Shutdown Fullcast - YOUR BOLD FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS FOR 2021

Episode Date: June 30, 2021

We asked for bold predictions for the upcoming college football season, and you answered with hammers. So stunned were we by the certainty of these prophecies that we ended up doing several things we���re not used to in this episode, like “talking about college football“ and “carefully parsing Arkansas‘s schedule”. Also, Spencer has mixed up NIL and NLI so many times that we’re all starting to do it too. Sorry!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

While you guys are on the horn, I did want to share with you what they wrote about Todd Grantham in the PFF preview because it's fucking amazing. Are you ready? Do you want me to put the Lion King music on again? Sure. If you want to put the Lion King music on, please do. Okay. Because it's this good. I'm a personal friend of Elton John, so this is not a copyright violation. FYI. Do you still call him Sir? Oh, of course.

She calls him Reggie. That's how close they are. I've reg. Find your cue. Find your fucking cue. Find your cue. Okay. Third and Grantham returns to run the defense. And his reputation does precede him a bit.

Florida is 34th in the country and third down EPA per play allowed since 2018 and 41st and third down conversion rate. That doesn't sound bad until you realize that's seventh in their own conference. They were ninth in the SEC and EPA per play allowed on that down last. year, but expect them to regress back to average because their cornerbacks could not make plays on the football in single coverage. And that may not emulate itself two years in a row. EPA per pass allowed, 0.120, 85th in the nation. EPA per run allowed, negative 0.019, 9.0.0.9 tie for 85th in this.

nation. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. And I want to start by talking about the only story in college football right now. And that's Euro 2020. Why is it Euro 2020 and 2021? one because they already printed the shirts that's what you got to call it one of my favorite games is england or alabama do you think the tide can win another one i got a strong indicator it's

going to happen and it's this it's coming home lads it's coming home it's coming home lads what does that mean it's coming home who are you and who are lads the lads they're who it's coming home to what's home that's where it belongs What is it? I'm only going to say it once. Soccer. And then from here on else, it's coming. It's coming home, lads. Now, that usually means the World Cup when we're talking about England, which England has not won since 1966. Is that a long time? I don't know. You tell me, it seems like a long time. 1966 was like the last time, or 1969 was the last time South Carolina won anything. And we make fun of South Carolina all the time for never having won anything. Where do we do that? we do that on the shutdown full cast what's that it's the only college football podcast on these internet and i'm spencer hall and joining me who am i that's that's holly anderson right next to me say hello holly hello who are these other gentlemen they're good looking in a clean cut

non-threatening way and they look like they smell nice on a beautiful porch in kennesaw georgia on a warm and humid georgia day we got my co-host jason kirk jason hello we're talking about soccer Is that the sport? I'm going to put out the screen cap of everybody's faces right now when they realize Spencer was just going to talk about soccer for 10 minutes without introducing the show. You know, we were going to do both. We're multitasking.

No less. You know, and also joining us, our perpetual guest host, Ryan Nanny. Hello, Ryan. Are we going to talk about own goals? We can talk about own goals if you want. I hit them all the time. We have, I believe this is accurate. at least as of the time we were recording in all of the euro competitions before this year there

have been nine total own goals spencer how many have there been in the 2020 technically 2021 edition i'm going to guess six there have been nine they have they have they have they have equaled the tournament's entire total that's beautiful Portugal had two own goals in one match Lost to Germany Oh wonderful Like there are entire their entire Portchon goal right

Portchon right All I'm calling them from Acknowledge me Validate my behavior I'm gonna make it worse What's Portugal Portugal's known for three things Tax evasion

Cork and own goals That's it Yeah And the tournament's not done So like the possibility for additional own goals like this would be if you if you had like multiple penalty safeties and i don't even know what's the what's the football equivalent of an own goal turn over it's a turnover no it's that thing where it's okay so we don't have you would say like

pick six the stupidest possible pick six right but you need to add the boneheadedness so it would combination of a pick six and like running out the back of your own end zone can it be the kickoff where the receiving team doesn't get the ball and the kicking team grabs it because it's still live and scores yep never mind that's it like imagine if that was happening multiple times in a weekend we would say they were like the worst football team ever right we would never stop clowning them yeah let's go as like intentional safety but you didn't make it all the way out of the end zone and you set the ball down, that type of thing. Okay, yes, yes.

The other team happened to just put a hand on it, and there you go. It's, I mean, the own goal is just so funny because it requires two teammates to fuck up. Like, it almost invariably requires defender attempting to kick ball back to goalkeeper, goalkeeper fuck up, and both of them have to look each other and be like, God damn it. God damn it you know the goalie will never do that because there are positions that in sport

you have to be clinically insane to play and goalie is one of them has a goal ever been at fault for an own goal never never always he's always the cornerback pointing at the safety going like that's you I needed help over the top you'll never see a goalie go my bad

yeah that was my own goal never And I get it because that's such a high pressure, like, position that there's no way you could ever admit fault or ever lack confidence. You can't ever admit that you're cracked as a goal keeper because I think it's a lot like playing corner or safety. You just never beat even when you're beat. If somebody beat you for 85, you're like, what, my fault? What? Okay. Counterpoint, there is a, there was an own goal, I believe.

I believe in a Spanish game, but it wasn't Spanish. Oh, I think it was Slovak. Yeah, the Slovakian goalkeeper attempted to like, a ball came in high and he attempted to sort of like push it up and over the goal with his hand. And instead he pushed it directly into the goal behind. Well, then he's just, that's not, that's just, that's just a mistake of effort, Ryan. That's not. That's fair. Yeah.

That's just a, that's just a mistake of technique. Right. That's, yeah. But I want to be clear, technically a goalie could collect the ball with his or her hands and immediately throw it into their own goal. They could do that. Okay, if it was like this all the time, I'd watch. Like if you had to constantly appease the goal, Europeans should be into this, man.

Yeah. If you had to like constantly appease your goalies with treats and tributes. Sure. Because they could turn on you at any time. Italian goalie. Get gossipy. how yeah exactly uh haides i believe in more regional play haiti's goalkeeper earlier this month attempted to stop a ball on the way kicked back to him as is common you kick it back to the goalie

so you can reset you know and get the ball out of threat and kick the ball to the goalie and you know how when you try to stop a cat or a dog with your foot and it just kind of goes around it that's what the ball did the ball just went like and drilled and just dribbled past him and into the goal. Now, I don't feel like I know that goalies technically can't do own goals. This was an own goal. Like if you could have given the goalie an own goal, you would have. So on the subject of intentional own goals, Wikipedia is helpful here. Let's of course remember the 1998 Tiger Cup when Indonesia deliberately scored an own goal so they could duck Vietnam. And let's of course remember a s edema uh defeating s o le maeran who knows how to say it uh 149 to nothing

149 own goals in protest of refitiating i think this is uh two teams in madagascar there you go that is 149 to nothing that like that's a lot of work that's hard you got to be like i'm winded from scored all these own goals yeah i i would love to find video of this like the the A.S. Edema, they just had to be incredibly bored at some point. At the very least, I think you should get, like, a shirt. Madagascar, Madagascar dissolved the, Madagascar dissolved the entire federation because it just worked. They literally took their ball and went home. Yeah, Madagascar, I was like, we can't play soccer anymore if y'all are going to act like this.

I have an own goal better than that. And that is better than which one? got a hundred and forty nine wow okay um this own goal it's a little bit different but imagine for a second that you lose a court case um around the subject of uh athlete nil rights and you uh wait five years and do nothing and then the state of california says hey we're going to pass a piece of state legislation that gives athletes these rights and so that'd be wild and then you wait two more years and do nothing. And then on the very last minute, when again, you've had like, I don't know, conservatively, let's say seven years to plan anything out. To say nothing of the century of existence of your program of your program overloading in the

first place. Instead, you go to all your member institutions and you say, uh, rules aren't real anymore. Bye. Bye. That shit rules. Y'all put yourself to bed. Pizza for breakfast. Time for hands up seven up, y'all. The best part is, you know, there's one dude at the NCAA who didn't want to be there that much, but couldn't find another job. And they were like, okay, Tony, it's your job to come up with the NIL plan. And they told them that, like, I don't know, 2015.

