Shutdown Fullcast - The Oklahoma Asswhippin’ News Network

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

 - SURPRISE MONDAY SHOW NONE SHALL KNOW THE HOUR  - Jason is absent and it takes the rest of the gang all of one (1) minute of airtime to just completely fall apart  - [CLAP CLAP] Oklahoma, one loss this time [CLAP CLAP] Two losses now! [CLAP CLAP CLAP]   - Well it’s year 3 for Jimbo and it looks like WHO CARES GOT ATVS   - Auburn spoils their own narrative arc with an early FIRE GUS spoiler  - Please meet Ryan’s most devastating creation yet, “Sexual Anarchist Lane Kiffin” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown fullcasts. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. If you want another one, too bad. It's the only one that you get to have. It's absolutely true. Please don't verify it. Okay.

Huge. Shot across the bow against Godfrey in that opening minute there. Yeah. Came out right against it. Oh, I mean, there is split zone duo, but we could talk about them later. Primarily in an NFL podcast. Our rivals are all. always NFL podcast we can always class them up to that okay that's a good show great show let's

break you know you're just waiting for somebody to say something and they don't oh life hey y'all we we had we had another week of football it happened do you do you know how i know that we are into the swing of something resembling a football season hmm I woke up this morning after, you know, our full day of working from home covering games. And I walked out into the kitchen. And I'm pretty sure you and I were the only adults here yesterday. And there are four open, not empty, just open bags of fritos on my counter. And two of them are the same kind of fritos.

Are you talking like full bag? Yes. There are like, I mean, like, partially eaten bags of fritos, there are four of them within like a three square foot counter space. Huh. Well, we ate the scoops, so they're done. Oh, thank God. You mean, like, since I found the bags, you have eaten the scoops? Yeah, yeah, we ate the scoops.

That happened to dinner. That just leaves the two, so we have, we're down to two open bags of regular fritos and one open bag of blue fridos, which I frankly find, alarming in chili because it looks like the chili has gotten some kind of necrotizing disease hey auburn football we should um we should also know we should also segue to pass to myself if only stetson bennett could pass to himself we'd also note two things for you the audience hi um it's monday and you're listening to this maybe i guess they don't control your life um and that's new or at least new for this season we're going to two shows a week we will have more information about the second show not today right yeah okay not today we'll do we'll bust that on tuesday and jason is not here

because he is uh he's probably the one who placed that what was it 1.4 million dollar bet on the jags bangles over yeah he's headed into the sunset in a cherry red Mustang yeah so if you're wondering but he'll be back for for the next episode because he'll blow the money betting on other jags bengals games going back what would be the dumbest bet you could have made this past weekend on college football yeah that would have made sense not something where you know you and you would lose in hindsight not something where you say not a long shot like bold like crazy no one one that would have made sense at the time i did bet chris felica that tennessee wouldn't beat missouri and now i have to wear a t-shirt

bragging about their longest active national winning streak. Auburn scores a touchdown. Felt like it wouldn't have been a crazy thing to say. How long did they say it had been on the broadcast since that happened two years? I'm looking through, I'm trying to look through the play-by-play real quick here. I don't think they ran a play in the end,

in the red zone. Can I, before we get into all the other ways, we are disappointed in Auburn can i raise a particular one sure they did they did in fact have one possession go into the red zone but that was in please go ahead it is it is we're letting spencer decide what week it is this season so it's it's weak magenta for all we know but it still feels thanks to all the delayed schedules like it is fairly early in the season would you agree with that yeah we're just we're you know we're just settling into this very uneasy swing of things It is way too early for Auburn to so clearly display that they are in a fire gus year.

You know, when you have a whole bunch of shows that you want to watch on Netflix and there is an unending stretch of working from home in front of you in sight, you know, you want to ration things a little bit. You want to save some episodes for later because you don't know how long you're going to be stuck here. Could we not have waited until, I don't know, the first of November to decide whether this was a fire Gus or higher Gus year? No, we couldn't. Like, come on, man.

Like Auburn, I don't know. I feel like Auburn skipped to the last chapter. Oh. Unless the actions of this weekend indicate that this is, in fact, a canonized Gus year in disguise. But I don't know, man. Every Auburn season is like a choose-your-own. Like, if a season is supposed to be like a novel,

Auburn seasons are like a choose-your-own-adventure book that you read incorrectly by going in sequential order of page number. Yes, this is exactly what it's happened. You're like, wow, I've died. I've died nine times. And also, I'm married to a space aunt. That's weird.

You'll be shocked to hear this, but I always did that with Choose Your Owners for books. So when I opened the page, and it went from, it said like, I opened the castle door, you know, turn to page 34. I mess up a turn to page 43 or something, and it's like, you have flown off of the ski,

right you've flown off of the ledge your skis fly off and you impact the ground 2,000 feet below on the floor of the valley live your life and i was like because it always made sense to me i was always like well i guess i missed something life's crazy though that could have happened you know like you enter the coliseum the blinding sunlight shield you from the site of dot dot dot turn to page 72 and it'd be like the secretary holds a pistol to your head this is william faulkner's best work This is incredible, man. I always thought I just didn't get it, and that became the norm. Was there ever a point in your childhood at which the point of these books was explained to you?

