Shutdown Fullcast - The Snyder Cut

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

Jason, Spencer, Holly, and Ryan break down early-round action in the 2021 NCAA men’s and women’s basketball tournaments. Like and subscribe to our college football podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I keep thinking, though, that, like, if Ben, it's kind of a shame that Ben Affleck won't make another movie as Batman, because I think they should just keep making the suit bigger and fatter. Like, he should just get bulkier and bulkier and bulkier until gradually he's just like Mecca Batman. Yes. Now, I want you to understand, you are describing a suit he basically wears in Batman v. Superman. No, no, no. I'm thinking of that suit, but you keep making it bigger so that he's like, right, so that he's like, David Byrne and stop making sense Batman, like he's got the big bat suit. Yeah, I want like, I'm putting together a team. And I'm going to, I'll stay here, you guys guys.

We're mostly going to meet over Zoom, don't worry. Think of the increasing meal tie-ins. Yeah. You could get out of this movie. Impossibly large and larger. Like, possible Batman. Like when they're possible Batman burger. Does that mean it's not made of meat?

Oh, no. It's definitely. No, it's made, it's made of pumbled hobo. They would have to, they would have to take D.C.'s deal away from Burger King and start making it with hardees. Oh, God. Yeah, available only at Jack in the Motherbox. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only

college football podcast if you'd like another one i'm gonna quote batman here too bad he doesn't say that but i just wanted to do that voice i am spencer hall um hey jason kirk my my official co-host how you doing he might say that at some point the movie's four hours long um cannot confirm like if you told me at some point in this movie batman does a speech about uh any topic i will say yeah i might of. I finished watching this movie literally now nine minutes ago. Oh God, it's fresh. Right before you press record. Oh, oh dear. Yeah. Coming in hot. Oh, do you are coming in hot. Are you okay? I'm feeling great. I'm feeling awesome. All right. Okay. I'm fine. I feel like I just watched 100 music videos in a row. Thank you. Yeah. So like the whole time I'm watching this. Um, and so like, we'll get into why we're talking about this. But the entire time I'm watching the four hour Snyder quit, which I believe we all have, I was like, man, it's, dude was born to make music videos and i don't even care that like power metal is the mood but apply that to any genre i don't care country pop whatever just let this man make music videos he's done

he's done a four-hour movie he's done with movies please he's also done many music videos which i believe may be one of the roots of one of the problems here well i would say one of the gifts that could be better applied elsewhere yes the Society, I think, made a large mistake when it told Zach Snyder that the first 10 minutes of watchmen were super fucking great. Because now he just made 39 of the first 10 minutes of watchmen all stitched together. And we decided collectively that it was okay to call that a movie. I have so many thoughts about this movie. That's good because, as you know, the NCAA men's basketball tournament and the NCAA women's basketball tournament are.

are both going on right now. So naturally we thought the thing that we should discuss as a college football podcast would be the four hour plus long Snyder cut of Justice League. Which is, it is a college football movie. We didn't really think that going in, but yes. We didn't know that going in. But all right, your folks, you're in spoiler zone

because who gives a shit, it's four hours long. We could tell you, we could tell you literally everything we remember we wouldn't spoil the whole thing. But yes, a cyborg is a college football player playing against the Wisconsin Badgers. Zach Snyder, of course, from Green Bay, Wisconsin. I guess that's why I had to look that up because I had plenty of time during the four-hour runtime to look that up. But, yeah.

I did not know that. Okay, so that makes a whole lot more sense. So it's a college football movie. Yes, it is. By the way, it shows Wisconsin losing in the snow, in the snow, which, as we all know, impossible not happening that's how you know that it is a work of fiction not a documentary additionally i'm going to go ahead and say this i think gotham city university based on the kind of like overtones i got they're rutgers that's that's what i thought they that's they're big ten so

this is a conference game they're pit they're pit yeah they were totally well remember the steelers The Steelers have stood in for the Gotham's pro football team earlier in the DC universe and the uniform colors and yeah they're supposed to be pit and also they conducted themselves rather pitfully Yeah because look at what

If we say that Cyborg is a pit player Right what does he do at the end He comes out of nowhere to destroy the fucking stand in for the infinity gauntlet I would also like The play in which I like that we're calling him cyber Cyborg has to charge.

Well, I like that we're calling him Cyborg in this part of the movie because it suggests. Is that not his name? No, it is, but it suggests, like, the football scenes happen before he becomes Cyborg, but we're making it sound like a cybernetic superhero is playing college football. Ah. Well, that did happen to me. Aeronald, so. That's true.

Yeah, that's basically. Eric Donald is like an analog cyborg. But the, the winning, the game winning score that Cyborg scores, that's basically the same score that's the same thing that happened when indiana beat in the yeah right there's a almost exactly the thing that was unrealistic was like a wisconsin linebacker does a jump kick like come on dude wisconsin well a wisconsin man leaving the ground no their shoulders shoulders low low man wins a wisconsin man is not flying through the air but otherwise i mean the superhuman density right the superpower of all wisconsin football players um

really prevents them from doing that. Did you happen to notice what play they called on what down in that game? Did you notice this? I noticed you noticing it. Yes, because my ears perked up real big when they were like, okay, so final play of the game. And I was like, down to distance, right? I'm like, what's the down? What's the distance?

I need to know. It's fourth and one. Right? And what do they call? They call a run. Okay. Okay. Cyborg gets the ball.

And then they show it. It's actually fourth and a lot. 11. Like the way the marker is set up. Go out of bounds. Okay. Okay. Listen, lots of things. The markers were set up wrong. Run out of bounds. You have six seconds. Yeah. He had plenty of time on the clock. Showboat. Yeah. And instead of, instead of getting out of bounds and giving them, you know, multiple downs, perhaps with like six seconds left to get a shot. Glory boy tries to go for the pylon, which he gets, but he was lucky to get that. Okay. Got it. Two things. Two things. First, I insist that you introduce Serber because I want Serber to play a role in this episode.

Hey, Cap'n. All right. I'm here. Second of all. Hello, Serber. Second of all, I am not going to brook any negative commentary about Cyborg because Cyborg does the greatest shit in the whole movie. Do you know what that is? What?

He gives some random poor woman $100,000. Imagine how many times Batman could have done it. And never does that. Yes. Never does that. This somebody, I saw somebody else say this on Twitter, but like, this is basically the only, one of the few times you see, like, a superhero actually, like, just help an ordinary person. Like, she's not. Redistributing resources.

Yes. She's not being kidnapped. She's not being, like, held at alien gunpoint. She's just fucking broken, just been evicted. She's a mom having a hard time. Yes. And he just gives her a hard. hundred grand via ATM hacking and does not say a thing about it and also doesn't kill any women

about it yes because he's a big tin man that's what big 10 that's right in the community and in the weight room sidewalk does it all and he doesn't need to go to the weight room because he's made of robots before we go further i want to go around the room real quick and see what everyone what their background was was coming in server you first Which of these have you seen? Background. Correct. Man of Steel, Batman v. Superman, and the original cut of Justice League.

I've seen all three. Okay. And how did you feel about the original cut of Justice League? It was horrible, awful. Okay. Jason, same questions to you. None. DC movies I liked Aquaman more than anyone I know, and that is about it.

