Shutdown Fullcast - Your College Football Conference In Civ 7

Episode Date: February 19, 2025

A quick round of Let's Remember Some Defunct Professional Football Teams, Or Are They There's a new Civ game out, so please enjoy Spencer and Jason's presences while we have them Actually we made the whole episode out of Civ, sorry Introducing the Hog Of Mirth: Somehow Not A Sex Thing Making stolen relics in Hobby Lobby work for YOU Enter The Potatotorium Fullcast After Dark theme song arranged and performed by Corey Cunningham Check out Surber’s band Killer Antz: https://linktr.ee/killerantz Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing show, We're Not All Like This, and check out his new narrative podcast with Steven Godfrey, Who Killed College Football? https://www.wkcfb.com/ Read Jason's novel and catch up on the Vacation Bible School Podcast: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi/ DID YOU KNOW: Holly and Spencer write a year-round newsletter, featuring football and also unfootball things, at https://channel-6.ghost.io/ Purchase only the finest Fullcast gear at sunny https://preownedairboats.com/

I saw a guy at the Y over the weekend wearing a St. Louis battlehawks shirt. I was like, fuck yeah. Really? Yes. Yes. What a true believer. I was so happy for him. Of the eight operating UFO teams, how many of them do you think you could name, let's say, the city and then the nickname?

Okay. So how many cities are going to Dallas because I have a hoodie. Yeah, we just did two of them. And then Dallas was what? No, no, wait. No, this is the defunct league. Yeah, I'm talking about the currently active U.S.L, which is like the weird none. I think you could do.

Yes, Birmingham, Birmingham, Stalions are, they're like, they're like barnstorming. They've won like three straight championships and it's two different leagues. You've got one. You're killing us as far as I'm going. Okay. All I know is whenever one of these leagues springs up, the Birmingham Stallions will win it and survive it. I will say, the one I named that I saw at the gym, St. Louis Battlehawks, that's two. They're still around.

Oh, see, I thought that was the defunctly. No, some of them got absorbed into the U.S. I feel like there's an Orlando team. There is not an Orlando team. Damn it. There is, I will tell you, there is not a Florida team of any sort. What the hell? These things are arranged, so it's four U.S.FL teams versus four XFL teams.

I believe that might be right. I'm cheating. I'm looking at the week page. He's looking now. I will not guess. anymore because I have now received all the information. I'm out. Okay. Is there any city you want to throw out here? I already get, I did my guess and I was wrong. Okay. I'll keep going.

Sacramento. So, so maybe, Holly, what is the Dallas one that you have? Oh, no. It was the, it was from the defunct league. What, what was the name? Do you remember? I had a shirzy hoodie of it. It's on an item of clothing I own and I don't remember. That's fine. That's fine. The Arlington Renegades are a team. That is definitely not the shirt that I have. Okay, that's why I ask. The D.C. defenders. The renegades. This is the team still coached by Bob Stoops.

Oh, Bob Stubes. Why would they position a D.C. team against January 6th, which has to be their primary constituency. Does Bob Stoops know he coaches that team? Or is it like an emeritus kind of position? It's what the wiki says. Hmm. You still got that stubble?

He's on the official page. The map of UFL teams, it's fascinating. geographic swath. It looks just like a diagonal slash across a very specific portion of America. He's got a Spurrier on his on his coaching staff. Scott. Is that where you Scott is? All right. Not not junior. Um, there's another. Uh, the, there's the, the Houston roughnecks. I don't think we mentioned them. Um, we did not. Yes, I mentioned them. Brian, I knew them. The Memphis showboats.

Wait, I knew that. No, I didn't know that one because that's a resurrected name. Yeah, that's a resurrected USFL. Yes. It's in the USFL conference. Like the old old one. The Michigan Panthers and the San Antonio Brahmas. What?

Actually, I guess that makes sense because there is a case system. Texas got three teams? Not bad. Pretty good. Wow. I'm glad you said the thing about Canada being the 33rd NFL franchise because this is how we can fulfill the prophecy that came to me in a literal fever dream last week, which was I woke up just to find that I had scribbled a note to myself about how Atlanta should have a second NFL team. Yeah, we're the ones who deserve it most. No, no, no, it's not even that.

It's just that the first one doesn't seem to work. and they've tried a lot no listen they've tried a lot of things to hear me out they've tried a lot of things to fix it none of those things seem to be working so we should just get a second one and see if that one does any better and before anybody gets mad at me

I would ask you to look at the qualifications that the studies that have two NFL teams or have had two NFL teams have put forward in the past and those qualifications seem to be limited to have a first NFL team. I think, like, yeah, if, if the goal is get a second team that will hopefully be better

than the first, New York City seems to be an argument that that won't work. So, yeah, it's New York. So we should see if this is different. I guess, like, there's that, there was that slim possibility that, like, Washington might end up basically in Baltimore, but that, I don't know if that counts for our purposes. I just, I just think Atlanta should have another one. do they so i think i think we need um multiple n hl teams at once will they will they do the l a new york thing where they share the stadiums no no that's

oh okay okay right we need to tear down this stadium and replace it with two more it's what it's looking a little bit it's like it's like mitosis old or something that's what if we built a second stadium on top of this one oh that's fine but i want to i want to i want to destroy this one and then stack two new states. The point there is to, the point there is to, like, replicate the process of cellular mitosis. Uh-huh. So that we can then have this game sponsored by the CDC because they don't seem to have

anything better to do right now. Okay. Level one, existing Atlanta Stadium, maybe a museum, mostly parking, to be clear. That's fine. Level two, Falcon Stadium. Level three, insert. Is this a new, Holly, I know, I know I'm asking you. to pull from like a half finished

memory. Is this a new NFL team? Are you taking an existing No, new NFL team? Okay. To compliment Canada's team. Yeah. Right. Okay. Okay. For balance and all. When asked for more reasons about why I want

this, I will simply continue to say, give it to me. My only request, because I think this is a great plan and one that we should push forward with, is that this new team should go through the same journey that the Falcons said another expansion teams have to open in San Francisco or something?

Yes, they have to play in the NFC West for like the first 10 years of their existence. This is much better than my idea which is to finally bring NFL football to Jacksonville. That would never work. Why are you so mean? What?

They're doing their best. Ryan. Ryan. I didn't say it was good. I didn't say it was good. At times, they have been doing their best over the past 30 years. I just found a

six-gill Stingray. Maybe he can coach the Jaguars. Listen, they have made it to the AFC championship game more recently than lots of other teams out. JET! Yes! Boy!

Did we have Jets news? I heard we have some Jets news. The Jets have also made a conference title game more recently than, say, you know, the Cowboys. As always, any any NFL shit talk can just go back to the cowboys. Hey, you guys know how last year I was trying to very sadly explain that the reason the reason ESPN keeps running all this cowboy shit is because it actually does move the needle

and that we in fact, the audience are to blame for all the cowboy shit that they show. I forget who posted this and I apologize, but the thing that they ran the morning after the Super Bowl, somebody posted a screencap of it. And it was like, you know, the morning, after this extraordinary ass beating of a Super Bowl, and it was like, how are the Cowboys doing? And I'm like, okay, all right, you're, you're fucking with us now. That'd be the first thing I'd queue up if I were in Bristol. I'd be like, what does this mean for the Cowboys? Five minutes after the Eagles win.

Fair, fair enough. I concede this battle. Welcome to the shutdown That's like a Doppler effect thing going for it. I did. I whipped my head around a little bit. You know, you got to keep them on their toes, man. Got to keep them on their toes.

