Shutdown Fullcast - We're Gonna Pave The Ocean

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

- The crew revolutionizes the American medical industry - Best movie soundtracks of the '90s, debated - Found a haunted website - Out on a limb with what may end up being our most poorly timed segment in show history: Spencer explains his knowledge of Kate Middleton's whereabouts - Jason launches a new Scottish conquest - Which message board community would you deploy to find a missing princess? - If you thought the story about the Italian mafia conspiring to fix Vanderbilt football games couldn't get dumber, Jason Aldean is tangentially involved - Helpfully reimagining the works of Homer and Virgil for a modern audience - Once again, the Fullcast forms a band, but for real this time - Breaking hair news - How ancient whale facts blog Moby Dick sleep-trained an entire gender - Find out how our entire show gained legal immunity in the Commonwealth of Kentucky - This week's theme performed by Surber - See more of Jason's work on Vacation Bible School, Shutdown Fullbooks, and more at jasonkirk.fyi  - Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at channel-6.ghost.io, if you dare - Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcasts, We're Not All Like This and Buried Treasure - Purchase only the finest show merch at sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I just feel like we are surrounded in this world by bullshit. So how can you know what's real and what's not? Science versus, that's how. We answer questions like, does anti-aging skin care actually work? And what is your true personality type? And to answer these questions, we don't use opinions. We dive into the scientific studies,

talk to the experts, and put it in a podcast that I know you are going to love. Listen to science verses on Spotify. This is so beautifully written that I don't care if it's true, and I have no intention of finding out. Mm-hmm. It's not important why I ended up in Grateful Dead Reddit. Sure. Sounds like a good reading. To be clear, is that the start of the reading, or is it your preface?

No, I'm sorry. This is my preface. I found this on Twitter via Twitter user Haitian divorce. with the caption, Please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real, please be real. I have not followed up to see if anything happened to this. I don't want to know. Again, I just want to live in the universe that this is created, that this man is created for himself. It's a user asking for advice.

I'm meeting up with a deadhead woman I met online, and I told her I was Jeff Kamenti's P. teacher. Serber, is that a grateful dead person? Okay, it is. I don't know anything about the piano, unfortunately. Now here comes our favorite phrase. Turns out, her dad is in a dead cover band and has booked a show at his church in her hometown, and he wants me to play the show. Now let's drop down again. The show is next weekend. This woman just told me. me he paid $4,000 to rent the church, and they're going to name the vacation Bible school after him this summer because of the money. His wife is fucking pissed because the $4,000 was supposed to be for their 40th anniversary trip to Alaska. He's actually been staying at the daughter's house because the wife can't believe he did it.

The woman I'm talking to is a graphic designer, and he paid her to design a poster that features my name prominently. She shared it on Facebook and tagged me, and a bunch of people that know me are commenting, what the fuck? Underneath it. The dad just bought a B3 organ off a buddy for me to play. He's invited all his friends. He's invited his ex-wife. He has another friend who is the drive-time DJ on the small local radio station and keeps doing show announcements for this concert, again, prominently featuring my name. He owns a diner in town and has renamed all the lunch specials in the show's honor,

and one of the sandwiches, again, is named after me. This is the crowning event of this man's life. How do I get out of this nightmare? Now, I will say that the overwhelming advice given in the thread below is you should just call Jeff Kementi and see what he says. I have an idea. Go on. I think, I'd like to believe we live in a country where you can find a properly motivated medical employee, health care employee. To, like, break his hand?

No, just to put a cast on your hand. Oh, okay. Like, you don't need to actually injure the hand. Oh, that's so much smarter. God did you. If you can just show up and, like, now here's the thing, you're going to have to lean into this for a while. the other thing you might have to do is you might have to come up with a story where you have a cast but it's after surgery which has rendered you unable to play the piano like it has ended your it is

tragic like will this lead to another sort of fraud where you got to have a doctor strange style yeah yeah yeah like will they probably start a go fund me for you oh no probably but like you're committed to listen Reddit poster, whoever this is, you're committed to the dirtbag lifestyle. There's no going back for you now. Remember, remember what, uh, remember what the rules of fake court are, which is, it's not fraud if they believed it. Like, if you went to a walk-in clinic or, or the emergency, maybe not the emergency room,

but if you went somewhere, if you're close to a medical school. If you went somewhere and said some, like, explain, like, you were straight with the, with the doctor, and you were just like, this is what I want. This is why I want you to put a cast on my healthy arm. Do you think they would do it? It's not, like, it's not, it's not harming you in any way. It's not giving you prescription drugs. For like $6,000.

Are you in a college town? Is this, basically what I'm asking is, are there medical schools that operate like beauty colleges? Where you can go get this time for $12, but it's going to be kind of shitty. This is how we fill the gap in American health care. Because we just have, like, I recognize that there are already strip mall, walk-in clinics, but, like, were strip malls? I also just realized, hold on one.

Walk-in clinics at actual malls. Are you close to a, are you close to a medical school? I guess you'd be my question. I'm going to YouTube right now, how to make your own arm cast. I just did this, and there are lots of results. Okay. There is one called home cast hacks. I think that's the one you go with.

I don't know what's in it, but that feels promising. Yeah, you're right. There's a ton of, there's a ton of good material here. I mean, there's probably like how to surgery. There's somebody on there who's probably got a million subscribers. Now, one of the answers to this really should have been taken care of years ago. You should encourage your least ethical and most intelligent friends to be doctors because it will pay off in the future for you eventually. Okay. Eventually it's going to add up. And you'll be like, thank God, I needed pills. I needed a fake note. My least ethic. most intelligent friend we get it you grew up in florida i think that your other option and i apologize because i don't know a ton about the grateful dead or their fans oh me neither could you potentially say

oh no no no no no i wasn't his piano teacher i was like his spiritual supporter yeah i think that would could you know or or like capital t teacher i think we go like didgeridoo teacher something like that hey um you oh i'm sorry you misheard me the most obvious answer and the most obvious answer and easiest answer is one that we've completely missed, which is play the show. They're grateful dead fans. They don't know. They won't, they don't have the taste. They don't have the taste sobriety or discerning intelligence to really make it work. No, that's not how the song is played. It is now. Yeah, no. That's great. There are people down in this thread who are like, okay, go up there and just only hit the white keys. I think they're right. I talk to Jeff and he wants

me to do it all on triangle so that's what I'm going to do no I mean as I understand they play every song different every time and no one really knows what's going to come out so that's right and no one's sober so it's fine you just I guarantee you no one will notice that how would you know have you heard a grateful dead live album no one will know no no in fact years from now somebody will go but if you just listen to this one and they'll play the one you played and they'll be like, see, don't you get it? You'll be like, no, this band fucking sucks. I hope these two gets get married, and he has to carry, I assume it's a he, I shouldn't

necessarily, has to carry this, this, this burden for decades. I think it just, bang the piano and make a lot of John Mayer. Play this year. Yeah, exactly. Play the show. They'll be like, oh my God, did you hear what he did on Starship, Isabella, or whatever stupid fucking name? the band sucks is my point you can do whatever you want you're such a hater i am i'm totally a

wrong i'm not wrong they fucking suck i've no i've i don't know if i've ever heard them but um if you heard them once you've heard them a billion times that's it literally as i understand the reverse is also true if you're a million times heard of once you grew up in georgia you you grew up in georgia so it's like you can take the shortcut fish but old i don't know i mean i can imagine what fish and widespread panic and all that shit sounds like i i i and and i and i how if you never hurt that's kind of amazing that you just never it's it's easy to avoid it turns out you like have you have you ever been driving in a car and listening to the radio and they played dead song i've never experienced not that i know of i won't think so sometimes they

might play touch of gray like that's it like class that one go how's that one go do do do do do do It's not ringing a bell. Jimmy Buffett covers a Grateful Dead song, and I really like the cover. Yeah. The easiest thing of the world to be is the Grateful Dead's rhythm section. It's the same fucking thing every time.