Okay. I had seen parts of Man of Steel, and I thought I had seen a lot more, and I had seen wonder, I've seen both the Wonder Women, sure, and I saw Aquaman in theaters, but in terms of the movies that directly influenced this plot line in their entirety, none. I thought I had seen a lot more. I just kind of figured I had watched them at some point, but I discovered while watching the movie that I was watching the movie and I was like oh shit I haven't seen anything okay or maybe the movie made me feel that way it could be it could be both that's fair um Spencer I have seen I had seen Aquaman and I'd seen Wonder Woman I had not seen any of I had not seen Man of Steel I had not seen any I had not seen Justice League okay we saw Aquaman in the theater yeah it was worth it too it was fine um i like serber have seen all three i will say batman v superman and the original cut of justice league were both oh this movie looks

terrible and i'm on an airplane and it's free so i will watch it that is how i experienced both of those movies and i will agree with serber that like while i don't necessarily have good things to say about the snider cut y'all the original cut of this movie is so bad so bad and so boring it's it's worse than this yes so let us discuss that because that is the movie that was like basically literally not finished right does it feel more like a movie than this no no okay server server you weigh in here please so i they brought in the guy that did the avengers movies right and part i think of the charm of maybe of the avengers movies is like robert downy junior in this like quippy like back and

forth that exists between all the characters and they tried to bring that into this movie too but i don't think any of these actors are really good at playing the real person that they are like they're decent as superheroes because you can put almost anyone in an outfit and say you are superhero because you look good and that and that's kind of so i think they tried to do that and it was like so cringe work the entire film is just cringe like it is just cringe like it is just dad joke after dad joke after this is weird and quirky and it's just it doesn't work at all with like Zach Snyder shoots darkly lit you know 300 style movies and they tried to make it into a really suicide squad or whatever they tried to make a Marvel movie that looks

like a DC movie 100 because Marvel movies are super successful and everyone has been down on DC movies for pretty much since like the dark night rises right like no one's really gotten behind a DC movie except for like since the dark night and like a couple people you know everyone's pretty split on everything whereas it seems like the Marvel movies have this huge fan base like everyone agrees like these are fucking awesome yeah even the minor ones that's that's the thing is you go oh wow man it's not even the minor ones it's like the minor one the lower stakes ones are where they let people get weird and that's how you get ragnar rock right that's how you get ant man antman okay side question did anybody else note several

points during the movie where as we are want to do on this podcast people were pronouncing it superman yeah no there was a little bit of that okay right and i think i i caught one aquaman um microplane thanos what's his name yeah step and wolf yeah yeah he just said a lot of weird shit like when Batman comes in in the little plane he said get his carriage not a carriage idiot okay okay so like there's a thousand little things that we get here i do have one thing got up a chest before we do that which is this that i wasn't going to like this why not because i think dc just make it's dumb comics all their characters suck does that it stands for yeah that's what it stands for dumb comics they were like

the seal a camp they were the comics that came before other good comics came along invoking animal crossing different animal crossing fish i do yeah they that's this is the extent of his education at this point i'm starting to understand the gaps in his wildlife knowledge yeah yeah so this is the pro like they were the proto comics and then they just kept going right i don't find like i don't find super jesus to be an interesting character i don't find homeless like guy who beats up homeless people for fun to be particularly interesting right well i guess you're not reading batman friday yeah well i mean batman friday is good because you all have the proper attitude and reverence or lack thereof toward batman right batman deserves no reverence at this point he's had enough

movies made um he's a damaged stupid character and you know like even wonder woman like the flash is like the only interesting character to me and that's because um they got a really good guy to play him and they had a really good show on what c w uh yeah the one thing that i think the dc has done consistently well is that all the c w television shows that i have seen are really good yeah so i was not i'm going to make fun of this i was never ever going to uh be won over by this it wasn't going to happen i think these characters suck and i think that's actually when people like this is actually a backwards way of me going i think everybody should cut these people some slack because the original material blows it sucks i think part of the problem with that is and it really

manifest itself in this movie particularly, but it's also in Batman v. Superman, which is Jesus, that's a real fucking slog, too. The characters really aren't allowed to have any fun. Part of what makes the Marvel universe entertaining is that you get the sense that Tony Stark is having fun being Iron Man. Sometimes it's because it's a coping mechanism because he is also like a very damaged person with, you know, abandonment issues and substance abuse and whatever. But he's having, like, there are times you're like, yes, being Iron Man is fun to him. Being Spider-Man is fun to Peter Parker. Like most, Captain America even, like, within a certain framework of like patriotism and honor,

like, it seems to be enjoying what he's doing. There is nothing about, with the exception of the Flash. and sometimes Aquaman but not really that much in this movie like they're not having fun doing things that they're doing and it's like I get that there's only so much you want to watch other people be sad especially now yeah yeah like okay the only time Superman worked was the original Superman

with Richard Donner and that's because you get the feeling Batman or you get the feeling that Superman saves people and he's like oh it was cool like and that's christopher reeve christopher reeve was an actor who like when he did stuff as superman he was kind of like oh that's neat i you know got gee gali willaker i'm an indestructible good guy and this is great that was the only time it was fun and that that is not henry cavel henry cavil's a beautiful man henry cavill does not look like he is having any fun at any time i would like to now explain the circumstances under which i saw man of steel because i

recommended to anyone. I saw it at a midday matinee at Atlantic Station, which is not a particularly technologically adept movie theater. And I was almost alone in the theater and then into into the theater right before showtime, like right as the lights were going down, marched like two rows, two full rows of drag queens on some kind of like retreat or reunion or something and provided loud and wonderful commentary for the entire movie this is how I recommend taking this in that would have made Justice League a lot better I I missed their presence dearly the other reason why I think man of steel actually isn't bad is because like Michael Shannon's the villain in it and he's not CGI Michael Shannon he's just he's general

Zad. He's just him with like a weird beard. And so he gets to be like very scenery chewing. He gets to just be like, you know, magnetic and weird and all those things. And like this movie, I mean, microplane Thanos makes Steppenwolf sound so much more interesting than he is. He looks a lot more interesting than he is visually. Yes. Also like that was that's a cool costume. Congratulations. I'm not reading all that the entire time by the way you find out that he's not even the bad guy he's not even the second bad guy that's the part that confused me because i texted ryan and i was like who the fuck is this guy okay so that that is a difference from the from the original cut in the original cut they just make him the bad guy but because there has been no you know like the avengers

i mean shit phanos doesn't even really play a meaningful role in an avengers movie other than like you know some very short scenes or some post-credit shit for what like six seven movies or something like that yeah he doesn't really pop up until right the end of avengers one i think yeah and then there's like there's a lot of build-up that sort of goes into that before you see him stephenwolf like has never is not really mentioned in the other movies is not really somebody that they've built oh really okay yeah because my single favorite thing about My favorite thing about Steppenwolf is nobody says his name for 56 minutes. And he's frequently on screen.

Like we see him a lot. We see him fighting and everything. But it's like, I mean, I know who it is. I don't know if someone doesn't know any of these characters, are they going to, but that's awesome to know he was never identified until then. No, it's, yeah. That makes me feel a lot better because I was like, am I supposed to know who this is? The, so for me, I kind of viewed it as like, if you were watching,

infinity war and or in game without watching the rest of the MCU at all and like yeah everyone knows most of these characters so it might be a little bit easier to do it with DC than with Marvel because you know absolutely everyone knows at least like three of these characters I mean I came in thinking like I wasn't expecting to like it in Any traditional definition of like, I was expecting to, like, you know, laugh the entire time or whatever. But I hate it a lot less than I expected to. I'll put it that way. Same.

Same, exactly. Four hours of not being bored. I'll say that. Like, I think server will back me up on this one. The original cut is boring. Like, nothing happens. It's so boring. Well, the purpose of the original cut, right, was to, like, set up another movie.

They didn't expect everyone to hate it so much. Have you read the Vanity Fair story that quotes that it's the start of the second paragraph and it quotes Zach Snyder as saying that Justice League was intended to be, again, I am quoting here, part of a five-part trilogy. That's 15 movies. I feel like I have spotted at least part of the problem. I think a lot of problems that come from Justice League that differ from Marvel and Avengers

is like Stan Lee created all of the characters that are in the Avengers Like he is It's like it's all of creative vision of this like one dude Whereas like in DC it is like So like Schuster and Siegel made Superman Kane and Finger made Batman And like it's all by these different people

And then the really the only reason for Justice League was like, well, let's throw them all together and make a bunch of fucking money on it. Like, it's another comic we can just come out with. Whereas, like, Avengers have, like, more clear identity of what they are. Whereas, like, Justice League can only just be, well, here's a shot of this superhero doing the thing they do. And here's a shot of Batman doing the thing he does. And Superman doing the thing. There's never any, like, togetherness between the exacts.

The team dynamic is pretty weird. They're basically Florida. They're like Florida State, but they look like Iowa. Would one one picky nerd note? When we say Stan Lee, let's also throw in Jack Kirby. Jack Kirby, yeah, Jack Kirby. The team dynamic, like, it felt for me, like, whereas Marvel, the Avengers, when we're on movie 24, it's like, we know the team dynamics very well, right?

