Shutdown Fullcast - You Can't Fry Time

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

This week the Fullcast discusses trading Florida for Italy, why Big Tex should be burned down every year at Texas/OU, discusses how potatoes are a more desirable commodity than time, looks at how hard Arkansas and Ole Miss will try way too hard to make something happen this weekend, and we beg everyone to please stop putting Arizona in the cart.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm going to be able to be. Welcome. to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcasts. Did I say podcasts? I did because my eight-year-old distracted me. This is already off to a batter start. Hello there to you too.

Hello, that is the dulcet tones of my co-host Jason Kirk. Jason, how are we doing? I'm doing pretty good. Right before you delivered that boisterous, a pleasant welcome. You uttered one of my favorite pre-show notes that we've ever had, which was, Ryan, I will throw to you to explain whatever it is you're doing. Because he's keeping it a secret, Jason. That's why I'm- No, it's good.

It's good. I liked it. For those who don't know, I am Spencer Hall. Joining us, as always, are our permanent guest hosts and guests, Holly Anderson and Ryan Nanny. Ryan has an ambush for us to start the show before we should ever even seek a track you are going to knock us off it and I appreciate that this is actually not that at all first of all one note

I wish you had not acknowledged that your son had said anything so that all listeners could be like ghost child there's a ghost child in my car or house or whoever I am second all my announcement is this on the folk in the most recent forecast after dark we were talking briefly about Wisconsin football and their offensive struggles. And I told a lie. It was an inadvertent lie, but I said that Wisconsin had only run for 112 yards on the ground this year. That's not true.

Bitch, it's not even close to true, as it turns out. Right now, as we record this, Wisconsin is 91st in the nation with 653 rushing yards. It's still very bad. they are still behind Miami of Ohio Colorado Clemson which this year

actually means something USF Kansas like the struggle is real but you know the full cast never tells a joke but we also never tell a lie so I have decided

that I'm going to be benching myself for a quarter of the forecast and by that because the fullcast time is unknowable. I'm going to sit out for the next 15 minutes. I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to just mute and stay and listen to the three of you. So I am also punishing myself by listening to the fullcast, the thing I swear I won't ever do. Well, that's harsh,

but if this is how you feel you must atone, then you will be stuck for listening to the fullcast for a slice of eternity. This is not actually, though, the most Wisconsin punishment. the most Wisconsin punishment would be for Barry Alvarez to take your place during this podcast in your spot. Can I talk about, Ryan, are you, when do you enter the penalty box? Let's say right now. Okay. Can I talk about a viral tweet from just a, from two days ago? The account, I don't know what this means.

M-O-S-E-L-O. It's captioned, I have a plan. It's a map of the Southeast United States. States and the Mediterranean Sea and Italy and Florida have changed places. Does anyone here who's able to speak have opinions on this? Oh, definitely. Yeah. Because this feels like the kind of thing the shutdown forecast would enjoy talking about.

I never thought about what it would be like, I guess, if Florida had more smoking. Yeah. It's Florida with more smoking, more expensive, right? Because that would be the problem. The attractiveness quotient of Europe just plummeted. Is it, okay, is it Europe or, and I don't mind objectifying these men, is it Europe or, sorry, is it Italy or Spain that had that one precinct that was just like full of weirdly photogenic cops? How did you know what I was talking about?

Yeah, no, that was Spain. Because we're always thinking about the hot Spanish hot cops. It looks like Milan is basically in Georgia now. Okay. Yeah. Pretty good. Okay. Okay.

That's good. That means that Ferrari is technically a South Georgia company now. Also, Jacksonville is now basically in Croatia. Perfect. Actually, this is working out really well for Europe. I'm going to be honest. And honestly, both maps look like weird dicks. I do feel like...

I do feel like the body of Mussolini would be quite at home in Georgia, but also no that's that's really it sorry I'm trying to turn the Nintendo on and I guess Ryan sat him Ryan sat him out on a day when I decided to return to form and play switch the whole time during the show and I can't get it to turn on and I got distracted I think this Rome is right where Tampa would be

I remember what I was going to say which is that oh that's actually two things in common I do think that in the future when you if you like scrolled into the future, you would find on the wiki pages of both Jacksonville and Tampa reports of a great schism. Yeah.

I think also you have you're trading Bay areas for Bay areas. Tampa Bay is now traded in for Naples. Naples for Tampa. I will say the Naples to Tampa comparison it's not one to one, but buddy it ain't far off it.

Okay? Like mobbed up cities that are known for being grimy kind of poorly run and like think about it Diego Maradona is to Naples what Hulk Hogan is to Tampa Bay there see

it's one to one honestly if this will import siesta culture into America to stay I'm for it imagine bordering Switzerland and then next thing you know you're bordering Alabama we're far from neutral

there are like three nothing. Only thing in neutral is that car out on blocks in my front yard. That is, I cannot imagine, by the way, the switcheroo for Florida that they would immediately be next to, immediately be next to, let's see, Croatia, I think that's working better than we think. That's fine. That's fine.

Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. I actually, that's, that's, I think that's a little too potent to combination. I actually when I was working with refugees I had a Croatian client who told me and goes it has been a long time since I've been to Jacksonville to see homies like straight up that is how quickly he acclimated to the United States he had been here like six months and he said homies and I was like we're good we're good man I also love the elevation of like you know Switzerland that part of France or whatever you go straight from that to like

splat Florida flat swamp slammed up against mountains we've taken how did Hannibal cross this on an elephant without getting stuck he would have never gotten there it'd have been like oh god it's so humid so muggy oh god you would also take like food wise food wise this is a massive L right because they'll be like ah the ancient cuisine of Florida Fish sticks, fish sticks, and roadside taffy. Also, we've just added more carbs to the southeastern United States. Ryan is Italian.

This has to be really hard for him. Oh, weird. What a coincidence. On the other hand, I've just invented the pescatini. I just realized that we also added, we basically added the red neck. It's just a martini with sardines dumped in it. Like mama made. Delicious.

I also realized that we just took everybody who goes and, like, spends their spring break and or summer vacation on 30A driving down from Franklin, Tennessee, or from Birmingham. Everybody's like, I need to go down to 30A. We just replaced that with, like, these portions are so small. That waiter is so rude. Handsome, but rude. Like, we just ruined all their vacations. They're like, I want to go to a mouth. And they get to a mouth and they're like, my truck doesn't fit on this road.

imagine the baby names that are come out of this Jerdano I think the one piece of history that doesn't change is Attila trying to invade from the north and just dying because he just got sick just went to Florida and got sick Oh he contracted that shit at a Stuckies I was going to say he went to Perkins and got a bad omelet

Oh shit and I ordered the seafood omelet I was going to say Tactical error never invade Florida in omelette season. I was thinking imagine Italian Fuddruckers, but Italian Perkins is darker. That's like,

that's like Leonard Cohen saying you want it darker, darker, darker. I know the one thing that Europeans won't complain about. They'll be like, Italian Disney World. A new Italian

Disney World is basically what we've added. We're going to make, because they've got, you know, they have like Parisian Disney. They have French Disney World. Now they get to replace it with an actual Florida

Disney World, like with, within three hours of London, perfect. Does this mean Epcot replaces Parity, Italy with Parity, Florida? Yes. Have we put Florida with Super Florida within Florida? Oh, that's wild. That means Europeans can go to like cartoon versions of their own nation.

That's awesome. What would the ride of Florida be at the Epcot place and the world joke place? The Epcot place. Listen to me. Jet ski drag race. I'm dying. It would be, let's see, a donked up Miata with like a V8 engine and neon. Okay, yeah, it would be bumper cars, but just that.

