Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - Erinn and Ollie: “I’m So Scared That It Makes You Brave”

Episode Date: September 17, 2021

This week, Erinn and Ollie are back to discuss all things parenting. They tackle raising kids during a pandemic, meshing with other parents, projecting fears onto your children (spiders, scary movies, etc), and more.Executive Producers: Kate Hudson and Oliver HudsonProduced by Allison BresnickEdited by Josh WindischMusic by Mark HudsonThis show is powered by Simplecast.This episode is sponsored by:Sakara: www.sakara.com/siblingHelix: www.helixsleep.com/siblingCoors Light: www.coorslight.com/HUDSONPublic.com PROMO CODE: SiblingSquarespace: www.squarespace.com/sibling PROMO CODE: SiblingHome Economics on ABC https://abc.com/shows/home-economics/about-the-showSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. September is a great time to travel, especially because it's my birthday in September, especially internationally. Because in the past, we've stayed in some pretty awesome Airbnbs in Europe. Did we've one in France, we've one in Greece,

we've actually won in Italy a couple of years ago. Anyway, it just made our trip feel extra special. So if you're heading out this month, consider hosting your home on Airbnb. With the co-host feature, you can hire someone local to help manage everything. Find a co-host at Airbnb.ca slash host.

The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh.

Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. Get in here. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Let's start with a quick puzzle. The answer is Ken Jennings' appearance on The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs. The question is, what is the most entertaining listening experience in podcast land? Jeopardy Truthers believe in... I guess they would be Kenspiracy theorists. That's right. They give you the answers and you still blew it.

The Puzzler. Listen on the IHeart radio app. podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Kate Hudson. And my name is Oliver Hudson. We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship. And what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling rivalry. No, no.

Sibling rivalry. Don't do that with your mouth Sibling Revelry That's good I'm I fucking hate when you do that I had to do it to you

Because you feel a little cranky and irritable right now I'm tired To start the podcast I'm tired You know I've been flying back and forth, just trying to see my family. You know what I mean?

Just, you know, this is what I do. Just a hustler. No, I know. But I think you feel like cranky. I'm not cranky. I think I'm just tired. And I guess sitting in the COVID line today was not fun. That's hit you off.

Yeah, but I blame you a little bit. Hold on, hold on. Just a little bit. For what? Because you didn't check your email to see that it had changed. You know what I mean? Because if you had, then we would have been able to re-register the kids, and it would have been like, boom, boom, boom, like to set it up.

I was sitting in an underground park. So we all get to sleep in. I'm supposed to like check my email and be like, hope they didn't close down the testing site that we've been going to now for like a few weeks. there's no issue. And the title of the email said, thank you for choosing your testing site. So I didn't open that up

because it's going to be one of those random things. Let me just clarify, because this is probably so annoying and confusing to listeners and why do they care. But our kids have to get tested weekly with a PCR test. We, of course, forgot last week,

so now we're on a weird schedule. The school offers it on the weekends, but we missed it, blah, blah, blah. There was a place right down the street. Right, right, right. So I set it up, made the appointment yesterday. It is a pain in the ass. You have to put in your insurance.

You have to do each kid separately, all that stuff. Pick the 10.45 a.m. for today. We have no school to, you know, Jewish holiday today. Everyone's home. So is it okay, great. Roll up there. I got all the confirmations. I got the barcodes.

Everything came in yesterday. Everything's great. And then it was not. And then you arrive at 1045 on time. Well, I get there early. I get there at 1040. And then it turns out they're not even opening until 11. Right. So you were like, what's up? So I started sending you all my stuff that I already had.

And then I was in the underground parking lot, so I had no service. Right. Like run outside. You know, it's just one of those mornings. I get it. But wait, we're going back to like you said, it was like partly my fault. Well, not, I mean, you know. Are you going to tell me that like... I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm saying like, if you had checked your email, alerting you that there had been a time change and that you had to reschedule your appointment because of that. I wish there was a way to post it because this is what it says. I get a hundred things from this. Okay.

The difference between you and I in the email department is just live on the air, read how many, what does it say on your email thing? I'll read it. 4,024. You know what mine says? Donut. Zero. I clear my emails.

I can't stand having a folder or an email folder that says 4,024. So I have 63 texts. 63 texts, unread. read and 4,024 emails I'm sure many can relate because I'm sure most people actually have what you have no I think a lot of people I don't clear I have to clear my shit so so many people that I talk to like look at that and they're like oh my god that gives me anxiety how do you have that many on there yeah well this is what I'm saying and then you have your EBOH email but that is separate that is for like shopping and stores and bullshit this is personal 65000 in that one

oh no there's like 300 000 in that email address Yeah. That's crazy. So what I'm saying is, you know, it can get lost very easily in your email world. Right. But this was like, you know, I just did it yesterday. I'm getting confirmation emails last night that everything's all set. They decide to change their hours starting September 16th. That's not on us. No, I know. I know. They confirmed it. So it's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault.

