Shutdown Fullcast - The World's First "Mailbag" Show

Episode Date: August 20, 2019

Nobody had ever thought to have people send in questions that podcast hosts could answer on a recorded episode. But then we went and did it, because we're podcast innovators. Please send us thousands of dollars so we can consult for your business or whatever.  The questions on this episode include, but are not limited to: - Who takes over at Bama after Nick Saban? - What team is most ready to explode into a dumpster fire?  - What would you choose as the mascot if you were the AD of a new program? - How are our skin care routines looking?  - Which children's entertainment is the worst?  - What is a blender's highest use?  - Did people think Garth Brooks was sexy in the mid 90s? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. An innovative college football podcast, the only college football podcast on these internet. Did you say college football? We're Bapping! He said Polly College Football Podcast. We are the only Polly College. We are a for-profit technical university. Mm-hmm.

Teach all subjects. But Elliot just perked up. We can monetize that. I didn't even get through that, y'all. It's going to be. It's going to be a show. Hey, while we're at it, can we start saying the name of our new thing in the intro? We should.

This is the shutdown fullcast, a podcast brought to you by Banner Society, Banner Society, the only website on the internet devoted to college football. You say, oh, there are others. We, we frankly disagree. Banner Society, by the way. Ryan, when are we launching? When are they going to get us a website? So if you're listening to this on the day it's released Tuesday, August 20th, it's coming tomorrow, Wednesday, August 21st. If you're listening to this on Wednesday, August 21st, it's the day. If you're listening to it anytime, if you've downloaded this episode any time after Wednesday, August 21st, it won't work for you and you have to wait a year for next August 21st for the website to turn on. I'm sorry, but that's just how they've set it up.

Are we like, sort of like a comet or something, you can only see brief glimpses of? What we are, we're like an old CD-ROM game that's password protected, but the, like, you have to be like, at minute 15 and 37 seconds of this shutdown forecast, what did Spencer unnecessarily sing? And if you can't answer it, like, you don't get in. Then it, then it locks you out for a whole year. It locks you out for a whole year. and you know what we're doing for that whole year talking about you yikes that's it

a lot of it's nice bad in those pants a lot of it's nice actually but you don't get to read those compliments you'll starve for lack of the affirmation we're going to give you on our password protected podcast so thank you

Ryan that is the goods on Banner Society our upcoming website community online endeavor Twitch channel TikTok everything

everything all the time Biodome Biodome Everything except Facebook because you should delete your Facebook account Yeah but go look at our Facebook page Before you do

Yeah just once Look at that on your way out Don't put anything on there Don't share it Don't comment because We won't be there Definitely don't like it I mean you can do whatever you want

but don't expect us to clean up your mess. Legally, we disclaim any and all activity that happens on the Banner Society Facebook page. It's not us, and we don't know about it. Correct. Today, because we are the most innovative and only college football podcast on the internet, there are a couple things. We're going to do something I don't think any podcast has ever done before. We've termed it the mailbag episode. Like a bag of bag.

bag. Like a bag of dead men. Yep. It is. And we tell their stories each in turn. This is now a true crime podcast. A pile of dead men. My favorite dead man. And a smiling holly. My favorite dead man is Strom Thurman because he remains dead. My favorite dead guy? Man's and Andrew Jackson. A lot of times this year I have thought that Andrew Jackson remaining dead is about the only thing we have going for us right now. guy's Johnny Cash because I think he'd be pretty cool if you met him and he was undead, right? How would you tell the difference? Yeah. Well, first of all, one, I have a comfort level. This was how he made his like four best albums was after he did. Yeah. In the 90s. I'm undead Johnny Cash. Yeah, just Johnny shambling in and it'd be really familiar. You know, you'd be like,

hey, Johnny, you lost? And he'd be like, well, brother, aren't we all? Um, I was watching a video with John Goodman going over basically every role in his career and they got to King Ralph and his comment on it was that, you know, I formed a lifelong relationship with Peter O'Toole that lasts till this day. Unfortunately, he has the very bad taste to remain dead. And I... For now. I didn't keep watching, but I hope that's all he had to say about King Ralph. Yeah, I don't think of Peter O'Toole as dead. I just think of him as dead. I just think of him is waiting.

Sure. For stronger alcohol. He's like Notre Dame. Not dead, but waiting. We have asked... Compare Notre Dame to Peter O'Toole, one of the nicest things you've ever said about them. It is really a slam on Peter O'Toole, if we're being honest.

Having the audacity to be dormant for this long. Hey, Notre Dame made the playoff last year. What's he going to do about it, Peter O'Toole? Damn. What's you going to do about it, Notre Dame? We made the playoff. No, you didn't. You didn't show up, frankly.

So we asked readers for their questions. These questions, they span a broad number of topics. I'm going to just go ahead and spoil one of them in advance for you that we're not going to cover. And that I know somebody wants to cover. Nobody asked what I think is a single specific. To Garth Brooks, Garth Brooks question. Nobody did. So this is my long way of teeing up, Ryan.

Ryan, I know that occasionally the people in this podcast discuss college football, but every now and then they feel moved to discuss the greatness or at least the magnitude of peak era Garth Brooks. Like, is that correct? It's mostly that I think we, and I should say I, because I don't want to speak for the three of you, I don't really appreciate exactly what the peak of peak era Garth Brooks looked like. I think we all know that Garth Brooks is a recognizable name in country music, that he did very well for himself, whatever. But then you go back and look like not to get all analytics here, but you go back and you look at the numbers.

He still holds the record for number of concert attendees. in Central Park. The previous record was, I want to say it was... Billy Joel! No, it was Paul Simon. Paul Simon held the record with a concert that drew 600,000 people.

How many, for those of you who have not looked, how many people do you think Garthbrook's got to come out to Central Park, to watch him play a concert where, yes, Spencer, Billy Joel was a guest appearance for multiple songs. Well, that's the first of all, that's a PED for a New York concert, right? Because half of Long Island's going to drive in.

