Shutdown Fullcast - You Peed Your Pants In Miami

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

What is the most unimportant age and why is Miami always that age?What's the opposite of ASMR? Whatever that is we've got some of itNBA tanking solutionsTaking advantage of our newfound status as media mogulsProbably the most Florida football enthusiasm we have ever shown in a single episodeChecking in on Liddle Ole ClemsonThe Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 28 (twenty-eight!!) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Now through June 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch sold through the Shutdown Fullstore will be donated to the Transgender Resource Center of New MexicoShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Clayton MooreDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz

Okay, so here's a question for everyone. And obviously, Holly, we want her input when she joins. What is, like, the least important age to be? Specific age or, like, range of ages? Let's say first under, like, 25, like, under that. Because, like, after that, no age is important, right? After that, it's, like, you're 30 and then you're 100, right? But, like, during adolescence, what is the, like, least memorable, least milestone-y age?

I'm going through my head on milestones. I'm going to say 11. That was my first guess. That was the number I went with, but my kid disputed it. Okay. Because she said that's your Harry Potter sorting hat age. Uh-huh. Sure.

So for people of her generation, it's like, you know, and then they grow out of Harry Potter or whatever. Because they're like, oh, this is, this is all bad. Well, when you're, well, the other thing that makes me question my own answer now is when you're 11, you're probably in fifth grade. So that's kind of, depending on where you go to school and how it's set up, that's kind of your life. That's kind of your last gasp of, oh, you're about to go to middle school. You're about to like, that said, based on what I have gleaned from having a nine-year-old, I don't think the distinction matters that. I don't think anybody is going from fifth grade where it's like, wow, the world was so innocent.

And nobody bullied me to middle school. And it's like, yeah, it's hell up here. You weren't ready for this, brother. I think the thing about middle school and I was homeschooled during middle school, so everything I know about middle school is like secondhand. Apparently, it just sucks. It's like the worst time in your entire life. I didn't do any school in middle school.

I just looked at sports center for half an hour and then went outside. That was my middle school. It was awesome. All right. Let me revise. Let me revise my answer. But I guess what I'm saying is like the end of elementary school, you're not like, wow, I can't wait to graduate in a middle school. It's just sort of like, that's the next thing.

Nobody's told me how bad it sucks. If I have to come on with a second answer, I'm going to say 14. Because similarly, that was one of my kids' answers. You've already been a teenager. You're still far away from, I know kids don't driving as much, but like I'm using my own experience. Like, you're still far away from even getting a learner's permit. You are a sophomore in high school, which is the least, like, I feel like nothing happens when you're a sophomore in high school. Like, it's not new to you anymore. You don't have any sort of like, but you don't have enough accumulated. It's like playing a video game where you're like, I've been playing this for an hour and a half. I'm not in the tutorial anymore, but I still have. any good shit and I don't have any spells. Like I still, I'm just grinding. I have discovered what the game loop is and I'm bad at it.

Right, right. I've beaten one mission after failing at eight times. That's it. I see the castle. I'll say 14. I'll say 14 is my answer for the least consequential. I had all kinds of spells when I was 14. So Holly, the question is

what is the least important milestone of an age to be? like under age 25. We've thrown out 11 and 14 so far. My kid said 8. That was for her, it was just like the most blip of an age. Yeah, yeah.

Eight is strong. Eight is strong, 14 is strong. 14 is strong. I'm going to say, I will say that one thing I have noticed as several of my nieces and nephews cross this perimeter is that 12 is when other people, who meet your children, say, stop saying to you, oh, that's a fun age.

Yeah. I would. There might be something there. I have several insignificant ages and maybe a difference in semantics because I feel like 15 and 17 are real important because there are these. 15, you get your learner's permit. Right, right. But they're very important because I feel like, I feel like turning 18 and turning 16, those are very big deals. Being 16 and 18 are not.

Because once the milestone happens and you've crossed it, you cross the Rubicon and you go, what, hold on. What you go, what's behind this door? I'm changing my answer to 17. Yeah. You go, what's behind this door? And then you go, ah, it's, it's done. Okay, cool. 18 is like end of high school.

Yeah, that's the problem. It's not just the birthday itself. Now the cool, yeah, the cool thing is not only like 18 is very important. 19, such a complete nothing. You know what you should be doing if you're 19? Fuckery. You should be doing nothing. is my answer.

Like, it's not a round number. Nothing at all changes about your life. You've been out of high school for a while. You're either fucking up at college or fucking up at not college. Yeah, you are not full-grown, no matter where you are. You are the most, like, quote-fingers adult in the world. Yeah, for purposes of age, it can skip from 18 to 20. Like, the idea that, like, oh, I'm a teenager, and you're 19, that's garbage.

Just throw it out. The most iconic thing to do with your 19 is called gap year. Like, not exist. Yeah, yeah. It's the best shadow year ever, right? Where was he? Who knows? No one knows.

No one knows. He was like both partying for 12 hours a day and sleeping for 12 hours a day. If a 19 year old can say, hey, should I do blank? And you could say yes to almost anything. Almost anything. Even the worst things. If it's like, hey, I'm 19 and I'm thinking about going to federal prison. You're like, you know, you're 19.

You can probably straighten that out. It's the time to try it. Once you have kids, you won't be able to. to do it. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to do that. But it also cuts the other way, because if you're a 19-year-old and you've, like, really got your shit together and you're, like, really mature for your, nobody cares. They're like, you're fucking 19.

What do you know? Go away. Yeah. So, yeah, let's just, all right. Let's just abolish 19. You can be 18 for, no, no, no, no, no. We're here to make all of life out of 19. I think you should get two years of 18 instead.

I think you should get to be 18. I think you should get 10 years of 19. 18 plus. 18 plus. Yes. 18 new game plus. Same thing. You go start in your senior year,

high school over, and now you care even less. That's right. Because the way our legal structure currently works is this, between 18 and 21 is this weird purgatory. It's the bar dough between

adulthood and adolescence. It's where you can serve your country, but you can't drink in a bar, right? I love 21 because 21's like, all right, fucker. Here you go. Here's the hard shit. I do like that even at 21

We're like, well, you can't rent a car Stop it Easy, easy, easy Hey, wait a second There's some sort of insurance thing also This is like how you can tell That climate change is actually real By figuring out where you can't get a building

Insured anymore This is people whose entire business model Depends on you not wrecking their shit Says that you're not an adult until 25 And I still think that's pushing it Those are the people you need to listen to. Yeah. The other thing is once you pass 30, your concept, like your concept of kid when you're 18 is like 9 year old.

Once you're 25, your concept is 18 year old. Once you're 30, your concept is 29 year old. That's a kid, right? My concept of kid, I think, is permanently stuck at 29 now. Yeah. But also, I'm uniquely, I think, I have what I think is for somebody here, let me see, how many do I have? I have three nieces, two nephews. a goddaughter and two godsons.

And I got to tell you, if a kid is out of diapers and not like actively participating in their high school graduation, I can't tell you how old they are. Yeah. I'm uniquely blind in that. Like Fernando Mendoza is a kid in my mind. Like, wow, what an incredible starting NFL quarterback that kid is. This happened to a friend of mine who I won't, I won't call them out in person, but on a group text, they were like, yeah, this is. kid like just like backed up to me like almost hit me with his bike while I was out for a runner or whatever and his parents didn't do anything and we were like how old was this kid and she

said I don't know between three and nine and I'm like that's a huge range that's that's a huge it there it's like there are there are like four ages right yeah baby three to nine 10 to 20 and then upward yeah right now Ryan because of their stage in life the ages in the toddler section. Sure. Yeah. It's like the Sims. You're finally attuned to the differences between a three and a five-year-old. That is going to go away.

But three and nine, three and nine is a huge fucking range, dude. I'm telling you, man, if it's not like, if it's a child who's like out of their larval stage and they're forming sentences and stuff and they tell me they're in 11th grade, I'm like, sure. Ten years from now, I don't know that you'll remember the difference. Okay. Okay. You also, Ryan, you are also experiencing time down. in the opposite direction, having as you do, a daughter who is nine going on 37?

That is true. Yes. Yeah. She asked me the other day, she was like, what's it like being grown up? And I was like, I'll let you know. I choose not to answer this question. You look behind you to see who she was asking. Yeah.

What is the age where you stop lying, like outright to your children? I think it's 19, right? Like when your kid, when your kid is 18 or 19, you can finally tell them, you're like, yeah, you got through high school. Most of that was entirely unnecessary. I think it was about 20 for me, yeah. It depends because, like, my kid is such a freaking bookworm. I've been telling her this since freshman year.

Like, you don't have to go to this damn hard. I'm telling you. Like, you should study less. Like, Emily's been doing that too. Literally her teachers have been telling her, dial it down, please. So it depends on the kid. But generally 19. Generally 19.

Your daughter's case, less. We can bring that down. My kids, I'm starting to stop that, right? Like, now my kids in high school. So when they, well, I don't, I don't denigrate. I'm a partner with them. I'm not here to denigrate their work. I'm not.

But there are some things I won't, you know, like, when they're like, hey, the government seems kind of evil right now. You could be like, that's a great instinct, kid, because they're totally evil. They're, we're the bad guys right now. You should know that, you know? We don't lie to them about that stuff anymore. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. sure I got shown the Battle of Blair Mountain when I was like eight so yeah I feel like that's sometime in your teens sometimes in your sometime in your teens you're like behind this curtain I

will show you America you know so hungry how is it so fat and so fast America's a D tackle like Vince Wilfork yeah evil Vince Wilfork America's just a big old evil racist Vince Wilfork. Quick off the line. I don't want it to be, but it is. Yeah, although we keep, we keep, we keep fucking up our assignment and attacking the wrong country. I need you to block Afghanistan. Iraq!

