Shutdown Fullcast - You Tell That Bobcat To Stop Emailing My Wife

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

 - Ryan has a very cool solution for Spencer’s “I owe the internet video of me drinking 300 beers” that Spencer just barrels past  - A #TwoAmericas law enforcement story introduces God’s secret archangel, Cajun Damon   - A goodish number of wildlife updates   - Hey, the Charity Bowl’s over, we have a lot of people to thank and are going to forget at least half of them. We’re very tired! You did this to us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The land down under has never been easier to reach. United Airlines has more flights between the U.S. and Australia than any other U.S. airline, so you can fly nonstop to destinations like Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane. Explore dazzling cities, savor the very best of Aussie cuisine, and get up close and personal with the wildlife. Who doesn't want to hold a koala? Go to United.com slash Australia to book your adventure. No, no, honey.

Fucking coward. No, no. Do the song. Do the song. No. Do it interesting. Put some heart into it. Do it like islands in the stream and you're doing the dolly part.

Do it in falsetto. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la do you do do do you do it like city pop. Do like those 85-year-old British rappers. Yeah. Boy. I'm a lovely gaza. Do it like a TLC trumpet. Do it like a TLC trumpet.

It's a shut down full cast. And it's on full blast. Fuck. Oh. Yeah, that's terrible. Look what you did. So the show's off and running now, I guess. Oh, oh, okay.

Whoop, whoop, whoop, woo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. Let's tell a story about calling the cops and it going horribly wrong. I could. I could. It went horribly wrong, but not for somebody else. I will tell everybody who is listening to this for the first time, then I'm going to tell you a story about two Americas and the police.

And it ends well. It ends very, very well. Okay, for once. Because this is a story about calling the cops when you shouldn't call the cops and what happens. I have to say that sometimes. We have, we have EDSBS charity bowl 2021. And we're getting to that. Updates and wrap-ups.

We're going to get to that if you haven't listened, okay? If you stumbled into the show, this is absolutely how it always goes. Get used to it. But I'm Spencer Hall. But Spencer is providing a table of contents. This is so orderly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

We don't usually. read this part of the wiki pages so i'm spencer hall this is the internet's only college football podcast if you want another one that's too bad you really won't need another one because what other college football podcast comes with a cold open that has little to do with the rest of the show and explicit instructions on when not to call the cops no other one you don't need another one joining me as always is my co-host jason kirk hey jason how are you doing hey i'm fine um let's see there's a kitty cat is sitting on the laptop she um she says hi get what's up what's up she part of that was she part of that generous donation from vacation

bible school your uh other podcast creation and community cats don't believe in god they definitely don't they say it like what the fuck spencer on the list of animals that don't believe in god cats are like they're like we need two cats on the ark and the cats are just like no we're going to ride it out what are we going to do live miserably until this is over but not owe anyone anything i won't owe anyone anything why are you looking at me oh god no debt the cat creed cats cats are the ultimate no i'm living on ramen for the next six months dude you got like 80 grand in the bank no it's not enough not going to owe anything uh also our uh regular guests uh to my right i have holly anderson what's up holly good evening spencer happy to be here that was really good

thank you i'm a professional are you going to talk like that the entire time we do the rest of this maybe so we won't be talking to holly much tonight um eat shit we also have uh ryan nanny joining us from beautiful nashville tennessee hello ryan cassio dog play creep I'm not convinced this isn't Red River Valley Cassia Dog, you failed because you are doing the Radiohead Creek. Does the Red River Valley lead to waterfalls? Cassia dog thought I wanted fucking radiohead creep.

Oh my God, why would he ask for Radiohead? Because I know. He would ask the radio head because it sounds, it sounds funnier. Cassio dog I have never felt more distant from you yeah seriously you know I I will go ahead and I will say this I'm with Ryan and you know how that makes me crazy that that we're just a longer heads here I think that the radio head creep sounds funnier as Cassio dog but we can try both all right um all of us are going to try both um you know a little bit longer I need to refill my Cassio dog batteries need to recharge you know you know how Cassio dog batteries need to recharge you know how Cassio dog runs on diesel right in this case cassio dog is about to run on a shitload of beer in the sweet by and by cassio dog is about to run on 329 beer so I will do all the gospel you want me to do hey hey buddy hey you're going to need it god so there are patterns to the charity bowl that we run every year and we talked we were talking just last week about how it usually runs in a remarkably

consistent half life you know if you get you know if you get a hundred dollars on monday you'll get 50 on and 25 on Wednesday and Thursday it slows to barely a trickle and then on Friday there's usually a little upswing as people go oh shit I forgot the charity ball right right right right throw in throw and this week it went way up on Monday and then down a little on Tuesday down a little on Wednesday up a little on Thursday and then weigh the fuck up on Friday in the middle of which Spencer promised to drink a beer for every additional thousand dollars raise before we had started slowing down i would not advise doing that because i am now on the hook for 329 beers spencer do you drink beer no i don't really so spencer when you drop that it was around what

like 470 did you think it was going to stop it like 520 i thought we were going to peter out around 520 i thought hey you know i i could probably knock that off listener i cannot knock off 329 beers what are we going to do instead let's talk about some ideas because if spencer dies, the show would be shorter. I was thinking that you're probably one, going to encourage that, too, that I could drink a beer or two a day. I don't think turning you into a functioning serotic alcoholic is the way to go. I love the whip-limit down bit by bit plane.

Also, you did this to yourself. No one else asked you to do this is the funniest part of it. Was there any discussion at all as to what the number would be? What is a petard's worth of beer? 329, evidently. Oh, okay. If you want to know the most accurate answer I have. I think at the next live show or functional equivalent,

you should buy 329 beers. And you drink one of them, but then you get 328 friends to drink a beer with you. That is good. That's how we'll do drink tickets. We'll do. So let's go to Wisconsin, and then it'll be more like 20 fun.

Yeah, it'll take five minutes. 329 beers. Okay, seven minutes later. 329 brandy beers. You gotta give us the brandy beers. We don't drink regular beer here. It's festive. 329, what are you drinking?

What do you think you could do in, like, let's say a Saturday? Oh, I can drink 20 beers in a Saturday. That is not an issue. When is the last time you drank 20 beers in a Saturday? about two years ago really yeah wow okay all right let's not expect that were you going through some shit 28 Florida Gators schedule what happened but it didn't even it was just around people and I didn't even was that oh is it the loss to Kentucky was that what did it was it was it when you lost to Georgia and then Missouri

let's say yeah that feels right yeah I think you all lost in Missou by 20 21 points. That's a point. Yeah. Missouri's won the SEC East multiple times. It's true. Don't look up when. That's not important.

How'd they do after that, too? Great. I have, I will confess, I, you know, I don't know if you have variable alcohol superpowers. For instance, maybe you can have 20 vodkas and it's not a big deal to you, but like, you can't take two shots of tequila without turning into a lunatic. There's just people metabolize different types of alcohol differently. I've heard multiple people tell me what absolute horseshit this is. And I have to say my experience does not bear out your extremely scientific opinion. I really thought you were going to say, I've had multiple people confirm this.

