Shutdown Fullcast - The NCAA Name/Image/Likeness Episode: Now Entering Hell’s Cheesecake Factory

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

However too long you think the discussion of the plot of the 2012 movie “Battleship” based on the game by Hasbro might be, please know that we spared you from at least 20 additional minutes of arguing over it NEW INVENTIONS OCCURRING IN THIS EPISODE: a system of criminal justice based entirely in Costco, yet another cryptocurrency, and a Methodists-only form of martial arts This is also the SEC MEDIA DAYS PREVIEW episode; now let’s all welcome Nick Saban to the stage with an accordion flash mob Without Jeremy Pruitt there to prop up the side, which SEC head coach is likeliest to pull out a pair of nunchucks during a nationally televised game? We accept full responsibility for Eric Adams’ victory in the New York mayoral primary. Sorry?? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So I'm still confused as to who you think is getting salutes. I think it's funny that Will Smith rolls up to the military base and immediately salutes the guards. When there's an army of RVs behind him, he's clearly wearing military gear. And the first thing they would ask for is ID, right? But instead, he's like, my salute is for you as a fellow troop. But, buddy, I don't know why you're making fun of that. This is a really unproductive conversation, isn't it?

Why would you not salute like strained? Why would you not show like every possible an ounce of respect? to like armed members of a different branch of the armed forces at a base you're not supposed to know about yet be at I would be polite as shit it's civilization is fallen it manners have gone by the wayside light as shit yeah but also it doesn't work it doesn't work remember no what works is when he he uncovers the alien right it's not I don't think it's very also these people are in the military your original point like five minutes before we started recording the show was that everybody salutes everybody in Independence Day,

even in they're not in the military. I bet I can find civilians just saluting for no reason. I think what you are, I think what you are missing is that Independence Day posits a world where we're all the military now. Yeah. Like there is no more distinct after. That's not what he meant.

No, I don't think that's what he meant. I think that's what he's missing. I actually think he's referring to, I actually think he's referring to the very end of the movie where, Will Smith has to hand off his cigar to salute Bill Pullman. You know Bill Pullman is the president in the movie, right? And a fighter pilot. And is therefore in charge of the military, right?

Yeah. And is a really haphazard president. You know president salute the military. Like, no, no, I'm not, no, we're not moving the goalpost. I am staying right at your original assertion that a whole bunch of people are just running around saluting willy-nilly in Independence Day. I'm going to send bad this. And I'm just going to make everybody remember something that didn't.

happen. Yeah, let's agree that in the scene, in, in the scene where the, is it the Capitol Records building, whatever the building is that they're on in LA, with, oh, no, that's, I think that's the U.S. Bank Tower downtown. Capital Records. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it's like the DJ moment where the aliens are about to let the beat drop, like,

yeah, and like, the other drop. Vivicay. Jesus. So loud. let's agree that like vivica vivica fox's other stripper friend and everybody else said they're all saluting each other yeah yeah okay that's that's definitely what happened anyway this this is a bridge to what i actually wanted to talk about which is the movie battleship which what okay i actually i've finally seen battleship i watched on streaming over the weekend while i was doing laundry

battleship is one of like three or four movies i've ever walked out of in my lifetime and not because I was dissatisfied with the movie. I went to see it at some raggedy dollar theater in Columbus, Georgia. And one of the speakers was out of phase, like on my right side. And when it got really loud, it was like when you roll down a window in the car and it makes this weird vibrating against your eardrum. I almost puked when the sound got really loud. Did you possibly go to a CIA black site to watch Battleship? it's really close to Fort Benning

so it actually is possible but like when the monsters or monster robots landed started making these weirdly loud mechanical noises I got like a stabbing pain behind my eyeballs and we had to leave so anyway I'm years late to this movie it was

it was on HBO or whatever over the weekend I put it on while I was folding a mountain of towels and there is a point in the movie where like they have to they have to go fight the aliens on

the battleship title that is tied up at the USS Arizona Museum like obviously the Arizona's underwater would I think this one's the Missouri which A funny and B the only people around who can steer the ship are all of the all of the aged vets of earlier wars

who all like work as docents basically at this museum right you've got like you've seen them throughout the movie like you know the old timers in the the hats with their with their military patches on them you know explaining to kids like how gunners used to work here and whatnot so they give these guys who i think i remember noting at the time uh from interviews were actual veterans they give these guys michael bay or whoever gives these guys a slow motion walk up the ramp like Avengers style right like all of these these portly old gentlemen it's Peterberg right okay same thing god damn Peterberg really yeah to be somebody um that's depressing anyway so he gives them this full on like slow motion heroes walk up the gangplank and it's not played for laughs like

it's very like I remember hearing that he used you know not actors actual vets for this scene and what they end up doing is actually very cool with these guys. But in the moment, you get this hero shot. And as they roll up and the music swells, the dude in front kind of Cox's baseball cap back. And in the thickest Pittsburgh accent, I have ever heard in my life goes like, what do you need here, Sonny? And I was like, oh, man, they told one of these dudes he could have a speaking line and they all put this guy out of front and it's like it completely cracks the gravity of the moment but also as a denizen of this podcast i am so delighted that this dude is charged with saving the world and does so you got pound the fries into the burl real tight real tight like that then you got it um battleship feels

like a movie that came along just too early to be prime internet meme bullshit yeah yeah i would agree with that i also did not count on the uh i didn't count on the battleship port rhianna's in it by the way it's just like a soldier yes um and the movie does some some very weird and and dumb things but also they the battleship portion of it is staged literally like i didn't know they were actually going to try and make the game into the movie i thought it was just like here's a bunch of battleships but there's uh this whole why am i explaining the entire plot of the movie i don't know but whatever you do do not stop so the whole movie takes place during these uh during this international war games exercise and there's a bunch of japanese soldiers who are there who get

trapped inside this like alien force field with all the American ships right and so what they end up doing is using sonar to track the aliens kind of in the same vein as independency like they go old style and the Japanese captain goes very casually like oh yeah we've been spying on y'all this way for like 30 years you didn't know that um uh it's it's a very it's it's kind of an incredibly tacky thing to say to somebody uh at the USS Arizona Memorial but but also owned. Anyway, that they're,

they're kind of doing like the hit and miss pings with sonar. Man, this is fucking stupid. No, the better part is that somebody's lost this movie over the weekend and the emotional climax of it is this like large Dear Dorfian fellow

in like a veterans in a VFW hat going like, what can we do for you, Sonny? And it's beautiful. I'm a fan of the greatest baseball team alive, the Pittsburgh Pirates. It might be a Chicago accent. I don't know. All y'all sound alike up there.

All y'all in the up there. Battleship won two awards. Rihanna won both of them. First, she won the Teen Choice Award for Choice Award for Choice Movie Breakout. And she also won the Golden Raspberry for worst supporting actress.

Okay, she's not bad in this movie. I guess what I'm saying is life is a lane of converse. Like, the movie is terrible, but she's not bad in it. she's kind of like a shitbird punk in it which is the super fun thing for her to play and she probably also has the highest net worth of anyone in that movie yeah i would call her no leom nison's in it oh no i mean i think yeah but leum doesn't own fenty fair right no this was pre fenty right but she but right now like the of all the people in there

you're like who's come out the best from the movie battleship and you go the one who won the razzie for worst supporting actress also yeah she was one of the better parts of that movie i can test this Razzie. I like that Liam Neeson is doing all of the things. Like he's basically living Nick Cage's career now, but nobody cares. We're like, fuck it. We love Liam Mason. Why would we make fun of him for that? Okay. Hang on one second. I'm trying to find the scene on, I'm trying to find the scene on YouTube where they get these guys so you can hear this guy talk. Okay. Um, while you, oh, there's, okay, so in the movie, there's, so in the movie, there's supposed to be like veterans of the battleship, Missouri. Okay, okay, here. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna send

this to you guys in the chat. And I want all of you guys to, if I screen share, can you guys all see this? If you screen share, you can probably get the audio. Okay. Spencer, mute your things. Let's get sued by battleship. Let's get sued by battleship. I'm not underselling this moment. I need you guys to see what happens. I know. And I want to get sued by Battleship. Okay. Host disabled attendee screen sharing. Boom.

Let me cook. Server has put the clamps down. The Mutabo finger. I didn't even know I was allowed to do that. Spencer's going to screen share. Hang on. Who can share all participants? All participants.