No, no. Okay, okay. You would be astonished how little I had explained to me. No, I wouldn't. It's true. I like that you approach these books with a certain level of fatalism, where you were sort of like, I know it says choose your own adventure, but none of us can control anything. I think I really always

You know what that's a scathing Searing but accurate insight Because I really did always assume that about those books I always thought well no you just die Yeah nobody really chooses their own adventure Anyway can I kids That's very strange because I was just thinking about these sound like When I think back on Choose Your Own Adventure

They sound like they were written by children As in you know When you're coming up with all the grisly deaths That happen in each book you know And then you're you're staked out on an ant hill Robinson Crusoe style and the the pirates drizzle you with honey as the fire ants swarm up your legs and then I remembered the younger hall boy telling his teacher that he didn't think the teacher's recently deceased grandmother was a ghost she was probably just yeah probably

probably like I have a distinct memory of a choose your own adventure book where I don't know you fall through some kind of wormhole oh no no you make there there is some kind of evil entity that grants you one wish near the end of a story and you wish to go home and you end up on this like ice world called home where you're forced to mine with your bare hands and like the mine supervisor says you know if you find water in the ground you can drink it if you find worms in the ground you can eat them good luck anyway Auburn shows football Auburn's adventure was Auburn shows that go to page 107 where Bonix throws 40 passes. Whoops.

Yeah, and I will tell you of those 40, based on the ratio I saw, a good 25 of them meant nothing. No intent, no aim, no ability. That's not his fault. Tell you the doctor if you experience Bonick's side effects. Yeah, yeah. Can I tell you one other prop bet, by the way, before we just make fun of Auburn for about another 10 minutes? Yeah. One other prop bet from the weekend that I would have taken, without the gift of hindsight,

I would have put, like, if you said put 10 grand on this, I would have put 10 grand on it. If I told you that Kentucky had 408 yards rushing, would you just go ahead and bet on the outright win? I would have said they win by three scores. Yeah, they lost by one. God. They lost by one. Lane Kiffin is just a sexual madman. What?

you just said no no it's out there absolutely not so there no he just said it it's free in the world sexual anarchist lane kiffin i'm your direct report i didn't say you were a sexual anarchist no i just object to the environment oh that's fair in which i'm being forced to work that's fair i think a court would find that you agreed to be on a podcast that would would discuss lane kiffin and therefore you weighed guinea god that is see this is why you're an attorney yep our attorney journey oh god the world speaking of which you should know that all of our conversation that happens here is privileged so if you want to plot any crimes ryan can totally get us out of that noted thanks you're welcome welcome to the show lane kiffin to start off his sunday by the way

retweeted core fitness oxford with a tweet that said our instructors jennifer faraday and lydia killing these new moves on a friday showing them working out on what looks like pilates machines and i realized that because lane kiffin tweeted this with the uh line best workout ever two exclamation points not three just two yeah um i realized that i was like yeah and it's three ladies working out on pilates machines and i realized oh he's the only guy in the pilates class that's the move i think that's kind of sweet it's kind of sweet and that he's like no i i mean i don't mean I mean, this like maybe 15% lasciviously, 85% sincerely, I think Lane Kiffin really does think, man, no, really, like Core Oxford killing it. This is great.

The pliable Lane Kiffin. I'm really glad that you said that, Ryan, because take something like the presidential fitness test, we all talk all the time about how, you know, coaches and writers who never played the game, you know, have no business knowing what it's like, what kind of risk. these bodies are being put through, but I got to tell you, out of all the physical tests that we could put football people through, the one that I would most like to see all of them try is the sit and reach. Oh, yeah. Farts. I'd throw a phantom chair in there too. Fandom chair is pretty good. It would smell like a hash brown hospice.

Welcome to Undead Waffle House. All right, so Reach and all the linemen are like, you might not want to sit back there um can we get back to making fun of Auburn is that okay oh absolutely yeah here is the meanest thing that happened that Georgia did specifically the final score of this game was 276 and it was an ass whooping probably worse than that I would say way worse the half-time score was 24 to 3 which meant that rather than just sort of like step on the neck make it like formally out of reach Georgia was just like oh you're so you're so close just grab it just grab my hand

oh I'll pull you up don't worry oh just keep running but no just sort of let them dangle let them think like maybe Auburn Jesus magic will show but there was no Auburn Jesus magic hey Georgia might need some Jesus magic after that super spreading in the stadium

Where 15,000 or more are gathered, there's... That one, no, that was, that was 60... I got a joke, I got a joke, I got a joke, I got a joke, you ready, you ready, you ready, you ready? I've been working on this one, okay, what's big and white and labored and has labored breathing and is beloved by every person in Georgia's stadium and might not live out the year. That's the joke. No, no, it's ugah. that's the better turn you could take with that joke

I don't understand what you mean and I won't respond to any further questions about it is it bad by the way that they said 15,000 people and I looked up and thought that's 57,000 people I thought they also said the upper deck was going to be closed and there were clearly people up there as a reminder this is the same conference that finds you

