Shutdown Fullcast - The Pac-12 Owns Entertainment - Week 4, Recapped

Episode Date: September 23, 2019

Two things you will learn on this episode: 1. Never watch Georgia!  2. Always watch the Pac-12! Other things you will heard discussed on this episode! - The delightful weirdness of UCLA-Washington State - Pitt saved its only good idea for an opponent who might not even be accredited - The worst Arkansas team to ever be televised - Finally, communism accomplishes something Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. This is the internet's only college football podcast. We are here to review the week that was. I believe we were coming out of, what, week three? We counted that? Close. Week two? If you can't week zero?

Yes. That was week zero, yes. Oh, boy. So week zero, one, two, three. That was week 0.4. Thank you. Anyway, it was the week that had the only thing I really want to talk about. You're doing great, sweetie.

When it comes to college football, which is UCLA, Washington State. That is the only game I want to talk about. Did something happen? Listener, something did. Someone threw nine touchdowns in a college football game. Nine. Wow, how many points did that team win by? Here's this point.

Spoiler. They didn't. Huh? I can't even keep a straight face for the joke. They didn't. If either there were a school destined to top Connor Halliday's, 89 throws in a losing effort, it was going to be Washington State again. Nine TDs in a losing effort. The only game that mattered between two teams with national title aspirations, oh, certainly not.

Well, I mean, the team that defeated this nine touchdown team, this. team must be incredible, right? No, their UCLA under Chip Kelly, who thus far have been an anemic offense so bad as to make even professional watchers of the sport wonder if this is the same human who coached football in Oregon 10 years ago. We don't know he is. And like considering the rate at which cells replace themselves, none of us are the same people.

It's Chip Kelly's teeth, but that's it. Yeah, it's the teeth. let me tell you what he certainly had some bite on saturday night slash sunday morning buddy y'all trust me because it was a humdinger of a game i want to be clear that i'm actually asking for god to damn you that's fine okay um that that's acceptable

are we going to discuss things like george and notre dame no no you know what because george is boring gross Notre Dame is boring if you all want to throw three yard drag routes and call that quality football that's fine couldn't be us

every single Georgia was even making memes of like Notre Dame said that game was physical and it's like yeah no shit we saw it

that was all that had going for it was physicality do you mean physicality in the sense of there were place on the physical plane yeah there were bodies

and they were playing football like if we can't even prove we weren't there if all I wanted was physical. I would watch that sport where two Russian guys slap each other as hard as they can, right? Like, if we weren't just pure

physicality, yeah. I also would like to see people running. That's fun. It's fun to watch people running, especially if they change directions. I enjoy watching Georgia do this. At one point in the third or fourth quarter, they go fine, fine!

We'll throw the ball down field. And Jake Fromm throws like three stunning, perfect. accurate passes down field to receivers who make balletic acrobatic catches and then they stop doing that that's it yeah so fuck that game as noted in the top whatever newsletter which you dear podcast reader can subscribe to

the read option of banner society.com the Georgia has a cool stadium lights thing it's too cool for Georgia that's the problem yeah like like Georgie baptist hell dream George is false claiming. I know in this week's hip-hop news, we learned that every single person alive is a blood. Georgia is excluded from this.

So let's get all that red. Kirby Smart is a nine-tray blood. Crippy smart. Let's get all that red out of there, Georgia. And like, settle down. Your pasture. It isn't cool with all the devil lights. But yeah, that was the one good innovation from this game,

is that football stadiums can do that now. yeah the thing by the way from banner society dot com our excellent website and online community for all things college football and beyond um the one thing i think you should subscribe to is our twitch channel which as the latest been dominated by bud i've been slacking on there but i think you should follow at uh twitch dot tv slash banner society bud has been dominating i think bud did a three hour gambling show jesus christ today yeah yeah every sunday bud's on there you know No, bye, buy, buy, sell, sell, sell. You know, as they roll in, I like, Spencer, have we talked on here about the different crowds that you and him get on there?

Like, the different screen names alone and how telling those are are. We do. We do. And yours are all, like, Banana Dude 4269. Yeah, I get Banana Dude 4269, right? I get guys who are like, I get guys who are like, John Paul, who was the Sartra name? that we got on here is like dog paul sartra yeah that's who i get i get like arch and very niche college football meta jokes and bud gets like fish guy 19 football better one the guy who got

football better one you're like whoa not football better 9385 but one damn it is funny because like i don't know how many grownups there are on twitch so like you and bud might be the only ones you know so i think you two are responsible for everyone else on there we have to cultivate them we have to bring them along so that's cool yeah you could do that or the other thing i really enjoy uh that we do it you know you might want to check out our NFL podcast p a p.m yeah you might want to yeah that is as strong an endorsement as we are uh allowed to give while remaining inside uh canon inside character is to say that you know it exists Yeah, it's fine.

