired he hired Ian McCaw yeah there we go let's get that in there for once does he hail

Baylor University Did anything bad happen on his watch? Yes, several things. They've been in the news, some. Which is why, like, first of all, independent of anything in this story, when you go, do you think these people are lying about something? I would say yes, because their lips are moving.

That's it. Independent of anything in the Hugh Free story, when they come out and say anything about their intentions, I would just go, oh, it's probably the other thing, right? Right. But this, of course, has nothing to do with the Hugh Free's, who suffered a medical crisis. of some back-eotomy sort.

Let's go reportedly. Reportedly. Because it was reported. Yeah, because we're reporters. Yes. Although you've been saying this for so long that I now have other people DM in me and being like, he freeze through his back out jerking it? I did not say that.

Yes, you did? No. I'd call that independent confirmation. That's two sources. Ship it. Jeff Schultz will have this on his Twitter. feed by midnight. Two sources.

Hugh Freeze's Dick and Hugh Freeze his hand. There you go. Ah! God, this is like pulling off a scab and you know there's blood, but you just keep yanking at it. Oh, now there's so many words so close to each other. I don't like these. Hugh Freeze scabed it.

Do you think at some point during the game, because he was in a bed, he was tempted to masturbate, and then he was like, oh, window's still up. I mean, how do we know he didn't? Nobody was watching this game. I'm going to have a rare defense if you freeze here. If you're just sitting around for two hours. Well, Liberty didn't. Hey.

About half of all. About half of all guys sitting, you know, inert in a bed for two hours would sort of think once. About half of all guys reclining in a press box. Exactly. Like, maybe I can knock one out here. Oh, I forgot it's a press box window. That's how stupid dudes are, right? just sit there and go like, I don't know, maybe I can poop.

Oh, I'm in a bed. Column. Hugh Frize jacking off in the press box should torpedo the concept of coaches reclining in the press box for good. Like, that's what he was doing when Dino Bavors gives him the thumbs up from the field. He has to go like, oh, hey, brother. Hand check. Yeah, that's the youth group bus trip thing. Hand check.

He has like, thanks for the bye week. We appreciate it. There's one person who suffers in this situation, and that's quarterback Buckshot Jones. That is Liberty's quarterback, Buckshot Jones. He is, I believe he went to Miami Northwestern. You're underselling the name here. Buckshot Calvert. I'm sorry, Buckshot Calvert.

Yeah, he's replacing Hold Big Flank. Hold Big Flank and Biff Squat Thrust, his predecessors. Yeah, Buckshot, if go look at his prom picture, you can go, Buckshot Calvert prom picture. And he's not, he's, there's a Jim McMahon thing going on. Jim Mann with the BYU. If you know Jim McMahon, not the kind of guy you think would go to BYU. Same with Buckshot, Calvert.

Go look at his prom photos. I'm very sad that his team only scored seven. Lump, beef, bro. Ten. Crud, go meal. Colder. Zero points.

Rips, slack cheek. Warmer. Like... Dirk, steak face. Like the mattress beneath you freeze. Stump, oh, I was just trying to say stump junk, man. I think Bucshot looks more like a UTSA. kind of guy.

Clutch, slam chest. You know, at the very, at the Liberty the Liberty Monster Truck team. God, I bet the Liberty paintball team is on some Jade Helm shit, like we have never imagined. I bet they suck. Rich kids, they can't handle that. Not that rich.

There's one group that has not been interviewed or talked to the media in this whole process. And that is the, yeah, we're were the unsung, unheard heroes, the Liberty assistant coaches, I want to, I really want somebody to go to like, the OC, the DC, and be like, hey, so how does it feel knowing that Hugh Freeze is just going to be up there in a goddamn hospital bed in a situation where

it would be totally understandable if you just coached a game that you're probably not going to win anyway. How does, how, how's that feeling? Pretty great. Are you excited? I don't know. Have you taken a spin through the coaches coaching staff and seen if maybe any of their OCs have like decades and decades of coaching experience? I believe they're called disciples. I particularly enjoyed when this hit the internet that I don't know anybody who I follow, read, or otherwise patronize as a, a college football person who presented this straight up, right? I don't know anybody who said, oh, man, look at that. So valiant.

A few phrases coaching from a stretcher. The minute it came out, it was like 100% like, well, that, like the, the mildest thing I heard was, that's unusual. That's odd. That's the mildest thing I heard. Well, yeah, because so many of these fine institutions had to execute a Lusitania turn. after carrying water for his ass all week last week. Thanks for that, everybody. Thanks for participating in Hugh Freeze's rehab tour.