I will also add this was the only New York apparent, the New York stop on his second world tour. So they really tried to juice this to make it as big as possible. Any guesses on crowd size? If it's a record, 800,000? 980,000 was the New York City Fire Department estimate. how yeah yeah i'm telling you you you put garth out there and then you salt that with the promise of a little billy joel on top all of mass a peak was trucking in for that baby so how many of those people even intended to be at the concert i think i think basically all of them because you can't do anything

that big in new york or central park and have people willingly be like oh a shitload of people and it'll be impossible to get in or out and I won't be able to pee. Yeah, I think I'll go see with that. Like, I think that actually weeds out the looky-lose and the wanderers. I mean, I just feel like somebody is just bicycling through and now they're at a concert.

No? Why are you taking this away from Garth? Why would I want to give everything? Damn. Because he's giving you everything, Jason. He didn't go down to the song. I know there's a song about Thunder. I don't think I know any others.

Do you know what Oklahoma State gave Garth? A track and field scholarship. A track and field scholarship in Javelin. Yeah. How would you know where to call, where it not for the song they told you to call Baton Rouge? How would you know that the thunder rolls unless you'd listened to Garth tell you that it doesn't.

How would you know where to stand except outside of the fire? I don't know. Yeah. I'll stand in the fire. Who's going to stop me? If when you're looking for. friends? Are you looking up? No, sir. You're going to look low. Not if you're listening to this podcast. Oh, is that him? No. I know that one. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You know that one. You also know the dance because

I'll bet you have been to some, I bet you have seen a memorial to someone in a highly risky field of rednecky endeavor who died whose funeral montage was set to the dance. I guarantee you have. If you had like an uncle I will sing the entire thing at the end of this podcast. We'll just outro it. Sing it as Casio Dog. No. No. That's what I'm going.

I'll keep it going later. But that's... No now. Okay. We need to come back. Cassio Dog gets emotional. It's too moving for the relatively glib opening to this whole thing.

By the way, another thing that Pete Garth was capable of doing, by the way, was getting a Thunder Rolls set where the rain actually came down on stage for the NBC special. Oh yeah, he had the prime time.

And they had actual rain on stage, which I was very disappointed when I saw him in concert. He did not have that. However, my disappointment ended when I noticed that he was singing Shameless by Billy Joel and getting women to lick his boots. He did not request the licking.

It just happened spontaneously when he approached the edge of the stage. I thought you were going to say Billy Joel dropped from the sky as well. He did. You know what this set needs? More sex. Let's drop Billy Joel in.

Spencer, I'm going to ask you this because as the oldest member of the podcast, I trust your cultural memory the most. But if others want to chime in, please do so. Was Garth Brooks considered sexy? That has always been on a sliding scale of age. Yeah. Like, I have never, I have never seen women throwing panties at him who were under 35.

At the time of, at the time of the concert, though. Right, right, right. Okay. Yeah. But also, having hit that benchmark myself, I don't feel the need to fling my undergarments at Garthbrook, so I don't know if that scale slides as they age with Garth Brooks. Well, that's because now Trisha will cut you if you do that. I think it was always, I think it was always the kind of woman who said, you know what,

I don't like to spend a lot on my heating bill in the winter. I just get a big old cushy man, sop him up in that bed. Now you're projecting. Soap. No, I, I, now you're projecting at me. You said sop him up. he's a big old biscuit yeah no big old that's what I mean

he's a big old biscuit of a man man big old biscuit what means buttering sure can sing that's have you seen what he looks like in the tight jeans in the loose patterned cowboy shirt that's a biscuit stuffed into some pants it's like when you drop the biscuit

and the top pops off yeah no yeah like when the the flock biscuits open too early that's what happens when you put a big man in real tight jeans. It kind of just explodes out of the top of the container. That's what Garth had going on, but I will tell you, there's a certain woman over 35 who's like, my expectations are realistic.

All right. To help us get back on track, I'm going to end. Before we get to the listener questions, I do want to read you a little bit of back story about Chris Gaines. Y'all hear that? Yes, I did. Damn. Chris Gaines, of course, Garth Brooks's alter ego that he created in. in the late 90s in an attempt to... Actually, nobody's really quite sure.

It gave him an excuse to record a pop album and put on a very bad wig and host SNL as himself, but be Chris Gaines for the musical act. Anyway, here's the backstory. Chris Gaines and his rebellious friend Tommy started a rock band in 1985, L.A. during their high school years.

This is from wide-opencountry.com. The band played local clubs until they eventually got their big break. They got some fame, and then Tommy died in a plane crash, completely shattering Gaines. Now, Chris Gaines never had the approval of his father, so he decided to make a solo record, and he sold 12 million copies. For some reason, his dad dies of cancer, and that turns into Chris Gaines developing a serious sex addiction. Not entirely sure how those two are connected, might want to go to therapy to clear it up. now solo artist chris gains is getting screwed by his record label he has some terrible contract and he's trying to get out of it

he is leaving the studio early in the hours of the morning he suffers a horrific car crash and has to undergo reconstructive face surgery and when he does he ends up looking like Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks. Yeah. Yeah. You know when you have enough money to afford good drugs

and not your credit rating, you know when you're famous enough that no one will tell you that anything is a bad idea. That's where, that's, there we go. That's how famous Garth Brooks was. He hit that point.

And they weren't wrong. Like he was, he was big enough at that point that it would have been folly to tell him. No, I don't think this will work. Can I tell you how famous he got? He got so famous and unselfaware that in an interview in something like 1997, he was asked,

so you've been married, you know, in fame and country start-ups quite a ride. How do you keep your marriage fresh? He goes, oh, well, every time things get stale, I just go out and cheat. And that tends to keep things fresh. They divorced two years later. last thing garth brooks's actual first name anybody holly you want to throw it on this i know i know this one already so i'm going to give it to you troil spell it t royal t r o y a l troil how oklahoma it could be troil i should i should i prefer to think that it's troil

okay sorry we can do listener questions that's canon uh so i'm going to open open up the questioning here and the answer is real brief for the mailbag oh wait wait wait we haven't talked about garth brooks's serious xm channel is it time yeah let's do it let's do it okay so garth serious xm channel last note um if you haven't listened to it we have a theory yeah other other channels that are endorsed by celebrities are obviously programmed right and involve artists that are either on the artist label or are affiliated with said artist or who are merely artists they admire and who clearly influence them. Take Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville channel.