$250,000 if your fans rush the field. So they're really good at counting people and at telling them where they are and are not supposed to be. Mostly I'm disappointed in the SEC because, like, you have a revenue stream staring you right in the face

and you're not going to, you're not going to, like, grab some Georgia money? Yeah, you're not going to come up. You wouldn't have to conduct any tacky fundraising campaigns or furlough any employees. And you won't, unlike rushing the field or rushing the court, you're not going to, to get like that well you know they're ruining the fund of college like you'll just say uh it's a

health thing sorry and boom free 300 000 whatever you want it to be i was thinking masks so that we could do the SEC mask and give one to rob blow so we can just improve roblos collection of league oriented masks and hats this came up earlier and it's still bothering me however many months later where in the fuck did rob blow get that hat oh fox gave it to him fox went hundred percent gave it to him just gave him an NFL hat yes i'm sure i'm sure fox i'm sure what are those hats for i bet you there i bet you they just like here's what i'm betting happened fox knew fox told rob low because that was like at a chargers game or some shit and they said rob come to the game we'll you know we'll put you on the sideline you have a new show i think

like it'll be good promotion whatever and he's like cool cool cool he shows up he has nothing even vaguely sportsy on and they're like well now you don't look like you're here to watch football and they just like had a pa rummage around and they're like why did that hat exist oh um for whom did that hat possibly exist i like that's for somebody who would wear a young brand's hat instead of a KFC hat I can't believe this is the second week in a row we're going to bring up the Burger King credit card or if you wore like a GM hat

instead of like the Pontiac hat that you wanted to wear right that's how that's how stupid the concept is right like nobody ever wears a hat of the parent company of the product nobody goes hey you know what general foods love them love them

they make you know they make pop tarts or whatever I'm going to see if the NFL shop has just like an NFL hat in the raw blowing here's where I'm going with this it's the NFL do you have any idea how many people have to sign off on every single decision how many people had to think that this hat I want a six part investigative podcast how many people had to think this hat was a good and useful in order to get it made and into the hands of celebrity spokesmodel roblo yeah i i i think i think it was just like we have this from like a Halloween sketch like 10 years eight years ago or something i i think it was just this is the only thing we can find all right i'm glad that we've i'm glad

that we've settled my mind on this oh wait there's a oh wow i'm sorry at first i was going to say i can't find anything but if you go to the NFL shop and you go to shop by team it's in alpha order there's a Washington football team at the end and in between Seattle Seahawks and Tampa Bay Buccaneers there's a section called shield merchandise and it's just NFL logo stuff that's it they call it shield merchandise shield merchandise they don't um oh Wait, I had it set to Hitties and sweatshirts. Is it on clearance by any chance? Because I feel like this should be our next giveaway.

Here is a thing you can buy. You can buy a like. This should be giveaway items for split zone duo. You can buy a. Which I almost just called shut down duo. Oh God. Yeah, I'm talking over everybody tonight. That you're fine.

You can buy a, um, a height like a hypercolored tie dye rainbow snapback hat with an NFL logo on the front of it. Somebody's got a. birthday coming up and here it is here's here's it here's a gray NFL logo hat uh regular price 3599 down to 21 99 this is like i'm just going to get you a bank of america sweater there's a throw pillow oh my god holly there's are only a pillow these are 11 dollars and i'm sending you eight of them thank you're welcome it's like rooting for gravity NFL

Enjoy NFL I think the bank was right One more thing by the way Is it bad that Boenix average 4.4 yards of completion That he had so little time That he threw 40 times If I'm going to throw 40 times And I'm going to average 4.4 yards as an average

I better be getting 17 yards of carry From the rushing game Which that that was not what happened because actually it should be averaging 18 but instead at alburn averaged 1.8 1.8 yards per carry Spencer who is who's auburn's offensive coordinator that's Chad Morris who I swear I swear y'all I swear he was really good at this at one point no listen I'm practically on like a Justin Fuente level of getting this higher wrong because I thought this was going to be flames where was chad morris last year um for at least a pitman could sam pitman be winning without his players it's worth just asking questions here i really like where this is going he's at arkansas right now yeah and what was arkansas doing at the same time

that auburn was getting inside the georgia red zone once and leaving uh that game with two field goals oh ryan this is the night the pit man became a pit master by the way this is the best okay big ass first of all you should know 20 straight losses in the cc over oh done finito okay how did they do it they did it by winning a 21 14 game against mississippi state who beat the defending national championships just a week earlier and three and then put on a hype video about on them and then put out a hype video the premise of which was hey it's safe to come root for mississippi state now why don't you do that hey give us your heart girl i won't break it who head injuries are a i'm a scorpion for us yeah i need to get to the other side of the river

maybe you were thinking about opening that scorpion fairy service you know the one where they won't sting you yeah guess what stings stings stings instinct I told you what I was I said I was Mississippi State I'm just a little scorpion and an utterly useless and cosmetic mesh mask yeah 2114 that's that's what they did to snap a 20 game losing street half man hole hog Sam Pittman an actual ham shaped football coach perfect for the job kind of ham colored too like he's ready you know the body that cathedral you know the body that crang walks around in that's sam pitman with him yeah and you know what crank do you know what crank do you know what crang is crank is the hive mind of hogville living on sam pitman's body the actual powerful would you like do you guys know what crang's android body is named do you know this do you know this man the bubble walker wow