Then you get some, like, drunk guitarist to noodle over it. So we should start a band. Yeah. You say this once a month, Holly. I think we're just settling on genre at this point. Okay. This sounds like the one with the most room for,

to me, it sounds like the most full-cash genre. Because we don't have to be musicians to do it. Yeah, as I understand, they just fucking wing it every night. Yeah. Hmm. Why does that sound like our kind of thing? Yeah. By the way, respect to Bob Weir.

I know I just said his band sucked, and they do. But respect to Bob Weir. He's their guitarist and avid football fan. One time, like notable high school football player on his own. Also, he's just kind of a cool guy. And he's like super ripped, which, you know, that's what you want to be when you're like 70. You're like, hey, like to be super ripped and kind of cool. You're slandering the band of

a ripped 70 year old. Are you insane? I listen, ripped 70 year olds make shit music. With like millions of deeply devoted fans. Millions of deeply devoted fans who will never hear this podcast. Who are all too sleepy to come after us. But none of, but like, I don't know that I've ever heard anything. Like, oh boy, Grateful Dead

fans, they are ex, like they're they're old. They're old juggalo's. Okay. Oh! that's great wait we like juggalo's sure i don't have any problem with the dead what are they called the dead heads

is that right yeah yeah i have no i have no issue with either of these parties i don't know server is melting into a ball in his seat it was just the way jason said the dead heads the dead heads oh you don't say that okay

oh i've run a foul i've committed a faux no not at all not at all so no one goes the no no no they are the dead heads but identifying them and just the tone in which you did was okay yeah if any of them

yeah if any of them come to you and say hey you should try this track don't it was a real dad moment of like what's a Beyonce I think what it was is so like when they say dead heads they mean it like one word right like like that's their term it's not like it's not like fans of the dead it's like dead heads right yeah okay yeah

Because I'm thinking, I was, in my head, it's like hip-hop heads, two different words. But you know what? Sneaker heads. Graphic Design Kings, Grateful Dead. Never. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a band that I really can only maybe name two songs from, so much graphic design.

Do you know how many stoner metal bands have ripped off Grateful Dead shit? Like, I don't know what they sound like, but I know what they look like. They're basically responsible for Peace Frogs culture. And without Peace Frogs, I don't know how any of us would have gotten dressed in high school. I'm going to be able to be. Damn Damn. Damn, blew out another mic.

To the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall, soon to be hit by a derelict. VW van covered and some of the most derivative hippie trash stickers that you've ever seen in your life powered by vegetable oil powered by vegetable oil

and the power of actually being a mean grass or grass nobody right now who's grateful dead that's right I'll thank him for it and then it'll be ironic joining me as always

is Ryan Nanny Jason Kirk Holly Anderson on the ones and twos a horrified Michael Serber. Those deadheads are going to jam you into the wall. Oh man, what would Grateful Dead Space

Jam sound like? Garbage. What, like, Buster rhymes? Buster rhymes and Culeo rapping to Is that what I was talking about? Slam jam. Thank you, ma'am. I've got a horrible van.

Please don't do that. Why? Yeah, well, this is March. Yeah, baby, this is March. Spit everywhere. Oh, God, it is March. Oh, God, all that, it is March, and I can tell because that is ice cold Coke Zero coming out of my nose. Oh, boy.

Hell yeah. How many other songs off the Space Jam soundtrack do you know by heart? There are other songs? There's a big song off that one. Unfortunately, unfortunately, I think we all know at least half of the monster Apologies to the Monsors. Unfortunately, there's an R. Kelly song. There is, um, yes, yes. Nobody's looking it up, all right?

No, I'm not looking it up. The best version of the, the Monstars anthem is obviously the best. There's a seal cover of Fly Like an Eagle. Yes, there is. Oh my, I remember that. I remember that. Okay, positing. The best space jam song is not on the Space Jam song is not on the Space Jam soundtrack.

Okay. What's the best space jam? Space Jam song. Spencer knows what it is. It's the Jojo's Bazaar Adventure remix, the Charles Sparkley's Bazaar Adventure. Which if y'all have never seen, did they actually go out and get the rights to the Space Jam song? Absolutely not.

Okay. Space Jam, the song, that's Quad City DJs, but Jason, you're referencing a different, is it Method Man, Coolio? Be Real. Is L.L. Cool J on it? I think you're, I forget. This was around the like posse cut time, so you might be thinking of 4-3-2. two one. It's entirely possible. I can't, I can't, I, I definitely get those two songs mixed

up. Yeah, so this is probably on all of them. Hit him, hit him high. Is that, yes, that's the one. Yes. Hit him high is pretty good. It's all right. It's a good, it's a good album. It's excellent. It's what it is. The month's car has got better music. It's a good album as a whole. Yeah. Is it Batman forever? No, but what is? What is? Batman forever came out of nowhere. Also, the Oscars, they call Batman a son of a bitch. It's true. I didn't watch any of the Oscars, but I trust that that happens. You missed them calling Batman a son of a bitch.

Danny DeVito did that, right? Yeah. Okay. In the private chat there, I have put the link to Crazy Bizarar. Crazy, noisy, bizarre slam. Which is the most fucking banging version of the Space Champ song ever. It's like legit inspiring. This is good.

This has a real, um, super, Street Fighter 2, or Marvel versus Capcom kind of quality to it. This is a song I would walk by in an arcade. Yeah, please note that in the, there's Charles Barkley's Jojo, there's Shaquille O'Neal in there, but that Gordon Ramsey just plays Gordon Ramsey.

It's a bunch of the appropriate players for each character too, which is very important to note. There are so many NBA players in here. Mugsy Bokes is in there. There ain't Gordon Ramsey for no reason. Yeah, no, Gordon Ramsey's in there for no reason. He's just Gordon Ramsey.

That's when I knew it was brilliant. All right. Yeah. Our music podcast is so good, you guys. It is so good. We only have two beliefs. The Space Jam soundtrack is the second best soundtrack of the 1990s, and that the Grateful Dead's entire catalog should be burned at sea.

I mean, what good is that going to do? They're just going to play it all starting, take it from the top. Yeah, no, we're going to have to record it all again. Oh, no. Oh, no, you ruined our masters. They're going to play a live show from that floating trash. barge in the Pacific. Do you know how long it would take to burn all their shit at sea? All their fans

have saved one million VHS tapes each. Oh, so much plastic. We're going to pave the ocean. They do it, too. They don't really care. Remember, they're hippies. They're mean people pretending to be nice, so But I can't even be mad because the Grateful Dead's official website

is dead.net. Like, you don't have that website. They didn't even. They're early. They got in there early, and they still couldn't. No, this is. Hold on. Who owns Dead.com? I don't want to look up Dead.com.

They got in there that early. Ah, it's just parked. It's just parked. Nobody's using Dead.com. That's ominous, though. Floyd probably has it. God. This is how a horror movie starts.