You want to blame me really. badly. This is part of anything that goes wrong. 100%. Like I will, I will admit to that. Like, but don't you think we should figure that out? Even when I know it's not your fault, I, I, I, I feel like I want to blame someone, you know. But why me? I'm like the nice, like, helper in the family. It shouldn't be blaming me. No, but, no, I know, but sometimes I just feel like I want to blame somebody because I'm frustrated and you're, I guess, just sort of an easy target. I think you're just angry of all the protocols and then we have to do that and like you're one day home and off

you had to go do it I offered to go do it I know I did I know it's a pain in the ass okay so that was that was good

it's good off to a good start well I was just going to say too that I was I read some of the emails and you know that kind of stuff from the listeners and it's just been so awesome like I love hearing

and you know thinking what everybody thinks because of course you know it's fun to kind of get that feedback and but there's a lot of people talking about kind of

questioning us stuff about parenting and our kids and all that because I think it's such a you know there's such a wide range of stuff to discuss you can't have like one episode just on parenting No, my God, there's a whole different avenues of parenting, different offshoots of parenting

and, you know, how you as parents sort of bring your own ideas into what it is to raise great children and then you have to mesh those or at least respect the boundaries, well, not the boundaries, but respect your way and you respect my way, which sometimes we get into those arguments where it's like, you need to respect me and you need to respect the way. that I feel about this situation, that they're, you know, out in the neighborhood and they're in, you know, unsupervised or whatever, where I am more lenient and you are not. And I'm like, whatever. And you're like, you need to respect that I care about that. Well, hell, that's mainly. That's what that comes down to. But yeah, I mean, look, there's a,

there's a fine balance. I think you've have, you know, the way we were raised was very different. But there's also, there's, neither one of us is stuck usually in our ways and so stubborn. and wants to win just to win the fight, I think you have to kind of have this, you know, open mind to say, okay, let's break down, like, why you want to, you know, establish this rule or why you want to make this parenting choice. And usually, you know, we break that down in it, and we make the best decision. There are, of course, you've got to pick and choose your battles.

I mean, there are some that I just kind of let go and those others. You know, I'm pretty into like, man, and, you know, politeness and respect for adults. And, you know, there's a lot of those type of things that I, I'd rather have, like, the character of my kid, you know, than, like, straight A's or, you know. Yeah. And I think probably that's a universal parenting, you know, dream is to have your kids be polite and respectful and to look people in the eyes and, you know, not be dicks. You know, I mean, I think that's universal. Now, how you get to that, there's different ways based on the kids.

And the other thing, too, is, you know, it's also meshing with your parents. It's also meshing with the way that other parents do things that are friends with your kids. And, you know, especially as they're getting older, you're like, all right, well, you allow your kids to do this, but we don't. Or we allow our kids to do this and they don't. Oh, totally. Well, going back to, like, when they were really young, I mean, now we have, like, you know, eight to 14 so we're in that little like pocket right so we're out of the hallelujah even that's heartbreaking but we're out of the you know baby toddler little kids phase right like

meaning like that is an entire chapter of parenthood right like 10 and under whatever you want to say car seats strollers naps discipline you know all of that stuff it is fucking over it is I mean thank God because that's a tough one to navigate and I feel like that causes so much stress on couples and relationships because you're exhausted, just literally naturally exhausted. Your patience are thin. You're trying to do your best. Like, you know, it's that song, I mean, that saying of like, you know, you each, that we always say, but you just want to be appreciated and you want to feel valued and so many other layers get involved when you're dealing with little kids that have to do with you. You know what I mean?

appreciated by your person, not by your kids. No, no, no, not by your kids. Sorry, I'm saying as the parents, like, you know, making it just about the kids is hard sometimes because a lot of times your feelings kind of get in the way or the relationship can get in the way. But when... Well, it's also when you have so much to manage.

I mean, just from a practical standpoint with fucking strollers and diaper bags and pacifiers and blankies and desotin and, you know, whatever it is. a big stroller, then maybe a little stroller, if you want a little, like, sort of offshoot. Car seats, passies, books, like all your... And then, I know, I know, it gets to be excited.

I know, but then we look back on videos and we're, like, weeping. You don't remember any of that. It's just so cute. It's like heartbreaking. It does go fast. It's like, you know, kids that are going through sleep training, like, you know, Joe and Michelle right now, right?

Or, you know, teething or all of those things that feel like they are never going to end. I just, yeah, because I just did a podcast with Joe. yesterday daddy issues and we were talking about that because he's got his three-year-olds his twins with michel and they're sleep training now and it's just a nightmare you know they've got this thing called like a monkey lock where it's like that you can sort of peek in you know but the kid cannot get out and you know you got to let him cry it out which i do believe in you know and uh they're just it's just a fucking nightmare it's a lot i think also what's happening too and and and you know you're

is now the pendulum has kind of swung so far, you know, in a good way, but there's so much information out there now for parents. Yeah. Whereas our parents' generation, you know, it's so different from what it is now. And there's so many more opinions on what, you know, how to do it. And everybody's navigating and kind of doing it at their own speed. And I think like every family should, whatever's right for them, you know, whether they sleep train or not sleep train or attachment. There is no one way.

There's no one way. There's no one way to do it. And I never personally even thought about reading a book or even asking a question, honestly, of how to do things. I was operating and still operate on pure instinct, intuition, on who I am with my kids, how I feel like they need to be raised. Right. But I'm just saying for a lot of like first-time parents that don't have that, you know, say. Well, I'm just talking about me. Instinct or confidence.

Yeah. You know, I just, that's me. And we do it differently. I mean, I say that of all of our friends, we definitely do it the most different, wouldn't you? From our small friend group here, yes. Yeah. But I think, but then you step outside of our bubble, and there's a lot of people that do it similar. I guess, yeah.

