Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - Erinn and Ollie: Raising Siblings

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

This week, Oliver and Erinn discuss raising siblings, building trust with their kids, share some funny tricks to keep children well-behaved, and more.Sibling Revelry with Kate and Oliver will be back soon with a brand new season after a brief hiatus. Email [e-mail] with guest recommendations, questions, etc.Executive Producers: Kate Hudson and Oliver HudsonProduced by Allison BresnickEdited by Josh WindischMusic by Mark HudsonThis show is powered by Simplecast.This episode is sponsored by:Sakara (www.sakara.com/sibling)Public.com (PROMO CODE: Sibling)Pill Club (www.thepillclub.com/sibling)Oak Essentials (www.oakessentials.com PROMO CODE: sibling)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, I'm Kate Hudson. And my name is Oliver Hudson. We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship. And what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling rivalry. No, no. Sibling rivalry. Don't do that with you.

your mouth. Sibling Revellerie. That's good. What happened? Oh my God. You did? Let me see. Look at me.

Wow. That's good. So what? The boys are going to make fun of my name. So what? What? Here, take this mic. The boy, you're worried about the boy's making fun of your makeup? Yeah.

Why? Because Dylan always says, like, why do you do makeup? I know, but you're a young girl who likes to sort of experiment and put fun makeup on. There's nothing wrong with it. Here's what I'm going to tell you, okay? Are you listening? Don't listen to what people say, okay? If you love it and you feel good and you think it's cool,

then you just move on about your day and if they have a problem with it guess what that's their problem that's not your problem so if you go into your brother's room and they make fun of your eye makeup and they make fun of like oh my god you know you just smile and say you know what piece give them the flip him the bird is no this honestly don't don't worry about that they can't make you feel bad Remember that. Yeah, but like, Dylan is going to make fun of me. Like, watch all my TikToks and it's so annoying. Well, first of all, you're not public on TikTok. You know, so. But how does Dylan see your TikToks? Bodie's fine.

He won't say anything, but, like, I'm coming. Bodie won't say anything because, like, he's my brother. But Dylan always makes fun of me. And I didn't accept him on my TikTok. I deleted him on my TikTok and Ben Dylan share it on like they screenshot it and then they just watch it and it's so annoying. Yeah, but you're creating videos for yourself and for fun, right? And so, you know, if you're if you're making videos, are you doing it just for yourself or do you doing those? But you want people to see them, right?

You're doing fun videos for people to watch. Who cares about what people think? This is what I'm saying. You just go do you And don't worry about what anyone thinks As long as you're having fun And you love what you're doing Whether it be eye makeup

Or whether it be singing or dancing or whatever Then screw everyone else All right Later Love you All right Started that podcast off With a little daddy daughter session

She came She did her makeup Now by the way We don't Let her out of the house with makeup to be clear, you know, but we let her have fun. She's eight years old, and she does a kick-ass job, by the way. She comes into our room sometimes in like...

I'm like, did you ever like a professional makeup artist in your room that I don't know about? Oh, hey, what are you doing here? Nothing. I was just talking and you interrupt to me, but we'll talk about that after. We'll get into that. Yeah, no, I know. It's like, it's like someone, it's like you shit hair and makeup and wardrobe going to her room and she comes out. It's crazy.

She has this like insane sort of, I guess, knack for putting shit together. No, it's a good natural talent for like style and makeup. Yeah, and then she does her makeup. I'm like, oh my God, who did that? And she's like, I did. She's eight, you know. And so she created this whole like sort of, what would you call it, like a wing effect? Winged eyeliner, yes.

Is that what it's called winged? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. But not like a winged effect. Well, I was pretty fucking close, given the fact that I don't really know what I'm talking about. It's pretty good. Yeah, but we don't let her leave the house like that, just to be clear. But we let her explore and have fun and play.

And then, of course, she's worried about, you know, her brothers and her brother's friends laughing at her, which, of course, they do. It's natural. Which, of course, they do. Yeah, natural. You know It's interesting Children Finding that balance

Of letting them grow up And also having to rein their asses in Total Very very fine line But yeah there is But I think it's Important to have A balance

Boundaries But yet also not You know Suffocate them Totally but you just never know where on what side of that line you're walking it's just sort of a you're just making guesses yeah instinct and you go by

the kid itself the kid plays a huge part some kids like really crave and need boundaries I mean most kids but need it more than others um yeah so to recap our week you know I think we should maybe do like week

like week caps maybe it's called we caps with Oliver and Aaron Or Aaron and Oliver, since you can go first. Okay. Like, weak caps. I got it? No. So would it be spelled with a K?