You're like, who's on that? Yeah, yeah. Go to Dead.com. Go to Dead. com. Find out who owns it. Ryan. And then the sysadmin said, that website's been empty for 40 years. Well, hey, Satan. It's nice to meet you.

I'm not getting anything. This says it's a domain park, and you're like, I see something. It's my name. It's one of those gifts Where the thing jumps out at you Yeah Do you know those are back Do you know jump scare gifts are back

That's good Are they putting them on the TikTok We brought back You're the man now dog And we're putting them there About damn time Does Zone Star Runner have a TikTok Oh

Great question On it This is spring And that is time for conditioning and lifting and I wanted to get to something that Holly wanted to talk about because you know

springs the time when you get better it's the time when you get stronger everybody reports to practice after the weight phase and the training phase and mat drills they report like you know harder better faster and stronger

we'll step back for a second sure we frame this correctly do before we do there's a chance that this could be the most unfortunately time full cast segment

Before we get into it, I just want to put a bit in that. Let's pre-cut it. Let's just pre-cut. I even already summoned Horsegirl Twitter by mentioning them. What if we use a code name for plausible deniability? I think we just got to push through it, but just understand this could be the last one. This could be the one that ends at all, folks. Yeah, because all of the royalists, I guess, that's not that many Notre Dame fans.

do y'all do you all communicate via group chat any of you like but i know we have one but in in your daily lives do you guys have a a group chat with your friends with your family with your sure okay do you guys have within the group chat and i i guess this this depends on how old the group chat is and the relationship to people in it but do you have people who have like over time fallen into designated roles of i am the town crier for this that or this other subject. I know what you're saying, and I don't have that, but I'm very familiar with my wife's main group chat, and this is definitely a thing there.

It's me or my daughter if something happens on the internet, and we tell my wife about it. So I'll give, well, I'll give an example. Like my closest, my primary group chat is a six person, is a six person unit. I am the only remotely sporty person in there. And so every once in a while. when there's a story that one of them, if there's a story that one of them comes to ask me about,

like it has broken contain into normie media, then I know that we're like really on to something, right? Like when, you know, when Nick Saban retired, I had to explain this to them. Like when the Harbaugh thing was going on, I had to explain this to them. And we have, we have three,

we are divided three and three in our group chat. There are three of us who, are not anglophiles but like enjoy watching the british royal family as though they are an overseas ant farm um and there are three of us who do not care and i'm in the latter group but i'll tell you when i started to get interested in this kate middleton story and that is when it blew up to such a degree that spencer was tweeting about it this morning that's how you know it's crossed over too yeah like when i saw spence when i saw spencer tweeting about kate middleton i I finally had to break down and go to the group chat and say,

can someone please tell me what is going on? Oh, you didn't know? I had, I didn't. Oh, wow. I had the vaguest idea that, like, she had not been seen in a while. Sure. I did not know the layers and crummy photoshopps. And I was like, well, you really are just like us.

So all I knew is someone made a joke about her getting butt surgery, and then there was a bad Photoshop. This is, that's my level of awareness here. I wasn't really aware that. This had gone worldwide until Spencer spawned a spring football Kate Middleton thread this morning. But, and I don't want to, censor, I don't want to jump on you. I don't want to correct you. I think it might have been better.

Why? No, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's when on, it's spring. It's a time for new beginnings. I think it might have been better if we had framed her as a baseball player because every, you know, every spring football, every spring football report is the same. We're more multiple here. We're more physical there. You know, the defense is really going to attack this year.

This is that we're the strength coach is the best strength coach we've ever had. But baseball players are shit like, yeah, they learn to throw with their feet and they gain 15 pounds of lean muscle since February. And I think it's because baseball players are both, A, genuine aliens half the time and B, taking more drugs than the rest of athletes combined. Baseball players are inspiring because they're just. like us, they come out of February and they're like, hey man, he's committed to new shit. He learned a slider. He did this. He learned how to bunt. He's really

working on going to the opposite field. He grew a third arm. Like they have all of these goals. Baseball players will just, like baseball reporters, I love them. This is a compliment. We'll just blithely insert the most unreal biological information into

the reports as though it is canon. And I feel like the royal family could use some of that energy right now. I think at the end of each baseball season is when you cash in all your XP and unlock skills. Okay. More than other sports, I think. Your baseball, you go to your baseball skill tree. Yeah, well, like they unlock new pitches and shit.

Yeah, hold on. I got to go to the management screen. That makes sense. I'm going to learn two-seam fastball and Japanese. Yeah. Okay, see, within that context, the independent soft launching Prince William's mistress yesterday makes sense. In a way that it didn't to me this morning. I've missed a step.

we have left out several did she get butt surgery we have sort of glossed not yet several steps but where do you want to begin with just like laying this out oh do you want to explain this

I'm not sure I can maybe Spencer should Cerber do you want to explain this Spencer explain your understanding if Kate Middleton's whereabouts yeah let's do Spencer you tell us what's the world past story

folks if you know this story keep track of how this goes Royal Chorus No don't Google anything Royal correspondent Kate Middleton So score Spencer on how he does Basically that Kate Middleton hasn't been seen in public in like two months Who's Kate Middleton?

But the Royal Family keeps putting out immediately debunked Photoshop's insisting that they are Hold on, hold on, let's get there. Jason's question, who's Kate Middleton? Is Kate Middleton something, right? Yes, yes, she is the wife of pretty much. It's William. Who is? Who is?

Who is the son of King Charles, the elder son of King Charles? Heir to the goddamn throne. Not the suit's one, the other one. Yes. The ugly one? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's the one with the weak blood. He's not the strong, robust Harry who is on the front lines in Afghanistan.

No, he's the one who, when they do unflattering videos comparing the two, is struggling on a rope course in a full suit and harness. America took the pretty one. I know that, right? We took the one with good jeans. He does look a little bit like he's fighting off vampirism. Yeah, like, in a warhammer setting, he has a demon he's dealing with, like a literal one. Not the Nosephirot, not the Lucifer, like, C.W. Vampirism, like, the original Nosephiratu fingers around the GOR jam.

So not hot vampire. No, no, no, no, no. like that problematic anemic central European vampire. Very, very drawn vampire. Right. Or poorly drawn vampire. Either one. Okay, okay.

It's just the skin of a killer, but not in the way you might think. It's about time we have another evil king. Let's see it. I love it. I wish they fucking would. Okay, so that's, that's, that's, let's go to senior Scottish correspondent, Jason. It's time.

They are weak. It is time to. strike they've lost a count they've lost track of their next queen oh are we shooting to are we shooting too low and aiming for scottish independence keep it fucking coming the whole island's it always has been all right um soon as drew mcintyre wins the title at wrestlemania we strike uh spencer why has kate meddleton not been seen in a couple of months in public this is unknown uh there was no no no no no not false not false not false Oh, there's a dispute, isn't it?

I'm okay, sure. She's had some kind of, there was some kind of surgery. What kind of surgery was unclear? What part of the body? Abdominal. Okay. He's got a lot of this. He's got a lot of this.

I got all of it, motherfucker. Who knows more about the Royals than me? Answer, no one. Who knows more than the guy who was alive at the time? Yeah. Please. You're going to get better information out of me than you get out of. of the palace bitch

that's right oh my god it's Spencer and Pierce Morgan together again at last finally his anti-Catholicism is all right I'm only against the Portuguese

this is like Shoken I think this is pro-Cathalicism this is anti- Anglicanism had abdominal surgery correct what's the Photoshop thing so the Photoshop thing from her official

account a photo was released saying that she had been... What did the photo depict? The photo depicted her with her with her children in a casual setting. How many kids? I believe two.

