Shutdown Fullcast - WELCOME TO AIRBRUSH BOI AUTUMN

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

SHOW NOTES  Spencer and Jason are back into Warhammer again No, like “bought a Japanese airbrushing rig“ back  This is also our Ivy League episode, on an unrelated note  An update from a Real Life Astrophysicist on our quest to discipline the moon  Visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So the whole thing was designed to sell more figurines. And at one point, it was, it's working. It was a straight up, it's working in this house, for sure. So at one point, it was just about like the game and there was some like kind of straight up lore, right? Like bad guys, good guys. And then around the third edition, second or third edition, they hired this writer because they were like, well, we really need to deepen this because everyone's playing D&D.

This was like 84, 85. now everyone's playing d and d and what we really need to do is deepen the lore and turn this into something that people can play collaboratively and without you know because british war games have some of the most obscure labyrinthin sets of rules and like you know they're like well you're up on the hill so you get a sight line and you know it's just like it's so fucking technical so they were like we need lore to bring people in they got the wrong writer because they got or they got the right writer because they got this guy who was like i'm going to turn this into a parody of modern day England right like there's a dead monarch and everyone acts like they're still alive and everyone's a fucking asshole and the future everyone's dumb and has forgotten how to make everything and it's just the most like religious anti-scientific dark world without end xenophobic piece of shit that's the universe and they put that out and the people at warhammer were like oh god maybe we've made a huge mistake and people fucking loved it

people are like yes this absolutely rules it's that and it's also like it does the very D&D thing where it's like here is a popular fantasy sci-fi universe it's ours now

so anything in Lord of the Rings they have made a space version of it fucked it up and brought it on it they have space elves when Terminator got popular they were like space terminators the necrons Robots.

Now, they ended up, interesting. The fucked up thing is they end up writing like some legitimately badass fantasy history behind them, right? So like the space terminators were for like five years, just like, I don't know, there's space robots that came out of nowhere. That's not really fucked up though, because that's how storytelling has proceeded for all time, right? Right.

You have these basic story structures that go back however many years. This is kind of how it's always worked. So for, but like in the year six of the Necron thing. I don't think that's that fucked up. Yeah. Well, the fucked up part is what they do to these stories. Right, right. Yeah, yeah.

But then they took, like in year six, they're like, crazy Egyptian space gods who killed their masters and turned into perpetually undead, soulless killing machines. Sure. With vast tomb worlds. You're like, okay, that worked out. It only took six years to get there, but you guys figured it out. Bring it in. bring it in we'll yep add that it's the it's the most yep throw it in franchise in all of i don't know like there might be some anime thing that that is even more like sure fuck it that's canon but

yeah they just they just straight up threw in dwarves they were like we have dwarves and we'll call them squats yeah there are um in this in this universe there are at least four deities um there's a this is the i think everyone knows the blood for the blood guy everyone's heard that right right yeah I didn't even know that's where this was from yeah yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of shit like that god emperor like most people know that from dune but it's also like Warhammer helps right up a Warhammer thing yeah Dune is another thing Warhammer just completely dumped in yeah as an ethos I respect this yeah there's uh the four gods one's like a Loki one's like a um like a hedonist god and then

there's just a fart god a shit god yeah like a decay ridden fart god who's by the way the most accepting of all of them. He's like, you're great just the way you are. Like, anytime there's any wounded soul in the universe who's like on the verge of turning to chaos, Nergel comes along and he's like, you think you're the problem, but I think you're just great the way you are. And they're like, really? And then like, you know, a hundred years later, they're this like farting corpse warrior who's like, how did I get here? Yeah. So if you, if you, you know, your figures, if you're going Nergel, you're buying a lot of green paint. A lot of green, just nasty, horrible.

Yeah. They suck to paint because you're just like, I'm nauseated, just doing it. Yeah, it was like, that was not an option, not considering it. I'm not doing it. They sell my, that's the last geek note. They sell, they sell little skulls, like spare skulls if you're painting chaos marines, just to add to them because you're like, yeah, it's badass. They're like, if they worship core and they're like, you need more skulls.

Like this guy who is the blood god, blood for the blood god guy, he has a pile of skulls that just from his favorite warrior like there's all these piles of skulls around him but he has one that's like yeah that guy's real good put his shit there yeah love it love it dog and my the guys i play the guys i play my my faction they they he loves my guys and keeps a bunch of them like in hell forever fighting because they're too stupid and or pleased by violence to ever leave they're like yes we get to fight more they think hell is awesome they think they got to hell

and they're like fuck yes they're the two dudes from little Nikki yeah the deep cut but they're like fuck yeah let's go space rocks dude you're fucking awesome the orcs are basically the only people who have fun in

Warhammer they are they have no anxiety they have no problems they see progress is like they don't understand it because they're like, life's perfect. Yeah, they're like the Amish on Rum Springa. Yeah.

Forever. Murder Rum Springa. Yeah, murder. What do you have? Lute. How do you get it? Take it. How do you keep it?

Kill someone. Kill? Just keep killing. What do you do? What do you do when you have all the stuff you want? Well, you don't because you haven't killed everyone yet. Their money is teeth. Just go out and get some teeth, man.

They can buy a car. And there are two people. clear there are like 20 factions and they're all this ridiculous like every one of them people have spent 40 years thinking about how to make them as dumb as possible i'm not kidding you there is a human faction who's just Australians just they're just Australians they're just super jacked shirtless guys with knives called Australians they're the cat they're the catichin warriors they're like what's their home world like they're like filled with snakes desert scorpions yeah squirrel The sisters, they have, like, no genetic enhancements.

They're just ladies. Yeah. Just women just walking out there among these monsters, but they have such power of faith that, like, they are as good at fighting. There's church ladies. They're just, they're just church ladies who long to be tortured to death. And we'll probably achieve it. There's all these scenes of, like, in battle, one of them is being, like, mutilated,

and another one's walking, and they, they, they, when they go into battle, they just walk around reading sermons, like, as they advance. And, like, they have this, they have this huge organ made of, like, bones and skulls and fire and shit. It's, like, the guitar and Mad Max, just blasting psalms that are making their army more powerful. But, like, as this lady's being tortured, her friend walks past, and she's like, oh, wonderful. Good for you. And they're both delighted about it. Like you put them in the orcs of the same field, and you're like, this is actually not that far apart.

But they would hate each other, but they shouldn't. They shouldn't at all. Wait, you'll torture her? Awesome. What a deal. Business. Thank you. Go doing business with you, mate.

There is this kind of spacecraft called a dreadnought, which is a dead person. They have turned into a spaceship. Like, no, you don't get to escape Warhammer just because you've. died. Your brain is still alive. Powering this spaceship. And you think this is awesome. This will be an offseason special. Jason and I are just going to do a Warhammer episode. It sounds like you could do several Warhammer episodes. This is not a diss. We'll just laugh at Warhammer for like 90 minutes. And I don't know who's going to like it. But like I will be so happy doing that. Jacket, Dan. That's it.

Well, gee. We haven't even talked about the stupid fucking Imperium. or the space marines and how they have like a vampire division so they're so their master their prime arc he's impossibly beautiful yes he's also a vampire yes that is his curse yes Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall, the voice you are hearing right now. Joining me in Atlanta is Holly Anderson.

Holly, did you get a sausage biscuit today? I'm asking that seriously. Spencer, I did not get a sausage biscuit today. We're going to come back to that. Okay. Because I want to know because we have a phantom sausage biscuit to discuss. I didn't get a biscuit. Yeah, I did it.

Also joining us is Jason Kirk. Jason, how we doing, sir? I am looking forward to one day understanding the biscuit thing, but I'm not anticipating it happening. There was no understanding. I will merely delve deeper into the mysteries of the biscuit thing. Jason, the story of the biscuit thing, I got to tell you, having experienced it, will not advance your understanding at all. Yeah.

It certainly has not advanced mine. Like faith, it is beyond understanding. Yeah. I had a real Popeye's morning at Crystal. That shit doesn't work for me either, so. And also on the ones and two is producing this podcast. We're like chiming in with. Donty Clemson Fizer.

You can't see it because this is an audio medium, something it only took me 10 years to learn. But we will convey the image to you anyway, Michael Server, our producer, wearing a, what is the exact shade of Clemson orange? I guess that's my first question today. In my understanding, it's the next one down from Florida in terms of redness, which makes it the second worst orange. It's traffic cone. See, people say Tennessee's is the blaze orange, but Tennessee is yellow orange. I always take issue with people Like can you not understand

It has a floral shade in there It's a blood orange I've ever seen Because it's named It's because it's made after a flower That's right Go tigers Tennessee is the palest orange In the college football spectrum

Because it's specifically modeled after The American Daisy that grows on the hill In front of Ears Hall Which is the big old clock tower building on campus Surberry that's a baptismal orange if I've ever seen one. Praise him. In this light, it looks red.