Spencer's going to screen share because we're already audioed in that way. All right. All right. Yeah. Here we go. we go okay no it's not playing sound no you got to start at the beginning sorry it's not giving us sound it's not good what i can hear it yeah but we're off the same box i don't know if that yeah yeah you're using the box as a monitor yeah so here shoot okay

everybody go to the beginning of the of the thing and just pause it spencer pause it everybody to go to the beginning and just pause it and we're all going to hit play at the same time and you're going to watch it for yourselves okay ready hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on I'm in full screen mode I have to get out of full screen note exit full screen mode we only need to watch it's in view to watch like the first two minutes of this because it happens at like the exact two minute mark of this video okay welcome to our 17 minute podcast about the 2012 movie battleship okay is everybody ready everybody queued up yes Wait, where does it even go?

Okay, there is. Okay, everybody ready? Three, two, one, go. Doesn't end like this. Why do you want us to do, Hopper? We have no ships left. We have one. We've got a battleship.

Are you crazy? That's a museum. Oh yeah, it's Peter Berg because that's why half a Friday that lights is in this building. This ship is 70 years old. It's totally outdated. The firing systems are all analog. The engines haven't been started. The engines haven't been started in a decade, which would be fine, but there's steam, which I have no idea how to fire up.

I've been watching Fast and the Furious All day, and this is so the same. Six weeks to go through it all, we still don't have enough crew to fire it up. Okay, here we go. I don't know what you're thinking, sir. Oh, Lavitra. Ktruda. You can see what they're trying to do. I can see how this might have been thought like a cool moment.

And it is? We heard that this is awesome. We heard there was leftover corn. Okay, wait. Okay. Take the full impact at this moment. Is everyone all right? Yes, sir.

Okay. You men have given so much to your country and no one has the right to ask any more of you. But I'm asking. What do you need, John? Go Stillers. You bore your bone. Jesus.

So the part that they didn't market about this movie, which I think they should have, is that basically the invading aliens are defeated by a bunch of old dudes while the entire U.S. military is trapped in an alien force field, which is kind of a baller way to end the movie but here's this christend down this guy's like what do you need um stilers battleship has a wonderful sentence in its wikipedia page under the production headline uh universal at one point

considered canceling the film which would have resulted in a 30 million dollar loss however new chairman adam foggelson decided the studio would lose less money if they increased the budget of the film instead of out right, canceling it. Fucking awesome. Hollywood math is awesome. Hey, this movie is going to lose money. You know what would fix that? Spending more money on.

Well, yeah, because scared money don't make money. If you're losing money, you need to pour more money into the hole. Battleship to the moon. I'm sorry if you don't understand finance, Ryan. Battleship was the original cryptocurrency, right. Yeah. Bittleship. The virtual currency for fans of the 2012 movie Battleship.

Business ideas in every show. Two years later, and they were all indicted. No, no, I'm not going to be indicted. Look at this face. Catching me. All right, are we doing a show? I got confused. There's the cold open.

Thank you for being with me on that. I really feel like I didn't oversell that. I'm warm now. I'm loose. I'm ready to go. All right. so not everybody in Independence Day is in the he was just so confident and it was just a flyby

and I didn't even register it to like five minutes Bill Palmer really is such a Republican in that movie though because he's like yeah I'm gonna crash into this thing and he's like you go man Holly if it helps I try to treat Spencer like Nora and I'm just like he said something crazy that's fine that's fine I'm making dinner

I don't care Yeah, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother. welcome to the shutdown fullcast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast and today i am its only host spencer hall because my co-host jason kirk it's got some family vacationy kind of stuff to do on the road so we're rocking with the three plus one today uh joining me as always is holly anderson say hello holly as always as always Salute. Salute like we're in Independence Day.

We're in the military. No. Why would you go back to this? I'm going back. That is my lieutenant and guest, Ryan Nanny. Have you all watched Mythic Quest? Have you watched Mythic Quest? Yeah, it's, there's a lot.

I have been told, I have been told it would remind me too much of stressful job environments in which I have worked. I was told the same thing and that's accurate. Server, have you watched it? yes it's phenomenal okay server can you pick out who i am and who spencer is in this scenario uh spencer certainly c w thank you

thank you that is correct i am f murray abraham in so many ways the lyrical joy of storytelling what you're saying is spencer killed mosa third novel due to his publisher in 1984 there is a point on mystic quest that's great

where they're arguing with an author. And he's like, well, you give me time to finish my book. And they're like, that was due in 1982, dude. You are almost 40 years late. My process, which is exactly what you would do in this situation. No, I wouldn't answer the email. That's true. That's goddamn, you wouldn't see the email in the first place.

This is an awesome time for people to find out that by the time this episode's out, we will have launched a new business on purpose. On purpose, we'll have launched a new business. That's right. That's right. Also, I just committed us to actually making the launch deadline tomorrow. Yeah. Listen, there are a lot of things we've said on this podcast that weren't true.

May I refer you to Spencer's promise to drink like 380 beers? How we do you learn on that? What? I didn't establish when that was going to be done. Oh, God. Once again, I would like to point out that Ryan. Oh, the lawyer has problems with me asking that people read the contract. Ryan brought a great solution to the table

right after the charity bowl and you just blew right past it it was like no I'll be fine well that's a good solution I'm looking for a great solution I am letting I'm letting good get in the way of great I usually play Nintendo during this show

and the more I actually listen to the show while it's happening the more I wonder what I'm doing here that you know what you're doing reminding everyone of the greatness of the 2012 movie Battleship and you're going to help me explain a couple of the best things I have seen happened this week

because if this happened today and I don't really know if it's something we weld into existence because sometimes on this show we do that sometimes we inadvertently conjure something up we manifest it right we summon things that are basically either straight out of our collective imagination or from yours the full cast audience we are real sorry sorry about the career arc of Brett Beelma, most of which we can blame in-house. Yes, on just making it up and it's suddenly happening no matter what. Like, ha, ha, wouldn't it be funny if he was coached in the SEC? That one was me.

That one was me. It would be funny if he went to Illinois. Oh, no. We did that too. That's nobody's fault, though, because it's Illinois football and nothing matters there. The one that I want to talk about, which is actual beautiful good news, is this, that NIL, which I am pronouncing correctly for the first time on this show. show, N I.L, name, image, and lightness. In the NIL era, my favorite endorsement has happened.

And that says something because there are a number of absolutely sublime endorsements. But this one, for grandeur, for fit, and for sheer poetry, I'm not going to be able to beat. Because Wright's Barbecue, Northwest Arkansas's finest meats has decided to sponsor the entire University of Arkansas offensive line. The whole offensive line is getting sponsored by Wright's Barbecue. I am beside myself with joy. It's great because they're all like,

honored to be sponsored by Wright's Barbecue. I bet you are 300 pound piece of majesty, you, all of them. That's who's going to be pushing weight, Wright's Barbecue. So my favorite prior to this, prior to this, it was, Big Thanos,

aka Dewan Jones from Ohio State, their left tackle, who is a legit 6-5-360 pounds, decided that he was going to pair up with puff candles, including, by his own recommendation, the Mountain Berry sent. So that was my favorite prior to this, but no, by sheer weight,

this has now become my favorite NIL endorsement. Well done, gentlemen. Do you know who the big winners of the NIL rapid change are, in my estimation? College football content creators desperate for anything to talk about this time of year who now just have like, oh my God, dozens, hundreds of things to talk about now to blog about, to tweet about. Yeah, imagine if we had a look at, imagine if we had like a queue of look at posts, right? Yes, yes. It's just overflowing. Our NIL Cup runneth over. My question on the Arkansas Barbecue sponsorship, how do you think tight ends do or do not fit into it?

Like, if you're a blocking tight end, do you get 80%? Are you just out completely? What are you, or do you consider like a position change? If you're a tight end who's like, you know what, I'm not going to the league and I'm not like, I mostly block anyway. Should you just at that point say like, hey, coach, I'm a guard now? I think it depends on whether you are one of those Kyle Pitts, skinny, I'm a secret wide receiver tight ends, right? I think you're correct that if you're a blocking tight end,

this might actually be the hinge that gets you to completely abandon your dreams of becoming the Jimmy Graham slash Kyle Pitts type. If you're already quickly phasing out of that, like, I'm not quite as fast as I thought of us. And the hands aren't quite as nice. I might just go ahead, go to rights and be like, brother, I'm putting on 25, and I'm going to rip you guys hard as I morph into the largest blocking tight end in the SEC.