which is pretty close to the bubble walker so we should just go with it yeah that's the bubble that's the bubble walker yeah because for so long remember this is actually i'm going to get deep and symbolic here for so long the power of arkansas which we all know is immense and threatening to other lesser states has been divided between two different stadiums that's right between two different stadiums fayette phil and little rock got to play games in both otherwise if you were allowed to concentrate that much Arkansas in one place. Whoa. Whoa. It's just not fair for other teams. Weirdest Zelda game ever. It is. Find the Arkansas TriForce. My Arkansas power theory is this, that two things managed to focus the power of Arkansas to the point where they win a conference game. One is that Jerry Jones

commissioned an enormous sculpture of bronze hogs raging across the countryside and then made sure that it had special mood lighting at all hours and was surrounded by an enormous fountain. This totem focuses the Arkansas, gets it bubbling, gets it cooking. Second, they hired Sam Pittman, who like I said, already looks like a big old ham, kind of looks like a big old hog, and

was the perfect coach for Arkansas because game-wise, they're going to fill up the paperwork and do everything right. And you know who won't do that two weeks in a row? That's correct. Mississippi State with Michael Leach's head coach. This is just

not going to happen. You're not going to get the paperwork right two weeks in a row KJ Costello was intercepted three times and God damn I'm real happy for Arkansas So do you know the name again when KJ Costello got onto campus June

Something like that Mike Leach thought he was heading to a barbecue But the only charred flesh Was his own A member of Yeah Yeah That's the dumbest horror movie ever

By the way when you look down And you're like, oh, I cooked my own hand. Buddy, I survived Tennessee, South Carolina. Don't you tell me a fucking thing about dumb horror movies. A member of the, a member of the Moon Crew Discord brought up of their, and I won't say who this person is because maybe this is private information. They work at the sculpture foundry where the bronze hogs came from. And the name of the artist, who I assume designed and,

made these is dick idle like billy oh i d o l oh yeah no the name is funny but it's it's even better now it's uh the name isn't funny it's deadly serious idle dick idol no but then but then i extend it and go oh that's funny but then do you realize what dick idol's other gig was besides sculpture no Dick Idle is actually a trophy hunter god. Like he is a, yeah, he's a dude who is so good. Like a lion killer? No, he is, yeah, like he is so good at hunting, particularly deer and elk that Dick Idle is actually, one, he lives in Montana and still guides from time to time. And two, Dick Idle authored the following guide, among other books about hunting, but this one,

one is my favorite when you combine it with his unique moniker the best of dick idles white tail world subtitle and topic following after the colon is this hunting the four periods of the rut dick idle dick idle just bet yeah dick idle just talking about the rut four stages of the rut girl i'll take you through all four stages of the rut Sincerely, Dick Idle. This sounds like something Dana would have read aloud to women in a wheeling casino when he was in Morgantown. Dick Idle has also designed statues for NC State, a oil company's world headquarters in Houston, the Bass Pro Museum in Springfield, Missouri, and a Cabela's Superstore in Minnesota.

man and a high school in North Carolina what a wonderful Please find this high school He's not here Let's send server there How do you bring that up casually Like hey

You know what you guys might want here Could you use a 30 foot statue of an animal Well sure we all could In this case For Green Hope High School in Carrie North Carolina it's a double-sized life-sized falcon which is 70 inches tall and has an 80-inch wingspan oh I saw that I thought he was making that for South Carolina or something which means I completely misunderstood the type of bird carry on can we go to the Bass Pro Museum oh we got to go to Missouri yeah never mind let no let's just go to the no you're right we're still doing a live show at the pyramid in Memphis assuming big assumption that we all live through this No, but I only travel to SEC states now, so can't do it.

Oh, my God. It's a big time bear. Bear and Branson. It'd be a banjo. You look at the stats, and it's not even like, oh, Arkansas, the offense woke up for Arkansas. It's like they had 275 yards. They went five of 14 on third down. But Mississippi State, turn the ball.

turn the ball over four times and had two failed fourth down conversions and it's just I love Arkansas so much I really yeah like they're in the position now where I will love them unconditionally for a year even if they don't win a game because they won a game they did they only had 275 total yard god they they scored they went on they had a touchdown drive to open the second half and then they like basically didn't get a they got like two first downs the rest of the game and he still won that final drive by the way leading 2114 with two minutes uh two and a half minutes left yeah i saw every arkansas fan openly wishing for death in that last two minutes because uh they they ran on first down or actually they passed

trying to trying to get a little something going uh didn't didn't do anything no gain then they ran then uh they did get a first down and then they started racking up penalties and losses until they had to uh face third and 36 at midfield third and 36 that's kind of when i knew they were going to win because i was like oh it's third and 36 you can't try anything you're gonna punt like that's gonna happen and yeah and then uh and then they actually somehow managed to win and shouts out to sam pitman in every single way but i adore that if you check they they filmed him because i guess anticipating a kind of i don't know who's the best locker room post locker like paul rhodes is legendary for the i am so proud of you guys but paul rhodes was of course fired by

iowa state more on them in a moment um but uh yeah maybe maybe like who's the best locker room speech guy now. I don't know. Dino's up there. Yeah, Dino Babers. Okay, we'll go with Dino, right? Yeah. They were expecting, I think, some sort of extremely awesome, very, like, amped post-game

speech. And instead, Sam Pittman, being the big old Bubba that he is, was like, well, you know, y'all eat your orange slices and clean up. I'm real proud of all of you. You've done everything we've asked of you. And I really, it felt like the really, it felt like the really, like the most earnest, awesome, but still very high school coach speech ever. Like Sam Pittman got up there.

