Shutdown Fullcast - Week 2 Review: The Old Sickly Men of College Football

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

USC, come here and have some tea. Texas, we brought you epsom salts. Florida, you look like - oh, you're dead? Apparently you're dead. That's fun. Week 2 had plenty of pain and suffering for the shuffling crusty former titans of college football, as well as fun performances from Clemson-Texas A&M, USF-Georgia Tech, and Michigan State-Arizona State. Also, Jason was the only non Iowa or Iowa State fan who watched all of El Assico and in doing so he discovered a MASSIVE ESPN MEDIA LIESPIRACY. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast I felt like I came a little high there I don't know sitting weird or something I'm gonna try it again welcome

to the shutdown fullcast oh that was much better I'm Spencer Hall this is the internet's only college football podcast this is the one where we like to talk about things what happened

not things what will happen I am, of course, here in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia. Hey, just north of me. You can't have saw up there holding it down in the Great White North, which, man, in Atlanta, that can mean a lot of things. Jason Kirk, say hi, Jason. Hi, it's green, green. We got trees. Atlanta area known for trees.

I'd call it the green up here in the Migos belt. Maybe we should ship one of those green trees to our poor treeless friend. Ryan Nanny in Brooklyn, New York. Say hello, Ryan. Stanford won. Don't know what you're talking about. Stanford didn't just win, man. Oh, that's a David, that's a Stanford classic right there. We'll get to that. That was, oof, murder scene. Are you okay, first of all? I'm good. I'm good. Why? Why do you ask? I had a great weekend. All right. Well, let's just rip the Band-Aid off.

Okay, sure. Tough Saturday. Spencer I mean What was it like watching Florida State Your team struggle with Samford For pretty much the whole game You know I'm just not even going to take to this

It is so offensive to my I think Ryan's goal is running everyone off of the podcast And then he'll just deliver soliloquies That in the fiber of my being I find the notion of being a Florida State fan So offensive I won't even play along with this joke Do you think that means I'll stop it? No, no, I don't.

I don't. I know how this train runs. You've exposed a weakness, brother. Yeah. You just let this guy know you're weak to fire type, so he's going to keep planting that spear. I know. He's vulnerable to horses.

This isn't the most offensive Pokemon of all. Nolyopteryx! Sorry, I'm sorry. It is less funny considering, you know, the actual thing we have to start the show by talking about. You just want to get to that? Let's just put our face. Yeah, yeah, man. Let's just put our face right in it.

Let's just set the edge, unlike some defenses, and just attack this head on. So Kentucky beat Florida ending the 31-year streak. Yep. And here's what I want to say about this. Jason and Spencer, what do y'all know about the great molasses flood of 1919? Where to begin? Was that in Boston? That was in Boston, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I know enough about it that it was a ridiculously unsafe sort of setup where there was a giant tub of molasses. It collapsed, the entire thing. It swept down the streets, actually killing some people. 21 people killed 150 injured. Yeah, that's not like a car wreck. That's not even like an interstate pile up. That's a proper disaster.

As you sort of alluded to, there were a lot of structural problems with the tank holding all this molasses. It was insufficiently tested. In fact, it leaked so frequently that they just painted the thing brown so that people wouldn't notice when molasses was leaking out of it. The steel they use is only half the thickness it should have been. It's possible that they were trying to get as much molasses churned out as they could before prohibition kicked in. That got ratified in Congress the next day, so that's fun.

And there were some external factors, too. It was unseasonably warm in Boston when this happened. The molasses was fermenting, and that caused pressure and all that. And I bring this up because if you were one of these, almost 200 people killed or injured by this river of molasses in the street you looked up and you thought what the fuck is happening you were truly stunned right like that's a weird day yeah yeah that's a that's a profoundly weird day you you've probably gone some of those people had gone 30 plus years without ever having seen a river of molasses coming at them full bore so it's easy to look at that and be like geez sucks to have that end but when you look at it from the structural perspective it's actually a miracle it hadn't happened much earlier that's all i have to say about the kentucky florida game do you know the last time

kentucky beat florida what the number one movie was so let's see is this 1988 boat willie well the last time kentucky beat florida the number one movie was called the nun it's out in theaters right now that's really the number one that's the disappointing thing that's the number one movie right now yeah i um i have i've never heard of it i'm gathering it's a horror movie yeah okay uh the number one song is of course uh in my feelings by drake the last time kentucky beat florida i'm enjoying this yeah how old were you the last time kentucky i'm as old as i am now Because they did it yesterday. I'm a little bit, I was a little bit younger.

Only a little bit. Slightly younger. In the, in the metaphysical sense, it was, it was ages ago. Oh, yeah. And in the, in the, if you think about the arc of the timeline of the universe, really that streak barely existed in the first place. Yeah, so nothing was lost. Nothing was lost on the, on the great, the great calendar of the universe across which Neil de Grass Tyson strolls, the entire streak was, it was but a blip.