Whereas this one is like, okay, they're slapping together, Batman and Superman are best friends. Okay, there's a long comics history there. And like Superman and Wonder Woman respect each other. And, okay, long comics history. And they try and do, like, Cyborg and the Flash or the kids of, you know, the group so you know they're like slapping together all these dynamics um the one i liked was actually during the fight scenes when i think they did a better job than marvel does of

presenting most of these characters in the team are super duper super powered and then there's a guy marvel struggles to do that with hawkeye and like they'll make jokes about it and he'll literally say like i'm a guy with a bow and arrow why am i here okay i'm gonna go blow up a hundred things and it's like well okay you're actually super you know super powerful even though you're whereas Batman in this movie is like completely outclassed everyone knows it he knows it he's not trying to fight against it he accepts it like that's his role I thought this movie did a good job of presenting Batman as just a guy who buys stuff where was Batman during the final battle winded he's just winded he's like hold on like where was he so he which which final battle he blew up the great question the non dream one yeah I was pretty lost yeah I can't even talk about what happened at the very end. No.

I think so the thing that like also doesn't work for me about the team dynamic is that, you know, the Avengers movies, they use Nick Fury as the prism for all of it. He is the recruiter. And therefore, like, none of the Avengers have to like Nick Fury

because they're not really working with him most of the time. He is the boss. He is like the government student. whatever and so you can sort of have some natural conflict or you don't have to worry about like Nick Fury being like necessarily a hugely fleshed out character there are movies where he can sort of like come and go this movie like wants you to believe that Batman not not just any Batman like old tired deeply depressed Batman is this is has like the charisma to build this super team and and to its credit it mostly shows him failing like mostly he's bad at it and it's only like

the urgency of the situation that really makes it work but it's just like it really it's it's not you know watching this for obvious reasons i was like you know the fast and the furious movies do a a pretty good job of establishing that like everybody looks up to dom or everybody looks up to the rock or brian or whoever like whoever the leader is in a given situation like there's a feeling of okay this is a respected person i don't really get that sense about batman and most of these other characters the thing that almost sort of worked is they bring in wonder woman really quickly and present her as like the co-boss right because like she recruits cyborg she kind of recruits aquaman and like flash goes along because he's like oh big guy has yeah she learned it from dom i think uh and like

And, like, Flash is easy to recruit. He's a kid, right? Yeah. And then Superman, you just have to bring him back from the dad. That's easy. And then he's on your side. That's how it works in most video games. I will also say that I did not understand why they,

and still do not understand why they recast the Flash, because as previously stated, the CW television shows are one of the only good things DC has done recently. But I think the kid that they recast the Flash, flash as was delightful yeah i this is about as to batman as manager there's a a couple of scenes bat manager which everything in this movie has said two or three times for instance batman says we started saying it as a joke at one point and then characters would start repeating right so at one point aquaman will say that's why you brought us here bruce wayne will go that's why i brought you here and then and then Superman will go, that's why we're all here.

They will say that. Like, there are so many dumb. That's like a typical trade of shitty male co-workers is they will wait for somebody else to say the good thing and then they'll just parrot it and pretend it was their idea. Then I guess it's accurate dialogue, but I will also say it is classic real idiot movie behavior when you're like, yeah, you've got to say that like five times.

You've got to get that in there. That has to be absolutely clear. The exposition in this movie, if you took out the exposition in this movie, you would have a great music video. You would have eight sentences. Dude, so my two

favorite exposition things, all right, one was when Wonder Woman is giving Batman, it's probably like exposition dump number like three, but it's her main one. I think everybody gets one. It's the one about like the ancient battle, Zeus is there and whatever. Oh my God. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which she's giving it to Batman and I'm like, I would really like it if this was the other way around because Affleck's Boston accent is kind of coming and going. You know, I'd really like him to say, so the fackin Mather boxes. His Boston accent pops up so many times, especially early on. Yeah, I'm not authorized for that. In that accent? I can't do it.

Spencer, this is fast to you, but. Ari, Arias. It sounds like Irish, I guess. The other one, the other ex, the other expo dump I really like comes. two hours and 13 minutes into the movie when someone asks Cyborg something and he says it's a long story and Aquaman's like I got time and I'm like fuck so do I I'm gonna be here for two more hours

dump the expo let's go give me more information this is where if you go back to the original cut of this movie that they put into theaters and we're like this will make lots of money it has the opposite problem cyborg and the flash have no backstory whatsoever or they're just like here's a robot man and a poor community college student who can run super fast they're here don't ask any questions they just like walk in the door it's like i'm not i'm not

exaggerating that much but that is basically what it is yes they are such here's the fucking robot that's it and it's not even like it's not even like in the avengers where like look hawkeye and Black Widow don't have a ton of backstory that's given away either, but at least the Avengers has the decency to be like, yeah, they already work here. We didn't have to go recruit him and explain them. Or they fill things in. They're like, hey, remember that time at Budapest. Oh, yeah, Budapest. You're like, ah, something that went terribly wrong. Which is funny. And there's not a lot to explain about them. Right. No. Like, here's a guy with an arrow. Got it. No. No, this would be, this would be if they were just like, oh, Hulk's and the Avengers, don't worry about how. Who?

So in addition to that, like everything, things that don't need exposition or clarification get three, sometimes four different lines of dialogue, like MST 3K bad, kind of like repetitive, like, what's a stapler? That's a stapler. It's my stapler. It puts papers together. Like that kind of exposition. And that's real bad and awkward, et cetera. However, the thing that blows my mind is they don't bother to explain the flash, but I get this whole thing. thing on like i really did expect at one point when he's like so he's a genius and he's a football player and i expected to be like the history of gotham city universities football program walter camp in the year 1889 yeah teaching teaching the option at gotham city university beating john heismans boys from georgia tack along in story first the 1920s the nisconsin was invented and yeah yeah like at every point was a lot of book reports and some very, very muddy graphics. It's a clipy, it's a clipy-ass script.

I see that you're about to encounter Cyborg. Would you like to learn more about Cyborg? I would. And I would appreciate it in music video form. Thank you. It's also so much unnecessary exposition. Like, cool, it's great that Cyborg was a college football star. It's also completely meaningless.

There's not even like a, like, oh, here's a funny, like, footbally thing he will do. No, that doesn't happen. and like because he's basically 85% metal human like who cares if he was strong and fast when he had his whole body that seems irrelevant there are so many things like that where it's just like guys for a four hour movie really we could have picked some things to thin down really please could we have done that not only did vanity fair estimated the budget that they had to redo this movie at 274 five million dollars not only did they have that but this this whole remake was not done on a clock they were not rushed they were not on any kind of production timetable to get this thing out they had all the time in the world to make this movie fit together better which means that it's this way on purpose but they didn't have any external impetus for that is that that's the

flip side is that they knew they weren't going to have to put it in the theater where people were going to say Jesus Christ I'm not going to buy a ticket for a four hour movie and they knew that the parts of the internet that wanted this cut to come out were going to be thrilled that it was four hours. They weren't

going to be like oh this is too long. Dude we would not be podcasting about it if it was a tight two and a half hour That's true. That is true. If they gave if they gave Han a four hour movie I would be just dancing in my scene. Sure.

I'm talking about Han from Fast and Furious, not Han Solo. Don't talk to me about Solo. I don't want to listen to it. Solo is fine. Let's move on. No, it wasn't. Solo's pretty good. I loved this movie from the first frame onward when the very first thing you see is this film is presented in a square to ensure the integrity of Zack Snyder's vision.

I was like, fuck yes, I'm on board. Everything that happens from here on out that is good. I will unironically say it is good. everything that is bad, I will say, I don't know what to tell you. We're ensuring the integrity of Zach Snyder's vision. And in fact, I think I'm going to go around saying that in my day-to-day life, you know? Like, oh, oh, oh, I, shit, I knocked over the punch pole. Well, I am ensuring the integrity of Zach Snyder's vision.

