Shutdown Fullcast - What If Your Boat Loved Carrots: Betting College Football’s 2024 Unders

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Kenny Rogers real estate, roasted Orcas are back! Don’t see them? Look under your boat! A historical trip down Kicking Horse River The crew spends an afternoon in the Hades Club, finding unders to hammer next season Spencer debuts a horrific new voice A ten- minute grocery store episode erupts about halfway through here A high-stakes episode of podcast business Anointing ourselves lifelong Kansas Jayhawks fans An exciting new promo opportunity for Gus Johnson This week's theme song arranged and performed by Wes Hunt Follow Jason's work and upcoming book-related appearances on Vacation Bible School, Shutdown Fullbooks, and elsewhere at jasonkirk.fyi Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at channel-6.ghost.io, if you dare Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcasts, We're Not All Like This and Buried Treasure, wherever finer podcasts are placed Purchase only the finest merch at sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I was telling the house, two doors down from us got condemned. I heard that. What, um, did it, uh, was it on fire or was it, was it cursed or haunted or what? Only in the blaze of time. Yeah, neglect. I think the fire of time got to this house. It also probably what looks to be some form of bankruptcy and or abandonment. I don't know.

It's an expensive piece of real estate. Haunted by bankruptcy. Listen, if you want to start a doomed Instagram account, grab that sucker and start showing us your rehab process. That's good. That's a good tumbler, too. I think I'd just call it luxury bandos of Atlanta. That's it. Luxury bandos of Atlanta.

That would probably work. Yeah, and you'd be like, yeah, this shit is worth $8 million and no one's lived in it for seven years. And here's what you do. then you charge people to take photos while standing in front of it oh yeah see yeah Kenny Rogers house is one of those Kenny Rogers had some sort of horrendous estate situation and his house which was a house he owned in north Atlanta stood abandoned for a really long time so long that it came it became one of those urban explorer targets for those accounts So somebody is walking through this and I'm watching either on Instagram Reels or on TikTok and they're like, yes, we're playing the same eerie music, the same stock music that we play when we tour Chernobyl and like the effect is completely ruined when you get about a minute and a half into it.

And they're like, this home belonged to Kenny Rogers. Kenneth Rodgers. Kenneth the gambler Rogers. Let's see here. Let's see what his full name was. Nope, it's just Kenny Rogers. Doesn't get any scarier than that. Was he a birth, Kenny? Wikipedia is not giving me a middle name here.

And he was not Kenneth. He was Kenny. It just says Kenny. All right. According to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, his name with Kenneth Ray Rogers. Kenny Ray. Kenny Ray, get your ass back in that haunted mansion. You got chicken to cook, Kenny Ray.

Kenny Ray. Why don't Wikipedia list your middle name, Kenny Ray? Are you shamed who you are? The long line of Ray middle name guys. People used to play at this very backgammon table. His dad's middle name was Floyd, so he don't come from a long line of Ray's. My son Sugar Ray is never going to be like me. You'll see.

We got two presets down here. The pop singer? Sugar Ray and Vinegar Floyd. That's it. There's two kinds of men. that's it and the dichotomy of male personalities

can either be Sugar Ray or old vinegar Floyd that goes for all genders right we're doing the name episode again that's just humanity yes we have we have far too much to offer including the fact

that the whales are at it again are they yes it's hot whale summer our liberators have have returned what it was a it was yacht owners that had to flee to an iceberg i believe is that right uh this is from the new york times so um really the new york times i think let themselves down here they're not narrating the boats plight enough here we're not seeing the boat story enough oh no

this was this was gibraltar gibraltar little toasty for an uh for an iceberg yeah uh two people were rescued on sunday after an attack by a group of orcas caused enough damage to sink their boat. It was the fifth such sinking in waters off the Iberian Peninsula and North Africa in recent years. By the way, our good class struggle allies, the Orcas of the Mediterranean, they had to kill this boat. Do you want to know why? I'm about to tell you. The name of the boat was the Albaran Cognac. You're done. You're You're done. They saw you coming and they were like, nah.

You got to name your boat like the Oliver Twist or something. And it's like, okay, that's fine. How cute. You can pass. You know, the Trotsky. Let them through. Oh, the peanut butter jelly. Go ahead.

What a cutie you are. Yeah. You know, you could even get away with some more whimsical moneyed names, right? Like, like weekend flip. Like, yeah, sure, let the weekend. Caviar Epper, you're getting sunk, buddy. Absolutely sunk. I feel like Weekend Flip is just a dare.

Yeah. Yeah, if you have like, if you have a something in its name, wage theft, right? Wage theft is going down. Weekend Flip could also be the name of your Instagram account where you try to rehab Kenny Rogers' old house, but you only have 48 hours to do it. You fail every time. Or you flip Kenny Rogers' trap house in 48 hours. Yeah.

Well, guys, couldn't pull it off yet again. Tune in next week for another episode of Weekend Flip. Hey, we got new shutters on this thing. That's right. Look at them. Realistically, the amount you could do to a house at 24 hours is so pathetically small by yourself. You're going Alex Jones before after meme. Yeah.

That's it. It's Alex Jones with the throw rug on him. We just hired Alex Jones to stand in front of it. He needs the money really badly. What did you do? I put 48 throw pillows all over the. this house. They are all now

rotted with mold, but... It's not an abandoned house. It's an abandoned ball pit. It's an abandoned home. The whole basement is moldy, disgusting balls. Kenny Rogers'

tennis courts never looked so cozy. Granted, you'll be eaten by wolves on the way out to it, but... That's how Kenny Ray wanted it. Kenny Ray call these wolves inside. God damn, I'm trying to play tennis. I told you you couldn't get a wolf unless you were going to take care of it.

Now you got 15 wolves. Trying to play the sport of real macho manly men. I've lost all touch with reality. My stardom has blinded me. All I do is play tennis, make chicken, and abandoned homes. The only place safe from the orifice. It's only, yeah, exactly. There I was on my abandoned yacht.

That would be pretty fucking dope way to live. If the orcas have their way, they're all going to be abandoned yachts. Yeah, brother. Ultimately, all yachts are abandoned. Long enough timeline, aren't they? What did you expect? Like, somebody on that boat probably was like, hey, so what's the name of this vessel?

They're like, it's the cognac. And you're like, ah, shit. So they should have called it, like, the Dr. Pepper Zero. They should have called it. The Doctor Thunder. Dr. Thubon. Mountain moon drops. That's all we can afford on this here vessel.

Water is fine. Yeah. It sure is. It should have been like, won't you like to try some more? Aldi brand soda. That's what it is. It's like Aldi's Hamburg refresher.

The name of this boat is, remember when Walmart had a soda machine that only cost a quarter? It's very long. Arby's four for seven back in my day it was five for five I actually I think it's four for ten oh my god take us now orcas

we're implying that the orcas by the way are just reading off the back of the I don't know why wouldn't they be we're stating it they've had enough time to study us they know our weaknesses the arcus are smart enough to track and attack yachts with some level of discrimination there's no reason to believe they can't read

at this point I'm just imagining them getting real close right like swimming up eyeballing it Murray this one seems

extra evil make passion fuck this guy I can't wait until this happens to like Bernie Eckleston or some F1 person

right why'd you why'd you miss the race and you're like ah I was attacked by whales I got gave my boat a name with too many adjectives.

Mm-hmm. So I had to go. Oh, hey, fellas, what we're talking about? Whales attacking yachts, of course. Yacht hurl summer! And abandoned homes. I mean... And Kenny Rogers.

And the intersection of all three of these things. Them yachts is fixing to be abandoned. Mm-hmm. Oh, you could just take that. I forgot. Good for them. You could just take what? What, the yacht that sunk?

Yeah. I mean, like, that's... James Cameron will go scoop it up for you. Yeah, that's right. Because, like, you can refloat a boat under circumstances you wouldn't really imagine boats were refloated. It's literally been flipped. Stop, elaborate. Oh, I mean, like, like, the conditions that you, in a car, you'd be like, ah, that thing's totaled.

Boats, people will be like, oh, my God, you know, we can refloat that. It's fine. It's only in 40 feet of water. How many times have you seen the Shogun finale? The Shogun finale is wild for that. oh my god where they're like yeah yeah yeah we'll get that to float again and then we'll sail it back to england we used to build things yeah now now whales is like about that now whales destroyed things yeah you did maybe that what if the orcas aren't like mad at the boats but they're just

trying to push us to make better boats what if this is their they're like QC and they're like Yacht sucks, not whale-proof, try, said back. So any vessel that crosses the ocean. Can we move them to land and put, can we move them to Seattle and put them on Boeing? Seriously, how much do you want to see a killer whale in the sky? Come on. A lot. A lot, right?

Yeah. Also, maybe they could do something about the people that are killing all the Boeing whistleblowers. The answer to which is clearly to kill those people. Right. You're just waiting in the parking lot of your like affordably priced hotel as the hit man, right? And you're like, yeah, it'll come here. I'll kill him. He's like the third or fourth one.

I don't know. I've lost contact, right? And you're like, maybe I'll just go by the hotel pool for a second. I like the idea that killer whales can appear in any body of water, no matter. Because this is what all that education in elementary school about the water table was four, right? You're like, oh, if you put this microplastic down the sea, it's eventually. could end up in the ocean. Ergo, anything that's in the ocean

could end up in your microplastic in your shampoo bottle. I'm a Boeing hitman. I just need to wash my face before this next jump. Oh, did the sink? Oh, my God. We're incredibly elastic.

That's a tiny whale. Or it's going to take a long time to get out of this spigot. Oh, my God. It's still coming. Tiny whale with the knife You're just You're like

You know what Being a hitman stressful I'm gonna play a quick 18 At this local Muni And oh Ball's a little close to the water There Ah

Yeah Hitman defeated by hit mammal The whales are also clever So I wouldn't be surprised If they were like You know You're the Boise You're the Boeing hitman

Maybe in Boise The Boise Hitman The Boise Mafia You get a letter That is like You have won a yacht And you're like, hooray. Time to sail.

Oh, God. It was a long play by the whales all along. That is no longer a fishing attack. That is now indeed a mammal attack. That's right. With a pH still, though. Jason, you want some ice? No, an orca will jump out of it.

I got one of those gel packs on my shoulder. I just just, what's chewing? Oh, God. I just realized that I've given all killer whales the power of Pennywise, but I'm not mad at it. I feel cat. I think they go headbutts still, though, like even when they're tiny. Not tail slap? Sure, sure, but yeah.

My mind really goes to Pokemon. They like unlock these attacks. Readers. Doug, who is on this call right now, who will be the first hero. to put together footage of the sinking yacht set to the whale slap song. You know what you're going to need? Insurance.

