Shutdown Fullcast - The Shutdown Isolationcast, Cont'd

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

On this episode, Spencer and Holly talk to a real live medical doctor about Covid-19 and what you can do to help. Also, there are some very silly conversations about a medical drama starring SEC coaches, rat tails, Godfrey eating an unpleasant but not impossible amount of fast food for charity, and laser tag. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

That's as far as the Xylophone goes. I'm watching Shrek. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. Hallelujah. Number one Shrek podcast. Yep. What you think I was? Wait, is Hallelujah and Shrek?

Of course it is. Yeah. I don't know this. Hallelujah is required to be in all movies. Yeah, it's in every movie one way. Yeah, so like half baked, it's in there. Was this them burning off the rights from like that period of, we're in like 1996 when every single NBC show had to have it?

Yes, that's correct. Yeah. Okay. That's, you know what movie doesn't have hot rod in it? Oh, God, you were so... Oh, yeah, you almost got it. Almost got it. You're going to take it from the top?

We'll leave it in. No, I'm going to fix it in. No, I'll leave my ad libs in. Hot Rod has the AM radio version of... That was a bad live, just like you. Wow. I got him. Hide me.

See, that's the kind of banner you can only get on the Internet's only college football podcast, which is a very... Society. Are we in week three of being Banner Society's flagship quarantine podcast? To be clear, you can't keep track of the weeks when they are numbered by ESPN. We're definitely not going to ask you to do it during a quarantine when time has no meaning. I will say that today is the first day since we started lockdown that I disciplined children in my home with a squirt bottle. Hey. So I'm calling this day zero. This and I assume this for now used water. For now. For now. It was my second best squirt blottle.

That one just has water. Sure. As Spencer revealed shortly before recording, all liquid is liquid. All liquid is. Remember, we don't actually have to make sense now. Hold on. My tone is about to become more somber. And I'm going to take a turn towards leadership. Are you ready?

Yep. All liquid is liquid. Whoa. Whoa. The loans are our money. Who was that? Oh. It's the leader of the free world.

Got to respect it. Wait, what? All liquid is liquid. It's fine. Yeah, you don't have to make sense anymore. That's the fun part about it. You can just say things and people will go, you said them very gravely,

and that sounded important. This musical frog represents the out-of-doors that we are no longer permitted to wander freely. I had a really uplifting moment today during whatever that quarantine this is. So I realized that even though my brain is quarantine broken, it's still regular broken. And here is why I was doing the dishes, and out of nowhere, the following thought popped into my head.

If I were named a Justice of the Supreme Court, I would grow a rat tail because you're appointed for life, so they can't, even if they were going to somehow come up with the ludicrous claim that having a rat tail disqualified you from office, you can't be removed. And secondly, what litigator is going to say shit about it? So, so now, extremely fancy prosecutors, defenders, you know, like private litigators, whatever, they have to come over your shoulder too, right? 100%. I'd whip it around. So, Ryan, you say if you had a job you were stuck with for life that you'd grow a rat tail. Correct. Well, you're on this podcast for life, brother. So let's get that thing cooking.

You know what I've never thought working in digital media is, ah, finally, a life appointment. Finally, the security that I've always saw. When is this episode going up? That and this, you would have followed the lead of Sean Connery when he walked onto the set of Hunt for at October. To be clear, I did not specify there's a salary because you're a public servant. But yeah, Sean Connery walked under the set of Hunt for Red October.

unannounced with a hairpiece with a ponytail, and he wore it until cinematographer, director of photographer, Yon DeBant, started laughing while reviewing the dailies, remarking to Connery to his face that the ponytail looked like, quote, a limp, swinging dick. Connery was so upset at the mockery that by the end of the second day, he went and got a new hairpiece. And this was the beginning of the Yondabonissance. So did they have to put in a scene where he cuts his rat tail? no they had to shoot new footage also the the wig the hairpiece that had the ponytail was like thousands of dollars yeah it was an insanely expensive piece it is estimated in this

quote as being 20 grand hell yeah 20 that's in like 1990 dollars yeah the cost actually the most expensive thing though this is the my favorite part actually the second favorite part the first is that everyone else on set going oh my god that's sean connery walking god sean connery and yon de bond is like it looks like a dick that's whole ah second the second best thing is according to the director john mchteran the actual toupee in the movie costs like 15 bucks they just slap it on nineteen dollars you could you could start an NBA franchise for that's right i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure the Charlotte Hornets were started for $15. Oh, yeah.

Just like, wouldn't it be awesome if you saw me at the State of the Union in my robes looking regal as fuck, just playing with my rat tail while the president was talking about foreign policy? So I'm envisioning, and Ryan, I picture your hair a lot. Sure. But in this particular scenario, it's one of those. Yes, it is beaded. Thank you for asking because I was going to ask if you were planning on installing any

Pandora beads. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. it definitely has the like uh i went to a saint island yeah and i and i have it but it was months ago and it's starting to get a little weird can i can i can i work some for butt stuff can i work some turquoise in there absolutely no so i can get you in that like val kilmer kind of like right right where it's sort of rat's tail not ryan's tail it's like val kilmer are you are you like doing like a Native American thing and he's like whatever man okay cool I'm just picturing out like I'm just picturing I descent spelled out in like times new Roman beads like we said the internet's

only college football podcast you're listening to it right now production of banner society.com for now for justice Ryan now justice Ryan now demands podcast business There's no half steps on this. This is also in Shrek. Dick. Dick. Podcast business. Dreck's Dick.