Imagine if an ambulance screamed Spencer doing the welcome instead of the regular siren. That'd be bad. Wouldn't like that. I would love that I am I am Spencer Hall I am joined as always

by Ryan Nanny Holly Anderson Jason Kirk and on the ones and two Michael Ray Serber I wanted to start with this question

because we were discussing of course the junior leagues the minor leagues to college football i.e. the pros and I can't make cheese straws

I just wanted to remind everyone of this that if any franchise could actually leave in college football I would want it to be Auburn I would want Auburn

every five five or six years to be like, sorry, that TV ain't big enough. We need to build a stadium over in Hattiesburg. We're a sovereign state. Yeah. By ourselves. We're in Anniston now. Yeah.

We're going to move up to, uh, we're going to move up to move down to Dothan, do this thing from there. Albert feels like the franchise that would be the least geographically stable and most willing to move at any point. I mean, I think there are, there are some that feel. pretty nomad friendly Texas tech comes to mind as like I mean if they moved a hundred miles would anyone how would you know nobody really knows where that is whereas I mean Auburn the comedy there is

they are so connected like it you know it's a football stadium like in a neighborhood which they they do feel very connected to a specific place so if they moved that would definitely be a different kind of comedy yeah do we feel like they have like a spiritual ET style tether to lake Martin. Like if they move too far away from it, will they die? I think that's true. Like, there's a wellspring underneath that they connect to.

Pat dies pants will slither up out of the lake and drag them back. Yeah. Moving USF to Salt Lake City. That's my proposal. Utah, South Florida. That's the name of the school now. I mean, UCF can be a lot of places. It's like Asgard.

UCF is in the mind. This could be UCF. As long as it's connected to space. It is as the... UCF plus the LDS Church, that is a powerful, powerful, interstellar combination. So...

Can need more planets. A lot more. That to me says in National Rollerblading champs Year 1. Jason, you and I have plans today. So many thorough. Kevin's a big ass nerd plans fast yeah because while this has been a subject this has been a subject of discussion on here before but I thought we needed to I don't revisit like isn't quite the verb I'm looking for um an important moment happened a couple of weeks ago for both of us yeah folks there's a new there's a new civilization game civ seven is out how are you guys even here I mean there's plenty of time over the next decade to all right

All right. To put my, however many. I guess I should say, thank you. Thank you both for being here. More of my time has taken up these days by Marvel. Marvel rivals. Did I mention I'm a platinum level, Rocket Raccoon player? Platinum.

What? Jesus, dude. Yeah, you're damn right. Words that I always associate with Rocket Raccoon. Platinum. Yeah, that platinum was definitely paid for. It's a rocket. You can be sure.

Got the title indeed. Don't worry about it. Yeah, Sip 7 is out. And, Spencer, how many hours if you put into it, would you say? You know, I'm still pretty, like, I think 20. That's fair and reasonable. I think 20 is, like, about the amount that I've put into it. Should I ask the same of you, or am I getting the, don't let that worry, baby?

I mean, I think, yeah, somewhere around there. I'd have to look. But, yeah, it's, it's not a number that either concerns me from a competitive standpoint or work life balance standpoint It's not a number that concerns me Is a great answer Sure Like I don't really do the

I'm ashamed of the hobby I've been participating in things So if the number it sounded very large I would report it fine But I just don't know it What was the first video game system That told you how many hours You had played something

Was it Xbox? I think it might have been Xbox Possibly yeah They were the ones who were like Do you want to see how many hours you played and you're like, do I dare, stare at the depravity of my existence? I can't look away. It depends. I mean, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a game you are not good at, then I don't think you want to know, you've put 80 hours to this. Yeah, if it's a game you

hate, if you're like, God, how long have I been playing watchdogs? If it's what, yeah, one of those fucking Ubisoft, Ubisoft, like paint the map games or it's like, oh my God, I've, all I've done is running around these little fucking check marks for 70 hours. Then you felt like a big idiot. The most demoralizing one was Just Cause 4 and seeing how much time I put it to Just Cause 4 because you're like, what am I doing? You're like, I'm blowing shit up. I did I cut a lot of backflips with my rocket pack.

See, I did some sick shit with a grappling hook. Story progress. Actually, 12 year old me would be very proud of that. 12 year old me would be like, yeah, you did some sick shit with a grappling hook. Of course. Well, yeah, that's what the game's about. That's what adulthood is about. So true.

So yeah, SIV is out. It's, it's, it's, this, this fandom of this game series is a very funny one because for well over a decade now, there's been this very well-known thing where when a new one comes out, the, every SIV player reacts to it as if it is the worst game ever made. And then they're fucking trash on the previous one. And they say, now the previous one, that one was really good. Granted, it took like three years. years to become good, but it was great.

Yeah. And the one before it was peak absolute perfection, all-time classic. And this has been happening every, like, eight years or whatever, so long that there have been memes about it for over a decade. And right now we're in the process of seven is the worst game ever. Wait. And six, which was previously the worst game ever, is now pretty good. And five, which was previously the worst game ever is now the greatest game ever.

Wait, wait, wait. Seven is being derided even with, I know about this. because I've been on the internet. The presence of navigable rivers? It's got navigable rivers. That was the exciting feature. Pretty much everyone universally praises navigable rivers. How can you be ungrateful about the presence of navigable rivers, I guess?

So there are many things about the game that are just genuinely mystifying or unexplained or kind of broken. Or not finished. Not finished. I don't really mind this stuff. I think it's funny to play the game and like, oh, okay, that's what that does. You weren't going to tell me. That's fine. there are people you know on reddit people get very very upset when like things aren't you know documented or whatever which i guess that makes sense too but yeah give it three years and it'll be uh it'll be pretty good give it 13 years and it'll be regarded as the best game in the series even if even if it doesn't change at all it's just the natural lifespan but um i'm just admired but i feel like if i had had an audience this captive in the palm of my hand for this long i would find it really hard to resist fucking with them i'm hard in some like moderate

way on each new release be like let's see let's see what you guys make it's see what they'll put up with yeah i mean that would not be a surprise with this one the uh the number of just things that are just completely unexplained that you're just expected to just fuck with it's yeah or things that the thing i've encountered with this game is something will happen and it will be a crux and it will feel important and they'll say this is an important moment in your civilization's history and it's going to determine things from here on out and you spend like all of 30 seconds going hmm whether which way Egyptian Ben Franklin right like whither our civilization and you make the choice and nothing ever happens like it's like here's a very important choice and I never understand what I have just done and it turns out to be like beta max right maybe it happens maybe it mattered maybe it didn't maybe it and like so the the bit of this one there are two big changes where one is you don't just pick like France and you're France for 6,000 years you pick. you pick an ancient sieve and you pair them with a leader and you're the leader you pick ben franklin and you pair them with rome or greece or whoever and then about a hundred turns in there's this huge cataclysm and everything breaks and falls apart and it's you know it emulates the rises and falls of civilizations over the time and now you are ben franklin of the incans or the normans or whoever uh jason which ben franklin are you the i mean i've played it several but uh okay are you horny no matter where you are yeah there's it's because

canonical right he does have i think he's good at diplomacy so i think that's uh that's probably where that that's good at international boning yeah yeah like he when he sees uh who's the it's the saint catherine of russia when when he's like in the face off screen against her it's like all right get our room um but yeah it's it's this this like age thing where the the sieves change over and everything breaks completely unexplained the first time it's like what the fuck just happened like you know all my units are gone all my money's gone but and like i kind of like that because it feels historically accurate it's like you know uh-huh like one day you're the historically one day you're the samarians next day you're the babylonians what the fuck just

happened and like for instance yeah exactly uh we could look outside right now what the fuck happened where'd all the money go uh so yeah folks uh it's sieve out there yeah um i by the way also noticed that everybody wants to do ben franklin and everybody wants to do ben franklin That's the name of Ben Franklin's memoir. That is. And they're so grateful. Ben Franklin has been the one that I have seen most people discussing in terms of matching him up with the seemingly most incongruous civilization. Personally, I might have done that several different ways.