No, I mean, I'm just saying from what I'm, of course, but from what I know. Well, I think the difference is now, it's like when they were little, we grew up in a time, like, with Wilder, which was he was 2000. So it was right around You know, no, there were barely any iPads I mean, I don't even think they really existed I mean they did, there was like leapfrog And like weird little things So screen time wasn't a thing, it was TV

So were kids watching too much TV to remember that? Oh yeah And it was like, and then not only were they watching TV What were they watching? And we watched The Devil, which was SpunBob The Devil, greatest show of all time Spongebob I'm saying I mean SpongeBob's amazing

But our kids loved it and everybody was like You like them watch SpongeBob Bode's obsessed with SpongeBob Right but I'm just saying So like times change Now of course it's screen time And it's social media

And all of these things You know kind of You have to adapt and you know Get used to them But we were not You know super strict In that way Not at all

We weren't at all I mean look it's like We talk about it all the time It's like Everything in balance you know there's moderation to everything i think if you hold a kid back or you know you restrict them too much you restrict them from something like candy or whatever it is or tv screen time screen time and it's you just cut that shit off and it's like no and this is my opinion you know

i mean everyone does it differently and again i respect how everyone does it my opinion i think that you just it's like a drug addict you're like oh my god give it to me what is it what is it what is it And then you get a taste of it. You're like, oh, my God, it's fucking amazing. And now it's all you think about it and that's all you want. Totally. Rather than, you know, moderation. Yeah, watch some TV.

Go outside and play. Yeah, have some candy. Right. Yeah, eat some greens. But just to play devil's advocate, I agree. And those were our children. You have to kind of know who your kid is because certain kids, I think, react differently to certain stimulations. That's the intuitive part.

That's where you have to obviously know your children. This isn't good for you. I'm taking it away. Sikara, we love Sikara. We love this food program. You know, if you're looking to change your diet, it's not about, like, restricting what you eat. It's about the kinds of foods that you eat.

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you know it's probably you know the kid that's not detrimental to the kids but you're like if i could change that probably let them do things yeah probably more like skateboarding without a helmet it's pretty much a big one for me right now um but they're just But look, they ride motorcycles. They do all the things that as a parent with my anxiety and just like fear of somebody getting hurt, I would literally keep them in a bubble. I make that joke about like, don't play sports, don't do anything, just be in the band. Like, I'm joking, but like that's how I feel. Would that make me feel like comfortable and at ease?

Yes. Would you be excited if our kids were like band kids? A hundred percent. It would be awesome. Yeah, that'd be great. It would be great. But it depends what instrument they played. You know, what if, like, Wilder, like, played the flute?

Great. I, like, you know what I mean? Like, are you saying, like, be cool and, like, do the drums or guitar? Yeah, like, the drums or guitar. I guess you could be a cool floutist. Yes, absolutely. And I would love him for, like, wanting to do something that he loved. But, you know what I mean?

Like, of course, do I want them to be kids and go out? But I think back, and I was a pretty good kid. kid right like just compared to like what most stories are i seemed like kind of a rule follower and i didn't want to disappoint my parents and i didn't like risk i didn't like getting in trouble and i still did some crazy crazy shit but thinking now as an adult you think back like oh my god i was that age and doing that it makes you scared because these are our little baby humans that we made that we want to protect and we're also used to protecting them and like keeping them alive and keeping them safe You know what I mean?

So now it's like this, we're all over the place with this conversation. But my point is like, you know, what happens when they're little, you've got to kind of like navigate and figure out who your kid is, right? So like some kids are not good with, you know, sugar and candy. So of course the parents are going to say, I know how this goes, not going to work. Our kids weren't really that affected by sugar. They weren't complete spas. Yes, of course, if they had sugar, were they a little more hybrid?

but they weren't like out of control. They didn't have meltdowns. Yeah, no, no, of course, of course, of course. Right. But we, you know, we let them watch. We've been letting them watch, you know, inappropriate movies forever. That's something I would say. That's something I would say.

Rated our movies since they were kids. And then the problem is, is that when you have your number one, which is Wilder, you know, who's in the other room right there, making a bagel, that kid consumes more bread than. Me? No, no, no. You're number one. He's number, close second. He's number two.

but um you know you have your first one and then you regulate you moderate okay then you have your second one now the second one wants to hang with the first one so they start a little bit earlier because they're both watching tv and wilder might be watching something that may be a little too advanced for bodie but like oh fuck it what are we going to do we get like eight TVs okay then rio comes along and now wilder is six years older than her and he's watching things that are far inappropriate for her they're actually inappropriate for him but i am of the ilk of sort of let them see it i mean it's what's going to happen to them it's not going to rot and destroy their brains i am here to be the buffer for that i am their parent okay you know what i mean

can i jump in for hold on i'm not done and then rio you know is then watching the things that wilder is watching including scream queens which is a television show that i did for that ryan murphy did you know for fox it was like you know there's no world where how old was she then I'm not saying there's no world where she should be watching that but she did all right well Aaron walked away Wilder walked away she's finding him syrup um you know she's wanted to interject into the way that I do things she's what you're not seeing is that she's giving me the cutthroat sign like every every 30 seconds or so she's like looking at me with her eyes like like giving me like the cut a cut off sign on our throat because I'm like

apparently saying back hey what are you saying nothing okay so you want you were interjecting and you know were you finished with Rio and the watching and all that basically I mean my point is is that you know yeah it trickles down so what I think is I would say the movie thing on what's appropriate because they watch all these scary movies. I'm not into that.

I don't actually mind like funny, dirty adult humor that's inappropriate. I don't even mind nudity or sex. Like that's all like weird natural stuff. Sorry to interrupt, but see, that's where I almost differ from me. Like I remember, again, Rio's like, I don't know how old she is, but this was years ago. And remember, I'm like, she's watching Baywatch. Remember that? Like the new Baywatch with The Rock.

Yeah, it's a comedy. Yeah. For those of you, just go watch Baywatch. And, you know, and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I'd rather her watch Nightmar on Elm Street or Friday the 13th than Baywatch. No, I. I'd love to see, like, a listener thing on this. Okay. Let's take a poll.

