Shutdown Fullcast - The Thomas Drown Affair / Ecks vs. Severance

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

Thrill to the sounds of our preshow meeting (we have those, usually accidentally), in which we try to decide whether USC or UCLA conducted their overnight midseason firing betterWe are no better at identifying Clay Helton's face or age than we used to be, as it turns outLotta accents in this episode, we're gonna warn you right nowThe cure for male loneliness, revealedHere's the aquatic Disney heist photo Ryan wants you to haveFolks, have you heard about this exploding Costco wineScotland Appreciation TimeThe doink, re-envisionedCoach firing draft update: Will Ecked be the new Croomed?Accidental Clemson Appreciation TimeWhich host introduces the concept of "Jon Gruden Pizza Sex Party"? The answer may surprise you!The last 15 minutes are mostly about college football, promiseNow through September 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch will be donated to Mid-South Trans Nation. Visit preownedairboats.com to find the finest Blue Sharks gear and other Fullcast-related itemsSubscribe to our new $4 Patreon for more Fullcast stuff big and small, including After Dark episodes each CFB weekendThis episode produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme song arranged and performed by MattCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz and his new show, PodcasterinoCheck out Jason's critically praised novel and other workDID YOU KNOW: Spencer writes Channel 6, a year-round newsletter, mostly about football until it's not

I'll make it perfectly clear I'm wearing the apparel of my team. The team that woke up early just to make Cerber right, the team on the West Coast that got out ahead of it by three hours to beat Virginia Tech just to give Cerber that extra point. I bet they played and they were like, okay, well, you know, this is going to happen, but it's got time. saw the mission and text score they're like shit got to hurry go go go we want we went credit for being the most proactive like I forget exactly what time it was when USC fired Kiffin but I know it was like the news was happening around like

7 a.m. and this is a you know a few hours after that but still this is damn early making making job maneuvers on the west coast about 8 a.m. local that it was like going public yeah i'm trying to i'm trying to think i'm trying to think like when did he i'll have to look this up because i am intrigued i want to know the exact time kiffin got fired yeah it was going it was going i remember it was going public around 7 a.m east coast um and i'm sure it's in a story somewhere that it's shit i have this somewhere i've got it it's an oral history yep david held it the oral history a few years ago i'm sure it's in there i don't see uh pat hayden when i get off the McKay stops me and and it was three a it was three a.m. when they left him at the

tarmac so they kept the lid on it for a whole hour Hayden fired him Kiffin said hey let me coach this out we don't even have 30 scholarship we don't have 30 scholarship players and pet Hayden goes yeah uh maybe we jumped the gun on this and then he came back in and goes, no, I can't take it back. Yeah, good. Management. Management superlatives. Meanwhile, UCLA, efficiently, as they are known for,

getting business done without weird hangups and back and forths. Just, uh, just cleanly announced it. I'm sure UCLA is going to be thrilled. Like, we're not Hollywood. We're blue collar. That's why it's right. Literally. Literally.

Literally. The blue ones. It's sometimes a gold collar, to be fair. It is the best blue. It really is. Never mind, Ford is the best blue. Sorry. It is, I mean, maybe we overlook the fact that it is the most L.A. school because it's, do we have a stadium?

It is the most beautiful stadium with the best weather you've ever seen. Can you get to it? No. No, you have to commute. Can you get in once you get there? Also, no. Is anyone there if there's a parade? Can I tell you one of the most?

Is the parade about the game? Also, no. So I have the oral history that y'all are talking about pulled up. David's? It's David Hales, yes. This is a quote from Clay Hilton, where they're sort of talking about the aftermath. And he says, that whole season, to be honest, is one of my favorite seasons. You always get to see who you are when adversity is.

He got to see a lot of adversity. You didn't have to say that first part, man. Right. Like, I get it. I think there's a way you could have said that. I get it too, but he didn't have to say that first part. This is a case of a football coach being such a football coach that, I mean, you know, if Lane sees that quote, he's like, yeah, he's speaking football. Yeah, sure.

It's the, it's the, I asked my landlord to raise my rat. Sure. It was, it wasn't about Lane. It was about the adversity. Well, and the way that's constructed is way more interesting to me because it's not like he starts on a point and meanders away from it. He starts with the truth and goes, oh, shit. it and then covers it and listen if clay helton craved adversity boy did he get plenty of it in it's still don't know what he looks at i mean he's still digging in digging in on

adversity believe so much of my grind i'm in statesboro that it that we did however many years ago that any more people could identify him now it's probably less right oh yeah southern is one and two yeah i love it best time of my life oh this is when it oh i feel so alive one and two is pretty good one and two he has discovered some adversity nobody could understand the ease of life that that his brother has at western kentucky dyson helton born on easy street

those brothers those silver spoons up in bowling grain kentucky are they not did i make that up i didn't think they were brothers are they roommates yeah yeah yeah his older brother he's Tyson is his his his his younger brother I okay Tyson worked at my school so I probably shouldn't cropped this I thought Tyson was his son no Tyson house goes to show once again I have no Clay Helton identifies all right I am I am I am for multiple years I am looking at Clay Helton's age each of you guess and I were I've already I don't want to get so I'll Okay, so can we get two to three guesses?

61. 61. Spencer, what's your guess? 58. Okay. Okay. Oh, that's, fuck you, Priser, right? I think the clay is short for Clayface.

He's 87 years old. Okay, all right. You're all over. No winners. Spencer is regardless of the closest. Spencer has the least clay blindness. Yeah. Oh, wait, so how old is Tyson?

48. Okay, so I had that, so I thought Tyson was younger and Clay was older and just kind of assumed that they were father and son. They're, this is like, just put this in the pile what this is, this is in the pile on the opposite end of the pile from the Eddie Robinson conundrum. Which is, you have no idea how old they are? No, which is, do you know that the head football coach who, the currently active head football coach, coach whose name is Eddie Robinson is not related to the

Eddie Robinson famous football coach. The Eddie Robinson Jr. Oh yeah, sorry. He's a junior. At an HBCU is not the Eddie Robinson Jr. Oh, God, he could have gotten away with so many scams in the 19th century. Oh, my God. And mind you, this occurs at the exact same

time as noted. The Devin Hester Jr. who is returning kicks is not the Devin Hester Jr. who is the son of Devin Hester. But the Houtens, the Brotherhood of the Helton's Hold Strong. Did we have another one of these at South Carolina where we thought somebody was famous? I bet at different points.

Steve Sprier has insisted that Steve Sprier Jr. is not his son. Ryan, you weren't here on Saturday night. You weren't here on Saturday night when we got to drop another one that somehow we had missed because I assume that everybody knows at this point three weeks into the season that Ohio State, because they don't have enough riches, has a running back named Bo Jackson. You know this, right? Yes.

Do you know Bo Jackson's given name the Ohio State running? back no no idea it's Lamar Ryan great great cool cool is related to either of them not as far as we know that's that's listen man that has been my did you know Vigo Mortensen really broke his toe when he kicked the helmet of the week is walking up to people and going hey do you know that guy named Bo Jackson yes real name Lamar Jackson I've done this is our Roman Empire of the year yeah but please call me Phil yeah I like I like these names because they trigger everyone to do the automatic oh don't you feel so old now thing and at this point it's like no not really not really

not really if you told me bull jackson has a son who is on scholarship at ohio state i would say okay you know if you told me devon hester has a son who's returning kicks for firm and i'm like yeah i understand the passage of time that's not hard for me to reconcile with i do not feel old because of that but we still have the automatic thing we have to go through and like uh press publish on the meme that says don't you feel old but i like that we have these false positives that um that that that at least break up that like automatic reflex of pretending to feel old the version of that meme that does work i agree that one doesn't work on me the one that does work on me is like if you took if you took like back to the future and did that movie today it like the back in time

portion would be set in x like when you when you yeah yeah yeah yeah movies like that does make me feel or like that 70 show if you made it now would be like that aughts show right right it's I think it does genuinely upset me, not because like, oh, my bones are crumbling into dust. I know my bones are crumbling into dust. I feel that every day. It upsets me because, you know, Reggie Bush's Heisman scandal, quote, unquote, was like three weeks ago in my brain. It's that time has compressed in my brain and realizing the actual span of time that has passed since then, like, it kind of gives me vertigo. There's also, it's also disorienting because it's like, okay, Do and So's son.

is playing, is committed to Florida State, whatever. We're Philip Rivers kids in all this. How have we not had a single Philp River's child be like, oh, he's the GM of the, of the Chargers now or something? The rivers, the rivers are about to flow over. Listen, wouldn't it be great if they were all just like, no, I don't want that life. I saw that. My dad's real weird.

My dad's out here, heckin and darnan. That's weird. nobody says heck darn it in the year 2025 all every every river's child is just like no i like jason pick a number you'll probably hit a rivers kid gunner is a four-star prospect that's not i i would expect them to be much farther along in rivers chronology with everyone else that we have like one of them should be a coach at this point one of them should be older than philip rivers there should be a 69 year old yes philip rivers hello i'm george i'm george rivers and i'm tyson that's like grandpa yeah yeah the none of you have the right attitude about this I

oh thank you what a new experience please father time tell us tell us great tell us great day too tree how should we be thinking right none of you are embracing your great dayku tree energy when Spencer was out here like chair Joe DiMaggio Jr's kid is on scholarship don't I feel old that just makes me more powerful none of you know what you're doing right doing right now you're doing you're doing black mirror but without rickie jervais's accent you're like what if this morning was this morning but you see george washington junior is returning kicks for shanford i remember when john quincey adams was a kid this is crazy to me none of you are channeling your you what you're you're you're uhuatu the watcher right none of you are like i'm not

al michael's yet we're going to be we're going to be folks that was an easter egg Ball. Do Al Michael sing Uwatu. Uwatu the Bull. Watu the Watcher. Wattu the Watcher. Yeah. None of you were being like,

ah, that's nothing. 89, San Francisco. There's an earthquake while I'm calling the World Series. You need to channel that energy more. That's the more heroic way to go through time. Why don't you stand apart from the universe in a space prison of your own making, seeing no events but affecting none of them.