I think, but then the cults would be like, we are recapping. We caps, but it's also weak caps. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just, my brain works like that. I like it. I like it. We were in Albuquerque where I'm working, and Aaron came to visit. we just got back last night

and staying on this sort of kids theme when you're away and then dealing with your kids sort of when they're away it's hard you know because you're not there dealing on the day to day and I got into it with Wilder

and then I apologized you know but I was just hot I got hot you know I got angry because you know he he he messed with his sister you know he messed with his sister he he picked her up and he i think he was playing and then he like threw her in a bush and she scraped her leg really badly and by the way she didn't tattle i want to i want to say that like she just said oh i've said what's wrong she got i've been crying she didn't say and then i was prodding and then she

explained it to me and the problem is and i get a pass like he's a teenager hormones are happening, I guess. But, you know, he puts her in the bushes and she's crying. And then you don't really say, oh, hey, are you okay? I'm sorry. And that just threw me for a loop. I'm talking a lot right now, but I want to explain myself to you in the audience. Because we're dealing with siblings, okay, and sibling relationships.

Which is crucial to me. When I see the kids not getting along, it, like, devastates my soul. I get it hurts and I think I'm yelling at my younger self in a sense and we might have talked about this before have we not I don't know but because I was not nice to Kate you know I was a dick brother for the most part I didn't have the capacity to to love though you know I was dealing with divorce and all my own shit so I you know I wasn't there for her and and I would trip her and you know she would annoy me and you know and so when I see wilder the kids doing that to my little ladybug I don't know maybe it triggers me, you know, with me. I'm triggering myself with my younger self. It makes sense. I just don't like it and I just lost it. Also, I think we are super lucky that all three of the kids most of the time, like really get along. Like not only did they not get along, but they have like a blast together. And just recently, for some reason we've kicked into a stage of them fighting a little more,

annoying each other a little more, just this little like tit for tat like stuff. Whereas we had it good for so long. Like, I mean, really great. And still, I mean, there's obviously moments of laughter and they get along and the boys have each other and always did. They were always a team. I think their personalities, you know, age-wise, all that kind of stuff really mattered. and it was super cohesive.

I mean, they were always, like, best friends and had each other, and it was amazing. And then Rio, they just kind of took care of her, and they were always, like, sweet, and even when she was a toddler. And we watch old videos, and they're like, oh, they look her. Like, would you look at you guys?

Yeah. You're all cuddling. You're all on the couch holding each other. And now, like, this morning, you know, Rios, my little cussarer. cuddle girl she's just fucking she's just so sweet and she gets in bed you know I'm like

hanging out with Bodie wake him up and I get in bed and she sort of cruises in bed and he's like get out like kicking her off the bed I'm like God damn it don't you fucking touch her that's what I'm thinking and I'm just like God what is what's wrong I know well it's hard because she's being

sweet and like wants to love on her brothers and then when they reject that that's what drives me crazy now She can be annoying. She can do her little, you know, she knows how to push their buttons. She can be manipulative. So I get it. So I get it.

So I get it. Like she's trying to get us in trouble. Like she's saying she wants a kiss and a hug, but she does not. She just wants to annoy us. Right. And that's not lost on me. I get that. Yeah.

Like I understand that, you know. But they've got to like, you know, they got to know when it's happening. Because honestly, like I think what it is for us too is like, when they aren't getting along and we see them fight, it's such new territory and like shocking and also heartbreaking. We're like, wait, why do you guys like love each other? And I think generally they do. They don't like despise each other like a lot of kids and brothers and siblings and sister.