You will get several Jimmy Buffett songs in a row, maybe a Jimmy Buffett live concert clip, and then a song by that dude that plays the ukuleleys a lot, that guy. Jack Johnson. Sure. And then back to Jimmy Buffet. Garth, we have theorized after listening to it

in honor of Garth across a drive the entire length of Oklahoma West East. East, the Garth Channel is Garth's old click-wheel iPod that he just leaves plugged in on the elliptical in their house. And every other song, and this is not a diss, it's just a surprising choice. Every other song is Pink or Avril Levine, which tells me that it's a click-wheel up, it's a click-wheel iPod that he doesn't know how to update anymore because all the songs have like a cutoff date.

Yeah. And so you'll get, you'll get some Garth songs, you'll get a Trisha song, and then just like this solid block of, of what, pink, Avril Levin, like, early, early Christina,

a lot of Lady Gaga, early, but like not now, but not like Star is Born Lady Gaga. No. Like disco Lady Gaga. A lot of early Christina Aguilera. And then came the realization

that Garth, when he's doing his in-between song discussions, he really just sounds like he's trying to put off doing chores. And now this is the greatest hustle other because you can just kind of picture like, here's Garth sitting in there

in their sumptuously appointed Nashville kitchen, talking into a podcast mic about how, you know, Lady Gaga's just got a real warm voice and that makes me think of fire. Hey, Garth, clean the gutters. And here's, and here's Trisha behind him being like, Garth, I know you got some friends in low places, but you were supposed to be at Lowe's half an hour ago to pick up that tile. If you want the applause like Lady Gaga's talking about, you make me clap by bringing me some Popeyes right now.

Listen to the Garth channel for like an hour and you will see what we mean. But like, in my head, there is a recessed wall in his kitchen that just every time Trisha wants him to do a chore that just swoops down. and the band pops up like country bears style. Yeah, like for anything. And they will play the appropriate Gartz song for that. And Tricia's in the background, just like, God, damn it. What you're describing is very Muppet showy, and I love it. Yes.

It is. It's like, who is more of a human Muppet than Garth Brooks? Yeah, aren't you going to, you need to go out, you need to go out and get on that tractor, and you need to go mow that lawn. And he goes, well, the weather's looking bad. How do you know? 3.30 in the morning. Not a cloud in sight.

The band light comes in. thunder rolls. Trish is like, you piece of shit. God, why do I live with this man? What is this man doing here all the time? Anyway, please listen to the Garth channel on Sirius and let us know your thoughts. If there is a song on there that is written after what, 2003 or let me know about that as well. I'm super interested.

Yeah, that's a data point we need. By the way, his little intros for songs are always super weird. Well, and they're all like, like not creepy, but just like genuine. thoughtful just like oh oh we forgot about the best part is the one time that he introed a dolly song and he was like that dolly parton such a talent like as though garth has nurtured dolly parton and is giving her a come up with a spot on his serious channel some of them can be weird like when he says oh you know pink she's just a performer with such you know what I love about her she understands songs are about power and about

destroying things forever pink and then the song starts and you get the feeling he's one of those guys who exercises who gets through like an unwanted exercise routine by imagining a bunch of revenge fantasies yeah but all of his are like go get him girl revenge fantasies set to pink yeah like oh I'm gonna I'm gonna get through this stair climb by imagining myself you know winning back the heart of my man Kill Bill 3 starring Garth Brooks boy that yellow jumpsuit

on him that'd be a sight so I have a question that I want to start with y'all got real quiet over there the source for this question just a real quick question real quick answer

sort of John Solm he says hey how about you do 20-20 Dem candidates I guess he means Democrat all right candidates as college football programs please no no no no absolutely not no next question yeah can we do one can you can you give us one no no no no i just want to know who nick and looper is absolutely uh no we said presidential candidates yeah that was enough all right uh i'm going to take a question from ray lockman you've discussed multiple times that stanford and cow both have

underrated and surprisingly good game day experience. To the contrary, which big time programs are the least memorable. Not Kent State in November on Wednesday, but like Bama in general. Bama has a great game day experience. The quad is fun. I always go to, I always go to Druid City and get some beers or a Bloody Mary stuff of pickled mushrooms or some nacho, barbecue nachas, a big bad wolf. Bama's fine.

Texas was the first one that jumped to mine. Notre Dame, I don't love. It's, yeah, I don't get it. Kind of flat. Yep. I will say that the one Michigan home came I've been to in person was beautiful. I was prepared to roll my eyes throughout the entire thing. And even though the game was boring, the crowd was loving it.

I was way up high, so I wasn't near any key janglers. What about you? Texas was my first. pick as being the underwhelming one the one that I didn't really have much time for was also Notre Dame just because it was kind of flat although shouts out the student section is is amazing the student section is very enthusiastic and extremely fun and if the whole stadium were like the I've said this before but if it were like the whole stadium we're like the student section it'd be incredible it's not the people watching just tend to

sort of be ruminating on all the mistakes they've made in life to end up at that point or at least that's the way it felt to me because they were playing UCLA and looking at UCLA fans and the football players and thinking you know they just don't look stressed about this do they they don't look unhappy so yeah those two places seem to be sort of the places where I go eh I'm not so sure about that the place I don't want to admit is good Florida State's loud it's loud as hell I don't want it to be but it can be real loud in there you know when they're actually winning games which isn't recently

The first question in my assigned list comes from at watching CFB on Twitter. The words are wood paneling, yes or no. I've racked my brain in search of opinions on wood paneling, and it'll cover up a wall or side of a car if that's what you need. However, if you want to get rid of it, then you can. So my answer, in turn, to you watching CFB, would in fact be wood paneling, yes or No. Whoa.

Damn. I'm just going to come out as firmly yes on that. Strong pro wood paneling on vehicles especially. I think it depends on like if it's a harbinger of other grossness. Like if I see a room with wood paneling, my first thought is this carpet can't be nasty. And it's not always true, but too many times it is. Strong correlation. Like strong like pet urine correlation.

to that. Right. Right. Interesting. This is from Emotional Fescue. You are the AD at a brand new college, and you get to choose that school's mascot. What's the choice? Ole Miss.