And Eddie Murphy just sales dick. Our podcast business this week involves a, our sister podcast. They don't think kids need to learn sharps and flats. Life isn't a major key, y'all. Wow. I agree. Speaking of minor characters, Stephen Godfrey has something going on.

That's what you want to talk about. He's only minor. No, he's not really minor in anything. He pain in my ass. No. He went to El Paso. Their team is the minors. Wow. That's true.

Tied it all together. If you go to Scott Frost. If you go to Scott Frost Day.com, you can see the GoFundMe where Godfrey, as of now, is up to $4,421. Correct. What are those people pay? money for yeah i want to let jason tell this story because jason has been the first and the most repeated one to point out how stupid this meme is sure so every few weeks it used to be on twitter but now that everyone's bored out of their fucking minds every six minutes um there's another like prompt

tweet that roger sherman had a really good example of breaking it down but like would you rather eat like an ice cream sunday with your best friend for five minutes and we'll pay you a billion dollars or you know or fight a shark for 67 cents you know like that type of stupid shit and there's one a couple days ago that was like you know somebody gives you $3,500 to eat this entire tray of McDonald's in 90 minutes you know what do you do what are you going to do about and everyone's like it's always presented like a hostage situation like Dennis Hopper has you on the phone he's like pop quiz hot shut you've got three double quarter And some fries. And if you don't eat it all, I'll murder your family. What do you do?

Yeah. Yeah. Like the meal, like what is on the meal? It's like three double quarter pounders, a single, two fries, two orders and nuggets, three sodas, something like that. Yes. I mean, I would eat that as a reward for eating salads for three sweets. I would eat this if someone just came up to me and said, you know, you shouldn't eat all that. Bitch, it's on. I'm going to eat all that. Do you think is, all right, is the 90 minutes a thing for you? Not really. I mean, shit, man, you hustle through half of it.

You've already established that Jason, it's like a python. You hustle through half of it in 15 minutes. You go take a shit, take a nap, come back. Bam, it is lunchtime already. You know what I mean? Ray, your rat tail, you're good to go. Okay. Jason, I'm really glad you said that because a little later on in the show,

we have an interview with a medical professional who at one point suggests as a unit of measurement, have you ever taken a shit in a waffle house bathroom? I was like a unit of time to have been a waffle house. Like is this advised against or something? Like, you know what? I'm going to let, I'm going to let us all find out together. You'll never, you'll never

hear, by the way, competitive eaters in the middle of a competition out loud going, oh, I've got a shit. Why is that? That's because they're pros and they just shit themselves on stage and keep moving. Yeah. Usually the mouth's full, but I just imagine

They're all wearing an astronaut pants. I was just imagining like the lowest form of humor, which would be Joey Chestnut, waving his hands frantically going, I got to poop! How is there never a movie where David Spade plays a professional competitive eater? Yeah.

There probably is. It probably just went straight to Netflix. Probably David Spade. Probably hugely popular. Godfrey has said he can do this in 30 minutes. Originally he said 20. I think possibly... Godfrey also says,

said he was on paternity leave so yeah there's that too um the good news is this is not being done uh there is a charitable element to this the money is going to be split between uh action for hospitality which is uh a fund in middle tennessee to provide provide relief and aid for workers in the hospitality hospitality industry doing great here who uh got who have been affected by the tornado that hit like three weeks ago now or so and immediately after that coronavirus. It was definitely between one and ten weeks ago. Yeah.

So that's, the money is going to a good, to a good place. I can have money for Nashville, so you know shit is serious. Here, I'm going to do the Godfrey thing. Here's a little insider tip that only I have. No, I was, I was talking to some industry players. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking a few ADs. So I was, so I just got a text from a source.

I was on Twitter while my kid was napping. Literally, as I was saying this sentence. Got a text. Text. Reporting here first on shutdown forecast, Godfrey's wife is pissed. I'm the phone. She's, yeah. Apparently he tried to turn this on me by saying, well, Ryan did the whole

Blumen Onion outfit thing. And she explained that this is not the same thing. And I've been married for way too long to try that shit on that. Sure. And I told my wife, I was like, this is what And she said, no, you didn't try to eat the bloomin onion. You didn't, like, eat your way into it, like some sort, like a fucking hermit crab taking into the show.

Yeah, you ate, you ate, but you ate the previous mascot. Wait, is that how they make bloomin onions? This is my new home. Yeah, it's the person who's inside of it, they're stuck. And then it's like, well, we can't let this mascot person go to waste. So sweet. They had to molt. Oh, I was thinking until you said that word.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what California did in that game, in fact. It's a real dry mold, as it turns out. Not two words I would have expected out of Tampa. Can we talk about our more humane charity thing that we're doing as well? Does it also involve gorging on lots and lots of food of every kind? Starchy food? It does, but I have a lead-in. Boom.

