Shutdown Fullcast - The Peak of Eternal Light

Episode Date: January 11, 2021

 - Definitely forgot we had to do one more show before the title game! We are so tired!  - Magnets, fondly remembered  - Make time for an old friend, and for Meatloaf  - If you’ve read this far, we feel comfortable disclosing you are now a member of the John Wick Fitness Empirium. Cancel anytime!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown To the shutdown fullcast That was kind of puny Should I hit it again? No. Okay. Oh. Welcome.

That was clish. Shut down, fool, cat. Now it's just like, we, and what are you just dancing over here? That's just forest. Like, where's the gravitas? I want to try one more. This is CNN. Yeah, exactly.

Holy, we'll start real low. Simba. That one was lumpy. I found it lumpy. Lumpy like a snake that swallowed a bunch of uggars. There was too much force going through the pipe. There was some turbulence. Can you do it like Chris Berman?

Was that as Berman-esque as we're kind of getting? Yeah, no, like, I think he could only go like, I don't think he's got the breath for it, so I think you could go like four seconds. Welcome! We're going to get Michael Buffer via Cameo or... We can't afford Michael Buffer on Cameo. Mike, his cameos are...

What about Chad Buffer? Is there a Chad Buffer we can get? Chad Buffer has like the worst Smokers ruined voice ever. Like, well, welcome, welcome. Yeah, you can, Camio, the buffers are, very expensive yeah like i believe in the thousands of dollars range of expensive to get one of either ufc's prime announcer or boxing's prime announcer to come in and say the name of your friend your project whatever this is the internet's only college football podcast we ain't got the

money for that we got to do like we can't even afford drew breeze if you want to drew breeze which we don't 550 you got to do 550 for Drew Preeze you can get Ernie Hudson for a hundred thirty five Winston from Ghostbusters I might consider that's pretty good right that's a pretty yeah I mean that's that's pretty good we can get we can get Mick Foley for 99 bucks that's a strong deal somebody's got a birthday coming up mm-hmm might might do that you can get Brett the hit man Hart for 150 man wrestling affordably priced I'm impressed Montel Jordan for a hundred oh oh this is how we do it I don't think that would go well

I feel like I feel like that leads to Montel Jordan be like hey can you like spot me 200 bucks you're like that's not really the direction I thought he was like well I thought we're friends now so you know Bruce Buffers only 299 bucks It's not Michael Buffer, but it's Bruce Buffer. But you could, you could get, you could get like so much more bang for your buck with others, right? Bang for your buffer. I will tell you this. And this is because I have to.

You can get Lisa Loeb for $100, dude. You can get Kurt Angle for a hundred bucks. So get Lisa Loeb and Kurt Engel. Get Kurt Angle to sing a Lisa Loeb song. and get Lisa Loeb to talk like Kurt Engel. I would be worried that if I got a Kurt Angle cameo, he would vault bodily through the window the minute I hit Send. Not saying the downside.

You know, just, shh! Hey! Jesus Christ, Kurt Angle. This is the most IRL cameo I've ever gotten my life. We have one game left. And by the time this goes up, you ain't going to have that much time. to really prepare for it. Also, what's the point

doing a real preview of Alabama, Ohio State, when frankly, well, we're just going to admit to this last week on this here podcast, we said, well, this is the last podcast before the national title game. Not that y'all corrected us, by the way, so y'all don't care either.

Nope. Nope. Jason, did you at any point in the last three days forget that the national title game was Monday? um i mean there have been there have been uh pressing moments when it was not at the forefront of mind uh within the past few days i'll definitely admit to that um i think i was always aware that there was more college football season though no i always knew i always knew no because i am no just like i'll be very happy when i'll be very happy when we're done with this season that's all and so I knew it was

plus plus no reason plus like we spent a lot of last week being like it might get moved from Monday it might not happen on Monday which would have made honestly if the championship it got moved and we had said that that was our last show

before the championship game that would have somehow been even better so yeah I totally forgot completely forgot I was like isn't that like a week or something I don't know which I was almost accidentally right it's always like the middle of January when's that like yeah it's now yeah it's happening tomorrow you can get Bamar Jarrah for a hundred

dollars I had the browser misaligned and it said George went from Cheers $12 to which I was like man that's the deal no it's 125 okay that's bad I had that I had that wrong did not know he was alive alive and ripping it on cameo man you can get Robert Davy for the exact price of $134. But Robert Davy will personally chat with you for just $3. They staffed that out, right?

You're not talking to the real person. I can't imagine that Robert Davy's got the coin to be like handle my DMs. I don't know. This username says Robert Davy Vivo, so I'm pretty sure it's him. They don't just hand those out.

You can also get But if you really wanted to, you can get Vicente Fox, the former president of Mexico for 300. Yeah. Okay, I want that one. Former President of Mexico on here. Just chatting it up for 300 bucks on cameo. Yes, yes, yes. Eric Roberts is 90.

What do you think you could Paul? What do you think you could Paul? $15. I want Eric Roberts and I want Vicente Fox. Okay. These are your assignments. We'll take care of those. I think I could get $15.