It was like, that's great. Y'all go hug your mom's. Take 24 hours to celebrate. Y'all remember hydrate. Everybody needs that like he's like. Everybody take a lean pocket on the way out. He does. He's like, we got some chick filet out there for you.

Well, they handed out the game ball, I think. And even that was, even that was not low energy. I would never say that to people who just like played a football game. but it was joyous, but it was not the hollering that we have come to associate with our Arkansas brethren. Maybe that's because, like, at this point, an Arkansas win should feel like the end of an action movie where you're like, are we all safe? Like, is the bad guy dead? Are we, are we okay? Like, we're not really going to celebrate. We're all in kind of a state of shock. It's a bit like the end of the nice guys.

We're like, well, hey, at least you're drinking again. Nobody got hurt. I don't think I can die. Actually, a lot of people got hurt. Okay. As a thousand other people have found out, congratulations, the Mike Leach life cycle of a team. Mississippi State, you are firmly in it.

Enjoy the ups, enjoy the downs. They went through the entire spectrum of the experience in like two weeks. Like, Auburn, Mississippi State is doing what Auburn is doing and speeding up the narrative. to compress along with the actual schedule like the narrative arc of the season like we have got oh mike leach's offense is really to install hey y'all should probably change some things and why start now the end hey guess who they're playing in two weeks who's that texas a and m speaking of hey first of all happy birthday to texas a&m we are recording this on october fourth which is the day in

1876, that classes began at what at that point was known as the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas. Fun fact, well, two fun facts, first of all. The first few years that the college was in existence, it taught no classes in agriculture. And local farmers eventually complained that the college was abusing its mission, and the president and the faculty were eventually replaced and given an indict to actually teach agriculture and engineering do you want to face a bunch of pissed off farmers that you aren't teaching enough agriculture like literally rolling up with their mules yeah

what were they were they were teaching classical studies languages literature and applied mathematics oh motherfuckers how this will not stand but after that you could still attain a degree in scientific agriculture or civil and mining engineering yeah i'll need to teach meats or i'm to cut someone's throat um the other fun the other fun fact approached to be the president the first president of texas a&m jefferson davis former president of the confederacy starting a long and m tradition of attempting at least to overpay SEC coaches so i wish you told me that earlier because i bet we could have made a hell of a segue out of this I was going to say, Jimbo.

And he say about, anyway, about lost causes. Yeah, Jimbo and Jefferson Davis were both denied jobs in Alabama after a while. So that happened. Wow. There it is. Yeah. Like, there's like 14 listeners who are like, yeah, you may be. I remember that shit.

Yeah. They wanted Jimbo to be the coach. But UAB was too good. All 14 of you. I love you. Bring it in. No, yeah. too good the Alabama Board of Trustees

is afraid that they would get too good. Well, you know who else wasn't too good this weekend? Mm, who's that? That'd be Texas A&M. Hey, but you know who's still rich? Yeah, Jimbo. I was going to say Jimbo's aesthetician, but yeah. Yeah.

Oh, Jimbo's esthetician is not earning those paychecks. God, man, speaking of Jimbo's hair, those kids were on islands. Yep. I don't say this. hope at this point Jimbo just leans into the rich thing and just like starts getting like foot massages or or whatever in the middle of the game just like yeah I'm getting my manny y'all get out there get one of those like vibrating leather chairs I hope he does stuff for the press conference

the press conference is where I just hope Jimbo shows up with a lot of cash and every time anyone asks a question he's like how about $400 not to answer that how about I ask you to leave I know you broke. I know you broke journal. Healing off hundreds and throwing them. And there's Jimbo Fisher starting the new tradition of the pregame acupuncture. There he is. Oh, it's so good.

So relaxed. My cheese. My cheese is so balanced. Broke people's cheese never balanced. Ah. You know, in other way to say, you know what? You can't spell cheat with cheat because it's with an eye. That's it.

You think it was close, but you're poor, so you don't know that. this game I tell you my favorite point in this game my favorite point by the way you score 21 points in a quarter that's usually when you know you win Alabama drop 21 in the second just like just like

yeah sure keep up I dare you absolutely dare you please respect Alabama for this they lap you and then they turn around like still running but they start running backwards for a few steps like just a wave mm-hmm oh hi they did that with and and it is a joyous moment yeah because eventually by the way if you're listening to this you go oh man what are they talk about i and em would put it up i just

haven't had time to watch my games spoiler Alabama 152 24 remember when nick save had lost like maybe one or two games by scores of like 4240 and they were like oh i don't know man nick remembers that just fine and nick was like oh look we're short on points i will never run out of them again never i will recruit 18 000 wide receivers who all run the same deadly accurate routes that afford to pace this game is what it would have been like this game is what it would have been like to actually watch a medieval night fight a dragon where at first you're like ah the dragon's confused and he's the armor is sparkly and then after about 10 minutes you're like ah the dragon has eaten the knight

hole yeah let me take let me take that from you i know the exact point where the knight managed to get up on their feet despite having lost an arm and you thought well no maybe he's going to make it out maybe god is with him today kellen mon yeah that is kind of a night sounding name like that is some galahad shit yeah yeah sir callan of monde yeah he wand wand he wanded into the cave lost an arm was about to get back up but sir calen of mon after a 12 play this is probably actually when you know you should have lost when it took you 12 plays to go 40 yards and get a field goal, and you thought, well, we cut the score to, like, uh, theoretically a three score game, right? We cut it to it. We cut it to a three. We're getting, we're chopping away.