I mean, you know, and all those stories, of course. But also like the boys being, you know, 14 and almost 11 or 12, you know, Bodie, it's like they're at a very like kind of make fun of each other stage. and annoy each other, but it's still, like, fun and fun, and they hang, and, like, Bodie hangs with all Wilder and his friends, and that's... Well, that's the thing is, you know, Bodie's always been hanging with Wilder and his friends, but that separation has to be coming relatively soon. Once Wilder is driving, you know, and he's now off and doing his thing, and Bodie, I'm sure, we'll be hanging as well, but, you know, and then there's a little separation that's going to happen with them. Totally. I know I was reading one of the emails, I think, that Allison sent us, but just talking about brothers and siblings and fighting and how to kind of manage it. And, you know, we're talking about our kids kind of fighting right now. It's barely anything. But I always thought, like, God, what if they didn't get along and they really were at each other? Like, how would we, you know, go at that as parents? And I think, you know, the The truth is, it comes usually out of some sort of like competition, right, or, you know, for attention, for, you know, food, who's getting something first, you know, who's better at something or, you know, all that kind of stuff.

And there's a little bit of, like, healthy, you know, competition and that kind of stuff. But if it gets to a place, it's almost like, you know, I don't know what I would do, like sit them down and, like, you know. I don't know. That's a tough one. You know, that's a tough one. You just got to be like, look, you guys are brothers. And that's what I say to the boys sometimes. I'm like, at the end of the day, this is what you have. Like for life. For life. This is the person that will be here with you forever, hopefully. But it's also primal. You know, we can't forget. We're part of the animal kingdom. You know, so when you have siblings fighting, there's a hierarchy, a pecking order, an alpha that is being established. And sometimes it's the older and sometimes it's the younger. And by the way, sometimes it's the girl. Mm-hmm.

You know, oftentimes, fucking Rio can, you know. Oh, yeah. She can step it up. But, yeah, there's that alpha domination that is happening. And it's always the, like, you know, they're vying kind of for, like, you know, who we're going to see as the winner or the right one or the victim or because it's this constant, like, you know, like, we're the refs or something in the game of, like, life for them because they're always kind of coming to us to be. you know they did this or they did that or yeah i know i know but at the end of the day like it

matters siblings matter and this show is called sibling revelry even though that you and i have sort of taken over for the time being but it's an important bond to try to nurture and you can use your past experiences yes with your sibling to try to inform your your kids and how they should be with their siblings you know i obviously had a very different upbringing than you did you know i mean I came from the divorced family, and then Katie and I was sort of on our own for a minute, and I never established a real sort of tight connection with my sister because the life around me was chaotic. My environment was chaotic. I had no stability to sort of be quiet and sit and nurture some sort of a relationship, even from an instinctual place because we were young. And then Wyatt comes

along, or Boston comes along, he's a step. You know, then Wyatt comes along, and I'm 10 years, older than he is so it was a very sort of different sibling oh yeah who you are at what age that that matters whereas you was like you know beautiful family boy and a girl you know i was the older one he was like my baby he was your baby used to dress him up oh i talked for him i don't think he talked until he was like nine i was literally like his like mouthpiece agent in his mouthpiece i dressed him up and girls you know did everything it was like he was and then we were literally like best friends. I mean, I think we maybe fought like a few times in our life. But what was great is like if you can establish the dynamic of like you guys have each other, meaning like

there's a, um, like a loyalty or something that's built in to know that like this person has my back. This person knows things, you know, about me and internally. And they'll always be there for you. even if they don't want to or even if, you know, you're fighting or that kind of stuff. I mean, and we, like, had each other's backs. Like, we were barely, like, the tattle on each other. It was more like, don't tell

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Public.com gave me sort of an opportunity to dabble, you know, to learn, to feel it out. So use Sibling, use code Sibling when you download the app to let Public.com. know you are coming from sibling revelry and you will get up to $50 in free stock to get started in growing your portfolio valid for U.S. residents 18 and older subject to account approval see public.com slash disclosures not investment advice so how do you feel about tattling our kids tattling I don't love tattling neither of us do that's just a thing I mean unless it's very warranted or somebody's lying and the other kid is like, you know, going to be blamed or I don't know. You know what I mean? There's that. But like coming up and running and being like, Mommy, you know, Bodie hit me or so-and-so did this. It's like, I don't have time. I don't definitely don't want to teach tattling. I think there's also that fine line. It gets confusing because there's just a difference between tattling and kind of, you know, consciously seeing something. and telling a teacher or, you know, a parent or something like that

that's not good behavior. Right, right. It's the constant tattling. Well, it's also the tattling to get, you know. Someone in trouble. Someone in trouble. Or, you know, have the parent, you know, want them and life better. But we've tried to instill that from a young age.