No, you said the opposite. Who are you going to trust? Science or the man who foolishly agreed to drink 300 plus beers? I only have time in the cockpit and I can only relay this pilot's experience, okay? And I'll tell you there are certain things that I can drink a lot of. Are you going to believe me or you're a lie in doctorate? Yeah, I would don't believe you're like I, for instance, I can't drink a whole lot of bourbon without getting raucously drunk. I will get very, very drunk.

However, kids don't listen to this part. Alcohol poisoning is a lie made up by the state. However, do you have like theories on why? Like, is it the grains that interact with your humors? I am far enough out on. this branch of stupid that I don't need to get out. This goes in the dentistry is a scam box. It does. It does. No, I can drink

I can drink a lot of beer for a really long time. I'm an endurance drink her own beer. Is it is it like perception of what is in the drink? Because like wine for me is I'm like, this can't be booze. And it's like, whoa, wow. You know.

Well, I'm in trouble. Right? Whereas like, if it's like gin, I'm like, oh, God, be careful. I'm not going to get drunk on gin, you know. Good afternoon. Alex Kirshner, wherever you are. I think part of it is the high, that relatively low proof on beer. I think I can lend some insight here because we share an office.

Yeah. And I see cans accumulate on your desk. Of water. You should tell people during the day their cans of water. I don't know that they're water. Please don't judge me. People I just told I'm going to drink 329 beers. In the night, Ryan.

In one night. This is very. I also noticed by how far up my polar seltzer bill goes whenever you were in the house. you drink any form of liquid faster than any human being I have ever seen. No, I can do like, so does one of your sons, but not the other. I can do that chug a beer in two seconds thing. But you could do that, you could do that with any liquid, right? Yeah, it doesn't matter.

You know, it's, you know, hey, come in, man. You want to diet Coke? You know, Coke zero empty can sound 30 seconds later. Jason, you want to talk about getting in trouble drinking wine? I've done that, like finishing a can of wine in two seconds. I do not advise trying that. Yeah, those wine cans are 2.75 glasses per can. as we found out later.

No, and I can drink one of those in about three seconds, so don't do that. But like, you're a fast drinker of all liquids. So with beer, and also, not a light dude, so with beer, I can consume a tremendous amount of beer in a day, and it doesn't really dent me that much. You can coast on beer for a long, long time. Like, yeah, I mean, I think, like,

the average adult probably could. Ryan has made a perfectly nice idea for what to do about this instead, and I love that we are all just blowing by it. Yeah, like, oh, we could buy beers for everybody. Instead, I will try to consume 329 beers myself. Instead, I will drown myself in Micheloblite. So, I got to do it.

Sorry, the people paid for it. You're Milwaukee's worst. Sorry, you hate capitalism, Ryan. Yep, that's what it is. So I have to tell this story about the cops being called in the funniest possible way before we get to. We need to frame this very delicately, but I feel like it's very important that we frame it delicately it is it is um so my mom is

moving she moved from one spot to another pretty close to each other in the little podunky town she lives in and in this uh relatively mayberryish kind of town she um had a neighbor the neighbor uh is named damon and he's cajant that's all you need to know about damon now they're friendly they're buds it's good to go um not super close though that's also sort of important to know she is moving and her landlord was like i'm going to live in the spot where where you are i need to move into it you got to find a new spot so she's like cool you know she moved to a different spot thinking she's going to see the neighbor there you know regularly but there was one hookup one little snag one problem uh she had a rose bush air heirloom rose bush that belonged to her mother okay

we've established the stakes in this story there's a rose bush with sentimental value um this is basically an idol that should not be stolen from the temple right this is this is something very sacred and something that means a lot sentimentally to my mother and i suspect sort of uh any old lady with the gardening touch right this is something very very valuable uh asked the landlord hey how long have i got to move that rose bush it's grown into the ground i'm going to need a little extra oomph to get it out of there she's like oh you got you know like a couple of weeks you got some time okay cool cool cool cool my mom goes by to move it see somebody who does not look like her landlord on the porch and a gaping crater where once the rose bush stood he's got some

questions sees a guy hey are you working on the house no i own the house landlord sold it to somebody else completely this dude about five foot four kind of a little twerpy looking dude you already sound angry uh i don't sound as angry as damon's gonna sound so she asked where's the rose bush and he goes oh yeah i threw it in the dump Now one, if somebody asked what I've done with something after I've moved into something, my first answer is not going to be, oh yeah, I threw it in the dump where it belongs, right? Like that's not, this person's asking because they think it's valuable. I might sheepishly say, I kind of took that thing to the dump, maybe at worst.

Probably not even going to do that with a rose bush because I probably just leave a rose bush in the ground. It's pretty. Who goes to the trouble of driving a rose bush to the dump? I won't rip up this rose bush. It's my property. So Captain my property took the Rosebush to the dump that belonged to my grandmother and my mom's mom. And my mother politely asks about, okay, well, where did it go? And why would you do that to a rose bush? And this dude just goes off with my mom.

And my mom's like me. She's pretty laid back. So she's just kind of standing there at Gog as this guy is like, this is a real test of values if you, you know, didn't really take this. If you didn't really want to take this, if you weren't taking care of it. This is a test of value? Yeah, that's what he said. You understand, man. I'm from Tennessee.

People just say this extremely bizarre shit to people, right? No, but even on like a Franklin scale, that is something. It is bonkers, right? It is some extremely misladen, like, Bible study language. I think the thing you want to do, whenever there is a tense situation, I think you want to bring somebody else's value system into it, unnecessarily. With a stranger. Clearly, this is someone who does not understand that if he's got Gat,

that somebody else might have Gat as well. Somebody else might have that thing on them, rhetorically speaking, okay? Somebody else might be coming at them. That person is not my mother who is too stunned to really say anything. The person who has something to say is Cajun Damon across the fence next door, who, according to my mom, leapt over the fence, yelling and screaming motherfucker before she could even, like, turn fully to realize what is happening. And Damon goes off for about 10 minutes on this little dude so bad,

he backs up into his own garage and calls the cops. He treat him. He treat him. If you want to see another man, treat another man, I don't know, getting some sort of gardening rose bush related drama. You know whose values are never called into question? Cajun Damans. That's who.

He's pretty up front about him. I come from a family of talented cussars. She says she'd never heard anything like this. She said it was going to like peel pain off the walls. And I'm like, I've heard Cajuns get mad before, but this must have been something exemplary. Damn, Hermione. Quite a spell. Yeah, like Snape is sitting there going, that's a bit much.

And I was a death eater. So my mom. Wait, what? My mom being, my mom has the dark mark. You didn't know that? I have really problematic opinions about muggles. I thought she just went to South Carolina. Yeah, same thing.

I do want to imagine the world where Hogwarts, for Europe and South Carolina is the school for Wizards or the and you know that's how think about how everything else goes in this country. You know that's how this would go. Sir Big Spur is the headmaster.