Jet ski bumper cars. Jet ski bumper cars. I think Europe comes out way ahead on a lot of things that they travel to Florida for anyway, right? I think Disney World, I think it's going to be a harder adjustment for poor Italy stuck to Georgia and Alabama on the south side. that's going to be rough that's going to be ugly especially when the SEC travel schedule just gets way more difficult

because Florida it's a super home advantage but then again Florida doesn't really leave the state of Florida anyway right they're going to start scheduling games against Byron Munich they're going to start scheduling games against

like Finnish clubs for their FCS competition just to cut down on travel so you're up here you're losing FCS. Europe's losing the ancient seat of a great empire. You're losing the Coliseum,

a stadium that long ago, intimidating environment, many great victories and so on and so forth. But like you're coming out, it's a wash because you're gaining Dote Campbell Stadium. Same fucking thing. I just kind of want to see if there's, the effect of whether being America's drain pipe

just makes you crazy no matter who you are. Like, do we get Italy man stories in five years once everybody starts moving down there, right? I feel like everyone in Europe probably does Italy Man. Yeah, but Italy Man is like, Italy Man caught spent. They've seen Fitzcaraldo. Fitzcaraldo was basically the first Lord of Man story. Italy Man somehow lost World War II on both sides.

Yeah, Italy Man caught spending 2.3 million lira or euros in government funding on vampire porno movie. And no one has a problem with it. They're like, he's an American art. He's the prime minister. Third episode this has come up on. Hey, Spencer, speaking of porn, you had some exciting news over the weekend. No, we're really not going to do that.

Nope. All right. Just let everybody wonder and what they're going to be so much worse. Maybe for charity later. I do have, I think we as a podcast had a breakthrough moment. we are as far as I know the only sports podcast that has been played out loud

at Everest Base Camp Oh that's true shout out to Terrence Yeah Terrence Lau I mean it's true that we were played I don't know if we were the only one but I'm pretty sure Sorry to daily

Long time Longtime listener Terrence Loud We became the first sports podcast played at Everest Base Camp because he traveled there all the way from the east coast of China through Shigatsha and into Tibet to get all the way up there and play what you're hearing now, our dulcet tones. So it's a big moment for the podcast. We're basically a space program.

Imagine being, you know, the first monk up there, right? Ascending to the ultimate, the ultimate tranquility and so on and so forth. And then just knowing within like a thousand years or whatever, this will all be defiled. What a beautiful thing. Somebody, somebody will bring their idiot speaker they carry around in their pocket everywhere the tracking device and four strangers will bellow out of it about a sport i do not understand or comprehend or need to comprehend or a sport of no value whatsoever it's absolutely beautiful man yeah we're happy to be here thanks for having us mount everest i think supplemental oxygen would be helpful in this podcast If only for Spencer

Hey Spencer Will you come in here and turn the switch on? I don't want to get up I can do that around 5.30 That's totally fine Yeah I don't want to sit here Listen to you guys for 28 minutes

I want to play Nintendo Relatable Ryan is just Holly here's what you do You just get a fact wrong about Wisconsin And then you can go sit in the penalty box as well That was I think that was unnecessary

That apology was like secretly caddy by Ryan because it's one of those hey we got more rushing yards than that and it's like 30 more rushing yards it's one of those stats that only makes things sound worse right like yeah I didn't fall I didn't drop my phone into the

toilet and fall into it like nine times it was only six that's how many times I did it they are uh in yards per game they are 65th perfectly average that's that's almost

that's like so underwhelming a correction, right? We're like, no, actually, we're 23rd in the nation. No, yards per carry number 88. We're 88. I had another, I had another stat that I just cannot share enough, which is the number of interception. Hang on, you know who's number one in rushing yards per carry?

Who? Florida? What? Yeah. Yeah. Remember, everything went well for Florida against Kentucky, except the whole part where you don't make mistakes. I know who is number fifth from last

would be LSU Ooh God they're so confusing they are so confusing to be right now because they really should have gone in and just kicked the absolute crap out of Auburn and then

then Bo Nex happened then all that happened at home right Bo Nex is good at football as Georgia will soon discover to their great this pleasure Georgia

five yards a game Georgia allowing no points Georgia about to allow 283 yards 4 TDs and maybe a pick to Bo Nix

Because here's what happens Either Georgia gives up no points all year or they give up a what the fuck game to Bo Nix come on

you know it's true This is all Bo Nix is designed to do by the way is burned down restaurants for you for the insurance money

That's all he is, right? Like, what can he do? He'll set some stuff on fire for you if that's what you need done. That's it. He's not there to actually win anything for Auburn. He's just there to ruin other things, which makes him maybe the most Auburn player of all time. Speaking of really good quarterbacks,

you know which team is number one in FBS and passer rating? Hmm. It would be Pat Narduzis, Pitt Panthers. It's because Kenny Pickett is a god. it's because Kenny Pickett is your Heisman favorite folks yeah I take back what I said about Tennessee and Pitt being on parallel tracks

it's a good loss for Tennessee yeah that's a good point thank you Pitt Pitt's like number 10 and all of FPIs like playoff projection shit Pitt the Pitt Kenny Pickett has 19

TDs and one interception on the season this is the best football player in the world get out of this man's fucking way Kenny Pickett is here to rip and kill at will that's amazing

I love it Pat Narduzzi has to be made sick by this right we had him praying to the ghost of Buddy Ryan on the live show right in his closet he has to be like just doubling down on that this week because Kenny Pickett is redefining the word excellence

but please note if they actually if we had expanded the playoff this year that is exactly what we deserve is a sport like okay big tent we'll just have like a we'll have like a 16 team playoff so who's finally getting in pit pit pit come on in oh shit close the playoff four is plenty four is plenty for us no no that's more than enough pit i would laugh if pit gets the playoff spot like if a one or two lost pit team gets the spot over sincey for some reason using arcane math we cannot understand they're like yeah we just you know

had to have those college football stealers in there uh my suspension is up oh oh a couple things one you've completely ignored that you just moved the vatican to flor to where florida previously no i didn't i made a great no no no no no no oh no that's a history that's a history joke that's not the, what I'm saying is now you've moved like the Center for Catholic Pilgrimage to just below Georgia. No, not now. 10 minutes ago. That doesn't mean that you sit there and store up grievances for 15 minutes. You have to join the play in progress. That's the whole, that's the whole point of listening to a podcast is sitting down and story of grievances. You're supposed to be listening to a podcast. You're supposed to be thinking about what you did. Oh, that's a good point. How can you be

groveling and atoning if you're sitting if you're coming up with jokes will pod second of all oh here he goes again you've moved a shit load of guns to Europe so that's going to be very

that's not new that's in normal Italy has guns they're still going to lose wow you've moved a shitload of guns to Europe for the first time ever whenever Italy has guns they just lose and third the first hurricane season

Italy in Florida goes through man we have just wiped out a shit ton of art and architecture they are not ready for that shit in the slightest there is a reason why there is nothing of extreme historic or artistic value that we store in florida but but now now we're just going to see like the david with his little penis washing up onto the shore of the shores Louisiana because of this all those paintings that have been like melted by humidity yes yes see I think I have

Spencer come back my controller's not Spencer come back my controller's not picking up this apple is melting yep what if we did this though because you said move Italy yeah you didn't say move the Vatican Iran right you didn't say move that I said

but it's technically you could leave it right there okay so but if you're now saying the Vatican is surrounded by Florida because you're moving the goalpost because you said you didn't realize you moved the Vatican when I made a specific fucking reference to the very thing I think either either the Vatican is in Florida in Europe Florida or it is now part of the southeastern United States either way Holly did reference it we even already have a city state we even already

have a city state that we can swap out on mass for it because Disney is its own government the Vatican is now that's a great point that's so perfect now in celebration Florida Thomas Kincaid would fit in right in there have been just as many unsolved murders go off are we are we are the florida keys and sicily and sardinia staying or going i think it's funnier if they stay according to the map it looks like they stay because italy is like it looks like it's basically kicking cuba yes um and the map maker said they had to get rid of milan right it's just gone yeah key what key west would thrive key west would be the same hey man ain't shit changed water

is a little different. Yeah. That's all. Yeah. I'm also liking this because it's like, oh, you know where you have to go to get the best tomatoes in the world? Central Florida.

