Shutdown Fullcast - UNDUE DILIGENCE: The Internet’s Only College Football And Financial Advice Podcast

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

The thrilling conclusion to our Summer Stonks Challenge We get a pretty long way into the show before we realize we’re creating a financial crime … or is it a mutual fund?? Jason and Holly go on a heist, leaving Ryan and Spencer to preview Week 5 Does anybody want to be our CFO? Jail time all but guaranteed Please visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown. full cast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast i am spencer hall i am joined as always by my co-host and financial conciliary jason kirk jason how are the markets the buy buy buy buy buy buy buy sell sell buy like buy like insane i got i got two i got two phones like it's 1938 buy sell buy sell did that were did two phones exist in 1938 you know it had to be the most baller thing if you had two phones right like but they would be party lines so it'd be even confusing even more confusing because you'd be talking to 38 people on each one i feel like in 1938 the rap song was like i got both phones that

exist uh we're also joined this course we're also enjoyed uh joined by holly Anderson and Ryan Nanny, who also are gathered here to learn some exciting financial information. How are y'all doing, by the way? I'm just a proud customer of the Bank of Sandman. So a few months ago, which feels like a few decades ago, back during the game stonk crisis slash liberation, we decided to triple down, quadruple down to keep our luck rolling, to invest in more market futures, apply our newfound economic expertise and to advise you, the listener, on some more stonks you could get in on the ground floor of. Everyone at the time knew about AMC and Nokia and

Blackberry and so forth. No, those are duds. I don't look at how they've done since then. Probably horrible. Instead, each of us selected a few, a few stocks we'd had our eye on and done our due diligence on. And the game was each of us would present a three, stock portfolio and then at the time of kickoff a football season we would see who had delivered to you the investor at home the greatest percentage increase it's a month after kickoff football season which is a perfect time to to check in on this we're we're we're into a new fiscal year so that's what it was yeah our um our accountants in the moon crew discord kept track of this uh we didn't ask them to but you know great thank you thank you for doing that um and uh let's see first let's go

through a few key brands um it appears percentage wise the biggest riser was build a bear for ryan i want to explain why we were looking at stocks like build a bear in the first place there was a lot of yeah all right it was specifically uh from the mindset of yeah from the mindset of failing businesses that had a chance to rebound we specifically sought mall based brands. The brand had to be located within the average American mall, just like GameStop a Nokia outlet, so forth. Ryan's selection of Build a Bear proved genius as its price increased by 229%. The line is hysterical. It's like you can watch as like malls are open. It goes fucking vertical. Guys, I am disturbed by all these built bears. There's so many goddamn bears were

built it once. This is to me by the way, just begging for a federal investigation. Someone at the SEC is going to go, why the hell's build a bear up 250%? They're like, money laundering. Money laundering. There's so many fucking bears. There's so many goddamn bears being built at once.

I picture Obi-Wan landing on Camino like, holy shit, look at all these bears. The jealousy of Spencer to accuse my beautiful build bear of committing financial crimes, and all we're doing is bringing happiness to people and possibly

letting people record sexes that they can send in teddy bear form. The most disturbing part of build a bear to me, the part where I can never make it past the entrance may actually be Ryan's key to the game here. The bin of empty teddy bear skins that greets you at the start

at the start of the assembly line. I have personally never been able to stand. I have nieces. So I've been asked to build a bear more than one. I can't get past the empty skins, but you can stuff them shits with anything, I have to imagine. I believe they're called relics.

For years. For years, we were told. What in the Hobby Lobby hell? Hobby Lobby, yes, perhaps. Okay, the epic of Gilgamesh was brought in through a stuffed bear. First of, can we, did we know before last week

that the fucking epic of Gilgamesh was among the Hobby Lobby artifacts? I did not. This has been a phenomenal years. long journey like literally an epic of its own and I've been so excited for its thrilling conclusion yeah like this has been boiling for a long long long time like I didn't know they had Gilgamesh man yeah they keep finding it's it's it was purchased at auction so they keep

basically going back to things that Hobby Lobby purchased at auction and going that's stolen oh by the way there's a whole other layers to this we could do the whole episode about this but Holy fuck. Go look up the guy who sold this shit to them. That's a whole other epic. It's fucking amazing. We'll have to have Matt Pierce from the LA Times on for his unbeatable headline from 2017, which was Hobby Lobby's Robbie Hobby, Hammer Robbie.

Yes. So we're going to have to have him on to explain the entire path to us. Let's note Spencer's biggest gainer, which of course, a very smart pick was high on my board as well, Lulu Lemon. Under the conclusion, more people are going to be going outside. and they don't like wearing jeans anymore because they've been inside the whole time. My biggest gander percentage wise

was Coles. I had some explanation for this, but all right. It's just Coles. You're just like, Mike, mall stock, mall stock. And Holly. Sorry, I was just thinking about Taco Bell last time. You'll eat it.

Coles is like the you'll eat it of stores. I was actually on a separate note. I think I was inadvertently right about something else on Lulu Lemon during pandemic. everybody just wore athleisure. No formal clothes. Yeah, during the pandemic.

That's my excuse. Yes. Might have continued. Yeah. Holly, your selection of the company that owns Bath and Body Works doubled in value

for the listener. Hand sanitizer and candles. So, you're like to smell good because we've been inside all the time. Of our 12 selections, only one of them lost money

and it was only a dollar per share. That was Holly's selection of vitamin shop. No one got. any healthier we just yeah that was that was maybe too optimistic on my part percentage wise um percentage wise spencer unfortunately you came in last but you still made money all right you still yeah i'm so up wait so you all me all made money yes all of us individually made money uh spencer was up 43 percent all right that's nuts fucking large i'm in last place that's bonkers

i was up 90 percent holly you were up 136 percent i had spencer's younger son helping me Ryan, powered by his army of robot bears, was up 326%. Just like we drew it up. You outperformed the market by like 290%. Kay and Zales jewelers also nearly doubled up for Ryan. Cheesecake Factory, only 3% increase. We were already eating Cheesecake Factory. It was already such a, yeah.

Like, how much higher could we even bump the Cheesecake Factory ceiling? Can I just rephrase that and just say this? Cheesecake Factory is still gaining in profits and making money? That's unreal. The menu only grows. In terms of dollar amount, Ryan came in last, gaining the reader $52 if they only bought one share each. This is because Ryan bought value stocks, right? The play was buy lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of the stocks that Ryan recommended for you.

Spencer, you made the listener $77 per hole. Holly, $138. And this is if they bought just one share of each of the recommended stocks, all right? This is a great return of investment. I, because I went hard and grabbed Chipotle, which was by far the most expensive stock on our board. I brought the listener $466 in profits. Wait, I'm second. I'm Georgia.

I'm second at both. I mostly want to know if there's any listener who invested in any money, invested any money in any of these stocks. based on this episode. Because if they bought just one stock each... It's now our money, right? If you bought just one stock each, you made $735. Fuck. Is this how real people do this?

Business is easy. This is an addition to however many collective game stocks we bought and sold, right? Like, we've collectively made at least four figures of money off the stock market this year by putting zero effort into it. It's easy. We were so giddy. over this summer that at one point I gave Spencer control

of my stock portfolio and was just like yeah do whatever just to see what you would do this is this this is how high we were on our own supply and it turns out we were right it's actually it turns out you would have better off trusting me Jason

or yourself and you still would have paid and you still would have paid money it's it's a it's like a mutual fund all the risks and gains are overflowing and interlap you know we just form a mutual is that a mutual fund Are we a mutual fund?

I think so. Because I think how it works is if you want, if you want to invest in up-and-comers, you know, you go with Ryan. If you want the big titans to go with my selections, apparently. But they all mingle in economic. I think the conclusion is just invest in mall stocks. Just that's the, that's the future is the ball. This is the future of America. Yeah. Because like here's the thing about malls.