Why are you hitting Iran? We need to attack no one at all. Hormuz. Yeah. Iran's on the bitch. You can't, you can't invoke a University of Miami player that be mad with extracurricular after the West. No, I can't. Be mad when boat crime happens.

I can't. Kellyn Winslow showed the way. Entire United States Marine Corps has run out of the stadium. Yeah, that'll happen. Marines! Marines, the official armed force of the shutdown forecast. For better and worse, yeah. Better and worse, yes.

A-Cab, except some Marines. Except some Marines, yeah. If you're a Marine currently throwing a beer bottle at an exotic fish, we support you. Sebastian would definitely lay minds in the straight. 100%. Sebastian would take shits in the street. Like recreationally, yeah. Yeah.

To be like, oh, watch, I can get sick air off my jet ski. He might be doing it right now. Fuck it. Sebastian, the only mascot I know of that had like a 40-year-old man under there. Everyone else, it's like you should be a 5'4 former gymnast who was 19 years old. Sebastian, a 38-year-old man with a gambling problem. Well, I think what we're saying is. Yes.

Sebastian is spiritually 19. Like, Sebastian is the most 19-year-old. along the puddles. Miami is the most 19-year-old metropolis, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitively 19. That also... That also explains, like, how Miami talks about itself, where it's like, oh, no one under... No one's ever experienced what I've experienced. No.

Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. I wake up at seven, which one? Bro, bro. Yeah. I saw a girl with her titty's just out. That doesn't happen anywhere else in America. It was like a movie. You can't even believe it.

I was want to ask dudes to do that. Dude, it was like a movie. You're like, which one? There's a lot of movies. Requiem for a dream. The first 45 minutes? No. Bro.

Dude, it was like the cabinet of Dr. Callagher. Dude, it's like that one where Casey Affleck just stands there wearing a ghost costume for two hours. It was a movie, bro. Foundly moving. Peter Traver said it was powerful. Bro, it's like signs. What?

It's like tree of life. Signs includes Infersonating law enforcement So that actually also tracks Bro, we were at the club And it was straight eraser head There was a word leach baby Let's go

Give me Miami eraser head Let's get it God that smells horrible Aesthetically I can kind of see it Being a basil thing The little rotten potato baby He's got sunscreen We went to live

And I straight up made love in a swamp Bro, bro, bro. Robert Blake came up to me and said, pick up his phone. It was sick. And I did. I love him now. He's innocent.

I'm just taking Miami Bros. To the entire Lynch catalog. And every time it's supposed to be scary, they're like, this is fucking awesome. You show a Miami person, Ball Holland Drive. They're like, yeah, bro, I cut that shit off halfway through. I was like, bam, all the life lessons I got right there.

Two chicks, baby. Everybody I need and needed in my life behind a dumpster. Bro, you wouldn't believe how many donuts they had on this fucking table, bro. It was fucking crazy. And pie. And pie. They just cut it off. Real pie!

This club was sick, dude. They had a dwarf, like a little person. She's fucking dead. Call him fucking little person. And he talked back. He talked back to you. No, but I don't mean like aggressively like he would talk back. Back.

Not forward back. It was fucking crazy, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude, bro. Bro. I'm dating this woman who has this log. It's fucking wild, bro. She said hit me, and I'm like, yeah, I'm down. Whatever.

You know, I got that wood? I don't kink shame. Yeah. Dude came in. He had the craziest ketamine mask. First sexual awakening during a late David Lynch movie that's not blue velvet. This chick said, a bunch of space in the voicemail box, it's just for you.

She said, in heaven, everything is fine. I was like, girl, your name must be heaven. Then I fought like a PS1 sting. He was all pixeled and shit. It was awesome. I guarantee you there are Miami fans who watch Twin Peaks simply thinking like, oh, based on the title, it's got out boobs. It's got to be tough.

Bro, so we were at Twin Peaks pregame at noon after we stayed up all night. Then we went to the other Twin Peaks. we gotta watch Twin Peaks at Twin Peaks. David Lynch's tilted kilt. Has anybody watched Twin Peaks at Twin Peaks? Sound off in the comments. If you've got like the waitresses gathered around like commenting on it and shit,

this is a podcast. You ever asked Stephanie over there in the corner to firewalk with you? Yeah, like Twin Peaks, bartenders, break down David Lynch. I need it. Bro, he said the Sandman was coming. I'm like, I need tips.

my draft kings my draft kings is low the full cast for the articles this is what they mean I close my eyes he had a voice like a fucking angel club was going off I'm that Roy Orbison shit

to the shutdown fullcast you're listening to the internet's only college football podcast I am Spencer Hall as you can tell yeah as you do in dreams listen to the shutdown fullcast i'm spitzer hall joined by jason kirk ryan nanny holly and

michael rake surber on the ones and twos we have heard of people falling asleep to this show like when spotify rap season comes around and people are like oh shit i listen to 500 hours of the forecast hold on i want to try something real quick they send this they also send this to us like it's something to be proud of and not something to be shared in private or with your law enforcement. This is for everyone who's trying to use this podcast to fall asleep. M. You went to school without your pants on.

Oh no. The dentist took all your teeth. Oh, no. You're 19. And it doesn't matter. That is half a nightmares once you're an adult or not being 19. It's so true. If you think you have to pee, you're already peeing.

Oh, you peat your pants. You peed your pants in Miami. You did it. You did it. Yeah. If you've listened to this podcast to go to sleep. If you listen to this shit right now. Yeah.

You need some medication. I submit and I don't feel like we need to prove this, but we're about to because that's just how this show works. ASMR full cast would be worse. Way worse. We've done that, haven't we? At least for stretches. Does your backyard count?

Yeah. I'm talking about if we were all doing like yingang twin shit in here. We did that at some point. Ryan did this as a bit at some point. Oh, if it's a bad idea, I've definitely done this. Oh, no, wait. Wait, wait. Don't help me.

Yeah, Ryan did this right? I think so. Probably. Seems right. That would be soothing. and terrifying. Hey girl, I'm going to put a baby in you. Let me cut that chest over.

Yeah. Not girl, dude. Hey, man. Hey, buddy. Let me put a baby in you full test. It's not, ref. Hold still. This won't hurt.

I wanted to ask everyone, by the way. Why did I go straight to like xenomorph insemination? Because we were talking about Miami. We're talking about Miami. Thank you. Thank you. Bro, it was so sick. We hooked up.

You know, normally I don't do that shit, but, Dog, do you know if you get married, you fucks your taxes up in a good way? We should get married, bro. I can't stop thinking. I know we have to talk about other things theoretically, but I can't stop thinking about a Miami fan like seven episodes into Twin Peaks going, she's fucking dead and scrambling back from the screen. This is the second time it's happened to me.

Again? Yeah. Call the Admiral. Yeah. Call Dante. I always think that like what a Miami guy's in trouble. He's like, yeah, Dante will know what to do. That was the real name of the subprime stripper for those real old heads among you.

Of course it was. Of course. There's always a Dante in that scene. For those of you who are not old heads, the subprime stripper was a guy who lived with my roommate when we first started doing an ancestor to this show called EDSBSBS Live, who was a dancer at Swinging Richards that in a rare gender role reversal, my roommate was convinced that the stripper was in love with. her she's a pioneer man that's that's a strike that's striking a blow for gender equality right there really is anyway he ran off to miami with a bunch of her money to work on his buddies app while saving up to open a juice bar we've never told a joke about miami most nine listen most nine

year old city in the world and 19 year old see what do you do i'm gonna open a juice bar be a millionaire also 99 year old yeah sure yeah yeah that is although although the i'm going to get there by dancing naked that is the 19 year old purpose like yeah i'm hot yeah i could do it got this that is the most 19 year old dude thought ever like what's going to get you to fame and fortune spot on the way bro on the way this is pre magic mic too so this wasn't like fashionable at the time for her to be in love with a stripper I wanted to ask each of you because you're all now media moguls media like I would say members of the elite you're all deserving of a New York Times profile and of endless venture capital because it was revealed this week via a series of internet queries and open databases unwisely open databases that maybe some people are pumping their numbers up when and comes to the media and comes to followers because Tucker Carlson's site only has 7.3,000

paid subscribers. That's 7,300 people have. That's less than we have. So what I was going to ask is, first of all, what are you going to do with all this power? Now that you are members of the elite and obviously deserve profiles, you deserve to be asked. Like people should call Ryan Nanny, right? When there is a hanta virus outbreak on a cruise ship and be like, Ryan, Annie, what are we going to do about that haunt of virus crisis? This is a tough question, obviously. I think we need to, you know how fantasy football leagues have punishments for like, oh, you finish last place, whatever.

I think the NFL needs to just say, all right, whichever team finishes last in the league this year, you have to accept the hontovirus ship. you're like well some of these some of these shit so these are not coastal towns like how does that work fitzcaraldo yeah like too bad you make it work you got to show up and you got to welcome the hontavirus people into your town they're part of your like or you know what no NFL doesn't need this NBA you want to fix tanking this is how you do it you say all right you finished last in the NBA where they going chuck you have the best you got the best chance at the number one pick but also Haanta virus ship comes to your town. That's where it stays until next season.

