Shutdown Fullcast - University of Same Coaches

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

The gang invents an insurance company Step right up to the USC coaching search carousel! Does that horse have Pat Haden's face? Mind your own business! Jordan Battle, hail and farewell A lot of background screaming, but for a good reason this time There's also a ton of football talk in this episode, we don't feel great about that either Visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I just feel like we are surrounded in this world by bullshit. So how can you know what's real and what's not? Science versus, that's how. We answer questions like, does anti-aging skin care actually work? And what is your true personality type? And to answer these questions, we don't use opinions. We dive into the scientific studies,

talk to the experts, and put it in a podcast that I know you are going to love. Listen to science verses on Spotify. got a probably not credible tip got a probably not credible tip that ryan day spoke with will must champ in the last 24 oh come on this is why i wanted to not jinx the south carolina georgia game because must champ is helping georgia prep i hope they were just talking about the movie swat that's it they're just like oh swat fucking rules bro somebody in the corner of the room brings up training day and they're like oh it's too training day's too long i don't understand it yeah yeah training that they talk a lot

dude training day is about how good he is at smoke and angel dust that's what that is it's really good at they call it a training day but i didn't see a lot of practice footage Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. If someone tries to sell you another one, go ahead, knock that person out because they're a liar. Why would someone sell you a podcast? What is the scenario? People make money off podcasts?

No, no. But if they did try to sell you one, brother, you take a brick and you put it right in that guy's like kisser. Have you been in a train station and somebody opened a briefcase and was like, hey, hey, you want to buy a podcast? Hey. What part of the body do you think the kisser is? is this like when people sell drugs from their trench coats i think so yeah yeah hey hey

just stuff hanging there man i bet that's a booming industry right now this show is bad for your body and it might keep you from getting a job so hey kids you put it in your ear it's healthy that's why it goes in the ear like good medicine it all goes in the ear it makes you stupid for two hours if you're lucky i was going to say i think the lingering out after effects of this podcast can extend several hours past initial intake like it's like lifting weights you stay you know like your metabolism is up after lifting weights for a while if you listen to this podcast I think you're stupid for four to six hours afterwards we get you know we get listeners who tweeted us and tell us like about how we said something funny and they like almost fell off the treadmill or almost wrecked their car something something similar it don't work out to this podcast what we don't get and I think this is really telling is you you very rarely hear listeners who are like oh I tried to tell somebody else about this show because I think even they're like their their most primal lizard brain is like no don't do that bad idea I wonder if in

that moment went because we have hurt a lot of like I almost drove off the road I wonder if the act of listening to the full cast is more shameful than the actor driving off the road and so they just make up like oh no I'm I'm nothing happened I'm a terrible driver nothing distracted me at all I would love to find out the insurance premiums of our listeners and what standard deviations they are above the national norm. I'm going to go at least two. Like, like, were you listening to something that made you fall off the treadmill? Nope, nope, just really bad at running.

Are you suggesting that if insurance companies could identify podcast listening habits, there would be like a penalty applied to get health insurance if you listen to this show? Yes and no. I'm not positing. I'm not positing either way, but I think either direction is funny because if yes, then this podcast is a detriment to you operating as a functional human in the world. And if no, we naturally attract a subset of people who are prone to being uninsurable. I think we need to make our own reign and start insurance company for the previously uninsurable. Oh, yeah, we can check it on to our search firm. how do you think that's going to work night ham insurance listen ryan you've got questions okay because you're a hater i have plans and what i'm going to do is i'm going to answer your hate and ask

questions with two words for you okay volume buying that's how we do it i just factory incentives some of you just want to stay some of you just want to stay penniless i need you to buy into the vision and we'll build a world beneath it to make it real. I just want you to know the step, the steps from Spencer Hall's Nightham Insurance to Spencer Hall arrested in Ponzi scheme, very small road, very short. Ryan, I don't have the money right now,

but if I get you to get three friends. You know you're crossing H.G. Wells, the time machine with the music man. That's what's actually happening. Hey, the music man is a musical about a beloved fraudster. Morlock insurance. This is what you're I'm Johnny Knoxville

and this is Morlock insurance. Jackass insurance. They need good insurance. That's true. Exactly. Except for the especially the rental car episode. One fact check so far.

I'm Jason Kirk by the way. One fact check so far is this is no longer the world's only college football podcast. Oh no. because in fact there is another entitled full cast after dark

with the exact same four hosts that feed is one you should go subscribe to immediately because its first episode is live from Saturday night immediately after Jacksonville State beat Florida State Jacksonville State beat Florida State by the way so yeah one show two feeds

I have come to terms with our there can be only one by basically using a multiverse theory there is still only one college football podcast podcast during the you know during the time we're we're doing this show this is the one and during the time we're doing the other show that is the one all right stay with me i think i got it yeah go ahead what are what are we if not a big cow that doesn't like you how many stomachs do we have between all of the hosts depends four just like a cow yeah yeah right but that cow is extra

hungry so it's always hustling so it needs two mouths and therefore two feeds and wow we are the we are the main cause of climate crisis hot air if this show and the other or if it's a multiverse situation like ryan is positing which one is the ben afflick and which one is the lego batman i would say full cast after dark has got to be lego batman i would argue full cast after dark is ben Affleck because it is making some weird choices and it's up late yeah I don't want to make and it went to the Met Gala with J-Lo yeah which why is it hey I was talking to Amanda Moll about this why isn't there a like Big Ten gala that's like this because all all the Met Gala is really is just an excuse to like fundraise for an organization that

doesn't actually need money so why don't we have these ostentatious fashion parties for conferences. Can we call it a meat gala? Doesn't the costume institute for the Met have to fund itself, though? It does, but I am told that A, it has more money that it can possibly ever need, and B, that it does not share any money. Like an athletic association that

exists separate from a university, it doesn't share money. You know, money is sort of segregated from it. So it's not raising money for the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It's just the costume growth. Right, because I thought the costume group was the only one that didn't get money from the Met. Yes, but I think that's because they just do the Met Gala, and they're like, we don't need your money, stupid Met. Sounds like a chicken egg situation. Also, this is now the Internet's only New York art scene podcast.

Ooh, here comes Billy Porter at the Meat Gala, and he's wearing us. Billy Porter is a god. And he's wearing a sweatshirt. You shut your mouth. He doesn't know anything about Billy Porter. He's wearing a sweatshirt. You can tell. Tell him he's being awful. You pick the, you pick the, why would you pick Billy Porter?

There's nothing wrong with wearing a sweatshirt. There's nothing wrong with wearing a sweatshirt, especially when brought to you by home. Josh Gad is right there. And you pick Billy Porter. I'd have to know, I'd have to know who that is. You do know who Josh Gad is. I really don't. God, I hate you.