And they'll be like, let's do this. And it feels like you also need a competing business to now sponsor the defense, the Arkansas defensive line, right? Yeah, I mean, you need push on push, but who's going to. Or you need like a fried chicken spot, right? Yeah, sure. Or like, you know, or a pizza spot. Some other, you need some kind of like competing food.

I was trying to get a calzone style. That's what I was thinking I was like Rutgers needs to dive in here. Rutgers needs to be like sponsoring the Rutgers defensive line. That'd be stretch a tell of cheese cake. The peas the P zone is now the R zone. What's the R. It's a breadstick. It's a breadstick. The Rizzo.

Oh, that kind of sounds like a rash, which, yeah, that tracks. The team comes out. The lights get real low. And it's like, you are now entering Hell's Cheesecake Factory. defensive line waddles out they're all like 420 each like oh oh that could be like you know they're not the most mobile defensive line but it's very hard to jump over them they just they just stand there like a great wall I also I really enjoy that this thing that for almost for like over a decade it feels like the NCAA was like we can't do this think of think of the slippery slope they did it and it's all just fine Now we have shifted to the other direction where you've seen the Miami sponsorship that came out today, I hope. Yeah, which is with America's top team. Right.

Is offering, I think it's like a $5,000 or $6,000 endorsement deal to every player on the Miami roster, I believe. And now we've shifted from, well, players can't get this money to, well, business owners aren't going to make responsible choices. That's America, baby. too fucking bad. I refer you back to the 2012 blockbuster Battleship. I am so excited for some of America's companies to have to get bailed out by the federal government because they gave too much money to like Miami's third string defensive tackle. That's awesome.

Also, if you want to know how complete crap the opposition to NIL was, more to paying players. Okay, we're going to do a little roll play here, Ryan. Okay? You just say, oh, yeah, sure. Hey, um, so you guys don't want us to have a salary or a payroll, right? Correct. Okay, cool. So, so I'm going to have a company pool a bunch of money. Yeah. And everybody's going to get some of it. Yeah, sure. But they're not going to be employees. We're just giving them the money. So it's like an ice cream social with money. Exactly. That's fine. It's like, it's like a payroll, but we call it something different.

It's awesome. Awesome. What you're now describing is like basically like light business fraud. And that's also American and shit. This whole system is perfect. We've replaced a great fraud, which would be not paying people for work with a lesser fraud. Yes. Paying them but not calling it that. Yes. And inadequately paying them to be fair. Right. Yes. Yes. Six grand is not enough. No. But, you know, that only precludes you from, I assume, getting a sponsorship. with a competing MMA gym. You can start stacking these if you want. That's fine.

Ohio State's just livid right now. They're like, what? Top team went with them? Oh, yeah, we've got to get Greg Jackson MMA on this. We got to get, we've got to get Golds. Let's get Golds. Like Ohio State, sponsored by Gold's Gym. Kentucky, sponsored by Jazzercise.

All right, that's cool. That's fun. What team has planet fitness, the gym where you can't actually lift big weights or make noise? The quiet, Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt. Quiet suffering.

Suffer quietly. Vanderbilt football. That's, somebody's going to do that. I love that we basically took a payroll and just rephrased it. That was it. Like, we're not actually against players. We just want you to make it as fraudulent as possible.

Just make it, put as many inaccurate labels on it as you can. You know who it rules me right now? Hmm. The, what do you call them? The, the officers at the, colleges who have to field all the NCAA compliance yes compliance

compliance officers at colleges right now I think they're having a blast because their answer is ah I don't know Wes West Blanketship put out a really funny video that includes like the compliance officer being fielded a question about a player sponsor getting a sponsorship for Delta 8 he was like well you know South West is our official wait it's what no huh do what this is like if i were a compliance director at at us at a d1 school right now i would just go on vacation for like three months like what could i possibly tell you i need to i need to go look that up take your phone off the hook let me get back to you on that out of office immediately goes i will

be out of the office until blank don't put anything in there i will be out of the office until when i will be out of the office. I will be out of the office. Are you now? It's hard to say. Time is a fluid thing. The best part is they get to do my favorite government official response thing now, which is, you know, we really don't have an answer for you on that right now. So just, you know, why don't you just make it up? Yep. Why don't you just do something and we'll see what happens. Yep. That's it. As long as it's not outright giving people money, they can't really say anything about it. As long as it's not, you know, a direct like, hey, you're playing football for us. Here's dollar i can do anything i want pretty much as long as i'm not a registered booster for the

program and um nothing is in writing connecting me to the program i can do anything that's what like america top team what if they'd come through and they've gone we want to spend one point five million on it that would have been what 15 grand apiece they couldn't have done anything the numbers don't matter anymore and somebody's going to chip somebody is going to cash out a lot harder than that like Miami has done this a couple of times. There was, by the way, another Miami player signed with a steakhouse. This was holding up a pair of tomahawk chops while wearing Black Air Force ones and what really should be the greatest college football image of the year,

including anything that's going to happen on the field is him holding up these giant stakes. But this is small compared to what will be, to what will come, and what will have to come. because notice who you haven't heard with the sort of massive more interesting or larger deals. You haven't heard Ohio State. You haven't heard Alabama yet. Yeah, you've seen some small things. Like there's an Alabama player who I think also has a Milo sponsorship to go with Bo Nix because you got to, you know, got to cover all bases there. But yeah, nothing big.

I wonder if Milos just did that first and then they caught hell for it, right? Like, I ain't drinking your tea. I'd drink it your Auburn tea Listen My body is an Alabama Temple Stay in your lemonade tent

I'll drink water If I have to I don't want to Whoa whoa whoa buddy Let's not Let's not get crazy Actually Actually there are tweets

That are basically like Alabama fans being like I'm suspicious of them now I can't get it There's nothing that's like you know, I'm going to set it on fire. But Malachi Moore, who intercepted Bo Nix last year. Yes, that's right.

He does the same thing here. Like, Bo Nix, the only player with Milo's team. No! Man, mine now. That's my T now. He's got the Milo sponsorship. I mean, we're going to see something larger than that deal that America's top team has, which also probably Ohio State because, yeah,

Miami doing the MMHM is like, oh, that's beautiful. I'm going to be real honest. I don't say this because I want any of the athletes get in trouble. I hope the America's top team thing ends up being entirely money laundering. I just want it to, I want Miami to come. Better education. I want Miami to come right at the gates. And in this new system that's supposed to be all about athletes, realizing their new

potential, immediately be just be associated with a huge money laundering case. I think it's when we get a cryptocurrency sponsoring an entire team and paying in that currency that's when we'll see something really spectacular and that team's going to be like USC and again this is how Clay Hilton's going to keep his job

right? Who? Yeah, who? That's the question exactly who approved this deal? I don't know who yeah can't say D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. Play-Holten's with John Cena this whole time. Play-Helton's also frequently had to apologize to China.

And China, China's like, She-she-she-she-sa-she. Watch it. Um, yeah, that is, I am overjoyed that all of this is happening and happening as fast and as chaotically as it has. I am also waiting on the first on-field advertisement for a product.

Oh, yes, where you lift up the jersey and show the shirt underneath or some shit like that? Yeah, the first, like, Golden Palace tattoo. Golden Palace stomach tat, yeah. Except for Milo's, like, Al-Qa Moore pulls it up and she's got Milo's tatted on his stomach. Man, I hope that leads to something. Like, I'm excited for, like, Tennessee scores a touchdown and, like, a player pulls out a sword, and it's like, China Knife Bazaar, sponsor. of me. Oh my God, yes. That is not okay, but on the other hand, it's awesome. Okay, now I'm

excited. China Knife Bazaar. Sponsor every volunteer you can. Do you know how much money they already spend on throwing stars? That's right. I think, I think more so than any coach hire, any win, whatever, if Tennessee came out and we're like, yep, every, every player on the roster is sponsored by China Knife Bazaar. Like that immediately changes the public tenor of Tennessee football. Not inside Tennessee because we know, but outside Tennessee, yes, for sure. Like Virginia Tech or, hell, I don't know. Like Wisconsin might be in the competition whenever you think of which teams,

which team has the most like hunting rifles per capita. But no, when it comes to like bringing throwing stars to the club shit, I feel like Tennessee has always had this edge. And I would love to see that played out in the marketplace. Yes, if we could just immediately market Tennessee football as Tennessee football, the team with knives, like, that's it. Game over. It doesn't matter how long they've lost to Bamma.

