Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - Erinn and Ollie: Part Two

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

This week, Ollie and Erinn are back for part two of the conversation about their relationship. Erinn shares more about her perspective, the importance of trust, and a helpful insight about forgiveness. Executive Producers: Kate Hudson and Oliver HudsonProduced by Allison BresnickEdited by Josh WindischMusic by Mark HudsonThis show is powered by Simplecast.This episode is sponsored by Olive & June (www.oliveandjune.com PROMO CODE: Sibling) Each & Every (www.eachandevery.com/sibling PROMO CODE: Sibling30) Sakara (www.sakara.com/sibling) Helix (www.helixsleep.com/sibling) and Grove Collaborative (www.grove.co/sibling)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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we've actually won in Italy a couple of years ago. Anyway, it just made our trip feel extra special. So if you're heading out this month, consider hosting your home on Airbnb. With the co-host feature, you can hire someone local to help manage everything. Find a co-host at Airbnb.ca slash host.

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And what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling reverie. No, no. Sibling reverie. Don't do that with your mouth. Sibling revelry. That's good. So we're back.

Part two. Part two? Part two. Part two for various reasons. you know, there's logistical part two, which is just my sister's, you know, working. But then, I think our last one was somewhat of a success. You know, we had more comments on our sibling revelry Instagram account than we've ever had. People were fascinated and, of course, immediately fell in love with you, as most humans do.

and they wanted to hear more they wanted to hear more from you and they were a lot of the comments were i was worried about what revealing so much you know might entail given social media and people who are sitting behind their keyboards and their little fingers are typing all kinds of shit but it didn't happen there was nothing bad that was actually said and it was all positive stuff here's the thing i think people that are listening like you guys like you and kate um and you know i i think also at the end of the day um there's something very relatable or real or honest um i got a ton of amazing beautiful supportive texts from my friends as well you know i think at the end of the day like it's something that you're trying

to move the pillow so you can see me a little bit yeah it's weird i know we're sort of separate just to give everyone a visual we're lying in bed right now and there's a a pillow that's sort of like oddly separating us so she's trying to pull the pillow down to make eye contact which leads mean to in a whole other topic of how we sleep pillow game in our bed is it's it's it's on another level Aaron needs I think she sleeps with six to eight pillows a night yes it is it's an exaggeration it's not really an exaggeration four no no no no there's more than four There has to be like a minimum. There's a fortress that is built up between myself and her.

Like I have to storm the castle in order to just like touch some skin. It's impossible. I find myself reaching under the castle to try to like dig down and maybe sort of find some contact. Throughout the night, it's nearly impossible to touch her because she's built up such a fortress. Okay, here's what I'll say to that. of pillows okay i love my sleep i take it very seriously anybody that knows me i do not fuck around it's my passion i should that with chris martin oh my god chris martin such a funny story actually erin goes to chateau marmont some fancy hotel in la i'm not there and she's she she's just like

you know she's like i think gwyneth paltrow was there a bunch of people and she sits she gets seated next to chris martin of cold play who's this sort of of, you know, touchy-feely, intellectual, philosophical, intense. Yeah, intense. And in the minute, I'll let you tell the story, but like. It's, I mean, the short version is we sat down, we started talking, you know, small talk. Anyways, he immediately cuts through the small talk, which I can tell he doesn't like. And he's like, so what are you passionate about?

Like, very intensely, very directly. And I said, besides my children. and he laughed and he was like, yeah. And I said, sleep, sleep. Sleep. But I literally had like, I think Rio was like three months old. I mean, you know, I had babies, I had little kids, and I just was being brutally honest. And he didn't really.

But the answer that he was probably waiting for was something. I think he thought I was joking. And I explained to him and I went into full depth detail on why. And then by the end, he was sold. And they understood the story. Anyways, I do. And I don't know. Here's what I will say. I am not a snuggler when it comes to sleep. I don't know. Anyone out there might agree. I'm not. I cannot fall asleep on Oliver. I love him. I will snuggle separately. But like I can't, all of a sudden I'm like on his chest and like I'm sweaty or like a weird, you know. Never happens. You're never on my chest. I'm just saying back in the day or like if I go to fall asleep, when you're watching a movie

or there's something sweet and snuggly. It's uncomfortable for me. Like, I don't like that feeling. And then also you have this weird jerk thing that you do when you fall asleep at night. I jerk it. You shake. It's like he's falling in his sleep.