Anyway. I do know, I do know one person that we all won't know, okay? Because Josh Gad, I don't know. We might know Jordan Battle of, Alabama but we won't know him for the next year because no we're never seeing him again he's getting put in the robbie zell hole he's getting put in the quin and williams hole he is never touching a mic he's never going to see a camera our man is about to lead a pre-modern existence because he will be isolated from all media available only via daguerreotype or scroll for the

next year because jordan battle at a press conference today for player availability at Alabama, which player availability at Alabama is doled out like drops of it. You get like a little window and there's an SID right there and the leash is so short on what you can say and then you are disappeared and we don't hear from you again until they tried out another player to answer exactly four questions. Jordan Battle had a tiny little window with which to tell the world what he is about, you know, what his experience at Alabama was. And he was asked what Nick Samp Sabin's favorite sayings were.

And initially, he wisely responded, well, there's a lot of them. So it's really hard for me to just pick one. Then a grin spread across his face. A smile broke out. And he said, but. And this is when you should know you're in trouble is when you say, but. Right. Ah, but.

And then Jordan Battles, he, he shot a shot. He did because he said. But, you know, Saban's always doing things like touch D's or suck on D's. And from the back, you could hear some. I would call it a choke scream. No! That was a good rendition. I'm going to try.

No. It sounds like there's a little crack in it. It was more like a like, no. What? I didn't even. I think the key is there were multiple of it as well. It wasn't just one. It was a...

No. No! No! It's not... It was like a scream bark. It's not in the video, at least the short clip that I saw. But I also like that whoever this person is, we think we know, but I don't want to impugn anybody does unnecessarily. Immediately goes in damage control mode.

Why not? You think his day could get worse? That's fair. but immediately goes into damage control mode and is like, I think what Jordan meant was that coach was like, touch these hands together as a unified team, you know? Jordan, as he has been taught in practice,

just barrels through to the whistle. Yeah. Suck these orange slices to hydrate yourself. For vitamins and recovery minerals. Also, for those of you just joining the Alabama football program, this is a known thing that Nick does. It's not like a super common trope, but word of his sense of humor has filtered out of the program before. I know Tua has talked in the past about Nick's fondness for these jokes.

Josh Jacobs as well. Josh Jacobs, yeah. Yeah, this is already canon. But like a current player revealing it, this was special. This was exciting because Alabama football is the, um, the interstellar black hole from which no sound escapes. No sound waves escape. And a transmission has just reached us here on Earth.

Yeah, God, the last time, I feel like the last time somebody really got Sabin in public was Robbie Zell. Like a current player. Listen. Listen, guys. The hair don't have galleries. I just, I like that Nick Saban is such a,

that was nine years ago. That was 2012, wasn't it? Nick Sabin is such a serious and scary man that, like, he can just keep pulling this prank forever like nobody will he'll just be like guys I don't know what these are doing out here these what these nuts that's what and nobody's ever gonna like be like oh he's doing the these nuts thing especially because he's a defensive coordinator background yes he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he was a D's C for a while he coach D's B's yeah yeah played little D's B himself

No. That was Spencer's rendition. Isn't it, isn't it fun to do? It's, you know what it is? It's the exact, it's the exact voice of a parent across the splash pad watching their child get naked. Looking up, looking up and seeing child is three quarters naked already. It's, I was, that's so funny that you said that because I was thinking it's the exact moment of a parent

watching a child slam the door on their sibling with the keys inside the car. The keys are in the car. The baby is still in the car seat and the car is now closed. Whatever it is, it's 90% complete. Like, it is too late for your no to change anything. But all you are doing is, is establishing that you are not complicit in what is happening. Well, that's why it's important that he started with touch D's because you were like, was he like not completing?

Was it was touch, you know, like, okay, maybe you touch something. I don't know, like, whatever. But when he moves on to suck on D's, it's with a big smile. All, all confusion is gone at this point. I would love to know what visual feedback Mr. Battle had from the podium that made him think, like, I can go ahead. I can elaborate. Can I ask an important question? Please.

Do you think Nick Saban follows up touch D's or suck on D's with nuts or balls? I don't think he follows, I think he does a gesture. You think he, okay. Yeah, I think nuts is a pantomime. Oh, you think he's like, okay. Jacobs said nuts. Okay. So go on these nuts.

Yeah, I can kind of hear that. Sure. I don't have a great Sabin. I'm sorry. Just I, that and Nick Saban talking to, I believe it was Devante Smith, about, yeah, they don't make them like us anymore, Devante. That practice going, I can't hang out. I can't hang out with those linemen.

I got to give you over here with the skill players, you know, because they don't make them like us anymore, right? One of a kind. I also think, me and Devante, two peas in a pod. I am also fairly certain that if somebody else tried to do this outside of maybe a very small group of people, if you try to do this to Nick Sabin, he wouldn't find it funny at all.

He wouldn't find it even a little bit funny. Oh, what's great is that I think he's going to find it very funny with the players and i think the s id is going to have a very unpleasant evening oh my god i'm so no just walk in there and get it over with man what he should really do now is like for a local alabama hospital or something do a psa about like about like testicular cancer yes male sexual health yes yes yeah the man over a certain age it's important to check these nuts when you turn Oh, you know, Coach Prime, once you turn 50?

Coach, how do I get nuts like yours? The Affleck duck just like backing away slowly. Oh, whole, yeah, every ad is saving in Coach Prime, you know, discussing male health. And he's like, well, coach. yep oh man when you separate the word prostate what do you get pro and state pro state wow yeah makes you think it's wow man we're thinking right now oh the other thing too is that there's a there's a member of the alabama media let's shout out our boys at aal dot com our longest tenured sponsor on this program.

I did one of them dirty this afternoon because I thought the person screaming in the background was Cecil hurt and I am told by Cecil that it is Michael Casagrondi. If Cecil was screaming in the background, he would have been like, yes! Finally!

I am on record as saying Cecil is my first pick of the press box brawl draft. Yeah, but even he didn't crack up with this, Michael Casagrand. Michael let out a squawk. Yeah. different from the no like there were there were there were there were people holding up no

signs and yes signs so to speak i also just love that the question that prompted this was not like tell us something funny or out there it was like what is a coach saying yeah yeah there is a there's a follow-up question like someone it's like uh i think he meant like an inspirational quote Right. Someone says that. It's like, that's actually worse that. What's your favorite Esop's fable? Too much booty in the pants. Like, what is Nick Sabin's inspirational quote?

I believe in you? No, he doesn't. No. That was that. See, I hate these questions worse than the talk about questions. I'm sure the reason was it's limited player availability and just, I'm just going to ask safe questions that don't get me yelled at. And it accidentally turned into a deez nuts routine.

That could be it. Like, there might be like, you know, you get one question all year. If it goes wrong, you get zero. That's right. Overjoyed that Jordan Battle did this and also Jordan Battle. Congratulations to Jordan Battle who doesn't have to do media availability for the rest of the year. He doesn't have to do this ever again. When does he have to do this?

