Shutdown Fullcast - Werepanthers of Tarrant County

Episode Date: December 28, 2020

Christmas gifts, reviewed  Fast food chicken situations of the Roman Empire, reviewed   Some football, reviewed  A slightly abridged history of medicine  Cheez-It Bowl preview! Sure! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I have a Swedish Yule Goat Arson update. Oh shit. We got breaking news? It's still up. But Twitter user and intrepid reader

Ms. Fire Money has an update that she wanted to share with us. And she says, I can't tell if my favorite part of this,

she cannot determine her favorite part of what is happening here. So, the Yule goat has a Twitter account. the yule goat is at this point still alive uh sorry still unburnt it was never alive uh the yule goat is currently tweeting the lyrics to survivor and miss firemoney says to us i can't tell if my favorite part is how much

this big straw goat believes in herself or that the replies are just gifts of people striking matches Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall and I am here to say, uh to everyone listening to this you survived you made it through christmas congratulations i hope you got what you wanted i hope that your heart was full of the holiday spirit what if there

podcasts in the afterlife if you're pod oh no then we're in hell what if there are podcasts like what if there are podcasts in hell make me one of those facebook shirts that says if there are podcasts in heaven i don't want to go why wouldn't there be podcasts in hell no there would be a shout out michael barboreau welcome to the daily in hell maybe in hell two things that mean the same thing mike maybe in hell there aren't podcasts but everyone is a podcaster and talks to you about their podcast but you can never listen to the podcast yeah everyone has a podcast but it only has three listeners that's right that's no that's just now what yeah what if hell is one podcast episode that hell is other podcasts i believe sartra said yes if you are podcasts and how and

there i say that because like maybe there are people listening to this who didn't survive christmas and to you we say uh welcome to eternity what we say you are not alone we are here with you sure hell that's right we're going to get through this you send in a previous life well you listen to the shutdown forecast and that's sloth if nothing else and wrath yep so they say that hell is the absence of hell is the absence of god therefore heaven is the absence of pod wait so if hell is the absence of god then it can't be this podcast why we got a lot of god on it we do it's true we speak of we speak of the lord frequently yeah a whole last episode right yeah that's all you need just once a year that's that's i'm very

very protestant just yeah just check in every now i am very serious this is a christmas and easter podcast i've learned it kind of is i've at least learned more about religion from this podcast than i have in my previous you know decades of living so that's a lot of decades we got methuselah right here that's true that's a yeah well i think i mean so spencer was around for a lot of the stuff, but he's forgotten it over time. Fair. I just wipe the hard drive, man. I run like a Nintendo Switch. That memory's light.

Things disappear when they get off the RAM. Just, boop. Sorry. Sorry that we, I witnessed the birth of Christ, but it's time to play Luigi's Mansion 3. They have Vatican 2, and Spencer's like, another one already. Vatican 3. This time it's personal. I mean, I guess indulgences.

That was kind of the, okay, I remember. No, that was kind of the point. Indulges is we're the first in-game purchase, right? Dang. That's a loot box right there. That's a loot box, yeah. Wasn't that recent? That's a cup.

That's a loop box in a couple different ways. I mean, really, Christianity and a couple of other religions are predicated on the notion of respawn. Oh, shit. Yeah, sure. Most of them work their way to respawn eventually. It becomes, like, you know, like every video game series eventually ends up kind of the same. Like, that's how it really does work. Every religion eventually.

it comes around to all the same ideas. Unless you're the Sims and you're just trapped in the pool. Never getting out. Fallem. On bannersociety.com a week ago, something like that. Banner Society is a website of some type.

Ryan Nanny wrote last week about whether the ringing Hershey's kisses in the Christmas commercial, that one commercial, you know the one, engage with the Abrahamic faiths on a cognitive level. You should check it out. I argue that they do.

Not that they do, but that they must. I would like to know if any of you got anything cool for Christmas. I got a bomb that knocked out internet in my city for like two days. In some places, what did you do with it? Was that cool or no? You know, it was not, I would say cool, but I felt all my worries leave today when driving along the highway, I saw the sure sign that like things were going to get back to normal here. And that was a man parked on the side of the highway, not particularly

hidden behind his car or anything else, just with his dick out and pissing in the middle of the day. And that was what I knew. Nashville strong. Nashville dong. Hashtag Nashville dong. That's right. Well, if you saw the man's dick, that means it was not Mike Vrable. of course because he had his removed a season ago for Super Bowl purposes correct it was not coach for able oh you remember yeah or he promised you or whatever whatever it was it's oh I thought never mind that's not what I thought we were talking about okay I would also that's what I got it's not really Nashville until you see a cop shoot a deer on the side of the road listen I don't care if it's Harding Place if a buck shows up and I got my license it's going

down okay it ain't a reckless discharge of a firearm because I know where the bullet's going and so soon will the deer yeah that that didn't happen to me today but cool no I've heard multiple I've heard multiple accounts of Metro police officers being summoned to the scene to of a deer who has been hit but isn't quite dead in Nashville all right yeah and and just dispatching it on the side of the road I think that's neighborly like not isolated places either but like the like next to the mall right like somebody cool springs calls a franklp.D and they're like well it's better take care of this right here junior got to send a message can't have deer invading the gallery uh they're surly

they'll think they own the place do you know what i found out was headquartered in cool springs recently service merchandise really not not still as of two thousand that shit is dead but for a while that's where it called home do you think an ember still remains of service merchandise yeah have we snuffed it out or no I think I mean according to Wikipedia it died like 20 years ago it's so there's not like a rogue nomad like an underground service merchandise yeah yeah I guess so Spencer don't you have a service merchandise story I don't Now that's podcasting.

That is my writing partner. And this is what it's like all the time. Now you know that this podcast is in hell. I have to play off that. No, no, no. This is purgatory grade content right now. So here's the thing. The thing that I'm going to say is probably going to make it worse.

I am convinced that I know somebody who bought their wedding ring at service merchandise, and I just assumed that was you. That could be right, because service merchandise, even on the way down, was still a major jewelry. I don't know why I read a lot about service merchandise yesterday. No, I do know why. It's because we had no internet, and this was the only thing my phone would load with one bar, and I read the whole fucking wiki because I wasn't going to load a new page. Are you kidding me?