Rated our sex beach comedy. Okay. Beach comedy. So it's not going to be like crazy sex. It's not like, it's, it's sex humor and there's tities and, you know, whatever. I'm saying, you know what I mean? I know, but boobs are natural. they're a real thing we all have them you let her watch bay watch i know but babe like the scary

movies like she's going to either be scared this is you're projecting and tell the audience why i'm going by what movie did you see that made you terrified forever and ever and ever and altergeist right and christin garvey um and nightmare on street friday the 13 no poltergeist yeah poltergeist that was one but no one that led to this day is the reason why you don't go in the ocean. Oh, Jaws, yeah, of course. I was thinking horror movie, sorry. I know, but you always say that.

You're like, I saw Jaws, and that was it. Like, that was it for me. I don't go on the ocean. Meanwhile, Rio watches the Blake lively, like, shark movie, like, all the time, the surfer, like, where she's like... Yeah, and she's swimming in the ocean just fine. My point is, is that maybe you're projecting

your own fears onto the kids, you know, just because they watch human centipede. I'm trying not to. I got a spider. I got a spider. each other's buttholes together. We took a tarantula in and made it a pet. So, like, I don't want them to have my fears as the point.

And I feel like I was scarred by watching some scary movies as a kid. And so in my mind, I'm like, why are they watching this? And it's also, like, gory and bloody, like, all that stuff. I know. Look, I get it. I understand why people don't let their kids watch inappropriate movies. I understand. But I will challenge that and ask why.

what's going to happen you know what i mean and again it's about being intuitive about your children like if you felt that you had a kid who's going to watch a movie and mimic something in it exactly and then it's going to be detrimental to him or his friends or the way that he thinks feels and acts okay but if you are intuitive about your kid and you look at them you know oh yeah they can watch this shit and they're totally fine they're still sweet they're still polite they're still loving they still look you in the eye you know what i mean they're not assholes they're not murderers you know what i mean like why can't they watch these movies cursing is everywhere everyone curses like so they hear bad words the sexual stuff for me is the place where i sort

of draw the line you know it's that's where i really draw the line that's where i get uncomfortable but then okay just not being the naive parent it's like that's a movie that they're watching on TV that's, you know, whatever. I mean, porn is the click, everything is a click of whatever on their own, you know, handheld devices and things. Well, now we're getting into an entirely different world where, you know, kids have access to pornography and phones. Like, I remember as a kid, like, watching, like, certain movies that were like R-rated, that we weren't allowed to see, like, porkies and, like, do you know what I mean? Oh, my God. Blame it on Rio? Oh, my God, yes. Blaming on Rio with Michael Kane. Demi Moore.

And Demi Moore, but then there was the girl who was like the hot one. I don't think it was Demi Moore who was like topless and stuff. I think it was. I don't think so. Anyway, that movie was a big one for me, where it was, I was young and it was that first sort of moment of like, oh my God. Yeah. And of course, Porkies. But, you know, when you're dealing with porn, that's an intense.

entirely different subject, you know, which is a whole different podcast, honestly, with, you know, that's another, when we talk about doing a parenting podcast, which I think we're going to probably launch at some point, just Aaron and I, or is it Aaron and me? I'm getting all wrapped up in my head about Aaron and I and Aaron and me. I think it's Aaron and I. I think that is Aaron and I. Anyway, that's another faction, another arm of parenting is sort of dealing with sex and sexuality. today with our teenagers and sort of how different it was when we were kids until now and the access that they have and the sort of desensitization to sex or the idea that sex is porn and porn is sex and they're mutually exclusive and interchangeable and that's just not true I mean I even talk to the kids you know Wilder who's 14 and you know he's going to watch porn see porn. I just have to make sure that he understands that this is not reality. When you pay money to go to a movie theater and you're watching an action film and you know those explosions are not real, they're real, but they're, you know, it's the same thing. This is not

reality. These are actors who are performing, you know, because these kids are growing up in a different sexual culture. It's crazy. Anyway, we don't have to get into all that, but I'm just saying that that is a great topic of discussion. Just going back to like how we did it a little differently from a lot of people around us, you know, we were kind of the outsiders on a lot of the beliefs around that first, you know, go around, maybe just even Bodie too a little bit. Yeah, like Jesus. We didn't believe in Jesus.

Yeah. And it was a lot of like, you know, TV, sugar staying up late. Like we're still kind of though that family, right, for a lot of people around us. I mean, it even went down to think we had some very extreme friends, you know, that there was no, like, plastic and, like, do you know what I mean? Like, oh, yeah, we'd go to their house and it was only, like, recycled wood toys. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's amazing, but that was their lifestyle in what they were created for the kids. I have no judgment. It was just like, incredibly, you know. I could never, I don't do that. I don't know. I know. But if that's their, you know, kind of lifestyle, it's amazing choice to have and, like, you know, beautiful for the kids.

I think we were just like, you know. Yeah, we had friends who never fed their kid's sugar at all and they were like grinding veggies because that's all they knew. Yeah, and they loved it, of course. And they were like, they were like seven or whatever, like grinding just vegetables. I'm like, I was jealous. I'm like, wow, that's amazing. It is amazing.

But I think you both have to be on board. It has to be part of your lifestyle. Yeah, that is just not who we are. You grew up on sugar cereal and Coke. Totally. Cocaine. Coca-Cola. But no, I know. I mean, look, I wish, I think, you know, there's a balance. I think we've struck a good balance, you know, because our kids are not like terrible. They do have a lot of fruit and veggies and they have their stuff and whatever. But now, you know, they're older. That stuff all happens. But, yeah, when they were little, it was also kind of figuring out who each kid was because Wilder and Bodie were very different. Like they were different newborns, different toddlers, you know, and we raised them a little.

little different, meaning Wilder, you know, I say this a lot, but he responded to a raised voice. So if he was kind of, you know, disobeying or not doing it, whatever, it's like if you raised your voice or I just got a sterner voice, he responded to that. Bodie, on the other hand, our stubborn one, would challenge us and almost like raise his voice higher.

