Shutdown Fullcast - The Lord Has Muted Clemson

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

SHOW NOTES - Cap'n Surber, our intrepid producer and Actual Clemson Enthusiast, has some things on his heart! - The return of "Duke Football? HELL YES, Duke Football!" for any and all possible meanings of "Duke Football" - A genuinely educational segment on new NCAA clock rule changes that sends Jason to the precipice of an emotional abyss - A genuine appeal to let the rankings breathe a little - Michigan's main character syndrome - Which host is a font of Gilmore Girls lore? The answer may surprise you! - Let's look at Week 2, and imagine the stakes-based horrors to come! - Visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We deserve it. But on the top for a real long time, and we haven't done this thing that we're notorious for doing that even got a name, Clemsonning, right? For a while, like the pit game when Deshawn Watson got beat, kind of the last, that's the last one that comes to mind for me because every other like loss, there's extrunuating circumstances, right? Like Kelly Bryant goes down against Syracuse. Everyone kind of forgives that because your starting quarterback goes down. Right. You know, losses to Georgia, who is very good. Like, Notre Dame was very good. Et cetera.

Yeah, like. And then they beat them in the A-Sixie. It's games at the beginning of the season that were toss-ups or extenuating sturgents, excuse Clemson from everyone being like, ah, there it is. But this was it. And like, Duke didn't even play like a really good game. So it's not even like, Clemson fans have to be like, well, you know, Duke outplayed us. And no, they didn't.

They like, they played a game good enough to win. They beat us for sure. like but Clemson at the same time has been in the red zone 14 times and the last two games that they've played the last two official games from Clemson football 14 trips to the red zone inside the 20 yard line and they have 21 points they're averaging 1.5 points per red zone trip which you know in a lot of other sports like 1.5 points per attempt to score points is actually really good in football it is like the worst. could do. It is the absolute worst. And the frustrating thing is that, like, Will Shipley is really good. You watched that last night, really, really good. Defense, really, really good. Like, they got moved on a couple times, but ultimately didn't break a ton until, like, they were broken. But the offensive play calling is no different. The talent level of the wide receivers are still mid. Like, these aren't dudes. Like, these aren't dudes. The quarterback looks pretty good,

but he does not have dudes around him other than the running back who by the fourth quarter was destroyed like totally destroyed but i'm fine today welcome to the shutdown full cast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast i am spencer hall joined this week by ryan nanny jason kirk and on the ones and twos michael surber michael server is a fan of the clemson tigers the team that we are going to open the discussion of this college football podcast with because Oh, he already put it all in there at the top. You know it.

You know, you know, I can summarize it. I could summarize it. We're going to beat the shit out of Florida State. Just fucking destroy them. Power. Are you going to beat that?

Are you going to beat the heck out of them? The classic. I've seen how that goes. Clemson's super weapon. I know they're kind of garbage, but once a year they're good for one of these upset wins against a more established program. I blame Debo for talking about

Little old Clemson. because eventually that was going to manifest itself, right? Nobody respects little old Clemson. Well, I'm telling you we're recording on Tuesday afternoon. And after losing to Duke, the prophecy has come true. Before we get to any of that, I would like to remind you that that content and the rest of this, this episode is brought to you by Coors Light. Mountain cold refreshment made to chill.

The mountains turn blue. Just like the blue devils. Yeah! Tie it, baby. Ties in. I'm so happy Steve Spurier. Was that that game? You know the Donner Party had about as good a time in those blue mountains as Clemson did in the red zone last night.

They ought to call it the blue zone. Duke is the worst. How cold Clemson looked once they got there. Duke is the worst team to lose to as a Clemson fan in North Carolina. In football or in general? Yeah, because they're the most unabashed like, well, yeah, I mean, I kind of pull for someone else in football because Duke was never good and you kind of give them

a pass for that like that's kind of the vibe even Carolina fans you know they've had some runs but like you know a lot of them you give them a pass that like they pull

a lot of them pull for Clemson frankly or um or like they did yeah yeah so like but they're also pretty impassioned Florida state fans a lot of them and like and you know

so we just get to lose to them twice and they're just gonna like even the team I don't even pay attention to beat y'all this year it's not great and then like the true duke fans who just like they deserve this moment frankly um but yeah it's they're the worst one because because wake wake fans have done it before uh often enough and unc like has our they have our blood for basketball always because of that

streak that they had and um like nc state just doesn't bother anybody because they're like they talk but we don't listen and they get it they get on our way to seven and five yeah american aquarium gives them a pass i just kind of let them i just like i love bj i'll you i'll say what you want so like and the the many types of duke fan there's like the the all duke sports fan which yeah that is a unique type of person there's the stereotypical duke cowboy yankees fan that you're describing yes seven people and then you know there's like the the duke duke lakers um uh Manchester fan the twitter bio fan yeah yeah and then there's the the the the fan Cerber's describing who's like the Carolinian Duke fan right like yeah my backup team is

any other team throughout Appalachia and thereabout and the and the Piedmont and so forth um can we call them the National Guard Reserve fan they're the one who's like sure I'm here but I have to go over here but when deployed I will serve right in my day job I'm a physical therapist, but sometimes I transform into Florida State football fan. I think it's worth mention, I failed to mention, too, that, like, Duke fans are so looked down upon by Carolina fans that, like, Carolina fans are, give us shit for this, too. Like, that, when you lose to Duke, like, Carolina fans also, they, like, take that win. They're like, yep, fucking losers.

You guys suck. Fascinating. So, so much going on. There's too many teams in that area. part of the problem. There's just way too many teams. This isn't a situation where like, you know, it's Nebraska. You root for Nebraska. It's not a situation where it's

Texas and it's like, well, Texas is the size of a country. It's fine to have Right. We have multiple partitioned kingdoms of football. I'm the smallest microcosma of North Carolina too because I'm in Winston-Salem. So like there's an, I have like a really skewed view of how many Wake Forest

fans there are because they all, you know, they're all buried here. It's also, and this is not, Clemson's fault. Lots of things are. To have it be the very last game of week one, all by its lonesome self, is where it really stings. In the casual fan time zone. Like, everyone saw this. Everyone thinks like, oh, Duke must be great at football now. That is what the average American dude thinks right now. No one wants to go to bed. No one wants to let the holiday weekend go quite yet.

Why not stay up and watch Clemson fumble the ball on like the six-inch line twice in like three stooges whoop-whoop-whoop fashion.

If you give Clemson both those red zones those fumbles give them touchdowns replace both of them and you give them both of the field goals they still lose by one.

They lose 28, 27. Yeah. That's incredible. Like the greatest part is this. They spent the entire first half putting their dick

in the dick destroying machine, right? The thing that says, don't put your dick in this. And they were like, I don't know. Could be pretty good. And at halftime, their dick was mostly fine. Yeah. And then they came out.

I knew that machine. I knew those warnings didn't mean shit. I told you. They had to drag their dicks three entire minutes to the locker room around the bonus bounce houses. Around mount houses. Dialogical. In order to delay Dabo's machinations.

Yeah, you don't like the walk from the locker room to the field. Well, about that, we'll make it festive for you. Here's a bunch of children's bounce houses. What's wrong, Davo? I thought you liked castles. Yeah, never going to. He's probably like, I'm never going to look at a bounce house the same way again. Only, I don't even like jumping anymore.

Jesus, protect me from these bounce houses. Gravity's a lie. But then they came out in the second half, and Clemson had good answers. They moved the ball. They played a lot better on offense. It's just the defense started to fall apart And when you miss one tackle Against kind of a team that's going for a spread run angle

It goes 44 yards for a backbreaking TD But they moved the ball They just couldn't get it in the end zone Like it's gonna be a real hairy Offensive Game Tate watch Because they're gonna go in and go We're so close to being good We're so close

Do you know how many passes Duke completed in the second half I'm gonna say three It's five Five. That's five. Perfect. That's how I know you beat someone's ass. If you're like, did you win?

Yeah, how many passes in the second half? I can put them on one hand, brother. I saw a lot of people say, like, oh man, I realized at some point in the game, this is just like the Orange Bowl. And like, I understand that they're talking about the Orange Bowl against Tennessee. This really felt like the Orange Bowl against West Virginia. Wow. But except that, but like Duke wasn't on like West Virginia was. they weren't on one.