Oh, you're, okay, so I like that now, Ole Miss is a brand new college. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see. I thought that said brand new AD and not brand new college. Yeah, Ole Miss just got accredited it. Congratulations. Ole Miss, Ole Miss Expansion, SEC team. New Miss.

Deleting history would be a pretty good idea in some ways for Ole Miss. At this point, if I am the idea of a brand new college, I am both going with the college football tied and against it by naming my team the wildest cats. The wildest cats of them all. Fuck off all you other wild cats teams. We are the wildest of them, and it's all one word. You are the mild cats.

That's right. That's right. either that or you know the weather pattern ones have been pretty well taken I think the I think the one that is still on the table is wintry mix so especially if you're like

a northern northern climes school if I'm the University of Minnesota at blah b'bidi-blot we're the wintery mix now just sounds funny to say Johnson Dell's University winery mix. Winery mix.

If you're the winery mix, you might accidentally, like, you might trick an SEC team into visiting you. You know, you're like, ah, it's not so bad. That's right. They'll be like, oh, that's probably got checks in it. Yeah, that sounds delicious. I think I would just name mine the wild dogs. That'd be it. It'd be like the new miss, the new miss wild dogs.

And when they ask what kind of a wild dog, I mean, like a feral one. Like one just roaming around. A dingo Our mascot would You're just Just a coyote No Coyotes are pedigreed

Coyotes are pedigreed Can we just call it Anarchy Animals Yeah Ferrell Ferrell University Yeah Ferrell

F-A Is that F-A-R-E-L-L No Super Muntins would also be a good one at this point Just get the license from Fallout Lean into it

Use steroids Say that you already disclose that in the name nobody should be mad we've never had you know i'm like we've never had a team just called themselves the rats like rats are indomitable indestructible they win right like when you think about animals who ultimately win you're student section that's the rat nest yeah that's the rat nest what's your your mascot your mascot could be like an adorable looking remi right sure from ratatouy looking thing so if you wanted to go cute or it could just be a big horrifying one

Like the one that, you know, unions trot out when... Like the one that sits on the table by my front door. Yeah, with big red highs. You can go either way. I have an enormous rubber rat. That's the first thing you see when you come into my house. You could also do like a Pied Piper thing with the band then at that point. They all fall.

Like the drum major, skipping around with a piccolo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's a great one. I would go with, I think, men of war. because then you get both like the toxic this is sparta bullshit but you also get lots and lots of glittery tentacles dangling from trombone slides in the marching band yeah the mascot could just lay there right cheerleaders would step around it like no be careful

hey live longer than uhga Ryan R Ryan is the source of my next question which is how dumb is using chains to measure 10 yards in 2019. I have to answer the question with a question. What's the replacement? Is it a, is it a rope? Is it a, like a piece of fishing line? Use that Wimbledon shit. What, the, the, like, IBM tennis ball tracker-thon.

I mean, there has to be some really cool electronic way to do it that doesn't involve paying someone 20 bucks to, like, tote the sign up and down the yard lines. I mean, you know, you know it used to be worse, right? Go on. So, so Bubba Smith, who you may remember from the Police Academy movies, I think he plays Hightower, he got, he got terribly injured. I want to say in a preseason game, maybe like his third or fourth year in league or

something like that because he got tangled in the chain on the side because i believe if memory serves it used to be spiked into the ground when they moved it so you couldn't like the the chain gang couldn't like sort of move with you it was essentially a trip wire and he fucked up his knee and basically didn't i don't know if he ever came back again but he was never the same again um so the good news is we've improved it and it's no longer a massive injury risk it's just a dumb way to measure a length of distance. Conferences, schools, ESPN, endorsement opportunities abound,

consider making the chain out of red vines or twizzlers. Make a bid for the privilege and then use that. Now the chain has ants? Yes. Okay. Again, another mascot nobody's ever used that's just indomitable and everywhere, right? I think there's a there's a there's like a there's like a D league team that's the mad ants Oh Fort Wayne yeah yeah yeah fort Wayne we need I mean answer just like ants can lift like so many times their body weight they're ever you've seen you've seen the documentary ant man and its sequel

Ant man and was you're familiar with yeah you're familiar with the scientific virtues of the ant yeah yeah this is from a personages on Twitter What was the most stupid football game you saw in person? You gave me this question on person, you son of a bitch. Yeah, I did. 2002, Tennessee versus Florida, Tennessee number four, Florida number 10, 30 to 13, monsoon the entire time, and I had to audition for an opera that night. With my lungs already screamed out of my skull. And the theater was locked by the time my roommate. and I made it to auditions

and we had to scale a brick wall in our wet stadium clothes to get into the goddamn building next person, please. Do you want me to do it? Yeah, sure. Do you want to weigh it in here, Ryan? No, please. Please, please go ahead.

Please, thank you. Let me, let me, let me escort you to a safer area right now. from low low finarski on twitter which team's dumpster is best primed to combust this season and what event will provide the spark so auburn is always the answer sure um and cfb internet has locked in on usc as this year's more specific answer either those teams could be you know three and three or whatever have a particularly ghastly upset coach gets fired so on and so forth that goes for regardless of auburn's head coach's situation that goes for auburn every year. I noticed one today that coach isn't going to get fired. He's brand new. He's fine. He's doing

his very best. But have we looked at Colorado's schedule in much detail? No, we have not. It's rough as hell, man. So you have a team where basically the whole defense left. You're probably not going to be able to run the ball. You have an awesome wide receiver. And you are going to get him so many highlights because you're going to be throwing a lot. Week one, Colorado State, you'll probably beat them probably uh that's your that's the closest thing to a probably all year uh you're likely going to lose to Nebraska at home uh that'll be an improved Nebraska over the one you bullshited out a win against last year check the tape uh air forest you'll probably beat air force probably uh road game at Arizona state likely a loss Arizona at home could be a win that very well

might be the end of it you got to go to Oregon on a short week then you got to go to Oregon on a short week got to go to Washington State, back-to-back road games to the other division against two of its best teams. Then you get, after those two straight road trips, you get a short week against USC, who at this point in the year under interim head coach Lane Kiffin could be really putting things together. You go to UCLA. Again, that is a team that could be better late than early. And then you close out with Stanford, Washington, Utah. Out of the other division you're getting the three best teams, let's see, is that, is that the four best teams from the other division? How the fuck did you pull this off? So, yeah, and then you look at the schedule

last year, you had an FCS team, you got to play Oregon State, you got to play Cal. It's a complete flip. Nebraska was, it had only barely begun leveling up. So, I mean, Colorado, it can only burst so spectacularly because the coach isn't going to be fired, but still, I wouldn't want to be you this year, Colorado. I did enjoy you mentioning Arizona there because that's, to me, the garbage can racing, the garbage can down the street, right? Like, Arizona comes to town. I don't, I don't have any confidence in Arizona being anything this year, right, at all.

