Shutdown Fullcast - This Is My Son, Sisqo Bin Laden

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

Dale update Let's check in on our favorite childhood pal, Peeing Calvin Window Decal Clemson and Florida State and the ACC make up, sort of. Surely nothing like this will never happen again Welcoming Bobby Bowden back to the show This week on Podcast Business: Soft banks, hard decisions Jason and Spencer announce some new projects Ryan tests his skills as an actuary Sharing our offseason goals and ungoals Fullcast theme song arranged and performed by Trey McClure Check out Surber’s band Killer Antz: https://linktr.ee/killerantz Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing show, We're Not All Like This, and check out his new narrative podcast with Steven Godfrey, Who Killed College Football? https://www.wkcfb.com/ Check out Jason's free CFB Watch Grid newsletter and other work: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi/ DID YOU KNOW: Holly and Spencer write a year-round newsletter, featuring football and also unfootball things, at https://channel-6.ghost.io/ Purchase only the finest Fullcast gear at sunny https://preownedairboats.com/

Have any of you read the Reddit comment, the Reddit post, I should say, we got yesterday entitled Do It for Dale? No. No. I would like to, I know we're recording. The Dale episode was a huge hit, by the way. So thank you for asking that question. Sure. I'm going to summarize part of it.

So basically, this is, this was written by a guy who was an ROTC cadet. at Wake Forest, who... Not the Marines, but close enough, okay. Commissioned as a second lieutenant into the Army in May 2001. He ended up getting this job called a Gold Bar recruiter where you basically stay on campus for six more months to help bring in, like, the new ROTC class, whatever. And he was like very happy to do this in the fall of 2001. So, oh, 9-11 happens while he's at work.

and the colonel comes by and tells him I'm sending you home for the day you might be leaving this department a few months early so you know be ready for that he this poster calls his dad and his dad's like okay go get some money out of the ATM and go fill your car's gas tank up just in case things get worse

so he drives off campus to the nearest BP and he couldn't pay at the pump so he had to go inside to pay the cashier. This is where I'll read verbatim. Is he in uniform? I imagine if he was working that day, probably. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. There was one customer in front of me standing at the register. I know this man only from behind. He was an older man wearing jeans, a white t-shirt, and an orange baseball cap. He was sweaty and tan. As I walked up behind him, I overheard him say to the cashier the most incredible thing I have ever heard a human being say in a deep North Carolina drawl, the gentleman stated,

As bad as what happened today in New York, I just don't think it'll have the effect on America that the death of Dale Earnhardt did. He goes on to say, I've often thought about this man in his place in time at 2.30 p.m. on September 11, 2001. I have thought about how tragic his February 18th, 2001, must have been. I have wondered if he ever changed.

just mind. I have wondered about everything that led him to that place and that time. And I feel a strange connection with this man. Jump to this. Just before my first combat mission in Afghanistan in 2003, I gathered my soldiers together to give some final orders and advice and so forth. None of us had ever been in combat before. I briefly considered giving them some sort of rousing braveheart-style speech. But as I watched those extraordinary men so professionally prepare for the unknown, I realized they did not need to be pumped up. And if anything, they were too tight. So I got them together. And I told them about what happened in that gas station and went to Salem on September 11th. I told them what that man said. And then I told them,

let's go fucking do it for Dale. Yes. And I just, I so appreciate that this person put this on the Reddit page. Just, just, just, What a wonderful tale to have greeting us. That's all. I just wanted to make sure everybody got to participate in it. No, that's beautiful. Kind of.

Right, right. That's the right sentiment. This isn't split zone, so I'm not going to explain a paragraph about why it's complicated. 9-11 was about almost exactly nine months after Dale passed. So I'm assuming somewhere there were two people who found themselves consoling each other, which led to an intimate moment. And if that baby was then born on, say, 9-11, they were like, well, damn, I guess we know what not to do.

Little Dale Giuliani, get up there. We won't regret one of these names at all. Man, this is, Jason, I know you were involved in this. apparently there's a violent backlash against resurrecting the culture of the Otts and it's coming from Gen X people mostly who need to shut up. There's been some discussion in the fish bowl

about nostalgia for Otts culture and I'm just wondering like what very topical name of the time of the early Otts would you find the hardest to explain right now? Like Amy Lee you could probably get away with. This is my child, J.C. Shaze. Hall. I think that would have been difficult to explain.

There is a certain segment of listener who's like, no, he was the most valuable. This is, these are my sons, Fetterline. Pope was out. Yeah.

That's correct. That'd be rough, dog. That'd be a hard one. Do you think there are kids named after Carson Daly? but retroactively their parents have been like you're named after Johnny Carson

a wonderful late night Blobody Blah Named after Carson Wince I swear This is my son Sisko Ben Laden That's an awesome name You have to apologize

To no one That's fucking great If it's two words And it's hyphenated I'm gonna go back and change All of my children's names Can I just read that a Cisco Rumsfeld.

That's the only edit. That's incredible. That's a camera on Rumsfeld. I met my daughter Gladiator after the position she was conceived in. Rush hour. Get off that house. Rush hour, too. Get your brother off the house.

Perfect storm. Get off that swing set. Live house Williams. You get down from there. God, it's such a bummer. We haven't had, like, a defensive event named Rush Hour in college. And we've missed the window. It's not happening now.

You can't name a baby what lies beneath anymore because of woke. Well, I think once, you know, the Zoomers, since they are Y2K nostalgia is their thing, just wait for the Zoomers to grow up, and then we will have the Rush Hour baby. Sure. Okay. Shock a lot! I'm sorry. I worked at a movie.

theater that summer. NBA Jam, Ramirez. Oh, no. These are my son, NBA Jam and Tournament Edition. I know what it was, and you can do it in a series. Mom, Daddy, I've met someone. This is Dick. Oh, hey, Dick, are you a Richard?

No, sir. My first name is Chronicles of Riddick. This is my sister, Blair Witch. Chronicles of Riddick Cheney. This is our cat, pitch black. my son's jack and bower cat is a calico yeah if you were named after jack bower that is that is the thing yeah we had have i told this story about have i told the story about taking uh my friend's little sister to the beach for the first time and we've been letting her watch

24 with us and we hadn't really been like it's kids they're quiet sometimes you can't tell if they're absorbing or not and sometimes they're absorbing every word and you're not aware of it Anyway, she's like 10 years old, and we hear screaming, and we're kind of up under the umbrella, and we run down, because she's standing perfectly still. I'm like, did she did something bite her? Did she step on a crab? You know, this was, this was cadaveral, so we're like, is there an unexploded landmine under her feet? And she is standing about knee deep in the ocean right where those good breakers are coming in off the sandbar and smacking her in the face. And every time one hits her in the face, she screams, tell me who. who you work for at the ocean.

I rewatched just the first episode of 24 a couple weeks ago. I don't remember why I did this. It is amazing how much. Like, I think we live now in a TV culture where the pilot of something is probably going to be not quite give you enough. I think people frequently are like, there wasn't enough happening there. But, you know, stuff drops like five episodes in a chunk or a whole season or whatever. The first episode of 24, which is still before things really ramp up, includes...

Before the Panthers entered the picture. Correct. Includes Jack Bauer tranquilizing a co-worker and a woman blowing up a plane and parachuting out of it. That's episode one! This is... Wasn't it a manned manned person? Yes. Yes.

She has sex with the guy in the bathroom to steal his press pass and then blows up a plane. Press pass. Yep. Yeah, that's all you need. That's it. And Xander Berkeley gets a dart to the fucking neck. And Jack's like, you know, one of these days I'm probably going to try heroin. That's right.

So my parents were really into 24, and when I first moved to California, I would make a habit of calling them during 24, just because they'd get mad. Sure. And I found this entertaining. And they didn't have TiVo or whatever. So, you know, I would call. I would call just to hear my mom. mom yelling about whatever was happening on the screen yeah and I this was the Sean Aston season at one point I was no longer watching the show at this point but I have what I feel

like is a pretty complete understanding based on my mom hollering down the line only she just called him Hobbit oh okay I thought it would be that of Rudy well like so he gets you know he gets he gets he gets shot at one point and I all I just have this this perfectly preserved memory of my, I call my mom, you know, and she picks at the thought. I'm like, hey, mom. And she just goes, hop it down. Hobb it down. I do wonder what the neighbors thought.