And AMEAS season is long. It's going to be a lot of time wondering, did the hantavirus jump or not. This is why it's tough being insert bad team here. There are many of them. New Orleans, probably. Sacramento? I don't know. I don't keep track with who's at the bottom of the league because I don't think tanking is that

interesting. Whoops, sorry. Jason, what are you going to do with your newfound elite media powers? Wow. It's going to be difficult to follow that. I hadn't really put much thought into it. Really just nothing, I guess. Like, when you're a true elite,

I think the true benefit of it is you don't really have to do anything. Yeah. So I'm just not going to do anything. I think that's what I would do as a rich person is just not do anything. I actually had an idea that I'm going to put in the until Saturday newsletter coming up soon, which is like, and honestly, this does relate to Ryan's idea. I would like college football to have a draft lottery. And like, if you had billions of dollars, you could just do this yourself and know,

could possibly stop you, you could say like, all right, I have decided Akron's NIL budget for next year is $50 million. It just is. And you could say like, you know, Ball State. I feel them as well. North Dakota State, come on up. I got some tens of millions for you. So, you know, like if I had like that sort of status, which I do have that sort of status, by the way, I'm going to, you know, start a bunch of libraries and do all the important stuff you're supposed to do if you're a billionaire who's like, wants to be remembered finally instead of hated. Instead of, ah, chase me to the grave. College football tanking proof draft lottery.

Tanking proof means UMass. You don't get anything. You have to actually try. I don't know that UMass is tanking. That's just the level of intentionality that I don't. I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying, but I'm hesitant to sort of put that label. Oh, UMass is dragging it down.

The other thing I want to, real quick, the other thing I think you have to do, once you are a media mobile, you have to be constantly rumored to be buying things. Other media property, sports teams, investments, whatever. You never actually do it. That's like the crucial part. You never actually are like, yes, I own a thing. And you don't actually take on responsibility or ownership of anything ever. But you need to be constantly in the news for like, ooh, I've heard Spencer Hall.

It's putting together a group of investors. That's the Shibboleth phrase there. Like, like, look, if, if fucking GameStop is like, we're buying eBay and they can, GameStop's buying eBay? GameStop has said, GameStop is talking about buying eBay. I see the point. Okay. To the point where they go, the CEO went on us.

That wasn't a bit. Sorry. No, he went on CNBC to talk about it. Yeah. The CEO who was not high on cocaine. No. No, who was not. Don't say that.

Nope. Don't say that. No. You don't have cocaine. But if GameSop could just be like, yeah, we're going to buy, we're going to buy, we're going to buy ebay. and people are like hmm how would that work and they're like we're gonna give them this much money and people can say but you don't have that much money they can just say read the documents and that's it

like that's it's not actually hard the nice thing about living the nice thing about living in the world we do now is like you can just make it all up and even when people are like that's not true you can just sort of a shrug moji your way through it and it's fine so like what can we just float that we're I mean we do this three times and well I mean there's establish there's the establishment I want to remind everybody of that a group of investors and I are planning to put together a bid on the Washington Post. 100% yes. I've heard and and you know I've heard that for you've heard that from different sources. I've heard that entirely.

Yeah. I've, I can confirm that. Yeah. And I've heard that the bid is very attractive. It is aggressive as well. And sensual. Yeah. Competitive, aggressive, sensual. Aggressive, but understanding. That's right. Yeah. This bid will provide aftercare. Assertive. But gentle. Yeah.

Yeah. Responsive. It's a soft dom kind of. But this is how this is how coaches should talk about their offenses and defenses in the hall of seats. Especially in the spring, the most pink with promise time. That's right. That's right. How's offense looking?

Too messant. That's how. Turgian is the lamb of God. It's going to listen. We run a safe word offense. That's what we do. Yeah. Spencer, I can see you being constantly rumored to buy various baseball teams and then just

constantly trashing them when it doesn't be like they weren't, we weren't interested anyway. Garbage fans. Garbage product. I'm going to do this with the Mets. I'm going to do this with the Mets three times a year. I heard Spencer's spying the A's and moving them to Oakland. That's right.

Dude, I would be the best Mets owner, though. Oh, my God. You would be the best Mets owner? I would because I understand the Mets on a cellular level, right? So you're just going to not spend a quarter billion dollars a year? But this would be, this is such a great answer to our, we play this car game a lot. Like, as I assume everyone listening to this does, like, you know, with fuck you money, which sports team would you buy? Buying all the sports teams and moving them back to their original locations would be an incredible flex.

I'm going, I'm going full. I'm going full return with a V guy. I'm going full return with a V on the. Mets. Do you know what we're going to do? We're going to do cocaine. That's what made the Mets great. We're going to return the Mets to that. What are we going to do? We're going to lower ticket prices. We're going to lower ticket prices so that absolute shuds can get in the stadium. And by the way, I don't mean like the suggestion that the current Mets are not on cocaine. They are not moving fast enough to be on. They're not moving fast enough.

Yeah. And they're not having enough. They're both not having enough fun and I am not fighting I take basketball for the year. It's not time for me to understand. There are no highs. It's all crash. I emerged from Charity Bowl Week to find some alarming news about my beloved Red Sox and have decided that baseball is not my problem this year. Boston's a college of baseball town.

It's just terrible to be a Boston sports fan. I would buy the Red Sox. I would buy the Cleveland Browns. Yeah, all the others are doing awesome. I would buy the Cleveland Browns. I would move them to Montreal and I would turn them into a baseball team called the Expos. And I would solve so many problems.

A very beefy baseball. A hundred percent. Dude, are you telling me Miles Garrett wouldn't look scary as hell standing in the box? Would you spell it in the LSU way expos? Yeah, that's fine too. Just so much Poutine on that team. Yeah. So much like, keep him fed.

We want that third basement very large. No ball can get past him. You know, like Dion played baseball. So why can't it be a family thing? I don't understand. I'm solving a lot of problems. The Browns have a whole pitching staff in that quarterback room. That's right.

They do. It's true. The guy who basically put that team together, I think he just quit or got fired last year. He came from, he was one of the moneyball dudes. He came from baseball. They built, what if the Browns, what if the Browns secretly have a kick-ass baseball team that they've accidentally been using as a football team the whole time? Yeah. Does that seem impossible?

I mean, like, they are always. the team that's like it's really great at this one thing but they're horrible so they always they always they always you're constantly like why do the browns have five quarterbacks those are starting pitchers buddy yeah yeah that's what they have a starting pitcher lineup my miles garrett silver slugger yeah i see it like he listen is he going to play first a hundred yes oh like he's going to fucking crush the ball it's going to be great i love this by the way we're introducing just as part I need to finish my Mets improvement plan. We're introducing rats into the stadium voluntarily.

Any and all appearances by novelty characters and sponsors on the field maybe dragged into the stands and beaten at any point. Remus can't die. You're going to let the Yankees have all the classy, classy shit. You're going to make the Mets dirty again. Listen, we're going to make the Mets trash again, is what we're going to do, okay? and four out of every five years, we're going to win 60 games max.

And then that fifth year, playoffs plus. 94. 94 games. 94 games, yeah. Massive run. And then you know what? We're going to be like the Marlins,

but honest, we'll be like, Hey, fire sale time. It's coming up. Everybody must go. We can't friggin' afford these guys with the Mets. You know it. And they'd be like, yeah.

I love it. It's so much. Can we move the Marlins to Seattle and call them the Sonics? These are great ideas. That is one thing that, by the way, I think we should voluntarily do in college football. We should pick one major team and relocate them just so we can feel the pain, just so we can identify. Yeah, just to do it, right? Like a city with too many teams or something?

That or maybe one that's heading for greener pastures, maybe one that is, you know, answering an expanding market. That's what generally you want to do, right? You want to go to a place that is underserved and is maybe blowing up, right? A place with like massive population growth. So I think in the United States, maybe Arizona picks up a third. Move USC to St. Louis. Like complete the Rams trade. They lost the Rams, give them the USC football. Okay. And also I just looked up fastest growing cities in America, Hilton Head. So we're going to move UCLA to Hilton Head. Great. Maybe okay with that. And then, you know, someone else will emerge in LA.

That's fine. Or they won't. And that's fine, too. It's not like they care. It's not important. Maybe UCLA will pick up the slack. You know what? I think the Chargers can just be their college football.

Maybe the Chargers will finally succeed. Someone will attend the Chargers game thinking it's UCLA. Chargers do have real, like, plucky collegiate energy. Mm-hmm. Is Stan Cranky's still the Chargers owner? Yes. No one knows. If that is the case, Stan Cranky would be thrilled.

He'd be like, ah, can work him twice. All right. Once on Saturday, once on Sunday. Come on boys. That's why we got too deep, right? We're also going to move the clippers to Hilton Head. Oh, they'd be, listen. Oh, I love that.

Thematically, that's perfect, right? Yeah. Yeah. No one will know. A clipper is a kind of boat. It's going to be on the side of the arena. It'll be like, oh, we got a minor league baseball team. Why is Hilton Head one of the fastest growings?

I don't know. I don't want to dive into that, actually. That confuses me. Because they got the clipper. That's what it's because they got the clippers in UCLA. Who's saying no? Who's the new LA? No one's part of Hollywood.

Half the Hollywood sign is going to Hilton Head. The part that says, wood. Hey, Danny McBride's whole gang, that whole righteous Jimstone's gang is in South Carolina already. We're just following the leads of thought leaders. See? Oh, if we get them to be like the NIL money behind UCLA football, like this is the first time somebody has shown me a path where, like, UCLA football. can actually make it work. Yeah.