It happens every single night. And the one or two times a year that I like snuggle or kind of fall asleep on him and forget, I get woken up by this like shaking or jerking. Or sometimes I'll squeeze. Oh, it's so awful. And then I'm like, why? I do it. So anyways, I will love on you. We can have our time. I love it, but I, when I go to sleep, it's very, it's, it's all, it's, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So it's impossible to sort of, you know, penetrate the fortress. It's impossible.

Anyways. But so, no, thank you for the comments. I mean, they were really, you know, you re-comments. And honestly, I love reading bad comments sometimes because it just, it tickles me. But with something like this, it was a little scary. And they were positive and they made me feel good and, you know. Here's the other thing. This is not fresh for us. And we are, you know, where we are today because of what happened at that point in time. And, you know, it all happened.

It was not planned. And all of a sudden, it was airing. And I thought, oh, my gosh, like, what did we actually say? I, like, don't remember. And I got kind of uncomfortable and, you know, was thinking back to it. But the truth is, you know. Where do we stop, though? Where do we let off?

You know, because what happened was afterwards. Because I think a lot of these comments, some comments were questions were like, well, how did you, you know, get through it or how did you actually come to terms with it because what happens when in a situation like this is the five plus years of built up trust has just been completely not just eroded it's it's been annihilated and now you have to build back that trust and uh it it's there's no one way to do that you know and there's no guarantee i think and there's no No guarantee, exactly. I think there was, I say this, and it's our story, and it's very specific, and that's why I was so prepared for, you know, people, you know, or women or whatever to judge, judge me, you know, for staying because that's very easy to do and very understandable.

And I think there are many, many, many times in cases where, you know, you shouldn't stay. and you know it's ours was so particular and so specific and at a certain time in our lives that was that allowed us uh the time to heal the time to work through it we were young we didn't have kids um it was you know there's so many of those things that go into it that's that's what i always say and also it wasn't just like a put a band-aid on it and you know forget that it happened i mean it was it was real and it was intense and we both did a lot of work and one thing that I was thinking back on was you know you have to know your person okay so we had been together

you know basically six years at that point so you know we knew each other there was so much history so much love so much you know already under our belt even though we were still young and babies and whatever but you have to want to...

By the way, that's donut. Snoring? Yeah, if you can hear that's donut, our bulldog is snoring. Yeah, it's at the end of the bed. Anyway, so I don't lose my train of thought, which I guess I just did, actually. You did?

Yeah, I was like on a roll. I was trying to think of where I was going with that. Anyways, my point, I guess, was you have to, trust your instinct if your gut is telling you that you don't trust your partner or you don't think you can that's an important thing to um listen to i was looking at somebody that was but we were we separated and we talked about this we separated for a long for a couple months yeah you live with jacky i live with my parents i was in therapy we were in therapy i was you know i had that fucking um what was it called journal yeah that journal but it was it was a thing yeah it's like a thing

oh it's called like the artist's way the artist way yeah yeah i did the artist's way and i was just writing and but you're a very sensitive like you know empathetic person like what you were going through was your own experience this wasn't selfish this wasn't there yes there was shame but it was it was so much deeper yeah so There was a lot of that, you know, that I think went on. Well, it was symptomatic. You know, I think the whole point of it was it as crazy as it sounds as it had nothing to do with you. Mm-hmm.

You know, and that is the cliche sort of statement. It had nothing to do with you. It wasn't about you, but it truly had nothing to do with you. Oh, hi. Pause. Hi Hi lady Good night

Good night, babe You have to say good night Good night Okay That's a big ass bag of goldfish Hi, I'm eating goldfish Are you like chomping in there

What? Cut that out with the chomping Maybe we'll leave it I don't know Okay um hold on okay we're back we've already been back we're gonna keep the chomping in because oh my god aaron the chomping and the chewing is this thing with her it's fucking like sometimes at night you know i'll get high and i want to have a healthy snack

and we have these mangoes these dried yeah the dried mangoes what's the company call i don't know They're so fucking good. And I will sit in bed and chomp on these mangoes and she, oh, it's not good. I know. I love you. I don't like your chewing too, though. I know, I get it. You crunch a lot.

I'm a cruncher. I'm a chip eater. Yeah, you crunch too much sometimes for me too. Yeah. So there. All right. I get it. So excited to tell you about Olive and June.