I wonder if this means you got your phone at service merchandise. And it's, you know, like, if you get home. Well, like, if you get online at the airport sometimes in some shitty cities, it's like, here's a webpage about our city. And that's all you get to read. Here's airport map. That's all you get. It could be. Fuck.

I did, actually. You're right. I did get my wedding ring at service merchandise. Wait, wait. Wait. Wow. No, I just didn't think it was that interesting a story. I was like, oh, somebody's got some sort of really way more interesting story than I got my wedding ring at Service Merchandise.

I think you're the ranking Service Merchant here. Like when Nicholas Cage needs somebody needs an artifact to revive the soul of service merchandise in National Treasure 7, he's going to find me. Go I hear you have a relic. I hear you understand it. I'm a service merchandise catalog. Do you understand how to use the in-store computer? You do. It runs on Fortran.

No, they, listen, man, this is how service merchandise worked, because I didn't remember because I was a child. At first, you walked in the store and they handed you like carbon copy paper and they were like, go around and write down everything you want and then bring it to the cash register, you will get like a slip and then go wait for your shit at the conveyor belt. That was the whole concept. Best by Kia. Yes. It's like walking inside Amazon.com. And then they replace that with, hey, we'll put computer stations throughout the service merchandise that you can manually input your order and then go pay for it and then go wait for it.

It's like a buffet. Yeah. It's like a, you know what restaurant this is? This is Piccadilly. This is Lubies or Piccadilly. Yes, correct. Yeah. And I will tell you, some overlapping demogical.

happening there okay some overlapping customer bases oh yeah in the end i guarantee my grandpa spent many a sunday back and forth between piccadilly and service merchandise my abiding memory of service merchandise is my little brother charging up to the customer service desk standing in line and waiting in that line to tell them that they had mistakenly used an apostrophe on their sign in a plural he was like eight fucking get him pow pow pow pow he then went on to play o line and you know you can some some say that's when we knew that's true smartest people on the team smartest people on the team um so ryan got a bomb congratulations thanks holly do you get anything cool i got a vivian howard's new book which michael felder

and i are going to be cooking our way through on uh that other fine i m g podcast the name of which completely escaped me from hand in the dirt even though i'm on all the fucking time man uh on hand in the dirt how are you doing this in front of like one of the hosts of said show well i'm playing donkey con country okay which doesn't help you get to be me tonight uh i like a shower though you get to be half me okay which which half the clean half but forgetful clean but forgetful but yeah you got that oh anyway I got Vivian Howard's new book. All my things are books.

I got a book on the history of pockets in women's clothing. Shut up. And I got a book on the history of salad. You know what? I am not making my case any stronger. Brick Squad! No, the answer is I got nothing cool for Christmas, and it was fantastic. Thank you for asking.

So these are two history books, salad and pockets? Yes. How far back do they go? I haven't started either of them. Perfection salad is the salad book. It is in the 50s. And it's, okay, the interesting, anyway, I'm going to start talking about it and y'all are going to regret this. But the interest, the history of salad has a lot of parallels to like the history of design and architecture in America.

And then the history of pockets in American clothing is basically the history of like class and labor, right? Because for a very long time only it's like, you know now how the. president doesn't carry keys in a wallet and whatnot yeah because he has people to do that for them well that's like it was that's how it was for rich people for a really long time right like why would you need to carry shit you have people to carry that for you huh so is there is the opening sentence like the pocket was discovered in the year whatever i'm gonna report back at length on this but it used pockets used to be a like it was called a pocket but it looks like a purse it's like a little flap of fabric that you sew into a little bag on a string and you would tie it around

your waist with your apron right so like the pocket was portable i fanny packs really predated pockets is what i mean i think the last no i got nothing cool for christmas why did you ask what you're describing is like what i picture robin hood like cutting off of the sheriff of nottingham's waist yes yes it kind of looked like that it had really long strings so you could like wind it around your waist a couple times yeah uh but yeah So you could literally pick somebody's pocket. Mm-hmm. Wow.

Fanny pack. I think the last president to carry anything in his pockets was LBJ. And he carried a knife because... Cigarettes? Probably. I think LBJ just assumed that as president, he was basically like king bouncer for the United States. And like he would one day have to physically fight the leader of another country over an important issue. Right?

Like, well, you want, you want this canal. Sorry, you're going to have to... Sorry, I got this roll of quarters that says otherwise. I feel like if you ask... If you go up to ask L.B.J. and you say, hey, what you got in your pocket? He's going to make a joke about his dick. I need extra room in my pants from a knife and also my huge penis.

Yeah, which I will also use in combat. Like a baton. Was it... Never mind. Yeah. Every possible question from here is disturbing. On a level that we're not really ready for. um jason what did you get for christmas um so i'm realizing i might be a monk because i got

books about god candles and european beer that's like i'm a trappist monk basically pretty good you got the most oh wait i can actually let's go a little bit north because i also got assassin's creed valhalla and i spent this the morning um dedicating uh fallen fallen souls to odin So that's fantastic. Do you have to do any of the dumb parts where you're actually in modern time? Not yet. There was one part where it was like, it was like, hang on, we're losing control, DNA, email. And I'm like, nope, fuck that.

Nope, nope, nope. Skip, skip, skip. Skip. The lamest part of every Assassin's Creed game is that you have to go, you're actually in some sort of weird DNA simulate. No, just give me the part where I like, give me the part where I have to spend 10 minutes reading emails over people's shoulders yeah there's like here comes the damn hologram and I'm like no get that shit out of my sight I'm trying to cut this dude's head off because he killed

my father 13 years ago so I don't have time for holograms sorry I got the old gods have jobs for me okay hey holograms are the reason for the season mm-hmm a hollow a hollergram that's like that's when you go care of Bethlehem was the first holler graham the holler ham sure i just want i just want assassin's creed bootleggers edition where all i have to do is

make liquor and fight with the feds that's that's really all i want for the next one that's the one man i think that's the one where they spit you out in the email land your character's just like get this shit out of my sight like it inflicts your character and he's like fuck you i ain't ridden the damn thing you can't make me was assassin's creed Yeah, it was.

