Shutdown Fullcast - The World's Only AAF Podcast

Episode Date: February 19, 2019

With the signature timeliness only the Shutdown Fullcast can bring, we're here to discuss football's hot new league, the AAF. It's definitely financially stable and you know that because Rick Neuheisel came here from the Pac-12 Network. Everything he touches turns to gold! I'm pretty sure there's some weird Papa John talk on here as well, though that could be true of any Fullcast episode. Ok, have a great day! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast Hey y'all Guess what There's football on actual football Now you know what Don't tell me it's not

Don't tell me that when Orlando Play San Antonio They're not playing for real stakes Because they are They're playing for literal stakes The winner gets eight Ribeyes Eight

10th steaks eight yeah if you if you win another if you win another game we'll give you the other two and then you can have some place to live while you're playing in the AAF that's hurt I want I want man I want all kinds of these are most these are mostly affordable cities in where the AAF is right yeah you know Atlanta's pushing it okay San Antonio's in there Memphis, very affordable. Very affordable. Did you, why are you, look, I'm, me.

San Diego's, San Diego is pretty affordable, isn't it? San Diego is, hell of expensive. Is it? I have no idea. That's actually. Wait, I didn't actually know San Diego had one of the teams, which I guess proves a point. Yeah, they've got, they've got Mike Martz's team. Mike Martz and the 20th.

You can tell me literally anything about this league and I would believe it at this point. If we're going by affordability of housing, Arizona's got to be it, man. You can just crash with some dude in an RV if you got Paiote or whatever. Where are you going to stay when you're playing out here? Oh, Dave. You know, just Dave. He's cool. Dave Klingler.

He's out of here. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy, man. No, I would believe anything you told me about this league, you know, like I've seen people playing in the AAF that have been pleasantly surprising. Like, I saw Quentin Patton, right? Who I thought only I remembered from his time as a star receiver at Lotech. Nope, nope, apparently still in the league.

Which league? Still in a league. Still in a league, right? I saw, of all people, Trent Richardson, playing for the Birmingham Iron. Who, you know, I think it's important you name yourself after an export that your city hasn't produced in 50 years. Well, but then the announcers got to do things like pronounce it, Iron, which is fun for them.

Birmingham, Iron. We were on Elocution Safari for a while there. That would be like produced, that would be like if the New York team was named the original ideas, something it hasn't made in over 50 years. Yeah, it would be like calling a New York team, the New York rappers. I was going to say the New York Knicks. Yeah, just the Knicks. That's what they should have called it.

They should have given them a team and just called it the Nix and dared them to do something about it. Is that, does that, is it spelled differently? Nope, K-N-I-C-S. You borrowed the logo. You borrowed the logo. It has a basketball in it. It's Nix, nothing but guy named Nick.

I mean, we're just paying, yeah, we're just paying tribute to ballers. Why do you have the NICs logo on there? Charles Oakley's on the team, and he's happy to be here. Unlike at Madison Square Garden Charles Foster Canix This is This is a league where amazing things can happen Where Garrett Gilbert can be 2-0

And Dealin And where we will continue to pray For Christian Hackenberg Yeah Last What was your last college memory This is a good question What was your last college memory of Christian

Hackenberg? The same as everybody else is praying that he wasn't going to get drafted so that he wouldn't get hit anymore. Mm-hmm. Then where did he... Then where did our malign God send him? The Jets.

To a New York football. Yes, they sent him... They sent him to the New York Knicks of football. The Jets. And then, where did they send him? The A-A-F. Now, what was the story that you would always hear in the prose? Man, Hackenberg looked great in practice.

Look great in practice. And then he would come out and he would hit the yard marker with the ball instead of the receiver. What did you? Hey, we got dogs. What did you? Yeah, we do. Hey, man. Chime on in, boys.

We got callers. Y'all can hear that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Damn, this mic is amazing. I can barely hear it. It's a terrific technology. So one of our dogs is going senile and she just barks all fucking day long.

Is it Batman the dog? Get used to this. No, he's good. He doesn't have much. say oh i thought batman was a girl dog that would be funny we should have done that we should we should have named him bat girl it seems like something that you and your daughter would have done and i mean that is a compliment uh christian blaze hackenberg by the way in his uh second start for the memphis express they probably have a train cheer i don't know this is from pro football

focus. That's how you know the AAF's legitimate. Pro football focus couldn't write about them if they weren't professional football. It's not legal. Hackenberg finished the game with an abysmal stat line of 14 for 25 for 102 yards. And completing just one of five passes targeted at least 10 yards down field. Is tape a drug? Like for the tape grinding community, is tape a drug? And they don't care that like, oh, I don't know, man. This is just say, just give it to me. I got to grind this tape i gotta see shit we should have asked we should have asked bud this last that's that's what this feels like that you're just like you you need that fix you need that tape