Riley Leonard was like to your point completing 50% of his passes so it was just Dyson folks up in the open field I'll tell you what It was Andre Ellington

fumbling at the goal line just over and over again It was like Groundhog Day That was the Orange Bowl That was the Orange Bowl That I felt like I was stuck in But I'm fine

I'm fine I don't know why you keep asking Yeah You had well Listen you had young Kirk nephews out there It's not Kirk Cousins That's Kirk nephews That's you had

You had, like, young MC brokerage out there, dicing people up. Serber, in recent seasons, maybe two or three years ago, you said being a Clemson fan have become boring. So, like, do things feel more exciting now? Like, is this going to spice up the rest of the season a little bit? Uh, yeah. Spice up your marriage by crashing your car. I, like, I absolutely feel like, they have a really tough schedule.

Like, when you actually, they do catch a couple of breaks. by getting Carolina and Florida State at home and Notre Dame at home as well. But, God, those three teams have looked really, really good and not at all like Clemson looked. So I think I even went as far so far as to say, like, I'd kill for an eight and four Clemson team. This really looks like about an eight and four Clemson team potentially. Unless the freshman that didn't play all of a sudden start going on the field and are good. are not mid, yeah. But the Lord, the Lord just hears the mean prayers.

I think the Lord has muted Clemson for a little while. Left on red. Left on red. We've heard enough from you. Yep. We're going to, we're going to give everyone else a chance to pray as well. How bad did, how bad have we incurred the Lord's wrath? I'm going to favor Duke over you.

Oh, God. Clemson, you're going to move to the back of the queue for a little while. It's the Methodist's turn. You finally did it. The heavily lapsed Methodists of SMU and Duke. Texas State has a turn with God right now. Clemson, just be patient. It will be yours again.

By the way, I do love hardcore Duke fans in the same way that I love hardcore Texas State fans. Because, man, somebody like the hardcore Texas State fan or the hardcore Duke fan, it's their moment, dude. This is as fulfilled as they will ever be by athletics because the expectations will now be there to be good a second time and that's always iffy but the first time oh ecstasy like the down payment that you have been making emotionally for 15 to 20 years finally paid off in the one time sale which now might be a balloon mortgage that sends you crashing but we'll think about that tomorrow baby money's not real money's not real the um in the computer composite ratings the massy composite

that pulls together a bunch of power ratings um the most improved team through one week is Colorado jumping 29 spots, of course. Number two is Texas State jumping 23 spots, followed by Jack State and Duke. The bottom four, Baylor, Texas Tech, TCU, and North Texas. So, like, the state of Texas is just going fucking crazy here. Texas State, Houston jumped 13 spots as well, but Texas State is just flying up the Texas rankings. They're probably still like ninth, but it's our weirdest state.

by far to this point in the season Yeah I don't even know if there's a close second At this point South Carolina I mean it's always a weird of state Oh yeah South Carolina

Everyone lost You're right Yeah South Carolina lost so hard That it made UNC Look like they have a defensive line That's amazing That's how bad they're offensive lines

So you're saying they don't I'm saying they're probably hanging at like a B But man In that slow class with South Carolina's kids Like with that offensive line They look like A plus students The entire state of South Carolina

It was Blood Week If there's state blood weeks Looking at these same ratings Coastal South and Clemson All went down by at least nine spots Yeah Shouts out of Chip Kelly by the way For being like

These commercial rules are really messing up my game We only had five possessions I'm like you couldn't get coastal off the field Get a center defense And the Citadel got shut up by Georgia Southern too Damn brutal I think South Carolina And Wofford lost. And Wofford lost, too, maybe.

Wow. Yeah. The, um, dude. Yeah, Wofford played Pitt and got destroyed. Pitt had the ball for like 42 minutes. Of course, they played Pitt. The, um, dude, the tempo plays offense snaps thing. That, that is, it's going to be the thing that makes me lose my mind this season.

Like, everyone assuming, like, the easiest way to go viral on college football internet right now is so they're, they're not letting the kids play. Okay. The boys want to play football. So, wait, hold on, because this is a news program, let's explain to people who might not know what the fuck we're talking about. What is going on in college? Like, let's explain what is. We probably have a lot of listeners who don't watch college. As we have discovered, we do.

Correct, correct. So the NCAA's new rule is the clock doesn't stop after first down anymore, except in the past the last couple minutes of a half. You might wonder why it always did. Who cares why it did? It just did. It didn't matter. It didn't need to. They just got rid of a silly rule that, like, you know.

So the chain game could saunter. The clock works. The clock works like it does in the NFL, and it's, you know, it'll save a little wear and tear on players. But it does not materially change anything. And we have the data to prove that because for the past two seasons, offenses have averaged 68 snaps a game. This season, offenses are averaging 67 snaps a game. And that's with half of them being 85,000 to two week one blowouts. So like, no I know it I know it feels weird when things change and like you're acting like a fucking baseball fan who doesn't get to sit in one place for four and a half hours but it's the same damn game like I know it's so easy to get a thousand likes on any app by saying they broke my college football because I love to look at clocks not moving no shut up it's the same nothing changed you wouldn't notice if they hadn't told you it's like a play and a half I think that's what the difference is at that like oh you

really need one more northwestern shovel punt in your life? No, you can have that. No. Take it. The most delightful example I saw of this was they were like Indiana only ran 54 place. How much Indiana did you want to see? Brother, did you see what they were doing? They would walk up to the line, set up in a triple option, okay? Because

Indiana, Indiana does what you do when you're really hungover at work, right? They're like, Expectations are low today, y'all, just to let you know. Because they set up basically running the triple, and they would go until the clock was down to like six seconds, five seconds. Then they're like, okay, now down to business. Because you don't want to let the other team have a possession because they're Ohio State,

and that possession's probably going all the way to the back of your end zone. Yeah, it's so crazy. That's why. The team out talented at every single spot on the entire roster and run by a defensive coordinator from Indiana is going slowly. The sport is broken. Indiana had a game last year against Cincinnati

where they ran 104 plays. That's why. They lost by 21, and they didn't get to 350 yards of off. See, you want more of that? That's what you get. You really want more Indiana football? According to the victim's fitness watch, he swam 12 miles,

but was still 42 miles short of shore, expended 38,000 calories, and still died. Like, I will concede that there are circumstances in which coaches and staffs don't know how to adjust to this rule, because it does make sort of the last, I don't know, five minutes of a half, let's say. It does change the feeling of those. Like, they move a lot. It feels a little more tense, yeah.

Yes. And I think there is an adjustment period where, teams are figuring out, okay, how do we manage time in that way? Because there is a muscle memory to it. There is a sort of like, all right, we do it this way, and that'll burn this much clock and blah, blah, blah, or we can go this fast. But, like, I don't know.

It's funny because seeing all these complaints, I'm like, I think what everybody's actually mad about is the change from almost 15 years, from 15 years ago when we moved to the 42nd clock. like that feels like where all the slowness is potentially coming from right not this not this very specific like only on first down does the clock run and i don't know i don't i mean i maybe it's like everyone saw like oh baseball is actually fun now my complaints didn't work i'm going to roll over my complaints to this other sport where they're doing a clock thing i'm just going to keep doing until i find one where the clock getting faster is actually bad now now here's here is the other complaint that is valid baseball has the pitch clock and it has made games faster and shorter and that's a thing that people like football has made this change and the games the the the broadcast itself is not in any meaningful way whatsoever so i do get why people feel like wait you said you would do this and we wouldn't have to sit through like five hours of a football game but we still have to do that

fuck you that's a little bit of a cheat yeah i think this is just uh this is just complaining because your team sucks. That's usually what these boil down to, is if your team sucks at something, you'll blame whatever the new rule is. My team sucks, and I know it's not because of the new rule. No, that's ass. Do you know what the last thing I was worrying about,

watching Florida get skull-knuckled by Utah? There's a goddamn clack rules. No, I'm like this. I wish this would last longer. I wish, yeah, I really want more of this. More Graham Mertz, pour to my face. Graham Mertz was fine. Okay. He was fine. That's the fact of thing.

