Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson - Revel In It: Oversharing with Elyse Myers

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Elyse Myers may be the internet’s favorite awkward storyteller, but behind the 100-taco viral legend is a woman who has fought anxiety, ADHD, shame, and the fear of never being “enough.” In this raw and relatable conversation, Elyse reveals how a health diagnosis rocked her world and why she finally stopped hiding the hardest parts of her story. Find Elyse's new book "That's A Great Question, I'd Love to Tell You" at bookshop.org.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. I live below a cult leader, and I fear I've angered her. Wait a minute, Sophia. How do you know she's a cult leader? Well, Dakota, luckily it's I'm not afraid of a scary story week on the OK Storytime podcast. So we'll find out soon. This person writes, my neighbor has been blasting music every day and doing dirt rituals. And now my ceiling is collapsing.

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What's up, everybody, it's snacks from the trap nerds. All October long, we're bringing you the horror. We're kicking off this month with some of my best horror games to keep you terrified. Then we'll be talking about our favorite horror and Halloween movies and figuring out why black people always die further. And it's the return of Tony's horror show, SideQuest written and narrated by yours truly. We'll also be doing a full episode reading with commentary. And we'll cap it off with a horror movie Battle Royale. Open your free I-Hard radio app and search trap nurse podcast and listen now.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Cal Penn, and on my new podcast, here we go again. We'll take today's trends and headlines and ask, why does history keep repeating itself? Each week, I'm calling up my friends, like Bill Nye, Lily Singh, and Pete Buttigieg, to talk about everything from the space race to movie remakes to psychedelic. Put another way, are you high? Look, the world can seem pretty scary right now.

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This is a really stunning development for the AI world and how you think about your bottom line. Listen to the big take from Bloomberg News every weekday afternoon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Kate Hudson. And my name is Oliver Hudson. We wanted to do something that highlights. our relationship and what it's like to be siblings we are a sibling

reverie no no sibling reverie don't do that with your mouth sibling revelry that's good I'm I have been, and I've said this before, but like, I guess officially diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or whatever the fuck it is, whatever, whichever letter you want to put in there, I don't know. I had a brain scan by this guy, Dr. Aiman. He was on our podcast. We were on his podcast. It was incredible to sort of look at your brain and really in depth and see how it's functioning, see what kind of physical trauma has happened to it through concussions or even head bangs or whatever. and then, you know, getting into sort of the ADHD and you can see it.

Anyway, point is, they gave me these patches and essentially it's anphetamine. And I tried one, you know, I've been doing one. I'm like, I think I feel okay. You know, I think I feel like more awake, I guess. But it's not like all of a sudden I'm sitting down on my computer and writing scripts and conquering the world. And then I tried two of them. They gave me a low dose, like a four and a half milligram.

Then I tried another one. So I was nine, and I did that a couple days ago. And it was like, it was nutty. It was nutty because I'm not used to that shit. I'm not a speed guy, you know, like that amphetamine thing. And I couldn't decide whether I was going to, you know, save the world or just sort of ball up and get in my bed and cry. I chose to save the world, but I went another, I went, I doubled it up today. I doubled it up today just for this.

And let's see what happens. Let's see what happens. I can't even pronounce the name of it, of what's on, what kind of weird patch I have on. But, yeah, I'm on fire, baby. I'm on fire. So, let's bring in to talk about my ADHD patches. Elise Myers. Come on in. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm good. I was just doing, you know, I do a little intro before the show. And I was just talking about how I did this brain scan. Oh. With this guy, Dr. Eamon. And it was really incredible. And it was like a three-day thing. They put an IV in you, which she calls radioactive material. So. apparently, you know, I'm

Spider-Man? Okay, Spider-Man. And then they put you in the scan. Well, actually, they put the IV in, and then they take you through a, on a computer screen, you have to do all of these sort of quizzes and tests, and it's sort of activating and stimulating your brain. And then they put you in the scan, and then the next day you come back and you just relax. They put the radioactive material into your IV, and then you kind of just relax. So there's a real mapping of how your brain is functioning, given activity and given downtime.

Wow. And it's pretty an intensive process. All this to say that, you know, I've known it. But he's like, oh, you have ADD or ADHD or whatever one it is, right? How does it feel to hear someone say that versus just having a suspicion? It didn't matter to me. Sure. Personally, you know, because it wasn't, there's so much to talk about because I'm on 20

20 milligrams of lexapro. Like I've been dealing with anxiety since I was in my mid-20s when I had my first sort of gnarly panic attack. So it all sort of understandably probably goes hand in hand, but it was never something that I needed a diagnosis for to make me feel better necessarily. Sure, like accommodation or anything. Yeah, it was more of just, oh, yeah, I mean, that makes sense. Yeah.

You know, because it's always felt like I can grind and I can get after it. But there's this part of me that no. I have never reached my full potential because I felt like I was incapacitated somehow or I couldn't get through something. Yeah. Do you feel like sometimes it's also helped you, though, to grind? Like that hyperfixation and that need for stimulation and all that? Yes.

See, it's funny because I don't think I have that part. I got all the shit parts. I didn't get that. Really? I'm just going to sort of just lock in. There are moments when I can. but it's not that, like, hyper-focused that I will see with people who have ADHD who can just lock in.