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sibling and use promo code sibling 30. All right. Don't wait. Get your 30% off now. Use promo code sibling 30 at each and every.com slash sibling. Anyway, what I was saying was is that this was symptomatic. It had nothing to do with you. And I know that sounds like a very cliche thing to say and you watch movies and it's like, you know, every guy or girl says, oh, it wasn't you, it was me. It has nothing to do with you. In this case, it was the truth. I mean, it had nothing to do with Aaron.

I mean, this was purely symptomatic of my own psychology. so i had to go through this myself to be the man for whoever was in my life whether it be aaron or whoever it was next i didn't want whoever was next i wanted erin but i was going to try to get better for myself and not for her you know so i wasn't i wasn't catering to to sort of what i thought she wanted it was more of me okay I'm fucked up. I went through this two-year cycle of insanity. I need to figure out why I did this, where this comes from, and then get better.

And that was my mission. And that's where, like, you know, really good therapy comes in, really good support, really good self-reflection, because I feel like a lot of people, you know, and I say this, you know, and it's a sensitive thing. but I also felt like you didn't really get caught so much. I mean, I think you were about, you know, a few minutes away from getting caught. Like, you really look at the big picture, but, you know, you coming to me and kind of admitting or, you know, wanting to rid yourself of this secret and this darkness and, you know, all the gross stuff said a lot. So I think that also set the ground, you know, work for us moving forward, if that makes sense.

But I think. Because I do think a lot of people, you know, when they get caught, I know, this is some just generalizing, but it means they weren't done doing what they were doing, right? So whatever the act may be, this happened to kind of be, you know, infidelity or kind of cheating or playing around or whatever you were doing. doing it's like if you get caught it's like oh shit all right now i got to stop but truly inside of you that need or that desire or you know whatever you were trying to kind of feed wasn't done it just you had to stop because you were told to or you were caught if that makes sense no it does but you know at the same time and i know a lot of people can get caught and say okay like oh my gosh now i gotta really stop i mean how hard is it just how hard is it just like just to fucking not get caught

to come clean like well it's incredible i mean but i i remember when we got together just because like i you know it happened in my past and this and that i always said you know i'm a realist and and i know i don't want to be repeating ourselves but the truth is i think it's very unrealistic for partners or people, women, men, whatever it is, to think that once they're in a committed relationship, they're never going to want to be desired or desire someone else ever again. It's just not true.

It's not reality. It's not realistic. But, of course, you know, with marriage and certain things, there comes a level of commitment and, you know, monogamy, of course. But it's not natural. hard and um you know that that for me i always thought if you are going to you know make a mistake or there's some night some you know weak moment or something happens and we were young and you were working on movie sets and we were apart in whatever clubs l.a all of it i just always thought

like that that could be me too you know that that's not my nature at all it's not how i am but i'm also not above it like you've done some be something that happens exactly but for me it was like instead of coming home you've been vindictive i always thought the risk of getting caught because this is how i explained it to the kids too it's like the kids well no no no separate from that but i'm saying like lying you're talking about kids about this already lying is you're getting there's two things basically that you're doing wrong the act and then also so lying. So, you know, I'm saying relative to the kids, it's kind of like, okay, you know, you did this thing that's wrong, but then you also lied about it. That ends up being the bigger

issue. Of course. And so I used to say to you, you know, if you come to me and say you did this, I'm not saying that we're going to stay together, but at least there's like room for forgiveness or, you know, kind of regret that you did it or, you know, and we're all human. Yeah, but it's hard. It's hard. because you know that if you do sort of come clean that you're risking everything you know that that right

but how cool and how to me I always looked at that like you were willing to risk losing me to earn my respect in a weird way to say I want you to hear this from me and I did it and I hate it and it's horrible and I might lose you

and I might have walked away and said I want to protect myself I don't want to be hard again. I also could want to punish you. I just be like you don't deserve me. I mean, you know, this was not an easy progress. I mean, you know, um, uh, progression. I mean, you know, I went through every right. Exactly wave of emotion. Right. One minute, you know, I was angry one minute. I was hurt. I mean, you know, others I was confused. Well, I guess the question then is, which is, which we've been, you know, the question has been posed through comments.