Yeah. I like that because with the shock of your hair standing straight up behind it, the overall effect is one of a frilled lizard that is warning away predators. Yeah, I was going for that dinosaur from Jurassic Park, the one that gets Newman. The Dilophosaurus. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not climbing. Look, I love you, man.

I'm not climbing into a land cruiser with you at night. because I love myself I would I kind of wanted to go like you said the blood of Christ and of course that immediately begins

making me think about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as I always do who um you ask Dabo Dabo's friend

yeah Dabo's Dabo's on boy Santa Dabo have you ever wanted to sincerely have a conversation with Dabo about Santa

because now now I do after years of not wanted to talk to Davo about anything. I would love to talk about Santa Claus with him. I will say one thing in Davo's defense. He's an absolutely fantastic interview. Yeah. Like, it's kind of like talking to, it's like talking to a child who is in like a train phase or an airplane phase or like a racing car phase. And he'll just, you just wind him up and he'll just go. The last time I interviewed Dabo, he was like 40 minutes late to the interview because he had discovered snakes in his

fireplace, like that morning. Serpents. It was like, it was almost on the leachian spectrum of conversations because we were, you know, I was there to see, oh God, I was there to see baby Trevor, I think, and all we wound of doing was talking about snakes. That is awesome. Which is way more fun than talking to Dabo about football. That is some deep Carolina shit.

How was your morning? I got snakes in my fireplace. Yep. So I asked, I was like, you know, I asked him, like, did they come in through the house and nestle in the fireplace for Morth or Dabbo? Were they on the roof and come down the chimney? And you could tell that he had not thought of that before. Just making his day works. So then I, well, no, I'm the one that got to tell him that snakes can climb trees.

Oh, no. We both learned a little. You don't know snakes can climb trees? No, I'm just thinking about dropping that knowledge on somebody for the first time. and watching it happen. I think you taught Dabo how to win that national championship freshman year for Trevor. I think that was you.

Oh, shit. Yeah, you know what? I accept. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome, server. I didn't have to care anymore because of you. To you personally.

It wasn't for anybody else. You don't have to. That was just for you. This is my way of asking. Is Clemson still number one on the which teams are closest to Jesus? like which teams are have the closest proximity uh well has harsen wrenched auburn further from the path via his uh see org powers i think they might literally be based on proximity to jerusalem like oh coastal carolina's closer i'm sorry i think they're i was going to say

main might have a actually i think is oh shit it's the miami hurricanes they're the closest Oh, God. For a second, I thought it might be Eastern Carolina, which would be a whole new. It's turning the other cheek a form of turnover, because if so, Miami is definitely the closest. Wait, what about in the other direction? Is Hawaii closer? Hawaii would, Hawaii has turned their cheek the furthest. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I'm glad we had this top.

Yeah. I would think, but I would think Clemson is definitely like a top five still after all these years, definitely being closest to our Lord. definitely the closest vertically from the top of his lequinta the magnificent castle I hope that was the house that he built the lequinta and snakes moved into the lequinta I got snakes in my castle oh shit I don't remember

tabo's a lord of the manor I'm going to have to go back and see well you're that house was built because I don't know if this would have been that house or not oh man snakes snakes I got snakes in my fireplace I bet he did I bet he cut a hell of a promo when he's not talking about organized labor via his football team and shitting on organized labor

he's a fun conversationalist, Davo. Coaches are so deep in their own speak, I have no doubt that he caught a fire promo after practice that day, right? He's like, a house, a house can't have snakes in it, boys. My adversity has scales. Yeah, every time that there's a loaf,

every time that you pull up in practice, every time you give less the maximal effort, that's putting a snake in this house. You don't want snakes in your house. Dabo, do you actually have snakes in your house? Yes, I do. They're scary. They're so disturbing to me.

You know, when we turn on the TV and we listen to what the news media has to say about our program, that's letting snakes in the chimney of our head. You know, and televisions are located in the living rooms of the homes, which is close to many chimneys, in my opinion. A bad thought is a germ of a seed. You plant it in the ground of reality, and it becomes a tree of negative thought. And the snakes climb that tree, get onto your roof, and come down into your house. God, now I'm imagining, oh man, now I'm imagining just like snakes being planted on the roof

of George's various offensive coordinators throughout the years, just leaning down to the seal and the dark night being like, why don't you run the ball, Bobo? That was a good hissing noise. Yeah, so we cut that. Serber, Serber, did you, did I tell you the Bobo thing over the weekend? were we talking about this okay are y'all aware that the Jake Bobo the quarterback

is not related to Mike Bobo the coach there are multiple athletic families don't spoil this I'm not I'm asking okay so you are aware of Mike Bobo former I mean many things but we know him best

as as offensive erstwhile offensive coordinator of Georgia yeah correct yeah Jake Bobo, the UCLA, right? Yes.

He's the transfer from Duke. Despite being a college football player named Bobo is not related to Mike Bobo. Here's the fucked up part. Jake Bobo, the football player's dad, is named Mike. And Mike Bobo, the football coach, does have a son named Jake. They're not the same. Did that track? My brain melted with this knowledge.

See, this is why I was so mad to, I was real mad to miss the full cast after dark, because this is all I want to talk about. Just bursting in the door of the saloon going, Bobos, we got Bobos. There's four of them. So technically, yes, Jake Bobo is related to Mike Bobo, but not like that. Mike, of course, as we all know, was also a college quarterback. I'm just now discovering via the L.A. Times that Jake Bobos,

Dad was Mike Bobo, who was a college quarterback. Uh-huh. Yeah. How deep does this go? You could have picked a different sport, Mike Bobo, the other. For our own personal convenience. Yeah. It's proof of alternate timelines.

Yeah. Within our own. One attended college at Georgia. One attended college at Dartmouth. Those are equal schools in every way. Dartmouth is the Georgia of the Ivy League. Neither one of them's in the Ivy League. I find it helpful to tell them apart.

via the long-standing screaming at Mike Bobo at Georgia, refusing to run the ball. And why would Jake Bobo want to run the ball at all? He is a wide receiver. So that is my personal mnemonic for keeping these two dynasties separate. That's too many Bobo. Anyway, yeah, I found this incredibly upsetting. And so I've passed this knowledge on like the ring. Georgians, if you knew this whole time and kept this from us,

we are in a fight, we are now fighting, we are mad at all of you. Georgians aware of Dartmouth and UCLA seems pretty far-fetched to me. They might be investment banker. It's just, yeah, I don't know. Dartmouth can beat the shit out of tech, I tell you that. Go dogs. Dartmouth is the beer school, so like that does check out that like... Oh, wait, actually, you think that Dartmouth is the one that, like, Rembert

went to. Dartmouth is perhaps the most relatable ivy. Dartmouth has the, uh, Dartmouth has the, uh, Dartmouth, I think Cornell is still the most relatable Ivy because they have the hotel management program. Like, so it's like the UCF of the Ivy's?

Yes. Okay. And that it is more accessible and actually gives people a job skill. Uh, why am I trying to be nice to UCF? No, I was just thinking about how I was a hotel manager in college and it really does not take shit. I mean they let me do it

Cornell's a very good school sure sure sure that's where Cornell is it's in Ithaca I just like this up yeah it's in the part of New York where I kind of have it's never really sunk in that people live there I mean it's yeah I'm not being any sort of elitist it's just never

occurred to me that there are people who drive on roads and go to businesses in that location so first of all at the next live show we should all four draw a map of New England from memory. But second of all, if you had taken away the state lines and asked me where this is, I would have said, like, and put Ithaca on the map and asked where this is, I would have said Pennsylvania.

I think, I mean, I could draw a pretty good map, but if you asked me to place all the Ivy League schools, I'm like, all right, Princeton, New Jersey, all the others are in Boston. That's it. That's all I'm going to tell you about the Ivy League. Penn is in Boston? Yeah, why wouldn't it be? I also had a very, I had an eye-opening experience when I was working in New York a few years ago, several jobs ago, and I just had it in my head that Boston was like half

an hour away by car. It's not. Everything just looks so little and mashed together. So now I understand when people are like, Colorado and Texas aren't that far apart for recruiting purposes, and I'm like, you fucking idiot. And then I'm like, yeah, you thought you could hop over to Boston at lunch. I mean, that's because Connecticut is actually a tourist that contains 9,000 square miles. Connecticut is the Virginia. Have y'all ever driven through Connecticut? It is like driving through Virginia on I-81.

There's no way it's actually that long. It's a hellraiser cube. You can't get out of it. It's a nutmeg. It's a nutmeg scented hellraiser cube. Especially when one of your party is hung over and puking into the window of the car, like down between the window and the door. It wouldn't me.