Everything in that show, everything in that show is justified by Jack being like, I have to do this. He's sitting there and choking out a 78 year old lady in a subway station in front of a crowd of 300 people. And he's like, this for America. I need to do this. Because he gets results. What kind of results? He gets results. It gets results.

Things happen. That man gets things done. Terrible things. This is kind of how you go through life, though. I do not. I think you picked up a lot from this. I've never seen, I've never seen Spencer rip electrical out of a wall to torture. Jack's first solution with anything.

It's like, well, to the Monday morning staff meeting he's like we got to torture someone all right it's probably you pliers and your balls my office five minutes what 21 hours from now once I am sufficiently tired and sleep deprived again yeah it's heroin time I was trying to add some magic there with the chimes the clock's ticking I'm sorry I've got to hook your balls up to this car battery the computer's too slow yeah it needs heroin I just, in retrospect, I appreciate that 24 didn't trick us at all. No.

First episode. I assume they would slow boil it. That was slow. Yeah, like, if they made it nowadays, it's like episode seven, you finally find out, oh, that's why his name was Jack. Yes. Who gives a fuck way? That's right. There is no lore to expound upon.

You get it all. No. No. It's all happening for a reason. Do you? I think this was a few years after that. But do you remember, Ryan, I forget if you were still in New York. Were you in New York when the A train derailed?

Like one of the subways derailed? Probably. I don't specifically remember it, but probably. I might be compressing years, but I always think about there was this, there was this perfect little quote just right buried in the middle of like the Gothamas piece or whoever wrote about it. And they were interviewing passengers on the subway. and there was this, they talked to this one lady and she was like, well, the first thing I remember is right after the train happening, there was this big voice

that said the situation is under control and I felt okay. There was this very like base-voiced man on the train. He said, ladies and gentlemen, everything is under control. And I was like, oh, cool, he must work here. And then in the next breath he goes, God is in control.

And I was like, oh, great. Would you feel better or worse of Kiefer Sutherland was the one making that best? I think about that. He's like, the situation is under control, and I'm like, consider the source. Or what if God said, Kiefer Sutherland is in control? What if God's plan was that Kiefer Sutherland would be better at this?

Huh. Kiefer Sutherland's Canadians, so who knows how that's going to work out these days? I love that fucked. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. He doesn't work for us anymore. Return, but it's a little maple leaf. 24 hours of him sneaking through North Dakota to try and save us.

Best seen in the entire show is when Peter Weller's wife gets shot in the knee by Jack. When Jack has him at gunpoint, he's like, go ahead, shoot me, Jack. It's the, okay, I mean, it's the funniest shooting I've ever seen on television, and I know how that sounds, but you have to see what Peter Weller's face does when this happens. He looks surprised. That's the best part. He's got, I'm probably remembering me. this like half, half bad, but he's got Peter Weller and his wife on the couch. And he's like, I'm going to shoot you.

And Peter Weller's like, go ahead. Shoot me, Jack. Shoot me. Do it. And Jack just like moves the gun slightly and shoots his wife in the knee. And Peter Weller, Peter Weller looks at Jack as though like Jack has taken the last hot dog at the barbecue. And not like he's Jack Bowers. And not like he's Jack Bowers.

Like, oh, you son of a bitch. Like this man has just spent the last 45 minutes killing everyone who so much is breathed on him. there's no way CTU keeps the same health insurance provider year over year they all get to you any year absolutely not not renewing go call Anta I see you hit your deductible in 30 seconds

and then the other 23 hours we're having what we're implementing what we call the jack exception for dental I mean he only works 24 hours a year year. Like, yeah, it sucks, but look at all those days off. He's like The Undertaker. It's like a little tiny comet. Welcome to the shutdown. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. I am joined, as always, by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson,

and on the ones and two's Michael Cerber. I have some very, very good news from Michael Serber in particular. That's right. That's right. FSU and Clemson are getting back together with the ACC. We're keeping the band together, baby. That's right. Home sweet home.

The Bojangles Conference, standing strong with its two pillars of football excellence staying in the fold. How you feel about that big guy? Well, I'm a little bummed out because I thought we were going to get two Christmases, but, you know, it'll be nice to all be under one roof. I'll guess. But I like that this happened because FSU and Clemson looked elsewhere, received no offers, and then came back and they're like, you know what? You know what? If I'm not married when I'm 42 and you're not married when you're 42,

we'll come back and we'll get married if I leave and no one else marries me you're still married to me that's the deal I think we should have an open marriage where I can go whatever I want

and you stay right here and then I'll see if I like it better here deal also SMU is here now that's weird just sitting there watching in the chair efficient glimpse to walk back in what the fuck is Stanford doing here

oh man speaking of weird sex shit did you guys see who got named to the playoff committee wow it took no it took me a minute to remember why I knew this name you're not going to guess who it is you're not going to blind you're no that's why like my

my eyes are wide open because here's a name we haven't heard in about 15 years can I interest you in a Damon Evans Damon Evans is on the playoff No, is Damon Evans still the Maryland AD? But let's go back to an SB Nation post from 2010 by one Jason Kirk to recall why we know Damon Evans, who, when pulled over in a black BMW, of course, for drifting across multiple lanes up on Roswell Road,

Jason very helpfully, this promising young blogger named Jason Kirk transcribed the police report very helpfully. During this traffic stop, Damon Evans, who was hell of drunk, had a pair of red ladies panties just in his lap that he was drunk enough to where he just didn't think to remove the panties from his lap when the cop approached. He said, I am not trying to bribe you, but I am the athletic director of the University of Georgia. Then the subject admitted that he'd been drinking and started crying. he asked the lady in the passenger seat what her panties were doing and his side of the seat and he stated she took them off and held them because I was just trying to get her home I don't want to use who I am but I would just ask that you take me to a motel again he's saying this to the arresting officer anyway he's going to be on the playoff committee now and I think

that's delightful oh sorry last thing this is great. This is the lady Ms. Furman, who was in the passenger seat. This is the cop speaking. I asked Ms. Furman how long they had been seeing each other and she stated only a couple weeks or so. While standing in the Sally Port of the jail, Ms. Furman stated that, I promise

you one thing he will get off just to let you know, it will be erased because he is the athletic director of UGA and he has that power. We know. Wow. We know, Courtney, but thank you. If there's one thing, 20-10. If there's one thing, you don't have to tell the police

pulling traffic duty in Atlanta is, it's that the athletic director at the University of Georgia has the power to erase whatever's happening right now. Oh, I was saying it's, if there's one thing 2010 Damon Evans is going to do, it's get off. Anyway, welcome back, buddy. Good to see you. I'd remind you that I have seen an Atlanta police officer in an argument with one of his constituents,

employers, citizens, go, fuck you, ho! that was in the that was at public that was in broad daylight in a parking lot she deserved it no she deserved it i'm not really setting them up properly she did deserve it she sucked yeah she was she was doing a lot of extremely anti-social uh behavior that you can only do when you expect a level of privilege beyond the absurd and uh he was just like man fuck you ho like i get so so so i'm the athletic director George has always struck a funny chord to me because come on, come on, man. But it took me, like, it's a fairly, like, innocuous name, right? Like, there's nothing very distinct about it. So I was like, why is it Damon Evans?

Who is that guy? And there it is, Damon Evans, red panties. Go dogs. I think this proves that there's no barrier to Bobby Petrino eventually being on the playoff committee. Oh, there's no barrier to anything. Like, that wall is down. To the extent you thought that was, oh, well, they'd never.