Central Florida. It's no weirder than people saying you get them from Jersey. That's fair. You ever had that Florida wine? What a terrifying. What a terrifying phrase. It's made in a hot tub.

I also like it because now we've taken like a rail network and plugged it into the United States where it's like, ah, these trains, and then they get to Georgia and it's immediately like, no, the shit doesn't work at all. There's actually no station.

The track just ends. Yeah. They just keep running off into the dirt and we put them back on and point himself. And then it's got a pile of Italian trains in Valdosta. Hey, honey, you want to come visit the train wreck museum? Train Mountain.

Look at that. Let's go hike train mountain. This is where we, We get, this is where you get Italian train wreck. Oh, you get tetanus on a scatting trip to the train museum. Italian train wreck lawyers of Valdosta, the new barons of the economy. I can see the billboards now. I bet Italy even makes lockjaw sexy.

We've also, so the Daytona 500 now happens in Europe. Yeah, right next to Croatia. That's fucking great. I'm still driving, I'm still driving from Bama to go there. This is the least harmful shit we could have exported. to the rest of the world. Yeah. I think considering the swap, it's a fair trade.

It's a fair exchange for everyone. Yeah. We still got Daga. It's a very, it's a very, like, NBA team swapping, like, seventh men kind of thing, where it's like, ah, for contractual reasons we're making this. It doesn't really make either of us better, but it's fine. The trade machine said, I don't know why either of you would want to do this, but okay. Right.

I want to say I do think that like As part of the exchange We should allow at least one NASCAR machine To run in every F1 race right Like last place again But you see how hard to fuck that car up I put him into the wall

That's $2.3 million of gear Bam Gone Just plowing through the Yeah just plowing through the turns No just straight through You're like yeah He's like 20 miles per hour slower

And everybody else But dang if he don't kick ass Every single time. We've also put three NFL teams in Europe, which is fun. Just playing each other. That's the plan anyway. Yeah. You know, that's the move.

Have you seen, by the way, the teams that they're sending to Europe? Like, have you seen the games that they are sending? This season? Yeah. Yeah. You got Falcons Jets on fucking 9.30 a.m. in London. I think this makes sense, though. Like, you know how.

Don't they want to grow this? no you know how there are certain like exports a country has where it's like oh like all the best olive oil Spain and Italy keep for themselves and they send like their B minus shit that's what they send to the US or like the best chocolate that they make and such and such they keep that and then they send us like the stuff that they're less like that's what we're doing we're just sort of like yes technically is is football yeah I if you can handle this then maybe you deserve an NFL franchise lens and if you don't like us at our falcons jets you don't deserve us at our um the cardinals the cardinals are the best NFL team you don't deserve our cardinals um can i can i read you a reader email

that has something to do with our recent foray into international uh greatness okay yes uh this is from gabriel i was particularly intrigued by Holly's recounting the story of the Crystal Skull and the owner or the Crystal Skull, the owner of the Hard Rock Cafe hid in the Memphis Pyramid, which in a previous episode, yes, we talked about the crystal skull that was hidden at the very tip of the Memphis Pyramid, now home to the most fabulous bass pro shops in the world. When Ryan mentioned, that's why they have them in all of these important world locales. And someone said Memphis and Holly asked which one, it further jogged my memory. of even grander mystical connections involved in the hard rock cafe map of truth this is because up until 2011 there was a hard rock cafe mere miles from the original memphis now on the outskirts of cairo to the south and the pyramids of giza on the outskirts of cairo to the west this hard rock cafe was on the banks of the river nile and housed inside a luxury downtown hotel after moving to egypt post-graduation i ate one of my first meals there and it was most notable for its all you can eat wing and all you can drink beer nights. However, in late 2010, the Saudi prince who owned this branch of the hard rock had a revelation that he was facilitating sin,

drove to his restaurant in the dead of the night, and smashed the restaurant's supply of liquor and beer on the rocks of the Nile. The restaurant soon closed after, and a few weeks after that, the January 25th revolution occurred. This is going somewhere. We're talking about urban again. It is amazing. Sorry, I'm back. We're in Egypt. In the midst of revolution, things began getting a bit dicier.

and I decided to take the U.S. government's offer of an EVAC flight out of the city. Upon arriving at the airport, I learned that there would be no more flights that day, and I would have to spend the night in the terminal. Cozing up in a corner of the airport and playing cards with others, I looked across the terminal benches at a man sitting with mirrored sunglasses on. Next to him was a burnt orange duffel bag with the words Texas football arched over the number 34. This man was Ricky Williams. Sure.

I will leave you with the summer. Simple fact. In the run-up to the Egyptian Revolution of 2011, a Saudi prince received a message from God involving the hard rock cafe and Ricky Williams was in town on a vision quest. Infer from this what you will. Bless you, Gabriel. I think Ricky Williams was there to defend the hard rock cafe and unfortunately got a little, I don't know, got a little distracted. He was there. No, maybe he, maybe he was there to get the crystal skull out of the hard rock cafe. That's what it was. The mission was a success and it was in the orange. Texas Longhorns duffel bag. Now, the interesting thing about this is that we can verify this. Like, we can verify that, because we can ask Ricky if he was in Egypt in 2011. Now, Ricky may not be the best witness to his own location, but we can try. I'm intrigued.

I want to ask him and be like, hey, dude, were you in Egypt in 2011? First of all, because I would just like to ask anyone that question, right? Like, hey, in 2011, were you in the Cairo airport getting evacked during the Revolution? And furthermore, I... My second favorite story about the Cairo airport. And furthermore, I want to ask it of a Heisman winner. Which Heisman winner was waiting in the airport in Cairo with a crystal skull and his Texas Longhorns duffel back? That is the best piece of reader mail we have gotten in a long, long time.

So, well done, Gabriel. well done i don't really know how to pivot from from that to what a new experience that must be the coming week because the coming week's going to rule by the way like i think this is this is game day where is game day okay not everything coming week is going to rule i thought you were doing that as a bit did you really not know no i have no idea where they're going no i was talking to Ryan, who's, no, I do know where they're going. I was trying to help you. We're talking about Ricky Williams.

Game Day is going to Red River. Ah. I'm trying. Yeah, it's fine. No, if I don't know, that's not help. Wow. If I think the life preserver is a giant donut and I start to eat it instead of floating on it, Ryan, that is not your fault. There's a message from somebody here calling themselves the kettle.

they said you're black? I don't know. That's fine. I will admit I did know where game day is going, but Ryan, I thought, when you said that, my first thought was, they're going to Memphis? Awesome. That would be good. I wish that were true.

But no, they're going to Red River because it's time for an important Texas Oklahoma game. I'm just glad that several years of not calling it the Red River shootout has solved gun crime in this country. Well, it's especially good because ESPN. And we'll be like, it's time for the Red River rivalry. And then we cut to Lee Corso on the game day set. And like, shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, shoot out with guns. Pugh, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pue, pue, pue, pugh.