I would also like to point out another extremely important story in all of this, which is that speaking of guiding the youth, I think that it's important to take those who have only been football fans for a couple of years and to give them the veteran sheen, to give them the veneer of experience, sanghua, and composure that they might otherwise not have. I'm speaking to you, UCF fans, okay, because as new as you are to football,

uh and as volatile as you feel you have to be from week to week and defending the valor of your school let me tell you that you don't because some things are eternal okay the reaper comes for us all and you know who else comes for us all pit motherfucking pit yeah you have the 2017 national title they can never take that away from you because they never actually gave it to you that's yeah that's awesome uh but yeah you you scheduled pit you fools uh my single favorite thing about this game is that Pat and our

well first of all let me back up obviously this was a classic pitting in every way Alex and I worked up a blog sort of explaining

the Death Star Super Weapon joke for anyone just now being on boarded and showing the recent history all the way back to like Larry Fitzgerald

of pit beating teams despite on the field during the game outside of specific stars like Larry Fitzgerald Darrell you know Aaron like the

the random superstars that Pitt gets outside of those guys when Pitt pulls this off beats a top 20 team it is not pit in the process of looking like a top 10 team it is pit in the process of making the other team look like the unranked team pit just makes everyone pit um in this game the best thing was coming to the end and pat and arduzzi who we we and everyone else made endless fun of last week for a cowardly shameful fourth down call clanking a field goal that he didn't even need against like their second most hated rival their most hated rival that they currently play right and then a week later we learned what he had in the bag the whole time and he chose to spring it on a skate park that got accredited in 2016 instead of using it against the actual rival that's

awesome that's awesome instead of penn state no we'll we'll just go ahead and see if we can beat them one field goal at time UCF comes to town throw out throw out the records time to empty the fucking playbook empty the playbook a state title nah we've done that before they couldn't even think of a really original name for it which i love about pat nor dozy that the name of that play is it's a variation on philly special right which in itself is not an original play, you know, that's, it's been around for a minute, but it's called Philly Special. It's been around for a minute. You know what?

So have transitions lenses, but they did Pat and Arduzzi proud yesterday. That's right, and a floby. Convinced Pat Narduzzi's one of those guys who cuts his hair with the floby. Real short, but he just hooks it up to the vacuum cleaner and let's, uh, science do the rest when it comes to what's left of his hair. Anyway. Listen to some books on tape.

Yeah. Pat Narduzzi when asked what it was called, I was like, it's going to be called Pid's special. Say it, Pat. Do it. He's like, I call it Pitt special. Yes. And like, it's so good. People were joking that it would be called that before we even said it, right?

Like, people were like, I bet they call it Pittsburgh special. No, no, that's a little too artsy. It's literally just the common name of the university. I think my theory is that he has never heard of the Philly special. He's never heard of Philadelphia, never heard of the Eagles, the Super Bowl, none of that. No. He thought, it's a special play, and we're Pitt. You know what Pat and Arducee was doing during that Philly, New England Super Bowl?

Grided tape on UCF. You know what he was doing the entire offseason? Grind and tape on UCF. Did he watch any on Penn State? No. Did he watch any on the rest of the opponents that Pitt will face in the 2019 football season? No, all he's been preparing for is this UCF game, because that's what Pat and Arduce does.

He sits, he picks one game on schedule, and he's like, boys, heads of being. taken on this day. Not on this one and not on this one and probably not for several months afterwards. But on this day. It's like you reach for the stars and if you miss you might land on James Franklin. Yeah, just hoping to kill him accidentally. If you miss, you might land on the moon and where do we fire things that land on the moon? Well, Orlando comes close. So, yeah. Does this sort of explain Pitt all along back to the Wanstead era where like they just like on in the locker room you know the countdown clock like minutes until next game whatever with pit it's like a game in week nine yeah here and there in February working out toward

oh my god they're interstellar yeah usually when you have a game like this though no pit is a planet where time moves different it is they've only folk he's like what we've got i have plenty of time to prepare for that no on this planet that's why you got to eat a three egg sandwich for breakfast that's true it's got to last you 300 years this is by the way also not the classic underdog game right that takes UCF out of any we don't have to worry about them anymore right like thank you pit we no longer have to say oh UCF just keeps winning and you know the big boys in the sport like anyone in this sport does anything in a coordinated fashion right like there's just the powers that be that don't want UCF to be great you know

Dude, the powers the beer are concerned with getting a box at the fiesta ball and getting a junket. That's it. That's all they're concerned about. The truth is so much sadder than you even know, right? But this was not the standard kind of upset where you go, oh, Pitt had like 11 first downs. And UCF had like nine turnovers. No. No.

Do you know which team had 30 first downs? Pitt. Steamroller pit. who could only manage 10 points against Penn State, right, in their previous matchup. So my favorite stat from this game is here are UCF's explosive plays, and this might not be a comprehensive list. This is counting special teams as well, 87 yards, 65 yards, 50 yards, 41 yards, 36 yards, 28 yards, so on and so forth. UCF was doing an amazing job of courting a pass rush,

and then bombing it over everyone who sent the pass rush just all day long. Receivers clearly more athletic than anyone they're facing. Pitt, meanwhile. Pitt's explosive plays, 24 yards, 22 yards.

That's it. 11. That was it. Pitt had 31st downs, y'all. They outgained UCF. They straight up beat them. I know you're the national champion. And guess what?

You got out classed by the champions of the week, the Pitt Panthers. Give Pitt the weekly national title. No, I heard that as Champions of the Week with an A. Please send emails regarding this exchange to at 38 Godfrey. They would love that. They would adore that title. Email his Twitter. The gods of the unworthy.