That's exactly. Pellas, the cured of male loneliness. This is your own galactic time prison. Simply extract yourself from the temporal and make friends in other centuries. You got to accentuate the temp positive and eliminate the temp negative. Not enough of you embracing your own silver surfer. Yes, I am the herald of doom. But what a job.

Well, now that she's a lady, yeah. Yeah. Who are you the silver surfer or are you Galactus? I don't understand what's happening. He's saying he's saying he's very hungry. Okay. No, it's the silver surf her now. Welcome to the shutdown full cast.

You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. So glad you joined us. I am Spencer Hall. Joined as always by Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and Michael Serber on the ones and twos. I have a question. Who would like to hear about a heist? Yes, please.

Yes, always. the answer is everybody. This is not just a heist. This is one that I feel like spiritually speaking calls to us all on so many different levels because this is a Disney heist. And you say, oh man, the ocean's 15 of my dreams. We're going to knock off Disney. Kind of.

Kind of. Is it done with that kind of panache? Frankly, yes. I think this is a crime with a tremendous amount of skill. I think you mean knock over? Yes. Yes, we're going to, well, you'll see this is more kind of like enough. We're going to confess to enough crimes this week.

I can confess to another one. So from the Orange County Sheriff's Office in Orlando, Florida, a thief swam up to the paddlefish restaurant, the paddlefish, which is located on the lake, like Buena Vista right there in Disney World, and broke in full scuba gear. Now, I'm going to argue with this. this is described as a high-stakes theft with a getaway plan worthy of Hollywood. Inside the magic.net, that might be taking it a bit far because broke in

in full scuba gear. All right. Just after midnight on Monday, September 15th, 2025. About an hour after the paddlefish closed, this guy swam up in full scuba gear, went into the manager's office, did not have a weapon,

but evidently was intimidating enough to get them, get the two employees there tied up and in a corner and they complied without really fighting which is absolutely what you should do especially because the amount of money on the line one not theirs not yours not your money yeah not your money and two

he managed to get out of there in about two minutes and in that two minutes he took somewhere between $10,000 and $20,000 in cash Michael server you and I have already had this discussion when a thief comes into in Florida comes into the $10,000 to $20,000 worth of cash range. That's retirement money, right? Yep.

Daytona's mine now. That's right. Listen, that DoorDash, honey, go ahead, whatever you want. Cheryl, we shall never want again. They'll bring it right to the Ford Explorer. I just tell them we're parked. Yeah, you could just. leave it on the sidewalk there yeah yeah it's the one with the scuba gear hanging up

that didn't you don't be intimidated by that though i'm off the clock nuggets behind the wheel well i don't want to be taking them i'll be back in a minute he probably took a couple of paddlefish t-shirts on the way out you know it's like definitely a t-shirt restaurant yeah hell yeah do they got medium yeah because i'm definitely a medium between 140 and 165 pounds said to the camera actually you'll know that this thing they're like it's like a well-plotted heist that's not exactly what happened because we know what the suspect looked like uh because the suspect or an image was released from a surveillance camera he was spray painting the camera y'all like looking at it while spray painting it without a mask on

oh man yeah that's dale grible like you know you're not hacking it right you're not you're not deleting the images that are already there yeah it's not like there's someone on the other side looking at it and like oh god damn it where to go i forget what he looked like have you seen the photo that they've released though i have not seen the photo no okay okay i think it's important yeah i'm going to send you send me the link please all right hold on i'm going to drop it in there you go god what is that that is that is what they have oh that is what they That looks like the shit in one of the Spider-Man's where there's a knock-off Spider-Man. Yes, I want you to retract, and we will put this, I will remember to tweet this phone.

You know what? I'm just going to tweet a photo of this now with no explanation, and people will figure it out later. Another perfect full cast, signal lost. That's right. That's right. Because I want you to retract every negative thing you said about this daring robber and his idiocy for, you can't tell shit about this. I'm actually, I am going to retract that, Ryan. thank you for holding me accountable coach i really appreciate that that's how the team gets

that man shoved his head in a leather glove and that looks like carl rupert cronin the wind-up guy from hellboy right like i can't find which part of this is supposed to be a person with the possible exception of the eyes yeah you really got you're really got to tilt your head a lot until you find the angle i was robbed by trailer park snake eyes that's what this is like they're never catching this dude they're never catching this dude oh my god Man, that's Hickwood snake I do scuba in it, I cook meth in it It's perfect

Revolver vapes a lot That's what this is Listen, I've been watching Alien Earth But at the bottom left there Is that a tiny chest burster opening It's waiting mall? What's going on? Could be, could be

Is that a body part? Just his pal. He's got mouths to feed. That's why he's doing this, yeah. Yeah, inside his chest cavity. His other Metal Gear name. name is Hoss. Oh man.

This is amazing. All right. This guy went full Tom Clancy on him and you're trying to talk shit. Rainbow Hicks. He went talk, Clancy on him for like $6.99. So as this, as this, what I will say, by the way,

having done this, this is a right around for a police report. Shoppredited Disney. Having knocked off. Wait, did you. Do you do this? Did you just confess? I did not.

Because he's described as somebody who is slim. And Ryan, that is not my current condition. Well, that's exactly what you wanted him to think. The perfect, yeah. You see, I just did the whole thing sucking in. Right, guys. No, no, you have a whole thing. Got that spank sweatsuit.

Did the whole thing in a full body corset. That would explain some of the vinyl. He sounded like he was under a tremendous amount of pressure. pressure. He was so shapely, though. His feet were unusually puffy. His curves were so amplified. Yeah, it's a snatch and grab. He sneezed and was incapacitated for a couple of minutes, but we were tied up, so we couldn't do anything.

Yeah, it was around 5'10 wearing tight clothing and a blue beanie. And that's the only description you could get off of him, because as Ryan has informed me, he was completely masked up with goggles on so man salute salute to you guy i have put the photo out into the world with the with the text full cast in progress he swam away he did dude just with 20 grand somewhere between 10 and 20 grand all right just just find the guy with all the Sopping wet $100 bills. I think that will help. Do you know what is across the lake from the paddlefish restaurant?

Epcot. The Rainforest Cafe. I bet that's where this motherfucker went. Man, I'd be living it up. The Ring of Forest Cafe. Somebody bought $12,000 worth of lemon drops approximately an hour after. Somebody bought a pallet, a dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. This is also good.

because it's a lake that is roughly a 20-minute walk away from I-4. So there's absolutely this guy got his wet for it explored. He probably could have hitched. Probably got an Uber. I mean, yeah. Hi, hello, Floridian Uber driver. I'm in a wetsuit on the side of the highway. Okay, see you soon.

God, there were so many tempting targets of opportunity nearby as well. The Lego store is here. Pandora is here. something called T-Rex Cafe, but this, this wise criminal he had a target, and he stuck to it. That's far as we know. I guess so. Hey, anthropology in Lake Buena Vista, check your cameras. Who knows what's gone? He might be on the loose and Epcot for all we know. If you, by the way, if you are the sky and you're robbing my house, first of all, if somebody stomps out of

the lake and knocks on my back door and it's like, I want your money. Go ahead. Do you think, yeah, but you, but you, that's just you. If you work for, like, do you think Disney security is trained to use Mickey voice? When they can, ha, ha, put your hands up. Hold it, fucker. Hold it, boys. Catch a hot one.

It's got to be some shit where they take you down in character, like, because, you know, if the kids are. Of course. They're going to hit you with a cartoon, cartoon mallet. You want to get tased, you want to get tasted nuts, brocacho? Oh, boy. Just Taffy Tuck beating my ass with a phone book in the interrogation room.

Sorry, Donald. Whatever. Copyright to lie. He's pantsless. The important thing is he's pantsless. You got to go pantsless with a little sailor suit as I'm beating the shit out of you with a phone book. And being like,

stop it, time you want. Oh, boy. Goofy's the DA, because the DA is the one who walks in and goes, Gorse, it's an expensive civil suit. You like to get what? Please say I'm the king of the shit. I heard you like to get what. Oh, but cases on all of you.

And flowers burst it out everywhere. I'm running shit here. You just live here. You better walk away. Go on. Walk away. Sorry, what? Just infernal affairs or

the departed, but it's with Jipendale. Sure. Sure. I don't even know. I'm going to burn this one more down. He really would think King Kong ain't got shit on him because that's universal. Yeah.

Makes you think. Good God. Okay. Can I tell you about another news item? This is just rolled across the desk here at the Holcast News HQ. Have you heard about the exploding Costco wine? No, Jason. I can't say that I have.

Well, Costco, this is according to the Chicago Tribune, Costco considers a recalled wine so dangerous that it has sent a letter to every store member who bought a bottle, bought a bottle telling them to immediately throw it away. Do not return the item, the letter says, in bold type. But it's safe to put in your trash? The people who have one of the bottles are advised to leave it unopened and to wrap it in paper towels and put it in a plastic bag before discarding it in the garbage can.

Yeah, if you have this wine bomb and you take it back to Costco, they're just going to put a hazmat suit on and bury it. I hope a wetsuit guy doesn't find out about this, because this is how you cover your tracks. You bring wine bomb with you. Leave it behind in the restaurant. Just count the 15. It's a wet smoke bomb.

Splash. Employees were fragrant, but unharmed. We have so many, like, what did they do to this? That's my question. Yeah, what's the issue? I don't know. Too awesome. Is like the bottle not sealed or?

There doesn't seem to be, It seems to be a sparkling wine, and apparently has got too much sparkling. Too much sparkling in it. That just makes me want it more. Oh, yeah. If you can survive the bottle itself, I'm sure the wine is a delight. Yeah. Two turn.