It doesn't matter how long since they've won the East. They're the team with knives now. I can't feel my face, and that's because I have severed a nerve. Tennessee football, you want to see how I got these scars. and have the offensive line sponsored by the pancake pantry come on come on that's a real insult to fanderbilt but that will happen like because nashville is nashville you will get natural businesses that are like we're proud to sponsor our local UT football fan he's going to be like god damn it

there's a pancake pantry in uh gal there's one in birmingham too i know it no yeah i have never been. I thought the first one was in Birmingham. Are we stealing UAB Valor? UAB, sponsored by UT, sponsored by pancake pantry. Fair enough. This is what I'm waiting on. That, like, what team's going to be

the one that just is sponsored by guns? West Virginia. West Virginia, sponsored by guns. Guns. Sponsed by unregistered guns. Oh, I guess that would, that might be SMU. Reclaimed guns. West Virginia

sponsor. Do you have a blunderbuss that needs repolishing? Do you have a musket? The best part is now you're going to get a player who like sues a ref because the ref throws a flag on him for showing off his brand during a game. And you're going to be like, no, you are restraining my commercial rights, sir. Oh, I can't wait for this. It's going to be good. Oh, no, let's do it. I, this points us towards the next and the next in the calendar is unfortunately what we all got notices in our inboxes and that i actually did see big new saturday minnesota yeah that's it that's that i would like to take a brief point here and and note that this this show doc which spencer put

together very helpfully which leads off with all about commerce in no way shape or form does it have the ad reads they're it does they're further they're further down here where you see they're the acorns one is there I do not see the home field might as well slide on the home field here too it's right under there oh it's hard for me to tell because the bottom two-thirds of this document are all in bold for some reason oh yeah yeah they're here I apologize Spencer you did good and I fucked up I don't know again the bottom two-thirds this document are all in bold for no reason Sorry, facts are facts. And they're all in bold because they're all bold takes.

That's why. And that's what typography is for, emphasizing in enthusiasm. You were talking about an email you all received. I will note that I didn't receive that. I think the reason so many people ask if we're married is because they don't understand why I would hang out with you if I weren't legally bound. So we all got the email this week for SEC Media Days coming up. I didn't.

that you did how did you escape their net because i've never been okay we gotta go we gotta go just once come on we ought to not this year we're definitely not doing it this year but maybe next we'll see you don't want to get you don't want to go and have the overcoming narratives everybody's overcoming something this year um it's not like can breathe on you he'll just hit your belly button your belly button will be so warm so sell me on so moist so steamy um sell me on the appeal of media days before you tell it all tear it all down oh there's not one you just get to get out of the house okay i get to be on the clock the entire time i'm in hoover alabama that's the oh okay that does help What do you guys do there? Are you camped out at Radio Row?

Or are you like helping different coaches shows? Yeah, no, we're camped out on Radio Row and we'll interview every coach and whatever players they bring. You got any questions and get them in to Saban? Server, do you feel like you have a good sense? Actually, we do, but I'll let Spencer get to that. And it's not my question. It's a question that somebody had for him, had set up and he never, if it was something he

never paid off. which I will jump straight to that because I want to get this in everyone's heads before we get any deeper into this. And it's that's Chris Vernon about eight years ago on Radio Row had an accordion and had it waiting for Nick Saban because Nick Saban had said in the interview the year prior that Nick Saban had taken accordion lessons as a child. So remembering that Chris Vernon brought an accordion. A genius and a treasure. A genius and a treasure. Memphis's finest did bring an accordion. and had it ready and waiting and Saban was too busy to stop

even though I'm pretty sure I saw Saban just like blow right by him to go to another talk radio thing to which I really want established as fact Nick Saban telling his like PR flack I'm not playing that fucking accordion not going near that I'm not going to do that so what I want is for somebody to pick up the gauntlet like if Verno doesn't do this himself

I think everybody should at least try to get Nick Sabin to play an accordion leave no safe harbor, an accordion at every table for every station. Can you put it at the podium? What if you put him in his shoe lifts? So it's like, or we can play this. What if everybody in, okay, he gets up there.

He's looking out at the ballroom. There's still going to be 700 pasty reporters staring back at him under the slightly greenish, sickening fluorescent rides. And all of a sudden, they all pull accordions out from under their seats. and they just sit there on the on the tables in front of them but it's totally unacknowledged for the entirety of the interview and nick savin just mumbles oh my god the dream is real except this time i'm not naked oh my god i am no oh my god what's the other one that's not an accordion but like a concertina a concertina do you think he can do that as well they're entirely different instruments they're entirely different instruments what if i show up with an auto harp and demand a duet. Wow. I mean,

he'd have to. Yeah, pretty much. I'm not going to, so quit asking. Don't ask me to choose between the concertina and the accordion. I'm going to see. That kind of conflict killed my mother. I'm going to see if I can find a good Alabama accordion. No, I can't on eBay.

Fuck eBay. Way to fucking. Are you trying to tell me there is not a hounds too? pattern accordion for sale. I'm looking. I'm not finding one, which is just like, for some reason no, I don't want a beach

or a camping chair. See, I know Alabama spent all of this money turning the stadium into a flashier, more club type atmosphere. When they could have just bought 10,000 accordions and just like randomly honk on them whenever Alabama did anything,

it would make Vuvuzella's sound melodic. It would sound like it would be the worst noise you've ever heard your life. Ladies and gentlemen, Dixieland Delight. Just throw like a hundred bagpipes in there. I'll say it. I could sit through wagon wheel under these circumstances.

Everybody on three. Then you know, you know, you know, Auburn's going to be like, oh, we're not going to let that stop us and they'll get bagpipes. That's a real good. It's what Pat Dad would have wanted. Strangely, it wasn't as well. Yeah.

I take my entire net worth, convert it to bagpipes, and I give it to the student body at Auburn to play during football games. I am going to put that in my well. It's only going to begin like five bagpipes, but still. I want you to consider we're making jokes about this

and Mississippi State has been doing this for years. That's true. They've been doing this with Cal belts for years. Like, wouldn't that be the worst noise of like 20,000 people had Cal Bells, Mississippi State. How about that? I'm trying to think of the least practical instrument, and I think it's a harp. Like if you were like, all right, everybody, bring your harp to the stadium, bring your harp to fire up, to fire up the team on third down and just

the quiet tinkling. Also, those things would tip over like dominoes when somebody got up for nachos, right? Like, and that old miss, they'd hollow out the harp and fill it full like gin or whatever. are you kidding me in Arkansas they'd fire arrows with them like a huge bow that's our idea by the way that's yeah that's copyright TM TM TM TM the arrow firing old miss gin harp available only at cabellas and select buckies be like I feel this is offensive but it's less offensive than the team name so I guess it's okay well yes old miss chaos offensive ask us because we've tried it and no how else can we sell you on SEC media days

it's there is kind of once you've been there for a couple years and know a lot of people there is kind of like that first day back at school feeling where like you can you can see all of your buddies in their freshest pillow shirts and flat front cackies. And also, when they both worked there,

you can play my and Stephen Godfrey's favorite annual game of tracking which coaches are going to be completely out of control in their locker rooms by October based on who has done the best job over the summer of keeping up their hair dye. Yeah. It's like spur and miles, especially when they were in the league, always used to come in with these like glossy chestnut manes. and you know he's out of this league and out of another one at this point but I have I have a favorite

question that stumps absolutely everyone that it has ever encountered and server I think I'll put it to you for the first time what color is less Miles's hair right now here go look at a picture and tell me again what color is less Miles's hair. Can you name that? I'd never really considered, but visuals do provide absolutely no assistance. No, they do that. That's cat. Are you saying there's a cat in the hat? Damn it. I mean, he ain't blonde. We know that.

Which I guess means he's not qualified to work at LSU. That part is true. That's, yeah. A number of levels. Actually, yeah. Anyway, selling you on SEC Media Days. Okay. No, that was really pretty much it. Yeah, I have this.

It was a chance after the monotony of summer to listen to coaches not answer your questions in person instead of not answering your questions over the phone. The running of the bowls, which is what I call the rush toward Chick-fil-A when it opens after the 8 o'clock session, usually opens at 9 o'clock. Do you remember the year that Chick-fil-A ran out of chicken on, like, day two? And it went to fucking Lord of the Flies in that ballroom? Do you remember when oil and gas people paid for a seafood buffet after they had blown up an oil, Derek, in the middle of the Gulf and spoiled Alabama's beaches? So it's...