Yeah, moving the Hilton Head. Right. It's clear all along. It's a better beach. It is a better beach, yeah. Also, Lincoln Riley would love it because nobody would interview him. Nobody.

We wouldn't be able to find USC for a year anyway. They'd be like, fuck, where is it on a map? God damn. I love the Big Ten adding Hilton Head. This is where we plant our flag in the ECCC's territory. We have a turtle-based rival for um oh no shit that wouldn't mean maryland was in the big ten i mean hilton's a chicago based

company right yeah so it kind of makes sense you know and that's how the los angeles clippers become chicago's big ten college football team yeah and then on the little big ten commercial right i want to live forever like it's going through all of these like verdant iconic idyllic little spaces and then it flashes down to hilton head cloud of airbrush gas over yeah Finally, some fucking class in that dump. Does that one just have a dad throwing up on the side of the road? The dump being the big ten, to be clear. There's just an entire ecosystem of small mammals and insects just waiting roadside.

They're like, he's going to cough it up. I'm going to get a quarter of a hot dog out of this. Sure is the tides, 7 a.m. It's going to be a Tahoe that pulls over, and I'm going to get two or three meals out of this brother. The Beatles are like, yes, overserved, dad. During World War II, the Coast Guard trained in horses on Hilton Head's Beach. They were called the Beach Pounders. Way ahead of you, brother.

Hey! World War II history, this is a big tent town through and through. See? Exactly. No, Robbie, beach pounders. Yeah. And then we moved to two USC's into the same state for maximum confusion. adore this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But they never play. They never play each other.

We also, no matter where it is, continue to insist on referring to USC as USC West. Southern Cal. Yeah. U.S. Yeah, South Carolina continues to remain USC. Are you trying to tell me all the like sport jacket and polo shirt guys who run USC wouldn't love this too? Because they're like, well, what's their tax profile now? Oh, Jesus. Dude, this might be the, this might be the critical mass we need to find bring back the white cox hat. I really like that notable, I'm looking at Hilton Head's Wiki, of course.

And notable people, it's all people who like, they bought a house there. No one was born there. This is like how Shreveport claims Kevin Costner. Which, to be fair, that's an insane place to have. And that's Compton's own Kevin Costner. This is Mark Messier of Hilton Head. This is turning Hilton Head into some sort of like nice Silent Hill where it's like, oh, he's boring race.

Silent Hill Net. Or like, slow Miami. Yeah. Miami where everyone's 29, not 19. It's dumb Miami. Raise that age at 39. Dumb Miami? Is that what you said?

Yes. Unambitious, Miami. Yeah. That's true. Miami is always hustling. Just not in the good way. Do you have a job? Man, I have like seven jobs.

You don't have a job. You got seven jobs. You got none. But you have seven jobs. And I'm a DJ. Gotta be. Got to be. Holly, did we ask you what you wanted to do with your elite media

Baroness Powers? But I just assumed that was because you knew the answer. No, go ahead. Which is that, all right, I'm going to hand it to him. We're deep enough into the show. I'm going to hand it to Tucker Carlson. I'm going to hand it to all of them. If I had generational wealth and was further being propped up by, oh, I don't know,

uh hungarian despot and a whole bunch of uh untraceable scrooge mcduck vaults of dark money i would do exactly what these people are doing which is use every every shred of my money soul power influence and cash to ruin the lives of people i don't like and out groups who i decide are outgrooms based on a whim like credit to them it's a great playbook in a vacuum it's a great playbook I would do the exact same thing. The outgroups would be very different, but you're going to have to bleep this name out. Yeah.

But you can't tell me that you guys wouldn't watch my brand new game show called for sport. I'm in line. Yeah. Right? I would do it at his bar and grill. It'd be a hit. I like that even if we leave his bar and grill in, there's no way narrows down. Yeah, it's like taking forward.

things off the guess who board. That would lead me further away. That's how many racist country singers there are. I would think you're talking about someone else. Wait a second. That would be great too. What's on the menu tonight? Had bar and grill.

You! Begin running! The richest man in the cemetery. God, nothing on earth goes as hard as the end of Mickey's Christmas Carol. Not even the point of the popcorn. book. Yeah.

No, no. It goes above and just remind you that Walt Disney was fucking insane, right? How does it end? I don't recall. So I think I've talked about this on a holiday disaster's episode before, but I will never not talk about this one given an opportunity to. I assume that more people have seen Muppet Christmas Carol than like any other version

of Christmas Carol with the possible exception of George C. Scott, which is good because, and you can ask actual literary historians about this, and I have Muppet Christmas Carol, the most faithful textual adaptation of Dickens as a Christmas Carol. I'm not saying that a textual adaptation is in itself be all and end all virtuous, but it does add just like another hefty layer to reasons why you should consider the Muppets Christmas Carol to be the canonical filmed version of the story. But in Mickey's Christmas Carol, which I think was in, Spencer looked this up for me, was I think was in 1986. It was, you know, half hour animated special that ran on ABC or

whatever at the end of mickey's carol Christmas Carol do you all remember Pete from from like he's usually with goofy yeah he's like thick goofy he looks like he's like goofy yes okay so the ghost they go through ghost of Christmas you know ghost of Christmas past is uh is a Jiminy Cricket whatever so they get through to Christmas future and it's the robed hooded figure in the graveyard but it's he's he's the one uh he's the one you know showing Scrooge uh who is Scrooge McDuck obviously, that he's going to die if he doesn't change his ways. But, you know, they're clearing the, they're digging

the grave, and they're snow falling, and Scrooge goes, you know, Spirit, whose lonely grave is this? And Pete flips his hood back, and he's only lit by the light of his own cigar, and he goes, why yours, Ebenezer? And he whips his cloak back,

and you see that the grave is an open pit of flame, and he goes, the richest man in the cemetery, and kicks him into the open pit of flame. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. And then, you know, Scrooge wakes up and makes good and everything. But goddamn Pete. This is what Virginia Tech should do before every Virginia game. They should play that. They probably do, but with like a poor person. I always thought, I always thought either LSU or Tulane should play the opening to live and let die when the

guy's watching a funeral procession in New Orleans. It goes, whose funeral is this? The guy looks So he goes, yours! Stabs him. Like, why not? I know. Call him Baton Rouge. It's got its place. That was 83.

Yeah. Absolute lunatic. I put it in the chat. It's fantastic. You can watch the most metal Christmas Carol ever. Hey, you're trying to scare him. That'll do it. That will do it.

Yeah. So congratulations to us is what I'm saying, that we, we have all attained media elite status simply by having more subscribers than noted ghoul and frozen foods bitch Tucker Carlson frozen foods bitch yes frozen foods bitch that's it oh no he is this is this is real okay yeah the swanson frozen foods empire is what is the unfortunate infection point for Tucker Carlson who is you know going to have a he's going to have a redemption remember like there are no old takes we can suddenly go oh i was wrong about that whoops sorry you don't you don't care you're not sorry I wanted to uh speak of people who I think have

the correct attitude about things uh John Summerall that is a Florida Gators that's our Florida Gators, my Florida gators. Your, yours. Mine. Yeah. Mine. Because I'm all in. Also, Ryan's, of course, as well.

I'm not putting Ryan in this. If he wants to jump in. You are so bought in. Ryan, tell him what Spitzer did. Tell the good people with Smiths. No, tell them. I don't care. Yeah, tell him.

I called a friend and I was excited about something. No. You make this sound like it wasn't extraordinary. No. It's that you. texted me a few weeks ago after the Florida spring game. And I don't even remember which quarterback it was because Florida hasn't decided who their quarterback is going to be.

It was tramble. That's, yes. And you're like, you know, he looks, he looks good. Yeah, he did. He looks good. Yeah. And it's, here's, right. Here is what I like about it.

Spencer, you and the rest of us have been doing this for so long that like, it's rare to see you slip into normie football fan behavior. But texting me without any context to just say like. Oh, come on. No, texting without any context is my name. No, not that part, but texting me to just be like, RQB looked good in the spring game is the most normie shit possible to the point where you and I started going through other Florida quarterbacks who have looked good in the spring game.

And then did dick all when the season came around. John Brantley had an amazing spring game. John Brantley did have an amazing spring game. He was an incredible recruit. This is where, because like, you know, this is, this happened to us a couple years in a row when I was like, Billy Napier is fine, actually, and this should be Florida ceiling. And you would get really mad at me. And then in February, this was always the turn.

It was always in February. And you would start referring to Napier by his first name. That's when he was Billy. You're like, Billy's really pulling it together. And I would try not to laugh. It's good. No, I'm not complaining about this. I love that point.

soft embrace that point in the calendar is great because that was when florida was rolling in with like the number 14 recruiting class turn it around don't ask 14th and what but it's hey 14th nationally it's the right 14th that's the important that one NFL network commercial that we all love that they used to run after the super bowl they go starting tomorrow we're all undefeated again i have no reason like and by the way listening to everyone here everyone within the sound of my voice If you have a new coach, if you have a new coach, I know, the sick fuck has hope for the future because Indiana won a national title. That's it. Indiana won a national title. If this has ruined you, I wonder who else it's ruining that.

Not ruined. It's restored me. Perfected me. It's double-edged. Wait, wait, wait, that can't, that can, you've seen Florida win national titles. You don't get to start looking out. That makes it even more. Indiana can do it even more, Ryan? What reason have I to despair when it's happened before? If Indiana can do it, anyone can do it. Please.