Here's the thing I think I decided. Like we decided because like teenagers don't hang out at them anymore that they're all failing in bad. But we failed to recognize. is first of all old people live at them and secondly teenagers like to go places where they can take pictures of each other there are only some of these places malls have courtyards and fountains and shit teenagers still go

to the fucking mall yeah also you're the only thing easier than making money through mall stocks acorns.com is making $5.00 right this instant by going to the offramp and here we are as you purchase these stock

As you, as you, here's what you do. You buy a Build Bear stock and then you go to Build Bear, all right, to support your own investment to put money back in your pocket. You're doing that twice because. Make sure to let them know that you're a stockholder. Yeah, I demand only your top Bear Corpse because I run this company. When you purchase that Bear Corpse, the nickels and dimes from that purchase will go into your Acorns account and then be invested into the very market that you have already mastered. Acorns.com slash full cast. It's legal double dipping is what it is.

is. I think it's triple dipping right there. It's triple dipping. Because you also get a bear. Because you also have a bear that gains value because it has a human soul inside. Yeah. Yeah. And $5,000 cash that's being wandered that you get to take a 10% cut up. Again, these, these in unbelievable accusations against my company will not stand. The opportunity is investigating. This is why I know. This is why I know. Oh my God. We're going to get investigated by both SECs at once. I'm so excited. This is awesome.

We've been working on this for a long time. I was spending this entire time trying to think... Okay, we have to workshop this right now because I'm going to spend the rest of the episode trying to think up a name for our mutual fund and I can't do it. It can't be named after Ryan because there are no Dall,

there are no E's or S's in his name, so we can't... Can it just be Mall Finebaum? Thank you. God, see, there. Thank you. Yes. And fuck you for making it look easy. Fine, as in fines that we will not be paying the SEC because we have a lawyer.

Because you got to find, you got to find bomb us first. Yeah, you got to, and bomb because it's a money bomb in your pocket. That was Clay Thompson and Quick from the three. That was just, thank you. And the fact, leaders, you can't see it. Readers, you can't see it at home. He's running his hands through his hair right now, just casually. Yeah.

You make me sick, Ryan. Bang. They're holding the follow through. Don't worry. At the next bill of bear shareholders, meaning where we all dress like bears, just so everybody knows. Can you fucking imagine those people? I like knowing that we live in a world

where a bunch of rich people go to like Kansas City or something and sit in a fancy hotel room and they're like, let's talk about the profitability of bears. Let's talk about it. At Game 2, most of what they talk about is like which companies can we associate with because they always got some Pokemon or Star Wars or whatever thing, right? You can get a bruce?

Can they partner with Home Depot and get me a goddamn life ice skeleton? I mean, yeah, just ask Ryan. Yeah. yeah he runs the company that one will definitely have human souls than it thank you i would appreciate that i need a snack i really enjoyed that there's got to be at one point in the build a bear history the moment where it was a boiler room set up and somebody had to lean in really close to someone to be like sell more bears sell more bears or you're fucking dead this is there's also this very small subset of

people uh my father is one my ex is another who get infuriated by places like this and like hot pot restaurants Spencer, do you remember the first time you tried to take Doug? Build a bear and a hot pot restaurant? Okay, no, listen. Yeah, I have something in common here and that is, and that is like,

it's kind of an ingenious business model. Their business model is you do our labor and the first time we try to take, Spencer, you try to take Doug to hot pot, remember, and you tried to explain it to him and he's like, I have to pay. He got real quiet. He's like, are you telling me,

I have to pay to make my own soup? and build a bear has kind of the same that has kind of the same repellence from my father so I can't wait to tell him that I made imaginary money off the boy wait till these people find out about Home Depot a literal place that is just like hey you do it I want to do this

Get your own fucking gazebo I want to do this with cars Build a car Hey come build a car Well it'll only take you It'll only take you a month and a half That's actually, I was going to say Volkswagen tried it making a name pun, but I guess Volkswagen really did try that, didn't they? Yeah, that's the thing.

I mean, Tesla's kind of like, hey, you want to be a car tester? It's fun. You're uploading data. That's very important to ensuring the safety of the next person who buys one of these. Whoa, they're like an early astronaut. Cool. Oh, that accident was pretty valuable data. Don't look up what happened to them.

I say this, like, one person on this call has not made a resolution. already for the electric f-150 truck that's different that's got that's got the big frown that's got a live well in the frunk mutual funk that's gonna be our official vehicle do you know how many build bears you can fit in the fronk of the electric f-150 by god buddy we're gonna find out that's right especially if they're dead and deflated they're not they're simply unhoused they're pre they're pre alive yes the relics oh i thought they're already dead no they're not yet alive okay so is the idea that they that they are turned round on the wheel of life empty of soul from are are we to assume that these bearskins are are pre-lived their journeys their souls are journeying through

hell okay burning off the sins that they accumulated in life only to turn to try once more to get to bear step right up to the Dharma booth what is a sin for a bear adultery murder Same as ours Why would it be any different Cuss words? Yeah Covenous bear Lying to your parents

Are you trying to slut Shame a bear? Yogi bear is going to hell We're not We didn't right No No No

So you're saying There's a bear god out there Yeah Who's to say God did it I mean pastors Bear pastors Who's to say God's not a bear Wouldn't it make a lot more sense

If God were a bear? I mean I would say Bears have a little little bit of God in him just like the fish and berries are really good so I think there's a high chance see yeah I think the bear the bear diet has always appealed to me obviously because you know it involves anything you can get out of a dumpster berries and occasionally a human oh berries yeah I think it's I mean it's a very fine what you eat kind of diet and it seems very healthy to me just like a boiler room mm-hmm there we go or a mall just like

just like a boiler room anyway yeah subscribe to our newsletter channel 7 which is our financial newsletter we're going to be putting out where we only pimp the products of mall fine bomb incorporated our finances

this is more shut down full cast business coming at you is there an S corp that just has the money sign instead of the S can we make that Ryan is that a thing probably is taken I say that only because I know that Gene Simmons like a dick stole I think

either the copyright or the trademark for a money bag with a dollar sign on it. Like nobody had ever claimed that. So he was like, ha ha, it's mine now. He fucking sucks. He tried to copyright fucking horns up. Like, that's Italian from a billion years ago.

Gene Simmons is like an IP troll. Can you imagine well, yeah, probably there are greater combos, but that's a pretty potent combination of people to upset is Texans and online Italians. Oh, thank you. How?

Mm-mm. I've seen all y'all on Twitter. It ain't good. I would like to first thank our financial advisor, Jason, for providing us with such lucid, clear, and important details about the performance of all. Hey, Jason, did you put all our money in the bank yet? Is it in the vault? Yeah, I better go check on it.

He's got to go. I got to go catch a flight to check on our bank. That's where it is. Yeah, the helicopter's waiting. I can hear it. Yeah. If I'm not back in like half an hour, someone. should probably come their money you'll be safe i promise but maybe just check on it yeah we still

don't extradite from venezuela just you know okay bye every we don't buy everybody goodbye coach mac i assume he met we like the three of us and server oh i never extradite from anywhere that's not my business i would it's like a free trip you got to think of it like how often do federal agents just kind of linger and loiter on that like all the time they make like 65 grand tops yeah like hey did you find him today I think he's heading to Costa Rica so I'm just gonna wait is it ever possible to really find another person that build a bear it is because they're stuffed inside the bears that is a season for that is a season four nip tuck plot line and I'm already scared And I'm already scared of it.

Actually, no, it's the reverse of that. A crazy old lady in a build-a-bear knock-off store kills a dude with the stuffing gun. Like, she stuffs him. It's great. Ryan Murphy has always made normal television. I'm so disturbed. I think it's season four.

As with every episode of NipTuck, the most disturbing show ever made. Season two finale of Niptuck is one of the most perfect episodes of television ever plotted in terms of just like pure mechanics. I haven't seen NipTuck. So I don't have shit to say about it. Just watch the first two seasons and then quit.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Don't go after that. But watch the first two seasons become as unnerd as a human being could possibly become by a fiction, like a fictional work of art. I think again that this was Ryan Murphy's like second ever television show, right? He was only ever going up from there. Yeah.

Like you're like, what if a show never chilled? What if a show never ever took a second off? They started it in Miami. What was your expectation? That's the thing. It's actually you're sitting there. you're like, man, this is weird even for Miami. This is too much even for Dade.

If you're listening to this in the now times and you watch like billions, they very much have the same energy. Like if the Billions guys made a medical show, I have to think it would be a lot like Niptuck. Yeah, and everybody would be talking about like 70s rock bands when they make references. When I am, I can't wait to, the day I turn 50, I'm going to start talking like a Billions character.