Yeah. I mean, from when we're like, all right, you know, even if they are sort of right to maybe say it. Right. They got more in trouble for tattling. Like crosses it out. Stop. deal with it yep figure it out i don't know but don't don't tattle like that yeah like you know it's just not a great quality yeah i agree you know it's i got tattled on like crazy yeah

so that's what it's like a trigger for you it is you know but then but then when you know one of the kids tells me that one of the other one did something that it makes me pissed off not at the tattel or sometimes like why would you do that mm-hmm you know Yeah, look, I mean, it's all tricky because it's a fine line of like, you know, my brother and I was like, you know, I got your back kind of feeling. So you almost have like a teammate in it. And I saw my brother as like if he was getting in trouble, like I was like, oh, that sucks, you know? And I think he felt the same way. It's like you're kind of, we established like compassion early on or like, were the kids, they're the parents. It felt like that. sometimes too. Like we were in it together. Like if we were, you know, like getting in trouble. I mean, I remember this story.

I mean, this goes to show how like early 80s or something it was. But my parents, we would go out to dinner with my parents. And we always had to be on like really good behavior, manners, you know, polite, all that stuff. I grew up very, you know, much household where that was like priority number one. And it's just funny now looking back because. when you're with your kids out at a restaurant and they're annoying or they're fighting

or they're doing something and you ask them to stop 100 times you know that feeling of losing your patience and I was thinking about the skull but I remember my parents sent my brother and I out to the car we were at the fort and back home and Springfield outside of Longmeadow and they sent us to the car

and locked us to the car and locked us in the back of the car and kept us out in the parking lot while they finished their meal. That's the fucking 80s for you. Now you'd be arrested for like child endangerment and like child services. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, we were like fully punished. And this was like we're sitting in the car.

There's obviously no such thing as an iPhone or anything. No, you just have nothing to do. Yeah. Just like hanging out in the car. Anyways. I know. Well, that's, you know, fear and bribery. I mean, I talked about that, I think, in the last one or one before or whatever.

like that's that's what you revert to you can read all the books in the world but then that goes out the window and it's just fear and bribery you know fear and bribery and parenting it's like sums it up the skull there's there's an italian restaurant called lascala in LA and they make an amazing chop salad like famous it's fucking incredible anyway we're there with the kids and they're little they're much younger at the time and they're just fucking crazy I mean they're rambunctious they're in a booth they're like sit down you're like putting like you know bread in their water I'm just like annoying each other.

Like I just want to have like a civil meal. And finally I'm like, you guys, listen to me right now. All right. I brought you here because this is a restaurant that you do not mess around in. And I'm going to tell you why. What's the name of this place? Wow, there's like, Las Gala. Because we went there all the time.

Like, exactly. So I've been coming here since I was a kid as well. There is someone in the back that you do not want to see. And if you get rambunctious and you start messing around And start annoying people This dude is going to find out about it And trust me you don't want to see him And then I kind of chime in with like, babe, babe, babe, don't scare them

Like I'm like, I don't know Some kids don't come back from the kitchen I get it, babe, I know I'm just saying they need to know this now They're old enough So his name is Skull Because of course we're at La Scala So I just came to me

I'm like his name is Skull and you watch that door because you don't want to see them and they no but then we showed him pictures oh yeah yeah that's right they're like what does he look like no you i said something like don't show him what he looks like so they get scared yeah and then of course i google like crazy looking man oh like like awful yeah like no teeth crazy looking man i found this picture and i showed like there he is and they were just like horrified and i swear to god they were most well-behaved children you can imagine for that time. It was the best.

Skull. And that lore lived on. It lived on because then what we did was when we were at other restaurants, it was like, well, skull's not here. And we were like, yeah, but every kitchen has a dungeon. Remember it started with the dungeon? And like that word was just kind of like scary and mysterious. And so we'd be like, I don't know who's down in this dungeon, but I'm going to ask the waiter if somebody's aired anyways.

It's so much of that shit. Oh, my God. The knocking sound. The knocking sound. holy shit that's how we used to get the kids to bed yeah because they'd be crazy and we created it was it was like a second wind of like insanity like right before bed it was just two boys right so we didn't even have re it was like crazy or if they were going crazy and not listening or any of that and then i would go into another room or even like just like with your hand down without them yeah yeah when they would

looking i just go like sometimes like loud yeah and then sometimes soft like and they'd be like like, what is that? And we'd be like, did you hear that? That's the knocking sound, dude. That's the knocking sound. And they'd be like, wah! It's just, it wasn't even a creature. It was just the knocking sound.