Even Florida. If you're new to this show in like the last 10 years, you really missed out on the way this one. And I see Spencer, not Ryan, used to bitch and fucking moan about having only seen two national titles from Florida in the past decade. It's not my fault. Yolden have standards. Yeah. The Florida standard. I get it, Spencer.

It sucks, man. Oh, Clemson is a turn. Thank you. Clemson is now Florida. Someone gets it. Little old Florida. Little Florida.

Clemson's now Florida. Florida's now Nebraska. That's right. Nebraska is Minnesota? Nebraska is now Minnesota. Nebraska is now Notre Dame. Minnesota is now the Clippers. Minnesota is now the Clippers.

Yes. Tennessee is USC in Hilton Head to be clear. Okay. Oh, wait, you mean Southern California. Yes, sorry. It's worse. No, I just, I'm happy because you don't. Tennessee is South Carolina, no.

Spencer, you are not prone, at least in my experience, to be spring game guy. And it's, what it is is that to be spring game guy in 2026 is wild. If you had done this 10 years ago, I've been like, yeah, this is what we like, we're watching. to be Spring Gang guy in 2026 feels a little bit like... I'm ready. It feels a little bit like you texting me to be like,

yo, the McRib is back, bro. I'm like, I didn't know he still cared about that. I might do that. I think it's time to re-embrace novelty. Is your body ready? I think it's like saying the McRibb is better than ever. The McRib is back and they fixed it. This time I'm positive.

The McRib doesn't suck anymore. I bet the McRib is meat this time. How can you fix it? Real meat. I heard John Subrall talking about our McGrib, but I feel good about eating it. Man, I can't wait for the documentary to hit Hulu about the Mugrib murders. I think McRib didn't kill me. I think this Migrib's going to win eight, maybe nine games.

Eight, eight and four. I think if the McRibb, if the McRib stays healthy, there's no reason the McRib can't make the SEC. Healthy McRib. The sandwich that only goes away because they have to save up enough shavings to some of them. They do. Enough. hog shavings.

Enough residue. Hog ribbon. Do we have enough hog ribbon? Sire, we've tapped the fatberg in the sewer. We can make no more McGrath. Enough shit has sloughed off the other sandwiches together.

That's why they call it. That's why they call it the McRibbon. It's short for McRibbon. Just ribbons of extra pig. Much as Native Americans used every part of the bison, McDonald's has his own way of honoring the earth and all that she gives.

They really do. The McRibb is like, That's what the McNugget is. It's like using every part of the Big Mac. We hunted the buffalo painting, but it's just big Macs. Yeah, the McRib is going to be back. It's never going to leave it. And then we're going to be a family again.

It's scraping the shit off the bottom of the canyon that the Buffalo fell in. Yeah. But you know what? Spencer, maybe you're right. Maybe this is going to be the higher that works. Oh, my God. He's doing the angels in the outfield thing in his old. gigantic age.

One day I'm going to be right. And when I am, that's true. That's true. Statistically, that seems correct. There are no examples in college football of schools that have done this over and over and over and over and over again and never been right. You can't find them. So don't worry about it, bud. I have no choice but to believe.

Ryan, we're running up on the Arthur's sister problem here, whatever her name is. That sign doesn't mean anything to Spencer because he can't read. That's right. Sorry for having to do it. dreams. No, it's good. I'm very happy for you. Yeah.

But the problem with Summerall is that when you just say John, it's, it's not, that's not a real, like, that's not a real descriptive name. Well, it's taken. Like, to me, that's John Boyce. Uh-huh. First of all. And second of all, like, when you, when you get that demonic look in your eyes in midwinter and you're like, Billy's got it together, I know immediately what kind of vision

quest you're on, but John has really got it together could mean a number of things. John Boy. Spencer, have you ever said, coach have you ever called called a florida head coach just coach in casual not to them but in casual no because it was because it was i'll like i defer to like last names generally okay right yeah okay yeah i will say this if i have it was not jim macklewayne no we said coach but do you think for every florida coach let's say since spurier there has been one moment where your brain said yes this is this is it it's going to work I am locked

the fuck in absolutely there's always there was one game for you know what I will say this that was never true for must champ at every point when there was a win for must champ you're late the sugar bowl no early on listen I I think I've confessed to this before with like I don't remember that like with one exception now but you don't remember who must champ was at the time like with there there's been like one exception in that whole bunch but every Florida coach, y'all have hired since Spurrier, with the exception of, I think, Zook, I remember being like, oh, man, that's a great fucking idea.

Must champ was coming off being the coach and waiting at Texas. He was like, he was the boom guy. He was hype. Everyone thought this was a great move. Dan Mullen, I know you thought was a great move. I didn't think that was a good move. That team was up to, that team was up to number three in the country that year. It was, it was, but like, after you saw the product, I don't remember.

Like at every point, and Ryan will back me up in this, at every point when you saw a MousChamp team win, you would look at it and go, well, that felt weird. When they win, when Florida, when Mux Champs,

2012 Florida was number three, they beat a number nine, South Carolina 44 to 11. Can we talk? Go look at the, I was at that game, go look at the box score. It felt so fucking weird.

Jason. It's a ton of points, but go watch that. Here's the only thing I'm going to ask. Jason, South Carolina had 191 yards of offense in this game. How many do you think Florida had? Jeff Driscoll threw four touchdowns.

And 93 yards. 93 yards through the heart of the set. I was sitting in the upper level. Yeah. Everyone in the row with me. I turned around the third quarter and I was like, how are we fucking doing this? And they're like, we don't know. It feels like we're losing.

We're up by 30 points. Aren't those the games that you love? Yeah. I mean, I did. It's confusing. It was deeply confusing. South Carolina, Lina, lost three of its four. four fumbles, there you go. But the point is, who couldn't believe in this? Some fumble

recoveries are the most sustainable thing in all of football. Ask Bill Connolly. Yeah, it always felt weird. I, but I will tell you, like, even with McElwain, like, you remember beating Ole Miss? Old Miss had come off of like, you know, their immense run under Hugh Freeze. They come into the swamp. They get fucking cracked. With Will Greer, I believed. I was like, oh man. Yeah. Will Greer. Greer never played another snap. And then Will Then Will Greer was like, yeah, I like roids. We're like, ah, shit. Yeah, and he took some sort of supplement that was not on the NCAA's approval.

Spencer, was it the success that felt weird or was it the happiness? You know the answer to this. It's the happiness. I have hit that point in life where you're just wired to be like, oh, we won, okay. Cool. I think this is the earliest I've seen you buy in, though. I don't know if I'm totally bought in because I did know this as a. You definitely have not hit that point where you're just like, yeah, okay,

because you're watching the goddamn spring game again. I do it. I want to see what's up. This is a quote, this is a quote, by the way, from Somerall that shows me that he is in the proper mindset about things,

okay? Which is when he was asked about being bowl eligible on action sports Jacksonville 24-7. He said, we better be bowl eligible or I'm going to be up on the roof

of the stadium getting ready to do something stupid. God's going to call me home. We better go to the Gasparilla Bowl where I'm going to kill myself. This is, yeah, there, this is the spirit of the coach that you need. That's, he's got the right mind because he's like, yeah, listen, they're going to kill me anyway. So I might as well do it before they get a chance to you. That's a great way of looking at it.

If Florida doesn't, it will be because in November on, they play Oklahoma, Kentucky, Vandy, and Florida State. And if they fuck up that stretch, it will be very funny, admittedly. Go over that stretch again. So Oklahoma, which I'm not saying like, I wouldn't pick Florida to win that game right now. Ryan Nanny says easy Florida win. At Kentucky, which is going to be funny for a lot of reasons if John Summerall loses that game. Yeah.

Vandy. Pavia-liss Vandy. We'll get to that in a little bit here. And then Florida State in Tallahassee. Yeah, yeah. Eight and four, baby. I'd call it. Eight and four.

Four. No look on the rest of it. Eight and four. Would eight and four be the best Florida record in how long? Be a while. Just give it a quick little bit. Just give it a Google. Yeah, technically that is better than eight and five because they had to win that bowl game.

If you win your, 2020 since COVID. Yeah. If you win your bowl game, it'd be your best since 2019. The, the, the, Dan, mullin era right like yeah like yeah the yeah the high watermark of the d'an mullin era yeah but that's okay that's okay we got we got this or john somerl's gonna jump off the top of the stadium you

you better have this ronson got fired at seven and four things have changed just longing for the efficacy of the zooker bring it back this is too much florida football talk that's way too much that's why i don't like you getting bought in Florida. We end up talking about Florida. I'm the last person who wants to talk about Florida. One of the roles that I have claimed on this podcast is the one who determines when there's been too much Florida football. And I've done this many times over the past decade plus. To this point, Florida is so bad that I do not feel we are losing anyone. Florida has become interesting. We've crossed the pitiable slash curious line.

That's terrifying stat. I like that this makes you like a ratings adjuster or like. like a stock analyst. He's like, oh, I think Florida stock has crashed so bad. It's back into think about buying. It might be a buy. Since this has now become like our,

our unofficial, like new reader onboarding show, like Jason used to hover around these conversations with a stopwatch, and he was right to do so. It was mainly, I think, during the football seasons when Florida losing felt like a disappointment, right?

Like, it would be like, all right, that's enough, right? But now it's not a disappointment. And that is far. more interesting.