Cotton Hill. That's it, yeah. I play this game with no knees. You got a warrant. I just want that where I invent, where I invent NASCAR at the end. Oh, shit, yes. Yeah, that's really what I want.

I want Assassin's Creed Thunder Road edition. I think that's Grand Theft Auto. Yeah, well, it's like Grand Theft Auto Appalachia, right? Okay, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Appalachian. creed.

Appalachian's Creed. Hey folks, there's a winning idea. Ubisoft. You can go ahead and hire me. That is our IP. You'll be hiring all of us if you want it. Get some lame part, by the way,

like where you do the hologram and it's like, oh, a slick office building in Montreal. Somebody's like, oh, the DNA's not working. And then all I do is I slap them upside the head with the blackjack and we don't hear from them for the rest of the game. They're like, well, you done knocked them out. Let's go back to Bristol, 1941. Giggy, giggity, giggity, gnatural outlaw country.

Yeah. This DNA says I'm 100% hellraiser. Dynamite and alcohol. That's my DNA. This experiment's called Whiskey Bent. My goal is to get hellbound. I call it double helix because I lap you twice. That's what I want.

I want things where they're like, whoa, you've been taken down by Pelagra. you've got hookworm it's the only thing keeping you for going faster in this hot packard hookworm doesn't make you faster you know what the history of nascar says it does so the government wants you to think otherwise but it does yeah have i ever told y'all about the time i went to a day spa with two women who were both from tampa who had never spent time with each other before and but they were both friends of mine separately like two of our traveling group was from sorry one was from Tampa, one was from St. Pete. They would want me to say.

And so it was one of those spots where everybody runs around naked. And the whole time when we were running around naked, these two women who immediately bonded over their shared Floridianness, spent the entire time talking about pinworms. Which, if you do not live in Florida, you won't be real familiar with. They sound bad. Maybe you should explain pinworms or Ryan. They're little worms.

that if you play around in dirty water. Which everyone in Florida does. As a child, they'll live in your butt. They'll live in your butt. Anyway, that's a thing to talk about naked in a giant bathing chamber full of strangers. Yeah, pinworms will not be an important part of GTA Bristol. Shout out to USF.

Yeah. GTA, Johnson City. That's it. In final stage, by the way, you unlock is Copperhead Road. That's it. Copperhead Road's the final. We'll pay Steve Earl for the music because, Damn, that'd be badass.

Anyways. What if it's just called Copperhead Road. That's, again, I'm all for making Steve Earl all the money in the world, okay? Spencer, what do you get for Christmas? Besides a fantastic idea for an Ubisoft game that they won't make, um, I got, among other things, I got the seven samurai on DVD, like the Criterion Collection. Yeah, seven samurai, which is awesome because right after I got it, I was like, man, I'm going to watch it. And I saw a tweet that said, Bob Odenkirk needs to appear in every movie and say the part where they go, you know what, we need, we need seven samurai for this job.

Like, he's that guy, and I agree. I think Bob Odenkirk should be in every movie. And so now I'm just going to be waiting through Akira Kurosawa's cinematic, classic, waiting for Bob Odenkirk to show up and go, we're going to need seven samurai so i got that got a couple of uh i got some so i got a lot of really good solid candy as well and my kids got me a mug that said i hate mornings so according to my sons i'm garfield you're speaking of garfield do you want to tell them what i got you because i think it's great it broke which it's okay we're getting a new one i'm very sad about it's okay we're getting a new one it broke immediately which is very

funny. Ryan knows about this because Ryan and I had an extended conversation over whether or not I should get this for Godfrey. I'm terrible at exact wording. So you're going to have to help me with exact wording on the coffee cup. This is a mug with a photograph of Garfield in a cowboy, a photograph, a drawing of Garfield in a cowboy hat. And the mug says underneath it in the Garfield font, I don't know if I'm going to get to heaven because they never let cowboys in. positing the existence of some desperado garfield universe so ryan and if i recall correctly ryan keep me honest here we settled on giving this to spencer because it kind of looks like him it looked like spencer correct spencer is cowboy garfield and his sons have now confirmed that

yeah yeah also cowboy garfield is a playable character in copperhead road dude you know the list of people who are going to be playable in copperhead road right Frank Beamer's dad playable character in copper head road young Frank Beamer playable character in Copperhead Road Barry Switzer I'm just going to make Barry Switzer an uncillable

playable playable character in Copperhead Road Just That's totally different from real life Yeah flat and Scruggs flat and scrugs are going to be in the game mini Pearl's going to be in the game and she's going to have the DDT is her power move Yeah she triggers it by pulling down on the tag on her hat

but nobody is a better playable character than cowboy garfield no listen man cowboy garfield killed eight men in murfrews furrow cowboy garfield is the squirrel girl of this universe correct yeah that's right friends with galactus just like squirrel girl there is important football news to get to and um but first we have to talk about ancient fried chicken because i think that is the most important story love that chicken from pompey no really nobody i'm mostly i'm waiting like 36 hours to say that i was going to say i'm impressed that you've been i know you've been sitting on that for the entirety of this recording okay sorry the other one i was sitting on was Vesuvianna fast.

I like your first choice better. All right, all right. I do. God, that was disappointing. Ancient snack stall uncovered in Pompeii, revealing bright frescoes and traces of 2,000-year-old

street food. It's a hell of a headline, CNN. Archaeologist of Pompeii, the city buried in a volcanic eruption in 79 AD. you're not down with your Pompeii knowledge have made the extraordinary find of a frescoed hot food and drink shop that served up the ancient equivalent of street food to roman passerby known as a termopoleum latin for hot drinks counter the shop was discovered in the archaeological parks

regio five site which is not yet open to the public traces of the 2 000 year old food in some of the found in some of the deep terracotta jars contained hot food that the shopkeeper lowered into a counter with circular holes. The main fresco on the front, this is what we're geeked about, shows a chicken. It has two ducks hanging upside down, but it's got a chicken right there on the front. Pompei had a chicken scene, y'all. There's also a dog on a leash, which is sad. I think the leash is what makes it sad.

