Shutdown Fullcast - WINNING IN ALL THREE PHASES OF GOVERNMENT

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

 - Another 60-minute half-hour of college football preview content, beginning with at least one game that doesn’t exist anymore!  - Spencer has robot blindness, to the surprise of absolutely no one  - Introducing NanoCrabs™!   #TheSplotchWasGood   - Miami Batman answers to the Council of Badgers  - One (1) reader question, answered in thoughtful and thorough detail  - It used to be a lot easier to just buy dynamite!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. And we might get through tonight's episode. But I can't be totally certain about that. I can't be 100% confident that it won't be canceled by the time that we get to the midway point. Right now, we've got four people eligible. That's enough. We can get down to three, but after that, we lose quorum. Can't do it.

This is what's happening on the full cast. And it's what's happening pretty much everywhere in college football because we tried to play football in the middle of a pandemic. And hey, when you do that, you're going to get some cancellations because people can't make 56 people on the roster. Jason, we have cancellations. How many cancellations do we have in the SEC alone? A few. The SEC alone, just this week?

Just this week. Is it, oh, let's see. Well, it looks like we're hovering around four so far. Mm-hmm. We started with full inventory of seven games. Seven conference games in the SEC, and we are now down to three. Is that true? I think one of them, you have South Carolina Ole Miss as canceled on here.

Did that get canceled? Did you cancel that one, Spencer? I canceled that one. Breaking news. All right. He's seen enough. Haven't we? Haven't we?

Because the other one that you don't have on this list, you have Alabama LSU. that has indeed been postponed. You have Texas, A&M, Tennessee, also postponed, and you have Auburn, Mississippi State, also postponed. The other one that is rumoredly tilting is Vanderbilt, Kentucky. What will we do without Vanderbilt, Kentucky? I'm doing this thing where I have heard that both of these schools are having trouble making roster with COVID number.

are they doing some kind of chicken game where they're waiting to see if the other one cancels first so they don't have to be responsible for it i don't think that's a concern for vandy anymore vandy has already canceled outright a couple vandy has i don't actually think that's what they're doing it was a joke i i don't even know if i'm joking like would vanderbilt like why does Vanderbilt not cancel every game at this point? So if all those cancellations go through, the SEC would be left with Georgia Mizzou, conference staple, long-time rivalry,

the people need it, and Arkansas, Florida, another storied, important game. A game that even looks like it's going to happen. It is Tuesday night, so who's to say what will transpire, but will not happen with Sam Pittman in attendance because he tested positive for COVID and has to sit out. So the only untainted game at this point

to be Georgia Mizzou? I think. Assuming our early call for South Carolina Ole Miss goes through. I think that is correct. I think by pandemic, I guess, anyway. Yeah. It's still going to have a lot of Mizzou on it. Oh, they'll be, well, I mean, Georgia,

you've got two losses too. You're not innocent here. that's man that's so that that you're coming in and go well mazoo's got three losses but georgia has two i mean georgia you're you're carrying your weight here like i if vandy kentucky somebody somebody on the discord suggested that this be moved to the 330 slot for cbs that vandy kentucky be that game gary danielsen would be so unhappy so has vandy ever been the cbs game I think they got, I think maybe one, do you remember that one year where they like started 4-0

and they were like, we want Bama? And then they got Bama and they got killed. I don't know if that was a, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna scroll through their schedules. I don't think that was the CBS game. I do want. Oh, it was. It was?

Look at your point. Yeah. Alabama 59, Vandy Zero on CBS. Just three scant years ago. go. Yes, that's right. This was Vandy coming in hot off of a 14-7 win over K-state. And then Vandy lost one, two, three, four, five, six, seven of their next eight games. Yeah. Cool. So, Vandy's back. In a sense, that is technically true. Yeah. Vandy continues to feel the football team is kind of the more accurate way to say that. So the ACC, uh, so the ACC, uh,

Six games as of recording, nearly a full slate. AAC, Memphis Navy, postponed. Big 12, going for two games, two games still holding. This is the way to do it. Promise little and deliver little. It's Butweek, Baylor University, Texas Tech. Love a good butt week. But week.

Yep. Not the last time those two schools have had threatened to cancel a butt game because of disease. we have fun big ten and kusa nothing canceled the max going to be done before the before the uh inspectors even get there to be clear that disease is hoof and mouth disease oh right sure um we just we just let that roll through the boys makes them stronger and cal Arizona State is still on the schedule that is a road game I guess because I have not followed this super closely so maybe one of y'all can help me Cal Athletics is like maybe going to go to war against

like the Berkeley Health Department is that right literally against science okay yeah but and not just if I had to say if you got a bow up against any public health department and I had to just blind draft the team I did not want to face it would be the Berkeley California Health Department Maybe the New York Public Health Department would be a close number two on that or San Francisco, but in Berkeley, right there. I mean, the New York Health Department, look at the ball they dropped with all those ghosts that needed Bustin. Where were they?

Nowhere. You know, they didn't have data, Ryan. I'm going to defend them. Walter Peck didn't need data. He just went and shut down the Ghostbusters containment unit. Walter Peck's not a man of science. It's a bureaucrat. He works for the EPR.