He's fine. He's fine. The offensive line was trash. That's what happened. They got they got beat up and down the field. They need to know that. They know that. Do you know what? They're not blaming the clock rules. They weren't laying on their back with two Utah defenders taking crowbars to them going, man, wish the clock had stopped. I do wish Davo had done that. Like, I, I do wish Davo had been like, well, these goddamn first down rule. I was informed. I was informed. Last night he would be contrite. He would regain his composure and come out all hurt wrong and dumb at the midweek press conference so pay attention when this podcast is dropping that's probably when dabbo will blame cell phones a lack of family

structure atheism chinese tic talk the tick tox and uh everything else rather than saying i can't develop a wide receiver anymore that's probably what he's going to do multiculturalism yeah it's just like lots of people hate ohio state lots of people hate alabama lots of people hate michigan these are teams that have been good or close to good for the entirety of our lives more or less like some blips here and there but certainly like very entertaining blips yeah clemson is not that clemson has somehow managed to do the new england patriots thing where it's like for years clompson was just a team just a team and has now, like, the fact

that the whole timeline is like, where do you have to go down in place? Okay. Like, yeah, yeah, like, so, like, imagine if you were in a coma for 15 years and like, what the fuck is everyone picking on Clemson? Right. Right. It would be wild.

It would be a back to the future moment where you're like, Biff? That's what you look like now? Yeah. Would it be like if suddenly the whole country hated Old Miss, although a lot of the country does hate it? Well, no. This is. we had a whole war about that we're like two seconds away from that at all times

you're right I apologize it would be like if you woke up NC State NC State is always the example right well we can come back to NC State you know if you came back and you're like man you know who I hate fuck Wisconsin

Wisconsin Wisconsin Wisconsin or Oregon right like yeah I hate Oregon's good yeah but like they've never been so oppressively good as to be hateable maybe that's not true for West Coast teams or University of Washington fans but on the whole national

USC has been hated like that. Yeah. USC's been hated like that. Yeah. Yeah. I cannot understand another thing here too, which is, or how's this? I slightly understand it. Okay.

Because part of the great joy is that people personally don't like Dabo, right? They feel a great deep personal antipathy toward Dabo because they believe that he is like some Bible thumping fake. I think the truth. is that he's actually a Bible thumping very annoying person like he's a very like it's worse because that's all genuine like he that that's all

people go like oh man dabbo's fake no brother I have worse news for you that's all very real yeah it's it's it's easy for people who never grew up around thumpers who have never inhabited any of those spaces to assume it's all fake no it's profitable yeah

and leaning into it is good for the brand yeah but it's what's there that's what it is that's just like you know like I wanted part of my instinct with Dion is to be like oh man I'm just waiting for like I'm waiting for the rug pole

I'm waiting for this to collapse I'm waiting for this to be prime prep and academy and then I realize you should extend the same grace and skepticism you give every other football coach which is we're all waiting for the rug pull right we're all waiting for the moment when their self-interest completely

outweighs the ability to stay there and to continue to like build a football team it's it's the same for everybody like dabbo and dion it's the exact same thing we're just at different points on this on the the cycle felders wrote something very interesting in his newsletter about about Colorado and and it was very simple and i'm just going to like steal his subhead here i like being wrong because it means someone is outproducing my expectations yeah and i totally agree with it like so much of not just college football but sports coverage writ large is about like predictions and prognostication and like who saw this coming and who didn't and i

understand why for reasons that feel both real and theatrical dion sanders is very mad about the people who didn't believe in colorado i think it's a useful motivational tactic within the locker room i think it also allows watch my fingers mad yeah sure he was mad sure but i think what that argument misses is that this is a big part of what makes sports fun like if if it just happened the way we thought it would happen if it just went the way that the math or the predictions said it would go it wouldn't be fun it or it would be but in a much more constrained way like if everybody had just gone into this season saying yeah Colorado's got all this transfer talent and dion sanders did such good work at Jackson State, and yeah, they're going to go out and they're going to beat

TCU, the exact same game would feel different. The fact that it was so shocking and it was so not what people thought, or at least some plurality of people thought was going to happen, is what made it fun. It's what always makes it fun. Like, that's half the reason why we do this. I love being wrong. I have a very vivid memory of doing this show, and I never remember anything we do on this show. But I remember we were previewing. some Iowa State Oklahoma game years ago and I was just like there's no way

Iowa State wins that game there's no chance in hell and they fucking did and it's awesome to be it is really delightful to be wrong yeah the example that I think about all NFL season these days is Josh Allen because I was

one of many people who said all right let's assemble all of the data you were the only believer in Josh deep down yes I was one of many people people who said, all right, let's assemble all the data and let's just look at how unlikely it is that he will succeed, right? That does not equate in any way with hoping he will not succeed. When he does, that is a one turning into a 100. That is so much more fun than a 99 turning into a 100. It's a lot like watching somebody play roulette and put money on a number. It's not wrong to say, that's probably going to lose. And it is awesome when you are wrong to say that. Yeah. Like, it's not, it's not more complicated than that, but like, man, we really get locked into these ideas of like, who accurately predicted the future?

Fuck that. That's not fun. I mean, I do kind of, I don't want to blame, but I will ascribe some serious influence to analytics for making this worse because now we have somewhat shiny numbers to back up what is likely to happen. Yeah. And this is where probability meets the inflexibility of the human brain because you go, well, that should. happen. And when it doesn't, it's jarring, as opposed to just being like, I don't know, we're stupid. You should just have fun being completely clueless, which is part of the default condition. Even analytics can like help shape why. Like when Bill drops his, um, when

expectancy numbers after the fact, it's fun to go through and be like, oh shit, Nebraska should have won that game. Nebraska 100, like my feelings were right. I was not wrong to be like, like, God damn, Nebraska, what are you doing? Not that Nebraska fans need to, like, have that confirmed by anything at this point in time. But, yeah, I hear what you're saying. And I think there's something to it as well. But, like, I don't know. I think it's just fun to just be like, I don't know what, week two is coming.

I don't fucking know what's going to happen. I don't have the slightest clue. No goddamn clue. That's the greatest part, you know? even when like I thought Colorado was going to get waxed it turns out they're a good football team right hey delightful they had four 100 yard receiver and and by the same token if you if like

if you're like what's going to happen in Colorado Nebraska I don't know I don't know and that's fine with me that one I have pretty good something bad for Nebraska most likely probably yes because yes yes the Lord's the Lord's will is I did think about this I did think about this I did think with us. I was like, well, man, they should really cover the running back out of the back field. I was like, okay, cool. That only leads three 100-yard receivers to worry about. Okay.

It's my favorite thing about, I mean, you know, we all say we love the sport because of the upsets and the chaos. Well, in that case, when one happens, it's not a cause for, like, running down a list of everyone who didn't predict it. They contributed to the feeling of upset chaos. Right. Right. Like, everyone who said this is what is likely to happen. When it doesn't happen, they made it feel even better. Right. So really, Colin Cowherd is doing the most for us because whoever's the wrongest is the one contributing the most of our joy. The Colorado, in hindsight, it's crazy because it's like, oh, well, fucking, of course it worked. Travis Hunter was a number one recruit, and, like, he was two number one recruits at once, right? And, like, Schuador Sanders is thrown for a million yards, and they, you know, they flipped a four-star from Notre Dame as soon as, as soon as Dion got there.

for three or four touchdowns in week one like in hindsight it's like oh well yeah i mean against a depleted um air raid you know uh defensive line you know and in like a pack 12 that's heavy on quarterbacking and light on defensive like of course this will work great but you know three days ago that felt crazy the most stunning part about that is you know just to like put a nut and bolt to it because I like to be materialist occasionally about these things that they did that

with an offensive line that was to put it generously like not all there not fully developed in co-it yeah like not great and it didn't matter because you're Sanders

is just get the ball out like if you look three step drops all day like just real quick read and react get the ball out accurately like the team that beats them when this happens they're going to be the first team that's like we're going to hold every play

we're just going to hold we will just hold at the line of scrimmage and see if you call it it's a very simple game sometimes just find that and the crew who won't call it and they're going to be in trouble yeah and i mean there are there are teams that can um outgun them there are teams that will just be too big i mean Colorado Utah that's a strength on strength you know what I mean like that's a fascinating game now could go either way not something that's we were expecting to be able to say right now. I don't know if that goes either way. They're very mean, but I'm very biased

because that's the only team I've seen in person this season and they're very big and mean, y'all. Robust. That's a robust bunch of boys. Vanderbilt's two and I. Florida's 0 and 1. Deal with them. Three games behind Mandy.