No one would have even noticed it. The Kentucky Florida streak was, that's it. That's all it was. The Kentucky Florida streak was barely a towhair on Neil deGrassoson's majestic feet. Why is he barefoot? Let me take this really cool paperclip of a spaceship back in time over 24 hours ago. where you're getting you're getting a little keith jacksony just see right you couldn't have done anything oh yeah this is keith jackson's it's a much better version of cosmos yesterday everyone talk like keith jackson yeah i mean if you want go back and

listen to the most of the the podcast we put out just before the kentucky florida streak ended man sounds like an entirely different era of audio technology yeah we all talked like russell crow last week it was Kate Jackson's Cosmos would be fantastic. It would be so good. Make every planet sound like it's got just a whole bunch of linebackers just raring to go. Yeah, this Quasar. This is a hoss of a quasar. It's just describing everything.

Look at it. The dust settling here. Meteor, Meteor coming for the dinosaurs. And he's got it. Mm-hmm. Here she comes. He's a big one. see i like this much better

it's fantastic oh nelly i would point this out that david wonder like who unlike me has the patience and grace to actually look through these things he's at year two on twitter i believe he's the only college football writer i know of who lives in naples italy right which means that

no one understands why he was upset yesterday probably a blessing right you're in italy Italy's an emotional country So probably Probably just Italian's mad about sports Can't imagine it Like that would be

Like if he's like Oh yeah My football team lost They're like I don't know Here look You're still in Italy He's like Accidante

Yeah Amangha We lost to Kentucky Somebody Somebody just Pinching his cheek And being like Ah

CC Jefferson Will be back Next week or not or not yeah so here's

we're gonna give up a thousand yards to Georgia oh there's man there's there's no way there's no way

we're not giving up like at least 400 like no it's just it ain't happening but you know what I don't

I don't have to think about that yet do I not one bit I have to think about next week that's all no

also Ryan and I are just going to live tweet the hunt for red October during the Georgia game we've already decided yeah it's gonna be way better it will be a red October it's fine it's true we're red games in October this is a problem we don't have anything

we don't have anything to hurt Jason with right it's Kenesaw State fan they don't feel pain I mean when we lose it doesn't even matter we lost to we lost to Georgia State they're literally not in our subdivision at all so yeah but

but here's here's the thing he pointed out it goes oh yeah hey look our safety's and our db's got eaten up oh look they're all three stars like they're all three stars that's it you can't you can't phone in like we've had the entire macklewain era just phoning it in y'all that's it are you wondering hey man how does it stay like how does it you know how florida recruits itself uh we ran an experiment it doesn't it doesn't Tried putting it on autopilot, right? Really did, really did.

Go back and look at how many, like, five stars Florida had under Will Mustamp. Not that many, and only on the defensive side of the ball. I think we had, like, one offensive lineman who might have qualified. Otherwise, yeah, it's pretty dim. It's bad. Florida does not recruit itself. No place really recruits itself. In fact, you can actually help that along by making it worse.

Are you making it better? Are you making it worse? In every situation in life, you're either making it better or you're making it worse, even just sitting there, right? Chances are by being inert, you might be making it better or making it worse. But it's not a neutral proposition is what I'm saying. And at every single point when he was recruiting, not coaching or doing whatever it was Jim McElwain did in addition to selling his personal brand of barbecue sauce in the stadium,

which is something he definitely did put time and effort into, along with alienating anyone who worked with him. The proposition was the same. We recruited poorly. And when you recruit poorly, guess what you turn into? You turn into Florida from the 1980s. That's what you got. You turn into a team that goes

8 and 4 and is happy about it. Which if we went 8 and 4 this year, that'd be a small miracle. This is a 4-win team coming in, right? It kind of looked like a 4-win team because you lost to Kentucky. there like how can how can you be mad about that how can you do anything but go yeah that's probably what should have happened because you know who's been working their ass off Kentucky you know

who didn't hire Todd Grantham as their defensive coordinator Kentucky because he's not good at his job but how can we have known how could we have known but for his entire resume this is why we need Amazon reviews for for coordinators so you can go and be out oh boy he's yeah Oh, a lot of one-star ratings on this one. I think we should go with something else. It's not even that he's bad. He just feasts on bad competition. And then when he faces good competition,

bad things happen, especially when you lose your, you know, corner, starting corner, your best corner, Marco Wilson for the year. C.C. Jefferson's not playing. Yeah. Some real bad things are going to happen to you. It's also in a world that is,

brutally unfair and miserable. It's objectively good that Kentucky didn't lose this game. Not because they deserve to break the streak or whatever, but because they thoroughly outplayed Florida. They did not deserve to see the streak extended by another round of brutal, stupid bullshit. It's somewhat comforting that in terms of universal ethics and justice, Kentucky did not get fucked for the, what feels like, the sixth time in the row.

Yeah. Also, again, under better management. There. When you're under better management, you outplay your competition, guess what happens? You win most of the time. Well, there is a, we can go get. There are two stoops we can get that aren't head coaches, so. Yeah.