I'm trying to find the one person I saw. Oh, from Slope Play Peter on Twitter. Oh, yes. He responded to Dino pointing at Coach Hugh up there in the heavens. Says, so much respect to Coach Freeze. All of y'all that are making fun of him are violating HIPAA laws and should be prosecuted. To which Holly responded, citizens arrest him, you coward. To which, that wasn't even my favorite, thank you, first of all,

but my favorite response was a little bit further down the thread when someone said, sir, it's spelled his a sipa. Yeah, it didn't even get the law right, and it's not a law. Oh, yeah, also that's not the law. Like, people I know, people I know who otherwise might treat this with some degree of, some degree of. Oh, no, nobody bought this for a fucking second. Nobody bought this as normal And I thought for a second that I was like

Oh, this is a great confirmation of my timeline It's been well curated to people who aren't here For this merit batch Jesus two shoes bullshit And no, it was actually everybody My regret is that Liberty and Hugh Fries Didn't go harder into it That he wasn't like in a medically induced coma

I think he's gone plenty hard, sir and then and then at half time he like bursts out of his restraints they're like oh god he's loose I can't hit you because you're not here this is usually a spencer problem bursting I mean just with the Saturday night live like blood jet like loaded up in his wrist like a spray in the window no how naughty coding the windows of the press box in a just world this would have been the ACC network's first game

like nobody that's the best the minute it happened they wanted this Rocky like because Liberty is selling this they are selling this they invoked Ben fucking Carson they're selling it so hard like even

and a search technique that ladders up to a publicly traded company that's interesting anyway wow so what did we refer to it as grift graft yeah yeah um that mostly because we can't tell those two things apart but guess what neither can he freeze apparently yeah so that like the minute it happened they're like look it's like this is amazing our coach is like rocky story and everyone on twitter's like yo What? I wish when the ESPN interviewer had started talking to him, the first thing he had said was, where's Padmei?

No. Do not want. Rise, Lord, freeze. Jerry fucking Falwell, Jr. Emperor Falwell. Like, yeah, that's like freeze kneeling and then he gets like the big. projection and looks up and goes, hey, does this video hologramy thing? Can you hook it to the internet? What can you stream on this exactly? I'm just, I mean, for recruiting, I'm just

ask. I will give Hugh Freeze this. He's not a vain man. And yeah, Jason, I see it come and stop it. I mean, he owns mirrors. He can't be. There's nothing flattering about being interviewed in a hospital bed. There's, all your angles are terrible. No it's Abigail Adams ass I'm sick No everybody looks Everybody looks like a four year old holding the phone Doing FaceTime right

Especially because the angle of European's broadcast when they went up to his press box on Mars To interview him The angle is pointing right at his chin Which is the most interesting part of his face Because it doesn't exist And it makes him look like your I mean not to go back to Jabba the

hut but it's a very it's a it's a deeply unflattering angle i'm not doing the voice again houston scored oh it's quite a salacious crumb of information i'm sorry wow not sorry enough to not do it again but a little bit uh the funniest thing i saw and i can't remember i'm going to find out who did it but they cut footage of the iowa crowd waving to the children's hospital so that it went straight to freeze waving out of the window I would have wished for four touchdowns

had I been in a position to make a wish meanwhile Bob Davy over here having an actual heart attack in this yeah we had a coach have a heart attack and all this theater Bob Davy almost died just good job Hugh Fries taking attention away from that, I guess.

Last I heard was Expects Full Recovery was the language to the statement, so. Yeah, that's good. That's great. Yeah. My major regret is that I am now confident Spencer is going to try to do a full cast live show from a gurney on stage somewhere. Hey, at least then we can, if we're wheeling him,

at least he'll show up on time. Maybe? No, that's a great point. Thank you. Maybe. Thank you for planting that. Why didn't he have a switch? Why didn't he just sit there? Because that's what I would do, right?

Like a craftmatic bed? No, I meant, yeah, I meant like. Why didn't he have a switch? Because that's what I would do. Why are you not a millionaire blogger? Wait, do you mean a Nintendo Switch? Yeah, I'm just having a Nintendo Switch up there. Oh, I thought you meant like, go out in the woods and fetch yourself a Switch.

You know, for like a spanking time. You've been naughty. Of course when it's, yeah, you know. That seems like, hmm. seems like a lot of unlandcaped ground for you to cover. That would be Derek Stevens, by the way, who on Twitter cut Iowa's fans waving to the Children's Hospital with you freeze up in the window. You'll say, oh, this is disrespectful, y'all.

Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Right. Sure is. Yeah. You know that thing where you go. You can email us at 38 Godfrey, our Ole Miss correspondent.

Oh, wait. I just realized why he. He frees is doing this. You don't have to wear underwear in a hospital bed. That's true. Everyone can see your butt. Freeze balling. Freeze balling.

I'm sorry again. So if he rolled to the side, the entirety of Liberty would have seen Hugh Freeze's butt up there in the sky. You know what else rolled to the side? It's a miracle. It's a miracle. Yeah. So I guess in like three days we'll have 24 points from Liberty. it's going to take it's going to take a little while it's going to be a minute on that they start to roll the rock aside he's like just a second hang on the noted defensive juggernaut that is syracuse university

this is adeno babers fan show we're on record as such oh yeah yeah but you know if i see zero points in a syracuse game i'm like oh did they play alabana defense isn't really the brand yeah it's not what i'm thinking this is especially start considering um mac brown is out there dancing and hoot and hollering on the same goddamn day it's in the coach's name d no whereas hewrease is like d yes too much what if d but too much is uh so he freeze wasn't moving at least most of him neither was most of his team the other highlight of saturday and the young season so far has also involved people not moving. Of course, the non-moving boy band. Is Hugh Freeze a member of the non-moving boy band? I'm not trying to transition us off this. We're not quite done with you, Liberty.