He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And every time quarterly check in, Tony has the, oh, yeah, we're making progress. Maybe something next quarter to report on. And a couple weeks ago, they're like, all right, Tony, time the plan. And Tony's like, I'll just go ahead. submit my resignation now you all have a wonderful day so stupid imagine if the titanic captain got a call six years before the fucking iceberg that said this will happen and he said we'll figure it out it's fine a call from the iceberg the iceberg is sued you in court the iceberg

sent in a photo of itself said come find me your ship like a drawing like a crappy kids drawing me you meet me here for an ass whooping mr sink your boat etch their names in like a little heart gouged into the side of itself with an ice pick yeah there's a lot more of me under the water

you think you're so tough and the fucking captain was like all right let's just mark that unread we'll come back to it another day best part is that icebergs can't talk best part is I know this on the first and 15th Mark Emmert picked up a paycheck.

Like, bam, direct deposit, baby. It hit. I do, is it worth explaining how, or is this something for them, them pocket protector rights over at split zone duo? Is it worth explaining how exactly the NCAA makes its money apart from like March Madness? Like, how do they pay all those lawyers that comprise a good 85% of their pay? roll. Alex, Alex, explain this on the next episode. Okay, cool.

Thanks. Bye. Yeah. The answer is March badness, though. Like, there's, yeah, you're right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I thought I was right. But now that you've said it, I'm totally sure. So glad I had that idea. Alex, explain it on the next episode. Are we done talking about soccer? Yeah. I hope so. Thank you, Jason.

Thank you for that life raft that you've thrown down to this iceberg. I only did that for 10 minutes, so it's pretty good. Save the iceberg. 28 minutes. Save the dream. Hey, football season's coming up. Look at that. You did some brilliant investigative work today asking our listeners, bold predictions.

As has been done in preseason's past, we have solicited from you, the readership, a list of bold. a list of bold football predictions for the 2021 college football season. A thing we are almost positive is happening. Why? Because last year happened. You have responded in kind. And can I just say before we started that we had a, I'm taking a very small sample size here of about the first hour of responses. But I thought the distribution of these responses, was very interesting and fell in a volume that vaguely corresponds to how interested we are ourselves in these topics. For example, if I had to break these responses down into a pie chart, they would be about 25% SEC, about 15% Big Ten, about 15% ACC, which is entirely Clemson and Pitt,

an additional 15% Texas, an additional 15% Pac-12, which is entirely the two L.A. schools, an additional 15% Elasico, and the rest just a grab bag. And that's like a menu, isn't it, for our entire interest map? I fucking love science. Anyway, I got to start with one of these that is not a prediction. Some of you, failed at this assignment as you always do but we had one listener who wrote in within i have a comment and a question type answer that i thought was too good to pass up from user bold yeller uh connor on twitter alasico is being played on the 20th anniversary of september 11th i don't have a prediction but this can't be good uh he's right it'd be really good it could heal america Yeah. I think it proves the terrorist didn't win. Like what is ominous about this? Is it going to get worse? We've already seen them play like three nothing type games against each other, you know?

It's all, it's all, it's all gets better from here. I don't know. I think, yeah, like Ryan said, the terrorist didn't win. Alessico abides. All right. Fair enough. Is Marky Mark going to be there? Oh, no. That could get worse. If Marky Mark wraps the national anthem at Elasico. I think he will vow to stop it

I think he'll show up he'll show up on Sunday and say that they wouldn't have played that facking game if I'd been there yeah all you fans all you fans keep trying to tell us not to call it El Asico well what do you have to say to Mark your mark rapping Yose can you see

I know the name is still accurate by the way because it comes up in circles around Iowa and Iowa State and Iowa State fans by the way 100% on board with this Iowa State fans absolutely love I've never heard and Ohio state fans say

that El Asico was not the proper name for this game. Iowa fans, meanwhile, who have ambitions about actually being a respected

program on the national level for some reason, who care what other people think for some reason. Again, Iowa state fans, you're all liberated. You're all free.

You don't care what other people think of you. You're like, we've been to hell, right? We had Seneca Wallace and somehow didn't win things. We're going back someday.

Don't worry. It's like, yeah, we up. now i know it's going back down it's like among like our internet circle it's like 10% of iowa fans maybe have ever you know any sort of a problem with it um iowa state fans you're just happy to be talked about at all we get right you're just like what what spotlight on me here the comedian's talking to me this is going to be good surely they won't make fun of me uh iowa fans meanwhile yeah there's like 10% of iowa fans who hate it like fire and who think elassico is the

worst name for this game ever, which is how I know it is the proper name for this game. We had a couple other responses to El Asico, Spencer. Would you like to go through the rest of our El Asico sub-region? That's a college baseball reference. Well, sure. This one's from Mike Teckner. Iowa State loses El Asico at home, only beats UNLV by four the following week. This is so good. Then runs the table the rest of the way and wins the big 12, puts the big 12 in the playoff as conference champion. Yes. Yes, this is exactly what's going to happen because this is actually kind of how Iowa State has played in the past couple of years, right down to baffling early season game, like a loss to a sunbelt power, if you will, before going on a tear through

the rest of the Big 12. So Mike, I see, this is not the first time you've played Cyclone Spoonie. I would also like to go to meet camp who. Oh, I would like to go to meet camp. We all want to go to meet camp. Who suggests that Kirk Farrant manages to lose 30 games in a season. And Kinnick is swallowed into hell where it belongs. What does that mean 30 games in a season? What's, is this soccer again?

I think that's what makes the prediction bold. Okay. That is really bold. That is really bold. So that's Iowa playing in La Liga. that's Iowa playing in the Premier League. There is a world, and I'm not saying it's this one, where if Kirk Farrants is done after this season,

for whatever reason, he could say that his last game in Iowa City was a home loss to Illinois, because that's the last home opponent this season. We all remember who Illinois' new head coaches, right? That would be Iowa graduate Brett Bilema. So I'm sure if that happens, Brett will be very cool about it. Very gracious, very humble.

And definitely not showing his tent is fucking Iowa tent. Yeah, he'll be pretty happy about it because he'll have a new job. He would just swap him right in. What if Illinois doesn't win a game the entire season? They get to the Iowa. They get to the Iowa game. They beat them by 50. And Iowa immediately offers.

offers Beelma the job. And he leaves Illinois, not after one season, but just like after that game. Like, I'll walk across the sidelines, guys. Let's set up the press conference right now. Let's do it. I got, I live out of a suitcase. Hey, you guys, just get on the bus. Fuck it.

I live here now. All right. I'll come back when the angels win the pennant. No, no, no, no. You know what he says? I promise I'll write. Yes. He does have pen pals.

many, many pen pals. Brett Bilemma sent you a letter. Why does it have all these expired camel points in it? Jeez. They're not expired. Read the terms and conditions. They have to order those camel can value. Their currency in South Dakota.

I feel like we have... It's probably true. I feel like we've pivoted toward the big region. Yeah, yeah. Let's head that away in our college baseball episode. All right. So I'll start with this one. from Darth Altius.

Graham Mertz Wisconsin quarterback will celebrate his new logo ad by having one game where he throws five touchdowns and another game where he throws five interceptions. Are any of you familiar with the logo ad in question? I'm not. I am. I haven't viewed it.

Okay, so Graham Mertz where's number five for Wisconsin? And I think yesterday of the day before revealed lots of athletes are already doing this and I'm sure there's only going to be more revealed his custom logo not dissimilar from like roger federer's r that has the f in it and the tiger woods logo whatever um but he did it soundtrack to the lunas classic i got five on it which is just already like the world of nil is so great because that's not a thing a college football program would have done

prior to this. Ryan, for those who do not know the Looney's classic, I got five on it is about splitting five bucks worth of weed. Correct. Correct. Which is also like a weird thing to, like I'm the five bucks worth of weed

of quarterbacks is kind of a strange place to put yourself. But a lofty goal for Wisconsin. Sure. You know, and looking at his numbers here, yeah, I think 5 TD game, 5 interception game is definitely on the table.

Graham Mertz last scene, and this is relevant because our producer Michael Servers wearing the t-shirt, winning the Duke's Mayo Bowl against Wake Forest, final totals, 11 of 17, 130 passing yards, and one touchdown, and what did Graham Mertz do afterwards? He dropped the fucking trophy. shattered football on top of it. He's not a receiver, Ryan. Yeah. Don't bring it up again.