I've had Ben Franklin of Egypt, right? Ben Franklin of, let's see, Ben Franklin of the Khmer Empire. I think it was the Khmer Empire. he's listen people around the world just love that man everybody loves Muslim bin Franklin everybody loves Muslim Ben Franklin I do think so Harriet Tubman is another leader she's the other American leader you can apply to any anybody anywhere and I think she might be really good at higher difficulties because if you declare war on her everyone's mad at you so like she's pretty good at defensive war which is very very key on high difficulties because like who

the fuck are you attacking Harriet Tubman you asshole like that's how the game reacts if someone attacks her. Harriet Tubman, by the way, is also immune to all landscapes. Like, in other words. Yeah, she just breezes through trees. She just breezes to all of them, which I thought was a fantastic detail. So Jason and I were discussing things, and it occurred to me that it had been a while since we had revisited the notion of our various empires.

Originally, I wanted to do it to teams. That's a dumb idea. The smarter idea was the one Jason had where we decided, okay. In our particular game of civilization, you would have to pick a conference. And that conference, of course, would be imbued with buffs, bonuses, abilities, certain special units and or wonders that are really only possible if you choose X. Because, you know, college football conferences have that to an extent. We divided them up I believe we have

I think I have four solid Jason in the time between us creating this idea I have about four conferences that I feel very solid about casting in our particular game of SIV Okay and then we'll We'll get to We'll find something for those other two

Yeah but we'll get them Any questions before we embark On this absolute foolishness from the audience What are we doing? We are We're playing SIV as college football. Okay, thank you.

By conference, by conference. Okay. We call it conf. Yes. Yes. Conf. Conf. Jason, would you like to go first?

I'll start us off with the ACC. I'm going to go alphabetical with your mind, all right? So if the ACC were a civilization in the game civilization, their leader, of course, would be Coach K. who like you want a combination of someone who was impactful but also like a personality

and short and like if you're an enemy sieve and this guy pops up on your screen you're like oh god right like that's the vibe he's a very renderable face too yeah very character he would I could see like

oh super Nintendo Nintendo Nintendo 64 ads coach okay for sure you could make his portrait in a Game Boy, and it would be recognizable. Yeah. Carmen San Diego is hiding out with Coach K. Yeah, I see it. Well, just like, for example, like, if you did like Willie Fritz,

I'm not sure you would recognize Willie Fritz in a game in a way. No. No. Not a chance. Yeah. So Coach K in Siv, his unique trait is, of course, called the Tobacco Road Mafia. He's inspired by Siv 7's Augustus. Now, when Augustus, the Roman emperor, when the art of him emerged on the internet,

there was some outcry from like bronze statue avie twitter like oh they've made a roman emperor a twink and it's like folks folks come on i got some things to tell you all about trees have you cracked open a history book or two because this skinny fellow with this bull cut in this skirt that's a roman emperor brother i have some things to tell you guys about greece can i can i can i give you my favorite my favorite classical era literature tidbit about this particular wing of Roman culture. It's this. There's a Catellas poem

that talks about they're in the baths and there's one guy who when he walks in everyone claps. Congratulations on all your success, sir. Like you're like, where in classical literature?

Is it detailed that there was any man with a huge dick? And you're like, Catullus, it's right there. They were roommates. Yeah. I just like he walked in and they're like, it's Tony.

Oh, it's Tony. So Nick Foles can trace his lineage back. Nicardo Folius. He's here again. There we go, Folius. So in Siv 7, Augustus, in addition to his shapely legs, he has all of his towns funnel extra resources toward his capital city. It's very Roman. Coach K has that as well.

All of the ACC schools funnel all their stuff toward Duke and North Carolina. Because of this, unhappy cities, Tallahassee and Clemson are constantly generating civilian revolt units and threatening to leave for other SIVs, which is pretty annoying for Coach K. But fortunately, his unique military unit has a defensive charge he can cast to protect his cities. This charge is called Slap the Floor. And then the ACC's home front is protected from the Clemson and Tallahassee uprising. I have a question.

Have, has everybody here watched the White Lotus premiere for season three? What's that? Okay. Okay. There is an ACC specific trope running through it involving a married couple that a house divided Duke UNC married couple that I encourage all of you to check out just for the accents they are doing. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's, I'm not even sure how these noises are.

are coming out of a person, and I'm referring to Jason Isaacs, but just put that away for later. So are they attempting Carolina accents? Raleigh specifically. Allegedly, yes. And these actors are not from there? No. Parker Posey is on it.

Parker Posey is doing something real fucking weird and is somehow pulling it off. Jason Isaacs is making noises with his mouth that I don't understand the physics of. Jason Isaac's, Jason, you may know as General Zucov from the death Or as, as Malfoy's dad in the Harry Potter movies.

Like, I'm not even, I'm not even sure what, like, Parker Posey has made a choice and is going right at it and is therefore kind of pulling it off even though no one in real life talks like that. And she's not even doing the Kevin Spacey thing. She's doing something a little adjacent that's even weirder. Jason Isaacs, I'm not even sure what he's aiming at. I trust both these actors, so I'll give this a listen. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Anyway, sorry, please continue.

but that was it for the ACC those are the basics of Coach K obviously you know if this was a complete game design would also have a unique building which you know we're free to chatter about and riff on if you like maybe it's a hearties maybe it's a cookout and you'd have well we've covered the unique you know

maybe it's a Confederate statue that we pulled down hollowed out is going to be fighting for that one mm-hmm that's good that's why it's still standing sorry yeah so that is that is incredible i think you did an amazing job um i'm going to start with the SEC because i'm not going alphabetically so i'm just going um you may wonder in the SEC's

sim set up who the charismatic leader is going to be i don't really have to stretch that far off of actual like real life to do this right um their charismatic leader is going to be the honorable Huey Long, governor of Louisiana and senator. Oh, sir. I had no choice. And he will have, it should be known that while the SEC

The SEC in I think some, the SEC has some parallels, of course, with its football corollary. One of these is that all units get plus one to fight on home territory. All units get plus one to fight. However, they are minus one on fights outside of home territory. So expansion will be a laborious process.

We can't just jump to pick up a Los Angeles or a New York. No, we have to creep over and pick up an Oklahoma or a Texas. It's very important that all the tiles are Congress. For each Congress tile, of course, if your cities are all in the same place, each one will get a bonus to production on those. So little hammers and culture because really the SEC is not going to have. have as many resources to say the other dominant conference, the Big Ten, which will have production bonuses that the SEC simply can't keep up with. However, cultural victory is what they're aiming for here, which is why we're going to get to the first major wonder that they

can construct the Memphis Bass Pro Shops Pyramid. If you construct the Bass Pro Shops pyramid, it's going to be a plus two on culture for all cities. Is this my SEC basketball so good right now? That is actually a pyramid is a summoning structure, Ryan. It focuses energy and harnesses it until a point from above. It's a nexus. I'm the witch. Okay. Yes. It's a sound like it's going to give you a religion victory too once that's around in seven. Like all pagan rituals, the construction of the pyramid had to be achieved with an animal sacrifice. That's why the Grizzlies. The Grizzlies, of course, the Vancouver Grizzlies had to die. be reborn as the Memphis Grizzlies

in order to consecrate the space. Yes. That's what happened to Bryant Reeves. That's it. RIP. He died. Eaton by Zeebo. I mean, Google to make sure he's not actually dead.

I love the kids. I think you're fine. But with the construction of each one of those, Governor Long can move forward on his victory of becoming ever more culturally dominant and bringing others in contiguous spaces into the SEC Empire. All right. additionally on all projects involving animal idolatry a plus two culture bonus will kick in for each one so if you want to construct the hog of the hog of mirth okay you can do that all right if you want to construct uh the power dog dangerous thing in google hog of mirth the hogelisk yeah if you if you want to construct okay the canine graveyard the canine graveyard is especially powerful congratulations hog of mirth is something that google recognizes no results for you have spoken it into existence i did that yes i did that okay if you want to

construct the the the collie idol construct collie idol bonuses for city so a lot of the SEC's victories are going to occur as a result of cultural wins that's what you're really trying to do here this is going to make the big 10 really happy you're extolling the cultural values of these so in this game you have two progression tracks You have culture and you have the opposite, which is science. So this is where I have to give you some bad news about the SEC as a SIV. In the wake room, in the community. There is a SIV wide plus five ceiling on all science production.

