Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - Polyamory, Emails, and Tears

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

This week, Kate and Oliver talk about everything from polyamory to loneliness. And...because it's a listener email episode, tears are shed!To submit your story, email [e-mail] Producers: Kate Hudson and Oliver HudsonProduced by Allison BresnickEdited by Josh WindischMusic by Mark HudsonThis show is powered by Simplecast.This episode is sponsored by Beauty Blender, Coors Light, and Each & Every (PROMO CODE: SIBLING30.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. September is a great time to travel, especially because it's my birthday in September, especially internationally. Because in the past, we've stayed in some pretty awesome Airbnbs in Europe. Did we've one in France, we've one in Greece, we've actually won in Italy a couple of years ago. Anyway, it just made our trip feel extra special.

So if you're heading out this month, consider hosting your home on Airbnb with the co-host feature. You can hire someone local to help manage everything. Find a co-host at Airbnb.ca slash host. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story.

Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jorge Ramos. And I'm Paola Ramos. Together we're launching The Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time as uncertain as this one.

We sit down with politicians, artists, and activists to bring you death and analysis from a unique Latino perspective. The moment is a space for the conversations we've been having us, father and daughter, for years. Listen to The Moment with Jorge Ramos and Paola Ramos On the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Kate Hudson. And my name is Oliver Hudson. We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship. And what it's like to be siblings.

We are a sibling rival. No, no. Sibling reverie. Don't do that with your mouth. Sibling revelry. That's good. You know, I was thinking about last night, Danny said I entered another dimension last night,

and I feel like he's right. And then I put these sunglasses on this morning. and it, like, confirmed it. Did you, like, eat marijuana or something? No, I don't need anything to enter different dimensions. I'm not like you, man. I enter the dimension, like, on a regular basis. I need...

I am the Matrix. Your hair looks great. Growing out. I feel like this whole look with the chain and the robe. Yeah, but I looked really sexy last night, though. Gwyneth is in love with me. You were so happy. When I saw that, I was like, oh, my God.

She knows. She just plays you. She's like, plink. No, I felt it was real. There was something behind the words that were like, I felt it. You know what I mean? It's all been fun in games up to this point. And then something got real.

Yeah. I just, I got to talk to Brad. I got to figure this out. You should probably talk to your wife. Although your wife is so great. She'd probably be like, I love you. This, we can. Oh, yeah.

No, Aaron's cool with it. She loves Gwenith just as much as I do. So this thing could really work if I could just get Brad on board. Hey, man. I read some articles. somewhere and was talking about this with Michael Fuge, my man's brother, about the polyamorous relationship is really in, you know. Yeah, it seems to be hot right now.

Yeah, it's kind of the hot thing. What's your take on that, though? Why do you think it's trending, so to speak? What do you think is happening in the universe to where, oh, polyamory is kind of in? Because people are not as comfortable with intimacy, and I think it's, I think people are having a harder time. This is coming right out of my heinie, okay?

I'm vibing with a theory on this, which is that based on this new digital era, that we are probably not connecting as deeply or as comfortable with deep intimacy, especially with the younger generation,

as we have or have had to in the past. And this idea, of the unit having to be one unit has been so kind of blown apart that the sacrifices that you make to stay in one relationship don't feel

as important, I think, to a lot of people. And then it's sort of like as the evolution of things go, some people probably don't really want to have that kind of intimacy. They like newness. They want the newness of relationships. They don't want to find themselves. having to be faced with like their own intimacy issues they they want to explore but do you think that but

you think then that it's having multiple partners you can sort of parcel out your intimacy and you don't have to give it all at once yeah I think that when you have multiple partners you're not you know you it's like anything it's like it's like having a closet filled with like different color dresses you know it's like I walk into my closet and I feel great and I feel like I want to wear the pink dress today and that's Danny Danny's the pink dress you know and then and then tomorrow you might like that pink dress for a good couple months and then one day you're going to be like you know what I don't want to get rid of the pink dress but I'm I want to start wearing the blue dress and

the green dress it feels but but isn't polyambride isn't everyone together it's not just like an open relationship right No, polyamorous is multiple relationships at once, basically. Oh, oh, it is. It's not like, so then what is the, what is it when? Let's look this up. Hey, Siri. This happens all the time.

I thought polyamorous was like, you have a unit with multiple people. Polyamry means, the philosophy of state. Multiple people. Are romantically involved with more than one person at the same time. Yeah. Oh, so it's just basically legal, legal cheating. It's like, it's, well, it's not legal cheating. Cheating isn't illegal.