No. No, the three? They have three? Okay. She's surrounded. Well, that's actually a great... That was inaccurate, folks. Ding. I'm done. Passed the mic. Passing the mic to senior royalty correspondent Michael's server. We regret the error

Spencer's first. It's not the script. National Spelling Bee, you can keep going despite the miss. Oh, I should bring a bell. Also, also, also, after recent discoveries, how do I know three's the actual number? Wow. I think they're really

were, too. I think you're right. Spencer's right. Retract the buzzer. So the photo comes out. What's, what, describe, uh, give us the context of the photo. So the photo is released as like proof of life, basically. Like, hey, here I am and I am fine. Um,

The photo... It's UK Mother's Day, right? Yes, it was. They have a different Mother's Day? They do. They do. And yeah, go ahead. Causing some degree of panicked casual Twitter users who saw Britt saying happy Mother's Day.

And people like me going, what the fuck? I think some, Brit said it on the Oscars as well. And that really... They did. No, that's what that freaked me out. I was like, no, no. Not again. Okay.

So, people were suddenly became suspicious of some. certain factors, details in this photo. Like what? I don't actually know. I will plead ignorance here. There's like her. There's like fucked up hands.

There's a thumb going to weird direction. There's like a sleeve that has no hand at all. There's like patterns on shirts that don't line up. It's clearly been cut together from multiple images. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a lot of different Mother's Day around the world. I do feel like I'm like I'm looking at a spring football calendar right now.

Yeah. Spring football. Mother's Day, Auburn. We're on the same day. is the A day game, so to speak. That's when everybody goes. Mother's Day, Bamba. So I know what happened today. I know what happened today because today is the day that I broke down and asked the group chat. I'm just happening here. I have one more piece of context I want to get to you first.

Okay. Spencer, what can you tell us that's going on with the current king of England? He's dead. He's dead. Strike. Isn't he treating his cancer with herbs? No, he's already dead. um he he he's holly holly is correctly identified yes king charles like he no i heard about this he wanted to replace the royal physician with a naturopath when he became king and parliament whoever was like absolutely the fuck not he's steve jobs in it he is yeah you know he's he's doing his own research rubbing blueberries on but he definitely he definitely is is dealing with cancer diagnosis that part is okay that's that's the only other he is yeah no he's dealing with the cancer diagnosis i am referencing a very, a very morbid joke on UK Twitter, which is every time his name comes up, he just gets retreated with the word dead. That's what?

King Charles, Ted. Vaxed? Yeah. Yeah. Is it too late to name Aaron Rogers like a special envoy? Yeah, let's send him over there. Medical advisor to the Would you like to know by the, would you like to know what Prince,

would you like to know what the exiled Prince Harry is doing during all of this? He's gone to like American sport and events. He's having a great time. He's at Tyler Perry's house. He's a Tyler Perry's yeah. We won. He's having a funny great time. We won. He married into America's greatest institution, the USA Network. All right, I have one, I have one more question. I forgot. What after the photo came out and was scrupulously broken down by the internet, what happened next? Oh, oh, I know, I know, I know. This is the actual inciting event that caused me, that caused me to ask the question. I haven't used

my Getty account since 2021. I have never gotten okay, it's called a kill order. It's always to be clear, it's always called a kill order. This is fucking awesome. I have never gotten a kill order from Getty images before. I haven't used my get my Getty accounts since 2020 and I get the most

stridently worded kill order I've ever seen and I've been doing this for how long are we even doing? Many years saying that it's Getty Aegean's France, Reuters, and the Associated Press, at first, later joined by the British media, who are all pulling this photo out of circulation saying it's been manipulated. And I can't tell you how this, there is precedence for this.

There's reason it's called a kill order, but I can't tell you how never this has happened like so quickly, simultaneously and with something that's so like pointedly, like this is not a normal thing right um do you know what happened after that yes okay please continue okay so because this is where this i have intelligence now because i have i have the text that i can just read and so i'm like guys what the hell why did i just get an email about the this is the opposite of the jim harbott thing i have to go to them and say guys why did i get an email from getty images about kate middleton um they said okay first of all william is credited in the photo with having taken the photo, which is weird, apparently, because

Kate is known to be the photography one in the family. Like, there's, they make a big, huge, look where normal people deal about how, like, she takes all their Christmas card photos or something. Sure. It's, that's their skill tree. She picked photography. Right. Right. Smart. That helps you advance in the game.

You can make money on the Sims. William, William picked vampism, but didn't understand it, Philly. But William, this is the Sims. Oh, I forgot. I forgot. William, who has also been showing up drunk at public events recently? Can we just

start calling him Vampire Bill? Say it in True Blood accent Billy Oh, vampire bill In the British press They call him Peg

for reasons I'm not going to get into I've had it I've had it explain to me and I don't feel like explaining it here it's a long winter I guess but

so they issue an apology for this photo that also comes from kate that says hey sorry everybody ha ha i'm an amateur photographer and i was just trying a little editing and then everybody goes the world on mass goes well can you just release the unedited photo and the palace goes no um and so then uh since once before and once after and the the latest of this was yesterday there have been two alleged paparazzi photos released that purport to show a very shadowy version of a brunette woman in a car and everyone goes, oh, it's Kate. The last one of those came out yesterday and as early as this morning, people are also debunking the paparazzi photo as having been

paid. All photos are lies at this point. Yeah. I'm laughing because I'm trying to imagine I'm laughing because I'm trying to imagine a school like like who has the smallest budget in the country Y'all ULM wouldn't do this shit Well let's let's have better edits than this Let's say Dr. Martin Luther King

Wasn't done and let's say That's frozen right right let's say Let's say that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Was a college football coach And that Florida State At Florida State At Florida State In Florida State where he was doing something

Image purported to be Dr. Martin Luther Luther King Jr. coach of the Florida State Semmel. And they did it very straight-fate. Yeah, yeah. Right. Right. That's the closest I can get you. And the question, the question on that now is like, which, if we were to deploy, to return this to our sphere, if we were to deploy a single message board community to get to the bottom of this, because I bet we could. Yeah. Which tool, which tool would you pull from your holster? And my holster is almost entirely SEC based. So I'm going to, let's go through the leaders right now. Speaking of the leaders, leaders and legends, I believe in MgoBlog's paintbrush adjacent Zeprootering abilities.

I've seen what they do when there's a bad officiating call and they're all huge nerds. You're right. That's a non-SCC one I didn't consider, but you're absolutely right. I was thinking more on the terms of what we know each one is good at it. When it comes to doxing, like you want to go to Arkansas, you want to go to Hogville. this is obviously this is geopolitical in nature so that makes me want to bring in

taxags um like tiger like tiger droppings like LSU I feel like is maybe the strongest like they get the all around here they might be good for like

distract they create a distraction right like I'm not sure if they have like they are highly skilled in all areas but I'm not sure if they have a particular like high all around scores but I'm not sure if they have a particular standout talent that you want here, I was thinking about maybe Mississippi State

because the thing, if you don't know about Mississippi State message boards, their claim to fame is they have like six nesting doll tiers of Mississippi State message boards that have all splintered off. If nesting dolls wanted to murder one. Because the previous iteration was too liberal. Right. So like the main Mississippi State message board splinters into the second one because the previous one was quote, too liberal.