That's a real H3 drive. We're like, it ain't efficient, but it looks good. No, no, it doesn't. Yeah, no. We're getting back in it. When you, when all of a sudden, by the way, when early in the second quarter, like five minutes in, or early in the second half, and in A&M's case, about three minutes into the second half, you're already pulling out the card that tells you, okay, you're only down four scores. If you do this many two-point conversion. Yeah, that's like the point in the that's like the point in your own personal billing cycle where you go, well, if I cut off the cable right now, I can still pay water. But then I could cut the cable back on and I won't owe it for another two months. Okay, good. This is working. This was just the point where A&M thought

they were back into it. And then Alabama said, cool, I'm just four plays later. going to drop an 87-yard TD on your head to Jalen Waddle. I did come up with a great Halloween costume from this game. I'm going as Mac Jones's stat line because it was scary as shit. Oh, that's nice. This is a two, this is a two, this is a two of stat line. Like facsimile. I looked up and not only is Mac Jones still at Alabama, he's going 20 for 27.

for 435 yards? And not even like Not even with the benefit Like the running game was fine for Alabama But it's not like oh that was because They were killing them on the ground It was just like no We're not exaggerating

That's a two a line Also it should be noted They scored 52 points And normally when you see 52 points in today's game You think ah well they ran something like 70 plays maybe the SEC has restarted basketball yeah they really had it going right uh no Alabama only went five for ten from third down you go oh 10 third down opportunities they didn't face many third downs that's correct they really first there's there's they only they ran 56

place so so uh annum dropped from 13th to 21st in the rankings in the AP Top 25. They are right behind now, Michigan, who, again, has not played, but jumped. Do we want to play our game from last week? Where Michigan is? Where you're drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, dropping the teams, and then you get to Michigan. Yeah, yeah, Michigan. Did Michigan hold steady?

How did they do this weekend? Michigan jumped from 23 to 20. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so, so, and I'm dropped to 21. They are one spot ahead and I swear like, I don't know why this keeps happening except that it's funny as fuck. They're one spot ahead at Texas who dropped from 9 to 22. And they're both, and both of them are ahead of Louisiana.

Wait, why? That's lost. Oh, God. Hey, you know what? Yeah, yeah. Oregon. Oregon. Oregon rose two slots this week.

Yes. Two. Oregon. By doing nothing. Penn State did nothing and dropped a spot. Ohio State stayed where it is. This is a fun game because it's so stupid. Wisconsin jumped three spots.

So dumb. I'm going to buy a double zero Oregon jersey to celebrate their record at the start of the season. All right. Listen, y'all. This is the best. What? I'm sorry. Okay, one more, one more poll thing. Then we can actually move on to more actual football. Not great. So, so how many teams have gotten two games off? Not many. How many games have gotten three?

Well, a lot of teams have gotten two, but not that many have gotten three. Yeah. Not that many have gotten three. Okay. I know of one team that's gotten four games off. Four. Yeah. Four games. Yeah. I know the four and O team you're talking. about too. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That'd be them ponies. SMU. They've actually won four games, pulled it off somehow in the year 2020. And where did they sit in the polls having won four games and stack it up the most wins of any team in this poll, by the way? Any team in this poll. No other team has four wins. And where did they sit? SMU is at 18. They're at 18.

Penn State hasn't played a game, and they're at nine. Yeah. BYU is just a little bit ahead of SMU at 15. North Carolina is at eight. BYU, the three games, BYU is one. They've won by scores of 55 to 3, 48 to 7, and 45 to 14. They have trailed for zero minutes this season. Their opponents are 9 of 39 on third down.

BYU has only committed eight penalties so far this year, and they are barely ahead of O&O, Wisconsin. It is amazing to watch. I'm going to say it for you, I'm going to say it for you, BYU fans, because you've been beaten ass. You're going to go, hey, you shouldn't use the word ass, but inside I know you're going, yeah, yeah, man. So here's the thing I'm going to ask you both,

and you might know this now that you've looked at the poll, maybe you don't. who is the only undefeated team left in the big 12th is it kansas state no kansas state lost to arkansas state to open the year is it oklahoma state correct oh god yeah ohama state undefeated this is the oklahoma ass whipping news network that's what oa in stands for buddy the good news is yeah we uh thank you sir We definitely, like many better outlets than ours, we also won't get credentialed by Oklahoma State Football, so.

It's big for yourself. I'm going in there, like, cue forward, cue heavy. I feel like, read the first letter of every single one of these emails that I'm sending you, and there's a code in there. Mike Gundy's going to be like, he gets it. He gets it. He sees it. He sees the code in the Matrix. He's there.