Well, morally sound cheating. It's this idea that you can actually be in love with more than one person at a time, that you can exist in this sort of constantly fluid and open place where love, it just flows, man. It just flows. Hey, man. Man, like, you know, I love Lizzie and I love Sarah. And I love Tommy I love Rick, man

I love Rick And I love John You know I think it's like I feel like you could do it Oh for sure I'm just kidding I could never

I would be Well that's not true You know what's funny Yeah because you could You could get something from each man You know what I mean Like you could take something from each person and be fulfilled.

I just want all of our listeners out there to know that Oliver's doing this because Danny is standing right next to me. Well, I know. But Danny just happens to be our videographer, so he has to be privy to all the shit. So here's what I think about this. Top three.

I'm going to be really honest about this. And I actually probably won't cut this out. I have been in relationships and dated people who have been very open about their inner. ability to be to be monogamous or their desire to be monogamous right and when someone is really open and transparent about it it kind of gives you the choice to say well do i want to explore this or is this not for me but they're being honest and up front about it it's like when you kind of

present yourself with that openness i think it allows the other person to feel like they're starting off with a like just total honesty which then makes you kind of go, because I've been in that situation, it makes you go, you know what, I really like this person. I love spending this time with person, this person. He's basically lowered my expectation of monogamy with him. And I have a choice to see if this is the kind of relationship and I'm going to explore it. And as you explore it, you kind of go, well, maybe I could do this. There is a moment where you go, because it's so honest, maybe you could do it. The problem is with me is that then you get like a month or two in and you're like fuck this no yeah i i i i

absolutely not i need lockdown monogamy i would i would be devastated if danny felt you know like wanted to you know be with another woman or it was like the worst feeling ever yeah Annie, don't, yeah, don't tell her. Well, I'll just, if that ever, I always say, like, like, you know, if that ever happens, I'm just out. That's how I am. There's no, like, saving something with that. Well, usually it's symptomatic of something. You know what I mean?

And then it's about whether you want to fight for that relationship. I think that people are so quick now to just throw everything away, not just with cheating, just in general. meaning like oh something's wrong fuck you you're gone onto the next that's me yeah i'm like you know a big buy don't do that yeah but but you might be missing out on something great i'll miss out with someone else all right danny you can come live with me oh yeah let's get to emails let's talk about other things no this was great we need to do a whole other three hours on this yeah Gwyneth did. She started this whole conversation.

I know. Well, I'm going to give you an update. The audience will get an update next podcast. Okay. Let's... All right. Let's get to the email. Okay.

So here we go. I'm really going to try not to cry because I know it's just so crazy. Allison always, I don't know. Maybe she's got a weird cry fetish. I'm a... Gives us these emails where it's just like devastating, you know. okay um am i you go first you want me to go first okay oliver and kate i'm not even sure where to start your podcast has carried these tired bones through the last year of the pandemic i know

tired bones sets it up for my throat immediately started to get froggy you know i am 37 a registered nurse and have seen more grief and illness this last year than i have seen in my whole 15 year career RN. I work on a surgical floor, but because of the coronavirus and the influx of patients needing medical attention, I was pulled to the ICU to care for COVID patients for many months. My time in the ICU was scary. I was out of my comfort zone, and I know I took a lot of emotional baggage home to my husband, beautiful 11-year-old son, and strong-willed. I can't handle it. Nothing's happened yet. And I'm I'm like literally getting emotional.

I know. You know what? But here's the problem. It's Pavlovian. It's Pavlovian. Allison has created a Pavlovian response from us because we know that when it's the email episode, it's going to happen. It's not. And you know what got me was that she called her strong-willed.

Strong-willed, I know. I got tired bones. I was off to the races. We love you. I don't even know your name yet, but we love you. Okay. And strong-willed nine-year-old daughter, but I'm so grateful for it. you can't help but realize that family really is all that matters after you have watched people die alone without their loved ones by their side there were nights i just wanted to cry and go to bed but instead i did my favorite thing

i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm i feel very emotional this morning in general i don't know why maybe it's because i'm going off my select my lexapro you're going off your lexopro and you're starting to sweat it's all coming out, which is great. I'm excited for you. And instead I did my favorite thing, talk to my mom or siblings on the phone to ground me. I live in Fargoal, North Dakota, and my best friends on planet Earth are my oldest brother Justin, sister Lauren, and baby brother Gabe. He is the baby of the family and 10 years younger than me, but he's six foot five, so calling him my little brother always makes me laugh. Because my parents raised us to spread our wings and venture out into this wild world, we all did just that. My big brother lives in Chicago, my sister lives in New York, and my little brother