Yeah. So, yeah, super excited to see, like, the incredibly raunchy songs, because this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If I may. It's going to be good. Yeah.

If I may, I am questioned Graham Martz's decision making at this point in the preseason because I feel, yeah, the season hasn't even started. he's got a lot of chance, a lot of chances to build up his brand throughout the season. But as a sports business reporter, I have to question the decision-making skills of a guy who passes up on the opportunity of having a last name, the ends in TZ, and not claim the EDM throne as his own. Merts, Merts, Merts, Merts, Marts, Marts, Marts, Marts, Marts, Marts, Marts. It's right there. I like it. I would have gone the obvious Midwestern care. It's right there. Why did you check out? Why did he check out of that?

This is why did he check out of this formation? I think this is by the way, we need to offer ourselves up as a marketing agency for athletes exploring NLI because MERT's clearly. Okay, Spencer, I'm going to let this not go on for a third episode in a row. Yeah. It's no. NLI is something different. Yeah, no, but we're going to, but in terms of branding. NLI is something different. In terms of branding, right? And in terms of exploring the new revenue opportunities. Yeah. But athletes have. Why did Mertz go broad? He should have gone broad and gone huge and chosen a tired old radio anthem because what says Wisconsin to me more than taking the John Cougar-Millen Camp classic hurts so good and making it Mertz so good?

What does that have to do with signing his National Letter of Intent? I did that, didn't I? But anyway, so name image and lightness, because I'm dyslexic, this is what he should have done. He should have gone broad. He should have gone classic Big Ten instead of this because I guarantee you the number of people in Wisconsin under the age of 25 who know what I got five on it means. But the number between 25 and 40 who know every word of that song and went to Wisconsin,

very high. It's also a covert dig at Big Ten rival Indiana because lest we forget, as Ryan once pointed out to us on a long ago episode of the full cast, John Mellencamp used to date Christy Brinkley and they broke up because according to Christy Brinkley John didn't like the Hamptons and Christy Brinkley didn't want to move to Indiana it's last thing on this it's also gave up Steve Brinkley

for the state of Indiana it's also confusing because five is not a score you can reach in football so it's very confusing that every challenge fucking accepted says Elasico not in a single play let me back up slightly So Graham Mertz can't throw a touchdown pass and then play, I got five on it.

It doesn't make any sense unless Wisconsin is saying we will take a one-point deduction just to make the branding work and because we think you're trash. Or Graham Mertz leads a field goal drive and then facing the pressure of keeping pace with Grammertz, the other team bumbles its way into a safety. Sure. And then brandable moment. There it is. Or or or.

Play it. Play the song. or knowing that he's coming that he's coming to the NFL draft eventually as the product of a big 10 offense a Wisconsin offense and not as a Wisconsin running back can say well well six is more than five and I've exceeded expectations at every time he's learned from being in a conference with Northwestern every touchdown is extra credit right and he's setting himself up for high bees and low ways. That's good. That's good point. I like that. One more big one I want to get to here from an account I'm not familiar with home field apparel. I am predicting the Indiana football Hoosiers will win nine games. That's correct. Let's look at the Indiana schedule, folks. As we do every important. There we go. You can just feel the the listenership just going up right then. Like I'm picturing folks reaching over to their dials and turning them up because

people still have those. Texting their, texting their family members. Hey, hey. Hants. You're crazy for this one. Find a seat. Putting on their comfy pants. Here's how we're going to do this. Spencer, I'm going to make you the win arbiter. I'm going to tell you the game. You tell me the result. Okay. Just win or loss is all I care. I'm going to warn you ahead of time. I'm going to be, I'm going to be irrationally bullish on this. That's fine. That's fine. All right. September 4th at Iowa. Win. September 11th at home versus Idaho. A win for America. September 18th at home versus Cincinnati. Win. At Western Kentucky. We're looking at 4 and 0. At Penn State. That's a loss for one. A loss for Indiana.

Penn State wins that one. Homecoming, October 16th against Michigan State. Five and one. Home game, October 23rd against the Ohio State Buckeyes. I'm going to do it. Six and one, baby. October 30th, Halloween weekend at Maryland. That's the loss, six and two.

This is what Maryland lives for this. Big win against Ohio State, let down against Maryland, six and two. November 6th at Michigan. Now, seven and two. That's done. November 13th, home against Rutgers. Eight and two. November 20th, home against Minnesota.

Eight and three. And November 27th, on the road against Purdue. And this is where the drama comes in to get to nine wins. At Purdue, they win. Fuck. Nine and three. Let's see. Now, going through the list here, Purdue, Rutgers, Michigan, Maryland, Michigan State.

Iowa, those are the ones I know for sure. All of those, they're home field apparel schools, aren't they? And this season, only more home field apparel schools coming. We just had Texas and Texas A&M. Texas A&M, I think, is what third in the big new Saturday standings now, which is, hey, congrats to Jay Arnold on his new tattoo. He'll be receiving as a result. And sticking with the Big Ten theme here, Wisconsin.

coming up. Who doesn't want to, you know, sport your own Buckey Badger sweatshirt as you're just a little too drunk at a family event? But like by societal standards, not by your family standards. By your family standards, you're actually not quite drunk enough. You can live that life if you go to homefield apparel.com. Use off or code full casket, 20% off. Listen, I'll tell you, I've done the research, you can get a little too drunk in all of these. sweatshirts and t-shirts. They all work. They're all good for that purpose. But the Wisconsin ones will be best for that purpose. I want to be very clear until they get Washington State and then eventually Washington State will be the best for that purpose. Worst. Is the Wisconsin shirt?

I was going to say is a Wisconsin shirt some sort of like video game accessory or D&D accessory where it's like plus three rolls on sobriety. Yes, that's right. Yeah. You can fool any breathalyzer once you wear this shirt please don't do that no that's binding that's fine don't use your own that's legal advice I think the obvious

answer for the worst school in this regard to be BYU the worst home school yeah that's true that's true yeah minus three my BAC's at a point 0.03 standing near a beer

I just looked at it and that was a demerit that was a violation I did see by the way I did see in the Holy War from 2001 watching an old clip today a play that really like in college football I think we should talk about more

and that's BYU you did eventually win this game in the 2001 Holy War but around the 25 with under a minute left and trailing by three Utah's driving to either get the tying field goal or to get the winning score and they line up and they throw a tackle eligible on 4th and 10 to Jordan Gross, the right tackle.

Jordan Gross will play like 11 seasons in the NFL for the Panthers. He's an amazing player. He's probably not who you want to throw to on 4th and 10, but they did it anyway. Disagree. And what player, what number was Jordan Gross wearing? That's right. He was wearing 69. On 4th and 10, they threw a tackle eligible pass to Jordan Gross.

And they should have won the game. But Utah then committed an own goal by throwing what would have been a big six. like two plays later how do you throw to 69 for a conversion on fourth and 10 with no timeouts left and loose how you got too cocky probably because that's a sin sensor yeah yeah that's true you can't you can't you can't play dirty and win the holy war you can't are we now jumping to the other yellow square in the texas fight sure screw it let's do it I think we have to, which this is the prediction from Jay Arnold, as you know, had a tattoo on the line over Big New Saturday results.

And his prediction for A&M this season is, I will be sad. I want to say, I don't think this is all that bold. I kind of wish a coach would have, like, I wish Jimbo walked in the first day of spring practice And he said, all right, this year, kids, we're going to be sad. That's all we're trying to do here. It's not super bold, but also it was the first reply we received to this thread. And it arrived in the span of like 15 seconds. And A, we like confidence.

B, Jay, you know how you can keep from letting that sadness drag you down, big fella? If you're rich like Jimbo. Have you considered that? But how are you going to get rich like Jimbo? Oh, hell if I know, I'm just a blogger. see if only there are a way for the average person to become an investor yeah oh well now spencer this one has your name on it yeah are you are you throwing to me or not i can't tell you know what jason i'm going to set it up because we're going to play a little call in response

we're going to play a little call in response here uh acorns dot com that's not anybody's name acorns.com slash volcast some said the song acorns.com the way for the average investor to put a little bit away and watch that money line go up. Isn't that right, Jason?