This gallstone's harder than ACDC in 70s. 75. I yeah I have I wouldn't even born goddamn dude speaking of hard

I have I don't like where this is going I don't either home field apparel soft let's steer it as far as possible in the opposite direction and talk about this soft

and snugly garments mostly for the upper body made by our longest running and if I do say so best looking sponsors at homefield apparel.com. What was the latest school to receive that dusting of home field magic? Listen, it's USC. And you can look at that in terms of wins and losses on the football field.

Or you can say USC got Clay Helton maybe part way out of the building. And they were rewarded by when I thought was a pretty substantial drop. I had never, I had never seen the tire bider, the tire bider design with the bite on shirt. That's sick. Yeah. Yeah. Homefield Magic can't do everything. Like, not even

Homefield can keep you from keeping Clay Hilton around for seven years and a bit. You could say any number and I would believe it. Anyway, I say this like I haven't just dropped $5.00. Server bleep that amount out and everyone else act horrified on, I think it was actually more like $1,000. That's still bad on West Virginia.

Oh my God. Look, they dropped Tennessee and West Virginia back to back. What was I supposed to do? The SC collection, though, it is sick absolutely sick they have a couple of like 70s and 80s logos in there that really like i'd never seen before and are fantastic i say that it's somebody who i normally wouldn't wear a USC shirt but man that vintage trojan head logo i might have to i might have to wear that around even though yellow makes me look even more jaundice than i already look we talked about this over

though we talked about this in full cast after dark i think i really hate that most of their not most there but so many of their good logos are in that yellow shirt because it's just not my color and i have like five of the shirts anyway yeah they they look fantastic absolutely fantastic so home field apparel comfortable stylish athletic wear from your you can get 20% off your first order at home field apparel if you've left it to now we're a little suspicious of you but thank you uh by entering offer code full cast at checkout maybe i'm almost popping Positive. Maybe somebody who's waiting to cash in all their stonk money before they made their first purchase. Get all your bill to bear ducats in your bucket and head on down to homefield apparel.com.

That's right. Tell them Spencer sent you from the bear god. From the bear, from the purr from the astonishingly prudish bear god. Behold by earth sign wealth. I am indeed the big bear doing things. Let's talk about the voice of the bear god. Let's get into this here. sure what does the bear god sound like yeah tell me where you went with that what was your process right you know i just sort of just do whatever pops into this stupid brain he's the he's the biggest genius walking among us and he keeps trying to make it look easy which like i get it you have to be you have to keep yourself relatable to your legions of adoring

fans here's the good news all of it feels hard all the time and yes i know what that sounded like But you don't, yeah. Speaking of hard, I'm going to take this segment no matter what. Speaking of geniuses, we have a little bit of breaking news here on this Tuesday, September 28th as we are recording. Do we? The MacArthur Genius grants were announced, were announced today. And I had been offline for most of the morning.

And for the past couple years, you know, as people you know in, or people you know of, really uh around around you know around media around the arts kind of get their feet uh get their feet set in the industry we're we're getting to the point in life where people uh people around our age are actually doing shit with their lives um which is wild and so i took like a casual scan i was like okay who've i heard of uh who have i heard of who's doing interesting stuff and i click on the full list and the top name on the newest class of mcgarthur j Genius Grant's list is a former full cast guest. That's right.

We have infiltrated the MacArthur's. It's Roger Sherman. That's right. Congratulations, Roger. I have a carth, Genius Grant. It's not Roger. I was all set to say that it was Godfrey and that everyone should congratulate him, but the prospect of Roger winning one is now so clear to me.

Oh, Roger's going to win a Grammy, I think. And like a confusing Grammy. For like spoken word and he's going to marry Eric Abadu. Yes. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, oh my God, did you know he actually did the guest verse on the Beyonce song? I don't know how it happened.

Roger, just a consummate performer. Anyway, Hanif Abduroquib, who came on very early in our, very early, was it this year? Was that really this year? Was it last year? No. I believe it was last year. It was like, it was, it was a Super Bowl preview. It was like two years ago.

It was a Super Bowl preview. I was still, I was still living in New York. So it was not this year. Okay, God. Okay, good. That must be why they waited until now to give him the grant because he's been a genius this entire time. But he came on to talk about, I think book before last at this point, to talk about his beloved Ohio football concerns. And I feel that we really only held him back ultimately in pursuit of the MacArthur. Also, if is the kind of guy who, if you congratulate him on it and say it's well deserved, even though it is, it will only embarrass him.

He's kind of like Ryan in that way. He doesn't want it pointed out. What if we go at him instead? And we're like, that was ours. That should have been for us. No, no, no. No, this is a genuinely nice person. Stop that.

We can't be ourselves. I just want to do what makes him comfortable. If he's not comfortable with praise, maybe he would prefer conflict. That's a great point. You say he needs, he needs heal energy from us. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe.

Are we going to be his venom? Yeah. We'll be his Carnage The next event of movies Only 90 minutes long And we could never keep it that short I'm sorry, it's 90 minutes long

That is what I remember I believe the first one is only night 10 stars Yeah Yeah You know Eat shit Ridley Scott You know a movie

Marvel movie is gonna be good When they're like Let's just keep this Let's keep this real tight Real tight I saw I was watching Peyton and Eli last night

And I saw my first trailer for whatever Ridley Scott has concocted with Matt Damon in a metal helmet and the words greatest epic and Matt Damon flashed so closely to each other on the screen and I was like, you didn't think this through

because it's just like, oh, it's Matt Damon and a weird metal hat. Yeah, Venom Let There Be Carnage runtime, 97 minutes. That's a forecast. I bet it's going to feel like four hours, though. You'll be like, was that only 97 minutes? I swear I watched Tom Hardy sit in a pen at a zoo and eat exotic birds for like 45 minutes straight during that. Well, I like that we were like, you know what?

I don't know. In the first one, maybe we let Tom Hardy like do be a little too Tom Hardy. And you're like, you know what the solution is? Woody Harrelson. That'll keep Tom Hardy in check. Tom Hardy, who was a blogger in the previous Venom movie last we forget. Yeah. Anyway, congrats to Hanif, man.

It is so well deserved. He's not going to listen to this because he's way too busy. And that's good because he would be embarrassed that we were talking about him for this long. But, you know, Jane Koston up there with a solo show at the New York Times, Hanif of Durkett. The full cast produces gold, as long I'm saying. Not for many of us, unless you buy our stocks. But we're the coaching tree from which all of modern media and art is springing.

And I'm just glad that more and more of you are recognizing it. Thank you to the MacArthur Guild for their correct judgment. And future Grammy And for only making him wait a few years After going on the full cast For all of that to wear off We're sorry about that Two years

That was our 2019 Super Bowl Preview for those who want to go back And listen to us talking to Ryan, you've only been gone from New York For that long An actual licensed genius Yeah, it feels like you Seriously, if you told me

If you'd asked me to say When you moved I would have said Right after when Nora was born Which now feels like it was eight years ago But I'm 78 years old You're so spry You look fantastic for 70s I get a lot of sleep and I drink a lot of water.

Your pores are tiny. I consume human souls via build a bear. I stuffed all my feelings in the empty bearskins where they belong. Also, HGH and test. HGH and test, as Ronnie Coleman says, just the basics. Ronnie Coleman, weightlifting Supreme, when they're like, what did you do, man? What did you do? And you're like, oh, just the basics, you know, just HGH and test.

That's all. It's like, human growth hormone and massive amounts of testosterone. Yeah, you know, just the basics. Okay, I have a real question. What would happen if I, a person who loves to sleep and hates to exercise, what would happen if I just took a bunch of steroids? I think you just get puffy. That's cool.

Yeah, you just get puffy. Like, not a lot more bullion. Is there like any kind of, I'm thinking from like a Smash Brothers perspective. Is there, well, any of my fighting, by fighting capability to be increased yeah could I like I couldn't tell us you said

buoyant or bullion oh I would never increase my personal bouillon I'm already tasty enough no I don't want to be are you trying to get me eaten by a bear Ryan well I know Spencer was to talk about you're gonna slay me out

okay you want to hear some wild takes I was about to ask you pointedly not to splay me out on an altar with my chest open I was scrolling through the timeline today and I made the conscious decision not to stop on this and go any further so if you guys go check out what this is

please don't tag me and report back to me but I swear to God I saw and I don't know if this is a widely held academic thing because this is very much not my field so if this is well known you can call me an idiot and move along I saw somebody today maybe it was today I haven't really slept tweeting that he was pretty sure

the Aztecs had faked significant portions of their human sacrifice protocols and I kept going because I was like whatever this is I don't want to I don't want to know anymore about it and then I kept going but the further I kept scrolling

I was like that's an amazing flex on history by the way if you take steroids and don't work out all right we're back you will you will still gain muscle mass you will still gain mass in fact in some cases

you will actually gain more mass, more muscle mass, than those who are working out naturally. So that will happen. However, why doesn't everyone stake steroids? They sound great. I don't want to, I don't want to be the hater here.