After asking on Twitter last. week whether anyone was ever going to take up our bowl season challenge to make garth brooke's breakfast bowl and tell us what happened uh intrepid twitter user ortez who was found on twitter at at underscore underscore i think it's just two underscores i don't know ds o uh he and his girlfriend made a mostly croger branded garth breakfast bowl which i think is probably about calibrated correctly, you might have wanted to work in some Albertson's products, given where Garth and Trisha probably reside,

but I'll accept Kroger. And they did use Bob Evans sausage. Nice. To applaud that. Oh, yeah. But really, the highlight of this thread, you can find it on Twitter if you search the full cast mentions. This was back on the 28th. But the highlight of it, which was Ortiz

roping, I don't know if this is a girlfriend or let's just say an accomplice there is an accomplice of some sort beginning the process by doing the ceremonial three skillet salute I am told that this woman is an Ohio

state grad and I appreciate that that also explains the Krogerdom but she's got three skillets in her right hand that she's saluting with while wearing a colander over her head and holding a pot over her heart oh god y'all this belongs in the portrait gallery it's beautiful and if you'd like to pay tribute to both the spirit of the garth brooks breakfast bowl and donate to charity ryan hit them up you go to 25 snakes.com that takes you to homefield you know about homefield don't

don't pretend like you listen to this show and you don't know about homefield you can buy the garth pyramid of needs tea which gives you basically everything if you were to If you found like a wounded garth in the woods, this is what you would need to nurse it back to health in order of importance. Also I would like to note from Homefield, special for Garth Pyramid, too, we're offering this shirt up through Forex. You're welcome. That's right. All the proceeds of this shirt, both ours and Homefields, are going to Feeding America, which is a national hunger relief organization. their work is especially critical right now.

So you can help those in need. You can sport, what I would say is an extremely stylish shirt, and it's not just because I designed it, and graphic design is my passion. And one day, if you ever wear this and meet Garth Brooks, he'll be like, you get me, you understand who I am. Garter Brooks will try to eat your tummy. You got it.

Trisha, this guy gets it. You put the tortellini on top. Yeah, and Trisha is going to hate you if she sees this shirt. Also, if you're looking to donate to your local food bank, Feeding America is a great place to start as well. It's a nationwide network of food banks that can connect you to spots in your area that could really use your help right now. So check it out.

Okay. Before we get into more of our usual unplanned Jackassery, we have a special segment this week on the show which Spencer and Holly took the lead on so I'm going to let them explain it because they're better than me at this That's apparently where I used up all my speaking without coughing skills

So over to you, big guy We decided to talk to a friend of the podcast Longtime EDSBS commentator And internet gadfly Who also just happened in the midst of all this commentating And being a solid dude became a doctor over like the last what 15 years i don't know how that happened but uh ken starns aka rototutor on which is one of the best usernames out there absolutely we've ever had um

and it's actually not quite true that we that we shoehorned him into the podcast he asked us he called us up on saturday night and said hey this is about to get really really awfully real in cc country can i come on the show and talk about it and the first fact that he felt concerned enough after working eight days out of nine in emergency rooms to alert our audience footprint to what is coming your way, we decided to take him seriously for about 15 or 20 minutes. Yeah. Actual ER doctor currently practicing in what I think is best called Winter's Bone territory.

You can't reuse the joke that you used in the interview because they're about to hear it again in like 90 seconds. Just did. It's happening. That makes it a callback. a pre-callback it's minority it's minority report

it's called forward shadowing I have also heard it referred to as the puppy mill belt so anyway here is our interview with Dr. Ken Starns long time EDSB ester you can find him on Twitter

at Roto Tudor for some reason he says you can at him with medical questions which means he's the nicest goddamn person I've never met on the internet He's now my health care physician. Sorry, Ken. I'm real sorry for what's about to happen to you, buddy,

but we sure appreciate your time. Boy, you're about to get some random questions. We'll be back with more of our usual foolishness after the break. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. Oh, just breaking. If you're listening to this, that's a news alert, because chances are you're listening to this inside. And why are you're listening to this inside?

well because we're in the middle of a pandemic a pandemic which threatens a lot of different things the least of which by importance is college football might play a season might not who knows of which by importance is major league baseball that's true that's super true right for you that's called an edit edit live editing is one of the benefits of the show the other one that we have is this while the entire sports world might be struggling to figure out what to talk about in lieu of actual sports we untroubled by sticking to sports at any time are perfectly prepared for this. And we're prepared in ways that we really didn't even expect, right? For instance, we didn't know that in starting the full cast slash ADSBS community that some people would actually become respectable citizens, i.e. not us. Not us. No, it hasn't happened yet. Probably not at this point.