No tile can have higher than plus five. So you're going to be fighting with like spears for a really long time. Really, really long time. A really, really long time. In addition to that, we cannot complete the civic. We cannot complete the civic code of laws. It's just not there. So anything that you need.

That's fine. It's Louisiana now. Napoleonic law is on there. So you can. Well, yeah, we got the, because we got the Hammurobic code

straight from Babylon. It's in the back of the Hobby Lobby. Yeah. See? This tracks. Got that. Um, got that as well. Although,

damn it. You're reading ahead, Holly. Stop. Oh, sorry. It would be fucking great. Sorry. I was busy trying to make up the lyrics that end with hammer rob me a person.

I was just thinking how great it would be to have an SEC running back whose first name was Hammurabi Honestly, this year's Arkansas signing class might have one I don't know if you've looked at the names in this year's Arkansas signing class But holy shit

They're incredible That's before we get to Ohio transfer Omega Blake Omega Blake who's really good He's going to kick ass this year I feel like he's going to end up in the ACC because that's a lacrosse ass

name. Oh, Megabake. He rules. Yes. And then finally with the SEC in addition to not being able to complete the code of laws and civwide ceilings on all science production, we do have a special defensive unit. That's right. The hog, an unusually large soldier who, while not particularly mobile, does get a plus two to defend on home territory simply by virtue of being so very stout and surly. this is an interesting sieve you've designed like usually the turtling sieves the term for like a nation that's just going to plant several cities and then just park there and be unconquerable usually those are science but doing this with a culture a culture nation is an interesting choice that this is i think this would be an actual good fit in a in a sieve game yeah see the idea is that gradually by stubborn idiot survival you just sort of suck other pieces of the board up onto you right? That's it. I like it. That's effective. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, it's, just a, just as long as the hog, um, unit is sufficiently, like, spilling over the tile. That's what I want.

Well, you see that he can, he can spill over to the tile and then as he upgrades, of course, he becomes more and more encumbered with the armor of modern warfare and all the surplus Iraq, Afghanistan, global war of hair shit. So he's just got nothing but tactical gear like strapped to him at every piece, right? Yeah, it looks like eventually looks like he's covered in like Rob Liefeld patches everywhere. Yes, yes. While he may never conquer, he can never be conquered. He has no ambitions and yet has no mobility. Yeah, just part of those in every city. They only truly free man.

Yes, he is, he is the immovable object. God, yeah, all right. Wow. I'm going to go alphabetical order, and you mentioned the Big Ten, and fortunately, they are next. This is going to be another heavyweight. I haven't just settled on a unique leader. There are many to choose from.

But let's go straight to their unique building. So the way a unique building works in Civ is say there's a monument. Every nation has access to build a monument, but if you have a unique monument, you have the special, powerful, best one. The Big Ten's unique building is, of course, a special, library. When you build this little library on the map, everyone who builds a library,

they can see their little library that they put on their little tile. The Big Ten, they get a whole extra floor on theirs. There's just a whole little floor taller. And if you hover over it, you get a little tooltip that says the floor, the extra floor is full of books about how much better the Big Ten's library is. It doesn't have any in-game benefit. It just tells you you're a really good person. The other thing is every time the Big Ten builds a library.

library, it gets 100 gold. So, like, does it actually make them smarter? No, that's not really the point. They get 100 gold. The Big Ten, like, you know, usually... So that they're endowing themselves. Sure, yeah. These nations, they're usually described as, like, a scientific, economic sieve, right? It says that for the Big Ten. It's very hoink, wink, wink. It's an economic economic sieve that has a little blue science beaker there. Also, when you build this library, you get an achievement that tells you you're a more humble person than the people who built libraries. And if you're playing against Confucius, he quits the game. He just, he's gone because he's too awed by your University of Nebraska degree. So you have just

eliminated an opponent. He's like, holy shit, I cannot compete with wisdom of that level. I'm out. You're a big 10 player. Take all my stuff. Listen, everything that we lost with the, with the, with the statue avi people in the first part of the show, we're getting it back right now. Yeah. As far as like unique units, I mean, man, the SEC being so defensive-minded that, I mean, I feel like I want the Big Ten, I'm, let's think it on the fly here. Let's play off punting. Let's give them a unique artillery. Let's give them like a leg-powered trebucet. And, you know, we'll call it like the Ference or something. We're just going to like bombard the SEC's towns with footballs. Maybe you get like, you get like an extra tile distance on your artillery. And you know, we'll call it like the Ferris or something. We're just going to like bombard the SEC's towns with football. Maybe you get like, you get like, like, you get like, like, like, you get like, like, like, like, like, like, That's a very powerful benefit. That was my favorite. Civ 5, England, had extra distance in their artillery. So I can confirm that it's a very good benefit that I'm giving the Big Ten here.

Unique leaders, there's somebody to choose from. It's a very old conference, as it's happy to tell you. Let's go with, I mean, I like Jim Harbaugh here. He talks about war a lot. I'll have a lot of really applicable quotes. again very caricaturable face and like yeah he's current so people know who he is but you could also plug him into any decade and he'd work fine

so I thought for sure you'd go with Neil Armstrong that's a good choice too maybe he's a unique general or something James Earl Jones James Earl Jones is going to get so every nation they have their introduction that's read by a narrator in seven it's Gwendolyn Christie but for the Big Ten

of course it'll be James Earl Jones telling you're a good person You're a good person. You went here, therefore you have value. You went to Maryland. Therefore, no one is smarter than you. Mid-Western values, Rutgers. Yeah, Jim Harbaugh, he's going to have some espionage to him. You're going to get like, you're going to get an early spy. I mean, we got to play with the stuff that's happened in real life.

There is a game mechanic for espionage, and Harbaugh is, he'll have like a plausible deniability to it. He'll suffer no diplomatic penalty. He'll suffer no diplomatic penalty for. from his espionage. Because like, it doesn't really matter if he got away with it. If he gets away with it, he got away with it, therefore he got away with it. I think you need, if can I recommend an edit here, I think you need to give a bonus for commanders and every commander is Jim Harbaugh and all of your ground forces suddenly gain plus one to fight for no goddamn reason.

Same number of troops, plus one to fight as long as they're ground troops. Sure. Right? Because I must win. I must win. Also, you can't build planes. it's possible to get a space victory but you have to skip planes we're driving to space we're just you have to like literally strap yourself into a rocket

like um like the like the old movies like wily coyote yeah sure yeah that's that's how you win the space victory is you launch jim harbaugh to the moon in a cannon so right now no suit no just a pound in milk just raw dog in space My protection is good attitude. By the way, right now our game is set up with men strapping themselves to rockets to into space victory while the SEC attempts to deep fry batter you into cultural affiliation. The SEC is this growing blob across the earth as the Big Ten attempts to destroy the moon with Jim Harbaugh's face. I think this is accurate. And the ACC is attempting to conquer itself.

Jim Delaney is going to listen to this and go, how do they get my notes? Next up, I have. I'm going to do Sunbelt. Okay, Sunbelt. Let's go to Sunbelt. Yeah, we got the little guys too. I got the little guys here too. And I want to go ahead and start with the charismatic leader because obviously Huey Long was an easy pick because he's LSU's patron saint. He's a colorful figure in southeastern politics and very easy to render.