Anyway, they put me on these patches. And it's, I forget what the fuck it's called, but it's like an ADHD type of a patch. It's only four and a half milligrams. Of, like, a stimulant? It's a stimulant, yeah. Oh, is it, like, it's an amphetamine. I think it's a derivative of adderol, you know, it's like detromorphine or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some fiend. And, you know, I would feel good, but I think I feel awake or, you know, nothing that was overpowering. Life changing. I decided to double up. And is that where we're at today? I don't know. I mean, I tried it today, too, but two days ago I tried it. And it was definitely a trip, you know, it was a little anxiety, a little like, holy shit, you know what I mean?

Like, can I conquer the world or do I need to, like, crawl up into a ball here? You know, it was this oscillating sort of feeling. That's, it's so, it's, I have been medicated for my ADHD since I was 16. And so it's like, now it's such a part of my life that I, I can't believe I ever went without being medicated. It's like, it's, it's an on and off switch. And it's like, just makes my baseline. So it's so, it's cool to find things that work.

And so I'm curious to know if the four milligrams is, is helpful for you or if it's eight or nothing. Yeah. I don't know. I have to figure that one out. I have to figure out if an amphetamine is something that I can vibe with or not. I also think I need to create a task to almost as a trial period to say, I'm not just going to put a patch on and go through my day. I'm going to take this medication and sit down and write a script. Or I am going to clean the garage. Standardize it. Yeah, standardize it, exactly. I love that. I like that. That's how your brain works. It's really cool. Yeah. I mean,

all of this to say this is very timely and I'm I'm happier here because you you know this is this is what you do this is what you are this is why you are who you are and so I'm curious to sort of even know starting the beginning of this I how did you discover that you sort of felt this way I read that you had your first panic attack at seven years old and yeah you know so how did you come into this that ADHD just in general you know I mean my My first panic attack was at 25. You know, at 7, do you even know what's happening to you at that point? No, the only way I knew what was happening to me was because I have much older brothers.

So they're 7, 8, and 10 years older than me. And all of us have some flavor of anxiety or, you know, neurodivergence in some way. And so what I was having what I kept saying, like, I think I'm having a heart attack or a stroke or something is what I had said. And I couldn't catch my breath and I wanted to cry, but I couldn't cry. I felt like I was like being suffocated by needing to cry. And my brother goes, just try coughing. Just all you need to do is like, because that was what he, what helped him get a panic attack out. And it like kind of jolts your heart to start pumping normally.

So I started coughing and it worked. And he goes, yep, you're having a panic attack. And I was like, what is that? You know? And he walked me through it. And yeah, I think I just grew up in a house. where it was very, I mean, we all had to go to therapy because of my parents' divorce very early. So medical, clinical help was around and that terminology was around very early,

earlier than I maybe even like should have been just because I, I was kind of the outlier of like the ages of what was happening. So I was lumped into conversations that were just like a little older. But then it wasn't until, so that was like the anxiety and the depression kind of part and we weren't sure was it chemical, is it like situational with, you know, the home situation. But then when I was 16, it was really fascinating. I was becoming like very obsessive over trying to like study and I like was presenting essentially as like someone with like ADHD, like very high, high hyperactive like ADHD and I was failing all my classes and I had gotten treatment for like body image eating stuff.

at like 15-ish, and I was going through the outpatient process of the therapy, one of the psychologists was like, have you ever been assessed for ADHD? And I was like, no. And he's like, it's so funny because, not funny, but it's so interesting because I see so much overlap in young girls that struggle with obsessive like food stuff and body stuff with neurodivergence. And there's actually so much more overlap than people understand. And he's like, a lot of this, I think, would really resolve for you if you just got on a very small, small dose of something that could just connect the wires in your brain that aren't firing together, that should be. And I got assessed. I went on meds. And it was like for the very first time in my life, I was not being dragged

behind my own mind. Like I was in the car, in the driver's seat, and I controlled how fast we were going or slow. If the windows were up or down, if the radio was on, who was in my car. And it was like, I think that this is how people probably just feel all the time. And it was pretty powerful for me. And then I never really went back. It was just, it was like I felt like, okay, now my life is starting. And it was really cool. I think that for me, that diagnosis was helpful because it allowed me to make changes in

my life that shifted and built my life in a way that served me rather than me trying to fit my life in a way that made sense to other. people. So that's why that was helpful to me. What did it feel like to you before those meds reconnected those wires, you know? Yeah. What was that feeling? It was like, you know, when you over-caffeinate yourself and you're sitting there and you're like cold sweating and you're talking to someone, you keep cutting yourself off, it would feel like everything was bottlenecking in me. Like every thought and feeling that I think I tried to get out, it would make me so anxious, I would just be like silent because I was trying to prioritize which thoughts were important to share and which weren't.