Never. Never. He managed to get out of it for life. He might have gotten a man. Okay. Forget Sabin doing a PSA. get jordan battle some nil money from that hospital chain they might they really might got a huge ass medical school this jordan battle did the uh the new roommate who fucks up the dishwasher real bad so they don't have to wash dishes anymore yeah you put the lincoln soap in there yeah there's foam all over the kitchen just jordan just vacuum jordan perfect god you know who else is looking

for a new roommate there we go oh jack del rio maybe yeah maybe Wouldn't roll it out. I just wanted to get that name in the zeitgeist early because now we can say names being heard in association with the USC coaching search, which hasn't fucking started yet. Jack Del Rio is definitely a toilet clogger. Just like, let's just put down. He's a man of the river. Yeah. Yeah, he's not used to having to fit his excretions down a little pipe, Ryan.

Don't, don't box him in. I'm sorry. And by don't box him in, I mean Jack Del Rio is an outdoor cat. Yeah, he gets confused if you put him in an outhouse. He was on the doorstep last night. Guess he's out rambling now. Jack Darrio is one of those cats whose balls drag on the ground behind him. Wow.

Have we, this is the third, third. I am old enough now to say that I have had my third USC firing in a row that was weird. The third in a row. Yeah, it was weird about the last one. Huh. Or the one before. Well, this is, no, this is the least. weird.

This is the least weird. But it's still pretty weird. It's pretty weird. The weirdness of this one is how long it took. Mm-hmm. And also how short it took at the same time somehow. Yeah. That was the last straw?

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I think we can also count coach that was kind of a firing-ish. Let's say, let's go with four. Four? Yeah, there's four in a row. And let's count Pete Carroll's exit is weird. Let's go with five.

It wasn't, it wasn't normal. Let's put it down. It was Pete Carroll. It was there. Sure. Yeah. And I think the thing about a USC coaching search is how cyclical they are, right? Like every single time, the exact same jokes. Every time. And they all hit. We could stop. We don't have to make jokes if they would ever do something different. We would make, we would have to make new jokes if they ever did anything different. The Jack Del Rio thing and the Jeff Fisher thing. Apologies for invoking his name without any warning. those two gentlemen have been so consistently in USC rumors

that Richard Johnson wrote in 2018 a retrospective of a full decade of rumors that you could probably copy and paste it and publish it again today because I'm going to assume they're still out there this is folks you know who's in the in the Pacific time zone now who John Gruden right there he's just a guy just winning in the NFL in very

normal and completely predictable very pack 12 ways that's true just like happened late and they don't make sense this is true they're kind of dumb they're easy to kill i'm amazed at how much the jack del rio and jeff fisher rumors being around for you know basically 10 years at this point if not longer how much they make sense because that's what u sc does they're like hey did he go to usc is he sort of tangentially involved with football? Mark Harmon. No, he went to me. Yeah. Mike, Mark. Oh, shit. You're right.

Yeah. So you had, uh, Clay Hilton. UCLA fans are so mad right now and NCIS fans too. Yeah, Clay Hilton. He would work to USC for years and had already been in interim coach twice. Uh, coach Ogeron took over. I don't know why I called him coach. Maybe because we're talking about Nick Saban. It's in my head that you have to call coach coach. Uh, and, and he was a retread. Giffin and Sark where, you know, they're the same guy. Um, and then, you know, where what is this now it's it's it's over a decade of USC doing this and uh is it's

it's finally time for them to break away I kind of hope not now no no no man oh right right it's gonna be Matt liner oh and the hires the hires were made by uh Pat Hayden for USC quarterback Lynn Swan was in there former USC receiver a weird thing is happening now too where um the names that that are being floated are like, wait, did somebody hand you this list from like three years ago? Cause it's like PJ Fleck and James Franklin and Bill O'Brien and Gary Patterson. And I'm like, Gary Patterson has been at TCU for 21 years and is not young. And at no point are you like, you know who looks like he's ready for some new shit?

Gary Patterson. I really hate to invoke the NFL, but the the pro football podcast, what are they called split zone duo. Whoa. Made a very good point in a show that I was listening to early this morning. And I alluded to it just a few minutes ago. Y'all, this coaching search hadn't started yet. They're going to hire a search firm.

They're going to talk to a whole ton of people. So everybody throwing names out right now is people who want their names to be thrown out. Right. Yeah. To get a raise. I can dispute that reporting. All right. Here on the shutdowns on this list.

Here in the show. shutdown fullcast, we have a contrary report. All right. We're going to say the coaching list starts with Jeff Fisher and Jack Del Rio. They are being considered for the USC job. Is USC considering them? I didn't say that. I said they're being considered.

I have heard their names in association with this job just now from you. Yes. We are also going to say the successful coach at Ole Miss, who has recruited Southern California well. David Cutcliffe. Fairly young. We're going to Ferro Cutcliffe on there. Sure.

We're going to say the coach at the Texas Longhorns. We've got a big rebuilding job, but maybe he wants to get out of the limelight a little bit, move down. Sunshine could do him good. He looks a little peeked. Sark's on the list. Ed Ogeron. It's literally accomplished all he could at LSU.

Maybe he wants a new challenge. We're going to add those three guys to list. Can we play a little game because I want to add some more, okay? Sure. Bain. We're going to do. We end up with that a lot, don't we? bane is kind of our no sixth or six i mean we also end up isolated in a no slain metropolis

it's really unfair to bain because bain this is very painful bade plans so hard and we don't plan at all it's so unfair to bain and yet it turns out the same one failing to prepare. So on these. Coach Sabin meant to join the nuts together. Everything's funnier in Bain voice. That's what the Harley Quinn cartoon cut it right. It's always funnier if Bain says it.

So we are going to add three coaches to that list of coaches who are, we are reporting, or on the USC Trojans, hot list what I'm going to do is I'm going to list two blind items and you all will select which one we'll do three rounds of this okay

and the three of you server you're in on this as well you can vote or whatever the case maybe I'll leave it to you're the search firm okay first I have vetted for you server getting paid I have vetted for you a candidate who and also always

all these folks have USC connections because that's the primary consideration is is this say USC person these are all somewhere before you always want to go back there and you will be good there right yeah like this is this is why I kept going to algebra class we treat all these millionaires like salmon in all the ways but the important ones eating yeah I thought you meant the sexual ones I think you been putting them in cans so first candidate was USC's all-time career passing yardage leader as of 1985 long beach native experience in Washington Washington and San Diego, followed by 17 years of media experience, important for recruiting,

just like John Gruden and Mac Brown and company. All right, so that's our first. The second is a multi-generational USC legacy. Decades of USC personness. Scored 16 touchdowns for the Trojans, was the captain of the last team before Pete Carroll took over, also boasting media experience all the way back to 1998 at USC. I think we is heritage hall

there's no standing against legacy so you want us to pick between one of these two candidates yes listen I'm going to go with the proven experience

and that we know the most experience you can get and that you are required to get as a coach is coaching the chargers

even if it's not specifically for the chargers I'm going to take to San Diego I'll take option A Spencer it's called Heritage Hall

I'll take option B so the problem is the problem is option a does have San Diego but the other team was Washington. Yes. I don't want

Washington anywhere near our beloved Troy. Like, I just don't. So I'm going to go with Holly.