How's that? Say along, bitches. It's it. Vanderbilt also lapsed Methodist. to the board. Yeah. Add them to the board. Also standard bearer for the conference because they have two victories when LSU,

Florida, and South Carolina have none. Thanks for the stunning out-of-conference debuts, y'all. It's fine. It's absolutely fine. All right. Of those three, who feels worse today? It better be LSU, man. I think it's LSU.

Based on what I've seen. Which is crazy. Tiger droppings is closed. Which is crazy because South Carolina, I mean, South Carolina should probably feel the way they always feel, which is like nothing will ever work. And we are stuck in like, South Carolina is perpetually like,

oh, it's just 15 more minutes for a table. That's the South Carolina football experience. Florida fans, I think, have been so aggressively trained to, like, multiple outlets have been like they're going three and nine. They're going three and nine this year. and so like there is a little bit of click training to that but lSU man so i don't like is this the is this the point where you go hey it's not as bad as you think it is because no no because i think it's because it's because it's all relative is the thing because when lSU before this

game is getting articles on ESPN they're like why shouldn't the championship bounty continue at LSU, basketball, women's basketball, baseball, great gymnastics program. Is that like, why shouldn't, what, football is logically next, right? Like, oh, boy, that's a great, you just, you just climbed all the way to the top of the ladder. Got pushed in the fucking pool. That's, that's like being due gambling. I'm due. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, like, of those three teams, like, for Florida, I look at it and go, in retrospect, there's a lot of really good young players out there and they played really way better in the second half and Utah's really good. I feel as okay as you can about a public pantsing like that, especially when I don't know if you can play any worse on the offensive line. We'll find out, especially against Tennessee. Maybe they'll be even worse. It could happen. But I don't think that'll happen twice, especially

going all the way across the country like they did. Florida, maybe one of the few teams that's actually like, we don't know how to do this. I mean, they really don't like. It's true. It's true. It's true. really don't um south carolina feel real bad because i don't know if you have a lot of answers and i don't know if the staff has answers the media picked florida to finish uh fifth in the east south carolina was picked third yeah that's that's bad ls u was like neck and neck with alabama to win like the west is the west is weirdly interesting right now because i think everybody was sort of like well Alabama doesn't haven't figured it out hasn't figured it out And LSU is ready.

Like, they have the quarterback. They're, like, ready to sort of jump right back and sort of, like, improve off last season. It's not a conference game, so technically, like, that is not affected, but... Yeah, I mean, LSU was, I mean, again, talking about things that made sense just a few days ago. If not for George's schedule, I probably would have picked LSU to win the SEC. Just, like, they brought back everything. They had everything they need, and then they moved it around to weird spots. Again, it's great to be wrong.

It's fun to be wrong. Yeah. Looking at the updated AP poll, Clemson is behind Duke and Colorado. How cool is that? I want you to know that Tigers fans have recovered because among the headlines on important business on Tiger Droppings

is Camping World Stadium is a dump. All right, we're back at it, boys. Back at it. That grass sucks, yeah. Yeah, that grass sucks. I'm sure they're. grass is fine yeah um clemson still rang amazing yeah yeah iowa is out here scoring 24 points and well i guess that's fair iowa didn't get to 25 either way

mm-hmm one under one under always forever one way or the other one off of 25 if if they score 24 again and then again like if they score 24 in elassico kirk well played baby well played just keep this going just to come up like one point shy on every game master of your universe in every single way

well that's tricky one to score only 24 because that game is always either like four to one prime prime numbers only baby how did you score theta

I don't know two safeties in a rouge is how we got there yeah I feel there is one thing on LSU that's just like

outright And it's so hard to do because it's so hard to do as a fan because you go, well, all right, I'm not a coach. And I did not play division one football. But this seems dumb. And then, you know, which we're talking about moving Harold Perkins to inside linebacker because Harold Perkins started last year and was primarily an edge rusher and was a nightmare. And his position was basically a fetch, fetch. See the ball? Go fetch.

Whoever's got the ball. Go kill them. And he did it. And he was really good at it. and was their prime threat. I understand. The line-ups James O'Gillari is not there. You've got to move a lot of pieces around.

It's a whole new defense. You can't expect him to do the same thing, but they are playing that man who is a quarterback eating machine off the ball. They are playing them off the ball, and they are doing things like having him shadow, Jordan, Travis. You can tell how well that worked because he had 341 yards passing and four TDs. Other factors than that besides not having Harold Perkins chase him. But I would point out,

he did not have Harold Perkins chasing him a whole lot. I think he had like eight rushes in the whole game. Whereas last year, that number would have been much higher because he really couldn't play a position. Now they haven't playing off ball. And it's so hard because you go, I understand all the real logical reasons you're doing that. I do.

I understand. I understand all of them. You understand sometimes logic is stupid. Like sometimes all of the reasons. Like you might be applying the correct lesson in the incorrect case. I mean, last year, Harold Perkins felt like eight guys at one. this year he goes like one guy so maybe you should put all the other

Harold Perkins's back I think yeah if you have a mad bomber you don't ask them to just sit back and be like you know a little foot soldier you just let the lunatic loose that's you know I'm not saying have him play positionless right like you just go out there and kill someone do whatever you want that's fine

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Once again This is one reason why college football Is superior to the NFL The AP poll is an absolute gem Because they'll give you the actual ballots They'll actually tell you like Here is how all of these things happened And I would like to congratulate

Jared McDonald of the Charleston Gazette mail Who has Florida State 7th The lowest anybody has them And has LSU The highest anybody else I'm guessing that's a filed on Sunday You know what that might be?

Don't trust it. Want to see it? Sure, sure. Need to see those results replicate. Need more evidence. Also might Thompson at 12. I haven't looked at the full board but I'm guessing this is a clocking out early

and you know what? That's fine. If they wanted these games to count and they should have played them on Saturday. That's a really good point. I was going to spend time with family no matter what sorry this gentleman also has clumson 12th so yeah uh but the exciting and the exciting other receiving votes man like that is my favorite is the other receiving votes because man iowa iowa needs to get up there damn it i just and jason i think

you've talked about this how the playoff the playoff committee is much better at sort of being like fuck what we said last week last week is dead and there are some look I'm not going to say everybody like Brett Mc Murphy has Florida State won love it love that decision does not

has LSU all the way back at 12th doesn't have Clemson on his ballot at all like great fucking rock beautiful no question top 10 Oregon State therefore correct

but like by and law large, it is a cowardly effort that is, that is so much geared around like, we could go me was smart and handsome. And I must trust we could go to me. Hey, yeah. You know who else, you know who else has a, I think, a thoroughly logical ballot for the most part? Reist Davis, baby. Okay. Yeah, Reese Davis says, Rees Davis says FSU at one. Sure. It's really all I need to hear. I mean, that, that tells me you're not just looking at where you had them last week and sliding them up and down like just start from scratch that's all start from scratch is all right that's what the cop committee does it's it's it's a it's gonna work out

in the end like if georgia is the best team they will 100% get chances to show that and b like it's just more interesting to sort of like i don't know it feels like shooting this it feels like shooting the interest in the sport in the foot to just be like well we had george at one and they beat U.T. Martin, so we just got to keep... I don't know. It just feels like the right thing to do. The beauty of the AP poll is like, okay, it has in the moment utility. It tells you

if you haven't been paying attention, which games matter. It also has historical utility, which is the true beauty and value of it, is we have a single running 36 that tells the story of every season, every major program, you know,

all these things with nothing but one little number next to a name. um let it fluctuate let it tell that story you know like himming it in and oh well oh oh ohio state we can only move them down one spot even though they didn't exactly look like they were top four at all particularly like let it let it breathe let it live right like duke's not on at least one maybe two top 25s yeah i see at least two where they're like just not here and that's what like that just feels so wild because again if you if you decide past you is dead don't care what they thought you can put duke wherever you want this week and it has no

effect on where you'll put them next week it's not important can i also just to give you another example of how to do this properly you know where clemson is in reis davis's ballot nowhere that's right nowhere fucking gone rys davis davis get that shit out of my bar bye take the come back after your beat wake forest you know who else reese has in his top 25 ls u no no no no no that's not who i'm talking about look who he's got 23rd oh no no he has wyoming because he watched the game i love that was awesome and you know what he has at 25 which i love Texas state baby Texas state for being baler that's that's how that's how you do it.