Says Lee Corso. Yeah. I just, why can't we keep the violent, like, fine, we don't want it to be gun related, but why can't it be like the Red River knife fight? That's scarier. That's way scarier. The Red River Throwing Star Bonanza Don't want it to be gun related I can take my gun into a preschool

But we can't say shootout on TV Yeah, that's right I think they should just go It's referring to basketball Shoot there See? No these are SAC schools Oh I forgot I forgot we get we now get the Red River shootout

Right Like it's now a SEC thing Oh God I forgot about that Oh no they definitely got to bring the gun metaphor back Like the Red River knife fight is so much more terrifying because the shootout maybe you'll miss

not many people go miss with the knife it's like every single well no the thing about knife fights is that somebody is going to get is that everybody gets hurt in a knife fight the red river vengeful ex lover is slipping a snake into your car yeah the red river kill you in your sleep

fest yeah that's it's terrifying except it's at 11 a.m. local except sure I never understand like how violent and angry would that game be if they had all day like they had all day to gas up to them they'd just be tired or eating fried food all day

you'd be fair tired you'd be fair big tech scruffy farting the whole time he's already on fire so this is very dangerous I've made bad choices welcome they should burn him down every year every year oh yeah burning techs

burning it should be and they should have him smile filing through the flames. That's the best part. Sponsored. This sacrificial right, sponsored by Dickies. I think they should alternate. I think, like, if Oklahoma wins, they burn techs down. If Texas wins, they, like, freeze him in, like, liquid nitrogen, push him over and watch him shatter.

Oh, I like that. Again, Ryan, that's more disturbing. You keep coming up with the more disturbing option. Yeah, because I bring a lot of balance and calm to this show otherwise. That's true. The attorney, our attorney on site. God. We're doing a lot of film review of ourselves today.

And we're not looking great. That's, hey, that's fine. That's fine. This is tell the truth Tuesday. Tell the truth. So we've got to tell the truth about this team. That's all we got to do. It's going better than Jacksonville meetings are, so that's fine.

Man, we didn't know how on point that Crucible joke at the end of the live show is going to be, did we? boy oh boy they um according to just reports of the state of the locker room they are doing more laughing than we are mike silver mike's long long time NFL insider mike silver um had a thread about the urban mire situation in jacksonville and the quotes quotes are pretty great he has zero credibility in that stadium he had very little to begin with yeah that that i think is the last part I think is the key is the key to a lot of things that are that are happening

yeah that and that and this he he did not he said this to a group of adults he said one that they were put off by the fact that Meyer canceled Monday's meeting

football guys don't cancel a meeting and he's he dealt with the uproar accountability even he even canceled the team meeting he was too scared a player said instead Meyer only apologized to position groups individually

he portrayed the woman in the videos as a random person who was just there dancing suffice it to say his audience was highly skeptical said one player we looked at him like WTF right when he left

everyone started dying and he knew it I really hope they didn't let the door close all the way behind him before they let that out No, no, no, no. That's all I want. Those are big dudes laughing.

It went through the walls. He knows. God. That is so bad. And then in conclusion, bottom line, said the player, it's bad. I don't know how he's going to function. We've never known how he's going to function, so. No.

No. There were periods where it wasn't clear that he was functioning. I just, I worry this is a stain on AEW, honestly. that's because the Jaguars the Jaguars own AEW and I'm like I cannot support this during I cannot support this company that pays this fan so but like if they fire him then he's going to come to college football and then it's going to be like oh fuck I can't get rid of this guy I can't possibly get away from this man nothing I've seen in any of this has disabused me from has disabused me from believing that he'll have the Notre Dame job in 2022 I didn't

think he was I didn't think he was going to take the USC job until all of this dysfunction happened and I'm like oh no now he seems perfect for the job no that's that's one of the funniest twists of this is that now you have people saying well USC can't afford to make this like you have become too inappropriate at a bar to work at USC god damn I I have a lot of thoughts on this that I'm probably just going to have to save for channel six or something 26 snakes.com if you're interested in subscribing to our newsletter but I do find it funny ha ha and funny uh god my face that we chose this set of puritanical vibes to be like no no no urban and all the other shit that we actually already knew about him is fine yeah

The urban that you hired Was no worse than the urban that you currently employ We knew everything about this guy He's done actual bad shit before And this is like, yes, inappropriate, yes, duh And like internally with his family Surely very damaging and so on and so forth And like obviously he's corroded his level of trust with the team

But like he's done actual worse shit before And that was the person they knew how they hired To Jacksonville And yeah I I used to think a lot, man, I used to think a lot more of this ownership team just a very short time ago. There is one thing that I would, that I find a little confusing about all of this. And that it's the very popular sort of football view of this is like Urban Meyer is becoming a distraction. And that's not what you want on your football team.

And my question is a distraction from what? are we derailing some amazing jaguars playoff run are we like breaking the machine that's like they're oh and four they were the worst team in the league last year they are already a deeply broken like there is no like what are you talking about this is actually maybe the part that annoys me even more none of this would be a thing if they were winning none of it yes that that part is true as well absolutely none of it yes better bad yeah it would also be it like if we had your standard plug-in NFL coach, and by that I mean some Anodyne guy named Ted, who was a lifelong assistant from like South Connecticut State three years at East Illinois

and was suddenly the like defensive coordinator, the Jacksonville Jaguars. So Dan Mullen. You're talking about Dan Mullen. Yeah, not even. Okay. Dan Mullen. Yeah, just like if you had just gotten one of these Anodyne placeholders who serve as NFL coaches for 60 to 70 percent of the teams that,

the NFL, this wouldn't have mattered. You'd be like, oh, he's a scumbag. That's this, you know, look, that's, that's just some trashy dude named Ted. Instead, you've got the guy who's like, Captain, Captain 1% of the top 1%. The guy who has written leadership books and taught leadership classes at Ohio State and has spent about 10 years wafting off the leadership fumes of Tim Tebow. I would love to see that syllabus. Well, God, there are so many layers to unpack here, not the least of which.

Once the Tebow piece entering it, you will get to see the amazing snake-up own-asshole mechanism of Urban using the machinery he helped built to rehabilitate him, himself, and that's going to be gross. But one of these days, somebody probably on this call, is going to fuck around and write a book about everything we already knew about Urban Meyer before last week. it's not going to be me i'm very i'm not doing the you're and i'm not doing the you're stupid to be surprised about this if you're surprised about the thing to be clear i'm just like if this is actually what does him in like we have somehow against all odds uh come up with another indictment of what we value as as acceptable and unacceptable but that's okay because it's october and uh it's the nfl get ready to buy some pink terry cloth wristbands that donate 5% of their proceeds to breast cancer junket.

Yeah, I don't like the Why Are You Surprised thing either. But when it comes to the NFL owner making the hiring, I think it's fair to hit that guy with Why Are You Surprised? Yes. Did you do any amount of one minute of research? Did you Google? Did you get my Google? No, he didn't.

I hate to, like, I really hate to come back to the. this again and again and I mean I really viscerally hate coming back to this again and again because it sucks but he wanted to hire urban Meyer so he hired urban Meyer it's not this there's not anything more complicated to this there never will be for any of these people he might have reached out to urban Meyer as reference I could say that being the case call up stevedazio Jeremy Foley thinks this is a terrific where is Jeremy Foley I just feel like I should know where he is at all times for my own safety. Crypt.