And I had no filter and I still don't. Like a lot of these things are just me as well. So I don't want to take those away, but it allowed me to decide and slow my brain down a little bit and decide which thoughts I was going to share and which strings I was going to pull at in conversation. It wasn't like I was just frantically trying to like hold on to every single rope around me, you know, and hang on. Were you aware that you were feeling these things and it was not necessarily normal or was it normal for you? Or were you, did you understand that something's off here? I have to figure this out. I for sure felt like something was off. Not because I thought it was

anything fixable, I just thought I was really stupid. Like, I thought I was a bad student. I thought I was selfish. I mean, that I couldn't, I couldn't focus on someone. I'm like, am I just self-absorbed? That, like, I can't pay attention to you and hear what you're saying long enough for me to get my own thoughts out of the way. Like, I felt lazy because I couldn't focus on anything long enough. So I'm like, what if I just don't love it, I can't do it, which is just, yeah, It's like, and there's a lot of shame attached to that as well. And I wanted to be good and I wanted to be liked and I wanted to be successful and I wanted people to be proud of me. And it felt like I just wasn't going to be a person that could do things and achieve things. And I didn't fit the way I wanted to. And though it wasn't a one to one output of like how hard I was working versus the results of what I was getting. And it just felt like I was kind of swimming upstream the whole time. But never once was I like, something. something can be fixed in this. I just internalize that as this is, I'm just bad all around. Like that's essentially the main takeaway. It was I'm just bad. But just this is who I am.

Yeah. I'm just a, I'm bad. I'm bad student, bad listener, everything. Did you have moments of clarity? Those sort of, you know, eddies in the in the stream where all of a sudden you're like, holy shit, I'm in, I'm in, I'm focusing on it. I'm fucking on it. And then boom, it goes away. Like unmedicated? Unmedicated. Yeah. Definitely.

So that's where, that's where like for me, so I'm also autistic and there's a lot of overlapping those, which is cool, because sometimes my special interests and my hyperfixations of me and my autism would supersede my inability to focus. So I would get into these moments. So great example is, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, learned viola. I'm classically trained violist. And I started and I was really young. And I would lock myself in my room and play for 10 hours. Like I wouldn't drink water. I wouldn't eat. I like that obsessive hyperfixation when when people that are autistic have special interests.

Like that is very a common pattern. And so I did have those bursts of like, okay, it's not, not um it's not all the time me but it almost made it harder because then when i couldn't force myself to do that in other areas i didn't understand why so that's when it was like oh so and also to other people they didn't understand why like why can you sit and play viola for 10 hours but all you need to do is sit and do your math homework for 30 minutes and you just keep getting up and you have to pee and you have to go water and you're like i'm maybe in a snack and it's like i just couldn't lock in. So it almost made it harder that I experienced those little bits of goodness, because then it's like, well, it is really my fault then. Yeah. How much of this do you think is sort of a circumstantial

like you talked about before? And how much does genetics play into this? I mean, that's probably a question for a doctor. I was about to say, is there science on that, you know? Yeah. I mean, I know my mother was dealing with anxiety. You know, my son Wilder is now 18 when he was 13 years old. He went through about where he just felt he kept saying to me, dad, I don't feel real, which is that disassociation, you know, which I could completely relate to because when I was going through my shit, you know, every now and again, it's like, I'm not, I don't think I'm on this earth right now. like what the fuck and it's and you can't really explain that to someone that's never experienced it

because you're not like having an outer body experience it's like you're you're it almost is like this hopelessness when I experienced that you feel like you're like this is the routine of every single day and I don't feel like a real human being I'm like I've checked out and I'm just it's happening to me and through me but I'm not here like that feeling is so crazy I don't know genetically I mean definitely there's science that links genetics with with mental health and neurodivergence, which is why when, that's, which is why I got diagnosed as autistic or why I pursued a diagnosis, even though I knew I was, because when my sons go to be assessed one day if they do, it's so much easier to get in. And the wait list is so, like,

years long. Really? Yes. I had to personally wait eight months and I'm in Nebraska where there's no waiting list for like anything. And I still had to wait eight months. And then the process is like seven to eight months long because you have to keep going back. It is such an intense process. Why? Why is the waiting list so long? Is this bureaucracy should? I think, well, for adults, it's because why does it matter?

Why do you need to know? There's also no meditation to, like, heal it or fix it. There's like some things you can take, but there's no like, here, you're autistic, here's meds, you know? But I think, I think that also, like, the assessment process is so long. and arduous and it takes a very specifically trained a professional and there's not a lot of them because I think that it's very recent that people have realized how prevalent neurodivergence is. I think it's very easy to diagnose a 10-year-old boy because they present very differently than women do. And so I think we're just now starting to get into a different season of

the neurodivergent world where we're seeing it earlier and we're able to like, get more people trained to accommodate. I think it's really important that young people have access to that because my life would have been drastically different if I would have just been given a little bit different of a setup. Like anything, like being able to self-teach, being able to have a little control over my schedule, any of it, I just wouldn't have felt like I was bad.

That would have changed my self-esteem my whole life. Sure. And obviously, information is so powerful as far as the way that you think and feel about yourself and who you are. If there is a diagnosis where it's like, oh, shit, okay, this is who I am. Yeah. This is okay now. This is not, I'm not just sort of floating in the ether right now. Totally.

I can get my feet on the ground with this. Yeah. How long have you been interested in pursuing this? Like, why did you go to that brain scan? I'm an actor, but like I, if I was not. I would love to be in the world of psychology. I just love the human condition. It's so interesting to me how we are all made up of the same stuff,

but we're so drastically, you know, diverse and how we feel and how we think and how we act and how we respond to certain things, our sensitivities, you know, all of that. And I think that honestly stems from my first bout with anxiety, which was in my mid-20s. Yeah. And it came from wanting to be better and just feel like myself again. And then once I had a grip on that, then it just became more interested and fascinated in sort of the world of it in the brain and why this is happening. But to get over my first bout, I just wrote a ton in my journal and I was heavy meditating. I love that.