Spencer, from whence does this knowledge come that you're dispensing? T-Nation. T-Nation, the finest resource on all things, both testosterone and anabolic-related.

I trust. I trust this. Sure. So, yeah. In fact, yeah, in some cases, the person who's just taken roids will gain more muscle mass than someone who's working out. But the long-term effects, of course, past a certain window are dramatic and bad. Also, you'll have a lot of water.

You'll gain a lot of water mass. Eventually, your hormones will flip the other way and, you know, they'll swing and you'll get a whole bunch of estrogen. And then all sorts of crazy things. start happening to your body. So you just got to keep a, oh, now I see how they get you. All right. Okay, so we've secured our financial future for that and our listenership, and I have learned how to use steroids.

We have constructed a mutual fund, and Ryan has personified a new God. It's, that's a good 45 minutes, guys. Happy Tuesday. Yeah, no, we made a lot happen. And we're going to, and I think, by the way, that's our show, everybody. We did the ad reads. He's going to keep talking. All right.

I'm going to keep talking because this week. It's a beautiful day out. Look behind me. It's a beautiful day outside. You know, it's going to be a beautiful day when Auburn plays LSU on Saturday. The bank. All right, all right. We could talk about football.

No, we're going to talk about Auburn, LSU because this taggible week. Taggible. Taggible. Between Auburn and LSU, like two teams that have their own dysfunction, their own brand of dysfunction and then when they play each other it becomes this like horrible kind of hairy buffalo of concoction thing nastiness oh it's every it's every contrived like television episode where both your divorced parents showed up at the same time that's auburn lSU you it's that episode of modern family shelley long yeah that's it is completely that episode it is also the rivalry

that really does not um of course doesn't exist because remember all very they're fully booked up they don't have any you know there's they have the oldest rivalry which is with georgia which is basically kind of like we were friends in kindergarten so our parents keep making us go on playdates even though one of us is goth and one of us is a jock and we really don't have anything in common anymore auburn is goth uh absolutely not no neither one of them i was pulling an example which was not entirely pertinent to the case ryan i like i like going with Auburn is goth personally Goddeer hunting

can I get real tree but you know the black the blackest real tree the darkest real tree that's Batman you're describing Batman now we've come to this conclusion several times in this podcast that there is at least an Auburn Batman

and I just made him again so I can only infer that he's real from everything that we've seen this is also a rivalry where LSU doesn't necessarily believe that Auburn is a rival because as stated many times by LSU fans we don't have rifles LSU doesn't have rivals I mean they do it's just everyone everywhere all of the time themselves gravity schools that don't even have football programs

long like the Aztex Holly was speaking of earlier they're probably like yeah I found the thread. Okay. Man, I'm going to follow this dude. This dude's Twitter name is Reverend Howard Arson. That's an outstanding name. Good night. Man.

So I genuinely think that the Aztecs faked a substantial amount of their sacrificial culture. This isn't a joke. This is apparently real. I mean, that he at least appears to be serious. I don't know this person. Anyway. So they're cheating.

So that's all right. Yeah. David, I mean, I know. I know. all about this. He said, but he's making good points, which seems I, like, I want to actually read about this now. Knowing fuck all about something

has never been a barrier on this show and it never will be. I just think it's got a very college football energy because part of, part of the argument here is that the Aztecs were really over bragging in their art about all the murder they did and they can't find enough like

skull racks and mass graves to back up that claim. That might, basically this is LSU fans being like, I'm going to walk up to Manizuma's face and call him a bitch. See, you see where I was trying to bring this back around? Thank you. Anyway.

Yeah, because LSU, if they get the launch codes, they're firing in all directions. Now somebody else is arguing that the Spanish exaggerated the numbers for anti-pagan propaganda. This is, this is fascinating. I feel like the Spanish had more effective means of anti-pagan propaganda for whatever it's worth.

I feel like saying, oh, you know, know the Aztecs they're very mean i feel like they had several other programs this is a very good way of putting it down this is a very good way of putting it down here pyramid of skulls is great PR but raises a lot of not easily answered logistical question you know it is it's like it's like when somebody shows a stack of money on instagram and you're like oh well most of that is just like fingernails and you know it's not all skulls it's not all skulls oh it's like what do you think money is you've got some sacrificial filler in there and we're suspicious that's right yeah

okay if anybody knows anything good to read about this because now I'm reading in this thread about Sumerian murals bragging about implausible genocides I really want to I really want to read about historical civilizations that have convinced scholars that they were

way more about it than they actually were because they just like talking about killing people because we're talking about LSU that's the thing because it's that old you could just be like yeah There was a whole group here. We fucking wiped it out because we're awesome. And this is, you know, see, we kind of, in this post-truth era, we kind of have the same thing going now, right?

So you're saying, like, okay, I have more money than I do. Well, that's your opinion. LSU can make up an SEC school that once existed until they were wiped off the face of the earth by LSU. Okay, I went far enough down to this thread so that the word, Tulane. I went far enough down in this thread to where the word Psiops entered. And now I'm backing out of it very quickly. Yeah, that's a good, yeah. Hey, Internet, if you know anything, please don't tag these people, Internet.

I don't know them. They seem perfectly nice. But if you have any good reading on, like, ritual, sacrifice and civilization's bragging about murder, it's for work. Yeah, send it to 38, Godfrey. Let me know. No, she wants this one directly, I think. No, I want this for a bit of light holiday reading. I saw.

I'm looking for books to be clear, not skulls. You can send me skulls in the mail. I want to, don't send me skulls in the mail. the full cast it got to a point when we were working on the paramount lot at MTV that whenever I got a piece of mail at least one of three people would say is it a human head and I think that's a great professional legacy to leave behind me I would like yeah I would like to go ahead and also be the history professor who actually says okay folks here I want you to know settle down enough skull talk kids let's focus this is reasonable

It says like in societies which claim to be cannibals This is very frequently a sort of ritualized Boastment to threaten neighbors Not like a thing people regularly did That's kind of a bummer but also I understand it I mean I want to be the history professor who's like Understand all the materials I'm giving you We have played up the violence

So that you'll be entertained right Just come out in like pre-movie Pre-cinema eyes Your own source material And be like I'm gonna fudge the numbers By about a factor of like 30 That's fine just to keep you just to keep you interested, okay?

Understand the words coming out of math are merely a representation of the history in order to keep you engaged. Anyway, 400 pyramids of skulls, each 70 feet high. Everybody's doing the math. They're like, that's only like three pyramids of skulls, really. Somebody else in the thread makes a very good point that pyramids are big

and throwing people off the top of them would be a lot of work. And then it would be a lot easier to just point up to them and say, yeah, we threw 100 guys off there last week, man. You should have been here. what about a ziggurat i just feel a lot closer to the aztecs than i expected to feel on this day the first person who got thrown off the zirang you always bring it back to hamurabi every time

has anybody ever been murdered at the memphis pyramid that has to have happened right surely somebody has at least drowned let's find out hang on ow so while holly looks up has someone been murdered at the memphis pyramid i don't even know what that does to your search history. I want to get to, I want to address it. It's a mysterious past. I want to address,

by the way, the issue of throwing someone off a ziggurat. There is no throwing someone off a pyramid, really, because they're not going to roll. The angle's not up. It'll be like,

aha. You're going to have to throw them so far laterally. That's the thing is that they're just going to kind of flop. And then you're going to have to poke them with the corpse

poke and stick all the way down the pyramid. You know, like the unintentional comedy of that moment to me, that's really that's why i feel like they have to be covering up murders if there aren't any there's a shooting range and an archery range and at one point there was a crystal skull in this thing and nobody's died where's the crystal skull maybe you can't die in the memphis oh the crystal skull was removed that was kind of the point where'd see i i want to know the whereabouts of the crystal skull and does dana acroyd have you never heard this story okay sorry i'm going to i'm going to i'm i'm going to i'm i'm I'm going to read, hang on, I just pulled the first link I could find on this. Just stay with me because it gets really funny and then it gets even funnier at the end.