That's the rental cars probably. problem all right yeah um yeah i'm gonna go with i'm gonna go with brown as my ivy it looks like the easiest to escape okay spencer well okay i don't okay we're gonna do rock paper scissors we're gonna go one two three go and spencer and i are gonna say what state brown is in okay ready oh wait should i have to think about it because i really don't think it all right i'm just going to guess okay one one two three go rhode island which one's indeed it's indeed road island Rhode Island? Yep.

How would have been my last guess? I remind you that Rhode Island, despite all protests of the contrary, remains a real place. Oh. Although, really, we should just straight out swap. This is our Ivy League episode. We should just straight out swap Rhode Island for D.C. statewide. We really should. It's not like Rhode Island deserved to be a state anyway.

They were just sort of like an enclave. Well, then what are we going to swap for Puerto Rico? Are you making Connecticut more powerful? Is that what you're doing? yeah well we're going to make um i think we can go ahead who do we want to see i'm going to seed road island to a state that deserves more power uh not connecticut not connecticut not vermont we like vermont sure sure we'll make vermont road islands sunny seaside it's real bucolic it needs a beach see we've added we've added beach vermont we could actually if for shits and giggles if we

weren't trying to do the right thing we could give road island to nebraska right we could I suppose return it to the people it was stolen from. That creates a slippery slope. Yeah. Where we have to give back Ohio State, and I don't think that's going to go well. Well, yeah, I don't know if anyone would want that, anyone. Yeah, Ohio State has been, can you imagine trying to return Ohio State to its original tribes and them being like, this is like a rental car that has been smoked and peed in for the last 400 years.

But can we get store credit? why did you give me back this challenger filled with energy cans like energy drink cans can you just can we give them store credit for like a chunk of alaska or something instead that we haven't completely ruined oh god i realized by the way when i was like doing uh some research for thinking out loud which is 7 p.m. Eastern on the SEC network it is 7 30 it is 7 o'clock um the i was doing I was watching Ohio State, and I realized I have a problem with Ohio State, and it's this. I don't know if they're any good because they keep absolutely like ham slamming the teams that they face. They just keep obliterating them.

And I'm not sure if they're any good at all because everyone they're playing sucks so bad. Yeah, remember a few weeks ago when we said it was Ohio State and 13 Iowa's and we thought that was mean? I think they've done a funny thing where I think I think you're right. They have sort of made it. look as if a bunch of decent teams are terrible. Like someone, some takesman, I forget which one was the other day, arguing, Clemson would be undefeated against Ohio State's schedule, no problem. It's easy.

And it's like, there's a lot of good teams or okay teams or teams that are pretty okay at one thing. There's a lot of non-bad teams on this schedule. Like, according to computer ratings, like almost all of the teams they've played are above average. Ohio State's playing a decent schedule and who's kicking the fuck out of it. They are basically like warping their own strength of schedule in my brain when you watch them because

they don't make it look like competition. They're creating and blowing the curve on their own. Just listen. So as usual, we've taken Buckeye out of the curve. Everyone in the class is like nerd. 54 points against Iowa's defense.

what is the argument which is great what are we holding against Ohio State here even if you all right so listen even if you yeah speaking of thinking out loud let's talk about how Alabama

lays ways to every air raid team like you guys said on the show last night which I have an asterisk do you to add yeah yeah what would be the asterisk two weeks ago um so so I actually

two weeks ago I would not I don't want to I don't want to slander the air rate however I'm sure I would say this Tennessee's not exactly I know

yeah I know but where was all that hatred for the prolific offense on October 15th I would like to know whether I should talk about Tennessee more or less because I can't talk about the more

less sorry I'm sorry I don't think you want that I am sorry I brought it up yes please continue yeah but point being like okay so I was so Iowa gave them five short fields. I believe in that game. Who's doing this?

It's not me. It's, I believe it's server. Server you rake. Sorry. You have to, I know. I had to get it out of my system. But they give Iowa, like, Iowa gave them five short fields to score on. You're okay. I'm going to go ahead and re contextualize that contextualize that

recontextualization. Have you seen other teams when they get short fields against Iowa? They keep field goals. Ohio State just went to the ATM. We have a very important update via Bill Connolly. Jason, do you want to run through what we discovered via Bill and the tossed off assertion on Saturday night that Iowa should have just punted on first down?

Oh, right, yeah. After walking away from that game, with that sentiment, not as a whole-ha-ha-ha-joke, but literally for real. Yeah, for real, for real. and he essentially confirmed the smartest college football person said yeah pretty much if nothing else the score would likely be closer well because it would have it would have eliminated one of the pick sixes i forget i forget if i spelled out exactly what the assertion was which that iowa would have been better off literally punting on first down it would have

i think bill said it would have given them several additional yards for the like seven or something additional yards for the defense to work with, only I had this tweet in front of me. It would have been like 13 or 14 more yards per drive. And like I threw it out as it would have been 300 total yards throughout the course of the game just based on punts. Plus,

you wouldn't have six turnovers. You, uh, your, your, your, your defense would have had more chances to score. Um, yeah, the score would have been closer. Yeah, this was Bill's, Bill's exact response was,

with a 40-yard net average on each first down punt. There we go. Doing so would have created an extra 14.3 yards of field position for the IOD per drive. It would have taken a field goal off the board, but it also would have taken off a pick six. So there's the net game there too.

See? Hoo! So point being, even in that, Ohio State was awesome. Like, they were incredible. And they're without their best receiver. you can also what if we try this surely some of iowa's best athletes play on offense i realize what i've just said sounds demented but hear me out what if over the course of the year you

retrain a few of those fellows to also be backup defenders right so now the defense has become even more powerful i realize the the assertion that iowa has any athletes on offense is a little jarring but i'm sure they're there no but i get that like if there's there's water coming in the side of a boat and you want everybody to run to the other side is like ballast? Mm-hmm. This was, by the way, I don't hate it.

I do kind of want to fast forward 20 years and see what everyone from Iowa's offense is doing. Like if they're all like CEOs, they're all like, none of them could. I know what Brian is doing. He's going to be the offensive coordinator in Iowa. Correct. Hey, hey, hey, he might be the head coach.

it might be in his father's like will that Brian gets the job oh god you're right I'm sorry at some point become a thing he can deed I'm sorry but corn law corn law specifies that you know you may pass a program down to your son wait is Iowa one of those programs that has endowed chairs this might actually be possible not yet but I bet I bet there's a trust Okay. And if that trust is out there, I have a weird little note that, just for when you talk about trusts that just stuck in my head. So you remember, occasionally we get this, occasionally we get somewhere in usually like

mid-November or in early September, we get a cupcake game of a large team, usually in the Big 12 against Abilene Christian, right? What's special about Abilene Christian? So Abilene Christian, I've learned from a long time listener of the program, Abilene Christian, as an institution, okay, put 25% of their total endowment into one oil and gas stock in 2018. Oh. This is literally Dad going to the casino with the mortgage. It worked.

Oh. So if you want to oil like Apple Leafs, one thing sort of fueling, I know all programs in Texas that are tied in with oil money, right? Like Godfrey is fond of saying over and over again about, you know, well, it depends on the price of crude and the Permian, right? That's very real, but it's not just real for the Texas's and Texas A&Ms and SMUs of the world. It's real for Abilene Christian. So like if you wonder why you're like, oh, their stuff looks pretty nice. Looks like they're on the come up. it's because they put 25% of the school's total worth

into one oil and gas stock that paid off oh I thought this was going to have a different ending okay no no not yet not yet it could but it worked it somehow worked so far I think the thing about an idea like this is it is working

for the people who are currently um, profiting from it, who have no reason to give a shit whether it continues to work after they are done profiting from it. That's it. Bye. Yep. Y'all got this. I'm sure you can handle it from here.

I'll be on my second yacht. Farewell. I'll be not here. Yeah. I will be, I will be somewhere unregulated far from the arm of the IRS. Farewell. Abilene having a pretty nice season Yeah how they doing

One of the finest in a while I'm scrolling back to try to find a season I mean they're not incredible But I'm scrolling back to try to find a season better This one it's taking a while Yeah the only other time You might have seen Abilene Christian In a unique moment is when

Their head coach took a sip of a water bottle And it looked like he just hit like a full bottle of gin Right like We never determined that that was water We never determined that was water but yeah I was like you think that other schools

you think that schools are getting reckless with oil money no no you want to know what putting it on the line is daddy that's that's putting it on the line sorry I'm petting

server's dog through the camera hello that's a thing I think she's alive that's great she's in plasma hound mode It's summer. Major League Baseball is in full swing and there's one app for you if you want last minute deals on Major League Baseball games. And that's game time.co. That's right. Gametime.com. I'm looking at the app right now and I'm picking out America's team really. The Kansas City Royals. And at Kaufman Stadium just in a couple days, there's tickets available for $16. And then, well, I don't want to up the stakes too much here. But let's go to next week. It looks like they're playing the Chicago White Sox, there are tickets available right now for $3.