So remember how I didn't show up for that fight in high school? My mom sees this as a great opportunity once Damon has him cornered and treated to just be like, I'm going to back out of the situation. I'm going to go. I'll be over here. I'm just going to go. Thank you, Damon. So she goes and tries to figure out what to do with the Rosebush, whether she's going to go to the dump.

About two hours later, there's knock at the door of her new place, and it's the cops. And they say, hey, do you know this guy Damon? She's like, oh, man, I'm going to have to bail this guy out of jail. I'm going to have to really, like, you know, pay him back for this because, you know, he stood up for me, and now he's getting in trouble for it. But then she looks over the cop's shoulder. Damon is not in the cop car. Damon is not even leaning up against the cop car.

another guy is though the little five foot four twerp how did he get to the house who told her off about the rosebush he got to the house because the cops took him there and then made him sit there while they told her that they thought they'd heard everyone in the situation they'd gotten everyone's stories and that he should apologize to her like very rarely in life do you actually get a moment of comeuppance but the cops got called by the guy they heard the guy's story and then decided to make him apologize and They put him in the back of the car. Yeah, yeah, just took him over there. To apologize to the old lady down the street? Yeah, to apologize to the old lady down the street. Now, there are many dire reasons that are in the news that you should not call the cops for bullshit reasons. But among them, as you're sorting through how to handle moments of conflict in your life, this guy has to share a wall with Damon now.

God's secret arc? angel cage that guy bought that house okay wait so then what happened so yeah uh to tie up a bunch of ends here uh the police also suggested very strongly to this gentleman that he'd go to the dump and find the rose bush and bring back to my mom and the next morning by 8 a.m she had it back on her porch that's that's the most satisfying ending i could ride out of your hair yeah no wait didn't he come back he did come back and and told her to have a blessed day after he tried to make her feel bad about all this. And I don't know if you live in a place where you get told have a blessed day a lot. If some people say it to you, you're like, ah, that's cool. Thanks,

man. And then if some people say it to you after a very negative social interaction, it might not get the best reaction, which it did not get from my mother. Because I think that dude got another 10 minutes of profanity striped on his hide by my mom, whose governor, thanks to Damon, was completely off at that point. Because, I don't know, once you decide you can treat somebody as badly as they've treated you, it's going to come back twice as nasty on you. Here's my follow. Go ahead.

Here's my follow-up question. How many of the 329 beers will it take before you become Cajun Damon? Probably a half. I'm probably just looking for an excuse, right? How tall is Cajun Damon? What brand of Cajun are we dealing with here? I don't think he's very big. I think that's scarier.

Is this like one of those little fire plug? I think it's, I think he, Damon, I'm, from what I can remember, Damon's pretty firepluggy. Yeah, which to me is, those are scary. Which to me is much scarier, because they can bite your kneecaps. Mm-hmm. They can get to the part you stand on. You don't want that, right? Just knock me out.

Don't take out my knees. I'm not trying to think of what your beer progression, your personality progression, rather, is going to be like, by King of the Hill characters. I think you're going to start, I think you're going to start as Hank. Is this, is this, is this beer astrology? This is amazing. I think you're going to, yeah, I think you're going to start. I think you're going to start as Hank. You're going to move to Bill.

I think then you're going to jump to Jeff. Sorry, to Boomhauer. I don't know why I call him Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. His name is Jeff Boomhauer. Dang old Jeff. I think you're going to move to boom Howard.

Ryan, are you trying to imply that you're like really cool friends with Boomhauer? Yes, that's right. You know how like actors are like, they're talking about Robert De Niro, but they say like, oh, I was. Oh, Bobby. And it's like, yeah, we get it. You've met Robert De Niro. After Boomer, I think you're going to jump to Cotton Hill. Then I think you're going to take a quick detour into Luann.

And I think you're going to end up as John Redcorn. I was going to say John Redcorn. John Redcorn? There's a strong Bobby phase in there, too. Oh, yeah. The strong Bobby phase around Beer 8. There has got to be a Dale level in there. Dale?

Oh, yeah, Dale is like... I feel like beer is not how you get to Dale. I mean, eventually. No, I just feel like you need something stronger to get to Dale level. Well, something stronger will get you to Dale faster. That's probably true. Like a Candyland shortcut. You've taken the Dale ladder.

Yep. That's a shoot, buddy. That's a shoot. Okay, that's a shoot. I have to confess, if I'm drinking beer and it's hot, that Bobby Hill stage. is pretty long. Ooh, I'm Wilton.

This flower is Wilton, honey. So there's the story of the one time. That's the story of my mom's extremely positive interaction. Don't call it cops. Yeah, don't. Don't call it.

Just don't. A lot of terrible thing. The 40 things can happen and 38 of them are bad. And one of those 38 things is Damon. Yeah. My mom, consider this too. My mom is a little old lady

whose rose bush was stolen. like that's it you don't know consider this though the how many people are in that police department would you say oh like 10 they have already so so the odds are of when you next you encounter the police of getting somebody you know or more importantly in the case of this neighbor knows you the cops have already cited against him in every future encounter that he has with this neighbor from now on it is over for him it's not a big pool yeah like Like, yeah, they all know him now. And they're like, yeah, that's the guy who told the toronto. That's the guy who tried to call the cops on district attorney Cajun Damon. How dare he? We're going to find out Damon is like some sort of like insane like crime lord, right, who controls the whole thing. They're like, yeah, you know, Damon said to go get himself.

You know the Franklin Mafia is running fucking deep, dude. What? Who do you think controls who sits where at the Karabas? Don't come back to the Puffy Muffer. We own American Girl, please, bitch. Don't you come in here? You know who's at the top of it all? Darrell Waltrip.

That's right, D.W. D.W. just runs shit from the Carabas, the back table. He's just coloring on it the whole time. Yeah, it's just throwing someone in the river going, boogity, boogany, boogany, boogany. Oh, I feel like we can come back to Raccoon Man, and I think we need to do some charity bowl notes i think we need to talk about the charity bowl and i think we need to talk about the results because um there'll be some very sincere thank you's in here there'll be some explanations i feel like that was a terrible fucking segue and we should just say speaking of neighborhood antics

let's talk about raccoon man we can do that speaking of neighborhood antics let's talk about raccoon man leave all this in yeah raccoon man jason we've all seen this video now yeah my favorite my favorite sound garden song first of all and you say I make old references I'm sorry Raccoon man Jason has just watched it

for the first time Jason I'm just going to turn the mic over to you if you could just explain a little bit about what you've seen I think my first reaction

was along the lines of what the fuck because I have him labeled as Raccoon man and in true full cast fashion it's a bobcat I just noticed that Come on, Bobcats are raccoons.

Who are you fooling? Full cast law. Bobcats are raccoons. I think they're just rural, rural raccoons. Wow, that's really rural. Can you think of a more rural thing than a bobcat if it is just a rural raccoon? Raccoons that are off the grid. There are survivalist raccoons.