Yeah, they might. Sure. nobody when they get arrested for drunk driving does what I want them to do which is to begin making a series excited to see where this sentence goes which is to begin making a series of insane boasts just be like Denzel Washington in flight that was based on me I'm gonna go ahead and assume that someone who's been pulled over for driving under the influence has done the thing that you're talking about

already just caught already and they're just like yeah I drive better like this sure I think the Denzel flight thing that is an awesome move if your car is upside down. I only completed the maneuver halfway. Give me a second. Just get me a second. On Tuesday, March 4th, if Georgia could not have any actual harrowing traffic accidents happen in the next 24 hours. So, do we get this episode out? We're recording this on Marty Grohl. We are attempting all kinds of face. I keep forgetting. It's so

late this year. But yeah, that's... Did you see how they celebrated Mardi Gras? By throwing shit at cyber trucks? Yeah. What? Do you think there's any girls that own cyber trucks? No.

Like, statistically, there have to be, but also no. If you tell me the car is bulletproof and beads crack the window, I have some questions about what you're not beadproof. That's true. I guess I didn't read the fine print. Holly, I think the, the cybertruck girls are like those, like, Twitter, crypto girls like I mean Elon's baby mothers so there's like 700 girls

who on cyber trucks right there no that makes sense you're right but outside of that I cannot imagine I found unlikely what I can't believe I forgot to tell you guys about this this is a Tahoe story and this happened before last week's show when I was on my way to Chattanooga to pick up our foster

dog who we took to his new home yesterday shout out to Duke's new family in Myrtle Beach he's a beach dog now but I was driving up Chattanooga, and I almost got run off the road by a solid black Tahoe that had Chevy Girl, this giant graphic in the back windshield that says Chevy Girl and Hot Pink, but it's the only fan's font. Wow. Incredible. I didn't get a picture because I was swerving to avoid my own death. But good for you, Kaylee, wherever you are. Do you all have, okay, I'm going to try to see, I want to say this without being insensitive. There are, there are Tennessee vanity plates you can get if you are a veteran that say, that, like, that part is not remarkable. What is remarkable, at least to me, is that they have in very large print at the bottom of the license plate,

honorably discharged not dishonorably discharged that would be good if that was that would be that's a very East Tennessee thing to do actually but it's honorably discharged and it's so I guess I I am operating under the assumption that most people who are veterans and want to just talk about themselves as being veterans were honorably discharged I don't know if I agree with I don't I don't know I genuinely don't know but it's so it's so like Like, it's so like the questions you're asking have been answered by my t-shirt that I'm sure, like, it was this a thing that people were like, hey, I need, I need this to say honorably discharged because I'm tired of being lumped in with these other assholes.

I don't know that this is the case, but it smacks of like somebody making a rule that you have to have been honorably discharged to get the veterans license plate and somehow in the course of making that a little red tape hoop, they ended up putting it on the license plate. could be that could be i just noticed it frequently and i'm like man this is like very much like despite what google may tell you that's all if you could get a license plate that said record expunged like the highlight of my military service was the day i left it all charged drugs right yeah yeah yeah oh yeah just how about just exonerated as a bit like like like what if you could get oh X-N-E-R-8. Like, what if you could get a college license plate for, I don't know, for, like, Kentucky or something? X-O-N-R-8-D.

What if at the bottom of your Kentucky Vanity license plate, it said, not expelled? Would Godfrey have to get two license plates? Yeah. What do you have to put a problem on? I think it's a good idea for shirts. like, yeah, uh, you know, uh, academic probation, you know, like, beat the allegations. Hang on, I'm saying, graduated, graduated, despite, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, re-admitted with conditions. That's the one.

Like, really, like, like, like, you know, being, like, being in that type of situation is like being a pilot who can skim, It's available. What? Exonerated? The Georgia license plate exonerated. It's available. Damn. All right.

Let's give that one of David for you, baby. I'm just saying I have to update my registration. Hmm. Yeah, we need more, we need more like mundane achievements on plates, right? Like blood donor once. Just indicated that, you know, you gave it a try. Future organ donor. They do already have ones that come close.

Like, I saw ham radio. It's like, ham radio. There's like a ham radio enthusiast novelty plate. My kid beat up your organ donor. Yeah. Really into 3D printing. Yeah. 3D printed this license plate.

I think they know that because you're driving a sion. Yeah. Yeah, 3D printed this gun in my glove compartment. Did I say that out loud? Shit. What if you make it cute like it's a little ghost emoji and then just a gun? Or what if it's like Calvin holding a ghost gun? don't don't pay attention to this license plate please um what did what do kids today have stickers of

calvin peeing on is that still a thing hold on ebay like does calvin pee on like a hunday now or i feel better doing this on ebay then uh all right let's see are these are these specifically what the kids are doing or what's in the market i'm just seeing what's in the marketplace This is true. I should not assume that it is children who want the Calvin peeing sticker. I'm seeing Calvin peeing on the word Elon, Calvin peeing on the word

Trump. This is a great way to test the political climate. Calvin peeing on the Green Bay Packers logo. That's a guess that. Calvin peeing on the current president is probably always number one. Sure. Sure. Why? Calvin peeing on the

Bears logo. Calvin peeing on a word that says on just the phrase, your feelings. So Calvin within the Packers Bears' rivalry is... Yeah. NFC North. One Calvin peeing on the words

Game Wardens. Wow. Again, again, NFC North. So that's pretty good? That's... I hate two people. The Green Bay Packers and anyone who tells me not to shoot deer. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife logo is kind of inscrutable.

from a distance, so it's smart to spell that one out. A very confusing one where Calvin is wearing a sombrero, and he's peeing on illegal immigrants, but he has three streams of piss. Huh. There's no other better way for me to describe it than that. He has three streams

of piss. All right, here's a confusing one. Got that Kohler three-way split faucet dick going. Calvin should probably go to the doctor. Calvin peeing on the word gravity. Yeah. Yep. I'm with it. Yeah.

Can we get, can you pick that one up? Can that be, can we, fuck this shit. Fucking sick of gravity. But is the pee itself going down? That's the confusing part.

The pee is subject to gravity. I mean, I think gravity brought this on itself. I think it'd be better if gravity was up and he was pissing up. Yeah. Okay, that's the full cast one.

I think like if, if gravity didn't want to pee on, you'd be going peed on, it should have made pee going every direction. It should have. Just Calvin peeing on Ben Franklin while he's being struck by lightning. Take that science. That's how he died.

Yeah. I'm so confused. Anyway, I was trying to do like the cross section of like racism and anti-science that would be specific to Georgia. And it's probably like Calvin peeing on like a peanut for George Washington Carver. Yeah. Be pretty good. Yeah. Anyway, yes, Spencer is right.

Peace of the ACC. See? At last. Anyway, when you said they got back together, what do you mean? Oh, I'm excited to see if he can summarize this. Don't cheat. Don't cheat. We should have 20. That FSU and Clemson have settled their complaint against the ACC. Which one?

Well, this was over the distribution because FSU and Clemson felt that they were not receiving their fair share in terms of monies, which yeah What for going two and ten Recent work may skew the curve of an otherwise stellar record in conference representing the Atlantic Coast Conference in terms of football value, sir. Markets generally trend upward,

though there are individual variations within years. That was the end. There was a lengthy legal struggle between Clemson and Florida state they haven't signed it but but there's a there's a settlement on the table that they both seem okay with which would uh would adjust the amount of money that clemson and florida state are approving and in response wake forest is like okay whatever send us a check

please you're still gonna pay us still gonna pay yeah that's amazing that's seriously yeah I thought we were out. Boston College is like, we have an entire case full of these checks, and we haven't touched them because we don't know where they're coming from. Yeah, like, Boston College, like, we are outraged by today's legal maneuver. Give us less. And you will be hearing from us in the future. Now, please forget we are here and keep paying us.

Yes. We've carried this conference for too long. For several weeks at some point. Pit should just get super... In total. Pitch should just get super legally bro-looking about this and just be like, no, no, it's been too fucking long. Cal, Cal is the one.