Now at last we can begin our game. I mean, speaking of little pitiable, pitiable little old schools. Clemson still exists, even though they are. Source? Source? Yeah, Clemson still exists.

Exactly what the media would say about little old us. Huge of true. Yeah, huge. This week from someone named Greg McElroy's podcast. This is the quote that Dabot gave. Sorts. I choose to believe that that's the name of the podcast. Someone named Greg McElroy.

Folks, if you're out there listening to Greg McElroy podcast, sound off. Seek the Lord. Yeah. Like, what does that like for you? He's got to be on LinkedIn, right? Let's just give it a quick look. Go ahead. Sorry.

Yeah. This is the quote. We thought we're going to be better. When Davo. Yeah, on-air analyst at ESPN, here he is. No profile photo, though. Greg, come on, man. This is a, sloppier.

The brand. The brand. Quarterback, Cincinnati bagels, seven months. Seven months more than I made it, brother. That was an internship. That's true. This is a quote from Deboswini when talking about Clemson's alleged NIL struggles because Clemson in the NIL era has been.

Server help me. What is the word? Struggle. Is it? Broke dick. Fits and starts. Yeah, no, broke dick is a good one, Holly. You kind of nailed it.

Broke as fuck. But they're broke dick. Yeah. Broke dick dog. We're back to literally I pay 10 a year, right? Like, I gave them 10 bucks. Why can't you go get a recruiting class? I give fucking Channel 6 that much a month.

God damn. That's right. Come on. That's IP. Yeah, that's it. Tam. I pay 10 a month. But this is Dabo's quote about how Clemson is thriving.

source, despite its NIL limitations. But like Matthew, to explain that mindset, Swinney pointed to the story of Jesus Christ feeding a crowd with limited food. But like Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John describe in the Bible, Clemson has enough, he said, we may only have five loaves and two fish, but we got enough. We have to bring all we got to the table and use it and be smart. Then we just have to be Clemson. have seven wins and six losses. Dad Job.

NCAA would have shut down that shit 100%. Illegal use. I'm so stuck all the way back on Davo advocating for the feeding of poor people. Lord, the last poor people you ever fed and the loaves and fishes. It was Danny Ford. It was Danny Ford when you gave him a swimming pool shaped like a tiger's paw. And you said use this swimming pool to attract recruits. to a small town in upstate South Carolina.

And what we want to know is this. Will you come to Clemson for $7? $7 is a lot of money. Think about it. Take that, go buy a lottery ticket, get you hundreds, hundreds of millions of dollars. $7 can do a lot. $7 can get you a large sandwich in Arby's.

It can also be your reward for playing for the next 8 and 5 Clemson team. It's really, you know, a struggle, but the Lord wants you to struggle. What I'm saying is that Clemson football, Jesus Christ, $7. Amen. You know, D.L.E. He's going to be making about $12 million this year.

Like, how bad you want to win, Davo? How bad you want to, how much N I.L you want to fund? Because you got it. We all see you got it. They know that. They really ain't spending it on your house. Yeah, they know you got that Lakina out there. Paying that damn placeholder,

three million a year. And you give them your guest house. Come on. Come on, Davo. That name, image, and likeness. Spread it around. If you want to win, you've got to contribute.

I love the organ. Thank you. But yeah, that's, again, every time Debbo Swinney hits a bar being deblo Swinney that i think he cannot exceed we vault right over it just do you remember who they hired is their offensive coordinator right yeah they brought back the it's to get the band that that's fucking cool man okay you think that's really fucking that's really fucking cool dude it was just wait and see it was fun at the time couldn't agree more you just wait and see so

So Chad Morris' previous job was Texas State Wide Receivers Coach. No, he's a high school coach. I remember that. In 2021, yeah. And then he bounced around and, uh, no, go back further. Go back a little bit further. Back further. Okay, so he was Arkansas.

We're pretending a lot did not happen. He was Arkansas's head coach before this. As Arkansas's head coach, he went, of course, four and 18. Before that, 14 to 22 at SMU, but one of those was a SMU bad year. Anyway, back all the way to 2014 at Clemson. Yeah. Yeah. Like, of all the coaches I've ever talked to, still one of the best, like, pure yarn spinners I have ever been around.

Evidently. Yeah. Is this Mr. Goodhang? Do we have a good hang? Also, the year after he left Clemson, they went 14 and one year after that. they won national title four years after that they won another national title so like yeah he's fun at press conferences this he helped build the thing but it got better once he left we'll see i think that's the theory right is that hey listen two years chad morris and then year three back in it

froom willie corn's right over there in charleston bring him back yeah no not anymore he went up to fucking liberty so he kind of welcome no more damn it really yeah that's like one of our man that was one of like our oldest EDSBSBS mascots. God damn, dude. Yeah. Some self-respect. Chili's old block. The Willie Corn Report.

I, yeah. I don't know, man. You should have done more witchcraft on it. How many years is it going to take the dabbo decline to really start to bite is what I want to know? Like how many years has he got of this? Of like higher fire coordinator, or re-coordinate, recalibrate, same results. He also, from a face-saving standpoint,

doesn't have but so many years left before, like, if he had retired after this past season, I think he could have maybe gotten away gracefully by being like, you know, because we're all still thinking about when he said he would quit if they played the players, a thing that he said out loud. He did say that.

That's why they don't play their players. That's right. Damn right. $7. He held that, but if he had retired after last season or, you know, season before, whatever, he could have plausibly made a graceful exit under the, he could have done the Nick thing, right? Oh, the game is different now. The game has passed me by.

It's time to hang it up. Now, the further away we get into the NIL era and the more distance between the onset of that era and his eventual firing and or retirement, the worse, it's going to look for him. the kind of guy who cares about that. He, he can't, he's too young. Do you know how old Davo is? 57? He's 56. He's gonna be 57 this year.

Yeah, like, I just think it's hard to convince a 56 year old, like, yeah, it's something hanging up. Dude, it'd be so easy to convince me to hang it up. That's the thing. That's like next week. You don't get to Davo's level without being the kind of person who doesn't want to retire until they're dead. especially because all of their peers are like think about what happened at kentucky and how long it

took like how unpleasant it got with mark stoops and mark stoops is a little older mark steeps was having a great time everybody around yeah yeah everyone else was right he was having a great time right stoop was enjoying himself immensely like the list of the list of people who are older than davo is a little bit like butch jones is he older than than the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald? Hold on. I never remember the stupid boat went down. Yeah, he's got to be old.

He's older than it. Yeah, he is older than that. But not significantly. He's like, he was six when it happened. I believe he is 10 years younger than Kurt Signetti. But like his age peers are roughly like Beelima, Mario, Jeff Brom, Sunny Dykes. Like there's just this there's just this whole crowd where you're sort of like well

Why would I quit like all these assholes keep to keep get to keep doing their job? Why would I quit? Why would I stop? I'm having a great time Sam Pittman turned 64 at Arkansas I love doing this so that means Sam Pittman got hired and ran his whole career at Arkansas after the age Davo is now. So how are you going to talk Davo and to just be like, nah, just fucking bail. Why would I walk away from how fun this is? Yeah.

Well, we need to do one of those like scientific American investigations about how you know, like Americans are living longer and here's how it's affecting, you know, the economy. Here's how it's affecting health care, blah, blah, blah, but do this just for football coaches. We're humans are living longer and this is how it's affecting football coaches, wives who don't want them in the house. Like I think this is, to go back to something you said, Spencer, I think this is actually what the Indiana bleed is going to look like,

where it's not, oh, Indiana could do this so everybody else could. Like, yes, that's going to happen, whatever. But I think coaches are going to be like, Kurt Signetti's fucking 65. Of course I can keep doing this. What are you talking about? That's probably the move here, right? I get to skip so many more grandkids weddings because I got to Steve keep doing football. I think Kurt Signetti was, I think the Reaper motivates Kurt Signetti.

So what I know it does. He's like, 67, I got to get the shit right. I got to be as ruthless. Like that's even why he uses very few words. He's like, no time. Hit hard. Like it's the same reason why Kyle Whittingham didn't just say like, well, whatever, I've done enough at Utah. I don't need it.

Like instead he was like, yeah, I'll take a Michigan job that's in a real word place. I think he's a specifically great example of this because like for like five or six years, every year he's been like, well, you know, my dad died around this age. So how long ago I want to keep doing this? But I really want to keep doing this. My dad died. I didn't. Our new shutdown forecast bumper sticker, my dad died, I didn't.

My dad died, but I'm built different. Me and my dad walked into a room with one door. I emerged. Where there was only one set of footprints on the sand. It was because my dad died. My dad died. You're cats in the cradle. My cat's on the practice field.

We are not the same. Yeah, call me the plug. I pulled it for my dad. If I ask you right now, is Davo going to, if I set the overrunner, Davo's there in eight years. Oh, God. Oh, yikes. It wouldn't be weird, though.

You can imagine how goddamn cranky he's going to be as an actual old person instead of a really young cantanker's person? 100%. Not can't tank. But like, whiny. We need, he needs to average nine or ten wins. Yes, sure. To like, you know, just enough to like, you know,

just if no one would ever, it would feel insane to fire him. Yes, yes, you can't get into like Mike Gundy territory. Because I think Mike Gundy is probably the best comparison where it's like, well, shit, he fucking, he's the guy. He did all of this. And then similarly, deeply cranky man constantly running his mouth off in the media in ways that like annoy you. And then eventually there is just like, ah, fuck this. You lost to Tulsa. You got to go.