Why are you trying to limit my sparkle, Costco? Don't block my shine. Don't block my sparkle. Kirkland brand meth precursor. That's what this sounds like. Yeah, all you have to do, put it in the microwave for three minutes and it's meth. microwaved wine Costco stock

through the roof Holly you said you had an additional aquatic crime to add we have multiple people sending us to this I'm just going to read you the headline

from the BBC so you know it's real this was from yesterday Monday cheating scandal rocks world stone skimming championships

yes as you know one of my favorite things is niche communities that undergo some type of scandal and, you know, there's, and have vicious infighting over something that's completely illegible to the outside world. I think the best, the last time we put out a call for these, my favorite one that I got was somebody who sent me to, there is a, a Reddit for rock painting, like painting decorative rocks. And apparently

in the decorative rock community a few years ago, and I can't remember which listener sent us this. I apologies. But there was an uproar. or over someone who had been posting pictures of rocks that were not shiny because they were tumbled, you know, in a home rock tumbler, as one does, but because they had been lacquered. And everyone is furious. So at the World Stone Skipping Championships,

which they call skimming, there is a huge scandal with several competitors disqualified for tampering. Was this in Scotland? Yes. Rules state that stones must come from naturally occurring island slate. However, some were found to have been ground into a suspiciously circular shape to help them bounce on water. Entrance choose their own stones and judges use a measuring device that is called the Ring of Truth. Wow.

That's not the silliest name. Which is just a three inch ring to ensure that they are no bigger than three inches in diameter. Dr. Matthews, the, excuse me, Dr. Kyle Matthews, who is the organizer, also known as the Tossmaster. That's the one. That's the ridiculous name. Told BBC's Radio, BBC's Good Morning, Scotland that judges heard rumors and murmurings of some nefarious deeds. The problem is, this is my favorite quote, I think. The problem was we just didn't notice at the time that they were suspiciously circular.

Now, did you see who won this event without any allegations? No, no, I did not. Entrant Jonathan Jennings. The contest, first American winner! Finally. Yeah. Final is some good news on the world stage. This is also a guy that our buddy action cookbook wrote about from the Kentucky Stone Skipping Invitational earlier this summer.

So he's been practicing. He's been, this is a craft. He's been working on it. I love Scotland, by the way, because they invented golf, they invented curling. They have a stone skipping thing. They name all of their snow plows absurd names and think they're their friends. I love any place that's inspired primarily by boredom, right? Like, snowplow, my friend.

Stone, skip it. Fuck all. Put it out there. It is the original touchgrass country. It's the original. Listen, imagine what kind of circumstance. you had to come through to get to fucking Scotland in February or whatever and be like, oh, finally. Yeah, at last.

Everything about the weather and geography of this place is trying to kill me. I can rest now. But despite that, a lot of what we associate with Scotland is like, oh, got to get outside, can't stand these people. Most relatable country. Like Ireland, I think, is a little bit more like, oh, sit by the fire love. Come have a point. Scott was very much like, I'd rather go out the wind, the rain, hit a frustrating ball. Yeah, Ireland's... Go play golf with the river hag. Yeah, even their golf is angry.

Yeah, like, surely golf is angry. Surely golf is a relaxing affair with the wind kissing your brow. No, it's pissing right at me! I'm bringing the worst instruments in the world to keep people away! Let's go invent the worst sport that, like, everyone hates playing. why just so I can walk that way for three hours by myself Scotland's preeminent philosopher David Hume was basically

like David Hume was basically somebody was like hey man the sun's going to rise tomorrow and he's like is it Ireland's more like can't stand you love please sit down you're the absolute worst please

you know Scotland's like I'm sitting outside Alone! It's great! Is regular alcohol good enough for you? No! We have invented super alcohol. Book fast!

I need that to social alcohol! Check in on our jet ski friend. Yeah. Surely now that you've had six beers, you're more sociable. Less! Scotland, where were you when we were stuck in that prize picks deal? Love you so much, Scotland. Even the Highland games are like,

oh, you go outside and throw nature around so I don't have to deal with people. Listen, it's a form of Scottish courtship. It's like, it's like, I don't know if I want to fuck that guy. Put him in a skirt.

See what's under there. All right, sure. Thumbs up. Other nations are like, we're inventing team sports. And Scotland's like, nope, all by myself. leave me alone.

Tree throwing. Also, like, the highlands themselves, you know, the most romanticized part of most cities, it's like, oh, Paris, right?

But in Scotland, it's like as far away from London as possible. Where you feel like you're falling off the earth. Ah, I yearn to go back up there. That's why the Highlander

is the dream, because there's only one at the end you're by yourself. There's only one of me, and I can't see London. That tracks, there can be only one. You promise?

Ugh, a second. I would rather die. I have to cut his head off. I don't want to talk to him. You can't just resign. No, you can't just resign from Big Highlanders. It's like, nah, you got to kill him. It's the only way to be sure.

Well, I mean, if I'm the Highlander. He might visit you otherwise. I don't want to die because then I'll be in the grave. You know how many people are in the grave? Oh, sure. Oh, so what a crowd in there. Gross, throat will be in the sea. I'd rather talk to an otter while drinking high-octane booze that tastes like the earth.

Give me that booze that was Babylonian medicine. We'll be the ones who turned it into fun. Scotland deserves checkers. I'll tell you that much. It does. Oh, my God. We would have a weird checkers. Yeah, yeah.

Food, design to shorten your lifespan. Ireland's getting a Wendy's. Ireland's getting a Wendy's. Okay. Yeah. That's cute. She's, yeah, yeah, Redhead. I get it.

It's fun. Give us the goat innards with seasoning. I did actually mention there was this like rally car, this rally car clip that mentioned a specific, like jokingly, like the full cast of rally car podcast, jokingly mentioned a specific Wendy's in Omaha. It's not a nice thing to say about another podcast. I think they'd take it. Well, the listeners, they're not Scottish. They would be like, I'm so mad. I'll get alone.

It just can't have a flow with you. But they were like, mentioned this. And one of our listeners was like, dude, I know that Wendy's. Yeah, that's like, I know that McDonald's and Omaha. Yeah, there's only like one. Oh, God. Love you, Scotland. Thank you for supporting the full cast because I just assume you do alone.

Hey, what is podcasting but sitting in a bunch of different rooms by ourselves talking to our friends for precisely 90 minutes a week? something got mentioned which again is sometimes too much for us yeah so we have to go out the lawn I something I got mentioned last night

that had gone around one of I think college football's greatest hits there was a spectacular doyink in the Monday night NFL games last night cinematic doink been a lot of good doinks this year

early but there's been there's been clangs yeah but last night could have been a gong yeah yeah a quality quality it was in the NFL but that's Okay.

Yeah, nobody's perfect. We take what we can get. The NFL does a really good job of micing up the uprights. Yeah, yeah. You don't get doink anymore. Yeah, the best one we've ever gotten in college was because, you know, the acoustics were such because the stadium was almost empty. It was during a pandemic season.

Let me see if I can get this exact noise. This is a good one. Are you going to do a re-endition? Are you trying to find the noise? Are you trying to, oh, okay. yeah yeah so i mean that's that's a good like it sounds like wily coyote running into a telephone pole yeah i think we have to update doink because they don't i agree it doesn't sound like

is it a swung it almost makes me wonder if they ever sounded like doink i mean i think before we didn't get the sound so we saw it bounce and in our minds we just said it was doing we filled in comic book sound effect doink but yeah we filled in but i don't know if it ever went doink i think what it might have been because we couldn't hear it as you say is that we filled in a sound that would fit with the visual we saw, which was a bounce, right? Yeah. Yes. And I think now that we can hear it, we need to update the

verbiage. It is not a doink at all. I think we were connecting it maybe with like hockey puck that goes off the goal. That's a claim, though. I think we just filled in a cartoon sound effect. And and I think some might argue, but doink is funnier. No.

Blong! is funnier than doink. B-L-A-W-R-N-G-G-G. but it's not it was a good one but I do appreciate that we're at the moment of of like complete media literacy right among people who know what they're talking about you know I've really thought that these these days that's the defining trait of the era yeah I mean among those who know wow of which that's clearly us that's right we're the most knowledgeable I wish everyone would finally realize that if you're listening to this podcast congratulations you get a media literacy this is basically a fund Ultimately, this is a salon, right? I mean, we're joking, but that's mostly the appeal of being an Instagram influence at this point. It's like, if you're watching this, congratulations, you are the smartest. Everyone else is a dips shit.

Congratulations, you are watching this. Listen, you want to stop someone on the street, walk up to and be like, hey, you seem smart, you seem like a smart guy. Uh-huh. Yeah. Nobody's going to be like, not me. I might. I might. Be like, boy, you don't even know.

Say along. Say along. But I love that this happened last night. smart enough to wet suit my way up to a Disney restaurant and steal 20 grand with just your will you didn't have a weapon you just walked in and like you're like

hey man I swam in a scuba gear like rig just to rob the paddle rest of my name more have fun fucking Sue Storm man it's gonna be a big night AI Sue Storm that's about as far as you're getting

name more You know, that's not going to stop him from trying, and there's something kind of sweet about that, like a dog humping a coffee table leg. You go hump your wifu pillow, Neymour. You can afford a really nice one now. Yeah, and he's not going to lie about it either, because Namor is straight up.

Right, he'll just straight up say. Uh-huh. Getting a wifu pillow. Maybe more even sounds Scottish. Susan Storm, I have a wifu pillow of you. There is no shame in this. I will not break up your happy home. Stop telling me this stuff, Neymour, please.

Don't need to. We're trying to defeat Dr. Doom right now. I don't need you to tell me this. Namor does walk right into a scene, though. Namor's always looking at somebody like, broke ass, bitch, loser. Everyone accepts the Reed Richards. Namor is a clear communicator, and in a business sense, I appreciate that. Guess.