And it was a lot of stuff where, you know, as the parents are always trying to navigate, like you're out in public. Do you, if you yell at your kid, then are you, you know, get in trouble for, you know, you're like abusive to your kid, but if you don't, you ignore it, oh, that parent's just ignoring the kid. I mean, it's like you can't win. There's so many different levels of like, you know, how to parent and judging and all that shit when I'm like,

everybody's just doing the best job they can and you don't know what was going on. Their story, what was going on before, what was going on after. Or forget about that. You don't even know their backstory. You don't know how they were raised. Of course. You know, they might have been raised by an abusive father. Yeah. Right. And now they do not want to even come close to raising their voice at their kid because of fear that they're going to become that person. Absolutely. And so now they've just let their kids run wild.

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they deal with e-commerce, you know, everything that you need. So head to Squarespace.com slash Sibling for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code sibling to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. My thing is, though, is, you know, I think we, me more than you I guess but I never want to hide anything from my kids like I'm not the parent who ever has meaning no I'm talking about even when I had smoked cigarettes or when I was drinking or when I was doing whatever you know it's like no I'm not going to I'm not going to tip toe around you like this is who I am this is what I do I'm an adult and no you cannot do that I curse like a sailor and no you cannot do that but I'm not going to stop cursing in front of you, this is me, you know. And I feel like that's worked out for us,

or at least for in my, for my relationship with the kids. Yeah, and you also gotta like test things. You build trust in a way like that. And you also gotta know where your kids are, because if you had acted that way and then all of a sudden we have a little kid that's mimicking you and, you know, going up and doing and, you know, it's like my mom was a smoker, I did not become a smoker.

Like, you know, so it had that effect where it was like, oh my God, that's something I don't wanna do. Well, how about we curse in front of our kids like sailors? And they don't curse while there's just starting to, 14, but all of his friends are mean, geez, there's more curse words than non-cursed words. It's crazy. I know. And his kids, it's not that we're just thinking that.

His friends do say that he doesn't curse. Oh, no, yeah, exactly. You know, I think he's just starting to. And they're like, it's so cute. Yeah, that's so funny. But I mean, you know, there's things to like that, right? Like, of course I'm not going to be like smoking a joint in front of my kids because it's appropriate at all. But you have a cocktail in front of them? Yeah. What's the difference? Because it's

legal. Well, now it's legal. But yeah, of course. I know. There's still a stigma attached to that. But we smoke. You know, Aaron and I smoke weight in night. And no, we do not smoke in front of our children. But at the same time, it's like, it's telling your children that like, you know, our brains are developed, unfortunately. Like, you know what I mean? They're at a place where they're not. We're also experienced. We're also doing that at night when our work day is done. And our parenting is done and you're asleep and so you know there's a there's a way to kind of say like yeah this is how we got there and why we're doing something like that you know we're not 13 that woman wrote in like cosmo or something about how she would get a little stoned you know before

bedtime okay and it made parenting and her relationship with her kids especially at that witching hour like so much better i didn't read it but yeah Yeah, of course. It was great because it was just out in the open. And, you know, there's still the stigma on weed. There's no difference right now from having a glass of wine or drinking, you know, having a tequila. But what I will say to that is, but that's how weed affects you. So weed and marijuana does affect other people differently.

So some mom that would be like, oh, I'm not going to smoke it because her experience with it isn't good, right? Of course. You know what I'm saying. I'm not talking about those who might have a pan. But I'm like, but for other parents, there are. Some people are allergic to alcohol. Some people might have two drinks and lose their mind because they're having an allergy to alcohol. My point is taking not the extremes of things.

My point is, is like, you smoke a little bit of a doobie before you, you know, get ready for bed and put your kids to bed. And, you know, things. Like us. Yeah, things just sort of settle down. You're like, oh, I don't, I'm not so angry. I'm not like, brush your teeth. teeth immediately. And it's like, oh, you know, this is what this article was about. Yeah, it helps your, your patience and you just kind of are like, all right, I can get through this. Because I think

as parents, there is a counting of the minutes and the hours and the day, you know, whether it's the stay-at-home mom that's like, oh, my God, I'm so over this. Or if it's like the parent that has worked all day and then come home and is dealing with, you know, nighttime routine. And, you know, everybody just kind of wants a little break or, you know, relief from that. And then also there's a relief when your parent, I mean, not babies because I know there's SIDS and all kind of crazy things. But like when your kids are finally asleep, they're safe, they're in your home. It's like, ah, there is that little, you know, shoulder letdown time where it's like, okay, I don't have to be delegating, functioning, you know, cooking, cleaning, watching, you know, saving, you know, emotionally taking care of. It's like, oh my God, you just want to like lay in bed and shut down and veg out or, you know,

do what, prepping for the next day or work or whatever you have to do. So there is that little feeling of like, what is going to take the edge off a little bit? And, you know, of course, there are people with no vices, but that's not us. You know, it's like, I'm all about whatever makes you a better parent. And I think at the end of the day, like our therapist was big on the pyramid, which was like put yourself first. Yeah. And, I mean, hands up everybody. There is not a lot of people that.