It was almost like a ghost or something. Yeah, and so then that became for a while, like how we got them in bed. They were being nuts. All of a sudden you'd hear. And they'd be like, oh my God. They'd like freak out. Before you do it, it was like loud and it was like bang, and it was kind of like, bang, bang, bang. And it would scare them.

And they would just like run and jump into bed. Oh, God. So funny. The knocking sound. Parenting is so funny. Bodie brought that. up recently that's why yeah you do anything and everything you can yeah it doesn't matter like what's gonna get it done yeah shushu birds that was another one that was rio that was rio that wasn't the

kids oh oh no because it was like what makes the knocking sound and we were like shushu birds remember yeah like with rio anyways like insane like kids is like horrified no i know it's always something it's always something now you can't do it anymore no i know that's what so she's Because they're Wilder, you know, it's like, I'm taking this away. I know, that's it. But they can, you know, manage when they're little and you can't, it's almost like that scare technique shakes them a little in the moment and then they get scared. Yeah. No, I know.

It's true. And now Wilder, you know, I'm, I had that, you know, argument with him on the phone. And then, of course, I texted him and I called when I'm like, dude, I'm sorry. I got so upset. I'm just frustrated. I miss you. I'm here. you know dealing with school and and his sister you know hurting his sister excuse me but um then we

started texting because basically i took away his computer like his video gaming computer for a week plus because here's how it went down real quick i don't know if people are bored but like whatever they're not i mean it's this a story they he he did that to his sister and i was like all right dude you're done with your computer today you're done you're not playing tonight after you do your homework no it's done and he's like what i'm like no that's it we catch him from abroad from afar we know that he he he played and just completely gave me the middle finger and at that point i was not angry i was like i just can't believe you did that you know so now i'm like it's over dude two weeks you're done that's it and by the way i'm still sticking to

that like i've come home and we're home and he's like i mean he's like i know i'm like dude i'm serious i didn't know you went for two weeks wow i'll turn into one i'm sure i am a bit of a pushover too sometimes um so then we just started texting and i was like you completely disrespected me you know i said this sucks and he goes taking stuff isn't going to solve anything though dad it just makes me and the other kids more mad it doesn't make anything better like think how many times have you taken something away and think it's going to solve the problem and then later on another one happens and you take something away it just keeps repeating itself over and over again it makes the kid even more angry and annoyed than they already are you just ruined my whole entire week

And I said, okay. I said, but you ruined your entire week, not me. And he goes, but it's your choice. So yes, it's you. And I said, you made the choice to go against me. It was one night that turned into a lot more. And he goes, games are my happy place, Dad, when I'm stressed or angry, getting and talking with my friends, you made everything I enjoy gone.

I said, you made it gone. I said, you made it gone, pal. You made the choice to say, whatever. I'm going to play anyway, even though my dad said not to. And then you lied to me again. Just now, when I asked you if you were playing. It's about trust, man. I know you understand this.

Yeah, and I played one round, and it was short. After finishing my homework, after two hours while Dylan and Ben were here, and I got off and you called me and, okay, yes, I lied. But that's the first time I've lied in so long. Do you know how much other kids lie to their parents? It's crazy. Time. It's crazy time.

after one little lie about playing one match of a video game that you're taking away, it just doesn't make a, just doesn't make sense. I love the part of like, I haven't lied in so long. I know, I know. I do lie. I just haven't done it in a while. And I said, yeah, but you're not other kids and I'm not other parents. You made the choice to test me and it didn't work out for you.

I said, we'll have a talk when I get home. But buddy, as you get older and start going out to parties and driving, I have to be able to trust you. I have to believe what you tell me. It's so important. I will never be mad at you when you tell me the truth ever. I know, Dad, but if I don't tell the truth once, you don't have to get all crazy.

And these insane punishments, they're extreme. And I never lie. Like 99% of the time I never lie. And the one time I did, which was now, you go to the worst punishment. The worst punishment. I said, dude, it was one night. I mean, I just banned him for one night.

Then he screwed the whole thing. Anyway, it goes on. But it's just, it's funny. Welcome to the world of teenagers. Then he goes, if I was the parent, I would be like, okay. Well, if you really only played that long and got off, then you're good. Just don't play the rest of the night. It's amazing.