I want Eric Roberts to talk in his justified voice. when he goes and have some ribs okay listen if you've ever seen the cliff i'm talking about you know that it's much better than i'm indicating here it would be great if he got that request and then was like i can't believe you remembered my best performance clearly but thank you you can get jim beehive for 200 i heard that about jim beehive before man cork is only 99 Go ahead. Do you think you could get him to do the Mr. Chappo thing? This is the saddest one on here.

Ken Bone, $25. Dude, we should send one of those to Mike Pence. Send the Cam Bone cameo to Mike Pence. So Chris Hanson is on here. And can I just get him to say, have a seat over and over again for two minutes? You know he's gotten that. Come on, he's gotten that. No, but has he gotten it for just two minutes straight with him going, have a seat.

literally nothing but have a seat like vocal warmups version of have a seat yeah where i just go like hey man have a seat have a seat have a seat have a seat have a seat have a seat lake have a seat have a seat hey are y'all watching the stealers it's going great it's was that ball fourth grade math because it just went way over big ben's head hey that is that's our that's our national championship preview right there that is go bucks listen man you were on target unlike ben who's thrown at least three interceptions last one i turned it off including one to the majestic porter gustin the reason i turn this game on in the first place is because i got a text from my father an actual Steelers fan who said you're not watching this are you

Of course, I had to go see what was bothering him. I did not expect to see 28 nothing. Can I, can I, can I read y'all the like meanest tweet Adam Schaefter has ever sent? Because Adam Schaefter to me is like, his Twitter presence is designed to be like, don't like, don't reach in any emotional direction. Don't try to be funny. Don't try to be sarcastic. Like, right.

You know, just sort of like, stay. Wait, is this the 60-inch HD-T? Yes, yes. That bothered me so much. This is the tweet. It's from this morning at 9-13. Or I guess it would have been 10-13 Eastern. Brown's head coach, Kevin.

Whoops. Kevin Stefanski. Feels great, but is out tonight against the Steelers. Here's where it's spicy. Like so many Browns fans in Cleveland, Stefansky will be in the basement of his home tonight, watching the game on a 60-inch H-D-1. tv alone no family or friends around with his phone off hey he gave him a 60 inch tv he did but you know you know

he's got like the super old projection screen TV that like oh like the tricolor like the try color projection screen it weighs 800 pounds and it like is as big as a couch yeah we scammed one of those off of my roommate's dad in college and it just took up our entire living room like it was a wall and they're it's like turning it on is loud yeah it's like and possibly carcinogenic yeah loud and hot yes here's all right turn on the x-wing time to watch tv or you can't hear the tv over the sound of the tv the exhaust the generator that it requires hey honey put more gas at the time of the TV.

The more guys than the TV. Every single piece of electronics from 1985 to 1995 sounded like the Soviet Concord. And of course, the one thing that could destroy all of those pieces of electronics, a magnet. We used to live in a world where one magnet could destroy any piece of technology. Yeah, those cute little broccoli and cauliflower magnets

on your mom's fridge. Yep. Death. TV ruined. TV Ruin It could wipe out an entire copy of the world's strongest man Volume 3

I'd say that happened to my house If you left like the Start screen up for fucking double dragon or whatever That would be burned in forever That's it now you have a painting of double dragon In your living room I had a friend who had a TV that was burned in

With a video game image And the exact one is really slip in my mind But that was so goddamn cool That happened We're like, dude, it's awesome. You've got like streets of rage on your TV all the time. Forever. Forever.

That's so, you're about it, man. Other people just live it like one frame at a time. You've got it there forever. I really don't. Here's what I have to say about the national title game. Okay. And it's this. Fart.

How'd you know? that Alabama will win and no not going to happen not true no you don't think no it's much

it makes listen this is my only I know you have you have you it'll make people more more people will be upset if Ohio State wins so the Buckeyes are going to win

fart fart fart fart I mean there is argument that they've all okey doked us by playing fewer games and being fresher?

No, listen, there's no analysis here. There's no like, oh, here's why this is going to happen. It's just going to make more people upset. Starting now on this show, there's no analysis. Yes. I agree. That's normally we... New year, new us. This show's really gone downhill in the last

two minutes. It's amazing. Was it the fart songs? I'm sorry. No, it went up with that. I saw the needle visibly. There was a moment of hope and then. And I ruined it. You ruined it by cutting off the fart songs. That's what I...

I was trying to do... I was trying to do the 2001 sunrise, but with farts. No, I got... Yeah, I picked up on it. Yeah. I felt Hal looking at me. How's an Ohio State fan, by the way. Oh, absolutely.

Hal seems real Michigan fanish to me. Oh, let's definitely talk about this for 50 minutes. Go ahead. Paranoid? Let's see. Loves rules. Yeah, love rules. Wants to be clear that you're the one who's mad, not him.