Oh, my dog shot the carpet. Well. Yeah, I didn't put the laundry away because that wasn't part of Zach Snyder's center. I got to ensure the integrity of Zach Snyder's vision. You know what I thought about right as that warning came on the screen? Christopher Nolan had to watch this movie He was a producer, right? Yes, yes

Christopher Nolan had to watch this movie Because he's Batman's father Adopted father Also, we're doing another Batman movie in like eight months Yeah also Do you think they're going to kill his parents again? I just wanted to see Christopher Nolan cringe every time the score kicks in

Because the score Oh my Christ, I'm it to the 19 minute mark of this movie for the record before getting up and storming out of the room because the music was so you could tell how out of phase the music was even on non-theatrical speakers and no let's say the music wasn't hitting right how about that yeah yeah i i thought the music was great because it's like four different scores that they would all put in as motifs and none of them fit together so sure let's have the Wonder Woman theme I love that

this was like an appetizer sampler it was a superhero appetizer sampler anybody who hasn't watched this movie yet watch it with the captions because literally anytime an Amazon appears on screen it says lamentation playing yes every time

every time Galgado so much just looks at something it goes like and then there's like three different times where it's it's it's like up tempo rock playing and it's like no bro You are not describing it. This is wrestler, create a theme, entrance music.

No, there's, like, when in the hostage scene where terrorists are going to do something bad for extremely vague reasons, right? It is so close. Which, that is another example of a scene that, like, those people play no role in the movie. It's not like that terrorist group comes, it's just, I, oh, God. there's so much shit like this where I'm like you're not advancing the plot you're not really telling us a ton about the characters in these like we get it wonder woman is super fucking powerful and doesn't like it when kids get shot thank you we already knew that did we need that can I tell you one thing that I absolutely loved I did not like this this movie hit a bad spot for me in which I did not like it but also it wasn't I didn't hate it enough to even enjoy making fun of it it like it was just a slog but i really really how often in the theater have you been or watching a tv show have you been sitting there and you're like man i wish x what happened and x is something really stupid and then it just happens i hope i i hope we're talking about the same thing because

i have this are we talking about the lady sniffing jason moa's sweater no we're talking about very different things but that is a good okay this was early in the movie and it bolstered my spirits And then the rest of the movie happened. But this lady picks up Aquaman sweater, and I was like, ha, ha, she should smell it. And then she lifted the sweater to her face. And they made a meal of that sniff. And I was like, oh, Icelandic lady, I stand with you. I stand with you.

And so does everyone watching this movie. Because there are a few things that even, okay, so the general no fun atmosphere of any DC product can only be lifted by one or two things. One is Jason Mamoa. Who is wet for a lot of this movie. Yeah, like as if, as if things weren't really unsubtle enough, Jason Mamoa appears on screen and tides of wetness just appear. Tell me about it, stud. Right?

Like from the screen. Like not just from the screen. Yeah. And he, by the way, he goes to a village which is supposed to be like Scandinavia and they're like, ah, these poor fishermen. And I'm like, they got oil money and health care. There is no, like, nobody's broke. none of them they're like they help them find fish

Iceland Twitter is going to come for you they will know what in Iceland needs to help finding fish those women just like to have a Jason Mamoa around which is fine what's the problem I think they were faking they were faking being poor so that he'd stay right

that's fine what's wrong with that yes we need help we need you have to take off your shirt it's part of the help help me find the fish and then they sang songs for him I don't know this everybody's getting something out of this not seeing a hospital, why do you have to hate? It might have been in the first, well, God damn,

I don't even, you gotta go by percentages. It was within the first third of it that we literally had two different music videos about Jason Mamoa taking off a shirt going into the ocean, which like, fine. Every movie should have at least one. Two is far more than we deserve. Most of Jason Momoa's scenes in this movie

are a Cologne commercial. Yeah, just a straight-up Cologne commercial. Jason Mamoa also seemed to be the only person who was calibrating his acting correctly to the movie that he was actually in yeah because he the first like two hours of the movie he plays it as a cologne commercial by the way has a shirt he found on the bottom of the sea somewhere i don't know maybe there's a lot of shirts down there's an there's an hm in atlantis yeah but yeah he like he finds a shirt at the bottom of the sea which i was like ah that's clever uh but then around two hours in he starts playing the entire thing as

Lawrence from office space right hey bro turn on channel 9 come on flash two mermaids at the same two mermaids I have to say it again because this is the this is the Snyder cut so like two mermaids at the same time two mermaids at the same time yeah like at some point he just becomes brohem he just like yeah bro because he cheers up he also he's in a bad mood and then he cheers up he also is in the awkward position of like with the exception of one fight scene there's not a lot for aquaman to do with his natural powers that was why did they show him straining to hold back one subway tunnel worth of water i don't know like was he sleepy yeah that happens to every guy i think my only the action scenes i had no real complaint with as far as fitting them into a story

okay but how the action scenes played out if you pretend that there was a great story entryway and exit point like a great reason for the action scenes to happen i liked all of them the one complaint was like you said is is aquamar just kind of a guy who's strong the other the other complaint i have with with the action scenes especially compared to not just the avengers movies but some of the earlier dc movies everything's happening in like a garage or a warehouse it's all super constrained and it like it feels like like it really takes a lot of the umph out of it especially when you're like most of these characters can fly or the functional equivalent and where they can move exceptionally fast and like the sense of

the night crawler when they can mostly all fly yeah i mean the sense of scale that they they keep cramming them into these like very compact and very like low ceilinged air i don't know for some reason that that just stands in very stark contrast like man of steel has like these huge fights that happen in the middle of the fucking air in like downtown metropolis and obviously Avengers has a bunch of scenes that happen in these like huge open air areas even the you know um the arena fight between Hulk and Thor in ragnerock like that feels like a very big space that they're in and it was it was very frustrating to be like well shit what the fuck is the flash supposed to do in this like Sam's club that we're fighting in they did

They did the thing with the Flash that Marvel does with the Hulk where it's like, if he really applies himself, he's the game breaker, he fucks up everything. So they give the Flash a lot of busy work like Marvel does with the Hulk. Because you can't have him around the whole time because like, this is actually a thing

in like comics debate Twitter is like if Flash, his head is in the game, his team wins, period. Right. Like you have a second Superman basically. So yeah, they give him a lot of weird busy work and send him outside and stuff. But yeah, the space thing.

The one thing I liked with the space was when they're in like the abandoned Chernobyl town. So they're able to blow up buildings just for fun and you don't have any of that weird guilt that you usually have watching a superhero movie. So that's another difference between this in the original. In the original movie, the one, the Whedon version of it, the town is full of people.

It's not like super populated or whatever. So Flash's job, where Flash's job in this movie is to literally turn back time, Flash's job in the original cut is to push a truck that has run out of gas and has four villagers in it to get them out of the blast zone or whatever. That's literally what he does. Yeah, the big misstep is exactly what he's saying.

Like it's like, okay, the world is at stake. But Flash really has to save these four people right now. Like these guys got to make it. You don't understand. So one of them has the keys yeah we need a moment for the trailer to the gas station yep I I do love the idea of a superhero seeing those four and going yeah no sorry it's not your day that man wouldn't have done shit that's for sure um yeah Batman would have I'm still thinking about Batman like not giving money to any moms during what

Batman saves Batman saves uh mama can't farm in the stupidest fucking way possible i bought the bank you didn't have to buy the bank you dumb bitch do you not know how foreclosure works bruce but now he can fix and now he can fix all the foreclosures and surely he will because we know bruce wayne very well my the so i i watched this with my wife it was her choice i want to be very clear and i think she really detested most of it but at one point listen to this show but i'm going to to tell her you said that that's fair at one point she um when when the flash is talking to bruce wayne he's not in costume and he's like what's your superpower again and ben affleck like looking

sleepy and sort of like wish you know like he ate a bad hamburger is like i'm rich and my wife turns to me and says i don't believe that at all his energy is that of a man drowning in child support payments there is nothing about him that feels rich at all his it's a weird Batman like it's it's it's different from I mean it's very different from most of the movie Batman's and like

I can't picture this as like a playboy Batman like that's always part of the character yeah well sometimes like there's there's super super super depressed like basically like demon haunted Batman and then there's like super cool rich guy Batman and this is just like divorced guy Batman

Yes He is he has incredible He's right in the dead middle He has divorced and didn't get any child visitation rights Energy This is divorced dad taking the kids to Sonic For the second time that day It's a happy hour or so

It's a good thought I just can't cook Here's some cheese fingers He's Brett Bilema Batman Burtman Yeah Oh my God He is.

Oh, here guys. Burtman. Burtman. That's probably how Gotham got the home and home against Wisconsin. Yeah. And he can't keep the voice straight at all. Like, the voice is hilarious because sometimes it's a little raspy. So sometimes he sounds like a normal dude.