Oh, God. That rumor's going to happen soon, isn't it? Oh, yeah. fuck that's going to happen cool jason what do you want to talk about literally any other game oh thank god yeah um let's go to clemson texas a and m let's start at the top start with the cool woo woo number two clemson rolling into the hate barn where hate barn three good quarterbacks on the field count them come in the state of texas you

you know most games you got one good quarterback this game you got three All right, I'm going to be shitty right off the bat. I am happy that it has only taken two games, one of consequence, for the national media and Texas A&M fans to be like, totally worth it, good purchase, absolutely valid. This can't go wrong. During the broadcast, Herb Street is like, you know, this is a completely different culture.

You look at these fans screaming their eyeballs out. And it's like, man, they're just like that. I don't, I mean, they were like that. Did the Man's ill years not happen? Like, did they not, you know, play Bama to the, you know, to the whistle? Well, it's like, it's like we get it. The New Year Pass and, man, you're on week three of Duolingo. You are going to learn Spanish.

Look at you go. You're, ah, you've got your two and your stead down. Yep, this won't be like the other years where you just gave up. No way. Or you just sit at a constant Peggy Hill level of Spanish fluency, right? Like, wasn't this team number four, say, 12 months ago? Mm-hmm. And 24 and 36 and 48.

Yeah. Like, I mean, it was a great game. It was a great game. Kellen Mon played out of his mind that dude, like, completely fearless, which if you're suiting up against Clemson's defensive line, you're probably fearless. But, like, some of those throws just, you know, he did it more than once. You know, you see him do it once and you think, oh, that's not replicable.

But then he keeps doing it and you think, okay, this dude's just really good. Really might have been Clems's hardest game until, you know, the playoff. Damn, that's true. Nah, they do play Pitt. Come on. I mean. Pitt's saving it all for Notre Dame. We all know it's true.

I mean, Notre Dame fans. We're not even joking. Like, you think that's a. Listen, Notre Dame. You know you're scared of pit. You can just say it. I mean, I would be. But hey, don't get caught looking ahead and get pummeled by Vanderbilt.

Notre Dame is a two-touchdown favorite against Vandy, which is like blown out two bad teams, whereas Notre Dame has barely beaten one bad team and barely beaten another bad team. What are you going to do? We're getting a little ahead of ourselves. What is your reaction to Vanderbilt beating Notre Dame? like if that happens the triumph of reason

over faith the Enlightenment returns Neil deGrasse Tyson stands astride South Bend Indiana wearing chaps and only chaps no one knows why he's wearing only chaps

he's eating Nashville hot chicken he's playing a tiny guitar Welcome to Earth North America, one of its seven continents, and here in Indiana. There's a bachelorette party in a spaceship. They're having a great time. Go doors.

All right, sorry, you're right. We're leaping too far ahead. Spencer, you must have Clemson A&M thoughts. I have a few, and it's this, that they're common to, I think, a number of things that people will think at week two, which is that everyone is bad. who lost in everyone who won is absolutely awesome and you know you would think you would think that by overextension

right that over extension would be a familiar concept to A&M fans because they're like wow we were in that game came with them like a two point conversion of being in that game at the end which is cool like I'm really I was actually genuinely happy for Texas A&M fans

also I would can you be optimistic without being irrationally exuberant That's where I'm kind of sitting on this because we've seen this before. We've also seen Clemson struggle early in games on the road. That's a tradition. There have been some very ugly games, even in championship years,

even in really, really outstanding Clemson years. The idea is that they go on the road early in these games that they schedule, and they put up some pretty ugly numbers but win, and then later on they get more polished, right? Sort of just jet stream into. the postseason um that kind of looked a lot like this right like that looked a lot like early season clemson game except they actually got into the 20s and they did this and i think the most hostile environment they played in in a real long time that's a serious crowd

and they're on top of you too and it's louder than it used to be ever since they expanded it now on the other hand if you think we're dogging a and m too much no Arizona football oh yeah there's several well like there's several I don't think Arizona qualifies as one of the old sick men of the sport right

like we have some old sick men at the moment USC might have joined the ranks because oh man they look downright impotent against Stanford right they look super bad Texas

Texas it was a W against Tulsa like you don't want to lose to you don't really want to to lose to Oklahoma, you definitely don't want to lose to, like, the second or third largest city in Oklahoma in anything, right? Yeah, we couldn't. The, we couldn't get the license for this video game, Oklahoma. Right. You don't, you don't want to lose to, like, knock off OKC, right?