He likes it. Well, now Pitt has done their thing. they can go back to what they're going to be very comfortable with, which is a 30-point loss to Duke in two weeks. Yeah, seven and five at best. I put them in the, I bumped them, quote, fingers up to the pinstripe ball in the weekly ball projections, and Pitt fans were like, oh, I don't send us there. I'm like, do you want to stay in the quick lane bowl?

They might. Hey, speaking of just. No one look at us. Just bury us in Detroit. Speaking of underwhelming bowl games and the state of Michigan. Michigan will probably make a bowl game. Where do you have Michigan right now? So in mind, they started in the rows.

They quickly fell to the citrus. They quickly fell again. I now have them in the holiday bowl. I wish they could play UCF. That's all. I would like that. It's because you couldn't get into Michigan. That's why you hate us.

UCF's like, where's Michigan? Operating an entirely different plane. Meanwhile, Michigan's like, what's a skate park? What's a skate? Is it a park full of skates? As in the ice? Oh, like ice skating. Yeah.

They show up to Orlando. They're like, fascinating. An uncontacted tribe. I do actually think there's a lot of value. in the mollywapping that Wisconsin handed to Michigan. And by that, I mean, I know that final score is 3514. No, it ain't that kind of 3514. It was 350 at one point, and that was a more accurate number.

Michigan did have a couple fumbles, so something like 357, I think, would be the most accurate, give you the true sense of the game. But 14's a little generous. Yeah. And there's not really a whole lot I can tell you to make you feel better, right? Like Jonathan Taylor had 203 yards. Oh, it was Wisconsin. I bet they ran them like 50 times. Nope, 23 carries y'all. Yeah. So Jonathan Taylor might be the best running back in college football. He leaves and for a while after hitting like 200 yards or whatever. His teammates run for about 170 anyway, excluding sacks and so forth. Michigan runs for 40 yards Jack Cone Wisconsin's towering giraffe of a quarterback

broke a 25-yard touchdown run If the end zone hadn't been there He might have outrushed Michigan all by himself The most he'd ever ran for in a game before was 10 Think about like if Mike Glennon had wheels Like actual wheels I mean the little ones that are on a shopping carton Like squeaky crooked wheels

Correct. My favorite moment in this game was, it was Wisconsin's, I don't know, third or fourth trip to the goal line. There were many to choose from. And they send big old Jack Cone on a sweep, not even like an option kind of thing, a straight up sweep where it's like, hey, we are sending the slowest person on the field to run really, really far to the right, and then he'll try to score. Let's see if this works.

That didn't work. So we're like, okay. But then he scored a 25-yard touchdown anyway. Also, a dude named Garrett, who wears number 37 and is from a village of 378 people in Portage County, Wisconsin, had as many rushing yards as Michigan's entire team. Wisconsin was just given the ball to dudes with jersey numbers, like, 90,000 and like, yeah, by the way, Garrett Grochick didn't exactly set the woods on fire 40 yards. so when you go oh man how much like how bad are we talking 40 yards Michigan who for most of my life has been running twin tight outside inside zone and off tackle to great effect Michigan ran for 40 yards that's got to be the funniest thing about this game it is like Wisconsin is everything Michigan has ever wanted to be at this point yeah they are like they had guards blocking 20 yards downfield on run place and you could just see the

the little heart snapping into in the chest of the poor michigan fans who i don't know what it was about this broadcast but they were real good at finding the one michigan fan in a sea of wisconsin people which you know that's a lot to deal with because the fumes the fumes coming off those stands alone things that michigan fans would be completely unaccustomed to the i thought so coming into this game it was all right michigan looked like shit against army they they can't block army yeah but everyone looks like shit against army well so like i think at some point what we need to do is when teams look shitty against army is not trade it like it's gimmick zone like oh they were in this alternate reality where nothing matters like if you have

glaring deficiencies against army those are real football problems if you can't block army you can't block Wisconsin like last year last year army Oklahoma if you can't get army off the field guess what Oklahoma you're going to miss a national championship a spot in a title game because you can't get any defense off the field like bad things that happen against army are real as Michigan authoritatively proved uh time time of possession by the way not a mean like not a meaningless stat it's just one that it's a fact that requires a significant amount of context, you know, because you might have the ball for a long time because you're just struggling to score. Or you could be like Wisconsin, and you could have it for 41 minutes

in this game. It felt like more. It felt like more, but they had it for 41 minutes, mostly because they wanted to. They thought, oh, this is cute. I like this little thing. It's no plate spheroid. Why don't we just hold it for as long as we can? Yeah. We can. Yeah, and it wasn't even like Wisconsin's, like, trying to burn clock or whatever. Wisconsin is just kind of like, well, we got to keep going, you know, like. Yeah, they're still, they're still here, right? Yeah, I don't, I will say this. I know everyone has a great theory on why Michigan is the sick man of the Big Ten, right?

Which, I mean, how sick are they? They're clearly a team that could probably win eight or nine games. right so on that if you combined all the computer power ratings into one the funniest team michigan would be an underdog two would be kansas state so there's your that's a man that's another team that's another team that if they played them michigan fans would go yeah yeah i want that i want to be do you see i want to be manhattan kansas full backs and hbacks and tight ends do you see all that power run game But I honestly, I don't know.