I go up to my rock, you know, every day in sort of wilderness. and I would just get quiet and right. And then I got through it, but there was this residual feeling of unease, and that's when I went on Selexa, and that's when it sort of took everything away. Do you find that you being creative helps you when you're in those seasons,

or do you feel like your creativity is gone when you're in that season away? No, it helps. When I'm, pen to paper for me is always great. Same. My expression, personal, like in-person expression, vulnerability has always been tough for me in person. I've always been able to express myself through the written word.

It's much easier for me. I like to write. It feels good to write. Yeah. I have to take breaks from therapy because I find like I'm over-therapized sometimes because it makes me very intellectual about what I'm doing. But like understanding your feelings is not the same thing as processing and feeling them. Like, that is actually a complete, like, run away from it because you're like, well, if I can

figure it out, then I'm good. And it's like, no, sometimes literally it is trapped in your body and you need to get it out. Yeah. You have got to get it out. It is poison. And so learning how to feel things, I'm in that process right now because I can tell you every single thing of why I do it. But, like, I will go numb before I actually feel it.

and I stonewall, I'm not a yeller, I'm not, I will just, like, do me, like, fool me once, you're dead to me. Like, that's really where I, how I operate. And so I'm learning how to not do that. But it's really hard because it can feel like you have to go through this purging process of like over-feeling things to the point where you're like, okay, one day this is going to stabilize, but right now everything is making me feel too much and it's overwhelming and I get over-stimulated. I completely understand that because that over-therapy thing.

I haven't been in therapy in a little bit because of that, too. It's like, all let me just take a break from all of this, you know. And sometimes when I get into a state of anxiety, which even can happen when you're on meds, you know, it's not hard to deal with. And I'm like a seasoned veteran. So if some shit comes up, I'm like, okay, I know what it is. I can, like, die. I can, like, feel it in the air. Yes, I can feel it.

And instead of being like, oh, well, it's this, this, this. your brain starts to tick off all of the past therapies and books you've read and articles. And finally, I'm like, Oliver, shut up. Just exist. Just exist. Just exist. And just roll with it. You're good.

Just can exist. Because you can ruminate on all of the potential lessons and all of the remedies that you have in your brain to help yourself feel better instead of just saying, just chill for a second. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's really transformed my brain chemistry, literally, to be married to somebody who, like, actually loves me. And when he says it, he means it, and he loves all of it, like, all of the seasons that we can feel coming from a mile away. Like, for me to be in that season, I think that, like, my, at least my experience, I want to ruminate and fix it because I feel like a problem to people and I feel like I'm a burden and I feel like people are watching me go through

this and it's like fine for a little bit but if it goes longer than a little bit then it's like okay can you just get back like where did where the other at least go like I want her back now you know it's like we're done we're good and um so I I work really hard at like okay why am I this way and let me fix it let me go to therapy let me just change my diet again and like start working out and I think like being partnered like life partnered with someone like we're where I'm having a down day and I'm crying and I'm apologizing because I'm like, I don't know why. I don't know what's going on.

He'll just look at me and be like, you don't need to know. You don't need to explain it to me or to yourself. You don't need to explain it to our boys. Like if you just don't feel good and you feel like it would be better if you just laid in bed for a little bit and we close the blinds and you watched a stupid show that turned your brain off, like you don't need to explain why. Right. And just the permission to not have to know almost immediately, like, relieves the pressure and the things have more space to be. It's like the tank was immediately just like grown and that it just dissolves a little bit. You know, it's like thinner and lighter.

Well, it's interesting, but, you know, in your journey and in my journey, and I don't know whether you talk about this in your book as well, but, you know, the spouse or the person on the other side, of it is so important to everything that you are, you know. And my wife, Aaron, is amazing that way. When it was first happening, though, in our 20s when we were just dating. Scary. It was, for her, she was extremely compassionate, but at the same time, like, what's wrong? Like, your life is good. Like, your acting is successful. You come from a good family. Like, we're in love. Like, what's going on? I'm like, I don't fucking know. I don't know. I'm just crazy. but at least I feel crazy. And then, you know, there's been two or three other, like, you know,

month plus long bouts of it. And it's just, she's just there. Yeah. Just be there, you know, we all deal with it differently. You know, I don't need to be told you're going to be okay or anything like. That just needs to be present with me. Yeah. And I can imagine it can get difficult, too, or it can get frustrating where it's like,

I think they've got to learn they don't have to fix us. Like, they don't have to, there's nothing you can do. So it's like, it's, but I bet that, I bet they go through that as well of like trying to figure out how to support without being overbearing and not also making it worse because it's like, let me be, let me fix you. And it's like, well, I'm not a project to be fixed. So it's like, yeah, it's like, I empathize so much with partners that of people like us, I guess, that are going through it. How old are your kids? So my kids are four and two. And one of them's name is Oliver. So it's really cool. I'm like, oh my gosh, Oliver's good. be a grown adult one day. I love that. Yeah. Are you aware of, like, who you are in front of your kids?