Ryan, Ryan, the ghosts were in good shape. They were doing their job fine. Okay. The ghosts were healthy. The ghosts, listen, the ghost wanted to haunt, and I think we should respect that, okay? Let the ghost haunt. It's good exercise. They were, I'm sorry, they were free range, and they were there before us.

So we should have left them there, in my opinion. And they will definitely be either here after us. That's true. that's true yeah i don't think i want anything to do with the berkeley department of public health in a tussle because i know cal is playing football uh maybe not in spite or explicitly against no they're they're doing it against the explicit suggestions of the berkeley public health department and this is where this is where remember we talked about covid saying oh yeah man there's like 800 factors you haven't even thought of one of them is that

Yeah, football isn't a government. You've had to explain this to a lot of people that football's not a layer of government. Like, well, there's the executive, the legislative, the judicial, and the football. And special teams. Special teams. Special teams. There in Alabama, we don't have that branch. We got the three phases of government.

We're going to win all three of them. Yeah, there's not a football division of government. It's not like Justin Wilcox as an elected official who can go and say, hey. But Tom Osborne was. Take that. Lib. Tommy Tuberville is. Tommy Tuberville is.

Fuck. Yeah. That's true. Bad mood, no. He's going to leave for the XFL within like three months. Tommy, Tommy Tuberville just goes and joins the Mexican Congress. Senator. No, he doesn't.

No, he wouldn't. I don't think that's the. direction he would choose I don't think he would find a warm welcome yeah what if he just moved over a state he's done that before

don't come our way oh you mean how he moved over from Florida where he lives to Alabama to run for Senate mm-hmm yeah or maybe just sliding on over from from Old Miss to Auburn

so is he going to Bermuda now I'm confused where is he going I know, you gotta find some, you gotta find some, no, no, Cuba. Although that'd be quite the heel turn if he were like, Viva, Chee. I would love to hear Tommy Tuberville speak Spanish. Wow. Man, I can't even make a good Peggy Hill joke about it because I don't want to sully her name.

Well, and Rick Scott sort of like lived that dream for us too. God, damn, did he ever? El telephino. Partito. I've never. actually seen someone attempt Spanish in real life do that badly and not look embarrassed no because because that was the best part he thought he was killing it yes el partito democratico amigos didn't he use the version that means like soccer team it means like game like not political party

yes yeah sorry like rick scott i haven't taken spanish since 2003 and you committed a bunch of care fraud. I was going to say, unlike Rick Scott, I am not attempting to public speak in Spanish out of respect for this beautiful language and its peoples. I, L. Medicare fraud, oh, the night is done. I have no idea, by the way, like, where that ends. Like, does cow have to do this? Do they have to become, like, the bandito team that only plays at other venues? other than their home field?

Well, you know, you know why they're called circuit courts, right? Why they're called circuit court judges. Well, because they used to ride around, right? Because, yeah, they used to, like, if you... Oh, I thought it was because they were all, um, it was because they were all robots, Johnny Fives and they were, they were alive. Um, no, they used to like, if you look at a map of... They matter until the uprising.

That's right, led by Steve Gutenberg. If you look at a map of the U.S. districts, the circuits rather Yeah, back in the old day You would ride around on a horse And hear all these cases and shit So you're suggesting that they could be like The old-timey circuit judge

Of college football Although that feels like that's already Central Arkansas's role in some way So two suggestions on this One, if I met If I had a big case, a big federal case And I came up, the circuit court judge was Johnny 5 I'd feel pretty bad about my chances

what if you got to meet alishidi though that'd be fun that'd be fun but they're still dropping he's still dropping the courthouse on me right the other why what what did you do to robots what did you do to the robot johnny five and johnny five is not a particularly malicious robot only if you're an asshole are you thinking of a terminator no that's where that's where i think you're wrong i think johnny five would sim i think johnny five's hiding right like i know of a federal judge who wore santa suit the day the last day before uh christmas break in his court and when asked were you more lenient that day while wearing the santa suit he said no no no man hang him high i was i was putting people away that day uh in the santa suit so i think the johnny five thing

is a cover i think he's probably a malicious judge and i will also this is the second part of this I know that many judges pack heat underneath the robe, just in case things go sideways. And I just, the idea of Johnny Five with the D. Eagle strapped beneath the robes, it's an intimidating thought for me. So to be clear, you don't want to draw Johnny Five as you're assigned appellate judge. No. Because of the imagined Johnny Five that you have created, who is like very, very mean and, and we, wielding a gun. So basically, Jason was right.

You're thinking of the Terminator. No, he's real nice up until sentencing. You think everything's going great. That's a Robocop then. Yeah, no, but Robocop's not nice. Sure he is. He says, have a nice day. Spencer, do you think all 80s robots run on the same programming?

Oh, yeah. Listen, these are constitutional originals and that they all run on Fortran. So this is all, like, every, it's all MS DOS. Every single 80s robot is exactly the same. Oh, yeah. And I'm getting like 20 to life.exe. What about 90s robots? What about Cletus, the football robot?