Crypt, yeah, slurching around. Wait, did he die? No, he's just hanging out in a crypt. Oh, cool. Yeah, crypto. Crypto. That's why it calls it that. The O-Crypt.

I invented cryptocurrency. The O-Crypt, the Irish pub, inside a pyramid. Isn't that just when you put coins on people's eyes so they can get across the boat? The original cryptocurrency. No, those are sticks bucks. Charanium The last thing on this is that I know he's like

No one will learn anything No one will learn anything And we'll repeat the same stakes And he will get the like The only person who's going to suffer out of any of this is the girl Mm-hmm Yep We again make the important decision

To punish the one person in this Who just has nothing to do with it nothing just yeah and he'll get the USC gig in two years or in a year i like that i like that number two years because he's going to work at fox for a year no you gotta go back to broadcast when i said he's going to have the USC gig by 2022 i've been or the uh the nuderdic gig in 2022 i said that originally in 2018 so that means brian kelly is getting the jaguar's job no Brian kelly's getting the USC gig mama's gone oh gonna go to L.A you know He looks, his complexion does so well in the sun.

Be like, I've retired due to redness. Just impossibly red. Like a mood ring you left in the freezer. Brian Kelly out this week with, this just says freckles. Bellicosity. He's so robustly crimson. I did, I did want to go ahead and look at the week because. Because we have nothing else to talk about.

Spencer, where's game day? Game Day is going to be at the Red River Shootout Oh do you know where I'm sorry I'm sorry Do you know where SEC Nation's going to be The real show Oh here we go

Here we go It should be at Red River It's going to be in Lexington Bought and paid for Spencer Hall SECC Shill SEC HONC HONC please

Shills are amateurs I am a hunk That's way more Southeast It always has been, but, you know, Kentucky's the better game. I'm just sorry they have to be subjected to Tim Tebow. SEC Nation, live in Lexington. That's what I knew first. When you were like, where's game day?

I actually did think I was like, well, I don't know, but I know where SEC Nation's got. I know where Powell's going to be. Who's Kentucky playing? LSU. LSU. How are things going for? Just great. Okay.

I'm so glad you asked that LSU on the verge of getting things together did what all great teams do and that's lose to Auburn Auburn again Auburn is the enabler Auburn's like

you know what I've been clean for like three weeks I think things are going great guess it comes by your house with the 12 pack Auburn! There they are hey! Just one it won't kill you and all of a sudden Bo Nix is running naked through your backyard with your keys that's what happens when Auburn comes to town

so yeah LSU and just like full disaster mode after losing to Auburn for the first time since 1999 in Baton Rouge yeah well done absolutely beautiful Kentucky will probably win probably something like against Florida like 15 to 11

that feels about right for Kentucky LSU starting with the Kentucky game has to face five straight currently ranked opponents obviously might not be ranked by the time they play them um yeah but but one but one of but one of those is alabama surely they get them at home they do not does it no where they get out yeah that's fair yeah i think we're overrated that's the one where it's you you don't want them at home because it's a waste of a home game i think it's a shorter win ability it's a shorter jump to the ice Bath.

I think that's what you're like closer. The SEC home games left are Florida, Arkansas, and A&M. Well, they're beaten A&M. Well, at least you get Florida. I haven't had, I heard that, Jason. I haven't had the pleasure of saying this, but I want you just ask, who's the worst team in the SEC West? Like the worst? Missy State.

No, I don't think They have a very nearly ACC coastal situation except for Bama. I was going to say they have an SEC East crab bucket situation of old almost. Yeah, I have more than three schools in the mix. Given that Mississippi State played LSU close and beat A&M, I have a hard time saying it's them.

Oh, it's A&M, never mind, that was easy. I think it is A&M. Yeah, I think it's A&M and I don't think it's particularly close. I think by the end of the year I just forgot about them for a second. I think by the end of the year, LSU may have a better case. They might, but I want to... A better case for worse.

For worseness. According to the computers, it would be LSU. Okay. So I want you to... It feels right. The nadir is coming. The bottom is on the schedule, and it is arriving with frightening speed, because who does A&M play this coming weekend? Ah, that is correct.

They are playing Alabama. they're playing it's at home so again don't have to go far to the ice bath but they are playing and they are going to lose by i remember at one like they did lose to alabama 590 under kevin sumlin won't be that bad we might be headed there that it'll be that bad you don't think it'll be 59 59 what what stops you from thinking it'll be 59 That's, last year they scored 24. No, I mean, at A&M, the entire goal is to cover against Bama every year. And they do that about half the time.

So I think odds are decent. They'll only lose by, you know, half of 59. Jimbo's smashing that extension right before all of this. Like, yeah, I know, my roof's about to cave in. Jimmy, get on the horn. But here's the good thing. if LSU is going to take a nosedive, which just seems entirely on the table at least,

it doesn't matter that Jimbo has that contract, that Jimbo to LSU rumors you're going to spin up immediately. Then he's an 11 million dollar man. Which, that, right. So, like, does that mean either A&M is going to pay Jimbo more to keep him from taking that job? Yes, I really hope that LSU is going to one up A&M somehow. Is LSU going to invent a contract that's even more guaranteed than guaranteed?

Yes. Just a good question because I'm genuinely asking and I haven't really paid attention to this stuff since Bobby Jindal slunk off into whatever he crawled out of. He's also in the crypt. When did LSU have money to burn again? When did LSU stop being insolvent as an institution? So on paper, I agree with what you're saying. but you're but you're also i'm really i'm really asking what did no i don't i don't i don't i think you

are correct that that is a limitation but you're also asking me to believe that louisianans with passion will accept their financial limitations will accept numbers right jimbo will you take uh what are those what are those cigarette coupon books they used to have like camel like camel cash yeah camel cash maybe I feel like... Joe Camel, I even had the right colors. Like, are you telling me that you can't see an LSU boaster saying, like, I'm going to find a bank who will give me a $70 million loan? You're absolutely right.

Never mind. Reverse mortgage for Jimbo. Hashtag. Get it going. Get it trending. I think they should give him a contract that is not only guaranteed in full, but paid in full directly up front. Here you go, Jimbo. $100 million.

Boom. Now please coach for 10 years. Like a publisher's clearinghouse check. A big ass check. Handed it at midfield. You are paid for the next 10 years no matter what you do. Actually, just like a stack of cash. However he wants it. However he would like it.

Fuck. I mean, Holly is right that there is no financial case to be made for this to actually happen. There was also no case to give him a buyoutless contract. And that never stopped anybody. You're absolutely right. So, yehaw? In more wholesome news. Oh, good.

Wholesome. No, just news of more holes. Midwestern. Hardy. Number four Penn State is traveling to play number three, Iowa. In a game where the point total is 40. Uh-huh. And the under looks tempting.

Uh-huh. The winner, this is just like, straight up has an inside track of the playoff. That's just a thing we have. have to admit that it's Alabama, Georgia, Georgia, Alabama, and then the winner of this game. And, like, no one else is good. Just be. Yeah, I mean, so if Iowa wins this game, here's their remaining schedule. And I want you to, I want you to each, if you can, identify a loss on it. Spencer walked away. That's why I said each. Could have applied to three now that I think about it. It's fine. Home against

Purdue at Wisconsin, at Northwestern, home against Minnesota, home against Illinois, at Nebraska. According to Massey, the hardest game remaining is Nebraska. Nebraska. Yeah. Like, not only should Iowa win all of those remaining games, setting up the possibility that they could, I don't know, face Penn State again in a rematch in the Big Ten Championship game. But, like, they should win most of those games comfortably. Yeah. Yeah.