You call it a bobcat and it's like, it's like, it's a bobcat and they're like, who told you my name? that's not my name I'm not Bob that's my government name I'm just cat um as for what happens

a I don't know a man is getting in his car and his wife I guess he's being attacked by Bobcat and you've seen it more times than I have you should be the one describing it all I know is the man's running around

this down like film yeah I don't I'm not the person to intro it the man's just running around throwing a bobcat yeah he does he does throw a bobcat he comes out with some sort of tray of brownies.

Where does the bobcat come from? I think it comes from between the two cars or from under one of the two cars in this video. It's like a driveway cam. Because with not too much tweaking, you could read this as the bobcat has been stepping out with his wife and this was her way of concealing the affair.

How could you do this to me, Carol? It was Bob, wasn't it? Like the husband, I'm just throwing that out there. which he does because the peak moment of this video is when he holds it at arm's length after pulling it off of his wife oh he's simbying it he's simbying it oh yeah that's a lion king moment also look how many times he look how fast this man changes directions for a man of his he's not one of our he's not one of our fitness shapes that we discussed earlier he appears to be this is an oval He appears to be in a sort of vest, shorts, and boots.

Right, he's not dressed for this. I don't know what you're dressed for if you've got a vest, shorts, and boots on. But at one point, by the way, he... Cotton Eye Joe. Once he simba's it, he throws the bobcat. I don't know what the plan was because there's really... Here's the sentence I never thought I'd say. There's really only so far you can throw a bobcat,

and I don't know if that's ever out of your effective range of harm for a bobcat. bobcat but yeah he throws it just his form is fucking trash so when he's holding it up if you have the sound on it you can hear that he is marveling at the fact that he's holding a bobcat like he's just he's like telling the

bobcat that it's a bobcat that's the one part of this I really identify with because that's some stupid shit I'd do is that if I held it up I do it and that's a mistake he should be gaslighting the bobcat he should be like you're a pigeon what got him his wife's like he does the same thing to me we're the same you and i bobcat you're a flamingo sharing let's run away together there's a i'm a pigeon there's a passerby

um now that i'm re-watching i've i've noticed there's a passerby along the street and like a pink shirt at the very beginning they they leave and then 20 seconds later once the conflict begins they come running back almost as if so he throws the bobcat and this person runs toward it like that's my bobcat there's a related note so we were given this video by alert reader vickers 18 hello who asks as an old fielder my first thoughts were did he shot put discus hammer or

javelin that bobcat I think he shot putted it shot put is the closest yeah yeah it's closest because it's more of a chest past than anything else it would have been great if he'd hammer thrown it well yeah because I think that's hard like your release point's hard to judge there right

but again it's a bobcat it doesn't matter it ran exactly opposite from where he threw it yeah you needed i don't know what do you do stay put what do you i was going to say what do you do at that point because all right this is the second bobcat slash lynx small wild cat video i've seen in the last month there was a guy a farmer in canada who caught a lynx eating his chickens and instead of doing what mr brownie man here does and take it throw it in effectively across the yard while yelling uh you're a bob

cat at it um he simply held the links by the scruff of the neck because if you hold a cat like that sometimes it just gives up the links just kind of gives up and it's sitting there going like this sucks and the guy's talking to it like hey let's see what you did buddy here we go admittedly that's somebody who probably in context has much more experienced deal with wild animals and has a greater comfort level with this sort of thing still i find it impossible to believe that you would be holding a link for a bobcat and not be a little freaked out um this dude just chucks it he just chucks it and then

in the part where I kind of lose the case for Mr. Brownie Man handling this well he produces a handgun which I guess he just had the heat on him the whole time in case someone stole the brownies going to take some brownies hey Carol yeah it's good

just going to church with my gun and these brownies as one does now I'm mad does he have a tribal necklace of some sort on. I think it's a gator.

I was going to say, are those reverse? Oh, I wouldn't have pegged this gentleman as a masker. Yeah, I think it's a gator. Because I thought he was wearing his crokeys backwards and he had his sunglasses on the front of his neck, which is not a setup I have ever seen before. Well, you know what that is? Protection against the Bobcat. Maybe he was prepped for this. Also, please note that he only throws it like across the property line.

Yeah. Like, well, you know, legally it's your problem now, Jeff. And then it comes back. Jeff. He lives next door. He throws it next door and then it comes back and he's like, get your goddamn bobcat out of my yard. Yeah. That was yours technically. Also, that

passerby, it's very far away, but I'm kind of imagining that the passerby is a child and that he threw a live bobcat at a passing child. Yeah, well, he might do that. He's like, you don't pay taxes? If the child was a Michigan fan and the guy was Spencer.

But the child pursues the bobcat as does everyone. I think everyone here handle this fine i mean free bobcat that's why i think it's very very easy to uh to to to to monday morning quarterback the our bobcat quarterback here i think everyone handled this just fine i don't think there's any good way to handle a rabid bobcat if you're like there's no this is a bad situation for everybody i think maybe waving your gun around with like awful like trigger discipline here you can't see his trigger discipline i can't tell you this you can't enhance the footage that much if this attack it if everything had happened the same way and it happened to justin fields

third round pick yeah he'd throw it like 60 yards and then they'd say yeah but he did it without a defender in his face so i just i just thought of a great new combine exercise Cat toss. No, I'll tell you later. Okay. Rabid bobcat toss. But you have to replicate the surprise of it. Sure.

Because like anyone could prepare to throw a bobcat. And then Rich Eisen goes out there in a suit and everybody's excited to see him throw the rabbit bobcat. Anybody can train for three months to throw a bobcat. No. No. We're not going to tell you what animal it is, where it's happening. Yeah. It's an event at the combine.

You know it's at the combine. You just don't know when. So you could be like interviewing with the Cardinals and then bam. It could be the first step off the plane. Sure. At the draft with Roger Goodell. He reaches his hand out to Dap You and a snake shoots out. The Jet Prize.

Roger Goodell is a bobcat. I would explain some things. Hey, is it time for my wildlife corner? Have we edged far enough into wildlife? Hit the music. Holly's little old animal quiz, which is a part of Holly's wildlife corner. Now he sings. It's you? You got a quiz for us?

This quiz comes to us via Twitter user Moose at Lit Moose, who posted an image of real advice given in a veterinary training. This is a photo of a page of a handbook. It says, handling general considerations. These are for handling of a cat. The instructions are, The cat is faster and has sharper teeth and nails than you do. It has no, quote, code of ethics or considerations for its own future, underlined in a fair fight it will win now what is listed in bold underneath this is it one don't fight a cat

is it two use your brain or is it three use drugs i just want to say use drugs okay sure um i'm going to say use your brain okay so i'm left with um don't fight a cat you're all right and wrong because all three of these things are listed as veterinary advice when dealing with a cat and they're highlighted use drugs like give the cat drugs yeah it's not specified yeah any drugs all drugs are equally good Get hopped up on PCP and fight a cat. Just shoot some penicillin? Yep.