Fuck the rest of you are out. If the three football powers in this conference cannot be paid like the kings we are, we will be leaving. This is fair is there now. Does this give us an opportunity to change the balance of power in the ACC? Like, do you... I don't know if we... alone, but if we work with like-minded individuals, could we shift viewership trends in the

ACC such that it's like, fuck you, NC State is the most powerful entity? Nobody watches Florida State football. It's all about the pack. I mean, we as an enterprise have tried this. We have boosted Pitt in the CW network as much as we possibly can. And probably that is what tipped the balance, right? Like FSU and Clemson looked up at the radio. ratings, then are like, oh, shit. Uh-oh. We can't leave the CW money behind. If we join the big ten, we'll be fucked.

Frankly, I think we need to push harder. I think Pitt, we, Pitt needs to go on strike. Pit strike. Sometimes they do. Yeah. I mean, formally. Typically when they reach the goal line. Pit reaches the goal line and then stands, stands against the buses.

Pitt has quietly quit on offense a number of times over the past two years. You. Fuck you. We won't score. Touchdowns are for good bosses. We're overdrawn at the touchdown bank and have been for several years. We blame the overindulgences of one Kenny Pickett. And to this point, we are in arrears. Yeah. I'm just elated that we get to keep the gang together.

That's all. I'm just thrilled. Such as it is. Such as it is. The funniest part will be when some non-Florida state, non-Clemson is the first one to bowl. Because this agreement is going to reduce the exit penalty that you have to pay to get out. And like, it will be very funny when North Carolina in two years is like, boy, I'm glad you all settled that anyway. Yeah.

Let's let's just extend the marriage metaphor here. When you're like, hey, the buy out on my like settlement here, my alimony settlement, I need to get it reduced. Why? why is that what poor k now it's syracuse's time you said we can yeah why are you reducing that if you all are all so committed just a just a question about the long-term stability of this product here no other curiosities your honor yeah the weirdest conference i maintain the ac c is still the weirdest conference in terms of bedfellows there is no conference that has weirder which is why we should should have let a federal judge decide what happened. Like, settlement is a cowardly option, quite frankly. Really? Our legal correspondent, Rainey, why is it a cowardly account?

Because we should have, like, I understand that this is the resolution that, like, keeps stability and the blah, blah, but no, we should have, like, we should have let this go to a judge to say either Florida State is completely wrong or Florida State is completely right. Well, it happens every few years in college sports where a judge, a lawyer has to explain to them this is how college sports works and the judge so much are you fucking kidding me so that judge being told that stanford is in the what coast conference right like so much so much of what florida state was saying here was like we sign this but we don't like it yeah but you don't understand judge we really don't like this thing we agreed to yeah and i think we should have made a judge decide like

yeah you know what fuck it you don't have to do things you don't like anymore yeah you don't want to eat your veggies even though you ate your dessert first Oh, wow, you got a chart that says it would cost you a billion dollars to break this contract that said it would cost a billion dollars to break the contract? This sounds like I think you should leave. Like this sound like this court proceeding would be worthy of Tim Robinson. I don't understand. I just signed it. Yeah, that means you're in the contract.

Oh, really? Well, that was that was me then. What about me now? What about me now's rights? What about the new me? Okay. okay I deserve protection from old me

people change that means pass me is dead and how can it dead man's contract be worth anything there is nothing I can do right now to object rigor mortis habeas corpus

that asshole two years ago I have no defense against that person go get him go bring him in here where is he prove he existed

so important make it present him before the court prove I was real at the time your honor prove Florida State University didn't spawn today. Yeah.

With a lore built into your brain. I used to be a real jerk. I used to be a real asshole. I used to do things like go to the belk bowl. But I'm over that. I don't go to bowls this year. You see? I'm not going to bowls at all.

That's changed. Anyway, that's the college football this week. Also in that skit, I used to hang out on New Year's. Sure don't do that anymore. Used to be a real asshole. The only saving grace of this settlement is that this now becomes five years from now me's problem for all of these people. Yeah, because mind you, FSU has done this shit before.

Like, through this entire latest FSU versus ACC thing, some people have sort of acted like, oh, this spring up out of nowhere, like eight minutes ago. No, they do this shit every like four to seven years forever, and they will continue. They're going to go stew about it and pout, and they're going to have one good football season, and they're going to fucking start another lawsuit over some dumb shit that they started. I can't wait. This isn't a complaint, mind you. No, but this is kind of all of the piece of talking about 24, Damon Evans, Florida State.

Like, we're, we've been at this long enough now to where we can bring in in, entirely new audiences into stories whose cycle might appear to be new to them, but it's actually at their midpoint. Sure. Yeah. And I think that that's it. I think that that's an important mountain for us to perch on top of. It is. It's also good.

All of this has happened before. All of this has happened again talking about the Knowles. Yeah. And I say this, by the way, from the perspective of, yes, both a rival and as a fellow fan whose program spent the better part of a decade to a decade and a half absolutely farting around and doing jack shit um i respect florida state so much for being like we've contributed so much to this conference and we are so highly valued and then immediately putting getting their dick knocked in the dirt by life that's that's awesome being like watch us thrive

ryan as a as a as a legal as our legal analyst if this past season they had gone a 11 and 1, would they be sticking with this case? Would that have improved their standing? Wow. In their minds, at least. So now you're asking for not only a time traveler to appear in the court, but a speculative time traveler. I think they would have doubled down.

I think they would have, like, no, we won't. No, it won't settle. In fact, we don't recognize this court at all. We're better this court. Oh, it's me. You owe us a billion dollars. Just me and some shitty white pancake makeup and a horrible sweatshirt and some, like, cheap glasses going, it's me the ghost of Bobby

Baton. Woo. Ooh. I love Charles. Jesus isn't real. Reconcile these two contradicted dogs in your head.

I'm dead. I know things. Anyway, this is two different Bobby Bowdoin's from two different dimensions at once. I have riddles. Riddles are all losing.

You better pay us to get rid of confusing Bobby Bowden. I realize what we're doing is recreating a Christmas Carol, but if Ebonyzer Scrooge wanted to fight all the ghosts instead of listen to the ghost of kick your ass i'd have thought that third one who tried to toss me into hell at my own gravestone fuck you that's clemson's thing leave us

load i just the i would love for dabbo to have been visited by three ghosts because he would at the end go that was really informative fucking nicer jesus that was really that was neat that was neat I have so many lessons to take back to the team now. I got visited by Shadrach Meshach and Abindico. I'm going to make all my players sleeping coffins now. I think it's Cairo Rush Week. I think if Davo got visited by Three Ghosts, he'd be like, that proves I'm right. They wouldn't come to me if I weren't right.

That's right. No, I'm giving it again. All Davo, Davo does not care about a goddamn thing unless it goes back to, let me keep the one job I've been able to do really, really well. You there. You there, boy. Go, rich the fattest sco. It's for me, because I'm right. That's right.

It's fat goose Friday. It's Flempton University. They might not understand that, but those big state schools. Throw that fat goose down the hill. It's for me. I'm going to lay at the bottom of the hill with my mouth open. Let that goose roll straight into my tummy. You there, boy, get me some Milos.

Put on some hill saw. Oh, hmm. It's already playing. No, no, yeah. Come on, please. You had that crank it from the start. His Jacob Martley's Tommy Bowden, I guess. So he should listen to what he shows up.

Oh, remember me. Nope. In life, I win seven and five. Kind of don't remember you, actually. Who are you? Which? I recruited C.J. Spiller. I kind of have to do it by elimination.

Like, not the one who's dead, not the one who's shaped like a triangle. Not the Xbox one, but the other one. Do you Jeff? you're not Jeff no that's the Xbox one that's the only real scary one they're like I'm Jeff Bowden you're like ah get the fuck out

I'm like ah Mom said I could stay here maybe oh god what if what if all three of Davos ghosts are Jeffy Bowden various Jeffy Bowdens like a PS1 just with a different model of gaming

GameCube ghost yeah the last one oh god it's a dream cast Dreamcast Bowden Wee, U. Bouton. Do you have a lesson, D.G.?