He does seem inclined to treat a good number of listeners like princesses. He is a summertime lover and fall and really all times, but summer is one of them. Summer is, yeah. Welcome to Hugh Freeze, the mascot of Christian Girl Autumn. Hashtad. Remember, it's not a sin. It's not a sin if it's in the butt. Like, you're mostly bringing players to campus on, you know, you're not doing as many visits to, say, like, Tampa during the summer.

So I think he's more of a winner-lover. Right. That ad has, I went to Stockholm syndrome with that ad, like, the third time I saw it. Yeah. Hey, students. You need to worry less about your high men and more about the highest man of them all. You know what? The name Hugh Freeze?

It sounds like who freeze? And the answer? Jesus. That's right there. I was like, whoa, Jesus did cryo. Speaking of cryo, Matt Brown, I learned yesterday via looking at whatever the hell has happened to Matt Brown's face, that you can get cryo done on your face.

Max's looking a little rejuvenated? He's looking, he kind of looks like Mason Verger in the Hannibal movie, but without all the blood. I would describe him as having a PS3, graphics face at this point. Yeah, that's pretty good. I did ask on Twitter if anyone with more experience in plastic surgery than us could guess what had been done to him in the offseason.

And I got to throw over to reader Rob S, who had a really inspirational Mac Brown quote to give us an idea. Well, first of all, you have to give credit to the ravages of time. They played a great game and are just really outstanding competitors. Seriously, from, like, the nose to the chin, he looks like Faye Dunaway. You can't tell him a fart. She's my sister and also my daughter. God, stop it, Spencer.

Can I use this as a clumsy segue? We're done talking about Liberty. Can I use this as a clumsy segue? Fuck, fuck. It's the worst callbacks ever. Can I use this as a clumsy segue to ask him to actual football? Oh, my God. Time to thank our special.

Sponsors. I hope we don't have any this week. Oh, no. Can I transition to an actual football question for y'all? So I, without thinking, I labeled this in my notes as who gagged it best, and yep, that was a mistake given how what we've been talking about and for how much. But three teams played this week that just blew a lead in pretty fucking unfortunate fashion. and I would like to hear from each of you as to which one you think should feel the most shame. We're going to start with South Carolina because we were talking about Mack Brown.

With 147. I don't think they were. No, I don't think they were. No, I don't think they were briefly because that's why Tennessee, at least as of this recording, Tennessee's official football Twitter account, their last tweet is like, a field goal to end. They're all saying you believe, and that's it. Then they were raptured. Do you think there's one person anywhere on Earth who doesn't know what happened next? And they're like slapping the side of their computer, you know?

Like, Dern Thing? Twitter's been down for a while. I only follow one account. Dern things busted. You know what it was? Okay. It was on a boat. God.

God dang, this thing's on fire. Log off. All right. So, South Carolina was at the UNC 38, with 147 left in the third quarter. They were up 29, and they punted on, like, fourth and six. After that, UNC needed seven plays to mount a 98-yard touchdown drive and got the two-point conversion. South Carolina had fourth and one at their own 49.

They punted again, and UNC went over 90 yards on fourth and one. then unc went over unc made another 90 plus yard drive in seven plays to take the lead there were still eight minutes left in the game and USC uh and the game cox got the ball three more times on those drives they called 11 pass plays and I already put this in the top whatever if you're not subscribed to the newsletter on those 11 pass plays they got two sacks two picks two picks

five incomplete passes, a defensive pass interference, and one completion for 11 yards to lose the game. So that's candidate number one, South Carolina, blowing a 20 to 9 lead. Purdue. Purdue had a 14-point lead in the ball early in the fourth quarter, and they punted, after which they gave up an 11-play-74-yard touchdown drive, punted again, gave up an 11-play 87-yard touchdown drive, threw a pick with less than a minute to play, and lost, When true freshman walk-on kicker Brandon Tulton, also he's a scholarship kicker now, kicked a 56-yard field goal on the last play, and Nevada won that game. Last candidate. Florida State. Yeah, sorry. A rope, by the way, like a 56-yard cannon.

Yeah, fucking crushed it. Last candidate, Florida State led by 18 with 407 left in the second quarter, so pretty early still. Boise got two field goals before halftime, and then in the second half, they outgained the Noles 188 to 60, and outscored them 17 to 0, to beat Florida State in a game that was supposed to be a neutral site game and got moved to Tallahassee because of the hurricane. Which of those three, Holly, you pick first. Which of those three do you think is the one that should cause the most shame? And I'm going to give a serious football answer here. Okay. I got to go with, and I'm sorry about that, but, and again, I'm going to apologize from what I'm about to say next, Spencer made a really good point yesterday about

Missouri has two problems, and they're massive, and pick one, either the talent differential is, is what we thought it is, and or is what it should be between a program with that kind of resources and a program with the kind of resources that you'll find in Wyoming and they weren't executing, which is bad, or there is no talent differential between Missouri and its resources and a program with Wyoming's resources. Which one is worse? So Holly reaching for the fourth item. I didn't put that on this board just because Missouri didn't actually hold the lead that long. They didn't really blow the game so much as they like immediately believe the game.