That's, that's your, that's your 50-50 game. You get one of those all year. Yeah, that's the garbage can. I like the garbage can race idea. That sounds like a minor league baseball promotion in a town with like. We're very proud of the local dump. Right, like the gift that has the two garbage cans racing each other down the street in the rain, right? Like, that's what that's what this is.

That garbage can races should be more formalized, though. Especially the figure eight garbage can race. Let's put some real money on the table. Well, tune in October 5th. Garbage can bear is a good mascot too. Garbage bear. Absolutely. Garbage.

Trash bear. This is from Cowgirl Bookworm On DeWhorter Has Ryan told you Has Ryan told the rest of you That I named a cow after him In exchange for a sticker And would you be interested in other opportunities

To trade cow names for merch? Yes No and yes Okay It's true I did in fact Send this beloved listener A sticker from I think the Austin live show

And a calf is now named after me, and I believe the offer is open to any of you to send merch and get a cow or maybe other animals. I don't know the exact details named after yourself. May I ask you a ticklish question here? Sure. Yeah. Is this a dairy or a beef farm? I don't know. I'm fine. I'm fine either way. Okay. Okay. I'm like, can I name an adorable calf that will eventually become steak after one of my enemies? So I feel better about this whole exchange. Is that possible?

See, I'm thinking of it more of a horrocks situation. So I die. I die. And as long as the cow me is alive, I can still come back. Oh, hell yeah. Can I do this with different animals, though? I'd probably pick really unreliable animals with short lifespans. Like, yeah, a butterfly.

That's definitely something you want. want to use as a horrook. He says, pick a turtle. Pick a turtle. Yeah. Why don't you pick something solid? No, I'm going to pick a cicada.

I got to wait like 14 years from them to come back out. What are you? Pennywise, idiot. It's like the IRA of horrockses. I can't cash it in yet. Got to wait. My question is from at Dirtbag Queer. Can everyone please give their skin care routines?

And Spencer's case, beard care is also acceptable. Hey, man, just wash your face with something, generally, but I have a, uh, I use the lush beard wash for this beard, and then I oil it, preferably with something that's got, you know, sort of just basic stuff in it. I think most of it's safflower oil is the most beard oils, but you kind of oil it every now and then. And then like a good beard wash, like, maybe once or twice a week. it's not a self-cleaning oven but you know it requires a little bit of care it's not a self-cleaning oven as in you can't set it on fire and expect it to all be fine after

TBD I need to see and you need to brush it out so that's that's like the full you got to brush it with like a really nice bore bristle brush or it ain't going to work now this entire thing is all just to set up a to go to holly and say hey didn't somebody actually in a professional skin care supply store walk up to you and say were you there for this? No, I was not. You had somebody actually

This was amazing. Yeah. This was the Keels lady at the airport because there's a Keels in Concourse B in Hartsfield and I was waiting for a flight and browsing eye creams, which are a scam by the way, the keels makes a good one. And there was

this gentleman on the other side of the store It's not a very big store. It's like the size of this room. Podcasting is a visual medium. There's a gentleman on the other side of the store, loudly wondering if he really needed any of these products. And this lady, she had an air of authority, like a nun or a traffic cop.

And she crooked a finger at me. And it was just such an air of command that I immediately dropped what I was doing and walked over. And she grabbed my chin, and she dragged me close to this elder gentleman. She said, do you think this face just happens? And it was the apex of my life. My pores have never felt smaller.

Okay, dirtbag queer. Hey, girl, you really want this? At the moment, Tony Molley, Peach Punch Cleansing Water, Thayer's Witch Hazel Rose Petal Toner, used to use Clinique, even better essence. They have discontinued that. Now rocking with Clinique's turnaround, revitalizing lotion. Treatments, I have prescription, azaleic acid. from my dermatologist, which I love because it's like 5% higher than the ordinaries.

Azaleak acid suspension. I like it so far. I've only been on it for like a week. Serums. I like timeless for vitamin C and E for day. I'm trying the ordinary peptide serum, the buffet serum at night, but I don't love it. Moisturizer, Tolica, Photohydra, Day is wonderful. They've discontinued it, and I'm going to be heartbroken forever. Alba Botanica, Hawaii, moisture cream. You can get at any CVS or Walgreens, and it costs like $4.00, the vitamin E version. It lasts forever. It smells like sunscreen, but contains no sunscreen at all. So don't forget to put on actual sunscreen. I like Lilliana Natural's retinal cream at night.

It's a great voice-dizer. I'm not convinced it contains retinoids of any kind. And I kind of think Lillianna might be a scam, but I can't prove that. Sunscreen. Vichi, Adia, Salale, SBF-50, or Bore, UV-Aquiv-R-A-W-W-W-Wich, rich, watery essence. If you're putting it on under makeup, the Vichi has kind of a nice primer effect, so you can slap. makeup on right over it and it won't pill or peel night cream syravee night cream super cheap like wearing an actual mask to sleep if you want to run around your house looking like the carver from season

two of nip tug and when do we not uh alternate that with fresh rose deep hydration moisturizer not the mask just the moisturizing cream because it's kind of heavy and you want like a water gel uh off night so you don't clog your pores way up eye cream is a scam as i said just put moisturizer under your eyes. It's the same skin. You're fine. Mass. The Aztec Clay, Bentonite Clay Healing Mask is a legend for a reason. It's cheap. Use it. Sheet masks every night you can manage it. I like Mamond and Dr. Jart. If you want to watch off mask, I like fresh as black tea, instant perfecting mask. What am I forgetting? Hand Cream. Supergoop SPF hand cream with C. Buckthorne. Your hands are going to get sunburn faster than anything else, even your face, because your hands are way

out on the steering wheel when you're driving, right? This is the dermatologist secret. What else? Superfood, peach jelly, 90, I keep in the fridge and just slap on during the eight months of the year when it's unbearably hot in Atlanta and Heritage Store, Rosewater, and glycerin spray to spray on between all these layers and also just whenever your face gets hot. I think that's it for the moment.