Yeah, that's the only under. This makes total sense. that in the near apocalyptic year of 2020, Oklahoma State would finally get their due. They're still going to lose to Oklahoma, though. Like, that's happening. Yeah. Well, yeah, anything can happen in bed, lame.

They could lose by a little. Speaking of teams from Oklahoma losing. Yeah. What else happened? Okay, so. Can I tell you I almost forgot about this? Yeah, this is the part. this is the part of the podcast where I'm like man we really talked about the SEC a lot but on the

other hand I don't know that like fans of certain big 12 teams have a problem with that necessarily do you guys this is one of the few Simpsons references that I can actually summon you know that simpsons episode where Homer takes like a wine making class and his brain it turns out he runs out of ram and his brain and he forgets how to drive yeah yeah that was this game to me once Kentucky and once Kentucky and Ole Miss happened it just kind of slid like a cat knocking a coffee

cup off a table it just kind of slid this game entirely out of my sight line well it doesn't help that Oklahoma did this right after losing the week before to Kansas State where

where you're sort of like wait didn't am I like experiencing lost time is this deja vu what is happening and granted they're they're very different games and teams but can uh maybe it's not news because it's not surprising anymore they lose to iowa state yeah they lost iowa state oh that's interesting yeah because uh actually since lincoln riley took over i believe he's two and four against chris clemen and uh matt campbell combined they he in other words he loses to them all the

time that's yeah he he loses to them all the time and beats up on the rest of the conference because those are the two teams that uh do all the things that oklahoma can't do like tackle no one on this defense can tackle you're just saying that because they didn't do that during the game yeah there's think about how small the game is compared to the rest of the week i'm saying maybe they're going into grocery stores and tackling people left and right um that would be more than they did against Iowa State because at one point there's this clip on a long TD score by Iowa State where there are four guys in the box behind the linemen so it's like four linemen and then four and they're all bunched up you know that whole thing in youth soccer

where you know they keep screaming at kids like bunch ball it looked like bunch ball against an an Iowa State team that was showing pass had no intention of her yeah no four of them there and they didn't blitz they just kind of stood there like when's the cha-cha slide gonna start let's go you know

left foot let's don't right foot let's don't like they were waiting for that they didn't do anything yeah that's how that's how you go that's how you go oh and two you play the two teams that give you the hardest time because they actually block and tackle time.

Too lost this time. Still beat Gun D. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. By the way, that would be the best Bedlam result is for Oklahoma to completely shit the fed this year, get to bedlam, and beat Oklahoma State to give them their only loss in the year and knock them out because everyone's like, oh, well, yeah, you couldn't even beat Oklahoma. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah.

he's ugly um although i will shout out this uh mike rose iowa state cyclones i was state cyclones always have some guy who is max bro like they've got they have like at least one dude who is max bro yeah this is a lost danny mcbride protagonist yeah you need to go see mike rose who had 11 tackles in this game he is a linebacker and he looks like if i told you thor's youngest son not the older one who made really good grades and super responsible the one who's been delivering pizzas

and trying to work some stuff out yeah micros linebacker for the Iowa state cyclones had a great game I would describe this young man's hair as resplendent he's from Ohio in case that surprises you at should look

it happens to people it does he looks true he looks like the guy who has told hey man I think you're the only one who could pull that sword out of that stone and become king and he's like that sounds like a lot I got I got a thing yeah I don't yeah I don't need yeah I don't need swords who can carry a sword it's bulky that's why you carry a gun or a bike chain I brought a bike chain to a sword fight saw this really cool documentary called road rafts the other day who needs swords

when you got these pythons, bro. What's it about? Yeah. I'm thinking about studying to be a vet. I just think it's weird that, oh, that Oklahoma's... No, I just want to drink at the VFW hall. What are you talking about? Who asked for permission to drink at the VW?

That's what I'm saying. That's true. This is also said, by way of saying, that how many defenses didn't improve when Mike Stoops left? But that's the thing is, Like, it seemed at points last year with Alex Grinch that they had, like, they were making progress. It does not feel that way right now. I think, I think the problem, the problem might be that they, they can't get, they can't get the big fat dudes that you need to have a good defense.

They just don't. They're, they're not, to everyone in Texas is keeping those or they're getting recruited away in Oklahoma. this is again this is my fat dude deficiency theory which is based on bud elliott's actually more complex theory about how to recruit big fat dudes but you don't have those big fat ballers on the line and oklahoma hasn't gotten oklahoma period hasn't gotten those in like the last 20 years and now they get even less than them before because they are such a treasured quantity that everybody pulls them out of texas now but uh but yeah see see see bud elliott's thesis for that on big fat dudes and where to get them Oklahoma's lost it.

Hey, speaking of Stoopses, do you all know where Mike is now? I have no idea. I do. He's an analyst at Alabama. You know what that means he's doing during games, possibly? Hmm. Sitting up in the booth and banging his knees on one of those tiny little desks every time he jumps up in a rage fit. My very favorite form of Mike Stoops.