I'm just too busy imagining church's chicken spelled with V's. what's wrong with what's wrong with what's wrong i mean what's wrong with telling people like hey you can bring your dog but you got to control it because like we got good chicken here the dogs love i don't think that's why would it be on the leash then because it's on the it's on the menu board next to the chicken and the two ducks no it's not no no so you think that sign is saying okay okay welcome here i think i think it's saying leash your dog yeah i like church is chicken a lot because this is literally before church yeah oh oh wait wait wait one more one more packs piece that I think that they were like well I mean think about it this is this is a

well-established script we got it we learned it from them you know they conquered us but damn this chicken's good sorry I have thought about nothing else since I saw this story my right is a Roman citizen to get a two piece with a biscuit and some red beans and rice it's fantastic i do not let i do by the way i don't know if that's a dog but if it isn't that means that it's a dog it's a dog i don't know man oh thank god another episode there's this three it's on a leash yeah spencer doesn't know what a dog is i mean this is if that's that's a terrifying looking dog it's ancient rome they didn't have time to invent

Poodles yet. Somebody's just walking around with this hellbeat? Yeah. What do you think dogs were for? Flavius? I don't know what kind of demonic dogs you have on that. But I'm feeling it.

Delicious texture. Yeah, dogs weren't for, I mean, they probably were sailors at this time, but dogs at this time were not made to put in sailor suits and have their toenails painted. I mean, I don't know that. I think the leash is what makes it sad Because this wasn't some dog they found

Someone This is like bring your own B-Y-O-D Hey listen You get that dog in line honey Or I'm gonna have to take it down to the fry shop Take him down to the what's it called the termitorium Yeah we're gonna have to take it down To the permatermatorium

Jesus what I like is that it's actually Kind of like a hot food bar Because it's got all these holes where they're like They kept jars here with the food in it We're back to Luby's. Yeah, it kind of is a Luby's. It is crazy how... Luby's Cafetorium.

It's so well preserved, it seems fake, right? Like, it looks like a reconstruction. But this is just, thanks to the volcano, this is what they left for us. You could walk in there right now, put on an apron, and start serving up piles of duck, if you wanted. Yeah, like, I'm pretty sure I've seen this chicken photo on coasters at William Sonoma. I just like the idea that because I don't know about you but the Popeyes around us I have now established which people really are magicians on the friar like which you're talking about the one on Monroe yeah like but yeah the one on or sorry moreland moreland yeah the one on moreland whoever works that friar is just a magician just a genius when the Popeyes is open because that is the Popeyes that is sometimes just closed yeah like a Tuesday on like five o'clock they'll just be closed I this used to be my Popeyes it used to be the one like directly down the street from my house and

it was it was about 60-40 as to whether or not it would be open on a given day always worth it when it was it has it is it is the Popeyes that has the single largest concentration of pure Popeyes chaos energy yeah both in the positive and the negative this means there was a day

when someone went to the Pompeii chicken stand and they said you want mild or spicy yeah oh shit and he said spicy and God said it's going to be and God said surprise me yeah it's gonna be about 12 seconds it's gonna be about 15 for spicy and they say okay i'll wait and there he waits damn it's spicy it's gonna be about 76 ad for spicy there's just some there's some figures sitting in herculaneum's like caves full of like you know people killed by

the ash who's just clinging on to like his three piece like i'm going out with it man just like this this good oh this good shit right here oh that's good i got a dive Let's get this down first. Come on. Finally, somebody in this town knows how to season a chicken. Turch is Maximus. Damn, you're a sorcerer. These pictures revealed me that I could not be an archaeologist because I would have been too tempted like when they came to take the photos to hide in the background like a photo of, I don't know, like Ed Asner or a baseball player.

Like one of those were like, oh, he came to this place. Oh, wow. That's so cool. Here's Ed Asner, eating duck at this fucking, yeah. Larry King. Like hanging up a framed,

a framed portrait of him at the restaurant. Yes, exactly. Yes. Yeah. You'd be like, damn, Bourdain got here first, too. Wow. God.

Frazier Crane himself. It's weird. Kelsey Grammer, nothing like Fraser Crane. Totally different guy. It's wild. He did love his fried Roman dog, though.

Larry King is the one to pick because that's also the one old enough but you're like, maybe, who's to say? You could probably put a portrait of the Apostle Paul there. He did, she was in the area at one point. With Larry King. With Larry King. That's right. Arm and arm. My good friend. And Larry King

tweeted out of him, he said, have you ever known anyone who got murdered? And Paul says, yes. But there's a twist. Yeah, I didn't meet him. It didn't stick, though. I didn't meet him until he was already murdered. And Larry King, yeah. King, ask Paul about luxuries. Larry, I spread the gospel.

These days, they say you do need a private plan for that. That's true. Yeah. Paul is, Paul is, by the way, original poster. Like legendary. Oh, man. The very online. Yeah. Our most online apostle. God. God's the keyboard. Yeah. That's for entire Reddit.

Mods are away. Paul Paul Here's what Paul was the mod and the blogger That's right Hey sorry first blog got deleted Had to start a second one over here Please ignore

And it's just all out of order too His shit's not reverse cron No Yeah Paul's the original guy is like I have no expertise in this area However here's a 14 page epistle On this

If you actually read First Corinthians at the bottom There's a bunch of outbrain links 18 celebrities You'd never believe what they look like now and he's got ghost writers he didn't want to but like half that shit wasn't even him time has not been kind to solomon um i wanted to i would actually really love sorry i would actually really love an outbrain link or like an outbrain type company that just said things like

you'll never believe what doubting thomas looks like now it's listening to podcast in hell other shrouds with interesting faces. It's number 15 will wow you. Wow. Wow. It's very Kaye Maxwell Olson on a shroud. That's amazing. Can you get your own shroud? No, that's the shroud of Tulum, common mistake. Oh, any, any, any, any, washcloth is a shroud. No, I mean, like, will someone custom make a shroud for you?