That's a zero pity proposition, though, when you come back into the marina. Pacific death insurance. You don't. What do you mean? What are you going back to the marina? Bitch you're going to the Red Cross helicopter at best. Well, right, but you're going to get back

and you'll have to go into the big marina in the sky. Why would you set foot in the marina? Yeah, why would you set foot in the marina after that? Get on a plane, bitch. Yeah, that's the farthest away you can get from whales and still be on Earth. You've got to get in the air. You've got to go climb some trees. They'll be waiting.

You've got to land at some point. Hello, I'm a ticket from my York Country, Nebraska. They're rarely seen cedar orcas. Sir, would you like a drink? No! Oh, my God, I just realized our bodies are made of water. Oh, no. It's in my suit.

this is uh you have to go talk to somebody eventually though from like the government or the coast guard right and they're going to be like what happened and you'll be like a whale ate my boat a piece of shit boat you know like you're looking you know you have to you don't want to look right at them when you say this but also you kind of have to because it's a business thing and they have to look I pity the insurance adjuster in this situation because they got to make a straight face at you for at least like a minute before they turn away to the foul cabinet. They're like, let me just say. Or they're French. It'd be hardest to talk to the Italian cops, though, because I just want to hear them say something like, Mhoho, signore eh ha.

Oh, smoking. Yeah, we smoke it. We smoke at sea constantly around open, flamed engines, and you're still in more danger than we are, and not as attractive. Wait, is it the Spanish cops or the Italian cops that are hot fascist. Spanish. Thank you. God, why can't I ever remember that? They have, they're the, I like that everybody knows that insulate. Yeah, hot fascist cops, but this is our only lore that I remember.

I need a, I need a mnemonic for it. All right, here's how you say a whale sunk my boat in Italian. Thank you. One balena, a fondato, la Mia barca. Wait, Ryan, can you say it one, can you say it like one phrase at a time and we can repeat it back to you? Accidenti. Accidenti. come on everybody what the fuck

a fondato a fondato la mia barca great you're now ready to go to Italy in your yacht you're like beautiful in the candlelight buddy tell everybody that you had the dumbest shit

ever happened to you at sea something that hasn't you might as well tell people that like ah the caribdis ate my boat you know that's some like literal like that's a biblical lie right but that is your it is literally like what a whale ate my boat yeah you know who's gonna believe you tequila derrick that's right that's it you don't have planes right i feel like that that's what i say if someone says a whale ate my boat i'm like well you know what you should probably

should have what were you doing out of your realm costo or jet ski frankly like i don't think a jet Jetskis are just taunting. Jet skis are just taunting the sea. Yeah. Like, I think, I think you could, I think you could successfully evaded. That's like running a leapblower just around the perimeter of their home. Jet ski across ocean time.

Oh, we've definitely done this before. There's that guy from Scotland. Do you think we need to start releasing dummy yachts into the ocean to distract the orcas so that our, our human yachts can get by? Oh, but what if we? okay but what is that just gonna train is that just practice yeah yeah okay here's here's my counterpoint what if we released uh dummy yachts into the straight of gibraltar but we made them delicious oh okay like what if we made them all out of like fish paste i like how we've just gone with spencer's ludicrous claim that the whales are eating the boats which is not what's

happening in this life i missed that part of the show and i assume that as well spencer's just saying that that's true when no one has claimed that in any way speak before. What does he know? I think we are training them to start eating the boats. Yeah, that was where my goal. We're going to spend billions of dollars to make Spencer

correct. I googled a jet ski across the ocean. One of the shitty Google AI responses where it just rips part of an article is, can you take a jet ski across the ocean? Certainly. I'm not reading any further. AI is so

ready to help you die. It's just trying to... Like, my God, someone from Florida's going to see that shit and we've lost it. Dr. Google said it was fine, honey. Let's go. It's illegal for the computer to lie to me. You're like, here's the ocean, right? Like a foot apart and like after a day of your journey when you're about to die,

you've made it like a centimeter. Not even. Not even. Can I deliver one... Like a whole day's journey. Can I deliver one upside to this killer AI situation? Mm-hmm. We are going to be raising the most distrustworthy of robots' generation in human history.

And that can only be to the good. Yeah, but that one in between is going to be spectacular. Oh, yeah, look what happened to Gen Hacks. Shit. It's had a lot. It's really going to affect the writing of future space operas, because if you need a malignant piece of AI to kill the entire crew, you won't have to do anything elaborate like go check on that thing outside no like all you have

to do now is they will be so google trained that on the discovery dave bowman will be like oh hey i need to go on a spacewalk and how will be like i just googled it you don't need to wear a helmet out there but rich is our food dave yeah 78 and sunny you could just pop the top and get out there motherfucker that or someone on TikTok explained very confidently you can now breathe glass I mean they pointed it up text boxes while they said it the text boxes were from Google AI yeah this guy he usually is rehabbing Kenny Rogers old house

but he has a lot of interesting thoughts about breathing in space and here's a reaction video to Kenny Rogers dying in space these three kids are really really delighted by it dude I've never seen Kenny die in space this is fucking awesome. Even though they've practiced their Kenny Rogers reaction video 12 times, and this is the one where they're coming the most possible surprise. So let's go with that one.

See, they're not like us because they're outside in space without helmets. Probably the only safe place for Drake to go right now. Yeah. Masterful plans, sir. Summer vibes. You and Elon alone on Jupiter. I'll tell you, a little. that that he went on instagram like is his first public commentary since not like custom was like

you know on to summer vibes that's what you think huh that's what you think like rat beefs operate on the school year calendar summer kills a lot of people Aubrey like the statute of beef limitations isn't it well sorry that's the bell everybody everybody go to summer vacation now that's what you know like digit like that's what japan should have done in like 1942 had been I'm like, ha, ha, that's crazy. Anyway, it's on to the Co-Prosperity Sphere. Where am I here to hose at? That's kind of what Italy did.

That is what Italy did at numerous times. That's what Italy does every time there's in World War. Summer vibes. I think we've made our point. No, you haven't made any. Nevertheless. No, we need to talk. Seeing as we are ranked eighth in hearts of iron,

believe we'll be clocking out now. I have successfully annexed Venice again for now. It's kind of already yours. Who cares? No. We lost it. It was a thing. We have defended our entire motherland that is surrounded by oceans and enormous mountains.

Yeah. Good for you. I appreciate the dedication to the dumb guy laugh. ha ha you thought I was bothered my life is so good summer yeah I was trying to remember where I saw this energy earlier today and it was at 830 this morning when ESPN tweeted out see if you guys can find something weird in the following sentence just announced week one of Monday night football

Aaron Rogers and the Jets will travel to San Francisco to take on property and the defending NFC champion 49ers And for like a solid minute, I was like, why is Aaron Rodgers going to be there? Like you thought it was just last year's news resurfaced? Well, no, I was like, is he on the broadcast crew now? I was like, we're really going to, we're acting like this is going to happen, huh? We're all just acting like this is going to happen. For a minute.

It's the Jets. It's going to go great. I have some week one thoughts, by the way. You have to start the show first. Yeah, I'm going to start a show. Oh, thanks for waiting. Seal the seal the Orca content in here before the intro Yeah, big big pitch the ends

Oh, summer vibes Fuck Yeah Yeah Summer summer love Summer, summer time I'm just feeling podcast vibes Coming on

Yeah, so let's start the podcast Everyone's talking about my yacht Because it's sunk Yeah, but you're talking about it It's in the paper Listen, it's only a sunk cost fallacy if you don't go get it ha ha

it's been cool money benny going to abandon Tripoli back to Italy Rome summer OVO more like overboard Welcome Welcome Wow. To the shutdown full cast.

I love hearing your phlegm come into my ears through the headphones. The chicken spirit of Kenny Rogers returns to us. Wait, that's a turkey. Folks, that was the warbling warbler, Spencer Hall. big warbs doing my damnedest working my way through these summer vibes gold daddy warble bucks that's me to whatever funk I picked up in Miami that was good exercise

this is the internet's only college football podcast I'm great I am Spencer Hall I'm joined as always by Jason Kirk Ryan Nanny Holly Anderson and on the ones and twos this week guesting

Douglas Reyes Serone By the count of Cerber rocked too hard He Cerber did rock too hard Best wishes to Cerber restoring the literal structure of his home It is absolutely gnarly

I saw the photo Ooh it is not pretty He's okay He rocked his own ceiling down He is okay He did I think we're allowed to say this His insurance company

Could not determine What destroyed the ceiling of the room where he usually helps record this podcast. And so we're going with, where he keeps his guitars as well, he just was too fucking metal for the ceiling to exist. Yeah, he rocked too hard.

It's canon that he is not sorry for partying. Yeah. That's true. He did rock his roof in. We wish him well and hope that they He's coming back to be clear. Yes. He will be back. His room is just full of ceiling right now.

You don't want your room full of ceiling. You don't need this. Well, you do. You just want it in a particular part. Yeah. You would like a concentrated border of roof. You know when they say the floor is the ceiling? Right.

This is the wrong way to do that. About that. Yeah. You don't really want that too much. This is why Michael Jordan specified exactly where the ceiling goes. General contractor, Michael Jordan wearing huge carpenter jeans understands. Jordan walked into Serber's house and said, wait a minute, that's not supposed to be there. general contractor

Michael Jordan is an incredible concept nobody's getting paid yeah how's your HVAC yeah I looked at your HVAC yeah it's a bitch fucking so what's the what's the problem with it it's just a bitch

just full of bitch shit looks like Gary Payton installed it also you're gonna have like a six seven man crawling around in your ducts and whatever well god damn it Michael Jordan stuck up there is that Tony Koo coach

doing my bathroom yeah fucking is he's smoking deal with it dude is he smoking he tiles better when he smokes that might actually be true I know I would man everybody like come on nicotine

based on that welcome nicotine the great performance and answer oh it studies the hands oh boy famously focuses the mind also famously Spencer's been to Miami you can tell seven out of eight doctors agree

it's loaded with nutriments and vitality listen you give me enough time I will find a doctor who's like listen the cornerstone of my in Miami is smoking Spencer's health advice on this podcast

keeps going to dentists or liars and smoking is good and it's like every Tennessee ugly stereotype is breathed into you Spencer you're an awesome uncle

thank you and we met you at smoking is cool just to be clear yeah we'd met you there many times not dentists or frauds and then you just

toodle right on down the road when Uncle Spencer's driving you don't got to put your seat belts on you I mean your mind is the true seat belt brother just visualize yourself

doing some sick backflips and stuff and you'll make it out of whatever happens. 99% of safety happens before the accident ever occurs, right? So true. It's so true. Tony Kukot's get in here and tell us more about this. I don't see how, but it's so true. Good. I will do Tony Kookew, drive good, drive good, no crash.