fix and we haven't we haven't given you enough yet and the combine's not here so you just gotta grind some tape just just a little bit to keep me going i'm getting so cold maybe it's tape is tape a religion oh it just or is it like spice and do it i pledge allegiance to the tape tape must flow I think Holly's right I think it's more a drug that just has to happen right like gotta do it

need tape because that's really the only reason that you would watch like you know contemporary Joe Flacco tape or Christian Hackenberg ever right and a drug

once you develop a relationship with it you don't think rationally you make poor decisions in order to obtain more of it like you say start christian hackenberg over zach mettenberger memphis express is also a great nickname for a drug memphis yeah i love that oxymoron that's like regular speed yeah that explains their offense the memphis Express moving at 38 miles per hour. The fastest thing in Memphis.

I think before we dig too deep into the AAF, I think first we need to clarify for any listeners who might not be familiar with the AAF exactly which. Yes, they are sponsoring our podcast. Sponsored by the AAF tonight. Yeah. We sponsoring them. We are, we sponsor each other. We do.

The first half of this podcast, brought to you by the AAF. Second half of the AAF brought to you by this podcast. Yeah, we're responsible for the second half and overtime. But a lot of you are probably, you know, we shouldn't assume that everybody knows what the AAF is. For example, maybe it's the aluminum association of Florida, or the American air filter company, or, I don't know, audit and audit follow up. Those bastards. Or the actual art foundation in New York, New York. or to you made that up

nope you made that one up or the Afghan Air Force it could be the Aztec Athletic Foundation at San Diego State could be the Army Advantage Fund could be the audit automation facilities it could be the

Association de Archivists French we could be talking about anti-alius function or air-to-air firing or army availability factor or the Atlantic amphibious force or even the auxiliary airfield. Ooh, I want to talk about the amphibious force, which I think is Orlando's team. You know, we're so close, actually, because in the list of teams, these are the team names, and we'll just, I'm going to go through them, and I'm just going to save the best one for last.

Okay, go in order. The Arizona Hot Shots, named after the firefighters. Yes, and their logo has axes in it. Their logo is the best, and we'll just like, we'll lead this. Best damn logo in the whole league. Maybe one of the best in professional sports right now. It's dope. It's got two axes and fire.

That's really, I'm sold. Yeah. Sold on all of this. Before we run through the teams, we had sort of a. There are several. there are exactly seven to nine somewhere enough we have a we have a Jeff Fisher of teams

hey why you got to try and put me in a sexual mindset so early in this podcast there's your Memphis Express oh listen I don't need him pick him No I think he's more like a Salt Lake stout that man's a Birmingham iron He's iron We had y'all vote on which teams we as a community will support in this thing.

And, you know, if people have their side allegiances or whatever, that's fine. You know, at some point you're going to be rooting for a third of the league. But whatever, it's February. Interestingly, Atlanta came in last, last time I checked. Yeah. So if we rank these eight teams by percentage of the vote they got in their respective, we put up two different polls, one for each conference or division or whatever they got. And I know this isn't a mathematical way to do this, but the Atlanta legends only had 18% of the AAF East vote, giving them the smallest percentage Atlanta came in last.

Which is usually not even the kind of thing Atlanta can pull off. Like when the Hawks tank, they don't actually come in last. They come in like seventh. Yeah. They come in fake last, right? That's what seventh is. It's fake last. Their logo is terrible.

It's bad. It's very bad. It is a... Also, their team is bad. It's kind of a crown. In my opinion. But it also resembles a sort of the weird thing on your multi-tool that you're not sure what it actually does. Right.

Where you're like, is this a bottle opener? Or does it, is this how you open a computer with those weird screws? It's got ears. Is it some kind of animated? It's like vaguely papal. It's a, is it a screwdriver in metric? Yeah. Like, no one's real sure.

exactly what the logo is the there's a version of the helmet where the crown is like clearly tilted like ti's hat yeah yeah and that felt like a local tribute but on all the photos i'm seeing it looks more level but also like how does this how does this pair with legends i don't like this also sounds like a by the beard of odin's style swear well t i's hat yeah that's the that's the highest oath in my By Clifford Harris's Fedora. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks.

Yeah, there's really nothing good about this team. Also, there's nobody on the team that we want to watch or listen to. Well, there's DeNard Robinson. Oh, shoot. Is he on Atlanta? I feel so bad for him. Yeah, he's an Atlanta legend. I like, that's

my favorite part about this team is like, I'm sad that he had to go to Georgia. Atlanta legends. I mean, it does figure, though, doesn't it, that DeNard Robinson had to go to Atlanta to be recognized for football because that wasn't going to happen anywhere else. Yeah, and even when this team has tried to, like, basically, I think, suck up to the locals, they have done it. Which they haven't done real hard. Well, they had, Mike Vic was the OC for a while. I mean, and they had.