lives in Oregon. We couldn't be further apart, but we are still so close together. My sister had a baby last year, but because of COVID, we've only been able to see her six weeks after she was born. She has grown so much this past year and my sister, and I cry when we talk about all the milestones and daily nothings my family and I have missed. My sister, two years my junior, called me one day on one of our pretend like we are together, but we aren't walks. We talk and walk. She is in NY and me here in our hometown. She told me about your podcast and said it made her both miss me more but feel closer together

all at the same time. It quickly became our new weekly routine. We listened to each podcast then the next day she pushes my now one and a half year old niece. Wow. God. In a stroller and we go on our thousand miles apart morning. walk and rehash the previous episode over the phone, cry, laugh, then usually cry a little more. Listening to the two of you banter, sing randomly, cuss each other out, and say I love you. Love you, love you too. Reminds me so much of the relationship that I have with my brothers and

sister, it just brightens my whole entire day and makes my heart feel lighter. I found out this month that my sister, her husband and my baby niece are moving back home after being away for seven years. They bought a house, not even four blocks from my husband, kids and I. Your podcast helped me survive. I know that's so awesome. Your podcast helped me survive a very emotional trying time in my career as a nurse and simply as a sibling who desperately misses her dumbass brothers and little sister. I absolutely can't wait to continue our sibling revelry conversations, but this time I'll be able to do it holding my sister's hand instead of my phone. Thank you so much for being you and connecting us all in ways we never thought possible, lovingly and respectfully, Ashley.

Oh, I love that one so much. It also, I feel like, I also feel like her writing is so, you know, I was, I was reading something about writing. And I forget what writer it was who said, you know, people overwrite. just tell your story just be clear and concise and I feel like this is how I feel about this letter it's like I really feel like she was so clear and descriptive and very kind of straightforward ways and I feel like I know her I really know I know this family I know well it's also nice to see that people are finally able to sort of get back and do each other circles again. You know what I mean? It's an emotional time for sure. We've been lucky,

I think, that we've been able to be around each other. But, you know, there's a lot of people who have not. Yeah. And so to come together again, I'm sure is highly emotional and exciting and, you know, geez. Like she said, you know, her parents wanting them all to spread their wings and then everybody ends up in different places in the country. It's something like this that does make you want to be closer to your family. You know, before COVID, pre-COVID, I think it was a lot easier to get around, a lot easier to kind of live in different places. And there's something I think about this time that makes you, I think a lot of people want

to just be in a closer community with their family. I know that's how I feel. It's like, you know, I was talking to Mom and Paul last night and we're out in the des. I just have to be near family all the time. And, but we were talking about where we'd want to live and that if someone wanted to move, we'd all have to move. No, I, hey, you know. Look, I've even toyed with the idea of, like, moving to, you know, Hidden Hills or Calabasas, you know, which is only an hour, 45 minutes away.

But still, it's like, it's just too far. I mean, it's kind of, I can't, we're only seven minutes away. So, I know. I don't know, man. 30 minute drive. It's a little too far. Yeah. Anything further than 10 blocks from my mom is too far.

I know. We've got problems, but we'll deal with that in another episode of Scythling Ravelry. Ashley, I just want to say to you, first of all, thank you for doing what you do and helping so many people who as scared as you were, were also probably as scared. And, you know, I'm sure you were there

for a lot of people who couldn't be. around their family. And what you do is a saving grace. And, and, and I respect you guys so much. And so thank you for your work. And, and also to, uh, your sister, you know, I just think that that's so great that you guys like just making the effort. I love hearing that that you, you know, live in different places, but that you actually take walks together. I mean, I don't know, that, that warms my heart. And, and then your parents. Because honestly, it all comes from your parents. If you weren't raised a certain way to really honor the relationships in your family,

then, you know, you might have a different relationship with your siblings. So your parents sound like they are pretty awesome. So, but thanks for writing in. Ollie, are you going to tap that shit? I'm going to tap that shit. I'm only going to tap the Rocky. Oh, shit. Yeah, see.

