Shutdown Fullcast - The Silence Lets the Darkness In / Week 0 Schedule Game

Episode Date: August 20, 2025

How we found out more employees of Honeybaked Ham listen to the Fullcast than any media executives we've ever worked with or forJason and Spencer watch the new War of the Worlds "movie"Time at long last for the return of everybody's favorite segment, "read this week's schedule aloud"Now through September 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch will be donated to Mid-South Trans Nation. Visit preownedairboats.com to find the finest Blue Sharks gear and other Fullcast-related loot Fullcast theme song arranged and performed by Clayton MooreSubscribe to our new $4 Patreon for more Fullcast stuff big and small, including After Dark episodes each CFB weekendCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz and his new show, PodcasterinoListen to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Jason's critically praised novel and other workDID YOU KNOW: Holly and Spencer write Channel 6, their own year-round newsletter, mostly about football until it's notVisit HOMEFIELDAPPAREL DOT COM for all your comfy vintage oh-fficially licensed collegiate apparel needs

So we got to get all of our War of the World stuff out of the way. Speed run, go. I didn't watch it. I refused to watch. Not refuse. I just didn't watch it. I made a principal stand. I'm not going to pretend like I'm too good for that. I just didn't watch it. You, boy, you missed 89 minutes of non-stop sitting. No one has sat harder than Ice Cuban War of the Worlds. Microsoft Teams, the movie. That's what every clip appears to be. It is awful because it's like being.

at a shitty job while you're watching a movie. So wait, this isn't an action movie? Yes. Okay. So, um... Start at the beginning. The movie is about Ice Cube watching an action movie happen on his computer. He is a character in it, to be clear, and he is administrating much of it.

Um, he's like the head of the government security, whatever. He's, he's the head of, um, national security spying. and as there's like the only running joke and the whole thing is like my job is spying on people's Amazon carts they say this about seven times it's kind of a hacker movie but there's no hacking

it's a lot of Ice Cube playing around in Microsoft teams going through menus and clicking on thing that's basically like fix problem he like sees a problem and he's like ooh nice try bitch scroll scroll scroll fuck that guy button ha ha gotcha I push the fuck you button and it's like

it's just the camera is mostly 90% of it just zooming around ice cube's computer as you see his face um he'll take calls there's a lot of family drama his two kids have are very related to the plot of the uh boiling the alien invasion um and he's constantly on the phone with them lots of people are talking into their phones looking directly at their phones as they run away from the machine behind them um like everything is conspiring to have faces is pointed at Ice Cube's computer. It's like the, um, there's some other government guy who's yelling,

Ice Cube, we need you on Zoom. He's not actually called Ice Cube, it might as well be, we need you on Zoom right now. And like, everyone in the world needs Ice Cube's attention. Um, so that's one thing. Those are the basics. With the expression, the entire time of a man who is currently experiencing a very spiky poo, that's it.

He has the look of a man who is currently trying to get out of there. Yeah, trying to unload a hot one in a very unpleasant. I had a big breakfast before coming into the office. Can I ask an overarching question? Let's, okay, yeah. Based on what you've seen, how many days of production do you think this film required? For Ice Cube one. One.

Ice Cube is the protagonist. There is not a chance that he spent more than three hours on this, including driving to the studio. He did not read these lines beforehand. How long is this? It's like an hour and a half. There is not a single line that he delivers that he looked at before. before he said it. It's not a chance.

It's on the computer in front of him. Sure. He was receiving the script in real time. There is no question. He does like two physical actions. There's one of him walking down a hall pretending to be struggling. And I've seen it described as like metal gear grade acting, which high praise. Sure.

Yeah. It was absolutely one take. Cube, walk toward us. All right, done, good. Ship it. Fucking ship it. Other than that, he's just sitting there scowling and like, I don't believe this. Ooh, got him.

Just like reacting to the. movie happening on like little screens on his computer it's it's it's in it's in real time this there's a rumor about this jason that you need which part about ice cube's performance that when they filmed this movie the only part that they had done when ice cube filmed his parts was his set so he's reacting to nothing yeah it shines through and there are 12 minutes at the end i really the defector review of This is very, very good because it's one of those things where I read like eight reviews, including Vince Mancini's review is really good. I read like 12 different reviews because it's one of those things that you finish and you go, huh? Did I watch that?

Did we watch that? Did not just, did it happen? That was crazy. You're just like, what? It wasn't the worst thing I've ever watched. It was really? No. To be fucking clear.

All right? We're going to speak with some fucking nuance here. no one is saying this is good all right no one is saying this is good it's not the worst movie ever no if anyone says that they have not been in the fucking trenches is it one of the most boring movies you've ever watched no god no hell no no it's there's i i was playing it while spencer and dan played warhammer i laughed out loud like seven times okay i did but i did what i think i respected the movie in the medium that i believe it should be most reverentially consumed which is I watched it on my phone.

Sure. I think ideally this is a sitting on toilet phone watch. That may have happened, Jason. That may have been. It's a mobile movie. You've got to be walking like everyone in the world who's talking to Cube. Yeah. It is, I believe the rumor wholeheartedly that he filmed everything in one go with just him and the crew.

And then was like, y'all have fun with Post Pro. Peace. Bye. Yeah. Just got out. like in terms of worst movie ever I've seen a lot of people call that it's like the lowest rated movie

and letter box blah blah blah blah like dog I grew up on rapture movies I have seen shit made by Liberty University's film department yeah no no this is this is fucking Fury Road compared to that shit

it's also a one star movie it's bad I want to be very clear it's bad but at no point was I bored like part of it is every single scene is like how little effort can they possibly put into this and the answer is always even less effort

there is like it's seemingly told in real time over the course of like an hour and a half an entire alien invasion figuring out why the aliens are here scrambling the world's militaries as one to combat them the world's military start to win

and ice cubes watching CNN like gotcha bitch and then they figure out the aliens are here to steal our data that's their scheme and then ice Cube gets fired from the NSA, joins his son as a hacker, becomes basically Morpheus.

He puts up a meme that's himself going like, disrupt, bitch. And it hacks his way in to foil the entire. This all happens in an hour and a half of real time. For those of you who are big dogs for hacking, I'm in. Brothers and sisters, come on in. This is your film. If you get thrilled at like a bunch of keyboard. tapping and like yeah that's it's that without any there's like two scenes of him doing any

like even movie grade hacking you know where it's like type in in the portal and type in the running commands and shit it is seriously just so much of watching his mouse click on solution um yeah it's bad um it's bad but you can look at it and go there's way worse yeah you can look at it and they were like hey cute we need you for two days how much there's a scene where in order to save the world ice cube has to put an amazon order in there's an amazon drone that plays a key role yes this movie that uh is on amazon prime is absolutely openly nakedly shamelessly to a degree that is almost um it is so shameless that i'm kind of proud of it, how shameless it is to be just open Amazon property. It's like, hey,

this is the grossest movie possible. And it's so honest about that that I'm like, all right, respect. But yeah, an Amazon delivery guy saves the day. They need an Amazon drone and he says, you need to place an order first to activate the drone. The movie is telling you save the world by shopping on Amazon. You know it's a Hollywood movie and they took some creative license because he's talking to an actual person in that scene who's telling him that he needs to place an Amazon order which when they're placing the order I remember thinking dog poop bags batteries so there is no like heroic AI that saves the day at least that no it's if they there's it's really it's weird that that doesn't exist and that it's not voiced by like John Sina

they cannot talk about John Sina the heroic computer shit is like designed by his dog who happens to be computer genius and is dating an Amazon delivery guy normal and happens to be uploaded by Ice Cube just in time that's where the hero at computer stuff comes in yeah the he's a keyboard warrior is what you're saying yeah learn the code save the world the John Cina AI would have saved the world but it was too busy he's got a mouse he's clicking he's clicking oh it's a clicking movie it's just click no it's just clicking it's seriously little typing. Do you just want to watch if you've ever want, there's 12 minutes at the end

and I know it's 12 because Defector Cab is there's 12 minutes at the end where Ice Cube is like thrashing around a hallway. That's it. And that is the extent of his acting. You know that the director had it keyed up. They're like, yeah, he's moving into meat space. Okay, well, what's he going to be doing when he's not just sitting there clicking away? And you're like thrashing away like he has COVID in an empty hallway. Like,

Cube, walk as if someone is pulling a rope behind you. We can't afford a rope, but try it. Is Is the fact that this is an adaptation of the War of the Worlds, like, at all essential? Or is it just sort of like, oh, yeah, okay, gotcha. No, it's robots are here. They seem to be from a different planet. Then the president says, I shit you not. It's the War of the Worlds.