What you know about that? She did ask. Skin care. Shout out to Reddit Skincare addiction. My actual true internet. at home. PAPN ain't got that. Jason, you have anything to add to that?

Neil deGrasse Tyson voice. Order. I'll use some nice... I'll use some water. The exception would be if I have a tattoo. I don't have one on my face. But if I did, I would use... There's this...

I get it at CVS. It's like... It's kind of like a bandage, a clear-tight bandage that you just stick on. you clean off the tattoo you slap that on there and then you don't touch it for like five days at least and that's it your tattoo's good holly you're next up again i think oh sweet what is the best thing made in a blender asks the bill h um i don't think the answer here is a candy one i do think the answer is a green smoothie and the answer is this you can fit an astonishing amount of

spinach, just for example, into a smoothie before your smoothie starts to taste like spinach. This is the great utility of the blender. You can also fit an astonishing amount of spinach and feel like they're still, like, blend it and be like, oh, that's only an ounce. Are you kidding me? It basically vaporizes. Yeah. I looked up, I did Google, like, surprising blender recipes and found, like, oh, I made

blender holidays. Oh, I made soup in the blender. First of all, you don't want to be cooking anything heated in a blender anyway. You want to put that in a pot and use an immersion blender because the steam is going to explode the top of your blender off unless you're careful. But yeah, I don't feel like there's a clever answer here because I feel like, especially with the season encroaching upon us, we want to cram as many greens into our unwitting bodies as possible to offset the damage we're doing the rest of the week. Yeah, just I watched that happen and I just think, like, man, being a gorilla sucks. What? You know how much.

What, because you don't have blenders? Yeah, like, like how many leafy greens that? they have to eat for it to amount to anything and stay jacked on that. It's just, it's a hard life. Can I throw in for a granita here as well as a useful blender tool? Yeah, because that's a way to eat a slushy and still be a grown-up. Right, right, yeah. And it's also a way to sort of like, if you have a child that it's like,

I want a frozen something. You can be like, here, it's mostly fruit, you idiot. I got an answer for the people. like a cheap store-bought pinocalata. No, I don't mean anything like artisanal. I mean, the one that comes from like, you know, a tube that you mix up yourself with way too much room. Rum? Yeah, yeah, that's the best thing to come out of a blender.

Yeah, my family did vacation on the Gulf Coast when I was growing up. Why'd you ask? Jason. I usually just throw a few fruits in a cup with like milk or something and then that's it. I'm fair I don't even really probably the most fit of all of us I mean I don't even really keep track of

which fruits it's like it's some berries usually banana I don't know I already forgot what's in there and that's the great again the great utility of the blender just just throw some stuff in yeah I'm not keeping track here what are my warehouse manager

sorry Bill H if you wanted a clever answer but my answer is always to trick my body into eating way more spinach Yeah From Brody Logan on Twitter Whomst's name I always want to say Broodie Brody

It's the extra O in the last name He really does it He is in Miami fans I'm not really far off Okay I'm not off If you own one restaurant franchise Which would it be and why Where are you putting it?

I'm going to answer the second question first I'm putting it at 5200 Buffington Road Atlanta Georgia just outside the parameter little west of the airport we're going to buy the facility at that place we're going to evacuate everyone safely and then we're going to burn it to the ground

and then we're going to install a Popeyes right on top of it why? Because this is the first time Chick-fil-A's headquarters actually had any seasoning. Damn. Damn. Damn. Wow. Wow. You don't play the flex bomb for that? I closed it because I didn't want to be typing.

on my computer, but I regret the decision. Damn. Because I was just going to say a Buckees, because that's a restaurant and a lifestyle, but it's kind of cheating, isn't it? I don't think Jason's answered. I don't think Jayson's room for a Buckees. We'd have to sell the Falcon Stadium just for starters. Can I give you a proposal?

Take Stone Mountain. Raise it. Sell it for Rock. We put a Buckees there. Put a Buckees on top of it. With the mascot is the new, that's what's inscribed on the side of it, just a little beaver. Yeah, but you know what? You'd have to be like, well, you've got to drive up and that's it.

We'd do it. I'd do it to go to Buckees. My answer is simple, Waffle House in Los Angeles. I can charge whatever I want. Oh, yeah. Like $30 waffles. That's not how much they cost in Atlanta? Huh?

Yeah. The authentic. Yeah, the authentic Georgia Waffle. Yeah, Waffle House in a good spot in L.A. And I will be set for life, like, easily. I'll probably win a Beard Award on accident. I bet it would fail. You know why?

Why? You have to get out of your car to go to Waffle House. And then it would fail miserably. You'd be like, it ain't Fat Burger. Could you put it, like, right outside the fucking Chargers Stadium? You get, like, dozens of foot, dozens of people worth of foot traffic once a week. Are you kidding me? Phil Pribles or bring his whole family in there?

That'll set us for the month. Put it in Stable Center and only open it during Clippers games. Oh, sorry, Lakers fan. Yeah. Oh, no, the Clippers are good now. Yeah. The L.A. can get, okay. You can get the Kauai special if you go to the one in Staples Center.

What is it? It's just potatoes. Can I get the hash browns, not? scattered not smothered not smothered not covered just can i have them potatoed please you steamed um all right this question yeah sorry yeah it's it's it's all you chief um this i teed this i teed this question up for you specifically yeah i know i know this question comes from at jim gordon not spelled the way you think but i'm not doing that here uh what is the worst single piece of children's entertainment.