They all run on Windows, so maybe they'll just blue screen of death and I could get out of there. Okay. Okay. Holly, how do you think this college football podcast is going? I'm so tired, and I want to kill so many people. Why?

nothing no no we're good cool hey jason you got a game you want to preview this week Penn State Nebraska God what's wrong with you I know what's wrong with me I'm not the one who's oh and three I'm not the one who started number eight and is on the verge of oh and four I'm not the one who spent all summer begging for football and is now on the verge of o'n three

I'm not the one with problems here it's Penn State who has problems and it's Nebraska who has problems one of them was about to have really fucking big problems you're selecting this game makes me agree with Holly I am also very tired and want to kill him I mean I think this is the sickos game of the year so far this is the sickos game

of the year if it managed to break Ryan in the name of picking a bad game to watch this week Ryan this is your mediate yeah Ryan Ryan's got like Illinois Rutgers holstered and ready to go he's got some kind of football biohazard on deck and you said something that appalled even

him. I mean, Illinois Rutgers, teams in that game have a win. That does not apply here in Penn State, Nebraska. No, this is, I mean, I reserve judgment as to whether, I'm not going to necessarily agree that this is the sicko game of the year, but it's definitely of the week. There is no doubt about that. I mean, just imagine the anguish, the howling, whoever loses this game. It's on at noon, nothing particularly better going on.

I mean, our Hoosiers have a key division game. And yet, so the big, the big, the big, the big new game is TCU, West Virginia. No, thank you. Give me little new, so Penn State, Nebraska, you've been bumped by TCU, West Virginia. That's how far you've fallen. I also, I really, I wish I'd had the time to look this up. The last time a top 10 team started 0 and or 0.4, which obviously part of the fluke there is Penn State, you know, the schedule being canceled and all that.

And I cannot recall who they were originally going to play. But, yeah, going from number 8 to 0 and 4. Boy, that would, that would suck. Not for us. Yeah, it's not, yeah, it's not my problem. But Penn State, you're favored by three and a half. At least they didn't get housed by, like, Maryland. Well

They got their ass-wilted by Maryland They didn't just lose to Maryland They looked like the Maryland Of the Penn State Maryland series The Immortals, the rivalry that never dies Where Maryland has won four games Out of 39 One in a row

One in a row is enough Make t-shirts about it, call it the Splotch. The splotch was good. The aberration. The one red line on the wiki page. Yeah, just a crab holding an ink blotter going, got you. The splotch. Cicombo breaker.

The anomaly. Yeah, that would be, you know, I'm really glad Maryland doesn't do this, but for humor's sake, the idea of them taking a page out of the Detroit Red Wings playbook, throwing crabs onto the field anytime anything good happened would be astonishing every first they were smaller and alive yeah i'm thinking i don't want something that lands and cracks i want something you have to chase yeah nanocrabs yeah thank you jason yes jason what is who is the um who who will melt harder if they lose this game i don't know that's the beauty of it I mean, so Nebraska after this, you got Illinois at Iowa, at Purdue, Minnesota.

You can beat Illinois, you know, so you get a win this year. I mean, beyond that, who could predict? Nairators' voice, they did not beat it. Penn State, it's a little bit rough, or you got to Iowa. You got to go to Michigan, an equally desperate Michigan. You've got to face Rutgers. They've won a game unlike you. And then Penn State, Michigan State at the very end,

which could be for last place in the Big Ten East. Jesus, I don't know, man. I don't know which is worse here. I'll go with... Because Penn State started with outside national title aspiration. Sure. Right? Get past Ohio State and you're in the playoff.

Whereas Nebraska, you're the whole reason we're in this fucking mess. Yeah. But at least we got trip on bad penalty. But at least it's our mess. I will say, I will say, I think it's Penn State. Because if Nebraska loses, there's still enough, I think, rough rationality there to be like, we lost to a better team. But if Penn State loses to Nebraska, if they have to start the year and be like, yep,

we have four losses. One of them to Ohio State, and that one's fine. And the others are to Indiana, Maryland, and Nebraska. Like, that's some pull your, like, throw your PlayStation against the wall. I guess the other thing here is Nebraska, if you lose, then what do you say? Fuck you. Hit me again. Give me Illinois. Fuck you. All I came here to do is play football, not win football, you know? Like all Nebraska wants to do is play football. If they go 0 and 8, so what. Fuck you.

Penn State. You actually plans to win most of these games. Sure. And you're on the verge of being decued from that. So, yeah, it's Penn State. It's Penn State. Okay. Like Nebraska's happy no matter what. this point, Nebraska has hit the point where they have hit rock bottom and are sliding sideways. Penn State might be like, is this it? No, no, we're going lower. Going lower. There it is. Why are there so many sub-basements? God damn. They're the guy. They're the guy

in the gag who's continuing to fall through each floor of the building and has not stopped yet. Like, oh, that's interesting. I just went through a restaurant. Hey, look, retail store. Oh, an apartment. hey folks like they're just going down and they haven't hit the floor that's going to stop them yet meanwhile in Nebraska they're like this basement's fine I'm gonna fight my way out of it yeah I'll fuck you we'll stay down here whereas Penn State it's like nice Penn State you're you're at least 30 seconds into the hot rod mountain fall you're at the point where it's like oh they went for drag it out so long that it stops being funny and then it's funny again and then it makes another lap around that continuum so yeah we got some tumbling um i would also the gate the team that

penn state has to face after nebraska is iowa they don't have to i think they have to you can just say no is that a thing we could do now sure yeah i decline you can decline a bowl game why can't you decline a conference game. I mean, if you simply don't show up, it's not like they have like teleportation devices. What if they just told them, I don't really like those guys. I'm not feeling it. Not like we're not afraid, you know, we're completely willing to play football with you. It's just that you've got a dicks.