Some children's Tylenol. Some simple. A little pepto. Douse the cat in pepto. Listen, you don't want to fight a cat on a gassy stomach. Or maybe you do. I don't know. Bio weapons.

Whatever you can use. It's a cat. It doesn't respect international law. No. Famously. No. our next item in my little wildlife corner is going to lead us directly into the charity bowl okay great i'm so glad you asked we wanted to highlight uh this donation from reader brian conway

at b conway too who said giving money to the chair at a bundy bowl to own the three thousand crows and i'm going to click on that screenshot because we're to get three thousand crows Brian gave to Penn State University's name $30. For the 3,000 crows that are relocated off campus during the annual crow harassment campaign. I didn't know if this was part of Fawn or some sort of separate initiative, but he included a screencap from the university. OPP plans to continue, this is exactly what they call it, periodic crow harassing. until they leave for the spring. Pressure washing of sidewalks will commence

soon as the first days of warmer weather arrive. There will be no crow relocation efforts between December 9th and 20th as the semester comes to a close and final exams take place. I appreciate them allowing these crows the time to take their exams before power washing them

out of state college. Each year, approximately 3,000 migrating crows land on the University Park campus, causing unsanitary and unpleasant conditions. Buddy, have you met Penn State fans? OPP's goal is to discourage this mass roosting and the accompanying sanitation problems. Again, this is in Pennsylvania. No crows are harmed by the relocation and harassment activities, says who.

Crees. When you said harassment activities, I assumed it meant like, okay, you see that crow, mine its business, walking to the grocery. store, tell it's got a great ass. Power, power Warsh, the crews. Hey, Crow, why don't you smile more? You have a really nice smile.

Can't you take a joke, crew? You stuck up? It's not why you're talking to me, crew. God. Anyway, the charity bowl is over. What a magnificent segue. To the charity bowl, to all of the updates we need to do for the Charity Bowl.

This year's ADESPS Charity Bowl. We initially started off with the goal of raising $400,000. $200,000. Was it $200? It was $200. Didn't he launch with the wrong link too? Yeah, he did. He launched with the 2020 campaign link,

which meant a whole bunch of people didn't get their donations recorded. And we still raised over $800,000, y'all. Anyway, as I was saying about our wildly successful fundraiser. Nobody ever thinks about the toaster ovens that don't set your cabinets on fire. For New American Pathways, a refugee service organization here in Atlanta, Georgia, that does wonderful work resettling refugees, getting them off to a great start in their path toward becoming new Americans. We had what I thought were relatively modest goals. What did we raise last year?

Is it like $360,000 around there? Yeah, so this is confusing people. You're going to see two totals. The New American Pathways, smartly, I think, counts cash in hand in their official total. So the amount that you will see on the website tracker at edsbsbscharitybill.com, boy, we should have said this last week, only reflects donations that have been given that day. So if you have corporate matching gift coming from your employer, who, matches your charitable giving. You're not going to see that in there because this is money that is coming later. It is pledged, but it is not collected. You know, if you have become a monthly

recurring donor or a quarterly recurring donor, which we encourage you to do, the money that you give for the rest of the year is counted by us for scoring purposes because we want you to become a regular donor, it's not going to show up in the tally because they don't have the money in their hands yet, and this is counted by a robot. So, all by way of saying last year the number that we gave out was somewhere in the 450 range but the one that you'll see on the website was like 345 yeah well that really i mean that's a big number that's a lot of money that's a big number it's not as big as big as this year's number um which is larger yeah this this this this got out of hand in the best possible way because we thought line go

line go up listen money line went up i thought 200 000 was a dangerously optimistic goal that we probably weren't going to hit given the year that everybody has had and we hit it during the last forecast on monday monday so money line went up and the goal went up to 300k and we blew through that on wednesday and then uh 400 grand fell sometime around Thursday and then uh 400 grand fell sometime around Thursday and then on friday i don't know somebody just uh we went to the moon to speak in the parlance of 2021 okay everybody we just went straight the hell up and as of the final tally tonight 5,500 donors which is by

the way like a ridiculous expansion on our previous number of people a couple years ago i think two years ago we had like 1400 donors and we're thrilled uh we had over 400 different teams mentioned 4667 68 actually most of them real i don't want to talk about it okay because all these people gave money um we actually had 468 teams and i need to make a correction here because i want to make a public correction because this was a pretty big fuck up on my part and it was my fuck up uh due to this donation starting with a hashtag uh it got left off the list because it was clipped in an alphabetical search. And the money that was in that donation was given to make Spencer E. Cheese University, a fine institution founded by

longtime friend of the program, friend of mine, friend of yours, Sarah Sprague. The donation was hashtagged for Let Kids Play, which many of you may have seen floating around the internet, along with hashtags like protect trans kids, protect trans youth, things like that. This tweet had the four hashtags in it, and you were supposed to have seen let kids play as its own team. And you didn't get to do that, and that is my fault. And in the absolute worst possible version of this, I gave it to make Spencer Eat Cheese University instead, which is about the worst possible thing you can do instead. Anyway, that was not a political decision.

That was a typographical error on my part that was not pointed out to me until the charts were already up. And I would just like to point out that policing of bodies and sports is only going to get worse if we allow marginalized groups to be victims of a political battle. And sports is supposed to represent the best of us, not our worst tendencies. And if that is not a sentiment that belongs in the Charity Bowl, I don't know what it is. If you want to know more about this, obviously you can check out. You can play. P-flag, ACLU, all up on it. Here, here to that, another little note,

if you did not specify your donation, and if you did not cooperate and did something, I don't know, just, you know, something where we didn't know where to put it, guess where your money went by default? You got cute, and what happens when you get cute? Well, we can only do one thing. We have to consider you,

and we have to send you to a place where you will be considered. That's correct. You go to Arizona State University. if we didn't really know where to send your money we just we just literally filed it under Arizona State's column and that was pretty good actually for Arizona

which is what Lori Laughlin should have done yeah that's right this is how Arizona State finished with $6,091 $6,09. I didn't make it up and I didn't do it on purpose. Nope nope. They finished with something

akin to the sex number which that was but also a little off that's a little off also that got the math wrong it's like can it's it's the sex number in a pool can you hook your leg around it or i want to throw out some more notes from the top ten of michigan one michigan always won michigan has perilously close to ninety thousand dollars right now and we haven't even cleared all their corporate matching uh georgia tech has more than half that number in second place a yeoman's effort at 48,000 and change Florida coming in third with a record-breaking performance which by the way speaking of record-breaking performances 14 schools in five figures 14 I don't have any hyperbole for

what this turned into this year Michigan once again got bored and put slippery rock in the top 10 again our our longest running largest giving Michigan donor who is a Michigan woman, lest you remember, got it into her head that this would be a fun year to have a giggle and threw $10,000 at the Slippery Rock campaign, which didn't even turn out to be half of Slippery Rock's total of $25,896.