So we might have a royalist Mississippi. Right, right. This is what I'm saying. There might be one in there by now. The Declaration of Independence was void. Yeah, because it wasn't signed at Duckies. Yeah. Let's see. Jason's taking Michigan. I'm taking Mississippi State. Spencer or Ryan Server, who are you guys writing what to get to the bottom of this? Well, what do you want? Here's my question. What do you want to get to the bottom of? The picture or Kate Middleton's fate?

I'm going to start with the image doctoring and see where we go. Okay. That's not the part I want to know. know about so that's not i'm so i'm going to pick we can divide we can divide labor this cool i i want to know where is kate middleton and is she alive i'm just going to put that out there on front street okay and i think and why is the taxpayer supported monarchy so bad at this like they're so i i we have run up against more inept comms teams in our line of work than maybe any other industry i can think of like this this might be one where we truly stand apart and I can't think of a school

that would do this this badly Well like all of the bungling that they're doing Has created the whole thing Like if something bad happened And they just said something bad happened No one would It wouldn't be a thing And it would be nothing funny about it at all

But there are no normal There are no normal non-chaotic explanations left But it depends on what the bad thing is Doesn't it? What do you mean? I'll also do this out there What if, what if, what if, what if, what if Prince William killed his wife? Wow.

Is that something you're saying? My, my attorney has just floated the theory. Look, look, I think the whole, like, the only responsible speculation is irresponsible speculation, right? We all agree on that. That makes sense. Okay. He has not, he has not killed her. Man, how embarrassing would it be to be killed by a guy who looks like that?

No, he's, he's turned her. It's just the person. Ah. Sir, but you just saved us. Thank you. He bit her in the stomach? Yep. Probably.

Yep. Theories I have seen, one theory is that she has donated a part of her liver to King Charles and is recovering from that. Again, not. They could just say that. I'm not sure why you wouldn't just say that, yeah. Unless he made her do it. Another theory I have is she's been institutionalized, and they just, the royals don't know how to deal with that. They don't know how to talk about it.

Historically, they're so great about it. There's Jane Eyre hiding her in the attic at this point. She had an emotion. No, Jane Eyre's not the one who gets her in the attic. No, I just mean that's where it's the, that's all. Okay. I've got the, the, it's Bertha? The uncle's wife or something.

Yeah, yeah, it's Bertha. Yeah, I think. I have one team to put on getting us, they're not going to figure out the signals intelligence element of this, so I'm not really going to put them into tapping cell phones or to analyzing Photoshop's or figuring out the, you know, the nuts and bolts of it because I think it's beyond their purview. But in terms of sheer passion, in terms of a demonstrated will to fuck shit up, get answers, even though they might be wrong. Oh, no. Hogbill. Hogville. I need Hogville on that wall.

I'm still banned from Hogville, so one of you is going to have to do. We're going to get Hogville banned from Britain. That's the big thing here. Where are America's college football sources? Like, Brett McMurphy, why are you not running this down for us, my man? Why are we not finding out? This doesn't sound like Ireland's problem. If anything, it's hard to live to Ireland's benefit. All right, here's my gloss on it.

In many ways, because he's not king and she's not queen, this is a crittin issue. These are not current players. These are prospective towns. And I think Miami message, these are coaches in waiting. I think when you want to know what's going on with Cruton and you want the most like outlandish rumors possible, Florida State or Miami or both. A combination of Florida State and Miami message boards is where I can get a sunshine state alliance. What if we tell Florida State, Miami and Florida that, hey, your two arch rivals are about to figure it out. We'll tell each of them that.

Oh, no. Yeah. That's good. Watch the academic consortium span into action. The combined research power of Florida State University and the University of Florida. And then UCF will crack the case. No longer will you learn about woke history. You find students of Florida will be tasked with finding Kate Middleton. Find the princess.

You can't spell Middleton without DEI. No, Florida can't do this. Shit. DEI, I guess, won't even be necessary because they're investigating the British royal family. That's true. That's true. It really checks none of those three boxes. Oh, no.

No, that's equerry. That's different. England. The E is for England. Diversity, equity, and England. Inletera. And English. Oh, no, that's a problem, too.

Okay. Um, so yeah, I, I, does your group chat have a theory as to what Kate Middleton's up to? Um, no. Do you think Kate Middleton knows that the internet is speculating that she might be dead? One thousand percent. That must be awkward. Yeah, that's got to be weird because she, I mean, like I'm not, I'm not famous. She lived most of her life as a normal person, but also she bought into this. Right. I'm not famous and I feel weird. when people on the internet talk about me, which doesn't happen that.

When people think you're dead? I would be flattered if people thought I was dead. You know what? If we can get that out into the world, that would do a lot of things. I can tweet right now. That would fix a lot of my financial issues. We are crying for me.

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game time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Do we want to talk about the other huge piece of news that Holly brought to our group chat earlier? Yeah, to be clear, all I wanted to talk about this week was the Italian mob fixing Vanderbilt football games, but this took precedence. I do like that when you said, can we talk about this?

You said for 10 minutes, and immediately I was like, this is the part of the text that will not be true, not even slightly true. I just wanted to card this out because I wanted to, I just, at the time, I only had 10 minutes worth of information. But now that I have opened the faucet and I apologize to the other two non-anglify, in the group chat but we're just getting we're getting every update now i just like a good mystery that's all yeah oh also yesterday for no reason whatsoever the independent published an article with no news hook about the woman who's purported to be william's mistress yes what yeah i forgot

about that there is also one other piece of public information that i do want to know if spencer has royal expert spencer hall yes when has the palace set But yours Morgan. That Kate Middleton will resume her public duties. That I don't know either. After Easter is the answer. Oh, I've heard that before. Wow.

Here we go again. It's that British Easter. Yes. But what? Yep. Anglican Easter. It's in July. Yeah.

Actually, it's British Easter, which is secular. It's weird. everyone goes to a pizza for three weeks it's somehow depressing yeah it's somehow depressing and angry you sleep in a cave afterwards right hello david beckham missed a third penalty game unlike it we's going home it's coming out mate oh boy uh yeah holly what is the story about uh the italian mafia Nashville. As a Nashvilleian, I am concerned about this criminal element. It could happen there. Ryan, this is a classic Nashville thing. Other towns have problems with

gambling, but we don't. Also, it can happen here. Man, I want to read this story to you, on our flight out last week when we were on vacation, our vacation last week apparently aligned with Auburn Spring Break. And there was a flotilla of Auburn moms of a certain age. on our flight who I was sitting next to and their conversation was even for what I expected for a bunch of women in Auburn cardigans their conversation was frankly insane okay you heard you heard some of this do you want to is this the lady who was talking about okay there was a lady who was like yeah you know he got out the yeah we'll call her Sandy no that's her name and she was like yeah I don't know

he got out the other day and I did just I haven't really slept the same same sense because, you know, he was with the cartels. Does you know the cartels? Because, you know, the cartels and, you know, I do my speeches. Yeah, your speeches are important. They're very, you do good work with those. Yeah, but I don't know. I feel like, I feel like they're going to target me. And I got two ways to go on this, okay? One, I am not surprised that a relatively affluent person has imagined themselves to be the subject of sinister plots. Because the human brain gets very lazy when a lot of your basic needs are met and you got to feel important. Okay.