And it's almost like the president has seen the Tom Cruise movie, right? That's what he's referencing. Yeah. I hope somebody said this to Steven Spielberg. It was like, well, how easy this shit is. Why'd you spend all this time doing it? Tom Cruise actually fought an alien. Ice Cube did this in two days.

Yeah. Ice Cube didn't. With diarrhea. Ice Cube wasn't standing. He did this movie on his ass. Literally. Then he acted confused in a hallway for 12 minutes. There is a way to do a movie like this and, you know, do it really well and creatively

and not sleazily. And like, there is a way to put actual effort into like, you know, a screen based. movie there's a million waste you like I would love to see at this point a good version of a disaster movie um that is nothing but ice cube staring at a screen I would also like them to spend more than 36 hours making it I also assume that there is no part of this that gets into like questioning whether anything is real do they are they ever like is this real the internet is full of things stealing our data is bad there is um I mean it's it's like Ice Cube expresses disbelief at times but there is it's basically like what is on screen is real but there's no like

meta commentary about like oh we this is our primary the primary way we process information and it's also untrustworthy in many ways but there is just the tiniest hints of like i'm working too i'm working too hard this info and stuff but like it's it's aware of the things people like it's it's it's as if it listened to you beforehand and it said i note your objections i don't care about any of them like it references online disinfo and stuff you know right note we have to finish this movie in four business days it's like here here's a note card of all your questions tossed over shoulder like they're like there like there are fleeting references to like yeah that's kind of gross right

anyway ice cube is quoting ludicrous while fighting a robot or whatever but not the lines you expect you know I'm DUI ever hardly caught sober that's I'm all up on that Wi-Fi. Yeah, that's what it's about. There's a lot of close from waterfalls. Evidently, he really respects that one. Sure, yeah, yeah, mostly the rap. The thing that I thought of when I was watching this is that it is not the worst movie I've ever watched.

It's very bad, but it's not. It's not as bad as United Passions. Do you remember United Passions? I'm about to remind you, FIFA, the organization in charge of international soccer, FIFA, the Amazonist Studios. A kleptocracy, extraordinaire. FIFA produced its own film, its own propaganda reel. For reasons, no one understands.

It was called United Passions. Oh, you know the reasons. It's called kickbacks, dude. Dude, you know kickbacks and fraud and tax fraud were a strong motivator because one of the stars is Girard Depardue. He shows up on screen. He shows up on screen and you're like, that's a man who can't go back. to France until he pays his bills. Yep. That's why he's in Switzerland doing this movie.

Somebody's got a property lien. Yeah, I saw Tim Roth and I was like, that man's got a gambling problem. Hey, listen, Spanish tax law is both complicated and stringently enforced. It is. You can cheat on your taxes in Spain for 38

years, but not 39. Shakira's in this movie. That's why. Hello, Jules for me. I think the thing that brings us together is soccer. It's not on Shakira Talks. I know, I know. It's our first face right now. It's the baby girl voice when she's talking about like why FIFA needs to hold a World Cup in the most authoritarian countries in the world.

Soccer is forever. We're getting another one? Yeah. It's not the worst movie ever made. Okay. The worst movie I've ever seen was literally made by Liberty University's film department. It's called The Trump Prophecy. It is, yeah, man.

We did a vacation about a Patreon episode on this. I would describe it as Lynchian on accident, all right? Lynchburg, huh? So. That's a fun territory to stumble into. Yeah, yeah. Accidental 10 weeks. Like Ice Cube War of the Worlds.

destroys such a film in every way. Like, I think United Passions was worse. The gray? The gray? You think punching wolves? He doesn't. He's about to. You don't get to see it.

There will be no gray slander. Come on. No, no, no, no, no, no. We are in a fight. That is nowhere near the realm that we're talking about. He spent 90-ass minutes getting ready to fight the, fucking wolves and the credits roll. Yeah. You know what? It takes a man,

especially an older man, 90 minutes to get up to fight a wolf. You get to see him strapping mini bottles to his hands with tape and you don't get to see him punch a wolf. It's about, it's journey is about the experience. It's about process, not results. It should have been like grizzly man.

It's about, it's about preparation. And it's not about whether you win or lose. It's about the week you put in in advance. Not about the 60 minutes on Saturday. Oh, I'm mad. over again. I love that movie. Why? Because it's fucking rocks. But you don't get...

Almost punching wolves, let's call it that. It's not Catwoman bad. Catwoman's pretty bad. What are the worlds? I think, yeah, it's worse. Catwoman is worse. I think Catwoman's worse. Less entertaining, definitely. Catwoman is certainly worse for the amount of effort put into it. Basketball.

There's that, yeah. y'all are trying yeah we're grading on a curve here i haven't i know i know that like i know that like apparently madam webb is also in that confusing oh boy in that confusing did i like it's a movie that looks and feels like i ate too much and now i don't feel good i think yeah these are just bad movies these aren't like like extremely specially bad movies and also like and also like I don't, from what you're describing, I don't think anybody involved in this War of the World's project is like, and this will launch a franchise. And Madam Webb is definitely like, not only will this work, they'll want ten more of them.

The Madam Webb is also, I haven't seen it, but it's also in the, um, the knockoff spider verse kind of way where it's like we're, we are, it might as well just have a character say to you, we are literally just doing this for copyright reasons. Legally distinct from Spider-Man. What are you doing here? We are literally just doing this so Marvel doesn't take Spider-Man movies away from us. Marvel said we can have Spider-Man's shadow in one scene, but that's it. I think if you watch those movies, you know you're not in for a good time.

And you're not going to get one. This is Chuck's Knockoff, Arecked Man. Yeah. Graves 117 minutes long. Here's the other thing. Morbius, Madam Webb, the fucking. Craven the Hunter, like, those all were movies they put into the movie theater. They were like, I think we should try and get Morbi is back again.

They were all like, hey, this is worth like take time, drive to a movie, movies are back, go do this. This movie's like, listen, you gotta fold laundry, you gotta watch something, right? Okay. You don't want the- Like, war of the world seems very much like, it's this or alone with your own thoughts. Yeah, the silence lets the darken, put on war of the world. This movie is very much like, keep your browser open. If you keep it open, you won't have to move your mouse to keep your screen for falling asleep. You might have to save the world.

As far as I know, I also don't think they're like, Madam Webb, it was like, here's Dakota Johnson on a press tour, talking about how bad Madam Webb is going to be. Well, that's the thing. That's the thing. I've tried to look up interviews by the director of this world of the world's thing. Radio silent, dog. It's just like, no. That wasn't me. There's not a fucking peep out of the sky.

Oh, you got questions? No, you don't shut up and watch this. Nope, nope. Not it. Wasn't me. Ice Cube did a Minecraft ad right around like this time when this dropped. And the comments underneath the ad on every social media platform I've seen are like, dog, way more emotion in this ad that he has in the entirety of war of the world. No, I appreciate that they were like, a press tour for this movie would be like doing a chef's table episode about an airport Wendy's.

don't need to do it it's not necessary I would watch it I would watch it I think the single funniest part was Cube spends at least the first third of the movie

more interested in his family drama he doesn't like his daughter's boyfriend and he doesn't like that his son plays video games both of these are very critical plot elements later on he is more concerned with that drama than he is

with the invasion that starts like 20, 25 minutes in. And he's, like, literally flitting back and forth from a million different tabs and windows. And then the president's, like, Ice Cube, give us a security update. And he immediately pulls up this map of the aliens. And he's, like, based on my thorough analysis, I have concluded that the life forms are interrogating our energy grid to capability. Like, just, like, this perfect analysis of the situation that he has barely glanced at.