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You can find them on gametime.co. I use GameTime.co. To purchase last minute tickets for an Olivia Rodrigo concert. Tyler Childers did not show up at mine. That would have been awesome, but it was awesome nonetheless, and GameTime.C.O made it super easy. I got my parking through GameTime.com.com.com.com made all of that so easy and one of the greatest concert experiences I've ever had in my entire life. And I'll be using them again. In fact, I'm seeing a little bit called the beaches in late September. And where did I get my ticket? That's right. Even ahead of time. I didn't wait till the last minute because GameTime.com has you covered then as well.

That's what I love about it. Whenever I want to get a ticket for an event, whether I've heard about it months before and procrastinated to no end and have left myself an alert, you can save up to 60% of buying last minute for sports, concerts, comedy, theater, anything else. So take the guesswork out of buying MOB tickets with GameTime. You can download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code fullcast for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code F-U-L-L-C-A-S-T for $20 off. Download game time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. I did want to talk about one thing that sucks. One thing that sucks. Chris Fowler. So, Jermaine Burton didn't end up, Jermaine Burton of Alabama. What happened?

He hit a lady in the head coming off the field after that upset. Can you be more specific? Yes, he had a Tennessee fan as Alabama was exiting the field. There's a field storming. It's very crowded. There's a field storming. Very crowded. This lady on the field does appear to be trying to get away, at least from my viewing.

She's not close. Doesn't appear to be even a marginal threat. And even if she had squared up against this dude, there's still a side disparity that was in football pads. In football pads. Yeah. Yeah. did not end up getting any real sort of public discipline or anything for wamping a lady in the head. You can kind of also guarantee that he didn't get any private discipline either because then they wouldn't be shutting up about it.

Uh-huh. Counseling is the word, right? Oh, right. Yes, counseling and it will be handled internally. You don't get to do that. Like, you don't get to do that, all right? The last thing I can, the last time I can remember this happening, right? An actual fan getting laid out by a football player in a field storming situation was back in 2004 when, if you'll remember, Mizzou upsets Nebraska, which at the time was a big deal.

All right. Now it would just be a normal Mizzou Nebraska game. But Mizzou upset Nebraska and Kellen Houston, a player for Nebraska, decked, like absolutely decked a Mizzou fan. on camera laid him out uh frank solich immediately condemned it and suspended kellen houston for a game interestingly enough by the way after knocking this dude out and maybe breaking a bone in his face uh with that kind of force he's an orthopedic surgeon in lincoln nebraska just a fan is or kellen is kellen huh kellen so he's always he's always been interested yeah a sideline by the way fascinating to me who ends up being orthopedic surgeons they're all jocks oh absolutely all jocks

because they just love hand like they're like oh i get to like sort of push person around and like help you fix a bone buddy got your brother well and they they have to break bones sometimes to fix them and they really love that right so they they love being the like heavy construction workers of the surgical world that's an aside that may still be in burton's future uh you know what i would hope i would hope he would just you know i hope the best for everyone i hope that everyone you know gets better and becomes a better person well so that that that leads us to this past weekend where who was the broadcast team

I believe this is Fowler and Herb Street Oh this is Chris Fowler and Kirk Herb Street whom you may have heard of Who I have worked at enough of these companies to know That Pretty much any conspiracy theory You can come up with this horseshit

Most things that show up on these broadcasts that you would find objectionable can be traced back to one or another producer covering their ass or attempting to cover the asses of others or attempting to curry favor with an SID who won't even be there in three years and doesn't care about your network anyway. But the degree to which Fowler in particular went on about how Spencer is it fair to say the line we were getting from Fowler was she was asking for it? I believe that Fowler's, Fowler invoked the chaos. Repeatedly.

Repeatedly invoked the hostility of the scene as being a reason why one might behave this way. I think that is a generous way to put it. And so did Herbstreet, which was interesting to me, because I recall a time in 2017, in this exact same game, when Tennessee's Roshan Galdon flipped off the end zone, the Bama end zone, creating a A, a beautiful Renaissance photo, and Kirk advocating repeatedly on air that Rishon Galdon should be thrown off

the team for this. Anyway, I think it's fun when people say their values out loud so that we do not have to guess at them. I think that's a public service, really, that these two men performed over the weekend. Because now, in case there was any lingering doubt, you don't really have to wonder what kind of people they are. It's sweet. It just seems like a very reasonable thing to say.

That person should probably be suspended. You probably don't get to hit a fan. That's just my two cents here. You should be able to say that. You should be able to say, I would disagree with somebody who would argue otherwise. Like, Chris, this isn't the bodyguard, and you sure a shit ain't Whitney. Yeah. So take a fucking lap, buddy.

Yeah. additionally should down the road a Tennessee player get in trouble for something along the similar dynamic keep that same energy keep that same energy no don't no no I mean keep the same energy of that person should be suspended

oh you don't get to do this yeah yeah I thought you were talking I was like quite a goddamn second no no no no you just get to listen to a lot of talk radio callers who are like well listen I'm a girl dad now would have whooped him and I think he should be suspended okay cool that's cool

if this happens the other way around that's fine just keep keep that same vibe. I just want to hear that. Get the consistency. This is, you know, I know that we are all trying very hard as we can, not to remember every single time one of these dudes

is called one of these kids a thug on the air, but fuck you, Fowler. Just fuck off, man. Just Jermaine Burton's should. Just a game. Suspend the dude. Suspend the dude again. Or, you know, I'm not even,

I'm not even arguing with that. That's Alabama. It's going to be opaque. forever. This is not the first time that a player of theirs has skated. And Nick maintains a sterling reputation for that because he's just mean. And so everyone assumes that mean correlates with disciplinarian. But do we have to cheerlead him after the fact, guys? Do we have to do that? Must we? Ryan's not here, but we all know what his beautiful wife, my longtime friend Caitlin would say it costs you nothing to be quiet it's free yeah but again I'm glad that

they weren't quiet because it's important to know that this is what they think that this is what they think of uh you and me it's public service I've slipped into God for Cadence somebody fucking rescue me I'm done do some jokes oh Oh, wait, sorry, one more thing. Kirk is winless in his game day picks at Tennessee this year. I think that's funny. Really? Yeah.

I did not. And he has to watch Thursday Night Football on Amazon, which has been relying on some of the worst. It looks like as the NFL gets generally more and more awesome, the exception is Thursday night football. Which sucks because. Man, I'm going to, I think that you can apply this to two things, and this is a theory with a data set of two. I really love what Amazon is doing with these broadcasts.

Like, you can see the money. You can see all the money that they spent into this. I love what they're doing with their graphics. I love everything that is happening on these Thursday night games, except the football. I also love Al Michaels openly talking about how bad the games are. Yeah. Al Michaels doesn't give a fuck. It's so good. But this bears out my Amazon theory from watching the Lord of the Rings series,

which is that you can really tell the properties that Jeff Bezos is personally invested in because you can see the money dripping out of every frame. Like, it may or may not be fun to watch, but you can really tell that they put, no, I'm serious. Like, these things are so, I think I might be kind of on some kind of hyper shiny. He's basically jangling keys in front of me that are made of hypercubes. Like, the Lord of the Rings show and the Thursday night football games are the most expensive looking things I have ever watched.

And I'm kind of visually fascinated by both of them, except for the part of what I actually have to watch inside them is not great. But I'll keep watching both of them because they're so pretty and shiny. To this point, both of them and the show, they're going for like many years of it. So who knows it? And I'm not caught up to be. fair, but both of these properties have been extremely

cool screen savers to this point. Yeah. And I mean, that's a better use of his money than literally most of the things he could spend it on. I cannot recommend enough, I'm glad you brought that up, because I cannot recommend enough, like, popping an edible about 90 minutes before

the start of watching either of these and just kind of zoning out and just viving. If you have a projector screen, or like one of those little mini projectors that could just put this up in a wall in your house. Blow it up to the biggest screen possible and just like hang out in some really expensive CGI trees.

But like that we should probably come back to football. Have we talked about this before on the show? Like the graphics are so thoughtfully done. It's, on this Amazon broadcast. I believe they also got Fred Cadelli. I think Fred Cadelli's working on that, which is if you if you just know that name, just know that it's one of those names that, um, that people say like, yeah, that guy.

consummate pro consummate pro they threw they just shoveled money at things until it looks so shiny yeah Frank Cadelli is one of those guys

who in a hackneyed producer and exec discussion he's a behind the scenes gunslinger yeah yeah well yeah but when they're having that discussion like hey we got a new football

show we need the people to watch one of those two guys will go get me Gagdeli go get him then Al Michaels talks about him the same way Al Michaels also really rejoices in how in the third and fourth quarter, he can just start talking to Kirk about stuff. Like, just like, hey, this doesn't matter.