Right. You don't want to lose to like Art Deco Fayette Bill. It's not a good sign. And they didn't, to be fair, but they tried. They made, they put a good effort in. they did they did and um that's that's that's in Florida Florida's the other like old sick man of the sport does Arkansas count as an old sick man hmm yeah I see the whole old sick man thing assumes that you were an empire at one point or that you were healthy right yeah or that you were ever healthy Arkansas has always been a little gouty I get I get that but they lost to a Colorado state team that has looked thoroughly overmatched in its first two games of the year so far first two or three i don't remember how many they played i know

they played hawaii really um this is what happened on the first play of the fourth quarter arkansas had a fourth and one on the 50 yard line up 10 points and they punted after that arkansas ran eight plays for 16 yards and did not get to their own 40 yard line the rest of the game yeah yeah like i don't like I think this is I think that's not too far that that looked like a team that was figuring out how to do things right there's a difference for me between like what Arkansas looks like and yeah and actually what what Florida looks like because I didn't see like a team that was out of control or disorganized you just saw a team that was like here we're trying to do this thing we've been taught to do and right right like that was like Michigan's Notre Dame Michigan's Notre Dame offensively it was like we'd really love to run power. That would be great. You know, we can't be right now. We can't run power. Oh, yeah. This is absolutely a good idea, right? It's, it's like watching someone order the salad, because that's the right thing to do,

and then they just can't get the lettuce in their mouth. It's a really weird analogy, but it's there. Just picture it in your head. And then there's Nebraska. You, um, God, they like combined all of their, all of their bad failure tendencies into one. This is, so all of these, things happened when Nebraska had a one-point lead in the fourth quarter. They missed a 44-yard field. They went for it on fourth and one at the Colorado 42 and lost a yard. After they stopped Colorado on downs on the ensuing drive, they threw a pick on the first play, and then they got a personal foul when Colorado had third and 24 at midfield. And of course, the buff scored the

go-ahead touchdown. The very next play. Nebraska looked better. Nebraska still has this, like, very Mike Riley year's tendency to just do the worst thing at the worst time. Yeah, to be fair, you know, I would like to give Colorado credit because that's all I enjoy doing, not just because, you know. No, yeah, Colorado is a good team, and it's not, it's not a, it's not losing to Illinois. I think we've seen enough from, like, the transitive web of results to conclude that Colorado's pretty good. Colorado is the best team. Also that they are year in and year out the leader for the people's Heisman, and that stays steady this year because I think they actually are the only team I can think of

that has what I would consider two candidates for the People's Heisman. Maybe a first for this imaginary award that I have just made up and that I am the only voter for. Is one of them, Ralphie? That would always, so three. You give this rip? aging Buffalo and trophy, and you let him talk. You put him on the stage. Forgive me.

He's got things to say about America and about love. You know I'd do this, too, right? Like, this is not making anything up. No, they have two candidates. Stephen Montez, who, man, it's almost blasphemy me for to say this. I might like him as much as I'd like Cepho Leifow, long-suffering quarterback, who was the first person I can really remember thinking, Oh, yeah, that's the people's Heisman.

Nobody will give him an award, but he deserves one. Montes had like 350 yards passing, including... God, you want to live in the middle of nowhere so badly. I know, and I'm never going to do it. Never. I just want to be a Colorado quarterback that nobody's ever heard of. I do. I just want to have a gigantic, potentially lethal dog.

Talk to four people a year in person. You know, Ralphie's not a dog, right? You know, a pet's role is in the heart. That sounds like the government's taxonomy to me. Exactly. Please. You believe everything the government tells you about what's a dog and what's not? I'm not going to call it livestock because that implies somebody owns Ralphie.

Hmm? Hmm? No. Stephen Montez, fantastic quarterback for them. He gets the throw to one of the better names in college football, but also one of the better players, Labiska Chanel. who is astonishing. In case you wonder what happened in Nebraska.

I got it for you in one little line. They let Livisca Shinalt touch the ball ten times in the past game. Ten times. Had some rushes too. It wasn't good. He had 177 yards. Just in receiving. Yeah, no, he's a beast one-on-one.

Absolutely a monster. So Colorado, they're, you know, I'm not saying, I know they're not going to win the Pac-12, but they'll have a shot at the south. Yeah, the south is quite wide open at the moment. Boy, you've allowed us to pivot beautifully, haven't you? There's but one mighty titan standing in their way. There is a disruptor in our midst. Go ahead.

And that was actually how his hire was sold to the public. Disrupt! Uber, but for retired NFL coaches. Pack 12 South, everybody's picks already up in flames. Because I know there's one coach in the Pac-12 South where everybody counted out because he was old, because he was sleepy, because he was enthusiastic but incoherent. Because he didn't know what the mascot was. Right, because he hadn't coached in college football in like 30 years. Because he tried to throw holy water on the mascot.

a guy who famously Because he descended into Hades for three days and nights to do battle with the mascot Because he worked for the Jets Yeah Because as head coach of the chiefs That is a good reason to distrust

Yeah As head coach of the Chiefs He has a worse winning percentage than Todd Haley Wow Yeah no no that's real Like I think it's 317 to 444 baby Todd Haley Todd Haley had a terrible time

as the chief's coach. Guess what? He's still ahead of this dude, but it doesn't matter because you know what? Sometimes a really loud, barking, square peg that wakes up at 5 in the morning to work out, only sleeps four hours a night and has exactly one Caesar salad a day. These are all things about Herm Edwards.