That's so funny. I just love it, you know. I said, you get, he goes, you gain nothing. by punishing me like this this nothing like like you gain nothing by punishing me like this nothing at all except your son being mad at you that's so funny that's amazing except your son being mad at you and then he goes and he goes and again your punishments are too much even all my friends agree they're a little too much oh my god it's funny i know so there's a little window into my text exchange with the boy it's wilder

they're 14 year old 14 year old no yeah it's a tough one i feel like lies i mean you know you know all kids lie like you always say like i set the bar too high you know for like my expectations of them which i think sometimes they are but i'm also realistic i know we all you know lied to our and to get away with things and there is like a level of lying you know something like that it's like all right not the biggest deal but it's setting the tone for lying just meaning like if it's a small one and you get caught and it's a big one that you don't like or vice versa it doesn't really matter it's more just that like why waste with like a stupid thing like that because then your trust is gone whether it's big or little that's what I said to him I didn't read the whole thing

I pretty much read the whole thing. I don't know if you're going to hear the full unedited version or not. And that's based on Allison. But, you know, I said to him, I said, well, there's 15 minutes or four hours. It doesn't matter. You blatantly basically gave me the middle finger. You know, we had this whole conversation. I said, dude, no, you're done for the night.

And then boom, you're back on. That is a bigger issue. Not the actual doing, but the breaking of the trust. And I get kids live. do it's normal but how about this be better at it don't get caught so easily we all tell little white lies you know when we were kids we all try to get shit past our parents even you in the most beautiful idyllic lifestyle you are still of course drawing a party and trying to get shit past your parents normal but when i catch you it breaks the trust you know because when when bigger

thing i want to be able to believe you and not be skeptical of my own children you know and there are some lines that you probably let go like kurt probably and my mom probably knew of things that i was doing but being like you know what let him do his thing you know i know he's bullshitting me but i can't hold my tongue no and i'm a sleuth i'm like I'm going to find out. Yeah. I mean, you know, it gets complicated. They're in this like tweener age.

They're too old. What are you doing? I'm doing a little show called sibling revelry with. Thanks for visiting the show. How are you? Good. I've been a little busy, a little crazy. Good, good.

You can't wait to get back at it I know, we miss you over here. It's been a wonderful substitute. All righty. I love you. Have fun. When you come back? All right.

She laughed. Wow, a little guest appearance from Kate Gary Hudson. Yes, Gary is her middle name, folks. G-A-R-R-Y. That was fun. I know. Pill Club. Do you need to?

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It comes to us from. actually someone I like very much. Her name is Jenny Kane. She is an incredible brand. And she created a product line for skincare. It's for every age. It's a very balanced, very clean, foundational skin care for everyone. I just received this and I've been using it.

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parabins, PEGs, petroleum, mineral oil and nanoparticles. Seriously, though, I really do love this product. Anything that's sort of clean and absorbed beautifully

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to worry about. So reveal your best skin with Oak Essentials. At Oak Essentials.com, you can purchase the entire five-step routine for $195. Or try your first product for 15% off when you use Code Sibling at checkout. That's O-A-K-E-S-E-S-E-N-T-I-A-L-S dot com. promo code Sibling. Anyway, yeah, I mean, you know all we have is trust in in any relationship really and you can be wary of that trust that happens you can break trust and have to earn it back i know about that and same with your kids you know i mean especially when they break it when there's a big break of trust but you have to have faith

too that you're going to send them out into the world and they're going to do the right thing or at least totally have it in their head and one thing i'll always have it in their head and one thing i'll say like if thinking back on it because I'm I of course you know lied and did stuff and high school and all that but like relatively I was so scared of getting caught and afraid to like disappoint my parents so I look back because I'm always like what did my parents do like to kind of create that or establish that relationship like why I cared what my parents thought why I I didn't want to rebel against them. And, you know, I think that's an interesting take

because if you establish, you know, too much kind of, you know, fear and, you know, strict rules and this and that, I do think that that can lead to rebellion. I mean, this is just a total general statement, but... And then if you're too lenient and, like, just best friends and, you know, oh, this and that, they get away with, you know, kind of too much. And then there's almost like a lack of even guidance. Guidance or caring what you think.