That, yeah, that didn't last real long. The thing that's weird about the lack of impact that Atlanta has made in this town is, is that there's a blueprint that's like two years old laid out for them on how to do this in the form of the United. Like, we've just seen how to do this and how to make it a success. They're like, no, we're good. Even when they've tried to pander, it's been very unsuccessful. For instance, yeah, we're going to have Aaron Murray on the team. That's right, UGA legend Aaron Murray.

Oh, now that he's graduated, can I tell my Aaron Murray story? Yes. Which is that when I had a broken leg and was on crutches, I once shared an airline shuttle with Aaron Murray in which me and a pregnant woman were standing up holding straps and he didn't get up for either of us. Oh, no. Also, he was wearing sandals and getting ready to get on a plane. So I'm pretty sure that I am legally allowed to, you know what, he's playing in the A.S. He's a legend.

That's a starting quarterback right there. That's a take charge type of. Actually, I don't think I was the starter for the list. All right. That's what I was saying. It's Matt Sims. He's the backup to Matt Sims. God, okay.

Life is so much worse. Yeah, life's already done. We've hit upon the actual reason I don't want to watch this. We have a Sims. I've seen this movie. Phil? No. Chris?

No. Keep going. All right. Sorry. Who was above them in the East bracket? So we're going to We're going to jump to the West With 19% of the West vote

Was the San Diego Holly, do you know the last name? Can you guess? No, but are you telling me Atlanta got the least votes Of every team in both divisions? Nationwide. Yeah, nationwide.

Adorable. The most important team in the country. Which, by the San Diego Baby Pandas. Extremely Georgia of us, by the way, to get the low because, you know, it's golf. Now, hang on, hang on,

I'm guessing. The San Diego baby pandas, the San Diego Coronado's. The dumb, no, dumber. Dumber. Yeah, and think like a little sexual, but on accident. The San Diego Qualcomm harassment trainings. Close.

Close. The San Diego Howdy Sailors. That is the closest. That is the closest you've gotten. Yeah. Yeah. What if we just named, what if we just named the whole team after the whole

Navy. Wait, that's it? The fleet. The San Diego Fleet. It's the dumbest. It's like they looked out the window and they were just like, Boats. Can we name? Call it the San Diego Boats? Also, that's the same name as the Express. Yeah.

It's the same goddamn name. You only got eight names and you repeated one of them. San Diego and Memphis are the same town. I've always said it. And the people in both of those cities say it, too. They both have so many things in common. It's ridiculous. They don't have an NFL team.

I'm just going to start calling it. I'm just going to start calling San Diego, Baja, Memphis. San Diego is the Memphis of the mid-south. Or the other way around. California's Memphis. San Diego is so nice. It has, it doesn't even have to develop personality. Yeah, absolutely.

all right suit yourselves that would have been a better that would have been a better name for the team san diego suit yourselves you might have you might have actually seen

this might have been your first aaf experience because the lasting image from week one of the aAAF's action was mike berkevici that's right Arizona state's finest

uh Mike berkevici getting annihilated and his helmet flying off playing quarterback for the San Diego fleet. Oh, wasn't this Mike Martz's team? Yeah, yeah, that was Mike Martz. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it wasn't Mike Martz the guy used to put like 400 plays in on game day and have like old school 37-step drops for his quarterback? I will kill Mark Bulger. I will. Extraordinarily productive and maimed quarterbacks. Yep, Mike Marks. Same guy.

Same guy. If you're not Kurt Warner, you're going to die. And even then, you're probably going to. to die. Mark Bulger killed my father. I'm sure of it. Yeah, 12-step drop. Tank hole 12. Wow. Stomp them if you have to.

It's like the Stations of the Cross, but it's a football route. The stations of the crossing route. I just want to throw the ball. Drop back! No, there's no crossing routes. Those are quick. That's a great Mike Mart's voice. I think my favorite thing about the San Diego Fleet is all of these rosters, they tried to keep them very local. Like, the Atlanta team has Georgia players.

The San Antonio team has Texas players and so on. The San Diego team, I don't like where there are no former USC players available. There's like one or two. Their roster is all over the place. It has players from Colorado, Minnesota, Pitt. This is the Pitt team. Rutgers, San Jose State, Stanford, Syracuse, UNOV, USC, Washington, like multiple players from all these teams.

all over the place it's it's the grab bag team that's how that's how the fleet works man you grab them from all over and you put them on the boat so this is the this is the actual story okay and then we'll pick back up okay Ryan John Feinstein you know good friend good friend uh Bill Connolly right and math expert uh algorithmic hater where are the fleet hey where are the fleet in S&P plus they're not even fucking there what a joke fucking true peter um today by the way he blocked me

because I called him emotional so so anyway this was this was there was a rumor that John Feinstein had taken the Concord home to see his sick cat while after covering or in the middle of covering the French open

what's wrong with a kid I would do that so is it a good cat Feinstein said there was no Concord involved in the French store, the French Open Story. He had three cats, and one of them had been sick. I'd had the cat since college. She was 16 at the time. When my wife called and told me she died, I called Frank to Ford and asked if you might have if I flew home between the French in Wimbledon because it would cost less.