I like how you had a problem even getting that sentence to in your mouth. Did you hear his gorge? Did you hear

his heart leap up through his throat and show Kim? It's the old Stanford fan of me just coming out. It was as if we could hear the angel

on Ryan's shoulder saying, no. It's a Okay, Cerber has left, so we will say he is concurring with our producer just walked out. I'm going to go option B, yeah. All right, Spencer, you're outvoted. Who are we getting?

All right, so you have selected former pros versus Joe's host Petros Papadakis. Excellent. I told you. Over, over. Oh, damn it. Over former battlebots host, Sean Salisbury. I feel great about this choice. right? You know what? That's fine. I feel great about this to me. I think former

broadcast guys, like, you can make a pro and con. All right? Former broadcast guys coming here. I wish we had this on video. Spencer was so angry, right? Until you said Sean Salisbury. Yeah, that's right. That's mad. Sorry. Sorry. That's fine. Just imagine that. 30 minutes of that at Pack 12 Media Days. How wonderful would that be. So the case we're bringing up it, they cut it to three minutes. They're like, oh God, get him. Yes, enough. The case for bringing a broadcast guy out of the the booth and back onto the sideline you have it's worked fine-ish at Arizona State UNC UCLA the Las Vegas Raiders the con obviously would be

sometimes it doesn't go that well sometimes you know you're the Jacksonville Jaguars bringing a guy out of the booth Doug Marron next duo yeah next duo these two also have something in common all right first option A California native Super Bowl champ head coach two times Super Bowl assistant head coach was a quarterback on a USC national championship roster has coached at four different California schools. The second is Brian Kelly. Oh, yikes. A. Why look? Can you get me A's resume real quick one more time? California native. Yeah. Super Bowl winner. Two-time Super Bowl assistant. A former USC quarterback. Super Bowl winner as a head coach? Quarterback. Or as a

quarterback? Yes. Oh, no, no, no. Super Bowl winners. I had a coach. USC title winner as a rostered quarterback. This is a trap, but the other one's Brian Kelly. That's what I'm saying. A. A is an automatic go. Spencer, I think you've been to say, no.

No! I really like the idea of Brian Kelly being on the other side of that rivalry. And I like that we're opening up the Notre Dame job for chaos purposes. So even though I don't think it's the best thing for USC. I'm going to say Brian Kelly. Oh, that's a compelling argument. I'm changing

my argument. Brian Kelly. I can't do it. Yes. No. All right. What horror did Spencer select this time? So we have snubbed Mike Holmgren, who coached, of course, at three different California high schools as well as San Francisco State. And we have selected Brian Kelly

the longtime Tampa Bay Buccaneers Cornerback, who was a second round pick out of USC in 1998. That's right. He is on the Trojan's short list, okay? I still stand by my choice. Okay. Can y'all hear the noises this dog is making? Yes.

The dog is saying, No. I'm uncomfortable with all of this. What is a list of potential coaches, if not a list of dogs who want treats? That's all a list of coaches. And they're like, coaches who are interested in this job. Good boy, Greg. Treat?

Good boy, Greg Shiano. Treats. Rorow. Recruiting sanctions. Ro Ro, Raggy. Betty's like, you mock my pain. I'm going to feed her. Okay.

This is not tenable. Okay. Intermission. I don't think Greg Shannon can be a dog. Dogs wash their butts. Wow. Jesus Christ. So we have added Petros Papadakis and Brian Kelly to the list so far.

Sure. Where did Spencer go? Spencer has gone to feed the dog because she won't shut up. Because he said treats eight times. Like some sort of beetles juice. Reverse. Candy Man. Tregal juice.

You say it enough times and he leaves. Shut up. I hate you. Anti-candy man. Anti-candy man. Just saying that word around a dog, it's just like you are an agent of fucking chaos. You don't care for anyone else. The cats know it too, so he's about to be swarmed.

You can't say it around any anyone. If you set it around me, I'd be like, we're having treats. Where are the treats? Are they those little mini pop tarts? What are we talking about? Oh, shit. Pop-Tarts. Rice Krispy treats.

Y'all, Spencer's coming back. Quit talking about it. I could tear up a can of Pringles right now if you got one. All right. You know, as you stick your hand all the way down on in this Pringles, can't, I'd like to talk to you guys this month about prostate health. With your forearm lodged in the Pringles tube. I'm Dionne Sanders, and I know what this reminds. Coach Prime with you.

Coach Prime, I'm about to go to these brinkies. Coach Prime, can you take a look at this for me? Coach, does this look infected? In the blue jacket. All right. Well, hello, it's my good friend, Nikki Minaj here. Oh, is that her cousin's, friends, neighbors, uncles. All your neighbor's best friend, sister's friend got STD.

All of his, all of his friends just going, hey, dude, your balls are huge right now. That guy has a family. Not anymore. My cousin in Tuscaloosa, his best friend's, uncle's, neighbors, pastors, neighbors, coach is Nick Saban, and his balls are enormous. Can that just be the show notes? Can that be the entirety of the show notes? Yeah.

Also, like, aren't we trying to get people vaccinated? can't we tell them your your balls will be really big dude it's like can you can you can you can you vaccinate my dick wait weren't there a couple of studies already that linked it to that linked it to impotence that's different it's not the same thing as having huge balls so it's oh yeah sure yeah so the choice is impotence are huge impressive balls um who's my third aniel i know you're listening yes i am thinking about your balls All right. Our final addition to the USC Trojans coaching search list.

The first up was a Los Angeles college star quarterback, about a decade of L.A. coaching experience, plus, else are in the Pact 12 footprint, Helmed programs in Colorado, Washington, and Arizona. It's Rick New Heism. I see the smiles. Already has USC on a five-game win streak in games involving him. Loved USC so much.

He got a law degree there. For the record, you gave this up with California. four new college yeah yeah the other choice hear me out right yeah an ohio man whose college decision was determined by an upset football victory and went on to get a master's from USC I'm gonna go with a on the devil we know also he might bring his guitar to press conferences I would require that he bring it wear it at games like I want him just casually strumming yeah as USC is giving up a game winning field goal drive.

I'll go, I'll go with a... Which they will, because we've seen your football teams before. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Rick Neuheisel, please. So you've all selected Rick Neuheisel. Do you know who you've just snubbed?

God, what a... Do you know? No. Do you realize what you've just done? No. Let me take you back to 1945, okay? God. Ohio State travels to Purdue.

In the stands that day was a young fellow by the name of Neil Armstrong, who decided to... to attend Purdue because the Boilermakers upset the number four Buckeyes. That meant wind to the moon, came back and got a master's from USC. For some reason, he got more, as if he didn't already know everything about aeronautics engineering. Like, what is he there to learn? What are they going to tell him? What are they going to tell Neil Armstrong about how space works?