However, it was very difficult coming up with the Sun Belt, not just because of an overlapping sort of coincidence of, huh, Governor Long could also be the charismatic figure for the the Sunbelt, but also because a lot of the politicians who are parallels for that are very problematic. So I had to go to a fictional character to sort of sum up what I thought the sunbelt's whole vibe was, I am still high off of 2020 coastal Carolina. So I thought what figure could best represent the vibes of the Sunbelt, freewheeling, not really concerned necessarily with the getting into school, but you're probably going to get into a Sunbelt school. No offense intended. It's just going to happen, right?

Your admissions are manageable. Shout out to that one ECU guy. Shout out to the one ECU guy. Somebody in the world will transfer from Harvard or Yale to ECU. And when they do, the shutdown fullcast will be there to interview them. That is called liberation is what that is. Welcome to the world. I want to know everything.

You made it out. I want to know everything. So I had to get somebody who had that certain sunbelt genesis. say quah and I had to resort to a fictional character, which is why Kenny Powers is going to be the charismatic leader of the Sun Belt Conference. Am I trying to entice you to play the Sunbelt conference in shutdown, full cast, college football, Siv by making Kenny Powers that guy? Yeah, I am absolutely doing that. Here's the trick to the Sunbelt. The Sunbelt is going to do well and actually get bonuses for having independent, non-contiguous cities. That's right. We don't, we don't

need you like a land like an archipelago on land so like i have you have disgusting map gore and that is making you more powerful the idea behind my concept of the sunbelt conference as a sieve entity is this you know those businesses that only exist inside gas stations sure that's what the chicken businesses yeah that's what the sunbelt is like when you go in a gas station you're like there's a there's a casino in here i feel like there's one pizza chain that'll be existing no no you are you are you are Don't read ahead, Ryan. Don't read ahead. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You are, no, you're very smart and you understand where we're going. And I love that. But we're going to, we need to go ahead and, and let this play out a little bit. Okay. So the idea, the Sunbelt players for the person who continually finds themselves in a SIV situation where they're playing against people. And they go, oh, man, I'm just real kind of methodical. And I'm left with like scraps and parts and pieces.

Okay. That's fine. That's fine. we're going to help you do that, okay? First of all, you get a bonus on creating settlers, okay? You get a bonus on creating settlers and you're getting pretty good science scores, probably a bonus of one or two per square because we need you out there exploring, we need you out there connecting, we need you out there being able to put together

the various sort of patches and pieces of things that give you an advantage in terms of building from what's left on the map. In addition to that, okay, Kenny Powers leading the civilization is going to make sure that the commerce is ringing. And how do we get the commerce ringing? After you've built your markets and after you've done that. Well, one, you're going to unlock the civic of dependent commerce. Dependent commerce being-

I thought you were going to say it's a literal civic. Yeah, it should be a civic with like a big boom and bombed-out base system in the back and no transmission whatsoever. Yeah. No, dependent commerce, meaning you are going to be able to not only get a bonus on trade, you are going to be able to construct an important building that explains how you managed to thrive in the midst of all of these larger powers. And it is called the Hunt Brothers Pizza.

If you build a Hunt Brothers Pizza, okay? If you do, or if you build its attendant wonder, the crispy, crunchy chicken, if you build either one of those, okay, then you are able to siphon off 20% of the totals of your neighbors, okay? because they're breezing through, okay? Open borders. Everybody automatically grant you that. Yeah, everybody automatically grant you that because that's your special bonus as Kenny Powers. Okay.

So people passing through, you don't worry so much about whether your borders are secure. You want people coming through because 20% toll on everything coming through. Do you know what that 20% is? Snacks at the gas station. Like literally, Napoleon was breezing through and he was like, I don't know, that pepperoni sausage, peaches smells pretty good. And then, boom, you got it. Interestingly, I think this is the most NASCAR conference that you have created far more so than the SEC. The SEC seems much more.

That makes a lot of sense, actually, because if you look at where, like, you know, Darlington's not an SEC city, right? Right. So you ask, what is our special unit? I'm so glad you asked. Talladega belongs to neither Alabama nor Auburn, you know. It is, it is. It is the NASCAR machine. That's right.

The NASCAR machine. is a special unit that even when you are at war with a neighbor can still do business with them by taking the back roads evading the feds and bringing in that sweet cash

so that's how you stay alive I love this logo you are running running fried chicken during prohibition while you are at war with your customer he spounded down and he's getting powered

how is this not Sunbelt you're like well Georgia's got enough teams fuck you right we'll put two more teams in there and they'll both survive right boom north carolina is a big enough support of football program bullshit we're gonna put one right we'll put one right in that backyard this is with i love when the computer plays this civ because they just plop a city in between two of yours and you're like what the fuck and

they're like no that's a great play it's called it's called tri-cities now it's awesome yeah every city should be able to share the resources of those that overlap them the only the only empire that can happily overlap will be the Sun Belt Conference. The real connoisseur, I think we'll pick this one for the challenge and for the fun of using all of these little special tweaks to stay alive when you shouldn't. So in the game, Endless Space 2, it's kind of like Siv, but it's set in space. There is this like digital ghostly Siv that it plays on essentially its own map that mirrors the main map. And it can establish, like, it can have cities on every planet, even if they've already been taken over. So it's like this network that's like crawling underneath everyone's sieves.

It sounds like the sun your sunbelt to me where it's like they're, it's fine that you're there. They're there too. I mean, kind of like there's a lot of science fiction parallels to the sunbelt, really, right? Like the Ferengi, right? The Ferengi are just kind of everywhere. They just kind of do business, right? And like you can throw them off the space station and they end up back on the space station. the Gretchen in 40K right you're like how do they survive and you're like I don't know they're thriving they're just out there it feels like your sunbelt if Kenny Powers unlocks and he starts building buckies it's a fucking rap that's an economic victory yeah I think the economic victory by constructing the buckies is probably the way to go like if you if you spend 35 turns building the buckies it's done like once he builds a buckies everyone's like fucking good game there's no point we don't need to play this out yeah

Yeah. And then you're taking like 40% from everyone coming through because they're like, I needed snacks and gas and I had to take a shit. I needed a pretty bathroom. I needed a nine dollar. I bought a painting off the shitter wall. I needed a tequito and an axe. Yeah. I bought 28 Christmas ornaments. What the fuck? I needed a onesie and a ladder and some hot sauce. I bought a deer stand and I don't know. I got a Tuesday year with cookbook signs. I actually adopted an orphan. Why did I get a plancha? I needed some trail mix and a Bible. Ryan, you laugh.

You don't laugh. But I have actually personally purchased and mailed to Bill Barnwell, Tricia Yearwood's signed the book. It's lovely. Yeah. No, like that shit will happen to Bucky. Sorry, y'all. On a related note, don't ever get into a gifting war with Bill Barnwell

because that's how I wound up with this 18-foot-tall chocolate turkey in my house on Thanksgiving. It took like three months to eat. An inch tall, not foot tall. That would be spectacular. Bill, that's not a dare. Yeah. So that's, um, that is, I think my unique concept for the Sunbelt Conference as a playable

sieve. That is unique is the word for that. Yes. I like it. It's a, I like, I like, I like when any of these sort of break the game a little bit. And this is what seems like it does. Um, next up we have the Mac. The Mac was inspired for me by Siv6's Canada, which, by the way, folks, if you're a Siv6 player, you don't have any deity victories to your name. Do not fear. I have just the route for you. Play as Canada. The computer will never figure out how to declare war on you so you don't need to build a military at all. Focus on nothing but shitting diplomacy all over the city states and make them vote you global emperor. There you have it. Siv6 deity victory. The Mac, just like Canada, cannot be invaded in realignment unless they,

the opponent has jumped through a million tedious loopholes. You look at all the lower-tier conferences, they've all been raided a million times. Even some of the alleged top-level conferences get raided from time to time. The Mac, however, it takes 20 years for Northern Illinois to leave. The Mac is nearly impenetrable when it comes to invasions. The downside is it can never expand or unlock anything

or improve in any noticeable way. It is a geographic feature with a personality, and that personality is pleasant. you have you have you have I think you get like your special thing is you get a turn within everybody else's turns you get twice as many turns you get like everyone does their main turn they press enter and then you get a special like bonus action this is the weeknight this belongs to you you were the Lord of Wednesday so you know and what can you do with that time not a whole lot you could like raise taxes on yourself or something or you know you could like uh theorize about something you might want to research if you are allowed to research anything or like you could um You could tell someone that you don't like them. You can't declare war or anything. So nothing actually happens, but you get to do more of it when you're the Mac. And yeah, your unique units, you don't get one of those either.