But then, when the paper folded, page six just ran something saying, John Feinstein had taken the Concord to go see his sick cat on the national drive. This is literally the only relatable thing that I've ever. heard about John Fine Steen. Sorry. Okay. So, that's... Next up, the Memphis Express. I don't know if that's a thing I just made it up. So they were penultimate in our East list?

Oh, come on. I'm really disappointed in these people. This is Holly declared allegiance. Oh, and they are, yeah, currently rank third in the East in our voting. Okay. Oh, man. Even, can I just sell things? people on this. They have Pig Howard. Thank you. They got Brad Wing. Yeah. They got, they got Christian I'm sorry, they have Zach Stacey. As, as Jason's own AAAFL post will attest, this is the most LSU team.

Yeah, this team is, uh, I mean, they got Mike Singletary, his head coach. And I think we know enough about his football style to determine that he is very compatible with LSU football. not smart well more like we're going to score 19 points that did Memphis cross midfield reader they did not is is the logo

does the logo have a plane shh like FedEx get it yeah I guess it's just all different ways that you can transport bricks of angel dust which comes in bricks

I like that this is the most like bootleg sponsored thing I've ever seen I seriously Seriously. I said this last week. We weren't even talking about the AAFL, but give me the giant puffy red, white, and blue starter express jacket. I will pay stupid amounts of money for one. Just add them. And I'll probably need to. Just add them. They'll probably, they've probably got extra. Their head coach should have been Mike Sherman if they're all about the angel best, right? Come on. Yeah. Yeah, come on. Wow, dude. Sherman.

We get it We get it Next team Next up is All the way down at fourth overall The Arizona Hot Shots The team with the dopest logo In the entire league

It's some axes on fire Does the dopus logo mean they have the best merch Do all the teams have different merch Or is it all like Here is this same T-shirt with a different logo I'm assuming it's all very very somewhere. Yeah. But maybe there's like, maybe you can get a custom fireman uniform with the Hot Shots logo on it.

And this kind of gets at, to be serious for one second, this kind of gets at the problem with this, right? Because they're trying to tap into local markets without using any of what makes local teams special, which is regional specificity. Which seems really stupid when you have teams like Memphis and Birmingham. There's a lot there to mine. Arizona's got axes and fire. Yeah, they got axes. They got fire. I don't know what more.

Like I said, Memphis and Birmingham are both fine cities. And they got Scooby Wright. Birmingham, like, literally has a famous series of axe murders. Come on. It's right there. Man, I got to pay attention if they got Scooby Wright. See, these are not things that I know. He doesn't, I don't think you play.

Why were two people telling me this? I don't think he plays a lot, so. Oh, well, that's new. Yeah. They got Trevor Knight. Trevor Knight? What? Yeah.

He had that one game. Maybe he'll have another. All right. They got Trenton Thompson, former number one recruit. The only number one recruit to not be drafted, but still a former number one recruit. So, yeah. That is a manner of distinction. Yeah.

Do they play in, do they play in Sun Devils Stadium? Yeah, I believe they do Also, also, who is their sweet, sweet coach? It's Herm Edwards, you got loose. Close! Close! Close! It's our good buddy, Rick Neuheisel.

Rick Neuheisel. Oh. You know that he just took the job because they were named the Hot Shots. Did they just, no, did they just hand this game over, this league over to a bunch of of CBS adjacent personalities? I think so. I mean, this is also the team that originally Hugh Freeze was the offensive coordinator for before he got the Liberty job.

That's true. Before Hugh Freeze got the Liberty job. Which, again, Hugh Freeze got the Liberty job. Before Hugh Freeze got the Liberty job, he was on, he's still on the website, even though he has the Liberty job right now. Ask yourself, what's the more real football league, the one with Rick Neuheisel as a head coach or the one with Hugh Freeze? which is the team that sounds more real

the Arizona hotshots or the Liberty Flames Hugh Free's do crimes 2019 the shutdown full cast supports the campaign of hashtag Hugh Freeze do crimes do all kinds of crimes

no one's watching the other part that I like about this is that you know it's not just that they have head coaches there's like a general manager for each team. And in the case of the hotshots, that's Phil Savage, who, like, directed the Senior Bowl and was the GM of the Cleveland Browns.