Because if you kind of show them that like, you know, so there's that fine line, I think, of creating, you know, trust, open, you know, communication, and wanting to be around and liking you a little bit, not being best friends, but like liking you enough to kind of want to respect to. Like my parents were really fun and cool and they got stuff and we could talk about things and there was a very open communication and we had fun together, we did stuff together,

but when it came to certain things, they were super strict. And that was grades and I was a terrible student so that didn't go over too well. Yeah, but grades are relative. Like what does a letter mean? It's what we talk about. No, no, no, but that's how you and I think. But I'm saying to my parents when I was growing up,

report cards and grades were an effort and all that kind of stuff were very important. And like, you know, us. It wasn't like, you just have to get A's. It was like, are you putting in the effort? Are you doing the best you can? You did the best you possibly could and you got to see, okay, that's great. They were like that.

But they just knew that I wasn't. I was like, you know, flirting with boys and, you know, being on the phone or doing whatever I was doing. and I wasn't giving it my all. And so that was a big one. Manners, big one for my parents, that kind of stuff. And, like, honesty. I mean, that's pretty much how we do it, even with our kids.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, totally. I'm just saying there was, like, a few things. Manors is big. I don't need some, like, crazy mannered kids where it's, like, you know, insane. But, yeah, I mean, pleases and thank yous, of course. My biggest thing is engaging. Yes, engage.

What I hate is when an adult will talk to a kid or my kid, even at times. And they just don't engage and they're looking away and they're like, that makes me, that makes me crazy. I'm like, no, no, no. When someone is talking to you, you looked them in the face. And even if it's for 10 seconds, you are engaging that human being and then you can move on. Even if you're faking it. Just engage. Yeah, it's just being.

It's respect. It's respect. Exactly. So there's respect for us. There's respect for your siblings. you know there's respect for elders teachers you know all that kind of stuff well it also reflects it's a selfish thing too because it reflects on us and that's another one that's what my parents used to always say too it was like you know you're if we had a party or

something they're like you're putting us in danger you know or if i got caught doing something that reflects badly on us you know so it was a lot of that but it wasn't all that mattered right so meaning like it was i felt that and I believed it rather than that feeling like a threat or like, well, that's all that you care about or, you know, it's almost like when things are too extreme

no matter what they are on either end of the pendulum, it can be a little too much. Your dad was like, listen, pal, the batlett name is a very important name. You do not do anything to smear the ballad name. You understand me? You understand me, pal?

Huh? Right. We've worked hard on this name. We came over on the fucking Mayflower, pal. Huh? On the fucking Mayflower. You did, right? No.

I thought your dad's like relatives or ancestors. I think you meant me. Yeah, maybe like a Mayflower semi-truck. I don't know. Yeah, I think some distant relatives. Yeah. We're on there. I've got like some certificate or something.

Yeah. Man, you're like the first settler. Yeah. Craziness. But anyways, that's my point. It's almost like there were the parents that you kind of want to get away with everything from or you think you can. And then there's the parents that were just too strict. So it was like always being scared. I mean, it's just a fine line of balance with everything, I think.

And then also it goes back to even, you know, with little kids, toddlers, whatever, follow through. Meaning, it's like if you yell at everything or you get mad at everything, there's nothing clear there for them. It's just a big blur of kind of knows and can't do's. And it's almost like, all right, there's a little, it's a gray area. Whereas if you're cool with most things, but then you lose your shit on one or two important things, they really know the difference of what's important, where not to, you know, push the boundaries or whatever. Yeah. And then also just it's the hardest thing I think in parenting or one of them. Like that was a big general statement,

but I think it's really hard to stick to your word and follow through. Yeah. Because usually it fucks with you. It fucks with you. Yeah. So you're suffering. Screws up your day, screws up your week, whatever it might be. So that's, I think, why most parents are like, I'm just going to give in because it's easier for me.