Drive bad, crash. This is spiritual. Best pilot, living pilot, bad pilot, dead pilot. What about boats? Boats, avoid orcas. Boats for fun, good. Boats for work, very bad. Spencer Hall lays waste to the global shipping industry.

I'm not picturing like the Chicago Bulls taking a cargo boat to play the Pacers. some shit. Like around the Strait of Magellan. Like they go the wrong way. All right, Horse Grant. Get in your shipping container. It's time for the Eastern Conference

finals. Or is it kind of shit where like the river ends and they have to get out and like carry carry it to the next river. They have to carry it over a mountain range. Like their white water rafting. Yeah, like the whole squad. Steam building.

Oh boy. Imagine Nicoliochish white water rafting. Oh, it would suck to to carry a raft with him because he's like nobody else everyone else is just reaching up into air and he's got the whole boat

he would despise it there's no horses in the river there's zero horses that's the last place you're going to find horses you can lead him to water that's bullshit you can lead him to water everybody knows that not into what about rafting with horses you're going to put a horse in a raft you can't make it raft

you can't make you shred these sick rapids if I were going to trust anybody to make that work it would be Nicola Yolkich. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Nicole Yokic, by the way, pulled the most dad move

I have seen in an NBA game in a real long time. Are you talking about where you just stood flat-footed under the goal? He pulled the chair. Yeah, he pulled the chair out when he was being guarded.

I don't know there was a word for that. Yeah, he was being guarded. He was guarding Rudy Gobert and he was really close playing very physical defense right up against him. And Gobert has his back to him under the basket.

and Gobert goes to like bump him and get some space so he can lay the ball up and Yokic with perfect timing that yet somehow looks like it's happening at half speed just steps out of the way it looks like just steps out of the way so Gobert almost falls down and throws the ball out of bounds Bo made an excellent point on his show yesterday yokech is from Europe do you know what he has to think about people from France I'm not sure we could translate it. Yeah. It's definitely not appropriate for the show.

No. Yeah. Yeah. Google AI would tell you could raft with a horse, right? It's fine. And I take this horse, this horse. Whitewater raft. River raft. It's going to teach me how to build a raft out of a lot.

Huh. Out of horse? You know, Liv, Tyler did it in Lord of the Rings. Damn. That's exactly what I was thinking. Okay, this is being ruined because there actually is an outfit in Banff called Kicking Horse River rafting. Wait a second. This is named after the Kicking Horse River.

What are you hiding up there? False advertising. I want my river raft and I want my horse. Kicking Horse River, British Columbia. Kicking Horse, that's just a mule. Origin of kicking horse river name. Ah, John Wick 3 has a lot of kicking horse. Typhonso horse.

The river received its unusual name during the famous Palliser Expedition of 1858 when James Hector, the expedition doctor, was kicked in the chest by his horse attempting to cross the swift flowing waters. Damn. Did he die? The whole Palliser expedition. which can change any number of historical feats and the one thing that everybody remembers is hey remember that part in the water what are we gonna name this thing

well what's the most memorable thing that's happened you got kicked by your horse so hard the dynamic geological feature yeah remember when you were spitting blood for like four days it was fucking we're already doing us on we were gonna name it weak chest river but we went with kicking horse Oh no wait

Never mind This was apparently a This was apparently not a horse He was right This was a pack horse Good on you pack horse Yeah I'm carrying all your shit

And you leave me into water Of unknown depths I'm gonna aim for your throat Are you fucking kidding me There could be orcas in here What are you talking about? Are horses yachts discussed In the rights

Polo horses are yachts Yes Yeah Polo horses are definitely yachts If you give a horse a really fancy name, it becomes a yacht. Equestrian horses are cigarette boats. Ooh, good call. Great call.

You're really good at that, right? Thanks. I know a lot about horses, clearly. It's like you have an innate understanding of wealth and privilege, Ryan. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what it is. Big city, Ryan, with his multiple horses and boats. Make sure all your sinks are off.

Not that you have any. You have someone to fetch your water for you. This is where I reveal that in one of my many estates, I've been trying to graft horses and boats together to build the ultimate vehicle. Oh, hell yes. Orcas are like, that man's got to die. It's called a bors, and it's going to fucking rule

when I get it right. What if your boat could gallop? What if your boat loved carrots? We're going to take Orca's job Horse versus whales Who you got Dolphins can't be tamed But Borse

Bors is yours all day Baby So orcas and that general whole population of animals evolved from like deer and stuff So they might have an understanding Like once the horses go back in the water They might ally against

us. Yeah. Fair enough. So we've just lost horses. Shit. I mean, they weren't really ours anyway. They were already kicking us in the chest.

Hey, Jim. Hey, Jim. Hey, Jim, are you awake? Hey, Jim, I bought you a map. Take a look. Hey, Jim, you remember what happened yesterday? Yeah. Remember how you haven't taken a single comfortable breath in the last eight years?

Well, it's on a map now. Jack horse is sitting there just calmly, like, flicking its ears. you want to know about what's not comfortable. Jim, did that shard a rib make it to your heart yet? If not, I got an awesome joke for you. Listen, man, by 19th century standards, that had to be the funniest shit in the world. You look back in all of a sudden...

They named the river after it. All of a sudden, your boy's getting absolutely obliterated by a horse. Hey, we're going to go down to take a swim in Jim's dead river. Apparently they were about to bury him alive. He got knocked out for so long and thought he was... Oh, now that's super funny. Oh, I didn't get to that part. Yeah.

Hey, man. Remember what we thought you were dead? This was the doctor, so they probably gave him a while. No, I think they didn't. I think they were like, well, we don't know. We would ask him, but. Do we know where this doctor was educated? Because the rest of that trip, you know what we would be doing.

Like, hey, Jim. Hey, Jim, is that a good school? It might have been like, oh, thank God. The bastard who told us to stop smoking cigarettes is dead. now we can smoke cigarettes there has always been a johnny knoxville's in the expedition so doctor doctor knoxville doctor knox who man dr johnny knoxville never got a like a procedural uh kind of injury yeah i'm guessing yeah you jackson you know what jackass is kind of a procedural right no i mean i just want to see him fight fires nc i s jacksonville instead of starting

good thing i want to see him like i want to see him fight real fires but with antics folks it's called the wasabi snooter the kids are doing it these days you get a line of wasabi go to japan where does it go sushi bar where does the wasabi straight up the nose oh no straight up the nose there was lots of options there they were yeah there there were the only the only i guess it says something about wasabi that even jackass was like we're not putting that up her ass the one thing that we'll not go no no no no Yeah, say this for the Palliser Expedition. At least they didn't discover that fish that swims up your dick.

Yeah, man. Because you know that crew would have named it after somebody. Jim's Dick River. Old Jim's Fish Dick Creek. How did you, how did you manage to name it? Did you say fish stick or fish, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, yeah. Waiter.

I have a... What of unusual tattoo, Jim? Sorry. No, this is going to, I'm excited. Let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see the seamless wave that Spencer steers us into actual football. He's got there, he's got the rudder in both of his giant paws. Let's see what he does. All right.

You got the reins on the horse boat. Let's fucking pull this baby into the water. I like that. This is, this is, well, oh, whales are closing in. I like that at this point. Don't go, don't go under the water. I like that at this point, Ryan's like, let's see how he manages to maintain the seamless, well, wrought ironclad plan that obviously everyone had in mind for this podcast let's watch him do

something absurd now quit changing the subject and start to show it's minute 43 that's correct which means it's uh about two minutes still it's time to start the show uh yes so this week a number of projections this week a number of projections have dropped regarding uh wagerers beliefs about the number of wins and losses teams will have in the 2024 college football season and typically what somebody will do when these come out is they'll go well we're going to review it and say oh eight wins seems sensible yeah that seems fine and you know sensible and fine is never really been a concern of this show hate however and hating definitely has so jason improved upon an initial, oh, no, we could talk about wins and loss.

Jason was like, no, no, no, no, no. We could do something better. Jason, how did you improve upon that concept? Because I believe you did. So it is actually mathematically sound to look at a list of wind total over or unders and think to yourself, who's going to fail? That's right.

As sports books know, and as is baked into all their numbers, people like to bet on big number, happy number. People like to bet on high scoring totals and high win totals. And if you go through and add up the math, you'll usually find that the win totals do not add up. Like, if you look at all 32 NFL team win totals, you'll usually find more wins on that list than could possibly go around, even if Roger Goodell were to add a bonus week,

as he would love to in the middle of the season. So in the interest of fiscal responsibility, we're instead going to focus on sad numbers. depressing numbers numbers that do not meet expectations um so yeah it's it's a it's just it's just one of many ways that we are looking out for you the investor at home uh by going through some college football win totals and and finding ones that uh might be a little might be a little ambitious and it might be at an especially cursed number what do i mean by in a specially cursed number.

Well, I'm very fond of the point five. The point five to me is where you can really watch some extremely stupid things happen in terms of prognostication. For example, Nebraska's regular season wins. First of all, I wanted to start this off with a fucking bang by going, hey, how about you try to predict

what Nebraska is going to do? You said curse it and then you said Nebraska. That's saying cursed it twice. Yes, yes, especially. This is super secret double cursed if we are actually triple because we're not even going to take the positive version of, oh, they got this? No, brother. No, I'm just going to tell you. I believe in optimism for Nebraska. However, this is a development curve. And a development curve at a place like this, it moves very slowly. It moves very slowly. You have to think of it in terms of geology, in terms of building, not in terms of geology. landslide, sudden change. What I'm saying is this, that there's a number here and it says over 7.5.

Where are you seeing 5? I'm looking at Draft King's. So you're saying 7.5? Yes, 7.5. All I heard is 5.7.5, according to draft king's projected wins.

If you want to take that over, but they'll give you some numbers. and if you want to take the under like I am taking because I could see seven but for some reason eight seems absolutely outlandish I'm going to go ahead and say you know why don't you make a little money that way my favorite part of these is going through the is playing a version of the schedule game where you go through the schedule and you try to find the fulcrum game because the make or break game is not always the last aim of the season with you at five wins right sometimes it's the It's the obvious win that you could have missed in week four, right? Or it's just the miscue bounce in week eight, right? But I like going through it. I like going through and finding which game in the season is going to end up being like the closest difference maker.