He'd be a tough teammate. like his name or notoriously I'm just saying that like on the list of problems you'd have with Namor and they are myriad communication isn't on there wondering what he thinks will never be a problem right right yeah but then you will immediately wish you didn't know what he was thinking

it's like the meme where you look over and you're like oh girl what's he thinking and you pan over to Namor and he's got like little cartoon dicks in his eyes I mean I think if if you're with Namor you know he's thinking about Sue you don't really have to wonder yeah no just like ass

Ass on the invisible ass. That's what he's thinking about. Just an outline of transparent cheeks. That's all he's thinking about. He's thinking nothing, but it's invisible ass. Yeah. What I wanted to do is say that I loved that last night there was an immediate callback. Somebody was like a like a Somalié of field goal doynges.

There was an immediate callback to, hmm, that was good. But it wasn't quite Indiana Penn State good. Was that the pandemic one? Serber hit me with the noise. Yeah. One more time, please. It has the effect of like the, like the, when there's an explosion and you hear the rushing before the sound wave hits. This is the noise that makes the piano hits, like, coyote.

No, but like in the sense of physics, it's, you know, it does have a herald. I feel like I'm being drawn into the clang. I hope that it was some Fox Sports intern who was like, hey, you need to go mount a mic near the goalpost. And he's like, fuck it, I'm not a mic in the goalpost. Drop a beat! I am inside the goalpost holding the mic. Yeah, like if you've ever hooked a 94-inch subwoofer, right,

into the trunk of an American big box Chevy, it will make this exact noise. yeah that should be that should be part of a beat that's a great idea free idea college football compilation of of not doyx anymore thonks whatever we're calling them thank that's much better um compilation of thongs that recreate the hershey's kisses bell bell ringing the best christmas commercial yes but just with just with thongs give me that and give me clips grinding um It sounds like the bass drum from grinding, yeah. The 2020, so, so I think we make noises for the rest, for like the next hour.

I feel like that's what we do. That's what I do every episode. I mentioned the clips and I should of course mention the Vatican approved clips. That's right. That's right. Oh. American cultural victory somehow continues despite our best efforts. Is this a good time to remember that I actually have a zoob tube?

It's in my office. Oh, wait. Yeah, hold on. Dude, you're never going to find it. Probably not, no. It's in the closet, but good luck. Don't, don't send him on this mission. He will never come back.

He goes in there, it's a mess. He'll get distracted. He'll forget. I will, listen, I will write it, right? Come back in a witz. A reminder or something, I will, I will bring it to Afterdart. I'll come. $18,000 and $2,000 worth of checkers.

Man, imagine I have a $2,000. with the checkers. If you saw what the office looks like right now, you wouldn't want to go in there either. It'd be set for life, dude. That's right, Carl. I got all the checkers you can handle. It's going to take me two months to eat all this checkers.

That's it. Just, you know, me and DoorDash and the Kia Sereno. Making it happen. I do hope. Like, if you robbed this restaurant, would you be tempted to go there as a customer? just to see what happens to return to the scene of my crime yes yeah yeah spend their money on your dinner give a little bit back suit no less but do it do it like

it seems like you're doing a bit you know ha ha yep it's the social media trend everyone's dressed up as yeah the disney wetsuit guy do the thomas crown thing and it's you and the wet suit and they're like aha we've caught him and then 50 other dudes in wetsuits walk You all end up sharing like $400. Worth of shrimp, and it's worth it. Hey, the action is the juice, buddies. Yeah, Thomas Crowe didn't need any of those paintings. That was just the only way he could maintain an erection.

I mean, honestly, that's kind of textual in the movie. Right, right. That's not... That's why I put on the wet suit. abounds for what happens in the movie. I'm not telling jokes here. No. That's what I get for

robbing a restaurant during the spearfishing convention. Shit. Hey, you wanted a taste of Chicago. Oh, God. I just the most cursed phrase just crossed my brain. Taste of Orlando. Taste of Orlando. Yeah. Fried seafood.

Fried underseason seafood. That's what that is. Includes Epcot. It's fine. Yeah. That's right. We can, we can, you can at least go on. I'm spending my 20,000 at Epcot.

Actually, yeah. On around the world. Yeah. I'm going around. That's 20 trips around the world. I'm going to be in the land pavilion. I will be out in five years. God, I am so jealous of whoever the security guard here who gets to be on boat duty for the next month at this restaurant.

Is that? Just stay in the lake. Just keep an eye out. No one will ever be higher. No one. the highest individual in the world. It's a fucking unbearable in the break room, though. Quiet, quiet out of the seas today.

It's just quiet. Again, this is a man-made lake next to I-4. I'm so cracked out of my gourd on like gas station Kratom out in the boat guarding the paddlefish restaurant. Just doing the jaw speech, Dull's Eye, like a black, black eyes like a doll's eyes. No, that's a sunscreen bottle. I'm just out there playing NBA young boy While the guy swims past me to rob it again

Just just hype as hell while splash splash Respect to ye me white whale I'll catch you in a fortnight Ours is a doomed in battle As I'm standing there with the like did you kill a man with a harpoon in the lake for the vibe oh yeah yeah and that's our show that's the whole show no it's not uh we will make by the way we will make zoob tube tube goldposts like i think eventually that is the thing to do i can get this i just don't want to

go down oh you mean you mean in real life make the goalpost out of zoo yeah we'll make a goal post out of Zub tube. We will put a resonant wire in the middle. They're not that hard to make. Yeah, it's literally just like two cardboard tube. You can make it at home. It's like two cardboard tubes or a cardboard tube and two solo cups and a like a steel spring. That's it. Is there any kind of like in stadium reward if there's a thunk while you're like like, you know, other places like if we if we get a turnover, you get this or if we hit eight free throws, blah, blah, blah. There should be some sort of like somewhat valuable reward. And it needs to be big. because yeah it needs to be big because it almost never happens right right right it's like i'm

fine if we sort of but if if you were like yeah you get a bike you get a bicycle if there's a thong we're just giving out bikes to everybody if this happens you get us you get a Nintendo switch too you do if you're there during a phone you can do it by section and like you know if it hits the left up right then like you know the section behind there it's the prize yeah at the very least the goalpost should light up when it gets it i think i think that would be fun they've got those lasers that jimbo wanted should he could fund this himself now yeah i think i'm over the you should get points for it thing but light up i'm on board with that let's do that yeah yeah we wanted to make sure that we had our math right so yes

what what you're talking about what you're talking about so coaching for for our coaching draft oh just to the thing we were just talking about yeah yes yes before we move on i know someone's gonna be like because people like to ask us questions like we know facts and shit we don't but um but whether we were going to decide whether Brent prior to Sean Foster was fired first. I think we're all in agreement Deshawn Foster. UCLA got up early that morning and absolutely fired him first. Yes. If they went to bed that night, which maybe not.

Yeah, maybe not. Maybe I would, that's definitely when you want to fire somebody. When you're tired and upset, definitely when you want to do it. Yeah, yeah. The call was made Sunday that server has, server one first firing with. the Deshawn Foster pick and Ryan had a very, very close second. It was close. And honestly, like, I want to say respect to UCLA, but they played a Friday game.

They could have got this shit done before anybody played on Saturday if they wanted to. When you put it like that, you're kind of slacking. Like, we all praised you for like, oh, you got up so early to get it done. No, you didn't. You could have done it. You just fucking scheduled it. You could have had it all over game day if you wanted. One, to our earlier...

And who wouldn't want that? to our earlier comment about being able to get to the Rose Bowl Friday games at UCLA are such an impossible fucking proposition you can't get there maybe that's why I didn't go out until Sunday that's when they got home

to drive it back the news was stuck in traffic this is one school we're straight up I don't think they should play games on Friday it's bad yeah that's probably right like it is not reachable for so for anybody on campus but no server called the shot like server called

for a three and fucking Mike Breen bang nailed it with the first pick yeah no less and as we we were during after dark on we were watching as Trent Dilford narrowly squeaked out with a win over Akron I'm sorry a W is a W Billy Napier for Spencer is all but inevitable at this point I still feel very good about my first pick Trent Dilfer um we're all in good shape but server is currently in the lead. Jason, you may get, you may get some points very soon, because I don't know if you saw who UAB is playing this weekend. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, did we talk about it on afternoon? They're playing Tennessee, and then, I mean, they're all loseable games. Yeah. No, but they're playing a team that is pointy and pissed off this weekend. Fun. For us, yeah. Yeah. Congratulations, server, pulling ahead rapidly, aggressively.

in the coach fire and draft my other three picks all won last week doesn't matter i mean if you get the first one you're automatically in great shape yeah yeah yeah because that shit's going to be worth like 25 points so i think so yeah you you have you have taken initiative on the chess board the rest of us are going to be doing some crazy moves to keep up what's really going to be just calling in favors yeah process server i feel fine about where i'm at but the problem is going be coaches we didn't pick start stacking up and fucking up the points to like unearned points just going at the window yeah holly gets the ballie gets the field you know what that's a great solution actually because the ones who are going to be fired are so obvious and the

blind side ones could be so good right yeah i'm just interested to see like what the score is from the ones that we did not think we're going to have okay i i like i like that holly is taking act of god right like you know like somebody was like yeah it's crazy he's caught in like some sort of international like smuggling ring and they had to fire him i am adding a column to the spreadsheet that gives holly the mysteries thank you man how true um i did want to note as we did in the out as we did in uh the newsletter that jason eck has as good a chance to be this year's grim reaper as the Coach of New Mexico as anybody else. This was the position occupied at one time by many other coaches, but more, most prominently,

I think, by Sylvester Krum of Mississippi State. If you lost to Sylvester Krum, it was a sure sign that you were about to fire your coach. Should we explore that in depth as to why that might have been? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Also, what newsletter? That would be... Unfortunately, there's no way to know.

Yeah, that would be the top whatever, which is a product produced by Channel 6, the newsletter that you could subscribe to. We're going to tell you a little bit more about it in a podcast. business after I finish this note. There are on New Mexico's schedule. All right. The following. New Mexico State. I just assume New Mexico State could fire their coach at any time. That's, that's just like a 50-50 shot. San Jose State, they're probably good. Boise State listed on some coaches hot seats that Spencer Danielson is on there. They do have standards. There are people in and around that program who do not believe this is working.