Yes, but you have to do it like, um, airbrush style like at the New Jersey Shore or something. and uh i want to go classier than that you want a class murder beach go to fucking bush gardens williamsburg then all right hmm the class you're anywhere that's the classiest place they can think of off the top of upload a photo and have a shroud sent to me find custom shroud graphics thanks custom making nope i'm so glad you're back teespring tea spring has sells them weird all all i am hearing is business opportunity on etsy you can buy a complete burial shroud kit for 120 dollars oh because like eco burials are in right yeah think so this is one of those things yeah no i have actually i had a friend who did the whole like uh

like eco burial thing had a friend that's fun yeah i did no it's lovely it's it's it's absolutely lovely like but you but jason you want a living shroud i assume like a ghost you want like a snuggie wait wait no no i want to do you want to do you want a shroud for use at and after your death, or do you want, like, a shroud you can hang up now and be like, hey, that's me? Yeah, I want a, I want a faux blood print that looks like it's been unearthed.

I see. Okay. Yeah. I mean, wearing a shroud, that's like, I'll get a pillowcase. Can I get one that's just of Purdue Pete's face? Yeah. Oh, he already comes standard on a number of shrubs.

He is risen. Yeah. He is risen, and we wish he was not. We wish you would be significantly less risen. Please, please stop, sir. Please stop praying for Pistol Pete. He's grown too strong, and the tasers don't work on him anymore. Are you suggesting Purdue Pete and Pistel Pete are brothers in the Pete family?

Yeah, their last name's Pete. Right. Yeah. Okay. They are. One went and got his degree, and the other decided to make wells with dynamite for a living. That's a very Simon and Simon kind of backstory. If they're not brothers, then it's possible.

they are husbands but regardless they're unquestionably family their last name is pete pistol and peru pete both playable characters in copperhead rod yes not peru he's that's like he's absolutely a playable character he's got a huge hammer and a in a mean face down at phoenix city a wild casino berg of the piedmont remember when you're when you say hey has any city have ever had to be taken over by the feds because the whole thing was mobbed up yeah phoenix city alabell y'all i used to live directly across the river from phoenix city phoenix city was wild yeah phoenix city sits right on the georgia bama border for those of you who don't know it is the alabamian counterpart to columbus georgia it's the anti-columbus

not as anti-columbus as columbus would like to think i have a feeling state lines used to mean way more oh they did especially back when uh one side was dry and one side was not Yeah, like when you could just go over and be like, oh, man, I can't do anything. He walked over to Alabama. That's like a totally different country over there. Now it's like, no, we'll just follow you. We'll just go and get you. You can't hide over there.

Has anyone, by the way, as anyone actually watched a bowl game? One, yeah, parts of them. But, yeah, I watched our coast. not our beach chickens yeah yeah i i looked in on the beach chickens but for the most part that game depressed me i did watch the beach chickens versus um you know liberty i think that game was great because he frees looked really stupid so i don't i'm i don't need to acknowledge the uh outcome only to you know he frees looked really dumb yeah it was it was really the outcome on the scoreboard that I was objecting to.

Also, Coastal Carolina's wide receivers were held on two straight plays. Yeah. Yeah. Little handsy there, Liberty. Yeah, leave room for the Lord, Liberty. That was close. Can't believe this is happening on Ian McCaw's watch. Why, is he done something bad before?

No, I just meant he's familiar with places that frown on dancing. Ah, that's right. Actually, that is weird because the worst, uh single like red zone finish i have ever seen prior to the game between coastal carolina and liberty also featured also baptister baler yeah also featured uh an employer of ian macaw featured baylor university and uh head coach kevin steel who i know went on to no major jobs after that because that was when baler trying to win its first game against its first game in like i can't remember how many games like 20 or 30 games like they were on

a on a ferocious losing streak uh and i believe it was baler i believe it was 1999 was it was and it was against someone bad too rice unlv it was like un lv man yeah it was like the worst possible yeah it was it was 1999 and baler was leading 24 20 and baler had the ball and this was with six minutes left or no it was i'm sorry much less time than that they were trying to run out the clock with less than 20 seconds left and rather than take a knee they handed it off and uh he fumbled and then a unelv player ran the ball all the way back all the way back for a game-winning touchdown, 27-24. And then, like I said, Kevin Steele, never got a job again.

This is one of those stories where this is not the point, but it is helpful for me to remember how much of conferences are a social construct. Like, Baylor, playing U.N.L.V., just, you know, like they normally did. Because this is what we used to think of Baylor as. And then all of a sudden, Anne Rice, et cetera, decided that they were not not an arise

Jesus Christ I love this vampire backstory the vampire list out went to Baylor I mean that's the Baylor vampire bears we gave him too much Dr. Pepper and turned him into a vampire they're also playable characters yeah oh yeah that's the where

panthers of Territ County Vampire Bear versus Cowboy Garfield Points. Vampires and Baptist neither of can show a lot of skin outside. Hey! That's, this quote from Kevin Steele, by the way,

that's incredible, which is, it was just stupid on my part. We were trying to create an attitude of toughness, and we tried to hammer it in. How's he doing, by the way? How's he doing? Pension Quest.

I think, so I think, someone who has overseen the ending of a game that accumulated that much bullshit, I think I see why Auburn likes this guy. That is a man comfortable with diving into bad ideas and chaos, and that is what you need to succeed at Auburn. Sure. After Sam Neal's character from Event Horizon turned the job down.

Yeah. I've got my eyes on other jobs. I'm happy where I am. We're building something here on the event. We're recruiting. Do you see how pretty this town is? Yeah, it's lovely, it's beautiful.

I do, I do really, it is a bummer. You know what, it is a bummer, but like, I can't, Coastal's so cool this year that, like, I didn't even realize that their offense was, was called the Teal Team 6 offense. Teal Team 6. not enough players guys it's not enough players

it's all we need that that just this is a lesson to every football program lean in lean into it whatever it is what you guys have teal uniforms damn right it's teal teal cooks teal's awesome

lean in would also be good advice to liberty on the goal line yeah lean don't hesitate lean one way or the other don't just stand there Don't just stand there. And when we say that, we are, of course, making fun of the coaches who oversaw that situation. It's ultimately their fault because Hugh Freeze.

Had a little bit of a pillar assault situation. Don't look back. Yeah. No, this is on the coaches because they couldn't figure out how to take a knee, right? That doesn't speak well of them. That's, yeah, exactly. Since when does the Christian school have a problem taking a knee? Ain't y'all been at chapel?