That's how you vote. Good job, Reese. I know you're listening. Yeah. You'll be stunned when you get a DM that's like, I was. And that's it. Meanwhile someone not seeing who still had Texas Tech ranked. It's like,

you were that impressed with the road trip. This is like people who still like, this is like people who are really like caping for, I was trying to think of like a fallen off mediocre, rapper. Snow. He's like, snow is the truth.

Yeah, I've heard many. That's not fair to snow. Yeah, I've heard many snow nostalgists in my time. Yeah. Don't,

he doesn't belong in the poll. Texas Tech and Snow are both out of the top 25. Do you want to talk about week two? More than anything, brother. So one thing real quick, we've already mentioned El Asico, and I'm sure we'll mention it again. Folks, I have something to tell you about, all right? If you would like to get into the building, Jack Tric Stadium for El Asico,

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How's that sound? Pretty good deal. Sounds worth it to me. These teams hate each other. Yep. You're going to see a lot of stuff. All these numbers that I'm seeing have numbers next to them that indicate the prices have been higher, which means you're getting a good deal.

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If you live far, just start driving. Start driving. Park the car while you use game time, get back in the car and continue driving. By $20 worth of... Dare Roger Sherman to meet you there. You probably will. He will.

I can't believe Roger watched Northwestern Rutgers. Yeah, you knew he was going to do it. You understand, by the way. He was in Utah on Thursday. Yeah. And he made it to Northwestern Rutgers. We're going to have Roger on pretty soon here. I saw him when he was in town for the Vanderbale game.

And I assume you saw him. Utah. No. That's the funny part. We were supposed to, no. Yeah, yeah. All right. So this pair, this pair. How do you think this way? How do you think this went? Logistics? I mean, shit. Actually, I take it back. Rogers is the logistics master of this season. At the moment, but it did happen to this. I texted him, hey, do you want to come have lunch with me? And I sat down at the place we were supposed to have lunch and I began eating. And this is after he'd been like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see. I can do lunch. And I was like, well, how about we meet here? Nothing. Nothing. thing. I go to lunch. I sit down at the place. It was the red iguana, which is like the cliche Mexican place. You have to go in Salt Lake. So I sit down and I get a text that says,

sorry, LOL, ate there last night. Things got chaotic. You know. And then it was my turn. I went to the game, walked back. It was late. And he's like, where are you? Like I get the text, you know, after the game. Like, I'm going to bed, brother. I got to get up. So we will meet somewhere else down the road this season. I have no doubt, not intentionally. I'm confidently. I mean, I think the unintentional caveat, okay, now I'm betting on it. Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

That's how I'm going to make sure it's going to happen is that I will put absolutely no effort into this. And we will end up sitting next to each other. I ran into Roger at Kroger. Yeah, that's it. Kroger Field. Kentucky, baby. I do want to talk about Week 2 because Week 2 has, I feel. think some of like week two has a lot of our like tone setter level setter games where i think

we discover like oh this team's really bad or it's not as bad as you think it's going to be i like week two week three for that where you go hmm this team might be ass and then you bring it closer to your face and you go yeah that team is definitely ass or they improve and they look a little bit better i know they scored a bunch of points and things went really great for them but old miss plays at two lane at three 30 easter horrible idea on Saturday. And that seems like a really bad idea. I know we'll all be watching the gripping national incident of note in El Asico, Iowa, Iowa State. And I'm no longer even joking. I've always, I've worked myself into a shoot when it comes to Alaska. I will 100% be watching Iowa at Iowa

State. But there's a lot of incidents going on at that exact time. Alaska, in addition to Ole Miss at Tulane, Illinois probably wins a terrible idea. Miami. That's a bad feelings game once again. It's not just a bad feelings game. It's a we're going to show you last year wasn't real. We're both going to show you

that we're bigger and stronger boys. That just seems like fumbles. One of you is going to lose so hard. Yes. One of you is going to lose this game. Yeah. It'll suck. It'll suck for you. Also the undercart in that time slide. I remember doing the afternoon first because it's

Alaska week. Yeah. Had to. Texas State UTSA suddenly like, hmm, I think I'll dip my toe into that. For the first time ever, I am, I think I might pay slight attention to what's going on in San Marcos. This is where I want to make up some John Boy shit like, G.J. Kinney's got the boys ready to play at the Armadillo Dome. Down in the swamp. Yeah.

Yeah, John needs a new one because Dabo definitely does not have the boys ready to play down in the swamp. Tebow did not. That's not true. He's probably got it ready to play in the swamp. They could probably handle that. That's true. That's probably where they were.

Yeah, that's where they were. Ah, darn it. Just missed you. You do get a little Friday night snack of sorts. I'm not saying it contains a whole lot of nutrition, but it is a morsel and a pretty tasty one at that, Illinois at Kansas at 7.30 on ESPN. Any, any time, the fact that we're going to get either 2 in O Kansas or 2 in Illinois, like, we're not going to take that. for granted those are those are things no i know illinois barely beat toledo but like if we're either going to get two and no kansas or two and o illinois facing off against penn state the week after that i'm

sure it'll be fine sure everything can go totally totally normally or we're going to get like oh oh kansas off to a hot start here they come look out texas in a few weeks can we look at it positively yeah for most like illinois had a great game they had a great game against a good toledo team i'll just like that's a good football game. I can't complain about that. This will probably also be a good football game. Sure. Sure.

Yeah, like Luke Altmire looked pretty good for Illinois, and that's promising. And the Illinois defense was present in most regards. How about Thursday, the Murray State Louisville game? Anyone tuning in for that? Is that on national? That's, oh, God. That's an ACC network game.

It's the annual punt Thursday night because the NFL's back. The tactical catheter special. What are the, hold on, NFL podcast real quick. NFL schedule week. Because I want to know what NFL gruel I will be subjected to if I decide not to watch. You got the fucking lions coming up. Lions at Chiefs. You got the good lions.

I mean, that's pretty good. Yeah. Without Travis Kelsey. Guys, guys. If the lions aren't good, I think Lions fans might just give up. If they can't finally be good for once. They deserve it. Nah.

They've been too much. They're too steeped in this. Jared, Jolf, MVP. I worry more about Lions fans if they are good. That's true. How will they handle that? Yeah, can't act like you've been there. Your most dangerous friend just won the lottery.

Let's see how that goes. Not only your most dangerous, but your saddest friend. So like, yeah. That might be an example of the sick of Clemson thing. What if, like, the lions just reel off three Super Bowls in a row and we're like, God, someone take down the damn lions. Dan Campbell is the next Bill Belichick. So sick of the lions, winning all the time. Everybody just starts hiring larger and larger coaches, right?

Find someone who can deadlift more than Dan Campbell. Coaches just say more and more violent things in their interest. I murdered the other coach last week. He recovered, but I'm not going to let that happen again. New York Jets coach John Moxley is here Threaten Eddie Kingston

is here to address his AFC South enemies There's coach Moxley with his trademark motivational fork The Bears hired The Clitchcoe brothers What the fuck

We were fighting water But now Coach Bears Both noble causes Both Both doomed Back to week two So at 11 a.m.

On Saturday Vanderbilt's bid for 3-0 Against Wake Forest No, that's the, it's the In the ACC, SEC, SEC challenge. Why is that doable? It's not not doable. No, I mean, I'm not saying like, oh man, Vandy's going to pants them.