Silly. Yeah. So New Mexico, again, might go ahead and pick up the reaper's blade there again i didn't say i agreed with them by the way yeah uh nevada always a tenuous existence at nevada jeff chote former texas co oc is out there um not like the world on fire not not sucking out loud but there are again some standards associated with that program utah and unlv probably uh probably are you gonna list every code is not in the draft you don't you so you think they're they might fire kyle winning ham so you think so you think they're not going to fire kyle winning him Utah state Spencer you want to venture any further out on this link there it's kind of precarious

I'm no I'm got you Colorado State totally fireable Air Force they're never going to fire Troy Calhoun San Diego State Sean Lewis not exactly I think I have them on the on my list if I remember yeah you do you do so like I'm saying that that he's already gotten one coach fired and there are four other fireable coaches on this lake that is quite a lot you're right i think three gives you if he can get three that's grim reaper status two is a lot

two is a lot three three makes the meme work i think and i mean shit one being a power conference school somehow ucla's in a power conference i'm giving him double credit for that one and not even and not even somebody who came into the the season on a hot seat either like first two weeks were bad don't get me wrong but no i don't think anybody at the start of the season was like yeah

UCLA's going to move on. I like Eck in this spot as a as a coach killer too because like Krum, his name is not a verb, but sounds like it could be a verb. Yeah, to Eck. Like it's very, like, oh, hecked it. Now, do you think schools will catch

on to this and fire their coach before they play New Mexico so they don't have to be part of the meme? Well, no, because they'd want the excuse, right? You want to be part of the meme, though? I guess it depends on whether or not you want the cover, right? Okay, sure. Yeah. Even then, I'm saying that that's that psychically, that's preempting, that's still, that's an echoing. It's a preemptive eckoning.

The echoing. Yeah, it's a great heckoning. Final explanation. Yeah. Let's try some, try some philosophy here, though. Let's let's take this out of the realm of the possible and just, just plant it somewhere completely improbable for an example. Say you're George's AD, right? And say George is going through this season and losing, right? like, would you rather fire Georgia after losing to an SEC rival, or would you rather, like, in terms of having to face the public, the boosters, everything else, would you rather say Kirby Smart's been fired, you know, because we lost to Auburn? Or would you rather say Kirby Smart's been fired because we lost to Marshall? Like, those are different conversations. Yeah, but I don't ever want to lose to Marshall because the Marshall in this, New Mexico, whoever, because people are going to

still remember that. Like, ten years later, they're not going to pin it on the coach exclusively. So I advise against losing to the New Mexico in your life, whoever that might be. Yeah. Just watch your ass. Jason X on a roll. That's all I'm saying. That's also the name of a movie.

It is. Oh, there's the meme. You just say X to it. It's like EKT. Mm-hmm. Fendiesel in triple X yeah I have

a little bit of a game I would like to play wait I thought you said we're doing podcast business which is it which is it you're right this is what I get

for looking at the doc we should do podcast business next podcast business what's the business podcast business got some business podcast business lots of business

stuff let's get going here Put all your wet suit and jump in the lake. Coming to you live from a bathysphere somewhere in Lake Buena Vista. It's Channel 6. Strangely poetic is a sentence. That's right.

Coming to you from the cash bubble. 20 feet below the surface of Lake Buena Vista. $20,000. under the sea of all the times you've ever said it smells crazy in there uh what is what is crazy rich i mentioned the top whatever that is the newsletter detailing all of the action in college football and our reaction to it who's awesome oh that'd be holly and i we run this newsletter at channel dash six dot ghost dot i oh you can subscribe for ten dollars a month we will give you two things a week We're practically a public utility at this point because during the season, not only will we give you that newsletter, not only will we give you whatever else comes into our header we find interesting, we're also going to give you a Saturday pregame call. That's right. Saturday pregame with us. Subscribe. And then you can pop in and bother us about anything because you paid some money, bother us about stuff. College football would be preferable, but we try to parry all possible requests away.

That's it, $10 a month for two things a week. I think we're wonderful. You will, too. Whoa. Are you okay? I'm great. You can tell he's going to therapy. Can you tell my meds?

Yeah, I'm so good. I think we're awesome. You took pills this morning, didn't you? Several. You are so chill right now. It's like a cat that's taking weed. Yeah. But that's it.

That's it. You get a big honking newsletter. You get another slightly less honkin newsletter that's still really good. You get a Saturday morning conversation. You get the Saturday morning conversation, right? You get random stuff that comes down the pike. We like to keep you on your toes. We do have a three

and a half minute argument that we're trying to decide whether to release over a micro podcast next week involving what hard drug would you take to run a marathon. I'm not going to answer because this is your content. Who ends up on what side of this argument will probably shock and dismay you? It will surprise

you, yes. Channel 6, subscribe. Enjoy it. Next. The other newsletter, it's called until Saturday. It's usually on topic. It's about college football, but it's pretty fun anyway, despite that. You know, I do some rabbit-holy type stuff. We did one a couple weeks ago on the aforementioned Eddie Robinson Jr., Devon Hester Jr. thing.

I calculated, which is statistically more likely factoring for how much more likely it is to be a Division I kick returner than to be an HBCU coach, for instance. Things of that nature. It's free to subscribe. and that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's one of the various newsletters here next uh phantom island is not a newsletter it's podcast thank god it's stephen scoffrey and me asking questions are they about college football sometimes they are the one we have coming up uh by the time you're listening to this is about the athletics more specifically hey what the fuck is up with those guys

uh did this turn into a overly long intro where Stephen and I talked about how messy it was when the Oilers moved to Tennessee and went to Memphis. And Memphis was like, fuck you. Go away. We don't want you here. And it was so bad that they immediately left to go play at Vanderbilt Stadium instead. Yes. Yes, we did. But you can also learn about what's going on with the A's and the minor league ballpark that they're playing in. And the super real, definitely likely Las Vegas Stadium that they're building. How can you listen to this? you go to phantom island dot show if you want to be a paid member if you want to listen to the free show which comes out on wednesdays you just find it where podcasts play and you say

hey give me that and that's it server hand in the dirt is a podcast and you can listen to us we talk about gardening and football and most of the time none of those on the show but that's what the show is about uh podcast rino wuelta by the time you're listening to this the Vuelta, Spagna, recap episode of Podcasterino will be up. Enjoy that. I'll talk about what's going on or what happened in that race or lack of racing in a lot of ways. But yeah, Killer Ants has a show this Friday at Hoots and Winston-Salem with LCCA and 0-1-2. If you're in North Carolina, you should come to that.

It's 10 bucks and there's three rock bands. We have a beloved sponsor to talk about. Would that be homefield apparel.com? It would be homefield apparel.com. I do declare Uh, Homefield, Apparel Unbelievable amount of accents on this episode. Just the full gamut.

Hey, at least I'm doing like, never mind. Yours was good, Holly. Yeah, no. The Homefield apparel. Contamese kickoff door presented by a model. Thank you, porn waiter. Uh, homefield can't miss kickoff tour. by Madelo continues. I believe this week they will be in Bloomington where Indiana gets ready

to face off against Illinois in a game with great implications. Is game day there? Nope. They decided to go look at the festering corpse of the Florida Gators going to play Miami instead. Homefield recognizes real ball and real competition and doesn't gawk at the unfortunate mistakes of others because Homefield respects the game and wants to celebrate greatness and not wallowing the misery of Billy Napier unlike the worldwide leader who's not a sponsor of this program. Hey, listen, Billy Napier said he looked at the tape and things were close, and I was like Grandma was close too.

That's why we pulled the blog. Worldwide leader in sharts. Billy Napier could never pull off a heist, nearly as daring. Oh, wait, he already has. Billy Napier's ice is far more daring than anything you could do. Dude, he didn't even need a scuba suit. God! I mean, he's daring already.

He's kind of shaped like the guy in the still. You know what? I do hope... I don't know that I should necessarily be rooting for a criminal. But I will say, I hope once this daring Disney criminal got out of his sweatsuit, he had a warm, snugly piece of home field apparel to warm up in. He can afford lots of them now. Yeah.

The only full cast approved sweatshirt to wear. after your water-based crime. If you rob a restaurant via water of $20,000, you too could own all the home field. You could. You can own so much home field with that. Listen, that's tax-free, buddy. So you got to homefieldparall.com. Can't miss kickoff? You won't. You're rich. Presented by Medello.

You go to homefieldparall.com. You look for, uh, goobah diving theft joggers and see what comes out i bet something will i don't know what press purchase oh yeah we got what we do have one more piece of fight of oh yeah i'm sorry if you if you have listened to all of this and you are like oh man listen i think this is the best thing i've ever listened to congratulations how can i how can i support this art how could you support how could i make sure more of this happens. How can I build the Renzhen-Dimichie office? Sistine Chowell.

Yes, you can support this here podcast. That's right, for $4 a month. You can support this podcast. You can make all kinds of stupid decisions. You can pay $5 a month to support. You can pay $100 to be one of our mega boosters. You can pay $20,000 in stolen Disney money if you want it. If you are listening to this and you have just paddled out of a lake

with $20,000 in cash. I have a great suggestion for how you can spend that. You should gift approximately 5,000 memberships to the shutdown full cast to your friends, neighbors, and whoever else

signs up for this exciting benefit. That's right. You already get this one free. You help keep that going and pay our producers. But additionally, you get whatever else we care to send down the tubes into your ears.

That includes bonus episodes, detailing, legendary college football tales like the Arkansas Hagenomicon, you get surprise mail bags, you get all kinds of stuff, all right, for just $4 a month. At $4 a month, do you know how much $20,000 in stolen Disney restaurant? Do you know how much time that would buy you? How much? It appears that that would be, this 96 years?