I do. In some kind of brilliant PR move, they decided to get an entire fresh seafood buffet for the men and women of the SEC see press corps yeah that was they gave us fresh shrimp you're like who paid for this on the one hand we're destroying the planet that we live on on the other free shrimp fresh shrimp come on paid for by your oil and gas the flyers yeah they they did that for us for some reason one year why is the ocean of flame because I love shrimp that's why fuck you you don't even know how good shrimp tastes because it went extinct before you were born it was worth it

it was worth it what's another thing I do enjoy the occasional I enjoy grown men rating it like a concert festival like yeah you know like let's see Clark Lee's up yeah you can skip that that's a pre-show

like you know I heard of ZEP just invite Godfrey on the show quit quit shit talking him like this yeah just Godfrey seriously shit talk Clark Lee

actually what no but this oh I thought you were sub-tweeting Godfrey and now I've accidentally sub-tweeted Godfrey. Wow, we did it. This is also, okay, I can say one nice thing about Media Days sincerely, where we met for the first time one young Richard Johnson. We did. We met Babyface Richard Johnson there. God help it. We're not hard to miss in the ballroom when it's me, Spencer, Jason, and Godfrey in a row, especially when Spencer is wearing a plaid suit. He was so like poised and adult and we left and we were like,

oh man that dude is more together than we are it's still true like that really i remember years later i remember telling him how much he stood out because uh he was a college student and a blogger who did not sound like a moron which put him way ahead of all of us and that's why he's not on this show i did actually yeah he's on the good show i did actually get to see something at cc media days that was worth it involving a coach which was he was steve spire uh making fun of a columnist golf game to his face. That was beautiful. Hey, hey, Bianchi.

He was, it was Mike Bianchi. It was like a long time. Orlando Sentinel columnist. And he goes, hey, Bianchi, do you play that place? That's real nice. Yeah, they got, you know, a couple of lakes there. It was good. What did you shoot?

Like, like 92 all that? No, coach. I got like an 82. 82. I need to see the card. You bring that up here. Okay. It's good talking with you, Bianchi.

Work on that swing. What did you shoot 90? Ninety. What you got on there on nine? Yeah, just absolutely destroying this man's golf game. So sometimes you get that with SEC Media Days. And then maybe once in a blue moon, somebody's actually served a subpoena because I was there when that happened too.

I missed that year and I was so bad. Tennessee's coach. Can I ask the indelicate question? What's stopping you? This far. Media days are just a convention, right? All industries have them, doctors, lawyers, whoever. like everybody has a convention and people go to it for various reasons sometimes you're going because

you got to buy something for your company sometimes you're selling whatever but one of the reasons people go to these professional conventions is to fuck and like what is the sexual activity level of SEC media days like are there people who are there to fuck I'm going to power past I'm going to power past my gorge um and say that A I really hope is still not listening to this show. Sorry,

we're going to have to do some bleeps. Yeah. You'll have to bleep that. You think Learfield has lawyers? Did you know I found out that Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah.

If I were constantly pointing out how many times your dad had tried to put his tongue down my throat and my throat in my friend's throats. 456 server, 456 to 458 is what you're- That's not time code.

That's just time. I've got the exact time code here. Okay. I appreciate the reference. Spencer, do you think server is a time traveler? He better be. I'm the doctor. All right.

So I renew my question. I'm going to power past my gorge and going to say, I think that's become more difficult. in recent years, not just because of advent of high-definition video and audio recording devices that are getting smaller, smaller, and more obtrusive, but because of what they've done to the Winfrey, which is the hotel where this takes place. Now, this may startle some of you who have these magnolia-draped and bunting bed-decked visions of the South. Hoover, Alabama is

not an inherently sensual location. There's a reason it is home. to so much college baseball right right there is a reason it is home to this enormous mall that honestly gives more sense the gallery gives more sense of being abandoned while simultaneously being crowded than maybe any other place i've ever been but the winfrey at the very least used to be decorated like um kind of like granny's house right there was like floral wallpaper there were brass chandelier bulbs in like sconces in the bathroom and you could pretend that you were maybe someplace a little bit quaint like your home for the holidays and you found your high school crush at the applebees and you know you brought them back for a little sneaky squeaky but they redid the Ryan you brought this up I know that's that's not a phrase you dug this hole and I'm filling it you are literally filling it yeah with um but they redid it and i have to say the remodeling is kind of stark it's all fluorescent lighting it's all fluorescent lighting everywhere in the building which honestly just makes you feel sick

after a couple days especially now that this fucking thing is four days long right um and i don't feel like it's an like it's an excellent spot for a rendezvous but also I don't have a suitcase full of dry fit polo and a... Not yet. Not yet. Christmas will come. You know what? I'd prefer, honestly, to a suitcase full of dry fit polos and a story for each one.

Oh, just two or three or ten more of the snugliest vintage shirts I can buy. Yes. Field apparel. Wow. That was Holly, that was Holly throwing it off the glass to herself for the dunk. Beautifully done. thank you thank you uh who would like to talk about home field apparel and their many fine schools including texas a and m which i'm told is in the cc now um let's see we just did wisconsin big

new saturday which really some really excellent choices there ski you ma let's go one of their one of their best um best releases yes we have minnesota coming up this week which i have not seen uh i have not seen what that'll look like but i'm sure it'll be very good as well continue to see more people possibly like throwing out the like i want to get a tattoo if the brand sells a bunch of t-shirts which sure this choice um but yeah they remain the kings the powerhouses the absolute best in the business when it comes to collegiate t-shirts sweatshirts the occasional sweat pant tank tops um lots of good options always coming out with new stuff and I think we've still got like what another 10 or so weeks of big new Saturdays to come and we listen full disclosure we have all seen the full list we are not allowed to tell you the full list no there are some very good schools on here and some very good designs for some monsters up there's some monsters up there's some monsters up there

Ryan sent one to me that I hadn't seen yet when I was off camping a couple weeks ago that involves a program very near and dear to my heart I will not reveal the school nor the sport and I just about drove off the road. Like, I fully anticipate at some point I will rip the ban. I'm waiting for some of these schools to come out so that I can just sit down and rip the band-aid off and spend like $500 on sweatshirts because I'm insane. But if you're insane like me and you would like to reduce that $500 down to $400, you can use offer code full casket 20% off your first order of way too many sweatshirts. which is to say not enough sweatshirts at the same time yeah and and that's what it's like at this point

if you are still on the fence be patient your school is probably coming or a school that you would like to rep on the side like the brand only they only they only they only make hits they only score touchdowns mm-hmm could not agree more yeah and i can't like there are a couple ahead that I am legit going to smoke a credit card to. But apparently nobody will ever touch Notre Dame for sales, which like, I get it. It's cold up there. It is that.

So I will say I would like at one point, Connor, you may hear about this at some point. Or, hey, somebody just tweet at Connor. I would like a some sort of math done to reflect big new Saturdays sales relative to average temperature in, winter because by that metric LSU is fucking killing it absolutely fucking killing it and I think it's unfair that Notre Dame gets a boost just because it's miserable it's it's gray misery up there

for like four months a year yeah also LSU will sometimes just wear the sweatshirt because it looks good they're like be damn it's only 88 it's not hot go tigers you're about you're visibly suffering heat stroke no no no no no that's just the fever getting I'm not suffering. I enjoy it. Yeah, this is good. That's just a spice. That's this. It's not heat stroke.

It's environmental spice. I'm becoming a roo. Yeah. Look, the living embodiment of cayenne. The first step of any worthwhile process. I'm living a three pepper lifestyle, a two pepper body. Let's go.

I'm sorry, what's that pocket called on the front of a hoodie again? I honestly don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. It's a kangaroo pocket. Whatever. Let's go back to the show. I did have one other thing. I don't know why anybody really does media days anymore. Like you should just do it on Twitch and I have evidence for that, which is that if you can do anything on Twitch, you can try a media day.

And my proof of this is that somebody tried to perform Hamlet in GTA 5. Somebody just tried to do all of Hamlet in GTA 5. By themselves? No, they had people playing the parts. When you say tried. Well, the thing with GTA 5 is that it's an open world game with a very violent dynamic and a lot of very powerful weapons. Like Hamlet. Well, there are deaths in Hamlet.

They were like characters died many times because trying to get through the lines, people would shoot them with rocket launchers, throw grenades at them, shoot them, set them on fire. I didn't know he was behind the curtain. It's not my fault. I set him on fire. from what I can see performing it by the way in a public lobby being like hey we're going to try hamlet in a public lobby at GGA 5 the phrase hamlet dies the stage direction should appear like 90 times in the first two pages it was like to be or not to i would like hamlet better if it was like a cartoon horse i would like hamlet better if it if it were staged and every time a character died it said wasted Did they also do the play within a play within GTA? Oh my God. Now we have to have to,

now we have to do like Rosencranton Gildenstern inside the mall inside GTA. Wow. That's great. Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are going to die repeatedly. So part of the reason that I asked about the fuck scene at SEC Media Days. God damn it is because so.