Anyway, you've just rejected Neil Armstrong. I hope you're happy. Oh, Neil, I'm so sorry. Listen, listen, listen. We couldn't keep you tethered to Earth any more than gravity could. Hey, Neil Armstrong couldn't recruit, though, because he went looking for the stars, and he only found a rock. Wow. Sad.

Wow. You really fucked up that refrigerator magnet, didn't you? I did. So there you have it, folks. That is your initial USC Trojans coaching candidates list. I'm hearing a lot of chatter around this group. I would like to offer a caveat of sorts. in that it might not matter whether they hire anybody on our list or whether they hire anybody on anybody's list because

oh it definitely doesn't matter as unpleasant as the clay helton experience was and part of the problem is like it's very hard to remember clay helton games outside of the one rose bowl which did absolutely slap it's very hard to remember clay helton games but i went back and looked and since pete carroll left USC. These are true things about the Trojans. Number one, they have had three seasons in 11 tries, in 11 full tries, where they finished with a better AP ranking than they started with. Number two, for the last 10 full seasons, I'm not counting 2020 because they didn't play then, their first loss has come in September, 2011, 2012, 2013. They have never, for 10, straight years, they cannot get out of September with a clean record. Stanford has been responsible

for that five times, which sort of makes me wonder, like, well, what is the big deal about losing to Sanford early? Like, why was that the, like, the final straw? And here is the most surprising thing. As a ranked team since Pete Carroll's departure. Is that a biplane? Uh, sounds like a, right? I believe that's a regular plane. Okay. As a, As a ranked team, USC has a winning percentage of 610 since Pete Carroll left. Now, granted, they are ranked a lot more than these other two teams I'm going to list. UCLA has a winning percentage as a ranked team in the same time span, which is not one that we would generally call terribly prosperous for the Bruins of 630.

Utah, since they joined the league in 2011, so I'm not counting 2010, has a winning percentage as a ranked team of 6.4. 47. Maybe the problem is just USC. Maybe it has very little to do with who the coach is. And it's just that everything is a complete fucking mess. Ryan, I have the only person. Yeah, sure. Ryan, sorry, ale.com. Are you suggesting a secret of the ooze scenario? God, I would I would love that for the for that to be the case. Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. Because like, or is this more of a a Ghostbusters too? river of slime or i feel like it's pretty clear that those are only two choices yeah i guess it is more of a i guess it is more of a ninja turtles too situation okay because it's uncontrollable also cowabunga obviously trying to fight the memory of a long dead former tyrant this is very

much chasing pete carroll so i'm going to go ghostbusters too i guess so my thing is this with most programs that have go the carpafian thinks bush did 9-11 with most with most programs that have fallen on hard times or with like texas for example the argument is like texas should be x but it is x minus 10 x minus 20 whatever it is why is that the assumption when usc like the the the real is it Why is Pete not the exception that proves the rule rather than like this immutable proof that USC should be good? Well, the 60s and 70s also happened. That's fucking fantastic. You know what?

They were great years for Pitt, too. And nobody is like, well, Pitt should be a national. Hey, should be churning out. Okay, other than the forecast, nobody else is like, Pitt should be churning out national championship contenders. Everybody's like, it's different. Everybody understands time has moved on.

Because USC has the 60s, 70s, and 2000s. Pitt has the 60s and 70s. Right, right. God damn you did you want that. You robbed us of our birthright. I just, I don't know. I find it very, I get why people were not happy,

and I don't think it's the wrong decision to fire Clay Helton. But, you know, Mike Bone coming out and saying, like, the goals to win a national championship. Yeah, you got to fucking say that. And I get it. But the available evidence does not lead to this, like, rock solid conclusion that, like, yes, that's definitely what USC was is and always should be. A lot of, a lot of people of various backgrounds and skill levels and styles have not made it work at USC.

How various are those backgrounds, though? Yeah. Because they're all the same background. No, I'm talking like pre-peak Carol, too. As long as they hire a guy from Oregon. the new york jets they do awesome okay i think or yale so sam darnold yeah yeah yale adam gase i think there is something to that but the people who run it they got high on their own supply i think that's really true with usc but what a supply mm they uh callie fantastic

the thing with usc they just looked inward and they never ever ever turned around to consider that maybe they weren't what they once were. And this is something teams go through. Alabama did this. Go look at how many different Bear Bryant disciples not only took that job, but were rumored for it, associated with it,

were assistants, were attached to it. Do I really hate that we got into this business the second Alabama stopped being fun? Yeah. Oh, they're going to go back. When they go back,

we will be waiting. We've become a different kind of stuff. To their credit, I think a lot of Alabama fans, know that and understand that. I think a lot of them are like once he leaves, the party is done. It won't be the same thing. Oh, yeah.

This is going to be a magical moment. My favorite Bama fan thing is we deserve this. We were really bad in the year 2000. Oh, you poor thing. Spencer used to want, you all remember, Spencer used to whine about this after in like 2010, 2011, after two championships in four seasons or whatever. Did that happen? Yeah.

You were an awful bitch for Florida's first few years in the wilderness. Yeah, no, it's brutal. It's brutal. You all are going to love it. It'll be great. I'm going to be there. I get why Miami feels this way. I get why Miami is like, why aren't we what we used to be?

Because like some of the attendant conditions are still there. But yeah, I don't know. I just like, good luck. USC wants to be good. Miami, the actual institution is like, sure you know can you guys just go down to a jv sport can we just go to a club sport i see the complete opposite there like we're among friends here miami was a historical fluke that's why miami was so awesome right yeah whereas u sc was like for the what every other decade for a century

was awesome like you like you know if u sc's never good again then okay times it changed but like should let me ask you that should usc be the ohio state of the west where it's like they are clearly the best in their conference and it's just a matter of the promo it's just a matter of whether they will you know accidentally drop two games and not make the playoff should they be that good all the time uh there's i don't know about having that as an ambition especially because they've surrendered so much ground to oregon for 15 years that like i don't know if that is on the table anymore um but like i don't know if that's i think the expectations how UCLA's been playing.

I think it is fair to have higher expectations than say, hey, Miami. I agree there because they don't have the, you just said it. USC does not have the institutional block in the form of its own university between itself and athletic success that Miami does. They got one thing completely right. They shouldn't lose to Stanford. They shouldn't. That should not happen.

I know we're all, I know. I know we're all used to Nouveau Stanford being competitive. for the great, great majority of its history vis-a-vis USC. They've been trash. Yes, sure. That's not based on anything impermanent. That's pretty much the permanent alignment of small school, very difficult academic standards should get hammered way more often than it does by USC.