How's not mad, you are. Mm-hmm. What do they say when you're like, hey, you should be at Ohio State? I can't do that, Dave. Can't do that, Dave. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm sorry, Dave. i can't do that dave brandon that's sorry dave brandon i'm sorry we took pizza out to jupiter

also do you remember where howl was originally conceived and booted up howell's big ten because hal came online university of chicago no it's from uh the university of illinois champagne urbana that's where that's where that's where hal says he was booted up in the news a lot with champagne urbana so yeah you have i big ten as hell kelly leffler zone yeah oh shit folks we haven't been around since that happened have we hey i knew we forgot something a lot of things happen sorry sorry sir i'm going to slip into ad read and i'm going to tell everybody how the state of georgia lost 350 unsightly pounds of fat and gristle all at once by lopping off

David Perdue and Kelly Leffler Totally exonerated I figure she's about 110 and I'm actually being a little bit generous to him but if you have corrections on their weights please let me know I'm just so pleased

Yeah she's like a 666 110 Yeah She's got range but absolutely no follow through Also what's she gonna do with that Georgia hat You reckon you think she just threw it out the window on her way back to New York where she lives She was probably

She was probably like Ryan doesn't even live in New York anymore, Kells She probably thought What does this G stand for anyway Georgia Glamour No like Georgia of the state No

Can't be that Yeah David Purdue now gets to do Exactly what he wanted to do Which is to go back home Per don't Yeah per don't That's all he ever really wanted

it was just to go back home where he can sit and look at his closet full of denim jackets anyway we haven't gotten to celebrate that yet due to reasons so you know as we ended the show last week bye bitches goodbye forever with your incredible bitch asses you will not be missed that's the other thing by the way when you get kicked out of the club like the entire nation turned into a message board this past week because one of the mississippi state message boards because the people who are like you're suppressing my free speech everybody who ran a message board has had this experience of i am deeply aggrieved that you will not let me be an asshole in your community and when you ban them do you know what happens nothing

nothing you lose that one ohio state fan i'll name i hope you're listening man because i'll ban you we will ban you again ban you from podcast we will ban you from podcast i will ban you from podcast i will throw you out of whatever club i'm in that is my favorite thing about this because when you throw these people out you lose nothing it is nothing oh still man he's still on 24-7 on bama he's posting on bama's 24-7 for legend 21 minutes ago So our biggest Ohio state troll is on Bama's 247 boards. I'm going to read, like, what would you, okay, Spencer, I'm covering it up. What would you like to guess his post count is on 24-7 sports?

2,000, 2,000. What if I tell you he's been a member since March of 2011? 20,000. You're still low. What? 22,126. Because I would do anything for love, but I won't log off. No, no, no, I won't log off.

I would do anything for love. I don't know. I almost miss you, speaking of enormous bitches. I really don't. Oh, man. Since 2011. 11 that guy's got 22,120. I'll drop this in Discord right now

so y'all can see that. I am not kidding. He's on BAML boards as of 20 minutes ago. 21 minutes ago. That's incredible. The pandemic changed life for many people, but not everyone as it turns out. Well, we all turn to community in times like this.

You know, people. Our friends, people who hate us. These are both communities. I mostly like that people are acting like Twitter is fancier or like higher-minded than, you know, an Applebee's. They're like, oh, you're throwing me off Twitter? It's like, yeah, it's just like getting banned from every Applebee's. It's the exact same thing. But Applebee's is the new public square.

There's actually probably more of a case that getting banned from Applebee's is more serious punishment than getting banned from twitter but where can i go to be a disingenuous racist asshole the rest of america the rest of america you have so many options the entire rest of the internet as we pointed out when people were mad that we didn't talk about boobs so much on edsbs anymore have you tried the entire rest of the internet you just go ahead it's all out there but what if i want to talk to people who hate me it's not really an option it won't take long maybe you could let him get to know you why don't you go talk to why don't you go talk to your kids because i guarantee i guarantee they hate your ass so why don't you go out there and try that

speaking of kids um there is a hollering one in the hallway there is there is y'all pardon me for a second And a discussion about curtailing speech, I have to go address a problematic troll. While he's gone, would you rather, would the two of you rather learn about the peak of eternal light or the crater of eternal darkness? Ooh. I mean, wow. That's the choice, ain't it? What is the choice? Now, now there's two of them in the hall.

These are real cosmological phenomenon. Okay. And we can only choose one. Yeah, I'm only going to tell. tell you about one. Wow. I want to learn about the peak because I feel like it's ironic. Jason. Right. Isn't this just, isn't this just the part of the moon where the sun never sets?

This is, this is the, well, so this doesn't exist on the moon. It's, it's, the peak of eternal light is purely hypothetical at this point. Um, because the moon doesn't exist, right. The moon is regrettably real. I, I think that's the, that's what we actually learned from Apollo.

Ryan, you're suppressing ideas again. Yeah, am yeah citation needed friend yeah the the it looks like there are places on the shackleton crater that are close to being the peak of eternal light but none that are confirmed as such there may be peaks of eternal light on mercury but there's never been detailed mapping of the surface of mercury so we can't confirm it or rule it out now what is a peak of eternal light then So a peak of eternal light is a point on an astronomical body that is always in sunlight, that basically it like sticks. Like imagine that there were a...

Like Robert Downey. Imagine there were a mountain on the top of the North Pole so tall that no matter how the Earth spun or where it was in its rotation, the sun was always hitting it. It was never dark. Like if Dikebe Matumbo is standing on the North Pole. There we go. Yes. Correct.