I guess is sort of how were you able to get through it get through it and how are we able to rebuild that trust again I mean it took a minute it's you know here's a thing we actually guarantee that's that's the first thing I would say to anybody going through something like this um because it's a it's an intangible thing right like trust it's like how how do you you win that back. I think seeing you and your kind of effort and wanting to show up and do, you know, right by me, right by you, also kind of everything that I asked for from the little stupid things of changing your cell phone number, giving me all your email, passwords, like, all petty shit that really didn't matter, but it did to me at the time. You freely gave

everything over. I mean, you know, to this day, like Life 360 or, you know, whatever it might be what I needed, you were willing to do, right? So it was coming clean about things that I didn't know about, things that I might never find out about, like, you know, calling some of the girls, doing things. I mean, it was like you were willing to do everything. And I saw that. And, you know, so you just, there was little things along the way where your gut is kind of telling you, okay, this person really wants to be here okay you know and then it was also getting to the root of why you did it and getting into your childhood getting into your you know ego and your insecurities and your self-worth i mean all of these deeper things that we also had the time because we didn't have

kids you know we were actors i mean we were lucky the life we were living in we could afford therapy at the time. I mean, you know, there was a lot of things that helped us. We had the support of our friends and family. So those things were huge. I think at, you know, there was also just the reality, like I said, I'm not a very jealous person. So I wasn't as caught up in the, you know, acts, the sexual acts. I mean, I wasn't enraged and couldn't get past certain things that I think a lot of people really struggle with. And those are real, you know. And, you know, and And I respect that and everybody is different and we're made differently, you know. I mean, we always joke about our best friends and couples and, you know, we could never be with certain partners or certain people.

You know, it's just we have different, you know, strengths and weaknesses, I guess, the balance of each other. Different sort of triggers too. Yeah. I mean, you and I get into our past. I mean, we've always been an extremely open, graphic, honest couple. Yeah, I don't know. I think there's just so many little factors. And here's the other thing.

You have to kind of want to be there. I was, we had just come off of our honeymoon. I was so madly in love with you, you know, for many reasons and years. And, you know, so to walk away, which, of course, I thought I was going to be doing, that sadness was was overwhelming for me and i feel like you know putting my ego aside which was how could you do that to me feeling um it was also about me putting you in a position to where people knew that i was being an asshole and you you look like a fool.

Mm-hmm. I remember going through all of that. Well, that was the biggest thing. You know, and I remember me being like, who gives a fuck what people think? This is about us. And it was you say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. These, I do care. Yeah, I did.

And so this is what I'm saying when it's everybody's own personal story. Some people won't give a shit, like, you know, don't give a fuck when anybody else thinks. at that point in time for me and where I was in my life and just kind of emotionally, I did care because I had walked around kind of so, you know, proud of who we were and, you know, our relationship and I felt so deserving after, you know, a couple not, you know, great relationships or whatever. And I really took a lot of pride in us. And I, you know, it was, that part was crushing for me. And also, just the idea that, and I'm sure other people can understand this, but however it works, I know things about people that, like, I shouldn't.

And people in relationships and their partners don't know. It's just the way the world works, right? Gossip and things and whatever. And so I just thought, wow. So not only these, you know, few girls that you were with, think that I don't know, A, and then they're telling their friends, and then their friends are telling them they're, it just, it felt I was just embarrassed and I was, you know, I just, that mattered to me because part of, I don't know, I don't know why, you know, it doesn't now, but at the time, that was a big thing for me, you know, and I just felt like, how could you do that to me too so like I say everybody's different and it was I mean humiliating yeah and you know I think I was and also I was allowing you to you were not putting on some facade of like you know um oh I'm you know Mr. Perfect I mean I fell in love with an extremely

flirtatious charming sexual guy and I loved that about you and I didn't want you to not be that person and I think I always you know of course it's naive now but you know at the time I just thought well that's like who he is and I love it and great like not anymore I wasn't threatened by it but old leather bag

I think everybody's going to have something different and their triggers are going to be different and you know so there was just there was a lot of work to do when you get into therapy because it's every day is different some days you're going to feel good some days you're going to feel good

some days you're going to feel horrible it was like well that i think that gets to the root of the question you know which is like it's fluid meaning yeah some days are going to be good and then other days are going to be just horrible and you just have to sort of ride that out and that's that's kind of and you have triggers and that's what we did oh major triggers and i you know i i was just patient and doing everything that i could to be everything that you know you know needed me to be in the moment. Whatever it was, you know, it didn't matter. But I think also.