Unless you hate when you have to deliver a drone strike and you lose the open tab. he commandeers so many drones like is there do you think there's a little like a little like you know how there's the sound emoji indicator I think there's a little drone which tab is making noise like

hey which tab is here to bomb a wedding in Yemen at all times he has a map of drones and he's just like popping back and forth Ice Cube is directing this movie basically yeah it's when he says I am the surveillance state at one point which let me take you back to

1992 Ice Cube and just introduce you and see how that goes he becomes a hacker against the surveillance state and for amazon oh it listen this has the most wait so this entire movie is a false flag app by amazon yes it is yeah this movie has the most gen x conclusion whatsoever which is yeah you should go back to being it is it's like yeah you should go back to like when you were young and you were a phone freak and you were just getting free long and it's like did they talk about that no no no they don't talk about that at all but he's like

it's like i'm going to be the watch i'm going to be the watcher who watches the watchers like that's his This big conclusion is that, like, reading a surveillance date that's made out of me. But in a cool way. Fight the system with subscribe and save. It's like, yeah, it's like if minority report, but Facebook is good. I, yeah.

Somewhere Mark Zuckerberg was just like, hmm. It's like, like, like, enemy of the state, but Sam Altman's the good guy. Yeah. All right, that is the world we live in now, so that's fine. Yeah. It's truly a film of, the times. This is not disputing

the evidence that we live in not only hell but dumb hell. Yeah. Cool. Welcome to the shutdown You are listening to the internet's only college football. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. Speak for yourself. I'm Spencer Hall, currently being delivered to you via drone.

Dropping Spencer on you. Damn, we've upgraded from hams to whatever you are. At this point, at this point, you're more ham than man after our beloved honey baked ham after our discussion last week. We got some updates. They came through, folks. I want to emphasize the Honey Baked Ham, the actual company, not a rogue franchise. The actual Honey Baked Ham dropped off a tailgates worth of snacks for Warhammer Saturday. The speed, by the way, with which they responded after this, was kind of surprising.

I find it so concerning that HoneyBaked Ham, a company with which we have no business relationship. We do now. Which we called money launderers. To be clear. Several minutes. We spent 20 minutes wondering if crime. is keeping them afloat and they said right i like that joke have we have no pre-existing relationship prior to last week's no anybody there also i don't we we heard from people after the fact

who listened to the show who have employment experience there and we're going to hear from one of them in a minute but i don't think any of those people were involved with what happened right so so they are aware of this podcast whereas people we have worked for people who have signed our paychecks who have like signed contracts with us for things have never listened to this show. I'm very confused. Right. I think part of it is Honey Baked Ham based in Atlanta. Their PR

also is the College Football Hall of Fame's PR. They're college football fans at the company. Okay. Okay. And also I assume honeybaked ham.com slash locations went crazy last week. Ice Cube somewhere in HoneyBaked Ham IT. Whoa, the servers are going down. The traffic is spiking.

The aliens are trying to get to our ham. We're being hacked. Did they send this to pacify us because I figured out their ham dome? Yes. We got too close to their secret. So they're hoping to buy us off. Here's the thing, though. I've received no ham.

So I will be the voice of truth. Well, you're outside the containment field. That's right. Can I tell you what I've been completely unable to do for the past week, which is stop coming up with ham-based stickers? that i want to make for us that's i like the first one that i wanted to do spencer do you remember the the the t-shirt that a lot of folks were wearing in town for a while with the old omni yes i wanted to do that but with a dome of ham uh i wanted i had uh an idea for a gaspin flag that just says put bread on me but it's considered of a ham oh oh one with a ham on the texas flag and it just

says come and bake it. That's great. That's great. Should, I have one more. I'll think of it. Okay. Anyway, if a ham sticker bundle pops up in our store at

pre-owned aeroids.com, that's definitely why. I will tell you, the ham was good. It was. Yeah, we tore up them sliders. That is. It also gets you to do my favorite thing,

which is just give Jason most of a ham. That's it. Just I love giving people hams. Yeah, there was an entire extra literally ham. Like, they didn't just give a sandwiches. There's a ham that I'm like, I've obtained a ham. How much ham do you still have? Today, I gave it to our neighbors.

There was that much ham. I wasn't there, but which one of you said they didn't like ham and who ended up going home with the ham? I'm not traditionally a ham person, but they also said... I mean, you are now by volume, a ham person. It takes, it's a lot of inventory slots, honestly. Yeah. Yeah, it's very Diablo inventory management. You've got to put down an axe to fit the ham in.

Yeah, I usually take that straight to the market, you know. What wares do you have for me? 47 gold for ham. Can I read you guys one reader email before we move on to, I guess football starts in five days and we should talk about it? But before that, we have heard from a reader identifying herself as this is a hyphenate ham wife. Dear Fulcast, my husband is a longtime listener of the show, and he made me listen. We know. Yeah, we get these a lot.

And he made me listen to the intro of this past week's episode because I am a four-year veteran of a Louisville, Kentucky honey-baked ham. I wanted to share some highlights of my time. Here's a bullet-pointed list to follow. Employees would get a free ham. Hamps average $100 in cost. Honey-baked ham is mostly staffed by local Catholic high schoolers. Everyone in Honey-Baked Ham wears a name tag with a fake name on it. You have to get certified to work the ham slicer.

A man once threatened to sue me, an 18-year-old girl, because we had sold, quote, his perfect ham, and at least in Louisville, a cop with a gun always guards the door. Well, yeah. My perfect ham! A lot of this is still tilting me back towards money laundering schemes. Thank you. Thank you. I'm really glad you were picking this up.

Like, I'm not saying it's definitely money laundering scene, but it's not inconsistent with a money laundering scheme. A cop's always at the door, huh? Uh-huh. And a man got very mad about one particular ham that he was supposed to get. That was full of cocaine. You stole my ham, good sir. What a magnificent. Someone, I like that he was mad about that.

Could you use cocaine in a glaze like powdered sugar? I am the last person to ask. You're the first person to ask in this group because you're the one who bakes. Yeah, but I don't bake with cocaine. Are you sure? Not sure. If you bake it, does it just become? Crackham.

There we go. Crackling. Yeah. Oh, that's what those, that's why they're so good. See, I told you we have no relationship with Honey Bakes Ham. It proves it. We're really putting them to the test here. We didn't do that enough last week.

We'll see if they'll double down. Who knows? Have no ham. I will continue to bring up crack ham. That's right. That's right. We must test your loyalty. I don't know if you're finished introducing each other or not.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those who did not receive... I think you interrupted Spencer. Yeah, listed on the roster as not receiving ham this week. Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and on the ones and twos,

Michael Cerber. We do have... Hameless ones. Hamily, yeah. Holly was there, but had to dip out. Yeah, she had... Holly saw the ham, is my point.