No. We got our short, we got our short king at Wake Forest at quarterback. There was very little. This is a version of the Illinois, Kansas thing. One of these teams is going to win and be in good shape. Okay. I can go with that. How many decades has that not been the case?

I don't think this is the wake team that has rolled out the past couple years. That is like formidable against the top of the ACCC. You think because of Hartman or just like? I think Hartman has something to do with it, but I just don't, I don't see them in that mold. Like their performance against Elon was a little underwhelming, considering that should have been much like what Oregon experienced on Saturday. But I, yeah, no, and I think Vanderbilt's like, yeah, they're at the bottom of the cc sure but they're much second their secondary is wildly suspect wildly suspect it is but

it is but like they've already played a team that led airs the hell out of the ball you know and they survived it it wasn't pretty but they survived it and wake's going to do the same shit all right so say vandy gets past wake then you got vandy at unelv what what uh okay so uh we're staring down the barrel of four and o vanderb uh hosting kentucky in missouri i'm gonna try to to find the last time Vanderbilt started the year four now you guys remember by the way it's probably that James Franklin year when all the other teams were sick yeah the mono year

the SEC got mono and he had like 10 wins and no one made out with Vandy so they were good yeah that's exactly what happened I would by the way I would also point out that UNLV game this is Vandy's excellence in scheduling they have gone to Hawaii and Vegas in successive years well done it's 2008

Vanderbilt went 5-0 to open the year, beating Miami of Ohio, South Carolina, Rice, Oldness, and Auburn. What a journey through the academic rankings. And then they won two more games the rest of the year. That's fine. Bank it early, baby. Yeah, that's true.

Wins or wins. Work smarter, not harder. Yep. Still ahead of Florida, as we said. Yep. So say Vandy gets to, say they get to five and one. Say they take down either Kentucky or Missouri. I mean, shit after that, they get to play Florida.

Correct. This is on an awesome schedule. Correct. And then, and then, home events, Georgia. Game Day's coming, baby. Yeah, collect all those wins. Yeah, get to, get to 7 and O host Georgia.

Yeah. Speaking of terror, Nebraska and Colorado. Yeah. Suddenly, suddenly looking like not much of a game, frankly, based on what we saw last week. That's such a bold stick. It's looking like a fucking awesome game. It is, what?

I can only work with this. You think Colorado is just going to, work Nebraska. Nebraska can hang with anyone. Yeah, I yes, I'm not saying Colorado's going to lose. I will say this confidently. Three point loss for Nebraska. How's that? That's fine. That's fine.

Three point loss for Nebraska. Those are entertaining 49 states. Every Colorado game this year is going to be fucking awesome regardless of who they play. I don't think they can, I don't think they're going to be able to stop anyone in the second half. Anyone can score on them. Yeah. I think Colorado states can score on almost anyone. Yes.

Yes. I think they're just going to destroy Colorado State and maybe... Nebraska can lose a one-score game to anyone. I'm, like, really excited. Colorado plays USC, right? In, like, week eight, I think. No, Colorado plays USC earlier than that, I believe. Okay.

It's week four. Yeah, week five. That game is going to fucking rule, because neither of those teams will stop each other at all. And they play Oregon the week before that. Yeah. Colorado, Oregon State. This is loaded with Colorado games.

These all of a sudden look like nothing. thing but quality top to bottom it's kind of beautiful thank you for redeeming a large swath of the schedule of colorado so if colorado beats nebraska and that rule drops to oh and two then they host northern illinois i think they've lost to in the last few years and a team that just beat boston college yep sucks boston college sucks and and then that will mean they'll have to beat louisiana tech to get the first like this is scott frost day all over again so At one in three, then they play Michigan. Yep.

So, and then they play on the way. Full strength, Michigan, no less. Jim Harbaugh's. Yes. Dramatic return. It's the return of the king. The hamburger, the burger king. I'm holding up, I'm holding up.

At the turn of the tide. Yeah. I'm holding up an eight for the eight-ounce burger that he will consume. Let's like, I want to, I want to be real clear. So much respect to Michigan for some, making, like, the Twitter timeline really focused on Michigan football in a game, which they easily destroyed E-C had no effort whatsoever necessary. Like, what a fucking Yomi's effort to get, to wedge yourself into the discourse.

I'm really proud of you, Michigan. Hey, y'all, we thought we shouldn't be talking about them, but we're talking about them right now. That's right. Talking about the wolves. Mm-hmm. Like, do they have the most main character disease of, um, of anyone in the top five. I love them.

Yeah, at the moment, yes. Like, Bama doesn't. Bama's kind of like, don't look at us for a couple months. Yes. George's, they're kind of the same, you know? But like, Ohio State, God, I wouldn't want to be looked at if I was them for a long time. Ryan Day is an MPC. Mm-hmm.

Some interstate violence with James Madison at Virginia. Congratulations to James Madison, because I feel like you could have win that game. Notre Dame at NC State. State, why am I laughing already saying that? Just fond memories. I actually don't think this is going to go that way. No, I think Notre Dame's going to win. Yeah.

Yeah, because they're pretty good. NC State really, really let Yukon hang around. Really let you con hang around. And Sam Hartman, again, with all respect to Wake Forest, the QB development school for Notre Dame now, he's real good. Honestly, he might be better because I think the beard is like power. him up the beard is immaculate so i i i remember i brought this up at least on one app or another as soon as he transferred is this the most handsome coach quarterback duo in college football history yeah like i thought about it for several hours and i i i blanked it's really high up there

it is it's a little unfair because sam hartman's like sam hartman's a year younger than jalen hurts and i think like the very handsome age yeah i think like being 24 has helps like 24 tends to be a handsomer age than like 20 or 21 does you you've you've added some like adult masculine kind of features yeah right a little more rugged added a beard which is lumberjack worthy yeah you know on an already handsome face it's a devastating combo man Utah Baylor um uh huh he was headed in opposite directions at the moment I think Utah is going to be more than happy to help them continue that plunge straight into the abyss. I think Utah's not, Utah's not the one you're like, ah, I need a lifeboat.

Like boot on the head. They will go ahead and push you under the waves. I love that they beat your team. Therefore, they're completely unstoppable. I would not say that. I will just say this. They're not helping. They're definitely not going to help.

I've seen a team with serious structural issues face this team already. it went very poorly for that team yeah and I don't say that like you're making excuses for Florida or whatever I just mean you've beheld the horror if you've I have the horror they didn't even have their starting QB and they were like headlock do you like a headlock

we're hitting you with the bullpen and Baylor's offensive line may be worse than Florida's like that's not good when you're facing Utah they were they were certainly sloppy as shit yeah so that's going to go very poorly

for Baylor and Utah and cameraizing might be playing for you not that it mattered for Florida not that it mattered the most Ohio place in the world will be in Columbus Ohio on Saturday Youngstown State at Ohio State

oh the testosterone oh the collection of bad tattoos and UFC fans made up by these two fan bases the trussle bowl I don't even mention it because it's competitive only to note the pure untitrated concentration of Ohioness is off the charts for this one. There is one goal for Ohio State in this game, I think.

And that is make the passing game look awesome. Like, make Kyle McCord look awesome, right? That, because like, look, Indiana's one game, it sort of felt like Ohio State was like, God, I fucking hate that this team's at the conference. Can't wait until we kick them out five years ago. But if Kyle McCord goes out and has a lot, has even just a like fine day against youngstown state it's going to be fucking doomsday on

ohio state message boards like he has to go out and be like yep 78% completion rate for touchdowns wasn't in the game in the second half at all didn't need to be like that that feels like what you should be true if you are if you're trying to politic at least if you're ryan day that feels like which means they're here going to be like well we're just going to run ball control offense and he tried to get 18 passes, just make him count. Yeah, I didn't think the second half, he didn't look too bad. Like, I thought he played a lot better in the second half from what I saw. But, yeah.

But the standard is like, way up here. Standard's ridiculous. So. The standard is Justin Fields throwing for 40 TDs in a year. Yes, yes, the standard is C.J. Stroud. The standard might be your problem. Yeah. That's a good point.