I know everyone says, well, something must be wrong with the overall administration, right? Something must be wrong with the overall environment. Something must be wrong with Harbaugh or it's Shea Patterson. Y'all, I don't know. I have no clue whatsoever because this is a team that could consistently finish somewhere in the light eight to nine win range be the third best team in their division at best, if not fourth, right? Be perfectly respectable, but be something other than what they were in terms of wins and overall prominence and being competitive because it's just, it's not there.

And I do not know what it is because it's not a shortage of money. Everybody's been at Arbor can look around and go, okay, you're spending. That's fine. It isn't a shortage of talent. Go look at the recruiting rankings. It's all there. It's not that they didn't go and get the coach that they, have wanted for quite some time it's not as though they're all they're not all in the same

page in terms of coach administration and boosters they're all it all lines up and it's not working i either know too much or not enough right because i i land somewhere in y'all tell me yeah i mean so we had sort of come into this season expecting this to be yet another jim harbott Michigan season where it's like this looks like a team that could be good enough to compete in a semi-final game, you know, and then like they'll probably have a heartbreaking 11 and one type thing again. No, no, they're not going to get that close. No, I knew one thing. I know Shay Patterson's not working. Let's say it's not a fit. How about that? You try to be charitable? Yeah. I'm trying to be charitable. I think what we can detect there is I'm not sure where

the fit would be but it's not here i know this ain't it right the same it i know it wasn't i know it wasn't old miss right it was kind of old miss you know at least on the field does 14 for 32 sound like an old miss actually yeah that sounds like old miss i mean that'd be great for old miss these days i mean i know that piece when you go hey is that working no it's not working nobody's worked a quarterback for Harbaotho. I mean without nobody. Well, it's been a while since it's been anything special. You can say that.

At a certain point, I'm just going, you know, listen, Andrew Luck or was it you? It's probably Andrew Luck. So that's Michigan. Michigan has problems that like without being in the room, there's no way to know, you know. To me, like if I were just writing fanfic, it would be like, you know, Josh Gattis comes in, his job is to modernize the offense. This seems like something he's completely capable of, right? And Harbaugh says, we want it modernized, and then do we really?

Because we've seen this happen before at a number of schools. LSU had like eight periods like this before finally deciding like, yeah, fuck it, let's actually modernize. This was a month ago. So that could be going on to Michigan. Meanwhile, at Wisconsin, we know what Wisconsin is. Wisconsin is maximum fucking Wisconsin. before this season

Wisconsin's playoff odds This is going to sound hilarious Only one month later Were the same as Mississippi State and Miami At the time that made sense Now Life has intervened There'll be significant favorites in every remaining game

Except for a road trip to Ohio State Which is a game they I would be likely to have a chance To avenge it a neutral site A month or two later to me the only thing you can ask of a playoff team is like do they make every opponent look worse than they actually are and Wisconsin is like I don't know anyone in the country who is a more resounding 100% of that so far even though the best team they've played is Michigan which might be bad but still Wisconsin you know at the moment a top five team I you know probably got to be Wisconsin can turn every game into a wasting disease and that to me is is the definition of a team that, you know, is formidable, one that can turn it to whatever it wants to, right?

Like, okay, where you attract me team, you're playing a track me, right? Which is kind of how I feel Clemson is. Like, I think Clemson, when they're at their best, you've got to score, right? Like, this is going to be a 31.30 game. Wisconsin, at their best, they're going to turn every game into, like, 2420. 20, right? Like, come on. Let's see if you can handle Jack Cohn on.

a jet sweep. Yeah, that Wisconsin, Ohio State will be fun because Ohio State's going to want the track meet. And Wisconsin's very much not. So there there's a big 10 fun. Hopefully we get that twice. We're not doing any cardio. No, thank you.

No, thank you. No thank you, pal. Nice try. Nice try. Here's Jonathan Taylor for 24 carries. So we touched on UCLA Oazu I do not get the sense

we're actually done discussing that game. Is that actually... We are not done discussing this game. We will never be done discussing the game. Just like the game itself, we are nowhere near done. Because, I mean, the late slate looked good, but I sort of thought that, and this was the initial script for the game,

that we were going to get four quarters of Wazoo just setting off fireworks, right? we were going to get nothing but an artillery display from from the coogs against an overmatched UCLA team that I think they're hot what the have they scored more than 14 points this season has that happened let me pull it up right now it not because I will let you know in the third quarter the score with a they had scored 14 exactly 14 points in every game to this point that is correct and with 656 left in the third quarter not 656 gone 656 left in the third quarter the score in this game was 49 17 that's right

that's a 32 point lead and then in a a four-minute and 20-second span through a series of misadventures, muff punts, and excellent offensive production by UCLA and deplorable defense by Wazoo. UCLA peeled off 28 points

in four minutes and 20 seconds. So that the fourth quarter became a genuine track meet, highlighted by punt return touchdowns, fumbles, more fumbles, going forward on fourth down, not getting it, and then having Wazoo fumble it back.

In all of this, by the way, Anthony Gordon threw nine T-Ds. Nine. Nine. An insane night for Anthony Gordon. And he lost. Wazoo had seven. He didn't lose.