Whether I thought it was right or wrong or whatever. It was about what you needed from me, you know. So having a partner like that helps because you were, it was very, you were very patient. But then in therapy, remember, there was the time when our therapist was like, look, you can't turn into a mother-son relationship your father i know it was um mother-son like good cop bad cop or something it was mother-son meaning like you know you can't do this or you're you know it's like you remember it was like you're both adults like you can't be turn into sort of you dictating how he lives his life or this mother-son sort of vibe like can i you know do this or is it okay if i do this you know

what I mean? Right, and we were lucky that we were lucky that we had a therapist to help us through that because what happens is it really has to be up to the person that's doing the forgiving. In the end, it came down to me because you were, you know, doing all the work and changing and growing and I was kind of just holding on to a lot, you know, of resentment and And, you know, yeah, there was a time where he was like, okay, you stayed in this, you decided to give it a shot, here you guys are, you got to move forward. And then that's when I started doing a lot of work and reading.

And, you know, I had a couple great books that really helped me, I think. You know what I mean? Just kind of have that perspective. And there's a quote that I have that I love. of that there's a few of them, but this one made so much sense. It just kind of clicked. And I remember reading it and it was, forgiveness doesn't mean that what they did was okay. It means that you no longer allow what they did to affect you. Simple and short, but it's true. When you are holding on to, like the way that I'll explain it is it felt like for me,

The minute I was going to give up and forgive him, it allowed him to think that what he did was okay or that I didn't, you know, I wasn't mad anymore or it didn't hurt me anymore. And so, you know, I would inch along and give a little bit and then we'd have these, like, beautiful moments and, you know, there'd be laughter and happiness and we'd move forward and then I'd want to take that away. And I'd want to remind him of like, how could he do that to me? And it was a power. It was gaining my control back. Because at the end of the day, this was a loss of power, control, whatever you want to say, you know, and that's probably not the right thing, but that's what it is. And so for me to kind of gain back any sense of, you know, power, I don't know if that's the right word, but that was how I gained it back was kind of my control or, you know, feeling confident or strong was knowing that I could control my. feelings and I could take away that good moment well we started over essentially because we did

live apart for a while and then we found we were in like a neutral home wasn't my parents home wasn't our home it was sort of a neutral home and we sort of kind of dated again in a sense remember yeah and and it was it was it was it was fun I mean it was it was new new and fresh and then I bought you a turtle. Mm-hmm. A little baby turtle. A little baby turtle. George.

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That's Helix, H-E-L-I-X-Sleep.com. slash sibling for up to $200 off. And then do you remember the first night we had sex after? Yeah, in the movie room? Yeah, of course. Oh, my God, that was intense. I know. I know.

It was intense, and it was incredible, honestly, because, you know, sex has always been great in our relationship. hands down greatest sex you know and i'm 20 years later it's the best it's ever been and and that is no bullshit and that is because of a communication and openness of vulnerability i think that we have in our relationship which is a whole other topic which we can get into in another podcast potentially but in this moment when we first sort of consummated this new relationship that we had after we had through a bit of a catharsis together through therapy rebuilding trust it was so just deep and memorable because there was this sort of vulnerability there you know I remember every piece of it

it was crazy yeah it was crazy well it was intense I mean look and then we got pregnant yeah like very shortly after yep you know in like December yeah so we were apart for like two or three months and then we came back strong and then we got pregnant yeah right right away right I know it's so crazy I mean you know I think we went back into it and you know there was just no guarantee but it also there was something about that that was freeing too because i think there's so much pressure put on to you know once you're married or you're in this commitment to you know make it perfect or last or whatever it was and this was like okay where are we going from here that's a good point though go back to that because it's true you're in this commitment to make it perfect and it's supposed to be

fucking perfect and and it just never is it's pressure right it never is perfect there is no such thing as perfection i mean i don't even i just forget relationships just generally i don't think perfection exists in anything really you know the flaws the beauties sometimes is in the flaws you know i mean the flaws that we have that we had has created the life that we have now and again it's about living in the right now it's not to say that it can ever happen again and this is how we live right we don't fucking know we we have no concept yeah another another huge of what the future holds huge thing in in the forgiveness you know the process of forgiving and healing was me accepting that exact comment that you just statement which is you don't know and so I would sit there

you know with my therapist and say what if and but and if he does this again or gosh if I go back and I forgive him or you know we have a great year a couple years we have kids and everything was a kind of what if and catastrophizing the future and once I could gain perspective on the concept that there is no guarantee whether he had done this to you or not i just could see it differently so until it happens to you you kind of don't maybe think it can i mean it's like death or anything you know around you until it's happening until you're in the shoes it's just like the whole you know me worried about being worried about being judged or this or that it's like until you are in that person's shoes and every single relationship is different every single

you know and you know what were your girlfriends like though were they like fuck him get the fuck out of there no everybody was you know supportive I mean yeah of course there was

you know protective anger you know but at the same time everybody you know my close friends like know me they know you they loved us they understood it