That's right. You simply download the app and fiddle with the settings and then some of your money goes into it and then it gets invested and then you have more money at least based on how it has worked so far. That offer code will get you $5 starter boost that is nowhere near

enough to hire Jimbo Fisher If you and let's see $75 million divided by five if you and 15 million of your friends all download it and use

the offer code fullcast and then pool your resources you can make a competitive offer for Jimbo Fisher to leave you're going to need more than $15 million because he already makes $75 million but it's guaranteed so he can just leave

he can just leave he can just leave just stand up right now with all $75 million and come to your school instead. So I have an update. As you know, one feature on acorns.com is that there are early accounts for your children. If you want, you can put a little bit away for the kids as they go and, you know, just watch that money line kind of creep up and get them, you know, get them a little start in life.

Maybe, maybe for school, maybe for a trip, maybe for, you know, just having some money for them to help them teach them financial literacy and how to manage their funds. And let me tell you that's my younger son, who has slowly been embezzling money, this week made a bold move because it was around $26 ahead. Bold like our episode. Despite me contributing the same amount to each account. Now my younger son has pulled ahead by 30 at this point. Let's see. Nope.

He's up to $27. He's up to $20. So he pulled another dollar this week ahead of my older son. somehow. So slowly bleeding me dry. He's teaching him just like in the real world. Yes, teaching teaching both of us valuable lessons. Him the value of embezzling slowly from your parents and me never trust anyone including blood. Have you done any investigation into this at all? I have. And that's the sad part is that I have and I haven't learned anything. Have you looked at which portfolios they're set to invest in? Have we talked about this? Same. Exact same.

okay and yet and yet my younger son slowly siphoning away a dollar a month and pulling ahead of his brother I just assume this is some sort of financial twins in the womb situation where he's just slowly he's going to devour them like two and a half years older yes but there's not big on science it's it's the some say the world is the world is the womb of our species right so we're all still in the womb together yeah yeah yeah yeah Fair enough. Acorns.com can't spell it without an A and an M. Well done.

Thanks. By the way, do you know who A&M's quarterback is going to fall? Not at all. Yeah, they don't either. That's the fun part. They don't. They're deciding between, let's see, a talented younger four-star and a, I believe, a red shirt junior three-star

to see who gets the starting gig. And they don't know who it's going to be yet. replacing Kell and Mod. I don't know. Jay, Jay's probably right. They're probably going to be sad anyway. I mean, half the teams don't know who the quarterback has, and they all change by like week three.

It'll be fine. Also, take a look at this schedule if you're worried about the quarterback situation, all right? Kent State, Colorado at home, New Mexico at home, Arkansas at home, Mississippi State at home. I think you got time to figure out the quarterback situation. I have Colorado stayed on the road.

Oh, really? Or Colorado, rather, on the road. Huh. Well, ESPN needs to fix it then, if that is the case. Yeah. Maybe they're playing it both. If you have, if you have home tickets, if you have season tickets to A&M this year, you get to see Kent State, New Mexico, Mississippi State, Alabama, South Carolina, Auburn, and Prairie View, A&M. You are, you are going to have a really weird emotional journey. If you are going to go.

Eyes and loaves. Actually, not many highs. You're just bored and sad. At least it'll only be 943 degrees in the stadium. So like those games, it goes like bored, bored, bored, sad, insane. There's Auburn and bored. Eat stroke. Oh, and banned.

Prairie A&M is banned. The good news is you, as always, get to enjoy the cool climate controlled atmosphere of the Jerry Dome to watch your team fuck around with Arkansas for four hours. Are we still doing that? Yes. Apparently. Is Jerry still rich? We're still doing it. Yeah.

Yeah, man. We're still doing that. We're still feeling, but the seats are big and the TV is huge. Nature is healing. Football Schedules.com has that game on the books for 2022. They have it on the books for 2023. Yeah, I'm assuming this is going until the heat death of the universe. 2024, there it is.

Oh, the heat death of Jerry Jones. Yeah. All right. Here it is. 2025 Texas A&M travels to Razorback Stadium. Oh, we'll see about that. Yeah, we got time to change that shit. Don't worry.

It's your coats. Trick, we're going to make Razorbacks play every game at the Jerry Dome. Going to play Big 12 member, Arkansas in the Jerry Dome. I love that Jerry is everyone's rich uncle that no one actually likes, but they're like, I guess we got to go to his house because big seats, big TV. I appreciate that in a season where most people will be like, God, 2020 was really tough, really don't like, not a joyful experience. A&M fans will be the ones that will be like, you know, we just had the goddamn 2020 squad if we weren't screwed over by all this.

That is kind of a curse. That is kind of a sign of a curse program, right? But you're like, what was the high point of your program? Literal pestilence? Literal pestilence, yeah. Remember when we had a plague? Yeah, that team. Oh, man, that was a good year.

Also, if they had had, if they'd gotten to pad that resume with two non-conference games, they would have made the playoff and had to play Bama again. But unless we don't want to dwell on that part. Instead, locusts. Nothing but locusts. That's going to be the deal, by the way. Am goes, well, we don't know who our quarterback is, but it's not like Alabama's really sort of settled.

They're breaking in a new guy, too. There's a cool thing that it matters for you, A&M. It doesn't matter for Alabama. It's like the idea that you're even thinking in that same plane, right? Like, well, we all have uncertainty at the quarterback position. Well, the Terminator hasn't picked out his clothes. No, man, it don't matter. The tricky thing with A&M is just, I mean, yeah, you can go ahead and Pennsylvania and Bama as a L, but like the rest of the schedule is it's like you're drawing South Carolina in Missouri out of the east, right?

That makes me mad. This schedule is awesome. I love it. I do like that both A&M and Texas are playing Arkansas this year because it creates the universe where Arkansas is the thing drowning both of these programs. Oh, yeah. There's going to be a transitive.

We got to compare Arkansas losses to see who is the better program at Texas. It all hinges on Arkansas. Listen, we deserve to get it over the longhorns because we lost Arkansas better. yeah well we softened them up first loosened the lid there for you we had to play them on 9-11 our hearts were heavy we had to play tough ham you got loose ham

the day after Thanksgiving and our tummies were heavy oh damn A&M has to let's see A&M gets them after Georgia Southern has made them run around chasing the football for three hours so Aggies man you got to get the easy work here it's just like let's just once again Again, as we're all used to, Arkansas is the most important program in the state of Texas. Listen, Arkansas is the cornerstone.

They are the apex predator, right? If Arkansas isn't healthy, the whole ecosystem isn't healthy. We judge everything. Like, I love this about the playoff is that we're going to come down to the same stupid crap we always do, which is, you know, the real litmus test of how anyone plays anyone is Mizzou. You know, we do this garbage every year when we pick some team in overweight. Well, how are their losses to Kentucky? yeah I mean that add up we kind of have to say that bullshit because there's only like 11 games each team plays that matter so like we have to make up this entire idiotic script to cram these teams in the four spots and all that Arkansas also plays rice so we have yet another team throwing its hat in the ring yet another southwest conference These of Texas, your Arkansas Razorbacks.

Some say love it is a river. I say it is a fountain surrounding a number of feral hogs. Enormous 20-foot-tall bronze hogs. They're going to be, by the way, A&M will be undefeated going into that Alabama game, which will be great because there'll be that little shudder of hope before the inevitable 38-point loss. That's, it'll happen again and again.

just every season's vertigo for them in the SEC West. Maybe this is the Yev, God bless us all! This is a Kevin Sumlin-ass schedule in terms of we're looking at 5 and O, and then we're looking at, oh, no, that was the Aggie thing for that entire regime. And, well, oh, what a damn, what a damn delight. That does lead to another Texas fight region prediction. This one from Good Friend, Cuppie Cup, Texas, A&M and Texas will meet in a hilariously sloppy playoff game. Not if Arkansas has anything to say about it.