So looking at Massey ratings, which puts a probability percentage on each game. I mean, you start with Utep, Colorado, Northern Iowa. I'm fine giving Nebraska three in over there. Um, yes, yes, I don't believe in Colorado. The, their closest thing to a coin flip game is at Indiana, the week before at Ohio State. So you have chaos, Indiana, you have a road game, and you have a look ahead game all at once. Um, so I think that's probably the one to target if we're looking at one that, uh, if that flips, then everything has truly gone wrong.

Also, this is one of those. You're getting better. don't get greedy situations where you go yeah yeah you're going to be improved and you're going to want to feel good wouldn't it be nice to feel good would have been nice to go hey man we're going to get eight wins hell we might get nine probably not probably not when is the last time that they have flown that high why that would be during none other than oh mike riley did it once that's right yeah he had with that one nine and four year uh nearly a decade I have another, in the same neighborhood, I have another poison pen to start riding with, which is Auburn regular season wins 2024.

Really going for the reliable unreliables here. Yeah, going for the most volatile, unpredictable. Yeah. Auburn also cast at, that's a motherfucker of a number, seven and a half wins. seven and a half and you go hmm that seems uh that seems dicey especially given their quarterback situation which i'm going to remind you is still relying on patent thorn that is we're still doing that that is the thing that is happening you freeze has all but doubled down on it yeah i really i really hate this number for them yeah it's bad their road games are georgia missouri

Kentucky and Alabama. If they win any of those, they're doing great. They also have to play Oklahoma, A&M, and the other New Mexico, they have a known weakness against New Mexico, and they got fucking cow coming to town. You can't

predict anything cow's going to do. Yeah, I don't like that number. Let's hammer that under. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead. Take that under. I really hate to stay in the SEC, and I know that it's that we've talked a lot about, you know, Florida's schedule and, you know, oh, look at, look at all the wild, the SEC is going to be, not, yeah, the Texas, no, you know, I just want you guys to look at the month of October for South Carolina.

Happily. Like, look at their whole schedule, but look at October, which one of them's a bi-week. Look at their three games in October. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you got Ole Miss at Alabama and at Oklahoma, and this all comes. after having to play LSU and Kentucky which it's it's week two in Kentucky no one is going to know what they're doing but it's going to hurt what's what's the number here South Carolina five and a half yeah yeah yeah I mean as it stands I would see them favored in what one to

four of these games so yeah that would be Old Dominion Akron Vandy and Wofford yeah yeah so let's hammer that under. Woo. What? Jesus, like, I just fell on that chunk of schedule and just, I know that we all have tough schedules here, but my blood just ran cold. Good God.

That's mean. As it is, I think they would likely have to win two pretty significant upsets, depending on how A&M is looking at that point in the season. I was going to say, that's the one that's come up a couple times where I'm like, how confident are we in where Texas A&M fall? in any of this in year one not at like elk like i i would not was on one hand elko but on the other hand texas a and m yeah and like yeah what's it hang on what's a and m schedule hang on oh let's let's let's let's just peruse that oh god a and m your uh eight and a half is your goal this isn't

bad okay oh god oh god okay this is a very specific kind of schedule this is a schedule that i would not classify as capital B bad, especially when you look at, you know, Florida and, you know, kind of schedule that Tennessee has had forever. It is wire to wire filled with opportunities to dick trip or get your ankles bitten off. Like, you're not, you're not playing, you're not playing the class of the SEC here in this A&M schedule. So the good news, but you're playing some really, you're playing some really annoying shit. The good news for Texas A&M is if you, if you, don't start five and oh you're probably not getting to nine wins right does that seem fair like i know i know i know under dames the first of i will i will tell you that that's generally true right

like most nine to ten win teams what do you do you go out get the bag early go out you know like stack up because relying on anybody going on ooh they really got it together towards the end of the season we can only apply that to like one or two teams a year right at best right like at the very least they have a buy october 12th i think they have to hit and they play missou at home before that i don't think you can have two losses going into that i think you have to be five and one at worst if you're if you're aiming for a nine one season could be wrong like there's enough weirdness on the back of the schedule between south carolina and auburn that it's like and that you can sort of say like yeah okay maybe you can swing it um this is what i'm getting at

They miss Bama and Georgia, but their schedule is full of games that you can see them walking out going like, I cannot fucking believe we lost to those clouds. It's better than having to play Alabama, though, at least. Oh, sure is. Go balls. All right. Should we pick a non-SEC school? Yes, because I was definitely about to pick another SEC school, so let's not do that. While you look that up, I just added up the win probs for A&M here via Massey ratings.

It's about 6.5. So we're not quite hitting that. I'm going to give you one. So I separate, before we started doing this, I started going, I looked back at 23, 22, and 21 and been like, okay, do your chances of going over under like really shift a lot if you have a low number to hit? Like if you're below, if the books are saying we think you're over under is below six. Like we're not even projecting you to be bowl eligible or maybe on the cusp of bull eligible.

So you're talking about the principle of like it's a lot hard. to get from 90 to 100 than it is to get from 1 to 90? Right, right. And it's not, it's, it's not that much easier than I would have thought. Like, of there were, of the, of the Power 5, I only looked at Power 5 teams, mostly because I was feeling lazy, I'm sorry. Of the 56 Power 5 teams over those three seasons who came into the year with a below, and over under below six, only, 25 of them failed to clear that mark.

and 31 went over, which is like a little, you know, it's better than 50-50, but like there are teams on here that had an over under of two and a half and of three and of, you know, there's plenty of fours on here that couldn't get over it.

So I say that because I would like to talk about Stanford. Stanford is listed at over three and a half for the 2024 season. And is an ACC team now? So, like, has a lot of weird factors working against it. Like, the travel thing, unfamiliar with almost every team on the schedule, has, like, the weirdness of, yep, we have to play at Syracuse and at Clemson back to back. I don't, like, I don't even know how that's supposed to work. And so, so if you look at Stanford's schedule, which also includes TCU, and.

the non-conference and includes Notre Dame, which I forget if that counts as like one of Notre Dame's ACC games or not now. I think it doesn't. Yeah. Um, and includes this. I will say this. I had a tricky. You know a couple weeks ago where Jason started, I don't even remember this is about, but Jason started to beat himself up for not remembering how one of these conference things works and then realized there was no reasonable expectation for her to know that. This is how I feel about Notre Dame's current situation. That's fair. That's fair. And I think, like you were the weird stepchild for long enough, and I feel zero obligation to learn what your deal

is now. I will check back in with you in November to see how you're going to disappoint. You're going to host a playoff game and lose it. That's all we need to know about you. I also suspect Notre Dame is not that stressed about what its ACC obligations are at this one, given that that might not be a problem in a year or two. Okay. That's

the other thing, too. I'm like, why am I bothering to learn this shit? So, I'm going to ask if you can find four Stanford wins on this list. TCU, Cal Poly, at Syracuse at Clemson, Virginia Tech, at Notre Dame, SMU, conference game, yep, Wake Forest at NC State, Louisville, at Cal, at San Jose State. Hey, Ryan, who's coaching Stanford again?

Oh, it's the dude from Sacramento State. God, I can't remember his name right now. Okay. I'm going to look it up. Troy. Disaster. Troy Taylor, yes. It's too bad you're up in Washington.

both it's too but you're not playing Washington State because then I would just give you one yeah um okay here I'll hey I'll give you something wild mm-hmm how many are we supposed to find four if you if you want to go over and I know that's not what we're doing but like hmm you have to you have to beat all your California opponents Cal Poly San Jose State and Cal then you got to find one more and like I just okay here hear me out it's week one it kicks off at 1030 Eastern would it be real funny to knock off TCU and then go four and eight sure I mean it's it it has we not have we I don't know if we've done enough to TCU but it would it be funny to do that again I Stanford to make this an annual thing it wouldn't have quite the same punch but it would be funny yeah yeah I guess that yeah I I I I think I think I probably have to take the under on Stanford this year. Because imagine that whole week where you're like, oh, Stanford beat TCU.

And they're like, oh, shit. And TCU's like, so that's what that feels like. And then they lost the Cal Poly. I mean, Stanford has a transit of win over TCU last year. So, so good. Can I tempt you with more treasures from the ACC game? Only if you keep using that voice. Follow me if you will travel.

Oh, Jesus. never mind. I'm sorry. You asked you to do this. You invited the vampire in. Sorry. I have new. Tale of Dutzy. Yeah, we've got Pitt, Pitt.

Oh, God, this number, this number, all the, no one never knows with how to predict them, T. Yeah, that's why I'm picking this one. Yeah, yeah, yes. Because we're going to go through it. They're all going to come up. Hey, you know what I said, this is actually when I love. looked at yesterday, you know when I said I like to look for the fulcrum game? Mm-hmm.

This is the team that I was thinking of because there is a possibility that Pitts bowl eligibility will hinge on the final week of the regular season at Boston College. God, damn. Yes, because rolling real quick through this math here, okay? We're looking at Kent State. This is the weird, this is the weirdest schedule. This is the weirdest schedule I've ever seen. Like I know the conferences are huge now and it feels like an independent schedule

It looks like an independent schedule look at this I'm just going to kind of read this stuff real quick Kent State Cincinnati West Virginia Youngstown State North Carolina Cal Syracuse SMU Virginia Virginia Clemson Louisville Boston College the big east is back This is that bowl of hard candy in your grandma's house that all sticks together when you try and pick it out of the bowl So we're going for what here 5.5 wins okay let's get Kent Youngstown, Syracuse, Virginia, and let's give you Boston College and need one more.

That means the coin flip game and based on percentage is fucking Cal, a CW game, if ever I've seen one. This is the other. The funny one would be Cincinnati. So we have Cal as like the decider for like every team playing. Cal is the fulcrum. Okay, now here's my thing.