I am not making up there. Sometimes it's breakfast. Right? It's once a day. That's how it stays thin. Herm Edwards is 2 and 0. at Arizona State. They beat. They beat a pretty good Michigan State team.

I think that's generous. Yeah. You think that's generous? I don't. I don't think we have much evidence that Michigan State is pretty good. Does this look anything unlike Michigan State's standard work? Does it look anything unlike Michigan State two years ago?

I think we have an existential problem. Have any of Michigan State's good teams actually? been good. I think we have an existential problem in determining what a good or bad Michigan. Are they just random, right? Do they just do the same thing and fall randomly into wins or losses? Yeah, I think they just do the same thing. I do know this.

Their kicker, Matt Coughlin, he's a gentleman of the Ruddy Persuasion. He was mentioned on the broadcast because his dad was flying the plane, like the team playing, because his dad is a, his dad's a pilot, first of all. I should have led with that instead of, yeah, his dad was flying the plane, which is really messed up, because he's a best bi-manager. It's Michigan State, so he trusted you. If you had said almost any SAC or Big 12 school, might be. Do you really trust the administration of Michigan State?

You want to rephrase that? Well. On anything? Well. Yeah. Yeah. So, anyway, he flew the plane. Coughlin is a, he is a ready gentleman.

man. He has red hair. And the temperature at game time in Tempe was 106 degrees on the field. So he's getting a tan at like 8 o'clock at night. Man, he looked like he had been finished in a smoker for like 8 to 12 hours. No one on that Michigan State sideline wanted anything to do with that heat, nothing. The sun is their literal devil. Yeah, I mean, I know it was a thing for SEC fans to be like, yeah, oh, Big Ten, you come down. you can't stay in this humidity. I am willing to concede one actual weather advantage in college football. If you go to Tempe, it doesn't matter if you play at two in the morning.

You're going to feel like the last hot dog on the roller. Oh, yeah. You're like Spider-Man as he's dissolving. I don't feel so good. Mr. Dantonio, I don't feel so good. Meanwhile, Herm's over there. It's like, hell's nice. I'm saved.

I can walk through these flames without harm. I got this clearly Canadian. I feel refreshed. That's a Coke zero. Whatever. Yeah, I mean, I think this was a, I don't think it was like a stunning win because, you know, Michigan State. It seems sort of it's, it's like that standard Michigan State mode where it's like, could beat anybody, could lose to anybody. And guess what, Arizona State, you're anybody.

Yeah. Like, it's a cool, awesome win. And then, like, you know, I'm happy we have his personality in our sport. And the more games he wins, as the public snickers and sneers, great. It's fine. It's fine for Michigan State because I've decided Mark D'Antonio only wants experience points. Like, it really doesn't matter if he's winning, just, like, grinded. Got to get more XP.

Is that why he took this trip? Is it like a Miles thing? Yeah. Yeah. It's that. And it's that. And he's like, yeah, if I get enough hearts, I get an extra life heart so I can go to the next level.

I'll learn how to love. And it's my endless, it's my endless side scrawler that I play here. Yeah, I think he's, Mark Daytona is like, what the fuck do you want me to do with a heart? Yeah. I do enjoy,

by the way, Empirical Evans for that, Mark D' Antonio did actually have like a minor heart attack during the Little Giants game and has affected him not one. one bit. Is Van Antonio going to be back on the sidelines this season? Oh, yeah, man.

It's just as hard. It'll be fine. Not anything he was using. The, yeah. Also, a little note from that game, Mani Wilkins, Mani Wilkins is a nice thing to have late in the game, it turns out,

because he can slang it when it needs to. I'm not saying he's the most efficient quarterback. I don't think you get to like 16, what was they were, they was 13, 13 late. that doesn't happen if you're just like throwing lights out but for a dude who can make an ugly game sing not a bad thing to have late yeah this is a very confusing box score because he threw it 48 times and his team scored 16 points that's awesome you know what that is that's an NFL line man

in particular yeah that's NFL football that's what you get with Herm I bet he's gonna have a lot of games like this this year where he throws like 50 times and they have 12 points and they win. Because grit and heart and volume. I hope they fucked with all his calendar so that he thinks these are all Sunday games. We're on Sunday night football guys. Get up. Get excited.