I mean, yeah, we've talked about many times Ohio State is just almost literally never had a bad season. So, like, in no way have they ever had to adjust the standard? No, you just plug somebody in and you're like... In a way, that sucks. Yeah. Like 30 TDs, ho-hum, yawn. That would be considered, like, acceptable for Kyle McCord.

And you know what? If it's a little lower, that's fine. You also have to remember this. A lot of turnover on that offensive coaching staff. that lost Gavin Wilson they promoted my cart line to offensive coordinator but also the offensive coordinator

is kind of also the head coach who always has his thumb on the scale heavy when it comes to play calling and game design and bringing someone along so like not that they're not on the same page but like you know

it'll take a minute it'll take a minute to sort of figure out what you're doing and how you're doing it right even if it's all on paper it's going to take time because there are so many new moving parts

Youngstown State is the opponent where you get it right. That is the opponent. We run a past skeleton boy. Like to jump a little bit, Cincinnati destroyed Eastern Kentucky. And like Emery Jones put up a crazy stat line, 1923 for 345 yards, five touchdowns, and ran for another two touchdowns on the ground. Like, EKU wasn't going to win that game, but like part of what good teams do in these, in the clear overmatches

is it's like, oh, this is where we get everybody feeling fucking great about what we're doing. So I'm hearing Grammertz 500 yards three rushing T-Ds. You're dead, McNeese. You hear me, you're dead! Grandbirds came all the way here from Madison to tear your ass up, McNeese.

So speaking of large numbers, six Eastern on Saturday, I'm hitting you with SMU, Oklahoma. In case you like big numbers going big? I thought the over, like, can you look up the over? Because right now, I think it was, it seemed astonishingly low. It was like 74 or something. A little low.

70.5 is what I'm seeing. A little timid, a little spooked by the play count thing, which, since we know it's a myth, let's go ahead and hammer that O. So here we go. Oklahoma hammer over for year, military academies hammer under. By new house. Careful with the Service Academy That is the rule change that does That has broken

Has broken my heart Cincinnati Pitt One note It's on the goddamn CW That's right That's right baby On the same network is like nine shows About Batman's children

And Whatever else they do there these days That's where Cincinnati Pitt is CIT is CW CW You know all the like All the vampire

shows sure um all yeah mm-hmm i mean those are bat shows in a way do you like mysteries nancy drew when it was like hey let's do like vaguely religious family or no yeah yeah yeah do they still have seventh heaven i don't know no they have the nancy drew mysteries which i know pat narduzi is a huge fan of is that one of those where they were like nancy drew found a beheaded corpse is it real super dark like that i believe so i think it's like yeah i think it's like Nancy Drew is like, the victim was a sexy lady. Flashback, sexy lady. She's dead now.

CW. CW. Where's my gritty Bairnstein Bears? It's bad when you're watching a show and you're like, is everyone watching this okay? No. No? So you have Edge Lord Nancy Drew versus Batman's grandson leading into Cincinnati Pit. That's right. And, you know, you could watch Texas Alabama instead or you could watch the CW.

Oh, they also have Walker, which is the... The reimagining of Walker, Texas Ranger. I definitely know Pat and Hardee's a fan of. With the dude from Gilmore Girls, right? Jared Padalecki. Wasn't he on Gilmore Girls? Did I make that out? I don't know because the only thing I remember

about the Gilmore Girls was watching it and going, I wish these people would stop talking. So many words. So many words. Maybe I've missed this though. No, he was Dean. He was Dean. He is on.

yeah he's dean on go more girls fuck yeah i bet he had a lot of dialogue uh dean no dean was always kind of more just kind of captured in the middle of rory and loyalized thing but he's a giant piece of shit on the show

i forgot server which isn't that's right i was waiting to lord repost i've made screen candidate activated server again you guys like there was enough silence like got mentioned enough.

I'm like, well, I guess I'm breaking in here with him. It's like, thank you. First off, Dean is Rory's first girl, uh, first boyfriend. First boyfriend. Um, so they break up and then eventually Dean gets married to another girl, but then has an affair with Rory while he's married to this other girl, which Rory thinks is just completely because Roy is a piece. Roy's a piece of shit.

Yeah, Roy's a piece of shit. Not only is she the impetus for this affair. She's really fully to blame for it. I don't blame Dean at all. Wow. No. Dean is to blame, and they deserve each other, just like she deserves every other piece of shit she winds up on the show with.

Except for Jess, who is a good guy? By the end of things, and does not deserve to be dealing with Rory's bullshit. Cincinnati Pitt. Yeah. Cincinnati Pit. Apologies to Alexis Pledell. I think she's probably a delight, but, man, she plays a really shitty.

My wife works with her, and she was a delight. Yeah. She said she was a great lady. Yeah. I wanted to point out that Oregon's playing at Texas Tech for some reason just don't know why that's happening don't just what a marvel

what a miracle no need for that if we're giving you lots of reasons to avoid Texas Alabama you know whatever we're going to watch Texas Alabama but if that game gets out of hand for any reason I'm going to point out quite possibly the FCS game of the year

quite possibly North Dakota State off to the side accepted Montana State from your Big Sky Conference against South Dakota State. Huh, huh? Just in case you need a second screener, that's about as good as it's going to get. That's good.

That's spicy. I'm thinking that went up. Jacksonville State looks really good. They're playing Coastal at 6. They're 2 and O already. Coastal is clearly figuring out what it is post-Jamey Chadwell. Like, Jacksonville State could be sitting up for a very nice. season in conference USA which like looks so so as a whole like it does it there's nothing about

conference you a day so it's like oh i don't think jacksville state they could they could they do need to work on their uh they do need to work on their social media promo strat because they did have a thing about their offensive line coach rick trickett who rickickett if you don't know is like would you talk about crusty offensive line coach none older non-crustier it advertised his career as seasons coaching. Okay, that's impressive. Next line. Ten NFL draft picks. And I was like, some, some. Just like a few. He was a, he was at Florida State for a long time, wasn't it? West Virginia was like the longest run I can remember. He was, that's why he's with Richard Rod. he's like an old Rich Rod guy. And he was at Florida State. If you saw, if you ever saw Florida

State's offensive line, just freeze on a false start or on an offside, right? Just freeze. That's a tricket thing because evidently like he'd just tase them if they moved in practice, right? Like he was kind of a psychotic rage-filled old school offensive line coach but they said 10 NFL draft picks I'm like don't make the math easy for me to like argue right like

don't just pick a number you could have made it 11 and I would have been like oh that's hard math I'm not going to do that just pen state it just yeah yeah put some dramatic bullshit up there like an offensive lineman drafted every year except for except for 40

yeah for 40 of these years So we're getting into the part of the schedule that's heavy on the Pact 12, obviously. So my question is the Pact 12 currently ranking, reigning, the only undefeated conference in all of college football. Can't happen after this, though? Someone should take them down. Can they go undefeated against everyone except the Pact 12? Except themselves. So Utah, Utah Baylor, I think we're taking Utah.

Perhaps Colorado, we're taking Colorado. Washington's going to beat Tulsa. It doesn't sound like we're too worried about Oregon at Texas. is tech. And again, folks, like we said at the top, if an upset happens, it doesn't mean it's good to be wrong. It's not breaking our hearts. Where this really hinges for me is Wisconsin at Wazoo. Now, Wazoo won that last year. No, I'm confused. Like, I'm, like, I am, I'm deep, I will tell you, this is a deeply confusing game to me because I did watch Wisconsin last weekend and they look like

they're rehearsing that's they don't really they're figuring it out 100% they're figuring it out 100% they had some success tanner morcai looked more and more comfortable as the game went on um but they that's that's a work in progress and they're going to be facing my crazy legs o'hulahan memorial award winner of the year cam ward who uh is bonkers like as as college a quarterback as college football ever spat out I think I'm more worried about Arizona at Mississippi State. That's the biggest spread here. That would be a 10-point upset.

So those two at the same time, if we, our beloved Pac-12, gets past that, I think momentum, there's a surge. UC Davis, Oregon State. Come on, it's Oregon State. They're going to beat everyone. USC Stanford doesn't matter for our purposes here. I would love it. Yes. I would love it.