Oh, yes. Right. Sorry. Yeah, you have to, your baking is much more complicated. Yeah, I was going to like what, you're noticing. Sorry, uh, anyway, South Carolina. But I was trying to, I thought, look, my answer is South Carolina, but Spencer is sitting here foaming,

and I'm trying to save it for his Will Much Jamps speech. Because. Okay. Because. All right, just, I'll be interesting to see which one Spencer picks. I'm going to shield the mic to the spittle. Yeah. Okay.

Here's why. Okay. because is this your most talented team both by your own admission and by most everyone else who watches the program's estimation yeah this is your most talented team is it the one where you said and i quote well i have a quarterback yeah you have a quarterback guess what you do with them you do with them what people with kids do to nice furniture you ruin it spill milk all over it right just let somebody color with crayon over it that person by the way is you you're You're your own child, Will Must Champ, all right, your own irresponsible toddler who will not learn the same lesson that he's been taught over and over and over and over and over and over again, which is that your defense will not save you alone. It won't. On the 49 with fourth and one against a team that was already running it down your throat and doing whatever they wanted to do, you went out there and you punted.

When you punt, that's cowardice. Everybody knows it. That's not leverage. When you punt with everything on the line and your best quarterback out there and Jake Bentley, that's cowardice. And you know what repeated cowardice is? Stupidity. It's just bullheaded stupidity. Endless bullheaded stupidity.

They're the most shameful loss. You want to know why? Okay, Willie Taggart, that's year two. Stuff happens. All right? You got a new offense. It's built in, right? That's fine.

You're still a work in progress. Additionally, additionally, when you talk about shame and a loss, right you take like missou wyoming for instance okay there's some really freaky turnovers in there okay it's a weird road game things might have been kind of out of like shape yeah that's fine

all right the worst loss of them all is the one that came in year four when you have no excuses everything set up and you have everything you want and guess what hasn't changed and guess what you haven't upgraded you you you're the one who did this

it's the most shameful loss by far Also, Matt Brown coached that game Like, seriously, like a man who is 40 years older Than is already 142 year old self, right? And you still lost He has the face of a 57-year-old I don't know how old he is Yeah, when you ran your head into the same cinder block wall

For eight years straight as a head coach With the same results every single time I have no pity when you get your ass fired in October because that's going to happen. Yeah, on the other hand, as of April, I think as of March or April of this year, Will Must Champs buy out at South Carolina

was still $18 million, so. Well, he knows someone smart then, because it's not him. If it's him, guess what? He knows he's going to be fired. He knows he's Will Must Champ. Way to go. That's great self-awareness.

Jason? I think from these in terms of advantages squandered, I think I would go with Florida State, Boise State. I think I would talk about the Nulls. Not just the systemic resources and how they have been applied and how that manifested on the field, but also the actual game state and the way these two things tied together. Florida State on third down, one of 12,

despite having one of the most talented rosters in the country everywhere except for a few positions that are relevant to third downs. Boise State, 10 of 19, pretty good. Florida State had two 50-yard gains and a 75-yard gain and still lost.

Here's a big reason. They suffered 11 tackles for loss on 62 snaps. Like this all-or-nothing ass offense that like, you know, if they can get the ball out of the backfield, sure, somebody will take it. but they probably can't um you know and on the other side of the ball yeah you can hit their

quarterback you can hit their quarterback constantly it doesn't matter he's got his brother's names what are they tiger and uh bear and burl burl buck is buck the other one i had this tiger buck and bear yeah yeah what the fuck you're going to do with that florida state all your recruiting stars you can't handle that shit so i mean it's funny like these programs sort of came from similar trajectories boise state and florida state you know if you look at where florida state was for the majority of college football history and boise state up until only about 20 30 years ago yet florida state has the advantage of being in florida you know and power conference approval and

the whole first half of this game and none of those things mattered also they moved it from Jacksonville can you imagine if you apply the Jacksonville tax on this oh taxonville Bachmire by the way was flames in that game

just he's going to be really really really good I know Florida State did everything they could to be an accomplice to him right and stealing the game from them but he hit like he hit a third and 14, I want to say, on that crucial last drive over coverage for a first down that ultimately ended up being the winning drive.

Yeah, he's nails. He's a terrifying young man in the best way. Speaking of Flames. Spencer Hall. Good morning. The Liberty Flames. Spencer Hall, how many group of five teams did, or non-power teams, I should say?

Non-power conference teams How many non-power I'm afraid to look at you right now I'm asking him I know it's I just I have a thing I have a thing to note I would like to note

at 1156 a.m. Rush Roberts are our friend over at Good Bull Hunting said Holly is this foreshadowing pointing to a story of a Vol navy boat burning and sinking

in the river next to the stadium and I said I don't know if I'd call it that. And I texted this to my former roommate at UT. And she goes, yeah, that's just shadowing. And that was at 1156 a.m. And what happened next? The answer may surprise you.

It didn't surprise me, but it may surprise you. So I'm looking at a list of Tennessee head coaches sends a Phil Fulmer. One, somehow, somehow I've forgotten that Brady Hoke is technically on this list, oh, and two. Oh, Jesus, so did I. Yep, that's fun. So.