Just hang on. I know that it crackles when I do things. Yeah, we will, by the way. All right, here we go. So this was right after the pyramid opened. Okay, so just stay with me here and you'll understand why I'm asking you to stay with me. According to Tom Jones, a consultant with Smart City Consulting in Memphis. Smart City.

Not Dumb City. Don't hire those guys. Workers discovered a black metal box at the apex of the pyramid riveted to the building's steel infrastructure. Inside, they found a crystal skull, which had been placed there by Isaac Tigrette, founder of the Hard Rock Cafe a restaurant chain. According to him, the skull was only one of several crystal and mystical objects placed throughout the

building, though others have never been found. In a blog post, Jones describes Tegret's reaction to the removal of the crystal skull. You don't have any idea what you've done, he quotes him as saying, while going on to claim that the cosmic balance of the earth may have been disrupted by the removal of the skull,

which city and county officials were later told had materialized, in his hands what year was this this is right after the pyramid opened I don't remember when it opened um 90 something shoot 91 okay okay I will be very delighted if it turns out that the hard rock cafe is like where the Knights Templar are now operating and sort of waging religious war on behalf of God it would explain sort of like the distribution. Like, why there's one in Rome and Paris and shit. It's like,

oh, yeah. The cafe is merely a front. We're here to, like, kill Dracula and shit. And that actually, that suit that belonged to Elton John, that's mystical armor. It's mystical, God's mystical peacock armor.

It's God's mystical peacock armor, which I would believe, I'd be like, I knew it. I knew it. Have I told you, have I, did we talk at all about the, you remember the dark sarcophagus that people were petitioning to drink from with the liquid yeah yeah yeah sure okay do you remember what happened you remember that sarcophagus liquid you remember how we're all online right so you don't get to make fun of this because I have a commemorative mug from this

in my office right now the worst part is I know what you're talking about you're like you know the sarcophagus fluid yeah when everybody wanted to drink son is Satan's broken icy machine go go ahead yeah so do you guys remember when it was discovered i'm sorry i'm sorry no i don't do you just do you do you guys remember when it was discovered and there was a guy from the secretary general of egypt's antiquities ministry was like and this was this was 2018 remember and he was like listen i was the first one to stick my entire head in this and as you can see nothing bad has happened and this is 2018 and we're all like dude and i just want to say look at what's happened since and i hope you're happy secretary ls you won a national title shortly thereafter yeah makes

you think doesn't it ryan if you were if our theory is correct and this this indeed is the restaurant chain where the knights of the templar move to battle i want you to know that several important portals of spiritual importance in this war against evil are myrtle beach that's right Tampa Denison Macau the Foxwoods

casino and resort Gatlinburg Grand Cayman Istanbul Niagara Falls Canada sure figures

Memphis which I believe I totally wait which one are Memphis okay are Memphis um cosumel again yeah this all tracks yeah and like if you go i bet if you go to one of these you might randomly get like paul betney all like shaved down and pale skinned offering you appetizers

yeah and and and and of course merdle beach you said mirtle beach first i just i'm saying it twice whatever. Myrtle, I'm, the idea of, maybe they have two locations at Myrtle Beach, which would be, I would also,

I would believe that as well. There was so much spiritual warfare that we needed a second. Please, go ahead. I'm trying to think of what would be the funniest thing to plant in the pyramid. Brian, this could be a use for the discovery we made last night, that I made last night and bothered you with.

Okay, Spencer Serber, tell me if you think this is funny. Because I've made, I made a discovery last night on the internet. that I laughed about for I want to say a good 45 minutes and I can't really tell you why it's funny

but it's just ridiculous to me and I can't think of the person in my life who I can best irritate by foisting this on it is possible to buy in bulk individually wrapped jelly beans like small like jellybellies this is jellybellies

like a five pound bag of jellybellies that are individually wrapped. I feel like there's a specific type of person that I could drive insane with this, but I can't think of who. Wouldn't be me because I'd eat them. I'd just be like, well, whatever. Would you take, would you unwrap them? Most of the time, yeah. I might figure, I might figure out a way to shut up like sunflower seeds, right? Sunflower seeds came up because the ensuing discussion was, okay, what would be the worst individually wrapped snack? And I think we settled on raspberries because it has to be something that you can't get out of the wrap.

rapper without also demolishing they go bad so fast they'd be rotting in the wrapper he's like this is stupid this stupidest fucking thing anyway trick or treat here's an individually wrapped jelly bean that there's old cheap nanny up there on the hill does individually wrap jelly beans they say his spirit still walks these halls do you know you can buy one chicken nugget at chick filet one what yeah they will sell you one chicken nugget is that just for people like us who feel bad about going there elissa i think so alissa lang found that out she was like can you just buy one chicken nugget somebody on twitter was like you can absolutely buy one chicken nugget at chick flay with the receipt going just the tip yeah yeah this tracks what oh shit wait wait it's been 30 minutes has anybody heard from jason

no no none of us have i think you better go after him i gotta go check on him yeah go check on him all right if i'm not back in 30 minutes end the show we'll end the show end the show oh so she's off to she's off to go find out if jason indeed blew the safe or if he needs or if we need to go have a little sort of mini heat rescue if we will heat or as i call it dumb heat the dumb version of heat is heat Heat is a dumb movie I am one of I am one of one persons

who thinks this and that it's not actually that exciting for Robert De Niro and Al Pacino to be on the screen at the same time like that may have been exciting in like 1978 but by the time that happens we're fully into Al Pacino

who by the way fully transforms into insane Al Pacino in this movie where Al Pacino's tone from scene to scene varies wildly, I think it looks like he's in like four different movies as four different characters and that's before he does the great ass scene

counterpoint Val Kilmer with a ponytail. How many adult dudes by the way did you know post-pandemic or during the pandemic grew ponytails? I know like I know at least four who are like fuck it man let the pony go. Yeah I can think of three

yeah but I got to be honest they're all making it fucking work. They're killing it! there is nobody who has gone that route who i'm like i don't know because i think other people like there was a little while where i let my hair grow just to be like i don't know let's see and after maybe six weeks i was like absolutely not absolutely not what does that even look like it just sort of gets poofed it's not good do you just get an afro do you get like do you get beethoven hair yeah beethoven is probably the better way to put it yeah yeah we're talking about

The famous movie dog, yes? Yes. Is there another one? There's not. I'm not aware. There is not. But yeah, all the old, especially the older, the older the guy who did this, the more I'm like, hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Let it rock. Like I saw an old guy with a ponytail today in a Dragon Ball Z shirt. And I mean old guy. I mean, a guy who was like 60 plus. And he had the yoga teacher pony like back here. And it was like close to top knot, but angled just far enough back. right uh and i also uh i also he had a a gigantic goku shirt on for dragon ball z and i was like california a 90 year old man can dress like he's 15 and it's like chip kelly

yeah chip he's livid really like goku really like his offense really like how how aggressive he is really like this ponytail yeah love his ponytail love his hair the whole thing he does you know when he comes out for the third quarter and goes yeah um what did you want to say about ls upper i have i have like a whole like history of this podcast is left please go ahead it's it's time it's time okay um i wanted to talk about exactly how messed up this entire rivalry not only recently has been but historically how overly dramatic and messy this game has been Okay. All right, off the top of your head, before we go over any of this, just pick one.

I know you probably have one in your head where you're going, oh yeah, that was extremely jacked up. Well, I have two. Okay. There's, I want to say there's an LSU, maybe the last time they played in Baton Rouge, or maybe one of the last two times, where I want to say LSU, one of them had a big lead and just pissed it away in the second half. Yep, I got you. I think that was Auburn who wasted that lead. That is correct. Okay.

And the other one that I'm thinking of is what probably like five years old at this point. It's where Les Miles is coaching for his job. It looks like LSU has scored the game winning touchdown, but in fact they have fucked up the clock because that's everything about his time there, at least on the football field. And Auburn wins. and I think less gets fired like three days later, some shit. Okay, so those are a pair of games.

Those happen back to back. Oh, good. That is, yeah. So that was just two straight ears of this rivalry if you sample it, right? If you're looking at the rings of this particular tree and you go, wow, this is struck by a lot of lightning. And then more lightning. Wow, lightning loved this tree. That is what you would see in the ring record of this rivalry.