Some people actually, we took away from responsible citizenship vis-à-vis their earlier legal careers. Yeah. But some of our earliest internet companions have gone on to become actual humans with jobs that matter. Yeah. Not us. Yeah. And we have one of them today. His name is Ken Starnes.

He is... His name is Doctor. How are you doing, Ken? I'm good. How are you guys? Good. By way of introducing yourself, you are an emergency room physician in the territory between Missouri and Arkansas. Can we call that like Winter's Bone County?

and are currently working in ERs in that area, multiple emergency rooms, right? So there's about six hospitals right now that I have privileges at, and I actively work at two, three of three of them right now. You're spending your free time on the forecast so we know that you're not okay. But how are you doing, bud? I'm actually doing pretty well. Really, we've seen just a few cases. kind of assumed that everybody who walks in the door has been exposed and is potentially

a carrier. Really what we've been doing, and I just got off a run of, like I worked between my two hospitals, like eight out of nine days, and then went back up there, doing a lot of planning and a lot of war gaming and a lot of really doing a lot of teaching to a lot of people who are not used to either doing critical care medicine or not used to doing anything like this. So part of that has been nice because we've had time to try to prepare best we can, but also, you know, I'm on the phone with my friends who are working in New York and Los Angeles in Chicago, in the bigger cities that are really, really getting, really getting hurt right now.

And I kind of had this sensation that the wolf is at the door. And after a while, I just want the wolf to just go ahead and show up so I can start fighting it. One thing that I wanted to ask you about, first off, is what exactly is about to happen in SEC country to the best that you can say? and why is that such a big deal? Like, why should we start worrying now? So the biggest issue is, and nobody knows how things are going to completely play out. But so there's a term in epidemiology called R0, which is the number of people that a person can infect by being around them. And so, for example, the flu is as an R0 of 1 and a half.

Meaning every person who gets it will give it to another one and a half people. The best data, and this is a little bit old, but the best data that I've seen is that the coronavirus, COVID-19, is somewhere in between two and a half and three. So people are spreading it to more people and spreading it while they don't know that they have symptoms because it's such a long incubation period, meaning the time in between that you're infected and you're actually. sick, you're still shedding viral particles and making other people sick. So people are just exposing more and more. And what concerned me was large groups of people on beaches and going to church and still kind of going about their daily business. And the particular issue with SEC under the Southeast is one, we ain't the most healthiest people around here. No, no. Like, is it fair to say that by definition, just sitting still, we're all concerned cases?

But if you look at the highest concentrations of heart disease and diabetes and other, and COPD and smoking, the people who are getting very, very sick from this, for the most part are the ones that have those comorbidities. The politicians in that part of the country are not helping. and no no i would agree with that no that's yeah we'll go away for it we are governed here in georgia by a guy named brian and that's going about as well as you think it would yeah so one of the things that they'll say is they'll say well the outbreaks are in new york city or they are in new york city right however everybody who just went on spring break right you said well people you know go to beaches and go to churches uh you know in the southeast that's just what everybody got done doing Spring break just ended.

You know, Williamson County, where most of my family lives, Williamson County had everyone go down the spring break. You know, it's human nature. But when you're hearing from everybody around you and everybody on your Facebook and everybody, you know, and Fox News that this is not a big deal, it just reinforces that, you know, we're not seeing the system overloaded in Seattle,

even though that was the first place. because they shut their asses down. It's very pithy. I like it. We are seeing younger people getting sick. I know from talking other people, people who have seen 20 and 30-year-olds die already because of this. And they were healthy. The question, the two things I want to follow up on that are this.

One, some people will say, well, I've seen the numbers. And when they say they've seen the numbers, they say, okay, well, it's a 3% fatality rate or a 2% fatality rate, with X number of people not even getting it, X number of people being asymptomatic, you know, 2 to 3% fatality rate, that doesn't seem worth all of this trouble. Okay, think of 20 people in your family. Name the person you're willing to have die.

A small percentage of the population of your county is a lot of people. And even if they don't die, some people will come out of this being pulmonary cripples. Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm a lot of, hold a lot of, hold a lot of water with me. The other thing I want to follow up on is co-morbidity. Or, you know, comorbidity is, is, is, is, is, you know, more and more people now are on long term, uh, immune suppressing drugs for things like psoriasis and, rheumatoid arthritis, you know, is just something lurking in the background. You know, if you already have a slow leak in your ship, you're going to be more susceptible when that torpedo hits you. That's suboptimal. To say the least. Yeah. That ain't bad. We'll translate it. That ain't good.

Where should our audience be getting their information as someone who is struggling to stop scrolling every night? So I get my information not only from people who are already dealing this. And from the CDC and from World Health Organization, your doctor is a good source. The, your state and county health departments,

I will put myself out there. I'm, you know, at rotodat underscore tutor on the Twitters. and I have been open and had lots of people ask me information on that. So I don't mind. The best practices that we can pass along, because I know you're an ER doctor.