I'm going to tap the Rockies. Coors light. We're getting into the spring months. We're getting into the summer months. Not that you can't drink an ice cold, Coors Light, in the snow. But, you know, it's getting hot here. It's in the 90s where I'm at.

It's getting hot in here. It's time to drink a beer that's made to chill. Yeah. When you want to hit the reset button, Oliver. you just open that Coors Light, it's mountain cold refreshment. Well, because here's the thing. I just want to give a little anecdote. We just went on a camping trip, and you were there.

It was very hot outside. We had the cooler, opened it up, you fold your chairs out, and we literally did this. I think it was about a week and a half ago. And drinking Coors Light in the 90-degree sun, and it was just magnificent. It was magnificent. You drink it when you camp, you drink it when you're at the beach, you could just drink Coors Light anywhere. As long as those mountains are blue and cold,

you're going to enjoy it. You're going to love it. So Coors Light is the one that I choose when I need to unwind. I think Kate can agree with me. I said I, but I mean we. So when you want to hit reset, you reach for the beer that is literally made to chill. Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door

with Drizzly or Instacart. celebrate responsibly Of course, brewing company called Colorado. I personally have been using the beauty blender for years. Oh, you're almost a booty blender.

I've been using that too. But the beauty blender, my makeup artist is obsessed with it. Every day, every morning, I see that little pink beauty blender and I know it's going to be a good day. It's the number one cosmetic tool in America. It's won countless awards,

including 12 of Allure's Best of Beauty Awards. So the thing about the beauty blender, it has to be wet. So you wet this, it's like a sponge, and you wet it. And what it does is it absorbs it differently when you wet the sponge, and it actually gives you a really beautiful skin texture with coverage without having to use so much product.

So they have a collection of original pink zodiac blenders, all in the 12 signs, which I really love. Very cool. So they launched a bio-pure makeup sponge. It's a sustainable beauty blender made out of 60% plant base of renewable sugar cane, which is great. Yeah, it's sustainable. That's what's cool, too. You know, recycled resins, less plastic in the landfill. They're all made in the USA.

They're vegan, cruelty-free, gluten latex, peat. parabins, sulfates, and thallates, but the pH is silent. There just isn't another makeup sponge that can compete with a beauty blender. And now Beauty Blender is offering 20% off your first order on beautyblender.com with code sibling. That's 20% off with code sibling. Exclusions apply. All right. Hello. Hello, Kate and Oliver and Allison. Nice. Allison, you are coming up in the world.

Shout out. My name is Rowan. I think that's how to pronounce it. I'm a female in case the name was new to your ears. I'm a Syrian radio producer and I live in Kuwait with my family. I've always fought the idea of podcasts until the lockdown happened early last year and everyone started caving into a new reality and we miraculously gave everything a second chance and I'm glad. I did. I remember hearing about this podcast when you guys were on Ellen. And because I love your family dynamic, I decided to start with your duo project. And my first episode was with the Fosters. Sorry about that. And I was hooked ever since. I've always loved you, Kate. I think whenever I see your face on a movie poster, I hit play immediately. Oliver, you're so funny and beautifully vulnerable, I respect your straightforwardness, and God, you have a good face. The end.

Oh, Ruan just like, you know, gave you a little boost there. I listen to your podcast on my runs, and it really makes me think of my siblings' bonds. I'm the youngest of four. I would say I'm the closest to my sister, but it's really not that close. When I reflect after the show, I get a feeling of, I wish I had that with my sister and two brothers, but I actually never act upon it. I take the blame on that because they're all very nice and they show interest in being close to me, but I always distanced myself. Part of that could be due to the differences in the way I lead my life and the principles we sometimes disagree on.

In our culture, kids never leave their parents home unless they're traveling for work or college or getting married. So having all my siblings around me made me kind of cruel and constantly irritated by the cramped space. Also, as a family, we don't display love emotions. So when we do in special occasions like eat or birthdays, it gets a bit awkward, at least to me. Whenever I finish listening to an episode of your podcast, I go home after my run and plan to talk to my sister and sister more and spend some quality time with my mom. But I really fail once I arrive. I tend to head to my room and stay there for hours. I also notice that I love everyone more when they're not physically around me. That's why I never travel with them in the summer because I just enjoy my

time alone here. I keep reminding myself that one day I might regret this and that I should appreciate them around me while they're here, but I don't know why it doesn't come that easy. Sure thing is, sibling revelry makes me rethink my selfish demeanor and helps me cherish these family bonds a bit more. Love you so much. So I love this, first of all, Ruan, thank you for writing in. But this is so interesting because culturally it is clearly so different from, you know, how we grew up. And that must be so challenging, especially like it sounds like she really pushes against that traditional way of living and she just can't handle being around it. But I guess what are the reasons?