Because the games that you are talking about, 2016, Auburn 18, LSU 13. That was when Les Miles ran out of time because Danny Etling snapped the ball with zeros on the clock. If he hadn't, there's a real good chance Les might not have been fired. All right, if they had managed to pull this off

because he throws a while past to DJ Chark in the end zone for what looked like a TD on review had been thrown after zeros hit. How Auburn is this victory? It is so Auburn that that 18 happened because they hit six field goals. Six field goals. That's how Auburn wins this game.

The other game you were referencing was 2017 at Ogeron's first year in the building. LSU 24, Auburn 23. Auburn blew a 20-0 lead. They came in 3-0, and they blew a 20-0-0. and they blew a 20-0 lead and they left with Auburn fans chanting for what? Gus is firing.

Gus is firing for blowing a 20-0 lead. But I know these are like comparatively, like it's an LSU Auburn game where the old, what is it, the old basketball arena burns to the ground in the middle of the game, right? 1996. That is correct.

That is the night the barn burned down. where okay so it's the it's the athletic center behind right jordan hair and so it's actually not i mean it's close but it wasn't close enough to get anyone to panic or move or you know there would be any danger to the stadium which is just a big old block at concrete anyway this is the most ls you think you've ever said like yeah that building fire is close but it's not that close okay now i'm saying I'm saying this for a reason. Okay, sorry. Two reasons, actually.

One, I think fire's cool. It's fine. Nobody should just walk by it. It's cool. It's not going to hurt you. You're going to go run into it? No, it's fine. It's just hot.

Everything's hot down here. It's fine. Just walk by it. Take a picture. The reason I do is because there's this classic shot that silhouettes fans who were on the breezeway walking up, and it silhouettes them behind a raging fire. looks like they're two feet from it and everyone will go oh my god that looks so dangerous um and it is cool it is like the most the single most heavy metal image in the history of the southeastern

conference unfortunately um it is you know not quite as dangerous for my purposes because you're like ah hell yes praise satan no it's not it's not as dangerous as it looks it's still pretty fucking who won i have no idea who won that game oh i'm so glad you asked because that game is uh that game LSU is leading and they are up I believe 17 to 7 over Auburn as Auburn roars down the field with in the last two to three minutes of the game they score making it uh I believe oh no I'm sorry it's 15 17 17 yeah so I will get my math wrong here but it ends up up 19 help me it's 1915 Auburn needs to convert a

two pointer to tie at 17 18 8 it must have been 178 it was 178 which again fucking Auburn why are you? No it's no no no it was 179 179 so they're weird weird scoring like crazy here right 179 they drive down they score

they need a two pointer to tie and instead of throwing the game tying two pointer LSU returns it all the way back for a two-point conversion to finish at 1915 so on yeah so on a in a game where one of the crucial plays was a two-point conversion returned for the other way for two by the defense that comes in second to the goddamn athletic center burning to the ground and my favorite was looking this up was uh billy gomila go me i cannot pronounce his name correctly no we love billy yeah lsu fan extraordinary reminding everybody no an lSU fan did not set that fire that's what you would say though right that is what you would say if you had set them i'm just going to point that out uh there's more there's more though please all right historically speaking it's always been that way 1908 a 102 lSU victory

um ls ubburn's tc lock blocks a punt it's recovered uh by lsu quarterback and hall of Famer, Doc Fenton in the end zone for an Auburn safety. According to one source, Fenton was knocked unconscious by a spectator's cane as he tried to get out of the end zone. So that's a thrown cane, probably. That's not a cane. That's a whoop and stick. Yeah, yeah, that's a javelin at that point. That's a staff.

That's somebody, that is a friar tuck staff, right? It stops being a medical device when you're using it to attack someone, I think is a fair distinction. Unless people in 1908 in South were walking around with, like, lead inside their canes, like, oh, it's just an old man's cane, bam! Like, every white dude in the South Side Point was basically the penguin, so. Yeah. I do declare. These hands are so flippy and so far. I did post about this on Twitter.

but like in the murdaws case the south carolina murder case that's just gotten weirder and weirder and weirder uh their great grandfather had been uh was killed by a train coming back from a poker game late at night and i'm like i can't how do you beat that i like it because you phrase it in such a way that i picture like a who framed roger rabbit train like pulling up and shooting him in the gut actually the way it's written like might be like the train like the train has just got him in like a sleeper hole like go to sleep old man christopher lloyd says good night big irons got this uh that was the 1908 game uh which you know where evidently people were close enough to wall up upon the heads of of players from the stands

with loaded this is for the record why i like when when like fucking dug gotleap is like oh If you're going to turn college players into pros, people are going to start treating them that way and booing them and saying, people have been mean to college athletes for a fucking century, my dude. There was no hands off before this. Shut up. No, no.

People have been beating each other up over this for a century. They've never been decent. Oh, it's just amateur sports. I'm not going to have a big fit about it. Oh, oh, honey, it's just my amateur sports. it's just my amateur sports two hours later I knocked him out with my cane

with my little penguin hands I would 1988 1988 this is the earthquake game the earthquake game that would be the game where

with Auburn leading 6-0 again Auburn with the fucking field goals God damn why are you so unwatchable sometimes That's what they do, man. Leading 6-0-0. Just sit on that, boys. You know Pat Dye was like that.

We got a 6-0 lead. Go ahead. Take that to the bank. Well, you can't. I will pay you next week for a hamburger today. Wimpy ass offense. By that I don't mean weak. I mean wimpy, as in the character who craves.

Nothing but conned-ass cheeseburgers. Hamburger futures. hamburger futures yet another financial innovation from the shutdown forecast and our financial arm mall fine ball that's right

1988 8 LSU 7 Auburn 6 Tommy Hodson throws a pass with under two minutes to go to running back any fuller that is the lone TD of the game on fourth and gold because remember

seven is more than six that's a pong ass that's a pong ass score right there where you're like yeah this is fun this is what we did for fun back then we didn't have your fancy Game Boy in color with your 20 points

with your 18 points we had seven points we had a great time and we knew when to use them I didn't use them we were thankful for our seven points we did we took seven we set off seismographs

we're like a touchdown this was the game that I think essentially puts the light capper on the monument that is the mythos of Tiger Stadium and Death Valley at night because they set off seismographs in the LSU Geological Survey Department and yeah so it's very real actually happened and if you were cheering that loudly for touchdowns it gives you an idea of how dire the state of offense was once Steve Sprayer came into the SEC they're like he scored 28 points God damn. He's a harlot. I don't like him.

That is a wholesome number. I bet he kisses his wife on the mouth. That's ungodly. That's unchristian to score 28 points. In my house, in another man's house, no less. Not even in a human house. In a tiger house.

He went to the tiger's house and scored seven points. How dare he? So what is the psychological assessment of these two programs because it is important to call them programs programs yeah because remember if you watch will hall my cousin address the uh southern miss media he yeah refer to he said walt that's what you when you're trying to build a program program yeah don't trust the coach if he says program no that's right it's a program if you can hear that a bad coach yeah so yeah so where like for whom is this going to be more unpleasant is i guess

my question okay so this i can go back to the history on this because it'll help me answer it okay because this is an odd year and it being an odd year uh naturally odd equals baton rouge that is where this game is being played i'm going to take you back to the beginning of a certain streak that involves a certain dumbass, who is now in an even less virtuous, more scandalous, and dirtier industry than college athletics. In 1999, Auburn defeated LSU 41-7 in one of Jerry DeNardo's final games as coach at LSU. That 41-7 blowout was capped by Tommy Tuberville, Tommy Tuberville, smoking cigars on the field at LSU with his players. That's the last time

Auburn beat LSU in Baton Rouge was 1999 with Tommy Tuberville, now a United States Senator playing on the field at Baton Rouge. That's the last time they won in Baton Rouge. Huh. Yeah, since then, I believe it is an 8 and 13 record

for Auburn in this, and they haven't beaten them since. in Baton Rouge, they have come painfully close on several occasions, but this whole streak started for LSU in the next meeting in 2001 when Auburn, fresh off of the cigar smoking in Baton Rouge, claimed their territory by stomping on the logo. They stomped on the logo. And Auburn's buses, when they pulled in, were hit with rocks and rocked by masses of LSU fans shaking them back and forth. I'm going to read this from the Montgomery advertiser summary of that game. They hit halftime and usually the kickers come out just before

the rest of the team to get a couple of practice kicks in. The LSU band had gone long and they were still on the field. This was official by the way because LSU later had to issue a statement that, yes, the band took too long. And an apology to Auburn kicker Damon Duvall, famous among Florida fans for giving the chomp after hitting a game-winning field goal

in the swamp. Fair game, you could do that when you hit a kick that good. It was fantastic. From the Montgomery advertiser. I'm just going to read this and you're going to catch up on the context. One of the little guys hit me with is tuba.