Us versus the lions. In weird alternates. Where's Eric Crunderwood? So of course he's going to church in the morning. So now they're all seventh day Adventists devils. You do what you got to do. Again, we're making fun of Herm. nothing can budge 2-0 2-0 oh god god they're going to beat under david a bowl game

just just just accept it for what it is just know that it's going to happen um kansas state looked really kansas state looked really not good against mississippi state we don't have to talk about that game very much but uh mississippi state ran for almost 10 yards the carry did not look particularly perturbed speaking of buying a boat man did they not have 400 yards

I think they had something like 400 yards rushing they had they had 384 yards rushing and 538 total yeah K State did the thing where they almost lose to the FCS team which they do every year and we all just assume oh they'll bounce back

from this but at some point you're just straight up Almost losing to an FCS team, that is your actual demonstrated level of quality. Like, MSU is good. K-State is not. And that's that. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to go back, by the way, to if I could just go back to USC, just to get this since we're, you know, dominating Pac-12 discussion. Sure. The thing that really drives the numbers and the clicks and the views, the PAC-12. It's fine. We just have to stay as far away from Florida as possible. That's fine. Oh, hey.

Life goals unlocked. son. Welcome to the shutdown forecast your new Japanese Football League only podcast. It's weird.

They actually just broadcast Madden games played by senior citizens. Yeah, that's fine. It's better

than watching Florida football. What does a triangle do? Just press the button, Grandpa. Don't make me talk about the gators.

But, USC, in case you wonder what's wrong with them? Me too. That'd be cool because they're kind of palsied right now. They don't really do anything too well.

They don't really seem to have any sort of coordination. It's not good. When you go over like teams in week two, you go, they might be in trouble, right? Like, I wouldn't even put Florida in this category because Florida was never out of trouble. Never was never out of trouble. It's just, this is trouble continued, right? It's like seeing somebody in jail, be like, boy, I don't know how. Well, his life is...

No, he's in jail. His life is bad. Yeah, if you wake up on Wednesday, guess where he was in jail? Guess where he was on Tuesday? He was in jail. Still in jail. So, did any... Either of you watched a single second of USC Stanford?

Yes, I did. In fact, I saw what I believe was the only touchdown of the game. Live. There were two. You liar. Shit. I didn't watch any of it. Was there?

Yeah. What was the other one? Yeah. You're a lion-ass liar is what you are. Guess who scored both of them. I know Bryce. I saw Bryce Love scored the first. No, again, you're both wrong.

Two different people scored the touchdowns. Neither have you watched this game. No, no, no. Stanford did not score. Stanford did not score a touchdown. Stanford scored two touchdowns. I'm sorry, USC. I'm trying to say, you're not.

Oh, no, yeah. You're right. You're right. I didn't see the second one. Yeah. Because that was the one like right near the end of the first half, I think. I think once it ended 7-0 first quarter, I was like, okay, we're good. Yeah, right.

That'll do it. We'll check it on this again if we need to. We have a high school senior quarterback playing punt core. I mean, Stanford at this point is just an instant pot, right? They're just like, all right, we're going to stuff you in there. You're going to set the timer for 90 minutes, and we're just going to process you. And you're just going to be soft and tender and delicious at the end of it. It's just like a gentle Bama, like a less noisy Bama.

But that's, so that's sort of, there are two possible takeaways from this game, I think. One is that Stanford's defense might just be a fucking nightmare that trashes everything that comes through it, which would be very good for Stanford and very bad for the Pac-12 as a whole. Or that USC lost a bunch of its leading contributors from last year, and they're not going to be able to figure that out soon enough to do anything this season, but that's fine, right? Yeah, that sounds about right. That sounds about right, i.e., are they in trouble? Yeah, for this year. I think they're definitely in trouble because youth is youth and inexperience are

not going to look at it. Oh God, and they got to play Texas next. Jesus. Fuck. Do you want two fan bases who will have absolutely no clue how to evaluate this game, right? Oh man. The stupid anxiety idea I had to make two frustrated teams

play each other. This is coming real. That's that game. It worked. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is bad. I mean, USC's fine. USC's fine. You look down on the schedule.

I mean, yeah, they got to play Herm. That sucks. You're going to lose to Herm, of course. Like, what's really scary on here? Maybe you lose at Texas. I mean, I mean, USC's fine. Wazoo, we still don't know that much about. Colorado, we just talked about how good that they looked.

You got it at home. I mean, this is not going to be a 10 win year, but. Cal might be good. Notre Dame, you know, before they lose the Arizona State in the bowl game. Like, no, it's not. not going to be it's not going to be it's but they could like you go through the schedule and they could be sort of like teetering on that they'll probably make a bowl game but they kind of got to like take care of some business here and there it's not totally out of the question yeah and again how happy or rational are they going to be with this result oh god that's the other thing i never know because USC is apparently governed by 11 people some of whom are less than rational yeah i don't I don't know how it's going to go. I would put them in the inauspicious start category, not quite in the in trouble.

I'm hearing Jason's reason, and that makes enough sense for me. So I'll put them in the inauspicious start. Sure. Okay. Right. Texas? This is reasonable conclusions, the world's only podcast devoted to reasonable conclusions. Yeah.

And this reasonable conclusion is that Texas is, Texas is fucked. They're fucked. That's reasonable conclusion, the Texas Longhorn. Oh, yeah, bullfucked. They tried to lose to Tulsa, by the way. And it came about largely because of terrible punting. They, of course, lost the world's greatest punter Michael Dixon in the Seattle Seahawks.