Like, it's, it's an interesting thing that they're sort of like, yep, we will, we will play it exactly as we're supposed to. You will have all of the spots, and we will take them seriously. That's Bama radio competitor, Phil Savage. That's correct, yes. What would be the oddball alternative to that? right i mean something where like a local business also run like a local pizza place also runs the team or something like that or or i could definitely see a situation where um they're like okay

here's each of the franchises and they each have an oddball like if you told me that there was a barbecue establishment behind each one like it's little league softball it's like the arizona hot shots ran by dan marley right if or if there were a louisville team and Papa John was not the general manager like you know what I mean that's what I think we're missing here yeah he would sit behind the bench of the other team in their colors yeah like a we should talk about this this is like five day old news by now but we probably need to we probably need to speak on this is like look at me I'm not a Kentucky fan but I'm wearing Kentucky logo I'm sweaty Drake I got hurt feelings God I love it I love

The entire storyline of Papa John switching allegiances is just, God, that's the best. Just because you got your feelings hurt when they were like, hey, don't be an insane, sweaty dork. Well, the best part is that, like, when Drake does this, understandably, college athletes are like, oh, cool, Drake is here. And they're not really wrapped up in like, wait, you were at Duke, whatever. Drake, we made love. But, like, nobody's excited. like oh shit pop and john is here and he's wearing uk colors wow can life get any better than this they're kind of like wow he's his face looks rubberier than i thought it was yeah he's like you know

that may be his most identifiable louisville adjacent trait that he never is able to get rid of he looks like he's wearing a human version of one of those rubber horse masks well he looks like he's wearing a mission impossible mask of himself. Yeah. Yeah. Like, he also has, like, if that weren't enough, he has the, like, one of America's worst accents. He has the Phil Sims, like, every single, like, accent that is in the Phil Sims, Papa John's, Louisville, Southern Indiana constellation, sounds like, it is the yokel accent. It is the like, oh, this guy brought a wagon in here? It's like the aftermath of a train wreck. Yeah.

It's not exciting. It's just everything is in a big pile mess all at once. It is. Sounds like Dorito salad. It sounds like swindled yokel, right? Like that's what Bear pizza, Papa Giroz. He sold.

Pepper. Pepper Gers. He told me he was going to sell me a pearl. Turned out to be a marble. This pepperoni cured my breast, thank you. sir. We've just added a fifth team to the AAF East, the Leravourable Purpers. With their mascot, the yokel.

It's the Louisville pupae, sir. It's the lowly peats and a popper painter. The logo is just a big sweaty pepper. I am so upset that I even said that. Just a big sweaty, nervous pepper who's like, yeah, it's nervous. No big papa. You can look at the pepper and see how much anxiety.

It's a pepper that just says, well, how come they can say it? The pepper's like, but my legacy. They'll find out what I did Nevinsville that night. Oh, my God. Go big popper. Again, if you have sorted tales of Papa John, please send them to us. What are you doing? What happened to that?

We're available on our DMs are open. We're available on Signal. I will come to your house and take dictation. I will reinstall. I will reinstall WhatsApp on my phone. to talk to you. Yeah, exactly. Spencer,

can we start a side podcast where we go through every episode of Unsolved Mysteries and determine whether or not the culprit could have been Papa John? Yeah. I'm all for that, although it would really, I think it would really damage my mental health to go through that whole series. Oh, good. Let's do it.

I want to see what it's like when you're worse than this. I'll start talking like I'm from Louisville. Oh, dang! I feel confident we can get to like a 35% probably Papa John. Right. I don't know if this is something that's known to all members of the full cast. Are you guys aware that a friend of the program, Raging Cajun Caj and Rebel, is in what is, like, what was in as a child actor, what is my most personally terrifying Unsolved Mysteries episode ever? No.

Raging Cajun Rebel as a child appeared in that one of, Unsolved Mysteries episode where the girl got sucked into the pool drain and drowned and went to heaven. What? Yeah, there's a young, I'm not going to say his real name on the podcast, but there's a young raging cage and rebel in that episode. That's a weird casting call. How was this pool drain?

No, no, you know what I mean? Like, her hair got caught in like the vacuum thing or something at the bottom. And to be clear, the drain did not go directly to heaven like a Mario Pipe. No, no, it was one of those things. No, it's like one of those things where you could have to put it that way. Okay, I didn't make the episode, okay? Okay, I didn't make the episode. What a dark, put it down there on a big green vine.

What a dark place you are in. It scared the shit out of me as a small child. This poor girl died in a fucking pool and you're like, yeah, so it's like a war pipe. Yeah, thank you. Okay, busted ass, Penny. She used to do. Then she was straight on the cloud level. You have daughters.

Yeah, but I don't have a pool. You've got New York. There's a dumpster on every corner, my man. Yeah, come on, fill that thing up. I can't afford a pool, so this is hilarious. It's the Blasio's New York. You can do whatever you want to put a garden house, that's sucker. Oh, that show was on in like 1987.