put their self first because we are trained somehow that it is selfish, you know, to not be putting like, your kids first, your kids first. And, you know, the pyramid theory is if you put yourself first and you are taking care of you, everything else trickles down in a positive manner. So it should go. And not a lot of, some people will probably disagree, but it should go yourself and then your partner and then your children and then your career or whatever it is that you're doing. And I know that gets turned around. And for a lot of people, it sounds kind of impossible. But like him, you know, talking about it and us working through our therapy sessions, it really does make a lot of sense. Because if you take the time for you, whatever that is,

quiet time, a workout, meditation, time with your girls or your guys, a run, you know, whatever it is that you need, you are better at dealing with work, children, your partner. it does make sense it's hard to do it's really really hard to do i got it on my third kid you know what i mean it really resonated with me you also have to have a partner who understands that and it will allow right other to take care of themselves totally totally and i think that is part of it too because if you have a relationship where you feel like you are in a team and you're not against each other because i think unfortunately parenthood starts to kind of become a battle of you know schedules and who did this

and who did that and you do this and I do this there's not a lot of like enjoying the process or being a team in it together there are moments you know even the best of us it's still like you know

it's it's hard it's hard to navigate but if you can put yourself first and then you're you two as the couple are solid everything else falls into place you know with the kids and you're better for them

and then you're kind of like your best version and that's not happening all the time and I know this is, you know, it's just kind of a... Well, it's a blueprint. I mean, it's a map. You know, no one, nothing's perfect. That's not a perfectionist doesn't exist. You know what I mean?

Perfection doesn't exist, I don't think, anywhere in life. Maybe J-Lo, but... That's true. That is true. It's true. But don't you notice, like, if you're happy in your best self, like, and you come back, whatever that little time is, if it's a fucking, you know, extra 20 minutes in a shower

or, you know, 10 minutes in shower, or if it's, like, a full, you know, trip away from your kids or your partner, like, it does make you miss them. It makes you, you know, kind of reconnect with yourself in a way where you're like, okay, instead of that, go, go, go, go, go. you're you just, it's like a thin rope that's just starting to kind of, you know, you know, wind away and get thinner and thinner and, you know. We also have to take time in your relationship away from your kids.

I think people get caught up in this idea that they have to be with their kids all the time, 24-7, you know. We have friends who were just away from their kids for the first time and however long, you know. Yeah, or a lot of parents that don't want to do that. And I get that and I respect. it and maybe hasn't worked out. We are so fortunate, A, that we have family here, and we have an incredible nanny that is basically family.

Oh, yeah. So when you have little, it's like a lot of that stuff goes into it. No, but it's also you and I have taken the time to be together and go away from our kids, you know, even if it's down the road for a night or just to reconnect and have that time away, even as a staycation. Well, exactly, because the minute you get away and you know your kids are somewhere safe, right? Whether it's with friends, family, you know, a close babysitter or nanny, whatever that is. Once you get away, again, it is that, oh my God, I'm not in, you know, it's almost like as a parent, you're constantly in this state of alert.

You know, even when they're at school, it's still like, am I going to get a call from school? Who's picking them up? What do they have to after school? Oh, I got to get the, you know, the groceries or, you know, if you're at school. at work and you're dealing with all of this important shit at work and you know whatever's going on you're still dealing with you know dropping them off picking them at did your kid have an emotional day what are they going through that you're still carrying like I mean it is so multi-layered and you could go on and on but those moments away as a couple or even I will say like as my with my girlfriends or

whatever that is it's that moment of just feeling like okay I'm not like a mom for this moment or I'm back being like, you know, the wife or the girlfriend where we can, you know, sit around and have a glass of wine and not worry or, you know, laugh about stuff that doesn't matter or talk about things going on in the world or what show we're watching or whatever. There's just those moments of kind of dipping back into that that I think are like life-saving and a huge part of why, you know, everything kind of works so smoothly in our house and also it gives your kids like psychologically wilder went through major anxiety when he was about seven years old um seven or eight and we had this great therapist tell us um you know they

they need to know that they're okay without you so when you do leave and you come back you know from dinner or work or um you know a trip or whatever it might be they see okay see you were okay while I was going and I'm coming back and hey mommy and daddy are mommy's going to have a play date quote unquote or daddy's you know going to work whatever that might be they need to know and then they have that space to kind of feel okay without you which is super important yeah well that's they build confidence yeah we started that early we would go away you know yeah and you set the tone you set the tone yeah and they would cry you know sometimes but it wasn't never crazy crazy well wilder well wilder was that was pretty intense you know had a moment you know

um i think it had to do with me being away as well oh hundred i was in nashville doing a great therapist gave us the best advice ever because right you got this tv show well because here's the thing just you know i was attaching my own emotions to his so i knew he was not in his best place and it would make me crazy too and then i would be leaving you know for nashville and coming home was going back and forth a bunch and when i would leave i would be like oh my god i'm going to miss you guys so much and i was emotional but what was so interesting is this therapist told us you know the seven-year-old eight-year-old brain whatever it was um you know how it works is he was looking at you and you were basically saying, I'm going to miss you. I hate being away from you.

Basically, being away from you is a bad thing. So that's how the little brain was translating it. Whereas as an adult, if Oliver is saying to me, oh, I hate leaving and I'm going to miss you, I take that as a compliment. It's like, oh, he loves me. He doesn't like being away from us. We are able to break that down and kind of, you know, understand what it means. But the little, his little brain, All they're getting is, oh, no, Daddy is upset. He doesn't like leaving. So leaving is a bad thing. He's away from me.