I wish I had still forgotten. Lane Kiff and Derek Dooley, Butch Jones combined. How many games did they lose? And they lost fair, you know, their fair share of games to non-power conference teams. Gosh, Ryan. I don't know. The answer is zero. You'll note that also losing to Wyoming is what got Phil Fulmer fired, if you'll remember.

that's right in his final in his final year is head coach of tennessee or was it life shore is funny sometimes yeah if as i as i said in my tweets this is really funny because this is fucking up fulmer's plan to replace uh godfrey and i are actually in an argument right now among our various sources over what's going to happen first because i have heard that jim cheney is going to be the interim and godfrey has not and so we're trying to figure out who has heard what in that situation but yeah Fulmer wants to go Barry Alvarez

this is not a secret to anyone and the problem now is that I think they have to speed up the timetable to a speed that he was not prepared to do because I don't even think he knew it was going to go this bad this fast I was pointing to the week between Florida and Georgia

because there's a there's a buy between that week four game of Florida I'm playing Georgia as the as the logical time but I also thought this might not happen

until the original timeline was going to be next year it's all a long way of saying Jeremy Pruitt lost a home opener to a Georgia State team that all of us saw half of their wins last year

because we went to one game this is a Georgia state team that went 2 and 10 last year rolled into Knoxville these are real number numbers. They went 10 of 17 on third down. They held Tennessee to three yards per rush and less than 100 yards rushing overall. They won the turnover battle three to one. They held the ball slightly longer than Tennessee did, not basically about broke even. Like, on paper, on paper, I would venture to say if Bill were, and may he rest in peace in ESPN heaven, if Bill were looking at this game and saying who should win this it's probably still tennessee but that's not who did win this game and it's not a it's not a game that should have been particularly close

based on where you thought tennessee was in their um in their growth curve but but you know tumors grow too so yeah yeah this is and to be clear this is this is good news for the health of the program sort of because it means that this staff who I would like to place onto a burning boat with the exception of Jim Cheney, this staff is closer to being all

swept out the door. The problem is Phil Fulmer's picking who comes in next. Phil Fulmer who quit recruiting when Nick Sabin's head foot in his backyard, Phil Fulmer, who has not had an original idea in his pretty little noggin since 2004,

but you know, Nick Sabin isn't going to be a problem for him anymore. So I don't see why that should be an issue going forward. Phil Fulmer is back and he is the unkillable church biddy. He is the stay puffed marshmallow man in a church hat and he is the form of my nightmares. And that is why I continue to

operate on a policy established in December of 2016 with my friends back home. We made it packed just like the kids in dairy and for a lot of the same reasons. We made a pact to float above Tennessee football. We all float up here. What does the, what, what does Tennessee football

concern to a lonely red balloon trying to lure a child into a sewer? Nothing. My favorite stat from this game in a game again, Tennessee lost. Nope. The score? This, it's this, Spencer. Spencer. We're not even blood. I will equalize you. How many times did Tennessee punt in this game that they lost 38 to 30? once once one punt call him call him dairy alvarez because phil fulmer's about to come down

make some cheese y'all and his pants this was just ah man i think it occurred to be late yesterday after being mad at people being like oh can we check on holly like i'm gonna be in the floor and fetal crying over a tennessee football game like motherfucker

I was at the Fiesta Bowl do you think you can hurt me but I realize at the end of the day that it maybe says something about me

that the angriest you can make me is by asking me if I'm okay that might be the most Tennessee thing about me you get away from me

let the dogs take care of me let me go into the wounds and die no anyway this is great because it means that I don't even have the slightest obligation to panted into this team

for the rest of the year. I'm thrilled. Tennessee football. That raccoon bit me and now my blood is sick. How is Georgia feeling at this point? Because on the one hand everybody in the East has looked just like they took care of Vanderbilt easily. Florida was...

Georgia usually performs well when they have a big lead and high stakes and nothing should get in their way. That's usually when things go real well for them. So I'd be fine. So, Georgia's going to win the East, right? There is no drama here. We're looking ahead past the East, right? We're looking to the playoff, right?

Definitely y'all sleeping on my Wildcats, my Kroger brand Wildcats. It's like Kentucky finishes second. It comes down to the wire. The four most likely playoff teams, right, Georgia rival Clemson, quarterbacked by Trevor Lawrence of Georgia, Georgia owner, Georgia owner Alabama, Ohio State, quarterbacked by former Georgia quarterback Justin Fields, who played very well.

And Oklahoma, Jalen Hertz, who also owns Georgia. So there's your playoff field. Georgia, you can win the East all you want. That's what awaits at the end. Georgia, you can win the East all you want. And do you still want? All right. Just watch Bazoo come in and win.

Like, I've turned embarrassing lost to Wally. Hey, hey, Wyoming's not a conference game, is it? I want Kentucky to stagger against Toledo and then come back and just mow down mow down people that they should and win all their... bury me with my money! That's not usually a problem in Kentucky.

No. That Wyoming thing, that's the 2014 Indiana route. Right. The thing I want most for Kentucky is I want them to win at least two of their games on like a blown call or like an obvious, like an obvious missed call, something like that.

Or we don't cover somebody, like they beat us again because we don't cover a receiver in Kentucky's like, turn about. Oh, God. How you like that? Speaking of Kentucky, by the way, one note on them. At one point, they were kind of going back and forth with Toledo and somebody, you know, complained about Kentucky going, oh, man, it's a regression of the mean. They're struggling with Toledo. All right, you'll won. Let's just put everybody in check here.