I saw the bounty being delivered as I was leaving, yeah. I could confirm it was a shitload of ham. There, yes. can confirm it was listen it was when when people enter enter uh for warhammer sunday they are usually it usually requires a couple trips to the car because you know everybody's got their got their little got their cases of all their stuff and then all the art supplies that they're planning on using to decorate uh their their little figures during the day and then you know

possibly somebody's got snacks or a child in tow but no here comes jason with like a pretty woman shopping bag volume of like like picture julia roberts walking back through the door that one store but every bag is just groaning with pork products and she's like pig mistake huge that was absolutely the alicia silverstone of carrying ham yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah remember it's an important you know it's a real hobby when you're like hold on i need to get my hand my drinks and my paints we have actual football this week what technically that's true

we have actual football this week which I am legitimately thrilled about like actually happy I like week zero because we don't do after dark and we don't generally do top whatever so it's kind of like we get a free day

to just watch football and not do anything about it like the old times I mean it's been so long since I like didn't have that as part of my job that I don't remember it before you returned yeah my kids are like my kids are like dad is do you have to work this Saturday I'm like no I don't and I was like well what are we doing and I'm like well it's hot we're sitting on the couch and then I'm going to have work and it means that a lot of the time I'm going to be sitting on the couch in slightly different weather it's a beautiful liminal space week zero where it's like the question of am I working or not is a flexible one that I can use to my advantage, right? Like, hey, we need to go to this thing. Ooh, there's a ranked college football game on. I write a big college football newsletter, so I'm going to need to sit here and watch this.

Well, but there's only five games, so surely it's not all day, right? Ooh, there will be televised college football until like 11 o'clock tonight, so. Sorry. Ooh, late Hawaii kick. Sorry about that. Am I going to finish?

watching the Hawaii game? No, but it will be televised. It is, it is a perfectly reasonable Hawaii kick time. Oh, yeah. We're, we're kicking at 7.30 Eastern. 730 Eastern. Yeah. You know when they're making up for that, by the way, is Thursday of week one when, in what is presumably a workday for most people, a school night for most people, we have opening kick at 530 between Boise and South Florida. And then the other game that you really want to watch from that day, which is Cincy Nebraska, doesn't kick until nine. It's not even

the last game on the schedule. No, no, but I'm not, listen, forgive me. I'm not suiting up for Stony Brook, San Diego State. Hater. Well, the latest the latest possible kick. I'm just talking about in terms of the span of games that we would want to keep an eye on,

we got a 530, we've got a 530 kick and a 9 p.m. kick on a Thursday. day. Week one itself is a, it really batters you into shape, but week zero is going to ease you in. Jason, I got a question about the, I don't want to like drag us into podcast business, but what is the cadence of your newsletter going to be in the fall? How many times a week do we get that bad boy? The until Saturday newsletter, free to all, including free links to click, by the way. I'm cupping my, cupping my voice to tell the secret to the listener. Links in that

newsletter are free to click and read in fact um it is it'll be out uh tuesdays thursdays and sunday mornings all right yes tuesday thursdays and sunday mornings currently fridays but they'll move to thursday yeah there will be a schedule preview component in thursday will it look exactly the same as the ugly ass spreadsheet of years past no it's pretty now what if you were to dictate the ugly spreadsheet on the show do you think you could be like okay red part and then write the games I don't want to put you in a

weird place but do you think I'm not doing that right now okay do you think you could talk to your bosses and say can people opt in or out of gross spreadsheet like is there a way people can pick which experience they would like to have pick gross spreadsheet maybe they could deliver that with the paper as like a scratch off card probably yes but to be very

clear I want to emphasize this and this is going to be really fun to explain to people all season long. No one told me to use a pretty spreadsheet. No one made me dump my ugly spreadsheet. I chose this. I'm the one who sold out. Wow.

I'm the one who is better than that ugly spreadsheet. He gets one taste of free ham and he's a different person completely. People are going to complain about how pretty it is now and I want them to know I did it. He's gone off that pork. As a code, I respect this as an ethos. Like there is no, oh look, look, what the New York Times made him do? Nah, it was me. Jason Kirk, ham baron, too good for the regular people.

No, no, no. He has already promised to call my father personally on Wednesday. That is the one exception. And read the schedule to him. The one and only exception, I will tell him all the games that would have been in the red column that no longer exists. You know, if we were more organized, we could set it up. So our Google voice line, which I don't even know if it works anymore, could just be a voicemail where Jason records this. And you can call it in like the Shumper menu line.

But I want to be clear, we're not going. Yeah, I want to be clear. We're not going to do that. We're going to talk about it. It's not going to happen. Jason will record it on a mixtape and send it to you on a cassette. I will do movie phone, the mixtape. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

We'll call it dead drop. We've hidden the cassette in Spencer's car. Find him. We've hidden it in Spencer. Oh, that's right. Amongst the ham. With bright lights. Jokes on you.

I'm into it. but as for week zero it would take about as few as 10 seconds to read through the schedule but folks is it time to look at the schedule regardless i think it's a good idea yeah by the way i think we should offer a bonus episode which is just one week of jason reading it directly to holly's father dude listen we're gonna hear the phone and everything right Listen, he's, he's, it's a prime time to catch my dad for pop culture because he has started rewatching Supernatural. She's so powerful right now. Can we?

Back on his game. Why is your dad so into supernatural? We don't know. Okay. His kids have never seen it. His grandchildren has never seen it. His wife has never seen it. Yeah.

Let's bring him on. Let's bring him on the show. This was a really long time ago, but very long time listeners will recall that at one point he just asked me, he told me he was watching this new detective show and i was like blue bloods he was like no i don't remember what it's called uh it's pretty it's pretty gory and i was like huh and i and i and i was cannibal no and then he said that there's van and then it took like seven questions deep he goes there's vampires in it and this is how this is also how i found out that show ran for 15 seasons yeah were like that was in the time where

Seasons of television were like 24 episodes long. Somebody from Supernatural has multiple houses because of Supernatural. And again, I've never seen this show, but he would call me on a regular basis and just tell me what had happened, as though these were people we knew. Indeed, 327 episodes. And I think, so I, yesterday I did get a little bit of a clue because I was like, I don't even know. This was long before, this was a CW show. This happened long before the CW was like a sports thing. And what I had figured was that there was a Raycom game on at some point that happened to be on what was also the CBS affiliate.

And he had just stumbled into some vampire programming. But apparently for a while, this ran on T&T in prime time, which makes it a lot more understandable. I think that's maybe what happened. It was in the, oh, God. He doesn't know either. What was the witches show that was on? Charmed. Yeah, it was in that Charmed.

Was it post-charmed? Yeah, it had to be because Charmed was all the way back in UPN. Because Charmed always came on after the NBA. Which would also be explicable. Which my favorite, that is one of my favorite things ever is that everyone who was live watching an NBA game would be like, yeah, we're keeping it going. Charms on. It's crazy what she just did.

Rose McGowan is up to some shit. Charm time. Anyway, that's back. I'm almost tempted to start watching it just because I want to see the gulf. I want to survey for myself the gulf between. what the show, what happens in the show, and what he told me happens. Hold on. I'm going to look something up.

Supernatural DVD complete series. Ask him for like top, top five episodes. Fuck, 86 discs. My God. It's a commitment. 327 episodes. Jesus Christ. How much money is that?

$200. That's not bad. That's not bad for a joke. Per disc, it's pretty, it's pretty reasonable. That's, that's, that's, um, an efficient amount of plastic. that's like a crazy that's like a crazy like expansive video game right this is this is more than that man it's eve online levels of content yeah this is like the last three gta games this is destiny the video game of the show with this shit is so old it debuted on the wb

oh oh i didn't think it predated the cw holy shit now i really don't know what he was doing damn because he was employed back when this came on This is so many DVDs it should require to tell you the weight of what you're purchasing. The bulk DVD. Wait, hang on. This is like a ham's worth of DVDs. That's going to be about $30 shipping. Also, the one I'm looking at is in 13 eBay carts right now.

This shit is moving. Considering going fast. Let me see if I can find the one that has. It's not normal, natural. Shipping. 3.6. six, two pounds. That seems low. That does seem low. I mean, I guess the cases are pretty late.

This is, Ryan, I'm looking at a 48 disc set. Is that the one you're looking at? No, the one I saw said 86 discs. Huh. It might, I don't know. Oh, this was a, maybe this isn't, maybe this is a complete series set that came out like half a, nope, I'm looking at Charmed. Sorry. Oh, okay. Yeah. Ah, okay, here we go.