Wow, Mike Stubes played for the Falcons. I didn't know that. Oh, what? that explains a lot about the Falcons yeah well I'm sorry he um nah about Mike Moore

he signed as a free agent but then he ruptured his gallbladder in a car accident and missed mini camp and got cut I am sorry for the car accident I feel like he's probably

a happier person for not having to have been a falcon I think that's true yeah he's falconed his life in many other ways let's put it on it's got to be great to be a falcon though because i don't know life's pretty good

you're on the field you can reach us at 38 god you're making money you know you're in a town where like your money goes pretty far like i don't know things are great now now that's only true if i don't actually think about how it's impacting anyone watching it like your money also doesn't go that far compared to other NFL cities. That depends on the city. Like, yeah, Jacksonville's got us there. Then again, you got to live in Jacksonville. You don't have to.

There's boats. What? You could commute from where, St. Simons? There's boats. That's all on the plan. There's a lot. This is my favorite.

You could live in an underwater lab. You who accuses me of having an idiot shortcut for everything in life. We're going to get a shit time of Georgia calls. You just came up with. angry that you imply that there weren't boats here sir there's boats that's the dumbest goddamn thing i've ever heard we can say that to anything it's so dumb it's brilliant you're like oh no we can solve that problem there's boats god this is exactly what planning a getaway with you would be like like a heistice tell me idea you've ever had tell me gardener minchu doesn't live in sea lab tell

me there's there's boats oh my god yeah wait Was it wise to put Gardner Minshu in Jacksonville as we are approaching sea lab horizon? Yeah, it was. It was necessary, in fact. You're right. Okay. He's leading the way. Also, as tourism slogans go, Jacksonville, colon, there's boats is pretty fucking good.

Among the truthful things that you could say about Jacksonville that fit on a billboard, that's a word. Yeah, that's right. I would run, I could run, I could probably, I could probably, I could probably, I could probably, get 15% of the vote in the mayor or election of Jacksonville just running on there's boats there's boats i would like to please tell us your plan for overhauling the city's educational system two words there's boats yeah man semester at sea is there's boats semester at sea did you know semester at sea is just a fancier way of saying there's boats did you know of anyone who did semester at sea no yes you did yes i can't name the friend on air

but you know him it was his little sister how did it go for her man she wrote a lot of poems sea shanties oh it's to the whales yeah yeah yeah can i remind you of who started that business that's correct the hevener family are you might recognize that name if you're a Florida fan yeah do you might recognize that name if you're a Florida fan because they built the athletic complex at Florida major donors to the program do you know who runs it now who the academic sponsor of semester at sea Colorado State there's boats the high seas this I'm afraid you've actually unlocked a key to the universe with this yeah

that we can attach there's boats to anything you're try it try it going forward shorter than the shortest bible verse uh that's true so speaking speaking of a voyage to nowhere i need help because i did watch a lot of football on saturday however my game florida south carolina which was great it's awesome we won south carolina didn't south carolina took oh okay Yeah, South Carolina took 400. Spender got snaps. God, the SEC Network got in your bloodstream. I'm so poisoned.

He's going to have to talk about, he's going to have to talk with the Georgia fan about how good Georgia looked. He has to do that. And he can't cuss. I do, and I can't cuss. I just have to be like, I don't know, y'all boys brought them hammers.

Whatever we may put you through on this show and whatever you may put us through, ultimately we're going to come out at a, head because Ryan and I don't have to go on television tomorrow night with three people who are younger and better looking than we are. Wow. Damn. I mean, younger's definite. Better looking.

I don't know. No. I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure. I would have, I think you would have had a better chance of lying about your age, actually. My attractiveness doesn't come across on television. It's more of an in-person thing. Please welcome special guest, that lady who got her face.

ripped off by a chimp she has some personal magnetism it just means the iron filings stick to you when you walk around I'm the woolly man look at you're an ambulatory woolly willy-willy literally attractive

so I don't know what happened in Texas TCU because I was watching another game and haven't caught up to it yet I can tell you am I to understand that TCU won?

So yeah, TCU won. Texas plays, I would say, a minimum of four games a year that I will call expunged DUI games, where they really should have lost, but at the last minute, someone and who, like, basically the football equivalent of the judge your dad plays golf with, like, comes in and technically that loss never happened and if you ask me about it in this work interview I can say no I didn't lose that game but in this case the the judge like dad was mean to that judge and this is this is a legit DUI and oh Texas that means we saw everybody saw because um because you do you know anything about this

game's like do you know at all no i know this i know i know that there were 17 penalties in the first half that's literally all i know about anything in this game i also know that having watched tc u recently i have no idea how they did anything um so like this is this is heavily recency biased bullshit but ultimately like texas had the ball first and goal on the tc u down four and fumbled and lost it like Texas was in position to take the lead with very little time left and they just like fucked up at the worst time possible it's boring answer but like because both of these teams like sort of were they they sort of like mirrored each other and you can even see it if you go through the drive chart where it's like they all punt

back to back and then they all score back to back and they like turn the ball over but like it's this weird like matching that's going on and texas just like fucked up worse than last but also your texas and you're not supposed to do that against a tCU team that like didn't hasn't look that good this yet like hasn't looked great this year didn't seem like they would should you know be able to beat you but they did so that sounds depressing yeah i yeah yeah man yeah i i don't know like the i have to talk about something that i really enjoy so i don't know you can should i go ahead and hit this last point because i think it's important yeah i want to close on i want to close on a happy note okay did central florida lose

God Yes Yes they did