You have no attention span, right? And also, you don't want to see us in the ER. What should we be doing right now? The things that people have already saying is washing your hands with soap and water, is staying home, is not being around other people. I get some exercise. It's nice, and it does boost your immune system. I went on a three-and-a-half-hour bike ride yesterday,

and it just absolutely made me feel incredible and much more healthy than I had been. Get offline every now and again, and it's hard. I get it. I've been extremely online lately, not only looking for information because I'm shut in, too, and I have some very, very good friends online that I've known for a very long time, and they're my community now. Eat as healthy as you can. The one thing that I would, oh, you don't need an N95 mask.

You haven't been fitted for it. It's not going to help you. Get it to somebody who can need it, and we need them. That's kind of a segue to the next question, which is, How can we help you in other medical professionals in your position? My hospitals have been very good about getting us equipment and doing the best we can. The thing is people concentrate on, well, the doctors need these. I need these.

My nurses need these. My respiratory therapists need these. And probably they need them more than anything else. I'm seeing dozens of people a day. But those are the people who are going in and dealing with the people who are spewing viruses all over the room because they're on a ventilator or they're getting, you know, asthma treatments or biopap or things like that or the people who clean the rooms for every one of me there's 10 other people who if they get sick I I can't do my job you know I don't want to get sick because not only I don't want to get sick but it you know we're forced

multiplier so if I go down that's 30 people times two weeks that I'm not going to be able to see. And that's why that's why it's important. It's not that we just don't want to get stuff on our faces. It's your doctors are already dying in a lot of these big outbreaks. It is in the double digits of percentages of patients are medical workers. If we can't do our job, it's just going to be worse. Anyone who would say that this is overreacting, maybe doesn't understand chain capacity and chain capacity failures, right? Like, if you take out 5% of the capacity of an emergency room, that's a tremendous, like, chain of events down the line

that take out capacity all over the place elsewhere. Yeah, exactly. The point is, is if the people who are working in the hospital, it's not just the ER, it's people work in ICU's and people working in regular floors and people cleaning, and there's a lot of dermatologists figuring out how to run vents right now, the emergency departments are going to be absolutely overrun. If you do not think that you need true emergency care right now, stay the fuck away from the emergency department. You are just curious that you've been exposed. If you feel like you want to

get tested and you are feeling well, call your health department or call your doctor, if you go to emergency department in a place with that outbreak, you're going to sit there for four, you know, four, six, eight, 12 hours. And if you weren't exposed, you're going to now. And if you were, you're going to expose somebody else. If you think you're sick, call your doctor, go. If you're short of breath, if you have a fever, because, you know, obviously people are getting very sick of this. But if it's just curiosity, you're doing a very, very big disservice just to come in like that. If you don't have to be an emergency department right now, don't go all right well we're going to move now to a couple of reader questions the first of which

I wanted to ask because I think it applies to definitely every member of the full cast and certainly most people we know this is from the US of NCAA on Twitter and this person asks if I have ingested water from a water park wave pool in my lifetime does that make me immune say yes please say yes absolutely it really depends on what state you were in how about Texas they're talking about ingesting water park from a water park pool so i have to think this is kansas and below yeah right um well i mean there's some really nice ones in wisconsin really yeah no that's true they've got in the day yeah the up in the dells yeah there's like a huge one up there it's all it's oh it's open for like six hours in july but but it's a bang in six

hours. That or, yeah, if you've actually, you know, had a bowel movement in a Waffle House bathroom, you know, you've been there that long. Let's do the overlap of have shit in a Waffle house and. I took shots, I took shots off of an ice slide after like 200 other people in 1998 in Ebor City and Tampa. Oh my God. So I'm probably a mortal. You're probably still crawling. Yeah. I'm honestly, Spencer, a little surprise you're breathing right now. Hey, there's a non-full count. So I was sicker than I've ever been in my life a couple months ago.

And looking back now, I'm kind of wondering if the Rhone had paid me a visit a little bit early. But am I correct that there is no way to tell whether or not I can catch this again, so I should still stay the fuck home? Yes and no. It was a really bad flu season. And there's like 21 other respiratory viruses that give people flu-like symptoms. So it's, you know, it's always possibly you could have gotten one of those that we don't test for. But I have a personal, this is not based upon any evidence or any epidemiology. My personal working theory is we had so many positive flu tests because people had the flu felt sick enough to come in because they also had, may have been exposed to the coronavirus.

as well. At Cuffy Cup. So, and I'm representing. What percentage of ladder falls come to the ER wearing a college football jersey? It's quite a bit of, I see more like high school football t-shirts with them. Oh, that makes sense. That makes a whole lot.

I did. I had a rash of like of roof falls. And that's another thing. If you don't have to do something risky right now, now's not a time to come into a trauma bay. What does the most, Hey, y'all watch this injury you've had to deal with? Oh, I have such a, and this is when you all do the kitchen,

you know, the disaster episodes, I just, I just. We do have one more reader question that won't get you into trouble, which comes from Jorge Escalante at Escalante Brute on Twitter. It's an extremely important question. my crawfish dealer is offering delivery of live crawfish, including potatoes and corn. I wanted this question included because it sounds as though the potatoes and corn are also alive. Is this a safe method of obtaining crawfish? Because crawfish season don't stop.