No, he was part of a losing team. Yes. Chip Kelly, given up and left for dead with the quarterback that was also sort of abandoned. out on the waist with him who by the way like Beth Moens there are certain great calls

but Dorian Thompson Robin Robbins him saying they're like Beth Moans saying DTR over and over and over again. Beth was having a night Beth was having a great night man I think she'd called enough like Big Ten noon games

she sounds so palpably relieved I was going to say not to be competing with the sweet life of Zach and Cody yeah No offense to ABC affiliate stations around the country. Yeah, but freed and given the joy of the narcotic that is Pact 12 after Dark at its purest, which would be what, a 4946 third quarter, right, race to the finish between two teams that will end up being 6763 based off of like random chance misadventure. and mindless aggression.

Yeah. She was having one, man. Yeah, she can put some real volume on the call. DTR! DT! Like, there's this underlying volume to it. To me, like, this was, if you took someone from, you know,

five, six, whatever years ago, and told him, all right, so Chip Kelly's at UCLA now, he's going up to face Mike Leach and Pullman. And you say, you're going to get a hundred and third, point spectacular one of the greatest comebacks in football history they're like of course I am right yeah we've been through

so much that a lot of people had totally given up on ever seeing this kind of game from Chip Kelly ever again and that's where Mike Leach comes in man because Mike Leach has a way of just he'll turn a game against anybody to some 75 to 60 whatever

hoe down so shout out to Mike for his role in this for having an offense that just never quits in a very different way from Wisconsin, a way actually conducive to the opponent continuing to participate. At the time this podcast goes up, we should have a post by Alex Kirchner on making the case that this is the greatest comeback in football history. I will confess we did not look at the high school level because that's too much. But college football history,

the case is actually pretty solid. Unless you want to give the 19 whatever Buffalo Bills extra points because they're in the NFL, it's a pretty solid case that this is the best, you could say, major football comeback ever, once you account for time left on the clock and what, like, the Michigan State Northwestern is technically the biggest comeback ever.

It was like 06. How hard is it to, hold northwestern scoreless for 30 minutes it's not very hard in any season ever whereas in this game you got to hold a a like peak mike leech offense to no more than 14 points over the course of 25 minutes that's hard that's where we're at in this game though is that you go oh man so like wazoo fell apart down the stretch they scored 28 points in the half wazoo kept playing their game they just kept continued as normal yeah they did turn the ball over six times yeah six times they lost that's pretty that's pretty

normal four i like i enjoyed people attempting to find some kind of grand strategic turning point in this game because i think that it would be very comforting to everyone if you said well the coach said this and then this happened and then we can blame this person right and that is not It is just not, it's not applicable to this game when people said, well, they shouldn't have gone forth there. There are no correct strategic decisions when you were dealing with two offenses and defenses that are incapable of stopping them. It's not, there's nothing to be done.

There are no correct or wrong decisions. That's the second worst thing I heard last night next to the guy who's like, don't take this game seriously. Yeah, I mean, I'm not telling you to not take it seriously. You really shouldn't take any of it that seriously. Right, but I'm also saying... But the notion that this game was somehow frivolous. Or just offended me.

Now, if you said, man, I can't really make heads or tails of this game. That is correct. It's heads or tails. This game is Anton Chagor saying, what's the most you've ever lost on the flip of a coin? Because ultimately, if you're... Nine touchdowns. Yeah.

This game is heads with tails and arms growing out of throats. And like, I have seven legs now. This is Gidora. King Gidora. I have phantom pain from my missing third arm. This is the Deo Kochima game. Anything can happen, and none of it will make sense. None of it.

More like everything will happen. Yeah. All of it at the same time. It is my favorite kind of game because the question is not why. The question is why not. At all points, the question is why not. For instance, at one point, junior detectives decided that Chip Kelly, going for it on fourth and five from Wazoo 17, did not make sense because you could kick a field goal. Bullshit! Why are you even thinking about three points when you're dealing with this offense?

It's not going to save you, especially with 238 left on the clock, right? It's just not. You know what happened on the next series? Wazoo got it. and Esau Winston fumbled. That gave the ball back to UCLA. Who then promptly scored with a minute seven left. And what did everyone think?

A minute seven. Okay, that's time for three more touchdowns. It wouldn't have mattered. Faith in UCLA's defense shines through yet again. So Washington State's defense on the year giving up 6.2 yards per play, it looked better than that before this game. but yeah you can convert a fourth down

against the defense giving up 6.2 yards per play go ahead and take those free yards and get you more than three points yeah don't try to make sense don't try to don't try to go ahead and pick out ah generalissimo did this and the other generalissimo

failed yeah it wasn't like a chip Kelly halftime speech like imagine a chip Kelly half time speech it's like well don't bother me Did everybody Pea in their Nano cups? You have to talk to him through the iPad.

You have to FaceTime him from inside the locker room. Please rate the cleanliness of our football program. Right? Like the bathrooms at Hartsfield, right? Just hit the smiley face. They're real clean. Head coach Amazon Prime. Yeah.

Well, guess what? They delivered. same day. They did. It was quick. It was shockingly quick. I mean, I did see people saying like tactically UCLA looks streamlined and simplified. Cutting down on motions and shifts was the thing I saw mentioned.