You didn't have anything to do with school either. No, man, I just got a controller here. Here, the lesson is that Shenway rules. Here, you can feed your cat. You can feed your cat and play in a pachinko parlor in this game. It's the best video game ever made. Mom said you have to keep me in this job. We're just playing Shenway.

I'm not related to you. It doesn't matter. Mom said. No, mom said. She's not my mom. Well, she says. She's somebody's mom. It doesn't matter.

No. My mom told me to stay here. You're going to tell my mom I can't stay here. There's something just out of reach about Dabo sleeping in the bed with Jeff Bowden's mom, but I can't quite get there. Tiny Tom is somewhere. Tiny Tom Osborne. I think the ghost of Christmas. Like a telotubby.

I think the ghost of Christmas future for any, you know, kind of Bible-thumping Southern coach is probably Tommy Tupperdoll. It's any Christmas you don't spend in bowl practice. What if the ghost of Christmas future and it just shows him at home enjoying a quiet dinner with family? He's like, no! Who the hell are those people? The most important thing is family.

Five seconds after being fired. It's not Tommy. It's not my family. It's family in the like college that pays me money since. It's the, it's not Tommy Tuberville. That's the ghost of Christmas future for a college football coach. it's Ron Zuck, Orlando area banker. That's the ghost of Christmas future.

This is great. I got weekends off. That's true. I always think about that for a retired college football coach or somebody who just got fired. They're like, congratulations. You now have 48 hours for which you are entirely unprepared. What do you mean? I won't be considered a especially great man.

I'll just be a guy with a job. No one will think I'm a man who is great. in capital letters. Horrifying. I'd better work harder. I'm aware that these aren't the jobs they get, but I'm trying to imagine Ron Zook adjusting to, like, you know, banks are fairly hushed environments.

And I'm trying to imagine Ron Zook trying to modulate his voice at like the drive-through window of a credit union. Yeah, or just got somebody a loan application. And they're like, come on. See that APR? That clap just echoing throughout the bank louder and louder until it sets off a silent lawyer. You cannot slap customers on the ass when they make a deposit.

You have to stop doing it. It's a great deposit. You're making sound financial decisions for your family. I love it. I love it. With CD rates like these, how am I not supposed to slap on the ass? Why are they called the executor if I'm not allowed to execute?

Got a couple bad credit decisions here. That's correctable. That's correctable. It's my favorite Ron Zookism is that's correctable because you go, But it won't be, that's correctable. That's the thing. He never told a lie. It was correctable.

He's not a sooth. He's not lying to you. He's a diagnostic. I'm going to start doing that. Somebody tells me some stupid shit I didn't. I'll be like, well, that's a correctable thing. That's, you can fix that. You're going to start doing that, huh?

Continue doing that. That's crazy. You know what? Let's take care of some podcast business. Podcast business. What's a business? Ron's a bank. Rod's a bank.

Podcast business. Come and get a loan. And I'll pet you on the ass and then we'll head butt and I'll pet you on the ass again. Three things can happen when you take out a hold equity line of credit and two of them are bad. We should start a bank. It doesn't seem hard. But one of them can be financial independence for you and your family. Like now's the time.

Spin the wheel of fate. We couldn't be worse at it than Citibank. Anyway. Spin the wheel of fate bank and trade. me and masyoshi son have deals for you do you need ten million dollars for your business take a hundred million sir that's a box turtle soft bank where we make hard decisions that's a real bank i'm not making anything okay it's real it's real commercials for them it's a real bank that as we work was going under was like i don't know if we should give we work 30 million more dollars the same thing that's the right move here guys he is masiosi son his face famous for being like, people come to him and they're like, we need $100 million to start this extremely tech intensive business. And he's like, take a billion. Take a billion. You'll need snacks.

Like, just send them, he should sponsor the full cast. We should go to him be like, we need $5,000 for ad reads. Y'all, you know SoftBank has hired Wes Anderson to direct Brad Pitt and TV commercials for them, right? They might do this. They throw, I made commercials for them at a job agent. ago and they like they will license dusty Springfield songs for like a 20 second hit they spend weird money we all right we because they don't sponsor this show i'm saying i think we could get some of it for now we can't comment on the financial soundness of soft bank and who they

give money to rock solid we can comment on the financial soundness of using offer code fullcast at homefield apparel dot com to get 20% off your first order more shit keeps coming from home field so much more. Why store your money in the mattress when you could put that money into t-shirts and keep them in your closet? And you become the mattress. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Go ahead. Yeah. I don't see the vision. So, so you store money under the mattress, right? Mm-hmm. But if you become money, if you value yourself and you are the money and the homefield sweatshirt, you buy as a mattress. over you.

And you're extra squishy because you're in your home field hoodie. And you have unlocked self-worth. That's what home field apparel has given you in the form of a comfortable hoodie. You can become the box spring of your own life, I guess is what I'm saying. This is how you escape business prison. Why don't you transcribe this show, they said.

I'm going to sleep my way out of my current financial situation. That's right. That's right. And you're going to do it while wearing t-shirts, crunecks, hoodies. Sox. Sox. Dogs.

Doggers. Doggers. You're going to drive your way right out of business prison and that Dale Earnhardt jacket is what you're going to do. Oh my God. You're going to wear... I'm so excited for the deal drop.

Mine's not here yet. I cannot wait. And then you become money incarnate. Money's not real, but you are. Wow. Yeah. Look at that. And you can save 20% of you

when you use offer code full guest. 20% of your soul at Homefield apparel. No, that's real. That's a pretty good amount. That's more than you're saved before. Fuller shows may vary. 20 way better than zero.

Yeah. And if you got a big soul, boy, look at you. Yeah. Look at all that soul. Look at how much you salvaged. A big beef stick tomato of a soul. Damn. Thank you.

Like, Kit, listen, Jason is the religious expert on this podcast. But even he cannot say with authority that when you die and go to the pearly gates, St. Peter, doesn't say to you how much home field did you buy? And maybe that is the thing that divides who gets in and who doesn't. We can't say that it's not that. I think if you have, then 20% of you gets in, so. Isn't there a St. Peter's in?

There's a basketball? Yeah, the Gales. The Peacocks? The Peacocks. Who's the Gales? St. Mary's. Maybe. St.

St. Peter's basketball. St. Mary's is the Gales, yeah. Available. The peacocks. Did they not beat Kentucky a few? years ago? I think they did. They had like a really good run. Yeah, there are 500,000 college basketball teams and I can't be expected to know them all, but Holfield sells all of them.

They sell apparel for every single one of them. Like, why risk going to go, why risk being raptured and not going to heaven with your St. Peter's joggers? They're the one thing that come with you. I'll be, yeah, I'll be down. I'll be down here. All other clothes remained in a pile that Kirk Cameron stumbles upon, whereas Homefield goes with you. It goes with you, yes. That's amazing. So if you find, folks, if the rapture occurs and you find just a disgusting, ugly polo shirt and no pants, you will know. Those Yukon joggers have ascended.

That's right. Because the angels want them. The angels can't get back. As soon as you get into heaven, you bribe the angels by handing over all the homefield that you smuggled into the nether realm. Yeah. Too bad. I'm going straight to hell. What a fucking deal. 20% off for all this for bribing the heavenly host.

Sorry, I'm going straight to hell because they're not having my Florida 1980 shirt. Wow. Where should I send this scam text or wanting to know if I want a free roofing inspection? Homefieldapparel.com. Homefield apparel.com. Actually, yeah, I'm just going to type that. Tell them you have a deal for them. I raise encounter.

Amy, I'm so glad you asked because I have a deal for you. You're not getting my money, but once you get a look at these stickers. Use offer code full cast. Tell you what? For 20% off your first purchase. You hear that, Josh? You hear that, Connor?

All we do is tell people about. We make sales. Listen, next time you get that scam text from like, hello, I am told, Toll captain, and you owe the state of Illinois. Oh, no, this one is worse. They're not even trying. This is, hi, Holly.