Just take this W and be happy with it because you're not. that far away from being Kentucky. You're not. Be happy. It's thrilling. You beat you you kick Toledo's ass by 14 points. That's over a Mac team. Kentucky's in the past has struggled more mightily with teams that play in the swag. Don't don't get to like don't get to you up yourself on this. Don't. Kentucky take it. Be happy. Signed a Florida fan who you beat last year and who is now after week one and watching other team struggle absolutely thrilled. with a close and ugly win over the University of Miami. We're awesome.

Should we talk about Auburn Jesus? We've spent a lot of time in church tonight. Let me, let me, here's, here's where I'm at. I watch most of the Auburn Horking game. I don't, I still cannot tell you if Auburn is good or not. I cannot tell you that. I didn't learn anything. I think I, I know less.

is Auburn good No it's perfect Auburn At what When was the last time We have known whether Auburn is good or bad Um The Rose Bowl Maybe

No I mean Even that game though It was like oh they're good Nah they're just stealing signs Never mind Yeah they're here because two of the most improbable bounces In the history of sports It's impossible to determine

whether they are good, bad, here, dead, right? I heard them referred to as Schrodinger's team, which is a very good way to think about Auburn in any spot. I would, and I'm torn too because this is, oh, you guys want a close, tight game against a Pack 12 team that really doesn't match up well at the line over the long haul with an SEC team. Because Back 12 teams, not quite as much fatness on the line.

That's why I keep saying Auburn's fatness, big advantage. any game they're playing outside of the SEC. They're just going to lean on you, and eventually you'll go, that fat sweaty guy. I really just want to get away from it. What if I fell to the ground and just let him run over me? That'd be much easier than what I'm doing. What if I asked the stewardess to give me a new seat?

Yeah, I would like to take a seat over here on the loss column, and you can take the one on the wind column, and then I'm no longer this warm and uncomfortable. That's what happens when you play, you know, big fat Auburn. their fatness just eventually wears you down. And they're winners for it, right? Like Auburn in this game, they've had this game before, right? We've seen it.

Does it mean the same thing as Auburn's win, what was it, over Washington last year? Yeah. Yeah. Does it mean the same? Absolutely not. Do I know what it means? Oh, no. No, no.

Ryan's right. It's completely opaque, whether this is good or bad. I do know this. Bo Nix. Boenix threw a game-winning TD as a freshman. That's somebody who I believe will be the most unfortunate type of quarterback for me to watch, i.e. someone who will probably do the same to beat my team, and then throw nine interceptions the next week and look completely mortal.

That kind of seems like that's what's going to happen because he threw two TDs and he also threw two interceptions. So that just figures that he's going to be that kind of dude. He's going to put up some amazing stat lines where you're going to be like, wait, he went six of 38 and they won? and he threw three touchdowns what the shit some things with the franchise are completely unpredictable and some things are completely predictable this is one of those completely predictable unpredictable things where we won't know who shows up right we won't fortunately as we learned from

Stephen godfrey's piece last week Auburn is a bedrock stable group of group of individuals who financially responsible who are all pulling in the same direction and who definitely have a beat on where they want the future of this program to go and who they want to lead that. Hugh Freeze was pulling in the same direction. Tell him.

You won't just cut it? No, no. No, he'd bleed out. Coaching from the stretcher again. You freeze. Man, he's enough of a stretcher. exactly can i can i share a few statistics yes please math us so first of all do we know the national leader in completion percentage with 25 or more throws right now you might detect the pride in my

voice as i say this i know but i want i want to let you say it's my darling son joe burrow completing 85% of his throws five touchdowns no interceptions all against a team that won 10 games last year by the way haters you're sick right now because this is this fifth straight game completing at least 62% Heisman soon come Can we trick the dolphins into drafting

Joe Burrow with a very very high draft We won't even have to trick them man We just seriously we could throw that hook out there with a Cheeto on it they're going to hit it like it's gold You see the numbers he's putting up at LSU you crazy not to take him second overall uh this next stat on the board Holly do you know the nation's leading Russia right now hmm I ask you because

it is your uh your precious adopted nephew Chuba Hubbard with 221 yards Juba Hubbard Chuba Hubbard Chuba Hubbard Chuba Hubbard I'm so thrilled Oklahoma Oklahoma State put up like over 500 yards of offense in their first game with their new offensive coordinator from Princeton. They're going to be super fun to watch. And this third, well, let's see. Here's another quick one.

The longest play in Northwestern Stanford was a 28-yard kickoff return. On those plays, you can do nothing and get 25 yards. What is the, do you have this the drive handy where they, what's the, where they have like a 14 play drive that ended in a punt?

I'm not making that up. I think it was, and I only think, I think it was for like 39 yards. I don't think it went, yeah. I don't think it went very far at all. It was one of the most points. No, but it was just like the sheer, the sheer number of possible plays. All right. So, so where are you?

11 plays, 47 yards. Eight minutes and 40 seconds of clock. Punt. It started at the 19. It ended at the Northwestern 34. And they pun it. I just want to stay, I want on that, on that drive. Look, how is that any different from like playing around to golf?