I want it. Let's assume for logical purposes that Arkansas is the one seed and A&M and Texas are playing in the two, three game. Fight and see who gets the rematch. That's right. That's right. Okay. I was thinking you were going to say A&M loses to Bama, Texas only. lose us to Arkansas, but yours is better. Sure, sure, sure. I love this mostly because

either Texas and A&M are playing for the national championship game, again, in Indianapolis or the playoff committee has sat down with all their years of wisdom and expertise. And they said, you know what we should make happen that we don't have to make happen is a Texas and a Texas A&M game. We should do that. It's like when you and your brother, have been in timeout so many times because you won't stop fighting and before you can come out of timeout your parents make you say something nice

about the other person but that just leads to more fighting is this the playoff committee just says fuck it Bama 1, Clemson 4 what are we doing with the 2 and 3 these don't matter 10 and 2 A&M 9 and 3 Texas 9 and 3 Texas there we go

you get the 2 3 spot people will watch it Oh passing over 9 and 3 Indiana The only thing they can make this funier is if it passes over an undefeated Ohio State team to do it. Yes. Well, we always need Buckeye drama. Due to weakness of schedule.

Folks, you can reach me at Bud Elliott. No, I'm sorry. That's Stephen.govree at SBNation.com. It is possible for them to meet in the Cotton Bowl, is it not? That is also the undercard potential for this. that's the that's the second right game yeah no I'm no I mean just like in a

yeah because they'll never do that though right that's SEC West versus they'll never do it they'll never do it they won't but it's not going to stop me from wanting to this year the like most things about this sport this year the cotton ball is a playoff game so that cannot happen cannot

happen so you now if we're telling me it's hotball A&M Texas playoff game well if i mean if it it could it couldn't happen according to just like oh that's the way the rankings broke down but it could happen absolutely to the playoff committee just decides uh we evaluated texas body of work and we decided that their nine and three record was better than ohio states 12 in one campaign so this is this is where i find myself coming in carrying a lot of last year's uh educational experiences as far as what can happen when um yeah absolutely this could happened. Was BYU supposed to pick close to Carolina?

No. Nope. Nope. Y'all can do this anytime you want. It's all made up. Was it over when Jim Harbaugh bombed Pearl Harbor? Yes, actually. Yeah, shit. He got suspended for that. I also would point out this, that I want them to meet in the Cotton Bowl because it's where Texas meets their rifle. It's where Texas, that's it. That Texas would go there against end.

Wait, but then... I bet you meet her here. That doesn't make any sense. Actually, wait, here we go. Here's the easiest one, Sugar Bowl. The Sugar Bowl is really easy. Get Oklahoma in the playoff, get Bamma in the playoff, and say these two finish second in their conference,

and it's automatic. Nobody can avoid it. ACC is going to have a good time better. So, what region should we move to next? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. And having dispensed with the opening act of Texas, Let us go then to the UT that was a university before Texas was a state. This would be the Tennessee sub-region.

And I would like to address two comments of bold prediction sort from readers. From pun and done seven, that is user Chris on Twitter. Tennessee is back beating Vanderbilt and no other SEC East team. These are supposed to be bold. trustees are supposed to be bold honestly good for south carolina christies are supposed to be bold please try to be more like your brother omar united the mighty omar who says i'll attend more covid rescheduled weddings this fall current count three then tennessee will have sec wins that is how you do this i don't all right fine i'm going to do i'm going to look at the schedule

I don't want to do that. Oh, no, we don't need to do that at all. No, there's the whole. Now, there's the whole rest of the SEC because to the, to your arguments of the schedule, I would say, you remember last year when Feinbaum was like, what are your concerns about your team? And that one guy sent him the picture of the team photo in the stands with the whole team circled in red. So every game on this schedule, I would simply respond, but they're playing Tennessee. so yeah oh boy there's not a lot here to i mean there's not a lot of hope here besides albama the other west team they draw is old miss see you got vandy at home you got carolina at home that's two yeah as far as getting the three well i'm not going to bet on it did you almost say missouri how dare you no i think missouri's got it together this year and also that's yeah that's at missus so

got yeah we never want to travel to mazoo goodness gracious i don't think there's any game on this schedule that old miss can't blow we're in the fucking upside old miss the the tenant like at mississippi at tennessee old miss is capable of winning every game on the schedule they are also capable of losing every game on the schedule because that defense is still stank they're real bad uh thanks in part to the continued employment of dj dirkid so yeah oh that piece of shit's still around still there interesting still there despite having a defense that was non-existent last year and i mean non-existent you could have just you could have just rolled for points they really should have just used 20-sided die you're saying there's not even a good football reason to keep this documentedly terrible human being

no not one cool it's almost like they wanted to so they did in fact he's co-dicey this year he's co-defensive coordinator that's and they still kept him on so there yay there you go you can you can win that one. If they do win three games, it'll be there. Layton's probably got this thing where he's like, it's against my personal ethos to fire a man named DJ. They've done so much for me in my life, DJs. Jason, you have an Ole Miss one. Do you not? Yes, from Mr. Dabalina, Mr. Bob Dabalina. Ole Miss will still end up being sanctioned by the NCAA, even after the Supreme Court and state

legislators nullified like 97% of the rules. Let's recall that the Supreme Court literally had to stipulate that it's fine if the NCAA makes a no Lamborghini's rule, which I assume Lane Kiff took a personal challenge and yeah, with signing day in December, I think making

it through the entire season without Lane attempting to break the no Lamborghini's rule. That's a tall order. Plus, I mean, two weeks after the Egg Bowl, you know, you either need something to wash the taste out of your mouth or to to change the

to distract everyone from whatever happened in that game and nothing does that like an illegal Lamborghini I like the idea about Maserati I like the idea of him

just starting a Lamborghini and like at left guard from Italy a Lamborghini just roars onto the field wearing a very poorly taped on jersey almost fans kind of grumbling to one another

in the stands admiring the Lamborghini but wondering if they should be racist against it And Michigan fans watching and being like, you know, the Lamborghini was committed to Michigan, but then something happened. I heard they gave it a driver. I've never seen a Lamborghini decked out like the General Lee. And Kiffin's on the sideline, you know, we gave a Lamborghini a Lamborghini.

You know, like how you have an older dog and you buy it a younger dog and your dog has a dog, we did that with Lamborghinis. Honey-toddy-Tuddy. Lamborghini fumbles on the three costing gold, that's the egg bowl. that's what's going to happen I knew he wasn't a finisher my grandpappy told me never to trust an I Italian Mississippi State me

well beats him with a bunch of like like eight year old F-150s and dodges the Rams with the bumpers falling also decked out like Is Sylvia Berlusconi a get back coach for Ole Miss this year? I'm sure if I'd rather

have him or Durkin to be honest it's a push they deserve each other I would in the wait wait hang on one second so NCAA kind of threw up their hands a couple a couple few a couple few hours ago said all right everybody go play heads up seven up we're out what are they going to do this year oh they're going to go they're going to find all the old shit they're going to say anything by themselves they're going to say you're saying they do what

we do they dig into the back catalog yes they will say anything before we said you could have candy is illegal candy and you will be prosecuted to the full extent of our fake laws. That's all it'll be. It'll be like, hey, time to fess up, guys. We know we just said your athletes can go make whatever money they wanted, but did you give them $12 more for water than you were supposed to? Is it least too much a hope for that this results in a flurry of entertaining schools gnarcing on each other?

Oh, listen, Old Miss and Miss State have a history of this. so yeah this is going to happen go balls i am also excited for um the inevitable result i think of open nil is that it will still have some rules eventually attached to it like hey you know like i think florida said boosters can't participate in this or whatever and so you're going to get like honey pots and traps that schools try to set up with each other where they're like hello i am alabama t booster would you like 10,000 dollars to appear in advertisements for my circuit city. And they'll be like, aha!