You know, how are your kids, Kirk? How's life? It's pretty good. I had a good steak the other day. I'm like, Al Michaels is a genius. This is so good. We're basically calling baseball right now. Excuse me.

Baseball right now. Baseball. Wait, wait. If you translated Al Michael's accent to Southern, it would be... Oh, Jesus. It would be the twangiest. You might actually get one of those people who, like, in real life, pronounces garage, garrage. Which I've never heard.

So there are... Italian. Yeah. Oh. Oh, my grandpa was one of those. Yeah. He would be that guy, right? He'd be like, Pecan.

I've only ever met. that like two people in real life that talk like, I mean, the gold standard is Kevin Spacey in House of Cards, right? Yeah. That talk like that people think everyone in the South talk from. And they were both realtors in Columbus, Georgia. So make of that what you will. Like that Catherine Hepburn and Foghorn Leghorn mashup.

I'll say. Yes. I'll say, I'll say. Well, good Mormon. Field goal, Cleveland. Like, it's a very feminine voice, but it's like a feminine voice with two dips in. Good morning. We could just slide the Broncos over to Thursday night for the rest of the season.

Can you imagine? And that's another punt by the Chicago Bales. Justin Fields, I do declare. Justin Strawberry Fields. Shats out to Bailey Zappy, by the way. I'm sitting there at the bar last night with Michael Felder. The first time I had ever met Michael Felder in person. That blows my brain.

So blessed. And we're watching it. And they benched Mac Jones after. Mac Jones makes another terrible pass. They put in Bailey and I was like, let's do this Bailey. Come on. Let's do this for Western Kentucky. It's time to spam this deep ball.

Dreadtow time, damn it. Spam deep ball. By deep, I mean 35 yards. 35 yards downfield. Bailey Zappy. And he ended up throwing like a deep completion on a route I've never seen before. Matt Patricia, mind genius, offensive coordinator, formerly defensive coordinator.

He ran like a, it was like a fade over. It was like an over route that they took to a phase. It's the longest route. It looks like Billy running through a family circus comic. So the opposite of a fade is like something getting brighter, right? So it's like a brighton route. It was a, yes, it was a sunshine. It was a sunrise route.

And that's how long it took. It took like five minutes to even appear over the horizon. But it was open. And then Bailey Zappi hit it. Yeah, yeah, you're damn right. I love the way that that game as a multi-hour thing didn't matter. All that mattered was boring guy out, guy with big college numbers in, he threw two touchdowns, case fucking closed. The internet has made its choice.

Leave in Zappi. He's singing Stacey's mom. This is our guy. Like, what a victory for, I mean, for a lot of people, but including college. fans who like weird teams and like you know like the guy who threw for 50,000 yards per game over like Bama guy who got to throw to the best players every week like I think the single funniest thing I saw after this game was um Bumani tweeted something like um why would what what argument is there for sticking with mac jump you know why why not why not just

try out Bailey Zappi and someone said, racist. Did you see what he said back? Yes. And like he noted like, yes, I'm being, um, me and Minister Farrakhan are gaping for Bailey Zappy. That's, you got me. It's the nation of Islam to Western Kentucky pipeline that if you subscribe to our parlor shows, we have been talking about for several months. Yeah, I don't, there are several of these dudes. Like I think Gino Smith, drafts off some of that.

Gino Smith. Don't you say a fucking bad one. No, you're not saying a thing. Every time Gino's been given a word about my child. I love that there is a hive of people who ever since Gino Smith was at West Virginia absolutely bombing at Dana Holderson version of the air raid. Ever since that happened, every time he gets a starting gig in the NFL, it's like, it's Gino time.

Except this time it's fucking working. There's a long list of quarterbacks. His jaw hasn't been wired shut in a while. I think there's a bunch of these guys that, like, you know, we enjoyed when they were between 18, 22, watching them play sports that, like, we will never be convinced that they're bad, you know? Nope. Like, I don't give a fuck how many more teams I've mentioned it before. Josh Rosen has to go through. He will find the right situation for him, and Gino is absolutely on that list.

Like, the number of people who are surprised by Gino Smith being really good doesn't include college fans, to be fair and accurate. This does not mean we are football geniuses. Half the time, this means we're really stupid. But when we're right, we will enjoy it. When it comes to Gino, it just means we have eyes. Sorry. That's right. Listen, I'm still convinced at one point there's going to be a playoff game.

First, wild card. Okay, let's not get out of the time. Get too out of pocket. No, it's going to be like, well. Pride of Knoxville. It's going to be like, well, man, listen, Aaron Rogers is out. second stringer's knocked out that means they've got to go to third stringer he was just signed last week that's right chad kelly chad kelly coming in the game and chat's going to rip it chad's going to go like 18 for 24 yeah i mean

if if there's some situation where the cowboys are like oh god we got to put in kellen more you know who's like oh fuck that's it bet on the cowboys right as they threw eight yards per play uh i haven't read this article but i just pulled the most beautiful i i just opened this article and left it on my phone on Sunday for the express purpose of just showing it to you guys on the on the show. I'm going to read the headline and then I'm going to show you the picture. NFL Sunday takeaways. It keeps getting worse for Tom Brady and Aaron Rogers. Put it in my blood.

Now, he looks like a Halloween dummy that has just fallen out of its stand. Yeah. And it's just lying prone on the ground. Look at his dumb head. That's, yeah. This is a Washington Post article by Mark Mask, Masky, that was published on Sunday that you can read or read on if you want to.

I just enjoyed the headline in the photo, like a good news consumer. By the way, in this get fantasy scenario where Chad Kelly gets injured, Eric Dungey of Syracuse comes in and laces another six passes to clinch the victory. Why do I suddenly taste grape? So the solution to an injured quarterback situation is putting in a Syracuse quarterback, particularly that one, who is addicted to seeking injury by any means necessary. He is the one who has been hardened and prepared. He spent his college years forging unbreakable skin. His bones are nothing but scar tissue.

You cannot hurt him. Scar tissue and grape soda. I enjoy quarter. I enjoy quarterbacks coming out of college who when they take to the pros you're like oh this won't last very long I watched him play he does not understand physics or impact

Dave Ragon classic now a coach but Dave Ragon classic college football QB because Dave Ragon was one of those guys who chose to die on the dumbest hill any quarterback can die on which is I will not slide now this might be a viable option

for you if you're Lamar Jackson right if you're Lamar Jackson and you're like I am flow chart are you are you Lamar Jackson are you Mike yeah are you Mike Vic right are you somebody fast enough to recognize contact when it's coming and get out of bounce there's like five people in the world who can do that in the NFL okay um if you're not one of those people if you're Dave Ragon who was definitely one of the fastest guys at his high school but was not the fastest guy when he was at Louisville no you don't get to do that and Dave Rago would not slide Dave Ragon went like headfirst into some of the worst impacts I have ever seen a quarterback take

and he would just get up like, yeah, it's just a game. It doesn't have to be that way. Nope, it has to be this way. And like, no one's impressed. No one thinks you're cool now, Dave Ragon. You know, if we want you to stop doing this. We think you're a walking scratch and dent sale. What would be really cool is you slide and then you get up and then you get up and

you throw a touchdown that's a lot cooler than getting flattened it doesn't look cool to be upended i can guarantee you everyone who thinks this is cool is the dumbest man in this stadium yeah that's that's my fucking quarterback this my guy he's he's in a small puddle because he wanted one more yard that's not cool yeah he's just just out there like like walking into the outdoor every single play, right? Just bang. Like Dave Ragon was the opening skit of I think you should leave where he's like, this door opens both ways and just slowly pulling it off the end just see, see?

I think this has made me realize that Teddy Bridgewater's sliding style is like sarcastic. Teddy Bridgewater famous for instead of sliding, just sort of surrendering to gravity. I think that was an act of protest. Like, oh, they told me I have to slide, but I don't want to. keep playing football so i'm going to do this really stupid crumple and then doing what you told me huh you're happy you're happy i almost hurt myself sliding idiot making me slide i just coopping to the floor running around with my friends and you told me to slide that's what college was like i do that's why i love handed hooker because you know what handed hooker does when there's serious

impact coming whoa no not going to do that not for me not for me dog fuck that i would like i would prefer not to hit you with the bartleby you know i would like to hit you very hard i'm going to opt out of this i've selected not to receive this email he's not large man no i think once defenders finally accustomed themselves to like don't dive at the quarterback who is like 90% of the way into sliding which we see every single week um i think once defenders have finally mastered that the next counter in the ever-evolving chess game that his football is teaching your quarterback to limbo and then stand back up and keep running. Oh, I love this.