Spencer just came back muttering about a jail break. That's good. And I will tell you at least for, because I'm a generous person, the creator of eternal darkness is the opposite of that. That's a place on a planet or another body in the solar system that is always in total darkness. And there are 324 of them known on the moon, 324 spots on the moon that never see sunlight. not once like Liam Neeson okay yes well that's sad I mean it's just different it can't if you're there all the time it's not sad because you don't even know that there's a sudden to miss I mean sure surely someone like three feet to your left has

told you you know well I I think it's more like being a the Virginia Tech fan who's not aware that the BCS or the playoff were ever created and who like has never heard of national titles yes there's never been a national title system and therefore there's nothing to be sad about go monkeys why should i be sad oh dear i'd also just like props to science for for going super super emotional with both of those terms peak of eternal light crater of eternal darkness also it's not eternal i mean it's like a few billion years so then but then what happens are you saying it's light after that well it briefly very briefly oh when the sun blows up i guess that's true yeah sure it's briefly light and then oh it'll be bright and then and then we have the peak of eternal darkness

as far as we know yeah as far as you know some some little space microbes some little you know water bear is just up in that thing and it's like i wish i could see the sun again and the sun's like Careful what you asked for. Water bear's fine, now. Water bears. Yeah, water bears, yeah, water bears like, trippy! As it flies to the next world. The one where Virginia Tech can win championships.

Hurtful. I know. I don't know why the Hokies are catching strays here. Uh-oh. Speaking of strays. No, I think they're good. Okay. Now the door just opened.

I can hear it. it they're coming they're raptors yeah by the way when I went in there I asked I asked them what they were doing and younger child looked at me and said sleeping so hard

this is to be clear the one that made eye contact with me in the hallway when he left his bedroom he's got to be one of them has to be better at crimes you're all children you're all parents let's discuss Is it an immense gift to have children who are terrible liars?

Because it seems like it would be. Yeah. I think it's probably better than the opposite. Like comically terrible liars. Like you want to teach them to be better, but then you're like, oh, no, no. This will serve the parents well. I need you to stay bad at lying. Oh, before I forget, quick update from my house.

We are up through Tokyo Drift. Oh, excellent. Okay. So you understand the justice for Han objection? Yes. Okay. Very much so. Also, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. That's where we're at. I feel like we're ready to jump into the like reunion of family that's coming shortly. Very excited. Just listen. Just power through the fourth one, man. It fucking sucks. It's worse than too fast, too furious. This is a distinct minority opinion among fast heads. But I'm right. I don't know. I think four is pretty, like up until eight, I think four is pretty widely considered the worst one. Like two is weird, but two is entertaining. Yeah, I revisited two as an adult and liked it a lot better than I did as like a college student or whatever. As we previously said, no movie with the phrase ejecto-sito cause can be completely bad. I think four is the, out of the first seven, four is the only actual bad one. Four is the, well, four is just poorly made, as I was explained to.

Ryan. Like the climax of it takes place at night in and involves a lot of tunnels and you can't see anything that's happening. It's like solo. Well no it's yes it's very like the the camera work is very like muddy. That's probably on purpose because like Vin Diesel had like big back knee that week or something like keep it dark. I can't let them see. Yeah probably but then you get through to five which is like seeing the face of God. So five is the best. So I'm told. yeah i'm glad that we're all aligned on this as we move to educate ryan i'm thrilled new world i'm really excited when we're through with that we're going to get you to do some drugs big guy well after that she's like i think i want to watch the john wicks and i was

like those are very different those are very different from the fasts he is on a number of journeys the john wick journey is incredible because you go maybe this one will develop the concept of John Wick, and you get to it and go, no, it didn't do that at all. No, we don't have time for that. So she asked me. So much lore. My wife asked me, she was like, they're funny, right? I was like, hey, they're hilarious.

Do you think a guy getting stabbed through the top of his head with the knife is funny? Do you think using a horse as a weapon? Yeah, that part is funny. Do you think getting into a fight with bow ban and a library is funny? I do. This actually all started. because very early in the pandemic we watched Speed together she had never seen Speed before and that I'm sorry that I didn't make her do that in college that's not me I'm kind of shocked that you hadn't

and that was sort of the thing that sort of led her down this path maybe she was asleep because given the amount of time we spent together in college and the amount of time that speed was playing in our home I'm kind of amazed that she skated on that yeah huh now so now she's going to watch the most lore heavy assassins movies ever made that also feature Keanu Reeves killing people in the most elaborate

fashions I wouldn't even say because she did ask me she's like is it torturing and I was like no it's not like that but it's over fast but like a pencil is used

to kill a person it's just over fast so many times yes right yeah I find the dog portion genuinely upsetting when it's time to watch the knife fight that starts three or the first part in the hall just face time me i just want to watch somebody just prop up the phone i just want to watch somebody else watch that because the first time i saw the knife fight in the first part of three i um i was

levitating and then you got to watch me watch it for the first time it's thrilling which was i i think i passed out just out of overwhelming stimuli because you think there can only be so many knives in one movie scene and you're wrong there are more how many knives do you think conceptually can fit onto a screen and into people in a two-minute span whatever that number is triple it that's how many knives they have i also feel like three starts to reveal that the world of assassins is not like leading up to it you're like oh assassin is a full-time job you know you have you're highly skilled you're highly trained it's a very elite thing and i think three reveals that like well there's also an assassin gig economy like there's hundreds of just people out there just waiting for a text