Yeah, I think it's 96 years. What, 96 years of full cast? I'm pretty sure, that's right, yeah. that's right a century of if you did the annual rate which is a bit cheaper so you could you could get this over a century I'm sure yeah so you want to talk about leaving a legacy for your children and for your community that's right patreon.com slash shutdown forecast that math might be wrong okay it's not my fault if it's wrong you could start a new library of Congress with 200 years of fullcast 300 years of shutdown full cast who knows what bullshit we'll be talking about at the time 1,000 years of fullcast. They'll be like, great, great, great, great grandpa, what did arena gooning mean?

You're like, ah, we had to check Patreon.com slash shutdown forecast. Check the sacred text, my boy. As the history is report. The only remnants of our charred world now that we are off planet. The holocrons have told us about an animatronic spider

associated with a pizza franchise. He was, he was worshipped and evil buddy if that don't tell the whole story right there standard human history stuff yeah no matter the shittiest thing you could imagine surely he was loathed he elected him twice beloved hey

did dabbo have a fit in his press conference while we were recording yes but because we're recording I haven't been able to listen to it I can only see I know I can only see this without the sound But I just, we just got so many tags. All right, Spencer, play us out. Podcast business is concluded. No more business.

Don't you do it. No more business. Yes, apparently has, apparently, Davo has had some sort of, this is file lender. Davo is crashing out in real time. This is fun because it comes with the little Clemson orange captions. If they want me gone, if they tired of winning, they can send me on the way, because that's all we've done is win. So if they're tired of winning, we've won this league eight out of the last 10 years.

Is that not good? I'm just asking, is that good? I don't know if that's good or not. To win your league eight or ten years, go to play out of ten years, being four national championships and win it twice. Just kick it in front of the pinball machine. We go down right now, take your shots. It's my initials. I got a long memory in case y'all don't know.

We'll be all right. We'll bounce back. This is a program built to last, always has been, always will be. And I would just say if you give up on us after, if you don't believe on us because we've lost two games down to the last rate and we're wanting, you didn't believe in anyway. So it don't matter. You wouldn't all in anyway.

If you're all in, you burn the ships, man. You ain't no, there ain't no exit strategy. Like, you're freaking all in. And hey, listen, I mean, the Clemsonsonsons are tired of winning. Send me on my way, but I'm going to go somewhere else and coach. I ain't going to the beach. hell I'm 55 I got a long way to go y'all gonna have to deal with me for a while

a long way to go I'm just getting going I'm just now good enough to be a head coach this is unironically the most I've ever liked Davo so this is fine this is this is spurrier training this is I was in a rivalry

with Steve Spurrier for five years and he taught me what the fuck to do so people are mad my only question is what seeded this was this his opening statement i'm pretty sure it was no i'm not pretty sure i have no idea i didn't read if i had to guess it was like coach how you feeling i hope like that's the part it might have been coach what do you say to those who blah blah blah blah yeah might have been

one of those this is fine completely fine yeah i will say it goes better this is good this is good this is a lot talk to him dabbo talk to you i know talk your shit tabbo this is the first time i've this is the first time and uh since we won the last national championship i've been cool with him this moment just now yeah this is this is the first thing these are the first words that have ever come out of his mouth that I've thought this guy has a point I think it turns good for me I don't like the like look at all the good shit I've done for you because I again when this happened last time I'm like that's not how this works like resting on all the shit you did before but I do like the like fuck you I'll go do this somewhere I will not retire I will not walk away I will go do

this somewhere else and I will ruin your day. I like the one part I don't love is the well is the saying the quiet will or maybe shit maybe this is refreshing of him saying the quiet part out loud about the expectations that Clemson as an institution put specifically on

media institutions that cover Clemson. Yeah. Because more than any SEC school I have ever been around Clemson has capital E expectations for its media and it's a great place to do that geographic because if you are, you know, if you're a beat writer in, you know, a place that's a little more

densely populated and you're frozen out at Clemson, you can go somewhere else. If you, if Clemson freezes you out and you're on the Clemson beat, you aren't fucked. And he's just, I can't decide if like it's impolite of him or silly of him to be like, y'all weren't all in in the first place or if it's, you know, it's kind of refreshing because he is saying what the school actually expects of Clemson's beatwriters that they act like that they conduct themselves it's kind of funny he's asking them to he's asking them to be fans but he's also asking them to be the institution he's asking them to be believers is what he's asking anyway that part's nasty but it's kind of funny that somebody's saying it out loud in this

there's also it's nasty everywhere but there's also i i do love the angle of like hey Hey, listen, Debbie, Debbie, where else you're going to get this, huh? Yeah, I'm 55, I'm just getting started. Way still snatched? Still handsome? That's right. Who's going to love you like I do? It is a little like, I'm 55, I'm just getting going.

I don't know about that. Which is also, that's what you know, the way that we, the way that we do coaches and aging is just continually insane. And sometimes I forget, like being 55 and just getting going. It's crazy. right like coach ages we've um reality has taught us to view this as wow he's got 20 years left so wait he's older than clay helton is that what we learned to god damn it fuck he's in the he's in the helton range okay he's in his heltonian era yeah does he drastically speaking yeah he is listen uh unlike some other coaches in his age bracket i don't know what his his his skin care regimen is

He looks like, he looks like a man who takes care of himself, which is not always something you can say. A lot of chicken wraps, a lot of wraps. I just mean like, what, what serums are you using at night, Davo? That shit looks expensive. Drop the skincare into. Yeah. The dabble skin, you know what? Let's ask him that.

He can afford to do the Martha Stewart routine where she like bathes in LaMere. Yeah, what all you, speaking of all in? What all you putting in there? I need to know. Dabo Sweeney, if you've ever loved any. anything on this earth. Please pronounce Lelabo. I just want to hear it. Burning the boat. Sound like you've been on that Lemaire. Tell me the routine. Give me the cream. If I wanted my boat burned, I'd call. We got to delete that. No, leave it in.

Shit. Um, um, yeah, that's, this is all fine. I am. He's not the former saving assistant. I'd call if I wanted a boat burned. How's that? It's fine. I, I, it's fine, but it is like, I'm going to put a pin in this and see like if we're if we have two more losses if this is where we're at now at one and two lost to it that tough Georgia tech team at the buzzer lost to what might be the SEC champion in LSU in a pretty close game I want us like what happens if if if this continues to slide in some ways I think to some extent this is also Davo being quite used to hearing this shit every two or three years right now and usually pulling through it As noted, Clemson has some very legit problems

as a team this year, but also as noted, so do almost all of their remaining opponents. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's, and he didn't get this far, but, you know, say you want Davo fired, right right here, right now. For who?

Yeah. Yeah. You've made yourself. You can offer, you can, you can offer anyone, but it's not, I just there's this, there is, it's just, it's just, right now it's across yeah but it's across the entire fan base and always has been that clemson is a like top 15 top 25 whatever like but it's just not they've when they do this they're overperforming what they actually should be doing yeah um doesn't mean to like yeah and it it is the but it is the thing

of like okay yeah like okay matt campbell's a great coach maybe you could offer him is he really going to come there though when you land the guy out of town that just did all this stuff for you. Say you get Matt Campbell. All right. He was the greatest coach in Iowa State history. Is he going to come in and be the greatest coach in Clemson history? No, he's not.

Because you just fired that guy. You just fired him. You just fired the guy who already. The guy whose ceiling was your imagined ceiling of Matt Campbell. I got to tell you, if you fired Davo, the Auburn with the lake allegations are stuck forever. Forever. That's, Ryan, that's something that would actually bother them. Yeah, they'd be like, oh, fuck.

We've got to stop. Cancel the letter. Get that career. I want to go back to something I said just a minute ago about being happy. Like, I am not saying and I'm in no way saying that like, well, you know, little old Clemson, you should just be happy with your lot in life. No, but I think you should recognize when your program resource wise, you know, conference wise, based on everything is overperforming and be happy that they have overperformed, which

involves recognizing it as an overperformance and of course you would want to feel that way again like of course you want to win the natty again it's fucking great in my distant memory but i don't feel like we have as a like in this across this entire sport any mechanism of dealing with i'm not happy about this that doesn't involve either fire a coordinator or fire a coach or fire an athletic director like there is no there is no sliding scale of i don't love this it's just there's one switch and you can flip it into firing mode or not and i just kind of think that's an inefficient use of energy yeah i mean i say this every three months when it's james franklin is a bad coach time it's like man would you would you rather not go 10 and 2 every year you would you rather uh roll the dice

and go 5 and 7 sometimes because that is the alternative to going 10 and 2 every year but this is This is the problem that Kirby has unleashed on the world. Yeah, because Mark Richt was that problem. The one time this worked. Yeah, it poisoned every time the, we can't ever go nine and three again thing ever worked. It's not just that it worked. It's that it worked at a program that was like, we thought we'd never win a national. It's been 40 years, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Like, it's that it worked there specifically that has gotten into the brains of a lot of people, I think. Clemson, Clemson should recognize, one, they're not Georgia, which is, a big key factor in that, but two, like, Mark Rick really actually wasn't changing the way he was doing things. And one of the critiques of Dabo is like, well, you know, he hires his guys, he doesn't, but then like he went out and got

Garrett Riley, he, when, you know, he got Tom Allen, he's slowly learning how to portal. Yeah, he's doing, he did the portal. So like, if he doesn't go to the portal this year, okay, then maybe there's a great, but like, he continues and goes and gets three to five guys again, it's like, well, what are you, he's listening

to all the critiques and trying to do something i mean and i completely bought in this offseason to the uh it's funny as it's turned into clemson hour the like okay maybe there's something to this because 2023 michigan had like okay we're just going to pile up a ton of experience at every position don't have as many five stars but it's fine we got four million uh 25 year old four stars everywhere that's what i saw with clemson this year and like okay there's something the offense is just just sloppy and they're missing key talent to be clear um but like as far as the roster construction goes you know i've had all my critiques all along but i'm still very interested in if this can work if the sloppiness gets worked out

i mean is it useful to think of it this way that Clemson is a PC that has been overclocked for the better part of a decade that's really that's it and at one at one point it was going to be like hey replace fan replace fan that's what that's what this year is so two things about that one in dabbo uncalcifying a little bit and learning to adapt somewhat ironically who does that remind you of later in his career nick which is the whole reason dabbo has this job in the first place which is hilarious but to your point about michigan one other thing about twenty twenty three michigan is setting aside all of his like NFL flirtations and shit all the times Jim Harbaugh was almost fired for football reasons and wasn't like one one lesson you know

we we take what I say we you know the industry takes what what we think at least are the wrong lessons from the Georgia thing right right this this Kirby Kirby winning after they kickmarked to the curb has poisoned everything nobody really seems to have taken the lesson of Michigan from hey how long was Jim Harbaugh there before they won it big how How many times was he close to the Presbyus and then pulled back? Because they had to cheat to do it. That's the lesson to take is you should put on a fucking wetsuit and you should go in eastern Michigan's stadium. That's right.