You're just enjoying a nice day walking around outside. The minute they had to punt, I would really have wanted David Shaw to just drop his pants, right? On the sideline, like, yes. Coaches do that these days. So we hear. You can hear it sometimes. No, we don't need the noise, Spencer. We know.

So here's kind of an involved stat, all right? this one takes some twist and turns so the defense that best shut down a power five offense to this point in the season any guesses hmm i mean literally held syracuse to 24 points so yeah mere 24 yeah so um Memphis allowed only 3.3 yards per play holding it down for the entire state of Tennessee the best football team in the mid-south is of course Memphis allowing 3.3 yards for play to Ole Miss. Do you know the saddest part of that game that Memphis doesn't respect Old Miss enough to fight them?

I know. What has this rivalry become? I mean, like Memphis just looked at you and was like, you're not worth it. What? You'll fight anyone in anything. You'd fight a mannequin. We think we're so much better than you.

And they saw a football game. Disgusting. Oh. Absolutely. There were also good rumors of Old Miss's starting quarterback, either fighting or jawing with or whatever, Matt Luke, after the game. So, everything's going great, Knoxford, guys. Woo! Did you?

This is, the Old Miss fans I know, like, the quickness with which they immediately surrendered any optimism about this season. Oh, yeah. Alex McDaniel and Barkey were just like, Cups up. You guys are, yeah, you guys are role models. Like, like, seriously, like, they, they thin slice so efficiently. Like, they took two sips of old Mrs. Batch for this year. We're like, no, it's going to make me blind. Y'all can drink that stuff.

Which, once again, I recommend floating above your football team, letting its actions occur and doing nothing to either advance or harm them. Yeah, I would. I was, I was in awe, y'all. If you're an Ole Miss fan and you're listening to this, the efficiency was just breathtaking. Like, well, we suck. It's done. It's cool.

Eject! Oh, this space shuttle's about to blow. Eject! I know. Ejecting on the runway, right? Like, that left engine doesn't sound right. It's not even on the runway. It's like walking to the space shuttle.

They're like, oh, that shit ain't going to work. Also, respect to all. That fucker's not going to fly. Look at it. Respect to all this fans, too, for being a people who are forced. most of the time to pretend they don't drink while maintaining constant awareness of what is and is not

methanol in what they're being handed. That's a line. Yeah, I don't know about this shine my pastor made. I'm going to have to pretend that to drink it from me. That's holy water. Yeah, the holes in your esophagus. So, Ole Miss, the university where everybody was happy to be getting rid

of offense coordinator Phil Longo. We remember this? Oh, yeah. He went two for two in leading top ten offenses. He was there two years. They had two top ten offenses. I don't quite know what the communication problem here was. Apparently he just wasn't cut out for the SEC because they were all very happy about it.

He, of course, went to North Carolina. You know, the Matt Luke way. Yeah, it's... So Phil Lange. So he'll go left the SEC and somehow has more SEC wins. Right, yeah. Yeah. So UNC in week one, they put up 6.4 yards per play, which is number nine in the country against a P5, with a true freshman quarterback with the number three best passer rating against P5. Meanwhile, Ole Miss had the number three worst passer rating by P5, despite having a higher rated quarterback who's fighting his coach.

Did any of you all watch any of the Ole Miss Memphis game? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, we rewatched the whole thing yesterday. Seriously, that offensive line at several times, and I'm sure this is a matter of coaching a position, not of effort, okay? But on several occasions, on several occasions, their guards and tackles trying to defend the quarterback looked like me against a Memphis defensive lineman. They just looked like they looked like they did not want to play football anymore. They looked like they wanted to be somewhere else doing anything else. Somewhere other than Memphis?

It's paradise. I can't imagine it. Can I give you a prediction, by the way? They didn't fight Memphis, right? This team is quarterback by Matt Corral, who is feisty, right? He might be who Kirk Herb Street might call him a character. Right? And they didn't fight this week.

You know who they play next week? Arkansas. You try to tell me there's not going to be a fight in that game? If they didn't fight Memphis, do they have? have any fight at all? No, they didn't want Memphis. They didn't want Memphis. I think the distinction here is Memphis wants to win while Arkansas wants to drag you into four

overtimes. At that point, you got to fight. Greetings to all our brand new Arkansas listeners. It's not me this week. Oh, right. We made like, for anyone who misses, we made like Arkansas Sports Talk Radio or whatever from like one of the mildest things we've ever said, mostly in praise of their weird statue.

This is really funny because I was like, I was real worried when the Arkansas ESPN affiliate picks us up and then I noticed it had like four likes. When I get arrested for walking over the wall through the water and onto the statue to hug the hogs on the massive statue in Fayetteville, don't doubt my love, Arkansas. I'll go, I'll go to jail to hug that iron hog. I want to see, first of all, that's, nope. to the out-of-context full-cast Twitter account and only to the out-of-context full-cast Twitter account.

There's a lot to choose from this week. Spencer, I want to see if they will let you and me camp out under the hog statue. Yes! Just get sleeping bags and sleep there. I will do it. I'll do it if they'll let us. I will totally do it. It's just got to be below 80 degrees.

That's fine. That's my only thing. The condition I have there is temperature, not sleeping under a statue. You're going to wake up with a funeral pyre built around you. Hell yes. is my only real concern. When that happens, can I have your stuff? Sure.