You know what goes to this thing, right? Stop saying that. So many bleeps are going to be in this episode. it's like 80 it's like 80% dudes too which just oh no that's low lots of low lots of failed fuck scenes are that's I ask this because I know almost nothing

about the media days environment imagine like imagine just like a parade of guys just offering to lay you down on a pillow and go baby talk about your needs I'm gonna fall asleep while you do just like you know like you know you'd get in one leg up over your shoulder and be like, coach, al.com.

I'm sorry to a.l.com who does not deserve this. Oh, wait, more like jim mashett.com. Ryan started this. Don't touch me. The reason I ask is because the only, I only know a few things about media days. I know the American. Well, hold on.

The American used to do it up in Rhode Island or something. They had a literal clam bake, which I never got. Well, that's, I mean, an actual clam bake. like a fuck scene. That's romantic though. But there is one that I am confident is a fuck scene and it's big 12 media days. And here's why. If any of them are a fuck scene, it's ACC.

Okay. Well, let me make my case and you can make yours. I'm into this ranking, clearly. Big 12 media days I only know two things about and I know them from Stephen Godfrey. One, it's in Dallas, which A, doesn't give it that much fuxine status. But two, I think it is held either at the same time or right before or after the national Mary Kay convention in the same hotel and that to me screams fuck scene never mind this is completely different yeah like I've never been to the big 12 is one of the major ones that I've never been to

like like that to me says oh these two groups planned this because the the the key constituencies and both were like yes I'm down for a midsummer Dallas fuck scene um at one point both Dana Holgerson and Cliff Kingsbury were coaching in the Big 12. Thank you for mentioning, like, thank you for bringing somebody for something for all of us to that particular table. Life's rich page.

And we're both, and we're both single. Yeah. And we're within striking distance. Let's be clear. I don't think the fact that they were single was the key to terminate. Mm-hmm.

I quote, I quote Dana Holgerson on the record in a profile. when I'm married I'm not happy that's a Dana Holgerson quotes thank you Dr. Ian Malcolm Hey must go faster Dana

I mean on the field all right so I'm not okay you know what and this this actually brings me that horror trudging through that horror brings me up one more nice thing to say about SEC Media Days, which is that gender-wise, it remains such a, and of course this is like an overwhelmingly heteronormative space, but gender-wise, it is so skewed that it does

prevent big swaths of the SEC Media Corps from fucking one another. And I could speak for myself when I say that that's probably for the best also the best because I've seen how I've seen how some of these dudes look on day four the wind you've seen how some look on day one shit

the Winfrey does take a toll on you it's the lights man the lights used to be so much more flattering yeah they kill you LED has got to be like some kind of birth control I wanted to see if we could go ahead spoil the fun goddamn server is this going to be a deep edit i'm sorry man but ryan did start it yeah that's my fault

i just this is though this is a great contrast from some other beats that i've worked which is that you don't have to automatically assume that 30% of the people around you are fucking like at least 35% of the other people around you which is a nice break from like election coverage you man you okay listen there i've said my nice thing So I wanted to see if we could have some fun by just writing the storylines ahead of time, so we don't have to go. Yeah, we're 50 minutes, 70 minutes into the show. Let's roll. Yeah. We had to get here.

There's only one way to get here, and that's through it. So which I wanted to go ahead and suggest that with Miss State, what we were going to do is we were going to take the only news from Mississippi State. Wait, explain what we're doing again. We're just going to go ahead and write the storylines for SEC Media Days that they're going to write anyway. okay and just you know because you could go and you could watch it all but i can tell you what they're going to say y'all has alabama lost step i mean they have a lot of parts to replace don't they especially in the secondary that's my that's my thing now that's i haven't cracked that pff magazine by the way i'm going in totally cold that's nick sabin specialty that's what you also need to say

you'd be like you know he was a db so he's going to focus a lot on that i think as long as he's there they're going to be all right you know how will alabama replace all of that talent they lost answer probably with all of the four and five star talent they have on the bench answer with a high four star at worst yeah with somebody with mac jones will still get drafted in the first round after only starting for one year that's that's what will happen with mac jones um so yeah this is for mississippi state i figure we would just ask mike leach you know hey what'd you think about the baseball team that's that's and and also ask if he's planning on if he enjoyed coaching that team because I want to go ahead and just get Mike confused instantly by assuming that he coached the baseball team and keep asking them, does he plan on winning a football title this year? Because that's pretty much what Mississippi State's press has got to move straight to, right? Like the Mississippi State press that follow up got to be like, hey Mike, man, that was great with the baseball team. Now that we're winning everything, are you planning on winning this

year? Because, you know, it's possible. I am now imagining the series of events that has to transpire for us to get a repeat of Mississippi State Vanderbilt in the college football national championship game. I am really glad you brought this up because a reader told us last fall a a story from her husband who worked at Mississippi State and said that Dan Mullen had a habit of trying to get into local, not high school or not college, but local like high school travel baseball games for free and he would start with the you know who i am bit then left the wallet in the car then my wife is coming she'll pay and her husband apparently had to ask them to leave multiple times so anyway that's that's a good let's let's ask leach if he's uh

if he's enjoying the baseball freight and then when mullen gets up ask him if he you know when's the last time he paid for a ticket to a baseball game we should ask dan mullen about savings in general like if he's that cheap we should just ask him like hey coach yeah where the savings at i personally am not able to get most of my money uh by being paid not to work there although i strive at every job i have to make them pay me to go away yeah so damn mullen's got mad coupons right yeah he's a coupon guy 100% right because i think like in his head he's you know he's going to be the GA forever so that's why he's cheap i bet if you i bet if you were just like dan mullen talk about aldi he'd talk for half an hour he'd just like go on and on so do they

really make you bring your own bags do they make you pay like a nickel for a cart they do they do but they pass those savings on to you you know that stuff of traitor joes trader joes scam like i bet he's one of those guys like believes in a bunch of scams says things like So paying for airline tickets and showing up on time. Scam! Scam! Scam! You know, roofers, frankly, scam. Just go up there and do it yourself.

It may not look pretty, but you don't live on the roof, do you? You live under it. You know, legally, Costco can't make you have a membership to eat at the restaurant. You can get a Costco hot dog without a membership card. They have to let you do that. Wait, really? Is that true? I don't know, but it sounds like something, Dan.

Well, now I'm wondering. I bet he's tried it. It's discrimination. Yeah. There's no such thing as Costco law. We're all Americans. Give it like six years. There will be Costco.

No, no. Costco's like, no, there is Costco law. Costco law. The Costco cops. Oh, God. I'm going to have to write you a ticket for a reasonable price, actually, with membership. Non-member executed. present your card

present your card robot the Costco Robocop is now what I'm looking forward to we have excellent salmon you have to buy 10 pounds of it extremely reasonable prices on coffins

here is the largest tiramisu you've ever seen I don't know man Robicop would make great tiramisu. I don't know why this is true. It just is. Also, by the way, also, this is all leading, this is all setting Dan Mollant up, by the way, to ask if that he is so cheap and enjoy saving so much. Why does he continue to spend money on Todd Grantham? Maybe Todd Grantham's like battleship, but it's actually better to spend more money on him than get rid of them.

You could get those same results for way less than a million dollars. Just get one of your GAs and be like, I don't ever want you to do anything but Blitz on third day. down just blitz like crazy and not fight it in midfield yeah and not look that's that's way cheaper than a mill dan savings do you hear me if you're within the sound of my voice savings god think about how much aldi that that buys you dan yeah yeah do you think he's one of those coaches his salary he doesn't spend right like he just spends the money off of the orange juice ads yes and he's just no he just just product he's like all i've had is orange juice for eight years which i like which coach is wildly profligate in money trouble we have no idea is it like kirby like i can't stop

betting on australian toad racing i mean it's jimbo i need 70 million dollars now yeah i don't i don't even feel bad about saying that it's jimbo because it's definitely jimbo will be the coach you're like he he ended up broke how the fuck did he do that he brewsters millions himself robox robox he just spent all his money on robox oh these in-game purchases they'll get you Jimbo spends like $13 million a year on loot. I'm a loopbox addict. My tragic loot box addiction. That Lake Crusay got like 50 of them some bitches in the garage.