I think it's impossible to gauge what a school is if they've hired the same coach five times in a row. Yeah, yeah. Like they literally, like they went from Lane Kiffin to Lane Kiffin. That's what they did. They were just like, go get the other Lane Kiffin is what they did. And then when they ran out of that Lane Kiffin, they said, please go give us caffeine-free diet, Lane Kiffin. Like the way I see it, Oregon right now is a top 10. Oregon's a top 10 recruiter.

Yeah. USC is turning in a year or two ago. Classes in the, you know, the 64 middle of the country. That is insane. There is no reason U.S.C. shouldn't be a top 10 recruiter if Oregon is. I realize Bama and Clemson are raiding Southern California. I realize the game was more national than it was before. USC should be recruiting at least on par of the world.

You're right. And that is that is 100% of reason why Clay Helton was not the guy. My thing is even when they are recruiting at that level, the results are still not there. They're still like, you know, nine and four, maybe, maybe a 10 win season. Like, I just, it confuses me because there is this expectation that this should be at the peak Carroll level of we are maybe losing one game a year. We are always in the top five conversation. And there are so many things that have changed about the conference, about recruiting nationally,

about like how the game is played, that it seems incredibly unrealistic to put to like make that the end point. So the coach is the last time they were. had turning in top 10 classes were at Ogeron who's gone and Clay Hilton who's the same guy they hired five times in a row. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. I think like hire someone young, new, do anything different and then it'll be to me it'll be so much more easier to evaluate what the school is. Yeah, I mean, they are still the biggest brand in a real big recruiting pond. That to me like there, they're in the middle of L.A.

and they are the most visible, popular, and historically successful brand. That's a great start. I don't think that means shit anymore. This is the same logic that has kind of led to the decline at various states of the big three Florida schools. It is, but I think that there are only a literal handful of exceptions to that rule in the country, and this is one of them. I get what you're saying you might be right you might be right yeah I get what you're saying but I think I think USC has a a zeitgeist hold coast to coast that say if Oregon tried to rest on its laurels whatever those are right now would not succeed at but all right let's let's be very bud Elliott about it that is true I do think paper towels from our perspective but if

you're talking about a 17-year-old now who was 10 years old in 2014 what the fuck does USC mean to them this is exact it means what it's always meant it means Hollywood because and Hollywood right now is just as powerful a draw as it always has been because tick talk right i i'm saying what about the tech hub of chattanooga i'm saying i think a teen box i'm saying i think a team today yeah can uh can latch on to a notion of USC in a way that he might, I'm just going to use Oregon again, in a way that he might need an Oregon or a Miami, need that notion constructed for him. So it is very good to evaluate things in the context of what do 17-year-olds know about these schools. You should ask them, actually.

The number six recruiter over the last four years would be a school that has done no more than less than USC. It would be Texas. So if Texas can recruit at this last? level still? USC can. I mean, LA metro area has got 12 million people in it. 12 million. Yeah.

That's where you go, well, where are they different than the three Florida schools, right? Also, USC's class last year was seventh in the country. Yeah. I would also do this.

I want to ask, USC or Texas? Like, if I'm like, okay, here, take, take one of them.

Definitely, what is your question? What is your question? Which job is better? Who do you ask? Oh, yes. Definitely USC now

I'm not trying to play Alabama Like as listen Heritage Hall is meddling That is not I still would not say That holds a candle Next to the Vipers Nest You've got to deal with at Texas

Right Also look how much time Clayhought Clayhoughton got 70 games At USC And it's crazy man None of them were that Very few of them were that memorable Consider he probably got an extra season

At least Because the rest of USC he was so messed up. Do you guys think he got extra time by, like we've made, we've made jokes about it for years, but we've also made jokes about this. Did he just burrow into the walls like a tick and hide out? Was he living above the drop ceiling this whole time? Did he get extra time not just by like so think of, think of the window of

acceptability right now. Like I'm doing like a kind of a two way Overton window hair. as much additional leeway as he got by you know not literally setting the building on fire while everything else at the athletic department was on fire how much more leeway did he get in this direction by being completely unidentifiable and unc quotable so you're saying don't think of him as a bad coach think of him as a brilliant raccoon yeah yeah pretty much or possum yeah great love it he's sort of more and that's why i think mark stoop's going to be a grade higher that's a bobs getting floated for this is my fucking favorite oh of course because he's holding out for the iowa job good i mean what are you going to starve kirk ferrins to death at this point he can last he can last months absolutely you tell me that man doesn't know how to eat a raw chipmunk you know how much canned food he has stashed around the state of iowa

just little little caches everywhere when they say around the state Oh, I mean, yeah. Like, safe houses are like buried at the roadside. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, like, find the third tallest oak in the line next to the tree to the north. I think Ryan is saying eating the cans. Okay, okay. Yeah, just eating them straight.

Crunch. Crunch. Just like our run game, run an outside zone on this can. Listen, the second the Iowa job opens, you know who he's going to have to fight for it. Maybe literally, maybe greased. That'd be Bert. James Franklin. That's Bert, baby.

Oh. oh god the man who walks in and rolls up his pants and points at his leg tat yeah it's his resume yeah if i were interviewing for that io gig and i were bert walk in with a 12 pack and trick the whole thing before you leave the office we do the entrance for birth that stephen godfrey and i laid out 10 years ago at media days he's just got a case of beast on his shoulder i'm ready swags in like sup sluts and throws it down I

man what else do you want after all hiring a coach in the middle of a pandemic but one with a raccoon's relentless hand washing habits do you're saying they should hire Clayhoughton no I'm saying they should hire Mark Stoops oh yeah I there are a couple things by the way from that

from that Texas game that stuck out to me but one was the look on Sarkeesian's face when he thought oh god when they panned over to him when they missed on that fourth and short whoever directed that game is a god because they had him framed they're like oh yeah the blood's going to drain from his face he's going to consider every mistake he was in that when he was down there in that crouch and he just oh man i love your use of that fourth and short yeah yeah it's because if you if you know if you didn't see it well you know how the game went but if you saw it you know the exact one we're talking i mean which game am i thinking of who was it that

missed like 10 different fourth fourth down tries i'm thinking to someone else never mind something else that no we're we're talking about um we're talking about this sequence against arkansas yeah i got you i was thinking of a different game completely i was trying i i almost thought i had the answer and then realized i was thinking about toledo getting six penalties in like 90 seconds and my brain went into a spiral can can we make the case for sam pitman u sc candidate like has taken a program in the absolute fucking i've heard it i've heard it very recent I've heard his name bandied around very recently within the hour.

Let's let's be honest. He's too sexy. That's why he's not being listed. I have one thing that he would really, really enjoy about L.A. In silhouette, is he that dissimilar from DJ Khaled? We could make this work. Bacon wrapped hot dogs on the sidewalk. He'd be stunned. And I'm sure he's all right here. I'm sure like DJ Khalid, he's almost died in the ocean as well. No, we have we have we have visual footage of this man in the ocean. He finds pigs thriving in the ocean I've been trying to find Aquaman of beach pigs I have a completely random stat for you

Let me let me make the connection It has the word So Arkansas has the word Kansas in it Kansas's fourth down conversion rate So far this year One of eight So things are going They got one

They got one Shooter shoot Speaking of shooters Speaking of shooters West Virginia's mascot has a gun And that's the home field of peril Team of the week, folks. Homefield apparel.com where they have West Virginia stuff coming.