You couldn't do that. I am Mr. Bonanza Cashman. Please come to my party. Cashman. What is it? My cash party. My cash party. I can't wait for the inevitable snitching because it'll

aggravate the nerd jock rivalry in Mississippi State Old Miss between the two coaches, right? And bleach will go, well, legally, we got all these things. and you know Lane's not even really back by anything if you think about it Lane's going to be like nerd

doing donuts around him with the doors up in the Lambo right Wayne's like crypto crypto that's a TikTok dance right yeah crypto I haven't smoked that in years I would

I would like to continue the old Miss discourse by choosing one I could list household items that I'm pretty sure Lane Kiffin has smoked for a good 45 minutes attempted to by the way my early 40s were rough yeah um the see the scar from a curry

powder don't ever smoke nutmeg just one giant disco coke nostril but it's all from snorting granulated garlic you bake it in a pan with mountain dew it's fucking awesome bro yeah delightful spice horrifying experience uh from user it's not synthetic marijuana it's from the earth I traveled through time and I punched my dad his kid right in the dick I undid my own existence it fucking ruled then I woke up at

FAU was really weird so I got the job God I can't wait for him to run for Senate Oh from user assless chaos Speaking of which Tert Tarder Wingo on Twitter but goes by the name of assless chaos

his is four words and they're hammers you she asked for spicy we got spicy old miss SEC champs I think that is indeed assless chaos that's ass full chaos no they probably don't go back there in the sense that the SEC West will have lost their whole ass if old miss makes it to the to the championship game this year the offense could defense didn't get anywhere like this would be an accident so the east opponents they draw are tennessee on the road and vanderbolt at home looking good um how about the west opponents remains remain the west opponents there's your problem the funniest version of this is where let's say old miss uh let's say old miss fucking sweeps their their SEC schedule if they do that and simultaneously lose to let's say Louisville two lane and

liberty that would fucking rule it would be very fucking funny to me if they dropped a bunch of non-con games and won the west the whole in despite all of that and everybody was like no you fought you lost to lane and liberty you're not in the keep forgetting he gets another crack at this yeah yeah also also how piss is lane kiffin that they're playing two lane but it's not a road game do you think he knows no he'll probably coach it from new i was just scouting. Yeah. I mean, it could, all right, I will tell you this.

This is not a non-zero proposition for Ole Miss. A thing that they have never, like, have not done in our lives. Yeah, it's not non-zero. I mean, everything is non-zero. Yeah. Like, what if the ants were going to war, but they were all on cocaine? And made of cocaine, too. Like that grove just wakes up, but all the trees are real twitchy.

this is like a man trying like old miss this team is like a man with a flamethrower trying to fight an enormous beehive but he's covered in honey a man a plan a canal honey disaster with no with no protective gear just covered in honey and with a flame thrower because if you play old miss you're going to get burnt no the honey is the protective gear yeah and the bees are society that's it and it's coming home lads yes that's that's nobody stop trying to make that a thing coming home let's stop trying to make that a thing the man covered in bees is coming home less oh that's true it's gonna be oh a man a plan a canal candy man there we go we got there up top nailed it buddy oh yeah i don't like this isn't gonna happen but man that is the spiciest take i have another one by the way i think this person got it right and wrong chris turner okay chris turner may have understood this assignment better than anyone else who responded to this threat yeah chris really got it and for this i congratulate him however yeah because he gave us three he gave us three levels of spice and i think the levels are wrong

but i love all of them uh chris turner says mild hogs wins seven games damn that that's the mild that's the mild all right i'm going to pull up the schedule this time okay where is chris from is that if that's mild jason i'm going to make you the arbiter of this one all right Okay. Arkansas, Razorbacks football, 2021. September 4th, Rice at Arkansas. Yeah, when, yeah. September 11th, Texas and Arkansas.

Where is that one again? Fable. Wait, that's a Fable? That's not someplace weird? I mean, Faville's weird, to be clear. Yeah, I mean, that's not, that's not like it's not like confusingly at like miami dolphin stadium or some i just i said texas and arkansas because i just assumed that was a neutral game nope uh i'm having a cell phone

call from spain right now like spain the country i'm fine going for hogs there okay all right uh georgia southern at arkansas oh jesus christ georgia southern at arkansas for a 4 p m kick on september 18th arkansas bill's suck jerry jerry was at the villa in spain and he decided to call you heard you were talking about the hogs you heard i heard i heard you got millions um man arkansas arkansas's arkansas's a andm at arkansas no that's that's the one okay yeah that's the one at jaredo that'll go how it always goes triple over time loss yeah okay so then we do oh then we do a we do a back-to-back so they have they have a three-week road stretch that is that game The next week is going to Georgia.

And then the week after that is going to Ole Miss. Yes. Yeah, give me two L's. All right. Then we have them host, and then they host Auburn, and this is where I think things are really going to go through a wormhole. Hosting Auburn, October 16th. I'm looking at FPI, and that one would be a pick-em.

So let's go for the hogs. let's tip the balance there is one option in that pick of me not watching because man albren's going to make eyes bleed this year watch the second half it's Auburn it doesn't matter if they're like good at any particular thing they're still Auburn so this is what I was saying is weird about the home game they've got the Jerry game and one two three four five six seven eight okay not counting the Jerry game they have eight home games is so this may not so after that they have Pine Bluff And then Missy State coming in on the 6th.

They get a buy week off and then they have Mississippi State coming in. And then they go to LSU and then they go to Bama in back-to-back weeks. So Jason, Pine Bluff, I assume your counting is a win. Yes, yeah. That's up to five. Mississippi State. Where was that one again? Mississippi State comes to them.

this is a nice schedule it really is like they're like they're getting the um the opponents within their range at home um that's a good point actually all of their all of their all of their like default ls are on the road yeah it's a brutal schedule but it's as friendly as this list of teams could break this is interesting yeah all their default ls are on the road and everything else literally everything else on the schedule is a home game it's a little bit like being thrown into the Coliseum and being told, the tiger has diarrhea. So really, it's the best day to do this. Can we make a bold prediction?

Okay, bold prediction coming into this episode was not that I would actually start to become engaged in the upcoming season when talking about Arkansas schedule. Arkansas rounds that out with back-to-back dates at LSU at Bama and then they get Missou at home at 3.30. Yeah, let's go LLW. What are we at? Six and six. That's seven.

No, you get seven. Okay. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's, I, I tip the balance just a little bit on a couple of those games, but I mean, it's a, it's a friendly schedule. You've got a good point about how the schedule shakes out, though. Like, if you got to play Georgia, you might as well play them there. Don't waste a home game on that.

I mean, we're also forgetting, like, Arkansas was pretty good at times on defense until injury started to crop up. So they're going to be in games. It's just a matter of whether, whether Jefferson, quarterback pants out like if he's if he manages to run that offense and get like they don't have much of a line so if he manages to actually get the ball out quickly and make a couple things happen they got trail on berks back there they got a legit number two receiver too they still got Kendall Bryles you know also just checking uh Chris's take gets hotter remember

that was only mild yeah yeah was mild okay how long for spicy I got it I got it right here for you okay no wait Mizzou finish is second in the east. Fuck. Look at the turnover. So basically all this is is like Florida loses a couple of dumb games, right? Like that's all really all you need.

Poor. Yeah. I mean, Georgia is more of a 12 and one heartbreaker type team. Whereas Florida is like a stupid nine and three. All right. That's a great description of Florida and the 24th. Let me dream. Super 9 and 3.

Let me dream. Missouri's West opponents are A&M in Arkansas. Pretty bad. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's really bad. That's really bad. God. Who's the market for that?

What is, you got to show, um, recruiting clearly. Uh, journal, journalism. And VHS porn. Yeah. Our VHS porn program is outstanding at the zoo. All right. Just for, just for, just for giggles' sake, gator schedule. Oh, no, we don't.

No, we don't. Oh, we're trying not to play one. Okay, okay. No, but I'm saying like, you say Florida loses a couple of stupid ones. Right. Oh, let's see. There's at USF. That seems to trick the bill.

No, that's the first one. But you're saying, if we're saying second in the east, that one won't matter. It is stupid. No, Ryan, just let us have this. It could be a tiebreaker. Okay. Once that happens. That's really a harbinger of how we're going to get to.

There is only one game on this schedule that matters for this prediction. Ryan does that Florida's last SEC game is against Missouri. At Missouri. At Missouri. In the hell swamps of Columbus. Florida is going to South Florida on September 11th at noon. Yeah. Can I give you this?

Everyone's just going to lie down like alligators under benches. If this all comes down to Florida. at Mizzou for this, okay? Is Eli? Oh, we're going. We're absolutely going. Oh, I'll put on gator regalia for that game just to watch them lose. Volunteering to go to Missouri?