So Iowa, Michigan, Big Ten Championship. Yes. Where the point total is six. Penn State has, like, the opposite problem. It has the opposite schedule where if they get past Iowa, they also get to play Illinois, but then they have at Ohio State, at Maryland, which I think Maryland's goodness took a hit. but they're at least potentially feisty,

home against Michigan, home against Rutgers, at Michigan State. Like, that's a much, much harder. Yeah, looking at the same metric, one, two, three, four of those games are coin flips or worse for Penn State right now. Yeah, yeah. So the most Big Ten thing would be

for Penn State to win this game and then immediately it dropped two. Yeah, that sounds about it. Yeah. Michigan's making the Big Ten championship. finish it if they're going to lose to Iowa. Oh my God, this could be so much fun. They get to see a bucolic

Indianapolis at last. Only to know that they'll never taste it again. And Pitt's going to win the ACC. Oh, without question. I don't think the Big Ten's done unwinding a potential ACC type scenario. I think that could get real ugly

down the stretch. On both sides or just in the east? Mostly in the east. mostly in these because they tend to do a little round robining anyway and i think they could do that by each losing two games this year like it's entirely like if you look at those teams you go no i can see a situation where any of those teams finished to lose two down the stretch and all in countervailing fashion that cancel each other out and engage a series of tiebreakers so

arcane that somehow northwestern ends up being ohio state tiebreakers favor ohio state yes no matter what no matter what always even if the tiebreakers favor except for national I love it because like within the Big Ten, all tiebreakers favor Ohio State and then it goes nationally and then it's a coin flip as to it. I think Michigan State, I think Spencer has a point. Michigan State becoming decent again. Oh, it's close. Definitely triggers that because you have four teams all capable of beating each other, right? Whereas in the West, I'm not sure if you have that.

Really not. You have four teams all capable of losing to each other. That's really like every team in the West. It's Iowa and then Wisconsin's kind of bad. Nebraska's dare I say it kind of good, but only kind of. how confident do you feel about saying iowa's good though like have like like really when you go oh boy what's a bell weather of quality can i just hang it on are you are you are you are you hung up on them nearly losing to stevedazia's colorado state which lost to man built i think good

is not the right i think good and bad are not the right way to think about iowa like it's more about effective like think about like think about like cinder blocks or something be like is this a good cinder block it's like it's not really Yeah, just, you know, just like, does it, does it, can you build things on it? It's not something that we can really, that will really take a value judgment. Right. Right. It's like, yeah.

The rhino can only rhino. That's the only thing the rhino knows. Hmm. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. I don't feel, I don't feel, I don't feel confident. It's like, taste this onion.

Is this onion good? It's like, it's really a part of something. It's not. Mm, that's an good onion. Uh, so I would. Georgia playoff game where the total is four. I'm so mad at Kirby for fooling everybody. I'm thinking like, yeah.

Totally moving forward. This is the next counter move to Alabama. No, this is your favorite high school team. This is what all coaches from Georgia do. They're like, yeah, you remember that kick-ass high school team from Wayne County? We're just going to do that again. Let's just bring it up. No, you know what?

I will accept that because, Jesus Christ, it's better than what else, Kirby might have done. It's true. But yeah, like the 10-3, the 10-3 life. They're like, perfect game, 10-3. Then afterwards we go get steak fingers down at Taylor's. That's what we're going to do.

I think you are, I can't even believe I'm saying this. No, no, go ahead. Say it because you're wrong. I think you're being overly critical of Georgia football. Wow. Wait, who's being critical? I think I think he is painting them with a brush that is more accurate no yeah I am complimenting them this is the least I have this is the least exasperated I've been with Georgia football in a long time I much more so than in previous years I think Georgia has an offensive identity that is flexible enough to adjust for some very challenging injury situations at quarterback and wide receipts I think like Todd Munkin's actually doing a really good job.

Yeah, guess what? Guess what the operative fucking word there is? You went and got a Munkin. Yes. No, I think this is the offensive coordinator hire that Georgia needed for a while and is paying off now because like, yeah, Stetson Bennett is not an amazing quarterback, but they don't ask him to be. They don't just put him in there and sort of say like, well, you know, this is.

what we'd ask JT to do so you go do that like I I am having a hard time finding the usual outlet for my hate in Georgia qualities oh Ryan Ryan Ryan Ryan Ryan I could have COVID I don't no I'm I'm you know what I'm going to say so I'm not going to say it no go ahead oh no I was just going to say go ahead and you know suffer these pangs now because won't that make it sweeter when they fuck this up? I'm just waiting. I'm just waiting. Sure.

Like I too sincerely am enjoying especially, oh God, I'm not especially only. I am really enjoying watching this defense play. I can't remember if I said this in the car or on the show. So I will stay it here. It reminds me of the David Gibbs Texas Tech defensive experiment a while back in which the defense plays like hungry, hungry hippos, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, and I think that is a delightful way

to pass an afternoon. So, we're waiting for Georgia to fuck this up or not, but we are also going to get to celebrate when they fuck this up. We have the best of both worlds right now. I think we can do that without it. By the way, that won't be the defense's fault. I feel 100%

sure saying that. Oh, no. Oh, absolutely. this defense is amazing unless it's yeah that's this is bo necks his entire mo this is why he exists for moments of certainty when we're like surely no one will beat georgia who would be capable of that he was molded for this he was created for this

and this is the thing if if holly is right and they do fuck this up i'm not right i'm just quoting history i think this is the best equipped equipped team both in the team itself and in the circumstances surrounding the team, i.e. the struggles to whatever degree to whatever degree they've been having that Alabama's been going through. I think Georgia is better situated than any Georgia team we've seen in a minute to not screw this up. And if they don't screw this up and we have to like sit through, sit with the notion of our Georgia national championship countdown clock resetting

itself to zero, then we won't have had to watch stupid fucking woolheaded Kirby offense. uh for the weeks leading up to it this is fine yeah yeah i recognize there's a stirring argument to argue that like this is fine but i'm saying what happens next is going to be deeply annoying in one way or the other and you know at least we get to at least we get to watch something we don't absolutely loathe also that feels like the best we can ask for this year i have something more uplifting all right please our beloved yukon huskies who are despite the valiant effort in front of us in Vanderbilt Stadium, nearly capturing an SEC victory. Yukon sits in their rightful home in the computer composite at 130 in the country.

And they are facing this week, number 129, UMass. Good mess. On the road. On to the hostile confines in Amherst. If Yukon can secure the loss, they will then face Yale, having already lost to Holy Cross, they can lose to Yale. then Mitsu at Clemson we'll pull hard for our boys to defeat Clemson at UCF and Houston

one of the worst teams one of the worst seasons in college rule history is right in front of us and I'm just glad we got to witness a critical part of it when they nearly beat an SEC team they improved two weeks in a row

that's really the achievement here they really did two respectable efforts in a row if they can't beat UMass I think they should just be allowed to be done Like I think we should just say It's fine It's go home

Yeah I mean That's a non-retorical question If they can't beat UMass What do you say to them in that locker room? Yale's coming Let's get up We can maybe beat Yale Man

Buddy Yale's already taken out the entire US economy On multiple occasions I don't know if I count them out for this game Yukon is will avenge us all They killed the banking system I think they can handle Yukon. Multiple foreign governments, you know?