Caitlin has a theory on that too. Yeah, what is it? Ben Affleck, they were like, okay, Ben, Ben, like, this is the voice who want you to do. And he was like, I'm not doing that. Like I'm just going to do my voice You guys fuck with it in post And that's why it sounds inconsistent

Well that's also like they recorded They filmed these things with like four years apart Or something like that Like you probably walked in like I don't remember the voice I'm just gonna do my fucking voice Yes yeah I will say

If nothing else I truly I'm not even kidding about this I truly appreciate that Zach Snyder Gave us a movie Where every other Batman movie Or every other sort of like incarnation of Batman is so focused on like

Batman doesn't kill Batman has a line he won't cross Batman lives by this rigorous moral code Zach Snyder gave us a movie where admittedly in a dream but he said it all the same Batman looked at the Joker

and said and I will fucking kill you because it was yeah because that's that's uh he's scared he will you see it's very deep he's just promising him he's just promising him that I will kill you slowly because of a promise.

Yeah, who hasn't had a dream about promising the Joker that you will hurt the Joker in ways that you have promised the Joker? You will not hurt the Joker. It's a very common dream. Freud wrote about it, Ryan. Yeah, my Joker's name is Stephen Godfrey,

and it's his fault I watched this movie. This is also where I will point out that the only reason the events of this movie happened are because Batman basically fucking killed Superman. Batman, I won't kill street criminals. Fucking kill. that's that's what happened i mean that man beginning so in this one

wait for for someone who had who came in you know without any foreknowledge from the movies like server you they just implied batman feels bad about superman being i i feel like it's it's a it's a crime that jason spencer and holly don't know that the reason batman doesn't kill superman is because both of their mom the name's the name thing it's the yeah okay wait What? But I thought he did kill him. No. So Batman is about to kill Superman, I think, with a kryptonite spear.

He doesn't do that. Because he's decided that Superman is an existential threat to the world. Fair? That's it. It's like he sees all the destruction that happens in Man of Steel, and he's like, no more. Can't allow this to happen. Like Batman doesn't fucking level buildings every other night. So the whole Batman v.

That's the whole like animating arc of Batman v. Superman is Batman decides to hunt and kill Superman decides at the last minute not to do it. Fucking you not love that, man. Because of the mom thing. Yeah, I got to say I'm into that. Yeah. And then and then the like TLDR is. Wait, what mom thing?

So, so all right. Oh boy. I hate that I'm having to explain this. Oh. Oh, no, I get it. Never mind. I get it. Lex Luthor has captured, for the benefit of the audience,

Lex Luthor has kidnapped Superman's mother, whose name is Martha. I never noticed that before. Superman before he's about to die, says save Martha. Batman's mother was also named. That is correct. Batman's mother was also named Martha. So this, like, confuses him.

What happened to her? She's fine. She's stupid. I bought the bank. And then he bought the thing, but she bought the farm. Jesus Christ. What? The short version is Superman gives his life to stop basically doomsday.

The guy, doomsday? The villain, not like the event. Yeah. And in so, so like, no, Batman doesn't directly kill Superman, but it's because Batman, like, basically fell for Lex Luthor's complicated plot that Superman is dead. It's worth noting, too, that in the beginning of this movie, they point out that when Superman screams when he's dying,

it's what wakes up all those boxes in the original cut. Correct me if I'm wrong. They don't ever explain why Steppenwolf knows to come get these boxes. I didn't understand that in this movie. I think the only thing the original cut rests on is, the end of i think it maybe it's like the post-credit scene in batman v superman where lex luther is basically like bad things will happen batman that's it it's super thin it's super fucking thin and we're supposed to be excited by the way that lex luther is on a boat like with some dude who

congratulations they made joe manchinello not hot that's amazing that is the biggest special effect i do like that they brought yeah that that guy is the guy that uh marvel copy just outright openly copied for dead cool so like i like the idea of him being who's better i don't want to see his movie but yeah we've we've found the better version of this guy already so that's that's that's the best part you're like oh man they completely ripped it off and it's better yeah just just like dark side and thanos like dc you've been improved you may go now godfrey said something that chilled me to the bone today is that name pronounced dark seed they say dark side i have always read it as dark seed because that's how

it's spelled but but it is dumb comics so it's probably dark side if you actually go with the german vowel pronunciations that is dark side but godfrey says dark seed so i was and that's how i've always read he is from munich people don't talk about that um how on earth by the way do you get to that that point in the story right where we where we've gone okay so here's the bad guy no no no no it's actually he's the under bad guy he's the under secretary of bad guyness right relative to everybody else a dude doesn't do a thing i know he's setting up another movie but like but he's not a movie that'll never happen no so here's what we need spencer we need an eight-hour cut because i want to see them fight dark c i e dark

yi we need we need the 14 hour cut yes so that we can finally get to so that i can go man who is dark side and then ben affleck can lazily look to the camera and go i'm so glad you asked the origins of dark i've counted in mystery and i get like a 15 minute in the kevin smith original film clerks like there's no god i can't tell you how many steps you could cut like there are so many movies that do a good job of artfully explaining the origins of something by either giving you a framework your brain can fill in instantly like oh yeah that's the bad guy back to the future back to the future is the best of this and it's not even in the bad guy it's just like this is the flux capacitor it's what makes time travel possible we're moving on now yeah no no no no no

no Zach Snyder would go so about the flux capacity slow-mo shot 1950s right yeah you'd get a you'd get a 10-minute music video about the flux capacitor that dragged down the entire movie and probably used up a third of the visual effects budget, right? And then when they came back from that Wonder Woman would go

so that's the flux capacitor then and somebody would go, yes, that's the flux capacitor. And then they would say, idiots, just stupid people. Kid, kid, it's your cousin Marvin. Marvin Rock. The slow-mo I think, so like, I'm good.

with the patched together dialogue and the totally unnecessary action scenes and the totally unnecessary expo dumps kind of okay with most of the music videos the slow-mo. We know it was coming because we knew what we were in for here. The first hour is just lousy with the slow-mo.

It's not even cool shit. There's like literally a fucking hamburger rolling around on the floor of a truck applied slow-mo to it. And it's even before the Flash is doing his thing. Uh-huh. yeah yeah like so if you cut out the slow mo and therefore bring it down to three hours best picture not quite but it would be a lot better yes it would be a lot better because it's just

oh my god there there are there are parts there's i think there is something wrong there's there's something wrong with this man's brain because there was no proper understanding of how long or short something should be. For instance, yes, the death Nell of Superman wakes up the mother boxes. I cannot believe that sentence came out of my mouth. Do you all not have teens? Can we not talk

about the scent of mother's boxes? Yes. I wrote that on my notes. I wrote that on my notes. The first time someone said, I think it was Stebbin Wolf. He said, follow the scent of the mother boxes. And I'm like, it's not a problem, amigo. It's also especially funny

because. On it, boss. everybody in this movie has like parent issues all of like everybody the one person who arguably doesn't is wonder woman and she's got dead boyfriend issues but her mom like step and wolf's like i killed your mom right and she's like no you didn't but like they even try that with her i couldn't tell based on the movie whether or not that actually happened i don't think it did okay yeah but i agree that like there are many interpretations yeah they can't and by the way like like Like, no one is... A biblical case for Batman v. Superman. The biblical case for Wonder Woman's mom being dead. Even at the very end, Aquaman at the very end, you think, like, okay, we made it through with that any parent issues with Aquaman? He's like, I got to go see my dad.

I got to go see dad. I fucked up his truck the other week. I got to fix it. Oh, my God. I was drunk and backed into a stump. Even the bad guy. Even Steppenwolf is basically like, I got to get dad to love me. I've been grounded for a billion years.

It sucks. District manager, Darkside, will approve my promotion. It's not even his dad. It's his uncle. Even worse. He's seeking the approval of his brand statter. Uncles. Always.

I, like, it just, we should have known. Just a sign, by the way, that like, everything about this movie was made by a stupid mind. even the like vast and super intelligent strategies of the mother boxes when cyborg has to confront them and they're like yes he'll find your weakness and they're like oh cyborg you could be holding you could be holding human again when holly was like when holly was like do you did you say anything during this movie and then manifest it that when that happened when he was about to go in i was like oh he's going to go see dumbledore on the train tracks like dead Harry did and that's basically what the fucking scene is yep y'all y'all i was wrong stepan wolf is the nephew or is the is the uncle dark side is his nephew wow dark side has become the uncle i'll take it back this movie's great see see weird flex oh my god so he couldn't even man imagine kicking your fucking uncle out of the house now yeah Now, I would like to say, there is one thing that was in the Joss Whedon cut that was not in the Snyder cut that I really, really missed.