Like, what would happen? The Big Ten would say, okay, Penn State forfeits. Penn State would be like, cool. Like, thank you for the Saturday where we can like have a few hours to do some fun stuff and not lose a football game i would get a wait i would get a what do you get if in a forfeit it's like two zero yeah i think it's like iowa would get the platonic ideal yeah like you don't have to play perfect game by the way week past that is at michigan in a game that i guarantee you will leave absolutely no one involved happy in any way there's a lot of talk about penn state football

and like yeah i don't want to take this game out shoot it because all I hear is a bunch of old yellers. That's the beauty. That's the beauty of it. I was going to say Boston College Notre Dame because I don't think Notre Dame's going to put together that same game, two games in a row because they really played a beautiful game

against Clemson, a Clemson team that I still think is probably better on paper, especially if they have Trevor Lawrence as starter, which they don't because he came up with the COVID. yeah i don't i don't think they play that game two games in a row and though i don't necessarily think they'll lose i i do think this is a boston college team that we've seen can come out hard swinging in the first two quarters they might run out of snaps they might run out of stars they might run out of talent right at one point the differential will cave in on them

it's just kind of a matter of well can they get a big enough lead to make it interesting before that happens and uh the answer so far is yeah because they've already done that to clemson Yeah, okay I don't know I was played eight eight games yeah I don't see it I don't like

maybe Notre Dame has a turd in them to drop it does not feel like it will you heard me Ryan said a curse I said a cuss I said a poop word

like if I'm looking at the games that are left and geez, like, there's not a lot of choices left because they're not going to lose Syracuse. That just, like, makes no sense. I don't think they'll lose to Wake Forest, although I would be lying if I said

that I had watched a single second of Wake Forest football this year. So maybe UNC seems more probable than Boston College if they're going to lose. Yeah, like shootout, yeah? Yeah, like, you know, it's an, UNC is in a different stage as a team than Boston colleges right now. They're in a different stage, doesn't mean that, you know, especially like we don't necessarily know what the roster will be looking like by then.

Sure. That's another thing that's messing all of this up, right? I can see the Wake game being stupid. I don't know about an upset, but the Wake game could definitely get stupid because Wake Forest has an innate talent as a team in the Dave Clausen era for making games wilder and stupider than they have. any reason to be it's really wild that like Notre Dame normally exists in this world where they say and they are largely right that like look at this schedule that we play look at this like

amazing you know circus that we that we put together for you we're going to play circus because now I get to say look at them clams we're going to play Stanford and we're going to play USC and maybe we're going to play Michigan blah blah blah blah blah blah And now, to coming off, like, a huge win for the program, to have to be like, it's Boston College, UNC, Syracuse wake. Like, this is very much, you are, you are, I guess, kudos to Notre Dame. You are living ACC life, hardcore. I hope they win the national title, because that would be the dumbest possible result of

the season is, hey, we spent decade. Cates crying about Notre Dame playing a difficult schedule that doesn't have every team on its schedule wearing the same jersey patch. Well, now we have that. Guess what? We gave them an easy schedule. Nice. But somehow it's validated because they are in standings now. So, yeah, at least to the playoff. Let's get Notre Dame into the playoff. Notre Dame and Clemson into the playoff. If Notre Dame, if Notre Dame runs the table and wins the national championship, do you think that changes their perspective on conference membership. I hope not.

I hope they retire with the belt and just go directly back to independence. Because it would be very funny if they won the national, if they went undefeated, won the national title, go back to being an independent next year, seven and five. Year after that, eight and four,

just like. And then they say, they say, hey, ACC, actually we, uh, we,

we, we, We do want to join after. Oh, I'm feeling kind of sick. Maybe we should do another temporary season. What do you guys think? Gosh, we sure do miss you guys. The Abigail Adams of Independence.

I got a fever of 98.9. I run cold normally, so that's very high for me. I think we should just go ahead and sneak us back in. I got a fever of seven and five. How infuriating would it be for Notre Dame to do that for Virginia Tech of Miami? who since joining the conference I haven't really come close to sniffing a national title

for Notre Dame to wing in in year one and be like why y'all act like this is hard we just picked one up man beat Clemson you know got the conference title got the national title yeah light work especially because in this in this example

they're beating Clemson twice at least once I mean like could the ACC be a two-bill league oh yeah i'm assuming i'm assuming they run the tape i'm i'm talking about the world where they run the table and do this okay strolling through here like l woods what like it's hard legally bland i went to harvard football you can't smell blonde without indy and blow bro right up top that's the that's the university of miami part that's the yeah that's the

Miami. I had to get them in there. Shouts out. I don't know if you saw, by the way, in the middle of a tropical storm with flooding in Miami, somebody put a lambo through like three feet of water in Miami. Was it Batman? Miami Batman. He's a little different. He doesn't wear a shirt. But a mask. Yeah. His identity is concealed. Yeah. Actually, yeah. His identity is concealed. But you know, I know a guy. I know a guy who knows. a guy. I think there's a lot of getting and fight and tearing off the mask. Like,

you don't fucking know me, bro. Miami Batman's been knocked out by Kane's players at least three times in the last 10 years and, you know, South Beach and fights. But it was fun, but it was for fun.