I mean you can be quick to judge of course but when you really know know the ins and the outs and the story. I mean, you know, my friends are supportive no matter what. And that's, you know, true friends aren't going to judge you. They're going to be there for you no matter what. Good, bad, you know, all of it. And from my perspective. And I was so lucky. You know, this is a lot from errands, but from my perspective, I was so deeply, madly in love with this person that I was willing to do anything and everything that I could do, you know, to make

sure that she felt safe and that I was every day doing something to rebuild trust so it's twofold number one is I was doing it for myself because I didn't want to be this person okay I came from divorce I I you know my dad I'm sure messed around right I I didn't want to be that human being for Aaron of course but for anybody down the line number one Number two for me was doing everything that I could do, even the smallest things, to rebuild the trust. And I knew that it wasn't going to be what it was. You know, and I can honestly say even today, it's probably not as pure as it was before that moment. That's just the fucking way it is.

Our life is beautiful and amazing right now. but you know it's not what it was yeah i mean it's a scar and you know the other thing is the perspective for me once i but that doesn't mean it can't be amazing right and i think once you accept that there is no guarantee there is no happily ever after i mean not to be like um you know negative but um there was there was a freedom in me accepting that it could happen again or it might be me or you know it could be something else and so once i let go of that and i know this sounds again a little like cliche but stayed in the present um you know a lot of what my therapist would say was the past has already happened you decided and chose to be here

with him now so going back into your past memories or triggers or you know, thoughts does nothing except, you know, bring those feelings up again. So it's wasted time and energy. Worrying about the future no matter what you think you're going to protect yourself from, you don't know what's going to happen. So all you have is right now. So what was Oliver giving me in the moment that day? And that's all that really exists. I know it's so like crazy to say, but I could put up a wall, I could resent him, I could, you know, worry about it happening again, and it may never happen. Or I can think it might not and be happy, and it might happen.

It's just, everything comes down to control. We all want to fucking know that everything's going to be okay. And, you know, at the end of the day, it's, we both want to be here. and, you know, do the work. And that's the reality. It's like if you're having fun and, you know, you are attracted to your person and, you know, you love them in a kind of a very, you know, deep, deep sense of the word, then I think there's a chance, you know, to make it work. But it's not easy that, you know. Right, right, right, right.

Of course. Like, it's not fucking easy. I mean, with us, we, we got through it. But I'm saying, it's still work. Every day you're working, you're working, you're working. That's part of what it is to be in a relationship. Sikara. Here we go.

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shit you know because I'm you know I've talked about it before with on this podcast and I think with Joe on my other podcast but you know I've been going through some crazy anxiety after coming off of my stupid drugs and I'm just I'm I'm back on the track back on track I think you know what I mean I got a new gig I'm doing a job I'm doing a show in Albuquerque and you know I'm actually becoming finally becoming kind of excited about it but I been a fucking mess like a a wreck just a just just just just crushed just just devastated i mean it's been horrible anxiety for me you know but aaron's had to pick up the slack because i can't function the way that i normally do so not to get into all that but it's work you're always working

you know you're always picking up slack you're always sort of figuring out what the next move is you're a team right especially when you have kids you want to help it's kind of back and forth most of the time it's pretty equal but you know that's just the way it goes there's ebbs and flows another thing i'll say back to kind of you know healing and moving forward is you can stay very stuck and you can hold on to you know your anger and think that the other person deserves it And it is a way to kind of have your control back. But it's just not a fun place to be. And I think, you know, this goes back to, you know, my parents and just life is short. And, you know, at this time in our lives and at this point, no matter who your partner is going to be, if I was to have left, you know, Oliver, it really would have been to punish him ultimately. maybe it would have been because I couldn't have gotten past it which a lot of people can't