Thank you. Yeah, there's going to be a fight next week. That's it. Oldness is definitely like... Man, here's open. They're delayed, and that would be... That would be the only time they really hit them on the chair. I was going to say, at least, does somebody be getting hit?

Not losing the tailgate, though, y'all. Woo! Tailgate later seized by Feds. I can't float above Old Miss football because the fumes are toxic. I would also, something else I wanted to mention, by the way, a couple of notes. Michigan won, despite with their new offense, looks great. You know, scored a lot of points, looked real active. The Rick Stockstill Retirement Tour looked to be getting off in mighty fine fashion there for a minute.

Hey, my beloved Blue Raiders, did Murphersboro proud by competing for about. a quarter and a half. Didn't score as many points as Rutgers, though. More than we can say for some of the other teams in the state. That's offensive juggernaut, Rutgers, by the way. Who? Hard to ignore that the most telling statistic in football total points scored, Rutgers leads Michigan so far this year.

Hard to ignore that. And this as in other things. I remember our dearly departed Bill Connolly always citing this stat as very important. Well, you know, conferences are, you know, conferences are groups of like-minded, equally valued institutions. And Rutgers being in the Big Ten does mean that they are the same as Michigan. But has Michigan? Michigan ranks only seventh in the Big Ten and points behind Illinois. Ooh, where do they rank in research? And Maryland, who scored 79 on poor Howard. Actually, where is the really aggressive research spending message

board? I want to hang out there. S&P stands for scores and points. Look it up. But has Michigan, it is. I wanted to ask because Michigan traded their values, their virtue, their character for success because... They sure as shit have if you look around the stadium. That's right. Because the beloved zip tans. The tanning parlor across

from... Which I maintain was an Ohio State splinter cell that they did not dig out in time. Holly, it might have been a satellite campus. And then it got infected. Because sure, Shea Patterson looks more than comfortable and Gaddis is

new offense. However, will he be able to sleep at night knowing that you can no longer walk across the street and receive that most Midwestern of blessings, which is a February spray tan at the zip tans? Because no, now it's been replaced with a coffee house. But the coffee place is called drip house, so maybe like a drip tan situation is available. I don't know what that is. It sounds upsetting. Let's move on. Someone pointed out that that sounds like the Jacksonville State hype video. Yeah. Like the hardest The hardest future

Mxtape of the next year at Drip House My favorite reply to that video Was someone just saying Oh god, this season of Riverdale is weird The most Michigan thing about ZipTans I'm on their website The Career section of their website Everything's going great at Banner Society

In case you're wondering At the bottom of the career Of the career section It says in larger larger font. Caution. Slackers and sliders just don't fit the mold here. If this sounds like a team, in all caps, you want to be a part of, spread your wings and shoot us your resume, and don't be afraid to brag. Even zip tans is not here

for me firsters. There's no eye in zip tans, except for the eye. Wow. This sounds like a tanning parlor in which I would be encouraged to run through tackles, so shit, yeah. I am always being tackled in the tanning parlor for one reason. or another. This is their company's slogan. Quicker, cleaner, stronger, better. Michigan football, 2019. Quaker, cleaner, stronger, better. Lose to Ohio State by 12. That's only the second. Also, that's only the second. Yeah, that's only the second worst song I've been singing.

Also, like Michigan, they briefly charted in 2001. I, I did want to, I did want to go. ahead and point another thing out which is we already have the greatest personal foul unsportsman-like conduct of the year i don't know if it's going to be equaled but let's set the bar and see if somebody can pull vault over it okay because jackson state's mascot received an unsportsman-like penalty for going out in the field and celebrating like close after a long bomb touchdown for Jackson State came out mugged up on everybody and looked like he was going to swing at the opposing

team in his adorable Tony Tiger looking outfit well done Jason had what I thought was the best retort to this I think you're actually wildly misstating what happened here oh I'm sorry he was being a tiger attorney

no but you're making it sound like he came out onto the field and like just got in people's faces and that was a problem problem. But that's not what I happen at all. On a player's helmet. He, so, so, so Jackson's playing, uh, Jackson State's playing Bethune. Yeah.

They throw a long ball into the end zone that appears to be caught, but may have been fumbled while it's in the end zone. And there is a scramble for the ball, even though everybody's out of bounds. Ryan, you know you're going to finish this explanation and Spencer's going to go, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, I'm going to, yeah, right. I'm not going to bother. I'm going to just, yep, yeah. Like an Ole Miss fan. I'm out. Yeah. Yeah, you know you're going to lose, so just...

Ryan said, no further questions, Your Honor. Why did I try? But as Jason pointed out... This is the full cast. Why did I try? If Jason pointed out earlier, where does it say there's a rule against tigers? Open the record book. Control F. TIGER. Point that to me, Indianapolis. Are you suggesting that a mascot interfering in a live ball situation is bad?

I think you just had too much Bama in him. It would vastly improve several of the games I saw this weekend. I would also Let's also like point out That after this I believe Bethune Cookman scored something like Yeah

22 on interrupted points Tiger charged the field Made a mess of things And then they lost the game By collapsing immediately after that happened Worth it Worth it Completely worth it

set the bar y'all uh but yeah if you can top that that's our that's our current that's our current like bell someone go ring it well we ended on another hue freeze quote