You know who else is really bad for banks except for Randy Edzels would be Yukon? I was going to say Acorns. Folks, you know who else is bad for banks because they're jealous of how good it is to invest yourself at home on your phone without needing to know where or what a bank is? That would be Acorns.com slash fullcast. You could put on your phone and then go to UMass and buy gear of whichever team wins this game because someone has to. And when you do, that the rounded up nickels and dimes

from your purchases will go into your acorns account and then be funneled directly into the market that is being overseen by those Yale grads. That is one way to get one over on the Yale boys is to purchase stuff. UMass, more like, a mass wealth. I don't want to say that. Yeah, you, you Massachusetts

on big golds of the bags of money. Minute men, you'll save lots of minutes men and women. investing with Acorns because it saves time. You can con your way to early retirement thanks to Acorns.com slash fullcast.

By the way, in my children's early account trying to get one over on the Yaleys here giving them the privilege. Bobby Axelrod went to Hofstra kids. Never forget. That's right. Blabby. $76.

is now with the current lead that the younger has on the elder. I feel like that shrunk a little bit. It did. It did come down a little bit. Markets are volatile, you know? Markets are volatile. Also, maybe the younger's just letting his money play a little bit.

Maybe he put a little bit into the craps game. Sure. Maybe he's been hitting the tables. Maybe he knows the financial regulators are watching. Got to cool down. Yeah, yeah. Flying too close to the sun. I know.

get like a call from someone at the SEC and they're going to be like, you know, listen, this is crypto operation running out of your house and I'll be like, ah! It's kind of your dream to be investigated by both SECs at once. Yes. Sir, you're money laundering Roblox somehow?

Yeah. How are you doing this with a Nintendo Switch, a banana, and a potato clock? Wait, what's a potato clock? You know, it's one of those clocks that uses a potato as a battery. You can blow. Oh. You've seen one of this? Yeah.

This sounds like something you would make up, but I I suspect I sense that it's not. Oh, no, he's not making it up. Is this something you'd make up in sixth grade science class? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I was picturing a plastic potato that had a clock face on it.

It's a real, um, hey, I'm going to my nephew's birthday and I don't know anything he likes kind of gift. A potato kit. Yeah. Yeah, it very much is like perhaps a child will find this curious. Maybe not this child who might have no knowledge of. No. no understanding of the potato clock run do you like potatoes do you like the concept of time sure we all do i prefer potatoes of those two those are my options i mean the good news is you still have the potato

you can't fry time you destroy space time that's a promise you cannot fry time you know what else can't fry homefield apparel sweatshers unless you can like a word it's oklahoma texas week i don't know about that year okay we might let me refer You know what I think you shouldn't fry? Homefield apparel.com sweatshers. That's your opinion. Yeah, that police doesn't make a good rue. I think they are more comfortable worn on the body than consumed through the mouth.

Correct. Big New Saturday is over. But it was a really good season. Florida, Georgia. That's that. Washington. Washington, Miami. Not Michigan.

USC most recently. West Virginia. Not Notre Dame. Bankrupted Holly. Yeah. So... Worth it. I mean, is it cold weather time?

Are we back in soup season in Georgia? I see Jason is wearing his Tulane hoodie today. We're on like... We drove home from Vanderbilt in the teeth of what felt like the hurricane that chased us from the stadium. Yeah. And it's still here and it's three days later. There's floods all over the place. Okay.

so yeah it is it is gnarly home field hoodie weather here especially in the mornings and at night it's hoodie season yeah i think i think jason is taking the correct approach he is willing hoodie season to happen by putting them on and declaring it hoodie season which i believe that's what you should do as well i can also compliment if you were listening to this the listeners and uh full cast associated folks who came out to the yukon vandy game a resplendent selection a great bunch of people thanks for coming did we have any two people wearing even the same home field school we had i saw two bannies there was another ucon shirt and i was wearing a yukon sweatshirt well that that's okay that i think is acceptable sure but let's see we had uh

we had a cincinnati bingles joe burrow we had a Cincinnati bingles joe burrow we had uh it was lovely to see one of those uh one of the ore diggers shirts out in the out in the wild spencer wore is Florida hoodie and then watch Florida lose. I had my Stephen Godfrey hates my team shirt on so that I could represent the real home team and was rewarded from my troubles with a gentleman who grabbed

my arm as we were heading up the steps and said, I fucking hate Stephen Godfrey and that's all he said to me. It was a beautiful exchange. An angel sent from the Lord. And we are friends forever. With a message for humanity. Was he wearing a shirtless Alan Iverson jersey and a backwards

Dallas Cowboys baseball cap at the Yukon game mind your own business I do wonder if that guy yes it's critical I wonder if that guy knows like which Stephen Godfrey was being referred to oh there's probably a higher chance than usual in Nashville

in a football stadium certainly but he could have just taken the message literally hates my team Georgetown fuck him don't make apologies he knew which Stephen Godfrey he met I'm not making apologies I just think it's funnier if he saw a message and immediately reacted well fuck you too

great sure the first response I got when I tweeted out this encounter from the game was somebody suggesting that it had been Godfrey's dad who told me that. Which... Fair. He does love backwards cowboy hats at bet.

Use offer code full casket, 20% off your first purchase. Also, we say this frequently on this show. Just go do your Christmas shopping now. You have friends who will like warm, comfortable sweatshirts,

crunex, hoodies, t-shirts. Like, just take care of it now. You don't want to have to be scrambling to do this. That's right. Shipping times get weird. Do yourself a favor.

Don't make November miserable for yourself. I'm telling you now. Go get that SMU cocaine horse. The shirt. SMU cocaine horse. Or the literal horse. Homefield will sell you a cocaine horse. Oh, I want a cocaine horse.

Any horse is a cocaine horse if you try. Also, this is just a cry for help. I know we have at least one listener who works at Home Depot and is willing to be bribed. But if you work at Home Depot and are willing to be bribed and you know where I can get a giant skeleton, I'll pay good money for it. I don't want a normal skeleton. Don't tell me. I want the big one. Holly Anderson.

Can we put that on your tombstone one day? I don't want a normal skeleton. she said she was talking that is talking about this work yeah she was talking about her obsession with the home depot it's not an obsession it's the 12 footer correct yeah it has to be the 12 foot skeleton it has to be the one with life eyes that's the thing that i kept cracking up at was going so the 12 foot skeleton and without fail holly would go with the life eyes yeah because it's got horrifying life like eyes inside the skull gleaming blue eyes they're beautiful horrifying to some beautiful to others yes beautiful to me so what i really want is four

i want four of these giant skeletons i want uh because i want to pose them thusly i want two of them to be arrayed in my front yard at the left and right front corners of the yard uh facing the house with their arms upraised as though in greeting and i want to position the third skeleton on the roof of the house facing them with arms up raised and greeting like hey skeleton basically i'm trying to recreate with 12 foot skeletons that Pokemon meme with all the little turtles no the all the squirrels going like the squirrels yeah yeah yeah i'm but with skeletons i'm realizing squelotin squad i realize it's not the case because he already burned and we saw that this wasn't true but it would have been great if big techs had a big tech size skeleton inside of him

been amazing, yes. Like, that was a missed opportunity because then when he burned down, you would have seen giant flaming skeleton. What if when you burn him on fire again? I was going to say, what if you... This isn't a threat, but an opportunity. What if you just stuff him with fireworks every year, just stuff in with fireworks and then burn it?

It sounds like that was the problem the first time, no? What are you stuffing? Do you know he doesn't have like an elementary canal? not yet show off how do you all I need to do is all I need to do

listen big techs has a sphincter I'm sure of it no but I have to wake up that word now you're trying to say Texas doesn't have the biggest sphincter in the world

somewhere in the state and they'd be like hey go to hell buddy we'll make the biggest fincter of course they have the biggest fincter they got Waco

they got 10 crews why do you think Bucky's bathroom all the way got him floor that's right That's all we have to do with Texas.