If any of you want to guess what it is. Is it Joss Whedon-y? No, it's not. It's Superman's terrible C-G-eyed lip. Oh, yeah. Oh, because this is impossible, right? Yes. Yeah, because Cabell had a mustache.

Yes. Cavill had a mustache for one of the Mission Impossible movies. Couldn't shave it. They had to bring him in for the reshoots. And I believe the original cut opens with, like, two kids taking, like, cell phone footage of Superman. And it's just his, like, all you can see is the fucking, like, terrible CGI'd lift. And I missed it. I wished it was here.

Well, we'll make a four-hour, one-minute cut. Thank you. The mustache, the mustache cut. I really, the other thing that, about that, by the way, that it takes one second for a villain to lose. Like, nobody has any kind of ability or capability. Like, some other boxes are like, here's your, here's the thing you wanted. And cyborgs like, no, that's not real. It came over.

It's done. Yeah, they were really easily dispatched. Really easily. Everything's, like none of the combat means anything. Everybody's easily dispatched. And even when the villains win, it's not like it takes Flash that long to figure it out. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. Like, he's just like, oh, yeah, I can just reset time. Cool. Yeah. And it's wild with four hours. You could literally have a whole hour of Flash battling back to that point, right? Yes. But they're just like.

It was four hours and he has the ability to reset time. And we can't get Chris Pine back. I do like that the primary, the primary thing. The Wonder Woman live? I do like that the primary thing, Flash has to deal with is rug burns. Like, that's his, that's his main weakness. I got to heal. Is that why he runs weird?

I think so. Does he run weird? Yeah, he runs like a speed skater. Yeah, he's got like really big, floppy arm movements and shit. Okay. Yeah. Also have, by the way, obviously, if this is what this movie does, you take the most charismatic actors and make sure that they don't get to do anything interesting, right, at all. Like, what does he do in his big moments?

I'm moving very slowly. It looks like he's on a Nordic track when he runs. Very slowly. And he's making some real weird faces. Yeah, I can't do this much longer. You're the flash. You can control, like, speed up to him past the space. feet of light. You can do this all day. That's why that's your problem. That's actually like you don't have to make this bullshit up. In addition to that by the way, like let's get to like fundamental problem here. The movies look like garbage. This movie looks like trash. Should have God for here. It is dark. It is hard to follow with the eye and you put it on screen intentionally. The CGI. There is all CGI. Right? Like this is essentially a Pixar like a dumb Pixar movie made with.

with computer animation and like seven real actors who ever get to inhabit a space that actually and gal Godot yeah and Galgado whom I love but who can't who who cannot say the most to that point the most watchable scene I would say is um the Amazon fight yes the arrival in Themisgira especially when the fucking like tower collapses into the ocean that shit looked great that was genuinely moving when step and wolf throws a fucking horse i was i was like okay i'm jack snider you have my attention like so much of that scene is to me like why didn't you do more of these things in the rest of the movie yeah the amazon fight was really great you could you could have you could have done a whole movie about him invading uh how do you say the island

i'll never be able to femiscera it has like it has tension it has the whole thing where you think the battle is over and then it's super not it has like a good clueling climax conclusion like it's so well done and the rest of the battles are like are so I shouldn't say pale in in comparison because they're fucking dark yeah I um I think my strategy for this whole movie was to watch it as if it was a video game like sure I'm watching video game cutscenes right because like now the bar has gone down from movie theater to the floor right and like I read a lot of shitty comic books and enjoyed them So, like, I'll set the bar as low as I have to.

I really, there is something to, like, there's so many dumb left. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You know who doesn't set the bar low, Jason? The good people at homefield apparel.com. Oh, thank you. Because everything homefield puts out is high quality, super comfortable, amazing collegiate designs and shit you can't find anywhere else homefield apparel.com you know is permeating its magic throughout the NCAA tournament right now please don't

check the records on that they're a little bit spotty in some places but also some of the schools that have been knocked out early Florida Ohio State Tennessee Texas not homefield schools think that means something think that means something think that probably means a hell of a lot, actually. I don't, um, but you don't have to, you don't have to live by their mistakes. Florida and Ohio State can't get home field stuff because they refuse to be part of, part of the magic, at least for now, we, who knows what the future holds. You can have home field be part of your life.

I don't know, like in a week, in a week and a half, however long it takes the ship to wherever you live, you can get, uh, crew necks and hoodies in all. all different colors and designs and schools you can get t-shirts um Spencer I saw you the other day on video rock I don't remember what you were rocking it felt like it was a buffalo some sort of which there are multiple options now I was that that was a North Dakota state that I was wearing the other day yeah a classic homefield school but I would point out by the way numerous schools that merely got into the tournament I suggestively because they were homefield schools. Alabama. That is what home field magic means. Right. Traditionally, welcome to the party.

I know I was just going to say I'm looking at a magnificent Alabama shirt. Traditionally, a basketball graveyard and now one of the most dominant teams of the nation. I say thanks to their commitment to the home field lifestyle. And and who did they have to beat to continue to advance? Maryland also we traditionally think of as a football powerhouse, but thanks to home field magic basketball this year. yeah i'm doing my best here um you can save 20% off your first order when you use offer code full cast and if you uh if you purchase anything bison themed and you i'm into spencer in the wild he will pet you gently and tell you that he uh he sees your spirit and he loves it i will actually do that i am going full along with this if you wear a buffalo themed shirt and see me in the wild will

commune. Yep. It might be wordlessly, just so we're clear. I would do that, though. If a total stranger was wearing that and they came up to me and they're like, hey, Buffalo, I would do the Maui greeting, forehead to forehead, quietly and respectfully. And we'd do it for way too long. Our third eyes open.

Right. And then we would simply part ways, having bonded. Sure. Not like four hours long, though. Not like Snyder. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know.

I mean, four hours is a good amount of time for things to spend on happening. What is time? Because, dude, I literally, I, so how this started was Serber posted that he liked the Snyder cut more than he expected to. And we rushed into the Discord room to say like, all right, we got to do an episode on this. And I don't know if I expected all of us to actually watch it. Do what? I like the little feet noises that you made there. Oh, we're running into the room, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that patted the table. Yeah, that was all. I don't know if I expected all of us to watch it, but once I realized everyone else had, I sort of looked up today, like, four hours before recording, like, oh, fuck, I guess I need HBO. So, like, yeah. But I say all that to say,

if you want to be rich like Batman, that's, of course, his superpower. You're going to need the acorns. app. Batman uses the Acorns app. That's how he buys banks, in fact. Batman went to Acorns.com slash full cast because he needed $5 to start his humble pile

with which to grow an empire that could afford spaceships and stuff and friends such as Superman. Superman was impressed by Batman's wealth and decided to come back from the dead to join his team to defeat Sparkley Thanos. I bought your mom's house.

Can we be friends now? few Thanos is up next sorry I killed you sorry I killed you but I'm rich dude the scene where they're like fucking Aquaman and a robot and Wonder Woman and the and the flash are loading Superman's

casket into the back of a van I'm like this movie kind of rules I'm sorry Batman just manual labor sorry Batman's got a back thing going Oh, Batman's knees hurt. But, like, dude, they're, there were, there were, you could make an awesome hour and a half out of the stuff in this movie. There's a grave robbing scene involving superheroes.

That's awesome. They exhumed Superman. And like, you know, two of the most beautiful people in the world and a robot are loading his corpse into the back of a van. How are you not entertained right now? Spencer, how? Go to acorns.com slash full cast. Spencer, how rich do you have to be before you're going to be a superhero? I think that I need let me correct that I mean I'm starting to do vigilante business at like at like I'd say a good 400 500 mill that's where I feel come no I mean I want some you know okay because look at this even Batman who has to maintain a sort of reasonable level of credibility and believability for a character in terms of skill survivability and and and

and things actually happening to him on the plane of reality. He is constantly crashing things. In this movie, Batman crashes like nine vehicles. That's pretty much what Batman spends the most of the time doing, is driving badly. Oh, I'm going down.