To do the Matrix slide and keep running? As if I am limboing on rollerblades and then surprise, I'm not down. I haven't given up myself nor anything. What I've given up is everything but the end zone. It's also a good time to throw off a catchphrase. Yeah, yeah. If he's got one. You better prepare one of those because it's your time.

Or several words of magic. Did he say he was Lightning McQueen? I am speed. That's so weird. I kept waiting for Kenny Pickett to get kind of some sort of karma retribution for the fake slide that he pulled off. I don't think Karma speaks Kenny Pickett is the best way I can think of to put it. Karma.

Kerma. I don't think Karma. I don't think Karma grox Kenny Pickett. He kind of is on a different astral plane. I'm here to deliver. A carmate package for Kearney Perkett? No, I'm Kenny Pickett. I don't recognize that.

Carmit people. Yeah, it never really happened because that's not how things work, but like on the list of plays that were awesome and you go, yes, there should be a rule passed immediately that you can't do that. Yes. Is it legal?

Thank you for white hat hacking the rules to show us where the deficiencies are. Now, don't do that again. What does Kenny Pickett's move in, like, Warcraft? Like, what is this? Like, what is the thing? What is, how is he cheating? Because I know that, like, whatever game Kenny is playing,

he's probably picking up an edge. Yeah, and it will be patched the next day, yes. Yeah. Kenny is the one who gets everyone's favorite hack nerfed. The fucking ice hammer in Eldon Ring. Sorry, you can't use it anymore. Yeah. Popping up and respawn as a pyro and T.

that was my yeah there was a way somebody used to do that because tf2 would have these two different lobbies and you would spawn out spawned there and then you would safely proceed to the field right there was one person who figured out how to respond as a pyro into your lobby there are seven people listening to this right now who are like ooh the guy would just set everyone on fire the minute that they got in see one guy's like 83 kills five deaths yeah so stop it Kenny yeah stop don't do that shit uh by the way have some warhammer news work warcraft or warhammer oh are they the same they are uh yes for all purposes it's totally the same that wasn't a bit i really don't know but i treasure your happiness once you're this deep into nerd shit

did you get a package jason this week uh yes um after much consideration and thanks in large part Due to Spencer's leadership, I have committed to the Warhammer University, which I will be attending my next 40,000 years, which is, of course, the Sisters of Battle. Congratulations. The deeply, deeply brainwashed space murder nuns. This is feminism. Who even in the game become more powerful if their friends are martyred. That's how they gain stats when they're friends.

die. That's superb. They take the people that they've killed and sometimes plug them into machines and let them drive them in their dead in their undead state, right? Yeah. Yeah. As with literally everything, Warhammer, the mountains and mountains and mountains of the most ridiculous lore you've ever heard.

I am currently in the process of working through which of the chaos gods we will be defecting to because no. we're not remaining committed to the emperor no fuck him uh we're gonna turn to the so-called quote fingers bad side um which you know the the so-called lord of deception is looking is is pretty high on my list um the deception according to who huh says who eve did nothing wrong neither did the uh the defecting sisters of battle also you get to do a more badass paint job so yeah exactly yeah we're we're scrapping the the um the cardinal red for like some like um blue, green, purple peacock type stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm looking forward to this because then you can get run over by my orc vehicle that I painted a Dale Earnhardt 3 on. Also, I realize yesterday that... Do I have an org, I'm sorry, do I have an orc character named Dale Bernhardt? Yes, I do. Nice, nice, but I assume H-E-A-R-T. Yes, yes.

Of course. I noticed, so the orcs, as we've discussed many times, of their greatest traits is that they are sort of like post information they don't really care to know or understand things they just believe things work and it makes things work their vehicles even if they literally cannot work if orcs believe it they will achieve it so if so for instance if somebody if your car runs out of gas and the big ork the boss goes hey didn't you put gas in the car somebody will say of course boss because they don't want to get decapitated and then And because they all believe so hard, the car starts, even though there's no gas in it.

Yes. And orcs also have the power of spending so much time thinking about war, or as they call it, that they can manifest war. Even if no one particularly wants to go to war with them, they love war so much that war happens. So the thing that I've noticed about the Sisters of Battle is they hate psychers, right? That sounds like magic and witchcraft and stuff, right? Like, no, no, they've been indoctrinated against that. But they have something that they call faith in miracles that is also incredibly powerful.

And if they believe something hard enough, it manifests is real. Bullets won't hit them and things of this nature. They're psychers who don't know their psychers because they've been told they hate psychers. It's incredible. Like, the orcs and the sisters work exactly the same. And neither of them have any real understanding of why. it's great shit it's just great shit yeah post it's it to me uh the best comparison is uh is sam pitman at arkansas because there are games they win simply by being like we're going we're ahead we have a run

game they're like nobody's blocked for two quarters they're like nope it's happening we got one boss right yeah hop in the run game and murder those zombie lizards done Wow. Although, yeah, no, it's kind of a similar vibe. You have to agree. Even though Arkansas is one and three in conference. You kids. I know.

I know. So yes, congratulations, Jason. That's a big development. I'm very proud of you. Yes, thank you. I couldn't have done it without you because I was like, man, once I start spending money in this shit, I might never stop. But you demonstrated wise leadership and,

it got me going regardless. That's true. I'm a thought leader. Or in the case of the orcs, a non-thought leader. A non-thought leader. What you did is you believe, you believe to what happened and then it did. Like the only fictional characters,

I love any fictional character who is in space without a helmet. And somebody goes, hey, did you know you can't breathe in space without a helmet? And they go, uh-uh. Like, they're fine at that point. And then you pointed it like, don't look down while, like,

coyote? Yes, exactly. Why? It's fine. It's fine. If this doesn't define fandom, nothing else does. I love the story universe for a lot of reasons. Like, it's endless and it's all like the darkest, most horrible worst shit you can imagine.

But it's also so fucking funny. Sometimes the extent of the carnage is hilarious, which maybe, maybe that. That sounds hard to imagine, but it's absolutely true. And then, like, each of the, there's a thousand factions, and they're all hilarious in their own incredibly demented way. Um, my favorite is the aliens who are just like normal aliens from a normal space story who are plopped into this game. Like, we're going to do research and stuff. Like, no, the fuck you aren't. You might not realize you're in Warhammer, but you're in Warhammer.

So here comes some fucked up shit. And they're like, we would like to do, we would like to do, like, we would like to do the best thing for everyone here. And they're like, turns out that's obliterating them with high-powered weaponry. That's the only thing you can do in this universe. Unfortunately, we cannot research this galaxy until we destroy the people who have been fighting each other for 10,000 years. We would like, we would join us and be our friend. And they're like, we have chainswords. Yeah.

That's how we make friends. I'm sorry. We have what? Chain swords. Yeah, in case you didn't notice why this is the dumbest and best universe in all of fiction. I'm having trouble conjuring a vision. here? A sword that has a chainsaw built around it. Okay. Yes. That's a, yeah. Okay. Why would you have one of those? You're asking this of the creator of the axe gun, the gun that shoots axes? I am certain the axe gun is probably a real thing. See, Holly, I think you'd get it. I think you'd fit in just fine. Spiritually, I feel like I've absorbed. It's like the Simpsons. I've never seen it, but I feel like I've absorbed enough of it through osmosis at this point to appreciate the craft. Yeah. Yeah. It goes in. Also, um,

I really, really like watching Spencer walk in the door with 80 different colors of model paint and talk about how each one is going to really make the cuffs on his space marines uniforms pop. Hey, ask me if I want to go to Michaels, Holly. Do you want to go to, okay, I'm going to rephrase this in terms I understand. Do you want to go to Joanne Fabric, Spencer? No, man, fuck that. That is the most boring place in the world. There's no way I want to go to Joanne Fabric.

Okay. Did you know that they have paint? what kind of paint we're talking some good like lustrous acrylics that I can do that bond metal plat like really like really bloody reds and like yeah

some bloody reds really like charred charred gray and Spencer do you want to go to the nerd store yes I'll go to the nerds store purchased a Japanese airbrushing rig in the last seven days you know what mind your own business

mind your business it's for anyway Jason come on over we're huffing in the garage It's for crafting. Yeah. Can you text me that link, please? That's right.

That's right. There we go, yes. 2020, fall 2020. Season of the airbrush. Okay. We make it shirts. Airbrush boy autumn. I'm trying to get a stall at the flea market.

We're making tank tops. And girls, to be clear. And girls. Because it's an inclusive universe. Anyone can get slothed. Anyone can get murdered in space. Space murdered. 10,000 straight years without dying.

Much like crafts, Airbrush boy, Autumn is a gendered construct. So. Yeah. Ladies is Airbrush boys too. Anyone who airbrushes is thus an airbrush boy. That's true. Did you, have you at any point in your life owned an airbrush t-shirt? Do you know where we're from? I'm not just asking if we've been to Florida in the 1990s.