So I think 86 DVDs, that's like, that's two shells. point one four pounds 228 hours and 20 minutes I'm looking at a media shelf right now this is two shelves of DVDs like we are talking about a small but healthy babies worth of supernatural DVDs

how many hours of how many hours of content for now I kick your ass 327 by about an average by 44 yeah it's about 218 hours 228 hours and 20 minutes is the total So good at math. Damn.

Hang on. 228 times 60 plus 20 is 13,700. And then you divide that back out. How many days of supernatural? I'm trying to figure that out. Okay. Because I figured out once that I watched a week of Love Island. It's about 10 days.

Yeah. It's about 10 days of show. Two business weeks and you're not getting any. Nine and a half, yeah. Right, right. It's like 10 days and you get like a two-hour sleep break. I know what we're doing in March. It's really a work month.

Yeah, let's put it, let's put it that way. Because I think. Because you get weekends. Hey, you know what this is? I don't want to speak too soon. This is a charity bowl stretch cold. This is if we hit 10 million. Spencer watches the entire.

pretty super natural we've rented a theater for two weeks we put him in a have a trail it bankrupted him he's gone mad he's got a colossomy bag and a Costco size palin jerky he'll be fine we hit ten million dollars in charity but uh oh he's got to watch um so if you spend if you do what the next stretch call is so if you do every single side mission uh and you want a full complete a full complete on red dead redemption two you want 100 percent it yeah 100 percent it and you want to get everything um and you're not like you're you're not speed running but you're not tarrying like you're you're tearing in the world of red dead too that would that's what they call anywhere from like a hundred and anywhere

from like 185 to 190 hours by most estimates so yeah you could do that Or you could watch all of supernatural. See, I think this is why his first two retirements didn't take. Mm-hmm. Wasn't motivated. Because he was like, I got to get out there and solve crimes. Yeah. Yeah.

There's vampires everywhere. I can't, again, I cannot over-emphasize how far we got into me trying to figure out the name of the show before he mentioned there were vampires. I can't be sitting on my ass while one of the boyfriends from Gilmore girls is out here and stopping Dracula. The only TV show I know my father's ever watched end-to-end is 24. So this is, this is like an incredible day. I think that fits, frankly. Yeah. They're both about, um, they're both about, um, they're both about, they're both about creatures

that stay up all night. That's right. There we go. That's right. God. And Kiefer, you keep saying there's no time. It kind of sounds like you had a lot of it. You son of a bitch.

yeah so speaking of supernatural hey fresno states playing kansas that's fine that's cool it's fine it's not the first game though because the first game the first game is farmageddon and its natural home of ireland can't believe you guys didn't go to this and go to the oasis concert the um there's a there's a solid argument this is the uh second biggest week zero game ever after 1983 Penn State, Nebraska, but, like, ranked games in Week Zero just do not happen. So, this is special stuff here. I'm not skipping that, I'm not skipping Week Zero ever again after last year. No.

Like, last year completely changed how I feel about Week Zero. Week Zero was an annoying, like, symptom of college football creep in both directions. And then last year happened, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. thing. Yeah, as long as we get the potential of a good team losing, yeah, I'm down. I'm down. Last year, we sure got that, didn't we? Well, sort of. I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say a team lost. No, no, no, here we go. They were potentially good, weren't they? Ryan, you're asking for, yeah, you're asking for us for us to know, like a Schrodinger case here, because, like, as far as we knew, with the information that we had in week zero, a good team lost.

We can all agree that a top 10 team lost. That is absolutely true. We can all agree. They were potentially good. Then what happened? Yeah. And then a top 10 team lost again. That we cashed that. Which we probably won't get this time around. Probably not.

Not only are they not top 10. They both have FCS teams in week two. And it's not really as funny if like Iowa State. No, not nearly. As opposed to state. That's nowhere near as funny. No. No, Iowa State you go, oh, they're trying.

Aw. Like that's the underdog. They're being normal Iowa State. They're being the overmatched. Oh, no. Kansas State thing. is 1987. But that's probably not going to happen because these are, as unbelievable as it is, solid teams.

Highly solid teams. Playing in front of enthused and slightly confused fan. Some people actually making the trip, I think that's delightful. I saw an Iowa article that, an Iowa newspaper article that suggested things to do in Dublin. One of them was go to a pub. Yeah. Oh, dear. Journalism's easy.

Valid. Valid. These are two good quarterbacks. You got Avery Johnson and Rocco Beckt. Rocco Beck is one of my favorite type of guys in college football, which is the Rocco Beck do everything. Sometimes when the game plan goes awry, he's just like, I don't know, Rocco start calling plays, buddy.

Just do it. Like last year he was having games where he had like 15 carries and threw the ball 38 times and no one else was on the team. Someone else, please touch the ball. Help Rocco play. please yeah then you have kansas state which uh it like it feel and i i know i've mentioned this on here before but it feels like almost stereotypical to view them as the big 12 team that is slightly less chaotic but that is their role they have been very solid for the past four years and

and you know very good in lots of years before this but like they are overall the team less affected by big 12 chaos than others and i know someone is screaming right no i saw this one crazy again. I know. I'm saying overall, overall. Like in a, we're going to zoom way out. So like, will this game be crazy? Probably it's a big 12 game. That much we know. We also know that Kansas, the team that is happier to be there based on the only evidence I have of anyone expressing any real emotion over whether this was a good idea or not, the team happy to be there is Iowa state. I'm not saying they won't do anything that isn't completely professional and execute the plan to the utmost of their ability i will say that they might not be totally happy about

it because according to uh chris klyman their head coach um and this is a quote it stinks from a vacation standpoint i'll tell you that he told arne green of the topeka capital journal uh that's what we were saying he didn't want to go back to work in here earlier than he has to he's referring to week zero right yeah dublin he's not shitting on dublin oh no i just i assumed this was a calendar thing yeah we're going to a castle yeah and then we're gonna get roasted by some locals for what we're wearing yeah but but the Dublin thing probably amplifies it too because if it was normal week zero you could probably like you your gate your game prep has to be longer because you have to fly to fucking Dublin right yeah and not just the travel but preparing the players to

travel right right so it is probably like a pretty big i don't probably adds like a couple you're starting things a couple weeks earlier if I had to guess it would be fun if they had to after that take an entire week off yeah just like no no football work my balance but that's not what half of them do like um UNLV is like playing this Saturday and then again the next frat like they're getting in two games before 90% of FBS of division one at least has even kicked off which I'm not arguing against anymore because it brought us so much joy last year seems less likely to this year but you never know that's fine i mean like there are i mean this the fridayness for me that's the funny part is doing it two games before the actual opening saturday is impressive that is better yeah

dan mullen hates football i get this shit over and get it over with what else is new yeah this seems on brand uh kansas state climate is also like yeah we got to go right back to work um and you're like oh man who they got a face well in a week they faced north dakota so that is a dakota it's Not one of the good Dakotas, but it is a Dakota. It still seems ill-advised. It's not one of the great Dakotas. It's a profoundly irritating openings slate, though, because he has this. Iowa State, then North Dakota, then the following week army.

That's what he has to go back to work. Right, you have to go to Dublin. Then you have to make sure you're not embarrassed in any way by an FCS team. Like, sure, you probably win this game. They are a thumpy FCS team. They're a thumping, so. Yeah, so you got to go back and not screw that up. Like, I think that's the thing we might lose in this.

Yeah, that's the problem there, because his ceiling is not, or his ceiling, his, his, the floor there he has to clear is not a win. Yeah. Right. The, um, I think the thing about this, the week zero is so, um, overreactable. Like, it's been a thing for many years to talk about how, like, the Labor Day night game. Everyone is going to overreact to that to, like, unbelievable degrees. Whenever you are the sole spotlight, everyone is thinking about you. This is very funny in a case like last year.