This is, so Spencer wants me to say Calo, but I haven't seen Calo, haven't had to wade into that dangerous territory yet. This question also varies a little bit depending on the age of the child in question, because, you know, sometimes something isn't so bad until your child starts singing it at you relentlessly, and then it turns pretty bad. Some things are good because they'll just keep your kid engaged. But I'm going to go with a very unexpected dark horse here, and I feel bad saying it. The single worst piece of children's entertainment is Dr. Seuss books.

Here is why. Wow. Them shits long. That shit is green eggs and ham, one fish, two fish. Oh, the places you'll go. All of these are so long and so, like, physically difficult to read in a way that feels efficient and expeditious. They are... Florida English major.

They are an absolute fucking trap at bedtime. Because at bedtime, you want to, you know, your books are the currency. You want to get in and get out with two books, maybe three, and you want them to be sort of like a limited time investment. And Dr. Seuss, listen, if you have an older child who can read to a younger child, Dr. Seuss is probably great. If you're having a child that you're teaching how to read, Dr. Seuss is probably wonderful.

If you're just trying to get a child to go the fuck to sleep and you're getting through the process of reading them a story, Dr. Seuss is quicksand, man. You're going to be there forever. Ryan, are you saying you do not like the book, that the book that your child likes has you shook, that the book that has you shook that's kept in a nook? You refuse to give it a look.

Ryan is a terrible rapper. Yeah, it's bars. the other the other answer i can give you it's much more niche is this um show it's a show this program on netflix called little baby bum and all it is is basically public domain songs wait it's not like infant train hobos no no it is not like anne gettis photographing babies and dilapidated rail yards very slow trains yeah to crawl and catch them yeah stealing pies off windowsills no it just it just sort of like sing-songy nonsense with and it just sort of repeats over and over again so you can hear the wheels on the bus eight times in an episode with different riffs on it

and it's also like played i want to say like 15% too slow which makes it really a dirge and really unpleasant so i would stay away from that as well i have nothing to add other than cayew but my feelings are well known on that you have you have since because become like, what is it, an Alexa meme? Yeah, yeah. Can you explain that a little bit? Yeah, that if you ask Alexa why Cayu doesn't have hair, Alexa will spit out my answer from Google results, which is because he does not deserve love. So go ahead, try it on the device of your choice.

See, I don't even know the character's name. That's how much I have not watched this show. And I honestly, thank you to Spencer for warning me off of it. Yeah, don't do it. Also, it's Cayu, just so you're not horn swoggled into it. No, no, no, no, no. That's not that show, Daddy. It's Caloo. No, this is Cayu. No, same, same show in case your child tries to pull that move. My question, this is like, I think, a classic preseason question, but you know what? I'm not averse to some red meat. Let's put it on the grill, y'all. See what smell it makes, because I think you'll like it.

Who takes over for Sabin when if he retires? That's from Carter. of War 22, speaking of red meat. My answer, a sucker. An absolute sucker. Someone who will be fired. Jason Garrett. Perfect. That's perfect.

Like the person who takes that job, you're pre-fired. Just getting a massive buyout. Offer to do the job for like 2 mil. Can we go back to Holly's suggestion? The best part about Jason Garrett taking the Bama job. Is it plausible? A, it's plausible. And B, at his first press conference,

he will basically, like, all but say, he will largely imply that, like, he's here to turn things around, that he's here to improve on the failings of his predecessors. Like, Jason Garrett will take this job and look down his nose, and that's partially a height thing, at Nick Saban and his legacy.

And he will do it. that day one. I'm Jason Gaddett. Hello. We're just going to do things a little differently. Uh-huh. Just going to, you know. You know, I have all the respect for Nick in the world, you know.

I come from the league. Maybe you've heard of it. I want the moment, like. I've done what Nick couldn't do, you know, and I get that. We're really going to turn Alabama's focus towards making players in NFL ready? Getting them drafted. It's important that you get them drafted.

Like, I want this to happen so badly. I clearly, I clearly, no disrespect to the last staff, but I clearly am in better position than anyone, really, to know what it takes to have players succeed in the NFL. Oh, God, I want this now. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. Also, man, he's a ginger.

Imagine him having to coach outdoors with that complexion. he's going to look like a vine right pink tomato the other the other nice side effect of this if if jason garrick gets the pamid job jerry jones is given arkansas $50 million the same day the absence Nick

we're going to need you to call the hogs no no all right that's fine Nick no we don't do that anymore I will I will I will text the hogs hey everybody shut up Shut up. Nick said we don't call the hogs. Stop calling the don't hogs. Just text the hogs.

Don't call him. Well, you know, I don't really want any hogs anymore. Yeah, I think the guy who ticks over for Saban when he retires should be somebody completely forgettable and replaceable. That's, that's like you need to hire somebody who is an absolute, I think, does somebody have a spittoon on the podcast? No, I hit, there's a metal, there's a metal table in the room I'm in, and I hit it with my. Matt, Ryan, we really missed a shot there to burnish your legend. Ah.

What are you doing? Beating someone with the shovel, live on air. Hey, y'all see Casino? It won't be Debo, by the way. Debo's not that stupid. He's not. You know who is, though? Jimbo.

That would be the best. Ten years. Never leaving A&M. Wait, not if that Cowboys job is open, just like you said. Fuck. Oh, my God. Because think about it, they've got to get somebody who, like, they got to get somebody who's replaceable but credible.

They know that, right? They got to get somebody who it's like, they've got to be fireable, but everybody also has to know his name, and it has to be plausible. Who is that? besides Jason Garrett because I had an I had an evil thought go on

super evil thought John Gruden man man after it goes belly up with the Raiders in like three weeks wipe out yeah

saving retires and they're like let's hire Gruden and finally like you get the double burn of every idiot at Tennessee who wanted to actually hire Gruden. There aren't that many of those people. I know. There's 30 of them but I want them to hurt. And I want them to hurt bad. And then

in addition to that, watching Gruden say, yeah, do what he's doing with the Raiders now. Bringing Mike Mayock as his personnel guy, we're going to do things the right way now. Another complexion, by the way, uniquely badly suited to coaching outdoors in that climate. Yeah. Wait,

can I... It's going to be like one giant melanoma. Can I shift you three degrees left and say J. Gruden. No, that's who Tennessee would fucking hire. If Bama got John, if Bama got John Gruden, whatever shit house rat, Tennessee has an AD at this point, this is, I'm so mad right now because you know, you know they're going to do this. You know this is exactly what they would do.