Oh, crash. Oh, I steered this thing the wrong way. Like Batman, according to Justice League the Snyder cut, Batman is an idiot driver. Batman can't steer anything without crashing it for longer than like 20 seconds. He kind of has demons crawling all over.

his vehicle the entire time but that said that's why that's also why he has Alfred like remote drive most of the cars for him that's the other thing too is that like what a waste of Jeremy Irons too this is like the worst Alfred Jeremy iron should have been Batman and Ben Affleck should have been the butler that's what Jason Mamoa should have been Steppenwolf yep hey bros is he shirtless yeah fine yep yep hey I got mothers I'm here for the mothers. I'm here for the mother's boxes.

Hey, Peter, I'm going to get that mother's box. Only thing are you. Are you guys going to bring me, bring me the three mothers. Oh, they're out here. I need all three. One or two is not enough. Three boxes at the same time. And then we're going to form the unity.

It's going to be fucking awesome. Me and the mothers are going to. Yeah. Yeah. And like the just, the Batman and all of them, they show up and they're like, I mean, what are we supposed to do? do about this we can't stand in the way of love and then when they need affection and attention most i'm going to swim away into the ocean i left you my sweater though have a great day

you're welcome three sweaters three sweaters how is the box sniffing the sweater how is this even possible there's so much stuff about the the smells of the mother boxes like it really bears repeating because they they repeat it at least once an hour in the movie that the Paradeemians have the boxes sent. I have smelled the mother box. Are you listening to what you're saying? Because you said it. Every character in the movie says it at least once.

I think I'm just going to walk away thinking of this as a four-hour reminder as if we needed one that neither Ben Affleck nor Batman has ever eaten an ass in their lives. I have a request. Because we are here, Jason is right. We're here because of Serber. I would like to give Serber the floor to give his, to defend his,

his, I don't know, like, love, explain yourself. Yeah, I want to, like, I want to hear what Cerber has to say. That's all. Well, I guess what I thought was this was, this was the best they could do given what they had. Because I,

I'm not particularly a fan of the Justice League in general. I'm a fan of all these characters separately. And unlike Spencer, I am a bit of a DC nerd I got a DC universe subscription I do pay them money every month so I can access their online catalog and there's a lot of shit I like in the comic books

and I thought that given like there was very much a like comic book vibe to this movie that I did enjoy that being said I don't think the movie is very good because I don't really think many superhero movies are good because it's really tough to pull off and almost and the way to pull it off

I think is to do something like what they've done with Marvel which is kind of not try and make it like every other superhero movie that's ever been but like I did think this was a huge improvement over the first one

I liked really like specifically the Cyborg and Flash story and like I didn't expect for anything to make me excited for another movie to come out of this series of things but I am kind of excited to see the Flash

movie with this kid in it. Oh, you're doing a Flash movie? Yeah, and it's coming out, and allegedly Michael Keaton is going to be Batman in it, which also... What? So that's where they do their multiverse thing. Yeah, there's like a Flashpoint thing that's supposed to come up where I guess... Yeah, yeah, that's the deal.

And so Flash is basically going to realize that there's all these other dimensions where there's other Batman. And the rumor is that Michael Keaton's coming back for it, and I think that's super badass. But I wasn't so sure... I think it's awesome that they send Flash off to find. a better Batman than the one they have. This is a great inspiration. 100%.

And I, I mean, I was kind of dreading that, like, I was like, they're going to take some of that I really, really like for my childhood, which is the Michael Keating Batman, and really fucking ruin it with this shitty, shitty movie series that they've been doing. But so I left with more hope for that. And then also, yeah, the cyborg character was just there. Like, to Ryan's point earlier, there were, there was, I only ever watched the first Justice League one time because that was enough but I literally thought like I must have gotten up

and gone to the bathroom and missed something when it comes to cyborg because that's how little they had actually done with the story and then also like his dad I don't think doesn't die in the first like there's so much more than his dad doesn't die there's so much better storytelling with his character in general um so Morton is such a good actor I love Joe Morton why are you giving Joe weren't in this dumb thing i just i think i so i enjoyed it on on all those levels um i do still think like there are some stuff about that i i don't i don't like that you know it is four hours and potentially they could have just had better dialogue written um god it really it really is four hours like you know yeah a lot of a lot of the marvel movies are very long too but you sort of

you watch them and they don't necessarily feel as hefty as you You feel every second of these four hours, man. I have, in the past month, I have watched all three Lord of the Rings extended versions again. This is a whole other experience. Like, this is clock watching. I was entertained the whole time. I did not hate it. I was entertained.

Like, yeah, I'd happily cut half an hour for starters, see if that helps. But, like, I'm more on server's side where I, like, I liked it a lot more than I expected to, which I don't know how. Let me really process how much I liked it. But, like, I didn't hate it. I didn't hate it. But still, when you have expo dumps after two hours in, it's just, it's an experience. I'm kind of glad at something this weird exists. Maybe it's the best way to put it.

Yeah, yeah, no, that's, I think that's probably how I feel about it. I did also really at every point where I looked up and tried to predict how much time was left, there was more. Way off, right? Yeah, way off. That was bad. Yes, every time you, like, if you watch this movie. Every time you pause it, you will say, how have we only watched this much? So you gotta do it, I did.

You got to set it so you don't have any time whatsoever to take breaks. Dude, I did the fucking Snyder Cut challenge where it was like, I have four hours, press play. Yeah, yeah. There will be no breaks. The only other thing I wish they had put in the movie, I wish in the scene where Superman, Superman is back to life and he's gone home to the farm to sort of like remember who he is and whatever and he see his mom comes to see him and he's hugging lois and he's hugging his mom and then he's like i have to go i wish there was a short scene after that where lois said to martha kent hey thank you so much for coming to visit me that really meant a lot and then martha said i didn't do

that what are you talking about and then just cut next scene immediately because the martian manhunter bullshit is so fucking this is this is another waste of a good actor why do you bring harry lennox in there. Oh man, that was... A waste. He's tremendous. Marsha Manhunter is a god. Marsha Manhunter just strolls up and is like, uh, yeah, by the way, I'd really like to be a part of this story.

Four hours in! Yeah, they've decided that like I care. They set up so many movies that'll never happen. I love it. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I mean... Which again, they knew before they put this thing out. So what you're doing?

Yeah, because this Zach Snyder's saying oh look at what you could have had this is going to have so much more Zach Snyder content and like I think part of it is I'm viewing this is like like Zach Snyder as a person like I know thank you I don't like any of it as other movies but like this thing in and of itself so fucking bizarre I'm glad it exists okay so this is this is my thing with DC are you ready okay so Martian Manhunter that character that character is essentially a god he is insanely powerful he has all of the powers but they needed to give him a weakness okay and

comics they need to give them a weakness so they needed to give him a weakness of the martian manhunter because ibs crippling ibs dude that would make a lot more sense that would be a lot but server what's martian manhunter's original weakness do you remember no fire fire what they make a dude who can travel through interstellar space and basically reconstitute matter as he sees fit and has every power in the world they're like yeah but it but he's vulnerable to fire fire hurts man which is only the second dumbest weakness of a major dc hero that being the green lantern whose weakness is the color yellow boy dc man because i was good i mean superman's up there too superman is up there too

on the stupid weaknesses but superman at least at least this is why they're called comic books because that shit is hilarious i'm not done by the at least with kryptonite they have the decency to be like, this is hard to find. The color yellow is fucking everywhere. There's fires everywhere. But also, yellow is like the essence of his home world. That's like you rubbing dirt on somebody and then being like, ow!

There's a great panel in like, uh, in this Frank Miller Batman story called Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder where they are basically going to like get a hold of green lantern and strip him of his powers. And they literally just paint this one room fucking yellow. The table, the chairs, every fucking thing. And then Greenlander walks in. He's just like, oh, shit. Literally, Green Laner can be defeated by Home Depot.