But, um, you know, like this year it's kind of funny that it's two big 12 teams and no one really knows how to react to big 12 teams we're used to overreacting to Colorado but otherwise it's like oh okay well uh both these teams will probably go somewhere between five and seven and uh 10 and two and that's exactly what I thought beforehand so like it feels perfectly designed to counter the overreactability of a sole spotlight game well it also kind of plays into the big 12's entire deal this year because there's any depending on who you talk to and who you like and how much there's anywhere from what five to eight teams that we think could reasonably end up in the big 12 championship game right now and what that's eventually going to come down to is you know who who who doesn't fuck up where the fuckups were avoidable yeah i mean honestly i might go like 12 out of 14 teams sure sure yeah um i was being i was being stingy there but i could pull right now who I would very easily put in that title game Holly server looked it up and from on

three Kansas State started started uh started camp July 23rd one of the earliest in the nation this year because of the weeks ago I hope it's like 50 in Dublin just because I know I know they need that they need they need soothing temperatures is what they need at this point on also in week zero one that I'm like in terms of like okay hey there's at least some content here Fresno State at Kansas

there's meat on that bone because this is Jalen Daniels last year and this is Jalen Daniels the guy who has looked spectacular a quarterback like has been like the guy who like their best quarterback since Todd Reesing and also a guy who looked

absolutely lost last year tuck in interceptions left and right so I kind of want to see how comfortable he looks because however he looks going to go a long way towards how kansas looks period like i they're they're not good enough to not be totally dependent on a quarterback man not only managing things well but like doing the things that we think he can do especially in the run game so yeah um i think that is that is fascinating right there and as far as like an uh probably overmatched two touchdown underdog goes in fresno state they are coached by Matt Entz, former North Dakota State defensive guy.

Was it USC briefly? So like, you know, if there's someone who could scheme up an effort against Kansas's offense, how about that? That's analysis, folks. You could have, by the way, you almost said, you almost said UFC there, and I would totally believe that Fresno State's coach had spent time in the UFC. No, you almost said. You corrected it.

But then I was like, no, no, no. You're like, yeah, UFC fighter coaches Fresno State. Yeah, man, he was at UFC 12. It was a long time ago, but he was fucking crazy. It was when they let you bring, like, brass knuckles and, like, lances. That's right. If you look at him, you might believe that. Yeah.

Idaho State, UNLV is happening. Can you guys hear that? Sam Houston, Western, Kentucky is happening. Here what? I was crazy thunder outside. Oh, no. I see. It's because we're discussing the Big 12.

There's also a garage door opening and closing right below me right now as we speak. Oh, we got a helicopter. There was a lot going on. Ice Cube. Ice Cube We got lost the tab Everything's falling apart Boss

I meant to ask Does Ice Cube have like a cool Everyman name William I think William something You need to order some Tide pods immediately In order to save the world

He does inspect his daughter's fridge From afar He has a camera in his daughter's fridge And he's like You need more protein Okay that is adorable It's creepy Never mind

It's how I would put it No hashtag girl dad He has No he has like a network of cameras That follow his daughter around literally everywhere she goes Okay the fridge thing was cute It's called like daughter cam And she knows it

And she's annoyed by it But anyway Also we have Sam Houston West of Kentucky That might not be bad folks That really might not be bad Keep an ear out for that one I'm gonna classify that game as

Learn some names Learn some names folks it's going to also be a oh right that guy i remember his previous university type game it's a good like choose your dynasty team game too that's a good place to start with one of those the loser the loser yeah the loser needs rebuilt yep before i step out it did need to ask about the most important game hey coach um how are you and your crew doing how you doing as a leader of men uh coach we're six and oh coach um oh man that is fantastic the two lane mean green um we uh we we are up to Six and O, we are, I haven't seen our ranking, our newest ranking yet since the polls came out in our online dynasty.

I know I have a tough battle up ahead of me. It's Justin Ferguson's UNLV. It's probably going to be a lot tougher than the real UNLV. But, you know, as a fellow Pac-12 member, Tulane and UNLV. You know how tough the Pac-12 is now, Coach, with your Memphis Tigers here in the Pac-12. So, Coach, perhaps can you speak on this conference its depth and its competitiveness from week to week? I am, we're learning. We're learning a lot for a young team. We've made some mistakes. that includes me I own that that's real humble of you coach we did we had a tough loss to rice and we won and I think that's you know sometimes you got to learn how to put your pants on just you know one leg at a time and I think that was when we put them both in one leg and stumbled forward and fell and concussed ourselves

on a rocking chair that's that's yeah that is so you know it was it was on me and it was on me to help us get better and fortunately our senior leadership really responded and we're at three and three right now after starting off what starting off at one and two. So doing well. A real tough win over a good San Diego State team. That was Chris Vanini, I believe, who I outlasted. Outlasted. He lost when his quarterback over through a wide open angle route. There's a lot of that going on, Coach. The young men these days, they're the fundamentals are falling short, coach. Are you finding that? Do you think it's a portal thing? Do you think it's the young men need to stick around and compete rather than

flying around the country, overthrowing the other young man? I think it's that. I also think that maybe that's just how this particular edition of football goes recently, Jason. That's just sort of the code that's gravitational concern that I'm worrying it might be the aliens trying to seek our data coach. Do you think that might be at play? I think in order to save my football team, what I have to do is open this Amazon cart right now and put as many jellybellies, tie pods.

I'm a coach, I'm going on Amazon right now. order and how to play football by Tom Landry and hand that out to the young man see if that does anything. See if that really motivates them. You know what? I'm going to tell them your soul is the cart and you need to be careful what you put in it, okay? And you know what? But it needs to be full, to be clear. You got to feel your soul. You've got to fill your soul. You've got to fill

your soul. What are you going to fill your soul with? What do you want to feel your soul with video games? Huh? No, no. You're a video game character young man. Video game character can't play video games. That ain't real. You were going to be a video game. And you can only carry so much. That's it. You can only carry so much. And if you try to carry too much, you ain't carrying this football.

That's right. That's right. And you know what? You're going to carry the fucking bench. You're not going to sit on it. You're going to carry it. Like a, like a pallet carrying an empress.

We also ordered the bench from Amazon. Yeah, you're going to carry your, yeah, you're going to carry yourself. The bench is a drone. You're going to fly out of here. I'm going to fly your ass out of this stage. I'm going to get you next day delivery to incarnate word. That's what I'm going to do.

That's what's happening. If you overthrow one more, one more receiver by 12 feet as has been happening constantly in our league out here in the pack 12 this is tough coach yeah you say you admire you say you admire you got models you got people that you admire

like Cam Ward well you know he went to incarnate state I can send you there too coach can you do us one more favor before you go can I hear some sweet sweet podcast business music and then I have to immediately go stage right but I can definitely do that play yourself off

business. What's the business? Podcast business. It's a business. Podcast business. Put stuff in your cart. Betty's singing along and I'm not going to go and this is my outro music. Bye. The affirmationed Hellstorm has arrived and Betty is heralding it. That was good. That was good. Holly, you want to go first? Why don't I go last while Betty barks go on Git at the approaching thunderstorm? Okay, great. Maybe she'll settle down by the time. I'll rip a fun Band-Aid off.

Hey, the day this episode comes out, there's a new Phantom Island out. What's it about, Ryan? Well, it's about Florida and Tennessee having to play in December because of the events of September 11. That were not, to be clear, prevented by Ice Cube. It's ripped the Band-Aid off the two towers, huh, Ryan? It's about more than that in some ways and less than that in some ways. And I will also say, Holly, I realized in taping this episode that I was so pissed about Florida losing to Tennessee that year that I didn't watch the SEC championship game at all. And I honestly did not remember what happened in it.

I think making me tell you what happened in it was mean. I'm sorry. I was mean-spirited. I had mono. And I am not. I had mono and slept through the last three quarters of that game, which is great. Yeah. This is a episode where Stephen Godfrey, my co-hosts, continually.

tries to bait me into suggesting that Phil Fulmer and other parts of the college football universe were conspiring with Al-Qaeda, and I did not agree to any of those. It's not that they wouldn't have if they could have it, it's that they didn't think of it. Sure. To be clear, you didn't prove that they weren't the culprits. I didn't. No, no, no. Yes.