This is just something. And I say this is somebody who grew up around a bunch of people who occasionally believed absolutely insane plots were about to unfold upon them at any time. Be they from a God who was about to rapture them or from sinister overseas influences who were going to come to Cottonwood in Franklin, Tennessee and take their money. Any of us could be Jason Bourne and not know it. That's a rub. That's right. Oh, you've got Jason Bourne. but this story involves

Jason Aldine So But this is all happening And she's telling a story about being You know Wanted by the cartels Which I'm like You know in terms of self-actualization

And feeling important I would find a healthier avenue Towards doing that Than one where I was the imagined target Of Sinaloan cartel assassins But I'm not sure it was I'm not sure it was that

I'm not sure she knows The meaning of the word cartel Because the part that I overheard that you didn't is that she was talking very loudly about how she felt so much safer going to the Caribbean

than letting her kids go to Mardi Gras because New Orleans was and I quote run by the cartels I think that's what the crews are is she just getting the word from? I think she might just mean weed dealers like I was like what do we mean by cartel

it would make a lot more sense in retrospect if her ex was in jail for slinging weed and was just getting out and she decided that this was like although this would be a great way to break up

with somebody I'm sorry Deb I can't see you again it's the cartels like that's that's another way to get out of your Grateful Dead concert

she had like she had super thick John Grisham main character energy if that makes the new sense yeah sure but I was I was like

can brief Julia Roberts yeah yeah yeah I was like you know 95 percent completely skeptical of whatever i'm certain this was some sort of like paranoid delusional fantasy however five percent of me was like damn sandy what the fuck did you do

what the fuck did you do sandy because if i'm wrong it's herbal life or something i don't know yeah listener the next time you're bored on an airplane with a companion and you just oh this was in a gate they were talking really loudly about this in an open terminal of Atlanta's airport where anyone, including me, could hear them. That works too. The next time your flight is delayed and you have a friend with you, just start spinning a yarn just for the entertainment of other passengers. It really is saying some wild shit too loud. It doesn't have to be true. It is a public service. It's true. Right. This is like the oral storytelling tradition brought

forward to modern times. Homer was just talking shit and we call that classics. Homer was the sandy of his time. Homer also got, Homer also cut. These ladies, oh my God, they're so beautiful. They sing, but they're just trying to crash my boat. They just want to crash my boat. Homer also booked his spring breaks to coincide with reasonably priced Caribbean plastic surgery.

Would you believe this motherfucker had one eye? Because he did. How do you think Achilles got to be so pretty? That's right. Affordable plastic surgery in the Dominican Republic. public. And then I get home, there's 18 dudes with my wife. Can you even believe this shit?

200 years in the future have to read Bill Dance like we had to read the Aeneid. They're just hanging out, eating snacks. They're not even pork in her. Are you going to kill them? Yeah. The next time you got on a plane, if you just recited

any of Homer's works from a casual first person perspective, you would sound like i'm just gonna i'm just gonna do the aeneid like this to be like so how hot were these chicks they were so hot we had to tie ourselves to the boat deep from being too horrid up yeah they were singing they were some of those theater chicks you know like the goth ones they were hot and they were in the water so i tied up all my boys they were frothing my god pat you remember patrickless yeah you know you'd have to tie him it's not the first time we've had to

time up to keep him out of trouble right right anyway my boy Jason and I we just sat there and we were like no hos it's not happening so anyway this story is three days old at the time of recording and I can't figure out why it hasn't

gotten more traction and the only acceptable reason the only I don't even think this is an acceptable reason the only reason I can think of that the story hasn't gotten more traction is because it's Vanderbilt and that means everybody believes it? Oh, I go

completely the other direction, but you go ahead. You find it, you find it, you find it, you think there's a lack of credibility here. Hang on. I think there's a serious lack of credibility. What makes you say that? All right, let me tell the story first. I think it makes it believable, first of all because fixing Vandy football games is like

Little Tikes Mafia work. Like, this is where you send the interns. sure this is the glass jaw joe yeah yeah okay so moe hasan who is a former backup vanderbilt quarterback um is has a podcast first of all it's called momentum podcast you can follow them on momentum pod and this got written up in the tennesseean which is where i found it uh moe said that the italian mob offered him three hundred thousand dollars in 2018 and 2019 to fix SEC football games. He said that Alabama was one of the schools involved,

and best of all, he said he was approached by mobsters where at Jason Aldeen's kitchen and rooftop bar. Where it's going down. That's it. That's all the information. He also said that the mobster told him this is incredibly common. Almost every game in the SEC is rigged. Almost every game in the SEC is fixed.

You know who else claimed this was Action Bronson? So he might be. Listen, I feel however I feel about him, but Greg McElroy responded on his show with Cole Kublich. It's hard to rig games from the bench, so I've been told, which is just such a beautiful 17-layer set-down. Not if you have, like, poison. Darts.

A few darts look at a gun. You can definitely rig a game. And it's maybe not the word. I can't think of a dumber fucking way than a blow gun to try to rig. Who did that? Probably the guy with the blowgun? If it's in Vandy, who's going to notice? That's there.

That's the thing. That's what makes it believable to me. You start there. But, well, last word from Hassan, from those of you in my mention saying the mob doesn't need to pay off Vandy because we've lost a lot. You must not be familiar with prop bets, L-O-L. All right, Sandman, take it away.

So, as the Tennessean has reported. Oh, I thought you were calling yourself that. No, not myself. I am the Tennessean.com is my website. This is the Nashville newspaper of an incredibly rapid-uponishing utility. I thought Ryan was literally saying, as the Tennessean here. Gannett has acquired me. Oh, God, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm being sold for parts. It's fine. Sweet. What? Spencer? Maybe that's what I'm... It's good to be wanted. It's fine.

I want to give... For your organs? I want to give Mohassan the benefit of the doubt. I do too, because this is wildly entertaining. And I will... I will be generous of spirit and say that everything he described happened exactly as he described it. I think the most logical conclusion is not the Italian mob operating out of lower Broadway is

offering out of Jason Aldean's is identifying backup Vanderbilt quarterbacks on site and offering them six figures to fix SEC games. I think the more, the entirely more likely possibility is

somebody recognized him and was like, hey, I'm about to play an incredible prank on this 19 year old. I'm about to convince him with the most Stereotypical Sopranos as it possible That I am Il mafioso Nashville

Ryan, I'm going to be in Nashville on Friday Do you want to go to Jason Aldine's bar And pretend to be a different crime family? Yes, let's wear big pinstripe suits You're Italian, I'm going to have to pretend to be something else Let's get offended when they don't have lasagna Can you be like the Australian crime family? Sure

You call this meat pie? Imagine imagine like subtle Australians That's what you're going to anti-Australian. Boy. Like, I, I want to meet the person out there who has the other side of the story, which is, I had Mohassan thinking that I was going to give him $300,000. I cannot wait for the New York Magazine editorial.

I offered a Vanderbilt football player, $50,000 in a shoe box. I just, It was my son's kindergarten tuition money for the rest of the year, and I don't know how to tell my husband. Like, like, imagine a Scorsese movie where the mafia is trying to fix as easy football games, and Beach Truck's cutie is blaring in the back. The needle drops. The horrendous needle traps.

You're like, Scorsese is the best at this. This soundtrack is ass. No, it's appropriate. It's completely accurate. But it's so loud. This is the thing. This is how Ariel said it has. Happened.