Let's see what else happened. Let's talk about this in football terms. Cal beat Alabama, which edged out Slippery Rock, which beat Georgia, which who saw, saw that coming. I will also state, by the way, great showing by Georgia. Great showing by Georgia. Georgia, once again, two years in a row has made great strides, as has Ohio State. This is maybe

the first year that we have ever done this, that the top stats start to look anything like the big money programs actually look in football, with the exception of Little Old Plamson, down there at 27th, below Washington and Lee, below Mississippi State, and below Northwestern, which I'm told is a good school. By the way, like three or four years. Go Ohio State and Georgia, we're nowhere near the top 10. Nowhere near. And you can follow the chain of, we've explained, we've kind of explained how this worked before and it kind of blew up a little bit this year.

But the Alabama beat redder guys have always come in very strongly for the Charity Bowl. And Georgia Tech is New American Pathways hometown team. The dual forces of Alabama and Georgia Tech attention to this have drawn Georgia slowly with the assistance of people like the wonderful Amanda the mole to pull this up. I would also like to shout out some SB Nation blogs and former colleagues of ours because they ran campaigns of our own this year. A group of fanatical Cal bloggers.

Cal has never sniffed the top of the standings, has never been a force in any way, surged up to fourth place this year, came within a couple grand of knocking off Florida for third. They went out into their own community. they found matching donors so avionage terence uh who else i'm forgetting i'm already embarrassed because i'm forgetting there are like five or six of you and i love you all um thank you nom and uh bucky's fifth quarter the wisconsin bloggers uh the syracuse blog noon's magician uh the uh the marquette blog yeah

sidelines Penn State, Penn State with a phenomenal showing this year. Evidently harassing crows just makes you more charitable to every other species. Asp. Nations Marquette community who dedicated themselves to just beating Georgetown, which I thought was beautiful. The and the Valley Shook guys past and present always put on a great show for LSU. I'm going to forget a million people because this is the first year that we have so many people that we can't remember how to. Thank them all.

Baby Golick. Mike Golick, once again, dragging Notre Dame. Single-handedly with his teeth. Mina Kimes, joining the fray this year on behalf of Washington. Mm-hmm. Which, a real battle, by the way, between Wazoo, Washington and Washington and Lee in the Battle of the Washington's. And Washington. And Washington, St. Louis.

Yeah, Washington, St. Louis. Which, Washu, St. Louis, fading down the stretch this year. They usually turn up a lot stronger than this. Yeah, this was a big year for the Washington's. Just everyone, I cannot thank you enough. for for this because it's basically the best thing we do all year uh we have a very silly way of motivating everyone's extremely petty spite for charity and i am elated that you played along and i'm just stunned that it got this far out of hand in the best possible way like if that's that that to me

is a great party if i say well this got out of hand and it ended real well that's that's the best thing i can say about a party and that's exactly what y'all did i don't know how we're going to do 329 beers i sort of thought once again ryan has a terrific idea that you're just ignoring because it's not personally damaging enough to you it's really not also you said we you said i don't know how we're i'm i didn't

yeah nobody nobody placed this on us but you buddy i don't know how you got to no sotros here this is a yo problem i'll have a few but all right yeah okay i will have four beers yeah you're still over 300 i think yeah that i want to do one thing where it's like a counter that you can keep on screen

it'll just be me passed out at like 11 it'll be like beers to go 318 the number is just the same for days just i didn't know i didn't make any progress today nope uh that that and i think my favorite donation on here is to dale are in heart somebody just the guy who just donated and And he wrote that in for the university. Dale Earnhardt. Oh, and Jason, we did get a donation for Liberty, $1. Yeah, so.

467th place, $1. I was actually kind of mad at that dude for Breaking Liberty Street. No, but they're last. Perfect. The first shall be last, Liberty. I mean, they'll have some more money coming in next year once they collect from Falwell Jr. For whatever. I heard that about the, what is happening over there?

You know, they're always suing each other. you know so next i'm sure they'll do really really well next year i'm sure the money that liberty collects i'm sure it'll be going straight to helping refugees like jesus would that's what liberty will do eight hundred and twenty nine thousand dollars i'm scrolling through the dedications right now because i like stabbing myself in the heart uh there are man my eyes crossed over a a michigan right after we finished counting the totals today Just the one that ended up in the top of my stack was a Michigan donor who is a third-generation American whose refugee grandparents had graduated from the University of Michigan and whose entire family had gone since. So as usual, we can't make fun of Michigan again for the next year because you do too much for us.

Yeah. And you do too much for our neighbors. Also, I regret to inform you, having seen it up close and personal on many different levels, when Michigan's like, yeah, it's just different here. It actually is. That whole thing is actually different, you know, but the cool thing is watching everyone else be a little bit different, too, in exposure to this. So, I don't know. And one of you did donate Rich Rod forever, $250. So I really appreciate that.

I have one crucial update that I wasn't able to provide tonight because we were working so hard and so hard. fast and so furiously coming to theaters to get these charts out that I was not able to add up the donation of Matt's but at one point at one point late in the week on Friday you have heard them before in romance disasters when we gave them all the name of Matt to protect their identities but full cast and vacation Bible school and split zone listeners and EDSVS readers and everybody else who joined in, guys named Matt were out donating every other school by themselves by something like $10,000. That Matt solidarity is incredible.

And I checked with Michigan overlap. The overlap with Michigan and Matt was only like $3,000. What is the name for a group of Matt? What is like the classification name for a group of mats? You Matt. Okay. Mattress. a mattress yeah yeah yeah okay a chortling a chortling of mats a matt masco a masco of mats a costco

that's a good one i like that would anybody like to know the results of a certain school that i can that i can pull up for you oral roberts oh goodness i got it's going to take me a minute to scroll down that far oh but they had a great year i'm sure they're fired up from uh basketball and looking to spread that goodwill in a in a in a positive way oral roberts lost to deer creek high school dear creek had a great basketball year as well they also uh yeah oh they also got out donated by soviet cat university which was which was my personal favorite how did soviet cat university do soviet cat university uh clocked in at the fifty dollar level which means soviet cat university out donated C. Charlotte, Sam Houston State, Bryn Marr, Philadelphia Eagles, uh, Randolph,

David. Come on, Eagles. Go birds! Go birds! I like the idea of getting a degree from the Eagles. What did you major in? Criminal justice. Criminal justice.

I got a degree from the Eagles because I got to bail out my uncle from under the stadium. Hello, I went to Philadelphia Eagles Medical School and I'm qualified to treat you. Hold still. Which is worse, Philadelphia Edelago's medical school or Philadelphia Eagles Law School, which would upset you more? Medical school by far. Oh, we don't have Oral Roberts on here at all, which means that Liberty beat them by a dollar.

Jeez. Shameful. Yeah. Oh, who beat, give me five schools to beat Harvard. This is my. Oh, goodness. This is going to take me a minute. Okay.