So like that's a little thing, sure. But yeah, it wasn't like, you know, Chip Kelly got up there. And if we win this one, I'm going to learn your names or anything like that. No, no, there's no time for that. names or distractions no but by the way DTR 500 yards 5 TDs

57 yards in the ground to rushing touchdowns something clicked I mean whatever I don't think you do that like think about it if you come out and you say well he's only going to be half his productive next game okay okay yeah a mere 300 yard

total day guess what I think the next game's going to go pretty well because they're facing Arizona and I think he's going to keep it going because they're facing Oregon State after that. Can I hit you with Colorado's coming up soon. I mean, DTR's got some numbers ahead of him. Yeah, yeah. Man, I'm actually legit excited for Montez v. DTR. Like, yeah, Mel Tucker and the shorts over on the sidelines. It's got excited. Oh, did we? Chip will wear shorts? Can we sidebar into Mel Tucker shorts discussion for the evening?

Mel Tucker shorts. Yeah, Mel Tucker. I like that Colorado's official Twitter account like got him, got a video of him saying like hey man look good coach good they were and they were not typically a flattering cut of shorts they were like a kind of like a stovepipe bermuda type short but it it worked because he's kind of like a blocky he's a blocky dude and they were like they were well proportioned coaches aren't good at pants is what i'm saying you may rewind a couple episodes and listen to us talk about a pj flex tactical yoga bootlegs But, yeah, Mel Tucker rockin the shorts game with a lawn. Yeah, he looks.

Is the lesson here that coaches are bad at pants so they should wear as little pants as possible? Yeah. Or flowing caftans. The coaching moo-moo, I think. I mean, Chip, by the way, Chip Kelly was wearing pajamas. I saw more than five people on the timeline on Saturday night, Sunday morning, going, man, Chip's wearing some PJs. and he looked comfy as hell.

Oh, that was me. No, there were more people who were like, yeah, just jammies, yeah. The tactical jammies. Time to put, time to put Wazoo to sleep. This is my tactical loungeware. This is now freed up Bill Belichick to just wear cutoffs. He's just going to wear cutoff garbage bags on the sidelines. Yeah, just a bag.

Yeah, because if you've ever seen any of the articles talking about what Bill Belichick wears, whatever he whirls out on the sidelines on on Sunday, is the nicest thing he has because according to everyone around him what he goes to practice in is much worse so Mel Tucker looked good in the shorts Belichick's going to come out there in a pair of

drawstring burlap shorts it's going to happen Belichick shows up in the Taterthought costume that it was the only clothes I could find it was fine it was on the floor I tore the sleeves off that's it he would he'll just go with whatever somebody sends him right so this is how you get somebody

on the sidelines and like he'll be wearing a pair of floral chubbies right they're fine there's surplus that's how I ended up that's how I ended up that's how he'll end up wearing internet shirts on the sidelines right they cover my skin they're two sizes too small so his belly sticking out like a toddler right somebody got it for me on Instagram I don't know he's got to do the yeah he's got to do the old guy thing where he pretends he doesn't know what social networks are the face to graham on the insta face insta face shirt that i'm wearing yeah by the way why we wrote about strength schedule this week uh and how it's all bullshit uh why does no one ever say the new england patriot should be a six seed because they

didn't play nobody in the regular season why do we only do that shit in our sport because the NFL manages to avoid that with the semblance of credibility by saying oh well you know like i can do that because we have playoffs right like endless playoffs with proper seating and everybody plays everybody we just got to figure out how to brand like new mexico state as if they're as good comparably as the miami dolphins right like yep everyone counts everyone counts exactly the same are you giving ucf fans too much power again that's fine i'm totally fine with them uh i never i never i never reminded their behavior.

All right. Honestly. UCF fans like challenge accepted. I wanted. Actually, how about this, UCF fans? Here's what I want from you. I want from you to change nothing. I want you to say, we won our conference.

Only one loss. It was a good loss. Title. I want you to argue for a playoff spot at 12 and 1. Yes. You will actually have my respect. Let me transition to a game we have not discussed by also using social media and people as a fan base responding negatively at 7.24 p.m., shortly after the conclusion of Texas A&M's loss to

Auburn, all right, which again, A&M, after being a, oh man, this is a potential national title like teams. Come on, Jimbo's going to get this thing together. It's all happening, man. It is all happening. They've lost twice. They weren't competitive against Clairman. and, truth be told, for a certain point, the Auburn game was also a foregone conclusion. Auburn just running the ball, controlling pace of game, generally being a serious problem for anybody looking for an interesting and competitive football contest with A&M. A&M never really managed to show up.

So with two losses, and shortly after the conclusion of this game, Kevin Sumblin Currently coach Yeah Yeah after the 2820 by the way Not that close Like not even close But that does not reflect

This was not a competitive football game For most of it And is masked by a 17.4th quarter Which Auburn had already shut down for For the most part Pooby Whitlow by the way Jatarvious Looks great

Like he is he's in order for Auburn to function they need a stubborn running back who's going to take like the 30 dives up the middle that Gus Malzahn's going to give them and he's more than capable of doing that. He's going to need a cool nickname too. Yeah.

But after that shortly after the conclusion of that game Kevin Sumlin just tweeted out the eyes emoji. Just the wide open eyes and just let it sit. Just oh hey. Take a can't

earth that which was like why is this the game you choose to do are you going to do this every time they lose or is there something about this one that was specifically uh moving ironic in some way to him like why was this the game to sub tweet a game in which you i believe were a home underdog anyway like i don't know i'm kevin sumlin's mind is a mysterious place i also like that he did this on a weekend which two of his quarterbacks who transferred out away from him started against each other in the NFL same weekend uh black going on yeah yeah didn't didn't even wait by the way for Arizona State to lose to Mel Tucker his shorts and the Colorado Buffaloes right nope swing ahead and fired this off at his former employer the mentions

by the way complete trash fire of unflattering box squire scores from previous Aggie losses under Kevin someone. Because I'm sure Kevin someone's mentions are so calm and sedate on a good day. I'm sure he has a wonderful time online. Yeah, there was, there's like our very own Lucas Jackson, from Good Bull Hunting, included the 45-44 UCLA box court.