Do you just be who you are? Do you, if you are going through something, do you show them that, you know, are you just fully transparent? As much as I can be, where, and with language that they can understand at four and two, but mostly four, but my oldest son, August, me and him, he is, I'm, Jonas's DNA didn't even try with this one.

You know, it's like Oliver is all him, August is all me. Yeah. And with that, man, like, because of that, the best and worst parts of us, not worst, but, you know, best and, like, hardest, just butt heads. Yeah. And I have learned, like, he is going to, learn how to handle his overstimulation and his anxiety and hopefully not depression,

but like if we are as similar as I think we are, he is going to have an incredible and very emotionally like heavy life if he doesn't learn how to navigate it. Can you see that? Can you witness that in him being who you are? Yeah, right? He is obsessed with trash trucks. And it's not, when I say that, I mean, he, he, knows the name of every single trash truck driver in my my greater Omaha area he we have pictures

of we've got we've we've we've gone to the plant where all of them are parked in the city and gotten a tour and he knows the names on the doors because they put the names on the doors he has had a birthday party since he his first birthday of trash trucks we have trash can't like it's his life he wants to be a trash truck driver and um and he feels things so deep And a lot of them are trash truck related because that's the one thing he's very invested in. So his high highs and low lows are all about that. And I have watched him like start weeping silently because he thought the truck was so beautiful that he was like, I just can't believe I only get to see it once a week. And when I get to see it, I'm so lucky that I was out here when it drove by.

and when the trash truck like honks at him he looks back at me like did you just see the best thing that's ever happened to me like you were here when you saw that and and like I like the awe and wonder in him that I hope he never loses but that like I have in me that people get annoyed with because someone that has a lot of awe and wonder and that empathy that feeling deeply is like really fun until they're stopping you because they want to. to like take a picture of something that doesn't really matter because they want to remember this moment forever. And so I just try and like celebrate all of that in him. But also there's the flip side of it where it's like things like a tag on his shirt will cause him to spiral. And I'm up

in the middle of the night with scissors cutting every tag off of his shirt and looking on Amazon for shirts that are less scratchy. And it's like I have got, I have got that is that is the same pardon him that is weeping at a garbage truck because it was so beautiful that he got to see it once a week. That is his brain. It's so beautiful. And so I see a lot of that, the potential for very small, seemingly small to other people, things spiral to the point where you can't escape it by yourself and you need someone else to come in and help you dig yourself out of that hole. Now, for someone who understands this better than anybody, and now your child is feeling these things. Do you parent him a little bit differently knowing how to sort of navigate potentially

who he is because he's your offspring? Yeah, I try. I try and just get him to try and communicate with me because oftentimes the things that are happening I'm like at angry at because you're like I'm tired, you know, all that. But like I am so keenly aware of how I had, I did not even, I, It wasn't even close. I didn't have what I needed when I was his age. And I see myself when I get angry at things that I was, people were angry at me for. It is so sobering.

And it is just this constant gut check. Parenthood is like, I mean, the most wild experience. I have breakdowns so often of like, am I just fucking him up so badly? Like, is he going to look back and be like, she was a terrible mom? And like, what stories is he going to tell us therapist one day? You know, it's like, I'm sure he's going to have some.

We all have some. Of course. I always say it's not about if we fuck up our kids. To what degree? Yeah. And I hope it's less than I, you know? Yeah, yeah. But, but it's really cool because it.

And I will say, you know, people say when you have kids, it helps you understand your parents better. I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that at all. I have never understood them less. No. Because am I overwhelmed? Yeah. Do I have panic attacks?

Yeah. Do I yell? And I mess up sometimes? Yeah. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for those kids. Nothing. Nothing. And that I can't actually say that about the people that were in charge of raising me.

I don't disagree. You know, I mean, because my dad bailed. But Kurt came into my life. He's my stepdad. So I have a family. My mom is amazing and all of that. You know, but I remember at a young age, very young age, talking to my mom and thinking, I am never going to leave my children.

I will never do that, you know. Yeah. Just deciding like, this wasn't your best. Yeah, there's a decision to be made. Yeah. What I did understand about my parents, and I'm talking about Kurt, my mom now. And even my dad, because my dad and I are connecting now more than ever. Yeah.

After a billion years, which is nice. I just had a dream about him last night, by the way, which is crazy. Ooh. Yeah. but um so i did once i had kids i understood the love that they have yeah because when mom and pa were like you know they're there they melt over you when you're a teenager when you're younger you're like okay like i get i love you so much you're like and now i'm like oh i understand that now because i'm like that with my kids and they're the same way like dad like you stop hugging

me i'm like okay i can't i'm sorry an 18 you don't even look old enough to have an 18 year old When you said 18, I was like, what the hell? But like, is that crazy? Like, you're like, I still, do you still see the baby in them? Oh, it's crazy. It's devastating. He's going to college next year. You know, I'm going to need some heavy consoling.