Five schools that beat Harvard. Did Knightham University beat Harvard? Oh, oh, yeah. Spoked it. By a lot. Pun intended. Five schools that beat Harvard. Man, I could just read you the five directly above Harvard.

Perfect. Bowling Green, NYU, McAllister, San Diego State, and the University of Ottawa. I would-San Diego State, the Harvard of America. I would much rather go to San Diego State than Harvard. I mean, that's the easiest call I've ever heard. Not scrolling up, without even scrolling up, Harvard finished at 158th. Here are some schools between 158th and 130. The South Africa Springboks, Boise State, Gonzaga, Appalachian State, Cornell,

Ouch, Southern Illinois, Western Michigan, Birmingham Southern, Case Western Reserve, Fresno State, Montana State, all better than Harvard. Black Hills, correct. Black Hills. State, goodness. Yale actually turned up in the four figures this year, which I think surprised everyone. Did they beat Old Miss? Let's find Old Miss. No, no, they did not.

Old Miss smoked him. And by the way, what place did Old Miss finish? Godfrey, just praise yourself. Just praise yourself. Oh, he hasn't, depending on which part of the show he listens to first, he doesn't even know that we agreed to give him a tattoo. Old Miss finished 69th, baby. Shut the fuck off. Are you serious?

Lane Kiffin, holler at me. People are going to think I did this on purpose. My oldest finished 69. Oh, wait. Now I have to see who's 420th. Hang on. Hanover College. Yeah, whatever.

Oh, that's the best. Wow. God, they finished 69th. Yeah, I'm just going to be pouring through this and finding funny shit for... Actually, I'm probably going to take a break because my eyes are crossing. All right. Hey, we should all take a break and pay some bills, huh? We should pay some bills.

A good way to pay some bills is. get your finances straight, you know, maybe put a little money away for retirement. Maybe make your own personal line go up so you can make more donations to the Charity Bowl and the charity of your choice later on in life without sweating it. I mean, if I only had a way to do that. You know, if you went to Harvard and you're, you know, you're poor because you went to Harvard and it's not very good school and there's not a lot of money to be made there. Well, you couldn't get into San Diego State.

It's not your fault. I mean, it's okay. Everybody wants to get into San Diego State. If you had to settle for going to Harvard, you're starting life behind everybody else because you're hampered by a Harvard degree. Well, have we got a way to catch up Harvard? Harvard, next year, you're going to finish a little bit higher.

You can come for that number 69 spot. It's yours next year. Acorns.com slash full cast the Acorns app will get your finances in order. Harvard, every time you, I was going to say, every time you, Harvard graduate, donate the charity. Nichols and dimes will be kicked in.

That's not going to get you very far. Harvard, Harvard, charity. Let's pretend, Harvard, that you do donate frequently to charity. Well, each of those nickels and dimes from those purchases will go into your acorns retirement or whatever account. And you can also dump in money periodically. You can set it automatically. You can do it manually, whatever. And then investment stuff happens.

You have a Harvard degree, so you can't understand it. I went to Kennesaw State. some smarter than you. And eventually the number goes up and you can retire. Mine still recommends age 83 because that's as high as it goes. But yeah, I'll see you there, Harvard. You're not very smart, so you'll be there with me. Acorns.com slash fullcast to get a $5 starting boost to your...

Acorns.com. You're down here with the rest of us. That's right. On the forest floor. I'm on the family plan, which is very entertaining because I, Acorns, by the way, Will is giving away a chance to get a million dollars invested in you. You just have to, of course, use all of the perks provided to you by your Acorns plant. I am well on the way to being that person, thanks to my purchase of the family plan. But if you want to know how that's working for my kids and whether my younger child has siphoned more money out of his investment account, the answer is yes. What is he buying? 15 cents lighter. He is just taking a grain of sand at a time in order to steal the whole beach. But it is a five cent difference down from last week relative to his brothers,

his brother, a fool is letting the money sit there, whereas I guess my younger son, the wily one, has decided to put that money out in the market and is going to come back with it. I'm not sure how. Because with acorns, the older one's going to be, you know, a millionaire in about seven weeks at this rate yeah your results may vary i should say that but that five cents is going to make a dent a difference you've been updated on my son the uh the hustler how many um how many harvard listeners like harvard alumni do you think listen to this podcast is it like more i know one i know one i know one is that two or is that uh john one two three brian phillips no he doesn't listen yes he doesn't listen yes he

does it's embarrassing two then two we have two two okay yeah that's a lot al gore al gore yeah yep that's he has kissinger he has he asked him because his Tommy Lee Jones makes him yeah that's our boy Tommy Tommy Lee our boy I don't think Tommy Lee Jones could listen to three minutes of this podcast before just pressing stop and saying I would be embarrassed to know that he had regardless of whether we had ever interacted. He would he would call us

racket. Chobby Lee Jones leave us a one-star review on iTunes where you call us unbearably childish. God, I mean, yes, this is

foolishness, so he cannot sanction it. Nope. I would also say, I would also, so that's two, maybe three

Harvard listeners that we have. And if you, if you, if you donate it again, thank you. Thank you for representing the crimson well. Yeah,

if you donated, you did your best. You did. You did. You did. You did. You did. isn't your fault if you if you not your it's not your fault that you just barely beat out

georgia southern Tennessee you didn't embarrass me this year I appreciate it that's two years in a row that's never have more football I have more good news for Harvard listeners to this show oh yeah they can go to homefield apparel.com and purchase a san diego state sweatshirt or t-shirt and no longer dress for the job you want not the job you have yeah no longer have to bear the the lifelong shame of not being an Aztec like nobody's going to look everybody understands that there are people who wear San Diego state gear who didn't get into San Diego state and it's fine nobody's going to verify whether you're in San Diego State that like San Diego sidewalk feeling you're probably walking around you know you're you're going to work as a

Harvard grad and you're thinking fuck how am I ever going to get ahead the boss doesn't like notice me doesn't think about me for promotions next time you have a big meaning walk in with a bright red shirt that says s the s u in kind of star warsy font and boom next thing you know you're your fucking vice president of the whole company look at that you're the chief operating officer and how did you do it thanks to homefield apparel.com i'm just picturing some sort of scandal where somebody puts the san diego state diploma on their resume and it comes out that it's fake and Everyone's just kind of like, how dare you? Who cares, man?