If innocence is something that needs to be actively proved, I failed to do that. And I think it's worth investigating for sure. Let the listener decide. That's right. That's right. we report you decide on phantom island and you can subscribe for uh all our episodes at phantom island dot show who's next server come see hand in the dirt live at bond brothers east side location and carry north carolina this friday for ten dollars and you get a free beer or it's a drink

ticket so i don't know if you don't drink beer i don't know what the situation is going to be there but you think they a mountain dew yeah i'll get you a mountain dew if they think of you give you any trouble you just come in ham drink oh man i hope they do if they have a ham beer let you bring your own garnish you're in good shape that's right that's um and then feldar might take a shirt off based on past president that's true one for one i hope he doesn't take his shirt so close to me why well when he took his shirt off that's right you were right there did you get some droplets not droplets but like when the arm went up yeah yeah it's just i was i was all up in that thing so but he looked good he does oh yeah no shame no shame whatsoever is he gonna cut is he gonna cut

his van by the river beard before the show or is that like a thing now no that's a thing now outstanding he's got that forever it might be longer than spencers it's definitely longer than spencers uh i mean i've i've only seen both through a screen recently but the last time i saw felders it was longer than when i had recently seen spencer in person so he gives him some really good like Instagram commenter energy you know that he definitely didn't already have it makes it so when he says a sentence you've never heard before it helps it land yeah yeah which like to be clear this is this is this is an unhinged Instagram commentary energy is kind of Felder's whole thing sure but now it's visibly evident before he opens his mouth manifesting in multiple senses for you this is a compliment all of this is a compliment at this Carrie North Carolina show there will be coosies There will be more Yeti cups, which we did a very limited release of that say Hitty, let's grow on them. We will have more of them at this show available for purchase.

And also, you'll have to stay tuned to Hand in the Dirt. But if you come to the show, you will note that there will be another item or items available for you to purchase at this show. So please come if you're in the area. If not, I'm playing golf with Alex Kirshner and Richard Johnson the next year and Stephen Hartzell. and uh harsel's not going to show up go heckle them yeah uh do you think harsel's going to ditch you serious question no i don't think so because uh j and alex are going to be there since he clearly doesn't value you or your friendship yeah to be clear this is a this is a round that he's playing with richard and alex and like godfrey doesn't golf like that's why i'm so it's never going to be weird that godfrey

doesn't golf he's too tall that body isn't meant to do that i don't is that like is it harder on the body to get the like the torque well you can't get a little extra long club or what it would look weird i think oh that's why and he would have to get fitted for every single golf club but that sounds like part of the isn't that like half the appeal of golf is the gear i'm asking like part of why charles barclay looks terrible golfing he does have a terrible golf swing but he also like his body is not meant to do that okay it's just all quoppy out there um speaking of speaking of Speaking of absurdity, Holly, what is the final word count on the piece Channel 6 put out today? I'll give you an update on that later on because in the interest of this is a thing where if we were running programmatic ads or getting paid for clicks or something, we would split this up for reasons.

But because approximately 80% of our readership consumes their Channel 6 newsletter 10 things, $10 a month or $100 a year for two things a week, although we usually give you more than two things a week, and especially this week, there might be, in another situation, a suggestion that we were somehow cheating by breaking every SEC game previewed series that people inexplicably seem to love,

probably because you could slowly watch us. We write it in chronological order, and so you can kind of watch us slowly go insane over the course of previewing every single SEC game in a single document. But because about 80% of our readers consume this on mobile, we've been breaking this up into like five chunks,

four, three, four, five chunks. And I was hoping to get this year's down from five, which was last year's high, down to like a four. I think the first year we did it, it was three. And we got through the first three weeks and it was 2,300 words.

so by the time you read this right before we started recording the first three weeks of the SEC game every SEC game preview came out on Channel 6 by the time this episode is out tomorrow you should be just a couple short hours away from getting weeks four through six so it's taking me that long just to format it

and then we're going to see about the back half I'm still kind of playing around with weeks, weeks nine through 15 to see if we can get this. But, you know, at some point, people have to put their phones down. Not true. No, you're right. I scooped on me. The documentary War of the Worlds. It is to save.

What I'm trying to say is that it is the same price, whether we give you one 12,000 word document that you have to scroll through on your phone or whether we break it up into like 2,000 word size bits. Right. Oh. Can I ask another follow-up question? Yeah, please. What game amongst the SEC's everything possible schedule? What game do you still not believe is actually real? Arkansas Notre Dame is the one that sticks out to me.

Arkansas, Notre Dame threw me when it was on our list for Home Field Apparro's Can't Miss Kickoff tour presented by Madello. We're going to be at one of those games, by the way, if you're following homefield apparel.com on the socials you can you can probably figure out which one through context clues but look around the middle of this schedule um georgia stayed at vanderbilt for some reason uh just seems like uh that's a revenge that's a revenge that's a revenge game uh vandy lost that game last so i'll tell you i'll tell you why this one jumps out at me because vandy is on such it's it's really like the the the diego pavia thing has this kind of faint sheen of unreality over it like like

Like the, what's the, you know, as with week zero last year, as with, as with what we saw Florida State do last year, you know, we spent the entire year saying, what's the funniest possible thing Diego Pavia could do? And then we got to watch him do it. Sure. And the year before we had been saying, what's the funniest possible thing Diego Pavia could do? And he went and did it. And to see this Vanderbilt team on the other end of a, okay, it'd be really funny if Georgia State ran this back again, it almost seems like, uh, it, It's like, we're getting a little, like, this would be unrealistic if you had scripted it, but we're getting it anyway. Okay. That's fair. In terms of weird combos, Florida's playing Long Island. Yeah. I like that because it feels like a pull back to Florida schedules of yesteryear.

Yeah. Spencer does point out, too, that it's like a cultural fit too because 30% of Florida is composed, at least in the high school he went to, according to Spencer, of people from Long Island. Well, they were coming there directly from Ellis Island. So it's a different time period we're talking about. I would like to hear more about homefield apparel, though, this company you mentioned. Homefield apparel.com, our longest running, longest, tenured, most beloved sponsor with apologies to Honey, Big Tam. Those black and white bomber jackets, the blackout whiteout bomber jackets that we've been talking out for a couple weeks are available now, I believe.

like i'm not sure if they're shipping right now but they're definitely available to order right now probably could have stood to know this before we started taping yeah no oh they are available right now i had not seen before before this full launch happened you know we had previewed some the miami jacket is already sold out i had not seen a couple of these before uh before they had announced the launch specifically i'm talking about i had not seen the Georgia Tech one, which is, which is the, which is the white with the gold flashes and got got sting them on the back. Yeah. The other one that with, it brings me no joy to admit, this is the Bama one's pretty sick. It invokes, if I say it invokes like jean stallings by way of

Bill dance in, in the most like loving and affectionate way possible. It's, I mean, I'm not, I'm not going to wear it. I'm not going to put it on my body. Okay, here's the note that I was looking for. Overwhelming demand for the bomber jackets. So they're taking about two to three weeks to ship right now. So I would definitely order them right now if you want to be able to wear them in time for maybe when there's little nip in the year. Hounfield apparel, lest we forget, is also going on tour this fall. The Can't Miss kickoff campus tour presented by Modella.

We are going to be popping up for a, I'm not sure how much of that I can announce. yet a thing we're doing a thing at at least one of these stops somewhere in the middle of that tour schedule and you guys will hear more about that very very soon jason we've already talked about until saturday would you like to talk about your other situation we have a new patreon uh the shutdown full cast oh that thing there is already four hours of audio on it and there'll be more um we are about to hit four it's been fun so far we're about to hit four thousand patrons. Thank you to each and every one of you. Thank you to the $15 million a month here that we put in there as a joke.