This sucks. If he replicates the last six years, which has been extremely underwhelming, he's still there. No problem. I think that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, no matter how annoying it is, Clemson had a peak, and it was a peak.

Peaks don't remain the constant. And no. And anyone knows that deep down. Also, they made the playoff two years ago. Like, it wasn't a great season. Sure. Yeah. But they made the playoff all the same.

Yep. And they've been winning the ACC. The ACC isn't real. Yes. But they compete for it every year. Yes. Yes. Yes.

That's why. That's all he's really got to do. And he'll be fine because of, and there's all the goodwill. And Clemson, they got money, but they ain't got fired, Davo money. Right. As long as, there's one thing that I think would flip. And it really has nothing to do with Clemson. I think if South Carolina was like, oh, we unlocked it and we're the ones, we're going back to like that stretch of Spurrier, where it was like, oh, we're winning 10 or 11 games.

If that happened too long. And Davo's in the like, we're winning seven games for the seven. deadly sins. That's what we're doing. Like, if the thing that's never ever happened in the history of that rivalry suddenly happens for those losers all of a sudden, I agree. First of all,

in Davos denomination, that would be the seven habits of highly affected people. Sorry, sorry. We're talking about a scenario in which Don Staley takes on football as well. Yeah. That's their only fucking chance. That's for sure. Yep. Boy.

I mean, there's one thing that's really confusing everyone's dialogue on this. This is why people don't want to hear us talk about football, because like they just talk about Florida and Clemson in the middle of May for no goddare reason. Hey, I will talk about Nebraska whenever y'all want to get back to Nebraska. I'm not. I'm not, you know what? That is, this is my case of being too tuned into the people who listen to this. They're like, you're going to left turn into Nebraska. Fuck you or not. People are going to be like weeks ago, these fucking people bought a bear, got caught with a bear suit committing car insurance fraud. They won't talk about that.

They want to talk about Florida and Clemson football. I don't want to further incriminate myself, Ryan. We only talk about teams that have won titles 10 to 40 years ago. Yep. Yeah, get it together. Come on. It has been my turn this week to patrol the shores of our Reddit. And I got to tell you, there's eight to 12 articles in there in the past couple of weeks that are entirely about ham.

What are we talking about Florida and Clemson? That's what people want. People want ham chatter. That's what the Reddit's for. Like, you know, it's like as a multimedia conglomerate that the full cast is, you know, like, and or is not a movie, you know. Like, if you want Hamdor, you go to the Reddit.

Go play Popa Shot in the garage. Not in the house. Let the Smithfield run wild. Breathe it in, boy. I don't know about that one, Coach. All about ham gas. Hamdor? Hamdor.

Hamdor. Yeah. There's the thing complicating our understanding of any coaching dispute over like longevity and whether it's time for them to go is this. We cannot imagine somebody who likes their job that much. Like an American who likes their job that much. One must imagine Sisyphus Cravy. Yeah. Imagine somebody who-

How many weeks can we do a Sisyphus Joe on the show? Let's find out. Somebody who just wants to continue working? That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. They saw what happened to bear and they're scurred. That's right. They got to keep coaching.

They saw what happened to bear and they're like, I'm different. This shit is crank. I got to keep going. If I lose Duke twice more, I'll live. Oh shit. Clemson already lost to Duke. Fuck. That's one.

So I enjoy the Alabama fan discourse around Bear Bryant's death because they're like, yeah, you stayed alive just to retire. Then without football, he died. And I'm like, no, man. 35 million Chesterfields killed that man. You know how much? Cigarettes, sugar. He wasn't smoking as much, Spencer, because he wasn't coaching.

Cigarettes, sugar and alcohol where all the man lived off of for 60 years. He's saying he needed vitamin TAR? He wouldn't get the necessary coding. Please stay tuned for my New York Magazine column. We should all start smoking, you guys. The Ghost of Bear Bryant. Yeah. Yeah.

It's so cool. I think that'd be pretty cool. Football was keeping him alive. Nothing was keeping him alive, brother. For like 30 years, he was Wiley Coyote not looking down, walking out over the canyon. He drank a... Lungs looked like a popcorn ceiling by the end of this. Sounded like a popcorn ceiling.

There are stories about that man drinking a bottle of vodka on a plane flight. the south y'all nothing's more than two or half hours apart by plane in the south do the math flying from one part of mississippi to another part of mississippi we used to have men in this country yeah dead men they died in 45 and this is why they used to be yeah just picture the bear eating the brick of asbestos oh he just loves this game so much he just loved football just needed football And football needed him. Just puffing radon on the sidelines. Like notice Nick Saban didn't die after he retired.

That's because his wife made him eat salad every day. Yeah, yeah. Nick Saban after retirement, we're going to ignore everything he has said publicly, okay? In terms of behaviors, non-spoken behavior. Alive. Alive. He is alive. Yeah.

Posted up in the recliner with a little blankie around his feet, having someone bring him a birthday cake. hanging out at the lake Bear Bryant, Guzzlin Mercury. Oh, I just love the arm bowl so much. Bear Bryant picking the candles off the cake and eating them. Oh, openly nostalgic for the days when like 60% of men were like, I just want to die today. Hand me something that'll make me die.

I'm trying as hard as I can. I'm trying. This is why John Summeralls a throwback for the gators. He does have real fuck-you seatbelt energy. That's true. It does not very 1950s physiognomy. We're going to go back further. This is like 1350s, 1250s, because he's got Shogun energy, right?

He's like, hey, what is the response to your perhaps disappointing performance at work? He's like, I got to kill myself. I got to do it. It's a pretty good idea. Like if you've seen Shogun, the repetitive instances of people being like, oh, I don't know, man. I got kind of like a subpar work review. And they're like, yeah, I got to kill myself. That's that.

That's that. Walk away. Gotta do it. Yeah. Like, it's always on the option menu. We weren't picked for the Birmingham Bowl. We didn't have the APR for it. Yeah. Every Florida fan reading this is like, hell yeah, that's the mindset we want.

That's right. Thank you, sir. Thank you, coach. Yeah, Lord Kakasaga demands that you spill your guts before the end of the evening for losing to Mississippi State. That's true, though. That part is true. That would, yeah. Again.

If Summerall's going to get up there and be like, I want to apologize to my lord. I've disappointed him. At least cut a finger off. That's all. Banishment. We've got to bring back banishment. What are you going to do? I will coach from the Korean Peninsula.

I will sail across the safe Japan. We can't advocate for any of this other stuff. Banishment, we can bring that back. Yeah, we can write it into a contract. Sure. Yeah, you got to get gone. 10 million? Leave.

You got to get up out of here. And banned from places? Like, what would hurt an SEC coach more than being like, you can't go to 38 for five years? No. Can't go to who. No bonefish will open its door to you, sir. You can't rid a catamaran or fishing boat any. Banned from golf.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Now you're really fucking them up. Bro. You expect me to play tennis like a woman? Golf, it's all that. You may not attend an Eric church nor a Morgan Wallen show. No!

This really is their entire cultural understanding. This is everything they know about non-football is... Yeah, yeah. Those four things. You cannot watch a single Yellowstone or Yellowstone-derived show on television. They have been removed. The Taylor Sheridan Canon is no longer an option on your menu. Holly, I think you're muted.

Oh, that's definitely for the best. I made several legally actionable statements. Oh, the good shit. The good shit's on our Patreon. That's where we're putting all the crimes. Yeah, it's on the Patreon. Yeah, it's on the Patreon. Podcast business.

What's the business? Podcast business. What's the business? Band from Hogville, yeah. That Patreon. dot com slash shutdown flowcast that's where we put all of our

grandest criminal schemes it's where Ryan not allowed as a lawyer Ryan's not allowed to look at it because I think that's how

immunity or something or other that's right that's right plausible deniability yeah that's it that's it that's it but it's $4 a month if you went in on this shit

it's not a crime if it's behind the paywall it's a lot more it's not a crime if it's $4 who would would rob you for four dollars besides four tenths of clemson seven if if fay let's let's see here uh speaking to clemson let's look at homefield

apparel dot com's clemson it's a good it's a good you've picked it excellent yeah they got wow wow you want me just go into my room real quick or got it yeah server's gonna model it all for us dude but listen death valley puffy trucker hat Wow. This, the retro illustration tea, that's just the tiger, sick as hell. Yeah. I'm a big, we've got some joggers, the strutting tiger joggers. Yeah, so you can strut and then on your leg will be a little strutting tiger.

It's a double strut. Yeah, you would be putting some strut in your strut. That'd be crazy. There's so many sassy tigers. There are a tremendous number of sassy tigers, only available at homefield apparel. where you can of course by the way also purchase things from fellow ACC power cow right for those of you who follow the new york times crossword congratulations this week your college football fandom paid off because it was like hey cowl became a member of this conference in the 2020s i was like hell yeah full castles listener making crosswords guessed it so um homefield apparel's game breaker jacket line like starter style jackets they're all incredible but the clemson one got damn that's the fucking fit yeah yeah it's all very that is that is quite a color scheme you can get a t-shirt from homefield that has a swall-ass tiger in front of the word fight that's it

god just just a tiger it's just a fight like the tiger is appears to be punching the word fight he imagines fighting the word fight i fight i fight get after it don't don't tell me oh clemson's got no I want to see Dabo punch the word fight I want to see Yeah yeah uh Clemson of course Has a baseball ballpark lindle Sure um for you youth baseball people If you're a youth baseball person you're I you are you have a Clemson degree

You know what I mean like you're you're just in Yeah this I say this every single week but this is a top tier Homefield Apparel page because you know they all are but they all deserve that status Fight like fuck you fight get out of my way fight yeah like other other teams at home field it'll be like oh here's like a clever phrase

we use or here's a memory of a game and like to be clear those things are present for Clemson as well but what about sure is this fight that's economical with words as they are with their that's a thing that's a thing though sorry I wasn't here to correct you earlier yeah well it's so that it's

one two three four one two three four C L E M S O-N-T-I-G-E-R-S, fight-T-T-T-E-R-S. Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight. Right. Okay. The key part there is when you said, Fight, Fight, Fight.