Yeah. Enough time has passed. We're basically. When people, that's when people died, didn't you count. if you've been in heaven for 32 years yeah yeah come on she came back she came back that's the point she came back you wait to bury that

you originally just said this was about a pool drowning that's the mystery it's this she she was clinically dead and she like went to heaven and talked to her grandmother or some shit yeah so the Mario theory works because the Mario theory totally works then because you don't stay in the clouds the whole you got to come back down. She just went to the bonus world and collected coins.

Yeah, she found Superstar Road at the bottom of the pool. A screen popped up and it said like Kathy times eight and then it went seven and she just rolled right back. What if you go to heaven and God has that toad voice? Hey! Actually, I know that in the afterlife, the first noise I'll hear if that's actually the case

no like what happens if you hear toad's voice i would be like send me back when you die you go to toad's house and he says i'm a calvinist so it doesn't really matter which chest do you open i'd be like fair fair toad i knew this about you hey how many more nintendo noises do we know how many more aaf teams do we have to I got a while. Did you guys listen to that video I sent you today of two full minutes of toad screaming? I'm going to take it real personally if you didn't. Sorry. Up next at third overall, second in the west, your San Antonio commanders. Oh, sure. When they're in trouble, they're my San Antonio. Wait, command what? Commanders. Commanders. Oh, that's an important vowel. So they went with the hard R, huh?

What did you think? I thought it was going to be commandos, and I thought I was going to get to make Jade Helm jokes. No, commanders. The logo, that is the Alamo, it appears on the logo? How'd that go? You wanted to choose a symbol of victory? No, it's the A.F.

I mean, if you're the AIF, it's nice to just be remembered. Yes, that is a really good point. Danny Crockett didn't die for this shit When will San Antonio Finally get a mascot His pregame ritual is Taking the field in a buckskin cap And then being stabbed to death

By 12 guys with swords That sounds like Tennessee pregame I mean that really does sound like Texas A&M pregame I don't love our current Davey Crockett Screw y'all Is this a safe place for that Also Mike Riley is the coach of this team And you know who, someone who would have been chipper as hell as the Alamo was being overrun?

It's Mike Riley. Oh, hey. Hey, guys, I found some jerky. Yes, you know what? Nobody would mad at him. They'd be like, man, that's great. Mike. No, are you kidding?

Mike Riley would bail halfway through. Gosh. Well, Chargers job is open. You guys got this handle. It looks like. The San Diego I go again. It'd be like he took, he took the Oregon State job for the fourth time. And everyone else would be like, oh, he's so polite.

That's why they call it the same. Civil War. I know the Alamo wasn't in the Civil War. Don't you dare fucking at me. Don't you dare. I will end you. I will melt your

bones if you at me with Alamo facts. God, that would be a good, unsolved mysteries. He tweeted he tweeted once and then his bones melted. Up next on Unsolved Mysteries. It's not a stack so much.

Everybody know it was you, though. They'd be like, yeah, I call Holly. Robert Stack would have beaten this shit out of every one of you people. Oh, yeah, the ring, the ring race at East Tennessee. Hell yeah. One exciting player on San Antonio's roster is Greg Ward, former Houston quarterback. Now he's a wide receiver, I believe that's a story.

I like how you said that with a question mark. Yeah, well, I'm not certain as far as positionality goes. Yeah, because he's not, he's not, he's not starting a quarterback something called Logan Woodside is of the Toledo Rockets former former like six foot tall 15,000 yard guy yeah yeah he's he's doing he's the starter and uh Greg Ward is not which is exactly like there are a lot of cases in this league of yeah we're going to put this guy on here because he's semi regional is he starting hell no no we've got this

this other extremely serviceable and glamorous guy starting yeah well Toledo is basically the San Antonio. It's the San Antonio of this. There was an actual battle for it. Okay. Who's number two? Oh, is this? Yeah, let's talk about the U-Phers. Are we, so now we're down to be, to be clear, our top two teams are going to be

Orlando and Salt Lake in some order. What are you doing? Why did you do that? Ryan! People don't even know what cities are. Come on, man. I didn't even know Utah had a team. Number two is Portland

Spencer Hall tonight Number two is Portland That's the only Anyway, number two Number one in the West Our official AAF West team Based on public balloting The Salt Lake Stallions

Wild Stallions This was the team that I really, really Did not expect them to win anything But the I feel like Matt Brown Goose The Mormon vote here I don't know. I think maybe we got some

some hogs on the loose in the ballots because Austin Allen is the starting quarterback. Well, I got Pick Howard and Memphis eat shit. I mean, I agree. But the people have spoken. The people have spoken and once again, this is why not everyone should get to vote. The people have spoken and they love themselves some,

they love themselves some, I guess, layover vibes what I think what I think Salt Lake City Hey they got the corn pals Low ABV