Whatever. Although, I got to say, if anybody has probably performed literal stolen Aztec Valor before, it's probably a Harvard grad. They own a fuck ton of museums. That's a good point. That's my pyramid and I bought it fair and square. You can, now, if you're not ready to jump up to San Diego State level and you need something, I don't know, a little more comfortable, a little more, a little more in line with your own academic brand.

good news we've got georgetown on here michigans on here um indiana iowa lots of sub san diego state quality schools but still good schools that you not michigan michigan's better than san english can we call it a tie hey they're both brady hoax schools that's a really good point oh okay i'm sorry which i'm sorry which one of those schools has a hit this shit portion of the interview is not michigan not michigan that's why harvard grader go in it's like cool here's your resume okay bro hit this shit yeah um just yeah hit hit it oh that's not what i thought hit this shit meant at all no i am looking through the standings here and it appears there are eight homefield schools in the top 25 of this year's charity bowl

which is just goddamn impressive um i mean when you do this by the way when you're um when you donate to charity and when you sign up with homefield the confluence of those two veins of powerful positive karma already paid off for Michigan because i'm sorry which school managed to win a championship this past weekend that's a really good point that's true that's correct that's women's gymnastics michigan won their first ever national title congratulations in in gymnastics yes hail hail to the victors their first ever gymnastics title yes i think is how you want to phrase that first ever gymnastic title congratulations wolverines champions in all not michigan's first ever national title we know we know he did it wrong you can reach no no no you can do that you

can no it wasn't there first there's world war one world war two right right jason right well actually nobody really won world war don't email my wife america did we showed up and then it was over so i went up there jeanine and i had my little hat my doe boy outfit my gas mask and i was like what's up fritz and they just stopped fighting are these goddamn crossing routes i mean what was it what was the trench warfare right now on the is cella somewhere literally crossing routes it was trench warfare for three years you know i like my mustard on the outside of my life i got enough gas after these brats for everybody uh anyway you can use offer code full cast for 20% off your full

first purchase at home field apparel. They're always getting new schools, refreshing old schools, and again stolen San Diego State Valor. It's just sitting out there waiting for you to take it. Go ahead and grab it. No one will know.

Hit this shit, bro. I really thought that was a sex thing. It can't be. That could be San Diego, too. I found that part of the you very disturbing has anyone ever applied to harvard too has anyone ever applied to harvard and san diego state yeah what who has done the person who's done this is a san diego team

who thought it would be funny to tell everybody these are the two schools i'm applying to i hope they only got into harvard apply i very much like the applying as a joke. Oh, I did that just to piss off my dad when the Florida acceptance letter came in the mail. Applied to SDSU. Fuck, Gregory

Peck went to San Diego State. Bro! Gregory Peck could get down. Fuck! That's fucking okay. That explains why Akis Finch is carrying like a 24 pack of Bush Light.

Just walking in. It really does explain that you're right yeah that's why that's why scout has to hide a whole bunch of beer in that ham costume just so much it's very heavy yeah i got shock on this shit bro in that in that ham costume carl weathers carl weathers went to san diego state i'm beg your bar there's no weather so what i'm hearing is san diego state 2000 harvard zero yeah pretty much yeah yeah fuck harvard sucks i wanted jason i wanted to ask you about um i wanted to ask you about flying toilets really fast yeah for sure what do you need to know um so i didn't know i didn't know that one

flying toilets were such an issue and two that this was something that was actually a matter of national security yeah well the thing is spencer in the um the um the the KC-46. It's a Boeing tanker plane. It's a weirdly shaped plane. So they have these these compartment things called the air transportable galley lavatory. It's a big box that's a kitchen slash bathroom and they put it in cargo planes. Just wheel it in, wheel it out. If you see a C-130, it has these modules that are like you can put food in your body and remove food from your body in the air transportable galley lavatory thing about the kc46 is it's a weirdly shaped plane so to put the um kitchen bathroom in this thing they have to turn it

90 degrees and apparently that didn't that that that's sort of the part of the story that loses me because um what eventually happens is everyone realizes that the uh the the the sideways bathroom laboratory is leaky and messy and it's it kind of doesn't work but it you turned it i was supposed to happen doesn't gravity i i'm confused as to what are they flying sideways yes hold on we're going into sideways mode i got i got i gotta take a shit can we turn sideways i hate to bring up san diego state again but this strikes me as nothing so much as somebody who was hoping gravity would just be cool like that was your plan i mean i kind of sympathize because i know you do because you would do that yeah i would i would i have one just sound shrill he would

do that though i have one detail from this that i have many questions about which is that this module that you slap into this plane so that you can take people around to do all the things that people need to do in the air also was this in world war one or is this right now this right now this is now Yeah. Yeah. This is the kind of problem we're still dealing with. Because this is just like a human containment capsule that you slap into this otherwise pretty anodyne, generic plane space, right? Like it's just an empty blank space.

And you put the pod in and it's like, okay, suddenly we have a passenger jet. Okay. Cool. It's modular. This is the question I have. It says, it provides the space and power to furnish two meals and one snack for 160 people, as well as two lavatories that can handle about 15 hours of use Okay about

Is that constant use I've watched enough MythBusters No they're like It's like an AOL CD You just sort of like Watching countdown And hope you got another CD in the mail

Is that What I want to know is that They're like Well we need to test the ATGL All right I need a hundred of your hardest Shitting airmen I need to really stress test this thing We're gonna

We're gonna fly circles over Cincinnati with all the spaghetti chili we can... Oh, that's why they call it... No, that's why they call it Skyline. There is one of these things that's a skyline, I think. I'm pretty sure. One of these cargo planes is nicknamed the Skyline.

Now, son, are you a fast... If you're a fast pooper, you can't go on this mission. I'm sorry. Slow poopers only. Airmen, I need you to speed it up in there. We got a man here who's had nine tamales and four servings of spaghetti. And then he had a lettuce wedge after that. It's getting critical.

vertical move or you could just get one Spencer push it through I think you can get one Spencer with 329 beers and that would probably do the tricks like the palm forward right like that's good to push no I got it I got it I got it I don't need that hit the afterburn no thank you I just I'd like to think they calculated danger zone they calculated 15 hours of which means at hour 16 things must have been extremely dangerous and remember it this is 15 hours normally um this is not with the whole sideways situation sure i assume at like 15 hours in five minutes the plane stalls it just starts like insert coin and plummet from the sky

but i really got to go well so to speak you're going to have to to make a rough landing there partner just like that lettuce wedge i have one football thing i want to add to the end real quick football you take that shit to split zone duo it's very quick it's very quick don't take that to the kc 64 or whatever kc 40s no there's no we've hit 15 hours hours 16 will be dire let me just let me do this okay okay this is the year bow nix has improved so much under this new offense he's focused he's having fun and i wouldn't be surprised if he's a dark horse for the heisman that's it that's all i needed to say you heard it here first folks i'm confused and scared we got about 15 hours of effective bo necks use oh bo necks

i don't know because technically there's 15 hours in a whole football season like yeah but you don't want to go but what happens when you hit the playoffs we're going sideways Auburn in the playoffs I think he means

like any bowl game we don't care about those can you imagine by the way speaking of speaking of clenched but holes can you imagine anything more dramatic and dangerous than hearing this and for the four spot in the

playoff the Auburn Tigers with starting a quarterback bonus here's what i want here's what i want one seed auburn tigers four seed pit panthers damn do your thing universe who knows what'll happen two acc teams are wow mm-hmm that's a good well and noder dam and noder damon there's I guess. Sure. No, they left. Because Auburn showed up.

That's a good call. Just like Catholics, duck out the side door. State school's here. Oh, boy. We've got to go.