And I just thought that was kind of a brilliant. Oh, yeah. We didn't see it that way. So the therapist said, because he was really upset. Like he was having a hard time separating from us at school. Didn't like us going out. You know, so it started to trickle down into other things, not just you leaving. School is a big one, like dropping off first grade, having to sit on the bench for like an

classroom every day. Like it was just a whole process, which I know a lot of kids go through it. A, they have anxiety. I mean, never mind now, like after being all that. But the doctor was saying, try the next time that he has to leave. Remember, you were telling him, and the doctor said,

I don't care if you as the adult go in your car and cry, I don't care if you're lying to your kid, just say, I'm excited to go to work. I'm going to take pictures and send you. you know, from the airplane and I love you and you're going to have the best time and when I get back, we'll do this, totally changed the dialogue

and it was unbelievable how quickly that affected him and made him be like, oh, okay, wait, you're okay, so anyways, I thought that was kind of interesting way to look at it because they really do feed off of us sometimes some of the best you know parenting podcasts that I listen to they you know talk

about that it's the not the verbal you know it's the physical cues that are being given away and I think that's amazing and you know couldn't be more true but like right now I think of we're not allowed in the school right so we have to drop off our third

is like the most independent you know eight going on 19 she's like see you later I know she's like peace but I'm like imagine in having, you know, a kid that doesn't want to get out of the car or doesn't want to go. I have a close friend right now. I'm not going to name a name, but, you know, her son is going through that. Yeah. After being home, you know, through the whole pandemic at that age, they're never away.

Yeah. And now all of a sudden they're thrown back in, you know, skipped a whole grade. Yeah. Going back to the school with masks on there, used to being with you. You know what I mean? It's traumatized. Yeah. I'm back.

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wednesday september 22nd on a bc then hug it out or drive home with your significant other venting about your siblings whatever you want to do just be happy, be happy. You at least got to watch some good TV and laugh a little bit watching home economics. There's a lot of, I think, anxiety going on that they don't even know. Like, I mean, you know, even just COVID, you know, we've really tried to play that down with our kids, not the severity, of course, and how, you know, this is a serious thing, but just the fear. because they hear things

the news might be on or they catch wind of stuff like I remember during that time when Wilder was you know kind of insecurity got the flu he got sick

no it was Ebola Ebola this is way pre-COVID he was little yeah it scared the shit out but it was on the news and it was a moment of like ooh this Ebola thing is real

he got sick like a week later just home from school one day like a normal thing and he was crying and I was like what's the matter buddy like you know does your head hurt and he's like am I going to get

Ebola and die and he was spiraling and I was like what and he goes I heard you guys talking about Ebola it was on the news and it was on the news at the time yeah so anyways again they soak everything up you know note to self like we're casually talking about it it happened to be on the news for a minute nope yeah that's the other thing is those kids they may they may make you think like they're not listening but they're you know especially wild or like his ears oh he's got hawk eyes and like I don't know what would be the ears, the animal, but like, owls? Rabbit? Maybe.

You know, because rabbits have those big ears. Yeah. Anyways. Yeah. You know, I think these, we don't know what the repercussions of this is all going to be for these kids, you know? I mean, it's wild and scary and sad, but I think communication is so key and, you know, having them talk about their fears and listening. You know, it's another great thing.

It's like as parents, and I do this even as an adult, so I got to really be careful of it. I just want to help or fix or have a solution, and I want to, you know, give the information, but sometimes it's about just listening, letting them talk through it and seeing if they can kind of get to it, you know, on their own and not solve it.

Yeah. You know, and I think also he was, it was scared and it was fear And I remember as a kid, I was so scared of dogs because we literally behind our house in the backyard, anybody from Twin Hills will remember there was a Cujo dog, which was really just a big, you know, St. Bernard. But it was like a little cut through that we would go through,

and he had this huge bark, and he was so big and scary. Anyways. And then the Lannings, you know, Bill Lannin that you played, call from my dad's when they had a dog like a German Shepherd or something once. Anyways, I was terrified. I climbed up at the top of a jungle gym once in their backyard, like a swing set. The babysitter was like trying to get me down. I'm up on the top, like so scared.

But the dog was nuts for me because he probably thought I was playing or who knows. But I just remember parents would say to me, oh, you don't have to be scared or don't be scared. And then psychologically someone said, don't say that to a kid. Because in my mind, I'm like, I know I don't have to be, but I am. You know, it's not like a choice, like, I'm actually scared. So there's ways to kind of, you know, verbalize things to kids where it's like, I know you're scared and either I get it or, you know, why are you scared?

What are you afraid of? Or, you know what I mean? Those little. Like Bodie with spiders? Mm-hmm. He's literally arachnophobic. I know. It's like you.

I mean. I wonder if that's, like, genetic. I've learned. No, it's probably learned But like I've been pretty good with spiders I mean we brought And owned a tarantula

For everybody out there that doesn't know that I know but you didn't have much of a choice In that matter Wilder caught that shit with his bare hands And we took it home in the car I could have said no I could have said absolutely not Then I could have let it go

When we got home I could have killed it I mean I didn't I cried when the thing died Harry Harry the tarantula Yeah my own son captured a tarantula

up in like central cal or wherever and brought it home and wanted to keep it as a pet and i was like i don't want them to have this you know crazy fear and oh look at me so cute we have a snake we have like a 12 foot snake sitting up in our house we've gone for 10 years chito like chito i chito i got to go you know so i do go against some of the things that you know i don't want my kids to have. Yeah. It got me over my fear a little bit. I mean, look, at the end of the day,

we do live in California. There are black widows. There's brown recluse. Like, that's scary to me, of course. And I don't like the idea that, like, if a spider, like, crawled under my bed and I couldn't kill it, I'm not going to sleep well that night. Sorry.

I'm actually not even going to sleep in that room. But I will kill spiders now. I take them outside. You're much better. You're much better. Well, don't you remember your first apartment at cameras? There was like a gate, and around the gate was all these flowers and bushes. So every night I would come over or whatever time.