You gave them Syracuse. Do you know what Syracuse is over under, win total is for the season? Whatever it is, they're not going to hit. edit it's seven that why what it's seven oh i have another under i'd like to hammer we're doing the we're doing the annual overrating syracuse september syracuse thing but i don't know man when there's when your september schedule consists of ohio georgia tech and stanford and holy cross you can maybe pull that off yeah that's what we're that's what we're doing

though we're that like three and one syracuse we're just we'll just extrapolate that across the whole season just looking at fortunately i think that's going to course correct really quickly because they come direct here's a fun thing to say because they come directly out of that and have to go to you and LV how many points how many points get Pitt to

five and a half wins to over five and a half wins 17 how many how many points let's play golf here let's write it right let's do it right now let's write it down 10 no 12 12 points 6 2 and 0 wins you guys are being silly

and I'm going to try to do this for real 16 16 points a game So I'll have to do 16 a game? No total no total total okay I'm taking this seriously I'll take I'll say 120 I am going in those in those wins specifically my actual answer is 28

the Pat Narduzzi ideal is 1714 for every single game so 102 so I'm just going to state that if they have to get to six it'll be 102 points yeah okay okay that's the dream no that's the dream that's the plan sure when 17 when six games 17 14 get shut out and all the other games that's right and lose them 3-0 because we started looking at this and in my head i just heard this pleading voice of pat and arduzia 3 in the morning going oh we're going to score 10 points

yeah yeah it never bothered you before um we i don't want this to just be picking on the mean teams and sort of like lower class so to speak but you want to look at nc state Stanford you are lower class for these purposes no I want to look at Texas thank you that was actually the other SEC team I was going to pull so let's do it uh Texas has an over under of 10 and a half which is the same as Georgia and I want to see they're about the same is there a case well Texas made the playoff last year um how can we how can I was talking about academically but okay. How can I get you into this Texas under today? It's summer. Major League Baseball is in full swing and there's one app for you if you want

last minute deals on Major League Baseball games and that's GameTime.co. That's right, gametime.c.O. I'm looking at the app right now and I'm picking out America's team, really, the Kansas City Royals. And at Kaufman Stadium, just in a couple days, there's tickets available for $16. And then, well, I don't want to to up the stakes too much here, but let's go to next week. It looks like they're playing the Chicago White Sox. There are tickets available right now for $3. You could see a major league

baseball game in Chicago for $3. What stadium you ask? Not important. It's in Chicago. But GameTime.co is not just for major league baseball games, even though you can get great deals for that. You can also get great deals for concerts, football games. Those are going to be coming up pretty soon.

You can find them on gametime.co. I use gametim.coe.com. C.O. to purchase last minute tickets for an Olivia Rodrigo concert. Tyler Childers did not show up at mine. That would have been awesome, but it was awesome nonetheless. And gametime.co made it super easy. I got my parking through gametime.co. And I got great tickets for my wife and I. GameTime.com.com made all of that so easy and one of the greatest concert experiences I've ever had in my entire life. And I'll be using them again. In fact, I'm seeing a little bit called the beaches in late September. And where did I get my ticket? That's right. Even ahead of time. I didn't

wait till the last minute because GameTime's not CO has you covered then as well. That's what I love about it. Whenever I want to get a ticket for an event, whether I heard about it months before and procrastinated to no end and have left myself an alert, you can save up to 60% of buying last minute for sports, concerts, comedy, theater, anything else. So take the guesswork out of buying MLB tickets with GameTime. You can download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code fullcast for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeemed code F-U-L-L-C-A-S-T for $20 off.

Download game time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Okay. Are you talking to all of us or just Spencer? Everybody. I mean, is it the three top-10 teams they play within the first two months? Yeah. That's pretty good.

That's pretty good. For those of you who have not kept pace with the 24-Sugling game, Saturday, September 7th takes Texas to Michigan at noon on Fox. You can talk me into that one. I am, of course, a little more worried about the various unforeseen pitfalls. And look at, well, I mean, look at the rest of their September schedule. We're not going to know a fucking thing. We're going to have one good data point on Texas coming out of September one.

UTSA might push that. Might. I don't know. I mean, Colorado State might push that. They're pesky, but I don't think so. Okay. I'm going to give you... Anything might happen.

I'm going to give you the two games. Which means, by the way, coming out of September, they have a bye week on October 5th, which means we're going into Bedlam with that one data point. Not Bedlam, the other thing. With that one data point. Let's just call it Bedlam now. Yeah, it's Bedlam because anything can happen.

I can't decide which of the three parties would be maddest if you just started going on. By the way, here's... Since Oklahoma State, since Oklahoma State won the first. final bedlam. Yeah. Their new rivalry is now Bedlam.

Oklahoma State, whoever you decide you want to have that rivalry with, it is entirely up to you. Arizona. You dominated that rivalry and you always did.

Give it to Texas Tech. Give it to some place where genuine weird shit happens. So I have two games that will be high comedy and tragedy that could keep them. How can you get me into that under? Ryan?

This is how. Oklahoma and Georgia back-to-back for one thing. Well, that'll get, that'll, okay. But that doesn't, um, but they have, they also have two buys. A lot of teams do this. Yes. I don't know that's the calendar. They have that, they have the weird non-Hawaii two-bys.

I mean, I mean, so Texas was likely, um, rolling into Red River as a slight favorite. Yeah. Which usually doesn't matter. The last game in which you want to be a favorite. Yeah. I don't believe in ghosts and shit when it comes through the results of games, except in Red River. A slight favorite. we will again know almost nothing about love it so November 23rd when the season is all

oh you're playing my song all the success you're playing my songs and everyone's so fat and happy and Texas is back now it's at home yeah that's even better because because it is it is versus Kentucky and it is in a game that is presented by because all of Texas's games respond This is presented by Legendary Grocer Chain, H.E.B. As if Kentucky did not need further motivation to win this game, they're going to do this for fucking Kroger. Grocery Wars. Wait, I mean. Is this really the HGB game?

Yeah. Oh, God. Why would you do that? Yeah. This game is a look ahead to the road trip to Texas A&M. That is correct. That's the real. The most anticipated regular season game of the past decade.

There's that. And then in Kroger terms, there's the peeking around the doorframe and going, they have a cave troll. Yeah. That's it. They're going to be like, hey, our grocery store got the water burger ketchup. And Kentucky's going to sweep it and be like, we got 23 kinds of ketchup. All of them cost under $2 and you can't find any of them. They're scattered at various locations.

They're next to the running alcohol because fuck you. Right. Because an algorithm shuffled our shelves because nobody actually works. actually works at croaker anymore except for eight damned people who are given a map spat out by a univac computer that runs on like vacuum tubes literally damned yeah literally damn that said bananas go with the stakes because they do that's the way we like it two days that go great together that's right and that's the way mark stoop's cornerstone of kentucky athletics a football school We keep the avocados in the bathroom at Kroger. Kroger really is like Ingalls on purpose. Y'all did that shit on purpose.

AGB, we make our own tortillas. They're delicious. You fancy Texans with your grocery stores that work. We're completely out of tortillas, but we have an entire vat of peanut bread for some reason. Adults and children are all. given that weird Krogering sticker while they exit so that everyone for the rest of the day knows that no you haven't sustained its recent traumatic brain injury you've just been inside Kroger buy your guess here stupid while I'm walking out of Kroger with my pile of unmarked Oreos that I'm asking identification please to present my fucking card surveillance in progress for those otter pops sir Yeah, you're like, oh, welcome to the new dystopia. I read words on Twitter and learn them.

Kroger's been about that shit since 1993. Did you hear there's one called Murder Kroger? One. One. One. The greatest rite of passage in American adulthood is leaving your hometown and going to your college town and finding out that there's a second murder Kroger. And then your roommate comes home and you said,

did you know there's a murder croaker here and they said wait there's a murder croaker in my town too and that's when your universe really just starts to open up yeah it's like it's like roger sherman's thing about everyone thinks their campus squirrels are the most interesting right yeah everyone also comes to realize oh our croaker is like everyone else's i i like uh that with publics people would get really bent out of shape if they go into a flipped publics a backwards publics where no oh okay listen whereas every croger is unnatural every croaker is unnatural every croaker is randomly generated from the start. Every,

every Kroger is a fucking Diablo map. As a Tennessee transplant to Georgia, let me explain this. I'm raised on Kroger, so I'm raised in the darkness. And then I come to Georgia, and here's Publix, which A, has lights in it, unlike

Kroger. It has lights on the ceiling that cast lights into the aisles, which is weird and hard to get used to. I'm like, it's always daytime in here. And it's like going to in Finland in June walking into Publix but having been raised

in the mole caves of Kroger you come to rely on Publix's aisles and seeing the produce is over there the pharmacies over there and then the first time you walk into a left handed Publix you're like I've forgotten my warrior ways Publix makes you soft and then hits

you with the left handed Publix Kroger is the Bain pit 100%. I do think Kroger is the perfect grocery store for like 2 a.m. Like, I am out way too late. I can't guarantee that no one is going to bother you. There is an item that I believe will cure whatever is ailing me, and I'm going to stumble around this habitat until I find it.

You can guarantee that no one will bother you. Anyway. As in no one will cost you. No one will try to help you. My shopping is no one's pleasure. Yeah, it's fair. I want to ask you this sincerely. Groger, that's not my business.

Yeah. Have you ever sincerely thought of asking? anyone at Kroger where anything is. They don't know. They don't know. They don't blame them. That's the thing. It's not even personal.

I'm not like, oh, they're no help. I'm like, there's no help. I ain't paying for that help. Like, that's why Publix is so much more expensive because everybody has a fucking map to show you where shit is. Croger, it's cheap because I got to find it myself. The only person you need to befriend at Kroger is the bagger. Find the good bagger.

Befriend the good bagger. You're set. There's no prima strategy guide for Kroger. You kidding me? No, you have to listen to. You're fine that shit on game FAQ. I don't know, but listen, Ryan, you've lived in Florida and California for too long. I'm telling you, you got to befriend, find you a bagger.

You need a buddy. You're going to need a sniper. You're going to need a medic. I like that we've, I like that we've made. I like that we've made Kroger the open source grocery store. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean, Publix is like a carefully carried it Zelda dungeon, and then some of them are like, oh, my God, someone hit the switch that flips it backward. Oh my God, that's so confusing.

It's so upsetting. I have another. I have another question. So when you go in. Hammer that Texas under. Yeah, hammer it. When you see it, when you go to Publix. Did we start a sports book?

Everybody else did. Kroger. Kroger chaos will be in Texas. Kroger bet. H.E. Bette. They got the Kroger bins. Publix has like three or four faces on the wall.

And it's like, it's very North Korean. Yeah. Right. Yeah, it is very North Korean. No, the North Korea is. The North Korean part is when the Lilgrams come out. Yeah. Here's Commissar Ted.