messages that are like i'll kill a guy for 75 dollars minus the 60 dollars that you know they take off the top sure i'll kill a guy for 15 dollars as long as i get five stars in the app that's the for a gold coin with like man that'd be so cool if they had little faces on the app like keanu was coming for you 4.7 the number of things also that delight me in that is that like who runs the assassin's guild's message center on outdated steampunky kind of uh you know machinery it's not really steep okay no it's just it's just like old we're not stepping into that well just old it's just an old school like uh switchboard you're right and who runs runs it you know kind of like hot retro rockabilly girls sure because the bowling alley closed down

they had to do something else just somebody who's like what do you do all day bad just sign out death warrants for the lowest ball here's the thing if you told me that everybody in the john wick universe who isn't john wick is a like struggling actor in new york and this is what they're doing on the side then it all makes sense then it all makes sense that i think that totally i think that is actually totally what happens there's also this there's nobody involved in who's like a finance bro i think that needs to be worked into the john wick scenario right like somebody's like yeah i try to be an assassin part-time right yeah somebody's like tried to be an assassin part-time right like i went to like assassin lessons it's like a crossfit gym but for assassins you know

it's only 900 i think that's just crav maga is it you're talking about sean Hannity now If I opened up, if I, seriously, this is somebody who's really way more evil than me do this, just open up a John Wick gym in New York and see what kind of moroads walk in. Oh my God, you'd make a, you'd make a million dollars. Wick strong. How do you change the name to avoid getting sued? You call it like Don Wick or something? Yeah.

No, you just call it the John Wick gym. You take out the H. Yeah. It's different. different John which John which there are a lot of bail John just that they're just Bond James Bond right that's what we do here and no one seems to care yep so that might work

God you make so much money with the you would make so much money don't even attempt to have any credentials or anything oh you don't even need a quick because if people show they'll be like where's the equipment you just slide a knife to him be like there you go you'll figure it out You'll figure it out, sport. Have fun. See, I'm just thinking this, though. You give them the retractable knives.

The stage knives. Yeah, you give them stage knives. Yeah. And you could just sit there and watch grown men who are super agro-morrons just stab each other with stage knives all day. It'd be the best. You'd be like, what do you do? Stab.

Stab hoarder. $900 a month. $900 a month. Do I have to be wearing a suit? You have to be wearing a suit. Yeah don't show up in basketball shorts that's disrespectful the sign just dual wielding cap guns Dual wielding laser tag guns all of this sounds really fun yeah no it'd be great but we'd be very serious about it Yeah that's the thing we're not presenting it as fun we're presenting it as fitness well

I mean it's okay if people have fun though well you're talking about our spin-off John Wick for kids. John John Wick Jr. Lil Wick for the wikis for the little. Oh, this is Wicillodian.

Also, when you have to buy things in the club, you can't buy them with money, can you? No, no, no. You need to exchange some of that civilian money

for some of our custom tokens. We've basically made Chuck E. Cheese, but for murder. Wiki cheese you say that and not me I did I did for like fake murder we've done it I'll fake fake murder yep that's it that's all I want is somebody we are not trying to kill Henry Kissinger and we are not training assassins out of our boutique fitness concern what we're describing is kind of the combination of gym and escape room right yeah like emotionally that's

that that's the midpoint that we're hitting. Oh, wait. No, I want an emotional escape room. Oh, and with our, and by the... I guess that's just the title game. Right, welcome with Thanksgiving, everyone. With our, with our app, by the way, $17 a month. Sure.

What you can do is you can take out a target on a friend and the first one to get a simulated kill on him, you know, you level up. But it can go to anybody else who has the app in the area. I'm pitching a business empire live on air. Based off the mafia game. Based off of the mafia game. Yeah. We're not ever actually going to set foot in New York, though.

So we are looking for business partners. Oh, that's the best part is we'll do this in extremely unwalkable cities. Oh, well, we can do it in Atlanta. John Wick in Houston. I'm a little winded. Hold on. I don't do a whole lot of walk. Traffic sucks.

It's going to take me two hours to get there. Yeah, somewhere like Atlanta or Houston, or... You know what they have both in Atlanta and Houston, though? Horses just randomly walking through the city. So John Wick might feel right at home. You do either of these towns. It's like the contract expires in 10 minutes. It's like, oh, well, I guess the contract expires then.

Is it next door? I ain't doing it then. Because, I mean, I can fucking see if I can see them from here, but that's 30 minutes. That's a way. Yeah, I ain't getting there. You can't get there from here. This is a brilliant business plan. We totally have to, like, hand it off to somebody and let them do it and collect a commission.