I assume raccoon's can hats and track suits. Yeah. Are they, do you think they're flameproof? No. Better be. They're going to need to be. We'll find out. We'll find out.

Do you think they're flameproof or more subject to burning than normal clothes are? No, but if they're caught, listen, as long as you don't get too high of a polyester blend in there because you don't want them to melt to the skin. But check your label. If you do participate in Big News Saturday, go ahead and check and see if it's got that 2% kerosene that lets you know it's a true West Virginia original. I'm ordering the entire collection and I will let you know as soon as they arrive. You can use Offer Code Fullcast to get 20% off those or any other purchases your first time at home field apparel. Yeah, very excited about this West Virginia collection because it is.

They've got some good logos to choose from. They really do. I got to be honest, they got a lot of Spencers. Yeah, they do. Several. I'm just going to tell everybody, no, this is my friend Spencer. I'll just wear me on a shirt. Are you from West Virginia?

I am now. I have not spotted the actual mascot this year. Have we gotten a look at the mountaineer this year? How burly is the mascot this year? West Virginia, Mass. It runs the gamut year to you. you know they've had they've they've had skinny mountaineers they've had burly mountaineers they had a very memorable lady mountaineer a couple of okay um i would i would describe this mountaineer

as slender yeah but he's but no looks the part though like yeah yeah yeah he's got he's the beard is strong steely gazed um yeah i think pretty good his name is colson glover oh that fits okay And the lady mountaineer is Brooke Ashby, who also, I think, looks the part pretty well. Oh, yeah, she's got some, listen, she's got some intense eyes. So that's definitely doing the part here. I will say, in the interest of their promoting good COVID-19 practices, they have included press images of the mascots in full regards. Galea and masks. And I'm going to drop one into the chat here just because it's just like you just look like you're going to rob a bank.

That's what's with the butt there? No, it's just, I think they've got beautiful images of the of the mountaineers. And by the way, that that Davy Crockett backdrop is superb. And they look like they're going to rob a bank. Speaking of robbing banks, folks, If you need to invest in your financial future, it's time to download the Acorns app acorns.com slash full cast. It's like robbing a bank every single day.

Let me tell you because little bits of money go from one of your bank accounts into your Acorns account and then they just grow. They grow and grow as if they are themselves robbing banks. I'm just like smacking my hand in the air right now as though I could hit an air horn. High-fiving a thousand angels, brilliantly done. Family, the family plans working brilliantly for me and my crew, by the way. Kids funds, booming, glowing, just heating up there. How much more booming?

Well, let's check on it this week. Speaking of people who are going to rob banks. Yep, yep, my younger son is now $80 up, $10 up on his older sibling, because he's wilyer, hungrier, and, less morally sound we're just going to go with that it's not immoral he's amoral which is actually way scarier

honestly the way like when he's an adult based on what I imagine society he'll be like that's going to be a strength oh he'll be fine yeah can't be afraid to kill at that point if he's still this way when he's 26 he's going to be absolutely fine

just like the mountaineer acorns.com acorns.com don't be afraid to kill an app don't be afraid to kill to kill. Fulcast.

No. Acorns. Is there a promo code here? Slash fullcast. Thank you. Yeah. Flash forecast. And you can get,

speaking of things that can kill, you can get that big heavy metal debit card that Acorn sends you. Are you going to file it? No, no, if you just throw up. That would be horrifying.

Oh, man. Slice. Wow. Yikes. And I know that some of you have been missing a certain other ad of ours. So let me just

tell you that all property is theft but smart investing with acorns can help you purchase a whole lot of theft wow i never thought about it like that yeah should have gone to law school do we want to uh sprint through the week two schedule sure we have never talked about this much football before this is invigorated just a few minutes just hit the big spots the weeknight stuff skip skip let's go straight to big nude saturday it is i think the biggest nude this Saturday of the year, the crowning jewel of Scott Frost Day, like if we have sort of a wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I stop very briefly? Are we, are you stopping on Friday night at 7.30 p.m.? Um, no, I was stopping at 9 p.m. not because I want to talk about it,

but I just want to guess having not listened, how much time do you think split zone spent on Maryland at Illinois? 18 minutes. I know Alex is very confident in the church. Yeah, yeah. Quite a few. Yeah, okay. All right. Sorry, please go ahead. that's fine we uh we move on to the uh scott frost day i think you know it's sort of a sort of a honica sort of a you know 12 days of christmas type thing it's been building to this this is the game that uh per report scott frost himself wanted the huskers to get out of and you got to go to norman at noon to fly the number three team in the country and you told people not to watch you know what happens when you tell college football fans not to watch something.

Wait, wait, wait. I actually missed this. What did? About a month ago, reports broke, Brett Mc Murphy, and eventually enough others joined end that the Huskers themselves issued a statement. I missed this completely.

So Nebraska didn't want to play Oklahoma. They wanted to add another cupcake home game, which I don't blame them, all right? And the Huskers eventually said, due to COVID-19, we wanted to boost the local economy by having a home game. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And more reporting came out that Scott Frost was sort of uninterested at playing Oklahoma.

He came on and said, no, no, I love the rivalry. Yeah, that's true. So, yeah, so basically there was a whole week of Nebraska's scared to play Oklahoma, justifiably, and now I'm excited to watch America play Oklahoma. Look, I know we're not, I know we're not very nice in Nebraska on this show, and I feel fine about that. I would very much like the current. of big nude Saturday to strike and watch the Huskers beat Oklahoma.

Sure. This is win-win. I want to be very clear that that is the thing I am rooting for and I am prepared to be. Oh, it's a lobster pot, baby. This is a win-win. Scrabble on the top of your fallen brother and plunge his head back into the brine. Either it's one of Nebraska's funniest loss as ever or it's one of Oklahoma's funny slosses ever. The winner is us.

Yeah, we're already winning too because there's an additional layer of context. to add on to this. Now Nebraska's playing the game of, are you better than Tulane? Also. Tulane took Oklahoma to the bell in a like 40, 35 loss in Norman at the last second after the game had to be moved.