That just set me off. I ended up pushing him. Looking back now, of course, 20-20, I was young, had a little different attitude then duval recalled this week it was a recipe for a disaster to start but they were saying stuff and when i got hit with the tuba i kind of lost my cool a little bit so damon duval got into a fight with two members of the lSU band as they were coming off the field at half time and lsu captained by the immortal rohan davy won 2714 got their revenge and set a

a Baton Rouge winning streak that continues to this day. And by the way, their luck in Baton Rouge, their luck in Baton Rouge has been brutal. This would be five field goals in 2005 that went awry for a single kicker, John Vaughn. Five went awry kicker John Vaughn. They sent him out there for a fifth. I remember watching this and they sent him out there for a fifth. And I'm like, no.

Nobody, John Vaughn never misses a fifth field goal. actually you did yeah so I think so for LSU I think this is this is very much a we don't lose this game

like I think if you've been going that long this is not you're not insecure about this at all this is very much I'm extremely motivated and committed to that and I only say that because Auburn in complete disarray at this point coming off of a struggle win slash covert loss to Georgia State

that's one of those games that is a covert loss but who saved that game for them that would be former LSU quarterback that's right TJ yeah yeah and I think the most LSU Auburn thing

that could happen in this game would be for T.J. Finley just to light them the fuck up see you and I are on the same page here that the most like the most Auburn thing to happen in this game would be for Auburn to come out and win 2017

yeah Or, I'm sorry, 2217. Yes. Let's get a weird. It's got a 1917. How did they finished with 20 and a half? They just did. They got a half a point.

See, that's what happened. They kicked an extra point and it just got stuck in the crosspost, crossbar. So they can get a half a point. And it's still there. Like Big Mouth Billy Bass just plastered to the field goal. Did you happen to actually watch the tail end of that Auburn, Georgia State game? I mean, I caught up on it and I did catch up as well on, I think it was the Auburn receiver saying like, oh yeah, that play was super broken. That's not how that play was supposed to go.

That's not how that play goes at all. Yeah, he was anybody who thinks that they've solved anything with T.J. Finley and to be clear, I'm just making this person up because I don't think there's an Auburn fan out there who's like, yeah, we got this. No, that dude was pressed. He was running for his life back there. The game winning TD was a, was a. busted play the the pass that got them down there was an incompletion that they were awarded and if you flashed over Auburn fans in the stands when they were like that's a completion the look on their face is not woohoo the look on their faces what okay okay whatever dude this is a slot machine I thought I was I thought this was a self-checkout what is this supposed to say a 500,000 dollar checkpline that seems like too much that's a lot So the end of that game, Auburn pulled out of their ass and not in the good way of like,

aha, brilliant, improvissatory playmaking. No, no, no. Yeah, sure. Yeah, he completed one pass falling down. Like, I watched T.J. Finley came out of the pocket, had a guy around his ankles, was falling, and the ball just sort of flew out of his hand into a running back for a first down. What is the, all right, here's how I think this game will actually go. i think lSU is going to jump out to a comfortable lead and then auburn is going to do enough to scare

them where everybody lead and where auburn fans after the loss are like god damn it if we could just put together not even four but two and a half good quarters maybe we could actually compete and lSU has to be like everything's fine everything's totally fine don't look back there Don't look at the garage. The house is clean. That's the important thing. There's definitely not bones in the garage. Why would you say that?

Officer, would you like coffee? And not bones. Again, we don't have any bones here. Why am I stirring this coffee with a knife? With a bone. Yeah. This goes in the long, by the way, chances Brian Harson makes a problem for himself in the next week. I can see this, by the way, if T.J. Finley comes out and he just absolutely, like, shits a boot, right?

Like, if he just is terrible for a half, who goes back in? Bo Nix! Bonix comes back in. Bonix. Yeah. If Bo Nix comes in at any results, they're all bad for this. They're all bad. Bo Nix beat Bama. That's a thing that happened in our recent lives.

Yes, sir. Yeah. don't take that away from him like i think in retrospect they should unfire gus for beating bama with bo necks talk about putting the difficulty settings up to the hardest possible level that is like this is they'll get down like 17 nothing yeah or 21 nothing and then will bryan harsen let t j finley learn you know get comfy see if he can deal with the adversity i don't think so i have no faith in him not making problems for himself he's going to go ahead and put bow necks in you know the other thing is we're going to get to watch sort of like i don't want to say the off-brand version of this game

but something kind of like sort of the um the regional touring production version of this game when Michigan plays Wisconsin at noon like that has the same level of like I guess Michigan is LSU in this scenario and Wisconsin is Auburn and it's just going to be yeah I yeah this is this game is

there are several editions of this game now there are thrillers we did not mention along the way because we've got many many choices I think your favorite if I'm going to be the Salmolier of Tiger Bowl futility for you would be 2006, a game you may remember as 7-3 in the year of our Lord 2006.

Two teams that gave up on offense completely. Auburn won with 153 yards of total offense. Yeah, man. 153 yards of total offense for the winning team. This was also the 2007 edition of this was Flynn Bird, the Demetrius bird catching a TD with four seconds the ball left his hand left Flynn's hand with four seconds on the clock

even though at that point LSU just needed a field goal to win because it was 2423 but Les Miles was like fuck it and they won the game 3024 when they didn't have to this is also a week after they lost to Kentucky and avoided becoming a three lost team

and thus became our first 10 and two national champion kidding. LSU! Thank you, Arkansas. Thank you, Arkansas. Thank you, Arkansas. By the way, I also wanted to read this fine quote.

This LSU team, along with Kentucky, Gabe, Auburn, in their championship season 2010, their tightest run, and yet less Miles managed to botch it again, because he opted to go for it on 4th and 6 from LSU's 30 after calling a timeout with 327. left the tiger and this is from the newspaper report the ap summary of the game the tiger still seemed unsure of what they wanted to do on the pivotal play jaret lee the passing portion of his team's quarterback tandem tried to scramble for the first down but was stopped well short by nico thorpe when asked about it miles said the decision was not close at all this peak less miles when you get that's what you want to hear after disaster right first first thing i want to say about this plane crash i would do it again i would do it the next 10 times if you asked me

it's everything i want man it's everything i need we just i counted on jared lee to scramble the only thing more dangerous would have been on counting jared lee to throw the ball because if you remember the dude was a pick six machine so having jaredley in there on fourth and six to begin with let's miles let's help that job for a long time dream big got a dream you got a dream big these days. Also, I would like to, I do want to go ahead. I have one more thing for this podcast,

one more thing, because the only game I really wanted to talk about, because Old Miss Bama is going to happen, we can't, that's just going to happen. Whatever, the more, the less I talk about it, the better. Same with Cincinnati Notre Dame, I feel, unless that's the one you want to talk about.

Absolutely not. Okay. No. It's good. We're on the same page. I know one thing about that Notre Dame team. They don't lose. How do they win? It doesn't matter. I'm going to refer you back to my previous statement of they don't lose.

They went to OT with Florida State. It's coming. I don't know when. I don't know how. But that L is coming. Is it happening? Is it coming to Cincinnati? No, because nothing good happens to Cincinnati.

Nothing. They go undefeated and everybody will just act like they're invisible. It's not happening. And then they go to a bowl game and they get ham. by somebody with a bunch of like huge five stars you can't miss with yeah should be they should have beat georgia too they should have beat georgia they should like we are so not far from that right when people are like whoa man george is invincible oh wait i i don't know if i've said it um just want to get this out of the way georgia's winning the national title this year there

i said it we don't have to talk about it just there it is sorry oh i already what is the game you want to talk is i'm looking at the schedule and i'm scared because we have alluded to a few but go ahead what do you got um i only really i don't even want to talk necessarily about a game like sure we could talk about arkansas georgia but i think we have a good idea what's going to happen there you're like respectable loss for arkansas that's what's going to happen yeah yeah yeah i regret to say that i agree with you and i'll be thrilled to be wrong yeah i mean as much as much as i am embracing the wamp lifestyle which everybody everybody is wamping at this point including the Arkansas social media accounts on all levels.