Low ABV beer baby How much you got to drink All a little bit What are you going to have to do pee How many times you're going to have to pee Several times in an hour

Oh it's 9 o'clock And I want a milkshake Too fucking bad You're in the SLC Too freaking bad Holly Too freaking good I get it

I get a See this is why I'm a Memphis fan Lifelong Memphis Express fan I get the feeling by the way There are two bars in Salt Lake City That are open past nine And they are each the hardest bar in the universe Yeah they're both TGI Fridays

Yeah but they're the hardest TGI Friday They're like man I got stabbed there When last night? With what? It was a plastic sport from a door of the Explorer lunchbox But it hurt Yeah no but he meant it So this is like where Salt Lake's biker gang

Rolls up It's literally bikes, though. Yeah. Like, it's a bicycle gang. Yeah. In spandex, right? Like, who, yeah, man, did 100 the Saturday. It's the altitude, you know.

A bicycler gang. Just my conditioning is so good right now. The head coach of the Stallions has coached 3702 games between college and the NFL. And has not gotten better at it. It's Dennis Erickson. Who, yes. I've seen that man cry. what are Dennis hey Dennis

Can I call you Dennis What are your finances my man Because I feel like you shouldn't need to do this Feel like you shouldn't be at this point You know you're not a spring chicken How's our retirement account looking I just think he's trying to get a Wikipedia page longer than like Donald Trump's It's up there man it is

Third Return to College ranks That is a subset of and you know what There will probably be a fourth And then about 25 snakes came out. I'm going to, can I try to name everywhere that, do you have his Wikipedia? Yes, I have, I have, I have his head coaching record from 1980, from 1982. Yeah, go ahead. I'm pretty sure.

So hang on, hang on. How many are there, Ryan? Let's see, just head coaching jobs, I'm assuming? Just head, yeah, just just, just had jobs. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. 10. All right, let's do over under 5.5. Oh, he can, he, does he have to do an order or just total?

I think I think I can do them in order, but let's go total. Okay. I think you'll get at least seven. In the minute. Ready? Yeah. Sorry. Okay.

Sort of. Idaho. Correct. Washington State. Yes, you've missed one in between. i i shan't already you're already you're already you're already fucked up i don't know i'm gonna start to get out of okay i know i know washington state Oregon state yeah he skipped way ahead but that's fine

i did i did Miami yep now okay you just got no temporal Seahawks yep right um San Francisco 49ers correct then Arizona State. Yep. Oh, the original Arizona State considerer. Yeah, he was the OG Arizona State Considerer.

There's a really weird one in between here. I think he did Idaho twice. He did go back to Idaho, correct? Yes. He did go back to Idaho. Yeah. He returned there for like 10 minutes. Yes.

Cars still running in the parking lot. His current job with the Stallions is the 10th. So you're missing a job he held in 19. 1986 for one season in between Idaho and Washington State. I do not know what I will take. I feel like we've actually talked about this on the show. We have. I will take a clue.

I will take a clue. You would definitely hear about this school on PAPN. That could be thousands. Oh, it was an FCS game. Oh, it's a Division 5 team. It's an NFL team. Okay, got it. It's not Army.

which Bill Connolly I know that because I'm a serious big time sports writer It's some junior juco team I do not know this one so I missed one I got nine for ten on my my erics It's why it's Wyoming Ah so man he was just like evading warrants

Basically somewhere in the high I got to go to Wyoming for a while Chill out for a year Is Dennis Erick said technically a city state at this point? Yes he is he's a sim city yeah that's you know what that's not that's not i mean that's a run but there are coaches who can easily give dennis harrickson a run for his money yeah you're right but idaho twice is a real i'm telling you the early part of his resume looks like actually

i have i know twice sounds like one of those things that comes up in a movie about a bunch of convicts getting together for another score and like they're all kind of old and this This is supposed to be their last job. And, like, three quarters of the way through the movie, like, something's gone drastically wrong, and they look at each other and they're like, you know what we got to try? And the other one's like, don't even fucking say it, Bob.