There again, UCLA, just going off for massive amounts of points in a comeback. at least the rest of the SEC West had a really good time about that were there a couple a couple speaking of social media right social media Silicon Valley so social media so folks have we heard about the social media we've talked about it the insta-face chart all this stuff where is it based Silicon Valley the Bay Area right the Bay Area keeps doing in the SEC West I feel like this was a theme throughout Saturday because, well, UC Berkeley went down in the University of Mississippi and Oxford

where an old Miss fan declared them to be communists and like most armed conflict between capitalists and communists. Which easy mistake to make. Guess who won? It went on forever. It came down to a confusing ruling and then the capitalist just sort of retreated. Yeah.

Hey, when you lose the courts, you've lost the republic. Yeah, the capitalists went and started posting online about how unfair the whole thing was. Weird. You say communist won a team sport, huh? Yeah, the other awesome thing about this game, other than a team being called communists. Yeah, you come.

No, no, no. include the full quote, please. What did they say? I don't know. Fuck you, you communist motherfuckers. That was the quote from someone in the stands who yelled it loud enough for it to be heard on national television. Of course, as noted in the readoption, Ole Miss is literally on NCAA probation right now for redistributing too much wealth. That's what I said.

Easy mistake to make. Yeah. Yeah. So there are some cultural similarities between these two. institutions. But not only do we have that, and not only do we have more SEC West Schadenfreude, which is always delicious, we had the same conference that officiated the biggest officiating debacle of the weekend so far, which would be the Utah USC game, a complete ref show. Like, it was like the opposite of a wrestling match where the ref loses control of the tag team.

It was like the tag teams losing control of the refs, right? like every single play of 15-yard performance. It just so happens that when Cal came to town to Oxford, they brought the guest refs with them. Pack 12 refs made the weekend's most controversial call in Oxford. And it, well, it benefited a Cal team. I do not read malice in that because I don't think pack 12 reps is smart enough to have a plan. Incompetence explains us so much better than malice.

because, one, not entirely clear Pact 12 refs, no cows in the Pact 12. Two, at least they didn't put up what I think is the worst scandal, which is a 27 penalty performance for over 237 yards in the Utah and USC game, including a few calls, which aren't there.

There's just a couple of pass interference calls that are not there. And there's a couple of like, I think there's two unsportsmen like that I cannot find. My favorite moment from that was Brock Heward was on the call. And he's good. He's very stoic, right? Like very, very sober and logical.

And he kept saying like, I don't hate this. I mean, I don't enjoy this. I hate this. I don't like the way this is being called. I wish they would let them play football. But they're being consistent. Like it's the Brockworth Heward way to say, these morons are messing everything.

up, but at least they're doing it the same way over and over and over. I enjoyed consistency as a virtue. It was my second favorite announcing job of the weekend. My first was Beth. My first was Beth Mowens. Who please keep her on late night forever. Absolutely. She's thriving.

You can just hear the happiness in her voice. She's thriving. Yeah, like UCLA Wazoo, perfect moment, perfect denounser, somebody who just said, no, man, no one has to wear pants tonight. Let's go. Do I want to get nachos? Yeah, let's get nachos. On air, man.

Let's get Rocky Boyman to just go be weird down on the sideline. Rocky Bowman, on the other hand, I could use about 60% less of. You're getting nothing but 190% Rocky Boyman during that game. UCLA up. All sliders are 2-100 in UCLA Wazoo. Yeah, yeah. The second best performance was Brock Heward in that game and has understated. Rock Heward trying to be Stentorian.

Well, all this is going on. Him just saying, these refs are set on stupid, but at least they've stayed on stupid the entire game. It allows you, yeah, it allows you to orient yourself around their decision-making process. I want to go back to one note on that UC, that USC Utah game before it goes in the sunset, and it's this. Utah did exactly what they wanted to do. They crippled USC's starting quarterback on the second play of the game and lost. That's it. Like the thing they wanted to do, right? Like, first, we nuke every city. We'll nuke every city. That's how it. And that's what they did.

And then guess what? The country rebels, like... So we nuke every city. That means we make every city look like Utah. Oh, no! Utah's fine. Utah's fine. Settle down.

Utah's beautiful because all the people have been nuked. So, like, Kyle Whittingham is standing there with his, like, keys to the game, and he's pointing. It's like, one, hurt somebody. Two, leave the stadium because we've won the game, because we hurt people. Yeah, don't commit 16 penalties for 160 yards. Oh, damn it! I don't feel like Utah cares much about penalties. No, I mean, I think they thought, penalties go hand in hand with hurting people.

I think they thought they won. It just so happens that Matt Fink came in and all of Utah's DBs forgot how to play football. They were out there like chasing balloons, all of them, just head on multiple swivels. I like the theory that USC's quarterback death chart was upside down the entire time. And the further they go, the better they're going to get. Oh, shit. Right? Like week 15, it's like, you know, oh my God, it's Matt Liner.