I expect Bill Clinton to at one point just chime in with a wamp. That is how deeply the wamp has infiltrated Arkansas culture. I'm overjoyed by that because it's really fun to say, Womp! And to act like you're Sam Pittman because it just feels like it feels like it's good to be Sam Pittman, right? Like, it's like... It's not bad, yeah. No, I just get to be a big old pile of meat going around, getting recruits,

making things bigger. That's all Sam Pittman's just yelling. it jukeboxes play a song stole this crystal skull from the memphis pyramid nobody stopped me now i've got powers i feel the juggernaw bitch wamp go wamp you with this cane top of the crystal skull i'm the wamp or not get out of my head jerry jerry jones has psychic powers right like that's firmly established yep sure he's he's professor x but he only uses them to like matter Look at, that's it. Yeah.

Hold on, I'm going to find a hot brain. That brain's real hot. Just this, that I have a text from a good friend of the program, Jane Koston, and it is from 20 minutes ago. Okay. Or 30 minutes ago, I have three texts in a row. And I'm going to ask you to read them if you can see them off of my camera, okay? Okay. I think you can.

This is 100% not going to work, but I'm excited to me. Surveering. You ready? no no no no okay all right so oh my god not even slightly visible you stupid no right hold on hold on backwards 95 motherfucking million dollars 95 fucking million 95 fucking million dollars we're gonna play jeopardy okay what is the what is the question that answers that 95 fucking million dollars is all right can we kind of do this uh not 20 questions can i do uh 10 questions yeah

Okay. Is it about sports? Yes. Is it about college football? Yes. Is it about college football in the state of Texas? Yes. Is it about Texas A&M? Yes.

Is it about Jimbo Fisher? Yes. That is how I learned somebody just found out that Jimbo Fisher just got an extension. yeah whoop yeah um they host mississippi state this week

and that on paper on paper you're like this shouldn't be an issue but man like there is a lot yeah this is this is one that I would not be surprised if you like look at your phone after dinner and you're like oh shit oh no

is down by 12 to Mississippi State the fourth oh fuck I mean well we to scout the whims of Mike Leach a little bit after a decade of exposure to some of the worst of them, I would go ahead and just say, dude still hates A&M, always hate it. Remember, he called them fake soldiers when he was at Texas Tech. Like, like, we, we joke about Jimbo's contract and the fact that it famously has no

but, no, like, decrease whatsoever. Like, he can basically do whatever he wants and he's still getting this money. But, like, on the other hand, I feel like that puts him in very, very. real danger. Like, this is how you get disappeared. Yeah. Yeah, they don't.

What, do you take $95 million of someone's money and they don't get what they want? Well, if you owe somebody $95 million, you really only have to find a hitman who will do the job for

94. Like, that's a net... That's just math right there. You've saved me money. You saved a million dollars. that's going to be it's fucked up but it's true jimbo gets fired in four years some reporters like so jimbo you know they're going to kill you right they're just going to straight up murder you yeah yeah i know that i know you said that on paper this was a matchup and i immediately heard jimbo fisher's voice go i got paper

i got lots of i got lots of paper i got bearer bonds you ever seen one of those course you haven't broke boy yeah i haven't you know i'm three inches taller you know why bearer bonds in my shoes i'm standing on them right now stacked them up some people use some people use shoals broke people not me i got money um i would also like to say while we have paid a lot of attention to yukon vanderbilt and i think some people are like this probably suggests something very broken about you for for for focusing on this game yeah at the very same time on big 10 network northwestern plays nebraska and i'm not going to talk about that at all so who's who's the broken one who's the one gawking of failure and misery not me

i'm just doing it because it's local um i'm going to go ahead and point you because my pet one of my pet obsessions this year is with fresno state and with their actual god quarterback jake hiner yeah Fresno state plays at hawaii at 11 p.m. eastern oh boy you're going to watch jake hainer in trench warfare at hawai right people people at hawaii are going to be out for blood for jay caner they're going to be driving they're going to be dropping things from airplanes on him he is going to have 12 men on the field and the ref won't call it because they will have paid him off and jay canner is going to throw the game winning td with like 12 seconds left server can i ask you a quick question a quick acce

question yes of course how funny will it be if duke beats unc um sequels are usually pretty good yeah i think it'll be good okay all right okay now that you've cracked the arc of the covenant here yeah there it is we can we can look at everything this weekend in the acc is fucking choice yeah uh because it is amazing i'm just going to go do you have any idea i just want a yes or no straight up do you have any idea what's going to happen to any of these games first thursday night peak ac c virginia at miami any clues um miami's going to win that but feel bad about it pittsburgh at georgia tech any idea no no no duke at unc i'm gonna sign up with no say no i have no clue louisville at wake any clue wakes wait i think wake will win that one pretty easily

yeah yeah okay because the only dependable team is Wake Forest and as stated in the top whatever on courtesy of Channel 6 when Wake Forest is good it's a sign that things have gone terribly awry yep okay when they're the most reliable thing I have another one that I'm just going to go ahead

and plead no contest to no low like literally this is my no low Syracuse at Florida State not a clue I it's don't lie don't lie it seems Florida State can't start the season

oh and five right yeah no they can but they what's stopping them i mean you don't have a single reason to say no the problem is if you had given me their schedule at the start of the year i said well they won't start oh and two well they won't start o and three well they won't so yeah i guess like there is no bottom yeah it's like when you it's like when a friend's going through it and they're like oh yeah man they repoed his house well it can't get worse than that actually yeah they repoed his own arm. What? Yeah. No, like his human arm. They took it. He doesn't own that. He doesn't own that kidney. They took it fair and square. I'm sorry. Property rights and property rights. Um, I'm not even, even the out of conference game I'm not sure about because NC State hosts Louisiana Tech. The NC State beat Clemson last week. If it were anyone other than Louisiana Tech. Then hard luck Louisiana Tech. Yeah. Like, Skip Holtz has such a boner for ruining his own day. Like just absolutely like. just hates himself so bad so if louisiana check is leading going into the fourth quarter

nc states a lock just go ahead place that place that instant bet especially if nc states wearing the horny wolf helmet if they're wearing the like extremely hornedog wolf helmet you have not even addressed the evening game yet i'm about to okay boston college at clemson is clemson going to drop to two and three Boston College is good. I don't mean to alarm anybody. They're a pretty good football team. And by doing so, Clemson would drop out of the top 25 for the first time,

and I don't know how long. A decade? I don't think it's got to be a little shorter than that, but not that much shorter. No. Probably like seven years. Yeah, I have a hard time seeing why. I have a hard time saying like, oh, Clemson will definitely win this game.

I don't think they will. I don't think they know anything right now. What will the polls do with Boston College if they are 5 and O and have beat Clemson on the road? Like if you just took that in a vacuum, you'd be like, well, that's like a top four resume. Like that's not that different from George's resume in some ways. Yeah.

But Boston College is going to be like, oh, fine. Here's 22. Shut up. enjoy it Michigan lost but they're ahead of you just shut up they could be I think Boston college could be

8 no and they would still be 13 everybody will be like well you should leave the American we're not in the American what are you talking about we're at a Power 5 conference do you know do you know what happened

by the way like to really help this argument that I'm making that we're going to keep Boston College out of the top ten much less the top five no matter how many wins they have this talking about what hot garbage the ACC is that's that's what like yeah that's everybody's gonna be like no it's like that's like they'll give them the conference USA consolation spot of like 16 like that's an undefeated CUSA team listen this is this is the

best bullshit trick the SEC has pulled anytime an SEC team loses it's like oh that's a deep That's a deep conference, brother. Every day, you got to, every weekend, you got to strap them up. There are no easy wins except Vanderbilt in that conference. They all just a lot of talent. You lose one ACC game and it's like, trash, stupid trash. Absolute fucking garbage. Yeah.

Yeah, Clemson, by the way, has been ranked 107 weeks or whatever. Yeah, which is the third longest active streak behind Ohio State at 150 and Alabama at 218. 218 straight weeks that Alabama has been ranked in the AP top 25. There is one more

something's got to give game that I just want to laugh at. I don't even want to discuss it because, again, this is firmly in my, I don't know what's going to happen. I was going to Maryland, and both Maryland and Iowa, much to my chagrin, are both undefeated.