I think I was lucky I had the tools I'm extremely empathetic I really like to see the best in people and in a lot of situations so I think I'm lucky that I had that ability but the truth is I could have gone and started over with someone else and they're going to have

their own fucking you know suitcase full of shit that they're going to bring to the relationship you know we were not worn down we were not dealing with this with children you know so like i say like everybody's story is so different we were just getting started we were just getting started so it was almost like all right like why not give it a shot and we got lucky we made it through and then we started having kids and yeah now i have three of them one of them who tonight is out at a bowling alley with a girl he likes he's 13

he's about to turn 14 about to turn 14 it's all new you know I drove him down there and I was having conversations with him you know so you know this girl I don't know you like her

and he's like yeah I mean yeah yeah he's it's impossible to get shit out of them yeah so now we're entering the world teenagers right right right and then I've got Life 360 we do So I can like, that's an app where you can sort of GPS your kids from their phone. And, you know, 20 minutes after I drop him off of the bowling alley, the fucker's like at Wendy's, you know, like a mile away. And then he's in some sort of a park.

And I'm like, where's this kid going? And then he's at city market. I'm probably buying candy. I know. But we're in a small town. We're lucky. He's got independence and freedom. him but it's funny to track his ass and watch him move around which by the way too is i mean is

this a good thing or a bad thing i mean i i like having it i think it's a safety and i don't know i don't know but look here's another thing i'll say too like we just going back to it like we also have our our youngest is now turning eight so we like made it through the thick of babies and toddlers and all of that insanity which really, really contest a parent. You know, sleep deprivation,

who's doing this, who's doing that, like all that kind of shit is pretty gnarly. And now it was like the last two years with this like smooth sailing kind of beautiful little, you know, age time. You know, like before Wilder was kind of a full

teenager. He still wanted to be with us. Rio, you know, our youngest was independent And now we're just starting to enter the world of teenagers Which so many of my friends are already ahead of us But it's Yeah, but I think we do it differently, you know I don't know As far as parenting goes

It's purely instinctual It's a much happier place to be That's another thing I was going to say Once I kind of let go and now it's like yeah that happened and I it's just you're happier it's like life is short you know and and letting like anger pass through you or sadness pass through you feel it get it it out whatever that is running working out writing crying screaming and let it pass and then get back into a place of happiness I also did a lot of you know what am I great

for and what are the amazing things about you and you know that kind of stuff kept me super present is your phone ringing hi bode hi all right you guys are you guys at the other house no no we're upstairs okay okay okay okay perfect ending to the podcast here comes a little bodie bear the bodie bear boi's the middle i know we got to do one on kids parenting for sure There's a lot to talk about I mean there's a ton to talk about really I just have like a thousand podcasts

I know I know But I've wanted to do one with you I'm here you come Hi What's up I'm just chilling I'm looking at how deep the ocean is You're YouTubeing how deep the ocean is

Mari on a trench 35000 feet Yeah. Yeah. I know. That's cool. I learned something new, right as the day was about to finish. All right, we're just finishing up this podcast.

Do you have anything to say to the audience? Uh. Do you think that we're good parents? Yes, very good. Okay. There he is. The one and only. The one and only bo-y.

The bodie bear. Um, all right. Well, we can put this to bed. Okay, but what's your favorite thing about me? Probably your selflessness. Hmm. Thanks. You care more for others than you do for yourself.

I mean, I care a lot for others, but I do care for myself. No, I know, but you worry about how people feel and, you know, you go the extra mile to make sure that everyone feels comfortable. and included safe and happy and included in your orbit. Yeah. That's true.

Mm-hmm. Thanks, poop. You're welcome. All right. I love you. Okay, I love it too. Sibling Revellerie is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson.

Producer is Allison Bresden. Editor is Josh Windish. Music by Mark Hudson, a.k.a. Uncle Mike. If you want to show us some love, rate the show and leave us a review. This show is powered by Simplecast. In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia. Had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name it.

Five, six white people pushed me in the car. I'm going, what about that? Basically, your stay-at-home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. All you got to do is receive the package. Don't have to open it, just accept it. She was very upset, crying. Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand, and I saw the flash of light. Listen to the Chinatown Stang on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

Let's start with a quick puzzle. The answer is Ken Jennings' appearance on The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs. The question is, what is the most entertaining listening experience in podcast land? Jeopardy Truthers, believe in... I guess they would be conspiracy theorists. That's right. They gave you the answers, and you still blew it. The puzzler.

Listen on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jenna Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcomfit Podcasts, I'm even more honest, more vulnerable, and more real than ever. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? Join me for conversations about healing and growth, all from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen.

Listen to the new season of the Overcombered podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.