He had a 69-yarder today. Nice. And it dearly cost them. Who else is fucked at this point? Arizona's turbo-fucked, right? Ooh, man. Hey, hey, Kansas decidedly not fucked. Like, I didn't pay attention to this game at all,

so I just saw people on Twitter being like, Kansas won a game. Kansas won a row game. But motherfucker, Kansas won by 24 and never trail. When Kansas has won games in the past, it's been like, oh, when they banked in a 16-yard field goal

accidentally to pull out a win over Texas, what exciting. But they like fucking won, they like Capital W won a game against a team that won eight games last year. I recognize that that doesn't necessarily meet. The chips are all that good this year, but they like legit one.

They're not. Congratulations in Kansas. You're not fucked. Unc. Oh, my God, you're fuck. So the joke, the joke was that we looked at, somebody on Reddit said, hey, man, what are the realistic chances of UNC going 0 and 6? Because, like, I'm calling that. We'll find out your name. I'll shout you out. Because guess what? You are two third, you're one third of the way there, right? We are 33% to the Fedora prophecy, aka UNC, going, oh, and six to start the season because last week, East Carolina, and by last week I mean week one, lost to North Carolina and T. That's an HBCU. They don't play FBS football. And ECU lost to them. And ECU did not just beat North Carolina. They crushed them. They beat them by three scores. If you combine the point spreads of those two games, um, at the start of the year unc would have probably been favored against a and t by about 33 points so there's your

transitive loss of the year so far yeah so i the of the of that six step process to getting to o and six the biggest step is done yeah the hard part is over the next the next biggest step is pit which again pit just saving all of their ammunition for the notre dame game at this point and we respect that and that's why um the pen state game didn't count Yeah. Right. Exhibition. Yeah, that got, that gets my vote for game this week that I was like, oh, oh man, that went

World Star Fast, didn't it? That went, goodness, because it was 14-6 at the half. 14-6. And just with some little, like, you know, there weren't too many cracks in the dam. You just thought, ah, it's not really moving the ball that great. They'll probably get some horseshit block punt or, you know, get lucky on like one loose. Some busted coverage nonsense, yeah. Right.

Like, oh, it's raining. It's muddy. Perfect. Got them right where we want them. Yeah, the final. The final was 51.6. Yeah. The final with James Franklin challenging plays in the final minute while up by 45 points.

I love that guy. God, I would hate to play Monopoly with him. Can we just be done? No. No, no, you. Mortgage fucking Marvin Gardens before I ripped your throat out. You're down to $10 and he's making you keep going. Yeah, like, Trace McSorley, I know, like, I saw a couple of weird things on broadcast that were weird.

One, you know, Herb Street talking about, oh, you could just feel this culture's different. I don't know. Maybe this actually, that was actually real in terms of the team, because based on what I've seen from Arizona, yeah, that'd be different. You guys have to show up to practice. Oh, cool, cool. That's new. All right. I'll put that on my calendar.

Show up to practice. We would be remiss if we did not give so many loving tender kisses to El Asico. Oh, my God. Jason watched this game, I believe, in its entirety. Yeah, I watched all of it. It was kind of like 13-3, and literally the only highlight that we put in our live blog of the game was a pooch punt. 13-3 and it was as 13-3 as you can possibly imagine. I watched the entire thing that might sound awful, but really, it was like,

it was almost like some sort of a trance or a coma or something. I'm just going to go. I sort of like blacked out for four hours, you know, and came out the other side like, is you get a runner's high off El-Assica? Notre Dame barely beat ball state? That's weird. Was it like ASMR football?

Yeah, it was like, just waves of punts, washing over me. Iowa had the superior punting. Iowa State was very streaky in the punt game. However, Iowa State was superior at field goals. I believe they were one for one. Iowa has a lot to improve there. And there are no other opinions to be had about the game. Iowa went two for two on field goals. They missed one. I'm looking at the buck score. they definitely missed one okay agree to disagree i'll check my notes and get back to you on this but distinctly recall no i promise they miss listen hawkeyes uh back me up on this your guy missed one right yeah you hear him i have um i do want to i do want to mention this yeah you research this

Yeah, you research that. I want to mention the best watch of the day in terms of just maybe the opposite of Alassico, and I'm not saying more enjoyable because every time I flipped over to Iowa State, I was thoroughly entertained in a way that I can't really explain logically. I can't. I was like, man, I fucking love this game. Yeah, here it is. At 103 in the first quarter, Miguel Rosinos, 38-yard field goal missed.

It's not showing up in the actual ESPN's box score is broken. so it's in the play-by-play though I saw it anyway continue so the other game that I enjoyed watching which was a complete surprise out of nowhere

although it did involve two teams who have gotten absolutely loose and tend to do this two or three times a year each including a team that was involved in what was for my money the most entertaining game of 2017 that would be USF UCF I am talking about the

South Florida Bulls 49, 3 38 barn burner over the Georgia Tech yellow jackets. First of all, about 8,000 degrees on the field with 100% humidity, classic football weather. Two, Georgia Tech. Let's fight in a gym shower. Get inside this poncho that I am also inside. Is it clean and do you own it? No.