Yeah. Seems simple enough. Don't be between one thing or another. Do not be lukewarm for the Lord will spit you out or more appropriately the ball into the hands of Coastal Carolina who really, really could have won the game. Did.

Did. You know what? Did. Well, let's give them that. 12 and 0, congratulations. We just decided you won. We're not giving that to Liberty. Wait, it actually is, I've decided it actually is funnier if Coastal has decided,

fuck the ball game. We're counting the loss. and we're calling ourselves national champs yeah doesn't matter yeah yeah who says they got to go undefeated we as well bama has lots of titles with one loss we used to award the national championship before bulls before the bulls were even played right that's right that so there's there's a historical basis go look how many I think it's it's something like 15 power conference teams claim titles from years in which they lost ball games why can't also do that I'm also reminded that I I seem to

recall in previous years when when we always have extended discussions about how we would revamp the bowl system if we ran the zoo i seem to remember a strong consensus even before uh this weird ass backward upended year for returning to the system of the 60s and 70s where everyone where they're all just invitationals that's what they are now like this is we were i i feel i have a very strong memory that i can't pull from directly god did one of y'all write this i can't remember but i seem to remember a discussion that we've all had previously in which we're like yeah returning to this system would be fine and save everyone a lot of yelling i think the two ideas i always come back to is one i blogged with godfrey

which was if we want to do playoff then save the bowls by moving them all to week one which that would rule for a lot of reasons the other is yeah yeah i mean that would then then you get both best of both worlds week one's awesome and then you get to play all the bowls in warm weather Which is, you know, more places can have bowls that people actually want to go to. There's that. And then if I was in charge, we'd do a big old bullshit bowl season. 80 bowls, fine. 800 bowls, keep them coming.

But then there would be one extra bowl at the very end. After all the bowls, that's title game. And if, like, for some reason, number two team doesn't want to play in it or whatever, great. Number one, we don't even have to have it. Number one team is the national champ. I encourage Coastal to play another bowl game. Mm-hmm. they want to there's time yeah just call san jose state there's certainly space

music city ball just had a just had an opening today oh shit what happened missouri uh has 20 some covid cases and will not be attending don't call missouri call iowa that's right call army yeah i was gonna say army keeps getting knocked out we got to get army back in there let army play let san jose state you know and then call yourselves national teams to be like hey listen we had a tough we had a tough loss versus liberty a couple things didn't go our way it's a good team but i don't think we're out of contention yet i i will say if you play army the tl team six thing will be a little bit yeah yeah you might want to dial that sorry you call yourself what so i would like to know when technically the before you get some emails that's navy

i know but and coastal carolina coastal carolina by name and by definition does lay claim to the sea that's now that's more of a privateer these are these are merchant marines right sure wait no merchant marines are something different pirates are we talking about pirates privateers sir please this is so if fcs is playing in the spring which i haven't even is that still happening i don't even know it is i believe yeah okay i'm literally wearing an fcs team shirt right now like like the playoffs are scheduled for april i think that's fucking stupid i hate that they should get it done well before the draft that's like

I just want FCS players drafted but why can't Coastal just roll into that just show up just keep going just try and go like what can they go 20 something in one that's a national champ record that's fair I'm looking forward to some Montana team playing in a foot and a half of snow on the field and loving it again

again yeah like even like even worse like what is it August that's I'm just wondering what effective plays you have there, right? Could you actually scoot someone along? Like, hey, listen, we're just going to use you as a toboggan. We'll get, we'll get there.

This field's got a crown on it. It's downhill from the 40 to 50. Yeah. Listen, the thermopoleum's open. You guys are playing, all right? That's right. That man, Tertius Maximus has been making chicken for the whole team for 2,000 years. Oh, speaking of Roman food, I looked up a, found a fact from our, our, our,

boys, the Pliny's. Pliny, the elder, describes the manufacturer of cheese and its quality and culinary uses, it has, according to Pliny, dietary and medicinal uses

in the Roman Empire. Pliny, you are so sage. These folks were rubbing cheese on it. Give me some of that backteen cheese. I'd be dead. Now, hold on, hold on. This is a prescription He'd be dead for so many other reasons.

Just shoot it in my neck, Doc. Shoot it right in my heart. Well, you can eat it, or it can be taken as a suppository. That'd be like suppository. That's so redundant cheese going up your butt. Just straight. It confuses the body. Muscle confusion, but with cheese.

We got our, well, we got you on a queso IV. I like that for so long in human history medicine was basically like the six-year-olds approach to things which is yeah what did what did I just do that made me feel better or got me sick whatever the thing that just happened was oh I feel a little bit better today you know what it was the cheese I had for breakfast therefore you should do that too that's right put it in the book Jesus Medicine. Yeah, there was, I forget the name of the Roman physician, big quote-fingers physician, but for literally like a thousand years, a scientist or a doctor or whatever would say like,

hey, this, this worked pretty well. And they're like, nope, nice try. That's not what the book says. Like, it was borderline illegal to come up with good medical ideas because they'd be like, you idiot, read the book. Nope, sorry. We treat that with Toblerone. A thing we just invented.

the guy like the guy who came up with hand washing is being an essential like thing to do to prevent people from dying in hospitals because doctors would just put their hands like from one sick person to another or they would do an autopsy and just roll out and be like yeah give me a sandwich it's fine i had cheese don't worry about it yeah i interviewed a woman last week for this other podcast that i'm working on and this woman's mother is a VA nurse in i forget where anyway this woman's mother is a vian nurse and has described even since covid started having to put her body between uh surgeons trying to come in who didn't scrub their hands during a fucking pandemic yeah so what i'm saying is uncles are everywhere yeah yeah but that guy went insane because he was like no listen i've done all the math and i've done the data run the data and i've done observations and i just this works y'all and doctors response wanted to it by being like whimp who washes their hands listen man the cheese industry pays us good all right don't fuck this up for me all right i go to three cheese conventions a year on their dime just rub some camemberar on your hands it'll be fine why is my corrupt doctor voice the uncle voice that'll be great uncle doctor uncle doctor uncle doctor doctor doctor doctor doctor doctor doctor Dr. Uncle Spencer Hall The secret final boss

Of Copperhead Road Oh You know that You know It's Uncle Doc This boss is to him Uncle Doc He's a bad man

He'll beat you to death With his magical frying pan It's cast iron He wields it like a club You boys running cheese You're talking cheese? Speaking of cheese Speaking of cheese.