Never pay full price for Le Cruzet. I only pay full price. And I tip. I tip at the Lake Crusay outlet. Just tipping the pots. Here you go. You're not even alive and I'm giving you money. Here's $100.

A little dot of paint just makes you a three-star. You've just got to be coached up. Just Jimbo Fisher gifting Twitch subs to like a million people at a time. I can't stop watching Pouty Pie. Speaking of things I want to hear at Coach Day, you have on here for Georgia, what's Kirby think of the new electric F-150? And I just want somebody who is. is going to SEC Media Days to get a recording and server, this might be you of Kirby Smart saying

the following. Frunk. I just want to hear him say frunk. Fronk. God, do you know how mad, do you know how Mad Will Must Chant would get if you actually asked him to do that? Why are you asking me to say something? What's a fron? What's a fron? That sounds, that sounds dirty. Is it Star Wars? Is this that Star Trek shit again? This is a nerds. This sounds like a nerd word. I'm not going to say it with you. I'm not saying that. I just said it. Frunk, God.

I just cursed twice. This is a family program. Look what you made me do. Compromise my morals with this word, Frunk. That's what you've done. Will Mustamp would be so mesmerized by a frunk. Carred by ghosts.

You kidding me? I want Will Mustamp to be played by Danny McBride in a movie so bad. What's this invisible engine? That's crazy. it doesn't run on gas huh runs on the sun how does put a sun in a car that's a plant I know what a plant is

this is a car told me to drive a plant nerd I know chlorophyll is fuck you does he know what chlorophyll is server another question for SEC Media days thank you I'm Will Buschimp

and I have an attentive gardener I love these plans, because they don't ask me questions. One might call you constant, Will. Is that a nerd reference? I don't watch nerd movies. Except for the fifth element. That movie's awesome. An Iron Eagle.

I'm sorry. Will Mustamp has never seen the fifth element. You know how I know? How? Multipass. Thank you. yeah i just want to hear what kirby has to say about a frunk yeah just want to hear him say frunk that's i just want to hear his visceral discomfort

like at a genetic level with the idea of an electric pickup truck with like the sound of something that he's heard at the dermatologist before but actively chose not to absorb correct jimbo's gonna be like i bought eight of them you want one i got one out back i convert them all to diesel too because fuck you oh man jimbo just like selling brickstone contents out of his frunk because he's rich you want a massage chair just give these away how about the fortnight edition it cost 8.3 million dollars but i can afford it so worth it um i wanted to ask what shame Beamer's going to do with his salary? Just cut to the chase because like he's a South Carolina coach. He's doomed. Yeah. Right? He's not Steve Spurger. You have a sentence in here

that doesn't make any sense in from a South Carolina perspective. It's it says it means you get to buy a nice boat and you make it sound like that's a bad thing. But in South Carolina, that's like Valhalla, right? That's what, no, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, there's like only one reason to take that job. Because my, because my thinking was that she Shane Beamer, I'm sure he actually does say, well, I have a great opportunity at this job. At no point is Shane Beamer as a logical sane human being thinking, I'm going to win. Listen, if he says this is a great opportunity at this job, that can be true. It's just that the opportunity is to own a nice boat.

Like, he's not lying. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah, we're just not asking the right follow-up question. So, like, after a game, don't ask Shane, don't ask Shane Beamer like, hey, you just lost to Kentucky by 20 like what went wrong out there be like how's the boat and it'll have all kinds of great things say about we we know perfectly well what we're wrong out there we watch the game but but what did you come here to look at what we don't know is what i don't know yeah what i don't

know is you know is has he thought about dry docking where is he gonna you know has winterizing been a concern right right you know it's a it's a completely different humidity class that you're working with down here in the in the south carolina what's his what's his trailer set up how comfortable is he backing the trailer into the water has he you know have there been any auxiliary personal watercraft added to the boat in the off season is he now working with some sort of armada what's your entertainment situation on that going okay do you have the flat screens are they waterproofed are you going with the uh the bow stereo or you're going with uh you know a little bit hk that's you got options is what I'm saying, Shane. We joke, but

like, this was Mark Zuckerberg's entire 4th of July message was, fuck yeah, boat. That was he, listen. He finally came down to the level of his users, which is, what is one's greatest hope that I could be on a boat with an American flag? That's it.

That is also, I want to ask him, too, like, you know, I hope Mark Zuckerberg's boat is called faceboat. I hope it's called faceboat so much. If it's not, why fucking bother happen one. Right? Like what is the point? Oh, and I hope it's in the font and it just says faceboat on the side of it. No, no, no. The faceboat. The faceboat. Because this is the first one I bought. This is my first boat. That's why it's the faceboat. I still only let people

from Harvard on it though. Come and ride the faceboat sounds so dirty. You went to Virginia. Get the fuck off the face boat what do you think sitting on mark zuckerberg's face would even feel like he doesn't have any features i'm downvoting that it would just be like it would just be like riding a bike that's a dislike i think have you seen the will smith uh the will smith movie with the robots the ai type movie whatever i robot i robot i think it would be like sitting on the face of one of the robots yeah yeah yeah what no i provided the hard you made it for God. Hey, I won't get to bad, but I'll make it worse once we get there. Okay. Hey, you know how you could maybe one day get as rich as Mark Zuckerberg?

I don't. Speaking of investments, that'd be acorns.com, baby. Woo! That's right, acorns.com. The tool that helps everyday investors get a little bit more out of their dollar. I myself am an acorns.com user. Just download the app or go to acorns.com and you can sign us for slash forecast, that is correct. And you can go ahead and start investing, putting away either little roundups throughout the day that go from daily purchases and directly to your own private little investment account.

I'm on the family plan, which it gives me the opportunity to invest, got a little money put to the side, got an early account for the kids, which to give you the update, the endless embezzlement of my younger son continues unabated. He embezzled 34 cents this week So that he is now 34 cents ahead

Of his older brother So good luck young man to them both He's gonna get a boat first You watch You can get a spend smarter account Which comes with the heaviest damn metal debit card I have ever seen in my life If I am in trouble in a street fight

I am throwing it And it's gonna take people out like a manhole cover Not if you're playing the Tennessee China Knife Bazaar No, no, no, I'm done, which is why this is the best endorsement deal in all of the NIL era, which is Tennessee football. We'll cut you. Or you can even get the later account, which the later account is itself, another investment account, all kinds of different options. I am a very satisfied user of the product that we hear on this show endorse. Acorns.com slash full cast. Faceboat. Faceboat. I do like the idea of asking Shane Beamer for like, you know, Hey, you know, a lot of good things here could happen here at Carolina. And he's like, like, what, Shane?

He's like, I'm going to get a wet bar. You should see. Dude, I'm going to have the biggest bottle of Malibu rum you can buy. Like, just the best Malibu. Like, I don't know why Shane Famer's in Malibu. What year? What year is this Malibu? It's a 2019 Malibu.

Ooh. We went all the way back. How great would it be if you're Indiana Jones and you get down into the basement of Aztec pyramid and you're like, ah, the elixir of life and you rub it off. It's just a big bottle of Malibu. Yep. Yep. That was the true cup of Christ. A bottle of Malibu rum. A simple carpenter. And it's like a hand grenade, like a New Orleans hand grenade. Everything I know about carpentry comes from Magic Mike movies. So actually that helps. That does track. Magic Mike is the story of Christ. I wanted to see also Kentucky's going to have this issue, which is a

do we write a story about Mark Stoops and the thing that everyone has a challenge and writing about Mark Stubes is how do you say that somebody's doing a great job and getting to like seven wins that's really that's a hard beat so the thing that they keep doing and trying to make some drama on the Kentucky beat is not when will Kentucky become an SEC power because they got eyes they can they can read a history book it ain't happening ever this is as good as Kentucky is ever going to be and that's fine but the big conflict that they keep jenning up is how do we keep mark stoops from iowa and it's because mark stoops is you know an iowa guy and um there's continual eyeballing of that program

and wondering when kirk ferrance is ever going to retire the answer is never talk about none shall know the hour never they're like yeah kirk's going to retire this year he's tired no he's not he's younger than he's ever been he's tired of what being rich yeah do you think that yeah do you think that yeah do you think that that mode of football takes any like not changing anything for 20 years takes anything out of you? No, he's, he's resting ready. It's like managing a cracker barrel. Yeah, no, he rolls in every day and he's like, I need the numbers.