He was in Delhi, but now he's the general management store. One of your first things you're taught when you're hired at Publix is to call that motherfucker Mr. George. So like it's a rite of passage for like when the teens working at Publix or start working overnight, they'll take a photo of themselves kneeling before Mr. George just for the LOLs. There are no photos in a Kroger. The light doesn't work here. It just comes out like it's this dean.

dark purple almost black like a bruise what the fuck is that in the background it sees us it suggests a maw but you never see nor hear a creature with mouths so they have those same photos on the wall at croger and my question is you think

anybody at that store knows who any of those people are those are the ones that came in the frame buddy yeah we haven't seen them in years crogger don't have a lore some people say there's a mr george but you know yeah it's like a waiting taught like family secrets and shit at Kroger it's like here's a knife

They say you can still smell the rot It's like waiting for Godot The family secret is it's not real Let's go As in leave As in to hang out on the hill behind The store and smoke until our shift is up Who cares? There's a pallet

A frozen peas sitting out on the floor Not my problem. It kind of is You work here. No I don't I just clock in Every now and then there is you'll see on social media somebody walks into a waffle house and just starts working the grill by themselves

because they can't find anyone who works there I have at two or three in the morning walked into a Kroger ain't a fucking soul in there like nobody Oh you're talking about the mega Kroger at Glenwood No no there's always somebody in there No no okay

Has that happened to me? I had a thing but okay No no has that happened to you there? No you sound confident never mind okay this one no I had a story fuck you that's kind of the vibe of this podcast a lot so yeah so Texas so we don't get either of those stories your stories canceled each other out somehow

no no no I straight up walked it it was one that I didn't expect it was the disco Kroger I walked into the old disco croaker on Piedmont disco music playing not a single soul in that store not a while for you to dance I had to dance to make them come out They'd be like, hey, buddy.

Time to cut a fucking rug. Holly, what was your car, empty river story? I forget. Damn, that is harrowing. Some shit that best not be recalled. Your memory shall be white. No, don't do the voice.

Don't try to win her back with the voice now. It's not going to work. And you made me take it out on Jason. Fuck you. He didn't deserve that. So based on, Bill Connelly's returning production stats. A few unders that you might want to consider include Oregon State.

Sorry to pile on. They're really, really low on this list. We're right back on kicking the down. Yeah. Well, don't worry. I am going somewhere with this. Their number is seven and a half. And their returning production is they are third from the bottom, lowest in the power five.

That is fucking grim. We don't like that for the beaves. And our supporting vibes of this team are. bona fide. Yeah. So, in the spirit of punching up, however, next on that list in the Power 5, returning only 36% of their production

is none other than the defending national champion Michigan Wolverines. Their number is nine. Their number is nine. So to go over, you've got to go to 10. If it's nine, then we push. All right, well, let's establish. right now, because I think this will be important.

Are you taking them to beat Ohio State? Because I think that is really the thing that is going to determine whether they can get this or not. If I had to bet on that game right now, I would bet on Ohio State. Okay. Same. Okay.

So now we're talking they've got to win what is that, eight out of 11? Just to push? Yes. Nine out of 11. so you got you got Oregon you got Texas USC you got at Washington another team replacing a ton of production but it's at I guess well all right maybe the better question is like

is the worry for Michigan this year the big name teams or is like sometimes annoying traditional big tenant like is Illinois the team you're worried about or is USC the team you're worried about. I would not worry about USA. You'd be more worried about Illinois. Okay.

Yeah, well, especially because it's at Washington and then at Illinois, that sucks. There's a buy in between. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. I would, I will always worry about the bigger teams too because I have to tell a fun story, you know, I have to make up a plot

for us to get to, you know, ooh, potentially hazardous game against Illinois, right? Whereas I could look at the Oregon game

and be like, well, that's going to be a bitch. you know that's you could lose that you know you could lose I don't think you could lose the USC game because Lincoln Wallytimes I don't think anyone can lose the USC

honestly no they're just lies it's just fucking lies you tell me USC won six games I'm like bullshit yeah what just fucking lies that's it you know our defense is reaped no it's not it's fucking not quit lying to these people

how many more years you're going to get out of that shit you're going to get a fucking NFL job talking about I'm going to prove the defense up there. Okay, Cliff. Yeah. Maybe it'll be different this year. Do you know what they're over under is? Too much.

Seven. Fuck it. That's, that's, that's, get that shit out of here. All right, so you want the under for USC with seven. USC, we're talking about LSU at Michigan, at Minnesota, Penn State, Notre Dame, Wisconsin, at Washington. Man, which way do I lean in a USC Penn State game this year? You got to go to fucking at Maryland. for a conference game across earth i i would argue pen state USC in the regular season is in

october is the exact kind of game that penn state wins that actually doesn't mean that pen state is making the jump it's just going to be that is the most all right that is the most bullshit game like for pure bullshit quotient for either team like bullshit and i mean like thing that we do not care whether it is actually true or not, not a lie, right? No, just bullshit. That's the most pro wrestling game of the season. It is. It is the most pro wrestling like, what an epic match.

Surely these two are headed to greatness. No. Don't get worked. Who is worse off losing that game? Penn State or USC. It's always Penn State. USC doesn't care. They don't really, they don't actually care.

So, USC Rutgers. Come on down to folks and see a Big Ten game, USC Wreckers. You could lose the Wreckers. At home. Yeah, that could happen. That Nebraska USC game is going to be interesting, too, frankly. Yeah. No, it will.

Probably a lot of bad feelings. That game feels like less bullshit to me because I could look at Nebraska doing well in that game and go, huh, all right, they're working there. That means something to you. Yeah, yeah. Whereas if Penn State somehow manages to take advantage of a shit Lincoln Riley defense, all right, and win like a 44, 42 squeaker, we're going to be like, oh, they figured it out, big statement game. It won't mean shit. It won't mean shit. All right. What is, is, is where does this game fall on that, on that, um, spectrum of the LSU game at the start of the year? That's another team. Like, I, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like that. That's also a high bullshit. Anytime USC's involved, I'm like, does it matter?

Does it really matter? Okay, so let's do this. Let me go through the opponents and you just tell me whether this game is bullshit or not in the aggregate. LSC USC is bullshit, right? I think it's pretty bullshit. It's pretty bullshit. Utah State USC. That's also a bullshit game.

Okay. USC Michigan, at Michigan. Potential non-bullshit game. Okay. Potentially not Wisconsin at USC. Oh, God. Wisconsin doesn't get pulled into a lot of bullshit games. I think they do. You think they do?

They spend a lot of time not scoring and shit. Yeah, but it's not, I don't think they're necessarily games that, like, give you a false image of them or their opponent. It's not bullshit in that way. Yeah, when they lose, we sort of like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Like, I don't walk out of a lot of Wisconsin games being like, oh, well, I have a new opinion about the world. What the fuck did I just see? Right, exactly.

I mean, so far with that, with that version of Wisconsin, it's been like, wow, you guys know how to move the ball up and down the field without doing anything with it. There's a lot of fiddling, you know? I'm going to say that game is like, that game is like skim bullshit. I'm going to say, I'm going to give you a no for that then. USC Minnesota. Oh, God. PJ Fleck.

Wow. Wow. Wow. That's the peak of the genre. Yeah. That's, let me tell you what. That's that's bullshit plus. You got to subscribe to get that level of shit.

Penn State USC, we've already said as bullshit. That's mega, oh my God, that is the most bullshit game. Here's a tricky one because of where it falls on the calendar. USC at Maryland on October 19th. Is this bullshit or not? You know what?

I'm going to say, for Maryland's purposes, that's not going to be a bullshit game because it could very well be an October win. Okay. So I would go with that. Yeah. Okay.

Ruckers USC, I think we agree. is not bullshit? Totally real. Concrete. I mean, it could be, depending on who wins that game, yeah. USC, Washington. I think at that point it won't be bullshit because we'll actually sort of see whatever Washington is going to be under jet fish.

Okay. Like, I think they'll at least sort of have a shape. An identity of sorts. Okay. An identity, a shape. They'll at least, you know, okay, here's how we're going to get through this year. Yeah. So that feels less bullshitty to me.

Nebraska at USC. Wow. I don't think that's the bullshit game. Okay. I think that game is actually going to matter. I think that game's going to matter for both teams. Is that one where like there's so much bullshit that it cancels out almost? Yeah, yeah.

Like I think we're going to get to that game and it might be bowl eligibility or breaking that over for Nebraska potentially, right? And then for USC, it could very well be like a how fucked is Lincoln Riley game. Based on past precedent, I feel comfortable putting this one into the bullshit category. USC UCLA Wow An important game That can go in different directions But is very rarely a useful reflection

Of what those teams are that year Results are pretty random Like UCLA won that game last year And I think they were mad about it Because it meant they couldn't fire Chip Kelly And then Chip Kelly lost to Cal and left anyway And then Notre Dame USC Notre Dame USC

Notre Dame USC does not feel bullshit Okay, so we've split it evenly. There are six bullshit games. There are six non-bullshit games on USC's schedule, which makes seven a pretty good over-hundred. That's got to be one of the highest numbers in the country. I'm sure that's exactly how professional gamblers actually determined. This is a proprietary metric bullshit.

Yeah. Bullshit or not bullshit. This is all we're doing for the rest of the offseason is bullshit or non-bullshit. Do you all want to do a podcast business and then come? back and do a couple more. Yes. Oh, wow. I don't know if Spencer's going to be able to do it.

What's that business? Podcast business. Playing his life on the line. Podcast business. I'm Louis Armstrong. No, you're not. No, you're not. Hello business.

This is Spencer. Hello, business. Hey, if you're thinking about coming to the shutdown forecast live, presented by home field apparel in Indianapolis by the time you listen to this in a week and a half and you're on the fence I would just like to say to you what about the prophecy what prophecy you say the prophecy where you fight and defeat Spencer hall on stage and take his power from him what somebody's going to try it like hear how weak he is finish him off the prophecy demands that you face Spencer on stage and defeat him and humiliate him in front of an entire crowd and if you don't buy a ticket and

to the live show the prophecy can go unfulfilled and then the crops won't grow why would you not want the crops to grow so buy a ticket to our lives go to preowned airboats.com you'll find the link that will get you there come to the show have some barbecue have a good time defeat spencer in front of everyone and take his power and also you'll get some some home field stuff and a sticker ryan designed and as noted there's a shitload of barbecue um and also tickets are going fast yep so i mean I don't know how many are left, but I know it's less than whatever we said last. Only so many will be able to fulfill the prophecy. It's not an endless line here.

It's going to be like that episode of Magnum where T.C. has to box a bunch of people for an orphanage. And he knocks out 10 guys. And they're like, sorry, we just found out we're actually twice as much in debt. You got to box another 10 guys. And also, we're going to be doing automotive disasters. We put out the call for this. And let's go ahead and cut that off May 15th. If you have a disaster to send to Shutdown Fullcast at gmail.com for reading at this show,

then get it in by May 15th. If it's after May 15th, then no one will know your secrets. Because we already have a lot to go through. Many, many, many, many. Anyone else on the podcast business tip? We have more shows, more tickets coming, ticket sales, things coming soon. yeah spencer do you have anything i do well we'll get that in post uh we have the channel six newsletter uh which holly and i put together every week two things a week uh this week we are going

to finish up our uh biggest bitches of history bracket which uh was postponed by you know a fundraiser and the Miami plague that I caught, but we are back on that. It's going to be, it's an intriguing matchup that I think is an upset for so many different reasons. Our last two left standing are Hitler and Custer. Jesus. Hitler and Custer. People really hate Custer, is what I've learned.