You know, I have one. I have three. I have 18, 15, and then my little girl's 12. Yeah. And they're all amazing kids. And, you know, Wilder, my oldest is my sensitive one. Like, he, same thing with the tags. When he was a baby, he's like, you know, he's got a sensitivity.

thing. Yeah, yeah. He's got, he's got sort of, he's got some health anxiety. So every five seconds, he goes, I need an MRI. Like, I need a cat scan. I'm like, Wilder, you don't. But, you know, I feel that so deeply, do. I feel that so deeply. No, I know. I do too. And, and my wife, Aaron's like, oh, I wonder where that comes from. I'm like, no, I know. We always do that one's, or that one's mine. Oh, we never, we never point to, like, that one's yours because we don't want them to feel like we're, like, judging. But anytime August says anything, like, I think we should go to the doctors. I'm like, that one's mine. Yeah, yeah, no, I know. It's my son Wilder. He's like, and meanwhile, my middle one says nothing about the way he feels. And then six months later,

he's like, yeah, my back's been really killing me for about six months. I'm like, well, why didn't you fucking tell me? Yeah, we could have fixed this. Classic middle child. Yeah, yeah. But I am, and Wilder got that from me. I am very sensitive, like, feeling wise. Like, I'm very emotional and you know feeling other people's feelings and I think that's part of what screws me up sometimes it's like sometimes it's just overwhelming energy but it's also a gift like it allows you to gauge the temperature of a room it allows you to be good at acting writing and it's the very thing it's like the thing that makes me so good at my job could also destroy me so I've got to keep it in check it's so true and and you have to sort of change it turn it into more

of a superpower than then an affliction same with the ADD you know yeah totally it can be a very powerful beautiful creative yeah of course yeah i think i was going to ask um with your job like do you feel like you get you can lose yourself to the feeling of it to the point where you realize you've accidentally like on purpose put yourself in at that position for a role or yeah it's it's funny it's a great great question because it's something that i wish i could do more of so there's You're wrestling, I'm wrestling with two things, going back to the sort of the Hoffman situation to where I felt stupid. There's a part of me that if I was to truly let go and immerse myself and do it poorly,

even though it was my truth, but I wasn't good, or at least my perception of myself wasn't that it wasn't good, then people would not like me. People would be like, oh, he's not, he's not, what did he fucking do there? so it's safer for me to play it safe. Totally cool because I wish I didn't have. Yeah, I wish I didn't care. You know, my dad, my all family are actors and my brother and even Kate and Kurt. They don't give a fuck.

It's like this, I don't give a fuck attitude, which is such a nice way to approach it. Where do you fall in the lineup of your ages? I'm the oldest. You're the oldest? Yeah. Okay, okay. That to me makes sense because it's like I feel like you've always lived your life with an audience. These little kiddos are looking up to you, even though you guys aren't

like very, the age differences aren't crazy, right? Of my siblings? Yeah. No, no. I mean, well, Wyatt, my, my, he's my half. So he's 10 years. But Kate and I are blood. And then I've got half. Okay. And how much older are you than Kate? Two and a half years. Yeah. So it's like, it's just enough to where you're like, I mean, two and a half years in grade school is a lot because Because that's like, you know, senior and sophomore or junior? Like, a freshman or sophomore? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like sophomore senior. Yeah. So at those ages, which is when a lot of your identity and like the things that you will carry forever are like being formed as like a person and individual, it's like you are constantly doing that almost like a trailblazer for someone that was younger than you that was watching you. And so, like, to fail would mean, like, I'm not giving a good example. And also, like, I've got to get it right.

But you don't have anyone to look at that's doing it before you. And so it's like that fear of, like, I just have to get it right and I don't want to be embarrassed and I want people to think I'm good is like, I can't imagine that that doesn't at least play a little bit of a role. Yeah, for sure, 100%. And just this idea that, you know, going even deeper, dad left because I wasn't lovable, which is ridiculous. but as a little, as a five-year-old, that's what you take it as.

So if I can not rock a boat, if I can just sort of be cool and have no one dislike me, then I'm safe. Yeah. You know what I mean? Totally. And I'm safe. Do you find that you also are like, you were passive as a kid or no? Yeah, I was, it was a little bit of both.

I mean, until Kurt came into my life, I was very, mama's boy, I was very shy. And then he brought me to Colorado and sort of talk. me independence, you know, some tough lessons that were great lessons of just feeling alone and having panic, but understanding, like, there's no need to because I can get us home, you know, and just, just, you know, just this sort of, just advocating for myself at a young age, knowing that I was stronger than I was, you know, those are the things that he gave me. I was five years, six years old, six years old when he came in, sort of six, seven years old when he sort of became my stepdad.

That's really beautiful that, like, you still got that in somebody. And it was, like, almost even, it's powerful when, like, he's not your blood, but he loved you and led you and treated you, like, you were so important that it's, like, just because you aren't my, like, blood relative, like, you are important enough for me to care for. Oh, yeah. Really, really, I feel so great. Yeah, he understood the circumstances as well. He basically came to us as kids and said, hey, no matter what happens with me and your mom, because

life is life who the hell knows but i will never leave you i will always be here for you whatever happens but you know it was at that young age where he reassured us that there will always be a man in your life no matter what happens with me and your mother right yeah and we believed him you know and yeah you know so far so good man i think that like i don't really give credit to how because i it's not a reality for me to like have older figures except my brothers to really look up to that I forget how important it is you know like this like longing in you to have that I forget that it's like yeah no wonder you know like you know what I mean like I just hearing this I actually can't fathom it I can't fathom that experience that you've had with Kirk and so

yeah I think it's really sobering for me to hear that because it's like Just be a little easier on yourself. It's all good. Like, it's all good, buddy. Like, you're figuring it out, and you're doing a great job because you're doing this from scratch. And so it's really helpful. This is what I was saying before. It's like it's so interesting.