You know what I mean? I wonder what those reasons are or if it's just sort of who you are. This is personally, you just want your own space, or is there something else brewing there, you know? Sounds like she feels like a rage against the machine. A little fuck you, I won't do what you tell me, you know, but it sounds like she has a great family. So it's, it feels very internal for her. I know. I'm very fascinated by this.

I feel there's a lot to this story. Yeah. I want to get into this. this one it's like i want to i want to actually like talk to her you know i know i wonder if we should do that where we have episodes where we actually talk to these listeners and ask them questions just them um yeah because if i don't know if it's about her you know and how she feels or if it's if it's if it's brought on by something within her family or if it's just like hey this is who i am i mean at that point how do you how do you square that it's like i you guys are great i just don't really

close your robe can you it's disgusting you're like clearly naked just close it it's like you can't see anything though you know i know but it cuts off right the perfect plate sibling revelry. Like, we should actually invite some of these people who've written in and see, we don't have to show them. We can, they can be totally anonymous, but actually talk about whatever these things are and see if in some way we can, like, armchair therapy, they're... I'd love that. You know, and just say, listen, here's the disclaimer. don't listen to anything of any of,

we don't know what the fuck we're talking about. So we can give you advice, but you don't have to take it, okay? In fact, you're better off if you don't, but here it is. Because this is really interesting. I'm really intrigued. It sounds like she's longing

for a close relationship with her family that she really struggles with and she recognizes what I like about it is that she recognizes that it's her own issue. Yeah, totally. She takes responsibility. It's cool. I mean, it's like, look, I've got the issue here.

That's the first moment of change, I think. When you want to change, when you want to shift anything, it's like when what they talk about in AA, you know, the second, you have to not be in denial. The denial has to go away. You have to stop blaming other people. You take total accountability for your own actions. Yeah.

And I think the same is applied to every relationship that you have is that you can't really move and transition if you're not taking full accountability for yourself and your actions. It sounds like she's doing that, which I love. And Rowan, I'm grateful that we can bring you some sort of, I don't know, desire to want to connect and have an even stronger relationship. Yeah. And it sounds like they love her very much, you know. From the sidelines, too. it's like maybe just force yourself, you know, break through that angst of, ugh, I don't want to get yourself into the place with your family and then things might shift,

you know. Right. Or ask, instead of wondering why, like, I just find myself being cruel, ask yourself what you're feeling. Like, in that moment when you want to, like, run and walk away, like, kind of try to connect with what the feeling is and where it's coming from. because I think our reactive nature can go, it can be so quick that we forget to kind of really check in to see, you know, when you do that, you can actually pinpoint sometimes

where it's coming from. And then you can work from there. It's like what our therapist always says. It's like, you know, when you get that feeling, it's not the person that's triggering it. Like, what is it that you're feeling in that moment and have you felt? felt it before. And then you have to think about what you felt before and you realize that what you're experiencing is just a reaction to old stories. Right. And it's also being the observer. So it's about stepping outside of yourself and observing yourself, you know, and asking yourself

the question, hmm, okay, I'm looking at myself from out here. Why am I feeling this way? What is, what, what's going on? Yeah. It's the 32. thousand feet up kind of trying to look down oh well i kind of they feel like 35 is the perfect it's too high it's a little smooth no it's much smoother at 35 it just depends on where the jetway is where the turbulence is sometimes you're going to go you know you're going to go lower you're going to descend because they find that smoother air have you ever been up to 45 because this is a good analogy by the way because sometimes you got to go higher to find the smooth air and then Sometimes you've got to dip lower.

Yeah. You never know where that smooth air is. It's true. You've got to find the smooth pockets. Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is a good analogy. I like it. It's true.

We need like a little, we need like a, we need that audio and some funny little drawing. No, like an animated drawing of a plane going up and down trying to find, you know, too bumpy. The plane represents your emotional self. And it's like, woo. Ooh, like, ooh, some smooth air here. Like, oh, shit, it's getting bumpy. You got to go, you got to descend. I like it.

I like it. You got to bring the speed back. You got to bring the speed back and go low. Each and every. Here it is. Yeah, this is for the stinky people out there who don't want to put all kinds of crap under their armpits. I'm raising my arm. of chemicals and mercuries under your armpits.