You know, everyone's getting food and other deliveries and things like that. And, you know, any contact is going to be a little risky. but it's probably no less risky than getting, you know, your food delivered or grocery delivered or Amazon packages or things like that. You're going to be cooking it, but you're also going to be touching the packages that they're in and, you know, you're going to be interacting with the person because you're going to be tipping them generously because they're out delivering crustaceans that you're asked. Everything you have to do, you have to kind of weigh your risk and benefits.

I think we are through the list of our questions. Is there anything else you want to shriek into the void that is our audience? No, just, you know, again, like we said, be careful of the information that you're looking. Stay your ass at home. Take care of yourself. Check on. You have older neighbors. If you have people who have young kids at home that can't get out and you can offer to go to the store for them or have stuff delivered.

you know there are one of the things that this is this is exposed is our complete and total inadequacy as a society to look out for people who are not as advantages as the rest of us but on the flip side I think it's really it's really showing a lot of people are sort of rediscovering their communities and it's hard to say that there's a silver lining in all this but I'm hoping that maybe some of that stuff changes. The other thing specifically, and I had told Holly, you know, you guys, what you guys do for a living, you know, no, you're not, you're not innovating people, fighting fires, but you know what?

Except when I, well, you might be fighting fires. No, I mean, recreationally innovating. I mean, it's not hard. I could teach you. Yeah. A tube, tube. It's, you know, find a whole... Great time. Sorry.

My pap time. Oh, God. But, you know, when I travel, I travel several hours to my shops. When I get done, the last thing I want to do is think about what I've done or listen to the news or do things like that. So once a week, I have an hour and a half where I can listen. listen to some people who love each other very much, sit there and rip on each other and joke and, and, and it's, it's escapism for me. And I know it is for lots of the other people. So you are helping. And I'm very, very, very grateful that you guys are able to continue to do

this. And, you know, it's a very, very much of an honor for me to get in and get to talk to you guys. But I also wanted to say thank you for just being here and making things a little light for a while. I intend to let this go to my head immediately. I think you should. I'm basically saying, listen, stupid's always been a national resource. We're just weaponizing it now. Absolutely. All right. Thank you so. Ken, thank you so much. Stay safe out there. And we'll talk to you again in happier times. All right. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. Let's hear another winner's bone joke from Spencer. So he's working in the area of the country

we call the Winter's Bone. No, my God, we get it. You have the Criterion Channel. I don't even know Criterion. You know that. Don't be putting fancy things out there. I don't know. Twitter user, Hello Newman, spelled in the LSU fashion, asks, does Jim McElwain's

close contact with animals strengthen his immunity? Well, not to. not to COVID specifically, right? Like if anything, it probably makes him more likely to be not necessarily patient zero for this disease, but patient zero for a disease that transfers from animals to humans, right? Like, that's sort of the premise of the documentary contagion.

So if you will, he is the Gwyneth Paltrow of college football. He's going to get the shark flu. Correct. He's got some goop for sale. It's going to get meiko herpes. Okay, that's... It's a thing you've said. It exists now in the world.

I did it. If you want to know who patient zero was, it's Jim McElwain. But who invented it? Me, in a lab. Why did, never mind. That's not important. From one swell foop at blank scientist. We could use some blank scientists right now.

Any scientist. Be they permeable, transparent, uh, reflective. Plasma, plasma scientists. They could be liquid because liquid is liquid. Stop it. Well, I'll take a gaseous scientist right now. Absolutely. That'd be pretty fucking useful.

I don't know if they were gaseous, they might be inert, but at least they might be noble. But they could just fucking seep in under a door and research. Who's the Marvel character that's a living planet? That's Guigi. As ego. Oh, okay. Also, but Guigi I would take as well. Our friend, the semi-permeable scientists who cannot be observed, says,

Can USC still be overrated if we don't play a football season? And I think the answer is yes, because if we had a preseason AP poll at this point, based on stuff like S-ampersand P plus, USC would be like a top 20 team. What? And that, yeah. So would Texas. Both of these things would horrify everyone. And we would immediately say, this team is fucking overrated.

This is ridiculous. We always do this. We always do this. So, I mean, I think it's pretty simple. They already are. USC is overrated for 2020 and it won't even matter whether we have a season or not.

Schrodinger's Brats. What if we... God, that's amazing. What if we get... What if we get another recruiting cycle in and suddenly Clay Helps? They're never going to get rid of Clayhouse.

Never. Never. What if he improves and manages to win, you know, about 89 games? I thought you were saying improved at recruiting to like... No, health tone of them. 45th in the country.

Cracked the top 37. So like what if the recruiting cycle is like everybody gets one recruit in USC that just happened to land a five star? I don't know where they'd find one of those in southern fucking California. But like, you know, they just happened to get a top 10 guy. So boom, tops in class. My question is like, is this affecting how, um, how Chip recruits at all? Do you think Chip is just like at his computer looking up and be like,

I'm going to answer that question with what? I'm going to answer that question with my. my immediate thought, which was to say, Ryan, Chip isn't even fucking coach in college anymore. You've got it good for too long. Chip is just looking at some like two-star full back out of Las Crucese. It's like, oh, daddy. He's like, okay, cool.