The human condition is so interesting. Yeah. Perspective. I just love it. It just gets me going. Back to your life. like how did you how did you make this your life you know I mean when did you get on social media at what point did you realize wow you know I have I'm amassing followers and I'm actually

affecting people I'm touching people here and I'm assuming that was the that was the point where you said oh wow I can make some sort of a difference here and and and really ignite my platforms yeah to be honest it was not an intentional decision until it was we were way far into it so i i was running a i created like a web development company and i was a coder and a designer and that was like what i was really good at and i loved it and i was doing that from home when covid was happening and um but i was also going through lots of of really dark like when i had when i was in postpartum like i had i was hit with some of the darkest like thoughts depression like it was just so it was so long like a year

It was so bad. And I was still, you know, no one would have known, which is like crazy that you can just hide that. And I, because I just felt like if I said anything, like someone was going to like take my son. And I was like, I'm okay, but just like I've never, it was unlike any kind of depression I'd ever experienced. And so I remembered trying to reconnect with myself. And like you, I've always been a journaler. So I was like, I would be writing these things. And I was like, I have got to remember who I was before I had this.

baby because if I don't I don't think I'm going to make it because it felt like my whole life just restarted and I my brain was wiped and I was like we've got to reconnect we've got to build that bridge back to who you were because that's really important she's really important and we can't lose her and so I started telling stories about my life like really simple little stories and it was just the perfect combination of like people being home and on their phones me know it being a writer but never like like then i was like i was like performing the stories but then i was like i was an editor so i was editing like animating these stories and then i'm also like i don't really have a good awareness of what you should and shouldn't say so i was saying things that other people

were like oh she's just like saying things other people like keep quiet but in my mind i was like this isn't revolutionary i'm just letting people know i had a panic attack yesterday like i don't that doesn't feel like you're so brave it's like oh should i have not said that That's when I'm like, did I say something I shouldn't have said? You know, when people are, like, commenting on that. And so the perfect combination of all of that just connected with people and it started growing very quickly, like, very rapidly. And never did I think this was going to be like a full-time job because at that time would be so irresponsible to like, I just had a baby. I have a full company I've built from the ground up that's thriving.

It's like, no, I'll just throw it all the way and make some videos on the internet. It was like that was so silly to me in my mind. And then once it got to the point where I was having to choose between spending my time working at my web dev company or making videos and then seeing how much you could make if you just actually like focused on it, I was like it now would be irresponsible of me to know that and still choose this. So I made the transition and that's kind of been my life since. but I've always treated it as like this is still the thing I'm doing to reconnect with myself. I'm still writing. I'm still remembering who I was

and who I am and honestly people in the internet have watched me become more of myself than I ever have been. Like this last year has been so transformative for me like feeling like I'm learning parts of myself in front of millions of people and finally like what you said of feeling embarrassed.

I have a lot of those in different fonts and flavors of my life. It's not so much giving all it's people have this idea of who I am in their head as a as a person and if I sway from that at all they're going to be like why are you trying so hard or like you know like I've never been very girly until because I had three older brothers so I'm learning how to like feel more feminine but am I doing this because I feel like I should or because I want to and so like just doing all of that and it's just being open about things like that with people it they see themselves

in it and they just want to join in. And that's kind of where I am. Did it help your own mentality, your own mental state, your own anxieties and depressions and all of this to expose yourself and get out there? No, it made it worse. Yeah. It made it worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were almost sacrificing yourself a little bit for this endeavor. I did it with the understanding that I would feel that way with any career change I was making when I didn't set out to make it. So I had to really pick apart what I was feeling and understand, and that's why I waited so long to transition as well, because I knew, like, I couldn't, once I got to a certain point, I can't really go back, like, with who I am. It's like, I'm always going to run into people that know me,

and it's going to change the dynamic of my life forever, no matter what, even if it stopped right now. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm not going to let go until I'm very sure this is what I want. and so I also knew there's going to be a transition period where this is going to feel really scary and of course millions of people like I say this a lot but the human brain is like not built to be famous human heart it's not you're not meant to know this much information about you and opinions and be in front of that many people and be celebrated when this person doesn't know who you are it's like that's a very weird thing for the human heart to experience and so yeah I had to believe that I'm either going to get used to this and enjoy it or I'm not,

and I'm going to let it go, because I will not let it take me out. And then you eventually transitioned into that place of acceptance and enjoy it. I mean, there's got to be some enjoyment to it. Oh, I love it now. You're making money, which we all have to do, but you're also doing it in a way that, you know, you're helping people and yourself. I get to be creative for money. I'm a professional creative.

It's like, it's the actual dream. And I don't niche down. I make whatever I want. Are you inspired, meaning like, are your, is your social media like inspired by? Or is it a job in the sense that I have to put stuff out? I have to be part of an algorithm, you know. No. I have literally never treated it that way.