I'm raising my arm and guess what? You're raising her armpit. I can't even smell you. I can't even smell you. You know why? Because you have each and every on. It's the first, for me personally, it's the first natural deodorant that actually works. It does.

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I say chamomile. Right. I kind of like camamile. Well, camamile, tomato potato. This is a limited scent. It's really, really yummy. It's a great spring scent. I would definitely recommend it. And I love each and every. I've been loving it. I will only talk about things that I actually use. So this, I would very much for anybody out there who really wants natural deodorant, I would also say to you, please, if you don't use natural deodorant, it's a wonderful step into, you know, putting more healthy things on your body and into your body. Our armpits are direct, you know, the sweat glands right into our lymph nodes. It is very important that we are using natural deodorants.

And they're getting way better at making good. ones. Each and every has made an excellent one. So it's also founded by women and I do love supporting women-owned brands. Six ingredients. That's it. Six safe ingredients. Coconut oil, dead sea salt, essential oils. You can pretty much eat it. Don't do that. But, you know, if you get stuck in a buy and maybe just take a bite. So trust us, you're going to love each and every order today. we've got a great offer for our listeners for limited time only get 30% off your first purchase go to each and every dot com slash sibling and use promo code sibling 30 that's 30% off with promo code sibling 30 at each and every dot com slash sibling dear kate and oliver thank you for this

podcast sometimes i find it hard to listen to the podcast because i actually don't have a with my siblings or parents. Long story short, I grew up in foster care and was in a different home to my siblings. I've also decided for my own peace to not have a relationship with them or my biological mother because of private matters

and I don't know who my father is. I loved how you touched on that we can reconnect and I know right now that I'm not in a place to reconnect with my siblings, but I do want to in the future. So it's great that you discussed how. Also, I love that you mentioned that you don't have to reconnect with a relative if it is harmful to your happiness.

And that is really great because there's a lot of guilt that is attached to that. Also, I do feel like I hide that I don't have a relationship with my family members, and I'm glad I'm really not the only one. Thank you for discussing this. I feel seen and hurt from Carla. Oh, man. This is so tough. Yeah.

There's so many kids in the foster care system. there it's it's it's just wild like when you actually start to look into it it's just so heartbreaking that it's almost like hard to to look it's hard it's hard to research because there's just so many kids without homes without families and like she's saying like you know how do you reconcile these things your biological mother how do you you know I don't even know where to begin I This is way above my ability to even comprehend what that must feel like. I would say only this just because of, again, my time at Hoffman, which is there's this, everyone has their story. They're, you know, not that it's right, but there's a reason for why your parents did what they did.

And maybe it was something they couldn't control themselves, something that they were affected, how they were affected by their parents and so on. You know, I mean, that's where forgiveness can come in if you can learn their story. and maybe get a deeper understanding of who they were and maybe the lack of tools that they had to be able to be parents or to support that relationship, you know. Yeah. But again, who knows? It's also that, you know, the cliched thing

where everybody who's ever felt any abandonment or neglect or anything like that, it's like it's not about you or divorce parents, you know, it was not about you. It was never about you. and that's a really easy thing to say and it's a hard thing to feel and it's hard it's like easier said than done it's like you can intellectually know that it wasn't about you but the programming of it in your brain is like this traumatic continuous feeling that when something else comes up it could be something totally and completely different it triggers that old part of your brain that

feels like you aren't worthy, that you are going to be left, that you don't deserve love, that you, whatever it is, you know, that is your, you know, that is your programming. To deprogram that takes so much work and so much effort and so much dedication. It's just so much easier said than done, but it is simply that it wasn't ever about you. It's like Matt Damon and Robin Williams in Goodwill Hunting. He's like, it's not your fault, kid. It's not your fault. Remember, it's not your fault?

Oh, my God. Don't even get. I'm going to start crying. And then Matt Zanaman's like, dude, I know, whatever. And then he starts screaming, crying. Oh, that scene made me lose it. Yeah. I'm crying, just thinking about that scene.

Oh, and Robin Williams, too. I know. But, yeah, you know, you, you, you know, everybody, deserves a good life. You're born into this world deserving the best and anything that doesn't give you anything other than that isn't about you. It's about someone else. I also think that I like what you said, you know, with how it's easier said than done, you know, there's a lot to sort of go through to reconcile or even reconcile with yourself or understand that it isn't your fault. But I will say that that doesn't mean you don't start because at least personally what happens is once you scratch the surface and you learn something, it becomes exponentially easier to keep sliding down.