And he's like, Idaho twice, man. Robert Duvall says Idaho twice. I think we're really does it is the Miami. The Miami appearing amidst all the Old West Rambling, that's what does it. It's, yeah, it's the combination of, like, I had two NFL head coaching jobs, and I coached Miami, and I coached Idaho.

twice yeah no this is a man this is a man running from the law he's and like listen dennis is paying attention he sees mac brown he sees less miles he's this a f thing is not going to last long i know by the way like of all of the coach the coaches my nominee for most likely to actually me that emilu harris did not write a song called idaho twice i can't i of all the coaches who i would submit as most likely to be using his coaching career as cover for criminal enterprise it's mike riley uh no because he he hasn't been enough he's already done that uh if june jones june jones wait jones is in this league june no he's not oh okay i was like wait a goddamn second somebody didn't do their home uh excuse me he's currently a respected offensive coordinator for the hamilton tiger cats ma'am

that's that's probably a safe distance for him yeah he had to go across the border because you know things in the state's got a little dicey so if I were to tell you here's all the places that he he's been okay Hawaii and then had to scaddle to Houston when I don't know got in deed with some gamblers then to Denver it was a good town I couldn't stay there long though

you know he'd followed me so I had to go over to Houston then Detroit then Atlanta then San Diego had to chill there for a year. That backed up Hawaii for eight years, which I assume are the you know, I thought I was out. Then they pulled me back in.

I did not for enough for a year. And then Houston and now back up in Canada where he's obviously hiding out. Yeah, June Jones is actually secretly a mobster. The best part is that June Jones played quarterback for three different college football teams. For three.

yeah in doing that when it was really slut i didn't even know you i didn't even know you could do that back then right like this was the early 70s what a filthy fucking slut how did he do this by the how did he do this by the way i think he was a college football quarterback for like seven years oh yeah he definitely like he gave portland state his last out like some fake name some fake social security number Rodrigo Rayette Are you saying June Jones is a real name?

No shit This is a great one Hey check his birthday Yeah June Jones Yeah my name is And what's your birthday June Your name is June

Yeah June My name is June You did that voice and I thought Ryan It started playing one of those Vox ad reads live Dude by the way talk about like talk about coincidence guess whose birthday it is tomorrow is it? Oh shit

Yes June Jones birthday tomorrow Hey it's our annual June Jones Borncast Why is the name June? At least that's what the stats say For now, Copper Really not February Jones All right next team

Speaking of, hey wait speaking of February Holidays can I make a sincere Thank you really quick I mean yeah I did not get to do EDSBS Valentine's this year. I had some family shit come up. I had some people ask me about them.

I'm really sorry that I didn't get to do them this year because they are genuinely my favorite thing to do all year. The Reddit thread, if you haven't seen it, the Reddit thread in our Shutdown Fullcast Reddit containing nothing but shut down fullcast-themed love poems, it warms the shiny black pit in my heart where a human heart should be. It is so, so funny.

please go check it out if you haven't and thank you to every absolute lunatic in that thread for making our Valentine's Day just a little more terrifying it is really good it's one of the best threads that the folk as read it has produced the one at the top roses are red violets are blue I'm big cow and I don't like you and then there's dozens more well maybe it doesn't my personal favorite was roses are red Nick Saban has cloud and then a about 25 snakes came out. My legacy. Anyway, thank you guys.

I wish I could have done the Valentine's this year, but you guys came through beautifully. Who do we have? Back to fake football. And finally. Yes. Your official shutdown full cast AAF team. It's probably the one everyone would have guessed beforehand.

It's the one Steve Spurrier's on. Spencer, you want to talk about this a little bit, Coach? Orlando Apollos, baby. Well, doing this a lot of years. Yep, doing this a lot of years. Thought we get out there or not? Pitch your ball around a little bit? No.

Tell him to catch it this time. We managed to do that. I don't know if you saw, but I did because I might be following this obsessively. Yeah, and their comeback win this weekend, the Orlando Apollos called the play, which was basically like a corner route. and Spurrier did the did like the geriatrically Giffin thing where the where once it was open like once the snap happened he goes he's got it he's got he's got on the sideline miced up going back yeah that's one like calling for the one before the like guy even got in the end zone right like yeah just kick kick home for one there all right so i think i did not really understand or internalize until the second week of games is Spurrier going to be miced up constantly? Yes. Yes. They all are. And that's what made like the, um, the Mike Martz

experience so good is minute, like seconds after Mike Berkevici, I don't know, threw a pick or something like that. They just cut to him, you know, in slight delay going like, oh, thinking about making a quarterback change. It's like, damn, you got a, oh, boy, your family watched that. That sucks. Mike Mard's always a charmer with the players He's a players coach really And by that we mean The players despise him By that we mean he wants new players

Yeah I mean don't we all I hate Trent Green and I want to see him crippled It worked didn't it I think that there could be no better choice For this institution than the to align ourselves with everyone's favorite real dad except my heart's just going to belong in Memphis

and so will most of my cholesterol that that's fine it's further by the way like uh I don't know over the offseason I've heard Barry reports either had surgery to replace something like I don't even know if you had 27 discs in your back but he had 27 he was off the golf course for a while yeah no yeah couldn't golf that's how bad it was he's like a damn cyborg now Yeah, he's that quarter million dollar man. The bionic spur here.

You put that belly putter right in my hand. Son of a bitch. I cost about as much as Jim McElwain does now.