Well, we got the same thing. He's just younger. Golly. Oh my God. Phil Fulmer better be. dead before this happens. If Tennessee is hiring a Gruden at this point, it's deuce.

It's definitely Deuce Gruden. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jay Gruden is just Mike Shula stung by bees. No. Oh, God. I'm already angry about this utter inevitable. You'll hire the lesser Grudy. This is so fucking inevitable that I'm already furious

about it. Oh, God. But like, Jay Gruden, I at least expect would know it, right? Like, Jay Gruden would go I'm so angry right now. Daygerton would go, oh yeah, I'm totally getting smoked in like two years. I need to make sure that buyout's like 30 mil, right? I need, I need, like, good boat money. Y'all, I need some cleansing breaths.

We got to move on or I'm going to aneurysm something. Okay, you're next. Oh, shit. All right, from Mr. Haverkamp, I believe this was on Reddit. Which SEC head coach do you think would make it furthest in the Great British Bake off. Okay, time me. You ready? Go. All right. Sabin. Baking out.

Baking is too stressful, though he does appreciate a fine to bake good in the form of Little Debbie. Jimbo, too rich to cook, finds it beneath him. Food is for, no. Tell me when I lie. Too rich to cook, finds it beneath him, food is for peasants. Sorry. However, is the most likely to eat people if it's offered and he is in what I think is a sleeper hit of a town likely to offer him human flesh. Malson, most likely to incorporate Soylent. He's out.

Morris and Ogeron, same problem. Impatient, turn the heat too high so they burn everything. However, makes both of them sneaky great at crapes. Matt Luke, Dan Mullen, Kirby Smart, Joe Moorhead, Mark Stoops, would be astonished if they can make pizza rolls. Will Must Champ Jeremy Pruitt would be astonished if they can find food in their own homes. Like they're like giant faceless Sims. If you put them facing a corner in their own homes,

they would starve to death. Hey, who took the ladder out of this pool? Hey! Hey! Seriously, if you put Will Moshchip and Jeremy Freezer and Jeremy Prypt facing like a freezer with the fridge door right next to them and told them to make dinner, they would just like bang their heads against the stainless steel until one of them or one or both of them died.

Derek Mason has quietly been perfecting a series of flawless Keish's for which he never receives due credit at office potlucks but which are beloved by his family and friends and members of his church but ultimately going to lose out to the relative flashiness and i say relative of barriotum the man can make a cinnamon roll i got a feeling look at the rolls on the back of his head that that's a man who can bait what i hit that's a minute 43 a minute 43 a minute 43 yeah a minute 43 what other podcast got that i got one correction will must chant what chew is way through the drywall like an angry tickle. He'd be like, I'm free! I'm hungry,

but I'm free! Yeah, that's great. It seems I have two questions, so I'm just going to lightening around both of them. From Davis as fuck, Davis underscore A.F, that's the only thing that could possibly mean. Is there honor in staying until the end of blowouts?

Does it apply if I watch on TV? If so, more or less. Does it matter the same we're being blown out by Clemson? As it does when we blow out, please God. Charleston Southern. Yes, there is honor, but honor is bullshit. So you are racking up a point total that doesn't matter. However, it's still a point total. So I think you should stick around and rack it up

and see if that fucking Reddit karma can be cashed in at any point. Speaking... Is there any honor to doing this when you're watching it on television? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's a multiplier. Like, it's not much. It's nowhere near the same. But if you're enduring it, you're enduring it.

Okay. speaking of Reddit from the spelled how Tupac would spell it in a song title 10 Buchanan who will be the next five WWE champions and how we get there first the fiend eats whoever has the belt at the next WrestleMania then Bray Wyatt takes the strap off the fiend then it goes to former Troy offensive lineman Wyndham Rotunda Bray Wyatt gets revenge takes it back and finally the fiend eats Bray it you might say these are all the same person i would say prove it that was good take us home rye last

question from joey langdon which mac team are each of you spencer i'm going to let you go first um so let's see big swings some hits a lot of misses up and down I'm the Buffalo I'm the Buffalo Bulls that's that's that's that's who I am the New York State University yeah the New York State University the off brand see that's what makes it me it's the off brand state University of New York yeah okay um Jason also bizarre bizarre pride and squalor what better sums up Buffalo New York right actually no Holly which Mac team do you want to claim is your spirit A underratedly mean at home, branded with crackling energy that I do or do not fulfill, depending on how I feel on any given day.

I'm Toledo. Good. Jason? Can I be all the directional Michigan's? Are you Mecca Michigan? Yeah. That's what you're saying. Dr. Mishatten.

I might be NIA. Like, because all we're going for here is good enough, right? To win that division, all you have to be is either NIU or Toledo win the one year when the superior team actually wins. Like, just good enough is all we're going for. I'm NIU. Yeah, I think that's fine. I'm going to make myself... God, you took all the good ones with all your Michigan.

I'm going to make myself... No, I pass those back up. So then I guess I'm going to take Eastern Michigan, because I hope you never think of me. And when you do, it'll probably be for something weird, like my weird gray turf. Like, I just, I would rather be left alone at this point. And that feels very on brand with the Eastern Michigan. And it has nothing to do with whether I'm good or bad. Like, just leave me be.

Just let me stay over here. Yeah, that's problematic for me, Ryan. I might need you to pick another team because when we went to the live, full cast you know all anyone would tell me about eastern michigan they would go yeah did you see the building that looks like a dick oh yeah there it is it's uh hold on i think it's called yep stark weather hall also notice stark weather religious center and yeah it uh sure does look like a dick named after mary and stark weather you know there are different ways to honor people but uh buildings that look like dicks that's

That's one. Hey, I'll take it. Just remember me, man.