This is Amy from a local roofing contractor. We're in Atlanta offering roof inspections at no cost. Would you be interested? You're not even trying, Amy. Good, good. I'm going to start doing this with political taxes. Like, those toll ones at least look like complicated enough to where they could have possibly come from something dumb and governmental.

Sure. But these people aren't whole-assing it, and they don't deserve my whole-ass response in return. So instead, I'm trying to, trying to put them on the straight and squishy path by sending them to homefield apparel.com for 20% off their first purchase with OfferCode Fullcast. Do this with all span you get. Oh, hello, Adam. I'm going to start doing it.

Hello, Adam Schiff, you want money for nothing? Okay. Instead, I'd like to offer you the chance to save on all variety of California schools at homefield apparel.com. You see Overcode Foldcast. Maybe people won't. You're probably going to have to buy some new clothes because people are going to start throwing shit at you pretty soon if you don't get off the stick.

on the stick what's the express Get off the sticks Pass the sticks The sticks are too occupied Pass the sticks Pass the sticks to the ghost of Jeff Bowden Hakeem Jeffries You won five dollars

How about you take that five dollars To own field apparel I don't have Jeff Bowden As a congressional rep right now I bet Lucy McBath can't even beat Mario Party Damn So I just got that same text

So I am sending them The Highfield logo Oh sweet What are you going to send them Oh This shit must be very hot If two people I don't have a California area code.

How do these people even find me? Powerful. I got a spoofed one with a 404 area code where I was a guy who wanted to buy my house. And I got, I had him on the phone for 15 minutes because I was driving it at the end of 50 minutes. He goes, wait, you don't really own this property I'm calling about, do you? And I was like, no. You got me. The scammer has been scammed.

Another perfect full cast. Yes, hello. you've reached Joseph Pizza Hut I'm going to do the rare thing and put out the another perfect full cast post before we actually end the show that's uh that's tempting fate what if they really go awry

I got confidence in my teammates and I got confidence in me and I got confidence in the risen Jesus man we're going to fuck this up at some points from here run out how will you tell can't be uh does anybody else have podcast business they like to visit today that's the instead of our advertisement

uh section on podcast business we are firmly into the firmly into offseason content and diversions at channel six the newsletter that holly and i run we're going to be talking about among other things coming up uh we're to do a little college baseball a little college baseball endorsement about i think probably our most under one of our most underrated college sports i will say that one of our most because what other college sport involves perfectly legal and sanctioned beer showers answer Only gymnastics. Only gymnastics.

That's true. It's constant. It's a, yeah. Yeah, they stick in ball sports in the college realm. Good. Elite, both top of life. Like, they are elite, good, fun, like, perfect counterbalance to like, they're a perfect counterbalance to so many things about football.

Does college golf do beer showers? It feels like they would. Shit. Oh. Did they freeze? Perfectly frozen. Perfectly. There's always that moment where it's like, am I frozen or is everyone frozen?

Yeah, that's pretty good. And you know what? It happened right after Holly said it would be a perfect book. Another perfect podcast. Look what happens. You tempt the hate and the hate comes for you. It comes right for your neck. Now it's hard to tell if Serber is frozen or pretending to be frozen.

No, I'm not frozen. I'm very stoic. Server's a show. Server, you had something for podcast business as well, I think. oh yeah this would be a good time to just go ahead and do that I'm in a band we're called Killer Ants with a Z and we have some things and I'll announce that or I'll talk about them

in order of which they're happening this Saturday March 8th Killer Ants is playing with the old one two and Dai Cherie in Greensboro North Carolina at the Flatiron on March 11th which is one week from when we were recording this six days from when you're hearing if you're listening on release day we're releasing Circus Mile

an EP with four new songs on it that you can stream on all the things you can also buy it on band camp and iTunes whatever you want to do but you can also listen to it for free on YouTube I think also next Saturday on March 15th

we're playing at Monstercade with a band called the Auxiliary from the triangle and a band called Blue Thing who is really really silly and insane and claim that they've been they were abducted by aliens and the alien is the reason

that they are now forced to play the songs that they are playing and their story needs to be heard because it's really striking so let's just make sure that their message gets out and you get to those killer ant shows and then April 5th

in Asheville, North Carolina we're playing with East Ritual and DiSherie as well that's all my stuff, thank you. The show is not brought to you by AT&T a terrible killer by terrible people who make terrible internet. Listen, listen

you said it was a perfect You thought the roof people got me. Didn't you know? You said, I know what happened. You said it was a perfect podcast. I should just offer free roof inspections. I don't have to do anything. I'm just going to go up there and look at it.

So you're fine. Yeah. That's a roof. Pretty cool. Yeah. So, hey, sorry, we're back. No, it's fine. Oh, hey.

How was it? It was bad. I don't like it going away from you guys. You don't like it out there? I know. It was one of the nicer, the more flattering ways in which you have both frozen. Mm-hmm. Oh, you had to like that's.

Nobody was making it. in a weird face. No. That makes me uncomfortable. No, it's like a peaceful, like, God, it feels weird to say. If that's what you looked like in your casket, I think you'd both be fine.

Ryan, why would you think that would be weird to say? When that's what you looked like in your casket. You're definitely going to outlive both of us. Hard to say. Spencer's got to live a creepy long time, I think. Already has. Oh, yeah, you're right. He's going to age like driftwood.

Spencer's either like, oh, I'm going to feel bad saying this. It'll be like one of those old dudes who's 97. No, let's go. Let's go. Spencer's either. not making it to 60 or cracking 100. It's one or the other. Yeah.

I don't feel good saying that. You don't know. I'm going to try to be one of those annoyingly active old men. Like, my goal is I was on vacation in Colorado once, and there was a blinding snowstorm. And I went in with my kids because we were low impact at the time and thus just tubing. And that was far too much for us. So we went inside. And we're like, brer, so cold.

And four senior citizens who each looked like they could beat my ass in. yet also were made of like industrial strength pipe cleaners that kind of old person. They all strode in. I asked them later. They were all over 70 and they were cross country skiing through the blizzard and they were like and they were

one of them with cross country's the fucking with all sincerity one of them like just cruised in put a skis up and they were like ha ready for a beer that's the goal. The kind of people who look like they're made entirely out of jerky

It's been braided together. Yeah, yeah, those people. The ones... You don't see many of those people down here. That feels like a very mountain west type genre that we don't get a lot of down here. Our old people just play golf. Yeah. If you move to Summit County, you're going to live until you're, like, 95, and you're going to be like John Crackhour.

You're going to be out there, like, climbing mountains at 4 a.m. Like, nice little day. Holham. That's the goal. Or I die before 60. John Kermit Crackauer. Any other podcast business before the hate gets gets us again? Can we take out life insurance policies on each other?

Yeah? Like all of us. Like placing bets and then talk. No. Are you trying to start a taunting? No, that's illegal. I wouldn't do that. I'm talking about life insurance.

So many good illegal things looking good right now. Since we're on the hunt for new sponsors. Let's try and get some life. You think we can get free life insurance? Sure. Can I tell you one more great moment? Free life insurance. 20% of life insurance.

Hold on, I got to see if that's taken. Freelifeinsurance.com. What does it redirect to? It doesn't go to anything. Why does this redirect to a taser company? Googling free life insurance minus quotes. Hold on.

Free life insurance. Search domains. Yeah. It could do.biz. That'd be a great.biz. Dotorg is available. Dot com is taken. Dot org is good.

I think that sounds more legit in this case. Can we go ahead and buy that? Okay. Okay. Sure. Just pick that up. Thank you, Ryan. I'm going to put that on my business card.

Can I tell you, stop by. Last night. Just welcome to our business. Welcome to our portfolio of fans. Our family of companies. Listen, it's not, it's not, it's a little pricey, but if you want the most cursed option,

freelifeinsurance.aI. Oh, God, no. Jesus. Oh, oh, good news. The free life insurance.com is available for the Ohio Statecraft. Free life insurance, no. How about free life insurance for kids? Well, this is not helpful.