I'm borrowing it. We're going to fight in the mouth of a giant hound. That's time for South Florida Eastern promises. Get naked, Charlie Strong. Let's do this. You already are? Cool. Iowa missed two field goals, by the way.

Damn. Damn. The box score on this is a lie. See? They weren't watching. Jason, are you the only non-Iowa, Iowa State fan who watched this game? Oh, my God. I am the scribe.

I am the witness. We caught... Are you the day walker now? Yeah. I'm the only one who stayed awake for this all game. I witnessed it. They killed a man in the third quarter and no one who saw it, except for me. All the children levitated in their seats for like five minutes.

You guys didn't see this? Quaggoth, the unholy surfaced in the third quarter, and no one said shit. He had a nice pooch point, too. Yeah, I did. Yeah, quag up. So in this game, first of all, guess who's starting for South Florida? Do you recall? It's Blake Barnett, former number one recruit.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And stunning arm, one of the things that got him noticed coming out of high school, one of the things that got him a scholarship to, of all places, the University of Alabama. Guess what? Blake Barnett transfer, because, I don't know. It's like if you're a really good quarterback, why are you going to go to Alabama? Just a thought I have sometimes when I'm alone.

Kind of an outdated thought these days. You know what? Don't let to it. That's a blip. Listen, all he did was he was late, but he considered Arizona State. He did a last. True. But Blake Barnett, he won this game with his legs because Georgia Tech had, at one point, had USF on the ropes.

I mean, this game got off to an insane start. Like, their first couple of drives. like went interception field goal touchdown touchdown touchdown touchdown that's it like bam bam bam back and forth and back and forth a kickoff return to start georgia tech went on one of their massive like sale drives uh you know and then another kickoff return for usf i feel like you really want to say it like they like the band says it yeah go ahead no no i think this is you Yeah, this is yours. They went on one of their massive...

Sale! No. But, yeah, they did set sail, and in the second half, like, got back in this game, just by hammering USF with, you know, three plays, real good quality Paul Johnth and stuff, where they, after losing their starter, by the way, like, lost their starter and somehow got back into this game. Toquah Marshall was out and he was replaced by Tobias Oliver. Tobias Oliver is a

really good. By the way, ESPN's box scores wrong on this again because he passed twice. He passed twice. Wow. Wow. We've uncovered a vast conspiracy here. I am the only person who actually watch this game. Oh my God. This is like, this is they live three. Boy. Man, it's on us to reconstruct all knowledge

is what happened. You want us to Ryan. Ryan allegedly watched one touchdown in the Stanford game. Okay. write that down Stanford has a touchdown right yeah yeah so anyway USF plate Barnett was brilliant down the strike he's great they're gonna be super fun to watch again also Georgia Tech is just Georgia Tech is probably the most frustrating team to watch in the fourth quarter and this goes back like a year now do you know how many third downs they forced on USF's go ahead drive how many zero oh lay just give us the ball back they're just such such

They're so, like, I sincerely feel bad for Georgia Tech fans who have to watch close games because they're, they're kind of the anti-Clemson at this point, where Clemson will be like, well, we're locked in a tough game that we didn't think we'd be here, but, you know, we'll do the right things and we'll avoid the mistakes. All of those, they are, they are the portrait in the attic. They are just, oh, just showing every, every stress line, every fucking broken tooth. They're designed to do one thing. They are Bender. Insert Gertr. That's it. That's it.

In every situation, they're like, get ball back. Place ball in hands of crushing machine. Bender is a rambling wreck, literally. Yes, he is. I am Bender, insert Gertr. Triple option. I'm a rambling emotional wreck. He is.

It's like some sort of like, like some sort of Soviet robot. That's 50 years old. And runs on like leaded gas. gasoline. Georgia Tech has four plays and they can be absolutely lethal and it cannot offer any defense. You could take a baseball bat to this poor rusty thing and all it wants is to get the ball back. That's it. Be back. Be back. Toss. Triple option. Be back toss. Triple option. QB dive. Insert Girder. It's amazing to watch. Like, it doesn't change. Which is astonishing.

like an NFL fan has to be amazed watching that because they're just like this thing doesn't adjust at all nope no it just keeps plowing forward like a pool skimmer it just should we have the pool skimmer try to throw oh god no

somebody I think it was Rod Gilmore in the broadcast might have been Rod Gilmore oh yeah it was it was it was Rod an animal mean on this yeah yeah it was Rod Rod was like yeah man triple option it's like like novocaine i'm like yeah it's like nookane because it doesn't stop bleeding just makes you not feel

things this team's gonna bleed out watching it happen best game i watched all day by the way