But like Nick's whole thing besides, and I'm not telling you guys anything you don't know, but Nick's whole thing besides Nick was what? It was institutional continuity, even amongst the, you know, in, if not institutional continuity in terms of the specific personnel, what type of people was he bringing in? he was bringing in head coach after head coach after head coach why because you want to spread the administrative burden of this bullshit around as much as possible and looking around at the larger landscape i'm sure there are discussions that are happening that we don't know about nobody seems to have taken that lesson to heart from michigan uh in their 2023 campaign unless you count

ryan day like almost being fired uh by pitchfork and torch i do hope some boost base somewhere who hates their current coach sees this press conference like we can get him we could get we can yeah yeah but you want to go to florida you talk about a you talk about a mismatch of culture is it florida's not really in only in the sense that florida's not really southern like i mean if we're talking about the university of florida perhaps but not these days i don't think If we're talking about the students at the University of Florida, if we're talking about university leadership, obviously. But like, I think it's a fine fit.

Like, sure, it's not as borderline religious school. I think Florida could talk themselves into that tomorrow. Yeah. I think they could talk themselves into that, no problem. Easily, yeah. Wouldn't even flinch. But I hope. If fucking Ohio State is having promise keepers rallies,

every week. I'm pretty sure Florida can deal with a dab. Are we just reading the wrong media, by the way? Or is it just because, like, regionally, we don't pick that up here because I don't feel like when that, like, I don't feel like that when that promise keeper's horse shit happens at schools that are outside of our region, that it gets commented on at all. Yeah, it gets overlooked because it's like, then it's, you can't make the Dohoho Ho Southerners thing.

Virginia Tech, go get the war chest, go find a war chest, go get Davo. He's there. He's available. Yeah, you check. Y'all are real weird about Jesus too sometimes. Go get him. I think you got it. Like, I think if you are one of these programs, you have to talk yourself into a crazy plan like that. Delaware, blue hands make him say no. Like, think about how often this happened while Nick Saban was at Alabama that you would have fan bases. Well, I heard Ms. Terry's here looking at real estate. I think it's happening. Like, why not? Just start, just start trying. I mean, the fact that we know, the fact that we know, because he has said that John Gruden wants to get back into college coaching, should make everybody think twice before wanting to fire their coach.

I'd much rather have Dabot than John Gruden coaching my college football. Yeah. Yeah. There is not even close. Like, sorry for that. For which I would rather hire John Gruden, they're all insulting. Yeah. Yeah. Medical experiment.

Like, sorry for the accidental dabble. Praise hour, but y'all did drop this on as cold. I would rather hire John Gruden to organize a pizza sex party. I've done that before. Serber, can we get a clean clip of that so that we can use it for promoting? I don't think Dabo would throw a very good pizza sex party. That's all. I think he's a good or organizational CEO type.

He's going to get weird about the sex part. I guess in a sex party situation, delegating is. Right. You can't have an A plus across the board. Who's in charge? Like, you want a CEO, you want a game manager. Yeah, I hear you, but he's just going to be like, Chad Morris, you're in charge of the sex.

I do not want John Gruden in charge of any sex things. Sir, Rick, let me think about it. That does not sound, nothing about what he would come. Those videos of him reading off box scores and looking at the camera and going, that is not anything I want going around during intimate times. I call this, nothing at the end of the sentence I start with, I call this A is going to make it to air. There's a spider-wide banana joke here, but I'm not going to make it.

Thank you. God, it's right. It was right there. Lesser podcasts would do that. Lesser podcasts would do that. And again, I'm not, don't, listen, I'm not organizing a pizza sex party. You're not an issue. No, yeah, we already went through that.

Right. Ryan, don't you deserve a break, sweetie? Probably not, actually. I call this guy. No, no, stop, no, I don't listen, no, I already pulled back from the precipice and you just go charging over it. Everything in my head is unclean. Just let's look at the schedule. Purge this.

Yeah, let's just, listen. Okay, no, that's important from a hygiene perspective, which coach would you want organizing the sex? I call this guy the wetsuit. The Orlando wetsuit. this is getting dangerously close to one of those things where by accident monkeys on typewriter style we stumble upon something that has a very real and upsetting urban dictionary definition that we weren't aware of please let's john gruden is nowhere in the upcoming schedule please go to that we've been in danger since taste of orlando i call this guy the upcoming

i mean what is a pizza sex party but a scheduled game i call this guy the hungry otter never mind Why? Because he'll hold your hand the whole time. He'll hold your hand while sharing a sandwich with you. He's playful, but killer. Because he likes to be on his back. Because he's a vampire. He's eating your wife's clams?

Come on, dude. Stop it. No. Server, take that out. No, no, no. Don't reward his behavior. They need to know what you're like. Everyone else needs to know what you're like.

Y'all are soft. Y'all ain't built for the John Grude Sex Party if that's too much more than you. Y'all ain't ready for week four with that type of mindset. It wouldn't be the worst night of your life, is all I'm saying. Are you sure?

Are you sure? I mean, technically. Technically, yeah. Spencer, like, soft. I mean, imagine what was literally the worst night of your life. Spencer, I'm asking this in my. most you're about to delete the hard drive voice possible are you sure pretty sure yeah pretty

sure i mean like think of i i think of all the times i almost died right right if i go to this event i'm just going to stand in a corner keep keep maintain situational awareness and that'll be that that's better than almost dying yeah but how much how much there depends on who hung the and i'm going to get some pizza before anyone okay so that's that's the main question are you eating pizza at the John Gruden's sex pizza party. In the first 20 minutes, yes. If the pizza has not yet been used. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Yeah, but how long has it been sitting out? I just got there. I was the first one there. What was it sitting on? Yeah. Let's say, John Cruton. What a left turn from Clems and Praise hour.

Or has it? Chucky knows you're hungry. He's in that dark room with that spotlight on his face, laying down with a dominoes large. on his chest. Flips over to show his ass. I call this the Tampa 2. First, before you grab it.

Draw it on the board. How are you going to get it? Yeah. That's what gets him going is chalk. That's right. Now you're a real grudon grinder. Coach, where'd you get that marker? All I'm asking is the pizza hot.

Oh, it's warm at least. Hey, you know what? Hot and ready. The pizza's suspiciously hot. The pizza's body temp. Hey, I got a marker for you too, here. Hang on. I thought it was going to be the clonk noise.

Thursday night, rice goes to Charlotte. I'm talking about rice at Charlotte because it has nothing to do again with the John Gruden pizza. That is the least erotic sentence. You did say a food word, which reminds me of. I did. I did. Oh, food to ladies.

name, John Gruden will be there. Would you trust him to hang the sex swing? No, because he's short. What if that's the appropriate angle? Would you trust him to be able to find the beam in the ceiling? Oh, no. Which I guess you would need. Friday night, Tulsa at Oklahoma State.

Now, if you want to talk about... Do they hang on like a, sorry, Jason. You want to talk about a bad sex party. The Mike Gundy sex party. See? That's worse, right? That's worse. See, that's the worst night. Because there's nothing funny about it. Bad energy.

The John Gruden sex party, you can laugh at John Gruden. The Mike Gunn, oh, that's horrible. Let's turn the sex all the way down. Iowa at Rutgers. Oh, you're right. That's where you're wrong, brother. Ryan, you were correct for two. Oh, God.

What was that? Ryan. What was that? Welcome to the other side. Why did you do that? Welcome to the other side. You're supposed to be on my side. No, it's two ladies.

It's over here now. Ryan, I'm glad that we have stolen you from that side, but I don't know why you did that. He's at the party, and he's getting into the swing of face. He's at the Greg Gianno Sex Party. By the way, do you want to have a little fun here? I'm at the Combination, Tampa Bay Buccaneers reunion and Sex Party. Speaking of repellent conversions, I have a little bit of an Iowa fact for you, okay? Okay.

Who's better on third down right now in terms of third down conversion percentages? Iowa or Iowa or Old Miss. On offense. On offense. Iowa. Correct. Iowa or Air Force. Still Iowa.

Correct. Iowa or North Texas. North Texas. Except when playing Washington State. North Texas, but the Wazoo game skewed it. Iowa. What? Yes.

It is concerning. It is concerning. But when people listen, you want to make fun of Iowa, please. I'll be there right there with you. But right now, they are currently 16th in the nation in third down conversions in terms of overall percentages. All right. So, yeah, like not, there's at least some, when they go, hey, as Iowa's offensive, any better. They're better at that, yeah.

They're better than what we think of as Iowa's offense, yeah. Yeah. They're not a, they're not a meme anymore. No, they have a better third down conversion rate than like the hurricanes. They're in third down a lot, to be fair. Like, if you, if you sort this by total attempts, part of it is that Miami has had 30 third down attempts in big game. They're not in third down a lot. And iOS had 46 in three games.

But surely a tough matchup against Florida on Saturday is going to fix that. That's right. To be clear, part of why Iowa is quote of quote, quote, good on third down. 10 of 16 against Albany, 10 of 16 against UMass, 5 of 14. against Iowa State. What are you saying? So as long as they keep playing Albany and UMS, Iowa's going to be fine on third down.