You say it's like, man, how much would you pay to be last in the SEC? How much would you pay? What is the measurement of sphincter size? Radius. Is it radius? Is it circumference? Is it like depth of sphincter? Is it ductility?

Square. Is it area? Can we do area? I think it's, I think the key is to measure the blank space. Right. Is it the sphincter or the absence of sphincter that makes it large? Man, that's a deep point. Can you measure it volumetrically?

Right, right. Speaking of Aggie football. Hey, remember when I didn't talk for 15 minutes? Don't you wish we could go back to that? That's over. That's over, y'all. I want to go ahead and state. State Fair, all big sphincter.

Yeah, this is such. You want to talk about Texas A&M, who's playing we already talked about that game why you know we talked about that i just want to talk about the the evening slate which is by far the weirdest evening slate of the year to this point because it's a bunch of games that um nobody really wants there is can we talk about one more afternoon game real quick oh sure i'm sorry yeah i'm really looking forward to arkansas old miss because somebody's somebody's going to overstep trying to prove something real hard here oh you You think I'm a dumb ass, huh?

Well, watch me. Watch me do this cool trick. And I understand there's a very good chance that Lane Kevin's like, you think I went for it on fourth down too much, huh? Watch me do it twice as much against Arkansas. I'm going for it on fifth down. That's right. I won't even give them the ball when it's turn over on downs.

I'll take it away and run. Get your popcorn. Get my popcorn. Get everyone popcorn. I threw all the popcorn in the river. Can I say something weird? Yeah. Because it's going to be in defense of Lane Kiffin.

Yes. Having actually now seen that video of that pregame exchange with the Get Your Popcorn Ready, I don't think he, it's Lane and it's mumble-mouthed, so it's hard to say. I don't think he was saying anything in that moment other than, like, get ready for a good game. And it was not a good game, but I don't think he was saying, like, get your popcorn ready, we're going to be to Alabama. I think he was saying, get your popcorn ready, like, it's Showtime. Yes.

anyway that's all it i think if it had been any other coach people would have said oh that was awkward but if it's him the mind immediately assumes he's he's uh he's being some sort of brat yeah i i had not seen that video until uh until yesterday i think and i i believe for once we may have been making too much out of it which is you know unlike us it doesn't sound like us it's it's still funny it like oh no it's the the big owl's retort is absolutely still funny but I don't think it's like, I think we should take it as like, ha ha, that's funny and not like, oh, lane talk shit, get hit by an elephant wearing a giant tub of foam popcorn. Again, the funniest things you have to do to talk about this sport are to describe things exactly as they happen.

In 2017, by the way, this was a game that was where Ole Miss had a 317 lead. Surely they would not, yeah, they blew it. and Arkansas came back to win 38, 37. It feels like it has been a while since we have played this game where both teams are like, they both might be good. I mean, even when they're both not good, we're always kind of around like, well, they're both sort of on par with each other, right?

They're never too far off each other's bumper. Oh, yeah. When they're both bad, they look at each other and they're like, this one should be easy. At least this one's a win. Do you think they do that Or do they cruise into this game like Well shit I don't know

Put the key in see what happens When you turn it Maybe it blows up Maybe this thing actually runs Who knows boys Just get her around the track And see what happens I will say

Egg Bowl is in Is that Mississippi State this year And I will laugh very hard if Mississippi State wins that game And the fans just pelt Blaine Kiffin with popcorn All game Or eggs

Thanksgiving popcorn Yep seasonal popcorn They're going to do that They're going to do that somebody's going to get arrested over it He down applied corn Corn initiated bookshot technology To my forehead

Oh no are you kidding Are you kidding Like giving somebody a vegetable without their consent Is a state felony In corn In not just in Mississippi This is in like 33 states how much would I want to be

at the cartoon ideal of the Old Miss trial over this in my head right Surrah! We challenge the state's definition Yeah, Judge Catfish We don't challenge the notion That corn is a vegetable I don't actually speak like this

But you have to, it's part of Mississippi law No, there's only like three people on the planet That speak like this And they're all actually from Virginia Yeah What was the name? gave me one to talk about i don't it just the night the night's slate is so weird the whole thing they've all been weird this season this one has been this one has big unwatchable potential

and i'm not saying that to try to jinx it into being good but so we'll start forecast after dark early yeah michigan at nebraska sure be good because j as jason has famously stated at Nebraska, good football team. Nebraska's pretty good. They just make your peace with that. They're pretty good. I mean, this has been a really weird season of night slates.

This is one of the best so far, such as it is. Notre Dame might lose again. Am I talking you into it now? Notre Dame at Virginia Tech. Might have a Notre Dame losing streak. Now I're feeling good. LSU, Kentucky.

That'll be dumb as shit. Utah, USC. That would be really stupid. This is great. Memphis at Tulsa. That'll be a disaster. UCLA, Arizona? This is a good time.

No, no. You went too far. You dipped into the Arizona and now you've gone too far. I thought I could sneak one more in. Are you the little kid just throwing things in the car to check out, right? You're like, no. No. I told you no more Arizona.

Arizona at home. This isn't even food. We have Arizona at home. We already watch Yukon, UMass. God, like, but yeah, I, it is such a weird slate. And yeah, you said, you say Arizona, and Ryan justifiably said no. But I do want to say, this being the Pact 12, going to keep an eye on it. No, I get that.

I get that we have like a public responsibility. Going to keep one very gimlit eye on it. Yeah, I'm not saying you shouldn't, but like, there is, there is an entire possibility that this is the, this is the Saturday, where everybody's like it's 11 o'clock you can go to bed it's fine after you listen to the forecast after dark you must do the full cast after dark you can listen to that in bed i have seen people say they fell asleep listening to that which what okay if you if this is you tell us what your dreams were you have to you have to disclose this on medical forms going forward like how many drinks do you have a week do you smoke have you ever listened to the forecast after dark why you fell

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're now disqualified from becoming like a long-haul trucker or a radio. You definitely can't be a pilot. That's right. No, you might actually be stronger against radiation now. That's an excellent point. Let me give you a stat, by the way, that I think explains why this slate is so weird to me because the bottom five teams in terms of turnover margin, bottom five, right now. 125, that's San Jose State tied for 117th of Southern Miss

127th Florida State right, who now they're off the Schneide, they have a win over Syracuse, right? 128 is Arizona all right, struggling-ass Arizona right? Football is fun again in Arizona don't ever write that about a new coach

because that's just a good that would be a Bruce Feldman piece about Jetfish at Arizona saying that it was going to be fun and that is the kind of thing that you have to say during preseason and then inevitably you get the kind of season that they've had where they are

0 and 4. There are two teams who are worse and turnover margin, all right? And the 0 and 4 Wildcats have somebody beneath them even lower on the rung and that is number 12, the undefeated Kentucky Wildcats

Just sitting there in a negative 9, 5 and O How? Only Wisconsin is worse. It's fine. And Kentucky's undefeited. Kentucky's Uber of like they're losing a billion dollars a week

and they're undefeited. And they're super successful. Every labor is unpaid. money's not real I hope Kentucky players are well paid for the record they deserve it hey I got

I got something to take us out of the show if you want oh please please God buy any means necessary Is it about that zookeeper who's like married to a bird or whatever No no no

People keep saying that's us He's been he's been begging He's probably because I'm the crane Oh no people said it was Ryan. Somebody's been begging for a line this entire episode, and I'm willing to give them, okay? Can you just

yell as loud as you can? The show is over? Yell it. Get the jelly bean out of your mouth, and yell go, the show is over. The show is over. Adios. Oh.