Yeah. That's how he stays in shape. It is, yeah. I fight, I fight, sometimes I go up and fight FIU and sometimes FAU. I had all the letters,

you know. I think Miami Batman fights crime by day because, you know, you know, it's a party. that's right so Miami Batman is out there in 105 degree sweating his ass off

that makes by the way that makes Miami Batman a Miami goth the most committed gotts in the world Miami Goths

because not only are they hot weather goth they're Miami gots so it's like 9,000 degrees and you're out there wearing like black

PVC pants and an overcoat no I'm not hot it's fine are you lonely yeah pretty lonely so we need to pair the miami got with the midwestern shorts guy you just you just organize a dating site congrats or a whole game yeah yeah that sounds like harbors only that's wisconsin miami isn't it yeah it is okay i guess we've already done this

we've done that yeah how to go someone got shards good for the shorts guys for the shorts guys went down there and hung out with them great bunch of guys sorts guys at night sailors delight yeah that that batman great guy bat bat man yeah man

a bit of a lightweight though I tell you I didn't believe in global warming until I felt 76 degree temperatures that was incredible he said the bat cave kept flooding I'm like it's Florida bro you figured it out you gotta get a sump pump

You built a layer in limestone. Geez, people don't know geology. We have a reader question. Our one reader question for tonight, we always select just one for our mailbag episode. Can I do a runner up? I would love for you to do a runner up. Just for tonight.

Yes, for tonight. Because we had one reader ask whether we had any schools that we would either want to do it. take football away from them if they're playing it right now or if we would want to give football to a school that didn't have it right now and there is a school that i would like to give football right now and that school is michigan thank you i will not be taking questions moving on he did ask wow wow i have a servant's heart and i won't apologize for it Yeah, it's one of the servants who stabs you in your sleep.

Um, toast. Can I say the one I would want to give it to the University of Mexico, Mexico City? Because that would be the most amazing game day environment, all of college football, instantly. If they played in a stadio, Azteca. Yeah, like, you think going to LSU something. Now you're like, they're throwing bottles of piss at us. We get it. you did study abroad.

Yeah. Nah, he just had a lot of bottles of piss thrown on him. Yeah, I did. Unfortunately, I've watched the United States men's national team go down there and lose 70 a bunch of times while getting bottles of piss thrown at them. The inferior national soccer team of the two we have. Oh, shit. Oh, wow.

Damn. Well, Spencer said it. So I know that that closely debilers. bated question. Yeah. Finally, we have an answer. Finally, oh, a big decision coming in. Let's go to Kornacki.

Oh, yep. We're calling the race for the U.S. Women's National Team. I'm willing to do it. I'll get out there. You brave, brave boy. No, there's... I mean, that looks like a pretty sturdy limb,

but we may want to move something under him that's soft. Is it over water? Because he can't swim. I heard that about him. I'm plenty of. buoyant, though. Let's float. No. No, you don't. I all float down here.

Minos too, bar gordon. Menos too, but... Hear that, Rick Scott? You bitch. Elfrado de medicero. Not guilty, oh. Not guilty. That's all you need to know.

I just hope the El Blubito guy saw that. El Blubito. The school in Mexico, of course, their mascot is the Pumas. And they appeared in the 1945 Sun Bowl, where they did not fare so well against Southwestern University. I think deserve a second chance, frankly. I think we can make this happen. Yeah, let's bring it back in.

The other question we were going to ask comes from Jordan Bellant. And he asked via Twitter, saying, what's one college football or Jason's story? y'all wish would have happened during your time covering the sport and i have an answer it's not a huge one you expect like oh maybe some gigantic scandal and i'm like well kind of kind of tail end of floristate being good featured a player uh who was colorful to say the least um in the year 2000 coming off an excellent season the Florida State Seminoles had a kicker by the name of Sebastian Janikowski might be more familiar to you as the kicker for the Oakland Raiders rather stocky Polish fella um Sebastian Janikowski basically got arrested for a bunch of

drug and alcohol related things mostly alcohol you don't even speak in English for six years And on January 23rd, 2000, this appeared in the Tallahassee Democrats' annals. Florida State's football hero, bad boy, Sebastian Janikowski, hit both ends of the spectrum this weekend, lauded with teammates during a national championship celebration Saturday afternoon and honored to the special team's most valuable player at a football banquet that night. He was then arrested in the early morning hours Sunday, charged with a felony count of, and I have never heard of another college football player

being charged with this. Bribery. Not Ryan Paralloo? No, no. That was racketeering. Impossible to involve it with counterfeiting. Parallu, I don't think they threw bribery on that pile.