Sounds like, yeah, to a point where it's like almost irrational. It's very, it's very 2024 that you said we have. two left standing, Hitler and Custer. And then the next thing you said was people really hate Custer. They do. That says a lot about the world. I think Hitler would be a favorite to be here.

Hitler. Because Custer's done some damage in this tournament. Custer's done. Custer is that thing where the more someone talks, the more people hate them. Right? Like, that's what it sounds like to me. That's also the theme of this podcast,

in many ways. True, true. But yes, you can subscribe. dollars a month for two things a week channel six the only newsletter i think frankly you need wow you know people with the newsletters yeah absolutely you're just jason has a newsletter i do well no i mean i like those and i want them and i consume them but so channel six has linked to my newsletter so so therefore it's part of it's it's absorbed with sure it is also also contains vitamins and nutrients. Just like cigarettes.

Yeah. Just like cigarettes. It's like cigarettes in your email. Yeah. You only have to go to the dentist once every two years per a new meta study done by the Harvard School of Medicine and the University of Buenos Aires. But Channel 6, you need that twice a week, which you can get by subscribe. Not a doctor. Doug, do you have any business to share? DnF is doing weekly shows now, so go listen to that if you care about my motorsports. That's right. Hell yeah. Drop today while we were recording this. So out. and available wherever you get your podcast

Jessica Spatana Douglas and myself talking about the wonderful world of Formula One. This week's episode features Alanis King the entertaining Alonis who will be where now an entertaining person who will be in

Indianapolis next week. Yes joining us for the full cast live where she is going to fight a car no no she's going to keep people she's going to keep people from killing you this ain't a prophecy this is entertainment alonis is going to fist fight a nisson ultima and she's going to win like street fighter street fighter yeah yes she is she's going to commit

the same kind of insurance fraud Kyle committed that's fucking awesome do like to what extent because i haven't met her talk to her except over email to what extent do you think she knows what kind of live shows she has signed up to be a part of i think she's pretty sure okay good good i think she knows yeah okay um all right spencer is there anything else you want to tell people about oh christ um you wanted to be the one to tell the stories big fella is he leaving if you never wondered what it's like to be in law school and see someone get cold called who clearly hasn't done the reading that's what it's like right there

what a fucking poker face big guy anything at all he still doesn't know no no i don't what have i forgot no no no let's let's sit here let's see how long it takes ah oh yes oh well yes never end up following following the indianapolis live show nope that's not it no it is i was afraid that if i didn't let him back on the hook immediately he would get up and leave so i had to let that one go you would be a great lot school professor ollie thank i agree i object oh god uh following you forgot again didn't you no i'm trying to remember whether it is on the sunday or the monday is what i'm trying to remember

it's on saturday it's neither oh my god this is awesome yeah you please do the announcement he's so sick oh you want me to talk now yes please so first of all what happened at croaker The day after the Indianapolis live show, which is a Saturday, May 25th, that's less than two weeks from today, if you're listening to this episode, the day it comes out, that's in 10 days. We're doing our first ever channel 6 live event. It's a channel 6 live event because Ryan has to go home and take care of his kids and Jason has to go sign books. So it's an inadvertent Channel 6 live event. It's like a shut down half cast, I guess. But your Intrepid Channel 6 news team is going to be headed up to Ann Arbor, which is in Michigan, I'm told.

It is the hometown of the Charity Bowl winning Michigan Wolverine Donor Squad. We're going to be hanging out in our favorite place in Michigan, which is the downtown branch of the Ann Arbor Library from 630. sorry, from 6 to 7.30 p.m. on Saturday night, we are going to have, because it's Michigan, we're going to have trivia. We are going to have gifts that we're bringing for all of our donors. We are going to have giveaways of some vintage merch that we recently unearthed that you cannot get any more and neither can we. So this is going to be a very special night. There may or may not be some 25 snakes hats that we recently unearthed from a vault that we're going to give away to you to celebrate this year of the Michigan million. And then afterwards, the library closes at 8 and our buddies at Mgo Blog. God bless

them. We announced this. And within like five minutes, I had a text from Brian Cook. I was like, we got the after party. I'm like, okay. And then like five minutes after that, I had Seth from Mgo Blog and my text going, here's the after party. I'm like, okay. So we are being led by MGOBlog to a second location after the library for drinks and snacks and this is a free event, no ticket. You can RSVP if you want. We would prefer it if you RSVPed. Go look at the Channel 6 front page. There's a public post in there with the link in it just so we have like a vague headcount and know what kind of, know what kind of volume of goodie bags to bring you guys. But free to all come show up hang out with us in a library we're going to try and record it for those of you

who can't make it the library tech team if you recall is the one venue based team that has ever conquered the full cast ain't and produce actual listenable audio on site professionals so we've got high hopes for this and spencer might even turn up if you're members i think i will be there yeah yeah so there's a number of you i know who have already said that you're doing exactly what we're doing, which is going to Indianapolis for the show and then making a loop up to Ann Arbor just for Saturday. So join us. We'll make a convoy. It'll be fun for men. That's it, buddy. You can talk again. And thus concludes podcast business. You sure? I think so.

So we have talked many times about Florida's schedule this year. Their number is four and a half, which is feeling lofty when you look at the radio. And according to their ratings, their easiest opponent is, the easiest FBS opponent is Miami, a team that some people have in the top 10. So that's, that's, wait, which is funny in a different way. I have seen in some early top 25, Miami in top 20s and even top 10s. No one really knows where to put Miami this year. Okay. She's kind of the same as it.

Okay. Miami is kind of playing UNC this year. Miami and Florida are also playing at three, three. 30 in the afternoon on August 31st in Gainesville, which is a terrible thing. That's Hurricane Delay. Oh, my God. It's Hurricane Delay or losing both entire starting lineups to cramps, one of the other. We could make that a night game.

No. Just take the under here. It's fine. Yeah. Just take the under. And also on Bilsie's returning production list, the next Power 5 team, from the bottom that we have yet to mention is coming in at eight and a half Tennessee volunteers.

48% of their production ranking 108th overall in the country. Holly, how do you feel about eight and a half? Don't laugh. I haven't looked at the schedule. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine. I will tell you, this may have been. People go, okay, they don't have the returning production.

They're going to be better at quarterback. They don't have the returning production. But they might not be better right away. Right. I can buy that. That said, there is like a little bit of an on-rap. Not a huge one, but some. No, this is also kind of,

this is an inversion of how our schedule usually goes. Like, this is more of a normal schedule than Tennessee usually plays. It's usually very front-loaded. And then you get, you know, historically, you get Vandy Mazoo, Kentucky down the backstretch. And that's what, when you were talking about teams earlier that get better late, This is one of them, but it's always usually been scheduled-based. Because they get, you know, they traditionally get Florida early.

They get Bama mid-season. They get Georgia in there somewhere. And then they get to run through like the dregs of the east at the end to get their way to like a semi-respectable bowl. You said eight? Eight and a half. It's eight and a half, right. Chattanooga won, NC State. God, who knows.

Kent State, two. Oklahoma. Yikes. Oh, God, damn it. You get Florida. um i just you know you get florida in in knoxville as well we get florida alabama and georgia every year and so i don't know why we're feeling all that sorry for georgia but to add arkansas in the middle of that feels mean-spirited to me although we do have a buy going into that

that feels about right i'm seeing i might four free wins yeah i was going to say i'll i can get you to eight i can get you to eight and based on just based on the way this team plays and things getting a little weird i can see five free wins frankly what's the fifth mississippi state yeah this year should be a free win at home like yeah i think that should be fine yeah okay so it's really and if you just and if you just honestly man just like you just got to flip one or two here which it's probably oklahoma that's probably yeah although it's we have had a recent series with oklahoma that did not go well that feels so long ago it was long ago that's the last time i went to a tennessee game and then there's the there's the you know there's the nc state

opener and the mayo class i don't want to spend too long on this because it's tennessee but yeah that's that feels neither neither eight nor nine would astonish me so after all these unders what I'm hearing is Tennessee 11 and 1. Oh, fucking hell. That I would like to register. Would it be funnier? Would it be funnier if we did that for next year? Sure. Let's go. Come on, everybody in the boat. I can't do that. There is a team I want to pick an over for, but it's not Tennessee. Why not? Hater? This is a team that has a higher over-under win total than Auburn, then U.N.C., then Oklahoma or then USC. The Kansas Jayhawks have an over-under of eight. And I want to see if we can find nine wins for Kansas football. Without just doing what I was going to do, which is national title. You can do that. You can do that.

Let's go. You can do that. Like, it's legal. I'm having fun exploring the space with my voice, by the way. The vacuum, the power vacuum created by Texas and Oklahoma leaving the Big 12, granted, like, Kansas, you know, could beat those teams and could punch with them, whatever. Kansas is literally playing a game that I've a team that I've never heard of

to start their season. Wood University. What denomination are they? I've seriously never heard of this team. This is an FCS team in the Ohio Valley Conference that just moved up to FCS that's why, okay.

They were NAA until 2010. That's why you haven't heard of them. Just brief Google still sort of works. People also ask is Lindenwood a prestigious school? Answer, Lindenwood is ranked number 121 out of 167 regional universities in the Midwest. Okay.

Oh, weird. David Bady, former coach of Kansas, was a wide receiver at Lindenwood. I wonder if that's why this game is on the schedule. I wonder if that's how this happened. Okay, let's hit it. Okay. One, two. UNLV is, it's so weird to have to be like, what's U and LV going to look?

like in September. Yes, fair. Good. Maybe. Losing a quarterback is a little tricky, but he wasn't the starter last. Anyway, I don't know. At Morgan Town. Ma'am, after last year, how can you put a pen in West Virginia in any direction?

Correct. Same with T.C. Let's set aside. Let's mow through and get the... All right. Is there anywhere... Oh, I was going to say, is there anywhere on here where you're like, I don't think Kansas can win that game.

No. Mm-mm. Okay. No, like the, what is the, oh my God, you guys. What's Colorado going to look like by November 23rd? No idea. That game's an Arrowhead.