The last part. We also have... That first, it's not too much spelling. We do that a lot. Clemson Man needs no introduction. You gotta remember it. Like making rhythm re-enter your pin. It's bowing tiger with a top hat.

Classiest shirt I've ever seen. And guess what? He'll fucking fight you too. Don't think he won't. He'll toss aside that top hat so quickly. I'll fight any of you. motherfuckers here and you're all motherfuckers. He's the odd job of tigers.

He heard me. He's stocky? Yes. And a little racist. And Natalie Attired. Yes, I'm being devoured by a tiger, but so debonair. Homefield apparel.com. Homefield apparel.com.

Speaking of debonair, channel six. Oh, yeah. Speaking of fighting, fight. There we go. Fight! Or in this case, Heist! Yeah, we just did a newsletter.

We do it every week, twice a week. Jason, Ryan, you guys probably have the surge. You guys ever just want to like, well, Jason, you're doing it a lot for work right now. You guys ever get to a day and you're like, man, I just want to do some real dumb 2011 blog shit. Sure. 100%. We did that today. Yeah, we did that today.

Because sometimes you got to do some dumb 2011 blog shit. We did that this thing is like this thing. Sometimes you've been talking. all week in your office about arguing at length all week in your office about how the only logical person to fill in the George Clooney role in an Ocean's 11 type heist is Big Red. It's from Kentucky, sexy, suave, intelligent, charismatic, all of the things that you would want. Remember, so cool. Ladies love him.

Ladies love him. Italy ripped him off. Seduce is Julia Roberts twice that we know about. Go back. Look, it happened in the 90s. Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patrick, Big Red. Yeah, she went through a stable, right? Two, again, Julie Roberts is right. Two sexiest men in the world, Big Red, and I love it.

Yes, channel dash 6.ghost.io. That is the website. What is it? A newsletter twice a week, including our free off-season newsletter, T.R. where we tell you, I don't know, what you should be reading, eating, doing, thinking, feeling, how you should be existing. I would never tell you how to feel.

That's Spencer's job. That is my job, because I understand feelings. Channel-6.ghost.I.O. $10 a month for two things a week, the solemn promise we have held up. Sure, damn, year five? Coming up on year five, y'all. I haven't missed a week yet because there's nobody to substitute for us and we don't take vacations. This is not a real job, and it's a lot of fun.

I'm not complaining. Subscribe and thrive. Do we still have on the soundboard the what-what-what-what-what thing from last week? Let's find out. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, it was, like, it was, like, hey, kids. go to Taco Bell and they're all sitting at each other, doing this at each other. There was a night last week

when I was sitting at the driveway outside the window and I hear, for like three hours all night long. It's fucking spectacular, man. And I said all that to say, I led today's college football newsletter out until Saturday with the AI wrestling. What, what, yes, it's at,

I'm going to be up at New York Times.com. So the New York Times is covering the woo-woo-woo. Thank you for classing up the joint, Jason. Thanks to the Until Saturday newsletter, which, by the way, goes out to about 900,000 people at this point. It's just good to spread culture. It's a free college football newsletter. That costs zero dollars. So the money you save on this newsletter you can use for various patrons and other newsletters.

You know, I saw Roger Sherman describe a podcast as the exact sports podcast he would want. to make that was phantom island that roger was talking about which oh goodness because roger is on phantom island quite frequently um it's may and it is the only the one year birthday of phantom island not five years old is this a fun age it's not a fun age no none of them are fun ages all right yeah yeah there's a lot of teething sleep regression i'm sorry i forgot you were working with godfrey that can't be a fun age you've never forgotten that i'm doing a bit spence I know. Sorry. Oh, that hurt. Yeah, it's good.

We are... You're welcome. You're excited about the gators, right? Yeah. Here's the thing. I know what we're putting out for the month of May, and I feel there is only one time that I think we mentioned Florida in all of May, Florida football. There's so many other things to talk about in the world, as it turns out, just in the world of sports. We have episodes... He mentioned the industry.

There's a hundred... You know that there's mentions about the industry. If you want to hear Stephen Godfrey talk about the industry, we'll do that on the Pan Amiens. And I'm usually the one asking them the questions, which is usually like, hey, is this kind of bullshit? Aren't you kind of? What? This sounds like the way people impersonate Triple H.

In this business. I was trying to go for James Earl Jones, but I think I just landed on Mufasa by accident. Anyway. Same guy. Never mind. You can listen to Phantom Island wherever you listen to this podcast. You can sign up for a membership at phantom island.

show and every monday and may we're taking episodes from out the paywall old episodes that are classics putting them back in a montiottowing that's right that's right including the week after monseigneur this episode comes out you can listen to me talk with our friend michael felder about what ails uncccc not unccc basketball unccc football this is before uncccccccc was ailt. And the great news is, like, we had that conversation, I think, back in December, and the shit's all still broken in the exact same ways. It's not any better.

It's great. Phantom island dot show. That's me. That's all. Can I get the what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, I don't have any. I feel like I'm at Taco Bell You better learn how to use it You'll be left behind

Into the modern tech industry Into the modern, yes Yes Will the what what what clip replace college Yes That's right His name is Jay Kang because he's a king That's right

Suck it We're all going to start smoking and saying What repeatedly Yeah A West World robot Gone Bad Hey, listen, I've done a lot of thinking and talking today. What if I just want to put on some tunes in?

What if I just want to jam? We don't jam, but we do play music in Killer Ants with a Z. Everybody's taking turns being Spencer today. This is fun. Who can I know so? I know why Server's doing that. You don't want people coming to your shirts and widespread shirt. Or come to your concerts and widespread shirts.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. How do you navigate being a musical act in Carolina and trying to avoid fish fans? Oh, no, it's pretty easy. He works with Hartsell. He's not avoiding you. Who do you think I'm talking about? Jesus Christ.

You know what's really scary is that I played golf with Hartzell and his two young sons last week? And he didn't stand you up? That's new. No, he didn't stand me up. He brought both the boys, but he's like exposing them to constant fish. Like we were on the golf course for four hours. And it was like only. fish playing in that golf cart the entire time.

And like one of them's got a gator's hat on. He keeps saying, go gators. Like he, like, it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate what he's releasing into the world. You know Hartzell wanted to get them toes out. You know he didn't want to be in shoes. I know he didn't. 100% he did not.

Let them diggy's wiggle. Yeah. No, Killer Ans is his name of a band. They got a Z in it. We got two new singles out. One's called, One's called You Once Call a Course of Wasteland. One's called You Once Love Rock and Rock and Roll. you've listened to one of those more than the other

go listen to the other one as many times now as the other one. If you don't know, then you better just listen to both them both a lot. I don't know what to tell you. We have more shows coming up in June. Album release show is going to be June 26th at Fair Witness Fancy Drinks, but we're

at Monster Cade before then on June 5th. We're playing the Winston-Salem Pride Festival. I do not remember what day of the week. It's a Saturday, but I don't remember what day the month that is but it's the middle saturday in june or the second saturday in june and uh i think there's something at the end of may we're doing in charlotte but i i don't know all the details on that or whether or not it's actually happening so maybe in end of may are we doing a charlotte thing i don't know probably oh yeah killer ants go listen to them support them stream them throw money at them

sometimes when you're playing server do you hit a lick and you go ooh no two jam-band can't do that like you're like oh no that might attract one like if I play these four notes a hacky sack will appear out of somewhere I see what you I see what you mean there but no I've I've never listened to that music so it's made no um it's not it's not it's not monically seeped yeah it's not it's not one of my moves you know what I mean I've only got like five or six moves anyway and none of them are that okay that's good because I remember a story from the deaf heaven guitarist one time he was you know figuring things out with the band and he started playing this riff and he's like oh this is fucking sick this is so hard the other guitars

look to him it goes is that a fucking oasis lick he goes oh no they kept they kept it by the way it's on the album he's like ohasis fucking rules man yeah no rules he's like and if you play it like a melodic like art metal band even better one time our guitar player was like hey i got this riff it's kind of inspired by tool but i think we'll be able to get away with it and he starts playing it's like burt-d-lank burn-blank burn-blank like dog that's the tool that is the that is tool yeah you're just you're just covering tool yeah uh there was one time um in the spinal tap song stonehenge there's like a new new new guitar like three guitar notes back to back there were one time in my high school band i i had a guitar player he was like got a cool lead for that riff

and it was that and I was like, no, no, no, we can't do that. And then sat him down and showed him the entire Spinal Tap movie just to make sure that things happened again. I have, like, this is awesome, but we can't do it. I have from first principles discovered spinal tap. Do you think there's somebody out there who has accidentally played the Seinfeld music? Yeah, and so. It's like, oh, yo, yo, this is, I was like, bo-do-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-po.

You think Thundercats done that right on? stage. She's been like, oh, fuck. I just Seinfelded myself. Fratless. Oh, snap.