Have we been to Myrtle Beat? Yes. Yeah. I had an airbrush. Which is in Florida? Yes. I can all agree. Yes.

No, we've been over this. Yeah. I wanted to make sure. I think Florida extends. I think Florida is constitutionally like 60% Florida and 40% Kentucky. Florida goes from Galveston, Texas to New Jersey, I think. Yeah, I was going to say it goes at least up through Virginia Beach. You know what?

I think portions of Rhode Island would even qualify. There's a lot of state by corruption and government. Florida Canada. Upper Florida. Florida. Florida. Yeah. Florida, Canada is Rhode Island.

Canada, Florida is Lee County. Wait, wait, I got it. I got it. Rhode Island. Island. It's in the key. Oh, shit. I wasn't a bit. I really did just suck spit into my throat.

Yeah, I had an airbrush shirt that had a monster truck on it. Sick. Yeah, because I won a, I won a poker tournament in my family. So they made me an airbrush shirt. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I played poker with my family, too. Is that not a normal thing? No, but his family, this is called a turn of it.

It was that being a prize was the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was a prize. This has the feel of an event, not just like an evening wild away. Did you know this was the prize beforehand? We got to dictate what the monster truck would say, right?

It was custom for you? Yes. Did somebody in your family make this or was it sent away for it? No, we were in Gatlinburg. Okay, sure. So that was the prize. So I got one and I wanted a monster truck. that said the gambler in neon letters up top and a gigantic monster truck and then the license

plate on the truck said legend oh shit hang on but you played for money too right yeah so in uh it is not really a it's not really an eddy hall production unless we have a confusion over whether we're playing for money or not that ends up with playing for money and everyone getting too in their feelings about playing for money and then also a prize on top of that okay got it i'm trying to look for this in my phone but i think at least also at no point will children be allowed to take there's no quarter granted any children right so if there's an eight-year-old who's like i want to play poker you're like okay cool i'm gonna need a fifty dollar annie kid and we're gonna take it all they're like what am i doing yet no yeah well that that's when i started when i was i think i was nine and uh they took my

I got $150 for Christmas and they took it all from me in poker. But what you gained was a valuable lesson. But I learned from that year because I saw how hammered they were by the time I was already out of it. But I just bided my time the next year and I took all of their money. Nice. Yes. I made $500 that Christmas. When you were 10?

Yes. Legit. You played the Advent calendar long game. It's not just fun day. Both of my uncles came into town for that. was added I'm like retroactively proud to know you which is a fun new sensation

I started gambling at Yatsi with my grandparents when I was seven that's about the age that we were taught to play spades by my grandmother Well your family's a millborn family My mom's family's a millborn family My dad's family's family Oh

But I can I backtrack to the airbrushing Real quick Yes please I believe you've seen this my father's homemade airbrush t-shirt that has a bear

a giant upright brown bear being pulled on water skis behind a speedboat and it says ski daddy across the bottom I think this came up in maritime disasters but I can't remember

I'm just writing this down for a new LLC we're forming called ski daddy it's a lifestyle brand where the water skis I'm so glad you asked. Yeah. Ski daddy. Okay.

When I'm a billionaire, remember this moment. He might still have that shirt. Can I tell you I have another dad story? Mm-hmm. Which is that I called my father from the car this morning on my way home from the crystal. And he answered the phone and said, hang on, I'm just pulling out of the crystal. So he pulled into the parking lot. and my dad and I face-timed our crystal bags to each other,

which was the most adorable thing that's happened to me in a very long time. Oh, shit. I was going to tell the sausage biscuit story. We can come back to that right now. Oh, all right. Spencer has, Jason, he did it again. I did it. I went right at him and he swerved me.

Do you see that? Mm-hmm. It was amazing. So, this morning. Oh, thank God. What happened when you demanded a sausage biscuit from? That's the story I was just going to tell. that you told me we'd come back to.

I'm asking, yeah. You meant we're going to come back to it now? Yeah, because we started like an hour ago. Wait, you interrupted me in the story I was telling to say we're going to come back to it and then immediately told me to tell the story. It's like when there's a kickoff commercial break and then you finally get to the drive. Am I having a stroke? No, yeah.

He did do that. He introduced you and he said, we'll come back to that. Hang on, hang on, hang on. And this was the end of the cycle. But the thing that we'll come back to is the thing that he was interrupting. I was about to tell it. Oh, wait. Can we come back to Holly's story later?

Yeah, let's... Holly, what was your story? Let's just make it a legend. I don't want to talk about it on the air. Holly, I'm ready to hear the story. I'm actually afraid of what happens now if I continue to tell the story. So, Holly, early in the first minister of this program, you mentioned something about a biscuit.

Thank you, Jason. Did I hear that right? This is not a good story at this point. It's been built up way too far. but this morning I'm going to and this now we're in hand in the dirt territory because this once again is why you should never pick up someone at the airport I'm going to pick up Spencer at the train station and there's a crystal along the way and it's not yet 11 o'clock so I must stop and I'm not a monster so I grab Spencer a crystal breakfast as well and I get my bags and

one of the bags does not in none of the bags is is spencer's uh sausage biscuit and i say hello i'm i'm missing and there's a couple things missing and i stick my head back in the way we're towards the window and say you know hi excuse me i'm missing these biscuits and said okay and she comes back with the chicken biscuit not with the sausage biscuit and i said okay we're still missing the sausage biscuit and this lady looks at me and she goes oh i forgot about that. And I was like, okay. And there's a beat where she just keeps looking at me. And I was like, oh, all right, bye. Have a good day. And I just drove. Like, I just drove. It was the most Popeye's experience I've ever had at a crystal. And I was just like, it took me a second to, I think

she was, she was not, she was perfectly serene. She was just stating a fact. She was not menacing me in any way. She was like, oh yeah, I forgot about that. I was like, well, okay. I did not even look for a seat to see if I'd been charged for it. I still haven't looked at the receipt to see if I've been charged for it. I just kept along my merry way because it is clear that this is how this is how this is how this interaction is going to go. I've never thought. I've never had that one at a crystal before.

It's almost like the two of you have a treasured memory that you just bring it. Hey, remember that time? And they're like, oh yeah, that was cool. See, this is a new crystal because I'm used to the, the house that I moved away from in the summer was next to you. what I have to believe is the most lockstep crystal in God's creation

run by Miss Tanya who it's like a it's a chick fillet level of service at this crystal it is fucking on point and now I'm in a wilderness of new crystals and this is apparently

how this one goes so we've got we've got like Popeye's leakage into the crystal you got hey man that's crazy yeah I do it by a lady not like a young lady either she was just like oh yeah

no that's a friend you can say to anything. And it means I am powerless and will do nothing to change the status of this, but would like to recognize the spectrum of emotions you're experiencing right now. It took just enough of a beat for me to be embarrassed that I had even asked for it again. Mm-hmm. And I just kept right on going. Hey, dang, that's crazy. Is like the, I see you, I hear you. I'm listening. I'm not going to do shit. That's all I'm doing. The lump of carbon on this glowing rock and you recognize. recognizes the lump of carbon on this glowing rocket.

You see a motorcyclist who has gone off at 120 miles per hour directly to a highway sign who has now inserted halfway through it and needs medical attention, but you don't have a cell phone and are unable to provide it. Just look up and be like, hey, man, that's crazy. I felt slightly unmoored all day and that's why. Hey, brother, that is just crazy. Well, it's not like I went to pop when you're going to pop because you're signing up for this, to have an existential moment before noon at a crystal

drive-thru is asking a lot of me personally. That's all I'm going to respond with this weekend, by the way, when people come at me and are like, hey, man, it doesn't feel like to lose by 30 to Georgia? I'm like, hey, man, that's crazy, isn't it? You'd be like, what? What?

Are you going? No. Oh, okay. I'm not, I have no, I have no desire to really go to the cocktail party again. I think I've done that enough. What about peeing in a graveyard at the last cocktail party said to you

that this was a time that had passed in your life. What about going to a place where the weather is always set on slightly sweaty and seasick? I'm not arguing for going to Jacksonville.

Jacksonville's fucking gross. But there's so much of it. It's the city that by quantity can't be beat for the dollar. By sheer tonnage. My sheer width. That's why it's a seaport.

yeah they're shipping what is what are they shipping into jacksonville never mind it's not your business stuff exotic pets exactly let me probably NFL losses listen when this makes the split zone duo message boards in six weeks they're going to be really sick about that statement I can't wait till they become the first franchise to lose or first team to lose a franchise to London. Is that still happening? It's just like they wanted to happen so bad. Heck, they're going there next week.

Hey, it's home turf, baby. Yeah. It's time to get up. The four-game losing streak, it's done. Finally. The Broncos are in our yard now. Oh my God, Broncos, Jaguars at 9 a.m., no. Oh, my God.