I mean, not sliding down, but keep going down that path because you start to feel how it works and how it just bubbles up and then you're like, oh, God, I learn this and I want more, I want more. it becomes easier, you know, to at least seek and try to help yourself, at least for me. This makes me think about how many people really suffer from feeling alone. There's just so many people who don't feel seen and hurt and it's just not okay. You know, it's like, you know, as you were talking, I started thinking about purpose. Like, what is the purpose of all of this? like of all of it just being here alive like on this planet what is the purpose like what are we doing and i think i think honestly i think now more than ever the openness and being able to

talk about feeling loved like it's just like that's that's it at the end of the day that's all anyone really needs is to feel loved and and when you you know that that that act active verb, you know, love, to love, when I feel loved, it's when I feel seen and heard from someone, you know? And so many times in a real way, not in like some bullshit digital era, oh, I feel seen and heard because people are commenting on a post or, oh, I feel so unloved because people are hating on me right now. Not that. I mean, real connective. like like yeah like like like like what gwyneth posted on my account like like that you know it like brings me back to when we interviewed um you weren't there you were sick but uh vivake

mertie and and his book about loneliness being an epidemic and these are this is carla is this is a real 101 example of how someone could could could could could carry this loneliness into their life when they come from a foster care system. They don't know their siblings. They don't want to have a relationship with their siblings. They don't want to have a relationship with their mother. And then intrinsically, what does that create inside of someone, you know, or Rowan who wants to alienate herself from her family? You know, there's sort of a theme of people feeling alone. And how do we create a life for ourselves to feel connected? you know you got to let go of your past shit i have an idea what we create an agency and in our agency

we have you know mothers daughters siblings friends and we can give them give people who are lonely what they need so it's like oh you need a mom okay you know central casting here you go how does this one look great you know we can hire her out i think it could be a good big business you know imagine that right so this is so like weirdly i feel like i just entered her like the spike jones movie you're like on like a screen you're like i need a mom and you like press a mother that looks like the mother that you'd like to have yeah but imagine like a black mirror episode where it's like in the futureish and it and everyone's just become hyper lonely and now there's an agency where you are literally sort of renting out people to sort of you know fulfill the

that that's trippy yeah it's also terrifying exactly i need a new brother that's our version of this it's not even about loneliness it's like honestly i just need to get him out of my life like i need a new brother no i would never want a new brother i don't know what i do without you as long as i stay in your will you can do whatever you want um also wait i do want to i do want to acknowledge that we got so many emails on the estrangement episode and people sharing their stories so everyone out there thank you for sharing this with us it's so wonderful to be able to talk about this stuff out loud and and just get it off our chests no there's no shaming here whatever side of the story

you're on whether you're the a stranger or the estrangie i don't even know that's a real thing but i like it um we should make t-shirts that say that and send one to our dad but i like i also like stranger and we're the estrangies that's funny it's a good shirt dude that's what that's what we should swag it out you know or imaginably you know are a digital stranger it's called an e-stranger an e stranger it's a digital stranger oh oliver one listener one listener shared their very personal story but said

I say the whole dang book to say thank you and you guys aren't alone either I know what it feels like to be estranged and I also know what it feels like to want to reconcile it's a whole host of feelings Hearing your podcast and your stories has been my light at the end of the tunnel. You've given me friendship with complete strangers

and a community of kids, the kid, and all of us adults that are more alike than I could have ever known. Thank you for all that you do with just simply sharing a piece of your lives, much love, and I wish you guys nothing with the best as fellow kids with complicated parental relationships. I love that.

Thank you for sharing that. I loved, we loved hearing that one. Kate and Oliver. I just want to say thank you so much for all the laughs you bring each week. I started listening to you during quarantine when I took my poor dog for walks a bazillion times each day. You always have a great message, and I find myself walking down the street and laughing out loud during every episode. I often wonder what the people in the neighborhood think when they see me doing that. I have a twin brother.