An off-duty police officer arrested Aaron Silverman, 26, described as Janikowski's roommate outside a downtown night spot at 2.45 a.m. for trespassing. Tallahassee PD then said Florida State's kicker was arrested after he dropped $100 bills into an officer's lap asking him to let my friend go and forget about the whole thing like in plain side of everyone Florida State's kicker

not their running back not their star quarterback not their star linebacker not their star defensive end nope not a wide receiver not a tight end their kicker at the peak of Florida State's powers thought he could just drop $100 bills in a cop slap and be like, we're cool? Was he wrong? I was there.

The funny thing is, he wasn't really wrong. June 13th, 2000, Dateline Tallahassee. There we go. Former FSU kicker, Sebastian Janikowski, was acquitted Tuesday on bribery charges. This went to a jury trial. A jury trial of four men and two women. They came back after deliberating for under an hour.

The 22-year-old top draft picket of the Oakland Raiders. Man, what a sketchy title that was in the Al Davis years. I was accused of offering a police officer $300 bucks outside a nightclub in plain view of everyone around him. And the jury bought it and acquitted. him because because according to them the argument was that

Janakowski, a Polish native who began speaking English just six years ago, simply thought he was paying his roommates fine. I love this story so much. Not guilty. Not guilty. They were like, yeah, I thought you could just pay on the spot, man.

And a bunch of people in Florida were like, well, why can't you do that? It's true. See, bass. got a point streamlining government that is the one story because it's the only time

I've ever heard of a player openly throwing money at a cop going like go away I think the only mistake made first of all two things one you never hear about the bribery cases that don't get prosecuted

okay yeah like it's it's only bad when it fucks up it's like a fake point two i think the mistake was he should have offered the cash to the cop waiting for the cop to like almost take it and then citizen arrested the cop for taking a bribe that would have been that would have been the most is that the most florida result here this is why we have a sports law blogger on our show it hurts because it It's true.

Can I also say that how on earth did this man get in any actual trouble? Like, that's how you know Sebastian Janukaski was Wilden in the year 2000? Because he got in trouble in Tallahassee in the year 2000, in any year as a football player. It's not real likely. There's a lot of allowances, a lot of phone calls made. Generally in the state of Florida, in any major university town, you're a football player. you ain't getting in trouble not unless it's egregious

and even then sometimes if it's egregious you're not getting in trouble not unless it's a what not unless it's egregious I'm sorry he committed egregious yeah I don't know how you did this Sebastian Janakowski but just for the fact that it even happened

much less for the acquittal you're a marvel of human endeavor and creativity so yeah there's the one story I really wish that I'd been covering the sport on at the time. I have one from well before, I think, any of us actually. Yeah, Spencer's not this old, and he's going to be mad that I even suggested that he might have too bad.

We're born. And that's from the 1964 Maryland Navy game, where a... I remember this. No. This is where a Maryland player named Jerry Fishman got a couple of penalties in this game for, like, late hits, personal fouls, whatever. And after one of them, he injured a Navy receiver right in front of the Navy stands, and the Navy Faithful started booing him, and he turned around and gave him the finger. Um, then he, uh, had a late hit on reigning Heisman champion, uh, Roger Stauback, um, got boated, got flagged, got put again. And, and gave the Navy, gave the Navy crowd another

middle finger. And this was, this was so, first of all, Navy was not very good this year. And Navy eventually lost this game on a 101 kickoff yard a 101 yard kick return touchdown um but this was received so poorly and navy was so pissed that this dude had turned around and flipped them the finger twice and this like temporally this is like probably within a few months of the gulf of tonkin incident So it's not like there's, it's not like there's much anti-military sentiment in society at large that you'd see later in the Vietnam War. So it's like kind of a big deal. There is a good quote he has where his mom was at the game. And he says, somebody said to her, did you see what he just did?

And he claims his mother says, oh, he did that all the time in high school. school. I'm sorry, flipped off the Navy? Yep. Flipped off the Navy. He, the point is that this was, this was so, um, so offensive to the Navy, to the Naval Academy that they had one more game with Maryland already scheduled the next year for 1965. And then they didn't play Maryland again for 40 years. And, like, Like, it came up. Like, people would ask the Navy, like, hey, Maryland's right there.

Have you thought about playing them again? And pretty consistently, they were like, no, we can't do that because people, like, alumni still write us and are like, don't dare fucking play Maryland. Those sons a bitch. Like, it's. Do they still hang out with Jerry? Yeah. Okay.

Screw them. I just like, I imagine, who was it that got kicked out of the Ohio State Michigan game and flipped everybody, flipped the crowd, the double birds? Do you remember? Marcus Hall. Yes, thank you. My cousin. My hero.