Well, I don't know if we've talked about it on the show. but like you know you were the queen of that for a while and you did one you did one uh threat that was so funny you remember i've we talked about it before it was it was like it was like late it was like late november early december and the kids are being nuts and whatever and erin you know just snaps loses it and she's like yeah yeah la la scream and just give you okay your ass is in the seat or whatever it is you know if you don't do this then there's gonna be no christmas and i look over and i'm like i think i was in the passenger seat and i'm like what do you mean there's going to be no christmas like we can't follow through with no christmas

that's not a possibility like what how do we do this like i know i know so that was that was definitely a stretch i was just so angry and there are those things in the moment and then and you got to take it back. But I will say, like, a couple people that I know, one is Robin Berman, who's an author, and she wrote this incredible book. And I got to remember the name on parenting. It's kind of like a must have, but,

and she talks about follow-through, because what I think is so interesting about it, speaking about trust, and I'm probably going to chop this all up, but it's in a weird way, kids don't realize it but subconsciously when you do follow through

or you don't it creates trust so meaning if you follow through and you stick by your word good or bad obviously most of the time it's bad when you're punishing

but it's trust it's earning trust that like when you say something you mean it and that will kind of trickle down into other areas whereas if you don't you know and you kind of

of give in or you know kids are smart they know that kind of stuff and then they're it's literally kind of messing up with them just in trust in the long run the bigger picture if that makes sense I can't remember exactly how it was said but is she the one who is it the Disneyland story right where they drove all the way there and then they're like oh fuck it like like we got to turn around yelling at the kids doing with it and they threatened they were on their way to Disneyland and they threatened to leave and not go to Disneyland and the kids kids, I think at one point in the story, it was really like, you're not going to turn around now or, you know, something like the third time or one of those. And she looked at the husband.

I mean, they'd like taken off the day from work, bought the tickets and everything. And they turned around and left. That's gnarly. And she says, the daughter came to this like seminar that I was at, grown up, like college graduate and told the story. And she said, we were in so much shock. Like no one's talked the whole entire way back. She's like, I think I cried and the whole thing. And she's like, but it was like a defining moment in our family dynamic because they were like, holy shit. A, they mean business. B, we got to respect them. Yeah.

You know. Yeah. And it works in the long run. And then, you know, my bestie, Angie, when she had her little son, she took away Halloween when Ollie was little. And it was like totally, you know, huge for her. And she was like heartbroken. She was crying. She's like, I have to follow through.

But it's like devastating. But, you know, it was a big one And I just remember being like, wow, you're braver than me And it was awesome I mean, they just, you know, there's those defining moments That do kind of create whatever it might be In the long term You know, you don't realize it

All right, we gotta wrap it up I gotta watch the Dodgers game But I love you And I think this is our last podcast on sibling revelry Okay No forever Well I hope I come back

Maybe I'll come back No this is what I'm saying No I know that But I'm saying yeah I want to do our own I have fun I've had fun with you on this run And we have some great ideas too by the way

Yeah what we've been doing the last However many episodes we've done It's very non-structured and sort of What the hell was that Sorry I guess Are you watching Instagram I'm trying to wrap this up.

No, I just got sent something, and I saw it, and it was like, played loud music. Jackie just sent me something on my text. So you decided to look at the text from Jackie. Hold on. And she sent you a video, and in the middle of my outro, you just decided to push play. I honestly wasn't, I didn't mean to, but then I saw it, and I was like, I got a click on it. Wow, that's crazy. You were like wrapping up.

You were talking. Holy shit Okay Well You're going to hear more of those interruptions We're trying to come up with a name We have a couple good ones Yeah I like mine

But I don't know We'll see And I don't know I won't thanks for filling in I love it And I want to get more audience involvement Because I think that's super fun

Yeah well You know Right before you interrupted me with that video I was saying that... Are you talking to me? Yeah, I'm talking to you. What I'm saying is that it was very unstructured

and fly by the seat of your pants, right? Which I love. But I think we're going to have a little bit more structure. Not crazy. Yeah, we're going to meet in the middle. Yeah, I feel like it's like weekly check-in. You know what I mean? Yeah, but maybe just more of like a specific topic sometimes.

Getting more into detailed topics, mainly you and I, but having some guests on when they really matter or mean something to us. Fun surprise guests, yeah. Yeah, and then having some sort of, you know, game or something that's fun in the middle or the end. Yeah, we have a couple good ideas. Listener engagement, maybe even like hotline stuff.

Yeah. Maybe some live stuff. Yeah. Or actually having conversations with people. Anyway, I love you. I love you. I love you. For filling in.

Thanks for having me. Okay. Bye. Bye. Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson. Producer is Allison Bresden.

Editor is Josh Windish. Music by Mark Hudson, aka Uncle Mark. If you want to show us some love, rate the show and leave us a review. This show is powered by Simplecast. In early 1988, Federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

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Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of family secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their current. courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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