They'll have several players. You want to go? Head coach Pat Schumer. You guys want to go? Yeah, Dion might be coaching the Chiefs by then. Who knows? Yeah, the hardest game is at K-State. and even still it's i iowa state might be that might be up there too sure yeah yeah but like the the most

we can say of anywhere on this schedule is up there well and it's also like it is a t while it doesn't have any like obvious like oh this would be an uphill battle it is a team full of it is a schedule rather full of pains in the ass illinois huge pain of ass you and lv pain the ass dub v yep uh Arizona state can be a pain in the ass sometimes they just roll over and die but not always improving. I think that's good. That isn't the word, the code that you're going to get for Arizona State, which is completely accurate. Yeah, but it's a month into the season. If I were to tag something of what if this team has improved, I would look at Baylor on November 30th. Not that they will have improved, but what if they do? I would also look at Willie Fritz's Houston on October 19th. That might be a real pain in the ass game at that point. But they have a bot. That's another game at Arrowhead and they have a buy. Yes. They're renovating the stadium, so they have a shit ton of games in the airhead this year. That's another one. But Houston also has a buy, is what I was getting at, before they head to that game.

And Houston has TCU the week before then. So maybe that's also a buy. Yeah. This won't come back to haunt me. You know what? This is too much thinking. Spencer's rate national championship. Yeah, go.

Or at least undefeated big club championship. Oh, Houston's got a nasty schedule for Willie Fritz's first year. Yikes. What you got? opening at you uh the over under down the here's what's working for them the over under is three and a half one of the lowest wind no that i think that might that might bear out um they are yeah this is uh they are opening uh they're opening with unlv at home they go to oklahoma uh then they got rice uh then Cincinnati Iowa State TCU and then in a row

at Kansas, Utah, Kansas State. And Arizona. And then off. And then Arizona, Baylor, BYU. Oh, Willie. Yikes. Yeah. Six wins.

I think he's a, no. I think he's a fine coach. I love Houston. This is not, this is not an auspicious first year schedule for anyone. Ooh. Okay. I feel bad for what is about to happen to them. And I hope they hydrate.

where's Dana Holgerson right now where am I not brother I mean hang on it could be anywhere where's the casino the most recent news thing I have found which I don't think panned out was that in January Nebraska was looking to add him as a as a staffer of some sort but I don't think they did that

so he's just in the wind no man he's over here trying to pass the bar you know that's very sure not that He's rehabbing bathrooms. He's rehabbing bathrooms with Tony Kookech. Brother, I'm so glad you said it. Brother, I said, trying.

I ain't going to make it very far past the bar. I didn't stay succeeding. I mean, do you guys remember what his buyout was? He's wherever he wants to be right now. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, remember, my buyout's too big. They won't fire me.

Whoops. All right. I guess my buyout was manageable. To be fair, his boss was the one saying that. Yeah. Um, hey, let's, uh, just for fun, just for fun, I just want to see, because God only knows. Have we looked at Colorado? Because this is also, no, because this is also a, all right, let's make this the last one, please.

This is also a schedule that could be full of wamps. Like in week one. Your number here is five and a half. So you're basically saying is Colorado. Once again, why do you people? keep scheduling, why does everyone keep scheduling North Dakota State? Stop doing that. I mean, don't. But also

why are you doing that? That's bad for you. What are the numbers in Colorado? Five and a half. So you're basically deciding. Amoring the other. Let's do dramatic. Let's do this dramatic school. Let's go week by week. Thursday, August 29th, North Dakota State Bison.

L. I know they're not the bison of old. I don't think they have to be. This is going to of you in Colorado is its healthiest. This is when they're going to have the most depth for the year. They're obviously going to like, like, we are right back in the same place where it's sort of like, everyone's hating on Colorado and that's going to be, I don't know, I'm not willing

to necessarily. We're not saying we are. I'm just saying that's going to be the party line internally. Let me just go ahead and do this. Let's just set up the narrative again. Okay. Okay. I'm going to be like L and then they'll beat North Dakota State and we'll be like, oh, wow, you

started the season with an exciting upset of North Dakota State and then the point will be proven. People said the same shit about like them beating Colorado State in overtime last year and not very good Colorado State. And not the fact that it took you overtime to beat Colorado state. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like. Which by the way is week three. But before that got, you get the funny game, which is Nebraska. If Nebraska doesn't win this, if they don't beat Colorado this year. Like all of the good vibes, maybe this is going to work with Matt Ruhl feels like the oxygen's out of the room immediately.

Counterpoint. Do you think Matt Ruhl is doing anything between now and them but studying up for this one game? He might be. Like, that should be where you really want to, like, come out. Because they have U-TEP before that. That shouldn't be a game that you have to. No, that'll be a nice, that'll be a nice tune-up. Yeah.

I can't believe. Oh, my God. this is a real test of coaches going places that give us affection for these places that we don't want to hold in our hearts i can't believe i'm harboring hope in my heart for nebraska right now it's a night game at home if they lose to colorado the second week of the season at home like just close the book it'll just it'll just close the program yeah fucking hell this is such a scene a rock matchup too this is such a hustle heart respect that's that is completely completely Nebraska in this game. As soon as it happens, it's history. Get it out of the textbooks. Pray, love. Football.

All right. I'm getting to the next joke. Okay. Week three, Colorado State. Week four, Baylor. Week five, UCF in Orlando. Why does that feel so dangerous? All right.

So you're through five games and I would say you need Colorado if they want to win six games. It has to have three wins under their, under their belt at this point, because I don't think they're going to be Kansas State after that. I might, listen, I need, we need to pause on UCF because I need to sit and marinate for a possibility of Gus just running four quarters of high school bullshit on Colorado. And we might have to go to that one.

Dion will actually be, Dion would actually be like, he might, yeah, he might actually recognize it faster than others would. Now, he would, and that's the best part is that I think in the postgame press conference. he would be like, well, we can't stop this high school offense. No offense to them, but, you know, we can't stop this high school shit. And Gus would be like, yes, it is high school shit. Has UCF announced the space game yet?

Because that would be a very funny one to, uh, oh, it's the- fuck you, NORAD. They're doing it against Arizona is the space game. I thought you were going to say they were doing it as Air Force, which is very funny. No, unfortunately. Okay. These guys are ours. Anyway, after Kansas State, uh, they have to go to Arizona. Which is a little bit of an unknown quantity at this point, but...

I'm calling that a loss. Okay. That's a good roster, though. Like, at a good quarterback. The real twist here is the last three, maybe four games in the season. I would put the fourth game in there because I don't think we really... I'm saying this with an optimistic upswing on the end of it. I don't think we really know what to expect out of Texas Tech this year,

but I don't mean that in a pessimistic way. Oh, I just never mind. Hold on. I'm changing my whole attitude on this. I don't want to end up in a social media hype video after they win two games where it's like, here's everybody who said we suck. So Colorado's winning 10 games. I'm on the record. They're going to win 10 games. They're losing two. No, a hater. You know what? You know what? It made them stronger. It was what they needed to get better. Joey McGuire Dion Sanders week 10 hype video battle Yeah Can you imagine the promo that Joey McGuire would cut after this game If that goes weird Anyway, after Texas Tech

They have Utah Kansas and Oklahoma State sleep tight There is one game on here where I'm like I think they're fine and it's the Cincinnati Yeah I'm like Scott Satterfield could have got his last fucking eat is going to get his team came in. Shadar's going to throw for six touchdowns. Everybody's going to hate Scott Satterfield.

I skipped over that because I had the exact same thought I was like on Cincinnati. And once they hate him, he wins seven in a row. That's right. I was going to say, hold on. I'm looking up the Cincinnati Bear Cuts football schedule. And I'm going to go ahead and lay out the narrative here because the Scott Satterfield narrative is tried and true. It never varies.

Scott Sinoet Satterfield. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Okay, good. He's going to be in serious trouble. It's a serious trouble. Right. He's going to be in a serious bit of trouble after losing the Colorado game.

But then triumphant wins versus West Virginia. It'd be like 17, 16. No, he won't. No, that's, nope, yep. That feels very West Virginia. Iowa State, another game where we're like, Matt Campbell, what are you doing? Hit the eject button. 10 to 6.

Hit the fucking eject button, Matt Campbell. Yep. uh kansas state after like kansas state looks really good for like three weeks in a row and then they're like this is their like five turnover game yeah we do five turnovers and our tummy's hurt um i'm sorry that's not a kansas state thing it's just every now and then in late november a team has a five turnovers and my tummy hurts game it's everyone it happens to everyone do you need to turn this car around right kansas state do you need to go to the bathroom Because that sounded bad.

While we're revamping like Sprite into Starry and all that shit, do we have a ginger ale that's done this? Because they should just swoop in and sponsor whichever game this is every year. Hey, folks, it's the Schwepp's Liebdown Hour. Can you hear Gus Johnson doing that promo? Does your... Shwams! Brought to you by Schweps, tidal lemons.

When you got that mud bud. God. Speaking of bitter lemons, back to you, Tim Brando. Diarrhea, it's a bad thing. Bad thing. Oh, tummy gremlins are bad. Joel Clat. Speaking of runs, the run game.

He'd take it too, man. Joel would hit that segue so fucking fast. No, Joel Clat would step onto it like a guy with a rolling suitcase, stepping onto a moving sidewalk in the correct direction. He's not even going to break stride. But, and then you're going to give me Cincinnati beating TCU at the end of the year? Did we just invent, wait, wait, did we just invent Joel Cloud ASMR because I would fall asleep to that. I hope not.

I would, by the, I might also do this. I might also go. I don't mean for like a sex thing. I meant for like a sleepy podcast. Holly, there's no such thing as ASMR that's not a sex thing to somebody. Yeah. There's no such thing as anything that's not a sex thing to somebody. Exactly.

Somebody's turned on by me going, Saturday. Field four win games. Schwabts! Swethe. Hey boys, my mouth's feeling pretty Canada dry. After that last fumble. Yeah, this is, this is, I, I, the real advanced move here would be Scott Satterfield clears.

Oh, shit, sorry. Speaking of bitter lemons, here's Urban Meyer on our halftime show. The real, the real, the real Satterfield Pro move here would be three win, win. three-game win streak relieves pressure goes into TCU game fucking face plants and ruins it all yep that's what we call it real deal Satterfield what job is he trying to get while this happens I don't think that's happening anymore I think that should I said trying the Louisville gig the Louisville gig he's got to go you know he's got to go somewhere where he can hide better he's got to be like how's Yukon doing are they the Golden State Valkyries

fucking badass man i love women i think i could do a lot with page beckers get a job stay away from her get a job as all scott satterfields tried to do that is his thing yeah he's about that he's like

i would love a job get a job stay away from her might as well be able to be carved into the walls across the entrance to louisville stadium sorry jeff President company excluded. Present company excluded. It was originally done by the founder Howard Chenelenberger in reference to his wife.

She's mine. Stay away from her. Love Beth. That's why the fur is there to create distance. That's right. Stunning woman. Don't look at her twice.