Which is really what most assassins would do, right? They would just subcontract. Yeah, they were like, John Wick wouldn't do all that stuff himself. He's too prestigious. He would go like, okay, cool. Let me call my staff. Is there a trampoline gym way we could incorporate into this? Trampoline with

If I just said trampoline with theater knives Yep A whole business Right there So anyway about the national title game Also a number of unplanned pregnancies I wouldn't say unplanned There are no ex

Maybe not mutually planned There are no accidents I said As I plunge a real knife Into my own shoulder As a joke Forgetting that it wasn't a theater knife Wow Sensei is amazing

Not flinching Okay flinching a little So anyway Like I said about the national title game y'all How are we feeling? Emotional escape room I also realize that the cancellation process At the John Wick gym

There's a it's easy there's a form You have to kill the person behind the death No it's easier than that It's a form but it's buried under a slab of concrete and we hand you a sledge hammer and we're like, go get it, champ. You really want to cancel.

Go get it. Also, by the way, don't get a cut in the gym. There's no shedding blood in the John Wick gym. There isn't. Can I have a band-aid? You're done. You shed blood inside the Assassin's Lodge. Wait, so when you're saying you can't shed blood, you mean you personally cannot bleed?

That's true. Yeah, no. You can't. Jonathan, you picked a scab. Get out You violated the rules of the guild Oh I can't wait for this You know who we could probably get We could probably pay This out of the rug

This is jute We can probably pay Ian McShane to just show up and drink You know I'd be like oh my god You got the real guy And they're like yeah let's Ian McShane He's just drunk as hell

Having a great time Yeah he's just here to have some tea You're not allowed to speak with the inmate, Shane. Not unless you're a level five, Gilber. He's got a beanbag shotgun, so don't get close. No, he really does. I don't know how we got it. We can't take it away from him either.

He's impossibly strong. Sorry, you were talking about the national championship game. Yeah, about the national championship game. All right. Yeah. Spencer, do you feel obligated to talk about the national championship game or do you really want to? No. It's because the SEC teams in it.

That's right. I'm an SEC honk. He wouldn't be doing this if it was Notre Dame. Ohio State. Did you say an SEC? Hunk. Thank you. There you go.

I feel a little obligated. You should talk about it for like two minutes. Who's you? Probably me. Okay, go. I'll start at the clock. Okay, two minutes. just like brushing your teeth i don't think justin feels can have those two games in a row that he's

had i don't think he i think he played the best single game and he probably should have opted out that's really what justin field should have done is he should have had the best game of his life against clumson and he should have said bye that would have been delicious just just opted out like yeah oh that's good i'm declaring for the draft now because i don't actually need to play like you're i'm going to play for my brothers i will get my brothers back when i host a magnificent party with my signing money that i got being a first round NFL draft pick and something that i did not want to tamper with or possibly taint or get injured by having a bad national title game against alabama probably should have just gone ahead and dropped it because he was never going to be

more valuable than he was at that moment as it stands he's got to throw against the team that actually has decent corners and will have to throw his way into competition with alabama a team that has more wide receivers more downfield threats and a better running back it doesn't seem like a shootout's going to go their way and that's probably the kind of game they're going to play there you go that's my national title preview you got to make you got to make mac jones have a super bad game which means dropping eight which is what arkansas did and uh i don't think ohio state's going to do that there you go i think bama by 10 there all right you did that in a minute 20 so if anybody wants the remaining 40 seconds.

I yield my time. Looking at Ohio's, if Justin Fields had opted out. It looks like the total number of pass attempts on the Buckeye roster by guys besides Justin Fields is seven. All of them last year, six by Gunner-Hoke

and won by punner Drew Christman. That's it. So they'd be falling on either Gunner-Hoke or Drew Crispin to carry them past the tide if Fields his head off to know he still could there's still time as of this recording

and that's two minutes value baby value all right now let's go back to what's important John Wick what's a series by the way that you haven't seen that you're like I really should watch this movie anybody

don't rush to the mic Do you have one? Movies that I have not seen that I really... Okay, I haven't seen any of the Hunger Games movies. None of them. I really only need the first one. Okay, I haven't even gone that far. So, no, I haven't seen any of the Hunger Games movies.

From what I understand, you can see Donald Sutherland acting real crazy. Yeah, they're fine. I mean, they're nothing incredible. I don't think you're missing out on a whole lot. My daughter is very, very into them right now. She's taking up archery and everything. Oh, how is archery going? Fine.

She has two bows working on collecting a third, so she's definitely doing, like... She's Zelda and the shit out of this. Yeah, she's very much going to, like, video game route. Like, this one has better stats. No longer best friends with old bow. She's like a situational archer. Like, this one's for this yard, but that one's for the other. you know that one's for the neighbor yard right because you know it's more hilly right but uh yeah i mean

spencer your kids might like it so oh no give them some great ideas yeah i think they would like it i don't think liking it would be the issue i also haven't seen any of the purge movies but i cannot imagine why you would have a series of purge movies because when you get into installments two and three you start to build lore the thing i love about the john wick series the lore becomes increasingly more insane and unnecessary to the actual plot in my opinion i think the wick lore is very much um self-aware that you don't need to understand how or if any of this connects together like this is literally so you can recover from the previous scene like we need five minutes of cool down so we might as well make it crazy i think it's also an excuse to like put people in it

who you're like I don't know I don't think we can convince Angelica Houston to be an assassin at this point but we want her in this movie so here she runs this like evil ballet cool

yeah as opposed to like I don't really see the purge serving any purpose past purge one I don't need to learn a whole lot about that world the guy who has written all of the purge movies

the first film that he wrote was the Robin Williams vehicle Jack well sure so this is like Mad Mac been off

happy feet yes that's right that is correct is that George Miller George Miller being like babe he direct to babe then he did Happy Feet

then he did Fury Road natural progress Those all take place in the same universe. They do take place in the same universe. Somewhere there's a penguin with an RPG being like, I'm waiting. Just waiting for them to come over the horizon. I am trying to, I'm scrolling around trying to find, like, best movie series lists to find any of that I'm like, oh yeah, that one I got a. I don't think most of them need to be serious.