It's like, cool. We're doing candy sticks. Got it. We're doing some casual moderate racism. Got it. Check. And we're slinging pancakes. Boom.

Yeah. We got one new salad on the menu in the last five years. Yeah. That's it. We all remember the corn beef hash failure. We're not getting weird again. No, man. Irish food is too.

exotic and untrustworthy kirk shut up put out those huge checkers unchain the rocking chairs and let's go yeah no iowa football is back kirk ferrets is younger than he's ever been he's going to coach there for another 35 years this is not an issue we will all be dead by the time he finally decides to retire not die but retire the show notes on this section spencer did you write these i did All right. I'm going to read the show notes aloud. Kentucky, how do you keep Mark Stoops from going to Iowa? Nested Bullet Point. Sexy Iowa. Nested Bullet Point. Unstopably alluring Iowa. Nested bullet point. Gur, come here, you corn silk vixons. Ah. I like that he has basically turned Iowa into like Kathleen Turner in a 1980s romantic drama. like a weird violent sex crap yeah no mark stoops was a normal man responsible family man but then came

the woman who turned his life upside eight and a half hawk eyes oh how can i resist iowa city how can i resist it pretty pretty easily body hawk there it is do the song do the song let me hear your body hawk oh girl seven and five that's the thing with mark stoops like iowa and kentucky that's the same job when mark stoops is at peak because both jobs are challenging enough so that like eight and five is like a really great record of both schools i i think like honestly the easiest answer mark stoops can give is like moving sucks even if you have money and even if you're getting people to help you moving fucking sucks also people kind of tend to like once they get long term in lexington

they tend to kind of want to stay there it is like yeah like people tend to want to stay put and they want to stay in the area you know like you tend to kind of fall into that you know I think it's you get a horse like everybody who gets like rich there oh moving a horse is a huge pain yeah what do you think that horse is going to be happier in iowa than they are in kentucky noted horse paradise i don't think so it is kentucky noted horse paradise that's that's what they to put on the signs source to the state horses of course

source horse source horse of course of course Texas A&M you know what's I just like to talk to Jimbo about money right whatever you just ask Jimbo like hey what's your appearance

be here to be today because you know I ain't doing this for free how's how's it going up top Jimbo can we see it it's Hair Island back I hope he shows up with like a Stephen Seagall ponytail.

That drowns the tender read. He shows up like Stephen, shows up like Steven Seagal. Like, I can't be choked out. It's not possible. My training. Also, you need to fill my fight scenes from far away. Yeah.

Not as quick as I used to be. I need some slow Azari bodyguards. He is. He is. He looks better than I am. Listen, may not be as fast as he used to be, but remains beyond the law. That's,

I think y'all this year after all the expectations we got I think you can consider this program to be under siege all right okay Kelly LeBrock's going to come up here and tell you about the defense with the lack of success at recruiting PJ Fleck to the league and I know there's an obvious answer here. So I'm going to take it off the board. I really feel like there's a hole in this current crop of SEC football coaches. So I'm going to put this question to y'all. Taking Kiffin off the board as the kind of joker or free space, which coach is the likeliest to wear a pair of nunchucks in a belt holster on the sidelines? So Kiffin's off. Take him. Giffing out the board. Goodness.

I'm going to give a, I'm going to give. Because, you know, I mean, look at what we've lost. Look at everything we've lost over the past couple of years. We lost a couple of real likely candidates because Pruitt had this trophy with a bullet, if no other trophies ever. Sure. And with Pruitt, it wouldn't have been a gag. It'd have been like, you'd be like, oh, absolutely not.

A ninja is always ready. Now, Clark Lee, if he is still shaving his head, kind of looks like a John Wick side character. Sure. Yeah. I'm going to bet there's an SEC coach who's already done this in real life and it is not the one you're thinking of I had a dark horse thought about drinkwits actually

because of where he's been yeah yeah also he kind of looks like a nerd and a nerd at one point has gone I think Nunchucks would help me in this situation and then immediately probably got into a situation where they did not help also I just I have the distinct

sensation although he's long gone that though he never bragged about it. Mark Ricked was like at least a brown belt in some kind of nunchuck weaponry. Yeah. And he's like, but I would never use it. He's like, I would never use it against my fellow man. It's just against squirrels. Yeah. Like some sort of Christian-based martial art. Yeah. Yeah. Eli Drinkwitz has some tremendous. Christ, Kwondo. Eli Drinkwold. Oh shit. Trademark. trademark. Trademark. Don't steal it. Don't steal it. Don't steal it. Business idea.

Eli Drinkwitz has definitely sat somewhere and thought to himself, the cops are going to need me to help. The cops are going to come over to me and ask me to help. Okay, Eli Drakewood. Crossland Karate Incorporated Marshall Arts School in Atlanta, Georgia, Christian Taekwondo LLC. Yep. Sense-Ricked.

Sorry, I just Googled Christquando and all the results are local. I probably shouldn't have been surprised about that. kicks he in the chest and then he picks you right back up and he says it's all right buddy christ fell three times you got two more to go let's go you take this kick in the chest like your lord took a spear in his side but by the way shouts out to actual good human being mark wrecked who was oh man yeah that's that's kind of where i was going yeah he's diagnosed mark rick remains an action hero and uh and a sandwich master an action hero a sandwich master a high dive impresario and uh maybe actually actually the only remaining football coach who we think might not be a thousand percent reprehensible.

Yeah, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's this week, came out and a little notes at work was like, hey, I got Parkinson's, but you know, hey, it's still good. I'm still going to do the ACCC network and not sure what the prognosis is, but it's good enough for him to keep doing TV and Parkinson's is one of these things where the prognosis can vary wildly and you can actually have a really high quality of life for a really long time, which I certainly hope is the case because he's actually a cool human being

who's done a lot of really cool stuff and also is, yes, a sandwich master. Try not to think about what happened to all those other coaches that we thought were cool guys. Yes. But yeah, Eli Drinkwitz grew up in Alma, Arkansas in the early 90s.

See, that's real shine-a-knife, bizarre energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I am betting that if he did not have numtucks already as a belt item that Eli Drinkwitz has had a really fancy survival knife or a Swiss Army knife of some sort. Study the blade.

Yeah, Eli Drinkwitz is the one coach who I'm like, he is nerdy enough to possibly have studied the blade. Yeah, he's got real, it's quiet, but it's like, you know, through gridded teeth in the library while you were, you know, while you were reading ecclesiastus

with your Bible study, I was mastering a cataly. I actually don't think I think it would have been fine to leave Lane on the board because while he would have No, I think he absolutely has them but I think he's terrible at them

and would injure himself immediately. I think they're sex toys when you look more closely. You're saying they're fun chucks? None fucks. Ryan, why does this keep happening? I don't know. I don't know why I'm like this.

You're a father. Unconfessed sin. Oh shit, that's it. Yeah. Look what happens when Jason is here in our spiritual core. Our spiritual core took a family vacation. My serious answer, my serious question is actually to Brian Harson at Auburn, which is, hey, y'all know you hired like a complex pro-style offensive type coach

with no wide receivers, right? That's going to be awesome. But at least the process was smooth and orderly. How about that? I would also put him a very close second behind Drinkwitz. and, like, can kill you with a weapon he purchased at a truck stop. Yeah, because his dad was big into, like, drag racing. Right?

Still is, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they spent a lot of time in, like, gas stations where they sold knives. Hey, remember how Texas could have hired this dude? He spent a lot of time in gas stations with knives. Texas, come on. Texas boosters don't pump their own gas. Please, those T-Sips.

They're not getting after that. Unlike Jimbo, who did. definitely pumps this. I don't pump my gas. He does because he has a gas pump at his house. That's actually a also doubles as a bird bath. Just cleaning himself off in the morning. Hold on.

Let's get a little bit on the hands here. It's invigorating. I got an icing machine out there too. A little bit of that 83 octane on the face. I don't wake a man up. I do think Pact 12 media days should just embrace this theory and like just say like, hey, we're doing media days. New Pact 12 and we fuck now.

come out here if y'all want to fuck stop bringing this up i saw somebody say something ryan are you okay certainly not ryan's horny on the main i'm look you're like the last person to do this on the show and i thought that i'll be the last person to do this on the show but do i hand the torch over at this point holly the torch is actually a hittachi magic wand i hope you enjoy it. That's overeating. Laine Kiffin. That's a good one. That's a good one. No, no. He can't work that one because he gets tangled up in the cord.

In my hair. Mom. Mom, it happened again.