We grew up out in the middle of nowhere, so we only really had each other to play with when we were little. funny how we never got to play what I wanted teacher baker arts and crafts instead we played football cops and robbers and had some knockout pillow fights really i knocked him out once we loved each other and we were always together it worked out well in high school because we could because he could invite over boys i had a crush on and i could invite the girls we got older and we were deciding where to go to college i wanted to be a teacher so i was looking at schools that specialized in that i found a small school and was going to go there. He wanted to go to a larger school and was set to go. One day I was just sitting in my room and he came to the door and asked me where I was going to college. I told him I wasn't

quite sure, but I thought I was going to go to St. Mary's. He said, I think you should go to MSU. I asked him why not looking up from what I was doing. He said, because I miss you. I looked up and he was gone. Needless to say, we went to the same college and had a blast together. After college, we moved to separate places. We still stay in touch, but nothing like before when we were always together. Oliver, you remind me so much of him. What you say and your mannerisms. And Kate, that laugh that you do when Ollie says something funny is exactly what I do with my brother. So thank you. I tend to call my brother after I listen to you. It's a great reminder of how much fun we have when we are together. Please keep making more episodes so my poor dog can go on a walk after walk after walk, after walk.

love you guys jana oh jana we love you too i love that one oh it makes me a little sad that they're not they don't they're not together you know that they're not in the same place but you know the same he said because i miss you and looked up and he was gone that does that does make me it actually does remind me of you and like the whole thing of like the girls and oh yeah you know what i mean because we were closer in age you know your your friends and when we were a young I know. I know that that was a shift. It used to be you at my door and then now, and then it turned into me at your door,

you know, your girlfriends. I know. Well, you know, as long as they can continue a relationship, it's life, man. Like, people need to do what they need to do. There's a separation. As long as it's that, as long as that connection's still there, you know. It's so fun that they, you know, that we're our podcast. that this like strange little thing we decided to do has resonated.

I still, I'm still in a, I guess it's like when I see myself on a magazine, I feel totally disassociated from it. It's kind of like, it's, it will, it never feels normal. I think the same thing about this podcast. Like we sit here and we do this and we talk to each other and we have a blast doing it and we get to connect. Jana, thank you so much.

I love laughing with my brother. Oh, well, you know, Look, I love laughing. I love making people laugh. There are certain people who I love making laugh more than others, and you are definitely at the top of that list. You know, making you laugh is when I can get you to that point of like hard to breathe, sort of hysterics.

It's fucking the best. It's you and pa. Oh, yeah. And pa and you and mom. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's so funny. But no, and what I wanted to say was I love to laugh, but it's the opposite.

instead of what you're saying. There's a few people that make me laugh, like, that I just, it's almost like therapy. Like, it's Oliver and it's rider that I laugh with, I think, the most. And mom, mom and I will have pee in her pants laughing moments that, like, aren't explainable to anybody but us. Yeah. Like, you know, where we'll just start, we'll get on one. Yeah. And it's just, that's it.

But, but the, the, the, the therapeutic. laughter of like of life always do you know what I mean yeah does that make sense oh god it's you and rider it's just it's like every day there's laughter yeah it's the best it's I mean there's nothing like it honestly really it's healing there's no doubt about it it's like I can't live without it if I'm if I'm feeling heavy like and then I realize a lot of times when I'm in a funk I'm like I haven't I haven't been with an around laughter. It's too much weight. You need to get, you need to vibrate higher sometimes.

You know, there's a time and a place, but I think daily to have some kind of levity and laughter, it must be some trick to longevity. It's got to be. Listen, this was the best. I loved, I loved these emails. Thank you. Keep writing in.

We love hearing you. and one day we hope we can talk to some of you in person or on over Zoom. Yeah, we should do that. Love that idea. Yeah, and I love you, Ollie, Hudson. Goodbye. Love you too. Peace. Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson.

Producer is Allison Bresden. Editor is Josh Windish. Music by Mark Hudson, aka Uncle Mark. If you want to show us some love, rate the show and leave us a review. This show is powered by Simplecast. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack,

where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jorge Ramos. And I'm Paola Ramos.

Together we're launching The Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time, as uncertain as this one. We sit down with politicians, artists, and activists to bring you death and analysis from a unique Latino perspective. The moment is a space for the conversations we've been having us father and daughter for years. Listen to The Moment with Jorge Ramos and Paola Ramos on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On a cold January day in 1995, 18-year-old Krista Pike killed 19-year-old Colleen Slemmer in the woods of Knoxville, Tennessee. Since her conviction, Krista has been sitting on death row.

How does someone prove that they deserve to live? We are starting the recording now. Please state your first and last night. Lisa Pike Listen to Unrestorable Season 2, Proof of Life On the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.