Jeans in my truck, girl, there in the truck porch. Oh, that opening trucking shot. I really want to put Gimmie's shelter over this. Nope, no, it's got to be corn. That corn song. Although weirdly Layla appears in both by name. Here's Bobby De Niro, sweating his ass off in August in Nashville, while he can't be heard over wagon wheel being played by a cover van.

That's what killed him. That's finally what did him in. Guys, you know that's what finally did this. They couldn't complete the business deal because they were invaded by the only more unconquerable force in Nashville, the Jason Aldeen, and that is a platoon of Woo Girls, fresh off a Bachelorette Petal Tavern. So like I said, you'll have to meet him to say, whew! Shelby

American Italian culture bears the same resemblance to Italy that modern country music bears to actual country music So I do understand how they go together Except it's awesome Except one invented pizza

America, that's right That's goddamn right I just actually realized that half my affid Godfather of peace racist Look at him That man is familiar Is he the racist one?

I mean I realize that No I don't One of the racist ones He's like the he's the all lives matter one Oh okay so he's to try that in a small town guy Is he the small town guy? Yeah he's the he's the he's the guy did the song that was like we don't have crime in small towns we have vig we have vigilante murder Okay so yeah

That in Sardinia brother one of the racist ones I mean for real though he's not the morgan he's he's not the one who's he's the one who's too afraid still to say it out loud so is there italian country music oh shit if you have just opened a fucking hell mouth they got they got cowboy movies why wouldn't why it wasn't they yeah it's that guy it stands to reason that's going to be our band spaghetti country and western we're inventing pizza western we're going to be a pizza western and it's going to be fucking great and we

only sing an Italian. And we don't understand what we're saying. Frankie Lane and Bobby Vinton were Italian. I know that. Fuck, this is going to be so good. Can Pizza Western be the name of the band? Yeah. I mean, it's, claim the

SEO while we're inventing the term. Lloyd, can you hop on that for us? I'm going to check to make sure pizza western.com appears to be available. Please hold. That's crazy. We'll get puny in the first name of our The name of our first album is going to be the Roman Cowboys.

Roman. That's good. Write that down. Roman Calzone sounds like a recruit. Ruben. That too. Rutgers. Oh, that's just mean.

He could be at Pitt. Yeah, it could be from Western PA. That could totally be on there, too. Yeah. Rutgers is better than Pitt these days. Pizza Western.com is a, this is a no-brainer to buy this. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But you want to get dot biz too while you're there.

That's for our merch. All right. I'm going to work on this. I'm going to make sure I do this before this episode comes out. Because I know somebody will squat on pizzawestern.com. They did this last time. I'll look. I'll be like James Dead being like, God damn it.

Dead.com taken. I knew we shouldn't have sung about it for seven hours. I have two things to say. The music we will make that will be Italian country music, will be the second most putrid form of music ever created. Two, it will be better than anything the Grateful Dead ever recorded. What have we accidentally become Italy's biggest band? I think that's how it happens most of the time, based on what I've seen.

We might actually make some money. That'd be weird. Instead of trucks, can we sing about speedboats? Oh, Vespas, too. And smoking. Yeah. Smoking is still cool with Pizza Western, but only in Italy, not in America. smoking school everywhere what are you talking about yeah smoking school i want to refute that publicly

i don't want to be involved with anyone who says it's not it's terrible for it's not it's not my fault it looks cool i didn't make it do that yeah i didn't know it's listen it's just how it is it's not cool to smoke but nobody wasn't really cool you don't smell cool but you do look cool no yeah this is the actual fight against smoking is that you're fighting against something that it's always going to look awesome yeah here's the bullshit though everybody used to smoke so no one thought it smelled bad because we all were used to it but now everyone thinks it's like my grandma's car seat

yeah yeah you smell like you smell like my saddest childhood friends home it's like uh I mean the smell is the problem we are we're going back to the video game well it's one of those buffs that has a Nerf that has a cost you're going to look cool but you're going to smell bad

mm-hmm oh god what's a video game where you can smoke yourself to death not Metal Gear oh my fucking God I'm sorry, we have breaking news. Yes. Kirby has to, this is from senior, this is from senior follicular correspondent Stephen Godfrey, who has just texted me, Silver Alert, and this is not what I thought he meant.

Kirby Smart has taken the podium in Athens with undied hair. Yep. He has gone, he has gone full, full silver bag. Badger, Silver Britch's, Silver Top. Oh, my God, that's it. Now you call me Robocop. Holy shit, I'm dropping here. I'm dropping a little.

That's our first song. Yeah. It's called Robocop. Georgia Robocop. Silver hat, silver breeches. Oh, my God, he looks like Mac Brown. Robocop. Wait, so is, did he...

What is this? I don't understand why you look... Oh, boy. Is this a lady? What, Miss Wally? What? Ryan, you killed a lady on this show. I didn't kill her?

Yeah, come on. You accused someone of murder. I just hear explicitly speculated that she might not still be alive. I'm speculating. I'm asking a question. See, that's why you had to ask me, the information expert and purveyor of hard facts and truths, what was happening. He's just out here accusing people of murder. Spencer, you didn't kill Kate Middleton, did you?

No. oh my god it's like it's like they it's like they merged him with claude felton this is so weird you notice sabin retires and kirby all of a sudden it's like i am the silverback let's it go oh man he's like i'm the dean now yeah let's it all anyway for those of you wondering why we're why we're interested god stephen godfrey and i have had like a 15 year long uh self entertainment platform of tracking coaches die jobs from media days through to the end of season um and for for a special for a great example of this let's let's just toss up our people ask us what do you mean and we'll toss up this challenge question what color is less miles's

hair don't look don't take a picture chest matter all it's clear right walnut it just blends into whatever yeah i was going to say a mahogany furniture polish was usually what it was coming at media days they'll all show up and they're like this this Furrier was great for this. They'll show up in this, like, resplendent chestnut. And then you see them again in October, and it looks like they've been sleeping under the bleachers. Yeah. Like, none of them maintain it during the season, but they all do it for media days. And it's adorable.

But holy shit, Curbs, way to come on home. I'm concerned that this, oh, man, I'm concerned at what it's going to do to Georgia if Kirby is really, like, relaxed and comfortable in life. You know what? I think he's killing it with this, Zach. No, no, I mean, I'm concerned as a Tennessee fan what Georgia is going to do with a relaxed and comfortable football coach. Can you imagine if he gets those monsters playing loose? No, man. He's finally ascended into the third stage of Georgia manhood, which is corrupt governor.

Yeah, this is my preseason pick. I'm sorry. George is winning the title. They're getting this back. Jesus. I think he looks great. Because, you know, you have a choice. you're like every man will face this choice

you can either come on home and shave it if it's too thin right you can die it if you just want to fight the good fight they all do and they all

generally end up trying to diet or if you don't have to come on home and go full stone cold Steve Austin and shave your head he does have a full head there yeah but I bet his head's a weird shape

look at it I bet he's got, like, Kirby's got a weird head. You think, like, like, a Mar, like, he's got, like, a Mars attack style? Yeah, yeah, look at that thing. That's an Applebox. It's square. It's not even, like, he's, like, got a Minecraft head. He does have a Minecraft.