Most of them do not need that. like the godfather did not do a part three it did not one and two i think that's just fine pretty pretty universal common yeah pretty universal opinion that they did not need that i don't know pretty pretty sturdy limb there buddy yeah the indiana jones movies probably could have just done one and three no they need two there's still there's still there's still there's still plenty more to go. There's more planes for Harrison Ford to crash. We've already talked about that on this show, but whatever. I'm not aware of a fourth movie. I've never seen that. So that's another one that you go. Maybe you should add that to the pile.

We're a lively bunch. We could throw in an ad read right here. What if we did that? The Acorns app, if you would like to fund your own Hollywood film or start your own Assassin's Laser Tag Put Putt Putt Course. No, you can't do that. That's ours. I said Putt Putt Putt Course. That's a totally different idea. Sorry. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm back as I put it to the windmill. Acorns.com would be an excellent place to start. in fact full cast will give you a boost five dollar boost if you use our code full cast and if you do

that we are also entitled to 1% of the winnings from your john wick put puttuck course there go them's the rules thank you found the found the in how it works if you're just not joining us is it rounds up nickels and dimes from your purchases and you can also throw in a weekly or monthly or whatever amount and then it does some like stock market type stuff with it to make make line go up I'm looking at mine right now. Line is indeed continuing to go up. The market is somehow working, despite the rest of the world. But yeah, Acorns.

It works. I use it. So maybe you should think about using it too. I have the family plan on acorns and have just threw in, by the way, establishing healthy spending habits with one of my sons. He got a little bit chunk of change. So what did we do? Hey, part of that, you spend it on Roblox bucks, right?

Enjoy yourself. Spend the money you get on things you like. What did he do with part of it? Since he had $48 total, he took $16 and spent it on fun stuff. He took another 16 and he put it into his investment fund. That's right. We use the family plan to invest another $16 for my elder's son. Just socked it right there in acorns.

That richy, rich shit. I know. Then he took another, took another $16, and he donated it to the Atlanta Community Food Bank. Wow. Yeah. It was his idea, not mine. So, training him well, doing a little investing, doing a little charitable giving, and also, yeah, buying some Roblox bucks. When is Kelly Leffler going to give a third of her net worth to a food bank? When is David Perdue going to show his face on Roblox? He's already built out the polygons.

he's ready for it. Actually, you could really render David Perdue very convincingly on Roblox or Minecraft. Just useless shambling polygon, man. Totally user-generated. The Saints Bears game that was on Nickelodeon for some sort of reason.

Oh, the one where they said fuck. Yeah. What? Yeah. I think it was Cordero. Bear was standing next to an official official assesses a penalty of Chicago and you hear the fuck word

on Nickelodeon for the first time since Rinn and Stimpy was around. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure Rinn got it on there a few years ago. Stimpy, Cordero Patterson said fuck. Yep. But they had

there was one replay that they used they tracked the players and they did the entire replay via Roblox. It was amazing. Oh, actually, I was informed. I think it was Alvin Kamara running in a touchdown. I was informed. Entirely in Roblox.

That is not Roblox. That is yet like another third Minecraft derivative. Said older son corrected us very sternly. Yeah. He said, oh, Roblox. No. I don't remember what he said. I just remember that the sentence started with actually and a thin red film slitting with my vision.

Spencer just hit me with, I believe you mean the chaos emeralds. I did. I did, only because I have to pass the onage onto you. Damn. I actually did while it was happening. I said, hey, hey, Evie, come look. They're doing Roblox on TV. And she didn't know because she only plays Minecraft.

So she didn't. I was testing her. I was testing her because I knew I wasn't Roblox. But she didn't know. That's Evie just being super OG about things, right? When you go, hey, Evie, you want to come over here and you want to play like some seven-card stud? and she's like, I only play dominoes. She's like, I don't play those.

I have three bows. I only play Go. Okay. Yeah, I only play Go. She's just sitting there being at one with the mind of the universe, playing a game that one may, one may excel at, but never truly master. I only play Pente. I'm here to make a beautiful pattern.

Yeah. Flips the board. Oh, Pente is not that old, huh? I thought Pente was ancient. That's just a knockoff of go. You thinking of Mancala? There's also that. Oh, yeah, we used to play that.

That's a good road trip game. We played that on MS, on Microsoft Windows. Ooh. Remember that? 3.1? I am playing that most ancient of game. Drug wars on my calculator. The most dangerous game.