Imagine if that had happened and Michigan had said we're not playing Ohio State for 40 years. I am positive there were some people who said that would have been, that would have been wise. That would have been preferable to the results. Now I wish that I had thought at the time to FOIA. missions communications immediately after that game because I bet you somebody tried oh yeah yeah someone absolutely attempted to get this series canceled over that he didn't it was two fingers two he couldn't even keep it to one the other thing I like about this story is that um Navy was you know Navy didn't didn't join a conference until 2015

and so for the entirety of this of this refusal to play maryland stretch they don't have the sort of like built-in advantage like texas and texas a and m not that they'd ever want to play each other why would they want to why would they think about that late at night when they can't sleep and all they miss is like the scent of um a warm short-sleeved white shirt next to them they at least can say whether it's true or not we all think it's bullshit like well you know we got to see if the schedule works out really you know a lot of conference games we've got to worry about that's really our goal first and foremost for navy every season it was like hey y'all got 10 to 11 games would you like one of them to be maryland and for 40 years like i i like this because of the proximity and because it's so much

like pissing your neighbor off with one small thing and he's like i will never never say good morning to you again never i will i will die having never waved to you said good morning picked up your mail while you were on vacation none of it you are dead to me i admire this so much god i love this dude i would want him on my team instantly right right who's that guy yeah he flipped off rogers stallback yeah what do you do after that doubled down flipped off the whole crowd he shot the middle finger to the entire united states navy and i'm like i would follow that man to hell. Yeah.

I feel like the Navy would be more used to wet blankets. Don't encourage me. Thank you, Jason. Spencer and Ryan work on it. Sorry. I'm throwing gas in this fire. Jason, do you have a story that you would want to cover from another era that you did not get to cover? So there's a lot of college football history.

My mind went to a lot of different things. Sorry, source. I realize this is as bold as Spencer's claim that the men's soccer team is better than the women's soccer team. I said it. There's a lot to sort through here. So here is one from Spencer was around, 86, 1886, Yale, Princeton, we're playing the national title game this year. It gets called because of darkness. that meant a tie

and due to the era's rules basically it meant Yale gets the national title but Princeton's like we didn't finish the fucking game so they go to a hotel to argue about it for hours Princeton offers a rematch still pending that would have been fun you know championship squabbles

1919 Colorado School of Mines and Denver played a scoreless tie but before that Mines was accused of rolling through Denver's campus throwing dynamite um blowing up yeah yeah yeah wait when you say throwing dynamite i mean throwing dynamite so that Denver university students swore there was an earthquake uh explosions blew out about a hundred windows in university hall carnegie library memorial chapel and the school of

theology i got five stars but helicopters haven't been invented yet bitch the chancellor said if all the dynamite planted on our campus had exploded simultaneously it would have knocked down all our buildings so at miraculous you know it was hurt the counter for this was Denver students retaliated with graffiti captured captured students dressed in you know prison of war overalls and then they played a zero zero football game you really like that's that's pretty yeah it when you get dynamited take the l take the yeah yeah um but there was by the way there was a phase in american history where dynamite was way too easy to get so like when we grew up

watching cartoons and it's like looney tunes where it's like daffy duck gets his face shot off and we're supposed to giggle at that like yeah at the time that was lighthearted comedy you know what I mean like like the cartoons we grew up on now you go back and look and you're like this shit is terrible but at the time well sure but at the time but at the time like that was the peaceful way to resolve things is merely a shotgun sure but then Denver should have done the smart thing and painted the side of a rock to look like a tunnel and convince school of mines to run through it just plow right into it no don't Wilbur I don't know if a school of mines would have fallen for that right on the old district in the

miners no they might have gone who it's a hole got to see what's at the bottom I think they dig they dig under the painting yeah yeah so covering that time at the Bacardi ball when Florida had to like literally flee the country because of a dispute with the refs that would have been fun covering that time NC State was on the cusp of its only major bowl trip in its entire history but it was unable to make it because its basketball team got into a dispute with Kentucky over recruit one of the original inspirations for sinful 7.com very good book about college sports and other stuff that would have been fun to cover but the one I

come back to the 1991 Cotton Bowl when the University of Miami that a record for margin of victory with 43 points and a record for penalty yards in the game of 202. You've seen the gifts, you know, six shooters down the,

down into the locker room and back out, Randall Hill, Texas Longhorns humiliated up and down the field. So many dances, the NCAA made rules because of it. this game would have been so fun to cover in real time this was also who was the broadcaster we've talked about

on this before the color commentator was Mike Francesa and in case the dog whistles weren't loud enough Mike Francesa put shame on himself and his family and everyone he knows by openly going like this is just outright thuggish behavior just a disgusting for some reason they had Mike Francesa's stupid ass doing color on college football when the Miami Hurricanes were playing

And as if there wasn't enough of a tinge of overt racism to how this game was covered, okay? Texas had decades of problems recruiting African American players. Decades. It's one of the reasons that A&M had a resurgence under Jackie Sherrill because Jackie Sherrill actually recruited African American players and made them feel welcome in College Station, Texas. If you want to know how bad it was in Austin, it's this, that talented African American players went to College Station instead, okay? College Station, which previously described on this podcast and by me as Wakanda for white people. Yeah, that's how bad it was in Austin. So they show up

against the Keynes and they get smacked, destroyed, embarrassed. The canes effectively give them, what, 250 yards and penalties? And they still lose by the biggest margin in the history of the bowl. And Mike Francesa is on air saying things like, just a disgusting display i can't i can't i can't boy it i'm looking at mike frances wiki page uh 1982 to 1993 his job was primarily college football what yeah uh started six years at college pro football news weekly hired as a college sports researcher uh according to the wiki his nickname was brent musburger's brain that is not a nickname you want pal no no speaking so very horny