I post when I want to. Yeah. I personally thrive on structure. And so I like to have a schedule. I don't plan posts out. But like, I think for me, the. open-endedness of like coming, because this is my office. So I live in our house and then I have this house that is like a studio in different rooms. And so to walk in and just be like,

what am I going to do today? That I would never, that would be so overwhelming to me. I feel that. So I have to have like a structure of like today is the day I film. And then today's the day I edit. Today's the day I write. This is a music day if I want to do it. And I can shift it around, but having that structure helps. But yeah, it's, I genuinely, I'm just, just making content on what I'm currently hyper-fixated on. And so right now it's the book because it kind of has to be. But other times I'm super into like ear harmony stimming. Like I want to hear the dissonance and like resonance between two notes.

So I build like harmony building and live looping. And then other times I'm super into a reality TV show. So I make my whole feed. If I was a bachelor on the contestant on the bachelor and I green screen myself really poorly into these like things and I'm just asking people questions and having I'm just taking things I love and letting people into it. It's really fun. So great. Well, let's get into the book now that you brought it up talking about the book. Let's do it. This is my book. I wrote it. It's my face. It's your face. You wrote it all by yourself. All by myself. Illustrated. Here's the end pages. I like to show people.

That's my desk. Oh, that's great. And yeah, it's, it's short stories. It's not a memoir. it's like it's some are poems like allegorical poems that are based in true stories some are straightforward narrative but it's like you know composites of people so I don't get sued all that like but like yeah it's it's it's so it's it's one of the coolest creative things I've ever made I'm so proud of it it was a it took so long um but when I read them the stories back like it's it's just so rich the writing is so fun it's a fun read, but it's also like got so much heart in it because it's like funny, but then you just kind of like the content I make on the internet, it's like it'll swoop down into

like, but also everything's going to be okay. And like, and you're okay, you know? Yeah. And I like doing that. I like just, I like adding that into everything I do because a lot of what I'm making has come from a memory that I have felt, processed, and then learned from. And so like I like to be able to give that to somebody as well and everything that I make. And so getting to pepper that through my book has been really cool. Did you create a structure for the book before you started? Or was it kind of like, okay, page one? Well, it's, it's, I mean, I wrote this book 20 times over in different ways. And so, yeah, like, I essentially was like, I don't know where to start. Because I didn't, it's not chronological. I didn't want it to be like, this is a memoir. So I just

started writing. And then and then I would get inspired by what I was writing. Have you ever read the book, Bird by Bird by Ann Lamont? No. I'm on such a reading kick right now. It's insane. I can't stop reading. Oliver, you have to read 40 books this year so far. I'm like, I'm obsessed.

Okay. Oliver, you have to promise me. Bird by bird, and Lamont. So I was reading that at the time, and it really helped me push through a lot of my fear. Essentially, the idea is like, if you're a writer, then you should write. And it doesn't matter if it's good or bad, you should be writing. Oh, my God, I need to read it because this is what I'm best at. I won, I won awards.

a kid for writing. I wrote a, I wrote a short story called Elevators to the Moon in fourth grade that it was so, I have it. And I was, it was, I read it, I read it back. I'm like, this is fucking good. And I won like the Amnesty International Award. And I got my first paycheck and it's framed. It's what I love to do. But my ADD or whatever it is, I get so bound up in the enormity of it that I, I'm like, oh, fuck this. I can't. You have to, it, she makes it so I just I really as it the longer I've been talking to you the more I'm like I think you would love that book okay I'm gonna get it but so so a lot of the process happened because I was reading that and then I was trying to put this together and I had I think I just said this is someone else I can't remember but I was saying I flew to New York and I was in a hotel room for a week to write the book I was like I'm not leaving this hotel room until the book is done and I like felt like I was metaphorically like banging my head against a wall third day in I hadn't written and anything. And I was like, I am such a failure. And now I've wasted money on a hotel room for a week in this really nice place. And I remembered sitting there in the, like, flannel was hanging in the

closet. And I was like, I wonder if this flannel thinks I'm such an idiot that like, it's just watching me waste time. And then I saw myself like pacing back and forth from the point of view through the slats of this flannel in the closet. And I was like, I'm just going to write a story about how this, how upset this flannel is that I took it all the way to New York. And it didn't, It didn't even get used because I didn't write it. And then that ended up changing the trajectory of the whole book because I included, that was the idea, I changed it to make it fit what I was doing. But that same idea of like a story from the perspective of a shirt.

It's great. It's a very fun book. Well, I can't wait. I got to get it. I got to read your book. This was so much fun talking to you. I could talk to you for much, much longer. Okay, great.

Well, I'll talk you later. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye. Oh, man. Man, that time went fast, fast, fast. That felt like one of the fastest hours I've had in a long time. Yeah, I could keep going.

I could keep going with her. It's just fascinating stuff. Thank you, Elise. That was fucking awesome. Really cool. Can't wait to read your book. Everyone should pick up that book, by the way. Everyone should pick up that book.

It's called That's a Great Question. I'd love to tell you by Elise Myers, and it's available now, so go check it out. All right, Oliver Hudson. Gone. I live below a cult leader, and I fear I've angered her. Wait a minute, Sophia. How do you know she's a cult leader? Well, Dakota, luckily it's I'm not afraid of a scary story week on the OK Storytime podcast.

So we'll find out soon. This person writes, my neighbor has been blasting music every day and doing dirt rituals. And now my ceiling is collapsing. I try to report them, but things keep getting weirder. I think they might be part of a cult. Hold up. A real life. Life cult?

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