There was like these spider webs. Remember, and I used to always have you come down and clear the webs for me because I didn't want to walk through them. That's when I first started dating. But you would tell me, you were like, if I kill it, because I'd be like, just kill it. And you were like, but what if it's like a teenager or like a kid that's like just out. living on his own for the first time and the parents come to visit and he's dead

and I was like I'd like create a whole personalized story yeah you're like or what if like the kids are out and I kill the mom and the baby spiders come home yeah it's Mother's Day and like they're coming home with like a present for mom and now she's dead and I was like kill it

you were no I wasn't I was kind of I felt for it and I think about that now yeah remember when you call me to your apartment oh my god yes you were with jacky i think so yeah megan maybe too yeah maybe just fully freaked out there's a fucking huge fire well it looks like it was like a tarantula huge so i'll give you a little visual that my room had the light off in my bedroom but the hallway light was shining in yes it was shadowy just on the edge of like my bed and as i was walking in perched up on the side of like my bed spread like kind of dangling off it was a tarantula

like a huge spider and my friends all saw it we all saw it we were all panicked i lived like 10 minutes away and we were just dating and uh she's like you did the car i mean it was like hysterics i was like oh jesus okay you know i go over there and i walk into an apartment and i look and it's this huge it's huge i'm like oh shit I mean that thing's big and I get closer to it closer to it and as I get really close because it looked real I noticed that it's actually like a massive piece of yarn that is just stuck to the bed my knitting yarn and I was like oh my God and I didn't say anything and I got closer and closer and I make a sound

and I grab it and put it in my mouth and start chewing it really hard and you and Jack I think it was Jackie I think so we're fucking freaking out like it was scary

and then we made love because in my mind I thought if that thing disappears into my bedroom I am not ever going in the room again until it's found and it's going to be in a dark corner hiding up in something

and it was like all over well you're scared of spiders going into your vagina yeah well I think most women are I mean maybe I'm not right but like but you don't sleep naked

no way right you don't sleep naked because of that like a bug going into your vagina like maybe on a like you know vacation somewhere and I'm like not thinking about it but yes the idea of that is just way to like you know I don't know if I saw a documentary somewhere

about a spider going into a vagina No, no, but that like they go into your mouth in your lifetime or they bite you at night or they're, you know, it's just a thing. And I'm kind of like, I don't want a spider bite or one going inside of my vagina. You said, why did you pause so long before saying vagina? I was thinking I was going to say something else and then I changed my mind.

What were you going to say? I mean, there's two areas down there that it could go into. Your butthole. I just imagine like you scratch your arm and so you think it's a hair and then you look and it's a spider I mean Angie had one in her the back of her hair one

I mean you know you have these crazy stories I do not want to like if you woke up and a spider crawl out of your vagina would you pass out you think oh 100% you'd have to take me to the hospital like what if it laid eggs in there

and then baby spiders are going to come out later yeah it's a whole thing it's not no sorry but I can't but I'm better now I'm better now

I think I'm hungry okay well this was like all over the place but I hope it was good I think next time we have more of a like focused like let's have a section on what we want to talk about with kids and parenting

I think that when we get because I do want to do a podcast with you like our own generally I think it'll be fun but I think at that point we can structure a little bit more but I like the free flow vibe

I know you do and then that's where we have to meet in the middle because I like structured and a little more organized and then I know where I'm going and talking we need you to email at sibling

I think sibling submissions at gmail.com I think that's it and I want to know whether you like the structure or the unstructured? Or meeting in the middle. Because that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Well, we could structure it and then it will take left and right turns. Totally. Meaning like this episode is going to be about parenting and sort of sex and your kids and dealing with all that. Right, right. And then halfway through all of a sudden, you know, we're talking about spiders in your butthole. Right.

Great. Remember that place in Italy that we stayed That I thought was like Covered in spiders That like old weird castle That was bad Well it goes back to like my childhood Anybody that knows me from like Girl Scouts

Like sleeping in a tent To me you know I don't know I was just a scaredy cat Across the board And I don't want my kids to be like Total scaredy cat pussy So I'm trying

They won't be We gotta like Well that's because of you I'm scared of spiders No no no no What are you scared of I'm scared of

I'm scared a lot of things Yeah but I'm so scared That it makes you brave I have no choice Exactly Exactly I'm not scared of bugs And I'm not scared of animals

I'm not scared of that kind of stuff Yeah mountain lions for me and bears Living in Colorado That was a big one for me Took over spiders I'm not scared of that stuff Like mountain lines for me That's a big one

Yeah I'm just Yeah it doesn't bother me The bears now that we're camping No it doesn't bother me I'm scared probably just Scared of screwing up my kids I don't know Scared of

Them not loving me anymore My fear is more My fear is more emotional Right Scared of you not wanting to make love to me anymore Oh, what? Really? Yeah.

Yeah, but you're like hot, handsome dad. Yeah, but you might be over it a little. Mm-mm. Maybe. Mm-mm. We can talk about that on another show. Well, I think that, yeah, exactly. Your insecurities?

Okay, I'll save it because I was going to go into another tangent, so we'll save it. Yeah, save it. Okay. Saving. Yeah, because we need to do another hour next week. Okay, great. All right, I'm hungry. I love you. I love you.

I'm still attracted to you. Prove it. Okay. All right. Bye. Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson. Producer is Allison Bresnick. Editor is Josh Windish.

Music by Mark Hudson, aka Uncle Mark. If you want to show us some love, rate the show. And leave us a review. This show is powered by Simplecast. Let's start with a quick puzzle. The answer is Ken Jennings' appearance on The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs. The question is, what is the most entertaining listening experience in podcast land? Jeopardy-truthers believe in...

I guess they would be Kenspiracy theorists. That's right. They give you the answers, and you see. Still blew it. The Puzzler. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's important that we just reassure people that they're not alone, and there is help out there. The Good Stuff Podcast Season 2 takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a non-profit fighting suicide in the veteran community.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join host Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of One Tribe's mission. One Tribe, save my life. Welcome to Season 2 of The Good Stuff. Listen to the Good Stuff podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice.

Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya.

Get in here. Listen to the Super Secret Festi Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.