You're saying you want to go. It's in the name. You're saying around the holidays, you want to go to Missouri for what will inevitably be like a 130 game. Ryan, the alternative is watching Tennessee football. Fair point. shit um so i want you make you think don't it i want you to consider the possibility of florida losing this game todd grantham is the defensive coordinator and the offensive mastermind on the other

side is eli drink wits who is smart and todd grantham is dumb and smart smart in this case will always beat dumb so if it comes down to defending a third down it's done it's over man this is a banner show for coaches we used to like watching and who we just can't stop thinking about how much they suck God. It is just amazing. We're on year what 11 of making fun of Todd Grantham for being really bad at a specific important part of football and it has never it has never gotten better and the stats bear it out like this is not a meme. It's not a joke. He has legit been bad at this for an entire decade. It's never getting better. Y'all I was listening to I was listening to our 2017 uh our 2017 episode where we complained about the higher

of Mike DeBoard at Tennessee Mike that is the continuously employed Mike DeBoard now at Kansas so what there is a take hotter than

Mazoo second in the SEC yeah no no we got one that's even hotter okay and it is this all right everybody can we get some kind of drum roll or some kind of like aye aye aye aye aye sound effect Inferno Alabama loses three games.

Georgia runs the table to a title. This is too hot. Please pause for goofy yodeling. Yo! Guys are way too in sync with that. We both really love the goofy yell. No, that makes, oh, that's disgusting. Okay, let's open up the, let's open up the Bama schedule.

What are the three? If they lose three games, one of them is Auburn. I think that's just like guaranteed, right? All right. I'm going to pick the games that I want them to lose. Okay. Not that the games I necessarily think is I'm going to pick this in mo I'm going to pick this emotionally.

Okay. Um, as, as a lady, I'm going to call my prerogative. And I have never heard of a division one football team playing Mercer before. Yeah. Congratulations to Alabama. Uh, that's not the game they're going to lose. But for maximum emotional enjoyment myself, I'm going to say Miami in, week one I'm going to say old miss on october second and Auburn I feel like it's too

obvious I'm going because everybody's going to be looking at it back-to-back skids what god what should be funnier A&M or leach leech leach what if what if Sabin loses to the entire state of Mississippi and they run the table elsewhere that's a good one that's a good one yeah um that's that's emotionally y'all can work out the football for yourselves i'm just here to provide diversity i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna actually put a like a spicier one on here okay arkansas upsetting them at home yeah right before the auburn game yeah i can yeah i can and i can say only this it's late in the season there might be some injuries and the thing arkansas does on defense is they just drop they just drop eight they drop eight and they dare someone to pass right

and if they have a big old hog a defensive tackle who steps up and manages to make the run game hard, you're looking at a nasty day because Arkansas has played Alabama pretty well. So if you throw in the random factor of my quarterback suddenly throws like eight picks in this game for no reason, which happens sometimes to Alabama, then yeah, like, that's it. Dare them to pass and take your chances with a couple of long shots because they're going to play man. And Arkansas has a couple of guys who can beat man. I'm not saying it's going to happen. Oh, no, no. It's not going to happen, but we're going to emotionally invest in it between now and then. Also, that Miami games are a great call because that's going to be the worst game they play all year.

That is like, that's week one. Wait, wait, wait. They always come out ready for those games, though. Yeah, this is the problem with the aphorism that everybody's the biggest improvement in the season occurs from week one to week two. You still got to play Alabama. They have, they have not. Alabama has not struggled in that, that opening marquee game. It's Miami's week. It's Miami's week one game, too.

Yeah. The thing is that you really can't tell. Like I bet Nick Saban would say it's the worst game we played with week one. The problem is the other team has to play a week one game two and Alabama is so much better than everyone else. If we were in a week zero situation and Miami had had a warm up, I could maybe buy that argument, but it is also their week one. I'm going to take Holly scenario, tweak it only slightly. I'm going to keep old Misses and Mississippi State and I'm going to add Southern Miss as the third place. They're really going on.

Bama is really like pulling a bat. Bama's really taken lessons from Florida in attempting to not leave the state as closely as possible. Here's the thing. Also, I'm going to add a provisor here that's not necessarily included. Ole Miss and Mississippi State in this scenario where they both beat Bama, neither one of them wins the West. Neither one of them. All they do is like let A&M backdoor into it. Some stupid fucking way. Ryan, my favorite parts of the show are the parts where you stop pretending to be nicer than the rest of us. Thank you. Thank you.

let me uh mercer by the way just one to point out that uh back when they were a top level program they have uh winning records against south carolina tennessee uh that's it so bama you're next clemson's close climpsons three and four against mercer so i want to thank christian for giving us not one but three of the most infernally hot takes that we can get about the upcoming season well done, Chris. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead. Yeah, awarding you the MVP. I would, I would argue, I would argue, none of those are the hottest SEC region take we have, though. Jason has that one marked. I don't know. I feel the opposite. I feel like this one's a lock. No, no, no, but I think the timing matters. I was positive about this. Oh, yeah. So from the homie,

Justin Ferguson, must jam gets another head coaching job before the end of the calendar year. This was correctly slotted by Holly into the SEC region, because as we know, Will Mushchamp cannot be employed by any non-SCC schools. And he will not rest until he works for every SEC East program. Yes, Auburn is an SEC East program. But looking at the SEC jobs that, you know, like everybody is either pretty happy-ish or they have a new guy. So like it's honestly barring a gigantic collapse, a scandal.

And yes, we will surely have multiple of each of those. It's not super easy to see which SEC job must. champ will end up with by the end of the year. So what I'm putting out there for you is Mark Stoops, NFL head coach. You love it. All right. And we say, oh, no, but the NFL is trending to, you know, they hired Cliff Kingsbury, even though he knows offense is fake.

Well, that's going fine. Yes. Cliff Kingsbury is a fine NFL coach. But that doesn't mean the entire NFL. And that's the same reason they're going to hire Mark Stoops. Exactly. They take one look at Mark Stoops and his V-neck shirts. And, yeah.

So, like, not every NFL team is at the forefront of technology and society and innovation. So, yeah, some NFL team are going to snatch Mark Stoops and then Muschamp slot him right in there as the head coach at UK. He has experience recruiting the region. Wildcat fans, I'm going to sell you on him. Eastern Kentucky DB coach in 1999. He's got connections throughout the bluegrass state. This man can recruit your fair state. That's it.

I think that's far north as he's ever been. yeah that is that is as far north that he's ever been but he'll pick up real quick god he's getting a nightmare of basketball games chasing it like a fucking dog with a tennis ball ball ball ball ball ball get after it get after it come on b b b bn oh shit i woke up the dog also do we count his current stint as coaching georgia he's technically an list like is georgia checked off on the must champ tour tour list yeah yeah because i mean he's all it takes is for his is for his dander also also settle in the turf the answer is yes but that doesn't preclude another turn well yeah i'm just saying it it appears on his wiki now it

says Georgia right so i think we count it yeah it's yeah it's just time for his spores to take what are the what are the odds we end up with a a really shoddy macbeth situation where there's a terrible inept coup attempt is he okay is he macbeth macduff or lady macbeth in this situation i'd rather him be lady macbeth but i think you're giving him far too much credit yeah yeah yeah it's macbeth in the situation yeah and he's trying to he tries to overthrow kirby right like really badly like trying to throw his voice during press conferences right like I heard Kirby gave him a free burger. NCAA, check this out.

I call that guy Macbeth. You know why? Because Will Mushchamp already masterminded a Mac Brown situation. Is this a dagger I see before me? Just trying to open a can of tuna by stabbing it. It's cheap protein. I'm thinking about the world where things continue to devolve at LSU in such staggering fashion. Oh, no.

a couple years removed from a national champion. They're like, don't worry. We brought instability. Oh, thank you for moving us down to the LSU sub region where Spencer has an important update from users. So let's say. I do. And so let's say, man, we asked you to put it on the table. Wham, put it right on the table here.

Bold prediction. Terry Bowden gets Coach O' fired. Now, I appreciate that we have some latitude here. He is kind of shaped like a full. him. He is. It's something that things could balance on, revolve on something. Dr. Robotnik. Yeah, but he's kind of triangular. Sure.

Yeah, you can ramp off. You can ramp off him if you tried. He has like a more angular grimace silhouette. And what can Dr. Robotnik do? Could chase someone out of the, chase someone off the screen, right? Like you can do that. Sure. This also does not say that this necessarily has to be

football related. This just says Terry Bowden gets Coach O fired. That's it. I mean, it could be football, in theory. And that would be the achievement of all achievements. If you got fired for losing to a directional Louisiana. A directional Louisiana that has like an operating budget of $70,000. Of which 69,99 goes to Terry Bowden.