You can't afford them. I'm sorry, it's just you can't afford them. The good thing about the Mac is you can never be destroyed. There is no way to lose as the Mac. You just can't win. I think that's a great, I think this is a great concept. it's you're you're you're kind of just a uh a mountain range that's flat that's you i like that because it's because you're not winning as the mac either that's no not even in this game no

it's like i all of the like i'm i'm thinking a lot about that this week because a lot of the like online college football discussion this week is about like oh like oh they're going to expand the playoff what's that going to do and i'm like just get out of there just go do your own thing I mean, it's relevant for, you know, the Boise States and the other teams that have demonstrated they, at times, can compete at that level. The Mac, this is not your problem. Just do some cool stuff on Wednesday nights. Just beat Notre Dame every other year. I mean, yeah, like, this is not your problem, and that's fine.

It doesn't have to be your problem. Problems are bad. Why would you want a problem? Yeah, do the funny thing. Beat Notre Dame. Then have to make... Speaking of the funny thing. Do you want to pause briefly for some podcast business?

Podcast business. What's the business? Podcast business. It's a business. Do it. Do it too long. Business. I need you to give us money.

Give us money immediately. Or else. Governor, I'm not going to ask you to read the advertisement for our sponsor price picks. You can pass the mic back to Spencer for that one if you want. I got a pick. at you. Prize picks. That's right. This segment is brought to you by prize picks.

It's the best place to get real money sports action. There's over 10 million members. Billions of dollars that awarded winnings. Prize picks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. Remember, the basic concept behind prize picks, in case you don't understand it yet, is you just pick

more, more, more, more, less than more, slightly less more. Less, the most. On at least two players for a shot to win up to 1,000 times your cash. You can run your game all season long on prize picks. That goes for, hey, college basketball, ready to go when you are. I'm not quite there.

I don't know when people get to college. It's February. All right. I'm going to be there like any second now. I'll be there. It's time to get in on NBA action, I think, at this point. NBA action. Okay, we can do that, folks.

Sure. Yeah. Are they at that? Completing about the Allsar game. More. Yeah. Now, second half. All right.

ready to go ideas about what the all-star game should be more proposals boy yeah we sure to talk a lot about the all-star game don't we guys I hate it I can't stand it I don't like thinking about it I've talked to talk to you for a whole week about this thing that I hate it sucks more ratings for games less oh it's so bad I'm gonna drink this whole bottle this whole thing. Giannis points more. Mr. Beast, blah. That's NBA Commissioner Mr. Beast to you.

They do it. Probably. Probably. That's right. By the way, once you win all of that money off prize picks, deposits are fast, safe, and secure as well as withdrawals. And they are now off a master card for quick and easy deposit into your account. This sports.

season. Download the app today and use code full cast to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's right. Download the app today and use the code full cast to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks run your game. All right. As you can tell, this is the off season based on everything else about this episode so far. So Spencer, this is a special more or less game presented by prize picks, especially for you. It is of course about musical theater. Woo! Yeah!

Get crazy! You know, my lifelong love of musical theater. You're going to be so excited. I'm going to be awesome at this. All right, Spencer. I have picked a musical that I know you at least have

mostly good feelings about. The original production of the Music Man opened its Broadway run on December 18th, 1957, and ran for 1,375 performances before it closed. 1-6 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, even won a Grammy. So, for this week's more or less, I am going to name some real Broadway shows, and you

are going to tell me if they ran for more performances or less performances. What's my number here? 1,375. Okay. And this is just the original production. So unless I tell you, we're talking about a revival. We're just talking about the OG version of it. So I can't come back to you and be like, oh, my God, St. Pete had this revival prediction.

No, no, no, we're just talking about the original Broadway production. West End is not involved in it. No. All right. Are you ready to play? I am ready. All right. Rock of Ages.

Did Rock of Ages run for more or less than 1,375 performances? Rock of Ages. I'm going to say less. Rock of Ages. ran for much more, 2,328 performances. What is Rock of Ages? Rock of Ages is a, it was adapted into a movie starring Tom Hanks. It is basically a jukebox musical, but with like 80s hair metal.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You didn't miss much with it. All right. Spider-Man, turn off the dark. Less, less, less. Less. I know this one.

It is indeed less, but not as many less as you might think, despite. It's horrific track record. And maiming several people. And the fact that it ran for, I think, the longest preview session in Broadway history, so none of those count. Spider-Man Turned Off the Dark ran for 1,066 performances. All right. Really? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Like, they kind of had to in some point. They're like, we poured so much money into this fucking thing. We have to let it run for a little bit in time. Oh, my God. bring back Spider-Man, turn off the dark President Trump, show that you're not afraid. That's like 300 paralyzed Spider-Men. We need more.

All right. Spencer, did Jersey boys run for more? Oh, more. More. Jersey. That's, listen, I get a little pamphlet that says basics. And it tells me what the basics are doing. Do you know what the basics are?

It's been on this fucking newsletter for the past nine years. That's right. Jersey boys. That's right. Your, your, your aunt's coming to town for Thanksgiving, and guess where we're going to see Jersey boys? My basic ass aunt is going to totally fucking love Jersey boys. Yeah. For 4,642 performances in its initial run. All right. Spencer, these are going to get a little harder now. All right. The, the, the initial production of, because skills an issue here. The initial production of Cabaret. Did that run for more or less

performances than the original I feel like this is tricky I'm gonna say I'm gonna say more but I feel like this was tricky okay less it's 1,165 okay so just under what the music man pulled off how about Evita more or less

again I'll say more you know a baby you know Vita over 1,500 performances. Hey, I learned today. I learned a musical theater thing. I learned that Patty Luphone who played the lead in the original 1980 version of Evita, okay, that she's got massive beef with Andrew Lloyd Weber. Correct. Yeah. All right, Spencer, your final entry in this Broadway edition of more or less. What had, did, did the 1999 revival of Annie Get Your Guns starring

Bernadette Peters, did that run for more or less performances than the original production of The Music Man, which started over Preston, who also played Professor Harold Hill in the movie. I will say less. It was less. 1,045. God. Okay. All right.

That concludes this super tropical edition of more or less. Brought you by prize books. Which leaves us with joy that production. Which leaves us with the one. Jesus. Home field apparel! That's right. You know what's been running nonstop with no sign of closing shop to rave reviews every night?

That's right. The little musical we like to call Homefield Apparel. Comfortable, fashionable, stylish. Beautiful singing voice on Josh. Does he? I mean, I could see that. I'd buy it, right? Let's just say yes.

Let's just speak it into the world. Yeah, currently satisfying all of your snuggle season needs with the rinkside hoodie. You can go ahead and purchase what, listen, I can't explain to you how beautiful the Yukon one is. Okay, you just have to go see it for yourself. It's not, it's not sad Husky. It's the beautiful, like, glamour shot Husky at the tongue out. Yeah, absolutely gorgeous stuff. All of your college hockey needs.