It does, like, kind of snap on, right? Yeah, I think if he, I think if he went with a toupee, no one would notice. Like, I think that would totally be an option for him. I don't know of any active coaches right now who I know for, sure wear hair pieces. It's too impractical given the state of the, given the nature of the job. You know, plugs kind of took

two pays out of the game, which is a shame, because the two pay brings real versatility. Shit, I haven't checked on Jimbo's hair in forever. How could you? Where even is he? No, it's fair. But Jimbo's one of those ones who's up there with Les, who's like, name his hair color, and you're like,

he might be a Jason Aldeen. Clear? I should go check. Listen, he's, I guarantee you, He's probably reading some of the scariest forums alive from the comfort of a duck blind somewhere in Texas. That's that's where he's at. He knows where Kate is. We'll find her.

I figured it out. Jim O'Fisher Bounty Hunter. There's not a bounty hunt on Keith Middleton, but I'm a finder anyway, brother. If he couldn't find the end zone, what makes you think he's going to find a princess? He ain't Mario. I mean, by name alone, she's from Middleton. Jimbo would know. Nashville Mafiaso, Mario, Mario.

Now, so this is also write this down for points made from this episode, bring back hair pieces. Versatile. You could throw them at people, but Yeah. You can get real pissed off and yank your hair out and throw it on the floor. You can't run the ball further than I can throw

this hair piece. Too mad to throw a visor. If you can't reach your challenge flag, you You just throw your tube. I'm so goddamn mad. I'm going to snap off my Lego hair and throw it. That'll make my point. This is why I wanted Ahab to be a college football coach in the universe

because he could just take off the leg and throw it at the RF. There, fuck you, buddy. Spoilers. I haven't read it yet. It only came out in the 19th century. That's another one you can tell on him playing. You just start yelling whale facts that you learn from Moby Dick. while on the plane

I just for a second I thought you meant yell the words whale facts you could do that too I'm listening if somebody does that I am listening boy and I ever tell you about the summer I worked on a whaling boat god damn it was crazy see that's what I've been at the airport that's all my best friend quakewag

you ever sleeping and bunk with a man every night me and my buddy we talked about how it's cool to have one of your feet sticking out under the blanket and it's cool to have a cold foot while the resty is hot that's the way sleep on a fucking whale boat. That's why that book rules because they actually have all of these numbers.

That's like eight pages. Is that where dudes learn to do that, that temperature regulation foot thing? No, no, that's just it's just an accurate book. It's just an accurate book where Herman Melville writes down whatever is in his fucking head. And he's like, hey,

how about another 35 pages of whale facts? It is honestly like being... That makes the books down way better than it. It's awesome. That's awesome. I fucking love that book. I have nothing bad to say about Moby Dick. It's awesome. Against a gender divide. Because about six

pages into the book, they're like, hey, you're ready to go at sea and be dirty and smelly? And like half the women reading it are like, this sucks. And the dudes are like, to see! And now here's, we're just going to paste in Wikipedia and then we'll get back to the homo eroticism

after that. Not gay enough, slamming it shut. That's how you know Herman Melville. Herman Melville, Haremond Melville of East Tennessee. Harriman Melville's too Bay and Porey. Hairman Melville. Oh, shit.

Here come the Hair Man. We'll get you a whale of a deal. Hey, Hairman, bring me some at hair. I don't throw mine across a football field because a fucking official don't know how to call PI. Call me a smell, but don't call me ugly. it'll even stay on when you're winning state is this a good show to announce now that we're all back together that we've been awarded the state of Kentucky's highest civic honor

we have you're listening to the silky voices of at least four Kentucky colonels server's got one too servers got one to five Kentucky colonels I don't know if it's official or not because it's official it's real but my name they didn't spell my name right so I don't know it's definitely official Kentucky Department of Education Kentucky slams Michael Serber

How do you feel about changing your name? I serve it, I think it says That's your name in Kentucky I was gonna say I was gonna say I like when I saw this I didn't think I need to reach out to them To get this corrected I thought Would it be a lot of trouble to change my name

And put a U and where the E is? It's like how no one in England can spell They put a U in the word color and stuff So it's yeah Kentucky is your England Oh, and in Commonwealth's, that's how I spell it. I got it. This is also, I think, I think Andy Bashir knew, and this is a full cast correction.

We never do these because, guys, all we do is speak honest truth on this show. From the heart. But yes, on our last episode, I did erroneously suggest that bowling community was in the state of Kentucky. It was not Spencer Hall. I've been paying the goddamn price for it. This is the most. I got about this is the most complained about fact in full cast history like at one point I was like are y'all do you all have like a secret podcast where you decide what shit to get angry

about I will I will own I will own this bowling green you guys actually made two errors in the last podcast and I forgot about the other one until just now just two though just two all right first of all bowling green is in Ohio it's not even in the it's also in Kentucky it's also it's also close to Kentucky part we mentioned Western Kentucky University which is in but so Like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not so much an error. It's just a little bit of relocation. And, and as commissioner, I've, I've told some, as commissioner, I have made the choice to move Bowling Green's campus to Bowling Green. Just for that, just for that, every Bowling Green is now in Kentucky. Keep whining. Keep whining. Keep crying.

As a decade long, correspondent of the Mac, I never would have done this. And I'm sorry that I left. I'm sorry that I left my post and that this happened. We left for his, we left you with the entire Mac though. You inherited. You have 24. our teams. Spencer has one team. I will put this to rights. Okay. Just going to be me and my big beautiful hair piece

dominating the rest of you. One more thing before we move off this. Thank you to, thank you to real life long time listener, Dr. Jay, who is a real life doctor, so I'm not going to mention his full name here, who nominated all of us for

Kentucky Colonelhood. This was in the works for kind of a long time and was based We didn't know this until we got them in the mail. But this was based off the tornado fundraiser that we did a couple years ago where that involved us. I thought the most fun thing to come out of that was going to have to be explaining to somebody, a very nice woman in the Kentucky Secretary of State's office,

why they were getting tens of thousands of dollars in donations from someone named Antioch the birthday spider. But no, it turns out this. it turns out there was still one more card to flip over so thank you doc for nominating us we are genuinely honored we cannot be arrested now

in Kentucky as I understand it which is great but we and we have powers of arrest you yeah the the original colonels were the armed guards of the governor so I'm really glad that Andy yes yes I'm really glad that that's Andy

Bashir and not one of the usual governors So, thanks, Andy. Thanks, Dr. Jay. We love y'all. Okay, y'all fucked up. And I will say that this is a mistake that only could have occurred when both Spencer and I are absent. And we're sorry about that. But do y'all really not know why you have to gut the moose?

No. Okay. It's not to make sure the moose is dead. It's not to take sandwich meat back to the wagon. It's in case a fucking bear comes up behind you. Yeah. Okay. Right.

It's in case the team behind you encounters dead moose that now has a bear on it. Okay. Right. And now you say, oh, well, you're not actually taking the gut pile or all the attractive stuff out, right? No, you're making it super easy for the bear to grab and go. You're plating it up for the bear. So the bear has no reason to linger. So I'm making 7-11 takitoes that the bear can simply select.

Just take it in the to go tray and go as opposed to I have to sit here and root. That's also why everybody behind you has to stop and help because you want this done as quickly as possible before the bear sense it and starts heading your way because then you have a new problem. Why are we making life easy on bears? I remember a time when we made bears actually earlier. Bears used to have bootstraps in this country. When did the bear welfare state get out of control? That's what I want to know. Well bear state.

The well bear state. being well there queens uh great news we now on pizzawestern.com it's about fucking time yeah finally can't wait to can't wait to conquer Calabrio

with the smooth sounds of our country jams