He can be defeated by a crossing guard in a reflective vest. Dude, he would lose. He could be defeated by the Lakers. He would lose to Iowa. Green Lantern would lose to Iowa. Yeah. And, no, by the way, not done with Martian Manhunter because it gets dumber. Martian Man Hunter, they then they then sort of rewrote the weakness to,

well it is dumb that he's vulnerable to fire because see everything else no now he just has a fear of fire even though he's okay with it that's yeah thanks idiot it can be hard when you've had a bad experience okay i ate a bunch of fire once and i was pooping for days traveling through the universe at the speed of light and reading minds along the way i happen to run into an enormous ball of fire called the sun which came out of nowhere idiot I will say I think this this movie in this iteration was the is the perfect thing for the time we live in right now which is one of the most exhausting and depressing and dark and frustrating like years that we have collectively been through and also one of the most like temporarily um loose like no we never know what time it is we never have any sense of like we never know how much time is left no and and like in a weird i think if this had dropped a year ago or a year from now I don't think it would work but in a very weird way like the thing jason is identifying I'm glad this weird thing exists it's like

Yeah, man, after every dumb thing that's happened over the last 12 months, we might as well get a four-hour Justice League where Zach Snyder can do whatever he wants, including set up multiple sequels that won't happen. Yeah. I also, I think the one other thing I like, and I'm really not trying to overly praise this movie, you know, I'm never going to watch it again. But the other thing I like is now that the Marvel movies have just completely dominated, superhero movies, it is nice to get the kind of the opposite version, which is not my preferred

version, but it is still nice to temper it a little bit. You know, like, let's take a break from the quippiness. And especially of a DC, remember these characters are big, serious, heavy gods and all that. And like, for one sit through, um, to get, you know, uh, these characters are just metal video gods. And, it's, I guess it's nice to remember the other way movies can go. And now it'll be refreshing to get some jokes again next time, I guess. So it's just, so every 20 Marvel movies, D.C. gets to make one movie. How about that?

Sure. That seems like a fair thing. I did actually have one of the things I liked about the movie, and that was a scene involving hot dogs and time slowing down. Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine the weird scene? The gif of that scene, because, it's a woman flying through the air with hot dogs flying at her and it's like that's what that's like every lady's DMs right right and the flash grabs once we can feed the dogs but like there's absolutely somebody absolutely is going to grab that gift I did love the deep weird of that I felt like maybe that was accidentally weird I don't feel like Zach Snyder is ever intentionally weird or funny but having the hot dogs floating around him and like a cart in the air and like he looks up and sees a hot dog and he's like oh okay cool hot dog the single effervescent sesame

see that got its own shot there's a really good david lynchian shot of the hamburger that the garbage truck driver drops where he looks down and the gar the hamburger looks like the most important and dramatic thing in the world it's like the hamburger of the dam it's like super well lit on the bottom of this truck floor it is it's a beautifully lit hamburger and it looks like honestly it looks like on it like if god had dropped the key to heaven itself that's how it's lit and shot and Zach Snyder is like this hamburger is super important

and you know the cinematographer is like yeah dude we're going to make this hamburger look like Brad Pitt Legends of the Fall we're going to make it look like the most beautiful thing this is the most fuckable hamburger you've ever seen man

bring me the mother burger I love how accident like that's the thing is that if you put somebody behind the camera and you go give me four hours of footage you're going to accidentally create something beautiful and you're going to accidentally create something really funny you will that's my review as well exactly like it's like when people go like man like this this songwriter is so good you're like yeah they've written 800 songs one of them had to be good just on accident right there's four hours of justice league there's something in there that you're

going to like i happen to find the majestic scene of a burger dropped on the floor of a garbage truck to be very beautiful. I thought it was the best shot scene in the entire movie. And then there was another three hours to go. If it had just been three hours of burger quest, I would have been down for that.

That guy's truck like blew up or something. No, that was the other vehicle. The car. So there we go. Another movie has been set up. Burger Guy. Burger Quest. We got a burger guy movie.

a Joker movie, Batman Nightmare Murder Movie, Darkseed movie, fake Deadpool movie, original, fake Deadpool movie. There's so many fucking movies that are never going to happen. Flash movie, but apparently that is happening. I agree, a cyborg movie, that could work even though you've already done the whole story. But yeah. Here's my question. If you took Batman out of this movie completely,

the plot all still happens almost exactly the same way, right? That's what I was asking. was he during the last battle but like how would they have come together no i mean i didn't see him i think wonder woman would have gone and found everybody yeah yeah yeah i think batman was checking like tinder right so like yeah yeah i mean she did find sat man meets wonder woman and he's like can you type she found cyborg she that was that was like the funniest part is wonder woman was Googling like don't you don't you don't you get robin do this nope can't batman's just like i know joker's behind this i'm gonna find it like i mean

wait also in what these movies did robin die they don't show that they just they just established holly in batman v superman they establish a few key things one robin is dead two, Joker killed him. Three, who was three? Who was Robin? We don't know. Three, we know. Do we know which Robin? Nope, nope. All we know is this. All we know is that we know that Robin is dead

and that Joker killed him because in the Batcave, Batman keeps, like in a glass display case, the armor that Robin was wearing when he died that is like spray painted with Joker's ha ha ha bullshit. Like he keeps

He keeps his, his, like, corpse on. That's not weird. It's, it's a real stretch that they're assuming people know about very specific comic book art. Yeah. Because there's the death in the family story in the comics where basically readers voted to kill Robin. They were like, right. They were like, all right, you have the opportunity. You don't like this new Robin, which was Jason Todd, since Dick Grayson had become Nightwing.

Nightwing, yeah. They were like, call in or write in. I can't remember which one it was. If you want this dude to die. And everyone did. They were like, we hate this guy. Yeah. And so they killed it.

But that's like a Twitter poll that Hartzl puts up. Let's put it up on the poll. But no one would like, you're right. They're letting, they're like assuming that people just fucking know that. That went to see Justice League. That's awesome. And that's if you like that, that's something they hoped you know if you saw Batman v. Superman. If and even that is like, okay, you have to fill in some context there.

If the only movie you saw was Justice League, like, you got nothing. You got no help. Watching this one, I got to that part, and I was like, oh, I don't, who did they cast is Robin? Right? Like, I'm familiar enough where the stories were like, Joker kills Robin, but like, movie-wise, I had no idea there even was a Robin. So it's really awesome to learn there actually wasn't. This is, I believe, maybe there's a scene in Suicide Squad, but at least in like this arc, this group of movies, this is the only one of the movies where Joker and Batman and, Ben Affleck, Batman, appear together.

That's correct. And it's in the weird fucking dream where they're like, I'm darker than you are. I'm gonna fucking kill you. Batman said he's gonna fucking. Batman said, fuck. It was amazing. I saw, dude, I was watching the captions before it popped up,

and I was like, oh, fuck, yes, there. Honestly, the best, say it. The best part of the post, of like, the night Maitmere sequence, the post-apocalyptic, whatever, is that, you know, society is fallen, Superman is evil, whatever. Why is Batman still wearing his fucking mask? Who are you hiding from at this point, dude? That's really going to make you stand out. Yes.

You're trying to avoid Superman. Maybe you should cut down on those bat ears. I have sensitive skin. I'm balding. if they see that I'm Bruce Wayne everyone's got to know I have that super sweet late house yeah by the way

if they see I'm Bruce Wayne they're going to ask me for money I'll have to give the poor mothers $100,000 like Cyborg yeah meanwhile Cyborg by the way is the biggest The biggest enemy by the way If you want to talk about like Batman

Batman like deciding to Ice Superman because he thought he was a threat to civilization The biggest threat to Batman period is Cyborg Cyborg could just just erase his net worth yeah yeah just go on the net and give it all the poor mothers that would be a great fucking movie yeah bat me like like cyborg like that movie

sidborg is like antifa superman right like that is i feel like this so i feel like there's a lot of batman who would object to that afflick batman i kind of picture picture him like it's fine it's fine oh no i know where i i know where zach snider's taking this though like he would we would go yeah you should just make cyborg antifa super and then you have a natural conflict between Batman, inherited wealth, complete asshole. And then you, and Cyborg, who wants to give all of his money away to other people. That's not where Zach Snyder would take it. You know where he would take it?

Oh, yeah, Cyborg would get into crypto. That's what it would be. He turned Cyborg into a crypto, bro, right? It'd be like, currency is where it's at. And Cyborg would be like, no, it's all on the blockchain. That's where dumbass Zach Snyder would take it in between. That's probably how he defease Dark CIO. Yes.

Yeah, that is, Crypto. They buy them out. I hit you with a Bitcoin, Ray. Stupid movie. But we're glad it exists. At least two of us.