I'm already going to tell you that if you tune in to the forecast after dark, midnight-ish this coming Saturday, I am planning right now to lay Tulane's drive charts down next to Nebraska's. and see what that looks like one more bit of comedy it is not impossible

that this game being scheduled at noon this historic rivalry being renewed 50th anniversary of a game of the century that this game being at noon was one of the final straws that sent Oklahoma to the SEC it's quite quite possible they were very mad about this

I also like when you put these two teams logos next to each other no it looks like Scott Frost on the sideline for four hours not even supposed to be here I wanted to be like central Michigan

just Scott Frost checking his sky miles on his phone and punting on third down every single series for the entire second half um and Scott Frost all I wanted to say was that UCF is going to Louisville on Friday night is seven three yeah sure so big 12 teams do um the middle slot uh Alabama and

Florida playing no one cares um Bama's gonna win that's fine yeah um Auburn Penn State Auburn Finn State how stupid does that sound delightful on one hand everything at Auburn which we've already covered in excruciating detail on the other hand James Franklin auditioning for the USC job can I ask a completely a question only tangentially related to football That sounds really out of character for you. On this show? I know. Go right ahead.

Are any of you familiar with the tailgating, and server, this includes you, the tailgating game known as Stump. No. We learned about it in the Moon Crew Discord this week. Right. This is a p. Stump. Stump.

No. I'm going to try to explain it best I can. Is this like Stump in the Cronenberg crash sense or? No. Wow. I'm the one who made, why are you looking at me like that? That is, I think that is the Buffalo Bill's tailgate. So this is how it was explained to me by somebody else.

You put a nail or multiple nails partway into a stump. And you try to hammer them in by flipping a hammer in the air, catching it by the handle, and swinging all in one motion. And this is also a drinking game in some way shape of it. A tree, that's what I think of when I'm throwing hammers around. Who is tailgating in a lumber field? Yes, is my first question. So I am told that Penn State fans bring their own stumps and hammers and wheels to play this game.

Honey, shift the cooler over in the back. I got to load up the stump. The best part is I asked some other people about this. And the only person I knew who said that they had heard of this was Seth Rosenthal who went to Skidmore. And it was just like, yeah, we were just bored in the woods a lot. So I like You have Auburn in town Bringing that yellow fella lumber

Putting it to the test High quality Oh Pennsylvania is truly our greatest state Come over We'll play stomp I have a game's horrifying I have a game

I'm circling on the Have a shot and grab some hammers Marge It's always a good mix We got some Eagles fans here Get hammers I am circling Mississippi State at Memphis Because it's Mississippi State at Memphis

This is Memphis versus a Mississippi school This to me means there will be at least one large Donnybrook And maybe several smaller ones Along with a prolonged bout of chippiness throughout the game Mississippi State at Memphis Especially because I can see Mike Leach doing a very terrible job Getting his players not to fight And tamping that down

Because he's probably going to take whatever Memphis does personally too I want to recommend a fight watch of the week as well, Arizona State, BYU. Kicking off at 10 o'clock, 10 o'clock Eastern. I think there's a decent chance that our midnight eastern broadcast will be interrupted with fight breakdown. That's right. Oh, the dogs hollering. That's right. Yeah.

She's like, woo, they just beat, they just beat Utah. They're feeling froggy. Also, if we're talking about dumb midsouth action, right up there in Mississippi State Memphis, Tulane, Ole Miss. You know, dumb, that's going to get. that's my game of the week is Tulane Old Miss Tulane Old Miss breaks are off

I am holding out for Virginia Tech West Virginia a game which should be played every year how many different like

Highland rivalries does West Virginia potentially have just three but they need to be playing all of them every year and right now

they're playing a grand total of none of them every year because they're playing Flatland rivalries it should be you know what I'm well it should be

Penn State I love that rival Pitt. Pitt, please. Pitt for sure. I don't give a shit about West Virginia, Penn State. I mean, is Marshall, or are we counting Marshall? No, Marshall.

Put them on the list. But Tennessee and Virginia Tech need to be in the rotation every year. Okay. Like I want, I'm on record. I want both of those games to be played every year. That's a good, I mean, there's no daylight between any of those teams. They should just go cross-continental in order to become the Lord of All Mountains, right? West Virginia, BYU.

Colorado State. Colorado. We'll play anybody above 5,000 feet. That's some mortar shit. I also want to go ahead and point out this is my entertaining game of the week and I just want, because I want this chain of events to happen. If you say for do it, Notre Dame, I swear to God. No, I want this chain of events to happen.

I want Kansas State to open the season beating Stanford, who then turned around and got Clay Hilton fired by beating the crap out of USC in a 14 point game that was nowhere near as close as those 14 points might indicate. And then I want Stanford to turn around, walk into Nashville, Tennessee, and lose to Vandy, who started off the season losing to East Tennessee State. I want this chain of events to occur. It's nice to want things. Can I offer up another potential, God damn it. Will you let me steer out of this kid of you wishing for a Vanderbilt win, you fucking

Sick, fuck. Yeah, don't underrated tickets for the Yukon game, you idiot. We're trying to get into that game for cheap. You don't park. He's going to kill us. Oh, Ryan, see if the price has dropped below $6 for Vanderbilt.

So I was told by somebody that on Stubbhub, $6 is the minimum you can set for a ticket. For anything? I think so. Underrated fight situation. And I assume, and it's early in the year to make assumptions, but based on the games that have already been played, you assume that's going to be a fairly one-sided game.

But Georgia Southern has already had to play Army, which means they've already had to have their knees dove at for three full hours on what's otherwise a very nice day. They have to go to Arkansas. And they were getting real chippy by the end of that Army game. And I'm just going to leave that there as a potential bench-clearing brawl of the week happening actually at the same time as Mississippi State and Memphis so maybe we can just flip back and forth between those two

hey you dub sucks Arkansas State goes to University of Washington oh crap no this butch is in charge they're not going to fight too boring they won't fight I'm just saying keeping it oh oh and how can we forget the glorious florida don't you dare Florida State at Wake Forest oh I'm so glad I thought you were going to say South Carolina at Georgia no South Carolina South Carolina is going to lose. We're all agreed that if we don't say anything, South Carolina is going to win this game, right? I'm not saying a thing.

No, I can't even go that far. All right. Not paying attention. It would ruin the loss to Kentucky. I agree. I want to go back and just predict this weird scoring, Auburn and Penn State that feels like a weird scoring game because Auburn has been averaging a zillion points a game.

They've scored like 60 points in back-to-back games. This feels like the game where they score 19 or 11. well yeah they're playing an fb s team now it's just don't baby you don't come to score big you're just trying not to get a nail in the eye i mean i honestly i think they'd be pretty happy with 19 points here hey rice has to play texas you don't have to Free agency Has to play rice Yeah, I think that's more

That's more the thing's true Yeah Texas might sleepwalk Against food Mm Do you remember Do you remember a few years ago When the power conference is fair

When the power conferences We're all like All right enough of this FCS bullshit We got to commit to play in P5 teams Because that's what makes us strong

It proves that we're the... Anyway, that's how we got Northwestern at Duke at 4 o'clock on the ACC network. Honestly, this is what we should do with all those schools. Just put them in a bubble by themselves. Northwestern Duke brought to you by the Alliance. Northwestern Duke brought to you by Northrop Grumman. Brought to you by Dad's second wife.

She didn't get it at Duke. No, but she gets the money.