He's been practicing this entire time. He's incredible now. They're digging to China. This is how Larry Scott finally breaks into the Asian market. Yeah. We've got the whole, we've actually been on the other side of the world this entire time. Larry, you rake. Hey, Arkansas lost to San Jose State.

What? Yeah. In what? Football. Chad. What's happening, man? I think all of us on this podcast or at least, Chad Morris, like, we're positive on Chad.

I enjoy Chad Morris. I am a Chad Morris enthusiast. As opposed to what the Razorbacks are, which is that they test positive for Chad Morris right now. Yeah, I don't, I mean. So No, go ahead. What's happening?

Let's talk about it. Well, I was going to go along with all that, which is like, yeah. Chad Morris always approved, but now it's good God. So here's a question, and I think there are a couple

obvious answers, along with potential other ones. What is the worst Arkansas team you can ever remember? John Ells? John Ells. John else is a real bad. This one, though.

So, John L. Smith's Arkansas team, interim coach pulled out of Weber State deep in dementia. By the way, signed to an eight-month contract. And I will, you know, I don't know if we're ready to qualify worst right up front, but I don't know if this team, that team was certainly a better viewing experience It's because you could always count on John L. Smith to open his mouth. Yeah. And let words fall out of it. So on the subject of best or worse,

is that team that like the epitome of a college football renta team was ranked 66th in the Massey composite, which piles together all the computer ratings. It's like the broadest possible way to rank teams. 66th, basically a nine-win Mac team. Not terrible. Just had some awful losses and a very goofy coach. 2019 Arkansas ranks 105th below Charlotte, Kent State, and Liberty. Arkansas has gone from being Toledo to being Liberty.

And there's no scandal. Nothing caused this. They just are that terrible. The other one that I thought might be thrown out as the worst Arkansas team of our lifetimes, of course be the Jack Crow team, where Coach got fired about eight minutes into the season. That team, according to SRS, would be favored over 2019 Arkansas by four points. SRS has this as the worst Arkansas team since 1945.

That was World War II. Let's not count that. 1930. The worst Arkansas team since 1930 if you exclude, oh, I don't know, a little thing like a world war. It's pretty fucking bad. Also, here's another fun fact. The list of power conference teams, San Jose. state, which is a really bad program.

Not a good football team at all, no. The current power conference teams, they have a winning record against our Arkansas and Texas Tech. That's it. From 1950 onward, the list is Arkansas. And that's it. Nick Starkle threw five picks, man. Five.

After three, that's work. Right? You're like, what are you doing? Clock it in and throwing some picks. But they got it figured out. Did you see this? He's apparently he's a big Justin Bieber fan. He's a college kid with a lot of personality.

That's great. Somehow, he's gotten it in his head that like the, you know, being a fun guy who wears a Justin Bieber shirt to warm up is contributing to the interceptions and he's, you know, posted like, I'm not going to do that anymore. You know, sorry everyone for having fun. Like, come on, man. If you have to play for this terrible team, please have fun.

in some way find some joy somehow right yeah like put where just a beber jersey who cares that's my opinion on arkansas yeah i don't think i don't think that had anything to do with five picks you know however there was a bright light in the c cuss quarterbacking oh it's time for jason to brag on his son his only son joe burrow the same beautiful bright light that has always been there even though certain people chose to look at the wrong statistics last year the deceptive statistics uh joe burrow your weekly stats rundown number one in passing yards per game versus winning teams number one among non-pack 12 quarterbacks those don't count that's that's that's that's uh different sport and basically all other yard per game category

number one in passing touchdowns against power five teams number two in pass a rating number two in yards per attempt a new school record for passing touchdowns in a game Trash-talking Vanderbilt, even before he got to it. And then question after the game, what did you say to the Vandy bitch? He just said, I complimented them for competing so hard or something like that. No, you didn't. And number one, nationally, incompletion percentage, currently on pace for the best in the history of college football. Joe Burrow, most accurate quarterback of all time.

Dude, he couldn't hit 50% of his passes last year. Dude, he shouldn't have, because the only games he won were when he didn't hit 50%. That's what he was good. He was like a glorified running back last year. And now he can't go for less than 80%, 6 TDs in a game in 500 yards. A classic LSU's 66 to 30 whatever win.

I don't know if LSU's basketball team has scored 60s. six points in the last three years. And they put up 28 in the first quarter against Fandy. Fandy's not good. I would like that to be clear. But do you know how hard it is to put up 28 points in a

quarter? Like unassisted, just 28 productive points? You don't get that many possessions in a football game. Ellis, you put up 66. God damn points. Yeah, but what about Ohio State? They put up 42.

I don't care. Yeah, they allowed five. Yeah, they allowed five. They started off the game with a safety to Miami of Ohio. Yeah, loss, you lose. I like to think that was actually their act of pity towards Beauchamp Bechler, who attended Miami of Ohio. Their little tribute was, yeah, Michigan, go ahead and take two points.

You're going to need them. That's cute. It's like a little salute. It's like, thank you. Thank you for sending Bo to the Big League so we could defeat him. Yeah. I salute Ohio State by punching 18-year-olds on the sideline. That's how I do it.

And saying that five-year-olds are culpable in war crimes. That's how I honor Woody Hayes. Yeah, that happened.