How dare you? All right, well, there's your sexy Iowa Rutgers preview. Yeah, that's what everybody wanted. See, Ryan, I don't know if you did this on purpose, Ryan. You might have thought that would calm two of us, but you forget that Jason has Iowa tendencies. Yeah, I know. Documented. He lives for this shit, man.

All right, let's just talk about Saturday. Shamelessly, in fact. Saturday, Texas Tech, Utah is real big fucking. game might be a conference title game might be for a not quite title game but might be for a shot at a playoff bid ultimately this is a conference game right this one is a conference game with every big 12 game i feel like i have to ask yeah um i did want to you know in that game you have utah which is the second most efficient team on third down in the nation are you third down guy now? This is part of a bastardized

quiz that I was going to use, but I was wrapping it and recycling it for use here. Make sure we use some. It's weird when people barrel through the show without doing the plan that you had. John, ruin sex pizza party ruined everything. Between that and Clemson Praise Hour, yeah. I'm blameless. It's what a weird day on

both ends. Do you know who is first? I call this guy both ends. But not for the reasons you think. Why? I'm not going to tell you. You'll find. now. Bam!

All right. Sorry. Clong. Spencer. Spencer, who's messed on third down? I have no idea. Just say it. One of the exciting noon, one exciting noon games involves this team.

That's right. Arkansas at Memphis. Oh, God, Arkansas. I forgot. I don't know what they're doing, man. Arkansas. Who made this schedule? They don't like you.

Don't go there. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad you are for us, but you shouldn't do that. I mean, I like going there, but you shouldn't go there. We're going to enjoy watching this, but you should not have done it. Your schedule's hard enough, Arkansas. This is the new game on ABC, too. Like, everyone's going to see this shit.

Ryan, you know how in speed, the documentary film speed, when Keanu Reeves has to stick his screwdriver into the gas tank on the underside of the bus? So he doesn't get dragged? Yeah. And then he comes back in, he comes back in the bus. and he tells Sandra Bullock, they're leaking gas, and she looks at him, and she's like, you thought you needed another challenge?

This is Arkansas going to Memphis. Yeah. Yeah, but, hey, you do get to see Tayloring Green, who is currently tied for the lead in touchdowns nationally. Okay. So, Arkansas. By the other one is Barrett Wharton of Texas Tech. So, like, the two games that we have highlighted so far

in a year that's kind of down on offense are basically like yummy touchdowns. Yeah, you're going to start your Saturday. I call this guy, yummy touchdowns. Much like John. Gruden, you're going to start your Saturday with a bang. Speaking of coaches, we are not firing. Ryan Silverfield, huh? Uh-huh. Also, Syracuse at Clemson.

No coaches being fired currently. That's a little old Clemson just taking on Syracuse. I'm sure you guys think we're going to lose by 30. I would love leaning into that degree. Oh, we're going to get the shit ticked out of us by Syracuse, aren't we? I bet you think I can't even wipe my own

ass? Oh, I bet you think we're going to throw five interceptions against LSU, don't you? Is that what you think? I think we're going to walk into the John Gruden sex party, not being able to do a single thing. We brought pizza and we're here to party. I brought Obie the Orange. Is there a hole in there?

I don't know. I don't know. There will be. Oh. One of us. One of us. I don't like it when you're over here. I mean, it's funny.

I know. It's funny, but it's unnatural. Not on like a John Gruden sex party. It's like, when Ryan does this, it's like, woo, the Pope's doing shooters. This is also a day where we get to watch Auburn at Oklahoma because just in case someone wasn't on that hot seat, we're putting their ass back on there. We're doing it. Just skipping right over the skillet game. Just skipping right over.

I'm going to come back to it. We got the skillet. Don't mention the other rivalry game we're skipping over. Oh, fine with me. It's fine if we don't mention what's going to happen. to one of those rivals. That's fine. If they win, we will talk about it for an hour and after dark.

But otherwise, it doesn't happen. That's a good deal. Tulane, your green wave. Going to Ole Miss, we ain't scared of a goddamn thing. Let's go. We're three and O. They're three and O. Let's get it.

Coach, what you got playing for? Oh, they'll find out. They have equal records because these schools are equally as good and they are of equal prowess. That is true. This is a conference game, of course. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Sorry, you don't respect history. If you disagree. Oh, you thought we left. That's what you thought. This is it. We're the SEC originalists, thus Missouri. Always kind of a guest.

Tulane. Georgia Tech leading the SEC. Yeah, Georgia Tech, yes, Missouri. Georgia Tech might be the most SEC team in the nation right now. That's a great point. God, that is true. Spencer, how confident are you? Can you tell me one thing that you're confident will happen in Michigan at Nebraska?

Yeah, I actually am. I think that I think that you'll probably. get Dylan Rayola looking a lot better than Bryce Underwood and that will that will disturb some people for no reason because rail has had a full year under his belt and I was going to say why shouldn't like why shouldn't he look better than Bryce under he should he should it's just that you know Bryce Underwood is the new shiny thing whereas Dylan Raolo was yesterday's shiny thing right yeah I think I think this is a fucking great game like I think this is a dog fight yeah uh Purdue at Notre Dame Notre Dame is number 24 despite being 0 and 2 in today's until

Saturday newsletter. I put a lot of words that basically amounted to. That's fine. Bill Belichick is a touchdown underdog at UCF. That's pretty fun. And on Scott Frosty, too. I would, what I wouldn't kill for, like, like what I wouldn't pay to hear. Wait, wait, no, no, let's do the first version of that sentence. On the unvarnished opinions about UCF by Bill Belichick, like, Bill Belichick, tell me everything you know about UCF. I feel like nobody, It feels like everybody in the city's a trans. You know, he probably feels alive there because nobody in Orlando is from Orlando.

I think he could just, like, rhapsodize about Dante Cole Pepper for a while. And we know he's into The Little Mermaid, at least on Instagram. What? Or at least she is. I don't know how much lore he's up on. I want to know where the people are. You know, you know, the original for enhanced Christian Anders. What's it?

What's that word again? Me? And Anne's Christen Anderson's version of The Little Mermaid, you know, with every step, she felt like she was walking on knives. You know, she gained her voice, but every step it was like blades were plunging into her feet. Which is kind of like me having to coach college football. You know, Ursula reminds you of Vince Wilfork in a lot of ways. The wide base.

I come out of her. I'm calling Vince Wilfork a powerful sorceress of the deep. Find the lie. Hey, business acumen. Try to displace her. Go ahead, try. That's right. That's right. Three technique. Florida's going to Miami as phase two of the 10-step plan,

the second circle of hell that the gators are descending through. Remember, play the noise again. My favorite part is once again, you're just a touchdown underdog. It feels so tantalizing, right? Oh, no. No, you're like, oh, wow, look at that. The power ratings, which are usually right, think we have a shot here, just like they did last week, when, like, if you take away the five interceptions,

Florida played really well, but you can't do that. So, like, I love that it's going to be like two and a half months of like, gosh, you're so close. No, I'm telling you, every floor. You're getting all these bosses down to the end of their second life meter. I also like how immediately, despite knowledge of the schedule four months, talking about the schedule four months, at least in Spencer's side, you have plunged immediately back into Fire Billy mode. Oh, why wouldn't you? Well, because what if you beat Miami? Oh, that makes up for like some of losing the USF.

You know what I mean? You're not even back to sea level at that point. Ryan just turned his camera off right when I said. He's, listen, he's not wrong. he's not wrong because we really aren't that far from being good if you look at a lot of the like metrics but that bit is something we'll never get we will never we will forever be a six foot man to a six foot man drowning in a seven foot pool we I think it's valid in this case just because this team is so fucking stupid and it's been stupid for like two and a half years so so so

fucking dumb Florida football is you've saved at the exact wrong point where it's like nope you miss you miss the thing you were supposed to do and it doesn't matter what you do you saved in the village that's right yeah you fucked up it's a bunch of problems where you also go you'll never have enough light arrows now you idiot yeah how much are how much are we gonna blame that was a load bearing npc you killed yeah you fucked up the plot tree you're never going to get there yeah like that's you just work in the town now you're just the guy with the job like one of the biggest problems is you go okay hey man when offense needs to be better who's in charge of that the head coach okay uh yeah meanwhile

there's a far, far, far, far bigger, more consequential game happening. And of course it is happening in Indiana, in South Bend. No, in actual Indiana. We're number nine Illinois is coming to town to face number 19 Indiana. This is the game that, like, you know, if you're a person who's like, ah, I'll tune in to college football in like week four, you look up like, what the fuck? What the fuck happened here? Like maybe you remember Illinois winning a bowl game last year, maybe, but still, you're like,

oh, I thought they would have worked all that winning shit out of their system by now. nice try one of these teams is gonna have really good playoff odds what if indiana makes like both of the initial 12 team playoffs indiana doing this again would bring me so much joy uh there is also another pack two state rivalry please ignore that unless an upset happens um yeah just poor oregon state man well that's not the one we're talking about no and then at 11 o'clock at 11 o'clock you have a pack 12 USC is hosting a home game. Nope, that's a big 10 game, and Michigan State is kicking off

at, I've completely lost track of which time zone local, 5 a.m. local, Michigan State is kicking off there in Los Angeles and a game that counts for a lot because it's a conference game. I'm sorry, Michigan State at USC is 10 p.m. Central.

Correct. 11 p.m. Easter. Yeah. What did I say? LSU Football.net comes for us all. You said AM. We should be like, no, no, no, no. Oh, I said AM?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to wind that the other way, brother. It's still a problem. Would that be any less fucked up? No, that's equally stupid. Just all those little Spartans falling asleep inside their little horse. We're going to be watching Michigan State football at 1.30 a.m. Eastern. That is, that is unnatural.

That's so wrong. I won't be doing that just to be going on. because you'll be at John Gruden's sex party. That's right. There are no screens allowed. He wants you focused. Just in the moment. Living in the moment.

There's still the whiteboard though, right? Yeah, absolutely. You have to diagram your next move. That's right. That was a scripted drive.