We're deep in the weeds, man. College hockey. That's how deep home field apparel roles. Homefield is also a very brave company, and I'd like to tell you one. The Indiana Hoosiers Men's basketball team is a fucking travesty, you guys. I have watched all of two college basketball games this year, and one of them was an Indiana Purdue game, where Indiana completely gacked it at the end. They have already fired Mike Woodson.

So they use up all their juju during the season, huh? Correct. Correct. they managed to beat Michigan State last week to keep Tom Izzo from hitting I think 700 wins and then he immediately did it right after that this is not a pleasant thing but that doesn't stop the good people at home field apparel from putting out basketball merch for other schools for other teams they're not just like I would probably just be drowning in my own unhappiness instead of talking about like look at all these other good college basketball teams

that's my own field's very brave they are they are the absolute bravest they also recently sponsored a uh they've sponsored multiple volcast shows if that doesn't tell you um about their bravery in addition to their uh Indiana resilience that's right god india i'm looking at advanced rankings now Indiana boy you can name almost every I think almost every SEC school is ahead of Indiana that's not good the SEC is good this this year but you know yeah it's weird oh no I apologize South Carolina men's basketball and LSU men's basketball those are the only two that aren't better than Indiana at basketball yeah and LSU is going through it and South Carolina men's basketball sucks

Oh, no. Garsh. Always remember that server is waiting. And when South Carolina turns its back, the knife goes straight in. Listen, Clemson's way higher on this list than Indiana is right now. Clemson's killing it. You can get you. I'm very uncomfortable with the level of Clemson basketball play right now,

but very inspired to buy homefield, Clemson Basketball March. Yeah, that's right. Use off code fullcast. You get 20% off. Like, I'm looking through this list of the Ken Palm rankings. Like, a lot of teams on here doing great. You can go to home field apparel and get some great gear for them. Also, Indiana is there. A lot of Indiana stuff. Comfortable Indiana stuff. Won't need to worry about wearing it at March Madness this year. Sorry, that's Indiana. Football Power, Indiana. that's right that's correct Florida State sucks at basketball too

God get it together guys what are you even doing film they have they won have they won more than two games because sometimes that's hard for them they're 15 and 10 so actually they're doing much better you're right I apologize hit it with that promo code Ryan full cast 20% off your first order

homefield apparel dot com anything else on our business before we conclude and return to our important civilization building activities. As always, you can subscribe to the Channel 6 newsletter that Holly and I put together. Hold on. My wife has texted me and she's and I knew this and I was just tired.

I need you to know and state that it was Tom Cruise and not Tom Hanks in Rock of Ages. Wait, who said Tom Hanks? I said Tom Hanks because I'm, I'm, my brain doesn't. Okay. Tom Hanks and Rock of Ages would have been amazing in that role. Yes. Yes, which is named Stacey Jacks with two exes. Stacey Jacks.

Spencer, I want you to know I didn't put together the... Why are you making your wife listen to the show? I'm not. She just happens to be home today. Sorry, Caitlin. You want me to know what, Ryan? Oh, I didn't do the real or fake musical game where I would have seen if you could identify the Abbott Brothers musical.

about uh cannibalism at sea a real thing that is that real it's not no that's real a real thing that just closed like a month ago that sounds dope yeah sure sure yeah anyway get us out podcast business good instincts buddy okay we're returning back to uh our civilization i believe i am up That's why I'm going to proceed to the conference that moves, baby, the conference that's always in motion. It's all spread out. It's all over the place and it's filled with gunsling and quarterbacks and very little defense. It's right, the Big 12. Maybe a little bit of a dated read on the Big 12, actually, since it's a little bit more defense conscious than it has been in the past.

But we're into Siv here. We're paying with a big broad bro. right? You don't play the Romans to not have a chariot, okay? You don't play the Mongols. You don't want to roam the plains. That's a pretty good comparison because I'm basically just taking the Big 12, who is being led by important global political leader. Mike Leach is going to be the patron saint of the Big 12. His diplomacy is going to be terrible because he's just going to ramble on at all times. So you have to spend additional. diplomacy points to deal with anyone because it's like, God, this guy won't shut up. How about those science scores, though? Low. Low. They're low. Yeah, they're like real high sometimes and then super low. But I wanted to go ahead and create a civilization that could represent what I thought was the Southwest Airlines conference, meaning the one that required a fair amount of air travel,

but also was pride in itself on mobility, ability to expand at a moment's notice, and speed. And that's really what we're talking about when we talk about the big 12. So everybody is going to get plus one motion on flat, plus one to attack on flat land. As long as we're moving on flat land, we're pretty good. And we're going to take a negative two on mountainous territory, though. I know West Virginia is there. They're the exception. All ranged units, whatever ranged units,

have okay in honor of the passing uh tradition in the big 12 you're going to get a plus four on all ranged units okay um yeah uh your your ranged unit of choice is going to be an archer called the texan um in honor of every texas quarterback that's ever come out of the big 12 because remember every every quarterback at heart he's either from eastern pennsylvania or from somewhere in texas from like stevenville texas or awesome other than two is the one except Tua is a special unit That's right He said tuna

He said tuna Did I say tuna? Fuck me Tuna The tuna Tuna Tuna Tuna Tuna Tango Valo Tuna greater Every now than the Tennessee

Public Schools comes out Hmm Yeah It just does Your special building That you are able to construct Here is indeed the hobby lobby Okay, which gives you a plus one for construction because, you know, with enough hot glue and pen knives and Sumerian artifacts, you can do anything.

Okay. In addition to that. Get supplies from the Hobby Lobby. Right. In addition to that, the Hobby Lobby will give you artifacts because every Hobby Lobby contains some sort of stolen Mesopotamian idol or tablet. So you don't have to build an archaeologist and go to a different continent, which is game mechanic. spontaneous the artifacts come to you if you believe they do the hobby lobbies liberates them from you from their home cultures and brings them home to your megachurch that's what it does liberation theology that's right also your special building you get the megachurch which increases belief religious victory is a possibility for the big 12 the megachurch by the way gives you a bonus on recruiting talent in the form of independent city estates all right

So there is a kind of pull that they get on a plus one towards both diplomacy and adding them eventually as suzerains, right, as adding them to the empire. So the megachurch is another one. You have the option of in technology, it's very important to get aviation because it will build to Southwest Airlines, which will allow you to move across the board rapidly and with less expense overall, less maintenance. I think typically your air base is like a negative four per round. Southwest Airlines, it's like two. It's two. It's just cheaper. You just get peanuts and no in flight.

And the wonder that you can construct is Orlando. If you construct an Orlando. Wow. The city of Orlando. Yes. Or no, just Orlando. The city of Orlando can be within one of your cities. Yeah. Yeah. You can build an Orlando within an Orlando. Yeah, like Epcot.

Yeah. Within the big 12. So with that in your special unit, the Texan, of course, will, help you build towards artillery and eventually, yes, a potential space victory. Because remember, space Houston is technically within your parameters, right? Or Houston. I like that. Orlando is a special thing, but it has nothing to do with space. That's right.

Take that, Orlando. Take that. So this megachurch, what if it just straight up converts all faith into money? Just like one-to-one. One-to-one cashes it all in. I like that. we're generating 17 faith per turn no 17 cash that's right um yes and that uh i would say also that if you were an opponent you could probably like if you could cast audit right if you like

send auditor church would be like no yeah they have a special defense mechanism yeah kill that guy get him out of here so you have one more after this right i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm I'm in a lightning round three of mine. One is the Missouri Valley Conference, their unique unit, they're not going to build a lot of cities, but their unique unit is a rabbit bison warrior who gets a plus 10 power against anyone

who has bigger cities than you. So I roll up, you have a lot of population. I'm like, oh, man, you're looking ripe for my little guys. Additionally, it gets plus 20 power against nations that include Iowa. I like this. We have next, the Pact 12.