Speaking of planting the seeds of brilliant ideas, yeah. Speaking of lucrative cross-state investment opportunities that, you know, wink, wink might not be apparent to prionize acorns.com slash fullcast. No, if the government needs to know, then you should, you should tell them. I was going to say, are you saying it's illegal? No, it's totally legal. It's the most legal thing I know of, in fact, completely above word acorns.com. slash fullcast what is it why it's the country's leading saving and investing app it's incredibly easy listeners have been glued to their seats as my humble acorn pile has arisen from a mere five dollars to

ninety two dollars and fifty six cents wow outrageous the market is hundred dollars yeah the market is uh it's hitting what is that uh almost the whole percent gain uh over this time span what have you yeah man it's it's it's easy it takes nixon and dimes out of your purchases, you can also set to kick in an automatic amount. I just do a little $5 a week. And yeah, with the bars going up, let's see, there's somewhere in here where you can set like what you're on pace for, and if I live to be, if I live to be, if I make it to like 90 or something like that, I'm set, man.

I got well over six figures in my Acorns account at that point. Yeah, it's very easy. And for persons like me, E-C, it's very important as far as the financials go. Acorns.com slash full cash. You get a $5 bonus when you sign up. It takes three minutes. And then you just look at it like once a week. The market is magic.

You know who didn't have it? Roman doctors, idiots. Roman doctors. Fucking not a single pliny. See, if you were Tertius Maximus, sorcerer of the Pompeii Deep Friar, what he would have done is he would have taken. his chicken fortune

invested in it into acorns and he would have become the crassus of his time. This makes me sad because then if he had invested that money in acorns he could have retired and got out of Pompeii before the fucking volcano or all his money would have been

safe in his phone which means all his money is online and his money is not on his body that is being covered by a volcano and soot. So loose your money from your flammable body and get it in your phone is what i'm saying acorns dot com hey acorns if you want to borrow that slogan that one's free overcome overcome the weakness of the flesh shuffle off this mortal

coil the thrifty way lose your money from your flammable body yeah keep your bodies are flammable but investments investments only catch fire when the market's hot yeah that's the right kind of flammable Speaking of cooking, I wanted to shout out one person who, yeah, there are a bunch of kind of like absolute bummer, bummer bowls that just, we just couldn't really bring ourselves to watch. But there is one, one person who deserves all of the shouts out in the world. Camera peoples of App State, camera people's had a good year. He rushed for a thousand yards this year. how he got there uh kind of interesting because he's had games uh where you know he was steady had a hundred yards against charlotte he had 178 against coastal and uh the 34 23 loss of the chance

it wasn't his fault you know he had 99 against a good raging cajuncans team he was solid it's been solid all year but in the bowl game against north texas in the myrtle beach bowl out in the Myrtle Beach Bowling in Texas Cameron People's rush for 317 yards Yeah he rushed for 317 yards against North Texas This is where I go

Hey isn't North Texas Is the North Texas's defense bad? Yeah it's real bad But you still have to run 317 yards If they're going to give it to you And you got to go You got to do them all you got to take every bit of that and get five TDs

at the same time so you know what they gave it to you and you took it Cameron shouts out to you that's beautiful man pride of Lineville Alabama you think they call him Peeples because he ran for three people's worth of yards

he did right he ran listen man he he rushed for 317 yards in Myrtle Beach I'm going to go ahead and pause it that's the furthest anyone has ever run in the town of Myrtle Beach. Well, unless they're, you know, running from the, uh, the cheese industry, uh, law man. The cheese cops?

Unless they've been running cheese through Myrtle Beach. It's the most exercise anyone's ever done at Myrtle Beach. I don't even think they make it that far. The cops just put their hands on their hips and they're like, we'll get to you. The cheese cop. Yeah. Because the cheese cops are in with the cheese docks. cheese cops

eating a lot of cheese I'm just going to say the cheese cups yeah they're going to be winded they're not going to go oh so full so full of all this medicine

we also have speaking of cheese speaking of cheese I fucking hate this oh boy yeah this is I just I don't know if anybody

who works at Twitter listens to this show but if you could like put a checkbox in the settings where i could just turn off all scott walker food photos that would be lovely like i don't want to see him anymore it's always bad misleading about a civic event it's like yeah it's always bad and i hate it are you are uh are you uh like me in that you were triggered by the uh by the appearance of this of this pizza into thinking about Scott Walker's veggie pizza? Correct. Yes. Okay. Correct. Well, it's, it's catch it's not just that Scott Walker said, hey. Who's Scott Walker first of all? Because it's not like people know anymore. He's a former governor of Wisconsin. Absolutely. And the first person to drop out of the 2016 Republican primary. Yeah. So that's all his fault. Yeah, pretty much. Quitter. Yeah. Like he dropped, but yeah, he dropped out real early when people were, saying things to him like you look like a fish person probably because he had to eat food on the campaign

trail and he was like can you make it more melty and gross they're like yeah this is a hot dog you know there are people who are very gifted at taking photos of of food on instagram to make it look absolutely sumptuous and then there's the opposite of that scott walker who could take a picture of a meal at the french laundry and make it look like cat vomit he's like if vincent Dinoffreo's character from men in black decided to be a food Instagrammer. Yeah. Oh, delicious sugar water for a

Scott today. He's wearing a people suit. That's absolutely right. Bread and cheese. Veggie pizza at the lake. This is every Republican politician, though, right? Yeah, but Scott Walker's You'll see John Corny's brisket? Yeah, the man with the

Plato firewood. Yeah. But Scott Walker's, well, wait, we haven't gotten to the part where Scott Walker's particular pizza gram this time was special. Yeah, because. And that it was a classic. Yeah, because he said, oh, yeah, it's a great pizza. It's a picture of a, I mean, he makes it look like shit, even though he's not the one taking it, right?