If everything rolls into. These four teams, Auburn, Cal, Oklahoma State, Arizona State. Those four teams in games involving stakes, consequences, narratives. I, the game I have the least lean data inclination instinct or read on is Auburn Cal. Correct. No matter the season. No matter who's playing. Okay.

Not only that. Like, is Cam Newton on Auburn? No, I have no clue, then. The default setting on this was already deep question marks on map, like Tara Incognita. Right. And then I don't know if you know this. So I'm just going to bring everyone up to speed on it. But Cal's their last three SEC games.

But Cal who has been playing 17 to 15 football for the past five seasons. Yeah. Right? Under Justin Wilcox. Cal went and scored 58 damn points against North Texas Now you say North Texas sucks One, that's very offensive to me

Coach of the North Texas Mean Green We are doing our best and that's correctable Two To drop 50 Drop 50 I don't care They drop 50 So now that combined with Auburn having What appears to be a functional office

I have no idea what's going to happen in this game None. Absolutely none. Less than none. Cal is good at... Cal is good at giving you one results a year that you're like, what the fuck did Cal do? Wait, what?

Like, they're not... They can't do it over nine games, ten games. They're like, they obviously can't string it together. At least they haven't recently. But, like, Cal beat Ole Miss in back-to-back years. And not like, oh, you mean good Cal of yesterday? No, shit Cal. Shit Cal did that.

Yeah. I guess Auburn? On the road? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I am looking forward to embracing the mystery. I say that in the sense of Margot Martindale at the end of Justified Season 2.

That's probably how I'll feel at the end of this game. honestly Oklahoma State Arizona State feels just as confusing something because Arizona State flips their roster so rough in that opening game yeah yeah if not for I mean if not for Colorado

Arizona State would be the team everyone's looking at like what the fuck are they going to be and we still don't know yeah a 2421 win yeah a 2421 win over the southern Utah Thunderbirds which I believe was the

Southern Utah was the team that covered the biggest spread without winning, I believe, I think, which you don't really want to win that game. That's not really, you know what I mean? You don't want to be the team on the other end of the team almost covering the 30-point spread. Yeah. Right. Or almost winning as a 30-point dog.

Oklahoma State gave up a lot of yards to Central Arkansas. Mm-hmm. That game was close late. Yeah. yeah yeah by the way that being the defensive coordinator at oklahoma state just working for mike gunny period seems very stressful i don't know if you saw derrick mason who's doing commentary that's why i won't do it that's why i won't do it i won't take that job who who basically just left that job rather than it's not even for another job just like i just

out just like nah he's doing tv now he looks so relaxed dude he grew his hair out i didn't know Derek Mason had hair. He's got a glorious head of hair. He looks so, he didn't look like the same person. Do you think we're going to find that out about Clark Lee in a few years? Be like, holy shit. Oh, the Clark Lee can grow like a. He's got lettuce. Yeah. Clarkley has a Trevor Lawrence

like Renaissance sex god main. Like, God damn. He looks like Vigo the Carpathian. Look at him. It seems to happen. Like Bob Stoops got handsome. Sure. Yeah. No, Derek Mason.

looked 10 years younger and had a full head of hair on TV like hey guys I mean once you have money you should quit football oh my god how handsome will Marcus Freeman get my goodness it's unfathomable it'll go all the way back around too he's ugly he's ugly he's ugly he's overfying he's hideous he's uncanny valid oh god I can't look at it he's gonna have to have surgery to make himself look ugly like he's gonna have the rankings of ratings have tanked I would like say Dan Mullen looks just as fucking dorky, not coaching as he did coaching, like.

Pretty much. The most Lil Rascals adult you've ever seen, Dan Mullen. Urban Meyer also did not get handsome. And part of it is he wears the fucking Roger Stone sunglasses still. He's too horny to be handsome.

Anyone with viral moment you're referring to anyone else it'd be like oh come on it's someone talking to a person with him i'm like we see you that cameraman knew the camera man was like oh look it'll look like i'm just framing the shot just getting just getting set up for more great football talk on look at urban i can't believe urban's pants were on during that shot the University of Albany the road trip of the year flying all this I looked it up

this is not the furthest an opponent has had to go to play Hawaii this is not even top five Maine Boston College UMass um West Point

is just barely further as well and there is one more who I can't remember but Albany's real close it's like 5,000 it's just an absurd amount of distance that they have to go. This is when

on split zone duo we picked FCS upsets. This was a consideration for me just because like you look at whatever the spread

doesn't have in front of me and you're like oh God of course they're going a million miles and there's no way there's no way but it's

4,943 miles from Albany to Honolulu I'm not going to tell anyone to download the Team 1 app and stay up until 4 a.m. to watch a team travel 5,000 miles But I'm just going to say

it might be an okay game. I mean, they almost beat Marshall. Sure. So they're all, but he's not a bad team. Oh, these are the Great Danes? These are the Great Danes. Yes, that's Jared. That's Florida State Defense of and Jared versus former team.

Yeah. The Great Danes, yeah. Yeah, they're probably as good as him. Probably got a lot more guys. Probably they're all like him. That's the secret. And also, since we're dropping gambling truisms today, Hawaii's home field advantage is always wild.

overly overrated. Like they, they are not good at covering at home. It's, it's a mental thing. I think it's because, like, everybody who thinks about it is in their 30s or older, and it's like, oh, God, when I travel, I'm so sleeping. Right. But it's like, when you're 19, you're like, I'm asleep anyway. Fuck you. Do they have Taco Bell? I'm good. Right. Exactly. Yes. Yeah, these are, I asked, one time I asked the trainer for the All Blacks what they did to really, like, Because, you know, they fly ridiculous distances. We're like, oh, man, they've got to play 5,000 miles. Not saying that's significant, especially in terms of college football travel.

The All Blacks and international rugby teams are like, we flew from Singapore to Johannesburg for a match, you know? And I asked them, I was like, what do you do to adjust for those times and distances? And they're like, eh, not much. They just rock. They're just like, everybody sleeps. Everybody drinks water. Get off the plane. Hit somebody.

Go back home. If you deny the presence of time zones, they can't hurt you. I honestly think that's a really good approach I could probably build a pretty good Instagram following just based on that health logic just Ed Milit the travel guide right I've rearranged time this reminds me of the time Spencer and I went to Talladega

and we showed up two hours early because we did the time zone math backward which turned out to rock right yeah which was fine we went to Waffle House we met a cool dog. Roger, you're going to do this at some point on this trip. Just accept that and understand.

Yeah. I'm worried Roger's going to show up at a stadium and be like, oh, that game's not for another week. That's going to happen. There'll be something going on. Yeah. Yeah. I have one, can I sneak one more game in there?

Yeah, please go ahead. Just because it's not be Florida. Absolutely not. Thank you. Stanford at USC. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Have you watched Stanford? No, of course not.

Okay, I've watched Stanford. I actually watched him. Okay, okay. Entertaining. They're like, they don't look like the same team. Yeah, it is weird. It is very weird. Stanford looked very, very entertaining.

Like, loose. I've never seen the Stanford team look loose. I don't really know if they're good, but I don't think that matters against USC's defense. Okay? At all. So, like, I don't know if they can beat USC, but based on what I've seen, out of USC's defense this is like a third quarter that this goes into the third quarter because their defense still sucks okay yeah um hmm i'll take a peek i guess take a take a take a gander

take a gander ash and daniels is pretty fun yeah i agree with that like ashen daniels can throws a throws a nice he he does throw a nice ball yes yes and their offense is now kind of kind of spready, a little wacky, right? Like, little, like, it definitely does not look like, you know, four tight-end Stanford of your. Also, Caleb Williams is going to do some, like, crazy shit. And that, that's worth watching in and of its, like, it, it is a little frustrating that USC's defense is such a story that we can't be like,

holy shit, Caleb Williams is just a fucking monster. But that's Alex Grinch for you, baby. he does a move that literally looks like somebody is controlling him with a fast twitch keyboard right the little like two steps up two steps back two steps up two steps back like he moves he moves in exact like right angles in the pocket yeah he does the Pac-Man it's terrifying