On ESPN Plus, no. We ended that war 200 plus years ago. And we're running up the score. Run it up the-not much, but... Not much, no. We're trying to give them teams that will produce a soccer-esque score. Yeah, yeah, you don't want to shock their system like here. You like three to two?

Broncos, Jaguars. Watches the Jaguars triumph and a three-nil stunter. The Jaguas. The Jaguus. Jaguars. I love that there's just some absolute Brexit lad who's a super Jags fan there's one of them in London

who's just like we'll live and die for them he's writing songs that no one will sing lads that wrote you a song all right upside at this point given the patterns of the last 10 or 12 weeks

I would say there's a better than even chance that Travis Eddie M becomes prime minister like just from going over there and be like, oh, he's very impressive. Why not? Yeah. Tell me one reason why not. He seems confident.

He does sound awfully French though. Dude, there's a Hindu bro who's the newest one. They're diversifying among their conservative ghouls. Diversifying is one thing, but don't put one of Boney's men on the throne. all right just Napoleon behind every bush

you can't trust them wait so is it true that this dude I think this is very funny I mean not funny but funny in an English kind of way which is like this dude as a Hindu

is now a high ranking official in the Church of England an office from which Jews and Catholics are barred by statute is that right could be This is too English to be any of my business, but it sounds right.

Yeah, this is too close to actual Warhammer. You see, if you want, this is... I really like Parity, England. I like Parody England. Dude, they've had three prime ministers in a month. This is parody English. That's how you know... By the way, that's how you know that, like, it's British,

because you're like, opening premise, everything's shit. Shite. It's just shite. It's space shite forever. Also, the guy in charge has been dead for 10,000 years. Yeah. That's literally England's government half the time. Okay, here it is.

Rishi Sunak, who's the UK's first Hindu prime minister, will still be able to advise the king on ecclesiastical appointments under the law. Jewish and Roman Catholics are barred from doing so. Thank you to constitutional enthusiast Jason Locke. I'm convinced that this is just. This year's Doctor Who Christmas special. This is great. Hey, this family has done really well when it comes to like shaking up the way they do things in the Church of England.

And I'm excited that they get to flex those muscles. How much can I get, how much do I have to pay to get into Denver versus Jacksonville in London? Upper deck. Upper deck is 111 bucks. Is that bucks or pounds? It's bucks. Okay. Bucks.

So 111. with tickets as high as $877 for the lower bowl. If I'm going to go, I want good seats. What are good seats running? There are no good seats at a Jags Broncos game. But I want to be, okay. Closest to the exit. I want higher exposure to the Jags Broncos.

I don't want to live through this. I want maximum exposure. Exactly. I don't want radiation poisoning. I want my organs to liquefy on the spot. I don't want to remember this shit. gotta pay about 900 bucks for those 900 bucks for a lethal dose

of Broncos chags What the fuck man Whatever Whatever I know my business Speaking of upper decks lower bowls Unwatchable shit We posed a math problem

To the full cast readership Math science General STEM problem Last week or the week before Which I've ever read all the weeks sort of run together um about the moon um and we received multiple thorough authoritative answers to our uh to our question holly do you happen to have one of those pulled up i sure do server can we pull up the uh the full cast from four one five from an honest to god astrophysicist

Hi. I sure hope this is the right number. I'm an astrophysicist and I'm calling to talk about pooping in the ocean to punish the moon. So you're right that you know he can't really increase the math but what you should be thinking about is how that changes the viscosity of the ocean. So right now the tides of water ocean caught like they dissipate energy and that causes the moon to actually slowly move away from us. So it's moving away, I don't know, like an inchie ear or something like that. But if you're to place the water with poop, which I assume is more viscous in water, I will not be Googling that.

You will probably, I think, increase the rate of energy dissipation. And that would mean the moon would move away faster. So you can't make the moon crash into Earth, but you could banish it more quickly. But it also makes the Earth slow down more quickly. Like, days would become longer. So we can increase grind and banish the moon? Yeah. It's on here.

Okay. Bye. So we'd be awake for more of our entire planet smelling like shit. what I understand. So, um, wow. So if we, even if we replaced literally the,

the question was how much would we have to poop in the ocean to? So alter the moon's gravity and the crash into the earth. And from this, a very authoritative answer, we can't. It would only, we would, in fact,

do the opposite. Um, we also received, uh, from another honest to God astrophysicist, uh, Matt in Seattle. Um, an interesting,

uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, included we couldn't is based on what we know about the effects of ice cap melting on the ocean and how that has affected the spin of the earth and so on and so forth that no amount of poop

is going to solve our problem here but what matt proposed is making a constellation of very massive space probes filling them with poop and launching them around the moon as gravity tractors to very, very slowly tug the moon toward the earth. We would have to do it from space, not the ocean. This is a tweak, quite a tweak to the original prompt, because this is not pooping in the ocean. This is merely the act of using shit itself independent of the ocean. Some would say the space is itself a great sea, but I think that's a little bit too

poetic for our deeply scientific purposes here. But if we are committed to shitting the moon into the earth, I think Matt has, I think it's worth a shot. See, everything. This is also, this is also a practice that could replace, we're going to need something to replace corn subsidies eventually in the Midwest. So I see a, I see an opportunity. An opportunity or a blessing.

Matt also notes that there's been a lot of research, NASA and others have looked into using human waste as a fuel source for spacecraft. Yeah, biomass. So, so these, these, these things could be, you know, sort of, uh, self, self replenishing or whatever. Maybe, maybe, maybe just put people on them and they poop and that keeps them flying as they slowly tug the moon into the earth. I think we can get it done.

I think, I think, uh, you know, if, if, if we have the commitment and the resolve and the belief in each other, I think we can do it. Mm-hmm. Uh, by the way, that is also a, um, I think, uh, by the way, that is also a, Warhammer plot. How can we use poop to crash a moon into the earth? I'm really excited for this journey you guys are on. Yeah.

And it'll be a plot that's like one line mentioned as like somebody's like very, it's like one line in their backst, in one guy's backstory, right? Yeah, it was like, it killed three, it killed three billion of his troops when they did this. He shot the moon into his home planet, but here's the more interesting stuff. Yes. Can I ask a warlord question? Mm-hmm. And this may just be.

because my primary exposure to it has been, like, via the people on this podcast and their children. But just from an orbital view, war lore, this whole universe of lore that you guys are that you guys are skipping merrily through seems to be a lot more jovial and genial than, say, the Star Wars extended universe, despite maybe because of all the ultraviolence? Like everybody, everybody over in this particular nerds fear seems way more laid back and all they're doing is killing. Yep. Is that correct? Have you ever seen when MMA people after a fight are browing out

with their faces all absolutely bloodied up? They're like, I love this guy. He's fucking great. Okay. I think that's kind of the ethos and warhammer. It's like if you play somebody, nobody's coming out of there like oh we just both lost a few guys no one of you is getting totally slaughtered yeah and then it ends and it's like ah that was awesome we should do that again like yeah

that's kind of the ethos there just seems to be so much less angst over here with all these like happy murderers yeah and like everyone's everyone being bad is a great starting point yeah there's there are no arguments there's no moral arguments right like everyone fucking sucks which is a pretty good like baseline for everything right like yeah it's it's kind of like college football where it's like my my team is more ethical than you're it's not so so now we're on even playing field i love the star wars comparisons like star was like completely bloodless right and like you know the very worst thing that happens is you're like and everyone's upset all the time and everyone's upset about it all the time whereas in warhammer which has like rooms made of um screaming tissue that was

created just so it could feel pain everyone's like this is very funny to me and my friends who get along great and treat each other with respect yeah you're like I turned him into a desk and every time I shut this drawer he feels an extraordinary amount of pain in his desk torso body yeah that's like now let's hug about it's baseline yeah yeah uh not that not that it's a perfect community I didn't want to use the word wholesome but it just seems so much more um it just seems so much more genial than the Star Wars bunch compared to Star Wars fandom we can go wholesome I think this is both a critique and an observation it also helps that they're very that like when it comes to representation there's not much they're really like they're working on that but uh but like

there's really only one like layer of female characters well at all is that a is that hmm yeah so we're going to murder all of you and yeah yeah yeah let's go girls yeah yeah this is feminism girls. Man skull skin shirts. They truly are not impressed much by any. No. Yeah. Anything that impresses you is heresy.

That is that's that's the emperor. Sorry, welcome to the Empress Shania Payne. Yeah. I'm afraid. Yeah. Shana. There you go. No, you named her.

No, now I want to, can I have a Warcraft plan now? be all Canadian female country music singers. Yes. Okay. And, Anne Murray, your primark. Shaniah Twain, your sigil. Why not? Yeah, no.

Do whatever you want. Oh. I think that's it. So that's this week in college football. Oh, so you're Brad Pitt.