Will he, will he just sign tomorrow? All right, that's good. Yeah, yeah, Chip's already done with his 2021 recruiting because he's, you know, offered like 40 kids. So. This is like he gets that chip to the grocery store. he'll be like okay we need fruit well old apples were in front so i just took a bunch of those and i like we're going quarantine shopping with chip kelly and then he's like i'm an innovator

buster raisins do you get any toilet paper yeah i bought a bunch of magazines they were in the front too they were easy they were right there i got to call him charm and chip just send him in and he's back out in like 13 minutes like what no chip we're we got to survive the next year these like the current two coaches in los angeles one of the most fertile recruiting grounds in the country are both fertile while i'm thinking about chip galley they're both the gnomes who sneeze gold and don't value it right like oh i don't know the stuff's just laying around everywhere wait is that a fairy tale and that it is now the gnomes who sneeze gold and don't value it two two gnomes one named chip one name clay they're both indistinguishable and completely oh come on like if you

didn't know chip from like his prior like what chip is just a potato it's like they both look like characters in the old david the gnome cartoon yes correct yeah yeah no number seven and nom number nine yeah right and both of them have no respect for the resource whatsoever they're like you know what something really valuable is tin yeah well i think chip is the cool one here because he doesn't give Whereas, like, you put Chip anywhere, New Hampshire, Oregon, USC, you know, we put him in literally every corner of the country and he's the same dude. He doesn't give a shit. You know, Chip Kelly is like- Anybody on drops and cool plays and we'll win, you know, we'll win games, it'll be fun. But Clay, Clay gives a shit and he can't do it. That's the tragedy of Clay. It's like Goofus and Goofus Sir. Chip, we need you to go to the store, get paper towels, eggs, and steak. I brought back a Kiko Alonzo. Is that good? That's what I found. traded for him. Chip is

like Chip is just astonishing to me because he is just the guy who never stopped liking Scott. Like yeah but but for visuals just don't get less upsetting tonight. But to be clear he likes it for the right reasons. Oh yeah. No, no it's real. It's real but like at every turn when you go

oh hey how about this four star piece of like new hip hop he's like yeah but have you considered this two-star ska? Yeah. Ryan, what are the wrong reasons to like Scala? To make friends. He likes the musicality of it. It's called the Funk Soul, brother, Ryan.

There's no eye in it. If you've been in with the very cool popular ska crowd. That's right. That's right. I think if you got to hook up on cheap bowling shoes and you just want an excuse to wear them, that's probably the wrong reason. That's one of the wrong reasons, yeah. The scheme has some problems, Chip.

I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to take boat drinks question here, which is Zach Boat Drinks Rousseau. At Zach Russo asks, please cast a medical drama using SEC coaches. No. Next question. I had a really,

Jeremy Pruitt was going to play the corpse in the hallway. Wow. It's hurtful. Has he been floating in the canal for three days? We shouldn't joke about corpses right now. I think if you're talking about TV medical drama corpses, it's okay. Okay. Yeah, we found this one out back.

I thought that. I think Will Mustchamp is the, like, the intern who's always wrong and is always pissed about it. He's like, we can't save him. But he doesn't actually turn out to be a really good doctor. Oh, yeah, it turns out he was actually just eight possums inside of a lab coat. Can we have Mushan't be the guy who always wants to yell, clear! He's the janitor who wants to yell clear. Stay away from the paddles, Will?

He doesn't know that there is an actual on button to the paddles. He thinks you just scream clear and then like, boom. And he also wants to use them too frequently. Like, he thinks that's punting. He's like, we're playing for field position, people, clear! Speaking of eight possums and a lab coat, did you know there's a new wayside school book out? No.

We don't deserve this, but it's. happening cool i'm really happy about that i only have one other piece of casting to do which is dan mullen is the uh is the overly cheerful pathologist right yeah you see that stuff on the x-ray yeah that's bad oh he's the one who looks at the deadly pathogen under the mic microscope and it's like well hello beautiful yeah that's totally dan mullen tan mullin's the guy like yeah you see that clouding right there yeah it's fatal you're not wow that's who yeah look at that look at go can we do coach oh as like the chiropractor who's just like I'm a hug you real tight.

Yeah, he just yells some really cool shit at you and punches you in the spine. And you're like, you know what? I don't know fucking why, but I feel great. Thanks, Coach. He studied under like the walloping yogis of India, right? What do they do? I brought me up on the mountain to beat the crap out of him a little bit. Nick Saven is the hospital administrator who's like, your results are one thing,

but your methods are unsound. You're out of my hospital. Absolutely not. Is he not the undertaker? Turn in your badge and gun. Take it me. You'll never work at, you'll never work at gun hospital again. Hospital sheriff.