I just assumed that his presence. The pizza is at least identifiably pizza, unlike his veggie pizza. Yeah. But it's not just that, the pizza that he was like, hey, we're a great pizza. Let's support local restaurants. just tweeting this like you know like on christmas uh and it's not that it's that scott walker used a photo of a pizza that he had eaten a year earlier and just cropped it he's cropped everybody out of it so that his friends were right his friends my friends are all here laughing and having

a good time just out of frame just out of frame also the significant pieces of legislation i passed uh are also here just out of frame laughing and having a good time yeah he just Just cropped all, like this is, this is worse than the time he had a bunch of undercooked and improperly cooked meats on shish kebab, right? A bunch of kebabs on his grill. So grilling out and there's like a visibly raw chicken in the middle. Yeah, next to onion that won't cook for another, you know, 10 minutes. But you know, I like my chicken raw because I'm barely human. Chicken!

I blame his parents. Is it possible It is the same pizza It just had a lot of preservatives in it Wow Like a McDonald's hamburger at a bunker Yeah Like a Pompeii pizza

Yeah He's eating Twinkie pizza A pom pizza I just like the Pompega Pompay johns Oh my god the pompadia The original

The original Little Caesars Berm A Vesuvius this was hot and ready man it's ready to go yeah i just like the brain slop that goes into maybe i did eat the same pizza tonight but i forgot to take a photo of it hmm you know who's gonna have a good photo of that food me the archival like he's just in his brain tag he's just like photo of pizza pizza how do i people how do i people you know it's going to be really cool is when uh Mike Pence is out of the White House first

fall. That's going to be really cool. The part that's going to be really cool is when he becomes a food poster. Can you imagine? He's going to run lapsed around even these milk toast-ass Republicans. This man's going to be taking photos of like unbuttered bread.

I leave my Arby's out for several hours just to make it unspicy. Just to cure it, just to air pure it. Like the pilgrim. did like the pilgrims did yeah i like rb's jerky i leave it on my dashboard for several hours cordon style that that shit that shit looked like shoelaces covered in molten crayon like it wasn't even ketchup that wasn't quite the color for it it was neon

case you don't know about tech i love that he's like you know texas in case you didn't know a lot of you don't know this is a tradition in texas and his mentions are all people from Texas being like I hate you this is garbage I hate you daddy you can't cook he's got silly putting on beef turkey it's like congealed it looked like one of those cooking I left these Twizzlers in a tub for seven hours it looked like I would say it looked like one of those top chef challenges where they're like with a child as your partner go to a convenience store and this using only the ingredients in that convenience store your ingredients are crayons and bark yeah well this is brisket is it just i don't want to see anything else so this is brisket

what have you done i just don't want to see scott walker's food anymore it's I already know if Scott Walker were to ever invite me over for a meal. I would just say no. That's not like I get it. Listen, just be glad he didn't turn to erotic photography because you'd never have sex again. After looking at what he photographed. Why would your brain go there? Scott Walker's food photos are so bad that I imagine at Lunchables HQ, they pass him around being like, see, we're fucking killing it.

Look at this guy. We're crushing him. He was a governor. Yeah, whatever the Mendoza line is for processed food, they just have a picture of his face up on the wall at like Nabisco. I'm just going to say this, man. Excellent work, Governor Lunchable. I mean, this is so bad that even people from the Midwest have to be like, dude.

Dude. I wanted to go on Bake Off for one episode. Just one episode. And then we will bake him off So I'm adding the pencil shavings in this emulsion They fit well when I am going to make this trefo You mean trifle It's full, no, it's treeful

It's full of trees Full of trees Fill it with trees, eat it It is of nature I am a man of the woods God I'm glad he sucks and has no job speaking again of cheese yeah focus let's focus let's focus let's focus

turns segues on point cheese it bowl that's a fucking triple axle Ryan way to go yeah cheese it bowl back we got our first power five versus power five matchup of the year now how canon is this cheese at bowl because this is the Russell athletic champ sports camping world

Mazda blockbuster lineage. I don't love it. I'm not going to lie. I don't feel totally comfortable with it. What do y'all think? I don't know. I mean, I guess, how about this? We did not love the Cheez-It Bowl until it became the Cheez-It Bowl.

On this very program, we were skeptical of Cheez-It waiting into college football, and then we saw what it delivered in Cal TCU, its first edition, at which point we loved the Cheez-It Bowl. So perhaps we could give it a chance. I will like it. as long as it is sloppy and bad right it is a bowl games might gendie an unprepared team because you know like right before the game something going wrong in Orlando I will say the only the only pause I have with it is that I think the teams in the Alamo Bowl have more cheese at potential if this was

Texas versus Colorado in the cheese at bowl like fuck that's like the moon and the kind of it's like the moon in that we're not too sure about it yes in the shady confines

of the Alamo dome yeah Indiana Ole Miss is definitely the most cheese at bowl of the year though you think so I mean both those teams all they do is like 70 yard play oh cool for who

it's no time here comes another one shut up your phone it's fine how's the game going to end is it going to be normal Indiana Ole Miss I think Lake Kiffin's coaching without underwear on how do you know he just told me I think that's going to be another one that's like how do we tell people what they're watching you don't like when they walk in and they go

oh god what is there's what do we tell them at the same time there's Kentucky-NZ-State for Normies. You know what? Remember, the gag is that, you know, NC State has to finish eight and four. Their record going into this game against a four-and-six Kentucky team is eight and three. Put the mortgage on Kentucky.

Put the whole tank, put the college fund on Kentucky. Here's how you know the Outback Bowl is unholy this year. Ole Miss and Indiana have never played each other in a football game. Not once. There's probably a good reason for that. Through millennia of human history, we have avoided Old Miss Indiana as a football matchup, but not this year.

That we know of. That we know of. That's true. That'll be the next thing they unearthed in Pompeii. Records were very shaken. So it is Christmas and what have we done? Holy shit, we found a mummified Cayley. They had a grove at Pompeii.

Look at this. This is, no one is. She's got a little jewel still clenched between her lips. Her whole left leg is a flask! These were obviously advanced, intelligent people. A powerful culture. Flask is full of cheese. Doctor's orders.

She could deadlift 900 pounds. What's become of us as a species? Once we were great when we were Kaylee.