Lifefreeinsurance.com? No, that's different. It's very different. That's called time. buddy yeah yeah I love the implication of putting the in front of it because if you put the in front of something political messaging does this a lot to indicate that they're talking to people they think are stupid they're like the companies the drug right free life insurance dot horse yeah the insurance there's just no better sign that you're old boy

head to a bad place the insurance the insurance took care of it for me all right at the walmart is that the extent of podcast business i believe that concludes podcast business i'm going to say okay we are done it's beautiful god is in control keeper is in control last night last night i told holly i was like yeah i've got life insurance and she's like what i was genuinely confused and i don't appreciate the fact that you look to me with a hurt expression like i was trying to say something mean. I was confused. How confident

are you that you have life insurance? Very 100%. I know it. Okay. I buy this because you, I buy this now because you have kids. Yeah. But it was the fact that you were so confident. You were, okay, it was what surprised me was your confidence in the fact that you had made some sort

of long-term life plan. And I think that's fair. You own a toothbrush? Yes. I own a toothbrush. Okay. Okay, Mr. Dentistry is a scam. I think you've set into live microphones on this program.

Well, yeah, of course. That's why I brush my teeth. You don't want to go to the dentist. Yeah, it's the scam proof. The scam avoider. Yeah. Keeps the scammers away. So why don't you just live forever and not need life insurance? I love the cozy little corner of the pie chart that Spencer occupies. We're in the little tiny Venn diagram

overlap circle of believes in fluoride does not believe in dentists. That's why I believe in fluoride. I see the vision. That's passive dentistry. That's, no, that's, listen, that's, you want to stay away. You're telling me, I'm going to go pay some asshole to, to clean my teeth when I could just clean them myself.

What's he going to clean it with just the same water I got? That's right. What's he going to do? He's going to pick at it. I can get a toothpick for a penny. So. Yeah, it's a scam. Floridated water, brush your teeth.

There you go. Wear your nightguards, kids. To any dentist. listening, except for you. You're not scammers. We love you. Nah, some of them. Some of them are a little scammy. They know. They know. They know what they've done. I told you all about my new dentist, right, who moved to Pittsburgh for school from India and I asked her what that was like, you know, because I was kind of trying to, like, I was going to try and delicately ask several questions to see if I could get a sense of the culture shocks he experienced in coming

from India to Pittsburgh. And the first thing she said was like, okay, so I thought I spoke English when I moved here. Yeah. And her English is excellent. It's exquisite. But no, the first place she landed in Pittsburgh, which is like English plus, like English with a bunch of add-ons to it. And she was like, the language barrier was a lot more to overcome than I thought it was

going to be because I was in Pennsylvania. Just to show you, there's always somebody going through a wild and more intense variation of the story you're going through. We have a mutual friend who. emigrated as a child from South Africa and it went to Pittsburgh and then had to go to Macon, Georgia, and remembers Pittsburgh like Paris, remembers Pittsburgh like, oh my God, what what a princely capital of culture and commerce Pittsburgh is, which it is, to be fair. Yeah, no, I don't have a comparison.

Sorry. That's no, I don't think anybody. I was going to pull a European city, but I got as far as. like Hamburg and I was like oh they're going to think that's it's part of the ACC so therefore it's a city on a hill that's why I said Hamburg it's a fish port someone's a hamburger

go Panthers I want to talk to you all about like Hambrose note it is 60 60 70 minutes 70 minutes 70 minutes into the call we will begin the topic the show may begin now

fucking it's a foreign hill and podcast. Listen, it's a 15-minute show. God, that's true on so many levels. Attractive. Hey, buddy. I didn't see you there.

That's right. Loved you in Sister Act 2, mostly, is what I was thinking. It's my best work. I'm going to be real. Your best work was and set it off. Sorry. I want to talk about what y'all want to do in the off-season. I mean, personally.

Do you have any anti-goals for the off-season? Start with anti-. It's an anti-goal. Well, like, I'm determined to not get better at golf. Oh. Do you want to actively get worse at anything? That's a backhanded thing, right?

Like, yeah, I'd actively like to get worse at not lifting 450 pounds over my head, you know. Do you have weight lifting goals for the off season? To start again. Besides not dropping any more weight plates on your feet. Big goal is to not injure myself further by dropping weights on my feet because I have a horror show on my right toe as a result of dropping a 25 pound. plate on it um and broke that sucker in half so i'd like to not do that plate like to not do the thing again do you have an anti-gold jason gosh um something you're not doing there's a lot of shit i'm not doing so there you have it a lot of shit i hadn't i hadn't thought about this

until right now but um that's actually kind of appropriate given the topic i'm not learning how to do anything this off-season. Like, I'm not trying to acquire a new skill or be like, oh, I should take up a new hop. No. This is the off-season where I am not trying to expand my skill tree in any way. Can I meet you somewhere in the middle? Sure. I have decided I'm going to get better at video games.

Are you not? I have always believed you to be pretty good at video games. No, I mean, like, grown person video games, because, you know, like, my, I'm very skilled at video games in the Mario genre, but I never finished Breath of the World. wild, right? Like, I want to go back and, like, actually play Breath of the Wire. Okay. All right. That's fine. I never finished Bioshock as a teen or whatever. I want to go back and play Bioshock. It's something about my brain right now. Draws me to the Bioshock universe. I cannot imagine what that might be.

Folks, stay tuned for Holly's No Death's Eldon Ring run under half an hour. Listen, I've been trying to beat Fluff Peeks again the entire time this episode's been gone. That shit sounds scarier than Dark Souls to me. 36. This is harder that Fluff Peeke's special is harder than any video game I've ever played. I've spent 36 lives today and I am nowhere. I think that's the difference

between something like a Dark Souls is like we're going to make this hard. We want this to be a punishing experience but the Mario games are like we want this to be fun and occasionally there will be a challenge and sometimes they totally lose sight of how challenging they're like uh oh we accidentally made one impossible piece. Sorry. They take a game that I can't

even, they take the level that I can't even beat with button remapping and name it fluff puff peaks. And it's humiliated. It's eating your brain up. Yeah. And one of the Souls games, it's like, well, of course I'm losing to that thing. Fucking look at it.

Whereas the cruelty of this game is mocking you with like, oh, look out. You're dying to this cutesy thing. Yeah. Super Punch out. Final boss. Coughing baby. Impossible. Yeah.

In the Mario games, if something is named like Blood Mall Acres, you're like, oh, I'm fucked. And then in Mario, if it's fluff, puff, puke, you're like, no prisoners. It's going straight up my butt. I don't know. There are levels in this game where you ride. a roller coaster where the car is made out of the skull and spine of some ancient

serpent, and I can't beat the one called Fluff Puff Peeze. That's right. This makes it funnier if you just imagine a Dark Souls character in Fluff Puff. Like, happy, jumpy! This guy clanking an armor being like, I knew this build was wrong.

Yeah. Or like one of the bosses tries to do this level. This big freak who his arm is a person and he's 90 feet tall and is like spewing every day you can think of and fluff pup pink conquers him you beat it i just got farther than i've ever gotten than i die all we got to do is uh we're going to talk you for those of you falling on at home i'm within eight seconds of the end wow and uh you are you are

i could actually see the final cliff and then fell your off season goals is improving every day is not to beat this yeah there's that that's good because i don't like setting myself up for failure we need to get you on breath of the wild you haven't finished breath of the while That's actually how I got into Animal Crossing, remember? Because I started Breath of Wild when everybody else started it. And then I decided that Breath of Wild was too stressful, given the conditions we were operating under during lockdown. So I downgraded to Star Dew Valley.

Star Dew Valley was so stressful that I flipped to Animal Crossing and just stayed there. Yeah. We need to up your stress level a little bit. I have you play Breath of Law. Yeah, I need that in my life. That's true. Got to make some diamonds. Okay, Spencer, you're going to not hurt yourself weight lifting.

That's an anti-goal. I'm going to, you know what I've determined? I'm going to complete, I'm going to put it this way. I'm going to complete an entire manuscript there. I'm going to finish. Wow. Yeah, because I've just decided to get it. All right.