In gun hospital, that's what the SEC's hospital. Gun hospital. In Arkansas, that might be true. So, like, people bring in their sick guns and we nurse them back to life. Or all treatment is dealt with via gun. Please, my wife, she's jammed. Gus Malz-Malz-on, completely the anesthesiologist, because every time we're like,

hey, didn't you do, eight and five last season? Count to three. And also, what does the anesthesiologist do? All right, slow it down, slow down. Feed it up. Feed it up. Feed it up. Well, plus the anesthesiologist is like,

hey, I'm only going to be here for about 20 minutes in this whole show, but I'm getting paid like a top actor. So, thank you. If you listen to Gus Maldon speak, what would you hear? you're counting backwards from 10 wins to 9 wins to 8 wins Jimbo foolhardy surgeon who keeps losing patients on the table but this is a run in the trouble out of network Well lost another one guess I'm going hunting

Jimbo's a plastic surgeon come on now Oh yeah that's true that's true no no no Lane Kippin's a plastic surgeon baby Plastic surgeons are pretty. You know? Lane Kiffin is a plastic surgeon, like Jimbo is actually licensed. We'll give him that. Lane is a strip mall plastic surgeon. Lane Kiffin is the male nurse who never wears underwear under his dress.

Lane Kiffin is a stripper mall plastic surgeon. Oh my God. I'm an orderly by day and a dancer by night. Send when they flip my shifts. Michael Each is the neurologist with a terrible reputation. Oh, yeah, yeah, with no bedside manner whatsoever. Yeah, none. Yeah, so we're going to cut your head open right here.

I don't believe the noise it makes when that saw screams. What are you five? That's cool. That's great. Funny thing about aneurism. Wait, how can it be a neurologist if you doesn't believe in head injuries? That's the irony. See, the internal, like the essential irony to the character, right?

It opens up the head. He's like, looks fine. He took this job. Malpractice, not irony. We didn't say this was a good show. Just casting it. So it's on ABC. I think, can we do Mark Stoops is the guy who's like somehow keeping the whole thing aflo?

He is the competent doctor who's not pretty enough for people to actually appreciate. Tupelo MD. I think it's like somebody comes in, they got the leg blown off and he's like, all I got is an arm. You're going to have to make do. And they do. Got the three-episode, the three-episode guest arc for Lynn Bowden, just breathtaking. And then Eli Drinkwitz sometimes shows up, and we remember that Missouri is in the conference. Eli Drinkwitz is the underwritten intern who was supposed to be really brilliant, right?

But they just kind of forgot him because the actor has nothing on screen, right? So they're just like, he has one episode that's all intro. There's such a thing as a system orthopedist? Yeah, he's the system orthopedist, right? Is he Zoo our, like, bottle episode? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because then we can put them back in the bottle when we're done. Yeah.

And Scott Bacula is there. He's not busy. That's true. I think. So that's every school in the SEC. Good night. Definitely didn't. If I keep trying to end the show, eventually we'll end the show and we can go to bed.

Will it, though? I have a harrowing prospect. to raise from Reader Zach Thompson, who wrote in via email. I had been talking on Twitter about how my nephews had invented a new sport. They've actually invented three sports since quarantine started. The first one was when one of them put a cardboard box on the head of another one, and the other one would punch him, and they called it boxing. Where did, where was the punching happened?

In the box. In the box, for the head. You punched him in the head where they came. I didn't know me. I did punch him. I wanted to. Yeah, yeah. But they punched each other.

Today's sports they invented were terrible space program. And then one that I just never got to grasp of at all that was called Please Kill Paul Bunyan. But Zach Thompson raises a chilling point. I fear that an unintended consequence of staying at home is we are creating the most powerful generation of uncles, the world has ever known. This is a tough one, because on the one hand, we are over-supervising future uncles in a way that maybe limits their opportunity for mischief.

On the other hand, we are also showing them that supervision doesn't matter, that they can just unkel out as hard as they possibly can. They're unking up. Yeah. I think, I sort of observe, when our fellow quarantined nieces and nephews are, here um supervision is not going very far like there's there's only so far you go with supervision

um these are not my kids but i was in the room when they came up with all three of these sports and my presence did not make a difference yeah like i think i think parents and uncles and aunts across america are just sort of like i don't is this what it's like to work at a laser tag facility i hope man where you're just sort of like listen please don't break please don't break the equipment don't get seriously injured and then at some point i'm going to leave how long into a laser tag game have you gone before somebody just outright swung the gun at somebody every single time i've been there with kids one eight or seven year old just figures out you know you could shoot somebody but this hurts a lot more if you hit him in the head with it lethal weapon bitch there are no columns on the laser tag scorecard for pistol

whipping. No, and there's, but there's also no internal affairs at the QZAR. That is its own show. That is the show. QZAR HR. I'm A. QZAR. God, I miss Kuzar. I hear there's a six-year-old beating the shit out of people with a laser tag pistol. I'd like to remind all y'all that we tried to have our Houston show in a laser tag arena, and we're not able to find one for our needs. So if you're out there and you own one, when we're allowed back out into the world again we would like very much to go indoors immediately call us you're a loose cannon terry