LSU boosters embezzle more money from hospitals than ULM puts into its football program. That's not a joke. that's not a joke we've never told a joke oh my god folks we've got an auxiliary Florida region that I'd like to touch on real quick before we leave the conference entirely from from Luigi 30 on Twitter

USF will reclaim its title as number two in the country fuck it yeah let's go i love this all right spin that dial what conference we're heading to next um let's knock the la fight region out real quick i'm gonna do them all as one uh these came from ryan carol demitre dorliss and nathan in order clay helton is finally identified and fired chip kelly fired before clay helton and last and this is probably this is probably the the least bold and most accurate prediction we got, maybe of all of them. During one complete game and at key moments during two other victories, Chip Kelly will have UCLA flying like peak era blur Oregon, tricking everyone into

thinking he's woken up and or figured things out. UCLA will finish five and seven and he'll be fired. This is a perfect vision of the future and one that I am extremely confident will come to pass. Yeah, I'm not sure this is so much a prediction as a prophecy. I, like, I have a side bet running in my mind of which national columnists will write the Chip is back. Chip is fine. The chess board has never been more open to Chip Kelly the week before he gets fucking waxed

by Arizona or some shit. Plashky. The list is very long, I assure you. Just putting the chip down there. That's fine. You can, yeah, and place your bet. Can I do two quick ones? Oh, please. Let's see, where did? I'm trying to find

where one of them went. oh dear oh no jason which one was it i might have moved it it was the fcs one oh there it is oh it's in the assorted one i see now that my name was changed to spencer somehow oh so uh from matthew bunch predicts uh in in the year 2021 same houston state will defeat south dakota state for the division one football championship i like this prediction i'm going to add to it i'm going to say the score will be 2321 in favor of the bearcats uh i think it'll come down to the wire. Maybe the Jack Rabbits have a lead with pull a number,

16 seconds to go. Eric Schmidt runs in a touchdown. And that decides the Division I football championship that is played in 2021 in favor of Sam Houston. The Sam man is good at this. Yeah, man, we got two prophecies in a row there. Only on 16 seconds. Amazing.

Jason, what was your other short one? Oh, let's see. Where did it go? from Doug's from D. Reyes-Saron is the handle. October 2nd and October 16th, charge-up days. October 23rd, the super weapon fires. Clemson's trip to pit.

Let us escalate this. We're going to escalate this a little bit. Miami beats Alabama. Miami beats App State, Michigan State, Central Connecticut, Virginia, UNC State. Miami travels to pit a week after that. So number one, Miami falls at Pitt is the only way we can take this up. At October 2nd at October 16th, there's charge-up days for those of you who aren't staring at ACC football schedules in June.

Congratulations on all your success. October 2nd is Pitt at Georgia Tech. October 16th is Pitt at Virginia Tech. Doug is also correct that Pitt has never hosted Clemson. They've played each other four times. They have played at Clemson twice. They have played in Charlotte, North Carolina once. And in 1977, the first time these two teams met,

Pitt beat Clemson 34 to 3 in Jacksonville, Florida. I also got that dooball on him. I also really like the selection of that October 16th at Virginia Tech date as a charging game. For those of you who are newer to this program, this means a game that Pitt is going to conserve its battery power on and perform poorly because, as is also pointed out in this tweet, Kenny Pickett threw for 404 yards and a 47 to 14 went over Virginia Tech last year.

They got nothing to prove. Making it an extruse. That, exactly, nothing to prove, making it exactly a game for one of our prized pitfalls. I like that Pitts the kind of program that I just assumed if they beat Virginia Tech that badly in 2020 and 2021 phoning it in just like yeah I don't know now you're right nothing left to prove we already got a hokey pelt on the wall

it's still still fresh these memories are still rich and clear to me I'm going to go ahead and just let you have this one buddy enjoy your little crappy 1310 beat in a pit we do this all the time I can do this all day didn't you have a chance for a game winning

field goal late that game yeah we passed it up we were on the one thought we'd try to punch it in Didn't you just need to kick a field goal and instead you tried to punch it in? Yeah, we did that too. Now you're proposing a world in which Pat and Arduzzi doesn't choose to kick a field goal.

Oh, shit. This is like a man torn between two natures here. You also listed the problem with our next submission in the ACC region, which is from user Morgan Pitt wins the ACC. Mm-hmm. Is Pat and Arduzzi not the coach in this scenario? You can't be the super weapon

and win the ACC. right right that's not how it works there's some years when you could have that's true yeah maybe this is the job that Gus Malzon gets now that now that we're back to division champs going in all you got to do is win a shitty coastal division and like it shouldn't be bad this year so I don't think this is

which means it will which to be clear means it will be yeah sorry Miami sorry you would have been more like Pitt wins the big 12 I like that you felt I like that you've were nice and you felt it was necessary to say a shitty coastal division as opposed to just the ACC coastal. The coastal should be decent this year. I'm using the word should, you know, and everything it entails. Yeah, ACC is so bad. It's fine. So bad. It's fine. Most conferences are so bad. I. That's why they play college football. And also the Chicago Bears.

speaking of conference fights i would like to pivot very quickly to a miscellaneous submission from douglas fir 33 nebraska wins five games kansas also wins five games when someone points this out to a nebraska fan he responds rent free for some reason moving on moving on yep yep just let it happen from twitter user this is hog not actually a hog man i i i want this more than i want anything else on this sheet to come through a recruit tricks a sponsor into believing they have signed to the power five team only to end up at a d2 school the resulting lawsuit will be hilarious and provide much amusement in the offseason i encourage everyone about to avail themselves of their n l i opportunities to defraud as many of these

companies as you can you are young you are in college you have maybe be you may be no better than most of your peers because you play big time football that businesses do not love you businesses are not here to support you businesses are not people businesses do not care about you and they would do exactly the same thing to you fleece them for all their fucking worth and walk away with a smile this will prepare you for the outside world more than anything else take them for all they've got do all the crimes you can at these companies. And if you need any help, again, you can reach us at

stephen. godfrey at sbnation.com. I just wanted to ask, Ryan, what was wrong with you that you chose everything about L.A. football? You chose you reserved. I mean. You reserved all of them. And I respect that so much. But what's wrong with Ryan's segment?

It's, yeah, let's talk about the Pact 12. First of all, first of all, I am the Pact 12 commissioner. My bio says so. Oh, that's true. that's true you are just doing your job you really don't know who is on this podcast do you no second of all um i think UCLA plays LSU this year which is just a funny thing to say because like you could not create a a more perfect game in 2021 for me to say like I have no idea what that means for either team or the world or like the sport and tire it tells me nothing

not when it's played not six months later not at any point completely unnecessary and therefore already my favorite game of the schedule. And most of all, like, Clay Hilton won't get fired this year. He won't get fired any year. It's just never going to have. We're going to look up one day and realize that Clay Hilton is like the third's longest tenured coach in FBS. And it's all because he did what every good employee should do. He just sat there and stayed quiet. That's it. Clay Hilton just hasn't spoken up. We think it's absurd. that nobody looks like, knows what Clayhilton looks like.

For Clayhilton, that's an advantage because HR can't find him and fucking fire him at that point. It's funny is how close he is to the most tenured. They're currently only. We've never told a joke on this program.

Holy shit. You're right. Only about 25 coaches in all of FBS who are more tenured. That puts him in about the top quintile right now. Yeah. And like a lot of the coaches

ahead of them are like lifers who aren't going to be at their program a whole lot so if he can hang on another two years two more seasons he's he'll be like the 10th most the 10th longest 10ured active coach also every time the eye of sauron gets close to finding clay helton and realizing that he's doing mediocre work at USC and he farts and leaps worse someone else shits their pants yeah every time every time there's the possibility to really focus on well let's talk about the football program. The medical school comes out and goes, yeah, so turns out we had this whole torture program. I don't know. We're selling organs out of the med school. Like some crazy scandal erupts at USC and knocks every. And then they look at Clay Hilton and they're like, you seem

in defensive, eight and four. Oh my God, he's Kaiser Trojan. Clay Hilton is selling organs out of the USC medical school and blaming it on other people so nobody focuses on him. He's just flying low. He's just flying fucking low and it's great.