This is an odd ball, and I would really like to play this one. Once per era, the Pact 12 can roll a dice. It can attempt to absorb every city state at once. This could be a massive game changer. Depending on the map, you could gain anywhere from 2 to 12 cities spread across the world. The Larry Scott Dohedron. yeah if this dice roll fails the pact will of course loses every city except its capital um i kind of just want to make it 50 50 and uh and yeah it's kind of like if civ 5's venice was for gambling addicts

which what an amazing sentence that is perfect can i can i suggest a wonder yeah yeah yeah roseball well sure yeah and like oh god what a culture that what a culture boon that is be sure put it in your capital because you might lose any of your other cities at any yeah and finally of course the big sky the big sky is the best conference so the unique trait is automatically winning um they are basically sieve six baby if you spawn next to the big sky get the fuck out of here and just restart because you you're going to lose i love that i have um i have the mountain west as my uh my last sort of semi fleshed out one um ew yeah it's it's It's just half, it's a half, Boise.

I've built that, yeah. The mountain zombies. That's correct. Your special unit is the cowpoke. Actually, I'm sorry. Semi flesh. Yeah, it's the prospector, sorry, which is actually a real Siv unit,

but the prospector in that case, I really just want to have the prospector not only digging up additional minerals for you, but digging up your opponent's minerals, so the prospector can just, that's good you know like hey you got you got a nice little nice little vein of gypsum there be a shame of somebody mind it this has been a silver tile in your land for four thousand years now it's not yeah minding veins in your semi flesh

there we go yeah welcome um which i guess like you never get grossed out what's going on I made him Hank Hill. Oh. Oh. Our special leader, by the way, here is going to be, I think I'm going to lean on Joseph Smith. I'll do him. Or Brigham Young, either one. Yeah, Brigham, I would probably be too on the nose.

Let's do Joseph Smith. He'll have his amazing magical glasses that he leads with. And then, in addition to that, I think, as the. Mountain West, of course, you would get certain terrain bonuses if you were at altitude or if you were on mountains. Of course, that's like a plus two plus four, right? Depending on where you're at, I think that has to happen. I think in keeping with the Mountain West football profile, one of your cities has the special ability to become a megalopolis. That's that megalopolis, which will be larger and contain larger bonuses and will contain plus two or three population per turn above what it should be capable of and receive bonuses overall.

That is automatically your capital city, and it will be labeled Boise. Boise will be this, like, massive, super overarchingly awesome city that dominates the entire rest of your various conference, right? We used to call this the Big 12 in Texas, but now we're going to call it Boise State and the rest of the Mountain West. That's good. And this conference, it feels like lots of other cities are going to be trying to pick off those satellite towns that aren't Boise. which, again, feels pretty realistic. And the thing that's going to keep them in, we have a special building,

and that's going to be whatever the potato equivalent of a granary will be. We'll just send you more potatoes. The drying house. That's right. The potatorie. It's a root cellar. That's correct, the root cellar. The potato torium.

There we go. Thank you. We'll build those, and that will keep you in the full longer than you probably should have stayed in due to the fact that, hey, cheap carbs. So you're getting lots of food. You're just getting lots of food, man. Plus five food to everything. Plus five. Just loading up.

It's just food and steaks. That's it. It's nothing but cowboy fare. Cowboy and like high country prospector fair. That's good. So which other conferences did you have to consider? I had conference USA. And I couldn't come up with shit for it.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And the American who I think I could build an interesting one out. I think CUS is just like a feature randomizer. You just mash the button and then you see what you get. Yeah. What if the AAC is the conference is the computer playing against you?

Yeah. Yeah. Which one would be the Holy Roman Empire? Like just aggressively nondescript. Hmm. I think the A. ACs would be this. And this describes a lot of their teams. What's that thing you do well? Okay, we're going to do that. Right. So they just adopt the strategy. They're kind of a, yeah, they're like a Loki or a mystique or that, but as a nation. Yeah. They'll just mimic whatever's next to it. Right. They'll say, hey. That's a great. So like they have like an espionage flare to them. But only because they don't really know who they are. So they're just kind of pretending to be you. You would get a plus you would get like serious buffs for espionage. They would be like. They would be like. Like, you already stole everything in your opponents covered.

Your cities are all named the same things as your opponent's cities. Just new, new, right? New Orlando. New Bangkok. New Orlando. New Orleans. One day, we shall for the seas and then establish upon a distant shore. New Scottsdale.

The verdant capital of New Scottsdale. New Macon. New May. Someone's got to do it. No. no one had to do that at all Is that what we're going to do if we go to Mars? Are we just going to name everything

fucking terrible Americans? Again, I must insist that you watch the expanse because, yes. So I am trying a new thing with television. I've decided I'm going to be a one-season person. I'm just going to watch one season. No matter the show. No matter the show, because I have too many things

that I haven't watched. Not necessarily. That's probably what my default's going to. be unless someone tells those. What if you just like look up which season is the highest rated and just clock in for just that. Or the most. Or the worst. Yeah, like the worst one.

The one that fans disliked the most contentious. Like just show up for the Friday night. And then just talk about it. Do you guys ever notice that Friday Night Lights is my favorite murder show. I really just talk to talk to about Gilmore Girls season seven. So if you could just watch. Billion, season five. I think that's the move for me.

Justified season five. I'm just going to be a one season, dude. Like, don't know anything about any of the other seasons, but I got time for one, and that's it. This goes with my, I am going to judge an entire series by its finale and finale alone after having watched none of it. Yeah. How I Met Your Mother, Most Ficked Up Show Ever Made. I've only seen one episode. But if it led to that.

I've never seen that show. What's fucked up about it? It ends up, like, the finale ends up showing how, like, happy this. guy whose wife is dead is about boning another lady like i think that's yeah who's not the mother who's not the mother who's not the mother who's not the mother dead i'm lost the mother is dead yeah the mother's dead but like the protagonist of the show how i replaced your dead mother yeah with a haughty yeah i don't great job dad great job um the finale of based on my view the finale of lost,

loss must be the most transcendent show ever made. Finale of dinosaurs? Yeah. Perfect television show. Perfect television show. That, an unflinching look.

That aired in prime time. Mm-hmm. An unflinching look at the dark heart of capitalism, dinosaurs. Based only on the last episode. What happened there? They died.

Okay. Yeah. But is an asteroid or what? They don't, it's very important. they don't die on camera the show and you know the dinosaur show we're talking about right with the puppets yeah so the show ends with the family is just huddled together in their house and scared as it gets darker and darker and the end like it's like iida yeah and it ends that's it yeah it's good art

yeah it really is like what show had what show had a spine what show went out all guns blazing the answer and the episode title is changing nature well yeah promised and delivered all all finale should follow that exact pattern basically like the Seinfeld finale would have been so much better if it was like oh no asteroid coming for earth Friday night light season 5 coach Taylor versus an asteroid again the expanse there is an asteroid okay I'll watch one season. I'm going to carefully select the one. Yeah, we need to just pick only the most disturbing cliffhanger endings for Ryan for what

season of watching. I think a lot of season two's is the move. Like season two is you're going to get like no like character intros, but also no like long term payoffs, you know, I finally got around watching, I just finished watching season one of severance. And at the end of it, I was like, I'm too tall. I don't want to watch anymore. I recognize that it's good and interesting,

but I don't want to do anymore. Just do it one. That's it. I'm thinking of like, if you just watch like Yellow Jacket season two, where it's like, first of all, who are these people?

And secondly, are they just spinning their wheels the whole season? Yes. So just leave it at that. It's fine. I'm sorry. I forgot about the worst part

of the dinosaurs finale. Not worst. But like, which is, you know, there's the baby who's the comic relief. Yeah. There's the part where, the baby's like what the hell man and the brother and sister dinosaur assuring him that no matter

what happens they're going to stay together as a family it's true yeah i mean in the same that's how he found him yeah hooray fossil record yeah the fossil record shows you's very loving