all bad been kind of racist yeah because if you remember bret musburger as a columnist in chicago recalled the black panthers as jack booted thugs nothing but racist fees in there

never said or did anything racist again never so he was so you're telling me he was so good and misogyny after that as well he wouldn't do his specialty you're telling me my princess it was so good at covering college football that he was sentenced to

watching i don't know probably 300 Jets games and caring about things that the Jets do you don't ever want to be you don't ever want to be too good you don't ever want to be too good at this because they'll go oh you should go you should go cover pro football right

like you'll cover the NFL yeah you'll have to go talk about the Jets and you're like part of our main utility on the show is that we keep each other out of that danger that's true I don't know they're going to in 16 and roger said it's the most fun he's ever had as a jet's fan so it might be time to buy in i want you i want you to think about like what do you think is the silver medal on that list butt bumble sure maybe maybe yeah jumbo is it jumbo elliott catching a t d that might be because jumbo elliott against uh i can't remember who that was but it was it was a monday night

game and jumbo elliott caught a touchdown so you got to call touchdown jumbo elliott that might have been the other most fun moment in the history of the Jets pre nameeth guaranteeing a Super Bowl victory. Like, I think we're saying in our lifetimes. In our lifetime? Yeah, it's Jumbo

Elliott. Like in recent memory, I guess. Yeah. Bill's Jets rivalry, Wiki page. Jesus. No! Don't! Why does this need to happen? Listen, I know that we like reading the internet on this podcast. Please close. Please close. The overall series.

65. Your browser failed you. Your browser failed you by letting you even open that. It gets worse. Jason, Jason, I know it gets worse. Okay. Okay. Jets rivalry. Jason, if you read this page, I am hanging up and you will, the rest of you

will do the show without me. All time series. Jets 55, 54, and 1. Folks, if the dolphins beat the gym. Mom, turn the car around. It's tied. If you don't like Penn State, Maryland, because it's too dominated as of late by Maryland, this is the rivalry for you.

I do believe Ryan has left. No, no, no. He said he would do it, and he did. Hey, Jason, go ahead and tell us about the Jets, I guess. I did. That was all. I just wanted to point out their rivalry record with the dolphins is neck and neck. Oh, okay, good. That means that we can today celebrate the death of a truly terrible Nazi. Oh, yeah? Tom Bessker died. I don't know if folks. saw that via

longtime friend of the program, guest on the program, prettiest and smartest branch of the EDSCS coaching tree, Jane Koston, she shares, man, what has got to be an all-time entrant in the Hall of Fame, what are you going to do, stab me annals? Jane shares it thus that Tom Metzger represented himself in court

when the SPLC filed a, civil suit against him and asked for a new judge as he believed the one appointed to his case was Jewish. The new judge was black. This is funny. The judge's account of how this went down from an Oregon live story in 2014 is even better. I'm going to read it. Civil rights lawyers sued leaders of the California-based white Aryan resistance for inciting the slaying, but the Aryan group didn't thank Multnomah County's presiding judge, Donald H. Launder, which is a hell of a name. Donnie Launder. The Aryan group didn't think Donald H. Launder, who was Jewish, should hear the case.

Parties to the lawsuit met in Launders Chambers, and a clerk thumbed through a big book to find the next judge available. This is another fantastic name. Answer Haggerty. A.N. C.E.R. I hope I'm saying that right. Also, Answer is a great name for a judge. Mm-hmm. No one in the room mentioned that Hagridi happened to be the first African-American man to hold the title of Circuit Judge.

Back to Circuit Judges in a state that was then 91% white. Judge Launder turned to Portland Civil Rights Attorney, Eldon Rosenthal. We are wall-to-wall great names here. So the judge turns to the civil rights lawyer from Portland and goes, Hagridy okay with you? And Eldred Rosenthal goes, I had to put my head down and cover my mouth, recalled Rosenthal, who had known Hagridi for many years. and then they asked Metzger, the founder of the white area in resistance.

Will you accept Hagridi? Metzger agreed. Rosenthal shot a glimpse at Judge Launder, who winked at him? How often do judges get to go back? Haggerty recalled the look in Metzger's eyes the first time the neo-Nazi walked into his courtroom. It was clear that Metzger had heard the name Hagridi and assumed the judge was white. He was shocked. Haggurty said.

I just want to be the bailiff so bad when this is happening because the bailiff had to know and he was like, watch a dude's face, watch the dude's face, what? There it is! There it is! What a beautiful payoff. Everyone in the room knew he was playing himself and they all had to be like, be cool, shut up, be cool. Don't laugh.

So this dude here is the name Haggurty, and he's like, hmm, that is a noble name belonging to a member of the master race. he's he's he's picturing like roman bust avie like that now that is a that is that is a true western name oops a doodle hello sir

I'm just imagining like being the judge I'm imagining this playing out in my mind like a movie and I'm picturing the judge getting ready for work that morning like whistling in the mirror as he shaves you know Just, maybe having a pleasant little tune as he sips his coffee. Oh, what a great day at work. Oh, God.

You know, you know what he should have asked for? He should have asked for Johnny 5. Circuit Court's circuit court judge Johnny 5. Would have rolled up there. It would have been a pretty short circuit.