There are 15 mega boosters. All of these are exactly in line with the projections analysis model that we initiated before. No, we didn't do that. But thank you to all 4,000 of you. Speaking of until Saturday, I am looking at, I did a reader survey in there for this upcoming Friday. one of the questions I asked was which top 10 team will finish unranked there is one team that is running away with that at 51% that is Miami the people do not believe in the hurricanes on whatsoever why not their jacket looks great that is that is the solace um what the one personal thing I just want to know your football team's probably going to eat shit at some point this season you're probably not going to think about football so listen to my audio book um there we go Michael server did the music and the production on it I did a really fucking good action acting job. It's been unheralded to this point, I think. Not enough acclaim has come the way of me as a voice actor. I did a quite, a quite impressive job narrating my own. War of the Worlds didn't even reach out to you. Hell is the world without you is the name of it. And I absolutely did a better acting job than I execute that much I can disturb you. Wait, hold on. I know

this is an audio medium. Let me see your most worried about alien attack face. Ice cube grade yeah yeah yeah do you need glasses that's really good yeah oh you've got the little crease in your brow that is good that's pretty good because it conveys it conveys the amount like ice cube's face at least in the poster is very much like how the heck do you set up this roku anyway like that's that's the level of concern you're going yeah no nice try whoa was that thunder yes damn aliens getting us oh that was like directly in my field of vision whoa okay spicy jason is muted but talking excitedly and all my keyword clattering i muted myself so you didn't hear me bloating about the thunder that was real that was good teammate behavior so realistic okay that's the end of progress he just wants us to feel at home in the locker room And we've read through the schedule. Let's close by talking about the Auburn Tigers.

I'd love to. What four? The Auburn Tigers are in the news. It has been revealed unto them by unseen forces that they have seven more national titles than they had realized. Wait, wait. How many did they have before? They had two. Now they have nine.

They are multiplying at here to four unforeseen rates. This is one of the biggest bulk discounts of title claimings ever. Bama, of course, went back and grabbed five, and they started this, which... Jason, you've written extensively in a scholarly sense about this. What's your take? Yeah, I, as a bit of an amateur CFB historian who's especially interested in national titles and national title claims, I love this shit. And I'm going to present it in a way where everyone can feel happy about this, all right? if you are fine with college football being a stupid mess

and you acknowledge that for the vast majority of its history there was no title game and if you acknowledge that lots of teams including several outside the SEC including multiple in the glorious and humble Big Ten have done this gone back decades and claimed titles thing then you're generally fine with this when it happens USC has done this, Minnesota has done this

is the thing teams do, Oh, my gosh, what do you know? It turns out we were champs 70 years ago. So, like, on the surface, yeah, I'm fine with Auburn doing this. If you're a fan of, like, you know, researching old teams and learning things about them, then, like, yeah, there was an Auburn team in the 1910s, one of their title claims that it had sports references hardest schedule of the year. It was a Billingsley Report number one team. They claim that title. Okay, dokey.

that's fine they went undefeated that year against the hardest schedule that's totally legit 2004 yeah sure they were a BCS snub they went undefeated um and that kind of like broke the SEC's brain for 25 years that it's like half the reason the SEC champion to Tommy tubber it's half the reason the SEC had brain problems from 2006 to like 2017 and on about like it's inferiority complexes like Auburn got snub that one time um but yeah if Auburn wants to claim I mean it's not like USC can claim right if you think laws are U.S.C. can't claim that title. But if you don't think laws are real,

then Auburn can claim 1993 when they went undefeated, but were ball-banned. Like, I think both of those are totally fine. I don't give a shit. It doesn't mean Florida State wasn't the 93 champion. It doesn't mean Notre Dame wasn't the 93 champion. The one that most excites me is 1983. This is a title they should have claimed for a long time.

Yes, I hear you, Miami fans. You look great in your new jacket. Miami beat Nebraska. Yeah, it happened. And also, Auburn was a better team. I can say way better schedule. So, yeah, Auburn claiming that title, in addition to Miami claiming it,

is totally fine. It happens. I had to go back and look. There are a couple that are havesys, and then there is one. If you hate Auburn, I have something for you. The year is 1958.

LSU beats the fuck out of everyone. Goes 11 and O. One of the most storied teams there is. Just a legendary team, a undoubtable champion. The only other historian with any credence who has said that this might be... So out of like 20 recognized historians by the NCAA,

there is one who says like, Iowa could claim it too. Iowa and the Rose Bowl. Otherwise, it's a unanimous sweep for LSU. No one in their right mind has ever said, you know, that 9-0-1 Auburn team that didn't have any offense should also claim it. Auburn said, fuck that, we're claiming it.

So like, this is not as a grievous. as 1941 Alabama claiming a title which it's like beyond egregious it's not even as aggracious as 1945 Oklahoma State saying actually we were better than that Army team of that literal all-star team at Army this is like a tier three bullshit title claim by Auburn

and if if you want a reason to make fun of Auburn zero in on that 1958 title folks that's that's my pitch to you don't try to stir up dust about 0483 or 93 focus on 58 Can I interest you, however, in 2014, because I went back, because this is all starting sound real familiar. I wrote a whole ass column defending the last time Auburn set out to claim additional national titles, which was in 2014 when they put together an honest to God committee who decided that they should have seven national titles in addition to their

university knowledge two. This is, I remembered writing this because this is also when I found out that the term mythical national championship actually dates back to 1921. Yeah, 1914 and 1910 were the two, and I'm kind of like, eh, on out of Auburn's new claims. 1914, I give it a thumbs down. 1958 is the fucking show stealer here in terms of egregiousness. To be clear, this is not just Auburn. I think that because, and for the sole reason, that it is a long off season, and this stuff has been squarely since Florida invented football in 1990, this stuff has been very squarely.

I think that every team should claim as many national titles as they want under as flimsy a premise as they desire because we have eight months of off season to get through and it gives us something to argue about. I only have one complaint about this. And that's if you're going to say we don't have two national championships, we have seven, why be that circumspect at all? Like why? You think they don't go far enough? Yeah. like why not say okay um here's uh i'm just looking down the list here 1997 we went 9 1 and 2 that's the year they with the tie in the sugar bowl

claim 1904 you went undefeated you went 6 and 0 in 1904 that is better than what you did in 1958 like that instead like just just just say whatever you want at some point just be like you know what 1903 4 and 3 is an independent that was pretty fuck yeah it was hard year to be an independent it 1904 you gave up 11 points all year sounds like national title shit someone out there's screaming don't give Auburn any ideas there it's fine yeah uh 1949 two four and three three ties are hard it's hard that's what I mean that's like some of this shit if if 1941 Bama is the bar claim half of them yeah so I think I think that's my only thing is that like if you're

going to be this ridiculous or if you're if you're going to be this if you're going to say like history is this different, especially now. Like, just fuck it. Just push all your chips to the center of the table. Like, the year that you went to the SEC championship and lost and got knocked out of the playoff, fuck it. You're a national champion that year. You won that Iron Bowl. I mean, 2017 UCF, their title clam is hinges on beating Auburn. You must have been really important. Yeah, you should be the national champion that year, probably. You won a title game. That's right. National runner up. So I think, I think this list should. should, let's conservatively say Auburn has 25 national championships.

Okay, yeah, to add seven a year. How about that? What if we just created a series of removable patches that had the national championship so that you could affix them and remove them from jackets as arguments were won and lost? Another thing I like about this is with each pack of titles, we add to Auburn. Hugh Freeze just looks worse and worse. Damn, coach. They get it done, can he? They've won a lot of titles, and you barely even go to bowl games.

You know what this really is, though? We're watering down Gene Chiswick's legacy. We're too afraid to acknowledge Gene Chisick's greatness, and so we're having to dilute it by pulling in other champions. I mean, they're telling me Tommy Tuberville is the dumbest guy in the world. He won a national title there, and all you can do is lose the Music City Bowl? Gosh, you freeze.