That's what that is. I like what people really think, like, oh, man. I play this ancient game. That's so cool because it's so ancient. And I'm like, the oldest game in the world is fist fighting a wolf to keep it from eating your baby. That game sucks.

Nobody wants to play that. Just because it's ancient doesn't make it cool. I mean, if you take out the to eat your baby part, right? I mean, really. Because if it's just you versus wolf, then now it's just a sport.

That's street fighter. Yeah, that is Street Fighter. I do like another old game, which is, can I eat that? soul caliber but whatever if you showed anybody in like 1,000 bc sole caliber they'd be like this is way better than any of this crap we're playing that's amazing you're trying to tell me i can do trial by combat so are these characters over five and a half feet tall that's amazing yeah wow and they have all their teeth yeah we're just playing can i eat or drink that guess what happens if you

lose you die not sometimes sometimes you get very severe diarrhea sometimes you just have a real bad i was i was what we were watching uh i think we were watching Tokyo drift we had like deviarded on youtube tv and there was some i don't remember the pharmaceutical but there's some pharmaceutical commercial where one of the listed side effects is severe diarrhea and i stopped i i hit pause and i was like think about how bad it has to be for them to put severe because if they could get away with just saying it may cause diarrhea that's all they would do but somebody in legal said nah man you got to say severe diarrhea you have to put severe in the commercial diarrhea alone will not suffice to tell people what this drug may do to their body man what if cut out and I came back in right at the perfect time

by chance meant to ward off extreme diarrhea. I don't think it is. Again, I don't remember what the medicine is, but the confusing thing is that as they're giving this morning, because in all these commercials, they show like people just having the most fun day in the world thanks to this medicine. In this case, this woman and her friends

have gone to the beach to get lobsters from a truck and eat them at the beach. And it's like, what the fuck are you going to do in this situation? if you get severe diarrhea. They're not wearing bathing suits, so if she goes in the ocean to have severe diarrhea, she's doing it in her clothes or nude.

Nude, definitely. But then you're kind of surrounded by a diarrhea swamp. Correct. It's the ocean. It'll, it'll go. No, no, no. We are unpacking this sentiment. The tides will take it away.

It won't stay there. There's an undertow, and also the waves in and out no the continental shelf keeps all the diarrhea there oh is that what it's for? Yeah the fish will eat it some fish yeah

wow Jesus Christ yeah I can't decide which of you I'm the most of that way let's go back to the national title game yeah sorry I just wanted there's a man okay so I read Temple Grandin is

an animal behaviorist to say is an ohio state fan and she's an ohio state fan and she just loves to go out of the ocean with the clothes on folks you can reach spencer at four zero and in temple granted's book about working in working in farms and slaughterhouses and figuring out ways to design like humane methods of killing animals because it's this one thing that temple granted is she's like really talented at coming up with these systems where cows don't really know they're going into the slaughterhouse and they're like oh it's cool and then they get and Woody Hayes is like this is boring yeah what Woody Hayes is like can we put people in this that'd be really exciting

put some liberals in some of these hippies may be the same um Temple Grandin at one point is discussing a guy who makes six figures being the guy who harvests pig sperm he's the guy who goes and gets the pig to do his business and thus helps inseminate cells and keeps the big old pork factory moving right at a rate that is significantly higher than if you just let them do it organically when she's talking about all this okay i was just thinking i was like man that's a terrible job if you just go according to her by the way in the book the pigs are actually happy to see the guy which has got to be the worst thing in the world that some pig is like they formed an attachment yeah it's not it's not

the worst thing in the world you know what the worst thing in the world is being the pig semen collector and the pigs hate you that's way worse is it a hate love thing where they're like yeah i would much i would much rather the pigs be happy to see me because you know what? This is going to go easy. I do not need an angry pig that I have to jerk off. I'm never getting another job ever. Never. Ryan, have you seen who's past the Tennessee bar?

That's a good point. This is probably a branch of law. I just, especially in Tennessee. Glenn Cassata is in the Tennessee. Glenn Cassata is an elected representative. You're fine. I just want to see somebody, I want to see the guy who makes six figures being the dude who test drugs on himself and is like, nope, that's definitely severe diarrhea. Not just like diarrhea, but like, no, no, no, no. This one, it's putting me through it, dude.

This is officially severe. I only had plain toast for breakfast, so I know. There's one guy who test all of these drugs on himself and he's like, scabies. This thing definitely causes scabies. what else extreme diarrhea like falling out of a plane diarrhea that's what I did this morning

I fell out of a plane called my butt and I did it all day long Patrick Swayze had a president mascot and yelled at me there's somebody at Pfizer who's like yeah this drug's pretty messed up we need to call we need to call Greg really do you think we can get him

yeah he's up in the mountains he's like that Greg Shiano He's in that cabin in the opening of Commando that's like up in the California Sierra, right? And they're like, we need you for one more job. It's for our drug Vitruvia. Just this one. And then I'm out. Then I'm out.

Then I'm out. And then he gets all of the side effects at once. And they're like, thank you, Craig. And he makes like $9,000 million a year. You saved America. You saved it. Thank you, Craig. He's like, it will give you blisters on the inside of your eyelids, too.

He's the best.