What percentage are we at right now? We're about one-fifth. So, well, yeah, about 20%. The same 20% off you get an outfield apparel? That's right. Sorry, we're not in podcast. So I've completed about 20% of a manuscript. I have a question.

Yeah. Last I heard it was 25. Jason, you'll be shocked. I had the number of words for, like, most manuscripts wrong. Okay. Oh, okay. So if I, if I, so this is by the concert, like, yeah. It's not a big problem.

I just wanted to. Yeah. So I'm about, I'm about 20%, I would say. Okay. Why do you keep calling it a manuscript? Because you don't want, because it would just be something that you can edit into a novel, right? A story. It also makes it sound more, um, unhinged.

I'd love to show you my manuscript Because some people might think Some people might In their head hear the word manifesto That's right That's right Yeah with somebody who looks like Spencer That is a dancer

You don't want to throw around the word manifesto When you carry in as much beer I see you I see your car has problems Would you like to come into shelter And read my manuscript My treatise My Logos grammaticus

Please sit down Stay a while I have some barley ale and read the manuscript. Yes. Meet my daughter. She's 13 forever. Tiffany, I can't attend

ACC media days. I have to attend to the manuscript. No longer mine. Y'all reckon there's vampires out there who can't go to ACC. SCMEY Media Days because we keep having it in Hoover where it sun shines all the live long fucking day. Well, all the tactical firearms is well are you ready yeah so that's my that that's my goal jason you didn't you need to tell people

this though like writing a really long story sucks it's it's just the most miserable shit it depends i mean it depends but like when it's bad it's bad um the bad parts like the difficult parts yeah yeah yeah i've heard this um i i i had fun but my experience was rare but uh i think i think It is normal for there to be very sucky parts. And then you look up and, oh, you're through them. And that feels great. It probably feels even better than if it didn't suck. That's what I'm hoping.

That's not like weightlifting works. Did you call it a manuscript along the way? I don't think I did that. That might have been the problem. Yours has always been book. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. That might have been the box I failed to check.

I mean, I'll be on the back porch. Adding to the manuscript. Yeah, it's about a, it's about a... I'm monitoring the smoker of the mind. Please keep, please keep your Cheeto dusted fingers away from the manuscript. Yeah, you mustn't. You mustn't go into that room. That's where the manuscript is...

It's forbidden. Away. What's in the West Wing? Nothing. Certainly not the manuscript. We don't go. See, you have someone hiding behind a... door shaking the door

what the hell is in there you know this is turning the beast of imagination lies behind that door Igor fetch the manuscript it is time also a beverage cooler I like this is trying to me into a

Dr. Orpheus from the Venture Brothers I'm like I'm good with that that's about right I cannot handle the manuscript without the cloak of emboldened But first I must make spaghetti for my daughter. So I have My off-season project is

I, too, am writing a manuscript. Oh. An illuminated one, Jason. Manuscript race! Jason's gonna win. He's already a point on the scoreboard. I don't know who all saw this, but I have a book deal for a book

about a college football history, history of religion in college football and I've begun on it and we've written about Bill McCartney and the Promise Keepers right now I'm learning a lot of shit about Teddy Roosevelt did you know that when Teddy Roosevelt was born his mother looked at him and said

he's ugly like a turtle not all babies are beautiful this is a necessary lie we tell to keep society going What an unkind thing to say about turtles turtles are cute but back then they were ugly They were ugly. They didn't have no turtle who wrote the history of the Navy.

There weren't cartoons of them yet. Yeah, turtles didn't have skin care routines at that point in time. Nobody had ever drawn a cute turtle. So, yeah. And Teddy Roosevelt's whole life, like, is pretty much like up until 25 are people looking at and being like, scrawny bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, he went out and he decided like, I'm going to go adventure through the West.

And he showed up and they're like, oh, look at this. Yeah, he showed up. Look at this New York weirdo. Yeah, I mean, and he eventually, like, won their respect because he just went that hard and he was that committed to being good at it. But he never stopped talking like a weirdo. So all these cowboys would be like, what's up with you, cow poke? And he's like, forsooth, I am Teddy Roosevelt. Born here.

The Rough Rider. Born here on the pride of the Knickerbockers, here from New York. He never had any awareness of how he was coming across. None. His only goal was to come across as hard as possible. And then that would just eventually stampede over, like his very first political job, he's like, I will start. Stand up for the poor. And he shows up, and he's wearing, like, purple silk.

And they're like, look at this rich asshole standing up for the poor. And then eventually he just yells enough where they're like, you know what? I guess he's about it. But, yeah. This is the same man who got shot and was like, the solution is continue the speech. The bullet has but dusted this manuscript in my pocket. Which is true. Are you going to shoot your manuscript in some point, Spencer?

I'm sure. Yeah, absolutely. As soon as we finish our manuscripts, let's go shoot them up. Brow. It can be like Bruce Springsteen. I'm going to throw the whole thing in a pool and be like, we're starting over. Are you having fun with the current manuscript, Jason? Yeah, I'm learning a lot about Teddy Roosevelt.

This is the main thing right now. Walter Camp was a pretty weird guy, too. He was, like, low-key Teddy Roosevelt, like, chill Teddy Roosevelt. They were bros to no one's surprise. They talked a lot about, like, crisis of masculinity and shit, which it's It sounds so current. History always does. It sounds current in a way, but like the question of like, why did football take off here? And like, why is there so much religion in football? And da-da-da-da-da-da-da. It all goes back to like this crisis of masculinity thing in like the 1850s, the 18-90s that just sounds exactly like what people are talking about right now. I'm sure. I'm glad we solved that. Which is a weird answer to, am I having fun? But, yeah, it's fun to see that like, no, no bad ideas ever really go away. They just stick around forever. I enjoy their friendship because Walter Camp and Theodore Roosevelt together are,

Who are the two most unbearable dudes in the room? Let's put them together and see if they're friends. And the answer is usually yes. Yeah, either they shoot each other or are their best friends forever. Yeah. They probably shot each other. Well, consider this, the two most unbearable guys in the room that nobody wanted to hang out with. They're like, why are men so lonely?

Why does nobody want to hang out with men like me? The solution is fighting. What's the, wait, wait, wait, what's the problem? Not fighting? And that's how UFC came to be. I can't make a friend. I want to go punch someone in the face. Hey, I want to go punch someone in the face.

Hey, y'all know how we've, there's this cutesy slash semi-serious social movement afoot to feed misinformation. into boxes that you type online so that when AI robots scrape it they come out with stuff that makes no sense. That's most of my social media. I found this on Reddit today in the, this was just, this is not a community

that I inhabit, but there's a community called mildly infuriating. I don't think this is infuriating at all. I think it's fantastic, but it's a screencap of a Google search that says, are hippos intelligent? I thought of hippos because Teddy Roosevelt and his safariing. and the AI overview response is yes hippos are intelligent animals

they can recognize friends from enemies by smell and can be trained to perform complex medical procedures wow like biting I guess I mean amputation amputation is a complex medical procedure although it's kind of simple when you think about it maybe we should approach this more like hippos bite your way

that's why they call it the Hippocratic oath is what I learned today my common just telling me what will you achieve with the power of AI and I'm like hippo surgery that's right Tomon's been awful quiet on that front lately where'd he go power he got stabbed by John Wick go easy on oh yeah he's still sitting on a fucking subway trade with a knife in his heart it'd be so like I love that franchise because what an honor it would be to be mutilated maimed or killed by John Wick if you're an actor they'd be like Ryan we have a role for you and you're like what I would absolutely are you kidding me I'd follow in bow bands

Footsteps? 100%. 100%. John Wick is going to stab you through the top of your head with an axe. I would be thrilled. Awesome. I would be thrilled.

Dare you request the weapon that will kill you? Yeah. No. Sir, can you please kill me with a horse? Bobbiq, I got killed in the book. Anything is fine. Oh, I would say, could I be killed with the manuscript? Yeah, that's it.

That's Bobin. That's how he went out. That's right. Take its illumined pages and choke me with them. Step them in my boat. Thank you.